VOL. 5, NO. 32 JUNE 15, 2015 Informative Articles A Secret Your Husband Needs You to Know 7 Ways to Keep Respect as a Husband Bitterness and Marriage Strong Bonds Discipleship Ruck for Freedom August 2015 Page 5 Equip, Encourage, Edify Page 4 2 July 2015 Page 5 Leadership Strengths Can Turn into Weaknesses CHAPLAIN’S SITREP 40TH EXPEDITIONARY SIGNAL BATTALION A Secret Your Husband Needs You to Know by Ron Edmondson, ronedmondson.com (12 Jun 15) Ladies, there’s a secret your husband probably won’t share. He may not even like that I’m sharing it. It’s not that he doesn’t want you to know. He does. But, it’s hard to admit sometimes. Or, difficult to find the right words. But, I feel you need to know. It could make a huge difference in your marriage. Here goes: Connect With Me chapcalvert.com @chapcalvert flickr.com/photos/chapcalvert facebook.com/chapcalvert Daily Scriptures Jun 15 Jun 16 Jun 17 Jun 18 Jun 19 Jun 20 1 Kgs 18, Ps 134, Jas 1-2 1 Kgs 19-20, Ps 135, Jas 3-5 1 Kgs 21-22, Ps 136, 1 Pet 1-2 2 Kgs 1-2, Ps 137, 1 Pet 3-5 2 Kgs 3-4, Ps 138, 2 Pet 1-3 2 Kgs 5-6, Ps 139, 1 Jn 1-2 HE NEEDS YOUR UNCONDITIONAL RESPECT — IN FACT — HE NEEDS YOU TO BE HIS BIGGEST FAN. There. The secret is out in the open. It’s true. He needs to know you respect him — what he does and whom he is. Your support feeds his God-given ego. Of course, that ego can be abused. And, it is many times. It doesn’t, however, diminish his need. I would even say — his greatest need. Just as you need his unconditional love, he needs your unconditional respect. (And vice-versa) I also realize you nor he is capable of perfectly fulfilling those individual needs. But at least you know the secret now. Doing well for the woman he loves is perhaps one of the greatest goals in a man’s life. That inner desire starts at a very early age. The little league ball player who turns around to see if mom watches him bat. The same little boy who brings a flower (weed) home to mom. It’s the respect he’s seeking. The truth is sometimes a guy feels as if he doesn’t measure up to everyone’s standards. Actually it happens a lot of times. (Please don’t tell him I told you all this.) He feels the weight of being wonderful in so many areas. His home. His family. His work. Even in his hobby. It’s a pressure men carry internally — possibly never sharing it with anyone. Chances are fear of failure is his greatest fear. And the fear of disappointing you is a close second. He may see you seeming to do so well with all your responsibilities. Whether in the home, with the kids, or in relationships — he feels you always know what you’re doing. He knows he doesn’t. Even your walk with God may shine brighter than his sometimes. Okay — most times. You handle things so well, in fact, at times, he’s tempted to not even try. (Please don’t tell him I told you this.) Let me give you a personal example. One time after preaching Cheryl said nothing. Welcome, LTC Cora Henry - The 40th ESB’s new Battalion Commander Email [email protected] to be added to or removed from the electronic distribution of this Newsletter. 1 VOL. 5, NO. 32 Usually she says “Great job today” — or — ”That was a good one”. That day — nothing! Three days later I asked, “Was I that bad?” See how shallow I can be? Truth is I need her positive feedback and encouragement. It’s what fuels me. It’s what keeps me motivated to do my best. Your husband is likely similar. I know that sounds shallow of us. Perhaps it is. But, here’s the best part of the secret. IF YOUR HUSBAND FEELS RESPECTED IN HIS HOME — HE WILL DO ANYTHING TO KEEP IT. Maybe even start doing the dishes. If he does, brag on him. Who knows? Maybe next will be the dusting. Nah — don’t push it! And, if you’re raising a son — next time your little boy — I mean big boy — is up to bat, make sure he can turn around and see you smiling. It will make all the difference. 7 Ways to Keep Respect as a Husband by Ron Edmondson, ronedmondson.com (7 Feb 15) Men, I’ve written before about your greatest need: It’s respect. You may not even admit it out loud, but I’d say it’s true most every time. You may use another word. You may even use the word love, but I bet if we could trace how you’d prefer to receive it we could easily translate that into respect. The song says “All you need is love”, but that’s not true, is it? You need respect. It’s a man’s greatest need. I’m convinced. If I’m right… (And why else would God command it in Ephesians 5?) …then it makes sense that if you ever received it Odd & Silly Holidays Monday - June 15, 2015 Smile Power Day Tuesday - June 16, 2015 Fresh Veggies Day Wednesday - June 17, 2015 Eat Your Vegetables Day Thursday - June 18, 2015 National Splurge Day Friday - June 19, 2015 World Sauntering Day Saturday - June 20, 2015 Ice Cream Soda Day Sunday - June 21, 2015 Father's Day Finally Summer Day- Summer Solstice JUNE 15, 2015 you’d want to do your best to keep it. How can you? Let me share a few suggestions. HERE ARE 7 WAYS FOR A MAN TO KEEP RESPECT AS A HUSBAND: Defend the family – Most every wife I know wants a husband who will defend the family. That’s not just against the bumps in the night, but against the blatant and subtle attacks against the family. Turn the television channel. Close the laptop. Say no to friends who distract the family from being healthy. Be gentle – Men, you can’t talk to your wife with the same tone as you do your guy friends. Being gentle means being understanding in how she is wired and how to communicate with her. Remember your words can be heavy. Think before you speak. Protect her heart. Be occasionally romantic – Let’s face it…most of us are not wired this way. Our wives know that. The good news is you get credit for trying, but every woman needs to know you are thinking of her unlike you think of anyone else. Be intentional to be occasionally a romantic. Surprise her. Spoil her. Make her feel special. Don’t fix her – She’s not broke. God made her different on purpose. Don’t always have the answer to every problem. She isn’t always looking for one. Let her know you’re in this…for keeps – You’ll do this one by being faithful. Do the right things, even when you aren’t with each other. Don’t let her see your eyes wandering. When she does (because we are visual and she notices when you look) quickly let her see you fighting temptation and focusing on her alone. Guard your heart. Learn to listen – She likely equals love with attention. She knows when you’re listening and when you’re not. Show her that you care by listening carefully. Ask her questions, such as, “So are you saying…?”‘ just to show her you’re paying attention to her. She probably speaks in more subtleties than you do…most women do…ask questions when you aren’t sure what she means rather than ignoring her. Tell her and show her you love her – Value her for more who she is than for what she does. Ask yourself, if she didn’t do anything for me, what would I love about her? Tell her. Do things you know she appreciates without being asked. “The Battalion is formed!” Thank you SGT Liebel for your service. be defiled. – Hebrews 12:15 Bitterness is not something we set out to introduce into our relationships. But it is surprisingly easy to let it slip into the mix and take hold. Basically it starts like this: we have some sort of disagreement that we let drag on for way too long without resolution. And while this is happening we stew about it in our heads, always painting the other person as the villain and us as the virtuous victims. I’m willing to bet that most of us have experienced this to some degree. Disagreements are a natural part of marriage. We should always try to resolve them gently and quickly, but it is also very human of us to let things go on for longer than they should. And if we leave it too long, the strong desire to blame the other person for all our problems can become a habit–and then a constant part of our relationship. This entrenched and hostile blaming is bitterness. If we contrast bitterness with regret, it can help to better understand bitterness. Regret is where things are not going well and you blame yourself. This is not healthy either, and you should talk to God about it if you struggle with regret. Bitterness is where things are not going well and your blame is focused externally, on the people around you. Here are some tests to see if you harbor bitterness towards your spouse: • When you can’t find something of yours, Bitterness and Marriage by Al, is your first reaction to blame your spouse for misplacing it? excellentorpraiseworthy.org (7 Feb 15) • Do you resent your spouse for any See to it that no one comes short of the success they have, feeling like they are grace of God; that no root of bitterness undeserving? springing up causes trouble, and by it many Email [email protected] to be added to or removed from the electronic distribution of this Newsletter. 2 VOL. 5, NO. 32 • If friends stop wanting to visit you, do you think it is all your spouses fault? • Did you read this to try to fix them because they are the cause of all your troubles? If you answered yes to any of these questions or similar ones you can think of yourself, then you probably have a bitterness problem. Bitterness is very bad – bad for the health of your relationship and bad for your physical health. Try Googling “bitterness” and “health” and see how many medical articles come up that say bitterness will hurt you. This is why God tells us not to let any roots of bitterness spring up. The Greek word translated as bitterness is “pikria”, which is used figuratively as bitterness, but literally means poison. If you are harboring any bitterness in your relationship, you are poisoning yourself and your relationship. It is often said that bitterness is “like drinking a poison and expecting the other person to die.” Because of the poisonous nature of bitterness, you can also damage your relationship by harboring bitterness against people other than your spouse. Your parents maybe, or a childhood bully or your boss or even a former pastor. If you consistently blame someone outside of your relationship for problems in your life, then don’t think that the poison you are generating from that relationship won’t leak into your marriage relationship. Generally you either end up: 1) convincing your spouse to buy into your bitterness and causing them to be in a constant state of anger or irritation; or 2) causing your spouse to become frustrated with you because you tend to drag a dark cloud of negativity around with you… The good news is that there is an almost instant cure for bitterness, and it is very simple. Forgive anyone you are blaming for your problems, for all real or imagined offenses. I didn’t say it was easy, just that it was simple! The payoff in the improved health of your relationship and your physical wellbeing will be well worth the effort. Just remember that entrenched bitterness can take some time to dig out and dispose of, kind of like clearing a minefield. So don’t give up even if the feelings of blame continue to well up from time to time. Ask the Holy Spirit for the strength to forgive and then douse those bitter feelings with forgiveness each time. Watch them shrivel up and eventually die, freeing you from the poison of bitterness. You may have noticed that poisonous substances have labels that tell you to act immediately if someone ingests the poison. JUNE 15, 2015 Making Shelter McNab, Chris Special Forces Survival Guide; MJF Books, 2008. Tree Shelter The tree shelter utilizes the trunk of a tree as a robust central support. Fir trees are ideal for this sort of shelter because the canopy of branches forms a natural barrier. Doing nothing about it is the worst thing you can do! Now let’s say you accidentally swallow a poison, but you are deployed for a few months . . . would you leave it in your system until you got back and then plan to deal with it? That would be reckless to say the least. It’s the same with bitterness. If you or your spouse are about to deploy, my advice is to make a special effort to deal with any bitterness that affects your relationship. Leaving it unaddressed in your system for the time you are apart is going to allow the poison to eat at yourself and your marriage unchecked. If you are, however, already deployed when you read this, you can start ridding yourself of bitterness right where you are through forgiving anyone you need to. If bitterness has damaged your relationship prior to deploying, it will be trickier. But you can also begin the healing process even with the distance between you. This is possible by carefully and gently communicating your own journey of healing and inviting your spouse to journey with you. I also think that dealing with bitterness as much as you can while you are apart is important if you want to greatly reduce the already significant challenges that many couples face when reintegrating after a deployment. My last point – if you have read this and you realize that your spouse suffers from bitterness, don’t give up on them no matter how grumpy that might make them. Redouble your efforts to love them and help coach them out of it by gently and carefully suggesting that forgiving others would be a healthy option! weakness can be attributed to one or more strengths that are overused. In a recent talent review meeting, the executive team was discussing the strengths and development needs of a promising up and coming leader. One of her greatest strengths was her customer focus. This was a company that placed a high value on customer service, so that strength had served her well. However, this leader was developing a reputation for breaking too many company policies and rules, alienating or bullying other departments, being too narrowly focused, and not strategic enough. Her passion for taking care of her customers at all costs was now turning into a liability. So yes, you can even be too customer focused. Here are six other common leadership strengths that when overdone can turn into leadership weaknesses: 1. The results focused leader. This is the leader that gets things done and delivers results. The downside? They often get results at the expense of others, leaving a trail of bodies in their wake. In the worst cases, they may even cut ethical and legal corners. 2. The courageous leader. This is the leader that’s not afraid to take a stand, makes the tough decisions, and stands up for what’s’ right. However, when overdone, can come across as dogmatic, uncompromising and overly critical, picking too many fights and burning too many bridges. 3. The caring, compassionate leader. Yes, you can be too nice, especially when the leader can’t deal with underperformers, Leadership Strengths Can avoids conflicts, and can’t make tough Turn into Weaknesses by Dan business decisions that have a negative impact on people. They can also be taken McCarthy, greatleadershipbydan.com (2 advantage of and be seen as naïve. Jun 15) 4. The empowering leader. This is the When it comes to leadership, is there such leader that gives lots of room and freedom, thing as too much of a good thing? There is comfortable delegating, and takes a sure can be! In fact, just about any hands off approach to managing others. Email [email protected] to be added to or removed from the electronic distribution of this Newsletter. 3 VOL. 5, NO. 32 When overdone, the leader may give too much responsibility to employees that are not ready for it, and not enough direction to those that need it. They may also be seen as others as avoiding doing any work themselves. 5. The motivational leader. This is the leader that knows how to rally the troops and which buttons to push to get people energized. Could there be a downside? Only if the leader pushes people beyond their limitations, burns people out, or be seen as showing favoritism in their attempts to appeal to what motivates each individual. 6. The visionary, brilliant leader. The Steve Jobs leader. They are the brilliant strategists, masters of their domain, often the smartest person in the room, and always one or two steps ahead of everyone. However, when overdone, they may disregard the views of others, be impatient, and have difficulty relating with those that may not be as smart as them (meaning just about everyone!). The lesson here is when strengths are overdone, they can turn into weaknesses. While it’s good to be aware of and leverage your strengths, don’t overuse your strengths to the point where they can have negative side effects. Be open to feedback and learn to “dial it back”, especially when under pressure. Daily Devotional 15 JUNE Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. (Matthew 5:6, ESV) Hungry? Thirst? Those first few weeks of more of Operation Iraqi Freedom when they were working to get food and fresh water supplies to the troops, I bet plenty knew hunger and thirst during those days. Ever hunger and thirst after God? Do you know what it is like to long for what is right? Do you desire to be morally upright and without sin? Guess what? You’ve come to the right place, if you’ve come to God to fill that need. Prayer: Lord, satisfy the longing within my heart. 16 JUNE 10 He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. (Psalm 103:10-12, ESV) I guess this is one time where we can be glad that we don’t get what’s coming to us! Although we sometimes forget, especially JUNE 15, 2015 God:His Power 13 Romans 1:20 For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. when we’re dealing with the enemy, it is wonderful to be treated better than we deserve. God doesn’t just overlook our faults and mistakes. He takes our sins and throws them into a “sea of forgetfulness.” That’s how great His love is. Prayer: Lord, your love is amazing. It’s steady and unchanging. 17 JUNE 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. (John 3:17, ESV) Remember Paul Harvey, the news guy? A lot of times, you only hear part of the story. This is one of those cases. Most people know John 3:16 and could even quote it, but there’s more. Keep reading. The next verses warn us not to fall under condemnation because we don’t believe. God didn’t send His son to condemn but you are condemned already if you don’t believe. And now you know the rest of the story. Prayer: Lord, lift me up above the muck and mire of this world – to live as one who is redeemed. 18 JUNE For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.” (Hebrews 8:12, ESV) Once again, the forgive and forget thing! Ask God to help you grasp the fact that He has forgiven ALL your sins and mistakes and mess-ups! Not only that, He doesn’t even remember what they were! Here is one thing God can’t do… He can’t remember what came before “I forgive you”. It’s a good rule to follow. How about trying to extend that to someone that needs your forgiveness today. Prayer: Lord, thank you for your mercy. 19 JUNE let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. (Isaiah 55:7, ESV) Forgiveness is a wonderful thing. We know that God freely forgives and forgets but what is our part? Repentance. That means turning our back on what once was, i.e. our evil ways and thoughts. Turn your back to your past and turn to the Lord who freely forgives. Prayer: Lord, forgive my selfishness. I ask for your forgiveness. 20 JUNE I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah (Psalm 32:5, ESV) Here is another wonderful aspect of forgiveness. When we cover up our sin there is one thing that begins to eat us alive: guilt. The solution: confess our sin and not cover it up. The result: not only are our sins forgiven but the guilt of that sin is forgiven as well. Prayer: Lord, forgive the wretch that I am. I confess my sin before you my God. 21 JUNE Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. (Psalm 32:1, ESV) For days we’ve been talking about forgiveness. Take time this day to take inventory. Make a “thank you, Lord” list and take the time to reflect on all that the Lord has done for you. Prayer: Lord, I praise You for Your mercy. May my life honor You. Heidelberg Catechism week 14 Question 35 What does it mean that he “was conceived by the Holy Spirit and born of the virgin Mary”? Answer That the eternal Son of God, who is and remains true and eternal God, took to himself, through the working of the Holy Spirit, from the flesh and blood of the virgin Mary, a truly human nature so that he might also become David’s true descendant, like his brothers and sisters in every way except for sin. Question 36 How does the holy conception and birth of Christ benefit you? Answer He is our mediator and, in God’s sight, he covers with his innocence and perfect holiness my sinfulness in which I was conceived. Email [email protected] to be added to or removed from the electronic distribution of this Newsletter. 4 VOL. 5, NO. 32 JUNE 15, 2015 Strong Bonds for Married Service Members Strong Bonds for Singles Service Members Mission: Invest into your Marriage: A Payoff for a Life Time Focus: Lasting Intimacy through Nurturing Knowledge and Skills (LINKS) Location: To Be Determined (Tucson, AZ) Registration Dates: 14 Jul - 13 Aug Event Dates: 28-30 Aug Audience: Married Service Members Mission: Develop Leadership Potential and Leadership Vision Focus: 7 Habits of Highly Effective Soldiers Location: To Be Determined Registration Dates: 22 Jun - 22 Jul Event Dates: 6 Aug Audience: Single Service Members Weekly Bible Quiz 1. What was the name of Abraham’s first wife? 2. What did God do on the seventh day, after he had finished creating everything? 3. On what day did the apostles receive the Holy Spirit? 4. At the Last Supper, what items of food and drink did Jesus give thanks for? 5. When Jesus was in the wilderness, what was he tempted to turn into loaves of bread? Answers 1. Sarah (Gen 17:15) 2. Rested (Gen 2:1-3) 3. Day of Pentecost (Acts 2:1-4) 4. Bread and wine (Matt 26:26-27) 5. Stones (Matt 4:3) Email [email protected] to be added to or removed from the electronic distribution of this Newsletter. PRAY FOR THE PERSECUTED 5
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