Tips & Advice how to orgasm A Woman’s Guide to Achieving Climax The female orgasm can be an elusive little beast. Unlike the male orgasm, which is fairly straightforward (hint: penis), climax can be more complex for the ladies. However, once you’ve captured the female orgasm, you’ll find it gets easier and easier to train and enjoy. This guide offers tips and techniques to find your best orgasm. Different women experience orgasms in different ways. Some woman have one orgasm at a time, others have five in a row. Some women enjoy orgasms from G-spot stimulation, whereas it makes others feel like they need to pee. Of course, there are some commonalities – while some women (a minority) can reach orgasm through intercourse alone, for most, it’s not that simple. Studies indicate that as many as 75% of women who have orgasms require clitoral stimulation to do so.1 One thing is certain – our sexuality is as unique to each of us as our fingerprint, so there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to making your back arch and your toes curl. If you have a hard time reaching orgasm, you’re not alone. 33-50% of women experience orgasm infrequently and are dissatisfied with how often they reach it.2 But don’t be discouraged; after learning a few common techniques and areas to explore, you can experiment and discover what’s best for you. It’s not all about the destination – enjoy the journey. Orgasms are easier if you’re not hell bent on having one. They’re a blast, of course, but so is exploring your body and getting to know what feels good. Growing up, we learned from cartoons that “knowing is half the battle.” Jimmyjane has a different truism when it comes to orgasms – “practicing is half the fun.” Read on to find out about the female anatomy, different types of orgasms, and how to reach them through different types of stimulation, and tips and techniques. Note: If you think you might have a serious orgasmic disorder, for example, if you were previously able to have an orgasm and now you can’t, read about anorgasmia on Cory Silverberg’s sexuality site on About.com. © Copyright Jimmyjane, Inc, 2012. All rights reserved. www.jimmyjane.com Female Anatomy For best results, get to know your equipment. It’s time to learn about your body. Yes, you’ve lived with it for years, but there’s always more to discover. Even familiar friends can be full of surprises. head ears lips neck The Erogenous Zones These come in three flavors – primary (most sensitive), secondary (less sensitive) and tertiary (least sensitive). Stimulating the secondary erogenous zones is a great way to build excitement. Focusing on the neck, ears, feet, hands, and breasts can put you in the mood so that once you get to the primary zones, you’re already hot and bothered. Heighten the sensations with oils and lotions like afterglow Massage Oil Candles, beyond lotions, or Blossom Organics Warming Oil or Breast Cream. arms Though a great foot massage might get you pretty close, stimulation of the primary erogenous zones is the most likely way to reach an orgasm. Primary zones include lips, nipples, and genitals. Stroke, rub, and lavish attention on these areas. Blossom Organics Arousal Gel and Good Clean Love Lubricant can help keep all your parts sensitive and slippery. hands The specifics. legs nipples chest back inner arms genitals Now that you have the basics, let’s focus on a few key areas that can lead you directly to the golden orgasm at the end of your pleasure-bow. It can feel good to caress pretty much any part of the vulva (the external female genitals, including the labia majora, labia minora, clitoris, etc.) or the vagina (the actual tunnel that leads to the cervix and uterus). However, your elusive orgasm is most likely hiding in one of these specific spots – inner thighs Erogenous Zones primary secondary tertiary feet Your Clitoris – The Nexus of Good Things If you need help locating your clitoris, look at the region just above your vaginal opening. See that little bud at the top of your inner labia? The one that sends a shiver through your body when you touch it? Yep, that’s it. It actually extends into your body, but that little button on the outside is the secret to many a female orgasm. The tip of the clitoris contains approximately 8,000 nerve endings, almost twice that of the tip of the penis (score 1 for the ladies). As a result, direct clitoral stimulation can be pretty intense, so many women prefer stimulation of the hood or the surrounding area. If want to experiment with clitoral stimulation, try an external vibrator like form 2 or form 3. clitoris urethra vagina * perineum anus Be safe while your sexy. Read the the smart shopper’s guide to sex accessories. © Copyright Jimmyjane, 2011 Jimmyjane, Inc, 2012. Inc. All rights reserved. www.jimmyjane.com Female Anatomy – Continued Your G-spot – How to Find It and What to Try Once You Do Some women find G-spot stimulation to be extremely pleasurable and even orgasm inducing. The G-spot, named for German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg, is an area of soft, spongy tissue about one inch in diameter, typically located about one to three inches up the front wall of the vagina. To find it, insert your finger a few inches inside your vagina, then curl it toward the belly, as shown in the diagram to the right. Once you’ve located it, you can reach it with an insertable vibrator, such as iconic rabbit, or one with a curved head, such as form 6. G-spot Uterus Vagina Anus Your Anus – Handle with Care Much like the vagina, the skin around your anus is incredibly sensitive. Many women enjoy stimulation of the perineum and the area near the anal opening, while others enjoy anal penetration. Because the space between the vagina and rectum is very thin, penetrating the anus can sometimes also provide G-spot stimulation. Though anal sex is becoming more accepted (and popular), not everyone wants to dive right in. Try inserting a finger, vibrator or a butt plug before moving on to penile penetration. form 6 and the Njoy anal plug both work well for this. little chroma is nice and slim, but if you’re going to use it for anal penetration, lace a cord through the two holes in the cap so it can be retrieved safely. Be sure that any kind of anal play involves plenty of lubrication – unlike the vagina, the anus provides no natural moisture. Never insert anything that may get stuck and never move anything (penis or otherwise) from anus to vagina – the bacteria can cause infection. Learn more about safe anal penetration in our section on types of stimulation. Your Brain – The Most Powerful Sex Organ of All Never underestimate the power of your mind when it comes to getting off. Your thoughts, feelings and imagination can bring you to the brink of orgasm (and maybe beyond). Some women enjoy reading erotic books to jumpstart their fantasies. Check out Violet Blue’s annual anthology of the Best Women’s Erotica. Others like to fantasize about people they’ve met (or want to meet) or sexy situations they’ve been in (or want to be in). Think about what turns you on. Now think about it while touching yourself. Fun, right? Need a Visual? Visit our Screening Room for snappy videos highlighting features and benefits of our most popular products. © Copyright Jimmyjane, 2011 Jimmyjane, Inc, 2012. Inc. All rights reserved. www.jimmyjane.com Types of Stimulation It’s not just where you touch, it’s how. Now that you’ve reviewed the female anatomy, you can focus on what kind of stimulation is best for you. Stimulation includes rubbing or touching with your own fingers, someone else’s fingers or body part, penetration, oral sex or the use of an accessory, such as a vibrator. Jimmyjane offers vibrators for every kind of stimulation. To learn more about the vibrators mentioned on this page, read about our guide to Types of Vibrators. form 3 Clitoral Stimulation While almost any vibrator can be used to stimulate the clitoris, different shapes offer different advantages. With its two internally-powered ears, form 2 surrounds the clitoris in the strongest vibrations around. form 3 features a soft, silicone Touchpad to help you focus vibration exactly where it counts. Smaller vibrators like the iconic bullet can easily be cupped in the hand and held against the clitoris. iconic ring Clitoral Stimulation During Intercourse For hands-free use, Vibrating Rings like the iconic ring are a great option. Bullets and pocket vibrators are small enough to be held in place, but depending on the position, can be less convenient. form 3 is thin enough to be held between two bodies during sex so that the lip vibrates against your clitoris and his penis at the same time. form 2 Internal Stimulation Vibrators intended for internal stimulation have elongated forms so that they’re easy to hold onto during insertion. Some women enjoy a sensation of fullness, while others are interested in stimulating specific sensitive areas, such as the G-spot. If you’re interested in a narrower shape, consider a small Smoothie, such as little chroma or little something. If you’re looking to reach the G-spot, a vibrator with a curved shape, like form 4 or form 6 can make this possible. little chroma Simultaneous Internal & Clitoral Stimulation For internal and clitoral stimulation at the same time, a “Twice As Nice” type vibrator such as the iconic rabbit is the answer. Note also that if a man wears a Vibrating Ring such as the iconic ring, he can become “Twice As Nice” as well. form 6 form 4 Need help deciding? With so many options, it can be tough to decide which to buy. Our guide on How to Choose will help you to select the perfect vibrator for any occasion. © Copyright Jimmyjane, 2011 Jimmyjane, Inc, 2012. Inc. All rights reserved. iconic rabbit www.jimmyjane.com Types of Stimulation – Continued Anal Stimulation Many women enjoy both internal and external forms of anal stimulation. Just be sure to follow these safety tips when going anywhere near the anus to keep yourself healthy and happy – Use it, don’t lose it. If you plan to use a vibrator anally, be sure that it either has a flange, a waist, or a cord so that it can be retrieved safely. Unlike in the vagina, where penetration is limited by the cervix, foreign objects can become “lost” in the rectum. The small end of form 6 is suitable for anal use, as the narrow neck limits the likelihood of it slipping, and the large end of the vibrator can be held firmly. little chroma and little something vibrators can be used anally, but only when you lace a cord through the two holes in the cap so it can be retrieved safely. Keep it slippery. There are three key factors for enjoyable anal sex – lubrication, lubrication and lubrication. Unlike the vagina, the rectum doesn’t create its own moisture, so everyone needs lubricant for anal sex. Try products like Good Clean Love and Blossom Organics Lubricant to keep everything smooth, slippery and safe. Keep it clean. Cleanliness is a bigger concern for anal adventures than for most other types of sex as there is potentially harmful bacteria in the rectum. When using accessories anally, only use ones that are easy to clean. Alternatively, you can cover them with a condom. Anything that goes into the anus (vibrator, dildo, penis, finger, etc) must be thoroughly washed before going near the vagina. Wondering which vibrators are best for which type of stimulation? Here’s a handy chart – the usual suspects little something form External/Clitoral Clitoral During Sex Simultaneous Internal/External Internal Vaginal G-spot Couples Sex Anal © Copyright Jimmyjane, 2011 Jimmyjane, Inc, 2012. Inc. All rights reserved. www.jimmyjane.com Types of Orgasms Orgasms come in many shapes and sizes. It’s not always easy to find your orgasm, but once you do, there’s an array of flavors to discover. Female orgasms come in numerous forms and, if you’re lucky, can even arrive in multiples. Physiologically and emotionally, an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm – a muscular contraction partnered with a rush of pleasure-inducing hormones. That said, sex educator and author Betty Dodson describes at least nine different kinds of orgasms in her book, Orgasms for Two. These include pressure orgasms, tension orgasms, relaxation orgasms, fantasy orgasms and more. Read more details in our friend Cory Silverberg’s sexuality site on About.com. Below we’ll focus on the most common types – clitoral, G-spot, and blended. Internal vs. External Most women require external, or clitoral, stimulation to achieve an orgasm. With thousands of nerve endings, the clitoris is said by many sexperts and sexologists to be the female pleasure center. However, there is a minority out there (less than a quarter of all women) who can climax through internal stimulation alone – that is, through intercourse or other types of penetration. Some women experience simultaneous internal and external orgasms. This is called a combination or blended orgasm and requires clitoral and vaginal or G-spot stimulation at the same time. You can begin by using your fingers or an external vibrator such as form 3 for clitoral stimulation during intercourse. “Twice As Nice” vibrators, such as the iconic rabbit, are another great way to experiment with this. Alternatively, you can make your man (or a vibrator designed for internal stimulation) “Twice As Nice” by adding an iconic ring for clitoral stimulation. Single vs. Multiple Single orgasms can last anywhere from a few seconds to a minute. Unlike most men, who require a refractory period of anywhere from minutes to hours to recover between orgasms, some women can have multiple orgasms with little or no pause in between. Multiple orgasms come in two forms – sequential and serial. Sequential orgasms are orgasms that occur after one another with a few minutes in between. Additional stimulation is often required to get from one to the next, but there is no limit to how many you might have during one encounter. There’s no such thing as too many orgasms, that is, as long as you’re still able to walk afterwards. Serial orgasms are one orgasm experienced immediately after the next and the next and the next… This is a wild ride for those who can actually achieve it (which is not many). Real vs. Fake Studies indicate that as many as 80% of women have faked an orgasm at one time or another.3 There are many reasons – from wanting to boost our partners’ self esteem, to feeling bad about being unable to achieve an orgasm, to just being too tired and wanting to call it a night. You’ve probably heard it before, but it’s worth repeating – nobody wins when you fake it. Faking it sends the wrong message. One major problem with faking an orgasm is that it communicates to your partner that he or she is doing something right, when really, they may be completely off. Clear, honest communication is the key to a healthy, happy sex life, and faking it only hinders that openness. © Copyright Jimmyjane, 2011 Jimmyjane, Inc, 2012. Inc. All rights reserved. www.jimmyjane.com Tips and Techniques So now that you know the basics, how do you actually have an orgasm? Since it varies for everyone, there are no fool-proof, step-by-step instructions. That said, there are a few simple things you can try – with a partner, with a vibrator, or with nothing but your own two hands and your imagination – that should get you well on your way toward the big climax. On Your Own Many women find it easier to have autoerotic orgasms (orgasms through masturbation) than with a partner. After all, you know better than anyone what makes you feel good. Plus, it can be easier to let yourself go when there’s no audience. Here are some suggestions to get to know your body – 1.Walk before you run. Just like any good date should, treat yourself right and set the mood. Turn off your phone, lock the door, dim the lights, put on some music – whatever feels right to you. 2.Stay warm. A study recently covered by the BBC News reported that a woman is 30% more likely to have an orgasm if her feet are warm. A hot bath (or some sexy, sexy wool socks) is a great way to go. 3.Get comfy. Many women masturbate while lying on their backs with their knees up and their legs spread. Others prefer lying face-down or even on their side with their legs wrapped around a pillow. Experiment and see what feels best for you. 4.Start thinking. What turns you on? Think about a scenario, imaginary or real that turns you on. Maybe there’s a sexy scene from a book you read that you want to recall. This is one of the most fun parts – there are no restrictions on what you think about to get excited. If you want something to help get you started, try reading some erotica or watching a softcore film. 5.Work yourself up. Foreplay isn’t just for partners. Don’t be in a rush to get to your vagina, touch yourself elsewhere to turn yourself on. Rubbing your thighs, stomach, neck or breasts can build arousal. 6.Let your fingers do the work. Using one finger or several, explore your vagina. Caress different parts – your inner and outer labia, your clitoris, your vagina and your perineum. See what feels especially good. 7.Or use a vibrator. Try using a vibrator to stimulate your vagina, clitoris and nipples in a way that your fingers can’t. External vibrators, like form 2 are perfect for adding sensation. 8. T he main event. When you feel good and ready, use a finger or two to rhythmically stroke the area around your clitoris. You can use lubricant or saliva to keep things slippery. Place a finger on either side of the clitoris and stroke up and down, or put your finger on the clitoral hood and rub in a circular motion. Experiment with a variety of pressures, speeds and motions. Some women enjoy adding penetration to their play. You can use your fingers, a dildo, or an internal vibrator, like form 4, form 6, little chroma or iconic smoothie. 9. Play with breath and motion. Clenching and releasing your PC muscles (pubococcygeus muscles) can make it easier to have an orgasm. You can also try rocking your pelvis back and forth and breathing deeply. These are all physical cues that tell your brain that you’re ready to have an orgasm. 10. If at first you don’t succeed... You know the rest. Just remember, learning to have an orgasm is a lot more fun than learning your multiplication tables. And possibly more important (don’t tell your 4th grade math teacher). The good news is that once you’ve done it a few times by yourself, it’s easier to do again and again – either alone or as a team. Just like riding a bike. A bike that makes you feel amazing. © Copyright Jimmyjane, 2011 Jimmyjane, Inc, 2012. Inc. All rights reserved. www.jimmyjane.com Tips and Techniques – Continued With a Partner There are many orgasm-inducing activities you can enjoy with a partner that you can’t do on your own. Oral sex, for example, unless you’re freakishly flexible. However, since everyone’s body is different, you can’t expect your partner to automatically know what feels best for yours. Express what you like and what you don’t like, either with words, sounds or body language. You can even show your partner with your hands how and where to touch. All the tips for masturbation apply to partner time as well. Don’t be afraid to touch yourself during sex, to move your body in any way that feels good, and to think about whatever turns you on (there’s no rule that says you can’t think about Ryan Gosling). With a Partner and a Vibrator As many as 79% of women who use vibrators use them with their partners.4 Vibrators such as the iconic smoothie and form 3 are popular with couples because they can provide clitoral stimulation during penetration. For more tips on choosing the right vibrator for you and your partner and adding it to your relationship, check out our section on Introducing a Vibrator. NOTES 1 Al Cooper, Ph.D., Sex Therapist “Understanding the Female Orgasm” (July 2003) 2 Medline Plus Medical Encyclopedia, “Orgasmic Dysfunction” (September 2002) 3 Brewer G and Hendrie CA., “Evidence to suggest that copulatory vocalizations in women are not a reflexive consequence of orgasm.” (2010) 4 University of Indiana researchers. Hebernick D. et al. “Prevalence and Characteristics of Vibrator Use By Women in the U.S.: Results from a Nationally Representative Study,” Journal of Sexual Medicine 6:1857 (2009) Give a vibrator as a gift. Read our how to give pleasure Gift Guide © Copyright Jimmyjane, 2011 Jimmyjane, Inc, 2012. Inc. All rights reserved. www.jimmyjane.com