1. art and entertainment
2. movies
3. film festivals and awards

Edition 3, Week 3 Semester 1. 16 – 22 March 2009. www.usuonline.com
MARDI GRAS
PRIMARY SCHOOL
FADS – RADICAL!
EURO GANGSTA
BOYZ, THEY
MAKE–A THE
REBEL
INTERNATIONAL
WOMEN'S DAY
VIKINGS –
PROGRESSIVE?
BULL E3_anj.indd 1
10/3/09 4:21:05 PM
University of Sydne
y
Union Membership
09
000000001
2345
Randy Harpe
r r
Grab an access Card in 2009 and you’re entitled
to loads of benefits plus two showbags and a chance
to win a Piaggo Fly 125 Scooter!
$99 no strings attached
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See website for full terms and conditions
BULL E3_anj.indd 2
10/3/09 4:21:08 PM
CREDITS
CONTENTS
Editors
Robert Chiarella,
Bridie Connellan,
Sara Haghdoosti,
Nick Kraegen,
Diana Tjoeng
[email protected]
Page 4
The Bull chats with Project 52.
Contributors
Neroli Austin, Anita Connors,
Alistair Stephenson, Mimi Lu,
Rosa Campbell, Sass Hunt,
Chris Martin, Dr Nasty
Cover Photo
Lucy Howard–Taylor,
‘le jardin perdu’, entry into
the 2008 USU Photography,
Art, Literature and Music
(PALM) Awards.
Design
Carl Ahearn
Anjali Belani
Publications Manager
Chris Beaumont
Page 5
The Bull queries the very
phatness of the Euro Gangsta.
Page 7
The Bull asks who wants to be a
Slumdog Millionaire?
Page 8
The Bull goes back to primary
school. Probably for the best.
LETTERS TO THE EDITORS
Dear All,
Thank you for your… interesting first edition of the year. I have a few comments
to make, and will continue to criticise throughout the year, though I might throw
an article or two your way too.
First– The Bull Cheat Sheet: Undoubtedly done tongue-in-cheek, I would like to
point out that, as a tutor, I do appreciate it if I’m talking with a class, rather that
a room of zombies who pretend to know about hydrogen fuel cells. Note taking
and interaction are critical, and I’ve allocated part of the mark for “participation”,
which you will only get if I can actually remember who you are. Given that there
are 375 students I am tutoring, you will have to work hard to be remembered!
Page 12
What’s on
In terms of being “Lost” on campus… I don’t appreciate my faculty as being
described as a dragon and the Liberal Party Headquarters. Might I point out that
in the 2006 Union Elections, Danielle Tuazon carried more votes in Engineering
than Tim Suttie? Look, the world of USYD loves to pay out Engineers, but
we’re doing our best to turn the world around. We’re trying to increase our
enrolment of Wom*n from 17%, and we’re working on the students to reduce
sexism, racism, and queerphobia. Many of the other areas on the map don’t
make sense – Manning is R18+? And why is an open and exposed area of
the park described as a drugstore? Plus, as I work out the map which seems
to be flawed in several places, I just realised that the childcare centre is labeled
Liberal Party HQ…
Page 14
Just the Regulars
I appreciate the fact that you’re trying to provide a humorous introduction for first
years, but can we remember that some degree of sanity is also appreciated?
Page 9
The Bull looks at a
changing Iceland
Page 10
The Bull’s gets fabulous and
feminist at Mardi Gras and
International Women’s Day.
www.usuonline.com
The views in this publication are not necessarily the views of USU.
John Nowakowski
PhD Candidate, Engineering
The information contained within this edition of The Bull was correct at
the time of printing.
This publication is brought to you by the University of Sydney Union and
The University of Sydney.
This publication is printed on
environmentally friendly paper.
CALL FOR CONTRIBUTORS
Do you know why Manning Bar had R18+ on it?
Have you ever bought drugs in Victoria Park?
You could be Bull material! Write for us!
Send your articles, reviews, photos or whatever else
you make to [email protected] – thanks!
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so that when you graduate, you’ll have a head start on
your career. With SydneyTalent.
Talk to SydneyTalent today. To find out more,
visit our website: www.sydneytalent.com.au
or call us on (02) 8627 8000
BULL E3_anj.indd 3
10/3/09 4:21:09 PM
The Bull has comedic craft-time with two thirds of Project 52.
On a balmy Tuesday afternoon,
Bridie Connellan sat down to talk
stand-up with witty kids Carlo Ritchie
and Michael Hing, the brains trust of
Sydney University’s newest comedy
tour de force. Please note, editors
endeavoured to make language at
least PG-Rated…
Carlo Ritchie: So can I get all of my swearing
and inappropriate things out now? Shitty-fuckdrinking-pineapple-juice-makes-semen-tastebetter. Did you know Eskimos use refrigerators to
keep their food from freezing.
Bridie Connellan: What if they want to freeze
something?
CR: They put it on a windowsill.
Michael Hing: They don’t have houses, Carlo.
BC: What if they made a pie and wanted to freeze
it, would they still put in on the windowsill first to
cool?
CR: An Eskimo pie?
(Moment of joke appreciation)
BC: So why the name ‘Project 52’?
MH: Well, the idea was that we would do [a show]
w]
once a week, every week for the whole year 52 weeks to be exact. We’re talking O-Week
k
to O-Week so initially there was a show called
d
e
Starstruck on the Front Lawns. This week we’re
doing a sketch show, next week we’re doing an
n
impro show, then stand-up and a sitcom.
BC: Well still on the name game, why is yourr
one of your sketch shows called ‘Make Way For
Ducklings’?
MH: Well, it’s actually the name of a kid’s book
which we all really like.
CR: And also it seemed to encompass the idea
that essentially we were new, young, up-andcoming, but we had the authority to make people
‘Make Way’.
MH: The last idea we had was an impro show we
were going to call ‘The Theme From Jurassic Park’.
CR: But it was going to be the actual song,
so the title would be ‘Ner-ner-ner-ner-ner’
(demonstrates theme). Unfortunately the Marketing
Communications department of Sydney Uni
advised us against using that.
BC: So who actually is Project 52?
BC: So…what is Project 52?
CR: Well basically as a production company, our
aim is to foster the comedy culture on campus.
Sydney has a really great feel for comedy and a lot
of Australia’s comedy success stories have come
out of Sydney University-related projects.
MH: We have all these amazingly creative people
but there are more people than there are good
outlets, and they only get to perform once a
year during a Revue. So with Project 52 every
Wednesday night we have a brand new show to
provide an avenue for this comedy.
BC: Well what do you think Sydney Uni’s style of
comedy is?
MH: I think there’s a perfect medium between
your bullshit TV sketch show and The Chaser.
MH: Project 52 is a company started by myself
and Ben Jenkins, and then we got Carlo Ritchie
onboard here, who started off as our hilarious
intern and you know, he’s worked his way up the
ranks.
CR: It’s an upside down isosceles triangle
essentially.
MH: We form a food pyramid where Ben and I are
fruits and vegetables, and Carlo is fats and sugar.
CR: Hing, you’re carbohydrates and grains.
MH: Also I make you poo heaps.
CR: He’s regular.
MH: So the three of us are running this company
now, and for each project we have a team.
MH: I’d call it avant-garde. It’s fresh, it’s postmodern, it’s hiptacular.
CR: We have umbrellas underneath us. We’re
pouring the rain down.
CR: It’s very experimental in that sense, because
generally the people who are making the shows
are very experimental themselves. A lot of the
time our people have never done sketch shows,
or have only ever written sketches by themselves.
The whole process of Project 52 is in essence, an
experiment.
MH: Yeah, we’re peeing down on these people.
No we’ve actually been really lucky and we had
something like 300 people sign our mailing list at
O-Week.
and
MH: The university is a really progressive place
but we don’t feel that there is currently a place
on campus where you could say: ‘Hey this is a
funny sketch about Star Wars: The Musical, where
Boba Fett sings a song about Cloud City and his
helmet’. This stuff writes itself.
CR: I mean everything you will see is going to be
the work of people who are very passionate about
what they’re doing and are that committed that
they’re going to shell out comedy every week for
their entire year.
MH: What we’re doing is making a juggernaut.
We’re creating a monster. Like Dr. Frankenstein,
we’re sewing together the corpses of the Revues,
of SUCS…
BC: So who inspires you as comedians?
MH: Well we all kind of got our start doing the
Revues, and I think we look a lot more inward to
what makes us laugh, and what makes our friends
laugh.
MH: Actually that show kind of lost its irony when
Carlo decided to play ‘Racist John’ and rename
him ‘Racist Carlo’ and then he dropped the ‘Racist’
and then it was just ‘Carlo and his Racist Johns’.
CR: And then it was just ‘Carlo’s Johns’ and it
was mainly me just being racist without excuse.
MH: We spent a lot of money on Eureka Stockade
flags.
CR: I got a Southern Cross tattoo.
MH: You started whipping me.
BC: So… details?
MH: Every Wednesday night is a show at
Hermann’s Bar from 7:30pm. Sometimes we
order Thai food. Sometimes we drink.
BC: How do you judge whether a joke could be
considered downright defamatory?
CR: Other times we just get a big crusty loaf of
bread and some cheese, sit around listening to a
cappella music, and dance to Phil Collins. Ah, the
love between people is always beautiful.
MH: Well, I don’t think you should ever just try to
push boundaries when it looks really forced and
contrived. No-one actually finds being offended
funny. [Being offensive] is the easiest thing to do,
it’s so trite and done and it’s the safest thing you
can do.
PRESENTS LIVE COMEDY
EVERY WEDNESDAY NIGHT
CR: All I can say is support your Arts Revue
season.
CR: Like a climbing tree!
MH: But in terms of not being offensive that’s
just ‘Make Way For Ducklings’. We do have ‘The
Racist Hour’.
MH: Trees capable of being burnt in a windmill!
CR: ‘Racist John and his Racist Johns’.
PAGE 04
NELLAN
NON CON
BY SHAN
BC: So you’re only allowed to have Carlo
occasionally but you can’t have Hing after 8pm?
ever-changing.
CR:
Contemporary
Orgasmic.
PHOTOS
PROJECT 52
8:00pm - 11:00pm, Hermann's Bar
Corner of City Road & Butlin Avenue
The University of Sydney
For more information contact:
[email protected]
THE BULL Edition 3, Week 3 Semester 1. 16–22 March 2009
The Euro Gangsta Boy
NEROLI AUSTIN GETS EUROTRASHY AND DELVES A HAND INTO
THE BAGGY POCKETS OF THE NEWEST BR33D OF THUG LYFE.
Nothing in the land of Eurovision should shock me
in terms of lack of class, but the phenomenon of
the Euro Gangsta Boy remains a puzzle to me.
Appropriately, Ben Folds once sang: ‘y’all don’t
know what it’s like, being male, middle class and
white’, which seems to be a pretty good summary
of the attitude of the gangsta boys here. For a
continent that is more or less renowned for what
amounts to institutionalised racism in terms of
immigration, especially from Africa - they have
been surprisingly quick to embrace this part of
black-American pop culture. The phenomenon
of the EGB is best explored in the nifty threepronged model propounded by the Sydney
Debates Society.
1.
AT THE RISK OF SOUNDING
KITSCH, I’M GONNA RHYME IN
ENGLISH, BITCH!
The thing that first struck me as strange about
Italy was the amount of graffiti. The second was
the content. Every now and then one of these
boys, feeling that his baggy jeans (with ‘sexy’
written on the back pocket) can’t adequately
express his level of subversion, will bust out
some graffiti in English. And we all know how
totally contrary to societal expectations it is
to speak in English. I mean, this isn’t France.
And I’m pretty sure the last time English was a
language of rebellion from ‘The Man’ was in the
War of Independence.
I know that Italian is so aesthetically and
phonetically pleasing that English swear words
may have a bit more of a kick, but it’s not even as if
these gangsta boys copy out the lyrics of 2pac or
something similarly white trash. No, the extent of
their rebellion is words like ‘blonde’ and ‘badass’,
which they graffiti incessantly on subway trains.
This is land of the Godfather. They can do better.
THE BULL Edition 3, Week 3 Semester 1. 16–22 March 2009
2.
I KNOW WE’VE GOT FREE HEALTH
CARE AND FREE EDUCATION, BUT
THE GOV’T DON’T PAY FOR MY
FUCKING TRANSPORTATION!
My time in Copenhagen was spent living in
Bispebjerg which is a Scandinavian ‘ghetto’. This
dodgy label is awarded because the place is full
of discount German supermarkets and Australian
exchange students. I even met one from Sydney
Law. And thus, it was during this time in the
‘ghetto’ that I got more thoroughly acquainted
with the Scandinavian gangsta.
Life’s tough. Especially in socialist Scandinavian
countries where an average tax rate of 49%
ensures that basically everything is paid for by the
government. I know what you’re thinking. You’re
thinking in your Western tax-evading whinge, ‘but my
life would be sorted if I didn’t have my HECS debt’.
Well, stop. Money, opportunity, and theoretically
being ranked as the happiest country in the world,
will not make you blissfully cheery. Just ask the
Danish. And I thought Ben Folds was kidding.
But seriously, transport is quite expensive.
3.
THIS POINT SHOULD BE REALLY
GOOD AND LONG, BUT FIRST AFF
STOLE MY THIRD PRONG!
Actually, I don’t know what my last point was going
to be. However I can deftly slide into the conclusion
of this article, which is that you shouldn’t embrace
movements that you know nothing about. You
just look silly. If you have nothing to bitch about,
and what is worse, you can’t do it in an exciting
way, then don’t bother. You’ll never make it on
the mean streets of Mosman, let alone at Sydney
Debate. I learnt this the hard way.
PAGE 05
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Promotion closes at 5pm EST on 17/04/09. Total prize pool is valued at up to $4,500. The Promoter is Energizer Australia Pty Ltd of 1 Figtree Drive, Sydney Olympic Park NSW 2127. ABN 91 003 539 026. NSW Permit No. LTPS/08/12778 & ACT Permit No. TP08/05369.
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BULL E3_anj.indd 6
25/2/09 4:35:12 PM
10/3/09 3:45:53 PM
LEGACY OF A SHOWDOG
OSCARS
POVERTY
COLONIALISM
POLITICS
Anita Connors explores the
controversy surrounding the film
you have all been talking about.
Award season is over, and although WALL-E may
have won the Oscar for Animated Feature Film,
Waltz With Bashir received Best Foreign Language
Film at the Golden Globes and Man On Wire got
a nod for being the Outstanding British Film at the
BAFTAs, Danny Boyle’s Slumdog Millionaire was
easily the winner on the circuit. Not bad for a film
that almost went straight to DVD. However, this
is not a story about the little movie that could Slumdog Millionaire has been one of the most
contentious and talked-about films in recent times.
The backlash has been enormous. Yet somehow
this movie has managed to rise above it all.
Scintillating in spectacular, frenetic fashion
onscreen, Slumdog Millionaire tugged at the
heartstrings as both a rags-to-riches tale and
a love story. But with the curtain down, what
exactly is the legacy of Slumdog? A chai-wallah
rises from extreme poverty to win the coveted top
prize on Kaun Banega Crorepati (Who Wants To
Be A Millionaire?) and the love of his life. Here,
Slumdog is pure fantasy. According to the golden
fountain of knowledge (Wikipedia) only two people,
excluding celebrities, have ever won Kaun Banega
Crorepati. For a country with a population of 1.15
billion, this is not exactly inspiring. Particularly as
the game show is shown as a plausible means
out of poverty when roughly 30% of the Indian
population live below the poverty line. Indeed, it is
hard to believe that Kaun Banega Crorepati would
even allow a chai-wallah from the slums with little
formal education to be a contestant.
Many Indians have voiced critical opinions about
Slumdog Millionaire. Bollywood luminary and one
time host of Kaun Banega Crorepati, Amitabh
Bachchan, wasn’t ecstatic about it, neither was
Salman Rushdie. A couple of months ago, several
hundred people rioted through a cinema in the
eastern state of Bihar protesting the use of ‘dog’
in the title. They found the term humiliating. Other
criticisms of Slumdog include that it exploited
India, reasserted hurtful stereotypes, vended
THE BULL Edition 3, Week 3 Semester 1. 16–22 March 2009
‘poverty porn’, encouraged ‘slum voyeurism’ and
took advantage of the child actors. Some say
that the film only focused on the negative side of
slum dwelling, while others say it wasn’t a realistic
depiction. And although to a certain extent these
views were encouraged by other production
companies to discredit the film prior to the award
season, there is some validity in them.
Slumdog Millionaire didn’t shy away from slum life,
nor did it delve into it deeply. Showing on the one
hand, the everyday nature of violence, begging and
the mountains of rubbish neighbouring the slums, it
also used the slums’ makeshift public toilets, crime
and conning of tourists to comic effect. For many
underprivileged Indians this was disrespectful and
“Slumdog Millionaire
doesn’t shy away from
slum life, nor does it delve
into it deeply.”
mocking. Others object, embarrassed because
Slumdog Millionaire depicted on the global stage
the ugly face of poverty and crime, an India not
frequently depicted by the Indian film industry. This
is no Devdas, Kal Ho Naa Ho or Jodhaa Akbar, in
which love stories between affluent individuals are
played out against an exotic, musical and distant
backdrop. And while Slumdog Millionaire was
based on a bestselling Indian novel, filmed with
an Indian cast and crew, shot and set in Mumbai
and featured much dialogue in Hindi, it was not
a Bollywood movie. It was not escapism for the
masses.
There is something naggingly colonial in the film’s
running motif. Slumdog Millionaire ignored India’s
wealth of cultures, languages and literary history
- the final question Jamal faced on Kaun Banega
was about the name of a character from a 165
year-old French work of fiction. Not to mention the
fact that prior to this he was also asked about an
American gunsmith, and which historical American
figure appeared on the $100 note. He knew the
answer to the latter question because as a child
he was handed a $100 bill out of pity from an
American tourist, who said - without irony - to him:
“Now we'll show you the real America.”
The Slumdog Millionaire production was plagued
by further controversy in its conduct regarding coDirector Loveleen Tandan. I hadn’t even known
the film had a co-director until I began researching
this piece. Tandan apparently directed the first
third of the film and the second film crew. She also
imparted indispensable information in other areas
of the production. Clearly, as she is listed as codirector and not assistant director on the movie’s
credits, Boyle, producer Christian Colson and the
rest of the team valued her input. And yet, none of
them sought to have her recognised, not even with
a nomination at one award ceremony. Curiously,
Tandan herself felt she shouldn’t be nominated
or considered. One can’t help but question why
she would feel so, bearing in mind the fact that
no woman has ever won Best Director at the
Academy Awards and considering the cultural
and career significance of an Indian woman being
nominated. Call me a cynic, but it sounds like she
was sidelined so that Slumdog Millionaire would
avoid the difficulties faced by Robert Rodriguez
and Frank Miller with Sin City (2005). Taking a
leaf out of the Oscar-nominated and femaleco-director-dropping Fernando Meirelles’ book,
Tandan was ignored and overlooked, and the gold
was taken home.
Not short of controversy, Slumdog Millionaire posed
some critical questions about the film industry as
well as class, race and gender. And love the film or
hate it, it has been an historic event for an ‘Indian’
film to win an Oscar. No doubt Slumdog Millionaire
will have a great ripple effect on the film industries
both in the West and India. In the meantime, the
movie will have to settle as being a pawn in an
argument. Quite literally - the two major political
parties in the lead-up to the upcoming Indian
national election are fighting to align themselves
with the movie and its theme song Jai Ho (‘Be
Victorious’ or ‘Praise Be’). Jai ho indeed.
PAGE 07
BANDWAGON WARS
Alistair Stephenson compares old-(primary)-school against new-(primary)-school in the ultimate fad face-off.
Back when we were twelve, no-one had physically developed enough to judge others based on how sexually attractive they were. So instead, we channelled
our cruelty into deciding who was on the bandwagon and who wasn’t. In a three-round throwdown, see what it takes to be cool in primary school in 2009, and
whether these fads match up to the glorious crazes of yesteryear.
ROUND 1:
TAMAGOTCHI V NINTENDO DS
ROUND 2:
‘N SYNC V MILEY CYRUS
ROUND 3:
SCOOTERS V HEELYS
Tamagotchi – Three buttons, an exciting assortment
of greyscale dots and a keychain that doubled
as both accessory and weapon. The latest in
unnecessary Japanese export brought Tamagotchi
to the mainstream, unknowingly training
prepubescents in the subtle art of under-the-desk
texting. It smiled with us, it ate with us - it filled our
time and our hearts. Alas, the repetitive debates
around comparisons in, um, size, combined with
its shithouse sweatshop batteries led to a speedy
demise for this trendy fad.
‘N Sync – Let’s get this over with: they gave us
Justin Timberlake, without which there would have
been no Janet Jackson nipple slip, and we’d still
be under the impression that she was a dude. But
I digress. Not only did ‘N Sync prove itself to be a
tween goldmine of addictive sing-a-long tunes, it
finally gave us boys men a musical equivalent to the
Spice Girls. ‘N Sync’s unsettling male friendships
did all it could to undo the damage that Girl Power
had wreaked several years prior.
Scooters – I remember the day I got my first
scooter - an orange Razor. On my first journey,
I glided down the leafy streets of the North
Shore, a glint in my eye and a smile on my face.
Children ran onto their front lawns, gasping in
awe. “Look Daddy!” one child yelled, his giant
lollipop temporarily forgotten. The father chuckled.
I then sank a foot into a pothole, flying over the
handlebars and breaking my arm in three places.
I later told my classmates that it had happened
while I sped down the double-white line on River
Road during peak hour. They believed me and I
became hardcore.
Nintendo DS – Countless buttons, screens, microphones,
accelerometers, bimbams and humdingers. My
eight year-old sister has one – it goes like this:
“Isabelle? Hold on, I’ll call you back, you shouldn’t
be calling me on my mobile.”
“No Al, it’s free - I’m calling off my DS.”
I pause for a moment to remind myself that my
infant sibling is more technologically capable than I
am and can probably build a car. “How?”
“I have Skype.”
“Your Gameboy has the interweb?” I can feel her
eyes rolling from four suburbs away as the line
goes dead.
This round goes to the Nintendo DS – The
aforementioned Skype, the ability to check
Facebook on its in-built browser and the need to
literally yell 'Lumos!' to advance in the Harry Potter
game are all factors that wipe the floor with the
sorry competition.
PAGE 08
BULL E3_anj.indd 8
Miley Cyrus – The problem with Miley Cyrus is
that you can’t trust anyone who is as unnervingly
genuine as she. Why isn’t she at rehab like all
the other foetal celebrities? Aside from the fact
that she refers to herself in the third person, she
hasn’t really placed a foot wrong – so something’s
amiss. However, on the off-chance that she’s not
a crackwhore, I guess she could be perceived
as an outstanding demonstration of how Young
Hollywood can positively influence the beliefs of
their fans. Or something.
The second round goes to ‘N Sync – roughly
equal in both talent and sales, it comes down to
who does the most harm over the longest period
of time. Despite their present-day cringe factor,
the worst ‘N Sync ever did was to alarm insecure
parents desperately trying to figure out their son’s
sexuality. Yet, one slip from the flawless Miley would
prove that she really is too good to be true, crushing
the hopes of countless girls around the world. A
life of drug addiction and sluttiness would ensue.
Heelys – If this sounds like an alien concept, go
to Chatswood Westfield, pick a seat and wait
quietly for five minutes. A blonde-haired tween will
soon catch your attention – his feet in full contact
with the floor, legs immobile, yet somehow in
movement. Do not be alarmed. If you listen closely,
you’ll be able to pick up on the screeching of his
tiny hidden wheels (not to be confused with the
screeching of Blink-182 coming from his iPod).
Yes, you have spotted a pair of Wheelie Shoes in
the wild. If you’re discerning enough, you may also
pick up on the fact that anyone who wears them
looks like a complete and utter douchebag.
The final round goes to Scooters – … because
people will laugh at you less.
In a surprising [and completely unbiased] ending,
this bandwagon war is won by the old–school
2-to-1.
THE BULL Edition 3, Week 3 Semester 1. 16–22 March 2009
10/3/09 3:47:08 PM
The Viking Women
Mimi Lu takes a look at the new guardians of Iceland’s economy.
he global economic crisis has been the
harbinger of much devastation (fiddlesticks,
there goes the house) as well as a sense of
sadistic satisfaction (there goes the McMansion
of that thieving investment banker - serves him
right). But few have felt the reverberations of the
collapsing economy more keenly than Icelanders,
the descendants of the by-gone golden race of
chest-thumping, ram testicle-masticating, horn–
headed Vikings.
T
loan. The failed banks had actively encouraged
risky loans and other assets until debts reached
10 times the national GDP. No one had questioned
where this seemingly unlimited amount of money
was coming from. Not the financial supervisory
system, not the media, nor those enjoying lavish
lifestyles with borrowed funds. There were a few
floating speculations that Iceland was using ‘funny
money’ from Russia, but that was the extent of the
economic analysis.
Icelandic men are being ruthlessly swept aside by
the uprising of an Amazonian race of unprecedented
strength. Disgruntled and infuriated by their
men folk’s disastrous handling of the economy,
previously docile and obliging Icelandic mothers,
wives and daughters are taking matters into their
own hands. Johanna Sigurdardottir, the 66 year–
old Hippolyte of the recently elected left-leaning
government, captains a cabinet over which half are
female. Sigurdardottir has not exactly lopped off
her left breast yet, but she has disposed of another
unwanted accessory – her husband. She is now
the world’s first openly lesbian Prime Minister.
The currency, krona, has depreciated to such
an extent that it can no longer be bought at
Travelex. “Whatever you do, don’t bring any back!”
threatened the woman at the counter. In 2009, it
is forecast that there will be at least 3,000 further
bankruptcies in a population of 300,000. Every
single Icelander, including babes in their cribs,
owes up to $250,000 to foreign creditors.
Predictably, this has evoked mixed responses.
One Icelandic blogger commented, “If you crash
the economy, the lesbians take over.” Others are
worried that their Prime Minister will be a persona
non grata in some Fundamentalist Muslim states,
where homosexuality is still punished with public
flagellation and execution. But for now, the majority
of Icelanders agree that salvaging the tattered
economy takes precedence over courtesy calls
to Saudi Arabia. Sigurdardottir is being hailed as
‘Saint Johanna’ by a desperate population (when
they are not too busy catapulting eggs at Geir
Haarde, the recently booted-out Prime Minister,
and his limousine).
It’s no wonder Icelanders are disgruntled - Iceland’s
economic situation is probably one of the least rosy
in the world. In a matter of days at the end of 2008,
three of its largest banks had collapsed and were
taken under the skimpy wing of its government
administration. Eating humble pie, the government
was forced to go to the International Monetary
Fund, Oliver Twist style, and ask for an emergency
Not only do Icelanders have to struggle with soaring
prices (inflation at 19% and interest rates at 18%)
and increasing unemployment rates (20,000) they
have also had to live with the insult of having their
banks classed by the UK with organisations that
fund al-Qaeda. Gordon Brown recently used antiterror legislation to freeze Icelandic assets in order
to protect UK investors in Icesave, an internet
branch of the failed bank Landsbanki.
Now all that remains to be seen is how the femaledominated government of Iceland will combat
the situation. Traditionally, the Viking men were
aggressive risk-takers, while their wives were
placid and sensible homemakers (even Hagar
the Horrible’s vituperative wife did the dishes
and wiped up spilt booze). But so far, the signs
are positive. Chairman of the securities company
Audur, Halla Tomasdottir, runs a predominantly
female company, sporting a simple, golden rule:
‘We won’t invest in anything we don’t understand’.
This philosophy is a welcome change.
Similarly,
Sigurdardottir’s
government
has
observed that male-dominated governments often
hide their mistakes and lack of understanding
behind smoke, to avoid embarrassment and
public censure. They forget, however, that there is
Sigurdardottir has not exactly
lopped off her left breast
yet, but she has disposed of
another unwanted accessory–
her husband. She is now the
world’s first openly lesbian
Prime Minister.
no smoke without a fire and thus would frequently
incinerate themselves. Sigurdardottir is convinced
that women are more cautious and candid. She
is determined to make her government more
accountable and demystify its workings. She
has made a good start through her weekly press
briefings. Most importantly, she is dedicated to a
sensible and rational economic policy.
Yet, one can’t help but feel a twinge of sympathy
for the vilified and emasculated Icelandic men. At
a protest to remove the head of Iceland’s central
bank, David Oddsson, in December 2008, female
protester Sirry Hjaltested vowed, “If I met a banker,
I’d kick his arse so hard, my shoes would be stuck
inside.” This eloquently surmises the attitude
of most of the populace. But in this time of dire
national predicament, an enormous change of
tactics is needed, and these Icelandic women may
just manage to save the day.
2009 International Exchange Fair
Study overseas as part of your
University of Sydney degree!
A unique opportunity to meet
representatives from our world-wide
network of partner universities. Programs
for undergraduate & postgraduate
students are available at over 220 partner
universities in 30 countries. Courses in
English & other languages. Scholarships &
loans available. Come find out how you
can apply & prepare for the experience of
a lifetime!
For more information please contact:
International Exchange Program
Level 4, Jane Foss Russell Building (G02)
University of Sydney, NSW 2006
Open: 9.00am–5.00pm
(Monday to Friday)
Tel: 02 8627 8322
Email: [email protected]
“Definitely my best
university experience by
far – I could not imagine
doing a three-year
degree without it!”
James Clifford
(BCommerce/BLaws,
Maastricht University
The Netherlands)
Thursday 19th March 2009, 11am - 3pm, MacLaurin Hall
CRICOS provider code: 00026A
BULL E3_anj.indd 9
10/3/09 3:47:17 PM
A SNAP SHOT OF
MARDI GRAS
Sass Hunt gives us an inside
look at the parade this year.
WHERE THE FUCK ARE
ALL THE CHICKS*?
Rosa Campbell takes a hard look
at International Women’s Day.
I grew up on op-shop clothes, co-op peanut butter
and women's liberation.
Stories of the 1975 International Women’s Day
rally, when ten thousand women marched the
route from the Domain to Sydney Townhall, were
recounted by my parents with heads tilted towards
the sun, in voices thick with passion, buttery with
nostalgia.
I'd ask: “so then what happened?”
They'd pause, wring their hands, and say: “I don't
know.”
As a late response to the unknowing of my parents
I want to explore - what did happen? Why in
1989, 1999, 2009 are there less and less women
marching on March 8?
Feminism is an attempt to radically rethink,
dismantle and escape the gendered binary
opposition. Women are subordinated through this
binary, rendered different to and lesser than men.
It is the particularities of escape - what constitutes
it, and the way it should be plotted that differs
between feminists. Whilst there have always been
differences, there is a greater plurality of feminisms,
a greater amount of splintering and contradiction
today, than in the seventies.
In 1975 women demanded equality. The demands
of the International Women's Day rally included: '...
equal pay - one rate for the job, no discrimination
in education, training or employment.' The notion
of equality, informing the women's movement at
the time can be traced to the theory of Simone De
Beauvoir, who argues that in order for women to
transcend their subordination in the gender binary,
they must actively associate themselves with what
has traditionally been thought of as the masculine
domain.
French feminists of the 1980s ask hard questions
of de Beauvoir's analysis. Fundamentally, they
question her escape route. Luce Irigaray and
Helene Cixous speak of a female culture, a female
language quashed by women's oppresson and
further by feminism advocating for freedom
through the embodiment of traditional forms of
masculinity. They ask whether the feminism of
de Beauvoir and the women's movement of the
1970s doesn't maintain the tyranny of the gender
binary through arguing that women can get free
only by resembling 'what a man already is'.
PAGE 10
Bell Hooks, Judith Butler and Angela McRobbie all
illuminate the way in which feminism maintains a
rigid gender binary. They problematise the universal
category of 'woman' that underpins the analysis of
de Beauvoir, Cixous and Irigaray. These theorists
argue that as patriarchal culture foregrounds the
experience of men as the ideal human experience
- feminism constructs the experience of white,
straight, middle-class women as the only genuine
womanhood.
Today, to utter ‘woman’ is problematic. Whilst it
remains an important utterance that suggests
a subordinated position, it is also a definitive
statement that powerfully excludes. Perhaps this
can explain the dwindling numbers at International
Women’s Day rallies. Who is abjected by banners
and chants that assert womanhood?
This
particular event rhymes with the challenge for
today's ‘Women's’ Movement. Whilst continuing
to fight sexism, we must know the power, the
articulation a 'woman' holds, we must look to our
perceived borderlands to see who we are leaving
behind, perhaps we will find parts of ourselves
there.
*reclaimed term
The people who show up to watch Mardi
Gras at 8pm don’t realise that it actually starts
much earlier than that. With 10,000 people
marching, assembly and preparation takes
over the entire CBD for hours beforehand.
This year, the cross-campus student float had
chosen the theme ‘Students Sans Frontiers’
to go with the overarching Mardi Gras theme:
‘Nations United’. So I rocked up to Hyde
Park at 4:30 in an outfit of the requested
peacekeeper blue, and looked around for
our designated meeting spot. It was only a
moment before I spotted a sea of blue and
realised that my fellow queer students had
taken the colour scheme very seriously.
For the next hour we waited in the park,
swapping blue clothing, make-up, body paint,
glitter, fairy wings, feathers and wrist bands,
whilst looking at other amazing costumes as
people drifted past on their way to the parade.
By 6pm everyone planning on marching
is required to be in ‘lockdown’ inside the
marshalling area. So the mass of blue students
dutifully made its way through the barriers to
find our float (read: funkily decorated ute,
complete with P-plates), and start the real
business of Mardi Gras - checking out all
the other parade entries. We could only see
the floats that had been marshalled into the
same section as us, but there was more than
enough to be entertained by here.
Students Sans Frontiers was sandwiched
between the Gay and Lesbian Counselling
service, equipped with glittery headsets and
huge foam telephones, and a float dedicated
to saving the Tasmanian devil, which involved
a choreographed dance by people in park
ranger outfits to Kylie Minogue’s ‘Better the
Devil You Know’. Other highlights from our
section included the Gay and Lesbian Rights
Lobby entry, this year entitled: ‘Mission
Possible: 009 and the sequined service’,
and the ever-adorable ‘Rainbow Babies and
Kids’ float, where same-sex parents of small
children bring their families to march in the
parade. The babies always steal the show
with their rainbow-decorated prams.
At eight o-clock, after a good two hours
pre-march excitement, it was time to head
off down Oxford St. The student contingent
danced, marched, frolicked, stomped,
pranced and paraded their way to the end, in
a haze of cheering onlookers and smuggledin alcohol. Special mention should go to Tash,
USU’s 2009 female Queer Convenor, who
managed the impressive feat of driving a ute
surrounded by screaming students, without
crashing or yelling at anybody. At the end of
the parade the proud participants melted into
the night, some to party into the small hours,
and some of us home to enjoy a well-earned
cup of tea.
THE BULL Edition 3, Week 3 Semester 1. 16–22 March 2009
REVIEWS
THE BIG O
Triple J’s latest awesome application of your
parents’ cash has been taking ‘The Big O’ tour
to the O-Weeks on university campuses around
Australia, which is why Cassette Kids, Bluejuice,
Yves Klein Blue, Ben Lee, The Fratellis and The
Music played a two stage, upstairs-downstairs
derby at Manning on the Friday night of O-week.
The dichotomy of the concert means you’re
going to have to follow me up and down the
stairs, because I couldn’t watch two stages at
once. Also, if you remember stuff differently, it
might be because Manning charges Access
Card holders $3.50 for a beer.
The first act I really got it together to watch
was Yves Klein Blue, who were excellent.
Frontman Michael Tomlinson takes the charisma
of Alex Kapranos and serves it to the crowd
with a sprinkling of cocaine. YKB rip through
their rocking tracks like ‘Polka’ and ‘Silence is
Distance’ with a kind of wide-eyed sincerity, and
the result is a live experience that’s involving,
danceable and leaves the crowd feeling that this
talented young band aren’t too cool to give a shit
if they’re having a good time.
role in punctuating the changes in time signature
and tempo that make The Fratellis’ music so
engaging, but here they crashed raucously off
all the hard surfaces in the boxy room, leaving
me struggling to hear the tight, rhythmic guitar
work that gives this band’s music such energy.
There was also a sharp contrast between
crowd-pleasing tracks off the first album, like
‘Henrietta’, ‘Chelsea Dagger’ and ‘Flathead’,
which saw ecstatic spectators bouncing off one
another like four year olds on a sugar binge, and
filler which had them swaying, nodding, and
patiently awaiting the next track.
The Music played all the songs they were
expected to, but to be honest from then on the
whole thing becomes a bit of an alcoholic haze.
And that’s as it should be. This mini festival united
establishment bands and up-and-comers, but
all were responsible for carrying on the party
atmosphere of the night. All avoided the pensive
or mournful, and made sure our orientation week
came to a close in exactly the frantic, energetic
and satisfying culmination you’d expect from a
‘Big O’.
Nick Kraegen
U2
NO LINE ON
THE HORIZON
acceptable to their audience. No Line certainly
features more moments of surprise than Atomic
Bomb, with ‘I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t Go Crazy
Tonight’ featuring Bono’s most outrageous
falsetto since he duetted with Sinatra on ‘I’ve
Got You Under My Skin’.
Even the great man himself was seemingly
deceived by U2’s latest direction in sound.
In the eighteen months leading up to the
delayed release of this record, Bono spoke of
a movement away from the mainstream rock of
2004’s How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, and
into the spheres of dance or electro. No Line’s
first single, ‘Get On Your Boots’, though itself
strong, only agitated fears that this might be a
second failed attempt at making U2 dancefloorfriendly, after the forgettable Pop in 1997.
From the opening moments of this album,
though, we discover that the U2 of 2009 has
combined its epic ambition of the 80s with the
professional accomplishments of Achtung Baby
(1991) and All That You Can’t Leave Behind
(2000).
No Line’s title track exploits what the Irishmen
do best, with ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ that could echo
around international stadiums for years to come.
‘Magnificent’ flows on in the same spirit before
‘Moment Of Surrender’ strikes with hymnal
emotion. All the while, though, U2 capitalises
on their established pedigree and alters what is
THE BULL Edition 3, Week 3 Semester 1. 16–22 March 2009
Cutting Edge Technology
Clear Aligners Invisalign
By the end of The Fratellis I felt that I had enough
of Manning’s nectar inside me to spend five
minutes assessing Ben Lee. His simpering, ‘love
everyone especially me’, eminently punchable
stage presence was everything I’d heard it to be,
and more. He has, however, had sex with Claire
Danes, so the joke’s on me.
Two-thirds of the way through YKB I headed
downstairs to get a spot for The Fratellis. As
they kicked off, the first thing that really hit me
was not their music, but the quality of the sound
on the downstairs stage. The drums play a huge
It is always pleasing when Bono directs his
ever-heard vocal chords entirely towards the
production of a new U2 album, if only to give us
a rest from his well-intentioned but predictable
talk of poverty and peace. But the only thing
predictable about U2’s music, is that each new
album will be unpredictable from the last.
The Australian Centre
for Adult Orthodontics
and Orthopaedics
Lingual Braces
Self Ligating Low Friction Braces
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radiance
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It is the watertight combination of U2’s rhythm
section, Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen Jr,
which holds many of No Line’s tracks together
against the destabilising influence of ambitious
song structuring. Without the pair, ‘Get On Your
Boots’ would flounder in mediocrity and the
album would miss the funky foundation for the
catchy ‘Stand Up Comedy’. Nevertheless, Bono
and The Edge would never be outshone on a
U2 album, and the talents of both are evident
as always.
All up, No Line is a success on most fronts.
Even the unavoidable ego of producer Brian Eno
cannot taint this album as he threatened to do
on Coldplay’s Viva la Vida or Death and All His
Friends. Eno’s songwriting credits on No Line
are baffling – George Martin never intruded on
Lennon/McCartney’s plaudits – but passable.
Likewise, it is always tempting to despise Bono’s
pretension. On ‘Magnificent’ he proclaims, “I was
born to sing for you” – but it is hard to criticise
when he proves it true.
Coldplay may have the fans, and Kings of Leon
the recent hits, but No Line On The Horizon
proves that the title of ‘Biggest Band in the
World’ continues to reside comfortably in U2’s
Dublin.
Chris Martin
B.D.S.(H.K.), M.D.Sc.Orthod.(Syd), M.D.Sc.(Melb)
F.R.A.C.D.S., M.R.A.C.D.S.(Orth), M.R.A.C.D.S.(Paed)
Are you looking for an
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w w w .a c a o o .c o m .a u
WHAT’S ON
MONDAY 16 to
SATURDAY 21 MARCH
www.usuonline.com
MONDAY
16 March
Science Honours Organised
Community IGM
1–2pm
Holme Common Room
Help start the Science Honours Organised Community
(SHOC)! The Society will provide a social outlet for
honours students, as well as organising information
sessions about honours.
SUTEKH Does Retro: Roger Ramjet
and Inspector Gadget
1–3pm
Hermann’s Bar
Join SUTEKH for a special trip down TV memory lane.
This week, see the best of 60s and 80s cartoon super
heroes with the pill-popping Roger Ramjet and the
mad cap Inspector Gadget.
TUESDAY
17 March
Games@Manning FREE
1–3pm
Manning Bar
University of Sydney Union
2009 USU Election of Board Directors
(Board Term 2009-2011)
Two hours of awesome console gaming courtesy of
SUTEKH and USU. The first hour (1–2pm) is a free
for all on a first-come, first-served basis, with different
games every week. The second hour (2–3pm) is a
gaming competition with teams competing against
each other to see who is the greatest player of them all.
Public Speaking Society IGM
4–5pm
Isabel Fidler Room, Manning House
Nominations will be received at The ACCESS Centre, Manning House
from 9am Wednesday 25 February
until 5pm Wednesday 8 April 2009.
If you want to be involved in running the University’s
first Public Speaking Society, come to our IGM.
Rock Ya Balls Bingo FREE
5–6pm
Only official printed nomination forms
will be accepted by the Returning Officer.
Forms are available from The ACCESS Centre, Manning House.
Manning Balcony
Legs 11! Two Fat Ladies! 13 - Unlucky For Some!
Jugs and movie money to be won!
Hermann’s Poker FREE
5pm - 7pm
Only eligible USU members may nominate for Election.
USU Membership can be applied for at
The ACCESS Centre, Manning House.
If more than six nominations are received an election will be held
on Wednesday 13 May 2009.
Interested in making a difference?
Come to our information session on
Tuesday 24 March at 5pm
Isabel Fidler Room, Level 2, Manning House.
PAGE 12
BULL E3_anj.indd 12
Hermann’s Bar
Come and enjoy a game of poker in the relaxed
casual surrounds of Hermann’s Bar every Tuesday
during Semester.
French Soc Film Festival–
My Friends, My Loves
5.45–8.30pm
Palace Norton, 99 Norton St, Leichhardt
Come see French Soc’s final selection from the French
Film Festival – My Friends, My Loves. Tickets through
French Soc – discounts for members and Access
Card holders.
THE BULL Edition 3, Week 3 Semester 1. 16–22 March 2009
10/3/09 4:21:42 PM
WEDNESDAY
18 March
THURSDAY
19 March
Hermann’s Trivia FREE
Theatresports® FREE
1pm – 2pm
1–2pm
Hermann’s Bar
Manning Bar
Get a team together and mosey on into Hermann’s
for all the fun and stimulation of Hermann’s Trivia! It’s
a battle of wits with jug vouchers and movie money
up for grabs!
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It is the very best in
student improvised comedy!
Engineers Without Borders
Election Meeting
THE BULL
RECOMMENDS
SUTEKH Does Retro:
Roger Ramjet and
Inspector Gadget
1–3pm
Monday 16 March
Hermann’s Bar
Multicultural Musings
2.30–3.40
Sunset Jazz – Free
Wentworth Terrace
5–8pm
PNR Drawing Office 2
Co-hosted by the Greek Society and Multicultural
Convenors. Enjoy some Greek delicacies and food
for thought.
Your best chance to get involved with EWB
Programme teams.
EDSOC Annual General Meeting
Theatresports® – Free
3–4pm
1–2pm
9 March
Thursday 19
1pm – 2pm
Lunchtime Acoustic Sessions
Education LT 424
1pm- 2pm
Come and have a say in the running of your Education
and Social Work Faculty Society!
Margaret Telfer Room, Manning House
Sit back and relax with friends in the Margaret Telfer
Room, next to Manning Bar, while Sydney Uni’s best
singers, songwriters and musicians strum away your
lunchtime.
Photography Society - Fortnightly
Meet and Greet
Manning Balcony
Relax on the Manning Balcony to the sweet tunes
offered up by our ace student DJs.
SU Volunteers’ Association AGM
4.30–5.30pm
Free lunch! A great chance to meet other members
and discuss all things photography!
Isabel Fidler Room, Manning House
Fisher Library
This is your chance to do your bit for the environment
in 2009! The Captain Planet Appreciation Society
and USU’s Environmental Conveners team up to
organise an effort to help out the parks surrounding
the University. Gloves and bags provided, plus there
will be a bar tab for participants at the end!
Sunset Jazz FREE
5pm – 8pm
Hermann’s Bar
Live jazz brought to you by the very talented musicians
from the Sydney Uni Jazz Society. Happy Hour from
5–7pm.
Manning Trivia FREE
5pm – 6pm
Manning Bar
Show off your immense mental bank of random
facts at Manning Trivia. Finally, knowing Latvia’s main
exports can be useful! (It’s wood by the way, wood.)
Manning Bar
4–6pm
The Square
3pm – 6pm
Hermann’s Bar
Manning the Decks FREE
1pm – 2pm
Clean Up Australia Day @ USYD
Wednesday 18 March
Annual General Meeting for SU Volunteers’ Association
2009. Get involved, elect your executives and come
and meet new friends!
FRIDAY
20 March
EDSOC presents Drylight
5–6pm
Weekend Warm-Up FREE
Naked Lady Courtyard, Old Teachers College
4pm – 6pm
The Education & Social Work Society is publishing an
annual Faculty journal, Drylight!
Manning Balcony
Italian Society AGM
Thank God it’s Friday! Grab a drink and take in the
sweet tunes offered up by our ace student DJs on the
Manning Balcony.
5pm
Holme Reading Room
Filmsoc Weekly Free Screening
Join us at our Annual General Meeting to help shape
how the Italian Society will operate in 2009.
5pm – 8pm
Sydney University Wind Orchestra
Rehearsal
This week we’re screening Kurosawa’s masterpiece
Ikiru, followed by a film discussion with Filmsoc
members. Everyone is welcome!
RC Mills Lecture Theatre
5.30–9pm
Old Darlington School, Maze Crescent, Darlington
Campus
All woodwind, brass and percussion players are
invited to join SUWO! No auditions - just come along
to rehearsal!
SATURDAY
21 March
IDENTITY
THE BULL Edition 3, Week 3 Semester 1. 16–22 March 2009
BULL E3_anj.indd 13
6–8pm
Satyricon 18+
Queerspace (downstairs in the Holme Building)
8pm
Run one night a week for six weeks, where students
who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans,
questioning their sexuality, or otherwise queer can
come and meet others who feel the same! Have the
opportunity to chat about things like coming out,
relationships, safer sex, the scene (mainly referring
to clubs and pubs) and any other issues that interest
you, in a safe and confidential environment.
Manning Bar
Norway’s Satyricon are a rare exception to the Black
Metal norm – they never cared for trends in how one
is supposed to present oneself and abhorred the tried
and tested genre stereotypes.
$45 + bf Access
$49.50 + bf General
PAGE 13
10/3/09 4:21:43 PM
JUST THE REGULARS…
C O N T R A R Y D A I R Y: A M E R I C A N I S M S
DR NASTY
This Bull kicks against the grain. Or some other stretched
metaphor. This week, we argue for the Americanisation
of English.
Got a problem? Need the kind of frank advice your mother wishes she
could give you but can’t because it would involve admitting what she’s
been up to (with one or more of the Bull editors)? Email drnasty.bull@
gmail.com for help.
“Here in Australia, we use British English,” scolded the sociology
lecturer. Now, someone in her profession should have been more aware
of the social creation of language, its ability to change, and the fact that
Scottish people speak their own very special kind of English, a wee bit
different, y’ ken.
Dear Dr. Nasty,
Yet, in the fact of a desire to take a cheap shot at the Yankee assholes,
none of this mattered. In Australia we use British English, dammit.
Schools try to stamp it out early – remember being constantly told
to avoid the spell-checker in Microsoft Word, because it defaulted to
American spelling, and we couldn’t have that now, could we?
I Want To Fuck Malcolm Turnbull
At no point is it ever explained why American English is so bad.
Occasionally opposition to it is cloaked in the rhetoric of anti-imperialism,
although why we should reject contemporary neo-imperialism in favour
of old-style conquest-subjugation-and-pillage imperialism is beyond us.
Just ask the Kenyans. The whole fuss is simply Performance Theater.
Ironically, American English is a more ‘pure’ form of English than that
spoken in Britain, having ossified somewhat earlier. Words like ‘fall’ for
autumn were in common use when the first English settlers/conquerors
went over to Britain, and like the Italian nonna in Sydney who still goes to
church - even though her cousins back home long since abandoned the
idea in favour of game shows and soft-core porn, they stuck.
So let’s get rhotic and add some color to our
neighborhood. We couldn’t care less if the Queen
doesn’t like it. She can rattle her saber. By the way:
your Mom’s fanny.
I enjoy getting off to news footage of Malcolm Turnbull. I fantasise about
him and the things I want to do to him all the time. It’s distracting me from
uni, my friends and my work with the Young Liberals. What should I do?
Dear I Want To Fuck,
Dahlink, this is SUCH a coincidence! I was just on a naughty dirty weekend
away to Vaucluse with Malcolm last month. He needed a little cheering
up as he was all stressed about the stimulus package, so I stimulated
HIS package - there were cash handouts spurting everywhere. I gave
masses of much needed aid to both his lower and middle income tax
brackets. It was enough to prevent his (rather large and broad) economy
sinking into recession for an entire Saturday night.
My child, Malcolm needs all the cheering up he can get at the moment,
so I will give you some tips on how to woo him into your feverish stalkerlike embrace - advice that I have gleaned from many hours of staring at
his (fully-restored, gilt Rococo-inspired) ceiling as he drills away at my
internal affairs policies.
First, you should nail a dead cat to his door. This will show him that you
really care. Then, lure him to you by laying a trail of hedge fund contracts
and Rolexes from his massive, multi-million dollar Vaucluse mansion to
your bed, where you should be waiting, naked, brandishing a red flag.
Mr. Turnbull’s favourite sex game is to pretend that he is the toro, and
you are the toreador. Happy bucking!
Yours wealthily,
Dr. Nasty
SCAVENGER HUNT
PERSONALS
Class starting to drag? People starting to annoy you? For all its happy
shiny wonderfulness, uni is full of annoying people. Why not make some
fun of them? Just get out your camera, snap the following, and show us
before March 19. We’re not sure what exactly you get in return – hey,
times are tough, alright, but maybe you can get yourself in The Bull,
which is worth way more than a $900 handout, m’kay? You can only
have one photo in each category.
Send ‘em in, folks. Seriously, we need to make up for our own
loneliness by living vicariously through you.
• Academic in sports coat 1 point
• Male with Polo Shirt, collar done up 1 point
• Female with Polo Shirt, collar done up 2 points
• Person wearing sweatband around head outside of
exercise-related context 2 points
• Person wearing high school jersey (2008) 2 points
Final year commerce/law student seeks moral salvation. Think of me
as the corporate equivalent of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman; you can
be Richard Gere.
Priest seeks touching confessions. Promises to deal with them
affectionately.
I am a distinguished senior academic in my field. You are a budding
honours student in need of supervision and guidance. Also blonde
and busty.
Liberal Party seeks shadow treasurer. Must be willing to run for
leadership, if required.
• Person wearing USyd merchandise 3 points
First year from out of town with no school friends at uni seeks company.
Any. Seriously, I’ve started talking to the Socialist Alternative I’m
that desperate.
• Person wearing Oxford, Cambridge, or Ivy League
merchandise 4 points
M 20 yo. Christian (Pentecostal) seeks F 20 yo. approx. Christian
(Pentecostal) for prayer and Bible study only.
• Student wearing a shirt and tie to uni 4 points
M 20 yo. Christian (Pentecostal) seeks M 20 yo. approx. Catholic for
mutual guilt inducing sin.
• Person wearing high school jersey (pre-2008) 3 points
• ... other than a Young Liberal 5 points
• Pocket protector 5 points
• Pre-2009 student political campaign T-Shirt
(excluding Socialist Alternative – too easy)
5 points
F 21 Central European exchange student seeks stable long-distance
relationship with deep and meaningful Aussie guy.
Everybody seeks casual sex.
• Student in thongs and a heavy fur coat
5 points
• Naked person on campus 6 points
PAGE 14
BULL E3_anj.indd 14
THE BULL Edition 3, Week 3 Semester 1. 16–22 March 2009
10/3/09 4:21:44 PM
8PM SAT
21 MARCH
SATYRICON (NORWAY)
18+
$45 + bf USU Members*
$49.50 + bf Regular
from ACCESS & Moshtix & Ticketek
& custommade.com.au
7PM SAT
BURY YOUR DEAD (USA)
+ CONFESSION + SHINTO KATANA
+ RELENTLESS + HAND OF MERCY
28 MARCH
LIC/AA
$25 + bf USU Members*
$30 + bf Regular
from ACCESS & Moshtix
& www.stomp.com.au
7PM SAT
A SOUND MIND
4 APRIL
+ THE JULIUS SET + ROCHEFORT
+ THE SPACE PROJECT
LIC/AA
$14 + bf USU Members*
$16 + bf Regular
from ACCESS & Moshtix
8PM THUR
MARKY RAMONE’S
BLITZKREIG
9 APRIL
18+
$48 + bf USU Members*
$55 + bf Regular
from ACCESS & Moshtix & Ticketek
COMING UP... APRIL 11 – O-II-SHII’S 12TH BIRTHDAY FEAT DJ REVOLUTION (USA) + DIAFRIX + 206 COLLAB + DEJA + FIREHOUSE + DANCEKOOL + MAS-SIVA
(DJ AMY, TEDD-E MC & BEE), DJ NACHO POP + DJ ABILITY + DJ NAIKI + DJ KAVI-R // APRIL 16 – EASY STAR ALL STARS (USA) // APRIL 17 – KRISIUN (BRAZIL)
+ DAWN OF AZAZEL (NZ) + CEMETARY URN + KILLRAZER // APRIL 18 – EPMD (USA) // APRIL 24-26 – SYDNEY INTERNATIONAL BACHATA FESTIVAL // MAY
8 – RATATAT (USA) // MAY 9 – JEFF MARTIN & THE ARMADA (CANADA) // MAY 22 – BEHIND CRIMSON EYES + SLEEP PARADE + THE MISSION IN MOTION +
ELLINGTON // JUNE 6 – PAUL DIANNO (ex IRON MAIDEN) (UK)
THURSDAY 26 MARCH, 8PM
SUNDAY 29 MARCH, 6PM
BUG GIRL
HOSPITAL THE MUSICAL
+ BRIGITTE HANDLEY & THE DARK SHADOWS + CHECKERED FIST
ALBUM PRE-RELEASE PARTY
+ YEAH BEARS
FRIDAY 27 MARCH, 8PM
SATURDAY 4 APRIL, 9PM
JAMIL’S DVD LAUNCH
DANCE PARTY
FACTION
FEAT MARSHALL (LIVE) + SOFIUE LOIZOU
+ RESIDENTS: RYZER, KATE DOHERTY, MARK CRAVEN, TYPHONIC
This time last year
“I figured I’d be
mastering my
coffee-making skills”
The best thing about being a Westpac Graduate
is not being treated like a graduate.
For feedback from our grads and to download
application forms visit westpac.com.au/graduates
Applications close midnight, 29 March 2009.
westpac.com.au/graduates
© 2009 Westpac Banking Corporation (ABN 33 007 457 141).
BULL E3_anj.indd 16
10/3/09 4:10:31 PM