1. family and parenting
2. children

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International Journal of Intercultural Relations
30 (2006) 51–75
www.elsevier.com/locate/ijintrel
Emotion expression and the locution
‘‘I love you’’: A cross-cultural study
Richard Wilkins, Elisabeth Gareis
Department of Communication Studies, B8-240, Baruch College/CUNY,
55 Lexington Avenue, New York, NY 10591, USA
Received in revised form 11 July 2005; accepted 12 July 2005
Abstract
This exploratory study is aimed to advance the understanding of emotion expression across
cultures by focusing on the declaration of love and studying its expression across cultures. In
particular, the use of the locution ‘‘I love you’’ was investigated. Results indicate that the use of
the locution ‘‘I love you’’ fluctuates greatly across cultures: It is used exclusively for romantic
declarations of love in some cultures, but has a much wider distribution in others. Interestingly,
nonnative speakers seem to use the locution ‘‘I love you’’ more in English than their native
language. Differences are also noticeable within cultures, particularly across genders and age
groups. Thus, females tend to use the expression more often than males. In addition, there seems
to be more widespread use of the locution now than just a few decades ago.
r 2005 Elsevier Ltd. All rights reserved.
Keywords: Emotion expression; Love; Intercultural communication
1. Introduction
This research treats emotions as cultural artifacts whose meanings are
symbolically constructed, historically transmitted, and expressed by individuals in
Tel.: +1 646 312 3731; fax: +1 914 524 7559.
E-mail addresses: [email protected] (R. Wilkins), [email protected]
(E. Gareis).
0147-1767/$ - see front matter r 2005 Elsevier Ltd. All rights reserved.
doi:10.1016/j.ijintrel.2005.07.003
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instances of situated communication (Carbaugh, 1996; Fitch, 1998; Philipsen, 1992).
A study of emotion expression is also a study of the moral, cultural, and political life
of a people and can yield anthropological knowledge about the social structure and
cultural values that are reproduced and negotiated in the communication of
emotions (Lutz, 1988). Consider the following segment drawn from a televised
episode of the American program 60 Minutes titled ‘‘Tango Finlandia’’ (Tiffin,
1993). Aired in February 1993, Morley Safer, the lead narrator and journalist,
introduces his audience to Finland and Finns who ‘‘in their natural state,’’ are
‘‘brooding’’ and ‘‘private, grimly in touch with no one but themselves, the shyest
people on earth, depressed and proud of it.’’ In this one segment of the program the
locution ‘‘I love you’’ and its expression in Finnish culture is discussed by Ms.
Schultz (a female American journalist living in Finland), Jan Knutas (a Finnish male
literary critic), and Arja Koriseva (a celebrated Finnish female tango singer):
SAFER: Do people tell each other that they love each other?
SCHULTZ: No, oh my God, no, no. Notyeven lovers.
KNUTAS: Well, I’d say you could say it once in a lifetime.y Say, you have been
married for 20 years; perhaps your spouse is on her death-bed, you could comfort
her with saying ‘‘I love you,’’y
SAFER: (laughs)
KNUTAS: It’s not funny.
KORISEVA: It’s easier to me to say, like, to my boyfriend that ‘‘I love you’’[in
English]. yWe have heard it on TV, in movies; it’s easier to me to say ‘‘I love
you’’ than ‘‘mina rakastan sinua,’’ it doesn’t [sound] very nice if I say ‘‘I love you’’
in Finnish.
SAFER: You look slightly embarrassed when you say it in Finnish.
KORISEVA: Yeah—we don’t use ‘‘I love you’’ so much as you do. You love
almost everybody (laughs). When a Finnish guy or man says ‘‘I love you,’’ he
really means it.
The above segments of the 60 Minutes documentary program are chosen here
because claims involving nostalgia, exoticism, and the search for authenticity are
made with regard to declarations of love. While the commentaries are artfully edited
for playful and humorous effect for American consumption, what gets lost in the
translation are the particularized and highly cultural inferential structures involving
social scenarios and moral attributions that participants use to construct their
commentaries about declarations of love. Clearly the communication of love is an
important aspect of interpersonal relationships across cultures. But saying ‘‘I love
you’’ can be a very delicate walk, with much gray area, regarding what can and
should be communicated about love, when, by whom, and to whom. Love is
sometimes felt but not expressed; other times, love is expressed only nonverbally; and
still other times, it is communicated verbally, with or without nonverbal
manifestations. In the verbal realm, a healthy daily dose of verbal ‘‘I love you’s,’’
for some, communicates affection, care, and devotion. For others, expressing love
verbally too often cheapens the deeply felt emotion and undermines its significance
for others. There can also be dispute about how much love should be revealed given
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53
the current development of a relationship. Just what is the right thing to say, when,
and by whom?
2. Literature review
When searching for literature on love expression, one first notices a relative
abundance of research on the expression of emotions in general. Unfortunately,
most studies do not differentiate between brief and long-lasting emotions (such as
anger or surprise versus love). Relatively fleeting emotions, however, share little with
and should therefore be distinguished from long-lasting effects (Metts & Bowers,
1994). When studies do differentiate, they often favor the investigation of relatively
brief emotional states (e.g., Bryant & Cantor, 2003; Fussell, 2002). Research on love
and love expressions as features of the cultural construction of emotion is relatively
rare. The available body of literature falls into three broad categories: definitions of
love, intracultural studies, and cross-cultural comparisons.
Webster’s lists nine different definitions for the term love. These range from
affection to sexual embrace to adoration for God. The first meaning focuses on the
emotion of love in human relationship contexts and is closest to the meaning
targeted by this and other emotion communication studies; it defines love as ‘‘strong
affection for others arising out of kinship or personal ties’’ (Merriam-Webster’s
Collegiate Dictionary, 1998). Researchers also commonly differentiate between love
styles, as established by Greek philosophy. These styles include agape (unconditional, selfless love), storge (instinctual, familial love), philia (tender affection
between friends), and eros (romantic, passionate love) (Hendrick & Hendrick, 1986).
With respect to intracultural studies, research often focuses on the frequency and
values associated with love expression. Clements (1996) found that marital
commitment is positively related to marriage quality and expressions of love. In a
study on cancer patients, Swensen and Fuller (1992) determined that love expression
increases during severe health crises of one partner. Lum (1997), in a study on
immigrants to the United States, reports that love expressions increased among
immigrant couples the longer they resided in the United States. In contrast, within
the rural Chinese, emotions are present in individuals and may bear a relationship to
social experience, but ‘‘emotions are concomitant phenomena in social life, not
fundamental ones’’ (Potter, 1988, p. 186). Using Hall’s (1976) notion of
contextuality, an expression of love for the high-context rural Chinese even when
love is apparently most congruent with the social structure, as in the case of love
between a father and a son, is understood as ‘‘being inherently in opposition to
valued structural continuity’’ (Potter, 1988, p. 199). According to Potter (1988),
emotions for the rural Chinese have no formal consequences. In these cases
anthropologists think of expressions of love as concern-based construals, ‘‘inasmuch
as both concerns and construals seem to be highly variable and culture-dependent’’
(Roberts, 2003, p. 183).
In addition to the issue of frequency, love expression in relation to distinctive male
and female behavior differences can be interpreted using Hofstede’s (2001)
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masculinity–femininity dimension. For instance, males seem to express their love in
developing relationships more than females, presumably fulfilling male role
expectations in bidding for the relationship (Owen, 1987). In established relationships, however, females seem to surpass males in intimacy expression (Ting-Toomey,
1991). Studies have also compared preferred love styles with respect to gender.
Women have been found to gravitate toward philia (tender affection), whereas men
often prefer ludus (game-playing love) and eros (Hendrick & Hendrick, 1995; Woll,
1989). The overall importance of love for the establishment and maintenance of
marriage and general attitudes and experiences of love, however, seem to be largely
the same for women and men (Levine, Sato, Hashimoto, & Verma, 1995; Sprecher et
al., 1994; Woll, 1989).
General attitudes and the emotional experience of love also seem to be similar
across ethnic groups within the United States (Doherty, Hatfield, Thompson, &
Choo, 1994; Lum, 1997) as well as global cultures (Scherer & Wallbott, 1994;
Sprecher et al., 1994). Cultural differences, however, do explain variance
in the expression of love, and do so more than gender (Kimura, 1998; Sprecher
& Toro-Morn, 2002). Markus and Kitayama (1991) make the distinction
between independent and interdependent self-construal where the former uses
inner feeling as a motivational force in achieving personal goals, the latter
values conformity and cooperation prioritizing the feelings of others. As Potter
(1988) points out, the West has used the capacity of love as the symbolic
basis for social relationships and as a low-context communication style maybe
linked to an independent self-construal. In contrast the rural Chinese use the
capacity to work to construct social relationships and the subsequent patterns of
preexistent structure involved in such work. Given the form and strength of
relationships that exist within preexistent structures, expressions of love are
considered as threats to the established sociocultural order. Understood within a
framework of an assumed interdependent self-construal, an expression of love
between a father and a son for the rural Chinese, flouts the patterns of respect and
obedience necessary for the optimal maintenance of a formalized relationship
(Potter, 1988).
Using Hofstede’s (2001) dimension of individualism versus collectivism, expressions of love are found to be more frequent in individualistic than collectivistic
cultures (e.g., United States versus Japan) since members of the latter tend to be
more restrained in voicing opinions as well as feelings (Kimura, 1998; Mesquite,
2001; Schwartz, 1990; Ting-Toomey, 1991). The importance of love and love
expression for the establishment and maintenance of marriage also seems to be
greater in Western, industrialized nations than in Eastern, underdeveloped countries
(Levine, Sato, Hashimoto, & Verma, 1995).
3. Research questions
A popularized view of emotion is that it is a physiological process associated with
the nervous system. Located at the core of the nervous system is a universal and
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55
essential set of emotional states. One of these could be said to be love (Goldie, 2000;
Roberts, 2003). Everybody experiences the state of being in love at least once in a
lifetime (some will say if they are lucky enough). Definitions of passionate love (Kim
& Hatfield, 2004) for example, do involve physiological effects that transcend issues
of culture. While the universality of some emotional states may not be in dispute,
how persons interpret and manifest those emotional experiences will differ across
cultures (Ochs, 1986). A psychocultural view allows for the study of the social
construction of emotion as it is shaped and informed in a social and cultural
environment. Hence, this paper aims to advance an understanding of emotion
expression as a de-essentialized domain and to view it as ‘‘a cultural and
interpersonal process of naming, justifying, and persuading by people in relationship
to each other’’ (Lutz, 1988, p. 5).
The thematic clusters emerging from the literature review included the issues of
verbal versus nonverbal emotion expression, gender difference, nonnative versus
native use of verbal love locutions, and culture change. Based on these themes, we
formulated the following questions.
1. What are the demographic and contextual parameters for verbal and nonverbal
declarations of love in different cultures?
2. What are the effects of cultural and linguistic backgrounds on the use of the
English locution ‘‘I love you’’?
3. Can a culture change be observed concerning the frequency and usage of love
expression in different cultures?
We took the locution ‘‘I love you’’ as a point of access into cultural
communication systems and the varying accomplishments of sociality its use
implies. At the cross-cultural level our analytical task then was: (a) describing
the locution ‘‘I love you’’ with reference to its occurrence and non-occurrence,
where it occurs, with whom, in what language(s) and dialect(s), in which verbal
forms, about which topics, as part of what interactional sequences, and with
what observable consequences; and (b) interpreting the participant understandings of the locution ‘‘I love you’’ given the patterned contingencies under (a) above.
It is through holding the phenomena of emotion expression as a constant that
we will search the cultural variability in order to understand the general
forces and particular features of emotion expression. Our focus here will be on
the performance of communication patterns within intimate/personal relationships.
Our interest then falls on the expression of love within intimate/personal
relationships. Our expectation is that the expression of love will be one of
those communicative activities that give force and meaning to intimate/personal
relationships. In intercultural relationships it is our hypothesis that patterned
moments of love declarations also function to situate and give voice to cultural
identity. Put simply, to say or not to say ‘‘I love you’’ can also be communicating
much about communal understandings of sociality, of persons, and their strategic
activities.
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4. Methodology
Due to the relative scarcity of literature on intimacy expression, we developed a
study design that is exploratory in nature. Using the themes that had emerged from
the literature review as a basis, we designed a mixed-method study, consisting of an
online survey (for quantitative analysis) and a qualitative follow-up questionnaire
that invited respondents to elaborate. We began with a focus on the locution ‘‘I love
you’’ and then expanded the range of questions to include love expression in general.
We posted the quantitative survey online, and students were recruited from
undergraduate communication courses (N ¼ 77). Males represented a smaller
proportion of the sample (n ¼ 16) than women (n ¼ 61). The respondents’ ages
ranged from 16–50, with 56 percent (n ¼ 45) of the age 21–25. The majority of the
respondents were from the domestic United States of America (66.2 percent; n ¼ 51).
The majority of the domestic US students were White-Americans (23.4 percent),
followed by Hispanic-Americans (18.2 percent), Black-Americans (16.9 percent), and
Asian or Pacific Islander Americans (7.8 percent). There were 26 international
students (33.8 percent). For the most part these students were single (83 percent;
n ¼ 64). English was the native language of 43 respondents (55.8 percent); the rest
(44 percent; n ¼ 34) spoke Spanish (n ¼ 10), Chinese (n ¼ 4), Korean (n ¼ 2), Hindi
(n ¼ 2) and 14 other different languages.
Our interest in administering the survey was to ask respondents to first consider
various possible relationships. These we listed as spouses, romantic lovers, parents
and children, children and parents, siblings, grandparents and grandchildren, grandchildren and grandparents, cousins, friends, neighbors, and work or professional
colleagues. We also gave the option for respondents to list other possible
relationships that we had not thought of. Two respondents listed themselves and
their pets and themselves and their flowers as further possible relationships we might
explore. When considering these relationships we asked respondents to indicate: (a)
How often is the declaration ‘‘I love you’’ made in these relationships? (b) Through
which mode (face-to-face; on the phone; in writing; text messaging; instant
messaging) is the declaration ‘‘I love you’’ most commonly made? (c) On what
occasions (short-term leave taking; long-term leave taking; no special occasion;
festive occasions; serious occasions) is the expression ‘‘I love you’’ most common in
these relationships? In addition to these questions, we asked respondents to indicate
whether gender was a key factor as to who produced these declarations, whether
declarations of love most commonly occurred verbally or nonverbally, whether
nonnative speakers of English used the English declaration ‘‘I love you’’ more or less
often than the equivalent in their native languages, and whether any culture change
had been observed in the frequency and spread of the declaration over time.
We evaluated the data derived from the survey by first constructing frequency
distributions to display the counts for each response and the relative percentage of
responses for each value. We used cross-tabulations to examine relationships
between two or more variables and explored if an independent variable such as
gender, age, ethnicity, nationality (US or non-US), or marital status had any effect
on dependent variables.
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Built into the survey was the option to volunteer for a follow-up qualitative
questionnaire in which personal experiences and questions raised in the survey
process were to be investigated in greater detail. Of the 77 original survey
respondents, 36 (47 percent) indicated interest and were contacted with the follow-up
questions. The purpose of the follow-up questions was to explore more closely
reports on emotion expression—its meanings and its derivatives. We explored the
larger discursive domain of which emotion expression is a part, as well as respondent
attitudes towards emotion expression and their understandings and perceptions of
the situational and cultural contexts in which it is intelligible and deeply felt.
We used three general types of strategies for the collection of the follow-up
qualitative data: (a) the critical incident technique (Flanagan, 1954) where we asked
for people’s most memorable positive or negative experience within a romantic/
personal relationship; (b) use of episode analysis (Frey, Botan, & Kreps, 2000) where
we asked respondents to reconstruct a scene, complete with lines of dialogue, that
represents the recurring pattern of emotion expression in a relationship; and (c)
account analysis (Harre´ & Secord, 1973) where, if respondents happen to document
a critical incident or an important episode in regards to emotion expression, we can
ask them to account for what they observed or how they perceived the event. The
follow-up questionnaire lent itself nicely for a cultural-themes analysis (Spradley,
1980) where we could systematically search for general semantic relationships among
domains. This included the cultural constructions of femininity/masculinity,
relationship, romantic scenes, intimate relations, and roles such as boyfriend/
girlfriend, mother/father, and parent. In this manner, we went about identifying a
communication profile for the use or non-use of the declarative ‘‘I love you’’ and
explored the larger messages about sociality (distance, power, intimacy, etc.) which
would allow for or prohibit the use of ‘‘love’’ speech.
5. Results
5.1. Quantitative survey
As mentioned above, the first part of our study consisted of an online survey. The
survey responses and cross-tabulations based on these responses furnished the
following quantitative results.
5.1.1. Relationships: Frequency, mode, occasion, and gender
The respondents were asked how frequently the locution ‘‘I love you’’ occurred in
their cultures in a variety of romantic and nonromantic relationships. Considering
the given relationships, the respondents indicated that the verbal declaration ‘‘I love
you’’ was used as follows (Table 1).
Among the choices of frequently, occasionally, rarely, and never with respect to the
use of the locution ‘‘I love you,’’ respondents chose frequently most often for the
category of lovers (62.3 percent), followed by parents (40.3 percent) and
grandparents (37.7 percent), and their respective children or grandchildren.
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Table 1
How often is the declaration ‘‘I love you’’ made in these relationships?
Relationship
N
Mode
Frequently
(%)
Occasionally
(%)
Rarely
(%)
Never
(%)
Spouses
Romantic lovers
Parents and their children
Children and their parents
Siblings
Grandparents and their
grandchildren
Grandchildren and their
grandparents
Cousins
Friends
Neighbors
Work/professional colleagues
77
77
77
77
77
77
Occasionally
Frequently
Frequently
Occasionally/rarely
Rarely
Frequently
33.8
62.3
40.3
20.8
3.9
37.7
45.5
35.1
35.1
35.1
16.9
27.3
18.2
2.6
15.6
35.1
53.2
23.4
2.6
0
9.1
9.1
26
11.7
77
Rarely
27.3
28.6
31.2
13
77
77
77
77
Rarely
Occasionally
Never
Never
5.2
14.3
2.6
1.3
11.7
44.2
1.3
2.6
45.5
26
15.6
15.6
37.7
15.6
80.5
80.5
Respondents selected occasionally as the most common for spouses (45.5 percent),
friends (44.2 percent), and children and their parents (35.1 percent). Rarely was the
most common choice for siblings (53.2 percent), cousins (45.5 percent), and
grandchildren and their grandparents (31.2 percent); and never the most common
choice for neighbors (80.5 percent) and work/professional colleagues (80.5 percent).
When the declaration ‘‘I love you’’ is used, it is made most commonly when in
face-to-face communications across all relationship types. Except for work/
professional relationships and relationships with neighbors, the declaration ‘‘I love
you’’ required for the most part no special occasion for those that used it. The fifteen
respondents who said that they use the declaration ‘‘I love you’’ in work/professional
relationships and relationships with neighbors used it predominantly in occasions of
short-term leave taking. Respondents also indicated overwhelmingly that females are
more likely to say ‘‘I love you’’ across all relationship types.
5.1.2. Gender, internationality, and ethnicity
Chi-square tests were used to determine relationship across gender, internationality, and ethnicity with frequency of love declarations in relationships. A few
findings were significant (po:05) or close to significant (p ¼ :05 and .06) and are
explored further below (Table 2).
When considering spousal relationships, 45 percent of the sample (N ¼ 77)
indicated that they use the declaration ‘‘I love you’’ occasionally and 34 percent
indicated they used it frequently. Table 3 displays responses to how often the
declaration ‘‘I love you’’ is made across spousal relationships by gender. Chi-square
analyses revealed a significant difference among males and females
(w2 ð3; N ¼ 77Þ ¼ 11:152, po:05). Males were less likely to indicate that they would
use the declaration ‘‘I love you’’ frequently (18.8 percent) and more likely to indicate
its use as occasional (37.5 percent) and rare (31.3 percent). Females are more likely to
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Table 2
Comparison of two sample chi-square tests
Relationship type
Gender
Domestic versus
international student
Ethnicity
Spouses
Lovers
Parents to children
Children to parents
Siblings
Grandparents to grandchildren
Grandchildren to grandparents
Cousins
Friends
Neighbors
Work colleagues
.01
.58
.92
.55
.44
.99
.76
.27
.26
.22
.11
.20
.06
.05
.18
.20
.21
.72
.83
.67
.76
.18
.65
.45
.43
.67
.08
.36
.80
.90
.26
.09
.33
Table 3
How often the declaration ‘‘I love you’’ is made across spousal relationships by gender?
Gender
Frequently (%)
(n ¼ 26)
Occasionally
(%) (n ¼ 35)
Rarely (%)
(n ¼ 14)
Never (%)
(n ¼ 2)
Total (%)
Male (n ¼ 16)
Row
Column
18.8
11.5
37.5
17.1
31.3
35.7
12.5
100
100
Female
(n ¼ 61)
Row
Column
37.7
88.5
47.5
82.9
14.8
64.3
.0
.0
100
Total
100
100
100
100
Note: w2 ð3; N ¼ 77Þ ¼ 11:152, po:05.
indicate a more frequent use (37.7 percent) and occasional use (47.5 percent) of the
declaration. In sum, unequal proportions of males and females indicated the use of
the declaration ‘‘I love you’’ in spousal relationships, with females using the
declaration more often than males.
When considering parents and their children, 40 percent of the sample (N ¼ 77)
indicated that they use the declaration ‘‘I love you’’ frequently and 35 percent
indicated they used it occasionally. Table 4 displays responses to how often the
declaration ‘‘I love you’’ is made across parents and their children by domestic and
international students. Although not significant, chi-square analyses revealed some
interesting differences across domestic and international students (w2 ð3; N ¼ 77Þ ¼
7:783, p ¼ :051). Domestic students are more likely to indicate a frequent (49
percent) use of declarations of love from parents to children. International students
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Table 4
How often the declaration ‘‘I love you’’ is made across parents and their children by domestic and
international students?
Status
Frequently (%)
(n ¼ 31)
Occasionally (%)
(n ¼ 27)
Rarely (%)
(n ¼ 12)
Never (%)
(n ¼ 7)
Total
(%)
Domestic US student (n ¼ 51)
Row
Column
49.0
80.6
33.3
63.0
13.7
58.3
3.9
28.6
100
International student (n ¼ 26)
Row
Column
23.1
19.4
38.5
37.0
19.2
41.7
19.2
71.4
100
Total
100
100
100
100
Note: w2 ð3; N ¼ 77Þ ¼ 7:783, p ¼ :051.
Table 5
How often the declaration ‘‘I love you’’ is made between lovers by domestic and international students
Status
Frequently (%)
(n ¼ 48)
Occasionally (%)
(n ¼ 27)
Rarely (%)
(n ¼ 2)
Total
(%)
Domestic US student (n ¼ 51)
Row
Column
68.6
72.9
31.4
59.3
.0
.0
100
International student (n ¼ 26)
Row
Column
50.0
27.1
42.3
40.7
7.7
100
100
Total
100
100
100
2
Note: w ð2; N ¼ 77Þ ¼ 5:469, p ¼ :065.
are more likely to indicate an occasional (38.5 percent) use of the declaration of love
from parents to children. While the relationship was not significant, it was close
enough that we wanted to explore this further in the qualitative analyses.
Table 5 reveals a similar relationship across respondents’ domestic or international
status and how often the declaration ‘‘I love you’’ is made between lovers. Domestic
students are more likely to indicate a frequent use (68.6 percent) of the declaration,
while international students are more likely to indicate an occasional (42.3 percent)
use.
5.1.3. Verbal versus nonverbal love expression
Except across spousal relationships, respondents said that verbal declarations of
love were more common. The percentage ranged from 77 percent for lovers to 56
percent for siblings. Only 42 percent of the sample, however, state verbal
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declarations of love were more common across spousal relationships; 58 percent
indicated that in spousal relationships love was demonstrated nonverbally.
5.1.4. Native versus nonnative language use
Of those who spoke more than one language and whose native language was not
English (n ¼ 31), 21 (67.7 percent) said that they use the English declaration ‘‘I love
you’’ more often, 5 (16.1 percent) said equally, and 5 (16.1 percent) said less often. Of
those whose native language is English but who also spoke a second language
fluently (10 respondents), all said that they use the English declaration ‘‘I love you’’
more often than a second language equivalent. Chi-square analyses revealed a
significant difference between nonnative speakers of English and bilingual speakers
(w2 ð2; N ¼ 41Þ ¼ 4:266, po:05). While most respondents to the qualitative follow-up
questionnaire indicated that both they and their partners spoke English and the same
second language, and that they made a conscious choice to use English, an inquiry
concerning this issue was not part of the survey. One has to keep in mind that only
about half of the survey respondents participated in the follow-up questionnaire; the
survey results are therefore not completely conclusive. It may be that some
respondents did not have a choice but had to use English if they did not have a
second language in common with their partners (Table 6).
5.1.5. Culture change
There were only six persons over the age of 36. Three responded that declarations
of love occurred less often than in the past, 2 more often, and 1 equally.
5.2. Qualitative follow-up questionnaire
Of the 77 original informants, 36 volunteered to elaborate on their survey
responses by filling out a qualitative questionnaire. What follows are the themes that
Table 6
Use of English phrase ‘‘I love you’’ by nonnative and bilingual speakers of English
Language of speaker
Use of English phrase ‘‘I love you’’ instead of native-language equivalent
More often (%)
Nonnative speakers of
English (n ¼ 10)
Row
Column
Bilingual speakers (n ¼ 31)
Row
Column
Total
Equally (%)
Less often (%)
Total (%)
100
32.3
.0
.0
.0
.0
100
67.7
67.7
16.1
100
16.1
100
100
100
100
100
Note: w2 ð2; N ¼ 41Þ ¼ 4:266, po:05.
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emerged, each illustrated by quotes from the informants. (Please note that to protect
the privacy of the informants, all names have been changed. Also note that
occasional grammar errors by nonnative speakers have not been corrected.)
5.2.1. Relationships
5.2.1.1. Domestic versus international use of love expression. Respondents were
asked to comment on who can make the declaration ‘‘I love you’’ to whom.
Responses fell into two categories: a broad use of the phrase (by friends, family,
lovers, and others) and a narrow use of the phrase in romantic relationships only. As
Verona (African-American female) puts it, ‘‘[in] some cultures it’s taboo to say I love
you; in others, they say it all of the time.’’ The demarcation often happened along
domestic and international lines, with domestic informants expressing that the
declaration is used in many relationships, and international/ethnic informants (i.e.,
those not born in the United States as well as those with strong ethnic identities, such
as first-generation immigrants) asserting that in their respective cultures, it is used
less often. Many international/ethnic informants point out that the phrase is
confined to romantic relationships, as does Maria (Polish female):
I know that if I would tell my parents straightforward that I love them they would
not feel comfortable, same thing with my sister. We [Polish people] know we love
each other but we don’t say it straight to somebody’s face if it is not our husband
or wife.
The declaration ‘‘I love you’’ is often used so exclusively that the connotation is
marriage. Philip (Greek male from Cyprus) asserts that ‘‘the declaration has to be
made to the woman you will live with.’’ Pete (Syrian-American male) agrees:
‘‘I love you’’ is a more serious and committing term in other cultures. Middle
eastern girls I know who hear that from a guy automatically think marriage.
Therefore, men of American culture should be very careful with their ‘‘I love
you’s.’’
Many international informants elaborated on the fact that their parents and
family members, for example, do not declare their love verbally. Christy (ChineseAmerican female) had this to say:
Every time when I go back home, my father always go to kitchen and asks me
what I want to eat. He doesn’t say anything but make food for me quietly. It is
very touching every time when I see my father does it. Love doesn’t have to be
express verbally. I completely agree with it. Love my Dad!
Sam (Guyanese, ethnic Indian male) has a similar experience:
In a family it is usually understood that your parents love you, children don’t
expect to hear it all the time. Children, like babies, will be told that you love them
frequently but as they become adults, it is not done often. I don’t remember the
last time my parents have told me that they love me, neither do I remember when
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63
my brother or sister has done it, but it doesn’t bother me. This is because I know
that my family loves me by the actions that they do, not by saying three words.
Even in established romantic relationships, the phrase is used more sparingly in
many cultures, leading to tension among intercultural couples where one partner is
domestic. Sally (Jamaican-American female) remembers:
I dated someone American who thought I was cold because I didn’t say the word.
I just can’t use the word so freely. Love is a very strong word, and I want to make
sure that I mean it and not say because it is expected of me.
Respondents volunteer a number of reasons for the infrequent use of the phrase.
One is that the phrase is difficult to express verbally in the native language. Jung
(Korean female) explains: ‘‘I don’t know why, but in my culture, to tell a person ‘I
love you,’ so hard to come out from a mouth. We feel in heart but to say it is a very
hard thing to do.’’ This may be because the phrase ‘‘I love you’’ carries great weight
and will lose meaning and depth if overused. Michael (Slovak, ethnic CarpathoRuthenian male) states:
In average Eastern European settings (family, friendship, and romance) ‘‘I love
you’’ is rather scarce, arguably due to ‘‘considerable weight’’ of the expression.
yOur people believe that gravity of expressing love is way too great to be
diminished by spontaneous moments of urge to say ‘‘I love you.’’
Sam (Guyanese, ethnic Indian male) reports a similar sentiment: ‘‘In my culture, it
is normal to wait a long time before telling someone that you love them, and it is not
also done frequently because it will lose its meaning.’’ A conservative attitude and
traditions were also mentioned as grounds for sparse use of the declaration. Thus,
Christy (Chinese-American female) explains: ‘‘I don’t think that my people will say ‘I
love you’ easily to their lovers because Chinese people are considered to be
conservative. Therefore, they don’t say this often to the other ones.’’ Margi
(Jamaican-American female) theorizes that childhood experiences with verbal love
expression are carried over into adulthood:
At a women conference I learned that many women from a West Indian
background have not often heard or never heard the words ‘‘I love you’’ from
their parents, husband, wives, children, or significant others, and find it hard to
express their feelings of love to others in adulthood.
Some respondent did point out that young and therefore ‘‘passionate’’ people
constitute somewhat of an exception with respect to verbal declarations of love.
Thus, Jung (Korean female) explains: ‘‘My culture believes verbal declaration of love
is not important. Older people says verbal declaration occur when people were
young and passionate in their hearts.’’ Taking the idea of youthful passion a step
further, Sue (Romanian, ethnic Hungarian female) even attached a lack of control or
weakness to the verbal use of the phrase: ‘‘It shows the weakness of the person who
couldn’t control herself/himself and had to burst out.’’
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Not all international and ethnic respondents claimed infrequent use of the verbal
declaration ‘‘I love you.’’ A few informants of Latino background maintained that,
since Latinos are passionate, the phrase is freely used in their culture. According to
Adis (Cuban-American female), ‘‘in the Cuban culture, people tend to speak very
loud and are not afraid to express their feelings. My family members tell you up
front that they love you. They are not emotionally restrained at all.’’ Carlos
(Colombian-American male) agrees: ‘‘It’s something that Latin people don’t really
hold back on verbally. The word is sometimes thrown around like a love struck
teenager.’’
5.2.1.2. Gender. Gender also plays an important role concerning a number of love
expression issues. One question is who declares love first in romantic relationships.
The traditional dictum of men taking the initiative seems to hold still true in some
respondents’ lives, as Claire (Caribbean-American female) states: ‘‘In romance, I
think both male and female can say ‘I love you,’ in my culture, [but] it’s usual for the
female to wait until the male declares his love first.’’ Anita (Ukrainian female)
further illustrates the phenomenon:
Just few months ago, at first time in my life I declared my love to the person I
love. It happened in the train station where I walked my boyfriend to. He told me
first ‘‘I love you’’ and started leaving for the stairs. That was amazing experience
and I was waiting for that moment a long time. However, I was waiting to hear it
first from him, afraid that I won’t hear it back if I’d tell him first. He felt the same,
but he got the strength to make that declaration.
Apart from this first occurrence, however, men seem to express their love verbally
less often than women. Jamie (Jamaican-American female) states that ‘‘people in my
culture find it hard to say those words they would rather show you, especially the
men.’’ One reason for the discrepancy suggested by the respondents is a male desire
to maintain dominance. Christy (Chinese-American female) explains:
In China, men are always the heads of the families. The women were taught to
obey their father, husband and son. Therefore, men are very dominating. In order
to show men’s power, they don’t say ‘‘I love you’’ easily because it is considered
emotional when they say it.
Philip (Greek male from Cyprus) adds a male propensity for seriousness and
gravity: ‘‘The guy ywhen he does say it, that means he means it. You don’t just say
‘I love you’ to anyone.’’ Self-admitted laziness is the rationale given by Maurice
(Jewish, Russian-American male):
Men don’t really say ‘‘I love you’’ in my culture. We use nonverbal declarations.
The men in my family and possibly culture are notoriously lazy and thoughtless;
so when we actually do something not lazy and thoughtful it’s our way of saying
‘‘I love you.’’
One of the most adamant proponents of verbal restraint in our sample, Sue
(Romanian, ethnic Hungarian female) even expresses a sense of aversion to men who
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65
use verbal declarations of love: ‘‘It’s quite embarrassing for me to see a man all
emotionally exposed, I shut them down.’’
Unlike Sue, most women, however, seem to say and want to hear love declarations
more often than men. Thus, Christy (Chinese-American female) asserts: ‘‘I think
women will say ‘I love you’ more often than men because of the human nature.
Women are more emotional than men.’’ Likewise, SukJa (Korean female) states:
Between lovers, women want to hear the actual word from her partner as often as
possible. However, men believe love should be treated preciously, so they don’t
say it often. If men don’t say it, then women may think that their lover doesn’t
love them anymore.
This desire for women to hear the verbal declaration and the contrasting
preference of men for nonverbal love expression can create tension or at least require
some adjustment in relationships. For example, Dina (Puerto Rican-American
female) muses: ‘‘My husband does not like to say ‘I love you,’ so nonverbals are
important for me to watch out for.’’
Indicating that change is possible, with men becoming more open with their
emotions and the verbal expression of their love. Pat (African-American female)
explains:
My husband is Caribbean and I am American. We have been married for thirteen
years, but together for 21 years. In that time I have seen him grow from holding
back his emotions to now being more verbal about sharing his love for me, with
me by verbally telling me, instead of keeping it to himself. I, on the other hand,
have always shown my love and tell him so every chance I get.
5.2.1.3. Mode. The initial survey responses indicated that face-to-face communication of love was by far the most common mode. While not many respondents
elaborated on this issue in the questionnaire, those that did actually preferred writing
or phone conversations. Sally (Jamaican-American female) declared that ‘‘I usually
can write it but not say to people,’’ and Pam (Colombian female) stated that ‘‘On the
phone, when I speak to my dad, I tell him that I love him and miss him. For me it’s
mostly on the phone and sometimes but rarely in the person’s face.’’
5.2.1.4. Occasion. The occasions deemed suitable for the declaration ‘‘I love you’’
ranged from ‘‘anytime’’ to only on special days and in romantic situations.
Exemplifying the ‘‘anytime’’ end of the scale, Dina (Puerto Rican-American female)
recounts: ‘‘I was watching TV with my son and he just turned to me and said, ‘Mom,
you’re the best, I love you.’ Then he cuddled up with me on the sofa.’’ A little less
laissez-faire, Sally (Jamaican-American female) states that ‘‘‘I love you’ is said when
you won’t see the person for sometime or they are traveling, or it’s a special day.’’
Finally, Michael (Slovak, ethnic Carpatho-Ruthenian male) illustrates the most
exclusive end of the spectrum:
It’s usually an event to be remembered by both. Later, especially married couples
are expected to remember when and where was the love declared. Typically, a
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couple in romance prepares for ‘I love you’ in carefully choosing a setting
(restaurant, park, etc.) Before and after there’s a prolonged moment of silence, as
if the whole happening were contemplated.
5.2.2. Verbal versus nonverbal love expression
Respondents were asked whether verbal or nonverbal love expression was more
common in their culture. In line with the differences between domestic and
international/ethnic respondents mentioned earlier, domestic and Latino informants
tended towards verbal love declaration while other internationals asserted that
nonverbal love expression was more common. For example, Jay (Filipino-American
male) states that ‘‘growing up in the Philippines, I rarely experienced the declaration
of love between people, they were mostly nonverbal.’’
One of the reasons for the greater nonverbal occurrence was the belief that actions
can communicate love most adequately or truly, as Lily (Jamaican female) expresses:
Love transcends the physical. It is about the inner being of the person. When
you love from within, it shows. Bad habits become tolerable and good habits
are appreciated. We do not believe in saying ‘‘I love you’’ every waking hour
of the day. We feel that when a person says ‘‘I love you’’ too often, they do
not really mean it or it is a cheating heart that needs reassurance. Showing
love by action speaks volume in my culture. My mother always says, ‘‘Don’t say
it, show it.’’
Illustrating what actions express love in romantic settings, respondents gave
examples ranging from concern over the partner’s grooming to significant sacrifices
of time and putting someone else’s needs ahead of one’s own. Pete (Syrian-American
male) gives this example:
Making sacrifices or doing anything extra to make sure the person you love is
happy; for example, missing a very important baseball game to go to your
girlfriend’s grandfather’s birthday party (this just happened to me). Putting
someone else’s needs before yours, means a lot to people you love.
Responses also reflected the survey finding that partners in long-term romantic
relationships (e.g., spouses) use the verbal declaration less often. ‘‘[With respect to]
old couples: The love need not to be expressed, just hand by hand, people will feel the
love between them,’’ as Christy (Chinese-American female) puts it, quite poetically.
Beyond romantic settings, love is expressed nonverbally within the family setting.
Christy (Chinese-American female) had this encounter with her mother: ‘‘I listened
to my mom obediently one day when she taught me a lesson how to wash dishes. It is
a simple thing. However, it is my way to show my love.’’
The question of whether to express love verbally or nonverbally is not always clear
cut, however. Several respondents recalled tensions caused by differing expectations.
Dina (Puerto Rican-American female) recounts:
My husband feels that love should be shown, not constantly said. It caused a lot
of problems between us. I felt that he should want to tell me all the time. I could
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67
not see his side or even understand it. I actually broke up with him our first year
together because I did not feel that I was getting the emotional support that I need
from him or that he was in the same emotional state that I was because he could
not say that he loved me. It took three years for me to stop fighting about it, once
I realized that he felt that showing meant more than saying. Our first Christmas
he gave me a chain on a heart, our second a car, our third a coat. They equal: his
heart, making my life easier, making sure I was kept warm. Once that was settled
we were engaged one month later.
Abigail (Caucasian-American female) reports a flip side of the issue—a partner
saying ‘‘I love you’’ but not showing his love:
Yes, [there was tension] when a boyfriend would say he loved me but then never
showed me. His time was spent with his friends or plans were made without me, I
felt as though the love declaration was made but only to appease me for the
moment.
5.2.3. Native versus nonnative language use
Nonnative speakers of English and bilingual speakers of English commented on
the phenomenon that it is somehow easier to say the words ‘‘I love you’’ in English
than in their native or other language(s). Maria (Polish female) ruminates about her
problems with the phrase.
I tell my son every day that I love him and he tells me the same thing. He was born
here and I think it is easier for him and for me to use English ‘‘I love you’’ than if I
would have to tell him in Polish. I don’t know how to explain this. I do mean real
love when I tell him this, but it sounds different if I think about it in Polish.
Maybe the way I was brought up has an influence.
There seem to be languages where the verbal expression ‘‘I love you’’ is almost
nonexistent, as the following quote from Sue (Romanian, ethnic Hungarian female)
illustrates:
My partner is American who feels the urge of declaring his love to me verbally
and nonverbally way too often. And he is hurt by my reaction or lack of response.
It took me four years, but I learned that it is important to him, so I let him say it,
and I say it back, surprisingly easily. English is not my first, second or third
language, saying ‘‘I love you’’ means nothing to me. I wouldn’t dare say it in
Hungarian to anyone.
5.2.4. Culture change
Comments like the last one indicate that there is resistance to the inflation of the
verbal expression ‘‘I love you’’ within some individuals or cultures. Despite this
resistance, at least some cultures seem to be undergoing an apparent culture change
connected with the use of the expression. Several respondents explain that members
of the younger generation in their families (notably also among informants with
international and ethnic background) are using the phrase more often than the older
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generation. Thus, Abigail (Caucasian-American female) observes: ‘‘As my generation of family members start their own families, I notice that the declaration of love
to their children happens more often. That happens with aunts and uncles to nieces
and nephews as well.’’ Valerie (Puerto Rican-American female) attempts this
explanation:
The reasons that these declarations might occur in my culture is because each
generation notices that the generations before them never really expressed their
sentiments at all—not verbal or nonverbal. The showing of emotion was not a
common thing in that particular time, and that is something that I have noticed
the newer generation of my culture has tried to change.
A similar sentiment is expressed by Christy (Chinese-American female):
‘‘I am considering myself as the second generation in United States. Therefore, I
have learned how to say ‘I love you’ and not to hide my feeling inside.’’ Even
parents are, at times, trying to use the declaration more often—although it may
not quite sound ‘‘right,’’ as the following quote by Anita (Ukrainian female)
illustrates.
My parents love each other. However, in my culture, spouses don’t say to each
other ‘‘I love you’’ especially when somebody hears it. I’m in relationship with my
boyfriend [a Romanian-American] only for a year, but we love each other, and my
parents who hear sometimes [him] telling me ‘‘I love you,’’ are trying to imitate it,
and for them who are very Ukrainian-minded people, it’s funny, and hearing my
dad saying ‘‘I love you’’ it seems for my mom funny and not serious.
Besides a general move toward more emotional openness and the impact of US
American language, the influence of TV and customs connected with the use of new
technology are given as reasons for the more frequent use of verbal love declaration.
Even Sue (Romanian, ethnic Hungarian female), the respondent so opposed to
verbal expressions of love, has noticed the change creep into her own family. She
describes it as follows:
First of all I must say things are changing lately. For 30 years I only heard on TV
anybody saying ‘‘I love you.’’ ySince I’ve been studying in the US, my father
started to write me text messages on my cell phone ending in ‘‘I love you.’’ My
Mom expresses the same in the end of her e-mails. It’s a huge step in my family
and for my culture. They still don’t say it to my sister, who lives in the same city
[abroad].
The culture change elicits different reactions. Some informants, like Gwen
(African-American female) welcome the increased use of the phrase:
As a parent, I express love to my children anytime I get the chance. My mother
was not as affectionate because she didn’t know the effects on my development.
My mother was reared to believe that providing my with food and shelter was
declaration enough.
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Others, like Maurice (Jewish, Russian-American male) deplore the change as
inflationary and meaning depriving.
Movies are guilty of portraying the wrong kind of love. Two actors meet each
other, within ten minutes they are professing their love. It’s completely
inappropriate and undermines the meaning of the phrase. yAn ex-girlfriend of
mine once said it after we were dating for only two weeks. Later that night I
brought it up because it created a lot of tension yshe barely knew me. It made me
feel a lot of different things but mostly disappointment because I put a high power
on those words and they way she used them really cheapened the feeling.
6. Discussion
Respondents indicated that frequent use of verbal declarations of love was
common in relationships of lovers and across parents and grandparents to their
children and grandchildren, while declarations of love overall were rarely if ever used
across work/professional, neighbors, siblings, cousins, and grandchildren to their
grandparents. The tradition seems to be that males express love verbally first in new
romantic relationships, but that, in established relationships, females are more
verbal. Married couples seem to express love verbally less than new couples.
Our data suggest that there is a difference between expressions of love in
relationships that are brief, intense, or in the initial stage of relationship development
and expressions of love in relationships that are long-lasting and enduring (e.g.,
committed relationships, such as spousal relationships). Other research has found
that love expressions decrease with the length of marriage (Swensen, Eskey, &
Kohlhepp, 1984). Potter (1988) makes the claim that the West has used the
expression of love as the symbolic basis for social relationships. However, this
feature of the West may only be the case in newly emerging relationships. Further
analysis of more sustained and long-lasting relationships may point to an underlying
preexistent structure that some communities, even in the West, might amplify.
Verbal expression of love within these relationships may be muted so that a
preexistent structure can be heard.
For many international respondents and those with strong ethnic identities (e.g.,
first-generation immigrants), verbal love expressions do not seem to be widely used
in settings of family and friends. To some extent, they seem to be restricted to
romantic situations only, and even then seem to be rare in some cultures—with
nonverbal expression being the preferred way to communicate love. The only
exception in our study were some Latino cultures, where the verbal expression of
love seems to be more widespread than in the other contrast cultures.
With relatively small research populations of 77 (for the survey) and 36 (for the
follow-up questionnaire), one should be careful to make cultural attributions,
especially since the nondomestic group was quite heterogeneous. Additional research
will be necessary to investigate specific cultural variables and to refine the groupings,
if possible.
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For the time being, the marked difference between domestic and most
international/ethnic groups concerning the frequency and usage of verbal love
declarations leaves one to speculate whether the split between domestic and most
international/ethnic responses is hiding further culture-specific differentiations.
These differences may constitute a phenomenon similar to Lewin’s (1997)
observation of a comparatively broad public domain in the United States that
allows communication patterns considered private in other cultures to be used more
liberally and in a larger range of contexts. Lewin’s model is based on the premise that
people have a number of personality layers, ranging centripetally from public layers
on the outside to an innermost private center. Lewin compared the United States
with Germany and determined that, in the United States, all but the central
innermost layer are public domain, but in Germany, only the outermost layer is
considered such. Despite its age (Lewin’s paper dates back to 1936), Lewin’s findings
continue to reverberate and serve as an explanation for a host of relatively unique
US American features, including US use of first names in professional settings, high
informality, high self-disclosure, and congeniality and ease with strangers. More
recent studies found similar differences in that US culture exhibited higher selfdisclosure (Chen, 1995; Cunningham, 1981; Jourard, 1961; Melikian, 1962; TingToomey, 1991) and lower privacy concerns (Bellman, Johnson, Kobrin, & Lohse,
2004; Maynard & Taylor, 1996) than a diverse number of other cultures. With a
correlation between low privacy concern and individualism likely (Bellman et al.,
2004), the unique position of the United States might be explained by its high
ranking in individualism compared to other countries (Hofstede, 2001). Whatever
the ultimate reason, American patterns seem to communicate amicability and are
often misunderstood by outsiders as a sign of having gained access to the private
realm. When it becomes clear that this is not yet so, judgments of Americans as
shallow and superficial are not uncommon (Gareis, 1995). In a similar vein, the term
friend has a broader category width in US English than in a variety of other cultures.
Thus, in the US English, it includes relationships ranging from casual, some people
may say they have 30 to 50 friends, to long-standing and deeply committed
(Matthews, 1986), but in other languages often has the narrower definition of close
friend (e.g., German Freund, Swedish va¨n, French ami, Spanish amigo, Japanese shinyuu). With the term being susceptible to incorrect translations, linguistic generalizations and even the interpretation of the American friendships as inflated and
devoid of intimacy are not uncommon (Gareis, 1995). While further research is
necessary to substantiate a connection between these factors (comparatively broad
width of the public realm, privacy and self-disclosure patterns, and the category of
friend in the United States) on one hand and the broad and frequent use of verbal
love declarations on the other, some interesting parallels seem to be indicated and
may be worth investigating.
Another intriguing difference in our data suggests that many nonnative-speaking
or bilingual respondents find it easier to say the words ‘‘I love you’’ in English than
the translation in their native languages—although none was sure exactly why. The
absence of ways to express one’s love verbally in some cultures in nonromantic
settings and the rarity, in some cases, of verbal love declaration even in romantic
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situations seems to represent a void in the minds of some nonnative speakers who
then welcome the opportunity to avail themselves of US customs and the English
locution. Nonetheless, even international/ethnic respondents freely using the English
locution seemed to treasure the fact that its translation in their native languages was
available for them in all its ‘‘uninflated’’ glory for those special moments when only
an exclusive verbal declaration would do.
A possible explanation for the ease of emotion expression in a second language
may be found in the phenomenon of code-switching (the shifting into another
language by bilinguals and other second-language speakers) (Scotton & Ury, 1977).
Code-switching occurs especially in situations when topics in the first language are
emotionally charged and become more approachable in a second language. The
phenomenon can be most commonly observed in individuals who learned their
second language after puberty when personal and emotional involvement is usually
less intense than in the first language—the language of childhood (Novakovich &
Shapard, 2000; Pavlenko, 2002). Speakers can thus express topics that would be
sensitive or even taboo in the first language from an emotional distance and without
embarrassment in the second language (Bond & Lai, 2001). The question arises
whether emotions, including love, occupy separate emotional spaces or constructs in
the minds of second-language speakers and thus become culturally untranslatable
(Derne´, 1994). If they are untranslatable, then bilinguals may use code-switching
when certain expressions are more appropriate in one language versus the other
(Panayiotou, 2004). This phenomenon is linked to linguistic relativity—the claim
that culture, through language, affects the way in which we think and classify our
experiences in the world (Gumperz & Levinson, 1996). It has also been found that
with socialization into a language, the attrition of first-language emotion expression
in favor of second-language concepts and scripts may take place (Pavlenko, 2002).
The factors of code-switching and socialization seem to shed light on our findings;
more research is necessary, however, to test their applicability.
An interesting finding in our study is also the indication that there seems to be an
inflationary process within and beyond the United States, especially with respect to
the use of the English locution ‘‘I love you.’’ The expression of love may just be
another feature of the low-context communication style guided by an independent
self-construal. Reasons provided by the respondents include a movement toward
greater openness concerning the expression of feelings, parenting advice to express
love more consciously, the ease of sending love declarations via new technology (e.g.,
text messaging), and—for the increase of verbal love expression beyond the United
States—the worldwide influence of US popular culture (through movies, TV, pop
music, etc.).
While more research on all of these issues is necessary, anecdotal evidence suggests
that the locution ‘‘I love you’’ was not as widely used in the United States until a
number of sociological changes in the 20th century started extolling greater emotion
expression: (1) Feminism promoted gender equality and female self-expression
(Friedan, 1963), (2) the 1960s revolved around the theme of love (living on in
slogans, such as ‘‘summer of love’’ and ‘‘make love, not war’’ as well as countless
song titles, extolling not only romantic love), and (3) the men’s liberation movement
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of the early 1970s encouraged men to express their feelings more openly (Farrell,
1975; Sattel, 1976). One hypothesis then is that the culture change started in the
United States and has not only advanced to other cultures by means of media and
culture exports, but has accelerated even within the United States since the advent of
new technology (e-mail, text and instant messaging).
7. Conclusion
Due to its exploratory purpose, our study was limited in its scope. Several
additions and changes suggest themselves for further studies on the topic of love
expression. To begin with, the following demographic factors should be considered
in similar future investigations:
a greater balance between respondents of different ages (inclusion of senior
citizens),
a greater balance between male and female respondents,
a greater balance between married and single respondents, and
inclusion of homosexuality as a potential variable.
The study also indicates various promising future paths of inquiry on the subject
of love communication. What follows are some possible avenues for research and/or
factors warranting expansion:
a comparison of love expression between United States and specific cultures,
an exploration of reasons for the native/nonnative phenomenon, and
an exploration of reasons for the culture change (e.g., influence of the English
language and US culture, and the change in the interdependence of channels for
the expression of love—especially the shift in the relative hierarchy for the spoken
form over the written form).
No matter what path of inquiry is chosen, the research on love communication
cross- and interculturally is valuable due to the relative scarcity of data on the topic
and the importance of intercultural communication research in our increasingly
globalized world, in general. Furthermore, with anti-American sentiments abroad
often focusing on the negative aspects of cultural imports, the investigation of a
largely positive cultural feature and its worldwide impact (as is the case with the
influence of English ‘‘I love you’’ on other languages and cultures) also seems to be
meaningful. While some respondents complained that verbal love expression is used
too broadly in US culture and evaluated respective changes in their native cultures
accordingly, more often than not informants seemed to see the broad use of love
expression as positive and welcome the concomitant culture changes. In addition, the
abundance of positive emotions expressed by respondents in studies on love
expression (including the importance of nonverbal communication of love and the
meaning of such communication) is persuasive and serves to entice readers to
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incorporate some of the described practices into their own repertoires. Research in
love expression thus not only expands our academic knowledge base in the area of
communication but can also make at least a small contribution to international
goodwill and serve to enrich our personal lives as well.
Acknowledgement
We would like to thank the members of the electronic mailing list Interculturalinsights (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/interculturalinsights/) for participating in a
pilot survey on the topic of emotion expression and, by doing so, for serving as part
of the inspiration for this article. Special thanks also to George Simons
(www.diversophy.com) for his thoughts and useful suggestions.
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