1. art and entertainment
2. music
3. musical instruments
4. drums

The Beat Within
The Beat Within • A Publication of Writing and Art from the Inside • Volume 17.07/08
One night I was in my room reading a book and a thought
of my family came crashing into my mind, next thing I
knew tears came down my cheeks and I couldn’t stop it.
For I knew that who I was on the outside of these walls
was the most stupidity of a life form. Being in here is a
good thing because it taught me some of the things that I
could have never found out if I never stepped in here.
read the rest of Hendrick’s POW on page 9
editor’s note
TheBeatWithin.org
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Editor’s Note Volume 17.07/08
W
elcome to another issue of The Beat Within! This
week we have a very special guest writing our Editorial
Note, Darcy Durham who is visiting the San Francisco
office from St. Louis, Missouri. Darcy hopes to begin
Beat workshops in St. Louis so she came to check out how we run
things! Please take a moment to read Darcy’s words.
So here I am my first day in San Francisco hanging out in the
Beat Within office. I feel so lucky to be here, to learn what this
program is all about so I can bring it back to St. Louis. Writing
has always been an outlet for me. A place I can go to express
my anger, sadness and joy. I grew up being told to keep all my
emotions inside, but they had to go somewhere, especially the
anger. I learned to throw everything out on the page keeping daily
journals that released all the tension. I always felt better after I’d
write, clearer and lighter.
Being a part of a writing group takes it to the next level.
I’ve been involved in a writing group for four years. We write for
twenty to thirty minutes and read our pieces out loud just like
the Beat Within workshops. I don’t always want to read because
I don’t think it’s good enough to share, but every time I give voice
to my writing I feel a sense of release. In reading out loud I face
my own fear, let it go, and my writing comes to life. If someone in
our group chooses not to read, I feel like there is a piece missing.
I know they are thinking the same thing I was, that their piece
isn’t worth reading, but I know it is. We write about our own lives,
what’s going on in our heads and I want to hear everyone’s voice.
When we share our voices we help each other. Sometimes I write
down lines from someone else’s piece because they struck a chord
with me, making me see something in a different light. Writing
creates a connection, a bridge bringing me out of isolation and
into community. I have a voice and people can hear me.
It’s not always easy to get started, I think most of us
experiences some fear in beginning to write. I try to just get my
pen moving knowing that I can always cross it out and try again.
The writing doesn’t have to be perfect I just need to get it out.
Usually once I get going it feels like a train taking off as if the
writing has a life of its own as my voice starts to emerge on the
page.
There are a lot of people who are not getting the opportunity
to be heard. I started thinking about the absence of the Beat
Within in St. Louis. Perhaps I can share what I’ve learned and
hear new voices that can teach me in the process.
When I was asked to write the Beat’s Editor’s Note, I froze. My
first thought was whoa I’m not ready for this, I don’t think I can
do it. Then I thought about the writer’s who contribute to the Beat,
the facilitator’s and the staff that make it all come together and I
realized why not? I love that the Beat Within connects voices from
across the country, voices that otherwise might not be heard.
We are all in this together getting our voices out there and It’s a
privilege to be a part of the experience.
Thanks for sharing your words and experiences with us, Darcy.
And now on to this issue’s topics. The topics from 17.07…“ Day of
Love! -- What is your perfect Valentines Day celebration? Keeping
it PG, what would be your plans with your boyfriend/girlfriend/or
just friend on this special day? If you can’t think of something, tell
us about a Valentines day from the past that you had with family,
friends, classmates at school, or that special someone.”
“ Siblings -- What does it take to be a good brother or sister?
Regardless of whether you the oldest or the youngest, what are the
things you would do for a sibling? Do you set a good example? If
you are an only child, what do you think it would take to be the
best sibling? Tell us about your relationships with your brothers
and sisters. Could it be better or is it already rock solid?”
“I wish other people could see __________ the way I do. Give us
the details--not just the blank!”
And our topics from 17.08… “Dropping Out -- Your best friend/
brother/sister told you they are going to drop out of school. What
do you say to them to convince them not to? What is your case for
keeping them in school, the reasons they should stay there? Have
you ever been in this position before? What did you say or do? If
you didn’t say anything, why not?
“My Story -- You got caught. That’s why you’re here. This week,
The Beat wants you to write a scene, like in a play, that tells us
about the moments you got caught. Set the stage for us, where were
you? A park, a store, your house? Then tell us who the characters
are: your friends, foes, people you just met. Give us the play by play
of how you ended up here through dialogue and description. But
remember, your words CAN be used against you, so make sure to
anonymize yourself, your friends and the location. Be creative!”
Last but not least, “The Opinion -- Who’s opinion matters
most to you? Is it your mom’s? Or your dad’s? An older or younger
sibling? Your friends? Why does it matter so much? When you do
something good, who’s praise are you looking for? When you do
something wrong, who’s anger do you fear the most? Maybe they
are two different people, maybe they are the same person, but tell
The Beat who’s opinion matter’s most to you.”
Thank you again, all you Beat readers for making this
publication what it is. This issue is dedicated to all the brand new
volunteers who have started in the last month. We thank you for
your compassion, commitment and enthusiasm!
Counselor’s Corner
From The Beat: Thanks to the wonderful Ms. Webb for sharing her
thoughts with The Beat once again… you’ll all enjoy it but people who
are the youngest in their family will especially appreciate what she
has to say!
Siblings
I am the youngest from my mother. Me and my sister who has always
been close to my mother. I have always been close to my mother. I
have always been the daughter that always made sure that she is
well taken care of. I have always been looked at as the “bad “ child
or “problem child.”
But I showed my sister and others in my family that just
because I used to do bad things that people do change. Being the
youngest can be very difficult at times, because no matter how I
change or the positive things I’m doing in my life, or how hard I
work, I’m still looked at as the young problem child.
-Ms. Webb, Alameda County Juvenile Justice Center
From The Beat: Thank you, Ms. Porter, and all you counselors who take
the time to contribute a part of you to our pages in The Beat. As for
the following piece, we too learn so much from the young people in
the halls and from their writing, about how much people have to offer,
even if they’ve made mistakes. Thank you for all you do for them. We
look forward to your next contribution.
Love Is All We Need
I wish other people could see the good in people the way I do.
Working at the Juvenile Justice Center has made me realize that
just because people make mistakes, it doesn’t mean they aren’t good
people. We are so quick to judge a book by its cover and assume that
if you’re here, you’re a criminal. But deep down inside, we all are
looking for love and understanding.
I try to see the good in people because you don’t know people’s
story. Just because I smile it doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. I have
been through some things to know that life is about learning from
experience and treating people good is one of them.
- Ms. Porter, Alameda County Juvenile Justice Center Counselor
TheBeatWithin.org
Tablesof
of contents
tables
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Table of Contens Volume 17.07/08
The Beat Within, a bi-weekly publication of writing and art by incarcerated youth, is pub-
Pieces of the week
At The Beat Within, we go through a lot of trouble to censor inappropriate sexual remarks, foul
language, and gang references. There is enough tension in our commuities already–we don’t aim
to bolster it. It is in The Beat’s interest to promote peace and unity. Our goal is to educate one
another.
Co-Pieces
of the week
16
Standouts
25
lished by Pacific News Service.
The Beat Within publishes the opinions and views expressed by the participants in our workshops.
This is simply the pure voice of the youth. The views you read do not necessarily reflect those of
the publisher, editor or staff. All rights are reserved. Nothing from this publication can be reproduced without our written permission.
To our writers: What you write could be hazardous to you. Your words have consequences, and
could be used to incriminate you. Try to illuminate your feelings and viewpoints without running
the risk of providing ammunition for those who might use your words against you.
Co–founders: Sandy Close and David Inocencio
Senior Editor: David Inocencio
Program Director: Inga Buchbinder
Graphics/Layout Editor: Manen Pau
Our SF Spring 2012 Interns: Marcia Guzmah, Sinthia Escoto, Charles Clariza,
Autumn Darbrow, and Natalie Aleman
San Francisco: Pauline Craig, Oona Appel, Andrew Lopez, Anhvu Buchanan, Meg Escude,
Kirsten Dau, Arturo Aguayo, Roxanne Caires, and Nora Dwyer
Alameda: Suzanne Manneh, Carolyn Goossen, Sheerly Avni, Peggy Simmons, Sarah Ikemoto,
Dom Brassey, Yalda Asmatey, Dario Serrano, Charles Clariza, Natalie Aleman, Ryan Teixeira, and
Michelle Wilson
Santa Cruz: Jill Wolfson, Dennis Morton, Gwendolyn Hubner, and Kim Nelson
Santa Clara: Sherman Scholten, Allison Horevitz, Megan Boyle, Christina Hanlon, Cynthia
Hanlon, Meredith Wheeler, Zach Holcomb, and Jennifer McClenon
Marin: Kathy Ellison and Pauline Craig
Solano: Inga Buchbinder and David Inocencio
Fresno: Mai Der Vang, Brian Costa, and Liliana Romero
Monterey: Sam Peterson, Brandon Swanson, and Sarah D’Amico
Los Angeles: Karen Hunt, Josh Parr, Charity Miller, Jason Seaver, Jimmy Wu, Clarissa De La
Torre, Miguel Valencia, and Megan Beck
San Diego: Desiree Woods and Stephanie Morrison
San Bernardino: Jennifer Tilton and the University of Redlands
Riverside: Jennifer Boyea
Hawaii: Dina Brooks
Portland, Oregon: Deb Arthur, Portland State University
Washington, DC: Khalil Abdullah and Free Minds
Bernalillio County, New Mexico Beat: Steve Serna and Lisa Santoyo
Dona Ana County, New Mexico: Voices Behind Walls - Lee Rhyanes
Tuscumbia, Alabama: Susan Pope
Our Volunteers In-and-Out of the Office: Annie Wong, Lisa Lavaysse, Julia Penrose, Jane
Robbins, Elizabeth Henlein, Stephanie Burnett, Amena Keshawarz, and Nancy DeMartini
Our Partners at Southern Exposure, San Francisco: Courtney Fink, Aimee Shapiro,
Michelle Wilson, and Meg Escude
Beat Supporters: The Beat Within greatefully acknowledges the generous support of funders
of Pacific News Service’s Youth Communications Programs – California Arts Council, California Wellness Foundation, Christensen Fund, Community Technology Foundation of California,
Compton Foundation, Creative Work Fund, Cricket Island Foundation, Evelyn and Walter Haas,
Jr. Fund, Ford Foundation, James Irvine Foundation, Marguerite Casey Foundation, Marin
Community Foundation, The Nelson Fund/ Community Foundation of Silicon Valley, Germanacos Foundation, Atherton Family Foundation, Morris Stulsaft Foundation, Nathan Cummings
Foundation, Oakland Fund for Children and Youth, Open Society Institute, Peninsula Community
Foundation, Philanthropic Ventures Foundation, S. H. Cowell Foundation, Children Youth Investment Trust Corporation, DC Humanities Council, Morris and Gwendolyn Cafritz Foundation, San
Francisco Arts Commission, San Francisco Foundation, Shinnyo-en Foundation, W. Clement and
Jessie V. Stone Foundation, Stone Circles Foundation, Stuart Foundation, Surdna Foundation, The
California Endowment, Tides Foundation, Van Loben Sels/Rembe Rock Foundation, Vanguard
Public Foundation, Wallace Alexander Gerbode Foundation, Walter S. Johnson Foundation, Youth
Justice Funding Collaborative, the Zellerbach Family Fund, and individual donors.
Writers: Thanks to all the participants in our writing workshops. If you have any questions or
comments about The Beat Within, contact us at: 275 Ninth St. SF.CA. 94103 or call (415) 5034170 or check us out at: www.thebeatwithin.org
Alameda.................. 25
4
San Francisco ............ 32
Santa Clara .............. 35
Dallas, Texas ............ 43
Marin .................... 44
Santa Cruz ............... 46
San Bernardino .......... 48
Solano ................... 50
New Mexico ............... 54
Monterey ................. 55
Los Angeles .............. 56
Honolulu, Hawaii ......... 60
Portland, Oregon ......... 63
Fresno ................... 66
We would like to thank Stat
Delivery Service, Inc for their
generous support.
The Beat Without
69
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Pieces of the Week Volume 17.07/08
Beat Beat Open Your Eyes, Mine Are Blind
Beat, beat within my vocab that
Hits this paper
Beat, beat within my child’s
Chest, that’s all I remember since
The last day I held her to my chest
Beat, beat within my mind that I try
To maintain being stuck here behind
These four walls, I start to beat thoughts
That lead me to go insane.
Beat, beat within the fears I’ve overcome
To find the right lessons I’ve
Done, for example right from wrong
That I’ve done to teach my child not
To get spun
Beat, beat within, we’ll have to wait
To hear what my life will debate
-Gabriel, Fresno
From The Beat: Great poem expressing everything that comes within
you when you hear the words beat beat. The moment you hear your
baby’s heartbeat is a priceless unforgettable moment. See The Way I Do
I wish other people could see the way I do instead of just looking at
everything bad I do. I’m not a bad person at all; just every now and
then I take the wrong step and fall.
I’m one of the best people you can meet. I love to have fun,
cook, dance, be friendly, and eat. But, when you grow up around
negative things you quickly take to what surrounds you. I’ve done a
lot of things in life that I wish I could take back, but the one I would
choose first is the gang I chose to back up. It changed my life for
the worst and I really found myself stuck.
Now I realize finally, after everything I’ve been through, and all
the time I’ve been incarcerated that this life isn’t for me. I realize I
have a future and banging isn’t it. For once in my life, I realize I’m
capable of anything I put my mind to. I realize that I love God more
than anything. I learned to respect myself and my mom is more
important than anything.
-Raheemah, Los Angeles
From the Beat- What events happened to you that made you want
to change for the better? What challenges will you face once you
leave incarceration? Try to answer these questions thoughtfully the
next time you sit down to write. Excellent piece of writing. Stay true
to what you write!
I Wish Other People Could See
Love The Way I Do!
An example is I hear guys always talking about how many different
girls they get. I personally find this ridiculous. I love my girlfriend
and only her. I never talk about other women. I see love as one of the most special things in the world. It’s
an amazing feeling to have some one love you. And love isn’t just
between a girl and a boy. Moms, dads, grandmas, grandpas; there’s
love all over the world.
There are loves for art. There are loves for food. Even love for
reading and writing.
I was told once by my girlfriend (Cassie) “every thing can be an
art.” If you love something it’s art!
So my point is let go of your “I’m a man I don’t love or cry,”
and love the world and the people in it. Love is beautiful so keep it
close.
-G Buoy, Portland, OR
From The Beat: We thought your way of looking at love through the
lens of art was a great way to engage with the world and your love for
it. We also liked how you spoke about love being able to be between
others than just a girl and a boy.
Life . ..
Wherever you go it’s all the same,
Deep beneath struggling with all that pain.
Mama says that I have no brain
But here I am trying to maintain
Life sucks when your love stabs you in the back.
And here I am addicted to crack
Life is what you make of it.
But not what you see of it
In the end, it’s all just b-s
So what do you want to do? Shoot or go to school?
Be careful on what you do
Living in East LA where I didn’t even have clothes
Seeing my friends become foes.
Never seeing my dad made me glad.
But, deep beneath I was really sad.
Mama socked me when I took her glass.
And, I wouldn’t cry. I just began to laugh.
Even when I was twelve, seeing my cousin hurt himself
Just right there I had no doubt of seeing what my life’s about.
An average thing to me was seeing bodies bleed,
Until my cousin got shot right next to me
Twenty-three times and that was his “number”.
Now I’m a psychopath just like some others.
I hate God and I hate you too.
So what are you going to do?
I have no real friends because they’re deep beneath
Waiting for me to sleep
I’m like Manson, Snowman, and Lector
My mind ain’t right. I think death would be better.
I’m just a criminal that doesn’t like to do better.
“When I mean open your eyes, mine are blind”
I don’t learn from mistakes
I have no soul-I’m sick.
Lost in a world, on a trip.
Nowhere to go but a fiery glimpse.
People try to help, but I don’t give a crap about it
I’m living my life how I want it.
So when you get old, don’t change your mind about
Do it right and don’t look back
If you do, it will ricochet and just thrash back.
Be careful with everyone, even your family.
Your family can hurt you and do you grimy.
Open your eyes and don’t get hypnotized.
In my life, I already died.
In life you start at the bottom
But I was living on the top.
-Yanez, Los Angeles
From The Beat: We definitely feel your pain and anger. As for your
writing, your truths, it takes two different views. First, you don’t want
anyone to look through your eyes. Why? Then, you give advice of how
to live. Why? It’s okay to ask for help or to want it. Being tough all
the time must be tiring.
Good Life
What it takes to be a good brother? To me it’s to set good examples
for my brother. To be a role model. To teach him to do good and not
bad. Right now you guys are probably thinking I’m setting a bad
example, but every one makes mistakes.
When I get out I’m going to explain to him what I did wrong and
for him not to follow those footsteps. Me and my little brother are
close. I play video games with him watch TV with him and all that
good stuff.
-Miguel, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Miguel, you sound like a good brother and a great
future role model. Mistakes can happen, but when we learn from them,
we succeed. What are some ways you can be a role model to the other
people in your community?
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Pieces of the Week Volume 17.07/08
Suffering
Suffering is only suffering.
It feels meaningless. It teaches nothing.
It brings no gifts. It’s just suffering.
It makes me feel alone and abandoned.
My mind is lost from hurt, my body feels
Pain. My heart tries to shut itself against
Suffering. You don’t understand. I’m just like you,
When you stop running from the pain,
And turn to face it. When you can, stop to
Acknowledge it and let it be. If you can,
Stop and turn to your own suffering and know
It’s name. Some will acknowledge it, others
Will fail to understand. But if we can take one
Thing and be thankful for it, then we shall not
Live in vain. And stop revealing our true and quite
Ugly selves. Goodness changes the way we see the world.
The way we see others And most importantly,
The way we see ourselves. The way we see
Ourselves matters, it affects how we treat people.
My name is Cullie and suffering is what makes
Me evil.
-Cullie, Alameda
From The Beat: Do you really consider yourself evil? We don’t. You’ve
shown us your goodness. So what one thing are you thankful for?
Does time ease suffering?
My Hero
My hero isn’t ten feet tall
He isn’t made of steel
He knows he cannot beat the world
My hero keeps it real
He knows he’s not invincible
Although he’d like to think
But in the face of danger
You know he’ll never shrink
My hero isn’t super fast
He can’t freeze you with a stare
But when I call on him, without a doubt
I know he’ll be there
He is my protector
To catch me when I fall
He’s as real as they get
Not some stupid doll
My hero has his enemies
This I won’t deny
He may fail so many times
But I know he’ll always try
So you can worship batman
Spiderman or other
But I will always worship mine
My hero is my brother.
-Soja, Honolulu, HI
From The Beat: What a touching tribute to your brother, he must be
so proud of you! We love to see the love, support, and admiration
between family members that is for real.
Siblings
My two sisters; my world and my everything. I can’t wait to see them
the day I get out. Last time I got out, they were waiting in the car.
Once I walked out, they were yelling my name and honking the
horn. Put a warm feeling in my heart. I miss my sisters.
-R, Santa Clara
From The Beat: It’s a wonderful that you love and care so much about
your sisters Rojo. If you had the chance to teach them something, what
would it be?
Toughest Fear
I’m challenged with statistics
And everyone around me acts stupid
Nothing can or will change that
And that’s a fact
Tryin’ to figure out where I’ll be in the next five years
Knowing that I never want to come back here
Everyday is my toughest fear because I can never see
The brighter days
Trapped between four walls
Stuck in a cage
Always pulled down
Everyone tellin’ me, “Kat you dumb clown”
Born and raised on Oahu the island where I from
Everywhere I look is gates and barbed wires
Other times I wonder if a greater day will ever come
But most times I feel so dumb
I wonder if I’ll ever be with my siblings again
And I want to stop cruising with the bad friends
They never make the good happen
Life is full of up and downs
It doesn’t matter where you’re from
And if you’re smart or if you’re dumb
There’s always beauty beneath the frown
-Katherine, Honolulu, HI
From The Beat: It’s good to see you are thinking critically about your
future. What DO you think you will be doing in 5 years? What would
you like to see yourself doing, in, as? Keep thinking and hang in
there, only you make your choices.
A Spot Above The College
I believe I once saw a perfect sunset.
The weather was perfect,
the sounds were amazing and there wasn’t a worry in my
mind.
I was on top of the world, when I sat high on that hill,
overlooking the small, Mojave desert town.
The mountains all around me turned a light shade of purple
the further the sun went down.
That tangerine sky and purple mountain range is something I
will never forget.
It was the perfect ending to my day.
The only thing that made this sunset even more memorable
was that I could share it with someone.
That someone is now the love of my life.
-Robert, Los Angeles
From The Beat: Your description of the sunset is vivid. You capture
the reader’s attention with specific, memorable details. Well done. Do
you think your love remembers the sunset similarly? Why or why not?
Roads
I got little brothers and a sister. Being who I am as a big brother I
really don’t want my little ones to follow the same steps as me. I try
to tell them stay away from the wrong crowd. But who am I to say
anything while I’m locked up?
What hurts me is when my sister said why do you have to be
locked up and talked to me about this on the phone. It really pierced
my heart in a bad way. So what I do now is give them the heads up
on how it is in here and ask them if it’s the road they might be going
to.
-Lunie, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Lunie, you are the perfect person to give your siblings
advice regarding the wrong crowd. You’ve experienced and know the
consequence of your actions. If you knew you’re siblings were going to
read your next letter in the following Beat, what would you want to
write or teach them?
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Pieces of the Week Volume 17.07/08
Sleep in a Self-Made Bed
The day I woke up I made the bed.
I planned to sleep in
My mama tried to tell me to tuck in them sheets and fold back
my cover
But I wasn’t listening
She said “I’ll be mad when I come back,
And it looks like somebody jumped on it with they shoes on
But I didn’t listen, I just ran out, actin’ before my thinkin’
Sure enough I never made it back home
To see my messed up bed,
‘Cause sure enough, I’m in jail… sleepin’ in it
I can’t be mad, ‘cause I walked the path I led
Now I’m up in this thing, sleepin’ in a self-made bed
-Tyra, Alameda
From The Beat: What a powerful metaphor, especially because making
that bed -- cleaning it up, making it into a place where you can rest
comfortably -- is all in your power and control. Just like your future,
which will depend more than anything else on the choices you make.
Peace.
If My Brother Wanted To Drop Out
First I would ask my brother why he wanted to drop out. If he
seemed serious, and his reason was valid, the only thing I could
really do is support him and try to convince him to get back into
school and back on track as soon as possible. If he seemed like he
was trying to cop out and give up by leaving school, I would explain
how I personally thought he was smart enough to finish school,
and ask him if there was anything I could do to help him find the
motivation to keep going with his education.
I would remind him of his ultimate goals and how much money
he could make – if he finished school. Then I’d remind him of all
the stats, and how slim (existent, but slim), his chances would be
of ever making that kind of money legitimately if he didn’t finish
school. Either way I’d give him my utmost support, whatever his
choice.
-Deanie, Alameda
From The Beat: And the important part is that you start by listening
to him, and hearing his perspective. Have you had people in your life
who do the same for you, people who really listen to you and try to
understand where you are coming from?
Systems of Support
I can’t do without the support system of my mother and my homies.
But let me tell you about my mother. First, my mother is one of the
greatest moms to me and all of my family members too.
I’ve been her best friend and her son since I was adopted at two
and half months old. I was always by her side when I was little.
My greatest memory of her was in this store. She was like, you
could have this remote controlled Nascar, I was like “YEAH!” I was
only like eight years old. This wasn’t one of those original remote
control cars; this one was like thirty pounds and goes twenty-five to
thirty MPH on the street. My mom knows that I love Nascars so she
got me a remote control Nascar.
To this day I still have it in my room on my dresser. I always
used it and probably always will. Then I’ll pass it to my children
when they are the age I was when I received it. I will always thank
my mother and love her for that.
But I don’t just love her for the gifts, I love my mother for
adopting and bringing me into her life and her home, feeding me
everyday and making sure I’m healthy and safe. I love you mom you
are my best friend and the greatest mom ever. Thank you
-Angel, San Bernardino
From The Beat: You really pulled us into your life with this piece,
great job! Passing down the car your mother gave you is a great idea,
but what else can you pass down that she gave you? Appreciating
what your loved ones have done for you is a definite sign of maturity,
thanks again!
Unawake
Unawake, asleep in my dream, walking the streets, a zombie I must
be. Lost and hurt an untouched heart of lust and burns. I feel so
alone, unwanted and used, time flies by, it’s been abused. Crushed
and forgotten I walk the empty streets of no love or memories.
I am so thankful that this is all a dream, I am not awake just
a sleep. Cars passed by, how could they not see? I am walking just
like a zombie! No one stops to help-- maybe because it’s too dark
for them to tell. My mind is lost I don’t even know who I am or what
time it is, I can no longer tell.
As I walk faster my heart begins to pound sweat is streaming
down, I can no longer hear a sound. Why can’t I wake up? I’m ready
for this dream to end I have no clue of what’s going on or who I am!
Where is my family or my friends? All I can feel is all my negative
sins! My eyes are wide open, but it seems as if everything I see is
not coming to reality. My heart hurts, but I can’t stop walking, this
dream feels too real, I’m ready to sit down and just be still.
I try to pray but my mind is going too fast paced. Wake up
come on wake up Sarae! I feel the devil on my back. Something real
negative that won’t let me come back. Everything just went dark as
if my dream stopped, I was no longer running or questioning I was
asleep peacefully.
Finally I can sleep at peace, man that dream was just crazy!
Ms. B, I am so sorry to say that your daughter passed away! She
was walking the streets high on drugs; she couldn’t stop walking
when her heart gave up. She overdosed. I give my apologies now she
sleeps peacefully.
-Danelle, Dallas, TX
From The Beat: Wow. We are floored by this piece. Amazing. Are you
worried about your own death? Do you feel that being in the hall is
keeping you from it?
TheBeatWithin.org
Pieces of the week
Page 7
Pieces of the Week Volume 17.07/08
Reactions
My reaction is different
From everyone, I’m sure.
Understanding is simple,
But I hurt deep inside.
While it stabs at my pride,
It screams in my head,
Only wanting to be heard.
While the damn thing
Reminds me of past pain,
My heart still bleeds
From the wounds
That still show.
I feel like running away,
Away from the pain.
It’s too bad that there is nowhere to run.
But you know what they say,
That you can run,
But you can never hide.
While I try and heal
The wound I have
Deep,
Deep inside.
-Joshua, Portland, OR
From The Beat: It seems you have a deep understanding of pain and
heartache, and we are truly sorry that your life has created long-lasting
wounds on your heart. We are so happy to hear that you know it is
better to face the pain than to run or hide from feelings, as they will
always follow. We hope that you are able to continue to write about
the pain you hold inside of you to help you further cope with any
emotional conflicts you have experienced in the past, as well as the
present and future.
Music
I wish others could see music the way I do. Music helps me cope
and I wish people could use it to cope also. Some people just see it
as an activity, but really it’s a release mechanism. It’s a way to deal
with problems in a healthy and often calm way. I wish that people
who needed a way to cope could turn to music like me.
-Billy, Santa Cruz
From The Beat: We could not agree more. Tra La. Tra La. . .
What You Really Like
The days go so long
Just waiting for when I am free…
But with me away, and there you stay,
What have we come to be?
It’s hard to be friends with someone you want
Instead of going after desires.
I know you like when we kiss and touch,
But your guilt burns you like fire.
You don’t know what you need.
Why don’t you go with what you really like?
You don’t want him, it’s just an obsession!
For some reason too hard to fight.
What I give you is hard to get away from;
You’re a prisoner to the lust.
Ignorantly, you think it’s fading away,
But you know your feeling’s a must.
What happens when you see me again?
How hard will you try to fight it
When I unconditionally do things that
Make you want me?
How long ‘til you decide to try it?
I can’t speak for you…
I’m only saying that I think you’ve gravitated towards this
game.
That confusion’s at its peak!
We haven’t yet eaten each other up,
But only a mere taste.
Night by night and day by day,
Your time with him is a waste.
So realize who you’re saying this to:
“I think it’d be better to be friends”.
Realize about the day I’m out
We’ll probably play this game again.
-Christian, Portland, OR
Siblings
I won’t teach my little brothers anything bad. I won’t let them
smoke. I would teach them to be smart and wise.
If they ask me when they’re older about being locked up, I
would explain that I was hard headed and made some poor decisions.
I would say that I know people that are young and inexperienced and
think it’s cool to be locked up. But, then I would say that it isn’t
cool being locked in your room like an animal, eating what is there
for you.
It’s also hard being away from your loved ones. You cause more
stress on your parents by bringing them to court for your mistakes,
and having them miss work because of your actions. It’s probably
hard for them to be away from their son, not knowing what he’s
doing or where he is.
Then I would tell them it’s not up to you to make the decision
that you’re ready to go home because you’re tired of being locked
up. It’s the judge’s decision to decide whether you’re ready.
Then I would say to trust me from my experience. It’s not
worth it. I regret doing the things that cause me to get locked up
because I will never get that time of my childhood back. It’s just
wasted time.
- The Wise Big Brother, Los Angeles
From The Beat: Regret is an awful feeling. But you’ve learned from
your mistakes. How will you live differently once you’re out? What
actions will you take to make sure that your siblings don’t make the
same mistakes you did?
From The Beat: What a lovely piece of writing, Christian! Excellent job.
We look forward to hearing more from you.
The Morgue
Dead bodies walking around
The devil coming like a bloodhound
Sniffing you out, pulling you in
If you smoke it you’re letting him win
Bound to banish
Your soul will vanish
Gone away with the wind
Now I’m in jail thinking back to when I was
A kid
Thinking how did this happen
How did this drug do so much damage?
How come why me
I was supposed to be all I can be
Oh well it’s already been done
There’s no way I can change it I’m addicted to drugs
Always a waiting always calling
The only thing I have to do is keep from
Falling
-Kalena, Honolulu, HI
From The Beat: You do know you still have the chance to be all you can
be, life is not over. And YES! you can change being hooked on drugs,
that is not a permanent state, the choice is yours.
TheBeatWithin.org
Pieces of the week
Page 8
Pieces of the Week Volume 17.07/08
Dream
I had a dream that this government became so corrupt that I had to
take justice into my own hands. I became a vigilante, so that I could
restore justice. By doing that, I became a ward of the state. I had a
bounty of $120,000,000 on my head. I was a powerful revolutionary.
My codename was Leo.
The CIA was on me, tapping my phone, etc. I was making
moves, taking down whole corrupt corporations that associated
with the new generation KKK. The new generation KKK is members
of the KKK that kids went to school and joined forces with major
corporations. But I started a movement called The Black Ninja Ops.
For the New Age Revolution, we dealt with a lot of racist cops, and
we won the battle, starting The New World Order.
-The Revolutionary, San Francisco
From The Beat: How does your dream reflect how you feel about your
life, life in the USA? Is the government, are corporations corrupt? Is
the KKK powerful, scary again? How could your movement clean up
the government, restrict corporations’ actions, like pollution, without
using violence to accomplish your goals?
No One Is A Fool
I wish other people
Could see the way I do
That no one is a fool
And that’s the honest truth
We all look forward to
A path that we can hang onto
Like all of us girls that
Are locked up behind bars
Hoping one day are wishes
Come true
One, two, three, four is what we are surrounded
By it hurts us to
One, two, three, four what?
Four white walls with only
One door we will one
Day walk through and hope
That everything that we
Plan for are self’s will all
Come true
-Kayla, Honolulu, HI
From The Beat: What a positive poem. You are ahead of your time if
you are consciously considering that everyone has potential. Keep it
up, we want to hear more of your thoughts!
Overcoming Fear
Hi, my name is Jasmine and just like every other person there
are some fears I have not overcame… I hear my mom’s boyfriend
coming, once again I’m scared not for me, but for my little brother,
but maybe he will let us make it. I was once again wrong, he beats
us until my mother comes in.
Stop what are you doing. My mom is heated, but little did she
know this was not his first time putting his hands on us… So this
is just a piece of one of the fears I have not overcame. I have a lot of
fears that I feel like I will never overcome. That’s why I’m glad I came
to the RDT program so that they can help me maybe overcome my
fears.
I feel like if I don’t overcome my fears that I will never get my
power back and that person who hurt me will always have control
over me. I also feel as if I will never find a soul mate. Doesn’t everyone
have a soul mate though? Sometimes I get confused. Maybe if I stop
looking I will find him, who knows… That’s just the way it is!
-Jasmine, Dallas, TX
From The Beat: What do you think you need to overcome your fears
Jasmine? What kind of help or support do you need from others? Do
you think that a “soul mate” will help alleviate your fears?
What Others Think
What’s up Beat? So straight to the point; the two people whose
opinions I care about relentlessly are my mom’s and my girl of four
years.
When I was little and I’d get in trouble I’d see my mom sad
and mad. I hated seeing it. But my temptations were overpowering.
I remember when I got expelled from seventh grade two months
before school’s end. Throughout that year I was all in some shhh:
Assault and battery, possession of deadly weapons, and vandalism.
So I was a mess, right? I was twelve years old. My mom was crushed
when we were at the expulsion meeting. I was horribly guilty. I never
wanted to see that again so I finished the rest of seventh grade at
home.
Eighth grade took place at a community school and half way
through the year transitioned into a middle school. My GPA was 3.8.
My mom was happy and I was feeling good.
It was that movement to the school that brought my girlfriend
into my life. She was and is my first true love. She means the
world to me. I realized this the first time we fought and separated.
I didn’t want to leave her and I didn’t want her to leave me. We fell
for each other at thirteen. She loved me like I was the only one for
her. Hell, she told me as much. So, I never wanted to disappoint
her but I never wanted to seem like I wasn’t in control. She knew I
smoked and drank and she told me many times she wanted me to
quit it all. It wasn’t necessarily an ultimatum just her caring for me.
Something I did take into consideration was quitting ciggs. I did that
as much for myself too. I’ve always just wanted to matter to her. I
wanted her sincere support and confidence in me. She loves me and
acknowledges my attempts at trying to be an awesome partner in
her life. She’s my best friend; reads me like a book. She’s the only
one I NEVER want to anger to the point that reconciliation isn’t
possible. I need her strength. So yea, I think you lads get me.
-Jae, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Really nice piece of writing. We sense the love you have
for these two very important people in your life. How are they both
dealing with your current state? What is the plan to succeed, so you
never put this stress on yourself and them?
Black Heart
This world is upside down, twisted and cold, hard to understand,
Filled with love, hate, jealousy and power.
The world is like water just one drop and it’s destroyed and
unpleasant.
My life has been upside down, sideways turned around a one-eighty.
Scared whether I am to live or die
Whether I will see my mother’s face again.
My heart was black and cold
But now it beats and feels again.
I’ve fell into and now I can see
I’ve hurt and felt pain.
I’ve been beaten and treated like an animal.
I’ve been locked away to never see light again.
I’ve cried.
I’ve burned.
I’ve killed.
I’ve loved.
I’ve died.
I’ve liked.
I’ve seen hell, been there, hurt, and suffered like no other.
My black heart beat once again for life.
I can love again.
Cry again and not care
I can live, be happy.
I am free.
-Dean, Los Angeles
From The Beat: It sounds like you’ve been through more hardships than
necessary. But, your writing shows hope. What changed to make you
feel like you can love, live and be happy again?
TheBeatWithin.org
Pieces of the week
Page 9
Pieces of the Week Volume 17.07/08
If I Was Released Today
What’s going on with The Beat? As for me, I’m keepin’ my grounds,
stayin’ real humble, real chill. Man, if I was released today, I will go
check on my trill family, take a nice hour-long hot shower, call my
ole lady, bring her in, work her out.
But, man, I would go sign up for college, and get on somebody’
football field, and do my thizzle, you undastand me?
I think if I was released, I would stop smoking and get a job, so
I can have my money straight, start a family of my own a few years
down the road, when I’m set up financially, and mentally.
Also, the girl have to have an education, and know how to raise
a kid.
But, I would be thrilled to get out and be with my family, help
my sister with the hardship she’s going through. Keep my little
brother in school, help my mom around the house, because I’m the
oldest boy, and also the man of the house, and the lil ones look
up to me for advice. So, I have to set up a good example, so they
wouldn’t be in the predicaments that I’m facing, because jail is not
the place to be. A lot of people need us around.
Man, it hurts me to talk to my mom and grams, because, not
only am I stressin’, they are too, but they be at a little peace, because
I’m safe. But, if I get out, I would be ticked off for a while, because
their blood pressure would be through the roof, and I don’t want
that. If I was released, I would be a happy man.
-Money Vern, San Francisco
From The Beat: It’s wonderful that you’ll take the responsibility for
being the man of the family. They seem like they need you badly, now.
Why would you being home raise their blood pressure? Can you help
out? Take over? Calm everybody down?
Original Lifestyle in Juvenile
This is like my eighth night in juvenile hall and it’s been hard for me
to sleep. This is the first time in my life that I have never slept good.
All my life I’ve been a fool thinking that drinking and partying
is the best thing, once I got in here my life formed a different person
in me, a person with good behavior. Honestly, I never thought
I’d change my mind about the things I used to do in the life I had
outside these walls.
Being in here has taught me a lot about the things that I never
had thought about when I was a fool. But being in here also made
me realize that what I did was off the topics. Of course I knew I
didn’t do the right thing, but in here I, for one, realize and now I am
begging the Lord God to save me from this mess I’m in.
Every night I been praying to the Lord to help and forgive me for
doing the things that are against his command.
One night I was in my room reading a book and a thought of
my family came crashing into my mind, next thing I knew tears
came down my cheeks and I couldn’t stop it. For I knew that who
I was on the outside of these walls was the most stupidity of a life
form. Being in here is a good thing because it taught me some of the
things that I could have never found out if I never stepped in here.
Although it is a good thing that I’m in here, but at the same
time I feel that I need my family to go through this with, but then
again, I’m not worried because I know the Lord above is with me
all the way till the day He the Lord decides that its my time to be
standing next to him in Heaven.
Every time I pray I always ask the Lord to forgive me and my
friends that are in here with me, ESPECIALLY Rescue because we
both felt guilty for what we did and also because he makes me feel
like a brother to him, and finally because we are both in God’s hands
and I know God will save us from both our sin! God is all we need in
all situations. The Lord himself will give us happiness that is why I
believe that he’s there with us all the time.
Every night and day I look upon these kids and not judging but
thinking if they have found God as their personal savior, wondering
how come they can still laugh and joke around and that’s where I
stopped and thought to myself, I should pray for all of us that are
in here hoping to God that they can change and realize what had
happened and what they did was wrong. I want them to get down on
their knees and pray just like what I have been doing, so God can
forgive them.
I hope that one day these people that I’m in here with can
surpass all these things that are dragging them away from God,
not only these people but also everyone else out there that hasn’t
started to know God.
All the things that I used to do, I pray to God that I would
quit, because I know that doing things against God’s words are
expectable, I, Hendrick wish that all of these people can understand
that God is all we need in all situations.
I’m hoping to God that he himself can give me a chance to start
new and forget my past, hopefully I can accept my faith and I know I
will accept it. God I thank you for being there for me and my family
and thank you for taking care of me and Rescue in here.
Secondly, I need to apologize to everyone that I hurt in my past.
I need to because what I’ve done to the people that I hurt is not
what I should be doing. I’m really thankful that God has caught
my attention and is willing to help and forgive me even though I
have done wrong things to people and in the face of the Lord I am
ashamed of myself.
My Lord, my King, I am deeply sorry for I have done wrong
things in this world. I am at your knees praying to you.
Forgive me, forgive me, please my Lord.
Amen.
-Hendrick, Portland, OR
From The Beat: Wow, Hendrick, this piece shows a lot of maturity and
excellent insight. It sounds like you have been through some tough
stuff quite recently but have been able to take responsibility for your
actions, as well as find strength some strength. We are glad to see
you are ready to move beyond your obstacles. We wish you luck in the
future and remember that you are the only one who can make these
positive changes.
TheBeatWithin.org
Pieces of the week
Page 10
Pieces of the Week Volume 17.07/08
The Boys
James and Terrell been hustlin’ since the fifth grade.
Never caught one without the other, rockin’ every day.
Since the homie showed ‘em the ropes, they got it every way.
Freshest ninjas in the whole school, they were gettin’ paid.
See, James was a nice ninja, the type to lend a hand.
So, when Anthony told ‘im he wanted in, dude let ‘im in.
Terrell had a bad feeling; told James he wasn’t a friend.
But, he swore dude was good; said he knew ‘im from way back when.
They were a great team; they locked down the whole town.
The Northside, Eastside, the Westside, and the South.
They had shhh boomin’; they was pushing it by the pound.
Money was raking in; hundreds started to pile.
But one went foul, turned on the whole crew.
Fought with Terrell too much; now he’s wantin’ to shoot.
So, he planned in the back of his head, and played it cool.
Little did Terrell know, soon he goin’ to buss his move.
The weekend they had to pick up something, Terrell did.
While Anthony stood and watched, with the gun right on his hip.
The shipment was five keys; the meeting, under the bridge.
When the time came, they met up, and hopped in the damn whip.
They arrived early, or the dealers were running late.
Anthony took his chance, he ain’t wanted to wait.
Told Terrell, “Let’s go and blow a blunt by the lake.”
Soon as he got down there, he put the thing to his face.
Terrell looked confused; this supposed to be his mans.
Staring at a gun was not a part of the plan.
Ant looked ‘im in the eye, told ‘im he wasn’t playin’.
“And this is for all the shhh behind my back, you been sayin’.”
Terrell started to plead, “Ant, think about my daughter.”
He just laughed, fed him all six, threw ‘im in the water.
At the moment, lil Anthony became harder.
Walked back to the whip, and waited on what they ordered.
Soon as they arrived, he killed both of the dealers.
Snatched the five keys, and took back all of the skrilla.
Who’d thought Lil Anthony could be a hardcore killer?
But lil did he know, shhh’s about to get realer.
Ant met James at the crib, all shakin’ and shhh.
Told ‘im, “This how it got to be,” gave ‘im the rest of the clip.
Five shots to the face, left ‘im stank in that beezie.
And, Ant left without a trace, slept great at the crib.
Now, everybody feelin’ sad; James and Terrell really gone.
They had the funeral together, ‘cause they ain’t goin’ alone.
Both of they mamas goin’ crazy at the funeral home.
Anthony cryin’ fake tears, sittin’ the front row.
James’ lil brother, Johnny, he was far from dumb.
He smelled the snake on Ant’s clothes, ever since day one.
He’s sitting at his brother’s funeral, hot as the sun.
Usin’ everything in ‘im not to whip out his gun.
‘Cause he knew what he done, and ain’t feel it at all.
He swore on his brother’ grave, he’s goin’ to make sure he fall.
He couldn’t wait ‘til the day he shot him straight in his jaw.
Knew he had to play it smart, so he just played it off.
Now, Ant took over the streets; everybody knew his name.
Had the money and the power; dawg, he was runnin’ the game.
Flossin’ in the ‘hood, he hit the club and made it rain.
Fell in love with the money, and forgot who he slain.
Johnny got the phone call; he was leavin’ the club.
With a lady he barely knew, who was way past drunk.
He knew next move, he was straight to the gut.
So, he put thirty hollow tips in the clip of his gun.
Johnny was outside, hoodie on, when he pulled in.
He knocked on the window, asked what Ant had for the ten.
Soon as Ant looked away, at point range, Johnny did him in.
Fed Ant five to his face, blew his brains on his lady friend.
-Yung Panch, San Francisco
From The Beat: Are these guys you know/knew? Did you make this story
up? You’re really an incredible poet/storyteller. This story is so tragic/sad.
What should/will happen to Johnny for getting revenge for his brother’s
death?
This Is My Story
The Only Person
From The Beat: This is a powerful and devastating story – powerful
because of the truth and courage in your words, devastating because
as you say “it is hard to live life when you experience something like
that.” Have you had people you could talk to about how you feel while
recovering from your injuries?
From The Beat: Sometimes, it is hard to tell who is right and who
is wrong. We are sorry to hear that your mother has been hurt by
your choices. Also, we are glad to see that you are wanting to make
a change. We wish you the best and hope that you can rely on your
mother for whatever positive changes you will need to make.
My life was good at one time. My dad was not there in my life. My
mom was sick, but she was a good mom. She would always keep a
house and food. But when I was a kid I had to be a man, ‘cause that’s
how it was being a kid. I don’t got a lot of friends no more.
The one friend I had back in the days, my one friend, he was at
some girl’s house and me and him got into it ‘cause he was actin’
like a fool. So I called him out, and we was not cool at one time.
And then the next day we went to the store, but before we went
to the store, he made a phone call to somebody. Then he went to the
store, there were two people on a bike that rode past us. Then we got
to the corner, we walked five steps and then, he started playin’ the
music from our crew in an area that he wasn’t supposed to play it
in. Then the two boys started shooting at us, and I was shot sixteen
times, and he was not hit once.
And so, that tells you about friends that are fake. It’s hard to
live life when you experience something like that. It’s hard to get
over it, and it makes your life harder every day. I have been through
a lot my whole life. Growing up with no mom, no dad, and the only
person who came and saved me was my big sister.
I wrote this to tell my story, to get the people to feel me and feel
where I’m coming from. It’s hard out there for a lot of people, not
just me. And, when you read this story, I hope it gets to you, and I
hope it changes your life. Because it’s not a lot of people out there
that make it every day like myself. That’s why I pray every day.
My name is Dante, and this is my story.
-Lil Tay, Alameda
The only person in this world I can’t do anything without is my
mom. I used to disrespect and not listen to my mom every time I
went out and my mom told me to stay or every time she told me not
to hang around people in my neighborhood but I never cared about
what she thought. I finally realized why she told me. I didn’t know I
would end up here one day, I didn’t see it comin’.
I been here a while and none of my so-called friends has wrote
me. Not one letter. When my mom came to visit me she was telling
me that she told me and I didn’t listen. She was crying and I was
apologizing. I didn’t realize how much I’ve hurt her. I started crying.
I saw the pain in my mom’s eyes. So far she came to all my court
dates.
She got me through my time by sending me letters all the time.
I tell her everything I do all day. She sends me stamps. She’s there
for me when I get out.
I’m goin’ to give my mom her son back. I have no reason to be
out there breaking the law when I can be at home under a roof with
someone that’s goin’ to be there for me always no matter what!
Mom, if you’re reading this I apologize for all the pain I brought
to your eyes and heart. I can’t change my past but I can put it in
my heart to change my future. I want to give you your son back and
my life. You don’t deserve to cry for my bad actions. When I get out
mom, I promise it’s goin’ to be all about me and you for now on and
there’s nothing I won’t do for you. I can’t wait to go home and hug
you again! This time I won’t let go.
-Angel, Fresno
TheBeatWithin.org
Pieces of the week
Page 11
Pieces of the Week Volume 17.07/08
Not Knowing
Well I’m sixteen years old and I have been through some tough
times. Doesn’t everyone go through this? Those are the words that
go through my head as I sit in this cold, clammy cell. I think the
toughest lesson for me while I am here in juvenile hall is trying to
keep my mind off my son. I know I’m human and I’m not perfect, but
what kind of mother am I?
I left my son in the hands of his grandmother. Not knowing if
mommy was ever coming back. The toughest lesson is being away
from my lil man and not knowing when I’m going to see him again.
-Sonia, San Bernardino
From The Beat: The relationship between mother and son is said to be
one of the strongest bonds. Your concern for his well-being shows how
much you love him. Could this be enough motivation for you to stay
on the right path?
My Story
My story starts in my head, and made it to reality, but the ending is
one that caught me by surprise. It all started after school: “Ay dog
you down to bustin’ a land of riches?” “Hell yeah.”
So we began our quest with money on our mind. On our way
to the land of riches we see another opportunity, but the portal
does not budge. But our ambitions were even higher because of the
tease of money. After many long minutes we got there, the gates
were opened, one of the portals opened to the land of riches and the
homie Rabbit knocked. No one answers.
So we jumped over the gate with a good feeling. We entered
this unknown land and started our rampage, like starving tigers on
the hunt for their prey. My heart was about to come out of my chest
just from the idea of being in this place, so I find my riches and
so does Rabbit. It was time to get out before the dream stoppers
came, we got out the same way we get in because you never know if
there are snitches on the Wicked Side of Town. We wind up going
to my kingdom and see our riches. I felt empty, like I’m missing
something, but one thing in this game never get greedy, because you
will get snatched up by the dream stoppers.
-Anthony, Santa Clara
From The Beat: This is a very creative way to respond to this prompt.
By situating your story in the context of a fairy tale, you force the
reader to question what’s real and what’s not. Keep it up!
My Mom Has The Magic Touch
Her opinion matters most
She makes the best French toast
I love her and respect her
No matter what she has to say
No matter how much she has to pay
She loves me, without a doubt
‘Til the end of the earth
She blessed me with birth
When she is old and gray
It will be my turn, and I will pay
Send her ‘round the world
Buy her pearls
Spend all my time with her
And even then, my love’s still pure
No matter what I do, it’s not enough
I cannot repay her, I love her so much
She’s my mom
She has the magic touch
Do I Love Her Or My Pride?
Do I love her?
Or is it my pride that won’t let her go?
Is it the fact that she is possibly in love with someone better
The main reason I won’t let her go?
I called her, and asked for another chance
But, she tells me, she has second thoughts.
Because, when I was out, I cherished only what money could buy
Shoes and clothes she bought.
With her always there by my side
I never felt alone.
Too bad, it’s too late. My true love is gone.
I’m happy if she’s happy.
No, scratch that. I don’t want to see her with another.
Just the thought of that reality
Makes it hard for me to hold my composure.
I want to fight for her love
But, my stamina is running low.
Once again, that question arises
Is it my pride that won’t let her go?
Then, I start to think and come to a conclusion
That my love for her is true.
I took her for granted
She left me. Who would have knew?
-Hytz, San Francisco
From The Beat: You’re anguishing over love problems so many young
wo/men worry over. You’re pretty incredible. If you truly want her back,
are you willing to fight for her, to convince her you’re not playing? If
you’re not sure, maybe leave her alone.
Hate
What’s crackin’ Beat? Coming from the max unit. I’m not really
feeling the topic this week so I’m going to talk about hate. Well a
lot of people go almost their whole lives hating people. Whether it
be due to a rivalry, social differences, or a personal issue someone
is always hating someone. I believe that hating is a waste of time
and energy.
Life is way to short to go on hating someone. People think that
it’s hard to stop hating, but all you need to do is realize that hatred
shouldn’t control your life.
-Jason, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. You
are so right about hate and hating on someone. Instead of putting
negative energy in one thing a person should focus on the people that
matter most to them. Continue to share your feelings on this with
other people. You can really teach someone on this issue and open
their eyes to what hatred can do to them.
I Am Who I Am!
-Holden, Marin
From The Beat: Since your young mother took you with her wherever
she went when you were a child, as if you were attached to her hip, to
Cuba, Europe, everywhere, what went wrong lately? Messing up can be
part of growing up, but you seem to feel like you’ve betrayed, hurt her.
Doesn’t she need your loyalty, cooperation now, so she can maintain a
household for you, and live her own life?
I am who I am!
The real me is not a thug, it is a human being.
Like all humans, I make mistakes time and time again.
But from here on out, I shall do my best to not commit any
more mistakes!
The real me is capable of doing anything.
The real me is not afraid of the impossible!
There is no obstacle I can’t overcome!
I shall try my very best to change and reach greatness!
There is nothing I won’t do to better myself.
After my experience here at East Lake, I realized who I am,
and that’s Clint!
My spirit shall never stop rising!
I’ll overcome all odds!
I’ll go back home to my family knowing who I really am!
-Clint, Los Angeles
From The Beat: Your writing is positive and inspirational. More
specifically, what changes do you want to make to overcome all odds?
What goals do you have to better your life and those you love? Answer
these questions the next time you sit down to write.
Then, keep
those goals with you so you stay focused.
TheBeatWithin.org
Pieces of the week
Page 12
Pieces of the Week Volume 17.07/08
My Dreams Attack My Soul
World is a powerful word
We here, breathing gracias to the Lord
Sky so beautiful, ocean so blue, earth so brown
When the days are gray, I feel so down
Dark clouds full of tears
My eyes get watery
Remembering all the harm I caused
The lies I have told
At night, my dreams be attacking my soul
I feel alone
My heart trapped from all my feelings
When I get thoughtful, I look up at the ceiling
So many thoughts swim like a photo album
My life has changed, but on a lonely day
My heart and mind go cold and freeze
But the sight of hope warms my heart
And tomorrow will be a better day
Thanking the Lord, that’s how I pray
-Young Promise, Marin
From The Beat: How can you rectify however you’ve harmed anyone?
Apologize? Help take care of someone’s family? You seem to have a
conscience that demands a clean soul, before it will let your heart rest,
over whatever you’ve done. Can you talk to someone you trust, for his/
her advice?
Bringing Back The Old School
The Best Father Ever
Bringing back the old school
But speaking on the new school
Same streets new rules
New kids and more tools
Thinkin’ they can all go against the system
And won’t lose
Coming outta parties, bullets flyin’
Bodies they don’t choose
Back in the days it was handguns and shotties
Now it’s fully auto, that’s leave your soul disembodied.
Neither we nor the police can keep up with the bodies
And the thug life their favorite rappers embody
Out on the streets a young ninja won’t last.
Mommas on they knees crying, tryin’ to move on from the past
And the future ain’t lookin’ better
Where you think we’ll be at
It’s so hectic, a schoolboy gotta carry a gatt
Guns, foes and drugs in Oakland, that’s where it’s at
Ninjas droppin’ out of school thinkin’ they can live off rap.
That’s sad, but let me ask you again, where you think we’ll be at?
‘Cause I got one potna gone, two more in jail.
Won’t be getting out soon. Thanks to this bail
-Dobie, Alameda
The opinion
The one that matters
The one that hurts
The one that shatters
The only daddy I’ve ever had
You’re not my blood
But why should that make me sad
For you’re the best daddy
Anyone could have
Your love runs through me so deeply
So, please don’t be mad
I’m sorry, please….
I know I’ve messed up
I’ve messed up a lot
But, I would die if you ever gave up
So, please, Daddy, remember
I’m your daughter, your first one, after all
My supposedly father, Steve
Will never compare to my daddy
Forever, the best of all
You always pick me up when I fall
For I am and always be
Your little girl, after all
-Bright Pink, Marin
From The Beat: Your step-dad seems so wonderful. How is he doing
with you in juvy? Do your mom and he come to visit you? Why don’t
you send him this poem? He, and your mom, will probably be delighted
and relieved to receive it.
From The Beat: Terrific, frightening writing. You say the future isn’t
looking better – but what about YOUR future? You deserve better than
the grim fate you outline in this poem.
Anger
Life In The Hall
I sleep in a bad room.
Then I wake up next to a broom.
Then I take a shower
And wait for another hour
So I can go eat
Some gross cream of wheat.
After that, I go to school
And get kicked out for acting like a fool.
Then I lose my program.
I don’t know what’s got into me, man.
Rest in peace to my bro Jonathon.
Rest in peace to my boy Velas, too.
I don’t know what to do.
I really miss you guys As you could tell by the tears in my eyes.
I always ask God why,
But still, I hear no reply.
-Bear, Santa Cruz
From The Beat: You’re grieving, and it’s not surprising that you don’t
know what to do. Grieving is painful and difficult. Try not to make
more grief, for those who love you, and know about your losses. Talk
with us about this when we see you next. By the way – very fine
writing. Very fine.
This feeling I feel,
Deep down inside,
Rages like a storm,
Screaming with pride.
A power so great,
Like a dream,
No other person or beast,
No demon or angel
Could amount to the anger
Raging inside.
It is Alpha and Omega,
Beginning and end.
No, can’t stop me.
No, not this time.
The only one alive
Who can stop this rage,
So pure and hot,
No longer around.
So beware my power,
My mother of night,
Father of light.
Show me the road
To stop my might.
But if you test me,
May the gods
Have mercy on your soul,
For no one can stop me.
The time has come,
For my pain is clear,
Past, future, and present,
Pain just the same.
My anger is strong,
And my love is deep.
A guardian to the weak,
Protector from evil,
I will forever
Be angry,
No doubt in my mind.
I just want peace
Away from my anger.
-Joshua, Portland, OR
From The Beat: This is a very
strong and pain-filled poem, and
we can hear the anger that you
express throughout.
We were
glad you ended the piece with
a hopeful outlook to the future,
a place of peace away from the
deep-seeded rage. Keep writing
and communicating about your
anger; it is a positive outlet for
these emotions, as well as a skill
for which you show you have an
obvious and great talent.
TheBeatWithin.org
Pieces of the week
Page 13
Pieces of the Week Volume 17.07/08
See the Real Me
I wish other people could see me the way I do. I’m the girl who
people think by looking at me once, they know me. I’m a ginrl who
makes mistakes and gets in trouble, and people think I’m a out-ofcontrol teen. I want people to see me as me, I don’t want people to
see me for what I have done.
I’m smart, fun, and outgoing, and people only see me as a
troubled girl and a non-responsible mom. I know I’m better than
what other people think or say about me. But sometimes it’s hard to
be better or do better when people doubt your abilities and expecting
you to fail. I want people to see me as I see myself, which is a better
me then what people see now. I see myself as a seventeen-year-old
young woman, who has no family that cares what happens to her. I
turn to using friends and find myself using then finding myself in
JDH.
I want people to see me being myself, which is a sober mom
who takes care of her two year old daughter and goes to school and
gets off probation. I want to change others options on me so people
can see the real me.
-Kelsey, Portland, OR
From The Beat: This is a very deep piece of writing that says a lot. Keep
staying positive and believing in yourself and people will see you for
who you really are. You are a great writer, please don’t stop telling
your truths!
It Takes A Lot To Be A Good Brother
It takes a lot to be a good brother. I have three brothers in all. The
closest brother I have is my oldest brother. My oldest brother took
care of me when I was young. Whenever I needed some advice I went
to my brother.
My brother taught me a lot of things that will help me in life and
he taught me a lot of things ‘bout the streets. Sometimes when I feel
bad my brother is the only person that can make me feel better.
My opinion and my oldest brothers’ opinion matters the most
to me. My brother always gives me good advice. I take advice from
my mom a lot because she has went through some things that I
haven’t, and that I might need advice on.
When I do something wrong, I fear my mom’s anger because
she always yells at me when I do wrong. If my son was old enough to
give me an opinion, his opinion would matter the most to me.
-Joshua, Alameda
What is the best advice your brother ever gave you? And what is the
worst advice he ever gave you? Does he himself have his life together
now, or is he also at risk with the law in various ways? Do you have
any role models or friends who are a hundred percent legit who also
try to advise you?
My Shoes
If you could see my life the way I do,
you wouldn’t want to be walking in my shoes.
You think I got a normal and easy life, but no.
It hurts like being stabbed by a knife.
I want to put all these problems to the side.
I’m always thinking about it and I start to cry.
My life isn’t easy at all.
I feel like I’m being kicked around, everywhere, like a ball.
My life doesn’t make any sense to me.
This isn’t the way I am.
Why don’t I let myself be?
You haven’t lived my life.
You’re not the one paying the price.
You don’t have these blues.
Why don’t you try to walk in my shoes?
People are always judging me by my actions and not by who I am.
Why don’t you sit there and actually determine the real side of me?
Can’t you tell I’m a good person by my personality?
I have the ability to be a great person; I just choose not to be.
But, I can shine like the sun.
-Heidi, Los Angeles
From The Beat: You ask a lot of questions to the reader and the world
in your writing. Do you let people get to know the real you? You write
that life is hard and people should stop judging you. But, you then
say that you have the ability to be a great person, but you choose not
to be. Why? If life is so difficult, why not make a change? Let the sun
shine in!
Don’t Judge Me
Don’t judge me because you don’t know me. You don’t know what I
have been through or what I have seen. I want to tell the people in
the courtroom, “don’t judge me, you don’t know what my life is like
or how I live.”
I want to tell them, “You don’t know what it’s like to watch your
friend die, the blood streaming out of the bullet hole in her neck.
You don’t know how it feels to have a knife slide in and out of your
stomach, looking into the eyes of the person who did it and seeing
they have no mercy. You don’t know the reason I carry a knife on
me is not to do harm to others, but to prevent harm from happening
to me.” And if you do know what it’s like and how it feels, then how
dare you judge me. But if not, don’t judge me.
-Priscilla, Santa Clara
From the Beat: Pricilla, it’s sounds like you have been through a couple
of traumatic experiences. As most readers may agree, being judged is a
difficult thing to experience. At the same time, most people find it very
easy to judge one another. Why do you think that is? Do you believe
that being judgmental is something built within each of us?
Young Age
First string
Young king
On the run
But never running
My performance is stunning
Feel me like bee stings
Since a youngin’ I been suffering
My pops was in the pin for moving cream
At seventeen me and my momma do the same thing
The stars is where I am aiming
I am a lion from the jungle
There is no taming
Even with whips and cages
Spit that fire
Burn those pages
I used to have violent rages
Till I went through the stages
Till I became a man
-King, Santa Cruz
From The Beat: YEAH!
The Things I have had to go
Through
I wish other people could see the things I have had to go through.
When I was way younger I would tell my dad or aunt’s or uncles the
abuse my mom did to me. But no one would believe me. I was always
called the liar or the trouble maker, but if other people could see the
things I have had to go through they would believe me and know I
wasn’t lying.
They would believe my mom would not feed me for days or they
would believe me that my mom would beat me with what ever she
had in her hand or what ever she could grab. The worst part I wish
people could see the terror my mom put my mind through. A terror
I’ll never ever forget.
-Alone, Bernalillo, NM
From The Beat: Were sorry to hear the pain you’ve had to endure
growing up. Have you talked to anyone else about this abuse? If no
one believes you at home maybe its time to let someone else know,
some one that can help you?
TheBeatWithin.org
Pieces of the week
Page 14
Pieces of the Week Volume 17.07/08
Siblings
I’ll talk about my life, as always. A lot of people I know do drugs.
A lot of people I know are grown men posted on the block, selling
cream. A lot of people I know died from a gun. A lot of my ninjas are
in the Y, doing time for murder, robbery, armed robbery, real shhh
like that.
When I look at the positive in my life, I only see a few things
in my life I’m proud of. Like being able to hold my ground and keep
my head up like a real ninja no matter what. Or being able to buy
my lil brothers shoes and things that they ask me for. If it wasn’t
for my brothers, I don’t know what I’d do. I love them with all my
heart, even my sisters, those are the ones who make me get up in
the morning and rush every knock that walks my way and get every
dime I can get.
On skin, if it weren’t for them, I would have that, “I don’t give
a care mindset. RIP my lil sister Latoya. I love my brothers and
sisters.
-Baby J, Alameda
From The Beat: Your siblings must all look up to you as a father figure.
Doesn’t that mean that more than anything else – even more than the
money you bring home -- what they need most from you is that you be
with them, not far away and locked up?
Opinion
One person in my life who’s opinion matters most to me is my mom.
My mom has been both a mother and a father, it being she’s a single
parent. Through all the difficulties in my life, she has been there for
me when others probably would’ve quit.
My mom’s opinion matters because of experience with her
brother getting into a lot of trouble growing up as well. Her insight
and constructive criticism have helped me grow thought I’ve fallen
down a lot.
I love my mom and she’s always been there for me. She wants
me to be successful and to do things she didn’t do growing up. To
aspire for great things. Though her opinion can be taken the wrong
way, it to me, is about considering constructive advice to help me be
a better person.
-Ease, Solano
From The Beat: Thank you for this lovely piece. We hope you have told
your mom how much she matters to you and how much you appreciate
her advice and even her criticism. It is often hard for people to take
criticism and it shows your maturity that you thrive on it.
My Story
One day I was in a store. I grabbed a forty ounce of Old English from
the fridge. I opened it and drank it in the store then I left. I was kinda
buzzed then found a pair of scissors on the ground. I broke them in
half and opened a vehicle. It was a Honda civic stick shift.
I drove around looking for a lick, but then I saw this attractive
female specimen and crashed into a fully furnished home with a fish
tank in the living room. By then I was so hungry I took three gold
fish from the tank and friend them in the frying pan and got two
slices of wonder bread and made fish sandwiches with mayonnaise.
Then the owners of the house came home and saw me eating the
sandwich. The end.
-Trelly Bo, Solano
From The Beat: We LOVE your imagination in this piece. We were
reading it, thinking it was real, and then boom! You’re eating goldfish
from the fish tank. Very clever! Have you ever written short stories?
Dropping Out
Have you ever thought about dropping out of school? I have. My
name is Mario. I like to be in the streets handing out with my homie,
drink, smoke pot and like to do anything with them. But I don’t like
to go to school because I really don’t know how to do my work. I
don’t like to listen to the teacher or do they work.
I got a kid at a young age. I was only fourteen when I was a dad.
It was really stressing and an exciting thing at the same time. It was
stressing because I didn’t have a job and wasn’t able to take care of
the baby, but I now know that even that I’m young I can take care of
him. It was exiting because now I got somebody to look up to me and
I really love him. I would tell him to stay in school, don’t go the path
that I went because it’s only goin’ to get him to jail or get killed out
there in them streets ‘cause it’s a crazy world out there.
-Mario, Solano
From The Beat: This is a great piece Mario. Why didn’t you like doing
the school work? Did you have the support from teachers to help you
figure out the things you didn’t know? You’re right, you can definitely
take care of your son from any age. What kind of model do you want
to set for him?
Gotcha!
So there they were, the infamous crew, walking through the dark
early morning streets of downtown San Francisco, searching for
their next victim. It had been a long, dreary night and Queen was
starting to get a feeling that maybe they should call it a night.
Her and her three brothers, Money, Ruff, and Valle’on had been
wandering for hours looking for a proper worthwhile lick to hit and
it was starting to feel like tonight just wasn’t a good night.
But finally, as if their prayers to the robbery gods had been
answered, there appeared three seemingly drunk white boys
standing in an alleyway by Eighth and Howard, all with fat wallets
and iPhone 4’s. Although her gut was telling her that this was too
good, Queen’s almost-empty pockets were screaming to go for it.
Before she could think it through, her brothers were on it and
instantly a fight broke out.
While she and Honey tussled with the biggest one, the one
fighting Valle’on pulled out a badge and yelled, “Freeze! SFPD.” Her
blood ran cold and her senses went numb. They were caught. She
knew it was a set up. She did the only think she could think of,
punch the nearest sucka undercover to her and run like crazy. Her
and all her brothers ran in different directions. She headed straight
up Sixth Street, back towards the Tenderloin. But out of yet another
alley road, the black and white, aka more police. She was caught.
And it was off to county. The big time.
- Queen Bee, Alameda
From The Beat: We like how you wrote this in third person (using “she”
not “I”). We don’t need to know if it’s about you or not, or how much of
it is true. It’s a well-told story. Do you think Queen regrets not going
with her first instinct? Were her brothers caught too?
TheBeatWithin.org
Pieces of the week
Page 15
Pieces of the Week Volume 17.07/08
Valentine’s Day with My Girl
For Valentine’s Day I would like to be out of the system to spend time
with my girl. If I got out of here, my girl would get my full attention.
I would spend a peaceful day at the park and make sure there were
no problems or arguments. I would want to make her happy since I
haven’t seen her in a long time. I’d probably buy her red roses, and
after the park, take her to the movies. That time would be beyond
amazing because we haven’t had time together in awhile.
I’ve been with my girl for one-and-half-years. But on our
anniversary, I wasn’t able to spend it with her because of the choice
I made. So, I would give her anything she wants or needs. Now she
might be pregnant, if so, we’re both going to have to look ahead of
all of our problems and focus on our child. I’m going to have to get
in school and look forward, since we’re going to support our child.
I just want to be out of here for Valentine’s Day to spend it with
my girlfriend.
-Andrew, Los Angeles
From The Beat: Your writing tells us that you’ve done a lot of thinking
while locked up and realized that things need to change.
You
mention going to school. Once you graduate, what will you do? What
aspirations do you have for yourself?
Girl’s Cure
You will always be there for me and always make my frown turn
upside down. You said I was like a beautiful flower with soft petals.
You said you would always be with me. But, you’re in county right
now and that makes me unhappy. Tears come down from my eyes
with no sound. My mom receives your collect calls and she tells me
that you want me to stay out of halls and stop doing drugs. You’re my medicine when I feel unhappy, giving me your love
and I gave you mine. You were so romantic and such a gentleman.
You would tell me the right decisions instead of the bad ones.
That’s how I knew that you loved me. You gave me candy kisses for
Valentine’s Day, and took me out. You will always be there for me
and see me happy.
- Miss you, Los Angeles
From The Beat: You wrote that your love wanted you to stay out of
Central. What happened? What lessons have you learned so that you
will start off on the right path for you once you’re out? Try to answer
these questions the next time you write.
State Service
Being in here is not fun. I think this system is corrupt! I’ve been
here for two months and they still haven’t decided what to do with
me. People deserve more than one chance, especially for little
things. I heard before that one wrong don’t make a right. You have
to go through a bunch of wrongs to make it right. Learn from our
mistakes and move on, but how can we move on if they want us to
be in here?
They say once we’re in here we’re slaves of the state. It’s true
we don’t get to do nothing in here. Besides one thing... “breathe”.
Especially for people with medical problems like depression. This
don’t make it any better. It just makes it worse. Some people can go
crazy in here. All you can do in here is think!
I mean like when you are in here, even the food you get, when
there is leftovers that nobody even touched they throw it away. Why
not give it to us or even ship the rest to other country where people
really need it! Then when the staff members make you do your beds,
they come in to your rooms mess it up right after. Just being in here
for a couple of days made me want to get out and actually change,
but now it’s like I don’t even have a choice like this is my home
now... my life.
-Juan, Fresno
From The Beat: Your writing raises several valid points, and once you
stop feeling sorry for yourself, it will be time to assess why you became
a slave to the state in the first place. Until then, you can spend all
day analyzing how the system is corrupt, but what good will come out
of that?
Day of Love with Someone I Love
On the day of love, Valentine’s Day, I want to be able to spend it with
someone I love and care about. I want to be able to tell them I love
them while meaning it, and they also say it to me with meaning.
It’s not about the gifts or materialistic things. Money and
things can’t buy me love.
The idea of knowing another person can love me for me is a
good feeling and I want to be able to find that special person. I want
to keep them in my life. On the day of love is a day I want to be able to keep in my mind
forever. It should be a special day for me and everyone else as well.
Love is a worldwide feeling. Once in everybody’s life, they will find
that feeling. One day, I will too.
-Jessica, Los Angeles
From The Beat: Your writing is positive and powerful. Why do you
believe it’s important for everyone to find that feeling of unconditional
love from someone? Have you ever felt it?
Life
I used to hate the world because it’s unfair,
I used to want your love, but now I don’t care,
I used to lie crazy,
I used to sin daily,
I used to rest my head knowing my momma hates me,
I won’t apologize because it seems hopeless,
So I just steady hide hoping the pain don’t tear me open,
I’m in a deep depression,
But you won’t listen,
Just steady won’t forgiveness,
Until the hatred’s given,
See I’ve been focused,
I just refused to listen,
You say my future is clear,
But I don’t see that vision,
Most people talk about me,
But when they talk about me,
I dust their words off,
‘Cause I get them hourly,
You haters really empower me,
You helped me find that strength I could find to carry on,
So now I’m sitting high,
And you sitting low,
And no I do not cry because that part of me is gone,
One for the pain because it’s finally over,
One for today because I’m finally sober,
Ready to run away,
Because I’m tired of myself being the one that could never
stay sustained.
-Airele, Fresno
From The Beat: This poem covers many dimensions of the mind actively
trying to reach some kind of foundation. The environment you portray
is filled with threats and hostility, which affects your self-awareness
– what exactly are you running away from and how will that help you
achieve clarity of mind?
I Wonder
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever go and never return.
I wonder if my son will ever grow up to be like me.
I wonder how many people will come to my funeral.
I wonder if I will get shot for wearing the wrong color.
I wonder if someone will break in and take my life.
I wonder if the world will end.
I wonder if you are my friend.
I wonder if I’ll see the light of day again.
I wonder how many wonders I said.
-Danny, Portland, OR
From The Beat: You’ve got a lot of real concerns and fears on your
mind. What are you looking forward to in the world? Do you think you
can be there for your son to ease his fears too?
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Teach Your Children
To Lead By Example
What it takes to be a good brother is to be there for you. To help
them out, love them, care for them, and give them good advice when
needed and never lead them astray. Like my fourteen older siblings
-- they help me out when I need them and they show me things. My
siblings mean the world to me because they are all I really have left
to see my mother.
They are all my mother’s and father’s kids. On my daddy’s
side, there are three more of us. They all help me with things I need
to know and things like that, but sometimes I don’t like to listen
because I am hard-headed. All of my sisters lead a good example for
me, except the one that’s eleven months and five days older than
me. The girls go to college and get a career making mega bucks,
but my bothers are all negative influences to me and I follow their
footsteps instead of my sisters, because I look up to my brothers
more than my sisters.
That is what got me where I am today so I’m planning on
following my sister’s footsteps. Basically what I’m saying is a big
brother or sister is supposed to lead by example.
-Deangelou, Alameda
From The Beat: Very wise words, which is why we made them your
title. Are there older uncles, coaches, teachers or other men you know
who CAN provide you that solid good example of how to live legit and
still be a man, how to get to college and get those ‘mega bucks’ too?
Forgive ‘Em
They see me as a nice lil kid.
But they don’t understand that I hid.
I hid from the fire, I hid in the mist.
Happy lil first grader always pissed.
But do you know I never had any toys?
Did you know I never knew the difference between me and boys?
I never got taught none of that.
Mama always locked up and grandma always at the clinic.
I would fight everyday with kids that were older.
At age seven getting diagnosed with bi-polar.
Yeah, I bet you didn’t know there was more to my life than
being behind a cell.
Bet you didn’t know I always thought I was going to hell.
Bet you didn’t know my mama was addicted to crack.
Leaving me all alone just for a nickel sack.
Haha…mama I remember your first day out you couldn’t stand
that I couldn’t stop shouting.
But grandma told you it wasn’t my fault I was a crack baby
and I was craving.
But you didn’t listen, you hit me and saw how hard you and
grandma fought.
But forget about that you always told me forget about the past.
So now you clean except for some weed, and now I’m in rehab,
Yeah I’m a dope fiend.
Benjamin awaiting trial they think he killed your dude, and
they say he’s in denial.
Grandmas at peace.
And grandpa started drinking again.
Daddy is in prison cause he made a bad decision.
But don’t worry I broke his nose and he went on the run like a
scary chicken.
Lord I have no hate for what you gave me as fate.
And I know that I have sinned
And hope you can forgive.
That they see me as a nice lil kid.
-Jocelynn, Dallas, TX
From The Beat: A very powerful poem, Jocelynn. You begin and end
with being a “nice lil kid,” but we are curious which you identify more
with: the nice kid or the kid you portray in the rest of the poem? Are
they two sides of the same person?
Teach your children to do
Well in school and not
Get kicked out and do stupid
Things. Lead your children
The right way and not The wrong way. I want
My son to go to college
And to be a good student
And don’t be like me,
His dad. I want him To graduate and have
A big family and as
For me, I did not
Graduate, but I made it.
-Montel, Fresno
From The Beat: It’s never to late to graduate high school, be that
positive role model. A Teacher Who Cared
There was this one teacher I used to have a real good connection
with. It was in elementary school. She was my favorite teacher. She
was like a mom to me. She always had a solution to all my problems.
She would always keep me out of trouble and out of fights. She was
always there when I needed her.
When the school year was over I realized she was helping me so
much in my social life that I wasn’t really doing good in schoolwork.
So, she told me if I needed extra help to go ahead and ask to be held
back in that grade and she would make sure to focus her attention
on me. Even though she was supposed to treat everyone in the class
equal. She kept her promise. At the end of the year I had the best
grade in our class.
-Lorenzo, Fresno
From The Beat: We are glad to hear that you had such a positive
experience with a teacher. Sometimes, it can be hard for teachers to
focus on everyone because of how many students they work with. We
are glad that she saw something special in you and wanted to help.
Valentines Day
This is a day for compassion and love
This is the time for lots of kisses and hugs
Spending time with family or friends
One or the other, it all just depends
Giving and receiving lots of love letters
What Valentines is all about is being together
Showing love, for the people around you
Its good to know, so many good people surround you
-Nando, Portland, OR
From The Beat: Thanks for sharing about your family and friends. Its
great to show appreciation for the love you get from those who care
about you.
My Dream
I feel travel in my future. My dream is to travel the world and
ingest as much culture as I can. I have always felt America made
me cultureless. But I realize without this feeling, I wouldn’t have
the desire to gain more knowledge of other cultures and dreams of
travel. Just thinking of visiting new worlds of streets and languages
brings joy and excitement to my heart. I’m waiting for the day to
get the opportunity to explore other countries, and it will be great.
-James, Los Angeles
From The Beat: Experiencing different cultures will be enriching for
you. Where would you like to visit? Why? How will you bring your
knowledge and love back to America to share with others? Make a
plan so that when you have the opportunity to travel, you experience
everything possible.
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Cold World, Sick Life
Cold world, sick life
Streets like a maze so we stuck right
Things get hard, life falls apart
But you gotta pick up the pieces again from the start
For the love of money people kill they best friends
Money can’t buy love and can’t save yo’ best friend.
Even if you legit, you still lose to the government
Can’t win fa’ losin’ unless you’re “who’s who” in the government.
Damn, so I guess we stuck at the bottom of the totem poll.
MLK Rosa Park and Malcolm X told they story
Made his story and paved a way for the next
I found my way out, now Tommy up next
-Kinsha, Alameda
From The Beat: Another exceptional set of lines explaining and
expanding on corruption. But aren’t there plenty of people who have
gone legit and because of that, they are free and thriving out in
the world? It’s not a guarantee of course, but isn’t it better than the
alternative?
My Story
I remember one time I was on the run for, like, almost seven months.
So one night, me and my cousin and my friend were going to a party
and my cousin had a gun.
At first, we were all dancing and drinking at midnight. Then,
like around three or four, she was showing our gun to her friend. I
was sitting across from her by the table. Five minutes later, the gun
went off. I heard it but wasn’t really trippin’. Next thing you know, it
felt like my leg was burning. It felt like it was on fire. I looked down
and I knew I got hit because I saw blood. The bullet had bounced off
the ground and into my ankle.
I wasn’t crying because I was so wasted and high. I stopped
feeling the pain after awhile. So they rushed me to the hospital.
Child Protective Services kept asking me my name and I gave
them an alias. So when they called my mom to come get me, when
she came to the hospital she told the police my real name and that I
had a warrant. I was so mad when they arrested me. Plus I had a cast
on going to juvenile hall.
-Samantha, Alameda
From The Beat: We wonder what you might do differently next time.
Would you go on the run again? Would you go to a party with a gun
again? How is your ankle now?
I Miss My Love
It’s Valentine’s Day
And so hard being away
From the one I love
Because of drugs
We both got arrested
And our relationship tested
I love him so much
I feign for his touch
I write him everyday
Second guessing if he feels the same way
Being away for so long
Deep inside makes me sob
I began to feel
If the feelings were real
But with a phone call
All answers were revealed
He called Saturday night
And in my heart
I knew all was right
-Kalena, Honolulu, HI
From The Beat: It is hard to be away from the people we love the most. Set a goal for yourself that assures that you won’t be away from loved
ones ever again...it is up to you.
Voice In My Ear
I want the answers to my problems. Sometimes I don’t know why
I do things. I think it’s the voice that whispers in my ear telling me
to do them. Could the voice be an angel from above or is it the devil
from down below? I feel like a cork on a bottle, stuck somewhere I
don’t want to be.
-Luis, Santa Cruz
From The Beat: We have one answer: keep writing. We know you have
talent and that you are at the very beginning of what could become
a career. Hand in hand, you need to read your buns off, too. All good
writers are good readers.
Fighting Myself
This is my last chance. I have so many fears and problems to face.
Too many people to say sorry to who don’t want to hear it. I created
a new life and now I have to decide what is best for her. For so long
I was running away from any problem I had, old or new. That only
created more.
I’m fighting myself. The real me. And the addict me. I can’t
decide if I want to stay or run. If I want to be a mother or if I want
to give my daughter up for adoption. If I want to try to make things
better with my family and be with them or leave them alone. Do I
want to leave all this for my drug addiction? Or can I ride it out until
I’m eighteen? Which side of me will win?
-Casper, Santa Clara
From The Beat: It sounds like you’ve got a lot of choices to make.
We hope that you are able to find the support you need to beat your
addiction. The road ahead won’t be easy, but it sounds like you have
the maturity to make the right decision.
Why Boys Don’t Talk
About Being Molested
I believe that boys (and girls) don’t bring it up, because they are
scared to open up to people, and they probably don’t want people
to judge them for what had happened to them, either getting raped,
sexually touched or either gotten beaten in their homes. And some people feel the same way about opening up and
talking to people. See for myself it took me a long time to open up
and talk about my feelings to people, because I was afraid they were
going to judge me, but they haven’t yet if they do I really don’t care.
-Teela, Alameda
From The Beat: Thank you for sharing your wise insights with The
Beat. Just more proof that even though you suffered a lot of things
no one should ever have to experience, those experiences have taught
you wisdom and compassion, you are a survivor, and now you can
teach others how to get though what you’ve been through.
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Plants
I love plants, the way they look, the way they smell, and the way
they work. Plants are so unique, they’re able to make their own
food, reproduce by themselves, and make oxygen for everyone to
breathe. They can take the energy from the sun or any light along
with water and carbon dioxide and turn it into sugars, which they
use for energy and oxygen. Then can self-pollinate if there isn’t
anything to help spread their pollen around, such as the wind or
bees. Under the leaves of a plant there’s tiny microscopic holes that
regulate the flow of the oxygen that goes out and the carbon dioxide
that comes in.
-Twice, Monterey
From The Beat: Wow, you really seem to know a lot about this subject.
What got you so interested in plants – was it a teacher, a project, a
family member? Have you thought about pursuing a future (job) in
this field?
The Opinion
The opinion that matters most to me is my father’s. His opinion
matters to me because he doesn’t give it to me often, but when he
does give insight on his life, I listen.
I respect his opinion and I view my father as an intelligent man.
When he’s willing to give advice, then I’ll listen to it. I feel lucky that
I have a father who cares, or that I even have a father that I know. So,
I’m going to take advantage of my situation.
When I do something wrong, then it’s my father’s disappointment
I’m scared of most. I just want to make him proud but I’m fearful
that I won’t be able to make him proud anymore.
I just want to go home and do right by him, and really solidify
in his mind that he and his opinions really do matter to me.
- William, Santa Cruz
From The Beat: You can start by showing him this. And then show him
the other terrific pieces you’ve written for us. You have a gift. If you
nurture it, you’ll make your whole family proud, and you’ll have ‘found
your calling’.
Vivian
What does it take to be a good brother or sister? Well Beat, I am
a middle child and I admit I haven’t been a good older or younger
sister. That’s because I don’t feel like I am a good role model to my
younger siblings.
I have been locked up for half of my sister’s life. I hope she
sees my wrongdoings and decide to be better than me. I know she is
because my baby sister is a clever one.
I remember one time when I came home with a tattoo on my
arm, my little sister went to the bathroom and came out with a
rag and some soap and started scrubbing at my arm. Me and my
homegirl started laughing and asked her what she was doing. She
freaked out and asked us why the crayon wasn’t coming off, haha.
That’s my baby girl Vivian. Damn I miss my little Goon.
-China, Santa Clara
From the Beat: China, it’s great to hear that you want to be a good
sibling to your baby sister. If she could read the next issue, what would
you say to her? What advice would you give her? Do you believe that
you can become a good role model for your younger siblings?
Family
My siblings we have a good relationship and we some time get into
fight with each other but still we still love each other and we help
each other when we need help like when they are mad or sad or
hurt that’s why we are a family and that why we help each other and
t’hats what family do for each other and that’s the end of my story
-Chase, Honolulu, HI
From The Beat: It’s true, right? Through thick and thin families go
through all different emotions with each good and bad. You describe it
well how you can be there for them and fight at the same time.
Racism
They look at me and judge me
Just because their skin is lighter
They’re above me
They look down on me
And call me cruel things
Treat me like an animal
Instead of a human being
I feel that however hard I try
I will never be accepted
But I know if I give up I will easily be rejected
After years of the Civil Rights Movement
It’s still the same thing
I will to my part
And keep alive Martin Luther King’s dream
-Makio, San Bernardino
From The Beat: Racism and many other types of oppression do still
exist. But if there’s one thing the Civil Rights Movement has taught us,
it’s that we cannot feel helpless and we can take control of our lives
and make the change we want to see. We must stand up and try to
eliminate the hate in this world. Keep up the great work!
Advice
Today’s topic that caught my eyes is the hard conversation you had
or need to have, but in my situation I gave the hard conversation.
My boy once asked me what should he do, I asked him what he
meant by that. He said, “I’m going back to placement.”
I said, “that’s good at least they didn’t send you to YC.”
He said, “I know, but I’m goin’ to run, I haven’t been with my
sister in so long and she’s the only one I have.”
My heart broke because that’s my ninja. I told him, “I’m not
going to tell you to run because I don’t want to be the bad homie.” I
care for him and I want to be the good homie.
He said, “But it’s three-years.”
I told him that it’s for his own good. And I said, “They could
help you, your sister is in a group home they could help you find a
job the time you’re eighteen you could take care of yourself, homie,
keep working and striving and you could probably take your sis out
of that group home too. Think twice, I have faith in you. I know
you’ll succeed just please do what’s right.”
I hope he took my advice. Late.
-Stuby, Monterey
From The Beat: Did you ever find out if your friend took your advice?
It can be hard to watch someone you care about make choices that
won’t lead anywhere good, but we can’t make or correct those choices
for him/her. What do you think the best advice is for someone who
knows what he’s doing is wrong, but doesn’t want to, or chooses not
to, change that behavior?
What I’ve Learned in the System
I have learned that in here you have no word. You could be the best
kid on the unit and nobody cares. We’re judged by our crimes and
not who we are inside our hearts and that’s why I don’t show no love
to anyone because I never receive any.
People wonder why I keep getting locked up and when they ask
I just say, “it’s what I do best.” If people really tried to get to know
the real me they will find out that I am a really funny person, but
they don’t so I just show them what they want to see a heartless
gangster that doesn’t care about anyone. It’s easier not to care
when you find out one of your boys got killed or locked up when it
happens so often. What I’ve learned from being in the system is that
no one really cares.
-Lil J, San Bernardino
From The Beat: It can be a lot easier to put on a mask than allow your
true self to be acknowledged and maybe even hurt. But does that mean
you should hide who you really are? If you are waiting for other people
to tell you to be yourself it will never happen, it has to come from you.
Keep up the great work brother, can’t wait to hear more.
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Cold World
Handcuffs, court dates and time in my cell
All I wish for is time to prevail.
With dreams of success
To take my life to where it is supposed to be
And to exceed the rest
And keep this passion so close to me.
Same old story new chapter page by page
Why can’t I be what I want to be
At this young age.
When the pencil in my hand
Is used as a sword in war
I swing and as the words appear
Then keep using more and more
Therapy for mind
So much relief for soul
I see a winner in myself
As I complete towards a goal
No matter if the place I’m at
Was chosen or not.
I know I’m not to come back
Like not to touch a stove
When it is hot.
You can’t find yourself
Until you realized that you went missing
Only God can judge me while the world is my witness.
-Anthony, San Bernardino
From The Beat: We like that you have a focused mind state and want to
achieve your goals, it’s really impressive. May the next chapter of your
life prosper from your dreams of success. Thanks for your effort and
your great words, keep it up!
Dropping Out
If anyone close to me decided that they wanted to drop out of school
I would talk to them. I would ask questions like why do they want
to drop out or when did they make this decision. Also I would tell
them that if you drop out it’s going to be very hard to get a job when
you get older. I have never got the feeling that I wanted to drop out
of school. And if I do then I would think about everything that I have
ahead of me.
-Demetrius, Portland, OR
From The Beat: It sounds like you hold education highly valuable, and
we’re glad that you would try and show others just how important it
is if they were going to give up. A good education doesn’t just help
you in a career field; it helps you in everyday life. Keep up the great
writing and stay in school!
Dropping Out
If my little brother or sister told me they were going to drop out,
I’d probably slap them and tell them they’re hella dumb. I’d try
to convince them not to. I’d ask them if they’d want to make the
mistake I did. I’d ask them if they want to get locked up because,
yea, I have been through that stage where I stopped going to school.
I thought it was stupid but now that I’m a junior with no credits, I’m
basically stuck as a freshman in high school.
When I go to school, I feel stupid not knowing anything. And
now I’m in and out of jail. All because I decided I didn’t want to go to
school. I wanted to be in the Marines and now I have to work extra
hard to get my diploma so I can actually do that.
Nowadays when you want to get a good, steady-paying job, you
need a high school diploma. So, yea, I’d advise kids that still have a
chance to stay in school and do their work because they’re going to
regret it.
- Jo, Alameda
From The Beat: You do have to work hard but it’s not too late! Tell us
about why you want to join the marines. Why the marines and not, for
example, the army? Do you know anyone in the marines?
Mistakes
Everybody make mistakes. I made a mistake and I learned from
it. That mistake makes me better person and more careful about
things. It is not always a bad thing end up in jail sometimes it can
be a good thing because you can strengthen yourself up and stay
away from the streets.
Drugs can also be mistakes. I used to get high everyday to
forget about my problems, but then I realized that drugs didn’t really
help me. I always needed someone to talk to. The person I talked
about my things about does not want to talk to me anymore because
I got locked up.
One bad thing about getting locked up is that you lose your
friends and they forget about you. In order to solve my problems I
used to drink and smoke, but now that I’m here I try not to stress
out. I work out and try not to think about things. Well that’s all I got
for the Beat. Alratos.
-Learner, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Do you have another friend or family member who you
can talk with? Every problem has a solution… What steps you have to
take in order to solve your problems?
Real
Seeing everything through someone else’s eyes
Stuck in a different disguise
Caught in this, web of lies
Living a life of do or die
Wishing this was just a dream
Something fake that can’t be seen
So much sadness so much pain
I wish that this was just a game
But all of this is just so real
The way you think, the way you feel
I know you’re hurt, but you will heal
-Nando, Portland, OR
From The Beat: What a powerful poem! Sometimes there are moments in
our lives where we do experience a lot of pain and a lot of sadness, and
this can be really hard to cope with. We think you make an excellent
point; even though it hurts, we can heal. Nando, what helps you heal?
Your writing conveys a lot of hope and it’s wonderful that you are able
to stay optimistic through hard times. Keep up the good work!
What I Fear
I fear getting shot because I don’t want my family to see me die, or
get shot. I fear more for my family than myself. I don’t want them to
get hurt for something I did. I would go crazy because I love them so
much and I worry about them.
-Antonio, Bernalillo, NM
From The Beat: If you continue on the path your on, Antonio, you’re
putting yourself as well as your family in danger every day you continue
with your negative behavior. Maybe its time to make a change? Don’t
wait for the change to find you.
My Inspiration
The person that inspires me the most is
My old teacher because
He believe that even through the worst that
I was still a great kid he told me:
We don’t get to choose the life we are
Born into but we get to choose what
We can do whether to continue it or not.
Thanks to him I’ll make it out and
I will keep him in mind
-Katherine, Honolulu, HI
From The Beat: Awesome. It is wonderful when we get to experience
people who are wise and are willing to share that wisdom. He told you
a good thing and should always remember it.
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My English Teacher
One teacher that had an impacted on me was my English teacher. He
helped me a lot, he pushed me to read, write, and do my best on all
my schoolwork. He listened to me when I had a problem on school
or in the unit, and he always gave me good advices.
We all need in life, someone to talk to with, ask for help when
we need it and someone who can encourage us, to do good and
never give up. So thanks English teacher.
-Frank, Santa Clara
From The Beat: I’m glad to hear that you have the person in your life!
What are some of the good advices that your English teacher gave you?
Siblings
It takes a lot to be a good brother, there’s a lot of responsibility that
you have to deal with. Like being a role model to your little siblings
and it’s hard because every thing that I do my little sister is now
starting to hear about it. I don’t think that’s the right way to go when
I’m sitting here wishing I could be a better role model and brother.
-Jeremy, Bernalillo, NM
From The Beat: Do what you can to make better choices so you are
able to get out and stay out. This way your sister can see the good role
model you are capable of being.
My Little Brother
What’s crackin’ Beat? I’m writing this to you right now. I’ve been
down and out lately because I just got news form my homes that my
little brother got shot. It’s very hard, because my family didn’t tell
me or anyone because they didn’t want me to stress. But, I’d rather
know about it because my little brother could’ve been dead and I
don’t know anything about it.
My lil homie got shot and has two bullets in him, my little
brother has one in his thigh and my other homie is in critical
condition. It’s very stressful because I’m locked up and can’t do
anything about it. If I was out there would be a lot of crazy stuff
going on, real talk. No one messes with my family.
The other day, I told the priest that the fools who did this got
away, but he told me, “No, son. God knows who they are and he
knows what they’ve done.” That meant a lot to me. Why I’m writing
today is because he told me that.
My little brother asked me if I was going to come home; he
doesn’t want to lose another big brother. It made me cry because I
have a brother, one year older, who was murdered. That’s why my
little brother means a lot to me. I want to be the best role model I
can be. Everything he tells me or does from now on will have an
effect on me.
Brother, I want to say sorry for not being there when it happened
but you know I got you all day. Our older brother is an angel in the
sky watching over us. I want the best for you, forget all the gang
shhh, it doesn’t do you any good. I’m in here facing life, that’s no
joke! No one is going to be there for you all the time except family,
remember that okay? I love you, my little bro.
If I was out there, you know I’d take care of you and handle
anything for you. We still with you, we’ll always be! If I knew who
did this and saw him guaranteed your big brother would have the
problem dealt with. I’ll risk my life for you, incarceration ain’t
nothing, won’t break me, won’t make me, my family creates me,
remember that.
I’m writing random, Beat, I’m just going through it right now
because of my little brother and because I miss Lunie. If you read
this, I love you, stay solid, thanks for everything.
-Maniac, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Yes family is very important. We can only imagine how
hard it is for you to be in lock up while all this is happening. Maybe it
is a good thing to be detained, given this is what is saving your life?
We hope by your actions, others will learn the pain of this lifestyle,
and realize how valuable family is and our freedom!
It’s My Own Kind
Perhaps I was blind to the fact.
Stabbed in the back.
I couldn’t trust my own homies.
Just a bunch a dirty dawgs.
Will I succeed? Paranoid from weed.
Is it a crime to fight for what’s mine?
Everybody’s dyin’.
Tell me, what’s the use tryin’?
And, they say, it’s the white man I should fear.
But, it’s my own kind, doin’ all the killin’ here.
-Hytz, San Francisco
From The Beat: Some blacks claim that black-on-black crime is the real
problem/tragedy destroying their communities. Others say that it’s
the oppression of whites that causes every other race to scramble for
whatever they can get/earn out of life in the USA. Out of humiliation/
poverty/alienation/desperation, other races victimize their own. What
do you think?
My Story
It all started in December. I was just hanging out with some friends
and my girlfriend when I decided to make some quick cash a couple
days before Christmas. I really wanted to buy my family some nice
things and my boy was telling me about a quick job we could pull
for some quick money. I had a bad feeling from the beginning, I was
really hesitating but I went anyways.
Me and a couple buddies headed off to do a house robbery.
When we showed up to the house I was really not trying to do it
anymore, but my friend was like “come on, it’s Christmas and we
need this money.” I put a doo-rag on my face, a hat, and some
gloves. I had a weapon when we went inside, but my boy didn’t tell
me there would be a little boy in the house. When I went inside, the
kid saw me and started to panic, I started to panic too. He started
crying and calling people on the phone. I hid in the master bedroom
for a minute to think of a way out.
Then I heard another grown man yelling so I ran out and just
went out the door. I ran down the street, but my friends took off in
the vehicle. When I got to the corner the guy was chasing me in his
minivan, then he just decided to run me over and he hit me with his
car. He messed up my leg and I still kept limping for a few blocks.
Then the cops showed up and held me at gunpoint in the middle
of the street. They arrested me and brought me to juvie. Now I’m
getting charged with first-degree burglary and assault with a deadly
weapon just for having a weapon on me.
-Scooby, Santa Clara
From The Beat: This is a very well written piece. It sounds like you
resorted to crime out of desperation. What kinds of things will you
do in the future to try to surround yourself with less destructive
friendships?
A Good Big Brother
A good big brother wakes up at 5:30 in the morning
And looks over his little brother or sister’s homework.
A good big brother gets his little brothers and sisters ready
for school.
He feeds them and sends them to school.
He also picks them up after school.
A good big brother has the house clean and food cooking
Before his parents get home.
A good big brother is more than a brother.
He’s someone to talk to, someone to look up to.
A good big brother is a . . . role model.
-Kenwone, Los Angeles
From The Beat: You are not a good big brother; you are a fantastic
big brother! Everything you wrote shows love, respect, and maturity.
Keep those qualities. Once you’re out, what actions will you take to
show everyone that you love and respect them?
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Education Domination
You see them bums in the gutter
Once someone’s younger sister or brother
The one that would rather bang a line
Then walk the line
Always giving up, never tryin’
Now look at them, always cryin’
So think about, droppin’ out
Ultimately it’s your decision
If McDonald’s is yo’ vision
Shut yo’ ears and stop yo’ listenin’
I was once inside your shoes
Livin’ for today in tomorrow’s booze
Figurin’ “man, I ain’t got nothing to lose”
Look at me now, that’s not what I choose
Once Adam and Eve ate from the tree of knowledge
That was our ticket straight to college
Yeah you do a little work
Give it a try, who would it hurt
But enough with my boring speech
Trust me I ain’t tryin’ to preach
This is a lesson I hope you all learn
And I hope a diploma is what you’ll earn.
-Soja, Honolulu, HI
From The Beat: Good advice to anyone questioning dropping out. You
are right, it seriously cuts your chances at a decent paying job.
The Sad Life in Jail as a Kid
Make things right because I been doing the wrong thing for a long
time in my life. I love my mom and I miss her but she told me I am
the only one that can fix my problem. Not being at home with my
mom drives me crazy. But we all have bad days and good days.
I wish I can go back in time and fix the things I did bad. I miss
waking up in my house, but the only way I can go is do this program.
I love my old life very much. Talking back to my mom I was so wrong,
but I am sad sitting in jail doing time. Something I been thinking
because I find myself in this place way too much.
I feel like me and my mom’s relationship is not like it was when
I was a kid. I miss seeing my room, my hallways, and my mom’s
bathroom. I miss looking out my window I miss like life. It’s time to
make a change. I miss cooking and those good things. I get mad too
fast and that’s got to stop.
I been thinking a lot, that’s all I can do in here. God I have been
living the wrong way. I feel like I am a dog sometimes in here. Why
did I do this to myself? Why, that’s all I ask. But I am in here now, I
got to get myself out. Stop letting little things get to me. It’s not like
they touch me or something. Stop thinking abut other people and
do my program and get home to my mom.
-Lil Buddha, Solano
From The Beat: It sounds like you’ve had some time to get some
perspective on your life and what’s important. Did you appreciate your
relationship with your mom before you were in the hall?
The Opinion
L-i-v-e-s-c-a-n
Yea, somebody fighting, not going to they room
Or doing some weird stuff
Example of what happens
To the unit: live scan,
Central control: Live scan
Live scan in the unit!
Units come running down to get the unit under control
Few minutes later
Unit staff: Scan all clear
Central control: The live scan in the Unit is all clear,
The live scan in the Unit is all clear.
-Brandon, Alameda
From The Beat: You do a great job of putting that moment into words,
so even those of us who have never been in a live scan can get a
feeling of what it would be like. Are there other “jailhouse moments”
you could describe with a poem?
The one person’s opinion that matters to me is my mom because me
and her was very close. Out of all the bad I did in my life, my mom
was right there telling me what to do so I am better myself. I also
respect her opinion because she told me all the things I needed to
do to succeed in life and she helps me become a man.
There is one thing that I will never forget and that is if I have a
son to be the best father that you can be. And she told me to go to
school and finish it. I know with me being in here I can’t do that,
but I’m working very hard to get school done. But when I get out I’m
going to be the best father that I can be because my dad was a great
father to me so I want to be a father like him.
Something that I would tell my son is to not to get in trouble
because you don’t want to go to jail. And I would want to tell him to
play football because I always want to play so I think these going to
be like his dad, but better.
-Nino, Solano
From The Beat: What are the good things about your dad that you
would like be for your son? Did he teach you how to throw a football?
Does he teach you how to me a man too?
To My Lil Sis and Bros
Some say my little brothers going to be gangster
And my sister is going to be one banger
Just a message to them out there
While I’m in here,
Locked up, incarcerated
Nothing more while these girls are so overrated
We’re taught to become ladies
We draw and do paintings
Trapped between four walls
In a cell
Calling out through the halls
Knowing this place is hell
Don’t come here it isn’t the place to be
Just know I’m not who I used to be
I’m Katherine, yeah that’s me
-Katherine, Honolulu, HI
From The Beat: Good advice big sister. We hope they will hear you. It
will take more than talking though, show them some action of how
you have changed and maybe they will follow suit.
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Happy Valentine’s Day
What is love?
How many people do you actually see in love?
How do you fall in love?
Do you run into it?
Do you jump and grab it?
Can you get caught in it?
Most people say they know what love is
But never witnessed it a day in their lives.
So, how do you know when you’re in love?
Our elders call it puppy love.
And you call it real love
But it’s not love at all.
So this Valentine’s Day
Think about what love really is
And how do you define it?
Some people define it as sex.
Others--love, joy, happiness.
And some people find it in drugs and alcohol.
So, what is love?
How do you define it?
Because if you can find it in drugs and alcohol
How do you find it in a significant other?
Think about that this Valentine’s Day
When you tell the one you love
That you love them.
-Harrison, San Francisco
From The Beat: How do you define love? Have you ever been in love?
Why isn’t “real love” not love at all? Even if others trivialize the concept
of love, can it truly be tender, precious, rare, needing/deserving of
protection? Can love also cause you to extend yourself, to try new
things for your lady? Or make you do something crazy?
Siblings
I’m the youngest out of all my brothers and my sister. My brother
and me have a good relationship. Like your guy said, it be like solid
rock. Even though my brothers haven’t given me the best advices in
the world, if we do something that is not good, they make sure that
they know what I do.
My brothers and I have done a lot of stuff together, even though
it hasn’t been the best stuff, but we make sure to always make sure
that we have money to support our family and put food on the table
for our family. Even though it’s not lean money, but we have to be
looking out for my family, especially my mom.
-Peeweee, Alameda
From The Beat: It’s clear how much you love your family, how it drives
so many of your decisions. And yes, you need to put food on the table,
but can you do it legit? The advantage to legit money is that you are a
lot less likely to get caught for it -- or shot for it. Peace.
We Used To Laugh With Each Other
Now, lately, everybody been trippin’.
Me, you, and them children.
Everybody been slippin’.
We goin’ keep it real.
Let’s get a candle lit. That will be nice.
The ice ain’t make it happen.
The price ain’t make it happen.
But, it wasn’t all that
It was the beezies that brought the madness.
Used to laugh with each other.
Now, we mad at each other.
In the bed, we used to cuddle.
Now, I barely even touch you.
And, every time I’m gone
I be thinking of you.
Got me achy and lonely.
Girl, I’m fiendin’ for you.
And, when we met, it was right on time.
You was Bonnie, I was Clyde.
Girl, is you down to ride?
Please, ninja, I’m your ride or die.
That’s what I like to hear.
Whisper softly in yo’ ear.
Let’s take ‘em to the bank
Like Seagal, in “Hard to Kill.”
All these years, down the drain.
I’m seventy-five percent wrong. I’ll never change.
But, I’m workin’ to do better, man.
-Rah Dizzy, San Francisco
From the Beat: You seem to have so many impulses competing within
you, all the time. You’re so eager for freedom, life. If you’re seventyfive percent wrong, don’t you think you’d seriously better change?
Enhance, encourage that twenty-five percent decent, smart, funny,
intense Dizzy?
The Inside
Life is difficult at some times
I was out there tryin’ to hustle dollar and dime
But I’m incarcerated and serving time
Out there was nothing but drugs and needs
But there was so much I did to please
While everyone was being so mean
Others always try to piss us off
But there nothing but mist
I’m in here for running away from fears
But I can’t fight (incarcerated), but I will shed tears
I’m in here for a change
Now I gotta wonder what to rearrange
-Katherine, Honlulu, HI
From The Beat: You can do it, use your time to keep writing and
contemplate your next healthy move for you. Keep up the good work.
Who Really Knows
Seein’ Me
Why do we kill our own kind
Who really knows?
Why do we commit these crimes
Who really knows?
Life in the fast lane
Words really can’t explain
The things I’ve seen,
The things I’ve done,
Why did it have to be me,
Who really knows.
-Brandon, Alameda
From The Beat: Wonderful poem, maybe the problem is that the
answers are different for each individual. So what about you, if you
had to think about it, why do YOU think you do the things you do?
That answer would make a powerful poem as well.
I wish people could see me as I do.
Determined to do what’s impossible, like swine flu
Love things exotic and exquisite like Thai food
Don’t fight much, but I use my words to hit you harder than a
typhoon.
Not passive, but don’t have an aggressive nature.
When trouble calls I say to it later. Later to the BS
Hasta luego to the stress
In my hood there’s guns, foes, and drugs, what’s next?
-Adonai, Alameda
From The Beat: Well, when we read this poem, we ‘see you’ as a
talented, thoughtful writer full of skills and potential. Is that how you
see yourself?
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My Life
Back then, I prayed to God that he would take me out of this
world.
But somehow everyday I kept watching this planet twirl.
My prayers weren’t answered. How could this be.
I don’t belong here, there’s nothing else for me to see.
I’ve seen it all before, and I’ve been through what I shouldn’t.
I put up with it all even though I knew I couldn’t.
But I had to be strong to survive the unforgiven.
Didn’t have to check my pulse already knew that I was livin’.
‘Cause I felt the pain, it was rushin’ everywhere.
From my head down to my toes. But nobody seemed to care.
I used to think if I died it wouldn’t matter ‘cause no one cared
about me.
Even if I hung myself from a rope or cut myself to bleed.
Dead lyin’ in a puddle of blood helplessly.
Nobody lookin’ down as they stepped all over me.
Not one shedded tear upon a loved one’s face.
It’s like I disappeared and in their mind I was erased.
All throughout my life, it’s been nightmares.
Beaten and molested, but still nobody cared.
It’s the least of their problems, they had better things to do.
But it’s cool ‘cause I survived on my own until I grew.
Nobody knew all the pain I went through.
Nobody to talk to, didn’t know what to do.
So I blew my prayers way up to the Lord.
Happiness struck me. It couldn’t be more great.
Josiyah has always been my fate.
- Aiegha, Alameda
From The Beat: Do you have someone to talk to now? Are you also
feeling better about your life and your future?
So You’re The Big One Now
My whole life, I’ve been “the little sister.” In a home broken up by
the system, I was not only the youngest, but the only girl. Although
my five older brothers hadn’t been living with my mom for a while,
it seems as soon as I was born, you couldn’t keep them away. They
changed my diapers, bought me all my clothes and more toys than
I could ever play with. My first words were each of their names and
my first steps were taken with the five of them taking turns holding
my tiny hands, escorting me across our living room floor.
Of all my brothers, I was closest to the oldest, Kajuan. A
splitting image of him, minus the green eye and freckles he got from
his dad, you could almost never find him without me. He took me to
school on my first day from preschool ‘til sixth grade, gave me my
first driving lesson and was my listening ear and shoulder to cry on
anytime I needed him.
Now that he and two of my other brothers, Daris and Cambell,
who we call Kujoe, are spending life in jail for defending me, I see
what a real sibling is supposed to be. Although they are gangaffiliated, and have made mistakes, they keep me on the straight and
narrow and always make sure I know the right way to go. Without
them constantly on my back, I have made some mistakes, but I
know they’re only a letter away when I need some guidance.
Now that I’m playing big sister to my little brother, Dylan, I
know that it’s my turn in the spotlight. I made sure every milestone
I was there cheering him on. I taught him to crawl, then walk, how
to read before preschool, and his times tables to twelve by first
grade. He is my pride and joy and the light of my life! I have been
messing up lately, but he still sees me as the best sister ever, in his
words, not mine, and knowing that drives me to do better every day.
A sibling’s greatest job to me is to teach that you can fall down and
get back up.
- Amber, Alameda
From The Beat: It does sound like you’ve got great brothers. We would
love to hear the story of how they are in jail for defending you, if you
can write it in away that doesn’t incriminate anyone. What needs to
happen, Amber, so you won’t be away from Dylan again?
Shhh’s Gotta Stop
This is my ninth or tenth time back in the hall! This shhh has got to
stop. I’ve been to three different schools and three different group
homes. I am about to be eighteen, in four months. But I think this
system is brazy.
I also used to say before I got caught up, “I’m never wrong. I
don’t take losses.” Shhh, man, lately I’ve been taking a lot of losses.
But fudge it, they are going to reap what they sow. You see, they
stole from me. But it’s going to come back ten times worse. Shhh
like that you gotta let go and let God.
But anyways, I feel like this juvenile hall stint is over. I refuse
to let them graduate me to the place. Nah, it’s time for me to grab my
life by the horns and keep pushin’. I could’ve been dead when my
potnas (not partners) got killed. RIP Dame, Tay and Raymen.
Ms. Porter said, “You don’t know what it really feels like to
be sick and tired until you’re really sick and tired.” And I am. I am
sick of this food, toilets in my room, people thinkin’ they have the
authority to talk to me when I don’t want to be spoken to. I am tired
of waking up tired. Ugh, this shhh has got to stop.
- Kay’t, Alameda
From The Beat: So, how are you going to stop it? How are you going
to take the horns? You are smart and talented and we are sure you can
succeed. Tell us how.
Days Of Love
My day of love is when my son was born. I was really happy when
my son came out healthy and smiling. He came out weighing ten
pounds, four ounces, and twenty-three and a half inches. He was
truly a big boy. He is really my twin.
My girlfriend is another day of love for me, because, when I met
her, I fell in love instantly. I know I told her differently, but I really
did love her, and I know she loved me, too.
She gave me a handsome son, and I am grateful for that. Every
time I look at her, I can’t help but smile. Her and my son make the
sun shine even brighter for me. That’s why, when I get out of here,
I am going to take care of both of them, like a man is supposed to.
I need to get out and get a job, so me and my family can be happy
again.
She makes me want to be better, and she is always positive.
My son makes me want to strive in life, go to college, graduate from
college, and get a good job, so we don’t have to struggle for anything.
I love them for this.
-Derrick, San Francisco
From The Beat: You are a lucky man to have a beautiful lady and baby
son. You seem to want to do better for yourself, too, to get a college
degree. What kind of job/career do you aspire to? Your positive attitude
may be your best motivator!
I Am A Role Model
I have two little siblings. I love them both so much. No matter how
much they get under my skin I take care of them both.
My little sister she is so beautiful that I am worried for her.
Ten years old and she is already having little boyfriends. I’m so
protective I make those little boys pee their pants. She is such a
little demon at times, but also a little angel. I love her mad swings,
and her beautiful blue eyes; I love my little sister Desiree.
I also have a little brother too, and he looks up to me so much
it kills me that I’m locked up knowing that he has no male figure
to look up to right now. His dad is a bum and I’m locked up, He is
eleven the most important years at his life, when he makes his most
important decisions. To smoke, to not to, to be in a gang, to not to,
and I am not there to tell him right from wrong. I miss him so much
I love my little brother.
-Jeremy, Santa Clara
From The Beat: There’s a lot of pressure on you right now, or so it
appears. Given you are away from home right now, have you wrote the
two of them letters, expressing your love, fears and concerns for them?
TheBeatWithin.org
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Love!
Love is like a roller coaster ride you have up’s and down’s
You may not have the same partner but 1 always comes
around love is harsh love is strong
Take care of each other there will be no harm lover’s give
neckless and bracelets as charm’s when words is even
stronger
Now we don’t write letter’s we Facebook or Twitter them.
What’s the meaning of love to me sharing, caring, protecting,
honestly NO cheating
Never had it but will always give it.
-Sierra, Portland, OR
From The Beat: Great rhymes! We really liked your definition of love;
those are all great qualities and descriptions of love. One of the best
descriptions you put, but probably not intentionally, is “honesty”.
Honesty is key to every relationship in life, not just romantic ones.
It’s something that’s genuine and someone who truly loves you will be
truly honest with you.
Love
My love for someone is genuine,
Free, crazy, real spontaneous, and out of control.
Couples are suppose to fight,
It makes their love stronger, and it’s healthy.
Love can make you feel trapped and also free.
Lust happens more than love
So listen to your heart to tell you the difference.
Go with the flow if love is real it can last a lifetime.
Love doesn’t make sense it just happens
You have to take a risk and jump in.
-Misti K, Portland
From The Beat: We like your words/poem. You speaking from
experience?
RIP Uncle Najon
One night when I was on my way home from a party with my friend,
I got a call from my uncle Najon. He sounded so excited over the
phone. He was telling me where he was at, then he asked me if I
could meet him at my house because he was only down the street. I
told him yes and I would call him when I got home.
When I got home, I realized I didn’t receive any calls from him
or messages. I called him several times and never got an answer. I
didn’t really trip. I just thought he decided to go somewhere else.
One hour later my grandma called me crying telling me to come
to her house. Somebody had just shot Najon. At that moment, my
heart dropped. I couldn’t do anything. I tried to pull myself together
as I got ready to run to her house. Once I got there, I saw him lying
on the couch. His eyes were rolling to the back of his head. I was so
scared. When the ambulance came, they took him away.
On the way to the hospital, a lot of thoughts went through my
head. When we got there hours later, they told me and my family he
was gone.
From there on, my life changed. I started robbing, not attending
school, not listening to my mom. Now I sit in jail and every night I
have bad nightmares of my uncle. I miss him so much. He was my
world, precious, and all. I miss the times we argued, fought, and
shared plenty of jokes. But now, I have decided to start a new life and show my uncle I
can change and be a better niece so when I leave the hall, I will get
back on track and do me.
Know that you are gone but you are not forgotten. I’m going to
do better for you. I promise. I love you, Najon.
- Nakya, Alameda
From The Beat: Thank you for sharing your loss with us. We are glad
to know Najon a little bit thanks to you and others who have written
about him for The Beat. How are you going to start your new life?
What’s your plan?
Hell, Yeah
Doing hella time ‘cause of my life of crime
Money, cars, clothes, shoes any time I please
‘Cause I get that cheese
Yeah, listening to that Drake
Grinding, never take breaks
‘Cause ends-meet is on stake
Never had the money. Never had the cars
Never had the clothes. Never had the beezies
But, as time goes
But, as I grow, watch me go
Learning from DH, hustling late
Serving bacon on my plate
So, independent ninjas calling me great
Deep in the game
Try to do both, but life never would be the same
Had friends, never felt part of them
So I hit the streets
Then vanish faster than a beat
‘Cause I chose to play with that revolver
Now, I got to move over
I got to let go of her
‘Cause I’m here too long now
Never knew right and wrong
Judges ain’t listening, work for the master
While the DA aims for juvenile lite, and to disappear
Attorney acting, but really don’t care
Public defender? More like public pretender
Put myself in a pickle. Life complicated
Life isn’t simple
Love or die. Fight or cry
My decision’s to choose to be alone
-Jk, San Francisco
From The Beat: You write that you can have money, clothes, cars,
ladies, anytime you want, then you write never had the money…etc.
So, how has your life of crime been treating you? It must be hard to be
alone in juvy, even if that’s your choice. Wonderful poem.
The Conversation
What’s cracking’ Beat? It’s your boy Hitter commin’ out the max
unit. I’m choosing to write about the topic the opinion.
Everybody thinks your homeboys want to do bad and nothing
but bad. They give us bad advice but at the same time they give good
advice.
The lifestyle is like a drug; it’s addictive. I was at my older
homeboy’s house drinking, smoking, and having a good time. I
asked him if I could spend the night because it was late and the
streets were hot and I was on probation so it was not allowed to be
out that late.
It was about two am and me and my older homeboy were on his
porch. He asked me, “How’s school?”
I said, “I didn’t go.”
He asked me why and I said, “Forget school, it’s boring.”
He said, “What do you do in school?”
I said, “Nothing.”
He said, “That is exactly why it is boring, because you don’t do
nothing. You’ve got to take school more seriously because you won’t
make it very far in life. The park will always be here, it’s not going
anywhere. Go to school and get that education because without it
you aren’t shhh.”
He also knew my father and he said, “Your father was a sick
athlete and you can make it far, unlike your dad was unable to. Go
all the way and don’t stop.”
That’s why I love my homeboy so much, because of that
moment. True story.
-Hitter, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Did you take him up on the advice? How are you doing
with school? Are you learning? Playing sports? As for your dad, why
was he unable to play sports/go to school? Is your dad in your life?
TheBeatWithin.org
Page 25
Standouts
Standouts
No More Poetry
I stopped writing poetry because for some reason, I lost the love
for it.
It’s not the fact that I woke up and I stop writing. But I’m just
tryin’ to grow outta the love and the fairy tales, and that’s mostly
what I wrote about. I kinda now realize that I was only writing poetry
because I was in love with that boy.
And I still love him to this day. But you know what they say…
you live fast, you die young…so I had to make some big girl moves
-Tookie
From The Beat: So you started out writing flowery love poetry but then
stopped believing in the love story that first inspired you… But poetry
can be about anything: about life, death, fear, anything! We hope you
come back to it, because it’s clear you have a poet’s heart.
We All Wanna Eat
It’s a messed up world, and a messed up game.
And if you want to live you gotta make it through the game.
But a real ninja knows it’s hard to make through the game,
Let alone make it through a whole ‘nother day
But if you tryin’ to live, gotta live by the day
Brother’s on the corner, dying by the day,
But they all on the corner, tryna do the same thang,
We all want to eat and live another day.
-Daejshon
From The Beat: We’re glad that you have managed to live another day.
The thing about the game you describe so well in this piece is that no
one ever seems to win it. What would it take to make you decide to
stop playing the game altogether.
That Lonely Road
Life as we know it
Is just how you make it
You live, you learn
And the choices you make
Sometimes you feel sick and alone
And not sick from a cold
But sick from being
On that lonely road
Alameda County
Volume 17.07/08
Life On Repeat
I am rolliin’ the dice,
Sittin’ in my cell thinkin’ twice.
If I lose trial it won’t be nice.
I got to eat ‘cause I’m that ninja
If you get in my way I will hit ya,
I pray to God that I change.
But for some reason he don’t get the picture.
I love sittin’ high, smokin’ dro’ thinkin’ about all my ninjas
that died
But at the same time
It seems like my life is on repeat
‘Cause I’m still out here gettin’ mines
When I get out I’m still going to play with girls minds
Totin’ bulky nines high sidin’ down eighty-five.
-Nelly-bo
From The Beat: It seems like there is a conflict in this poem – a part of
you that wants to change, and then another part that looks forward
to getting back into the same lifestyle that took your friends, and that
got you locked up. You could go in either direction, which one seems
more likely right now?
Day Of Love
Well I’m goin’ to write about the first topic today – “Day of Love”
because I’ve had that special somebody on my mind lately. The
mother of my first child, her name is Sarah… We are having a little
girl. The perfect day for me would have to be just walking up next
to her, and saying good morning, say te amo, and then proceed to
kiss her.
Nothing too special that I would want from her this day, just to
have her presence and pretty much that is all I would need from this
special day, and that special lady, oh and also let me add some “hot
lovin’” …LOL to this day and a lot of hugs and kisses.
Aight, Beatsers. I’m out, what it do yeeeah…
-Yung Yang
From The Beat: We hope you get to see your girl (and your daughter)
soon. Where did you meet, how long have you been together? Has
becoming parents-to-be had an effect on your relationship? Has it
changed your view or plans for the future?
-Bri
From The Beat: It sounds like you are ready to get off that lonely road
and on a path that could take you to better places. What will be the
first step on that path?
Lyrical Abuse
See I’m on some lyrical punishment type shhh
Some feel the words hate the pain I’ll punish yo’ type shhh
No point to try and duck and dodge this
No bullets just words in metaphorically painful barrages.
I take you to the brink of death
With my pensions and my lyrically abusive reps
And my lyrically abusive rhymes
I let you have a moment, but I killed it now this my time
See... this that propane flow
That slow leak, add a spark and let the propane blow
Punch lines be harder than an anvil
Is yo’ head still stinging from the words? Have an Advil
Or a Tylenol
Words make a bloody end where’s yo’ Midol
Punch lines be the end all to all tryoffs
I can’t comprehend y’all
Why y’all try y’all
-K-Bang
From The Beat: A lot of dazzling and complex rhymes in this latest
piece, Kinsha, as always. Now if someone came to YOU with this, what
would you write in response?
TheBeatWithin.org
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Alameda County
Volume 17.07/08
My Sister
My Everything
From The Beat: We are very sorry you lost your sister. If you can, we
would love to hear about her: what kind of person was she? What kind
of sister?
From The Beat: We’re sure your Everything will be supporting your
getting your life together. How are you going to do it? What’s the first
step?
A lot on my mind
Never thought it would be your time
Still don’t believe it, that’s why only one time I cried
That’s when I found out that you were up in the sky
I’m goin’ to miss you like crazy, but you’re goin’ to always shine
Watch me from above, because I’m gonna make you proud
I’m going through so much, I just want to scream real loud
I wish my mama was out because she would make everything
alright
RIP my sister, she’s always gonna be by my side
- Nae Nae
I have an everything and her name is Natasia. She’s also my aunty
but I call her my everything because we do everything together. It’s
like I’m her Bonnie and she’s my Clyde. When I’m feeling down, I go
to her and she gives me advice on what I should do.
I love her so much and miss her too. She’s more like a sister
than an aunty. I look up to her.
I’m planning on getting my life together because I’m still young.
I pray to God that He can help me so I can be someone better. So me
and my everything can be back together. I love you, Everything, so
much.
- Nakya
Dear Grandma
My Life
From The Beat: Sounds like you’ve got a great grandma. Is your son
with her now? We imagine she’d be devastated if you got shot, even if
it was for her. I’m sure she wants you to be free and safe, like we do.
How are you going to do that?
From The Beat: We are sorry you had to grow up so fast. What kind of
support do you have or do you need? Where is your son? What do you
need to do to make sure you are never away from him again like this?
Today’s been a really tough day
I miss your hugs and kisses and all the things you used to say
Life’s been rough, but still you stayed by my side
Even when I made you hurt inside and made you cry
But I apologize, for everything I’ve done
You’re the only one who ever helped me with my son
So I love you, Grandma, you’re the only one I’ve got
You mean everything to me. For you, I’d get shot.
- Aleigha
Dropping Out
My boyfriend at the time, baby daddy now, was telling me how he was
thinking about dropping out. I was confused ‘cause I didn’t know
why. So he said it was because school just wasn’t for everybody and
he didn’t think he was smart enough for school. I was shocked he
thought that.
I told him he was smart and he just had to be focused and
everything would work out. He said he would try but wasn’t sure he
could go.
He went for little while longer and then he finally broke and
never went to school again. So we made a promise that he would get
his GED. And it worked out fine.
-Labria
From The Beat: So he got his GED? And what is he doing now? And
what about you? Are you still going to school when you are on the
outs?
My Story
How I ended up giving the county another zero on their check for
me, laying on a cot and getting three cold and hot meals a day. First
off, I was thinking for the moment and not the past. Greed took over
me.
One morning I was laying in my cousin’s bed because I was on
the run and couldn’t go home. That morning I couldn’t go back to
sleep after locking the door behind my cousin.
I got got a call from my cousin but I ignored it. Then her
boyfriend called and I ignored it. I knew all they wanted was to go
get some money. My cousin called again. This time I answered. She
told me to get dressed. “Let’s got some money. We can use the car.”
What happens next?
- Greedy Moment
From The Beat: We can guess what happened next. Or at least soon
after. Do you regret it? Why couldn’t you say no to your cousin? Did you
feel you owed her something? Do you think now that it would have
been better to be home?
From the time I’ve known right from wrong, I’ve known life wouldn’t
be easy. Life began to get hard at age ten. I was forced to provide for
myself.
I started smoking weed, hanging with the wrong crowd. I never
really did anything bad. But I was what they call a want-to-be.
When I got prego, my life began to change dramatically. I’m
raising my son the best way I know how. I made a poor decision and
now I’m here locked up wondering how he is.
- Keshawn
The Truth
Okay. I listen to my heart because I’m too smart for what my
brains say.
I struggle every day so I can make it in a real way.
From time to time I fall, but I get up no matter what YOU say.
Got street smarts for days, so I learn from my mistakes.
No friends, no enemies, no mess. Just me.
Stay focused on life, on day at a time.
Get my life straight. Then success will originate.
A good heart is all it takes.
Well, like I said, I speak what’s on my heart, my mouth’s too
smart for what my brain says.
-Yahoo
From The Beat: What do you mean by “stay focused on life?” What
exactly are you focusing on? What kind of success are you looking for?
Opinion
First off, my opinion matters the most to me because I know what’s
wrong and what’s right for me. But at the same time, my mom’s
opinion helps because I can talk to my mother about anything and
she always knows the right answer to give me.
Like if I wanted to talk to her about me and my boyfriend, she
would give me a whole lecture on how boys tell you what you want
to hear most of the time. And you can tell if a boy loves you when
you get ready to break up with him, and he begs and cries for you to
stay. Because there aren’t that many boys in the world who will cry
over a female.
You can also tell by telling him you don’t wanna be with him
and if he loves you like he says he does, it won’t be that easy for him
to walk away.
- Shaunice
From The Beat: It’s great that you have such a great mother. Are there
other ways to tell if a boy really loves you, without having to pretend
you want to break up with him? If he sticks by you in the bad times?
If he’s always honest with you? If he truly cares for you when you are
feeling bad?
TheBeatWithin.org
Page 27
Standouts
Standouts
My Story
A Friday in January 2012 was the worst day of my life. That’s the
day I was arrested for some bullshhh. Me and my boyfriend were
arguing. It was our worst argument we ever had. It kinda got out
of control and we started physical fighting. We ended up outside
and I busted his window out of his car and the neighbors called the
police. And so did I after he hit me. Once he found out I was calling
5-0, he left.
Mind you, I had a warrant from last year when I was seventeen.
But I was so mad, I forgot about the warrant. It was for missing
court. So when the police came, they asked for my name and my
statement. After that, he ran my name and they told me that they
were taking me to jail for a juvenile warrant that I had.
I was pissed off because it was him that was supposed to go
to jail instead of me. But I wasn’t tripping after it was over with.
Because I had to clear it up eventually so I can live on with my life,
FREE.
- Shawna
From The Beat: We agree it’s good you are getting it cleared up. What
happened to your boyfriend? Are you in touch with him? Have you
broken up? We’d like to hear the next chapter of this story.
Alameda County
Volume 17.07/08
Day of Love
On Valentine’s Day, the thing that I would do for my babymama is
take her to a movie or dinner. I might get her some flowers and
chocolate if she likes all that.
If I don’t want to do all that, I would just spend some time with
her, maybe stay home and watch a movie, just be together.
- Devin
From The Beat: Where would you take her to dinner? What kind of
movies does she like to see? Do you like to see the same kind? What do
you think she’ll do for you for Valentine’s Day?
Siblings
My name is Mikey. I am from Hayward, CA. I’m going to talk about
siblings. I think I’m a good sibling to my brothers and sisters.
I always look out for them and they know that they can count
on me when things get hard for them. They can always come to me
and I’ll help them if I can. Or if I can’t, I’ll try my best. To help them.
Like I always do! Well, that’s it for now.
- Mikey
From The Beat: In what ways are you still able to be there for them
when you are in the hall?
The Day Of Change
January 2012, today is the day my life changed. I prayed and prayed
that I was going to go home on my court date. And I always say that
it’s in God’s will to let you go or keep you. I asked God to help me
change and you know what? He listened to me and he is sending me
to a group home.
And yes, I cried and cried but that’s only because I have never
been out of my mom’s custody and I took it as if she didn’t want me
or love me no more. But once I calmed down and sat in my room and
thought back on what happened, I realized that God answered my
questions when I asked him to help me change.
So He is helping me change by moving me away from my normal
group of people.
- Lovely Lane
From The Beat: Sound like you had quite a day. We are glad you are
seeing your placement as a positive thing and we hope you can make
the most of it.
Damn Cold World
How I got caught this time around.
LOL, funny, but not really. Okay, it was the day after I came
back from Vegas. Of course it was fun, but not that fun because I
was not old enough to really do anything. So all I did was walk the
strip. The strip is not a club or a track (aka) blade. It’s a place where
people walk and have fun hanging out and stuff. That was the fun I
had before I came to the JJC (Juvenile Justice Center).
After I left Vegas, I went and made a bad decision. I’m not really
going to get into all that. But, me and my girl were in Salinas. We
were banking and some white unstable creatures tried to pick an
argument with us and we couldn’t get a room there anymore. That
was the best place to bank.
So our boyfriend rode around and found someone who could
get us a room and he did. The cops were already there, just riding
around and they went to the office to see whose name the room
was in and came to found out that he had a warrant. So as we were
moving our things into the new room and the cops were in our room
and they arrested my boyfriend. First they let my girl go and not me
because I didn’t have any ID. They also went and found the Mexican
who got the room for us.
So me, my boyfriend, and the Mexican went to jail and I’m still
here to this day.
- Lovely Lane
From The Beat: We would love to hear from you what exactly the bad
decision was. Will you try now to avoid doing it again? How? What
would your boyfriend have done if you had made a different decision?
Friends
I don’t have any family or sisters but I do got a lot of people that I
consider my family. Some of my closest friends are my family.
I got an idea of how to treat your family. I think you should
always look out for your family, no matter if you’re the youngest
family or the oldest. I think you should always look after him and
have his back on whatever he does, whether you think they are in
the wrong or the right.
-Jhon
From The Beat: What if he is going to do something that is dangerous?
Would you still have his back? Do those good friends consider you a
brother too?
Inspiration
Don’t let any object stop you from proceeding in anything you want
to accomplish in life. If there is a wall in your path, don’t be like an
ant and panic and scatter away, find a way to go through it, around
it, or over it.
Just because you are in here doesn’t mean success is
impossible. Anything is possible if you see the bright shining light.
We’re all here for a reason. It’s just a matter of time ‘til you realize
why.
God has a plan for you. Haven’t you ever wondered how you
still always smile and laugh? It’s time to show the world you’re more
than a juvenile in the hall.
- Lisette
From The Beat: It’s good to hear some optimism. Can you give us an
example of when this determination has worked for you? What is the
role of other people in helping you overcome obstacles (or not)?
Meant To Be Here
Okay so I always thought that I would be in jail. Now I find myself
sitting in my cell.
At first I didn’t care. Then I was sad that my mom and grammy
weren’t taking my side. But then I prayed and I think God said to
me in my sleep that I can’t be mad because I put myself here and I
think it was meant for me to be here so I can take time and think for
myself and get my mind straight and I just can’t wait to get out.
- Labria
From The Beat: We’d like to hear some of what you’ve been thinking
about now that you are getting your mind straight. Have you told your
mom and grammy some of your thinking?
TheBeatWithin.org
Standouts
Standouts
Alameda County
Page 28
Volume 17.07/08
I Just Want To Go Home
Siblings
From The Beat: Home is home. What are you going to do to make sure
you never have to leave home again?
From The Beat: Do you give the same advice to your younger siblings
that your sister has given to you? What advice do you have for them
now that you are in the hall? What does your sister say about that?
Oh, I want to get the hell out of jail.
It ain’t cool.
I gotta shower next to two other ninjas.
Food’s hella nasty.
And I’m tired of wearing other ninjas’ drawers.
And I just want to go home.
Home is home.
Ain’t nothing better than being home.
Ain’t nothing worse than your freedom being taken away.
- Lil Bill
My Story
I was charged as an adult in June 2010. I was on my way to my group
home and then I got caught up front for an interview with so and
so. He was telling me what I was getting charged with. Then sweat
started dripping down my face. I was nervous ‘cause I knew what he
was going to tell me. Then I clenched my fist ‘cause he was gonna
say the unthinkable and I was lightweight mad from the bad news.
And then they put me in the newspapers although they couldn’t
because I am a minor.
And then when I went to court two weeks later, they started
bringing up hella charges. You feel me? I was red hot ‘cause it’s allreal...
-Casey
From The Beat: We can understand why are were angry. Are you still
angry? What do you think about being tried as an adult? Is that ever
a fair way?
True Creativity
One day I was watching TV and I saw this thing. OMG, I almost died.
It was big and ugly, OMG, so fat and it had horns. It almost killed me,
Billy Bob and Ysatis.
It came out of the TV and bam, Billly Bob was gone, eaten alive.
We didn’t know what to do. Me and Ysatis heard Billy Bob. Ysatis
kicked the thing. She said “poor Billy Bob.”
We ran and it chased us! We ran to Bayfair. OMG we sent Gabby
and pushed her in front of the thing and it ate her.
We got on the bus and went to Billy Bob’s house and told his
mommy he got ate by a big, fat, horn-having thingy. She went outside
and started cussing a the air. It was crazy.
- Dominique
From The Beat: That you for this creative story. We don’t get enough
imaginative writing in The Beat.
Forgive Me
Lord forgive my sins. I know I did it all wrong.
I just want to make my son’s life better than my own.
I know I messed up. I’ll be the first to say.
I’m on my hands and knees. God, please hear me pray.
I’m crying out to you, please respond if you can hear.
God, by my side, but the devil I still fear
‘Cause I made a lot of choices that ended up bad.
I wish I had a good vibe with my mom and my dad.
But it’s my actions that made them not want to hear.
Alone in this world, I wake up every day in fear.
Hiding my face so nobody sees my tears.
But since I had my son, everything’s been so clear.
- Aiegha
From The Beat: What is your plan for you and your son once you get
out of the hall? Do you have plans for your future? You know his future
is now dependent on yours.
To me, the things that are necessary to be a good sibling are to
always be there when they need you, love them with all of your
heart, and give them joy, confidence and faith. The things I’d do
for a sibling are beyond extraordinary. I’d literally die for a sibling.
Especially if they are younger than me.
My older sister is always there for me when I need her. She
gives great advice and she always gives me money when I’m in need!
Our relationship is rock solid.
- Jalul
Stay Out of Trouble
My brother died with some syrup on his lap. He was drinking syrup.
He liked it because it relaxed him. He was a force on the street. He
had fear in people’s hearts. It’s the person that he was.
Our relationship was cool. Anytime he’d see me, he’d give me
money, and tell me to stay out of trouble. My older siblings are cool
too. They know how to have fun and take care of me when they need
to.
-Nunu
From The Beat: We are sorry that you lost your brother. You must miss
him. Was he not able to relax because of the role he played on the
streets? Did he know the dangers of syrup? Has his death changed
you?
My Mistakes
I want to get out of jail because there are more things out there for
me to do. For example, before I came to jail, I was playing football for
the McClymond’s Warriors.
I did some dumb stuff that ended me up in jail. Also, I had a
summer job that I was looking forward to having again. Now, I can’t
get to have job. But we learn from our mistakes and I will never make
that mistake again.
-Marcus
From The Beat: Why can’t you have the job? Because you will be inside
still? Because they won’t hire someone who’s been in the hall? (Are you
sure? That may not be true. They may not even have to know.) What
exactly was your mistake? Was it just doing dumb stuff or was it also
about your priorities and who you were hanging with?
Day Of Love
A perfect Valentine’s Day is when you take your girlfriend out. Take
her to dinner, then to a movie, then to a telly.
It has to be romantic, though – give her a nice box of chocolate,
a dozen roses and a teddy bear that says “Will you be my Valentine?”
- Baby D
From The Beat: What else makes an evening romantic besides those
nice gifts? Would you want to get a gift from her?
Perfect Day
My perfect Valentine’s Day celebration would be to spend the whole
(if not most) of the day with the love of my life.
My plans with my girlfriend would be give her some roses,
chocolate, and some body wash with this special coconut oil that she
likes. And I would take her out to eat later on that night to either a
nice restaurant that she hadn’t been to yet or this Italian restaurant
that we both like. But if I don’t have any money or presents/gifts, if
she would like, we could just spend a nice, calm day together.
- Jalul
From The Beat: That sounds nice. You seem to really know what your
girlfriend likes. Does she know what you like? What do you think she’d
do for you on Valentine’s Day?
TheBeatWithin.org
Page 29
Standouts
Standouts
Dear Beat, My Success And Love Life
Success Spot
I’m sittin’ in my tiny cell, thinking I’ve never talked my love life
over with y’all.
I just wrote my sponsor and told him what I hope court will do with
me and where they will send me hopefully.
I was thinking about Sacramento, because I lived there before
and I was successful. I had my first real job and everyone in
Sacramento that I experienced were good people.
So I hope to go somewhere around the same spot I was: Citrus
Heights, Folsom, Orange-vale, Rancho Cordova, etc. I miss living up
there. I wish I still lived up there. I lived up there for about one year
and had one girlfriend the whole time.
Here we go, my success and my love life.
Ok, when I was living in Sacramento, I went to Jr/Sr high school.
The girl I had I could actually say she was the best I ever had. And
she was my motivation. All she wanted was for me to do good. I miss
her a lot. We broke up because I ran away from a group home
Well, I can actually say, “she’s just that type, that I’ve been
searching for my whole life, that type, that I’d make love to and
always stay bright. That type, that I’d rather make love to than fight,
that type that gets it poppin’ ever single night. She’s my dream girl,
my one and only, my dream girl, hope I never catch her lonely, she’s
my dream girl, I wanna make her my baby, my dream girl, girl it’s
just me and you against the world.” (from Akon “Dream Girl” my
remix version.)
When I come back to the Sacramento days, listen close now,
girl, to what I gotta say, “You are everything in my life. Girl, I show
you ways. Ain’t no one that can compare to you and I want you to
know that you will ever be the Love of my life, no matter what, and I
hope that’ll be the same thing for you, girl, I want you to know that
I don’t care what they say, I’m gonna be with you, I’m gonna be with
you, I’m gonna be with you, and I don’t care what they do. I’m gonna
be with you. I’m gonna be with you. I’m gonna be with you.” (from
Akon “Be With You” my remix version.)
Girl, you are the only one that makes me feel this way. Girl,
your love grows stronger in my heart, day by day. Girl, you’re the
love of my life and in my heart you’re always going to stay. Day by
day I think about you. You’re blond smooth hair drifts in the sky’s
blue. Sydney, girl, you are always sweet. I’m so glad, girl, you were
not raised in the streets. You got that “Quad S Satisfaction.” Your
personality caught my eye like an eternity distraction. No other girl
is as joyful as you, even when the sky is not blue. So listen close,
girl, to another song I wrote you.
Think about the beat of “Miss Me” by Drake:
“Girl, your body is a blessing and our hearts are just connecting
while our souls are intersecting. Girl, your eyes are interesting and
your kiss is so addicting. Damn. Well, girl, I miss the thought of
you. I’m always loyal unto you. And I’m fitted, so committed, go and
ask me how I did it certified. I’m always with it, you can even ask
the clinic*. And it’s on, yea, know it’s on. I’m gonna do it really big,
prove me if I’m wrong. I’ll show you that I love you til the day I’m
gone.”
Girl sings, “Prove to me you love me til the day we’re gone.”
“Yea, girl, I’m always here for ya, best believe me, girl, that I’m
gonna wipe them tears for ya. Got thoughts of you in my head, the
wonderful smell of you lies in my bed. Girl your smile and your walk,
girl, I like the way you’re talking, loving you is so true. Let’s go to the
beach and see the dolphins, ya, I’m kattin’ but you’re smiling at the
thought of when it’s hangin’ and you turn to me, so glad ‘n I show
you what’s really hangin’. Now, girl, open our eyes. Turn around,
baby girl, see your surprise. Hold me close until the day we that we
die. ‘Cause when we die, girl we’re gonna be rising in the sky.”
(*“Certified” and “Clinic” are about becoming a personal
trainer.)
- Jake
From The Beat: We can see why you miss her. Are you in touch with
her? Is she “waiting” for you? Did you know you would lose her too
when you ran from the home?
Alameda County
Volume 17.07/08
Moms Opinions
The opinion that matters to me the most is my moms. The reason
why my mom is so important to me is because she knows best for
me. And she would never lead me the wrong way.
The only thing that’s wrong is for some reason I never really
listen to her. I think I need to start or I’m going to end up being
somewhere I don’t want to be.
-Need to clean the wax out of my ears
-From The Beat: You know the problem, so now the choice is yours to
listen up!
They Ran My Name
I started the day by not going to my program.
After I left I bought a forty ounces beer of Cobra.
While drinking I was thinking about my mom and many times
I had made her cry.
My homie then picked me up and we went cruising.
We were then stopped by the cops,
who ran my name through the computer
a couple of hours later I was sleeping in the juvenile hall.
-C
-From The Beat: What did you learn from this? What must you do next
time to stay out of the system’s computer? Is it going to be hard?
I Wish Other People...
Would understand the way I feel.
The world is full of liars and manipulators. You can’t trust
nobody.
Once he got what he wanted, she left there, feeling used and
alone, with no one to go to, no one to hold.
- Nuni
From The Beat: We think a lot of people, especially other Beat
writers, will understand how you feel. Like you say, there are a lot of
manipulators and liars, so there are a lot of people who suffer from
them. We hope you can find someone to talk to. Keep talking to us!
This One Time
One time I went out with my friend at two in the morning to go out
and paint freeway bridges. Everything was going good and we had
lots of spray cans to do as much tags and bombs as we wanted.
By the time we were leaving from a spot when lights were posted
on us. It was cops they said they were watching us the moment we
got there. They were just waiting. We got charged with 5a4, and put
on probation for three years, I was in juvenile for about a month and
a half then put on house arrest that was it the end of my old ways.
-Toll
From The Beat: Well, how are you now utilizing your skills as an artist?
Do you have a book to work out of?
Mom’s Opinion
My mom’s opinion matter’s the most because they know what is the
best for you. I still go head and do the opposite of what they say.
Then when you get caught, you already know what they are going to
say, “ I told you mijo”.
After you start feeling sad because you listen and she is seeing
you getting locked up. At court they are crying for you to come with
a lesson learned. Hoping for you to not do it again so you don’t get
in trouble. After you do something else and you get caught and you
ended up in the same place.
-Need to listen
From The Beat: You know you need to do a better job listening,
especially to those who care the most for you. What’s the plan upon
returning home? We hope not putting your poor mother through all
this extra b-s again! Wake up mijo!
TheBeatWithin.org
Standouts
Standouts
Alameda County
Page 30
Volume 17.07/08
Big Brother D
I think a good brother is a brother who will listen to you when you
need someone and who is protective about guys.
My brother is a good example. He wants me to be the best I can
be. I think that the relationship that me and my brother have is rock
solid and I wouldn’t do one thing to change the relationship we have.
No one can come between us.
- Ilaya
From The Beat: How are you a good sister to your brother? Has he ever
done anything that got you mad?
Fears
I can’t do without my family, my friends and elders. Without them I
can’t do anything. My family is always worried about me and friends
too. Friends, you can do anything. Like you can go to the movies and
go to a party. Family is like the very first thing to think about and
friends are second thing to think about.
-Astaray
From The Beat: Absolutely, the people who are closest to you mean
the most, and you probably worry and think about them more than
ever since you have been incarcerated. What must change in your life
to never let this happen again?
My Conversation About Dropping Out
My big sister told me she was going to drop out. I tried my hardest
to convince her. We talked for a whole hour.
I asked her, “If you drop out, where you gonna be in five years?
At Burger King flipping burgers? Eight dollars an hour ain’t gonna
get you anywhere. You need to finish high school and do something
with your life.”
-Tavon
From The Beat: And so? Did you convince her? What is she doing now?
And have you stayed in school?
Trapped
Trapped
Trapped
Trapped
Hoping I can leave, but I know I did wrong. So this is my treat. The
messed up one. Hopefully I get a good one. Maybe next time I won’t
mess up. So I can be free and not locked up like an animal. I love my
freedom and my life.
Trapped
Trapped
Trapped
Hoping I can be free
Trapped
Trapped
Trapped
Hoping I can leave
Trapped
Trapped
Trapped
Loving to eat
Trapped
Trapped
Trapped
Not liking the head
Trapped
Trapped
Trapped
I’m done, good night
-Bolo
From The Beat: You did good with this piece, now we need to ask, what
is your plan to keep your freedom?
Caught Up
The reason why I’m here is because I got caught up with a G-ride in
Milpitas. The cop just got back of us and got the license plates and
he saw the car was stolen and he started chasing us until we lost
them, then we parked the car and started running, but then they
spotted us again and they just got out of the car and told us to get
on the ground so we did, because we didn’t have no where to run to
and that’s how I ended up here, again.
-Bad News Again
From The Beat: And the lesson of this story? When it is not your
property, don’t take, use or violate, or else you pay the price, and
rightly so!
My Mothers’ Opinion
My mother’s opinion matters a lot to me. More than anyone on this
earth. The reason why is because she is the one who gave birth to
me. She has always been there for me. Whether I’m right or wrong.
She never left my side. I love my mother.
Second is my girlfriend’s opinion which matters because
sometimes they know what’s best. Third is my sister and friends.
A good example is when my mother recommended for me to go
to Church. I took her advice and went to church and liked it.
- Jalul
From The Beat: Sound like you’ve got good people around you. We’re
glad. When is your own opinion important? Why do you think your
girlfriends often knows best?
Getting Out Soon
What’s up Beat, it’s me, Darryon. I’m talkin’ about when I get out I’m
gon’ do my program in a group home in LA, get my ID and my GED,
get my driver’s license, and spend my birthday with my family.
I’m going to try to get a job and take care of my mother and
sister, get me a car, never come back to any facility ever again, and
get my life back together, and try to be a role model to some of my
friends, but other than that, that’s the end of my transition plan.
-Lil Dee
From The Beat: We wish you the best of luck in this new phase of
your life, and if you drop The Beat a line, we’ll be happy to print your
writing in The Beat Without!
Water
I’m afraid of being in the middle of the ocean. I’m afraid of that
because I was in this twelve foot pool at one time and I almost
drowned. I’m also not so good with water because if I go underneath
the water too far and I was to get tired while I’m underneath then
there’s no way I can get extra energy to get to the top and gasp for
air. So in reality you will die.
-Cile
From The Beat: Fear of water is big for many, but know, when things
get tough, you need to stay calm, and if you were to be underwater,
know you will float to the top. Also, if you can dog paddle/float, you
will be just fine, yet the key is not to panic.
I’m Scared to Lose Her!
I’m scared of losing my daughter. I love her to death! I brought her
to the world. I don’t regret having her, she’s the best thing that ever
happened to me. And for that I’m thankful!
When I’m in jail, every day I wake up and think about her. I want
the best for her. I want to change for her. But the system doesn’t
seem to understand that I’m willing to change. But it’s okay.
-Young Mom
From The Beat: We are sure the system wants you to change for
yourself and your daughter, but first, you need to put some things in
place. Can you tell us what you think needs to be in place before you
return home?
TheBeatWithin.org
Page 31
Standouts
Standouts
Changes
“Friends forever together ‘til the end.”
We did everything with each other. We helped each other out.
You were my best friend.
When I was sad, you were by my side. When I was scared, you
felt my fear. You were my best support. If I needed you, you were
there.
You were the greatest friend, you always knew what to say! You
made everything seem better. As long as I had you, everything would
be okay.
But somewhere along the line, we slowly came apart. I was
here, you were there, it tore a hole in my heat. When we started to
argue, do you remember that it was through the phone, texting!
Things were changing, it was when I came back from LA. It was
like having salt without pepper, a sun without its moon. Suddenly
we were apart, two different people with nothing the same. It was as
if we hadn’t been friends. Although I knew deep in my heart I was the
one to blame.
I chose the streets over you, the drugs, everything, and I want
to say I’m sorry. You were the only true friend that I ever had but now
that I’ve lost you, I realize how dumb and stupid I was. I’ve never had
a friend like you and never will.
As days and months go by, things change. But my friendship
towards you will never change. Even though it’s different now.
No matter what, you will always be my friend. Always, don’t you
forget.
- Pretty Jenny
From The Beat: You write beautifully about this friendship. We are very
sorry that you’ve grown apart and really hope you two can be friends
again. Can you speak with her? She might be very glad to have you
back.
Stay In School
My brother was the one encouraging me to stay in school. Well,
basically my whole family was pushing me to stay. They were telling
me a mind is a terrible thing to lose.
I just wish I took school more serious. School was always kinda
tough for me. I really didn’t go to school. I had a lot of absences.
When I was at school, I had a hard time focusing ‘cause there was a
lot of distraction in class.
So I’m in independent study now and I’m doing better in that
program. I’m happy I had the support from family.
-Jonathan
From The Beat: We know it’s hard to focus on your Beat writing too
because there are so many distractions in your unit. But you always
manage well. We are sure you do well in the independent study. We
hope you get out soon and get back to it.
Returning To School
I knew two girls who dropped out and one girl who was their best friend
who was going to drop out because they did. She was doing well and
got a three point zero or higher GPA throughout high school.
So what I did was convince the two girls to get back in school.
I told them that without school, you will stay broke and reliant
on your parents your whole life. That you will have to grow up
sometime and get school done so you’re not on a highway corner
begging, prostituting on the track, or getting involved with wrong
people, getting beat just to have money. I also told them that I would
try to stop doing wrong if they gave school another try.
So they decided to go back and went to North Campus
Continuation School for a year. They dropped out again after the
year for the senior year. They only needed senior year to graduate.
Hopefully they decided to go back. But I was proud they gave it a
shot.
- Sanad
From The Beat: You did a great job! You’re a good friend. And how did
you do on your end of the deal? Does being in the hall mean you didn’t
manage to stop doing wrong?
Alameda County
Volume 17.07/08
This Ain’t Nothin’ But A Wakeup Call
I pray,
I pray when I wake up
I pray to walk up
Man, it feels like I can’t make it. It feels like I’m lettin’ these jail
walls get the best of me, I’m tryin’ to stay strong but I feel weak.
But I made one real partner up in there, Larry, and he makes a ninja
laugh and forget about the time. The best thing I like about him is
that he don’t act hard, he just be himself. And then the staff – B and
Webb, they make a ninja’s time go past fast most of the time. Then
moms and pops come see me on the weekends. It be cool most of
the time …
But man, I feel weak, moms and pops just tell me to talk to God,
this ain’t nothin’ but a wake-up call. So now, every night I pray.
-Yae
From The Beat: Do you think the time you’ve spent praying, thinking
about life, and learning how to manage strong emotions will help you
be as successful as you deserve to be when you get out? What is the
most valuable thing you’ve learned since coming in?
Young Casanova
I treat her, then it’s the classic, a bed full of petals,
Romance than throw the candles
And can’t leave her alone.
It’s time to turn the magic
She got the body of a Goddess,
I can’t leave her alone
But that’s when she’s at home
When she out then we out
Always in a pair, can’t get it in when we deep out
Steady cupcakin’, but do more than what we speak ‘bout
Love bein’ with her, every day’s another freak-out
Yeah and I call it burnin’ rubber,
Love the way she bit her lip
Every single time I touch her
She’s young and independent,
Think she got it from her mother
Once you get a taste
…really doubt you’ll find another
-Yatta
From The Beat: Great rhymes, great images, great love poem! (We did
have to cut and tweak a few to keep the poem PG). We hope you also
sent a copy to your girl!
First Time Mobbin’
My first time mobbin’ was in October 2010. I was with my cousin.
We bounced out on somebody stripped him, bounced back in the car
and went to a party, and chased some other people down, knockin’
at them. And they bounced on the bus and came back to the party
and grazed me and hit my cousin in the leg.
-Lil Charles
From The Beat: That was a close call, we’re glad none of those bullets
hit you. What about your boys – have many of them been shot or
caught up because of all the “mobbin’” you talk about. Do you think
this is the life you will go back to once you are released?
Away From My Daughter
I’m mad at the fact that I’m away from my daughter. Not being able
to see her or hold her is the most painful thing I ever had to go
through. Knowing my family is out there without me kills me.
My dream for her future is for her to get an education and get a
good job, and have a family of her own.
-Trey
From The Beat: Thank you for sharing something that is so real and
deep in your piece. We hope you get to see her soon, she needs you
and you need her!
TheBeatWithin.org
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San Francisco County
Volume 17.07/08
Stressed Out
Valentine’s Eleven
The staff put me in a bad mood.
Sometimes, I don’t even want to leave my room.
All these bricks got me stressed out.
I just want to get out.
The last two months here been havin’ me stressed out.
Doin’ all these push-ups. Tryin’ to get buff.
I’ll end up gettin’ on somebody for actin’ tough.
These bricks got me going crazy.
I just want to smoke some weed at home, and be lazy.
My Valentine’s Day freshmen year, last year, was perfect. I had come
to school with eleven beautiful roses, and one fake one, to make a
full dozen, for my girlfriend at the time, and, to be clichéd, which
she adored. I told her, “I’ll love you ‘til the last rose dies,” and she
just committed to my arms. We skipped school to spend our whole
day together.
-Bliss
-Code
From The Beat: It must be stressful when the staff, strangers to
you, have all the power over you. Will you remember how bad, even
humiliated you, anyone can feel, up in juvy, not mess up again, and
never go back, once you’re home? Yes!
My Opinion
Nobody’ opinion really matter to me, unless you’re my parents, my
girl, or my way of thinking. I’m impartial to those who’ opinion is
counterfeit. The choices in my life that I make are beneficial to my
future.
I surround myself with people who’s articulate, people who
is intellectual. People who are ignorant or has been misinformed,
tends to tell false informations or statements.
I love you, Mom and Dad. I love my girl, too. Thank you to The
Beat.
-Hunter
From The Beat: Although you value opinions like yours, do you ever
listen, learn from people you disagree with? Can you write The Beat
about information you learned, that you didn’t already know, that
surprised you, changed your mind?
Dropping Out
One time my friend told me he was going to drop out at MLK, ‘cause
everybody kept talking about how he got knocked out, ‘cause they
were playing. I was telling him not to do it, ‘cause it ain’t worth
losing his education. So, after he fought someone to prove that he
ain’t scared, but fought a girl, so it got worser.
So, he and I decided to ignore them. Now he got all his friends
back, ‘cause he just didn’t even think about talking to them.
-Carl
From The Beat: Sometimes just ignoring what others make a big deal
about, is so smart. They may be watching your reaction, anyway, to
decide what theirs should be. Your friend has his friends back. But,
hitting a girl? Oh, no he didn’t.
Stay In School
I had started my first year of high school. It was the middle of the
semester, and I was not going to school for a whole week. Some
of my best friends called me and asked me, why wasn’t I going to
school? I told her, because I wanted to drop out, and she told me, if
I don’t start comin’ back to school, she is goin’ to come to my house
in the morning, and wake me up, and I’m going to get dressed, and
she’s going to drag me by the ear to school. So I listened to her, and
went back to school.
Okay, why I even wanted to drop out of school? I was going to
SOTA, and that is the best school in San Francisco. I wanted to drop
out, because school gets boring after a while. But, I go to school
when I am on the outs, and I’m going back to school when I get out
of here.
-Zack
From The Beat: How can you make school exciting? Read outside books
to learn more about subjects you’re studying? Take classes in subjects
you know nothing about? Ask kids from other races, ethnic groups
about their home countries, customs, history? Visit them at home?
Invite them to your house?
From The Beat: How fun, original and romantic a Valentine’s Day
you created. You write, “your girlfriend at the time,” so are you still
together? Are you still committed to her, like you promised? Or to other
girls, as well?
To A Potential Drop Out
To a potential drop out, I would say a lot. I would tell him/her, “Yo,
little bro/sis, what do you want to be in life? You got to think about
your future, unless you want to be living place to place, ducking
and dodging the cops, with plenty of penal codes hanging over your
head.”
Then I would say, “Education is the master key to success.
Without an education you have a hard life ahead of you. Besides,
school is fun, depending on the school, but my school, Ida B. Wells,
be dummy lit.”
-Smiley
From The Beat: You’ve already learned many important lessons. How
did you get to be so wise? Will you go back to Ida B. Wells, when you’re
back home? Why don’t you write your own bio of Ida B. Wells, for Black
History Month, for The Beat?
Good News
What’s up, Beat ? Man, yo, I just got the best news I can possibly
get. My charges got lowered from two attempted murders to one
attempted murder, thank God. But, man, I’m waiting for Glen Mills
to interview me this Friday.
-Jerk
From The Beat: That’s beautiful news, but you can’t rely on a gun to
get you out of any mess. You can too easily end up killing someone, or
you can get hurt/killed, or both. Can you talk with someone out of any
trouble, without resorting to violence?
I Don’t Like Being A Delinquent
I am stuck in here. I am a disappointment. I go to church and I pray,
and read books most of the time. I am considered a delinquent. I
don’t like it.
I just got here a week ago, and I’m pretty upset that anything I
say could be used against you.
-Kris
From The Beat: If you’re really a disappointment to yourself, that you
can rectify. Make amends to anyone you may have hurt, don’t mess up
again. If you care about not saying anything that could be used against
anyone else, will you keep quiet?
In My Zone
I’m in my zone
Tryin’ to stay out of the wrong
When I fly, I fly alone
Zoomin’ in my boogotie
Bad chick ridin’
Shottie, she ridin’ with me
So I can catch a body
I do this for a hobby
-Yung Trell
From The Beat: How are you doing, avoiding the wrong in your zone,
on the outs? In your zone, do you keep your shottie out of trouble, too?
Do you also zone in juvy? If you can fly in your imagination, is that
your real challenge, fun?
TheBeatWithin.org
Page 33
Standouts
Standouts
Girls Be Messy
Aye, what’s good with The Beat, for real? Man, I’m so tired of being
in here. It’s so played out. The staff is irritating, but these girls, man,
let me tell you about these girls. Hella fake and scary.
They always tellin’ people’ stories that’s not even true, then
they be all in your business. Then, when you start gettin’ on them,
they want to shut up, then y’all both get kicked out of class. Then,
it’s like, forget it, I ain’t got nothing to lose, so you go off. Then, you
on DRB. But, after all that, I still won’t let it go until we fight, so I’m
waiting for someone to get back in my business.
-Tae-Tae
From The Beat: Even if you prove no one can push you around, if you
keep up the mess, it’s on you. The more you cooperate in juvy, the
better your report, and the sooner you’re out. Can you hang back,
forget the juvy drama, for your freedom?
You’re So Beautiful And Sweet
So beautiful and so sweet
You knock me off my feet
My heart was locked, and you found the key
Being right next to you, I never want to leave
And, you’re the only one I want to see
And, I need you right here next to me
And, there is nowhere else I’d rather be
My love of my life, my queen, my wife
My butter, I’m the knife.
You are the left, I’m the right.
San Francisco County
Volume 17.07/08
Still Together, So Crazy
Me and Jason, six months together. Still together. So crazy. We been
through highs and lows the past months. Who knew we would fall
so hard for each other? I damn sho’ didn’t think that. But I realize I
love him so much.
-Keela
From The Beat: It’s wonderful that you’re together with your man, but
what about Valentine’s Day? Did you write him a poem, send him a
card? Why are you inside, while he’s out there? Don’t you need to go
home, and be with him?
Can’t Kiss And Tell
Can’t kiss and tell—that’s the code
No bull stuff, can’t overload
Got cream that I sold to the friends
Movin’ mean with my team
Catch a ninja slippin’
Spot with the revolver
With the lazer beam
-Young Bleak
From The Beat: Doesn’t writing this poem break your code, about
selling cream to friends, spotting anyone slipping with a lazer beam?
Shouldn’t your code really be not selling drugs? Not threatening
anyone with, using a revolver for any reason?
-‘Frisco The Kid
From The Beat: Your lady seems amazing. Is she as crazy about you,
as you are about her? Why, if you need her by your side, are you so
far away from her, now that it’s Valentine’s Day? Can you send her this
poem, to show her your heart?
Don’t My Homies Care?
The judge gave me a ninety-day sentence.
I’m goin’ to eat it up and laugh.
Day after day, I wake up, mad at the world.
Damn, I miss my girl.
Every day I put on the same grey sweater.
While she with the next dude, enjoying the weather.
I wake up in my cell, lonely.
Then think to myself, “Where’s my homies?
Why more than half ain’t writin’ me?
Do they not care?”
I’m So Proud Of My Brother
When I get out, I will make some major changes. It hurts me how I
can’t see my
brother walk across the stage. If I could go back and change a lot,
I would.
I am so proud of my big brother. I love him so much. I’ve learned
a lot these past couple of days. Life has so much to offer. Being
in juvie really is a wake-up call for me. Juvenile hall isn’t a place
anyone would want to be.
I miss my family so much, but I know I will see better days. I
believe God has a plan for me, and it is not here.
-Kara
From The Beat: It is sad that you can’t see your brother graduate, but
what about you? Will you go back to school on the outs, and graduate,
too? Is it possible that part of God’s plan for you includes college?
Would that be a terrific idea?
-Code
From The Beat: Are your friends busy with their own lives, or afraid if
they write you, going to juvy may become contagious? It’s sad/painful/
mean that they haven’t written. Do you write them? Your family? This
girl? Let them know you’d like them to write?
I’m Out Here For Life
I jumped off the porch at fourteen.
Asked a couple of the homies for the torch.
I told them, “I’m out here for life.”
When someone new slide through
Papa-Pills always on the scene.
I did somethin’ to make the block hot.
Now, I’m sittin’ here
With all the homies, keepin’ it lit.
We need to get up out of here, five real.
Tune in next time for Papa’s vision.
You Can’t Go Off What You Hear
I shine like a star. Can’t nobody stop me
I’m as hot as the sun
I wouldn’t touch me, ‘cause your hand might melt
I’m cold
You already know you can’t go off what you hear
But it depends on what they told you
I’m stacking hella paper
‘Cause you ninjas ain’t around
-Swagg City
From The Beat: Any paper you stack in juvy, you put in the trash can,
right? Be careful that you don’t believe whatever people are whispering
about you. You seem pretty stopped right now, right? We heard you
need a real, legit job. Is that true?
I’m All In Love
-Papa-Pills
From The Beat: You’re a good poet, but, if you were released tonight,
would you be right back out there, doin’ whatever brought you into
juvy this time? Can you take whatever skills you’ve developed, to use
in real, legit work, even if it’s small money? Or haven’t you “hit bottom”
in frustration/fury at yourself, for being incarcerated yet?
I love myself. I love my life.
I love my family. I love my ‘hood.
I love my dead homies.
-Taco
From The Beat: You sure spread the love around. Do you also love
your freedom? Enough to protect it from anything/anyone, including
yourself?
TheBeatWithin.org
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San Francisco County
Volume 17.07/08
Movies, Cuddling, Shopping,
Beach, Treats
My Sister Makes Me Smile
My little sister is my life. She makes me smile.
My perfect Valentine’s is with this one girl. We went to the movies,
cuddled up, went shopping. She brought me a jacket and two pair
of pants. It was cool. Then I went to buy her some flowers and some
chocolate.
Then, we went to the beach and spent a couple of hours there,
and got wet with her in her bikini, looking sexy. Then, back to my
house for a late night treat, if you know what I mean! Wink!
-Stacks
From The Beat: You do have a romantic heart. So does she. Do you still
see this girl? She seems to like you, so why is she out there somewhere,
and you’re in here, on Valentine’s Day?
My Story
Hi, Beat Within. I’m going to talk about why I’m in here. I’m in here,
because I was placed at the group home, and I decided not to take
my medicine. I think that’s stupid, because I didn’t do a crime or
anything. I didn’t think not taking medicine can put me in jail, but
I stopped taking it, because my chest started hurting, and that was
one of the side effects.
I’ve been here for a month, and, to me, that’s a long time. I hope
I get out in two weeks.
-Netta
From The Beat: Could you have told a doctor/nurse your chest hurt,
maybe as side-effect of your medicine, so you were afraid to take it?
Maybe you did tell them. Since your instincts told you not to take it,
you may be right, even if you’re back in juvy.
I Started Enjoying School
Dropping out of school is something I was really thinking about
when I was younger. I never liked school, because I hate when we
have to sit in a class for an hour, and I don’t like no teachers. I don’t
like nothing about school. I dropped out for about three months,
then my mom found out that I wasn’t going, so she made me go.
She started dropping me off and picking me up, to know that I was
really going.
Then, I went to this one school, and the staff was cool, so I start
going and start enjoying school, so I like to learn and keep going to
school, so dropping out was out of the question for me.
-Derrick
From The Beat: Wow! What about these teachers, this school, is so cool?
What are you curious about, what thrills you, that you learn in school?
Do they encourage you to go to college, have college reps come talk to
you? They should. And you should definitely go!
Your Voice In My Ear
-Crash
From The Beat: How lucky you are to have a little sister who smiles up
your life. Where does she think you are? Is it time for you to go and
stay home to be with her?
Sometimes I Feel Like A Stray Goat
The sky is blue, the grass is green
The roses are red, the clouds are white and grey
Sometimes I feel like I’m a stray, stray goat
And how my life is just good, happy
Because I am alive, feeling good every day
So much good things to live for
And how my life is so boring, sometimes
But, that’s just the way of life, that’s all
-Young Bleak
From The Beat: Do you, like some of your poems, feel bleak, like your
name? Why do you feel like a stray goat? Where is your herd, family?
Can you explore everything you feel curious/passionate about, so you
won’t just chew grass/be bored?
Baby Brother
When I get out, I’m ‘bout to go home and kiss my brother, because
that little boy is everything to me. Like, when I was on the phone in
juvie, it was just like, so crazy, because he started crying and asking
me, where I was at? I didn’t want to lie, but I had to, because I didn’t
want to cry more.
-Domunique
From The Beat: It’s so sad, when your little brother, who loves you, can’t
understand where you are. Does he think you’ve fallen off the earth?
With both of you crying on the phone, do you know it’s time for you to
go and stay home?
The Youngest Gets Away With Everything
Being the youngest, it is really easy, because I can get away with
anything. I get a lot of attention. I switched from being the middle
oldest to the youngest, when my little brother moved away.
-Marco
From The Beat: Do you like being the middle oldest or youngest in your
family? Does a different family position change your personality, how
you regard yourself, how people respond to you? Do you miss your
little brother? Hope he’ll be back?
Dead People
Baby, you always make me smile
Your voice in my ear, turns me on faster
Than a police turns on the siren
I can’t live without you
You cater to my every need
Your smile sparks feeling in me
Like the Fourth of July
When we cruised in the car
Listening to the radio
You twirling my hair
Grinding slowly to the beat
Even though I’m locked up
I know you will keep it real
‘Cause, all that matters is you and me
I love you, baby! xoxo
I see dead people.
-Marco
From The Beat: Who, who’s dead, do you see? Do they speak to you?
Appear to you whenever you/they want to? Come to you in your
dreams/while you’re awake? What do you ask/tell them? What have
you learned about life/death/anything else, from them?
We Partied,
Made Gifts For Valentines
-Sam
From The Beat: Sweet, romantic poem, just in time for Valentine’s Day.
Did you send your poem to the lady who inspired it? You should. She’ll
love it, and, maybe, you, too. She should.
What is your perfect Valentines Day celebration? We use to have
parties and give each other Valentines cards with suckers on the
cards. Our teacher gave all the children goodies bags. We used to
make cards and bring them to my mom.
-Carl
From The Beat: Can you create a Valentine, with drawings, poems,
letters inside, to let your Valentine know you miss her, and reassure
her you’re all right in juvy, and may be home soon?
TheBeatWithin.org
Page 35
Standouts
Standouts
Schooling My Sister
What’s up Beat? Well, my sister once told me that she didn’t want
to go to school. I asked her what was the reason she didn’t want to
go and she said that it was hard for her to deal with waking up and
doing the homework. So I told her that everything in life is hard.
When you get a job you have to wake up and be on time because if
you just lay in your bed you won’t have a life. You have to get up and
get one because life won’t get to you.
-Innocent
From The Beat: How is she (as well as you) doing with school today?
Plus, what is your plan to staying free upon getting out of the system?
My Story
I remember everything about the moment I got caught up. To fast
forward on some of the things that took place, I was in a car with my
homeboy and the next thing I know I see those red and blue lights
in the back of us.
We took the cop on a high-speed chase and crashed. Luckily
nothing serious happened to us, I just bumped my head pretty hard
and blacked out. I remember opening the door and tried to make
an escape for it, but the cop was already in front of me with his gun
then everything went blurry and I fell to the floor because I hit my
head so hard.
When I woke up I was in the emergency room with handcuffs.
After a few nights in the hospital they took me to the hall. It’s like
the staff here raised me.
-China
From The Beat: Even though nothing serious happened to you then,
we hope that you realize just how dangerous that situation was. We’re
glad you’re safe and hope you don’t put yourself in that situation again.
Opinions
I wouldn’t be here if I had listened to my mom. Let’s get to the point.
One day I went home drunk and high and my mom started yelling at
me like crazy. Then she went to church and met a lady who told her
that I was going to go through fire if I didn’t stop doing what I was
doing. But guess what? My hard-headed self didn’t listen to what
anybody said, I still did my own thing, still went out and came home
drunk and high.
A week later the police picked me up from school and now look
where I am. I should have listened but in the future I’m going to do
what I gotta do to listen to my mom. I’m going to live with my mama
until I’m middle aged, I love her so much and I want to do what’s best
for her when I get out. I’m going to make my mom the happiest mom
on earth.
-Queen T
From The Beat: We’re happy to hear that you’ve changed your attitude
about your mom’s advice. Even when they frustrate us, moms have our
best interests at heart. What kinds of things will you do to make your
mom the happiest mom on earth?
Santa Clara County
Volume 17.07/08
Stay Smart
What’s good Beat? You already know this be Sleepy in the max unit,
once again. Well Beat, I’m going to be talking about dropping out.
I dropped out of high school in ’08. I thought that school was
boring. I used to think it was boring because I never paid much
attention.
When I got locked up I had to go to class every single day. There
was nowhere to ditch since I was at the ranch. Now, I am just ten
credits away from graduating.
I wouldn’t want any of my loved ones to not graduate so I
stepped up my game. I was going to junior college but I made a bad
choice on the outs. I’m happy because my brother graduated in the
max. Not the place to be, but the system can’t say that we aren’t
educated, right? I’m out. Much love Beat. Please stay smart people.
-Sleepy
From The Beat: Glad to hear you are so close to getting your diploma.
Will you be returning to college upon your release? Where does
education fit in for you?
Day of Love
What’s up Beat? It started in January 2012 in Gilroy. I met this
beautiful girl. She caught my attention. I caught her attention. Then
one of our friends, Ashley, brought her to the table. Then we made
eye contact and she had a gorgeous smile.
We started talking and texting each other then she asked me
out. The first time, I said no cause I barely knew her. A week passed
and I got with her. Then Valentine’s came and it was a blast. She got
me a big, big, and I mean big Valentine’s card with a bear. I bought
her flowers and a heart shaped basket full of Valentines stuff. We
watched movies and just had our valentines at my house with my
family. We had dinner and a Mickey Mouse Cake. That was the best
Valentine’s Day ever. I won’t forget about that day. Well, I’m out Beat.
-Queen T
From the Beat: Queen T, that sounded like a nice way to spend a
Valentines Day. How would you like to spend your next Valentines
Day?
Caught Up
Today I’m here to talk about how I got caught up. I was on EMP and
got into a little scuffle at school. After that little scuffle nothing
happened, the cops didn’t come, so I went on about my day at
school. By the end of the day I got wind that the cops were looking
for me so I went home.
Once I got home my girl was there and asked me what was
wrong. I told her what had happened and that I was going to pack
up my stuff and cut off my EMP bracelet and she started crying, but
that didn’t stop me, I packed up and I was gone. I was on the run for
about a month and a half and one day I woke up to the police raiding
my cousin’s house looking for someone else and instead they got
me!
-Speedy
From The Beat: You need to think more about how your choices
affect those you love, like your girl. In this piece, you don’t seem
very concerned about her feelings. This kind of selfishness shows
immaturity—running shows cowardice.
Decisions
What’s up Beat? Once again, I’m in custody for the fifth time. And
this time they’re not letting me go home they want to send me to a
group home for twelve months. I’m not sure what should I do. That’s
a lot of time, but I will probably end up taking the right decision.
Well I’m going to need a lot more than luck this time. Peace, late.
-Waldo
From The Beat: Every time that I have to take a decision, I think about
what decision will have positive outcomes in my future.:) . Have you
ever been in a group home? What kind of experience do you think you
can get from group home?
TheBeatWithin.org
Standouts
Standouts
Santa Clara County
Page 36
Volume 17.07/08
My Teacher
In my sophomore year I had a teacher, who gave me good advice.
He was a good teacher. He would motivate me to do my work and
participate in class. He was a cool teacher.
One day I left this project at home, and he told me if I could
get it before lunch he would pay me twenty bucks. I called my mom
and she brought it for me. I went to my teacher’s class; he looked
surprised ‘cause he thought I was not going to bring it. He paid me
twenty bucks and that was it.
-Miguel
Believing in Love
Well right now I kind of don’t believe in love because I just had a
baby and haven’t even heard from my baby’s momma. That has me
hella thinking that she’s cheating on me or something. I don’t know
what to believe.
-Young L
From The Beat: That sounds like a rough situation Young L. Try not to
assume the worse right away. Focus on the positive. What do you think
it will feel like to see your baby once you see him or her? Do you feel
any different now that you are a father?
From The Beat: How did you feel when you surprised your teacher?
Have you thought about many other challenges that you can achieve?
What’s New
Thinking
I started that day by not going to my program then I bought some
beers. While I was drinking, I thought about my mom and the many
times I had made her cry. My friend picked me up, and then we
stopped and got off. Cops roll up and ran my name in the computer
and a couple hours later I was sleeping in the juvenile hall.
-Drinking and Thinking
From The Beat: Why did you make your mother cry? What do you feel
when you remember you mother crying? What do you think she is
going through right know because you are in the juvenile hall?
Big what’s up to The Beat Within and Beat readers. Today’s topics
ain’t really firme. They talk about Valentines Day. Valentines Day is
just another day up in the torcida, can’t really enjoy it. So enough with that. I’m going to talk about my baby boy. I
haven’t seen my kid in awhile. I think it’s been like a year or
more. Pretty messed up shhh.... I miss my angel that’s why I can’t
wait to hit county jail because then at least I’m going to be able to
see him through glass. Better than nothing. I have a couple more
months until I’m eighteen, I’m going to be so happy. But until then
I’m going to be posted up in here. I’m running out of words. Alratos.
-Pw
From The Beat: How old is your baby boy? It must be really hard not to
see him for so long, but take each day at a time and you will be seeing
him very soon.
Coiled Love
Vicissitudinal tidal plots
Intermingled blurred thoughts.
Times’ deadly elusiveness lingers
Ten years really has slipped through our fingers.
Our last embrace I plea my soul embraces
For our love was much greater than petty traces.
And though our time together here is irrevocably done
Want you to know I had a lot of fun.
Your love was unwaveringly loyal
It took me all this time to realize I was but a coil.
Never fully unraveling
Never showing my true self
Though my pain may obscure my mind
My memories of I will always see kind.
Our time together cut short; seem like a curfew
Father, please know I love you.
From generation to generation
The System
What’s good Beat? I’d rather talk about the staff in my unit right now
before shift change. I want to talk about a guy that works swing shift
in my unit. He tries to walk around here trying to be all big and bad.
He tries to be hard by giving everybody discipline and shhh.
Then we got a girl that works in the morning, she does the
same thing and tries to act like she’s all cool with us. Like what are
you thinking? Haha. Then we got some guy that we be doing our
workouts with. We better have better staff next shift. Well that’s all
for me Beat.
-Joker
From The Beat: Joker, have you ever tried talking with your current
staff? You might end up liking them. There’s a saying that goes, “Don’t
judge a book by its cover.” What would be you’re idea of the ideal staff?
-Joseph
From The Beat: Joseph, that’s a deep piece you wrote. Keep writing and
let us know what inspires you to write. Looking forward to hearing
more from you.
I Love My Siblings
I have two little siblings. I love them so much. No matter how much
they get under my skin I take care of them. My little sister is so
beautiful that I worried about her because she is only ten years old,
and she is already having little boyfriends. Sometimes she is such a
little demon, but also a little angel. I love her, and her beautiful blue
eyes. I love my little sister.
I also have a little brother, and he looks up to me so much. It
really kills me that I’m locked up knowing that he has no male figure
to look up right now. He is eleven years old, the most important
years of his life. During these years he has to take important
decisions such as smoke or not to? Being in a gang or not? I am not
there to tell him what is wrong. I miss him so much I love my little
brother.
-Jeremy
From The Beat: Did you try to send them letters? Through your writing
you can be there for them. What would you like to do with your siblings
when you get out?
My Mother’s Opinion
My mom’s opinion matters the most to me. The reason why my
mom’s opinion is so important to me is because she knows what is
the best for me. And she would never let me go into the wrong way.
For some reason I never really listen to her. I think I need to listen
to her, or, I’m going to end up in somewhere that I don’t want to be.
-Listening
From The Beat: Have you thought about that ‘reason’ the stops you
from listening your mom? If you feel like not listening your mother,
think about that place that you do not want to be, maybe that helps!
The Change
When I was on the outs, I always wanted to be like my older brother,
always on the streets like him, but when I see how I acted I hate
myself. Because of what I was doing, I got locked up.
I was starting to change, but then something happened and I
was around people that did something, and I was blamed for it. Now
I am locked up, and I can see how I used to be, and I feel sorry for
myself.
-Younger Brother
From The Beat: Are you still trying to change? What can you do
differently now to don’t feel sorry for yourself?
TheBeatWithin.org
Page 37
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My Sister
Santa Clara County
Volume 17.07/08
My Brother’s Cry
I hate seeing my little sister cry.
Every time I’m in here she always wonders why?
She asks my Dad where I am at,
And my Dad says I am out with my friends, out to attack.
I hate when my dad says that
So when I get back
Ill tell my dad why did he have to lie
Why oh why do you have to lie to her?
I hate seeing my little brother cry
Every time he sees me in here and wonders why.
-Gray
From The Beat: Sounds like the beginning of a great poem. Keep
writing Gray. Let us hear the rest of what you’re feeling.
-M
From The Beat: Nice rhymes M. It sounds like you really care for your
sister and that she is important to you. What would you tell her if you
had the chance? Have you ever told your dad how you felt about him
saying that?
Day Of Love
What’s up Beat? I’m back, just got off C level. Well, Valentines
Day is a special day for me, but not this time, because I’m locked
up. The past few Valentines days were crazy. I had a few girls and
they got mad at each other, but hey! I’m just trying to have fun.
If I was out I would take my main girl, one and only, to dinner
in San Francisco near the pier. Then we’ll take walks and feel the
ocean breeze blow in our face. Then I’ll take her home, once we get
to the doorsteps, there will be rose petals on the ground leading to
the bed where it’s a heart in roses. That’s enough. Late Beat.
-Maniac
From The Beat: That sounds like such a fun date that you and your
girlfriend will have, and although you are in the hall, we hope that
one day you guys can go on this special date. How often are you able
to talk to her? Even though you are in the hall, send her a Valentines
Day card to show how much you appreciate her.
Relationships
I think you need to show care in arguments with your siblings to
establish a good relationship. Although I am the youngest of eight, I
still help my sisters in any way that I can.
I recently lived with my oldest sister along with her husband,
my two nieces, and my mother. I tried to help out by taking out the
trash, washing dishes, and sometimes watching over the kids.
I tried setting a good example, but at this point in my life it’s
being very difficult. My relationship with my sisters has always been
pretty good, even though they are all my half sisters except for one.
My relationship with my half sisters is okay, but it can improve. The
one with my real sister is already great.
-The baby
From The Beat: It is great to hear that you are trying to be a good
example to your nieces. If you could teach them something, what
would it be?
The Worst
Jail is the worst when you come in for your first time. The time goes
by very slow, you don’t know nobody, and you have to listen to what
they tell you to do. You’ll get used to it after like a week or so. But
still you wouldn’t want to be here.
When you get released though it’s the best feeling you have.
You’ll leave with, like, a huge smile on your face. When you come in
the second time, especially for some shhh you know didn’t happen,
it sucks. What happened to me was that I got locked up on my
cousin’s b-day, then my little bro’s b-day right after, and then my
niece’s b-day also. But at least I know how it feels. I know people in
here and now the time feels like it goes by just a bit quicker. The sad
part is that my mom didn’t know I was locked-up last time and this
time either.
-Marco
From The Beat: Marco, even if your first jail experience was the worst,
it still must be tough each time you have to come back. What do you
think can help you stay out of jail the next time you are released?
Sports
When I was a little kid I use to play sports, but I got locked up now.
I can’t do nothing now. Well hope I get out soon I just want to be
with my family.
-Sad
From The Beat: What sport did you used to play? Do you have any
funny or interesting stories or experiences while playing sports?
I Believe
I believe in destiny because it is in our power to do whatever we set
our minds. If we work hard to achieve our goals, I know that we can
do it. I believe my destiny is to accomplish school and get through
college, get a nice place later in life. My destiny is to accomplish it
all. Well, I got to go to the box, ‘till next time Beat.
Late.
-Jesse
From The Beat: Your destiny looks great! What do you want to study in
college? What do you have to do right now to make through college?
Good Siblings
A good sibling is someone who will stick up for you and not snitch
on you. I would share and help my siblings with whatever. I would
probably tell my family to do good in whatever they do. Te best
sibling would always think about the ones they love more than
themselves.
-Unknown
From The Beat: How many siblings do you have? What sort of things
do you help your siblings with? Tell us more about your siblings!
Mothers’ Opinions
My moms’ opinion matters the most because they knows what is
the best for you. If you do the opposite of what they say, then when
you get caught, you already know what they are going to say, “I told
you mijo.”
After that you started to feel sad because your mother will see
you getting locked up. At court they cry, but they want you to learn
your lesson. They hope you won’t get in trouble again.
-Mijo
From the Beat: What are you doing to respect and value your mother’s
opinion? What is that lesson that you mother wants you to learn? And
lesson do you want to learn?
Valentines
What’s crackin’ Beat it’s your one and only boy Hopper locked up
behind these walls. Well anyways today’s topic is Valentines Day. If
I was out I’d take my old lady who I love very much out. We’ve been
together for a few long years and they’ve been cool because she is
always there no matter what. I’d take her to a movie then after that
I’d take her to dinner then we will go back to my pad. Well Beat, this
is where my Beat ends.
-Hopper
From The Beat: That sounds like a great Valentines date that for you
and your girl! We hope that you are out by Valentines Day to spend
it with your special someone but if not you should celebrate it when
you get out!
TheBeatWithin.org
Standouts
Standouts
Santa Clara County
Page 38
Volume 17.07/08
Big Time/Big Stress
What’s up Beat? I’m coming out the max unit. I just want to say
that all the people facing time, don’t give up! It ain’t over till it’s
over. Don’t be a piggy bank and crack and drop dimes. Don’t be
scared of what the DA says, just fight until you can’t no more. I say this because I’m here for double murder, I didn’t do it but
I’ll still stay solid and stick to my word. I stress a lot, real talk, but
family keeps me going. Keep your head up if you’re in a messed up
position. Stay strong and have faith, fight your case and go home...
Alright Beat, I’ll stay strong until my trial.
-Going
From The Beat: Thank you for the encouraging words to our Beat
readers who are in the same situation as you. No matter what keep a
positive attitude to get you through the next day. Stay strong.
Can’t Fail
Twenty-three hours locked down in a cell, that’s the definition of
livin’ in hell. No phones not even no mail, and the worst part about
it, I ain’t got no bail. I can’t fail, that isn’t a decision, they predicted
I’ll be dead or in prison, I can’t listen.
-Grizzly
From The Beat: Good choice to not listen to the predictions that people
place on you. What can you do to show people that they made the
wrong predictions about you?
Save Love
February fourteenth. What a day. I actually have had bad luck on
Feb fourteenth. I broke up with, in my opinion, the most important
relationship of my life so far. This person is always on my mind and
I guess from what she says I’m always on hers too. Even though we have decided that it’s not in our best health to
be together again we are pretty much best friends now and she is
pretty much part of the family. I want to spend Valentine’s Day with
her, just as friends.
-Cameron
From The Beat: We are glad to hear that you two still have a healthy
friendship and are there for each other as friends. You can still love
someone but that doesn’t mean you guys are good together for a
relationship. It is great to have someone you can count on.
Siblings
What’s up Beat? It’s that Dreamer coming out of the max unit. Well
I just wanted to say that my siblings are the ones that I care about
the most. I’ll give my life for them and everything. They are the
ones that always make me laugh and I have a smile on my face when
I hug them.
-Dreamer
From The Beat: How many siblings do you have? How old are they? Tell
us more stories about your siblings and what you look forward to when
you see them again on the outs.
Another Chance
Hey Beat, I don’t really feel like writing about these topics today, so
I’m just going to write about what’s been going on with me. I’ve been
in here since October and a lot of things flow through my mind daily.
I think about my lost love. I think about my mom. It’s hard
because I haven’t seen her since I’ve been in here and the only time I
talk to her is when I go mental health. I’m constantly worrying about
my little brothers Michael and Ales. They are growing so much. I
just pray to God that he keeps my momma strong enough to finish
raising them. It’s not about me no more. I’ve burnt so many bridges.
I’ve put my mom through so much. I wish I could some how take it
back but there are no “re-dos.”
-Roquel
From The Beat: Roquel, while there might not be and “re-dos” in life,
there are always chances to change your present situation for the
better. What can you do to make your situation better? What can you
do with the chances that you have left?
What’s On My Mind
Since the day that we met girl I ain’t never had anyone make me feel
this way. My heart is sure it wants to be with you and I want to give
you the whole world if you make the promise that you’re goin’ stay.
Without you guiding me, I’m lost and so confused. What will it
take to show that I’ll be by your side, because I want to give you what
you never had girl. I hope to make you a part of life because I’m the
real deal.
-Sugar Daddy
From The Beat: You sound in love! What are ways that you can show
your girlfriend that she is special to you?
Siblings
I am the youngest of the children in my family. My relationship with
my siblings is rock solid. Whenever I need them, they are always
there. So my relationship is very good with them. But right now I am going through a lot with me being locked up
and my brother in Mexico. I haven’t seen him in a few months, but
I know when we are back together were still going to have a strong
relationship.
-Unknown
From The Beat: It is great to have a support system for yourself and
surround yourself with people who want the best for you. Being
around your family will help you get through the tough times. What
are you most looking forward to when you see your family again?
Valentines Day
My favorite celebration is Valentines Day. In this day I like to have
a nice time with my family and my girlfriend. We go to eat dinner
and have a nice time there. Then we go to the mountains to see the
nice city view. I celebrate Valentines Day everyday, not just on this
special day.
-Michael
From The Beat: It is good to celebrate and appreciate your loved ones
every single day of the year. By being with your girlfriend as well as
your family you have all of your loved ones with you on this special
day. We hope that you have many more years with your loved ones to
appreciate one another on this holiday.
Siblings
What’s up Beat? I think that to be a good brother you have to give
them good advice so they stay in the right path. Another thing is you
have to set a good example like go to school, show good manners,
get a job. They would see that and think about it later when they
grow up and would rely on different advices. That’s it Beat.
-Smiley
From The Beat: Do you have siblings that you give advise to when
they need it? What kind of advise do you tell them when they need
help with something or need someone to talk to. Let us know, from
your experiences and what you believe, how you can be a role model
for others.
Siblings
I think that being a good older brother is something that is cool, but
when you do wrong the little ones are looking up to you. Being the
oldest, I want what’s best for my little brothers and sister. Now that
I’m locked up I kinda feel like I let them down, but when I get out I
want to tell them how to be better than me and do a lot of positive
things with them.
-Lil Jesse
From The Beat: Learning from your mistakes is important for success.
Can you give us an example of what you have learned, and what you
would teach your brothers and sister?
TheBeatWithin.org
Page 39
Standouts
Standouts
Something For Your Girl
What’s up Beat it’s almost Valentines Day, if you fellas want to write
this to a girl feel free too:
Just want to be me
so good to see you and everything you need,
I only want to see you smile
I just want to make you happy
And even if you’re far away
I know that I’ll miss you
I promise that my love won’t change
I will always be in love with you
I promise to be a good man
That I’ll always listen to every word that you may say
No, I won’t neglect you but only respect you
And give you the love that you need
Babe please say that I’m everything to you
Please say that you miss me As much as I miss you
Now baby believe me, I gotta be everything to you
And baby trust me
I swear this is the truth
Trust your girl, if she’s your ride or die.
-Maniac
Santa Clara County
Volume 17.07/08
Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day was the day that I met my first and only love Eliana.
She was the girl for me. She is a goodie good girl. At first I didn’t
talk to her because I’m not a good kid, but I found out that she said
I was cute. I went to go talk to her, spit some game, and ten days
before my birthday I asked her out and she said yes! November 2010
was our first date!
-Jacob
From The Beat: It takes courage in order to approach someone you
like. How do you think this courage can help you face other difficult
challenges in life?
Day of Love
Today’s topic that I choose is my perfect Valentine’s Day. My perfect
Valentine’s Day is taking my girl to dinner, the movies, and the park
or wherever else she would like to go. She knows I don’t care how
much money I waste on her and she knows I’m always going to be
there for her even in the bad times or the good times. Well, until
next time Beat.
-Eduardo
From The Beat: Great poem! If you have any more please share it with
us!
From The Beat: The Valentines Day you planned sounds fun and
romantic. We hope that you will be able to share this with your
girlfriend one day.
Saying Goodbye
I Wish
Dear Beat,
I don’t know if I’ve already said bye, but just in case I haven’t I
want to say bye again. Thanks for a good long run with the program.
Thanks to the program itself, but most of all to the people that
make it possible. It really does help being able to write and express
oneself. I’ll be heading out to county so I hope everything works out
for The Beat Within and it expands.
As for me I might write someday so this might not be the last
you’ll hear from me. You never know I might even end up being the
President of America.
To all the Beat followers stay strong and dream big. We only
have one life to live. Make it a healthy and happy one. This is it.
Much Love.
-Arnold
From The Beat: Arnold, We are glad that you were able to express
yourself through writing while with the program. Continue to write
as long as it helps you to stay on track and we hope you will write to
us from where ever you are. It was a pleasure working with you and
watching you grow and mature in workshops.
Lessons Learned
What’s up beat! Well I’m not really feeling the topics, so I’m just
going to write about my juvenile experience. I came here when I was
in my mid-teens and have been in and out ever since. I was never
really bad; I just got in a fight. I ain’t going to lie, when I first got
here I was scared; I thought It was going to be like prison. I was
young and dumb. I started to get irritated with myself for coming
back each time!
Man, we wear these nasty looking clothes. We have staff telling
you what to do, nasty old food, and these locked doors! No more
locked doors!! Haha, I just want everyone to learn from this place.
Don’t come back. Why are you wasting your time in here when you
could be out with your family and friends? It’s not hard to do what
you got to do, it really isn’t. It hurts to see the same people coming
back but I’m sure I’m hurting people too, especially my family. My
prayers go out to all the girls/boys in here.
-Midget
From The Beat: Nice piece Midget. From the looks of it, you have learned
a lot of life lessons during your juvenile experiences. Hopefully, you
can turn that into something positive and share it with your peers so
that they could avoid the same mistakes. Do you have any interest in
helping other people avoid juvenile hall? If so, what do you think you
could do in your community to help others make the right choices?
I wish other people could see how much I changed and want to be
fastidious in order to succeed in life.
-Frankie
From The Beat: Sometimes making a change in the right direction can
be considered a success in itself. Are there particular people in your
life that you want to impress with your changes? What details can you
specifically pay attention to in order to succeed in life?
Visit
I had a visit yesterday with my dad and it was good. It seems like
every time I go to a visit it gets better. My sister is doing better
and she is getting closer to my family. My dad and I are starting to
communicate more, I trust him more. A lot of good things are happening to my family. My mom, dad,
brothers, sisters, and nephew are healthy and protected so that’s
good. My dad also told me what he bough me for Christmas and it
was a iPod. I can’t wait for my other visit next week. Hopefully it’s
another good one. -Jose
From The Beat: Communication is very important when it comes to a
relationship and also when you want to build trust with someone. Let
us know how your next visit goes!
Consequences
Well I’m back in here, isn’t that some stuff. I been in an out since
I was a young teen, but this time I got adult charges along with a
strike. This time I’ll be lucky if they give me Ranch. It’s crazy ‘cause
I’m at risk of getting sent to CYA. I never thought that this would
happen to me and the sad part is my co-partner caught his third
strike with me.
If I could, I would go back in time and never do what I did and
stop him from doing it too. He wouldn’t have to be put away forever.
It hurts me because his last few minutes of freedom he spent doing
dirt. Damn I know there are consequences but why you have to get
this sentence. It isn’t fair. Well, Beat thank you for hearing me vent
my emotions.
-China
From The Beat: In your piece you talked about traveling back in time.
If you had the chance to visit yourself, how far back would you go and
what would you say? Do you think you would listen to yourself?
TheBeatWithin.org
Standouts
Page 40
Standouts
Santa Clara County
Volume 17.07/08
Siblings
Hey Beat, what’s up? Well this is Analyse and the topic that caught
my attention was siblings. In order to be a good brother or sister I
need to be a good example. I need to always be there for them and
not be judgmental. For me, my brothers and sister are everything. I
got two brothers and one sister. My sister tries to be my mom. I can
understand that because she is the oldest, but I want a sister. I need
a sister, not two moms.
My sister and I had a good relationship, but she left me for
two years. When she came back, our relationship went downhill,
but I hope one of these days our relationship will be better. My
relationship with my older brother is good. When my sister left us,
we became close with one another. I can still say our relationship is
okay. He just wants the best for me and to stop getting with gangs
and all that. But I can’t help it. He is like a dad to me. I don’t got a
dad in my life and so he is just trying set a good example for me. I
hope our relationship will go back to the way it was, even better!
Now on to my little brother. I love him with all my heart. I always
wanted a little bro or sis and God gave him to me in September 2009.
He is the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m happy that he is
still a baby and can’t understand what’s happening in my life. I don’t
want him to remember me as always being locked up when he gets
older. That will break my heart.
I hope when I get out, I stay out so I can improve my relationship
with my brothers and sister. Well Beat that’s all I got to say about
siblings. Until next time, stay up everyone
-Analyse
From The Beat: Thanks for that piece Analyse. It sounds like you are
ready to be a better sibling to your family. The love you have for you
siblings is inspiring. Why don’t you write them a letter in your next
piece? What would you say if you knew they would read the next issue
of The Beat?
Opinions
What are opinions?
Opinions are just what people accumulate or assume.
To me, opinions mean nothing.
They are just for someone else’s satisfaction.
Nonetheless, they can be cruel or intimidating.
That’s what I think about opinions.
-My opinion
From The Beat: Thank goodness for opinions, we all deserve a say, like
it or not.
Dropping Out
I’m gonna write a short story because of the time but I don’t have a
thing against drop-outs; it all depends on the reason. Some people
drop out for good and bad reasons. As for myself, I know how the
game goes, if I didn’t then I wouldn’t be here, ya feel me? Enough
said.
I understand if you want to change because of family and stuff,
I understand it! But, you should’ve known from the get-go! Don’t
expect respect from me though! I’m not like most people; they hate
drop-outs like that, with no hesitation. But, I’m different. I stay solid
for my hood. If one drops out for a bad reason (you know what I
mean, Beat) then I guaranteed there is no affiliating with me. This is
what I’ve got to say, I ‘ve got more but I don’t have time.
-Maniac
From The Beat: Choices, we all have to make them for what we think is
best for us and our family.
A Wonderful Person
I wish other people could see me for the wonderful person that I am.
I am always there for my family, my girlfriend and friends. I am loyal
to them. But they don’t see me for that. They see me as a criminal
or a gangbanger. But that is not all that I am. I wish they would see
me the way I do.
-Chicano
From The Beat: Why do you believe your family, friends, and girlfriend,
think you are a criminal or a gangbanger? What can you do in your life
to prove to them that you are not those things?
Graduate
I just wanted to say I am a high school graduate (HSG) and proud of
it. For everybody who isn’t, excel in it. Being a high school graduate
is your first step to success.
-The Graduate
From The Beat: A lot of the writings in The Beat talk about what it’s like
to be a G, but we like that you’ve discussed the importance of being an
HSG. Education, as you’ve said, helps ensure a more prosperous future.
It’s Hard
Being in here I always walk around with a happy face, like everything
is all right. But it’s not. I’m here to write and tell you guys that I am
not all right. Deep down inside me I’m sad ‘cause I’m not ever going
to be on the streets again.
Also, every time I’m in my room I always think about my loved
ones that are gone from me. I’m not sad that I got caught I’m just
sad that I’m away from my family. But, I can’t do anything about that
now. I’m too deep into this lifestyle and that’s the way I’m going to
die.
-Lunie
From The Beat: The choices we make. Given your circumstances, we
hope you continue to rise up when the time allows to educate the
readers of what life is like for you - facing a life sentence. We know it
is no walk in the park, we can only hope other readers will learn from
your pain, so they do not have to face what you are faced with.
TheBeatWithin.org
Page 41
Standouts
Standouts
My Pride For My Hood
I have a lot of pride for my hood. So much that I would give my life
for it, whether it be death or doing life in prison. That’s just how I
was brought up…to be on the streets of my city. I have done time for
some things I didn’t do, but it was all worth it to me because I never
gave up pride in my hood.
I’ve been told that I have a mind for taking cases for people
and doing things to get me locked up but that’s okay with me. If I
have this sort of mind, then there is no cure for this sickness. I will
maintain my loyalty, love and pride for the hood I come from till I’m
dead and deceased. This is the life for me.
-Rascal
From The Beat: Interesting to sacrifice your freedom for your hood, a
hood you do not even own. What’s wrong with this picture? We’re sure
you have no regret, but we suspect very few people will agree with
your thinking. What does your family think of this? You’re putting your
hood over your own bloodline?
School
Well, with me I just came to say that I was going to drop-out when
I was on the outs but when that day came I got locked up. Now, I
found out that school is important if you want to succeed in life or
be someone in life. Well, that’s my experience from dropping out
but not anymore ‘cause now I’ve got my life in a good way and can’t
wait to get out.
-Dreamer
From The Beat: What’s the plan upon getting out? Where does school fit
in? How about a job? What will you do to never return to jail?
My Loss
What’s up Beat? I’m not feeling none of the topics today so I’m going
to talk about my brother. Well, my brother was cool when I was little.
He always made me laugh even when I got older. He and I always
communicated. He was the first one I smoked with. I know it’s bad
but that was my brother. He protected me from other people and
always gave me food or something.
The impact that I had was when he died. I started to give up. I
was certain that I was going to find and kill my brother’s murderer,
but now I have a change of mind. When my brother passed away I
started to hurt more people and started drinking and smoking more.
I did all that because it made me forget. I didn’t want to believe he
was gone so that was my escape.
I still like escaping. It’s been some years since my brother has
passed away. It seems more like months, but now I have a change of
mind. I don’t think of killing because I feel that if I hurt somebody
then I will be hurting a family or a mother just like mine did. Rest in
peace my brother, love you always. ‘Aight Beat, until next time.
-Jose
From The Beat: We can only imagine the pain you have inside. Sounds
to us like you have done some soul searching, and that’s great! YOU are
right, hurting another, is not the best move, it would only bring further
pain for you and for others. We wish you the best with your life.
Graduating
I’m goin’ to talk about graduating high school. Well, I’m getting
really close to graduating high school so I’m really putting a lot of
effort into school work. The reason I want to graduate high school
is because I want to go to college to get a better education and get
a good paying job.
Another reason I want to go to college is because I want to
meet a good girl that has a good education. Good education means
learning how to do math so that I won’t get played when I get paid.
-Nesio
From The Beat: This is a great piece. We especially like the part about
wanting to meet an educated woman. Education is key to forming
healthy, lasting, and honest relationships.
Santa Clara County
Volume 17.07/08
The Opinion of My Main Girls
The opinions that matter the most to me are my mom’s and my
baby girl’s because they both love me and care for me. They both
want what’s best for me. My lady means a lot to me and so do her
opinions. I appreciate her so much for being there for me. I love
you, baby!
As for my mama, I love her with my life and when it’s her
opinion I always respect it because she always knows best. I don’t
know what I would do without my main girls.
Well, last but not least my grandma. Now her opinions are
something you treasure because they are opinions that are with you
for so long. She’s the one I’m looking for when I do something good
because she says so many great things to me. When I do wrong she’s
the one I fear the most ‘cause she gets so angry. I don’t even want
to be around her when she’s mad, but that’s rarely. I do have to say
that if she weren’t tough at times it would be so much easier to get
in trouble.
I have to say I don’t have a favorite because the three most
important opinions come from the three most wonderful women I
love with my life.
-Baby Jesse
From The Beat: Nice piece of writing, and an even nicer tribute to the
women in your life. Now we have to ask, what happened to listening to
them, to getting in trouble? We suspect, there was a breakdown? How
are they handling your current situation?
Advice: Ladies
Ladies, here is a little advice about your virginity. Everyone says
that you should save it for that special guy, the one you love. But it’s
better to give it to someone you like, not someone you love, because
then it won’t hurt as much when you lose him or he walks out on
you. Or wait for marriage, but either way once it’s gone, it’s gone.
And you really do lose a part of you.
-Priscilla
From The Beat: That’s an interesting piece of advice. It sounds like
you’re equating love with being hurt. Do you think that there’s a way
to be in love that doesn’t make you feel used or abandoned?
A Decision
Everybody in life has to make decisions. Some decisions are harder
than other but we all have to make them every day. I learned, through
this experience of being in the max unit, that humanity happened
but life we have to build. Meaning that, the decisions that we make
build our lives. In other words, the effort that we put into anything
we get the same results in return. That’s all I have for The Beat this
week.
-Jason
From The Beat: Can you share examples to the statements that you
provided in your paragraph?
Opinions
The person whose opinion matters most are my beautiful children.
Their opinion matters because I don’t want them to ever think bad
about me because I’m not a bad person. The reason I’m locked up
is because I ran away from another county to be with my kids and
my girl.
I wish they could just understand why I’m not around and I’m
in jail and also how much I love them. I’m so glad though because
I’m getting out soon and I promised them that I would never leave
them again.
-Animal
From The Beat: We’re sorry that your arrest caused you to be away from
your children. Oftentimes, being a good parent is as simple as just
being there for your children—you can’t do that when you’re locked
up. We hope you’ll be able to reunite with them soon, and stay by
their sides.
TheBeatWithin.org
Standouts
Standouts
Santa Clara County
Page 42
Volume 17.07/08
She Already Know
My Successful Future
When a ninja come home, she already know
Cant tie me down ‘cause your boy on the go.
Living life on the road, but she already know.
When I’m gone she’s on my mind
Every single day baby’s on my line
Like, “come back”
I’m like, “Boo, you got to understand
I’m out doing it big, tryin’ to get that cash.”
But without you I can’t breathe.
So when I have to leave
She already know that when I got the t-i-m-e
I’m going to be right there by her side
Because she’s a ride or die.
Look into her eyes,
She already know she’s been on my mind
But I’m on my grind out getting that dough
But when I come home she already know.
What’s up Beat. Well I’m back, like always. I’m starting to feel like
it’s one of my daily life routines to get locked up get released then
run. I want to talk about some goals that I’ve been thinking of.
Well first off I want to try to convince my PO to send me home
instead of going to placement, which I will most likely try to run
from if I get sent there. After convincing my PO, which I’m working
on, I am going to work very hard on doing a perfect program. I am
going to keep my schedule very busy by signing up for school and
doing extra work to catch up on my credits.
I’m also signing up for dance classes to keep myself busy and
in shape. I will also find some places to do volunteer work to keep
myself busy when I have nothing to do.
-Hollywood
From The Beat: It sounds like you’ve got a great plan for how to turn
your life around. It’s also important to remember that surrounding
yourself with positive relationships with family and friends can help
you realize these goals.
-Ab
From The Beat: After a hard days work on the block making your
dough, your girls is there for you, we get it, but now that you are gone,
is all this worth it? Does she know incarceration also plays a role? What
about death? What about a life sentence? Does she, do you, realize how
precious freedom is, and how short life can be if you continue to lead
a dangerous lifestyle?
My Story of a Crime
So I was doing good ever since I came out form the ranch. I’d had
several interviews for a job, but never got hired. One of my old
friends kept calling me to help him rob houses. I didn’t want to but
at the same time I was so broke. One of the houses we had robbed
had a camera, but we ended up doing it anyways.
When we left a few hours later we had realized that we forgot
the camera—I didn’t think much of it. So we kept robbing houses,
making our money. One day the cops came to my house to
interrogate me about robbing houses. They showed me the picture
of us robbing the house that we forgot the camera at. I told them,
alright, you caught me. Turns out my co-partner snitched on me. I
will always regret forgetting to take that camera.
-Jd
From The Beat: We’re sorry to hear about this situation. It sounds
like you need to form better peer relationships in order to remove the
negative influences from your life. Even though it can be frustrating
waiting to get a job, we hope that you’ll be able to be more patient in
the future—as your story shows, it can make a huge difference.
Tough Time
My Story
This is how I got caught up. I was kicking it with my brothers and
these girls smoking. After we got done we chilled for a little while,
then me and my brothers left to go to my brother’s pad. We stopped
at the park on the way because we saw some homies at the park
BBQing. When they were done they started a little campfire in the
BBQ pit.
We were chilling for a few minutes and the fire department and
cop cars and a motorcycle came up. I started to leave and I told
my brother, “there’s cops!” and we started walking and then the
fire department was like where is the uncontrolled fire at. I said it
wasn’t an uncontrolled fire, it was in a BBQ pit. The fire department
asked me where it was at and I pointed behind me. The cops asked
me my name even though I had a warrant for my arrest and I got
caught. I wasn’t going to lie about my name because they run my
tattoo.
-Matt
From The Beat: With a warrant out, it seems like your arrest was
inevitable. Did you think about turning yourself in? We hope that
you’re able to stay out of trouble and enjoy time with your family
without the fear of arrest.
The reason I got caught was because I was with some friends and they
decided to get someone. I was with them, but I did not participate,
though the person they jumped was someone that knew me and
knew where I lived and he snitched on me. I never attacked him and
here I am in the max unit facing a strike and gang enhancement. I
am fighting my case but I’m not sure how it will go, I’m just hoping
for the best. Well that’s it until next time The Beat.
-R
From The Beat: The choices we make, and the way laws are set up, it
doesn’t matter if you do the crime, but if you are present, there is a
chance you too will go down, and that is what appears to be happening
to you. A tough lesson indeed. What needs to change in your life?
The Real Me
Everybody thinks that I am a nice person, with a good personality.
But deep down I’m an angry person, who gets mad at the smallest
things. I’m always trying to get into stuff with people who I think are
challenging me.
Every time I get mad, I just keep the anger inside of me, which
is not a good thing for the next person that makes me mad. Since
they won’t be able to stop the mad man. People say I’m a pure evil.
-Lunie
From The Beat: Have you tried to express you anger out instead of
keep it inside? When do you feel better when people say your nice or
you are a pure evil? Where do you think the anger comes from? It could
be very good for you to explore that.
TheBeatWithin.org
Page 43
Standouts
Standouts
Overcoming Fear
I run. I can’t get away from the thought of what happened. Man, I
try to hide it, finds me. Why me, I think, why. Why do you bother
me? The ground is wet, my shoes slide and I can feel my knee hit
the ground I’m done, you got me. But I want go out like this, I won’t
have you take my soul and I haven’t yet lived my life like I want to
live it, like I was meant to live it. Please another chance, I beg you.
I know I had I dead line, but it’s like I really thought I was over it so
what do I do now?
Think Khadijah, think. I really have to be honest with myself
did I really overcome or did I only hide my fears. Didn’t I only think it
was going to go away, but it never will the thought of those boys with
us that we thought were are friends. Maybe it’s that man that tried to
run me over or is it closer to home. When I really thought my mom
didn’t understand where I was coming from, but I have overcame
what you have done to my life.
Now I see God puts us through things that makes us stronger
than keeping us down. He won’t let it happen unless he knows we
can go through it. I have overcome my fears but I still struggle with
an addiction.
-Khadijah
From The Beat: We really enjoyed this personification of your fears/
addiction. It’s ambiguous and we think that a lot of people probably
feel similarly. So which way does it go: do you run from your fears to
the drugs, or do you hide from your addiction?
Daddy’s Girl
I’m a daddy’s girl and even though I haven’t seen you, you’re my
whole world. I needed you when mama wasn’t there, but it just felt
good to know that you cared. I write you like you’re my best friend
and wonder how, why and when will I see you again.
Wonder if I’ll be where I am now, wonder if you would be proud.
I wonder what got me here, was it that you disappeared? My feelings
are comin’ out on this paper and I want you to hear and cherish this
moment. But I sit here thinkin’ and my mind just racin’, hope you
know I love you and don’t think nothing bad of you. But I still want
you here at home with me. You can even have a beer, we could share
our tears watchin’ TV or jamming out to Z-Ro.
But don’t get too caught up in the moment, you know I still
hate when talk your shhh. But I know it’s ‘cause you care. I should
get used to it, but nah that shhh still makes me twitch…. Haha..
guess I gots to get used to it cause you’re here to stay no matter
what they say. Ha for sho’
-Rayana
From The Beat: Are you happy that he is here to stay or are you
disappointed? Is the relationship what you had hoped it would be in
your mind? What is living up to your expectations? What isn’t?
I Can’t Do Without…
You the one that holds me tight
When I go to sleep at night
You’re the sun to my light and
I hate it when we fight
Because I always have that fear of losing you,
You only get one love in a life time with.
You are my air, I can’t breathe without you,
I can’t think straight when you leave
I don’t know if you creepin’,
I don’t want to feel the pain that throbs in my chest
Thinkin’ ‘bout things like that
But I can’t help it you’re everything to me
If something were to happen to you
I don’t know what I would do
Now you see I can’t do without you…
-Matilda
From The Beat: We can feel how important this person is to you,
Matilda. But we wonder what they did that made you so dependent on
their love. Are they worthy of that love, of that passion?
Dallas, Texas
Volume 17.07/08
My Heart
I wear this mask and hold up this wall to “try” my best to hide the real
me! But for some reason people know what’s behind my mask and they
see right through my walls! (Damn is my wall really that thin).
They know I’m hurting they know I’m scared! I don’t’ like to admit
it, but I do to shut these people up! I downplay most of my life just to fake
it to make it. I have a shit load of problems, but I don’t want to face em’!
Y’all don’t know who I am and y’all could probably care less, so I’ll tell
y’all a lil somethin’ to get off my chest…
I’m seventeen years old. I wear this heart on my eye for two
different reasons! My mom has never been there. She smoked crack and
prostituted and now she is really sick and she wears the same heart
tatted on her eye. Every time I look in these wannabe mirrors I see a part
of my mom, she can barely move now and I’m scared that she’s dyin’.
What I’m I goin’ to do if I lose her!! MAN!
Anyways the other reason I have this heart on my face to show me a
fixed heart, ‘cause mine is broken. My dad got locked up when I was two.
He gots three cases of capital murder so he got a life sentence. Now he’s
in there sayin’ stay true. I really want my dad here. I wish he were here,
but he’s not so I’m hurt. But there’s a REAL PART OF ME that can’t be
fixed. All these people tell me is I have to deal with this. Ha, shhh tell me
somethin’ I don’t know...
-Rayna
From The Beat: You are very aware of yourself Rayna and that is
something to be treasured and nurtured. Everything can be fixed;
sometimes it just takes a little more time and effort. Why did you want
to a constant reminder of your mom and of your broken heart?
An Unknown Seed
An unknown seed brought into the mist of this land
My situation will be explained later so I can understand
How I was brought here and who I really am
Life was a beach to me and I was just playing in the sand
I was loved from the start, but some how treated differently from
the rest
I love my mom because she gives me everything she can
Even though she’s lost enough, she still pushes me forward
Hard times come through and I make sure she stays on her feet
‘Cause even though I never realized it she worried every time I was
in those streets
Every hour and night that passes by I can’t help but to think of my
peeps
I thank my mom for being there for me since the start and never
giving up on me Till this day she stays by my side and knows I will
change for the best now
When she told me her secret about me she was devastated
So I didn’t mind it much I told her no matter what I was always
goin’ to be her son and she did the right thing
If it wasn’t for her I would never be able to breathe, swim, read,
ride a bike,
Would have never been able to experience what life is
And from what I seen it’s nothing but hell.
My momma always says there’s goin’ to be a day she won’t be here
To protect me or guide me to a better path.
I hate to see when that day comes
So I decided I need to change from here on out
That no matter how hard times get I need to do the right thing for
myself
And to help her when she gets sick to make my jefa proud of me
Because out of her three sons I’m the last one left that’s here with
her.
Out of all the things I’ve done in life, hurting my mom is the worst
I’ve done
To my momma the most beautiful woman on Earth
I’m sorry for all my mistakes and what I have done
I’m changing though little by little and I just want to say
I love you and I’m sorry.
-Emmanuel
From The Beat: We think this testament to your mom will make her
very proud. You show exceptional insight here. What happened that
made you realize that you needed to be there for your mom? Was it
realizing that you were the last son? What happened to your brothers?
TheBeatWithin.org
Standouts
Page 44
Standouts
Marin County
Volume 17.07/08
My Brother
I never thought my brother would follow me in my footsteps. It’s
sad. I never thought I would see him go down the same road I did.
He could turn it around, though, before it gets worse, and I hope he
does.
Now that I’m getting better, I hope he does, too. I just don’t want
him to go through everything I have, ‘cause it was slowly killing me.
I want my old brother back. I know he wants his sister back, too. I
love you, liddo bro.
-Carrie
From The Beat: Does your brother copy whatever you do, because you’re
his role model? Because he looks up to you? Has your two lived in the
same environment, with your family? Will his self-destruction help you
to stop hurting yourself, and when you stop, maybe he’ll stop, too?
My Mind’s Roaming Free
I’m locked up
But I’m free, when I go to sleep
Stressing from the time, relieving tension
When I go to sleep, my body’s in a cell
And my mind’s somewhere, roaming free
-Theo
From The Beat: You must have a wild spirit. How can you get your body
and imagination out there, roaming around with your soul, free?
Love/Hate
I love her. She love me.
At first our love was like hanging on a string.
And now our love is forever
Because I truly love her.
But, now our love is back to hanging on a string.
Want to know why?
Because I’m like a bumble bee.
I stung her in the back
And now she broke up with me.
Life At Twelve
Deep within me is an onion
And inside that onion are layers
Sometimes I’m mean, like a black wolf
And inside is a hunger
That wants more than life can give
Inside life, there are challenges
But, back to my layers
I’m nice on the outside
But I’m mean on the inside
I’m sad all over
-Young Hulk
From The Beat: You already know it’s on you that this girl broke up with
you. Why did you sting her in the back? Did you want to break up with
her? If you hope to get back with her, how can you make everything
all right? Here comes Valentine’s Day, so can you draw her a card, and
mail it to her?
-Young Hulk
From The Beat: What are you omnivorous for? How do you know you’ll
never be sated by life? Has life already let you down? What makes you
so sad? Does it drive you nuts to feel so sad/mean, but to fake being
nice to people? Something real is hurting you, so who do you trust,
that you can talk to?
Love Will Live
Day Of Love
It’s a day that I have experienced once, but the last one was no good.
I had a bad day. I made her cry. I pushed her away, like nothing, but
it hurt, because I love her deep inside my heart. I regret it, but one
day I will make it up to you.
-Young Promise
From The Beat: Since you hurt this girl, why don’t you write her and tell
you you’re sorry now, to assuage her pain? If you don’t, she may stay
hurting until you do.
Love will last and live
Stars will shine and sleep
Night will drown the light
But the moon will stay looking down at us
Today is a better day
And all we have to do is believe and pray
God bless you all
They Got Nowhere To Send Me
-Young Promise
From The Beat: You have a lovely, romantic heart. Some of your poetry,
that shows how your emotions seem to resonate in nature, is your most
original, and touching.
Man, the kid go to court tomorrow, and I really don’t know what they
‘bout to do with me. They ain’t got nowhere else to send me. They
can’t send me to the Y, and they don’t want to send me back to a
group home, so they tryin’ to let me out, but, who knows? I’m just
goin’ to have to sit here and hawg it out, you hear me?
-T
From The Beat: Can you convince your PO, PD, the DA, judge, that
you won’t mess up if they let you go, because you really won’t? You
often write that stealing, thugging is your lifestyle, but that keeps you
locked up. Can you create another plan?
I Was Over Love
Love is something I was over
Something I didn’t want
But now I have it
And I want to give it back
But I don’t think I can
Every time I’m around you
I get nervous, I can’t breathe
And I don’t know what to say
I guess I have to just deal with it
Because I can’t stop the way I feel
I know, because I’ve tried
So, I hope you feel the same
If you don’t, I won’t feel lame
But you should, because we could flame
Love For My Family
The topic is love tonight
And the only love that’s right for me
Is from my daughter and family
It’s hard to find a guy to love
They’ll be quick to make you believe
Some nonsense lies, to make you think
They’re the one
Unlike family, they’re not there for you
Because at the first sign of trouble
Best believe, they’ll leave
-Tadertot
From The Beat: Feeling nervous, maybe awkward, stupid, laughing too
loudly, are signs of true love. No wonder you, anybody, would like to
give love back. Humiliation hurts. But, you have the heart to be with
this guy, ‘cause he’s worth it, right?
-Hilda
From The Beat: You must have a wonderful, loyal family. Some young
men do leave when there’s trouble, if they can’t or don’t want to handle
it. Just remember, they too have lives, including problems of their own.
Do you help guys when they need it?
TheBeatWithin.org
Standouts
Page 45
No Opinion
I have no opinion about my mother. We have a good relationship at
home, so I don’t have nothing to talk about. I mean, sometimes we
don’t, but it’s whatever, though.
-Black Eyes
From The Beat: How is your mom doing with you in juvy? Does she
come to visit you? Does she miss you? How do you feel about being in
juvy, with her at home without you?
Looking For Another Girl
She love me, but I cheat on her
I did her wrong, and she did me even worse
I didn’t know what I had, ‘til she walked out the door
Now I’m back to square one
Looking for another girl
Marin County
Volume 17.07/08
I’ve Never Been Free
On Valentine’s Day
Man, I’ve never really been free for Valentine’s Day. And, on
Valentine’s, I’m not into taking females out on Valentine’s Day,
‘cause most females are rackets, and are messed up, so what’s the
point of taking them out? I don’t trust females, so that’s not in my
culture.
But, like people say, it ain’t tricking if you got it, and I ain’t got
it, so I’m not ‘bout to be tricking, you hear me? Yeee!
-T
From The Beat: Some girls may be messed up, but what about those
who aren’t, and who like you? You know that happens. Does being
in juvy keep you safe from dealing with girls? You’re not afraid of
anything/anyone, so get out there, have fun!
-Ty
From The Beat: Why did you do this girl wrong? Are you sorry enough
to tell her so? Are you angry that she “did you worse”? Did you learn
anything, so you won’t hurt or cheat on your next girlfriend?
Why?
My mom gave me the name Grumpy. She gave it to me when I was a
lil kid. That’s why I have that name. I stayed with that name, since
then.
-Grumpy
From The Beat: Grumpy is a great name for you, because sometimes you
are. Other times you say something really funny, maybe naughty, and
your face becomes radiant.
A Day Of Love
A perfect Valentine’s Day is being with the one you love. First, taking
a walk at the park (but not Pickelweed,) also receiving and giving
gifts. I love that part. Then, going to the city and getting a good lunch
(but not some cheap Fisherman’s Wharf,) then go catch a movie,
and, late at night, to the club and party! Then, just go home, lay next
to each other, and you can think of the rest, yourself. Then, right
when you’re going to pass out…he whispers in your ear, “I love you.”
-Sam
From The Beat: Sounds joyous. What gifts would you choose to be
perfect for him, and his for you, to make your Valentine’s Day even
more perfect?
Standouts
Santa Cruz County
Drawing
One thing I like to do is draw. I like to draw when I’m bored or when I
don’t have anything to do. I also like to draw when I’m stressed out.
It helps me get rid of all my stress.
I also like to draw things for people. I like to make them feel
good. I like drawing roses for girls with their name in cursive. I also
like to draw Aztec things that I’m thinking of getting tattooed.
-Lil Maton
From The Beat: You’re lucky to have found what you like to do. Some
folks hunt all their lives to find, finally, what they love to do.
Did You Miss Me?
Look where I am now.
Back in the hall.
Placements, rehabs, juvies…
Man, I’ve been to them all.
On the run, arrested, sent away.
Man, I’ve done it all.
I want out this cycle,
But I don’t see a way, at all.
-Giant
Leaving The Hall
I’ve been thinking about leaving this place lately. After I leave this
place everything will be different. I won’t be with my friends and my
brothers-by-choice. It will be a pretty long time till I get to see them
again. I know I’ll see some up in the pen but it won’t be the same
as right now.
-C
From The Beat: We’ll miss you C, and we won’t stop thinking about you.
Take The Beat’s address with you, and drop us a line. We’ll print you in
The Beat Without section.
New Life
So I’m eighteen in three days, and I’m getting out in five days.
I’m going home to my mom. I’m going to start a new chapter. I’m
stepping up my game. I’ll forget the people in the past. There’s a
reason they didn’t make it to the future.
-Samantha
From The Beat: We’ve known you for a long time Samantha. We’re glad
you’re beginning a new chapter in what we hope will be a long and
well written book.
From The Beat: If you want out, you have to go in…. deep into yourself.
You have to understand why and how you find yourself where you
know you don’t want to be. It will require a painful honesty. But it’s
necessary. Are you ready?
Remind Me To Tell You
Remind me to tell you
I don’t remember.
Remind me to tell you
show honesty.
Remind me to tell you
to chill.
Remind me to tell you
to go on a journey.
Remind me to tell you
to not come to juvie.
Remind me to tell you
to stay in school.
about to -
From The Beat: Remind us to tell you – to keep writing.
-Joshua
TheBeatWithin.org
Standouts
Standouts
Santa Cruz County
Page 46
Volume 17.07/08
Red Roses
On Valentine’s Day I would have liked to be with my loved one! I
would take her to the beach and give her red roses at the beach. I
would take her out to eat and buy her a big teddy bear, and chocolate.
And I would give her way more roses, all kinds of them.
I know I won’t spend this Valentine’s Day with her, but I really
hope I do on the next one.
-Rose-Boy
From The Beat: We hope so too. Are you prepared for freedom? If you
have a plan, it will make it easier to stay free. So, get busy.
Perfect Valentine’s Day
A perfect Valentine’s Day would be to be with the person you love.
The person you trust and who has never shown you any lust. The
guy/girl who has always been there for you through thick and thin.
The guy/girl who has shown you respect and is always there when
you need him/her. A perfect Valentine’s Day would be to go to the
beach in the night and just be chillin’ and listening to some oldies.
-D
From The Beat: We hope you get to enjoy that perfect Valentine’s Day
next year.
Siblings
Well, my sibling is my little sister, and I have not seen her in a whole
year. That’s because I started using meth, and gang banging. I know
I want to change my life style and clean up my act so I can start
seeing her and set a good example for her. Thank you who ever
decides to read this. My advice: drugs and gangs are the wrong path.
-Tyler
Siblings
I am the youngest. It’s just me and my older brother. We get along
for the most part. We have never gotten into a real fight. We have
almost gotten into a fight, but at the end we can’t be broken. We
have a strong relationship… well, for the most part.
-B-Boy
From The Beat: Are you writing to each other while you’re locked up?
My Struggle
I wish other people could see the struggle that I’m goin’ to go
through for the rest of my life. But what can I do but keep my head
held up high and do what I do till the end of time. With my life on
the line, I guess only the strong survive.
Like my boys say: till the wheels fall off.
-Chueco
From The Beat: First thing is: don’t give up. Things are changing.
Educate yourself. Read, read, read. Study, study, study. Be ready to
prove you are a changed person when the time comes.
Anger
The things that make me angry are when people yell at me, disrespect
me, or mad dog me. If I wasn’t locked up and someone did one of
those things, I would smash on them.
But in here, I can’t do that because I’ll catch another charge. I
know I have bad behavior and need to change so I can switch units.
-Lil Maton
From The Beat: To change your behavior, permanently, you need to
understand why you get so angry, over small things. Dig deep into
your personal history. Be very honest. Discover the roots of your anger
From The Beat: You are so right. Work hard Tyler. And don’t give up.
You’ll be rewarded when the time is right.
Little Sisters
On The Run
The night I got caught I was by a store looking for my boyfriend. I
was on the run at the time and I saw my aunt. I was getting ready to
run but I turned around to look at her and she just gave me a hug
and told me how she wanted me home.
We went into the store to get some food. We went back to her
house after I was done eating. My dad showed up and was talking to
me. I started to cry then. My aunt who is locked up in prison called
and was talking to me. Then the sheriffs showed up and arrested
me. And that was the night I got caught.
-Maria
From The Beat: Some important things happened that night. You
learned how much your family cares. They want you back. You want to
be back with them. Time to get serious about changing your behavior,
isn’t it?
First Birthday
My son’s first birthday will be in January. I’m excited that I will be
able to see him. Not what I would have planned - to see him while
incarcerated, but regardless, I’m happy I’ll be able to spend time
with him on his birthday.
Time went by quick. I’m still wondering and thinking how time
went by so fast. What did I do? Where was I? Most of the time
locked up since my son was born. I’ve only been with him for about
six months, and the rest of the time I’ve been in the system. It’s very
disappointing and frustrating.
I hope to make it up to my son for the years to come and for him
to have better birthdays in the future.
-Jc
From The Beat: We hope that too, and much more for you. Now that
there are people who count on you, we know you’ll be looking at life
differently.
Everyday both of you come to my mind. In six months I’ve only seen
you for two hours. It’s been more than two months since the last
time I saw you.
You’ll grow without me, but once I get out we won’t waste time
and we’ll catch up on all the things that we missed.
I miss you and love you, my little princesses, my little sisters.
-Ceache
From The Beat: Write to them often, and be patient. They’re little. You
can help them avoid some of the things you’ve been through.
Day of Love
My perfect Valentine’s Day celebration would be with my girlfriend.
It would be a nice day with her all day.
This Valentine’s Day coming up I would like to get released to
be with my lady and my baby girl. It wouldn’t matter what we did as
long as I’m with my two baby-girls, forever and always.
-Terms
From The Beat: You know what you have to do to make sure you spend
next Valentine’s Day with them. It’s up to you.
My Life
I wish other people could see my life, see what I go through, see
my twenty-five to life sentence. My homeboy and I are going to the
pinta.
I would rather be posted at the block. I just gotta make the best
of my next twenty-five years and go all out. One day at a time!
-Piojo
From The Beat: Focus first on your education. Many folks have earned a
college education while in prison. Time, wherever you are, is precious.
Learn how not to waste it. Learn how to use it wisely. Become a wise
man.
TheBeatWithin.org
Page 47
Standouts
Standouts
Mom and Dad
Santa Cruz County
Volume 17.07/08
Opinions That Matter
Dad, he was there,
Always being nice and kind.
He supports me in the good and bad Always trying so hard for me to have a good life.
He never gives up on me.
Mom same as dad.
Very nice, and sweet to me,
Always giving me anything I want,
Always putting food on the table.
They work so hard to give me a good education.
All they wanted from me was to do good,
Do good in life,
And be a great role model.
But now I’m doing my part.
I’ll change, and do good for my mom and dad.
I love my parents!
My mom, grandma, and girlfriend’s opinion matter to me the most
because not only are they the most important women in my life, but
I care about what they think about me. They also give me life, and
my girlfriend is having my baby girl.
-B-Boy
From The Beat: How closely are you listening? We bet they are telling
you to change your behavior. Ask yourself just how much their opinions
matter, considering that you haven’t changed your behavior.
Close Friends
-Fernando
From The Beat: How fortunate you are to have two loving parents.
Now, get busy being the loving son you want to be.
Stranger To This Game
Fingers twistin’ – hands throwin’ up
Is what I saw growin’ up
Close friends die, bullets fly
When bullets fly
And close friends die
I just pray they see the angels eyes
‘Cause I know how it feels when the devil
Owns your life
God lives in light
Monsters are real and they own the night
From The Beat: And you own this page – you literary rage!
It’s a mystery why,
But I fell in love.
I didn’t know what to fear.
I was a stranger
To this game.
But when you took my heart,
My whole world fell apart.
One thing I want you
To remember is that
I was down for you.
Now you got me saying:
Screw love.
-King
Police Chase
I remember I got caught when I was on a ride and there was a cop
behind us. Then when we came to a stop I got of the car and ran.
Then there was a cop chasing after me. I threw something I
wasn’t supposed to have. Then he kept chasing me. As soon as he
caught up to me, he tackled me and cussed me out. Then they took
me in.
-E
-Joshua
From The Beat: That could have ended even more badly. Time to wake
up, E.
From The Beat: Hey, you know that arrow sticking into a heart –
supposedly the symbol of love? Maybe that Cupid guy should learn to
shoot better.
Caught
Lucky Day
The other day someone told me it was going to be my lucky day, but
it was the total opposite. I was feeling kind of crappy all day and
then I hurt my finger really bad, basically fractured it.
The moral of this little paragraph is: don’t tell someone it’s
their lucky day because it will probably turn out to be a bad day.
-Edger
From The Beat: Ok, we won’t say a thing…for a while.
Dropping Out
If a friend tells me they want to drop out of school I would say how I
wish I’d stayed in school. I dropped out in eighth grade and now I’m
trying to catch up in credits, but I’m still behind.
-Mollie
From The Beat: Don’t give up! If you don’t give up, you WILL catch up.
Trying To Change
I wish other people could see that I’m really trying to change my
ways and be sober. And that I’m learning new skills to help keep
me sober. I wish other people could see that I can be successful in
what I do.
-Mollie
From The Beat: Stay sober. Keep learning. Be patient.
I got caught in a high speed chase. I was going 80 miles per hour.
Then I crashed into a sign in front of a building and a stake came in
through the window.
Pretty soon I was surrounded by cops. The next thing I knew I
was taking a shower in juvenile hall and headed to my room.
I’m thirteen years old. I’ve always been on the streets. I like
to be on the street. But now I’m facing the consequences for my
behavior.
-Youngster
From The Beat: Do you like the consequences? Since you’ve had time to
think about it, has it occurred to you that a lot of people could have
been hurt while you were hurtling along the highway at 80 MPH? Tell
us more about how long you’ve been on the streets, and why.
Group Home
Well - I messed up for the last time. The system is sending me to
a group home. I hate the system. I got myself into it though, so I
guess it’s time to try and get myself out of it.
I’m probably going to be gone for a year or two. If I do good I can
get out sooner. I have had multiple chances to get the system off my
back, but I just can’t seem to stay out of trouble. It doesn’t sound
that hard but I’m addicted to doing stupid stuff.
Well, I guess I’ll write more next time.
-Tough Times
From The Beat: We’d appreciate hearing from you again. Have you
heard about that experiment in the state of Washington. The sheriff
made it possible for inmates to be trained how to meditate. Those who
took advantage of it were way less likely to re-offend. Ask us about it.
TheBeatWithin.org
Page 48
Standouts
Standouts San Bernardino County Volume 17.07/08
Life’s Consequences
This is for all the young men that are locked up with a family and
kids that don’t want their family or kids locked up. You will want
to do something with your life like getting to know Jesus, God,
and heaven. If you don’t know Jesus you will never know God and
heaven.
Like me, it took me a long time to do what is right and read the
Holy Bible. I was doing alot of bullshhh
when I had my kid at fifteen. Like I stopped going to school,
without school how will you take good care of your kids. Going to
the block, that’s not the way to do it. Just do what you got to do, but
stay in school and take good care of your kids. Look at me, locked
up at seventeen with two kids I can’t see and my kid’s birthday
coming up.
-Jasper
Cycles
My biggest fear is raising my children how I was raised
I do not want them to live on the streets like I was living,
In other peoples house and hotels
I want them to have a good life
I learned my lesson from being back in here
I will not come back here again
-Carlos
From The Beat: We can definitely understand your fears, our children
can be the most precious thing in the world to us. It’s not easy to
always have money, but do you think you can provide a great childhood
for your kids even if you don’t always have the money you think you
should have?
From The Beat: We are glad that you understand the consequences
of your actions can affect a lot of people, especially your family. If
you ever feel like doing something that can jeopardize that, remember
family always come first. Thanks for the great piece!
Cells and Bricks
Freedom
From The Beat: You may not have learned anything from the system
but if you think about it, you have learned something valuable, and
hopefully it is to never return to such a wicked place as you call it in
your piece.
The hardest thing that happened to me was getting my freedom
taken away. I felt like I was a nobody in juvenile hall. You are just a
number. Being in this system is tough on you, but it is also tough on
your family as well. The visitings make me upset but I don’t like to
cry in front of my dad. I try to be strong for the both of us.
Being in juvenile hall, you have a lot of time to think about
your family and the crime that you have committed that put you in
this place. I think about how I am going to be a better person to my
family, myself, and society. This experience had made me become a
better person and makes me want to do good when I get out of here.
At the end of January I won’t just be a number. I will be a person who
got her freedom back.
-Fabrina
I have learned that in the system what you get is nothing. Just
cells and bricks, and there are too many wicked things all around. I
learned about myself a long time ago.
-L
You
I can’t do without my freedom
I can’t do without my family
I can’t do without my friends
I can’t do without my iPod
I can’t do without my girl
There are too many things that I can’t do without
But the main thing I can’t do without is…
You
From The Beat: It takes maturity to recognize the affects your actions
have on your family. What are some of the best parts of being free and
what can you do in the future to make sure you keep your freedom?
Freedom is valuable and we truly hope after the 31st it’s yours to keep.
From The Beat: Wow, that last line hit like a punch! We especially
appreciate the rhythm you use in this poem, great work!
Fear
I Can’t Live Without My Freedom
When you have fear of something you just got to overcome it because
if you don’t you’re going to be stuck with it you whole life. I was
scared of telling my brother to do the right thing, to stop drinking
and smoking. I knew that he was doing the wrong thing. I told him
to stop drinking because he was destroying his life and he listened
to me. I was proud of telling him that. Now he works and thanks me.
-Gerardo
From The Beat: Good job! We are very glad you conquered your fear
because of the awesome results you accomplished. Outstanding, we
hope you are very proud of yourself. We can’t wait to see what else
you can show us.
I Can’t Do Without
I can’t do without my brother, he’s not really my brother, but I think
of him like my brother. He has always been there for me when I have
been kicked out, when I have needed someone to talk to, when I
have been jumped, he helped me by beating them up.
His name is Cristian and I think without him I would start doing
dumb things and wound up in here. But if I don’t get placement, I am
going to stop doing drugs and chill with him. I know people wouldn’t
look up to him, or might say he’s a bad example because he’s in here
too, but everyone makes mistakes even I do. My big bro has been
here since I was nine years old and I am fifteen now.
-Travis
From The Beat: We think that it is awesome you want to stop doing
drugs and stay out of the halls. For one it shows that you are maturing
as an individual, everybody makes mistakes, it just depends on how
you handle the situation after. Keep up the hard work!
-Lonely
I can’t live without my freedom. I’ve been locked up too long and
too many times. I’ve spent my teenage years in these cells behind
closed doors and out of my own clothes. So what I’m saying is I can’t
live without my freedom because I’m going crazy in my cell counting
how many bricks I have on all four walls.
I’m always thinking about what I’m going to do when I get out
but it seems that whenever I get out I am right back in the same
place, just in a different cell. I’m always thinking about what I’m
going to do when I get out. So I guess I can’t live without my freedom.
-Timothy
From The Beat: We can imagine what you are feeling and you are right
freedom is very important to everyone and not having that does take
a lot from a person. However, keep on fighting for it because everyone
deserves to be happy.
I Can’t Do Without Jesus
I can’t do without my savior Jesus Christ. Being here in juvenile hall
it seems like the kids can’t do without praying to him either. But
how many of them take him with them? To me I see him as a God
that stepped down onto this earth to die a human death for us. For
us to live and feel joy in his name. Me, I never have nothing. I can be
locked in a brick room with nothing and still have the greatest gift in
the world, the love and life through my savior Jesus Christ.
-Lukas
From The Beat: Dang! This piece speaks with the power and faith of
a priest or a monk, very impressive! Your ability to find joy within
yourself is a gift that could really help the world. How do you think
you can share your wisdom with those you come in contact with?
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Standouts San Bernardino County Volume 17.07/08
Respect
The toughest lesson I’ve learned in juvenile hall is respect.
I remember I used to get into trouble a lot my first time in here
because I lacked respect. When you don’t have respect, you don’t
have pride. I hate people who don’t have respect. People have to earn
respect in order to get it. People think respect is free, but nothing is
free in this world. I’ll give you respect but I’ll expect it in return. My
own mama didn’t teach me about respect; it’s something you have to
learn on your own. Peace.
-Frank
From The Beat: Respect is a huge value in life and you seem to grasp it
very well. Many people in the world do not have respect for themselves
and tend to not respect others as well. Thank you for this beautifully
written piece.
I’ve Changed
I am going back to school
I am getting out soon
I’ve changed the way I look at people
I am doing something with my life
I am better than I was before
I notice that jail ain’t for me
I got tattoos on my hand that I am getting off
I am a new soon to be man
I know how not to let people get in my head
I got things I didn’t have before.
I’ve changed.
-Tk
From The Beat: It sounds like you have changed a lot. What tools do
you have now that you are going to use on the outs? It can be hard
returning to the place you’ve known but it sounds like you’re pretty
ready. Good luck!
The One I Trust The Most
Closer than close
Through you really flocks
Time went by
Now I could really see
You can trust nobody
When you really in these streets
When times are hard think
I really need a friend
The only one I can trust
Is the man I see within.
Juvie Poetry
-Rayvon
From The Beat: No one knows you better than you do and it’s important
to trust yourself. We hope you’ll be able to find true friends and
surround yourself with good people. Building trust takes time, but it’s
worth the effort.
I Can’t Do Without
I can’t do without my music.
When I sit in silence I start to lose it.
Then I sing a song and start to say,
Thank you, music, for taking the pain away.
I can’t do without my loving mother.
I can keep it real with her, no need to hide under covers.
I can’t do without the Lord up above.
Since my dad isn’t around He’s who I become to love.
I can’t do without toilet tissue
Because it wipes away my tears when I’m having issues.
Sometimes I want to stop breathing God’s air.
Then I remember I have a family who cares
That “I can’t do without!”
-Destinee
From The Beat: Great piece! We can tell from the personality you show
in this piece that there are many people who probably can’t do without
you. Keep on singing, girl!
Swagg
I can’t do without my clothes
My mouthpiece tatts and swagg attract all the females though
Skinny jeans, fresh shirt and a snapback
Dyjuan be the man and ya’ll really can’t doubt that
Reckless gold necklace
Black and white vans with checkers
My swagg is ten swagg above average
Yelling out whoop cause I’m a freaking savage
Did this for the beat make everybody move their feet
If you don’t know my name hello world I’m Dyjuan.
-Dyjuan
From The Beat: We like the confidence and the imagery you used to
describe your swagg. One question though: did your love of swag lead
you to do things that got you locked up? Is swag more important than
freedom? Keep writing you have talent for it.
God on my back
My uncle on crack
Being in the halls
Can’t wear my own drawers
I got lessons to learn
It feels like I crashed and burned
I miss my fam and my fam miss me
I loved being in the streets
But did the streets love me?
Now I’m in the halls
I sit in my room and look at the white walls
Blue suits and black strapped shoes
Is the new style for all races of youth
I need to get out
But the judge wants me in
When the probation officer says I’m not here to be your friend
That’s the truth man
I feel like dying
LOL that what Lil’ Wayne said
I feel like he’s telling the truth
So now I sit here and ask God
What can I do?
My life ain’t ruined, but the moment is
I’m tellin you dog
Juvenile hall ain’t the biz
My name is Tabari and when I get grown
I’m almost certain I don’t want this life for my kids
And when they get my age
I’ll tell them the same thang
Juvie life ain’t the biz
And the streets ain’t jizz
So stay in school
That’s the only way you will be cool
Smokin’ and drinkin’ doesn’t make your life fun
It makes your life dumb
Get good grades and don’t follow me
But you can call yourself the new young G
Treat life like poker and play smart
Don’t make the police shoot you with a dart
You know the target on your back
Play sports, get on the field
And be the best “quarterback”
I love my life but not right now
When I get out I’ll change my whole style.
-Tabari
From The Beat: Tabari! We loved this poem; we think it really packs a
punch! Poetry can often help address the issues we find important to
us, you really showed that. What other ways can you use your poetry
to help the family and community you belong to? We can’t wait to see
your next piece!
TheBeatWithin.org
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Standouts
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Volume 17.07/08
Picked Up
I got caught on July fifth at my house about to eat a bowl of Cocoa
Puffs when the cops knocked on the door. They said that all they
wanted to do was question me, but they took me down instead. The
thing is that I don’t know what happened on July fourth, but that
doesn’t have anything to do with me coming here. But it still sucks.
-Buddy
From The Beat: How were you feeling when they brought you down to
be questioned? Were you nervous, scared, totally calm?
Trust Lost, Soon to Be Found
Well when I came in here I lost lots of my trust from people. It’s
hard to see and talk to someone that don’t trust you. I lost my trust
because I messed up in life so I now have to build that trust back up.
It’s going to take awhile but it is worth it by a long shot.
So all you that have people that don’t trust you, do what you
are supposed to do and build that trust back with who ever you lost
it from. Well that’s all Beat.
-Frostie
From The Beat: What have you learned about the importance of trust?
Have you learned more about who you really want to have trust with,
like family, instead of friends who might not always be there?
Hoping for the Best
The reason I’m in here is because some on tried to accuse me of
burglary. This kid was the one actually trying to climb in his friend’s
window and the apartment manager tried to say it was me. So I got
brought to juvie for burglary and probation violation.
My attorney came to speak with me so I told her the truth.
So now I’m in here for two misdemeanors, probation violation and
receiving stolen property. So now I’m waiting for my disposition. I’m
supposed to be getting out that day, hopefully I do. My PO told me
today they’re goin’ to recommend New Foundations. Hopefully they
don’t so I can go home. I’m hopin’ for the best and preparing for the
worst.
-Prepared
From The Beat: How did you know to tell your attorney the truth? Did
you know that telling him/her the truth would maybe help you out?
Live Right, Not Drunk
Well, I didn’t exactly get caught up, but one time I got hammered
with six of my friends. Four girls, two guys and then me. We drank
three handles of Bacardi and two handles of Captain Morgan.
Smoked more weed than we could handle. Well we decided to go
downtown to get some food and some soda. We were walking toward
the Pizza Factory and I was swervin’, fallin’ off my skateboard. I ran
into a tree. We walked into the paost office thinking it was the bank,
grabbed hella envelopes and threw them all over.
Then we went to the pizza and bought some pizza, soda and
like to orders of bread sticks. I said I had to use the rest room so
I tried to keep myself so I could walk when I got to the bathroom I
knocked the mirror over and started breaking it more. I walked out
and all my friends were gone. I was freaking out so I went to the gym.
I walked in and a lady said “can I help you?” I knocked all the stuff
off the table and ran.
My friend was riding up and said let’s kick it. So I took out a
cigarette and couldn’t find my lighter. I asked my friend has you
got a light. He said no. So he was like let’s take you so some I was
running beside him and his bike and I was tumblin’. When I got like
five hundred feet the cops pulled up and said come on, Sebastian.
Let’s take you home.
-Sebastian
From The Beat: That is quite a story you shared! Do you look back on
this with fond memories or do you wonder why you were smashing
everything up?
Dropping Out
My brother told me he was going to drop out of school his tenth
grade year in high school. I didn’t really say much, just told him
he is going to regret doing that and it’s going to be hard to get a job
without education. He need to learn all her can to make it in today’s
world. Yes, I have been in that situation. No, I haven’t dropped out,
but didn’t do what I needed to do to make it.
-Ee
From The Beat: You did good telling your brother how it is: that without
education life will be much harder. What do you think you “needed” to
do to make it? Were there support systems in place to help you out?
Being Free
I’m not feeling any of these topics so I’m just going to write about
how I’m pretty tired of being here. Hopefully I don’t come back
because I’m just really tired of being here.
One of my plans is to just stay at the house with my brother all
day. I have to stop coming here ‘cause I miss out o a lot.
Next time I come back it’s goin’ to be nine months. I don’t want
that, but it’s whatever if it happens. I could just stay out of trouble
and not decide to do stupid things. Well, that’s it.
-Go Go Gadget Go
From The Beat: We can see in this piece that you really don’t want to
come back here, but your nonchalance about it makes us think that
you aren’t committed to making sure that you stay out of trouble. Have
you thought about what it takes to stay out of trouble? What happens
when you don’t want to hang out with your brother anymore?
Over With
The police arrested me fifty days ago. They had their cars parked
up the street. I was walking o the street and all of a sudden they
pull their tazers out yelling, “don’t move or I’ll shoot, show me your
hands!” They hopped out of a bush outta nowhere. I was goin’ to
run, but I wasn’t even tripppin’. I know they wouldn’t been able to
catch me. I just decided to get the warrant done with. I didn’t want
to run because I wanted to get it over with. I was sick of getting
arrested because I’ve had warrants for the last four months. I also
just want to go home…
-Jesse
From The Beat: How did you come to the feeling of wanting to get the
warrants “over with.” Is it tiring being on the run from warrants? What
is that like?
Wannabe Friends
I got caught at a story with some of my wannabe friends. And they
didn’t get caught, but forget them ninjas. I’m starting to feel like I
have no friends. Some people don’t care who you are. But I was mad
when I was caught and when I got out I be up two of the dudes that
was with me and I stop having fake people surrounding me.
-Mar
From The Beat: It is definitely disappointing to find out that the people
that you trust don’t have your back. But did beating them up really
solve anything? Did it really make you feel better?
Three Topics
If my best friend, brother or sister dropped out of school, I would
sit her down and tell her don’t drop out. Finish school and go to
college. Achieve your goal, attend school.
I was nervous, scared, but I told my name and the truth. And I
came to jail and go out early when I came six or seven times. Amen.
My mom’s opinion ’cause she betters my life.
-Mustafa
From The Beat: Thank you for answering all the topics! Why do you
think it is necessary to go to school if you want to achieve your goals?
Why did you tell the truth when you got caught instead of trying to
lie? How does your mom better your life?
TheBeatWithin.org
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My Opinion
Solano County
Volume 17.07/08
I really don’t care what people say or think about me. It only makes
me succeed more and do better. They say what they got and what
they do because they see you making your way to the top and sliding
on past them.
So don’t even listen to what people say. Listen to yourself and
never give up. “The game of life is to listen to your mind, never listen
to your heart, because it will bring you down every time.”
-Ruube
From The Beat: It sounds like you have been hurt, Ruube. It sounds
like you have looked to someone for support and guidance and you
were disappointed. We know it can be hard to ask for support, help,
guidance or just praise after you have been let down, but don’t give
up on people.
My Situation
Hello my name is New Guy and I was born in San Francisco, CA, but
I was raised in Vallejo.
In the streets of Vallejo I’ve come to be the man I am today. And
that man is an honest man, but not a perfect man.
I got faced with situation that I can’t walk away from. Often
those situations are the ones that have the risk of ended me back
up in here. These situation are risky, but I tend to take that risk all
the time. I just can’t walk away, it’s not as easy as said.
-New Guy
From The Beat: No one expects you to be perfect, New Guy, we all
make mistakes. But what is it that you can’t walk away from? A
confrontation? Why is it so hard to say that this fight isn’t worth your
life—whether that’s behind bars or in a grave?
My Story
Look me in the eyes and try to feel my pain
Do you know how it feels to be left out in the rain
Each and everyday there’s someone judging me
Worried ‘bout my life and how I live in these streets
Everyday I wake up
Got a hundred different haters
Just tryin’ to get this paper
Stacks look like elevators
But no one really wants to hear my story
That’s why I’m all alone and no one’s here for me.
-Lil Asia
From The Beat: There are always going to be people who judge you—
no matter who you are or where you come from. But what makes
you stronger is being able to not let their judgments get to you. Do
the good things you have to do to get ahead in life and leave the
judgmental people today.
My Life
I got that soft I got that hard like Whitney and Bobby
Yo’ boy movion’ mean plus I know I’m cocky
I’m knockin’ ninjas down so they callin’ me Rocky
I be thinkin’ in my head like who goin’ to stop me.
Want to be my first, make the top three
‘Cause I ain’t goin’ to lie, number one who I be
Can’t be in front, can’t be beside me
So got to the back and bag up the big tree
October 1994, birth of a real G
I been in the game ‘cause my daddy inside me
Addicted to the fame ‘cause the money what I see
Grew up to be a solder so snitchin’ is not me
I want to show my son that success is so free
We loose of the good, man
This ain’t no movie, shoe strings and Uzzis
-Lil Fxe
From The Beat: Do you really want to teach your son that success is
free? Do you really think that success is something that should be
handed to you instead of something that you work for? How do you
emulate your father—in positive or negative way?
Feed The Children
You hurt me, yup I ain’t gon’ front
You lied to me like you don’t give a care
You love me? Boy please stop
I used to really be there for you
I mean we used to really rock
You miss me?
I wouldn’t put it past you
But it’s too late now, ‘cause I’m movin’ too fast boo
I’m locked up
Yeah you already know
You out there doin’ yo’ thing huh?
Yeah you fo’ sho go
You used to say I’m crazy
And I will say “crazy in love with you.”
But now I stop and think, “damn I used to really be a fool”
You mess with yo’ best friend?
Ha I hope you rock till the end
‘Cause you gon’ see me stuntin’
And it ain’t gon’ be no pretend
I’m hella sugary
But boy you a bum
You gon’ be standin’ on that corner for the rest of yo’ life
lookin’ hella dumb
You taught me my first life lesson
I used to think you were a blessin’’
You killed my baby
And now you think it’s all gravy
But think again ‘cause karma is a mother
Just wait and see and watch how she does ya’
When you got shot, who were there for you?
Nobody from the block!
When all yo’ lil partners carry them lil glocks
You callin’ my sister tryin’ to get some money
I’m laughin’ in my cell, callin’ you a real dummy
What you think this is, feed the children?
-Lil Asia
From The Beat: It seems like this poem is a realization that the guy you
thought was good for you really isn’t. Have you made the choice to stay
away from him since he will be “standing on the corner” for the rest of
his life? What did that realization do for you and your life?
TheBeatWithin.org
Standouts
Standouts
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Volume 17.07/08
The System
The system is not like a video game system because the system I
play I always lose.
I have to be the son my dad wanted so I’m going to be that son.
I’m going to quit playing and start winning so I can move on to be
the son my dad wanted. It’s going to be hard because I don’t have any
goals I can change for. I’m still trying to figure out some goals for I
can change, but it’s going to take some time.
All you people coming into this system, stop playing and go
do something better with your life because you will never win this
system. Well Beat, peace.
-Frostie
From The Beat: We think you do already have a goal for change—to be
the best son for your dad. We are curious if you think that there is a
way the system could, or should, help you with your goals? In a perfect
world, of course.
Hard Times
What’s up Beat? Today I’m going to write about what’s going on with
me. Well on the fourteenth my public defender went in front of the
judge because they can’t fine me a place to go. I’m supposed to get
the news later this week. I just hope its good because I miss my
family so much. I don’t know what I would do without them. So I just
hope they can still trust me.
I’ve been stressing a lot because I’m in here plus my aunt
passed away this past month so it’s been real hard for me. But all
I got to say is that I have to stay strong and come out strong too. I
just want to go and do what I have to do because this is just a waste
of my time and that time can’t be made up. When I get out I’m going
straight home to be with my family before I do anything else. Well
that’s all for now Beat.
-Frostie
From The Beat: We are sorry to hear about your aunt, Frostie. Did you
appreciate your family before you came to the hall? If not, what made
you realize their importance to you?
When I Got Caught
I was at the juvenile hall and I hopped the fence and escaped from
the facility. It was an impulse that I acted on that I shouldn’t have.
It was me and my ninja and all we had to do was four months and
we hopped the wall and ran. It was cool for a minute. Smoked some
cigarettes and it all turned bad.
The police pulled up and I was ghost. The cop chased us saying,
“I’m goin’ to get you! I’m goin’ to get you!” My boy was gone and I
hopped a fence, ran though this lady’s yard, rand down the street,
jumped into somebody’s yard and hid. I was there for a good ten to
fifteen minutes then the police came in the yard. They walked over
the garbage pile I was hiding under and didn’t check. Then they left
the yard.
I got up, went to hop the fence to the next yard and they
sicked the dogs on me. Luckily I was up on the fence. I gave up
and I couldn’t get down. I was yelling, “call them off!” They called
them off. Now I’m back at the hall. I waited four months just to be
sentenced to do four more. Now by that time I get out I’ll have done
nine months. So if you think something bad, just face it because ti
can always get worse. And if you ain’t doing life, it ain’t that bad, so
just do what you got to do.
-Michael
From The Beat: This is quite a story that you shared with us. Do you
really think that if you’re not serving a life sentence it isn’t that bad?
Don’t you feel like you want to be out instead of in the hall? What
made you hop the fence?
The Wrong Decision
Well this time that I got caught it really wasn’t my fault. Well let
me tell you how it happened. Well first of all I was at my house just
chilling then one of my friends came to my house and I was on
ankle monitor because I barley got out like five days ago. I didn’t
have nothing to drink like alcohol and my friend came with a bottle
and wanted to drink with me because I barely got out after doing
two months.
I made the wrong decision of saying yes and something
happened that made me mad after drinking. So I was already drunk
and I got mad and took off my ankle monitor. I went to one of my
friends and we kept drinking and it was like nine pm already and
some guys were talking mess to me and my friend. I got mad and
went up to them and just took flight on them. Then the cops came
and I ran and this one dude that was with us, he followed me and
after that I was hidden and he went with me and he told me that the
cops already left. I came out and I got caught and he didn’t, he kept
running. And that’s hat happened this time that I’m here. That’s it
Beat.
-Hershey’s
From The Beat: We like that you can see that you might have made
the wrong decision. Do you think that maybe you might be better off
for getting caught because you had the opportunity to reflect on your
actions? How are you going to change it for the next time?
The First Thing…
When I get out, the first think I’m goin’ to do is find a job. I’ll be
going to school every day and be staying out of trouble. I’ll make my
family proud of me and not have to worry about me no more. “If you
don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.”
-Boonzo
From The Beat: What kind of job are you going to go for? What do you
think will make your family proud? Is them being proud important to
you?
The Opinion
I think my grampa’s, mom’s, and stepdad’s opinion matters the
most because I look up to them the most. The reason I think this is
because they taught me so much when going up that all the things
they told me will always be with me no matter what happens. Well
that’s al I got for this. Peace Beat.
-Frostie
From The Beat: What is it about your grampa, mom and stepdad that
makes you look up to them? What qualities are the ones that you want
to emulate the most?
Cold Call
I was cruising with my friends around town. We was drinking and
smoking some weed. We had two eighteen packs of beer. I seen the
cops from a far distance, but it was too late. They stopped the car
and they searched the car and found the beer. The cops took me to
the hall for gang-terms violation. One of the cops was being cool and
he was goin’ to let me go but his partner said take him to the hall.
-Studders
From The Beat: Thanks for sharing this story with us. Why did you
need two packs of beer? Are there things you can do with your friends
that don’t include alcohol or weed?
My Story
My story is locked up at New Founds because something that
happened in Vallejo near the McDonalds. It was all on the news in
the newspaper and then they took my dad because they tried to say
my dad is hiding me when he wasn’t at all. But when they took him I
wanted to go so bad but I just turned myself in so they would let him
go and take care of my family.
I’ve been in here since July 2011 and I’m still up in here. I get
out in March. I will be back with my family and in February my older
brother is getting married and I get a furlough on that day.
-Bare-face
From The Beat: Are you excited for your brothers wedding? Are you a
part of the ceremony?
TheBeatWithin.org
Page 53
Standouts
Standouts
Solano County
Volume 17.07/08
Opinion
Nobody’s opinion really matters to me, it’s just they opinion, it’s not
true facts. Opinion is not real so I don’t let them get to me. But some
opinions do sound good. Only if they were real facts I would listen,
but they not and I don’t care about opinions.
-Hnic
From The Beat: Does your own opinion matter to you? Do you hold
yourself to a certain standard?
School
I was one of those people who thought school wasn’t very important,
so I didn’t really go. And if I did I was just on e a jupe to get into
something, not really going to class. Now I’m older, I see how much
school matters. I’ve gotten my credites up so when I get released
I’m only goin’ to need twelve credits to graduate. I’m goin’ to walk
the line and all that. I’m juiced! Never thought I would. I’m thinking
about college and all that. Not sure what I want to major in or
anything, but know I want to go.
To whoever thinks that school don’t matter, it does. You want
to have a minimum wage job your whole lie or get a career and take
care of yo’ fams? Is’ an easy question for me. But to my young life,
stay in school and get your knowledge game up!
-Lil Jonny
From The Beat: You are absolutely right—and education is the key to a
successful career and life. What showed you that this was an important
part to heading down a different path? What things are you passionate
about? That might help you figure out what you want to study.
Didn’t Listen
The Way I Got Blurped
When my granny and moms told me to stop doing what’s wrong, like
mobbin’, smokin’, hittin’ licks, everything bad, I just still kept doing
me and me got me here, where I am today. And I thought I wasn’t
going to get blurped by my probation officer so one day I got a letter
in the mail saying I had a court date coming up.
So when my court date came up I went and my attorney came
out and told me I was being remanded so I cut and went home. I
didn’t go to school for a couple days. Then I decided to got and then
was going to get a swisher and I was coming back and the rollas
pulled me and my partner over, took up to school and they said I had
a warrant and took me and booked be in JDF. I was sooooo hot and
that’s the story.
-Yung Abraham
From The Beat: So what about that advice that your mom and granny
gave you, about staying out of trouble? What do you think of that
advice now? Is it something that you will give a try when you get out
of here?
Hard Lessons Learned
My partner said in his song that “I guess it takes a huge fall in order
to learn.” I guess it does take a hard fall to know where you really
stand. It takes going through hard lessons to learn what’s most
important in your life.
Even thought I wanted to run, the thought of it all catching up
with me eventually, stopped me. It felt better to face it like a man
and get it over with. Going through these rough time opens your else
a lot and everything I took for granted I’ve learned to appreciated. I
guess when everything starts going downhill, you see what’s really
real in yo’ life.
-Lil Nine
From The Beat: This is a very insightful piece, Lil Nine. Sometimes we
do have to learn lessons the hard way. Who can you impart this wisdom
to so that they don’t have to struggle like you did? How can you use
what you have learned to help others?
Who’s opinion matters to me? Well I think I’m in here ‘cause I didn’t
listen to nobody’s opinion, but if anybody my dad’s opinion probably
matter most to me. I could care less about what anybody thinking
besides my dad. But I feel bad bein’ locked up ‘cause it makes my
dad so sad ‘cause he knows I’m so much better than this. So when
I get out I want to listen to his opinion and do good and make him
happy.
-Baby Mikey
From The Beat: Why does your dad’s opinion matter so much? What
does he say when he’s proud of you? What does he say when he’s not
so proud of you?
Here It Is!
My story is that I was not going to school. Got violated, that’s why
I’m in here. You should always go to school so you can get your
education and a good job. So stop ditching school because when
you ditch school it becomes a habit and you don’t want that habit.
That’s a bad habit. So is smoking weed, but I’ll take about that
another rtime. Don’t ditch school!
I wish I was home only if I would have gone to school I wouldn’t
be here. I have been locked up for one hundred and twenty six days.
-Dope
From The Beat: That’s great advice—do you take your own advice?
Chances
Jail sucks, but there’s nothing I can really do. When I get out for
good I will do anything I can to stay out. I miss being with my family.
The staff I hate because they think they know everything. I need
help, that I do admit. But chances as well. I say chances because
I will need more than three. Man! I just got to think positive and
stay positive. Because I want to get out, stay out and succeed and
achieve. And I don’t care what anyone else thinks.
-Chankey
From The Beat: How many chances do you think you need? What are
the things that can help you succeed in your chances?
TheBeatWithin.org
Standouts
Standouts
New Mexico
Page 54
Volume 17.07/08
One Tough Lesson
Hey Beat, I’ve been in here almost a month now. I’m probably going
to RTC here in a couple of weeks. I’ve been here in jail three times,
and over all I have learned a lot from being locked up.
One of these things is that every one gets caught sooner or
later. Being locked up can just change your mentality, you get so
used to being in here that when you get out you don’t want to come
back, but ultimately the system isn’t nothing but trouble. So that’s
it for now.
-Flame
From The Beat: Take a step back and ask yourself one question, ‘is it
the system that is trouble or is it your actions that continue getting
you in trouble?’ Remember we all have a choice.
Going Back
One of my friends said that they wanted to drop out of school. I
think that they should not because it’s dumb, because you need to
stay in school so that way you can have a nice job one day and get
your GED.
I told my friend not to because I did it and it sucks! But now I’m
going back, so it’s a good thing, but my best friend stayed in school
and now she’s doing good and getting all her stuff together.
-Santina
From The Beat: Now that you realize that dropping out was a mistake,
maybe you can follow your friend and get the education you need. Now
that your going back to school is there anything specific you want to
do when you get older?
Fear
I was nine years old when I was raped by my step uncle. My aunt did
not believe me. Why? I do not know, I still don’t know. I’ve felt like
it was my fault for years, but now I know it’s not. It’s his fault and it
will never be my fault!
-Delhila
From The Beat: We are grateful you know that it was not your fault
for what happened. Thank you for sharing this traumatic event in your
life, should you need any help please ask. There are many people who
will help you get through this.
My Treatment
As I sit here at a treatment center I think about how I can be home
with my family doing the right things. Like going to church with my
family and spending time with them, or I can have a job and help my
dad with the bills and paying the house or be helping people because
I love God and he loves me back. He loves all of us no matter what
we do wrong he will always be there for us and will forgive us even
if we do something we did not mean to. But all I know that he will
always be there and always forgive us. We’ll that’ sit I got to get some
sleep…
-Larry
From The Beat: Larry what are your long term goals? How is treatment
working for you now? Do you still have a lot of time in the treatment
center? If so use it to your advantage.
How it is in Lockup
I’ve been here at YDDC for three weeks now, and time is hell with
eleven months and a week to go. Tomorrow I’ll have my multidisciplinary team meeting. I’ve been drawing some, but not much. I
look forward to getting a new publication because it’s boring as hell
in my room.
When I go to my MDT meeting tomorrow I’m going to ask if I
can join online Central New Mexico classes. It’s free and I’ll have
something to work on, my associates degree. By the time I get out
I’ll be seventeen years old, and how I figure it I’ll be done with at
least half maybe even almost completely done with the collage class.
I have messed up once since I’ve been here. Three guys jumped
me in here so I had to fight back, and now I have an incident report
and since the fight happened I’ve been in lock down.
-Jeff
From The Beat: Now with the one incident report focus on your plan,
your goal. Start your collage class and stick with it. The busier you are
the less time you’ll have thinking about the negative you have to deal
with.
Why I Am Here
Wrong Road
I dropped out of school and my mom said I need to go to school
because I will only end up getting locked up, but I said I don’t care.
So I dropped out and I messed up and got locked up and now I’m
going to school for the boys. I’m only thirteen and my grades are bad
and I’m going down the wrong road.
-Baby Bitz
From The Beat: If you know the road your on is the wrong one don’t
you think it’s time to take another road? Being so young you should
think about the education and not the boys? It looks like your mom
was right?
Weed is not a Drug
I wish other people could see that weed is not a drug. Weed is not a
drug because it is a medication because a lot of people use it to take
away pain that people have, and a long time ago they used to use it
for tea and they used it to boil it and soak rags and put it on wounds
and it would help.
They also used it for chronic pain and scoliosis, cancer, ADHD,
and that not all they used it for they also used it to make cloths,
lotion, and there is a lot of other things they used if for so you can
see why it is not only used as medication but its also used for other
thing and not just to get high.
-Dominick
From The Beat: Yes “weed” is used for medical purposes, but keep in
mind our youth are using “weed” simply to get high.
My story starts the week before I came to jail. Every thing was getting
weir. Day by day people were accusing me of some stupid stuff, but I
just let it go till the cops hit the block. The cops were trying to arrest
me for nothing, so I didn’t let them catch me.
The next day I went to probation meetings and when I left and
went home and while I was at home I was accused of being some
where else doing some serious crimes. The cops the next day came
to my moms’ and I just let them get me because I didn’t want to run
for something I didn’t do, and that’ s my story of why I’m in here.
-Jeremy
From The Beat: It’s good you didn’t run. If you didn’t do what they say
then you should be going home soon. Maybe your past has caught up
to you, and now it’s time to face the deeds you have done? Remember
for every action there is a reaction, and that’s for both good and bad
actions you might make.
Dad’s Opinions
My dad’s opinion matter’s the most to me because I’m afraid. I’m
afraid of him because he will beat me…even for little thing he will
beat me. When I do something good I’m looking for my dad’s praise
because every thing I do is bad in his eyes. My dad doesn’t appreciate
anything I do. My dad is the one who I fear the most.
-Elisha
From The Beat: It’s good you want your father’s approval, but the love
you have for him should not have to end with him beating you. Have
you talked to anyone about this? There is a difference between getting
a spanking and being abused. Talk with someone about this before it
gets out of hand.
TheBeatWithin.org
Standouts
Page 55
Siblings, Fear and Tough Lesson
Siblings, nothing but respect, I would do anything for my older brother. I
would always be there for my brother no matter what.
Fear, my fear is getting knocked up and the baby daddy skipping out
on me. That’s my fear being any single mom raising a baby on my own.
And my toughest lesson, I learned a lot since I’ve been in and out of
the system, to learn how to watch my back while being locked up.
-Jenny
From The Beat: Thank you Jenny for sharing your love, fear and a
lesson learned.
New Mexico
Volume 16.47/48
The Toughest lesson
I’ve learned a lot from being in the system. That once you are in it’s
hard to get out. The things I’ve gotten from being in the system is
that jail always comes and goes if you’re messing around, and when
you’re locked up nobody give a crap about you.
All they do is keep postponing court dates, and killing time.
Since I’ve been coming to the D-home I’ve changed a lot from being
immature to being mature, and now time goes by slow living day by
day waiting for my release date.
-Jeremy
From The Beat: It sounds like your getting tired of being in the system?
Maybe now being a little more mature you’ll use what you’ve learned
and keep out of detention?
Not the Smartest Choice
Dropping out was not the smartest choice I’ve done. People always
told me to stay in school; they saw something in me that I could be
anything I wanted to be. Which I did not listen to them, some what
they were right, now I got two more years until I finish school and I
am going back to become a Registered Nurse.
-La L
From The Beat: Keep focused on your goal. If people see you can do it
take there advise and run with it. Now that you know you need that
education finish school and get into nursing school. We wish you the
best of luck.
Dropping Out
One time my sister was telling me that she was going to drop out of
school, and I told her she should not because she will not get a job
and she did not drop out because she does not want to screw up her
life so she wants to live her life well.
-Desiree
From The Beat: We at the Beat are glad your sister took your advice.
Are you still in school? What are your plans when you get out?
Standouts
Monterey County
Overcoming Fear
Something to overcome when you’re locked is being shy and quiet,
like when you’re hungry and people don’t want their food. If you ask
them they’re likely going to give it to you. And when you talk to the
judge you can’t be shy. Be a man or woman and speak up and they’ll
listen and maybe you’ll be a better lawyer than the public defender.
It may have a positive effect on your sentence.
-Dre
From The Beat: Being shy is a very common fear to overcome. Have you
overcome your shyness to speak your mind to the judge? If so, so you
think it helped your situation?
The Nick Nack Patty Wack
Being in here in Juvenile hall I kind of feel crappy and not so
energetic like I would be in the outside. Being told what to do,
having to ask just to get the littlest things like to get a drink of
water and use the bathroom at home that would just be a think you
would do.
In here it is a privilege and the part that sucks the most is
when we have our family visiting and it’s cool to see your family but
when the time is over they just walk out the door and just leave you
behind, wishing you can go with them. But you gotta remember you
put yourself here no one else to blame. But I’m in here and makin’
the best of it because I have a date goin’ home and it’s sad because
there’s some kids in here that will never get to see home again and
I’m thankful that I’m not one of them.
Being in here I think God is getting my attention in life and
turn it around and do something positive with my life and become
somebody in life.
Whatever I put my mind to right now I’m thinking of being a
football player or military or clothes designer - football and clothes
designer the most. I’m cool.
-Lang Lang
From The Beat: We’re glad to hear you’re making the best of your time
in juvie, and that you’re recognizing that your situation could be much
worse. What are you doing to make the best of it in there? Is there
anything positive that you can take out of this experience? Even if
you don’t know what you do want for your future, it sounds like you
know what you don’t want in your future. Sometimes this is just as
important. Good luck!
No One Knows The Real Me
Does anyone know the real me?
Well, no not really. Not even my mom.
She would think and say I’m a bad kid, but in reality I’m not.
I would just be at the wrong place at the wrong time
and I would always get caught up.
Maybe it was the people I kick-it with or the places I would be,
I don’t know. The point is nobody really knows me.
The fact is if Mom don’t bother to really know me,
I don’t think anyone else would.
-Cc
From The Beat: Who is the real “you”? If there was one thing you would
want your mom to know about you or even the Beat Within audience,
what would that be?
Embarrassing Moments
The thing that I’m probably most embarrassed about doing will have
to be, performing in front of a crowd. I wouldn’t do it but I actually
had a friend that did it – he was embarrassed at first but he had to
do it so that it would benefit us all. So he did it and he overcame his
fear. And I never did and don’t think I ever would so that fear is the
one I’ll never overcome.
-Seraphine
From The Beat: So are you afraid of performing in front of a crowd,
or is it of embarrassing yourself in front of your peers? Overcoming
fears doesn’t happen instantly or automatically. Overcoming your
fears helps you grow as a person and expands the possibilities that
surround your life. As the Dalai Lama said, “Take into account that
great achievements involve great risk.”
Destiny
Since I was five years old I’ve believed in destiny. Everyone has a
destiny. I hope I have a good destiny ahead of me because recently
it has been downhill.
-J
From The Beat: At 5 years old, what had you believing in destiny?
Often we hear that everyone controls his or her own destiny. If that is
the case, you’re able to control your destiny and get things on the right
track? What changes can you make that will give you a good destiny?
TheBeatWithin.org
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Standouts
Los Angeles County
Volume 17.07/08
Good Person
“I wish other people could see me the way I do.”
I’m a good person to listen to.
I believe I’m the type of person that listens well.
I’m the type of person that won’t bribe you or put you under
any spell.
I love to make people happy even when I’m feeling crappy.
At the end of the day, it’s okay just by hearing my roommate
say, “Bombay”.
-Kreshana
My Siblings
My relationship with my siblings is the best relationship I’ve ever
had. I have a sister that’s 22 and we’re best friends. I have a little
brother that is four, and I’m always playing with him. Last, I have a
little sister that is 6 months. I would babysit her when I was out. I
love them all very much and miss them to death.
-Jasmine
From The Beat: Family, more specifically siblings, are important
relationships to keep. There is a bond between all of you that can’t be
broken. Do you want your little brother and sister to look up to you?
If so, why? If not, why?
From The Beat: It sounds like you’re a good friend. Where do you think
you got the qualities you listed above? Do you think anyone has the
ability to listen well?
Corrupt
Real Me
I don’t really think anyone knows the real me, because like everyone
else, you always have secrets.
- My Secret
From The Beat: Everyone does have secrets. Why do you think people
hide the truth? Why do you hide the truth about yourself from others?
My Dog
My dog is a mixed basset hound. He’s like a human being. We play
everyday. I love him so much. He follows me into my car, because
we go everywhere together. If someone took him away, I don’t know
what I would do. I love that dog so much. He’s my best friend.
-Tyler
From The Beat: What about your dog do you love? He seems loyal.
Why is it hard not being around him while you’re incarcerated? Who is
taking care of him?
Valentine’s Day Last Year
Last year for Valentine’s Day my godson was my valentine. He
bought me a heart shaped box of chocolates and an angel.
I adore it mostly. I adore him. He was three at the time, and I
can’t wait to see what’s in store for this year. Hopefully, it’s another
memory I can cherish.
-Maria
From The Beat: You’re lucky to have such a loving godson. Does he
know you’re locked up? What choices can you make to be a good role
model for him?
See Like Me
I wish other people could see you the way I do.
Sweet, all I need is you.
Pass me the bottle and forget about the world.
Put the iPod in my ear- Leona Lewis kind of girl.
Stare up at the sky and watch the sun drift off.
Hit up the tooth fairy when reality kicks in.
Buy a one-hundered-dollar vacation just to drift away again
Day of Love:
Last year for Valentine’s Day I was at a downtown rooftop
with my ex-boyfriend and a bottle.
It was pretty cool
because the rooftop was part of a hotel and the room was
fancy
with candles and rose petals.
It was the best Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had.
But as for this year, I’m single and locked up.
I’ll wait until next year and see what it is in store for me.
-Jasmine
From The Beat: What do you see for yourself next Valentine’s Day?
Where will you be and how will your life be different?
I dream of a place that doesn’t necessarily have a pretty face,
But all the ugliness is erased.
I am tired of being taught about money, power, and
intelligence.
Instead, I feel my sentiment.
Why are we so corrupt, yet we say what’s up?
Even though it is what’s up with this society.
The staff is influencing us quietly.
-Tired and Influenced
From The Beat: Your line that mentions “money, power, and intelligence”
is powerful. Why are you tired of learning those things? What would
you like to learn about instead?
My Destiny Is To Follow
My destiny is to obey
My parents and strive for success
Until I reach Glory Home.
My destiny is to learn the word of God until he sends me
home.
-Floyd
From The Beat: Striving for success and listening to your parents are
both great goals. Once you leave Glory Home, where do you see your
life? What goals do you have?
No Tears
No tears today, nothing but kisses and hugs
For we missing from
Saw his momma and she spoke
I put her head down and it made me shed a tear.
Rest in peace.
I’m thinking about you.
God never gave me a turn and got me addicted to these
streets.
So I got to pay to Jesus and you should pay for me.
How many times it went in one ear and out the other
From your momma, grandmamma, and your baby’s mother
They try to tell you the right way because they know
You hustle.
They only tell you right because they love you.
-Kenwonde
From The Beat: What is the message you are trying to convey in this
poem? Writing about being tough and hard seems a bit misconstrued.
What have you learned from being in Central?
No Reason
I don’t see any reason to use drugs. When you’re under the
influence, it makes it easier for your mind to talk you into doing
stupid things. It makes you end up in a place like this.
- Real Talk
From The Beat: You’re right that doing drugs makes you do stupid
things. How have drugs affected people in your life negatively? What
lessons have you learned from their mistakes?
TheBeatWithin.org
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Standouts
Standouts
My Siblings are My Kids
I have siblings and I would do anything for them, as if they were my
kids. Basically, whatever they want I provide for them because I love
them. I want them satisfied, like I want to be.
Also, having siblings is sometimes hard, but what can I say?
They are my sisters, and brother. I have a sister that is 16, and I say
if she needs anything, I’ll give it to her. Sometimes I don’t and feel
badly.
Having siblings brings joy to me because they are people you
can talk to and should be around as much as possible. It’s hard for
me to be in here because being away from them makes me think
really hard. I wish I wasn’t in here at all, because then I would be
with them.
-Debrina
Los Angeles County
Volume 17.07/08
Young and Gifted
People always tell me that I’m young and gifted,
Because the thing I do is so different
Like I can’t sell my soul just for riches
I’m reaching for my life like bears reach for fish
It’s going to take hard work and dedication
But I can’t do evil because it leads you nowhere but the
basement.
-Floyd
From The Beat- What gifts do you have to share? In what ways can you
share them with the world? Write about your talents and aspirations
the next time you sit down and think. Seeing your accomplishments
on paper make them more attainable and real.
From The Beat: How do you think your siblings feel about you being
locked up? Have you written to them saying how much you love and
miss them? It’s important to tell people you love them, especially
family.
Love Me For Who I Am
As a person, I don’t ask for much, and don’t expect much. All I
ask is to simply love me for who I am and to return the loyalty and
respect that I give you. Money doesn’t mean anything to me as long
as I know I have you by my side. That’s what keeps this smile on
the rise.
I hate to be away from you. I miss you so much. I can’t wait to
get out and feel your touch. I miss that handsome face and gorgeous
smile.
I’m so excited for our baby boy. There are 2 ½ more months
and he’ll bring us joy. Baby boy Xavier, you are my savior. Thank
you for helping me make a beautiful baby boy.
-Justine
From The Beat: In your writing, you mention the things that you expect
from someone who loves you. Does this person provide those things
for you? What choices will you make so that you are present for your
son always? What goals do you hope he achieves? Be good to yourself
and most importantly to your baby/child.
Day of Love
My great fantasy on Valentine’s Day is to be with my loved ones,
at the beach under the bridge! That’s my kick it spot that no one
really knows about. Most importantly, I would like to be with my
lost love. He’s in prison for a long time. I wish we could live young,
wild, and free!
- Loved One
From The Beat: What would you do with your family at the beach? How
would you let them know they are loved by you? Being young and free
is a great goal. What choices did you make not to be free?
Day of Love
Day of love
Is the love as true as the sky when it’s blue?
Day of love
When you think of love, it might put a smile on your face,
knowing his was a disgrace.
Day of love
Can you see love? I do. I see a dove.
Day of love
The feeling of love as smooth as a snake’s belly
Love has many definitions. What’s yours?
Look into the exile eyes real or unreal
It can change the coldest of hearts.
But, can it change the heart that sees but does nothing?
-Beatriz
From The Beat: From what personal experience are you writing, Beatriz?
Your poem mentions that love can be both positive and negative. Why?
Long Walks
I once saw a picture that reminded me of when I used to take walks
with my father. The picture reminds me of where I used to live before
I moved to Los Angeles, California. It reminds me of hometowns
piled on top of each other. It reminds me that when I used to get
tired of sitting in my room or playing my games, I would take a walk
with my father.
- Remembering My Father
From The Beat: Memories with family members are important. What
do you miss most about your walks with your dad? About what things
did you talk? The next time you sit down to write, think about writing
a letter to your dad, regardless of if he can read it, and let him know
why you miss those walks.
Love For My Siblings
I love my sisters and brothers
More than any others
Can’t wait until we
Reunite and all see each other
“I wish other people could see life the way I do.”
-Maria
From The Beat: How do you see life, Maria? Why do you love your
siblings so much? Think about these questions the next time you sit
down to write.
Angel
There is a face of an angel that makes me feel sad because it looks
like the face of an angel, but with his head down. So, in my opinion,
I think that the Angel is sad. It looks like the angel turned evil
because I see some horns, with his head cut off.
-Enrique
From The Beat: Where does the picture of this angel live? Is he real or
something that you see when you close your eyes? Why do you think
you see him sad, and evil?
TheBeatWithin.org
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Standouts
Los Angeles County
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Volume 17.07/08
Through My Eyes
I wish other people could see my life the way I do. I feel like nobody
understands me. Sometimes, everybody looks at me like I’m dumb.
But, I do everything for a reason. I might be bad at times, but in my
mind I’m always trying to do what’s right. In the eyes of others, it’s
like I’m an evil kid trying to harm others.
-Gustavo
From The Beat: Why do you care what people think about you? If you
know you’re making smart, safe choices, then judgment from others
shouldn’t affect you. Why do you think you are seen as an “evil kid”?
My Girl Knows The Real Me
Nobody knows the real me.
People only see what I want to see.
My nickname says it all.
Alerted, loyal, observant, patient, sneaky and dangerous.
I can be persuasive at times when I need to be.
I transform myself into a new person in order to survive a
harsh environment.
I believe in discipline and leadership.
I take pride in my logic.
But, the only person I can say that knows me best is my girl.
She revived something in me that I had long wanted to kill in me.
Although I can say it is my weakness for opening up to her.
I’m glad I kind of did for I want the best for her.
-Alopsd
From The Beat: Everyone has both positive and negative qualities. It’s
mature of you to recognize both. Why do you think it’s a weakness that
you opened up to your girlfriend? Trusting others after they know the
“real” you can be scary, but sharing that you is the healthiest way for
you to live. What other things have you hidden about yourself?
I will show my
sister the right
way to be.
My Little Sister
I feel like I don’t set a good example for my little sister because of
all the things I do, like getting into trouble and saying bad words. I
miss her everyday. I don’t live with her; I live with my granny and
she lives with her dad. When I call her, she sounds so sad and says
she misses me and wants me to come home. I don’t know what to
say. I’m in jail and I feel like I am not a good sister. I would not want
my big sister in jail. So, I know how she feels. I look at my sister as
a yellow, cute flower that will never do anything wrong.
That is the way I want it. I will put my life on the line for her.
When I get out, I want to get my sister’s name and footprint tattooed
on my leg. I will show my sister the right way to be.
-Wynter
From The Beat: You can’t change what has happened. The only thing
you can control is what happens from her. What can you do differently
to be a good role model for your sister? Beyond getting a tattoo, what
actions can you take to be the big sister you want to be?
The Role Model
I have a little brother who is a young teen. When I was home, I was a
really good role model. I noticed that every time I did something, he
did the same exact thing. When I noticed this, I tried to be the best
role model for him. But now, I’m not the best role model.
Since I’m in here, he might think it’s cool to be here, but I told
him that this isn’t a good place. I told him to be good.
- Big Bro
From The Beat: You gave your little brother good advice. Once you’re
out, how will you continue to be a good role model for him? We all
make mistakes. What can you do to help him stay out of Central?
Miss My Siblings
The first day I saw my baby sister her blue eyes felt like they pierced
right through my skin. I felt her presence and I felt she knew me.
I miss waking up in the morning to the rumbling sound of my
brother in the kitchen, shopping and dragging his shopping cart.
- Locked up sibling
From The Beat: How do you think your little brother and sister feel
about you being away from home? What lessons will you teach them
so they make good choices? What positive changes will you make once
you’re out?
Future
I’m a person that has always screwed up a lot. Sometimes I think I
screwed up and didn’t do right, like my parents asked.
Sometimes I think about the future, but I don’t see myself
anywhere. I think it’s because the life that I’m living, like everything
around me, is dark.
I had always thought about changing but there is always
something that happens in making me change my thoughts.
- Hard Change
From The Beat: It is easier to stay comfortable in a life that is
predictable. But changing, especially for the better, takes courage.
What about changing your life is scary to you? It will be challenging
and hard. But, making positive changes will allow you to have a future.
Do you think it’s worth it?
TheBeatWithin.org
Page 59
Standouts
Standouts
My Ideal Valentine’s Day
I really hope that I get out of here before the fourteenth because I
have a girlfriend that is probably worried about me.
If I were out, I would take her to Six Flags, because we both
have wanted to go for a long time. After Six Flags, we would go to
a nice dinner. All I really want is to be with her, around her. I’m
just asking to be with my girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. Plus, on
February 26th, it’s our one-year anniversary!
I wish other people could see that I’m really a good kid. I might
be in this place right now, but I can be you when I’m out of here. I
will be the best kid I can, and graduate.
-G
From The Beat: Make sure you let your girlfriend know how much you
love and care for her when you’re out. It sounds like she’s been there
for you through a rough time. Also, you can achieve anything you
want, but remember that it takes hard work and perseverance. When
you graduate, what will you do?
Perspective
Mexico is the place where my parents were born and a place I would
like to visit one day. I actually have never been out of the United
States other than Las Vegas. I would really love to visit the culture
of Mexico because it is where my family is from. The parts of Mexico
where my parents are from are Jalisco and Chewawa.
-Vanessa
From The Beat: Visiting Mexico would be a wonderful way to discover
your heritage and legacy. What have your parents told you about their
experience in Mexico? How would you use the knowledge from your
travels in your own life? Try to answer these questions the next time
you sit down to write.
My Romantic Valentine’s Day
If I was out for Valentine’s Day and had an unlimited amount of
money, I would send my girl to Europe. I would pay for her outfits to
get ready for me. Then I would take her out for lunch on a gondola.
I would talk to her and make her feel special. After that, I would
send her to a massage parlor so that she relaxed. O n c e
that’s over with, I would take her to go see a movie at a drive-in to
watch whatever she’d like.
By the end of the night, I would send her to an extravagant hotel
filled with roses, balloons, and stuffed animals. There would also
be a hot tub bubble bath waiting for her. Finally, I would end it with
lots of love.
-Alex
From The Beat: This sounds like an incredible Valentine’s Day. What
qualities does your girlfriend have that you love? How do you show
her through actions that you love and respect her?
My Sisters
I feel like I don’t show much to my two little sisters that always
looked up to me and followed what I did. Now that I’m in here, I
hope they are doing well, and staying out of trouble while I’m gone.
I know my mom is struggling and stuff. Hopefully my sisters are
good, going to school and don’t follow my direction. I wish I could
go back and tell my sisters stay in school and stay out of trouble
because jail is not the place you want to be. It’s not like home.
I wish I was home right now, setting an example for my sisters,
and helping my mom with my siblings. They are three, twelve and
thirteen.
When I get out, I know I am going to do right for them so they
can get their education and have a future. One day, I want them to
call me and ask me whatever they want.
- Role Model Sibling
From The Beat: Your writing shows how much you love your family.
When you get home, what actions will you take to guarantee that both
you and your sisters stay out of trouble? You mention your sisters’
future. What do you see for your future?
Los Angeles County
Volume 17.07/08
Valentine’s Day 2012
I wish I could be out for Valentine’s Day. I wish I could show my
girlfriend how much I care about her. I wish I could be there to care
and love her. But, I won’t be out. So, I won’t be the one loving and
caring for her. I just hope she has a good Valentine’s Day because
I won’t.
- Lonely Heart
From The Beat: It’s disappointing that you won’t be with your girlfriend
for Valentine’s Day, but it’s just a day. When you do get out, what will
you do to show her and yourself how much you love?
Nervous
I am praying over and over that I get released today. . .
I want to be out enjoying the sun in my face, and the wind
blowing through my hair. I want to hug my family without being
timed. I want to be home and please every craving I have.
I hope and pray my judge will let me go home today. I know I
made a mistake getting high, but deep down I did it because I was
afraid to find out I’m going to be a mom. Bringing another life into
the world is such a beautiful gift and I don’t want to ever regret that,
I accepted responsibility. It is a challenge and scary to be a great
mom. So, I hope and have faith that I will go home.
- A Soon To Be Mom
From The Beat: What lessons did you learn while locked up? Having a
baby is a huge responsibility. What knowledge will you give your child
so that they make wise decisions?
My Life
In my mind, made from hall to hall, sitting in my room wishing I had
a phone call. Heart full of hate, wishing some day I could walk out
the front gate.
Life flashed before my eyes.
Late at night in my room I could hear the lonely cries
from being hit with bats to pepper spray in my face,
wishing the Lord would carry me out of this crazy place.
Lord why do I live my life this way?
I try to do right, but cause so much trouble and pain?
Who would ever know if I was right or wrong in life?
This planet is full of haters, so I try to maintain in my room,
thinking about my girl. She’s my world.
I won’t go back to Palmdale, where I belong.
A place I call home, posted up in those Palmdale streets.
So I keep low key. The cops are hot, come every block.
I take it easy because I’m trying to do right,
I never trusted a female in my life, but don’t judge me.
I will find her soon because that is the one thing I choose.
- Youngster
From The Beat: Everyone makes mistakes. But, learning from them and
making better choices is what’s important. What choices will you make
once you’re out so that you stay out of trouble?
Missing My Sister
I wish I could be the brother I’m supposed to be. I’ve been missing
my sister’s birthday since she was two and she’s five now. It makes
me feel like shhh. I’ve been robbing and doing drugs rather than
helping my mom raise her. My mom tells me how my sister cries all
the time because she misses me. We love spending time together but
my selfish dumb butt would rather be caught in b-s. This bullshhh
isn’t worth losing my sister over.
-Big Bro D
From The Beat: It’s good that you’ve realized that your family is more
important than being tough. How can you make up the lost time with
your sister once you’re out? What changes will you make so that you’re
a good role model and you stay out?
TheBeatWithin.org
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Standouts
Honolulu, Hawaii
Volume 17.07/08
A Poem In General...
Dropping Out Is Dumb
Today I sit here in The Beat Within
Trying to focus when I’m in church asking
God to forgive me for my sin.
My time in HYCF is coming to an end soon
I’m very impatient at the moon
It’s like waiting for the sun on a stormy day
In my world the sky is grey
Only to our heavenly father I will pray
For him to walk with me through the right path
To get to my family without no slack.
I may be a drug attic but no one knows my life
So please don’t judge me because karma will feel like
Being stabbed with a knife.
Unless you know the life I lived
I will never tell ‘cause it’s secretive.
This maybe the lamest I wrote
But it’s better than writing just a quote.
If one of friends told me they were going to drop out of school, I
would not say anything because that is their choice and I just think
that is dumb because they will not have a good job and will not have
a good life and I know that he will struggle in life because they will
not make a good pay in life like the other people who went to school.
-Chase
From The Beat: It just doesn’t make sense does it? It’s good to know
you won’t make that mistake. You will be an inspiration to others.
Cold Cruel World
-Drena
From The Beat: Good or not so good writing is all great practice. We
are proud that you submit even if you think it is not up to par. Keep
up the good work.
Look into my eyes and try to feel the pain. Me lookin’ up into the
sky wondering why? Why me? Out of everybody and I know he’s
there. But where? Life goes up and down, all around. My daddy
don’t know my mama, don’t care so it don’t matter if I’m here or even
if I’m over there. So what’s it there to do in this cold cruel world? Now I’m locked up in Ko’olau not ‘cause of anyone but me. I
got myself in here and I can get myself out. Me, myself, and I and Jah
is my witness. Girls pick on me, but all I do is sit back and laugh
‘cause the ones picking on me will be here when I leave and then I
get the last laugh. Ha ha.
-Big Island Girl
From The Beat: So what are you going to do? We want to read about
that next. What will you do from coming back? What’s your plan?
Siblings
Big brother
I don’t know him very well
But I would like to meet him
The only thing I know about him
Is his age and what he looks like
My mom told me a little about him
But I wonder why she didn’t
Want me to meet him, but now
I’m locked up and he’s right across
From me. But now I’ve
kinda met him. I want to know more.
My brother, I love you and god bless.
My Story
-Big Island Girl
From The Beat: Hopefully the two of you will have the chance to meet
and reconnect. A sibling is a wonderful thing and it’s never too late
to find that bond.
A Talent
I wish everyone could see
This talent that I hold in me
I’ve been prejudiced against
But those who pass me in the streets
Gets attracted to the way I sing
I pray every night
And when the moon is shining bright
Avoiding daylight, preventing jealousy
But if my body ever ends up in the hospital
My mind would fly up outer space thinkin’ ‘bout impossibles
-The Voice
From The Beat: What are you going to do with that sweet singing
talent? We hope you follow your dreams, no reason not to.
My Last Piece
What up, this Uriah. Well this will be my last piece I’ll be sending
you folks. First of all I want to say thank you folks for having such
a big impact in my life and having faith in me when no one did. Well
that’s about it. -Uriah
From The Beat: Uriah we will miss your writings, but we are glad to
see you go. Be strong, respect yourself, and do good. We wish you
all the best!
My story begins when I was seven. That’s the day that God took my
dad from me to be in heaven. Slowly we broke apart more and more
it tore my heart. Things left unspoken which left me hopin’ that
things would get better for me. Right now I wish I was three. I always got my way but ‘til this
very day I’m left alone I went astray. I try to tell myself that it’s ok
from the time I wake to the time I lay. I was the cause of trouble at
the age of twelve now I’m seventeen I’m lock in a cell. All I did was
hurt all I did was steal. Life couldn’t get any worse, it couldn’t be so
real. Now it’s time for me to go but I hope that everyone will know I
did my best to try and say “No.”
-Joshua
From The Beat: We are so sorry to hear you lost your father. Even
though all of this pain is constant, you can still try to focus on you. If
no one else is doing you a favor, do it for yourself. You owe it to you
to make your life good.
Mine
Who’s opinion matters the most-mine
You can hate and think I’m lyin’
But who do I have to impress
Only me, cause I’m the best
Almost like I got an ‘S’ on my chest
You think I’m goin’ to care
If you don’t like the color of my hair
In my opinion, I make you stop and stare
If my life revolved around others
Then what’s the point of having a mother
She tells me how to dress and look
She even picks out my freakin’ books
If I feel good about myself
Why do I need someone else
To tell me how I should feel
At least I know I keep it real
So this is why, in my opinion
I make all the best decisions
-Soja
From The Beat: Can we just say, good for you! Having confidence is
a treasure. We hope you know how to use that confidence to better
yourself in life and not just boast with no action. Nice writing. TheBeatWithin.org
Page 61
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Honolulu, Hawaii
Volume 17.07/08
My Loveys
Day Of Love To Me
My loving siblings mean everything to me. There like my own
children. Even if I’m locked up I’m trying to teach them right from
wrong. My siblings are my angels. Since they were babies I took
care of them. I have like a motherly bond with them. If anything was to happen to my two little angels I would snap
at whoever tries to hurt them. My love for them is indescribable. They never let me down. No matter what happened in our lives
they never gave up on me, they always looked up to me. My sister
reminds me of myself when I was little and I wonder if she’ll be like
me when she’s my age. I HOPE NOT! My baby brother is my lovey. He used to tell me all the time
tidah I love you even if you a fatty! -Sarah Girl
Makes me question why does anyone want to
Be with me
Day of love
Makes me think of the anger up above
It can be filled with sadness and joy
My day of love would be spent with a
Special boy
That’s who it will be
The one spending Valentine’s with me
I will be surrounded by all my loved ones
Even if they are ex-cons
But that doesn’t matter cause the angels up above
Are telling me that it’s my time to celebrate
My day of love
From The Beat: That is so sweet that you love and care for your siblings. They are very lucky to have a big sister like you in their lives!
-Kiana
From The Beat: Sounds like you are on the path of understanding what
it means to give and receive love. The older you get, the wiser you
will become and someone will definitely want to share that with you.
Love/Hate
Siblings, You love ‘em, you hate ‘em...
Sometimes I think that if I didn’t have my family, I would die. But there are times where I wish that my family wasn’t there. They
make me so happy, but then at times they make me so freakin’ mad. It’s like when you need them they’re nowhere around but when you
don’t, they’re just talkin’ a whole bunch of shhh. That’s just my
family. I hope it’s not like that for everyone else.
-Jacob
Anger
My eyes have more red than the devil is
And I’m about to take it to another level
My blood is pumpin’, can’t stop my mouth from cussin’
Adrenaline runnin’, wish these
Fake people would stop
Frontin’, quit actin’ like you goin’ to do somethin.
I find it funny when they feel
The need to talk smack once I
Turn my back
But I get the last laugh
‘Cause you so whack.
-Shaye
From The Beat: Families are wonderful, families are hard. They are the
people you are closest to, which sometimes allows us to get the most
irritated with. Hopefully the good can outweigh the bad.
From The Beat: You may be mad, but dig deep and ask yourself, does
it make you feel good to be mad? Right now you should focus your
energy on you. If you took all that anger and turned it into skills, then
you would really be ahead of the rest.
Taking A Different Route
Day Of Love
Dropping out
What’s that all about
Right now I’m tryin’ to get my GED
So I can do a good deed
If I had enough credits I would go back to school
And use it as a life tool
But I can’t because I am too far behind
Lucky thing I have a teacher who is kind
Preparing me for my future
And not making me feel tortured
When I was on the outs I was going for C-base
But that was all a waste
Anyways I remember the day
My friend Justice would say
I’m goin’ to drop out and go to C-base
Which was the worst case
He wasn’t failing
He was just slacking
So I asked him why
He said because he likes to drink and get high
Which I thought was stupid
I didn’t feel like cupid
I felt like the devil
Making him stoop down to my level
The only reason he wanted to quit school
Was because I strongly showed him it wasn’t cool
I feel bad
And wish that I can change and go back to the life I once had
-Bubaloo
From The Beat: Well even though you may feel that you influenced
your friend, he still has his own choices to make as well. If he thinks
that highly of your opinion, maybe you should share with him how you
feel about both of your decisions. Thanks for sharing.
Your love, my love
Love happy, love sad
Love in joy, love peaceful
Love respect, love disrespect
Love strong, love weak
Love god, love yourself
Love your mom, love your dad
Love your sister, love your brother
There’s all kinds of love, love
Come from god and it make
Your life easy and sometimes hard
-Maili Boy
From The Beat: Ahh the duality of love, you describe it very well. It’s
not very simple is it? Yet it is at the same time...
Stupid Times
I had always wanted to dropout
Just because they thought I was a threat
But I’m always a helping hand
I was once in a band
Studying my dream for music
So I didn’t listen to what was up
And that’s why I was screwed
My decision is to go get my GED
‘Cause I’m all of credits
There I go I hope I did it
-Katherine
From The Beat: Don’t lose your dreams! They are yours and you can do
whatever you want. Truly.
TheBeatWithin.org
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Honolulu, Hawaii
Volume 17.07/08
If We Hadn’t Fallen Apart
I wish other people could see her the way I do...her lips, her eyes,
her sway, her heart. If only me and her had never fallen apart. I
would love her till I can’t if I could just renew our story. I remember
when we used to use words like forever, promised each other we’d
stay together. But she broke my heart with a goodbye letter. And all I could do
was let her. Though the feelings I have for her is still strong but in
my heart I just had to move along. But I just wish they could see her
the way I do, her lips, her eyes, her sway, her heart. If only me and
her had never fallen apart...Leigh-Ann you should shine because
you will always be my Valentine...
-Alcos Kid
From The Beat: It is sad when love comes and goes. We hope the very
best for both of you. The Meaning That I Know
Love is lust
Everyone around me made it seem like it was a must
I didn’t know what love was
My mother never showed it
It made me feel like shhh
All them boys said they loved me
But honestly they’re just the one you all want to be
They always say don’t hate the player, hate the game
But everyone knows it’s all about their fame
Boys they’ll say they’ll listen
But they’re only out there for one hit mission
When you really love someone you’d forgive him
But they will always do it again
Afterwards they say your just a friend
You see each other in town
And your face starts to frown
When he says he loves you
He ain’t nothin’ but a liar and a fool
Tryin’ to be real smooth
To me the words I love you
Don’t mean anything
Its what they call its a one night fling
If you know what I mean
-Katherine
From The Beat: It certainly can be hard to get someone to open up and
pass out their true feelings. People don’t want to get hurt, so they
can’t give all they got. Look for someone you respect enough to let into
your life someday that will equally respect you back. Love
Love is a very indescribable feeling
It’s confusing, not many people know the real meaning
What I thought was love, was just lust
It’s real hard to be with someone you don’t trust
Real hard when you got a man on the side
And all he do is fight with you, yell, and cuss.
You think you love him so you stick by his side
You don’t realize all the shhh he hides
You sit there and believe all his lies
You’ve heard ‘em all, probably got ‘em memorized
But where is he when you’re alone and you cry?
He ain’t got no rules to abide,
He probably tappin’ that other girl on the side.
Think before you tell a man “I love you”
You don’t deserve a man to do you wrong.
-Shaye
From The Beat: True, love can mean one thing one person and another
totally different thing to the next. Fighting all the time is not a
healthy way to be. A woman does not deserve to be wronged, nor
does any man. Respect is key.
Trying To Hide The Pain
I wish other people could see
My life the way I do,
They just don’t understand
How I feel,
Don’t you wish people
Could see your life
And put in you shoes
Before they judge you. Well let me tell you
A lil somethin’ about my life...
I’m sixteen years old
When I was twelve
I got raped and beaten
And ever since then
Been holding it inside
Showing not much pride
Because I’m always
Tryin’ to hide
Now just think
About it
Be put in my shoes
You would not like it
You would hate it too
Tryin’ to hide all
Holding in all the pain
Well now you know
How I feel
I just let it out
So please don’t judge me
Just look in the mirror
And tell yourself
Would I like it
If they did that to me
Well anyways that’s all I gotta say,
And just hold on and have some faith
-Finding Faith
From The Beat: Thank you for being brave and sharing your personal
story. We are so sorry this happened to you. We hope you fell strong
and confident everyday, as you should because you are a survivor!!
I Wish
I wish others could see the way that I do
Because deep down inside
At least they would know that I
Have a good heart too. All my days are still
They never move
The only thing that
Gets me going is when
I think of you
I will always remember the day we met
In school when you were standing in line
And I offered to buy you food.
Now that I’m apart from her
She took my heart
Now I’m broken
And left unspoken
Now I chase for the drugs
I’m smokin’
It’s ok to know I’ll
Just have to show to
Another love.
I was taught from
My father.
-Joshua
From The Beat: If you have a broken heart, it is certain that drugs will
never fill that void. You will be chasing the impossible.
TheBeatWithin.org
Page 63
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Take A New Step
Everything in my life has gone down the wrong road and I finally
realize it. I want to change who I used to be and become someone
with good actions and behaviors. I’m willing to do anything to
surpass all the bad choices I’ve been making and start new; I don’t
want to end up like anything other than me. I believe I can overcome
these things that I went through… and with the help of my friends
and family, I’ll be all right.
-Hendrick
From The Beat: This is lovely insight. It’s really incredible to know you
have realized mistakes you have made in the past. You definitely have
time for change and can overcome anything you set your mind to. We
hope you keep writing. It will hopefully help you get through some of
the stuff you are going through.
The Day I Got Caught
It was a dark and cold night in December. I was running and hiding
from Gresham Police. I tried to run back on the max… bad idea.
There were a lot of police. They drew their guns and slammed me
on the ground.
-Ezequiel
From The Beat: It sounds like you have been through some rough stuff.
But it’s good that you know trying to run wasn’t a good idea. Stay
positive and keep writing! We look forward to hearing more from you.
When I Got Caught
I was at school. Actually, I was at basketball practice. Five cops
came through the main entrance… another five cops came through
the side entrance. The last five cops came from the back entrance.
They made me get on the ground and then they hog-tied me. That’s
how I got to the JDH…
-Evan
From The Beat: Sounds like you have been through some rough stuff.
How did it feel being caught like that at school? Was it in front of many
of your peers? Hope you can stay positive and keep writing. We hope
to hear more from you in the future!
When I Got Caught
A friend of mine and I were inside a Rite-Aid bathroom taking shots.
We walked out and he fell inside the store. I figured he was fine
and kept walking. He fell again outside and people started gathering
around him. I booked it!
It turns out he overdosed. I didn’t know it was that bad. I had a
spoon with leftover dope on it and was skating up the street to evade
the feds. I got stopped, searched, and cuffed …
-Matt
From The Beat: It sounds like you have been through some pretty
rough stuff. Often times, it seems we never know how bad a situation
is until it is too late. Stay positive and keep writing. We look forward
to hearing more from you!
The Truth
I never expected this to happen to me. To be honest, I always
thought I would get away with everything, like it had been my whole
life, but of course, there is always a turning point…and it all starts
with one bad decision.
There wasn’t really moment to be “caught in the act.” I was
reported to the police by my own mom. In the end, I guess she
was only trying to help me and teach me to be a better person. It
happened at home, when I was accused of assaulting my mother and
I left the house.
-Caught
From The Beat: Great writing skills! We can tell from this piece you
really care for your mother. Please keep writing and submitting to The
Beat Within!
Portland, Oregon
Volume 17.07/08
When I First Met My Boyfriend
He was good looking and was bald headed. He kinda looked risky,
but I accepted the way he was. It took us awhile to get together.
But when we did it was wonderful. I’ve been with him since August
2011 and we’ve been through so much. He’s my world and I’d do
everything and anything for him.
Me and him are both locked up and it’s hard on us, but we will
get through it. Like he always says, “the system can’t keep a good
man down” and it’s true… Anyway my man fills my whole heart up!
He’s my other half and I’ll love him always and forever. I always knew
we were meant to be.
-Josefina
From The Beat: Great piece of writing! We can tell you have people in
your life that care for you a lot. Please keep writing and submitting to
The Beat Within! We look forward to hearing from you again.
My Story
When I got caught I was in my friend’s house. What I got caught
for is stealing two cars. We brought the cars to my friends’ house
and one of the cars had a GPS on it so the cops were out side of the
house in like ten minutes. So I came out of the house and went to
jail for two weeks and then got probation for one year. I had to go to
RAD for four to six months. That is my story the end.
-Darren
From The Beat: We hope that you learned that just because you can
steal cars doesn’t mean you should and you’ve seen the consequences
of those actions. We look forward to seeing more of your writings
soon.
How I Got Caught How I got caught. When I was getting a motel my home girl was with
a guy who wanted her and me so I called someone and they came
and got me so she ended up leaving. I went in she came back, I
didn’t answer. So after that we started to drive around all night till day. Then
went back to the motel an got all our stuff and left. Drove around
again then dropped off this boy I like and the other guy was mad. So
we stop a couple blocks away he got out, left for twenty minutes and
came back. We went back and he dropped me off, told me get out! And may I tell you my hair was off the hook and then I looked hood. So a cop pulled up on me, asked if my name was Sophia. I said
no, asked for a ride max. I fell asleep in the car, ended up at the
police station. Searched me and I got back in and she took me to
emanual. Said I had an appointment. I said “whatever, how do you
know?” Then she told me to go to the waiting room. I said I could
walk myself so she held tight, pushed me, knee’d me in the back,
pulled my hair, and ended up in the treatment. That’s how I got
here.
-Not Sophia
From The Beat: From your story we can see there were a lot of things
that happened that night. Are there any things you would take back
or do differently that might end up in a different way? We are sorry for
the way you were treated as described in your last sentences.
Dropping Out
I remember when my older brother wanted to give up high school
and drop out. He kept on telling me that nobody would change
his mind and that’s when I gave up on him. But, my mom didn’t
give up on him because she believes that he has a disadvantage of
succeeding in school and he has full potential.
-Robert
From The Beat: School can be really hard for some people, especially if
they have learning impairments. We hope that one day you won’t give
up on your brother anymore and maybe he’ll see the success you have
in an education and want that for himself. Sometimes the younger
siblings can be role models to their older brothers or sisters. Keep in
school keep up the good work.
TheBeatWithin.org
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Portland, Oregon
Volume 17.07/08
Sibling
Although I’m not the oldest in my family I’m the one that looks
at things more serious than my oldest sibling. I for a fact know
that being the youngest had to mean that I got to listen to my older
sibling. Instead of me listening I want them to listen to me more
because I feel that I have more knowledge than them. I’m not trying
to say that I’m better than anyone, but I would like to be heard. Even
though I’m the youngest sibling in my family, I think that I’m more
wise, but I don’t know. In my family everything has to be perfect,
but now that I screwed up and got myself into something and in this
place where I found myself thinking of how dumb and crazy being
in juvenile could be. But it’s ok I hope that my family can help me
out in their prayers.
And I think that’s a good sibling because it’s about the manners
and good behavior and even though I’m in juvenile halll I encourage
my family to be strong like they made me.
-Hendrick
From The Beat: It definitely can be rough feeling as if you aren’t
being listened to. Although it sounds as if you have made some poor
decisions in the past, you still have time to turn things around. We are
happy to hear that you have found your family and they have helped
you to become strong.
Like Me
I wish, and pray that people could see,
That I’d stress a lot less
If y’all were more like me!
-Chloe
Valentine’s Day with My Girl
My perfect Valentine’s Day would be spent just out to celebrate. I
wouldn’t need much, my girl is all I need. She makes me happy even
when times are bad like now. She be puttin’ a smile on my face
when I’m down.
It feels crazy not being with her this holiday. But at least I
know where she will be; she’ll be down the hallway.
Always and forever.
-Ezequiel
From The Beat: What a lovely piece of writing, Ezequiel. We are happy
to know you have someone to lean on when times are rough and hope
you are able to continue staying positive!
A Night to Remember
I walked into my bedroom and found a dozen roses on my
nightstand. Looking around I saw my bed had brand new
comforter set
with glitter and chocolate.
Then when I had turned around my boyfriend walked out of
my closet. He told me to look in there and when I did
I found a pair of white/pearl white high-heals
and a cream colored dress.
He took me to dinner in a limo, and went to a fancy French
restaurant.
I had lots of fun that day.
But when the next day came he broke up with me.
-Monique
From The Beat: Your simplicity really says a lot. You have great rhythm
in your writing, and I hope you continue submitting!
From The Beat: Wow, is there more to the story? Can you share? You
tell us about this awesome night with your ex, and then he leaves you
the next day.
Bad Behavior
Siblings
I wish other people could see me differently than just a guy who
committed bad behavior. I wish to show the world that “we don’t
judge the book by its cover,” but my actions got you thinking that
I’m a bad guy. But I don’t blame them; it’s my fault for doing wrong
things.
I wish that everything I say now would encourage all teenagers
to do right because what I’m experiencing while I’m here is
everything bad that we cant even imagine.
-Hendrick
From The Beat: Although you may feel people have bad judgments
toward you now, you must know you are good within yourself. You are
young and have time to show people it is possible to change. Sounds
like you are accepting what you did and acknowledging that it was
wrong.
Day Of Love
Valentine’s Day 2010 was just another Valentine’s Day. Everybody
was all happy because they knew they were getting things from
their loved ones. Including me, at least I thought so. Everybody was
waiting till eight pm to give their girlfriends their gifts. When eight
pm rolled around everyone sat together while their boyfriends go
and get their gifts.
We all sat there waiting anxiously for them to come back. After
ten minutes they come back with cards and flowers for everyone,
but my boyfriend was nowhere to be found. I started to get tears in
my eyes because I thought I wasn’t getting anything. Then finally
before I started to cry, my boyfriend came out. He was holding lots
of stuffed animals, flowers, a cake, and a ring. And it was all for me.
I cried because I really thought I wasn’t getting anything, but in the
end it all worked out.
-Cherylynn
From The Beat: You have some very sweet and meaningful memories of
Valentines Day. It sounds like you have people who really care about
you.
My relationship with my brothers and sisters would be perfect. All
it takes is for you to be able to be there for them and spend time
with them. Also setting a good example because they look at what
your doing.
The things I do for my little sister are nice. When its nice
outside I take her to the park and play, also I buy her toys. I teach
her how to count and how to sing the ABC’s.
My relationship with my older brother is alright. He sometimes
set good examples for me but mostly hes doing something bad.
I have other older brothers and sisters but I don’t see them
unless they come to Portland. But if they were around I would be
the same.
-Demetrius
From The Beat: It sounds like you are being a great older brother for
your little sister; and you’re right, she is watching everything you do
because she looks up to you. In her eyes you are the person who she
wishes to emulate. We’re sorry that your older brother doesn’t always
set a good example for you, but we hope that you can find a role model
that you feel will set a positive example for you to follow.
Lil Bro
I’m locked up again as you already know
Say you don’t care ‘cause that’s how shhh usually goes
I was hardly around, out makin’ dough
On the streets I’m known but to you I’m a shame and it shows
You deserve better, then this street damaged rose
But always I got your back against haters and foes
Hustler aside, I should of been by your side,
In my jail cell I cry, knowing the
Distance between us that resides.
-Chloe
From The Beat: It really shows you care for your younger brother,
and that he is a big part of your life. Your writing really flows and is
incredible. Please keep writing!
TheBeatWithin.org
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Day Of Love!
For me a perfect Valentines day celebration would be to take my
girlfriend out to Washington Park by the zoo. And sit to talk about
the earth and how love makes it better every day. After we would
stare into the sky and find clouds that reminded us of each others
eyes. And end it gazing at her amazing smile thinking of ways to
know I’ll see it every day.
-Gage Buoy
Portland, Oregon
Volume 17.07/08
I Wish Other People Could See!
I wish others could see clothes and shoes the way I do.
I’m obsessed with shoes because there creative to me.
I like clothes because they’re also creative too.
If I can’t have new Jordan shoes I sometimes get upset.
And if I cant get new clothes I sometimes throw fits.
But in the end I get what I want so I’m happy!
-Demetrius
From The Beat: We really enjoyed your example of a perfect Valentines
day and the positive activities that you and you girlfriend would do.
From The Beat: Where did this love for shoes and clothes come from?
How and why do you always get what you want?
Love
My Love For You
Love is like magic
you never have it ‘till you learn
What it is or what to do
You ain’t ever heard
If you do it right
then you might have love tonight
but if you mess it up
you’ll never feel the same
Make’s you feel like it’s head game
I’ll give you game if you know my name
-Sierra
From The Beat: Sometimes it’s easy to say that love is a funny thing. We
liked that you put, “you never have it till you learn” because sometimes
that’s exactly how it goes. Some people fall into relationships and
learn love along the way, not always is it love-at-first-sight.
I’m going to be locked
up so this day doesn’t
really matter to me.
But I would never forget my last Valentines.
I Wish
I wish other people could see the world the way i do.
I wish others could see the tragedy going around the world
The poverty
The sick
The hungry
The rich
Man I don’t understand why these people just don’t give a
shhh.
I look at the world from my eyes and despise the rich and the
greedy.
Especially the one that take things for granted and don’t give
to the needy.
Yes I’m ace low all I ask for is this peace and treaty.
When every country is in peace I will put this weapon down.
Guns are all around my town.
Young kids walk around cause the hold it down.
Sniff sniff boy I’m talking ‘bout that brown brown.
After you read this then please look around.
About the world the revolves around you.
Because it really does not.
-Abdalla
From The Beat: You’ve got a lot of power and flow behind your words.
You write about wanting to see fairness and peace in the world, both
very necessary things. How do you think that you can help change the
world to fit your ideals?
My love for you is strong.
I think of you,
and I know I’m wrong.
I have put you through so much.
Now at night,
I miss your sweet touch.
You are perfect and bright
I sit and wonder
how you left my sight.
Right now this is best for me
but my love for you
will forever be!
-Ashley
From The Beat: Very touching and we really liked your choice of words.
Love is a powerful thing; it can connect people over great distances
or obstacles and it allows you to see past someone’s imperfections to
see the person as they truly are. “Love isn’t about finding the perfect
person, it’s seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”
Day Of Love!
On Valentines Day I usually hang out with my girlfriend. We would
go to the movies or out to eat. Then I would bring my girlfriend over
to my house so she could meet my family.
This day isn’t really that special to me because I always do
something special with my girlfriend. Last year on Valentines Day my girlfriend and I went to the
movies then we went to her house. I finally had a chance to meet
her family after a year. It meant a lot to me because I never thought
I would be able to meet them.
This year is going to be different though. I’m going to be locked
up so this day doesn’t really matter to me. But I would never forget
my last Valentines.
-Demetrius
From The Beat: We really like the emphasis placed on meeting your
girlfriend’s family for your last Valentines and how meeting them for
the first time was a special event in your life. Meaning of Living
I wish other people could see the meaning of living the way I do.
Most people think they are living because they got more money or
girls. My personal view of living is when you got a great family with
trust, friends that are there when you need them most.
In my opinion you’re living when family and friends make you
the happiest and most successful person that you can be. You’re
living if you got a reason to wake up with a big smile every morning!
Another way of living is when you can make the people around you
smile when they are down.
Making less fortunate people happy is another way I view as
living. Most important, when you’re giving someone else a reason to
live, you’re living.
-Doing Good
From The Beat: It sounds like family and friends are very important to
you. You have a strong message of hope in your writing and that can
get you through a lot.
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Walking Away
The Good and The Bad
From The Beat: Walking away from a fight can be difficult however, it
was the right choice to make. From The Beat: Do you think you could change yourself? Maybe you
could start drawing again and progress in that skill. You could spend
your time doing this instead of getting into cars.
Is It Worth It?
I Can’t Do Without
The toughest lesson I’ve learned while being locked up is how to
walk away from a fight even though the person still wants to fight,
even though it’s not worth it. I remember of a time today that
someone wanted to fight me and I thought to myself it’s not even
worth it.
It happened because he told me to shut up and I told him “don’t
tell me to shut up,” then he called me a b-word, then I told him screw
you. That’s when the staff put him in his room. That was tough for
me because I like to fight.
-Easy
I believe that you make your own destiny and that destiny doesn’t
exist. I think that everyone has their own power to change. Nobody
can change you, just yourself. I don’t think anybody else can
predict what’s going to happen. The only thing that can predict what
happens is your own actions.
You can do whatever you want of your life, like me, I fight for
what I believe and love. Nobody can tell you how to live your life...
I know that by fighting and doing other stuff for what I believe in, I
know I can do life but it is worth it!!!
-Luis
From The Beat: We are glad to see that you have made efforts to
control your destiny in a positive way. Do you believe in being a
positive influence on others? If so, try to be positive through your
actions. If not, you might want to look around and see if you’ve helped
others do good. You might be surprised.
Lesson
The toughest lesson I’ve learned with being in the system was being
away from my family and friends. The thing I want to take from this
experience is my bad behavior because with this behavior, it will
keep a guy like me coming back to the system where nobody wants
to be.
When you told yourself or right when you get out, just going to
forget everything and set your thoughts free? Being in the system
helped me a lot, but it’s still a challenge. It never hurts to “try” to
change.
-Suspect
From The Beat: Change is possible, stay positive and set goals that will
help towards change. What Keeps Me Going
I can’t do without my mom, brothers, sisters, and my baby’s mama
because they are the only things in this world keeping me going in
this world. The reason is that because they always encourage me
to do better for myself, but I keep on messing up and I need to stop
doing the things that I am doing. The reason I say that is because I
am in a gang and ever since I got in my life has gone from better to
worse for me.
Because before I got in the gang life I was doing good in school
like getting straight A’s, but now I’m not going to school, fighting a
lot, and my grades went from A’s to F’s because I started ditching
school.
The people that I can’t be without the most are my mom and my
baby’s mama because my mom is the person who raised me since
I was born and my baby’s mama and me have been with each other
over five years and now she is going to have my kid.
-Kong
From The Beat: We know turning your life around can be hard when
you are in a gang, but we hope you can make a change for you, your
family and your child. What would you want for your child? Try to do
what is best for your family’s future.
The only teacher that had an impact on me was my seventh grade
art teacher. He told me that if I kept on drawing one day I could be
an art teacher just like him if not better. Honestly, if I had listened
to what he had told me I wouldn’t probably be locked up right now.
The best advice he gave me was that no matter what anyone
could tell me I could go to college. My brother Joseph taught me to
do everything I know. The good and the bad. He taught me now to get
into locked cars and how to talk to girls.
-David
I can’t do without my brothers, even those that are from
another mother.
Being without them is like Kool-Aid without sugar and cereal
with no milk.
I love them with a passion.
We always rocking the latest fashions.
They are always there through the ups and downs, smiles and
frowns,
The good and bad, and the happy and sad.
My brothers are the best. I don’t need friends,
I leave those for the rest.
What can I say I can’t do without my brothers,
That’s why I love my mother.
-Anthony
From The Beat: You can still consider someone to be family even though
they may not be of biological related. Use your memories with your
brother as a motivation to stay out of juvenile hall. It seems like the
time you spend with him might be some of your favorite moments.
The Toughest Lesson
The toughest lesson I have learned in the system is once you’re in
it it’s hard to get out. It also ain’t no joke. You’re away from your
family, friends, and people you know. And you’re around people also
gangs you don’t know.
I learned about myself that I’m better than the system to come
back. From this experience I’ve missed most of my family’s birthdays
and most holidays. I’ve changed and slowed down in a lot of things
since I been here for the third time.
I can’t do without my family and siblings because I’m used to
being home with the ones I love. So since I been here a little with
more to go that’s the most thing I can’t do without: my fambam!
-Jacob
From The Beat: We know that being in a new environment can be
scary. We hope you are able to deal with the changes while you are
here and truly realize that you want to come back. We hope that you
will be able to spend time with your family once you get out. We wish
you the best of luck in the future.
I Wish
I can’t do without my family. I miss them like I never did before. I
miss my little brother. I wish I was there to tell him I love him and
listen to my mom but I can’t cause I’m in a bad situation.
I miss my big bro. I wish I could chill with him but I can’t. I
wish I could be with my mom and talk to her about my problems,
but I can’t. When I get out I am going to be a positive person and role
model for my little brother and my family.
-Michael
From The Beat: It is never too late to get yourself out of a bad situation.
There are people who are there to guide you through your tough times.
Also, you can be there for your family if they ever find trouble or end
up in a bad situation. Be the best role model you can be.
TheBeatWithin.org
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Standouts
Being in the System
In the system, I have noticed that people act different in society and
people change in the community of life. People work towards goals
to accomplish, but they most likely are only complete fifty percent
of their goal.
Sometimes people know what’s already going to happen in
their future, so they do not change the way they act. Some people
are very serious about how they change their life. People sometimes
make bad decisions because that’s the only choice they have when
it comes down to it.
-Nick
From The Beat: Everyone has choices, and it’s never to late to start
making the right choice towards a brighter future. My Teacher Is Jesus
My one and only real teacher is Jesus. His Book is how I can become
the man I never knew. The ways of Jesus is sometimes hard to
follow. Especially when you know someone presents human nature.
There are people who deserve bad things to happen, but I will not be
one to judge. Only God can do that, but I will always do what is right
by God. Even it means being bluntly honest. Jesus has taught me to
be smart the right way. He is my only teacher.
-Nicolas
From The Beat: Have you tried to change for God? If so, how has that
been? Sometimes, the little things we do for others can go very far.
If he is the only one judging us, then following his guidance will take
you far.
Expressing What I Feel
The real me is a smart person. I’m also a good person. My imagination
is unpredictable but I’ve learned to control my own mind. Most of the
time my heart will keep me from expressing what I really feel. Only
because if you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at
all. Still though you have to express yourself. It’s our American right
to do that.
-Nicolas
From The Beat: Sometimes, it is hard not to say mean things to people.
Do you think you could find ways to get your message across without
being rude?
We Have a Purpose
I believe that our life is planned out by God. We could change our
lives at any point. But he would already know what we are going to
do, so I wouldn’t consider it changing your life. I don’t think we have
just one specific purpose.
We have many purposes whether it be giving a guy at the store
a quarter, because he was short on money, or going into a burning
house to save a family. The point is that we all have something we
were supposed to do.
-Thomas
From The Beat: What do you think your destiny is? Has God given
you any clues on what your destiny will be? We hope you can control
positive parts of your future.
A Barren Environment
I learned in the hall that you don’t want to be in here. You waste
your time in here when you can be with your family and girlfriend
and friends. You also got to be a certain way to fit in. There are also
no girls in here, which is sad.
-Steven
From The Beat: There’s a lot of time wasted at the JJC, but you’ve
gained a valuable perspective on life during this phase – value your
friends and family, and avoid getting arrested at all costs.
Fresno County
Volume 17.07/08
Hoping To Get Out
I had a cool teacher. He used to take us out for football every day
after we finished our work. If you were good, he would take us out
for hours to play all kinds of sports. On Fridays we would watch
movies and eat popcorn and candy.
But when it comes to school. When I used to be bad, he would
talk to me or would give me a time out. Also he showed me that
sometimes school is cool. If I want to play football I have to go to
school. I hope when I get out I can go to his school and play another
football game. But if I had to choose, he would be a good person who
gives good advice to me.
When I get out I’m going to eat some Taco Bell and eat some
little Caesars. Then I’m going to get my nose and ears pierced. But
when I get out I’ll try to stay out as long as I can. Because the only
thing I’ll do different is to go to school and come home for probation
meetings.
I’m going to try to get off probation so I don’t have to be around
probation officers anymore. But I’m going to try to be out for as long
as I can. When I get out I’m going to eat so much food and stay out
the way for a cool minute until the homies get out. So then when
I get out I will be mostly around my family. I’m going to eat a lot of
homemade food. Chill out the house and be cool for a minute.
-Salo
From The Beat: We are glad to see that you want to change your
actions. We hope you are successful and you can keep out. In regards
to your teacher, we hope that he showed you that you should remain
in school.
Overcoming Tough Situations
The toughest lesson: my toughest lesson was getting put in juvenile
hall. I never thought I was goin’ to get put in my room for rec time
and eat the nastiest food ever. I can say that this has been one of my
toughest lessons.
Overcoming fears: there was one day I went to the lake and my
cousin told me to swim across the river. I was really scared to cross
it, but at the end I faced my fear and I crossed it. It was really hard
at one point, I thought I was goin’ to drown.
-Oscar
From The Beat: Thank you for sharing all of your memories. There
are many tough situations that we face in our life, but we can also
overcome many of these situations. How do you plan on overcoming
the tough situation you are in now? We know it may not be easy, but
we know that you have the strength to get though it.
Being A Father
I believe my destiny is to be the man I never knew and the father I
never had. I believe that because it’s the one thing my life has always
been missing. It’s a simple goal, but it is hard sometimes because
it’s hard to be the biggest person all the time. That is part of it.
-Nicolas
From The Beat: Sometimes, the negative parts of our life can lead to
positive parts for others. The absence of your father has influenced
you to be a better father to your son. Your son will be so much better
for this.
Dream
One day I was asleep thinking about me being out with all my
homies. Just chilling, smoking and listening to music. Then, I
walked down the street and saw a car coming towards me with no
lights on, so I hopped the fence and I was running down the street
when I saw the car. It pulled up in front of me and I woke up. It was
a dream. I thought that it was real.
-Salo
From The Beat: How do you feel that this ties in with destiny? We
hope you can stay safe and this never happens to you. Maybe this is a
sign of where you see yourself heading?
TheBeatWithin.org
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Volume 17.07/08
A Helping Hand
There was a teacher who impacted me during my freshman year. She
helped me out a lot when I was struggling with my class. She offered
me tutoring and extra-credit. Every time when I had a problem, she
would let me go home or walk around the school. She gave me a lot
of advice to calm down my anger and to have good grades in each of
my classes.
-Bounthone
From The Beat: It is always valuable to have someone who can give
us good advice. Imagine how things would have gone if your teacher
didn’t care and didn’t let you calm down. Be thankful for those in your
life that care.
Obey The Rules
I’ve learned that the hall is not for me because I can’t shower when
I want, can’t eat when I want, can’t use the phone when I want. It
is just not for me and I miss my mother, my little brothers, and my
little sisters. I regret what I did to be in this position. If I can take it
back I will, but I can’t.
All I can do is deal with it and finish my time in this place and
obeying the rules until I get released. But when I get out I’m going
to try to do my best to stay out this place. And to do that I will to
go to school and get a job to get myself on a good way for a new life
with my girl and my family. I want to finish school, I want to leave
California, have a good family and a new life, but until then I got to
do what I got to do. I need to get to that goal.
-Larry
From The Beat: Larry, you posses a sharp focus that will carry you
through this difficult period. Sometimes it’s best to just obey the rules,
whether you like them or not, and keep your eye on the prize. There’s
a lot waiting for you outside the walls of Juvenile Hall.
What You Make It
I don’t believe in destiny. I think destiny is what you make it. It is
within your power to change your life. No one or nothing is to blame
for your actions. A destiny to me is like a goal. Whatever you set
your goal to be. If you put your mind to achieve that goal, there is no
reason you can’t complete it unless you don’t want to do nothing or
no one can stop what you want to accomplish.
You can set your destiny so you can’t get in trouble and locked
up again. But if you want to do that, you can. I have a destiny and
it’s to live a happy free life, live free of problems, and enjoy life on
the outside. Your destiny can be made only by you not anyone or
anything else. The choices you make will also make your destiny.
If you make bad choices in life your destiny will be bad. If you
make a good choice then your destiny will be a good one. Destiny is
what you want it to be. You’re the judge of your destiny.
-Mario
From The Beat: Have you made changes to create your own destiny?
We hope you can create a life that you have described. Everyone who
dreams of a good life definitely deserves one.
Finding My Own Path
I have learned that all the things your parents tell you not to do is for
a good reason. I’ve learned from being in here that the only people
you really have is your family. When your friends say they will take
care of you, they will, but to an extent.
I’ve learned that when I say that I don’t need God, I really do,
and I have found him. I’m going to take that. I never want to be in
this juvenile hall again. I used to not care what happens and did not
care about what happens and what people say cause now I’ve found
out that what people say is just to better me in my life.
-Christopher
From The Beat: Friends will come and go, but your family doesn’t
change – pay attention to them, listen to their advice, and they will
help you avoid the confinement of Juvenile Hall for good.
Fam
The toughest lesson is my
family
I cannot live without them
They mean the world to me
It sucks that I can’t
Wake up seeing their faces
Instead I wake up seeing
Walls. I thank my mom for
Everything she’s done
I don’t know why I should
Be locked up when I
should
Be helping her for
everything
I ain’t nothing without
My mom, she means
The world to me. She’s Been with me through
Thick and thin. She once
Told me to go down
The right path and lead my
Brothers and sisters
And I can never
Forget my nephews. They
Are my life. I’ve been with Them since the day they
Were born and there are Lots of people hitting their
Moms and when they get
Locked up, they beg their
Mom for stuff and
When they get out
They do it again and again
We all are here because of
Our moms and dads.
-Felix
From The Beat: A mothers’ love is
one of a kind. You’re very lucky
to have a supportive and loving
family. The Beat Within
Being in JJC you learn to find yourself and think about the choices
you have made in life. They teach about what’s most important in
life, which is having fun, or your priorities, and how you can change
if you are going the wrong direction.
Most teens don’t know how to live so they follow others. That
leads you to the wrong way and you could end up in here where most
of the time teachers and staff teach you that you aren’t a follower,
and they help you learn to lead as a positive person instead of a
negative inmate.
-Kevontae
From The Beat: It sounds like you’ve benefited from the guidance
provided by the teachers and staff – What do you prioritize in life now
that you’re an independent thinker? Imagine the ways you will remain
a leader once you return home.
Tatsu: The Ride
This paragraph is overcoming fears. My personal fear is heights. I
faced this fear at the amusement park. The ride was Tatsu. I rode it.
It was fun. That’s all.
-Juan
From The Beat: Facing our fears can give us a boost of confidence, and
proves we can accomplish things we thought were impossible. Do you
have any new challenges on the horizon?
Answering My Sibling’s Call
If you get locked up, it’s very hard. All the things you have will be
lost. If you get locked up the first thing you will lose will be your
family. The second thing that you will be losing, if you get locked
up, will be your studies. The third thing you will lose will be the
holidays and other important occasions.
You know what? My other sister and brother want to know if I
got locked up. My sister always asks my mother where I am but my
mother can’t tell my sister that I got locked up. You know that I am
supposed to graduate this year in my high school, but I got locked
up. I want to see my parents happy, that I will graduate, but I don’t
have much in my life. I think I wasn’t born to be happy. I think I’m
always at the bottom.
-Yar
From The Beat: Your writing is consumed with loss and failure, but
don’t condemn yourself to this path. If you’re convinced that “at the
bottom” is where you belong, your siblings will have no one to look up
to for a role model. The situation you’re facing is not ideal, so what
steps can you take to graduate high school and make your parents
proud?
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My Challenge
My life at the minute is good. I go to college and study I.T. and I also
have a part time job. In the time I have been in college I have got
my maths and English qualifications higher and also done city and
guilds courses (history).
I have had a few bad times in my life as I have lost family
members in the space of a year.
Today i am more worried about getting my qualifications so
I can get a full time job in something that I have wanted to do (eg.
receptionist).
-Chloe
Bad Habit, Especially Facebook!
A bad habit is something you do repeatedly and can’t stop doing
it. My bad habits are cracking my fingers and always on Facebook.
Cracking my fingers too much is a bad habit because I’m always
doing it and make my fingers sore. Being on Facebook all the time is
bad because there are better things to do.
Stick with bad habits but I would like to stop cracking my
fingers. . I have no habits kicked. Bad habits can be kicked if you
want them to be. But they will always be there.
-Carla
A Single Tree
It all started back in the glorious days of 2005. Back when the night
life was ripe and your only problem was choosing which color of
crayon to eat. When I first saw him I thought ‘’state ee at munter’’,
but hey..... I ain’t judging. Right there that moment was like two
seeds were planted into the ground and now we are a single tree.
-Ryan
They’re Hard To Kick
A bad habit would be something that you do repeatedly.
Sometimes you can do them without even realizing.
Smoking-kills
Keep getting phone out – I don’t need to
Jersey Shore – mind numbing
Facebook- looking through newsfeed for no reason.
No habits broken.
Bad habits are something that are hard to kick and can
sometimes.
-Daniel
Being Honest About My Habits
My bad habit is that I use far too much electricity. I leave all the
things on in my room and would go sit in the living room. I swallow
chewing gum. I have earphones up full blast. Eat at fast food
restaurants too often. I buy stuff I don’t need.
It is a bad habit because you can’t pass chewing gum through
your system. When my earphones are up full blast it is hurting my
ears and Ill probably be deaf in a few years. It’s bad to eat fast food
most days because it isn’t good for my health. I could be saving
loads of money if I didn’t buy the stuff I don’t need.
I would like to kick my swallowing chewing gum and buying
stuff I don’t need habits! I don’t really mind the other habits. The
bad habit I kicked was smoking. I used to smoke years ago but now
I don’t. I think some bad habits are good because they are what
makes us, us. But then there are some that are just disgusting!
-Nicola
Impact Training in
Belfast, Ireland
Impact Training is back, just like the rest of you all, who give us readers
a glimpse into your lives each week. The Beat Within is thrilled to have
teacher/artist, Clinton Kirkpatrick, and the rest of his wonderful group
of writers and artists out of Belfast, Ireland join us in each issue. We
have learn and continue to learn so much from you all. Thank you for
taking the time to share with us a little bit about you all. The Beat
already cannot wait to read more from our amazing friends over at
Impact Training, we have so many questions for our writers, we do
wish we could ask them about their pieces that they share with us.
My Memoirs
I like to socialize a lot with my friends. We go to cinemas, show and
concerts etc. This makes me feel happy as i love spending time with
them.
When I was younger my parents split up. At the time I remember
I was quite sad about it because I was only like 7 or something
but now I think its better they split up because it would have just
caused arguments if they stayed together.
I remember when me and Michaela were at Planet Fun and we
got on this ride and spun around so fast I was sick. Then we got on
the swings and I was sick again and this time it went all over people.
I was so embarrassed.
-Nicola
A Few Laughs
It started back in 2002 with me and Andy having a laugh in our
last couple of years in Primary School. We’ve always had a laugh
through the years.
-James
Once Strangers
Me and Carla were strangers to each other at the start of first year
and then our class started to get a bit more friendly and we became
friends. We’ve been friends from 1st year and I consider her my best
friend. I tell her everything and can trust her. I would consider her
family. She is a big part of my life and we have millions of memories.
There have been fall outs but we come through them all. We
spend a good wee amount of time together but with that we still have
our separate lives. Getting to know Carla was easy and I’m glad I did.
My life would be a lot different if I didn’t if I didn’t know her.
-Courtney
Moving
I have moved a lot in my life. I thought moving was exciting because
I enjoyed living in a different house.
When I was about 14 I lived to a place called Ballyclare and then
I found out that moving was really stressful. From then on I have
moved twice and I am now going to stay where I am for a good while
until I am ready to move out.
My memory is when me and Nicola went to Monkstown to see
some wee lad and she went into the church and she lost her bus
ticket down the toilet and we were started to walk along this country
road to Mossley and the road was too long. So we walked back down
the road and walked on waiting for my mums friend to come. Then
we went to Glengormley and got the bus home.
-Michaela
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The Toilet
The funniest memory I have is when I was on holiday with my best
friend Zoe and my family and I went to the toilet but when I was
sitting on it, it fell over and I fell. Then I got up and flushed it and the
toilet started to shoot out water and the whole bathroom flooded. It
was so funny!
-Danielle
Memories
Family, friends.
Going on football trips.
Going out with friends.
Dropping out of school to go do something I want to do.
-Carla
Impact Training in
Belfast, Ireland
Chocolate and Clothes
A bad habit is something that you do all the time and cant stop it
or try to stop it.
I have a bad habit of buying clothes. I have a bad habit of eating
lots of chocolate.
It’s a bad habit because I enjoy buying new clothes and I like
chocolate. I would just stick with it because I like eating chocolate
but I will try and stop buying clothes. I have stopped buying clothes
within the last couple of months. Habits are the things that happen
and you just can’t help it.
-Michaela
Thoughts On My Bad Habits
Biting nails, eating too much junk food, talking shhh, distracted,
smoking and drinking, biting my gums. These are my bad habits.
Half of these are bad for my health and the rest are bad for my
education! I would stick to all of them except one which is smoking
and drinking. I would love to stop because its not nice for a girl to
do that.
I already kicked a bad habit which was taking drugs and busting
bubble wrap! My thoughts on bad habits is that you can’t help doing
them.
-Danielle
Bad Habits, No Will Power to Change
When I Was So Sick
Memories of Dancing
I remember when I was 14 and I took very sick and my neck was up
in lumps and I couldn’t eat. Every time I did I was sick and it was
so painful. I was sick for about two months. Couldn’t walk really.
Missed out on P.E. in school for a year. I used to cry every night and
wanted to get better. It was the worst illness in my life so far.
-Amy
Bad Habit
My bad habit is drinking too much coke. Junk food. Sleeping too
much. Phone and Facebook.
It is too unhealthy. I think I will stick with it because it is nice.
I have kicked the bad habit of drinking!
-Amy
Once a Stranger
A bad habit is basically something that you do repeatedly
which doesn’t benefit you in any way.
Smoking, drinking, Facebook, Twitter
Why?? For lack of a better thing to do.
I think they will stick because I have no will power at all. No I
haven’t kicked any habits. Bad habits are something that are
always going.
-Ryan
I have some great memories of dancing especially when I was In
Rock Challenge in school and went to the Waterfront in Belfast and
performed. I then went to Grimsby in England with a lead dance
part. It was a brilliant experience.
-Zoe
Nicola
I know Nicola. She stopped being a stranger when I joined her
childcare class. We have been friends for two years and we go in
to town every week and catch up on the bizz. We are friends now
because we enjoy each others company.
-Michaela
Don’t Push Me Around
I know this person. I didn’t know him before I came to tech and then
I started taking his art class and got to know him. And now we are
friends. At the start he was a stranger.
-Zoe
I have had an experience in life of getting bullied for nearly four
years in Primary School but I stuck through it and it made me who
I am today! I don’t let anyone walk over me anymore. I am stronger
than I was before.
-Real Talk
Once Friends
My Best Friend
I used to be close to a guy called James. I’ve known him since I was
two years old. We met each other through our mummys. He used to
be my best friend and like a brother who was always there for me.
Now we don’t even dare to look at each other.
-Danielle
I know someone now who was a stranger a few years ago but is now
my best friend! I met her on the first day of our child development
class and we just became friends. Over the years we just got really
got close and now we’re really good friends.
-Nicola
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My Friends
I first met one of my friends in nursery. We grew up together and
have been so close right through primary school and secondary
school.
When we got into 1st year we were in the same class. We got
together and a few other girls and started to go out together.
I class all my friends as family as we have been so close from
early years and we are still really close and still go out together
nowadays. It was easy to get to know these girls as we all had
something in common and all got on together.
-Chloe
Oh Those Bad Habits
A bad habit is something that you do repeatedly. Sometimes you
don’t know you are doing them.
My bad habits are cracking my fingers, biting my nails, biting
the inside of my mouth and Facebook.
Cracking my fingers is a bad habit because my fingers get sore
and it annoys other people. Biting my nails is a bad habit because it
is dirty and sometimes the bleed. Biting the inside of my mouth is a
bad habit because you get blisters and it bleeds. Facebook is a bad
habit because you sit on it for hours looking at all the newsfeeds
but you really don’t care what people are doing.
I want to stop all of my bad habits. I have kicked none so far.
They can be okay at times but other times you don’t want them
there, although they always will be there.
-Courtney
Great Friends
Courtney was a stranger in 1st year. We have been friends for 6
years. We are not strangers anymore. We have also become really
close and are best friends. I consider Courtney to be one of my best
friends and a big part of my life. I also trust her and can tell her
anything. We also get on very well and also like spending time with
each other.
I have also got a lot of memories with her. She has also came
on a family holiday with me, my mum and dad. Getting to know
Courtney was easy because we had a lot of stuff in common. We also
go to concerts together because we like to listen to the same music.
-Carla
Habits Are Bad
A bad habit is something you do a lot of the time.
Being angry and snapping at people when I have no reason to
be. Shaking my leg all the time. Cursing. Because it is annoying and
I don’t realize I am doing it. I don’t want to be angry anymore and I
am going to try and stop cursing. Habits are bad because you can
upset people with you habits sometimes.
-Danielle
Memoirs
My life at the minute is good. I go to college doing ICT and I do hope
to get something out of my life from it. I wouldn’t say I have an
interesting life. There isn’t much exciting going on.
A lot of people mean a lot to me. My family are most important
to me. I respect my family a lot because they’ve done a lot for me.
My friends mean a lot. They’re always there for me when I need
them. I am very grateful for the things I have.
-Courtney
Impact Training in
Belfast, Ireland
We All Have Bad Habits
Bad hand writing because I don’t care.
Buying things I don’t need.
Drinking coke.
Getting bored. Easy.... that’s why I buy stuff.
Also I like annoying people when I’m bored.
Stop buying things I don’t need because I will have no money.
I used to bite my nails.
Everyone has a bad habit and some can be overcome!
-Zoe
Smoking, Drinking and Facebook
A bad habit is like an addiction as it is something you start and you
can’t stop.
Smoking and drinking can damage your health. Facebook is
a bad habit as you are continually checking your news feed and
nothing has changed. I think I will stick with my bad habits as I
don’t think I would be able to stop them.
No habits kicked. My thoughts on bad habits are that they will
always be there and it will be hard to get rid of!
-Chloe
Bad Habit or Two
We all have a bad habit or two. Some are worse than others but we
all use them as a way to waste time and such.
My bad habits include, smoking gaming, sleeping and jumping
into hay bales.
I think smoking is a bad habit because it causes health
problems and such. Gaming is a bad habit because it can damage
your eyes and cause other health problems. Jumping into hay bales
can cause damage to your self.
-James
Strangers No More
I had first met Ryan in the September of 2005. We were only wee
boys, different ambitions, different likes, we had no idea what was
in store. We didn’t really care for each other in the 5 years to follow.
I was not until that faithful day when Ryan had joined Impact. Then
shhh got serious.
-Daniel
Once a Stranger, Now My Boyfriend
I know this person and have known him for a year and 10 months.
He used to be a stranger but now we are closer than ever. I started to
talk to him and we met up now. He is my boyfriend and I love him.
-Danielle
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Too Blessed To Be Stressed
A dose of encouragement for the lighthearted
I’m too blessed to be stressed and
I’m too anointed to be disappointed!
I refuse to be discouraged,
To be sad or to cry.
I refuse to be downhearted
And here’s the reason why.
I have God who is almighty:
Who is sovereign and supreme;
I have a God who loves me,
And I am on his team.
He is all wise and powerful
Jesus is his name;
Though everything else is changeable,
My God remains the same.
I refuse to be defeated.
My eyes are on my God.
He has promised to be with me,
As through this life I trod.
I am looking past my circumstances,
To heaven’s throne above.
My prayers have reached the heart of God,
I am resting in his love.
I give thanks to Him in everything.
My eyes are on His face.
The battle is His; the victory is mine;
He will help me win this turtle race.
Rehearse
Hair strokin’ put a cig to my mouth
And pretend that I’m token.
Crash USS Enterprise shooting star
Oh how I wonder where you are
Gas pipe token, still silhouette smokin’
When you are dreamin’
Don’t even think about skeman
Exactly touch, just like operation
Gang green havin’, gas venom
Just like I’m on the pill
Excuse me white and his name is Seroquil
I‘ve got sporty shoes,
Like my name is Tom McCann’s,
Gas flamin’- Pill Poppin Indomethacin -.
Blessed
Hickory Dickery Dock
I don’t what struck the clock
You keep me comin’—
Your footsteps are
Music to my ears—
Rehear and re-share the music again
You are blessed by my ears again you win
To walk next to me
Even speak the same language as me
Gravity—you’re killing me—
Speak the same lingo as me
I be—you be, something squared
That squealed with no frills—
Dying in a can—
Twisted—
All up in a fan
Radiation game explode like a venom pill
Gas vapor like Seroquil
To this poisonous kiss
I wish T-squared—.
Herbert Scheigert
Herbert Scheigert has written The Beat Without two great rhyming
poems that speak to the being who has allowed him to stay strong
while incarcerated. We hope that all of our readers have found someone
or something to invest their energy in, to keep their head up while
facing, undoubtedly, some dark times in life. Herbert writes to us from
South Central Correctional Center in Licking, MO.
Have You
Have you scattered thorns or roses,
All along life’s weary way;
Have you told the broken-hearted.
Of that bright eternal day?
Have you told the blessed the story
To the souls that mourn and weep?
Have you sown along the wayside,
That a harvest you may reap?
You can help the lost and lonely,
You can watch, and work and pray.
You can light their path so dreary,
With some helpful, heavenly ray.
Christopher Hopkins
This issue welcomes back some poetry from Christopher Hopkins, one
of our many habitual contributors, who writes to us from Salinas Valley
State Prison, Soledad, CA. Each poem speaks to something different,
and we’re very glad to see more of his unique imagery and word
combinations.
You can light their path so dreary,
With some helpful, heavenly ray.
In Reverse
Cancun- You can when I cun
I’m through in this atmosphere
Even though I wish you were
Stuck on a whole different sphere.
Push pedal in reverse
Game is shifty as I rehearse—
The Alamo, I wish I’d been there
You don’t even care that I swear—
That your game is shifty
You cost 50 cents and you don’t even miss me.
I be a raging bull
You be like ice cream—cool.
Going down wind is hard
Especially when you walk around
Dizzy on the yard.
I miss you—Yes I do
So much so—it’s like crazy glue.
God has blessed you in so many ways
That he says bless you.
But like this time and
All the rest I miss you much.
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A Little Game
Just because somebody shhhs on you, don’t mean they’re tryin’ to hurt
you, and just because somebody gets you out of some shhh, doesn’t
mean they’re tryin’ to help you, either. But you got to learn as fast as
you disappear, is as fast as you get replaced, then you’ll start dealin’
with outta sight, outta mind. People will give up on you, goin’ through
the same cycle. People get tired of commitments that are not fulfilled.
Lookin’ past the bullshhh, a lot of ninjas don’t give a damn about
you when you get locked up. They just try to have sex with your chick
and throw salt on your name. And, if your female not solid, you lose all
around, so, for the ninjas, it’s one of many reasons you should never
tell a female you love her.
You can really only love something that is unflawed, and since no
human can ever be perfect, you know that to love someone would only
be setting yourself up for disappointment—your pride will be wounded
and your ego bruised, but your heart is intact. No tears, no lumps in
your throat, or sharp pains in your stomach—your emotional psyche is
unfazed, but with anger and confusion—that’s why. Or do you cry and
beg her…?
See, it’s more to a man than what meets the eye. Men come across
many scandalous women, but some females feel like the lady a man
chooses, shows who he really is, and about. But, it take a sucka to
know a sucka, and a lot of suckas were choosin’ females that weren’t
shhh, ‘cause they, themselves, weren’t shhh.
But a man’s hidden agenda is what drives his actions. Peep game,
follow, play. It’s easier for a ninja to give a female good sex, than it is to
give her his heart. A lot of young females don’t know that sexing a ninja
will let you have him for one night, but strokin’ a ninja’s ego will let you
have his mind for a lifetime.
When a ninja rush to hop all over a female, it make you seem like
you’re desperate. As a man, you want to hop all over a female, (take yo’
time with’ ‘em and earn trust.) But, as a mack, pimp, and player, you
want a female to hop all over you—you got to control that shhh. Can’t
let a female seduce you—no extra long hugs, no textin’ after a certain
hour, etc. Tell ‘em, “That’s goin to lead to me fallin’ for you, and I ain’t
the one to have you thinkin’ you can just get what you want out of me,
like I’m any ol’ ninja you been with.”
After a while, if she feel like she’s entitled to everything she wants,
just ‘cause she bad, you goin’ to get her thinkin’ and get her to come
back stronger on you as a man. And, always remember (trickin’ ain’t
treatin’--if the meanin’ ain’t for a better reason.)
Sexin’ females is like a gold mine—every time you dig in, you got to
expect to come out with something valuable, and you got to have swagg.
Can’t be a nerd, ‘cause when you’re weak, you get used up.
But, females and ninjas that have been burned enough times,
should know you should not waste time on somebody that ain’t
Obie One
Obie One has been one of The Beat’s most prolific and profound writers
from Marin County Juvenile Hall, and sadly, he now sends us his
latest essay from Marin County Jail. He often writes compassionately,
knowledgably, and empathetically about the hardships young women
his age face, because he’s aware of how men can feel played by women,
and may also manipulate women, themselves. Here’s another in a long
series of wise essays about and to young women, and we truly welcome
the perspective off you readers, especially you women..
interested. Sometimes you get so caught up that you don’t focus on the
evidence that starin’ you in the face.
But, when one door closes in love, another one is sure to open. For
the females—it’s only fair that I give game for both sides. No matter how
bad a ninja messes up, females is supposed to stand by his side and
hold her position (some may feel different than what I’m sayin’.) But,
how are you goin’ to say you love a ninja if you kick him to the curb over
small shhh that can be worked out?
We say disrespect names when we wrong (sometimes,) ‘cause what
else we goin’ to say, “We sorry”? So we disrespect, knowin’ that females
‘bout to tell everybody they know about the situation, and put all the
friends in our business (not sayin’ every female like that.) But, other
times, every ninja got they own way and reasons for doin’ what they do.
I believe for every ninja that breaks a girl’ heart, it’s only fair he be able
to put it back together, ‘cause people do change. Some females allow
theyselves to be mistreated for so long, because they don’t feel worthy
of love (but, like I said, everybody got they own reasons.)
I do know females need to have they own. Don’t care how much
money they husband, boyfriend, or baby daddy has, don’t make a
difference. Men respect a female that’s independent. Ninjas need to
remember, when a ninja is sleepin’, a woman is thinkin’.
Every woman needs support and understanding from other women,
but a man want a wife, a bop, but sometimes a ninja fall victim to they
ways, but the most evil things come in the most beautiful packages. It’s
a messed up feeling, to want something or someone, and not be able to
have it or them—so if you can’t have the female a ninja truly wants, why
not have the female that truly wants you?
Weak game don’t work on grown women. They don’t believe in
bedtime stories. A female that interested in a ninja, want to see that
other females are interested in him, too—not only does that give you
instant value, it makes it all the more satisfying to snatch the ninja
from their clutches. Haters try to get ninjas out the way, and remember,
you can only be betrayed by the people you trusted.
Yeah, Obie can walk it like I talk it, and play it like I say it. Oh, and
if a female refuses to hold you down in jail, stop messin’ with her. Tell a
female, “If you don’t want me, then don’t talk to me. Go ahead and free
yourself.” I’m out.
I believe for every ninja that breaks a girl’ heart, it’s only fair he
be able to put it back together, ‘cause people do change.
Remember Who You Are
I want to be remembered
for the things that I stood for
the love that I gave
and the smile on my face,
I hope people think about me in
the light that was around me
not the darkness that
took me away.
I hope to be thought of
when silence meets pure excitement
and memories of happier times
becomes de ja vu,
I pray for righteousness to emanate
through
the chosen are
few…
Mr. Wayman Barrow
Mr. Wayman Barrow is a fellow writing to The Beat from Folsom State
Prison in Represa, CA whom has written us a wonderful poem about
what he wants to be remembered for in life, who he wants to be
remembered as. What do you want to be remembered for?
I want you to
remember me asa follower of God
student of
knowledge
and someone that had always
stood firm on my own, two.
I want to be remembered…
For the simpleness of understanding
and for the strength that I gave to you.
I hope I’m that uplifting spirit
My struggles are for all to learn
all to witness
and live,
I want to be remembered
not for the material things that I pass
on, but
for the love that I give.
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When I Think of You
When I think of you
I think of sunshine because life just wouldn’t be the same
without it
When I think of you I think of crowns
Living without you I’d rather drown
When I think of you
I think of beautiful views
Because you are the most beautiful view
Because you are you
When I think of you
My heart skips a beat
You’re the most beautiful, gorgeous thing a person could meet
When I think of you I think of clues
You’re the kind of girl that could never be old news no matter
what you choose
I’ll always love you
When I think of you
I think of number seven
because you’re God’s beautiful creation from heaven
When I think of you
I think of those eyes
that hypnotize and make me imagine better times
Loving you being my only crime
When I think of you
I think of roses
But it seems every chance I get you to love me
the door of opportunity closes
When I think of stars because you never stop shining despite
life’s scars
My list can go on and on but girl when I think of you,
When I think of you,
When I think of you,
Life just can’t go wrong
This is why even though you belong to someone else
I continue to stay strong
Unique
Something about you I just can’t explain
The way your smile relieves all my pain
What is it I really don’t know
I tell them, look at that face, how can you say no?
Something about you it’s just so different
Beautiful, magnificent, amazing girl
That I can’t describe
You’re so easy on the eyes
With those big brown eyes
Got me hypnotized
Everything about you is what I love
Your face, feet, legs, arms
The way your eyes change in the sun
When you say my name I can’t stop smiling
Strange because before I met you I used to say
“I can’t stop crying”
If loving you is wrong I don’t want to be right
I’m tryin’ to find a name for something so beautiful
Because words just aren’t good enough and the word
Amazingly gorgeous is way too rough
You my girl are more than a dream
Holding onto heaven at the very seams
You my fantasy
You are simply wonderful, ecstasy with hidden agony
Beyond reality
Unique
Maria
Love and pain are two themes present in these three poems by Maria.
Love and pain caused by women. There are many readers who can
relate to the pain Mary Jane has a tendency to inflict, and we hope
our readers get the chance in life to experience the kind of love Maria
talks about in the last two poems. Maria writes to us from the San
Bernardino County Juvenile Hall.
Mary Jane Pain
I take a hit and then another to take away the pain
Yet I continue to suffer
Some call you bud
I call you Mary
Life without you sounds pretty scary
I take a toke
Laugh when the homeboys choke
Every hit is like a music note
My eyes are red so I wear my locs
Many say my life will go up in smoke
Really that doesn’t sound so bad to me
Because smoke fades and flies so freely
I get excited by the word
Swishes, life’s a trip
Do I get the picture
I go to class so blown and high
I swear cloud nine is where I spend my time
I love being stuck running a muck
Wondering if I ever did give a funk
How did I get an eighth?
Let’s just say it was just my luck
I inhale I’m holding my breath
Yet I can finally breathe
Lie and see life’s not as bad as it seems
Then one day I switch to crystal
It’s like switching from a bat to a pistol
So many times I say I can stop
people say I’ll reverse die and rot
I answer I’m not and that I’ll never get caught
I ain’t addicted like all the tweakers who get evicted
The thought rapidly quickens
Straight sickens
How did my life end up this way
I’m pretty sure it started with Mary Jane
Pero, it was my choice so I can’t complain
I mean what can I say
I’ll go back to NA?
Say just for today?
Maybe one day, but not today.
When I think of you
I think of
those eyes
that hypnotize and
make me imagine
better times
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Wicked Ways
Most of the ways of this world are wicked. I picked up my wicked
ways up from the world, as I was growing up in this wicked world.
I don’t like my wicked ways at all. But sometime my wicked ways
have too much influence over me.
I have a good heart, because every time I do something wicked
to someone I feel real bad deep down in my heart. Because I know it
is not of my true nature to be wicked, and I don’t like the sound of
the word wicked, and I know that the wicked will be cut off. That’s
why with the wisdom I now have, I struggle very hard with myself,
to change my wicked ways, because that’s where all my strength
comes from.
I need that higher power by my side more than I need anything.
I don’t need my wicked ways at all. But it is just so hard for me
to grow up out of my wicked ways. They have always kept me
stumbling over everything. I don’t want to be sinful. I don’t want
to be dangerous. All these things go hand in hand with my wicked
ways. I got to change my wicked ways.
Lost Servant
God I am your servant Michael.
God I know you brought me into this world to be your servant.
But now I am a lost servant. I have got lost in this world,
but God I keep trying to find my way back to you.
I will always be your servant. God I will not give up on you,
because you have not gave up on me.
Even though you can see how lost I am into this world,
you have stayed on my side always showing me my way back home.
I am your lost servant Michael. Even when I am lost
I still find some kind of way to serve you, because I am your
servant Michael.
Listen Up!
An OG is one who is standing on his own feet.
A boss is one who guarantee we goin’ to eat.
Okay, okay, okay, I’m twice crazy, kick game.
You could enter, but you can never own the game.
You dippin’, and you better dip out.
Them youngin’s on the move, and they takin’ ninjas out.
Always give back, always share, break bread.
And sometimes you’ll be put in the position where you’ll break
heads.
And your legs better move fast, when the law pass
‘Cause, what you do in the dark, goin’ to come to the light.
I got caught slippin’, so I ain’t that bright.
Never make the same mistake twice.
Most want respect for what they go to jail for.
They brag, really don’t mean nothin’ except you got caught, you
hear me?
Or should I say, you read me?
My OGs didn’t teach me nothin’. I had to learn on my own.
Does that make me any different? Smarter?
No. Some of us have to learn the hard way.
Have to get our feet wet to get what we need, not what we want.
You have to teach yourself ‘bout life, and about life after death.
We all winners—we got to the egg first.
I notice it’s people on the outs, stressin’ more than me, and I’m
locked up.
It’s always someone smarter, bigger, faster, taller, hungrier
More dedicated. Have more motivation.
It’s always someone in a better position than you.
And it’s always someone in a more worse position than you.
Learn from other people’ mistakes.
Be true to yourself. Have faith, have hope. Love, that’s all it takes.
You hear me?
Michael McKinney
We welcome back some more insightful writing from Michael McKinney.
We’re sure there are readers out there who can relate to Michael’s
thoughts and feelings in his pieces. He writes to us from Union
Correctional Institution in Raiford, Florida.
Man is confused with his own
laws. That’s why he got to
keep on changing them.
Natural Laws
Natural laws are the real laws. Natural laws don’t ever change. They
are the same as they were when God first made them. Natural laws
were given to man from day one, but somehow man has come up
with his man laws. As that’s why they call them man made laws. But
they are not laws.
Manmade laws are a joke to me. Manmade laws are like playing
some kind of manmade game. They change manmade laws at any
given time. Manmade laws change all the time.
Man is not sure of his own laws. Man is confused with his own
laws. That’s why he got to keep on changing them. Then man gets
another man to enforce his manmade laws on the world. These men
are called law enforcement officers, and the same artificial laws they
enforce on others. These law enforcement officers turn around and
break these same laws everyday. How can you call these laws, when
even the lawmakers don’t follow them? The higher power don’t go
against His laws. They don’t change. They apply to everyone the
same. But manmade so-called laws don’t apply to everyone the same.
That’s not a law. Natural laws end the way they begin. Unchangeable.
Marcus Dean
Marcus Dean, Obie One’s roommate in Marin County Jail, used to
be a youngster in Marin Juvenile Hall too, before The Beat started
doing workshops there. Marcus reveals some profound lessons he’s
learned from being in juvy, jail, and life. Marcus is also the uncle of
Stevie, who, when he was in Marin juvy, wrote sometimes profound,
sometimes hyphy poems for The Beat, and even sent them to us from
ROP. Welcome to The Beat, Marcus!
Only The Truth
What’s up, Beat? Long time no write. Being locked up in county
made me think ‘bout being locked up, as I was, under eighteen.
Stressing ain’t an option at no time. Don’t stress over anything you
can’t control, and doing time only a waste if you ain’t learning from
it, you hear me?
Don’t be at war against yourself. Love yourself, no matter what
you been through, or are going to be put through. It’s more than
what you look at in the mirror, it’s your soul. Your body might be
locked up or beat up, but never let anything or anyone lock up your
soul or your mind. Live to die, die to live. Love, faith, hope—that’s
all you need.
And the other thing you need is a solid boo thing—a female, or
a dude, for females, that’s going to hold you down. And your soul
mate’s supposed to always hold you down, no matter what. Invest
your time with these females (or dude), like you would do with your
money.
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Strong Faith
Miracles do not bring strong
What brings strong faith...
is not quitting in the middle
but seeing the struggle out
unto the end.
When you fall, you pray,
asking God to give you strength,
And then you get back up, and
march on stronger.
Where the heart is, there you
will find “LOVE”
We are in a State of Emergency
Now is the time to “make some noise!” Like an ambulance racing
down the streets to someone who is critically injured and facing
death. Conscious black men and women, who have the knowledge of
themselves, and understand the essence of what it is to do God’s work,
rather than talking about doing it, are the one’s who are racing to the
aide of our youth who are self destructing today, right in front of our
eyes. The purpose of this ear splitting siren and flashing strobe lights,
is to effectively get to your attention. This message is aimed at telling
you to get out of the way. The message is to let you know, that we are
living in a state of an emergency! Let the people of God, who really care
about the conditions that our children are headed in today, stand up
and be among those who will be boarding S.L.G. Youth Inc., mental and
spiritual ambulance that will be rushing to save our youth. Rushing
to rescue our “children” who are self destructing today because of
following the wrong kind of role models who are exploiting them and
manipulating them. We must remember the dreams and aspiration of
Dr. Martin Luther king, Jr., Malcolm X, Rosa Parks, Dr. Betty Shabazz
and Mrs. Coretta King all of whom seriously dedicated and sacrificed
their lives so that we would have a better future for our children. Martin
said: “ I have a dream that my four little children, will be able to walk
down the streets, with little white children, hand in hand, singing that
old negro spiritual, free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, we
are free at last.” Instead, today we are either burying our children or
visiting them in some far off prison, because they turned into little
monsters, that have been terrorizing our communities, because they
have been lead in the wrong direction, by some gang leaders who have
been manipulating them to steal, rob and deal in other destructive
crimes, and no one is devoting themselves to climb out of this darkness
that they are in.
It is time, that the real people of God, the disciplines of truth,
stand up and start saving the most important people on the face of
the, “the children”... who are the seeds of tomorrow, through them
civilization will live forever. It’s high time that we dedicate ourselves
and our time towards “SAVING THE YOUTH”. We can no longer past by
them, and ignore them, because when we ignore them, we ignore our
future existence as a people.
The present conditions and state of minds of our youth’s, our
babies, who are our future, shows to us and demonstrate to us, the
cunning manipulative, vicious and orchestrated revival of the slavery
day behavior of the devil, whose evil nature is to pull man from the path
of God. Those of us, who know and understand the science of history,
saw the parallel between the debasement and stripping down of our
children on the auction block of crime, and then packaging them up,
and shipping them off to some prison plantation where they will rot and
become bigger monsters then they were, when they entered into the
system. Today, some or mostly, our own people are the one’s exploiting
and teaching our youth how to engage in crime and murdering of
themselves while chasing illusions.
While the present day leaders inability to reach them, are
demanding that the courts give them stiffer sentences, instead of
Dr.
Richard Sunday Ifill
Another habitual contributor is gracing our pages in this issue, as well.
Dr. Richard Sunday Ifill has a very good message about saving our
youth, and we hope more people invest their time into striving just for
that, to save our youth from falling into the same destructive patterns
that land them in correctional facilities later. We all must have heart, to
love, to save. Dr. Ifill writes to us from the Coxsackie Regional Medical
Unit in Coxsackie, New York.
The purpose of this ear splitting
siren and flashing strobe lights,
is to effectively get to your
attention.
demanding, that proper institutions be built, that are designed to
educate and rehabilitate them, society actually got upset them when ex
Governor Guomo had created educational and rehabilitation programs
to enable inmates to change, which worked, up until ex Governor Pataki
got into office, and changed the educational and whatever rehabilitation
programs existing, and instituted the “master plan” which were the
ware housing prisoners with the so called “get tough on crime” that
actually flooded the prisons with the youth, who now today, dominate
the prison population, not only New York State, but the United States,
85% of the prison population are made up of Blacks and Hispanics.
The infamous slaver owner Willie Lynch, 196 years ago,
successfully helped to institute among black people, “an iron clad
system of terror, self loathing, and divide and conquer, and “insane
loyalty” for the oppressor. The incredibly violent dehumanization of
an entire nation of people has not only lasted, but has evolved and
flourished into madness that has captured youth’s 200 years later, and
has filled them not only with madness that is leading them towards
self destruction, but also long term confinement for hurting their own
people. No one negate that today’s ghetto youth’s are suffering mass
mental and physical genocide, that if the true and living God’s who
strive to do the will of the Creator, who died on the cross, so that we,
the living would follow in his perfection direction, with the same love
and zeal that Christ had at the hour of his physical departure from this
world, for that three days until his resurrection, it time that we step to
the plate in the name of our Lord and direct the course of the youth’s
back to the path of God.
Back to the path upon which Christ sacrificed his life for. If we fail
to do God’s work, our children will continue to self destruct. Unless
we properly educate our children, not just the good children, but, the
bad one’s that no one wants to work with, unless we attract them back
towards the righteous path, we will be the one’s helping to eliminate
them from the face of the planet earth. If we fail to educate our youth’s,
they will continue to be indoctrinated into a system that is designed
to brain wash them into becoming prisoners slaves to money, greed,
lust, and hate of each and themselves, to such a degree, that they will
continue to kill each other, and themselves, because that is what they
are conditioned to do. How sad it is today to see the power of that little
old dollar bill, which is tearing the youth apart and sending them down
the crooked path leading to death and destruction.
The measurement of God, is not in what he knows, or how educated
he is, or what his status is in life. But rather it is, in what one teaches
the youth, and the changes they make, will determine who you are. It
is time that the righteous and sincere believers, stand up and save the
babies, instead of us watching them enter into prisons, where they will
become “victims” who will self destruct. We must immediately begin
to raise the little geniuses among our people, help them to purify their
hearts and minds, and rid them of the mis-education that they have
been indoctrinate with, so that they will be able to apply their subjective
right brain hemisphere, in order that they will be able to transcend
the deleterious affects of the most evil people, that was kicked out of
heaven, because of his rebellion, from the divine order and path of God
himself.
TheBeatWithin.org
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Beat Without
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The Beat Witout Volume 17.07/08
The Other Side of the Mirror,
Chapter 19
Condoleeza Kincaid was nervous beyond belief. She had been
experiencing morning sickness for the past several days. Something
was horribly wrong with her system. She feared the worst. It had been a
few weeks since she had last talked to Tim, although he was constantly
on her mind. Now she thought about him more than ever.
She thought back on the day that she showed him the door out of
her life for the second time. She wondered if she had made the right
decision. Her life was basically in shambles and now this sickness had
overcome her. Without her protector, she felt insecure, and without her
lover, she felt lonely. She realized that Tim did not have control over the
CIA powers that be, and that Cheney was behind the scheme to spy on
her life, but that did not take away from the feeling of betrayal that she
felt. Tim should have let her know of his intentions sooner. He should
have revealed the truth sooner, knowing the risk he took of losing her
again.
So much went through this troubled black woman’s mind as she
stared at herself in the mirror. She thought back to how she felt when
she first found out that Tim had been shot. She then thought back to
how she felt when she found out about the betrayal. Her life with Tim
was bittersweet, but she had to deal with this new situation.
Her stomach was tied in knots as she impatiently awaited the
results of the home pregnancy test. So much was at risk with the
results of a simple two-minute test. It was the longest two minutes of
her life, so much was at stake. Ms. Kincaid first had been through so
many different scenarios in life, but being a mother wasn’t one of them.
As she stared at the plus sign that magically appeared on the test wand,
her mind finally accepted the truth of what her body had known for
weeks. She was definitely pregnant.
Eugene Weems was fuming and wanted his revenge. His comrade
received a hero’s send-off, but nothing could relieve the sadness
in the eyes of his widow. Mr. Weems had been met with adversity on
several occasions and this was one of the hardest times to stomach.
It was obvious that the car bomb that took his ally’s life was definitely
intended for him. He would gladly have accepted his fate and died in
his Vice President’s place. Eugene was no coward. God was on his side,
and, fortunately, he would live to fight another day. Hate was too weak
a word to describe the emotion that he felt for the president. Two of his
closest friends had been lost in the battle for the cause, but he could
not let his emotions overpower his keen intelligence. There was still a
war to fight for his people and the enemy was not going to be able to
savor this victory. As the final remains of Kendu Marley were put to
rest, Eugene plotted his revenge. His next strike had to be a deadly one.
He was tired of the silly games. It was his move now and he was going to
make it count. The RNF was not going to be attacked without response.
Timothy Richardson
and Eugene Weems
We are very pleased to publish our first book excerpt, co-authored by
Timothy Richardson and Eugene Weems. The excerpts are from their
book “The Other Side of the Mirror” available for purchase on Amazon.
com or from Universal Publications LLC. The book is told from several
different viewpoints and includes some very well known names. It’s
bound to be an interesting read! OUR writers deliver the goods from
Mule Creek State Prison in Ione, CA
It was time for action.
In Houston, Texas, a well stuffed Tex McClure was being
entertained by a stripper at Club Lipstick. He eventually departed
with his bodyguards around him. It had all the accolades of a country
and western star posse. He entered the confines of his limo without
incident. A small crowd had gathered around to witness a hometown
hero. He was handed a gift from one of his adoring fans. Tex didn’t pay
it any mind. He just tossed it in the back with the others. He was used
to southern hospitality. With all of his wealth, he could not turn down
a free present.
Pleasantly intoxicated, the entourage pulled out of the parking lot.
The lone black female separated herself from the crowd. She pressed
a button on a small device and another Son of Liberty was blown away.
Needless to say, that was the last political gift that Tex McClure was
going to receive.
Eugene received a phone call, “It’s done,” the sweet voice explained.
“Yes.” No more words were spoken between the two individuals.
No more words needed to be said. A rare smile graced the face of Mr.
Weems. He quickly remembered where he was and got back into the
funeral proceedings for his fallen Vice President. The warrior knew
that there was no time to celebrate and his move was only a temporary
victory. Besides, he had bigger fish to fry and it was only going to be a
matter of time before his kitchen got hot.
President Burrow relaxed in the comfort of Camp David with his
wife, Mary Ann. The two of them had just engaged in a brief romantic
encounter and a long conversation about current events in the White
House. He had enthusiastically told his wife all about the Sons of
Liberty and Operation Cyclops. He had also told her the truth about
the car bomb and how it was meant for Eugene Weems. Mary Ann
was refueled with enough information to return to her weekly gossip
sessions at Norma’s, but Cheney had something else in mind.
He prepared the cocktails for the both of them in the privacy of the
kitchen. He emptied the contents of two capsules into Mary Ann’s drink.
He stirred the contents and delivered the glass to his unsuspecting
wife. He proposed a toast, “To loose lips. They sink ships, but our
relationship has stood the test of time.
Angel L.
Angel L. is onto something here with his short prose piece. I’m sure
many of us would have done a few things in our lives differently had
we stopped to think and ask ourselves these questions, but at least
it’s never to late to start stopping and thinking before doing. Angel L.
writes to us from Mule Creek State Prison in Ione, CA.
Think
Before we speak, we should ask ourselves:
“Will it be unclean, untruthful, gossiping, complaining,
quarrelsome, demeaning, vindictive,
or will it be kind, helpful, and demonstrate the working of the
Holy Spirit
within us?”
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What’s up Beat!
What’s up teens who have found themselves in trouble, just like me!
Just thought I would write another piece! As I thought about it, I said
“What can I give these children?” My experience? No. My life story?
No. The Gospel? Not yet. So I said, I’m going let ‘em know how I feel.
You see...right now, you have found yourself in a bind. Lost...
Lonely...And depressed. You feel like this is the moment you can find
yourself. What lies in you...your soul’s deepest yearning is: Where am
I going take myself from here? You know what I’m saying? Treat your
soul good. It’s okay. You can fellowship with the brothers, your homies
while you’re busted in the halls. Don’t let your life take you wherever it
wants to go. It’s time you start making choices. Free yourself.
What I’m saying is to completely make your life enjoyable. Why not?
You are human just like other people, but you can choose to put yourself
away in juvenile hall. I used to be just like you. What determines your
future are the choices you make. Study the system. People who know
what you do snitch on you, and put you back in the hall. The way of life
you’ve been living isn’t working. Choose another path. Really have a
spiritual understanding of life, and pray about it.
I learned to meditate when I was in the halls. Listen to your
breathing. Really, really focus. Time is just at an expanse right now.
Life is in your hands. Bring them into your ballpark. You see, you are
not defeated. The temptation has already gone. All of existence is just
matter right now.
Now show me what you got. Listen to everything around you. The
vent, the staff outside your cell. Listen to see if they’re tapping their
pen, notice everything, notice your surroundings. Now listen, and what
might jump at you could be the best thing that ever happened to you. It’s
peaceful. The power is in your hands now. Go and do as you might. But
remember your creator, your maker, who has the power to take from you
what you have chosen. Life is a gift.
My name is Jesse and I am a gift sent from heaven. Use your
abilities in which you have been given to conquer and challenge yourself
to do the inevitable. You are divine...you are more. I challenge every one
of you to conquer life’s obstacles. Become a doctor, or a lawyer, or a boss
in some skyscraper. You can do it. The second you choose to do it, you
already have.
Jesse Goulding
We’ve got some good advice for our young readers by Jesse Goulding,
including some tips on how to stay sane while locked up. We hope
our younger readers heed his advice, and we hope those doing longer
sentences find Jesse’s suggestions able to be implemented in their
lives, as well. Jesse writes to us from CSATF/ State Prison in Corcoran,
CA.
The Silence Of The Lamb
The Silence of the Lamb is a very ancient name. It dates back to 700
B.C. found in the book of Isaiah 53:7. This makes it 2,711 years old.
Isaiah was a prophet, and what prophets do is speak the word,
which was spoken to them by God. This very particular verse was
prophecy pertaining to Jesus Christ when he was being questioned
by Pontius Pilate if he was the son of God.
Jesus only answered, “It is as you say.” Why Jesus was so
silent is because all of our inequities, sins, adulteries, murders,
and thefts, etc. were being thrown upon Him. And He Himself did
nothing.
How would you feel if you did nothing, but they say you did?
What could you do?
Jesus’ heart pounded as He was lead out to be beaten and then
taken before the audience again. But it was not enough for them.
They crucified Him. They let a murderer take his place. And they
rebelled. The name that should’ve been on that cross is Silence of
the Lamb. The Great I Am! He took our infirmities, our sins, and
bore the crown of thorns for us.
And through all of this, He didn’t tell on us. He kept silent. He
knew that we would perish for all that we have done, but after this,
He said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” He
did it for his mom, He did it for us, and He did not deny the cup in
which his father gave him. He did it for the glory. Just so you never
let anybody belittle your God. You know who He is.
I challenge every one of you to conquer life’s obstacles. Become a
doctor, or a lawyer, or a boss in some skyscraper. You can do it.
New Year, New Beginning
Hello and a pleasant New Year to Beat staff and its many readers. I hope
all is well with some of you out and with your families.
You may have fundamental questions about yourself and your
identity. Who am I? What should I do with my life? It is quite natural to
feel insecure about the best way to proceed. If you haven’t yet decided
on your future course, I feel the best thing is just concentrate you
energies on what you need to do right now, and gradually your full
potential will emerge.
We each move forward secure on our own earth, not the earth of
others. Happiness is something we must create for ourselves. No one
else can give it to us.
It all comes down to you. I hope you won’t rely on others or
wait for them to do something. Try to develop such a strong sense of
responsibility that you can stand up to the fiercest storms, confidently
proclaiming, “I’ll do it, just watch me.” Please confront reality, look it
squarely in the face, and with guts, wisdom, and strength, challenge
everything that lies ahead of you.
Happiness doesn’t exist on the far side of distant mountains. It is
within you, yourself. Not you, however, sitting in idle passivity. It is to
be found in the vibrant dynamism of your own life as you struggle to
challenge and overcome one obstacle after another, as you clamber up
a perilous ridge in pursuit of that which lies beyond.
If you think about it, although we may not be destined to die five
minutes from now, we are all, without exception, going to die at some
point. We can count on it one hundred percent. There is nothing surer
E. Pierce
E. Pierce writes The Beat with an absolutely inspirational letter, one
of hope, new beginnings, and optimism that the future is still in your
hands to change. We hope our readers are already considering a new
beginning for a new year. The world didn’t end after-all. Will you have
the courage to branch out on your own and turn you circumstances
around? Pierce writes to us from Avenal State Prison in Avenal, CA.
than this. Victor Hugo says, “We are all under sentence of death, but
with a sort of indefinite reprieve.” Ideally, we should live every minute of
our lives valuably, as if it were the last moment of our lives. Those who
live aimlessly are left with a sense of emptiness at the end of their lives,
but those who live all out, striving right to the end, will die peacefully.
Leonardo Da Vinci says, “As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so life
well used beings happy death.” Once aware that death could come at
any time will each day to the fullest.
With the birth of a new year comes new hope of a brighter future- A
new or better job, getting that apartment or new house, finally paying
off your debts, or simply being able to maintain your health and having
loved ones while others may not be so blessed.
Is it not time to lay to rest past feuds with one another and stand
united as brother to brother, sister to sister, father to son and mother to
daughter? Is spilling the blood of your fellow man over a street corner
or an innocent child killed by a stray bullet because of a turf war worth
it?
‘Til next time Beat, peace among ourselves.
TheBeatWithin.org
The BEa
Beat Without
Page 79
The Beat Witout Volume 17.07/08
Fidencio Vaspuez
We are pleased to publish a new writer, Fidencio Vaspuez. He writes to
us from San Quentin State Prison in San Quentin, CA. We are happy to
read that he has not regretted his mistakes, but instead, is choosing
to learn from them, especially when it comes to hurting the ones he
loves the most.
Behind a Glass Window
Behind a Glass Window
Hola The Beat. ¿Como estan? Pues yo creo que estoy “bien”. Hace
mas de una semana que yo no me habia reportado pero aqui estoy
nuevamente.
Saben algunas veces que caia en el condado y salia no mucho
lo ponia importansia ni tampoco veia cuantas persons afectaba
cuando yo caia ala carcel. Por un momento llegue pensar que yo
era a parte de este cistema y que ya no iba poder salir y mas cuando
entre a las grandes ligas, que es la prición. Hoy estoy muy consiente
que estoy todavia en prición pero mi mente y mi forma de pensar
cada dia se liberan de mis tontos y locos ideales. Ya que desde que
yo recuerdo todos mis desiciónes an sido tomados bajo mis propias
responsabilidas pero aun cuando haya pasado por lo que paséya no
me arrepiento de los problemas wn que me meti. Porque han sido
ellos los que me han hecho pensar como pienso hoy. Ahora todo lo
que tengo conmigo es estas experiencias y numeros de instituciones
y CDC. Y quisiera que el que es sue primera o segunad ves que lo
agarre en serio porque este sistema criminal no juega. Hoy llevo
conmigo estas numeros y sicatrices que me __ las calles. Elos son
testimonio de lo que vivi y recompensa de lo que conquiste. Son
estas marcas y sicafrices las que me abrieron los ojos y me an hecho
cambiar mi forma de pensar. Porque hubo unas epocas en las caules
vivi escuchando consejos malos y hstorias de pura fantacia y llenos
de mentira. Otros tempos vivi porque necesitaba vivir pero ahora
vivo porque soy un ser umano y porque quiero estar en compania
de mis dos “cachoros” Cristian y Jordy. Porque en realidad ellos
me necesitan a mi mas que nadie. You era un ipocrita porque un
señor ya grande de edad me pregunto¿Quieres y amas a tus niños?
Y yo sin pensarlo dos veces le conteste con toda seguridad, “Los
amo con todo el corazon”. El me miro y se sonrió y me digo, “Qué
estas haciendo aqui? Y senti que a puño limpio me pego en donde
me mas dolio y me digo que para amar a alguien tenemos que
aprender a amarnos nosotros mismos y despues podremos amar a
alguien. Para todos los que ya hemos caido mas de una ves en este
sistema, preguntamonos ¿Valdra la pena cambiar este estilo de vida
y pensaminetos vanos? Pues yo pienso que si solo que nosotros
tenemos que poner el 100% de nuestra parte y balorarnos como sere
umanos que somos. Porque para el system y gobierno solo somos
dinero para ellos. Haci que a hecharle ganas por nostros y por los
que lloran por nosotros cuando nos ven detras de una ventanta de
vidrio. Solamente les dise.
Hi The Beat. How are you? Well, I think I’m “good.” It’s been more
than a week since I have reported but here I am again.
You know, sometimes I fell in county and I’d get out and not
give any thought about it or the people I affected when I landed in
jail. For a time I came to think I was a part of this system and that
was not going to get out. I thought that even more when I entered
the big leagues, prison.
Today I am very aware that I am still in prison but my mind and
my way of thinking are freed every day of my stupid and crazy ideals.
For as long as I can remember all of my decisions have taken
over my responsibilities. But what’s done is done and yet I do not
regret the problems I got myself in. Because it was those problems
that made me think like I think today. Now all I have with me is
these experiences and numbers of institutions and CDC. I would
like those who are here for the first or even second time to really
grasp what I’m saying because this criminal system does not play.
Today I carry these sacrifices and numbers the streets have
given me. These are testimonials of what I’ve lived and rewards of
what I’ve conquered. It’s these brands and sacrifices which opened
my eyes and made me change my way of thinking. Because there
were some times on the streets when I lived my life listening to bad
advice and stories full of fantasy and lies.
Other times I lived because I needed to live but now I live
because I’m a human and I want to be in the company of my two
“Puppies” Chris and Jordy. In fact they need me more than anyone.
I was a hypocrite. An older gentleman asked me, “Do you love
your children?” And without hesitation and complete confidence
I answered, “I love them with all my heart.” He looked at me and
smiled and said, “Then what are you doing here?” I felt that fist hit
me where I hurt most. The old man told me that to love someone
we must learn to love ourselves first and then we can truly love
someone.
For all of those who have already fallen more than once in this
system ask yourselves, are these vain thoughts and style of living
worth it? Because to the system and the government we are just
dollar signs. That’s why we have to keep pushing and try to be and
do our best for ourselves and for those who cry for us when they see
us behind a glass window.
For all of those who
have already
fallen more than
once in this system
ask yourselves, are
these vain thoughts
and style of living
worth it?
Don’t be at war against yourself. Love yourself, no
matter what you been through, or are going to be
put through. It’s more than what you look at in the
mirror, it’s your soul. Your body might be locked up
or beat up, but never let anything or anyone lock up
your soul or your mind. Live to die, die to live. Love,
faith, hope—that’s all you need.
read the rest of Marcus Dean’s BWO piece on page 79