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How to Tame the Mind
By
Philip Braham
How to Tame the Mind
By
Philip Braham
© 2010 by Philip Braham, All Rights Reserved
worldwide under the Berne Convention. May
not be copied or distributed without prior written
permission.
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ISBN: 978-1-4467-3081-2
Table of Contents
Text Boxes!...........................................................................................4
Introduction!.........................................................................................5
1 The Unquiet Mind!.............................................................................7
Awareness of the busy mind!..............................................................8
Controlling the busy mind!..................................................................9
Quietening the mind for sleep !..........................................................11
Awareness of self talk!........................................................................12
The strange case of W!.......................................................................13
How we cause ourselves to fail!........................................................13
Mark Stanley and the Zeebrugge ferry disaster!..............................17
Time !....................................................................................................18
Mindfulness!........................................................................................18
2 Doing and Being!............................................................................21
Why do we do what we do?!...............................................................22
When to do and when to be !..............................................................22
Being bored!........................................................................................24
Thinking in different ways!.................................................................25
Controlling your moods!....................................................................25
Facing up to emotions!.......................................................................26
Addiction!.............................................................................................27
3 Right and Left Brain Thinking!.......................................................29
Left and right hemisphere functions!...............................................30
My stroke of insight !...........................................................................32
Anosognosia!......................................................................................33
Developing the right brain!.................................................................35
The four stages of learning!...............................................................35
The salesman!.....................................................................................36
She doesnʼt know that she knows!...................................................38
The four stages of learning in relationships!...................................38
Conversational hypnosis!..................................................................40
Sequential and holistic learning!.......................................................42
The ʻwhyʼ and the ʻhowʼ !....................................................................45
4 Assumptions!..................................................................................49
How we make assumptions!..............................................................50
Handed down wisdom!.......................................................................50
Assumptions in science !...................................................................51
Forming a worldview!.........................................................................54
A sign of the times!.............................................................................55
On being rational!...............................................................................56
Cause and effect !................................................................................58
Everything happens for a reason!.....................................................59
The conjuring trick!.............................................................................60
Keeping perspective !.........................................................................63
5 The Authentic Self!..........................................................................65
This above all, to thine own self be true !.........................................66
Looking inwards to our feelings!.......................................................66
The safe option!...................................................................................67
On trusting others!..............................................................................68
6 Love Yourself!..................................................................................71
The art of loving !.................................................................................72
Table of Contents
Conditional and unconditional love !.................................................73
Following fashion!...............................................................................74
On name calling!.................................................................................76
7 A Colourless World!........................................................................77
We donʼt know what we donʼt know!.................................................78
A colourless world!.............................................................................78
Feeling emotion!.................................................................................80
8 How Children Bring up Their Parents!..........................................83
Being consistent !...............................................................................84
Thinking people !.................................................................................85
The four aspects of the psyche !.......................................................86
Being nonjudgmental!.........................................................................86
9 How to Tame the Mind!...................................................................89
Forgive yourself!.................................................................................90
The steps!............................................................................................90
Acknowledgments!............................................................................93
About the author!...............................................................................95
Text Boxes
About Brainwaves
A Breathing Exercise
A Relaxation Script
Left Brain Processing and Autism
Right Brain Processing and Aspergerʼs Syndrome
What is Synesthesia?
From the Transcript of the Video TED Talk ʻMy Stroke of Insightʼ
Reverse Psychology
Conversational Hypnosis in Action
From ʻThe Creativity Crisisʼ
A Right Brain Script
Introduction
There are estimated to be around 125 billion (125,000,000,000)
galaxies in the universe. Each galaxy varies in size but the Milky Way
(our own galaxy) is estimated to contain around 100 billion
(100,000,000,000) stars. What we know of the universe is tiny.
In Seattle, Washington, is one of the world’s largest buildings, the
Boeing Aircraft assembly plant. It is 13.3 million cubic metres, so big
it has its own climate. Imagine an ant in one corner of this building.
It knows nothing of the vast body of the building that is out of its
view and, of the purpose behind the building, it can have no
comprehension. We are like that ant in a corner of a universe which
we can hardly comprehend.
And yet, out of all the wonders of the universe and countless
galaxies, the most wondrous thing in the universe is right here in our
heads. The human brain and the mind.
The Universe cannot contain Me, but I am contained
within the heart of My faithful servants
The Quran
Scientists arrogantly think that they understand the brain because
they find that fiddling with some facets of it yields certain results. It’s
like finding that if you hit certain keys on a computer at particular
times the computer behaves in a way that you can predict, and then
thinking that you understand how a computer works. You know
very little of the complex physical construction and even less of its
programming.
This book will attempt to give some explanation of how the mind
works. It is not a linear scientific treatise but a series of examples,
stories and some exercises.
There is an overlap between mysticism and psychology in that to
know thyself is to know thy Lord. However, this book is not about
mysticism, religion or God. It is about the mind.
1 The Unquiet Mind
The mind is like an iceberg, it floats with oneseventh of its bulk above water.
Sigmund Freud
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Awareness of the busy mind
Take a number, zero to ten. Zero represents a mind that is completely
empty of thoughts. Crystal clear. I don’t know if you could even
imagine such a mind. Ten is a mind so chock-a-block with thoughts it
would be impossible to get another one in.
Where are your thoughts on a scale of zero to ten at this present moment?
If you said below four I would usually ask if you are on an anti
depressive drug. These drugs suppress mental activity. It’s like
turning the volume control down on a radio. It may give you some
peace from the endless chatter but it means that you are now unable
to use the radio for what it was designed for.
When you are awake at every moment your thoughts are on
something. In a moment take a pause from reading and try to dissect
the array of thoughts in your mind.
Dissect the thoughts that are going through your
mind.
There are many layers of thoughts and feelings. What are the
thoughts that are going through your mind? Are the thoughts in the
form of words or pictures? Sometimes people have imaginary
conversations. Sometimes the thoughts are more ephemeral,
emotions or feelings in the body. Much of the time our thoughts are
on the past: regretting, analysing, recalling or on the future:
anticipating what might or could happen, speculating or worrying.
Become aware of each individual strand of thoughts
that are going through your mind.
Do this with your eyes open.
For instance, suppose you just had an argument with someone. You
may become aware that you are replaying the argument, with all its
emotion, but differently to how it actually happened; or you are
analysing every phrase. Maybe you got annoyed with someone when
you were driving. You may think that you were ‘right’ and they were
‘wrong,' but what does it mean to be ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ and why does
it matter?
Take yourself back to when you had your first crush. That time when
a look or a comment from your loved one would be relived over and
over. Was being ‘right’ important to you then?
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Become aware of each individual strand of thoughts
that are going through your mind
Do this with your eyes closed.
Your mind may be planning what you are going to do later, or
thinking back to what you did earlier. How much of this is of any
use?
When the eyes are closed the mind slows down. You would typically
go from a beta state to an alpha state. (See the box ‘About
Brainwaves’).
Could you imagine having a crystal clear mind? A mind with no
thoughts? You may think that your thoughts are part of you and that
if you had no thoughts you would cease to exist but when you think
about your thoughts what is it that is doing the thinking? You
probably have more than one thought going through your mind at
any one time. If you are your thoughts then how can you have more
than one thought at a time?
Your thoughts are really no more part of you than what you hear, see,
touch, taste or smell. You think that because they come from inside of
your mind that they are part of you but what is ‘you’ anyway?
Controlling the busy mind
Do you do things that you don’t want to do? For instance you may
smoke or eat too much, you want to exercise more or you have other
habits that you think are bad. If you are a smoker for instance, it is as
if there is a part of you that wants to smoke and a part of you that
doesn’t. We think we are an integrated whole with a consciousness
but we are not. We are many different parts that often conflict with
each other.
Where are your thoughts on a scale of zero to ten at this present moment?
This is an exercise that, even if you do nothing else, will help to
quieten your mind. Whenever you think of it during the day or if
you wake up at night ask yourself this question. Whenever you ask it
you are, as it were, outside of your thoughts. You are not in any of
the multitude of thoughts that are going through your mind. You will
also become aware of times when the thoughts are at their most
intense and when they are quietest.
Suppose you have to make a decision in the near future. For example
you may have been offered a job in another state and you will have
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to say yes or no, or you have to give a decision on buying a new
house. Most people go over and over the scenarios in their mind,
often to the point of insomnia. This intellectual analysis is usually of
little help. It can be worse than useless as the mind simply goes over
the same tracks repeatedly.
This conscious going over events cuts the mind off from information
that can be gleaned at other levels. Imagine a whiteboard which has
been wiped clean and then someone makes a small mark on it. The
mark is immediately visible. However, if the whiteboard is crammed
with marks the new mark may go unnoticed. This is like the mind. If
the mind is clear new thoughts that come from inspiration are clear,
however if the mind is crammed with thoughts the new inspiration
gets lost in the noise.
Besides insomnia, the busy mind leads to anger and frustration, road
rage and many other ailments of the twenty-first century.
The conscious mind is like the surface of an ocean. We go up and
down with the waves. Sometimes it’s smooth, sometimes it’s rough.
Sometimes it’s so rough we have to baton down the hatches and
weather the storm. The unconscious mind is like going below the
surface of the ocean, that vast area which we are usually unaware of.
Everything you’ve experienced is in that unconscious mind. Think
back to when you were in school or college, all the information you
have acquired over the years but thought you had forgotten. You
may have been in a restaurant or a similar situation where there was
a conversation going on at an adjacent table. You were not paying
attention to the conversation but it still went into your unconscious
mind.
Imagine if you could tap into the wealth of untapped knowledge and
abilities in the unconscious mind.
Daniel Tammet is a savant. A genius in some respects but lacking
some abilities that most other people would take for granted. He
holds the European record for reciting Pi from memory to 22,514
digits; he can solve complex mathematical problems in his head. In
the documentary made about him ‘The Boy With The Incredible
Brain’1 he claimed that he could learn any language in a week. The
producers set him up to learn Icelandic, which they said was one of
the hardest languages to learn. At the end of a week studying the
language he was to go on Icelandic television for a live interview.
1
Available on Google Video: http://video.google.com.au/videoplay?docid=4913196365903075662&hl=en
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After the interview the producers talked to the interviewer and asked
him how Daniel performed. He said that he his Icelandic was very
good and he even had the idioms.
Daniel has been diagnosed as having Asperger’s syndrome, a brain
abnormality that causes it to function differently than normal. Other
people diagnosed with Apserger’s syndrome or with various Autistic
disorders have demonstrated savant abilities in maths, music or art.
If we can tap into the unconscious mind the potential is practically
limitless.
Quietening the mind for sleep
If you have trouble sleeping it maybe because the unchecked flow of
thoughts keep you awake. When the mind is busy with thoughts it
stays in the beta state and we are unable to drop into the alpha state
that is the precursor of sleep.
We talk of trying to get to sleep. You can’t ‘try’ to get to sleep. If I
asked you to do a maths problem or to lift a heavy weight your brain
or your body could perform, or attempt to perform, the activity.
Sleep is not like this. It’s not an activity that we perform. What we do
is to get our minds into a particular state and, as it were, sleep
catches up with us.
If you have problems getting off to sleep then here are some tips:
• Use the progressive relaxation exercise at the end of this
chapter to become relaxed.
• Don’t clock watch.
• Try to observe your thoughts rather than getting caught
up in them.
• Become aware of your breathing. Watch the breath as
you breath in and out.
Sleep generally goes in 90 minute cycles. At the end of each cycle you
would usually come to a light alpha state and may even open your
eyes. You may go straight back to sleep and not even recall waking
up. However, if there is something on your mind then sometimes
instead of going back to an alpha and theta state (which is a sleep
state), you come straight up to a beta (waking) state and then the
inner chatter resumes, probably with renewed intensity. If waking up
in the night is a problem then here are some tips:
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• Remember that it is quite normal wake up in the night.
Just wait and you will return to the sleep state.
• Don’t put the light on. If you have to visit the toilet then
make sure there is a dim night-light.
• If you wake from a dream then try to recall the dream.
Awareness of self talk
The problem with stilling the mind, however, is that it is the mind
that is attempting to still the mind.
Deepak Chopra writes about a woman who claimed to meditate but
was permanently tense. When questioned she said that thoughts
kept invading her mind and she became concerned when this
happened. This concern triggered more thoughts, etc. Deepak
pointed out to her that having thoughts come into the mind was
inevitable. The secret was to acknowledge the thoughts and let them
pass. In a controlled environment, such as when meditating or trying
to get to sleep at night, a method of achieving this is to concentrate
on the breath.
It is very useful to become aware of your own self-talk. People who
are depressed concentrate on the negative self-talk. People who are
happy concentrate on the positive self-talk. So, in theory at least, it
should be easy to become happy by concentrating on the positive
self-talk. Of course if it was that easy the depressed person would
have done it. However, it is a habit. Even depressed people get
positive self-talk, it’s just that they don’t concentrate on it. Sometimes
there are feelings of guilt or a feeling that they don’t deserve to be
happy.
There's an element in human behaviour that causes people to go over
the same scenario repeatedly. For example, if we give someone some
components that have to be assembled, very often they will have a
preconception of how the pieces fit together and will attempt to fit
the pieces according to this mental picture that they have.
Sometimes, if they persevere, a strange phenomenon takes place.
They are forced to a frustrating stop and at that point inspiration
comes. Suddenly, it's clear how the pieces go. What happens is that
their mental picture is wrong and so long as they keep that picture
they are closed to a different one. When they give up, the correct
picture is able to manifest itself.
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The strange case of W
A clinical hypnotherapist, David Calof, tells the story of a client (we
shall call ‘W’) who came to him with a social problem. Nowadays W
would probably be diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. He was a
social misfit and felt he was unable to function in ‘normal’ society.
For instance he was unable to talk to people without getting very
nervous. David told him that this was a difficult problem. He would
have to consider what he should do but in the meantime could W
pretend that he was normal? “You know you’re not normal, and I
know you’re not normal, but until we can come up with something
better can you just pretend?” W agreed he would try.
Some weeks passed and David went on holiday leaving his secretary
with instructions to not be disturbed unless there is an emergency.
The phone rang. It was his secretary and she told him that W needed
to talk to him urgently. David agreed to talk to him:
W: You know you told me to pretend that I’m normal?
David: Yes. How is it going?
W: I’ve got a problem.
David: What is it?
W: I don’t if I’m still pretending.
David: Yes. That’s okay. You are still pretending.
So if you can’t make it, fake it. Depressed people look down and
don’t smile, so to get yourself out of depression look up and smile.
How we cause ourselves to fail
Politicians often say that they are ‘concerned’ about an incident. This
concern is often political speak and means that they haven't done
anything about it and don't intend to, but they don't want to convey
the impression that they don't care. This syndrome is not confined to
politicians. There is a subconscious tendency in some people to
concentrate on destructive emotions and is often a subconscious
desire to stymie themselves.
Here is common way of thinking: A person has done something that
they feel they shouldn't have, something they feel guilty about. They
think there will be consequences of their actions. Somehow, they feel
that by feeling bad about what they have done they can prevent
these consequences. It's as if they can circumvent a disaster by
causing small problems. They feel they deserve it and subconsciously
make bad things happen. They are doing in private what politicians
are doing in public. When they say they are concerned, and
demonstrate it, they are hoping to prevent a more serious result, that
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is, that people will see them as uncaring and consequently withdraw
their support in the polls.
These belief systems are instilled into us at an early age.
By way of illustration, imagine a family where the parents believe
that all people who are rich get their wealth by exploiting others. In
other words, for every winner there is someone else who loses out.
Now imagine three children from such a background. The eldest
daughter leaves school and goes into charity work. She is not paid
very well but considers that she is helping others and that her lack of
wealth confirms this. She may become disillusioned with such a life
but feels unable to escape from it.
The next son hates being poor and considers that if by making
money he has to exploit others then so be it. He gets involved in
every scam and pyramid scheme going as he believes that the only
reason other people do not use these methods of getting rich is that
they have a conscience which prevents them taking advantage of the
opportunity. He becomes a con man, someone who nobody trusts.
The eldest also hates being poor and strives to escape from poverty.
He goes to university, studies business and befriends the elite, rich
people. Using these contacts he is able to obtain very lucrative work
in real estate. He still believes that people get rich by exploiting
others but does not consider himself rich on his two-hundred and
fifty-thousand dollar salary. He sees rich people as those making
more than ten-million dollars.
Each of these people have been moulded by their belief system, albeit
in different ways. Each one, however, has the potential to stand back
from their preconceptions about rich people and change their
behaviour. The eldest could see that it is possible to make money
even by helping others. This could happen naturally as she meets
people in different situations, or she could make a conscious effort to
examine her own assumptions. The second son may enter into a
spiral of petty crime and finish up in prison, which could either
result in him becoming resentful and a hardened criminal, or could
enable him to turn his life around. As far as the youngest son is
concerned, by the time he ever moves into the ten-million dollar plus
set the beliefs of his parents would probably have been overlaid by
other experiences.
So we can see that although people’s behaviour is moulded by the
belief system they hold, they also have the opportunity to escape
from it. Either because their belief system creates problems which
force them to change (as in the case of the son who finishes up in
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prison); because they wish to escape from the life they have followed
(as in the case of the eldest daughter) or simply because life layers
other belief systems over the top of the ones they were brought up
with.
Few people completely escape their belief systems, and indeed it
probably is not possible. It is worth noting that sometimes when a
belief system is exposed, that is, when a person realises that their
beliefs are based on misconceptions, it can trigger mental instability
(a so-called ‘nervous breakdown’).
In the book ‘Operators and Things’2 Barbara O’Brien is triggered into
schizophrenia when she realises that her belief that she will progress
through the company through hard work and ability is faulty, and
people who play the system move ahead of her.
Similarly, some men have problems with women, and women with
men, as they see themselves as being single. They may not be happy
with it but, like a married couple who have familiarity in their
ongoing quarrels, they always return to the familiar. Some men are
so over eager to be friendly with women that women run from them.
At any moment your concentration is on something.
Find out what it is.
2
Operators and Things by Barbara O'Brien The Inner Life of a Schizophrenic Published by New American Library in 1976
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About Brainwaves
If we put electrodes on your head and looked at the resulting
output, we would see brainwaves with different frequencies
predominating.
There are four categories of these brainwaves, ranging from
the most activity to the least activity. When the brain is aroused
and actively engaged in mental activities, it generates beta
waves. These beta waves are of relatively low amplitude, and
are the fastest of the four different brainwaves. The frequency
of beta waves range from 15 to 40 cycles a second. Most
people are generating these beta waves (are in a beta state)
when awake and active.
The next brainwave category in order of frequency is alpha.
Whereas beta represents arousal, alpha represents nonarousal. Alpha brainwaves are slower, and higher in amplitude.
Their frequency ranges from nine to 14 cycles per second.
When you take time out to reflect or meditate with your eyes
closed you are usually in an alpha state.
The next state, theta brainwaves, are typically of even greater
amplitude and slower frequency. This frequency range is
normally between five and eight cycles a second. When you
daydream you are often in a theta brainwave state. When you
have driven on a freeway, and realise that they can't recall the
last five miles, you may be in a theta state which is induced by
the process of freeway driving. The repetitious nature of that
form of driving compared to a country road would differentiate
a theta state and a beta state in order to perform the driving
task safely.
If you do a lot of freeway driving you may find get good ideas
during those periods. Similarly, people who run outdoors often
go into this theta state and can generate a flow of ideas.
The slowest brainwave state is delta. Here the brainwaves are
of the greatest amplitude. They typically centre around a range
of one-and-a-half to four cycles per second. They never go
down to zero because that would mean that you were brain
dead. Deep dreamless sleep would take you down to the
lowest frequency. Typically, two to three cycles a second.
A woman who was severely obese had a daughter. She said that her
one desire was to be thin enough to run and play with her, and to not
be embarrassed simply to be out in public. She wanted to be normal
and so she had a stomach by-pass operation to thin her down. It
worked, but rather than making her happy she started excessive
drinking, taking drugs and sleeping with the wrong people. She said
that she had discovered something from the operation and that was
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that her obesity was something she was able to hide behind. It was
her excuse for not participating in the world and after the operation
she realised that she couldn't escape from herself.
Getting what she wanted didn't make her happy. However, it gave
her an opportunity to get an insight into herself that otherwise she
would probably never have seen.
Mark Stanley and the Zeebrugge ferry disaster
On March 6th 1987, only a mile from the port of Zeebrugge off the
coast of Belgium, the Townsend Thoresen ferry 'The Herald of Free
Enterprise' left port with 459 passengers, 80 crew and around 130
vehicles. The door through which the vehicles are loaded was still
open. As a result the ship keeled over and 193 lives were lost. As the
ship left the harbour Assistant Bosun Mark Stanley was still asleep.
He was supposed to have closed the bow doors, which was standard
procedure. The enquiry report stated:
From the outset Mr. Mark Victor Stanley, who was the assistant
bosun, has accepted that it was his duty to close the bow doors at the
time of departure from Zeebrugge and that he failed to carry out this
duty. Mr. Stanley had opened the bow doors on arrival in Zeebrugge.
Thereafter he was engaged in supervising members of the crew in
maintenance and cleaning the ship until he was released from work by
the bosun, Mr. Ayling. Mr. Stanley then went to his cabin, where he
fell asleep and was not awakened by the call “Harbour Stations”,
which was given over the Tannoy address system. He remained asleep
on his bunk until he was thrown out of it when the HERALD began
to capsize. Mr. Stanley has frankly recognised his failure to turn up
for duty and he will, no doubt, suffer remorse for a long time to come.
If the Company regards it as appropriate or necessary to take
disciplinary action against Mr. Stanley it has power to do so under the
Code of Conduct for the Merchant Navy. In fairness to Mr. Stanley it
is right to record that after the HERALD capsized he found his way
out of the ship on to her hull where he set about rescuing passengers
trapped inside. He broke a window for access and, when he was
scooping the glass away his right forearm was deeply cut.
Nevertheless he re-entered the hull and went into the water to assist
passengers. He continued until he was overcome by cold and bleeding.
Sometime after this happened I saw an interview with Mark Stanley.
In the interview he accepted full responsibility. He felt he was
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personally responsible for the loss of 193 lives and was the only
person who accepted responsibility for the accident.
Now, ask yourself, if you were responsible for the deaths of 193
people would you ever be able to enjoy yourself afterwards?
Certainly some of the people who had lost loved ones would say that
you have no right to enjoy yourself whilst they are still suffering.
Were you to begin to enjoy yourself something would immediately
stop you. You would feel guilty for being happy.
Even without a legacy of being responsible for multiple deaths many
people have a similar feeling of guilt whenever they start to feel
happy.
Something in them says they have no right to feel good.
Time
To understand the idea of concentration it is important to understand
the concept of time. Whenever your concentration is not on the
present moment, it is in the area of the imagination, not on reality.
The only reality is the present.
The Past:
• The past exists as memories, assumptions, conditioned
responses etc
• We construct the past out of our collective assumptions.
We make assumptions about the past based on the
present
• We cannot separate the past from our consciousness
The Future:
• The future exists as possibilities
• We fantasise about what could be or about possibilities
• We use calculations and other intellectual activities to
predict the future
• We cannot separate the future from our consciousness
Real concentration is about being in the present. The past and future
are generated by our minds, only the present is real. This is
nowadays called ‘mindfulness’.
Mindfulness
A friend of mine went on a course for mindfulness. In one of the
exercises they were given a wrapped chocolate ball. She was told to
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slowly examine the wrapped sweet, unwrap it and then place the
chocolate ball into her mouth. Without sucking the idea was to allow
the chocolate to slowly melt around the tongue until it had
completely melted. The process took around fifteen minutes. When
the exercise was completed the instructor asked the participants how
they found the exercise. Every one of them said it was the best
chocolate they had ever had. It wasn’t that the chocolate was so
wonderful, it was because they concentrated on the taste instead of
being distracted.
Many people tell me that they can eat a whole family-size chocolate
bar whilst watching television and afterwards hardly be aware of
what they had consumed.
A Breathing Exercise
• Breathe out slowly in short bursts through the mouth until
the lungs are completely empty. It takes quite a bit of
practice to empty the lungs so at first simply breathe out for
the count of three or five.
• Hold the breath out for a short period. Again at first keep
the period short – a count of three of five.
• Breathe in slowly through the nose but concentrating at the
back of the throat. Do this initially while counting up to five
or seven.
• Hold the breath for a short period
It is important that at first you do not strain yourself. With
practice you can slow down this process but there is nothing to
be gained from pushing yourself.
Whilst doing this concentrate on the breathing process.
Concentrate on the air going out; then on the keeping the air
out; then on the air coming in through the back of the throat;
then on holding the air in.
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A relaxation script
Use this process to relax in a chair or to go to sleep at night.
• Sitting or lying, make yourself comfortable.
• Become aware of the muscles around the face. There are
around fifty muscles in the face. As one becomes relaxed you
become aware of another and you can relax that one.
• As the muscles become more relaxed you will find that you
become aware of the muscles in the shoulders, and as they
relax the head becomes heavy.
• Moving down through the body you can allow the back to
become relaxed, the muscles in the thighs, the legs, the
ankles and the feet. Now allow the arms and hands to
become very heavy.
• As you become aware of the heaviness that moves through
the body, become aware of a point in the middle of the
forehead. As you focus your closed eyes on that point, the
mind starts to slow down.
• Now you can become aware of the breathing. Feel the cool air
going in through the nose, down through the back of the
throat and into the lungs as you breath in. Feel the lungs
expand and the rib cage move out.
• Now as you breath out feel the lungs contract and the rib cage
move back. Feel the warm air as it goes through the back of
the throat and out through the nose.
Every moment of every day you are breathing in and out
but you are usually unaware of it.
2 Doing and Being
Men are not prisoners of fate, but prisoners of their
own minds.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
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Why do we do what we do?
Think about what you enjoy doing, and what don’t you enjoy doing.
Now think about why you enjoy doing what you like and why you
don’t enjoy doing other things?
Write down or think very clearly about three things
you really enjoy doing and three things you really
donʼt.
Most people would say that they don’t like physical pain but some
people really enjoy running marathons or other painful sports such
as boxing. Some people enjoy going out to dinner with friends or
seeing a movie. Some people like doing nothing whilst others simply
find it boring.
There are generally two aspects to what people enjoy. One is bodily
satisfaction, that is eating, sometimes sleeping or sex. The other is
that most people like their mind to be occupied. For some people
extreme sports provide a physical feeling that keeps their mind from
wandering. There is nothing like the possibility of death to keep the
attention. To surf properly you have to keep concentrated on the
surfboard and this keeps the mind occupied. The rise of extreme
sports correlates with the rise in extreme thoughts. People are
becoming more caught up in their own internal chaos and need
increasingly intense exercises to distract them.
For some other people, intellectual pursuits keep the mind occupied
and stop emotional thoughts coming up to consciousness. Computer
games serve the same purpose. People find it difficult to just ‘be’; to
be present in themselves with a quiet mind.
Later on in ‘Right and Left Brain Thinking’ we will discuss how
people learn, how we become familiar with situations and learn to
deal with them. Most people like what is familiar and many people
find that they become confused in unfamiliar situations as they don’t
have easy patterns that they can apply.
When to do and when to be
There are two extremes, although no one is completely at either
extreme. On one side are people who fear change. On the other are
people who fear stagnation.
One of the hardest things for people to learn, and perhaps one of the
most important, is to know when to do and when to be. These
opposites manifest in a number of ways:
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• Active / Passive
• Male / Female
• Yang / Yin
• Talking / Listening
• Left Brain / Right Brain
All to often people act when they should observe. For some people,
being passive is one of the most difficult things to learn. They always
want to intervene. The modern tendency towards political and
religious evangelicalism demonstrates this. Political activists want to
change the behaviour of people without necessarily understanding
them. They act on their emotions. How many times have you been in
a situation where you became incensed at what seemed unfair
behaviour only later on to find that you didn’t have the full story?
You may have listened to an account of an event from a friend and
found yourself getting annoyed at what appeared to be an injustice.
Sometime later, you hear a different side of the story and realise that
the situation was not what it initially appeared to be.
There's an expression ‘Evil triumphs because good men do nothing.'
This is a call for action. It implies that if there is something you don't
agree with than you should take action. The emphasis here is on
‘doing.' This, in one sense, contradicts the attitude of tolerance. What
I consider evil someone else may consider the correct thing to do.
They may consider me as being evil. This is how wars start and thus
the people who claim to be lovers of tolerance promote intolerance,
and those who claim to love peace, promote war.
Unfortunately, this attitude is all too common. People who claim to
support free speech attempt to stop people exercising it when it
disagrees with what they say. People who argue for democracy
oppose it when the majority oppose their views and so on. There are
two traits involved here. First, a rigidity of thinking and furthermore,
an arrogance that the ends justify the means. People even say 'I know
I'm right'. This doesn't make them right, it simply restates their
opinion with a false credibility.
Our society is based on ‘doing’, on activity. There is little
understanding of just ‘being’. This is a manifestation of our
masculine-based thinking, along with logic and rationality. There's a
saying: ‘Action without thought is blind, thought without action is
lame’. Young people especially are prone to act rashly without
thinking.
Thinking in the way it is usually taught nowadays, however, is really
a kind of action. It is an active process of calculation or envisaging
various scenarios in your mind. It is a left brain activity.
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Being bored
The importance of stilling the mind cannot be emphasised enough.
This is the way ideas that originate outside of you can come into
your mind. The stillness plants a seed and then you must nurture
that seed into actuality. This is the balance of being and doing.
To many people, particularly young people, to not be doing
something is to be bored. It seems that children have to be kept
occupied. Usually this activity is organised: sports activities, learning
an instrument or other extracurricular activity. Parents consider it
their duty to keep their children busy. There is no opportunity for
children to use their imagination, playing in the traditional sense.
Children who don't develop their right brain become sceptical and
are limited to logical thinking. This is a theme that I will return to
later.
Children should learn that boredom opens up a window that has the
potential to yield rich imagery but first the feeling of boredom has to
be replaced by stillness. Out of the silence comes a seed, the
developed person is able to nurture that seed into an idea and then
put it into practice.
The four aspects of the psyche
It’s worth noting that there are four different ways that the human
psyche functions.
• There is the rational component. That part that is able to
calculate and analyse. This is well developed in the West,
usually too much so. People who are predominantly
rational are the intellectuals. Thinking people.
• The instinctual component. This is being in tune with the
body. Sports people, ballet dancers and so on are
generally instinctual.
• The emotional component. The ability to feel emotions.
Singers are often emotional types, they can elicit
emotions in others through their singing. We’ve all come
across people who seem to lurch from one emotional
crisis to another, the drama queens.
• The intuitive component. This is not well understood in
the West. It is the ability to tune into to information from
areas outside of ourselves. People who see ghosts and
hear voices. They are often dreamers and are sometimes
labeled as insane.
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Most people have a component that is their major function and a
secondary one. So someone who is predominantly rational but has
instincts as a secondary function will usually perform very well at
school They are good academically and at sports. They will listen to
reasoned arguments.
Someone who is predominantly emotional but also instinctual will
not really listen to reasoned arguments. If they get angry they are
likely to simply hit someone.
When bringing up children it is apparent that a method that may
work on one child will not necessarily work on another. Sometimes
mothers say that their first child was very easy but when the second
child came the methods they used to bring up the first child didn’t
work.
Thinking in different ways
We live in an information age, so we're told. Children are plugged
into the Internet from an early age and taught how to download facts
and figures. Individuals and companies spend fortunes obtaining
information and trawling through the mass of data to extract some
meaning.
It's a shame people don't learn how to use the information they
already have. The real secret to understanding is not so much getting
information but in seeing the situation from a different point of view.
Imagine a period sometime in the future when archaeologists dig up
the remnants of what passes for civilisation in the twenty-first
century. They find papers with some strange symbols. The papers are
in different colours, the patterns vary but there's something similar
about them. They put the information into a computer to find
commonality in the patterns. Schools of thought arise, some saying
that the colour is the important key, others the width of the lines.
Some say that they are of religious significance, others that they are
merely ornamental. Finally a person picks one up and views it with
crossed eyes. It's a 'magic eye' drawing and a three-dimensional
image pops out. It's not a question of having the information; it's a
matter of seeing it in the right way.
Controlling your moods
Many years ago I visited a house with a number of drug-takers of
various descriptions. The drugs of preference differed for each
person but the aim was the same: to alter their mood. Invariably,
these people had lost the ability to accept or change their own mood
and depended on a drug to do it. Whereas most people feel
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happiness and sadness, or even boredom and anger depending on
their situation, drug addicts rely on a drug to change their mood. The
speed (amphetamine) takers took it to bring them up, and would go
for days or as long as they had a supply of the drug, and then took a
‘downer’, a sleeping pill, to knock themselves out in an attempt to
ward off the inevitable comedown. Such people had lost the ability to
deal with the natural lows of life. Even the highs that the world
could offer paled into insignificance beside a good hit.
Experiencing the highs and lows of life are part of the learning
process. Eventually, it is possible to become detached from them. The
drab winter sun doesn't depress you and the summer sun doesn't
elate you because you are on a permanent natural high.
Even when people don't take drugs they use artificial props to attain
a high. Most of the distractions that people indulge in are aimed at
changing their mood. Movies, concerts, drinking alcohol, gambling,
dancing and the more esoteric diversions that young people get up to
are largely aimed at escapism. This isn't to say that there may not be
value in some of these things.
People also use mental props to help change their moods. They
return to fantasies to make themselves feel better. Memories of battle
won; ex-lovers; the quick retort that made people laugh. Memories
may have a learning value in dealing with similar situations, but
these mental props are not memories as such. They are
embellishments that usually have very little to do with reality.
Whereas drug takers use illicit drugs to change their moods, doctors
prescribe anti-depressive drugs to do the same thing and people
become to depend on the legal drug. This is the western approach to
dealing with problems. Diseases are cured with a pill or inoculation,
and in the process the immune system of humans has become
depleted to the extent that the major killers are now of the
autoimmune system. Crying and melancholy are a natural part of
life. One might say that people who never cry or suffer from any
form of depression are the one’s with the problem. They haven't
experienced life.
Facing up to emotions
Some time ago I borrowed a friend’s car. After driving it a short
distance I realised that that the puddle that was under the parked car,
and that I was told could be safely ignored, was probably
transmission fluid, and that the power of the car was slowly
deteriorating. In concentrating on the car and its problems I missed
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my turning. There is a similarity between being distracted by a faulty
car whilst driving and by emotional problems while trying to
function intellectually.
People who are going through emotionally trying times perform
below par. For example when a person goes through a divorce the
emotional strain makes it very difficult for them to function
intellectually. On a corporate level, internal emotional friction
between staff prevents the company operating at full potential.
There are a number of factors here that are pertinent. One is to what
extent the person is aware of their emotional problems. Many people
are so cut off from their emotions that they are unaware of the extent
that they are being drained emotionally. It’s similar to people who
learn to survive on very little sleep but are unaware that this lack of
sleep causes them to function inefficiently. Some people immerse
themselves in their intellectual day-to-day pursuits in order to keep
the emotional problems at bay. Eventually, however, they have to be
dealt with.
The relationship between the rational part of our consciousness, the
aspect that many people identify with, and the emotions is barely
understood. In dreams these aspects often appear as characters.
Sometimes they are not identifiable as a particular individual.
Sometimes they pursue us and are in darkness or shadows.
There's a story I read of a woman who had a frightening dream. In
the dream she was surrounded by her family and was given a
present by her husband. It was a box tied up with a bow. From the
box there was a noise and she was afraid of what was in it. She didn't
want to open it but with her family watching there was no choice.
Warily she undid the bow and opened the box. Inside was a cuddly
kitten.
The fear of facing up to emotional issues can stifle us and prevent us
working to our full potential. In fact, if they are confronted not only
is there often nothing to fear but the result can be something
wonderful. For example, when a marriage hits a difficulty, the
husband may work long hours in order to avoid facing up to his
wife. Eventually they talk and what seemed an insurmountable
problem is resolved amicably. As a result the marriage is stronger.
There may even be what is colloquially called ‘make-up sex’.
Addiction
There's a common refrain when the subject of addiction is brought
up: 'It's a disease'. This is used when talking about the treatment of
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drug addicts, alcoholism or sex. Anything that causes pleasure can be
addictive. Given a choice between the everyday world and the
pleasure of the drug, the drug addict goes for the drug. After a while
the drug has less effect and the addict needs more of it simply to
offset the downing effect of the drug wearing off.
There's something known to engineers called feedback. There is
positive feedback and negative feedback. In the human condition
there is a strong tendency towards positive feedback. The alcoholic
drinks to forget his problems. The drinking exacerbates the problems
so he drinks more until eventually he hits rock bottom. The author
George Orwell in his book 'Down and Out in Paris and London' says
that there is a something reassuring about being on the streets: you
know you can't go down any further. This is the plight of the
alcoholic or drug addict who has lost his job, his house, and his
family and is buying cheap drink or drugs on the streets. He can't go
any further. There is one problem and one problem only: where to
get the next hit from. Nothing else matters.
The problem with looking at this as a disease is that it ignores the
element of personal responsibility. The drinker chooses to put the
bottle to his mouth; the addict chooses to smoke the crack pipe or
inject the heroin. Not everyone has the same pressures. Some people
have to scratch out an existence in extremely harsh conditions; others
have a relatively easy life.
To argue, as some people do, that the harsh existence justifies the
addiction ignores the fact that that many people who live in
extremely harsh conditions don't become addicts and some very
wealthy people who have an easy lie, do.
The cause is a weakness of what used to be called 'character', 'moral
fibre', or lack of self-discipline. These aren't fashionable terms
nowadays and the education system makes no effort to instill these
characteristics in children. We can't teach what we don't understand.
3 Right and Left Brain Thinking
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Albert Einstein
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Left and right hemisphere functions
The functions of the left and right hemispheres are widely
misunderstood, but in brief the functions can be interpreted as
follows:
The left hemisphere controls anything to do with space and time
(most of what we call ‘thinking’ in the West). It is where we do our
calculating, analysing and planning. It deals with pattern
recognition.
For instance when you walk into a room you immediately recognise
the chair, the table or other objects in the room even of you have
never seen that particular chair or table. What is more, you can tell
objects from shadows, and where one thing is front or behind
another. The left brain deal with details rather than the big picture. If
we consider the brain as a computer (and it must be made clear that
this metaphor only takes us so far), the left brain has the programs.
When you want to catch a ball you must concentrate on the ball, not
on the mechanics of how you move you hand or your arm. You rely
on the brain to enact the series of movements that will catch the ball.
Many people would have had an experience similar to this: You are
watching television and an advert comes on, and you get up from
your chair go to the kitchen and to the refrigerator, open the door
and look in and then suddenly ‘come to’ and wonder to yourself
why you got up from the chair. What happened was that a ‘program’
in the left hemisphere was initiated that took you into the kitchen
and then when it ran through to completion you were left wondering
why you initiated the program in the first place. Maybe there was an
advert for ice cream that caused you to go to the kitchen. The left
hemisphere controls the right side of the body.
Left Brain Processing and Autism
Autistic people have a deficiency in left-brain processing and,
in its extreme, they are unable to recognise patterns. Can you
imagine walking into a room and all you see is shapes? Dr.
Temple Grandin http://www.templegrandin.com/ has
researched the relationship between autistics and how animals
see the world. Animals have very different pattern recognition
to humans and may get spooked by a shadow.
The right hemisphere is much less well understood in the West but
is better understood in Eastern cultures. It is to do with being in the
present. In our computer metaphor, this controls the raw input from
the peripherals. For instance, whenever you move your mouse it
sends signals to the computer to indicate that it has moved a certain
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amount horizontally or vertically. The computer interprets these
signals as a particular position on the screen. Similarly, each ear send
a series of signals to the brain that indicate sounds of a particular
amplitude (volume) and frequency (tone). The right hemisphere of
the brain deals with these raw signals. It does not really distinguish
between signals that come from the eyes, the ears, the nose , etc.
The right hemisphere deals in the big picture, rather than the details.
It controls the left side of the body.
Right Brain Processing and Aspergerʼs Syndrome
People with Aspergerʼs syndrome typically have a deficiency in
right-brain processing. They are very good at the left brain
functions: language, calculating analysing and so on, but are
very poor at right-brain skills: empathy, reading body language
and imagination. They are often very literal in their thinking. A
friend of mine who was dating a man with Aspergerʼs syndrome
once, out of frustration, asked him why he couldnʼt be more
affectionate. “Thatʼs quite easily solved”, her companion
replied, “Simply writ down a list of what you want me to do and
Iʼll do it”. Lists are very much a left-brain function.
People with synesthesia have their senses mixed up so that they may
hear colours and see smells. People who experience some
hallucinogenic drugs such as LSD can have a similar experience.
What is Synesthesia?
Synesthesia is a condition in which one sense (for example,
hearing) is simultaneously perceived as if by one or more
additional senses such as sight. Another form of synesthesia
joins objects such as letters, shapes, numbers or people's
names with a sensory perception such as smell, colour or
flavour. Synesthesia can involve any of the senses. The most
common form, colored letters and numbers, occurs when
someone always sees a certain color in response to a certain
letter of the alphabet or number. For example, a synesthete (a
person with synesthesia) might see the word "plane" as mint
green or the number "4" as dark brown. There are also
synesthetes who hear sounds in response to smell, who smell
in response to touch, or who feel something in response to
sight. Just about any combination of the senses is possible.
There are some people who possess synesthesia involving
three or even more senses, but this is extremely rare.
Synesthetic perceptions are specific to each person. Different
people with synesthesia usually disagree on their perceptions.
In other words, if one synesthete thinks that the letter "q" is
colored blue, another synesthete might see "q" as green.
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My stroke of insight
On December 10, 1996, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor woke up to discover that
she was experiencing a stroke. The cause proved to be bleeding from
an abnormal congenital connection between an artery and a vein in
her brain, an arteriovenous malformation (AVM). The malformation
was in the left-hemisphere of her brain. Dr. Taylor was a professor of
Neuroanatomy at Harvard University and as such she was able to
observe the process as the left-hemisphere functions slowly shut
down.
Gradually the right side of her body ceased to function properly. She
staggered down the stairs and knew she had to phone someone. By
the time she reached her phone index card, she had lost the ability to
process patterns and she had to painstakingly compare the shapes of
the digits on the card with the shapes of the digits on the telephone
keypad. At the same time her consciousness moved from the left
hemisphere to the right hemisphere and, to quote her, she became ‘at
one with the universe,' ‘there was no space or time’. These are
phrases that she admitted had she heard them before she had her
stroke she would have dismissed the quoter as being a hippy wacko!
She wrote of her experiences in her best seller ‘My Stroke of Insight.' 3
The concepts of a fundamental difference between the functioning of
the left and right hemispheres of the brain has been dismissed by
many in the scientific community. One professor put it:
It is unfortunate that Jill Bolte’s dragged out the left-brain/right-brain
stuff as an explanation for her experiences since the brain does not
work that way. In other words, while the sequence of events might
have been somewhat different, she would probably have had the same
sorts of experiences had the stroke occurred in the right cerebral
hemisphere rather than the left.4
This ‘sceptical’ mindset is something we will discuss later on but the
left and right hemisphere difference is substantiated by the work of
another neurologist, Dr. Vilayanur S. Ramachandran.
3
My Stroke of Insight. A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey. Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D. ISBN 9780452295544
4
http://westallen.typepad.com/idealawg/2008/04/some-critical-t.html
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From the Transcript of the Video TED Talk
ʻMy Stroke of Insightʼ
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/
jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html
And I lost my balance and Iʼm propped up against the wall. And
I look down at my arm and I realize that I can no longer define
the boundaries of my body. I canʼt define where I begin and
where I end. Because the atoms and the molecules of my arm
blended with the atoms and molecules of the wall. And all I
could detect was this energy. Energy. And Iʼm asking myself,
“What is wrong with me, what is going on?” And in that
moment, my brain chatter, my left hemisphere brain chatter
went totally silent. Just like someone took a remote control and
pushed the mute button and — total silence.
And at first I was shocked to find myself inside of a silent mind.
But then I was immediately captivated by the magnificence of
energy around me. And because I could no longer identify the
boundaries of my body, I felt enormous and expansive. I felt at
one with all the energy that was, and it was beautiful there.
Then all of a sudden my left hemisphere comes back online
and it says to me, “Hey! we got a problem, we got a problem,
we gotta get some help.” So itʼs like, OK, OK, I got a problem,
but then I immediately drifted right back out into the
consciousness, and I affectionately referred to this space as La
La Land. But it was beautiful there. Imagine what it would be
like to be totally disconnected from your brain chatter that
connects you to the external world. So here I am in this space
and any stress related to my, to my job, it was gone. And I felt
lighter in my body. And imagine all of the relationships in the
external world and the many stressors related to any of those,
they were gone. I felt a sense of peacefulness. And imagine
what it would feel like to lose 37 years of emotional baggage! I
felt euphoria. Euphoria was beautiful — and then my left
hemisphere comes online and it says “Hey! youʼve got to pay
attention, weʼve got to get help,” and Iʼm thinking, “I got to get
help, I gotta focus.” So I get out of the shower and I
mechanically dress and Iʼm walking around my apartment, and
Iʼm thinking, “I gotta get to work, I gotta get to work, can I
drive? can I drive?”
Anosognosia
The doctor was examining a condition called anosognosia, which
typically results from damage to the right parietal lobe (the right
hemisphere) of the brain. A patient with this syndrome is convinced
that although they are paralysed on one half of their body, they are
normal. So a patient asked to clap their hands together will wave
their right hand in the air or clap it against their chest and will be
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convinced that it is functioning normally. When asked to tie their
shoelaces (a task that is impossible to perform with one hand
without considerable practice), they will persist at the task
indefinitely.
This syndrome only occurs where the damage is to the right parietal
lobe, which led Dr. Ramachandran to develop a theory as to its cause.
He theorised that the left hemisphere of the brain is concerned with
logic and working out causes and effects. For example, when you see
a door you understand what it does and how it opens even if you
have never seen that particular door before..You can deduce this
from your experience with other, similar, doors. This is the function
of the left hemisphere. On the other hand, the right hemisphere acts
as what he called the ‘devil’s advocate’ (Milton Erickson used the
term ‘Pattern Interrupt’ because it interrupts the patterns executed
by the left hemisphere). This is the part of the brain that questions
whether that particular pattern is appropriate and questions the
relevance of the deductions of the left hemisphere. This allows you to
adapt to changed situations.
In the case of the patient with anosognosia, the right hemisphere is
damaged so even though the situation has changed (that is, the
patient is paralysed in one half of their body) the inactive right
hemisphere is unable to question the deductions of the left
hemisphere, which has previously worked out that the body is able
to function normally.
Dr. Ramachandran tried a strange experiment. He poured water into
the left ear of the patient with anosognosia, which, for unknown
reasons, stimulates the right hemisphere. For a short period the
patient is able to act normally and is aware of their paralysis. When
this wears off the patient reverts to the condition, even denying that
they could ever have admitted to being paralysed.
This model of the brain corresponds precisely with the model
described by Jill Bolte Taylor. The right hemisphere deals with being
in the moment, the raw input from the senses as it were, whilst the
left hemisphere forms patterns so we can learn from experience.
In an article5 in Newsweek magazine, professor E. Paul Torrance.
Schwarzrock describes how since 1990, whilst IQ in children has
been going up, the results of another test he gives for creativity has
consistently been going down.
5
http://www.newsweek.com/2010/07/10/the-creativity-crisis.html
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Developing the right brain
One thing that is not well understood in the West is the importance
of game playing in young children. This stimulates the right
hemisphere of the brain. Many parents push their children into
sequential learning from an early age, which stimulates the left
hemisphere. Children who have been taught in this way tend to be
very intelligent, in the sense that they score well in IQ tests, but lack
the ability to think laterally. Such people often become sceptics
because having worked out (or had explained to them) a logical
explanation of how something works, they are closed off to situations
that are exceptions to these rules.
The ‘devil’s advocate’ is not performing properly as it was never
developed in childhood.
Of course this is not confined to sceptics. Blind adherents of political
parties, flat earthers or religious ideological extremists also fall into
this category. Talking to these people can be as frustrating as talking
to a person with anosognosia would be.
The left and right brained approach in children can also be described
as following instructions (left hemisphere) and creating new ideas
(right hemisphere). In the old days of traditional playing, a boy
would play with a box which a fire engine, then it’s a house then he
puts it over his head and he’s a robot. When Lego and Meccano first
came out they were made of basic building pieces that a child would
assemble to form various constructions. Nowadays, you buy a Leggo
robot or bakery. These are, ironically, described as educational
because children learn to follow instructions.
Computer games have contributed enormously to the decline in
creative thinking. You are confined to the rules of the game. You
can’t, quite literally, ‘think outside of the box.'
The four stages of learning
The four stages of learning have been described in many different
ways but my own version of this is as follows:
• Stage 1. You don’t know that you don’t know
In this stage you are so incompetent that you are unable
to recognise your own inadequacies. Because you don’t
realise that you know so little you are unable to be
taught. You think you know it all.
• Stage 2. You know that you don’t know
You realise that you don’t know it all and you can start
to learn.
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• Stage 3. You don’t know that you know
At some period you come to stage where you become
quite competent but don’t realise it. You know a lot but
retain a humility and can still learn.
• Stage 4. You know that you know
Sometimes you move to a point where you know it all
and you know you know it. You can’t be taught and if it
sets in there is an arrogance.
This process can be seen when you start a new job. At first it seems as
if everything is unfamiliar to you. There are no patterns that have
been established from experience. It may be that you think the
patterns you have developed in the past apply to this new situation
or you may attempt to apply previous patterns to a new situation
where it is inappropriate. If you persist in using them and they don’t
work you are effectively suffering from a form of anosognosia. This
is stage one of the four stages of learning. Some people never
develop beyond this stage.
After you have been in the job for a while you start to realise that
maybe you are not as wonderful as you thought you were. You have
moved onto stage two of the four stages. In this stage you start to
establish new left-hemisphere patterns which you can apply.
Sometimes situations arise where you find that the patterns you have
established don’t work and you have to ask someone what you
should do. You are establishing new patterns.
After some time the patterns that you have established work most of
the time. You become good at your job but you still retain the ability
to learn new patterns. You have moved into stage three.
In stage four and after using the left-brain patterns for too long, the
right-brain atrophies. You lose the ability to think about things in a
fresh way.
The salesman
This is an example of how the four stages work with John, who has
just graduated from university with a marketing degree and is
starting his first job selling data signal bandwidth over fibre optic
cables.
• Stage 1
He knows nothing of the technical details of data or fibre
optics but knows a lot about how to sell. He gets his first
lead and remembers the basic rules:
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Find what the user wants,
Explain how the product will meet requirements,
Get a signature on the contract.
He talks to the customer and builds a rapport. The
customer wants to buy from him but has some quite
specific technical requirements. John knows that the
products are configurable so simply tells the clients that
the product will do the job when configured correctly.
The customer seems unsure but John is very persuasive
so the customer signs up.
When john returns to the office, very pleased with
himself, there is a huge ruckus. The customer was eager
to sign because the product he sold him was one-tenth
the cost of a competing product. It is completely
incapable of handling the capacity that the customer
wants.
John is at stage one. He doesnʼt know that he doesnʼt
know. He has applied patterns that he learned at
university that were inappropriate in this sales role.
• Stage 2
John has been given a minder. An experienced salesman
who guides him through the process and ensures that he
checks each requirement rigorously. John knows that he
doesnʼt know and needs to learn. As he learns he builds
up left hemisphere patterns that he can apply to new
situations.
• Stage 3
John uses his minder much less but still considers he is
not as good as the other salesman even though some
months he exceeds their sales figures. He feels that the
other salesman are natural; they seem to do the job
effortlessly whereas John feels he still has to work hard
to achieve results. He has developed the left brain
patterns but still uses his right brain to monitor the
patterns to ensure they are appropriate.
• Stage 4
After some years John is the senior salesman. He
mentors other salesman but the company sees him as a
bit anachronistic. He thinks he knows it all but hasnʼt
kept up with new developments. His left brain simply
applies patterns to every situation and his right brain
has started to atrophy through lack of use. He is bored
with work and has become boring and a cynic. He feels
he has seen it all and there is nothing new.
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Ironically John has, in one sense, gone full circle. He has learned
patterns and now applies them but sometimes inappropriately.
She doesnʼt know that she knows
I recently heard an interview with a Hollywood actress, I think it was
Jodie Foster, who remarked that she didn't think she was very good
and had to try hard to keep up with her peers.
The ancient Greek philosopher Plato once said that he knew nothing
but was wiser than the other citizens of Athens because he knew he
knew nothing and therefore could learn. This is a level of awareness
and it's only at this stage that someone can improve. When someone
is unaware of their ignorance they see no need to learn and when
they are able to act automatically they have lost all incentive.
This is tied in with humility. When Jodie Foster says she thinks she is
not a very good actress, this is a kind of humility (rare in
Hollywood!) and unless you have this it is impossible to learn.
Unfortunately, it is not an attitude that is encouraged in Western
society.
I'm often surprised by how incompetent many well-known
Hollywood 'stars' are. Actors with no ability to express emotions
who, in practice, simply play themselves are lauded. Unfortunately
this is common in many areas. I've come across many inept computer
consultants who charge huge amounts of money for their 'services'.
The problem is that the people paying the money are often not in a
good position to sort the wheat from the chaff, which is why many
computer projects go severely over budget.
Of course, Jodie Foster is an actress and maybe one of the indications
of a good actress is that they can feign humility.
"The secret of acting is sincerity. If you can fake that, you've got it
made." -- George Burns
The four stages of learning in relationships
These four stages don’t just apply to jobs. They apply to just about
every aspect of our lives. In a relationship, for example, the man may
use patterns he has established with his friends. Burping, farting and
telling dirty jokes worked when he was with them and some men
assume this will impress a woman.
Usually (but unfortunately not always) he moves on to stage two and
realises that he has to learn new behaviour if he is going to keep his
girlfriend. He learns to respond in a different way when with her. He
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either genuinely becomes interested in what she says or he learns to
fake it. There is a feeling of being in unknown territory. He knows he
doesn’t know.
After some time of marriage he becomes quite adroit at learning how
to respond. In some cases there is a genuine interest, in others he has
learned to say certain things, sometimes with no idea why a
particular response works. This works both ways. Both partners
learn responses that become automatic.
And so the couple move onto stage four. They are in a rut. There is
no real communication because there is no real listening. There is
simply a series of automated responses. Sometimes these responses
may be quite destructive. One partner makes a critical comment and
the other responds automatically, then the first partner responds back
and within no time there is a full blown argument. The fly on the
wall (or the children if this is done in front of them, as it is too often),
can see, even before the first person opens their mouth, how the
situation is going to pan out. Unfortunately the players are ruled by
their left hemisphere programs and because their right hemisphere
‘devils advocate’ has atrophied, they are unable to intercept the
process.
The way to prevent this is to use the right brain even when we have
patterns that we think will work. We have to be like children and
play. If, for example, you find yourself in the situation I described
with the married couple, you have to change your response. You
can’t directly change your partner but if you change the way you
respond then they are forced to change. They are used to ‘pressing
your buttons’. They say something that, from experience, they have
found causes you to react in a particular way. So don’t react in that
way, instead react in an unpredictable way and so your partner is
forced out of their left hemisphere groove and has to apply their
right hemisphere thinking. This often produces confusion, and
confusion is the state where we don’t have established lefthemisphere patterns that we can automatically apply to a situation.
If you don’t know what to do that is different then do the opposite of
what you have always done. This may not work either but it allows
you to explore new possibilities. Of course there is never one
opposite. For example consider the following (not uncommon)
scenario:
Husband and wife argue over housework. She stays at home and
looks after the two young children. It’s hard work running after
them, cleaning, preparing meals. The husband comes back from
work in the evening and gets angry because the house is untidy and
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his dinner is not ready and on the table. He’s had a hard day at work
and simply wants to rest in front of the television. She wants him to
help around the house and gets annoyed when there’s so much to do
and all he does is lounge around.
She feels that he is lazy and should help around the house, and that
he doesn’t appreciate how difficult her job is. He feels that they both
have their jobs. His is at work earning money for the family whilst
hers is looking after the house and children. He feels he does his side
of the bargain and she should be able to do hers.
As soon as he comes in through the door she nags, and the more she
nags the more he wants to retreat into the television or his computer
games.
Neither strategy is working.
From her perspective, try doing the opposite. For instance, when he
comes in get him a beer or whatever it is he likes to do. Take five
minutes out of the day and talk about his day. Then channels of
communication have been opened up and he may be sympathetic to
listening to you and the issues you have. Get into the spirit of
playing with him to find what works. Stroking his ego, flattery, sex.
Sometimes women have said to me that they shouldn’t need to do
this because the husband should simply see what needs doing and
do it. I tell them that that’s the way the world is. It is as it is, not as
you want it to be. The husband may be genuinely worn out. He has
been working all day as well.
From his perspective, instead of running away when she nags, stop
and listen. You may think you have heard it all before but you
probably didn’t really listen. Be sympathetic. You may think her
problems are trivial but you aren’t in her position. She is a human
being, your wife, who is crying out for help. Be there for her.
Conversational hypnosis
Habits in relationships apply not only with husband and wife but
also between siblings and parents and children. Where parents have
a very difficult time with their children it is often about the strategies
they use with them.
The founder of modern day hypnosis was a psychiatrist Dr. Milton
Erickson. He developed a technique called conversational hypnosis.
There are people who will charge you vast sums of money to do
courses in what they call ‘hypnosis secrets’ and other such things.
They are teaching conversational hypnosis. One aspect of this is
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something that works very well with children and is often called
‘reverse psychology.'
Reverse Psychology
A family with three children had a problem with their youngest
four year old daughter who refused to eat any vegetables. It
was as if the more they tried to persuade her to eat vegetables
the more she dug her heels in. So they used reverse
psychology. Her meals were served without vegetables. In fact,
she was told she was not old enough to eat vegetables. So
whilst the rest of the family tucked into vegetables she was
excluded. After a short time she assured her parents that she
was ready now to eat vegetables.
Reverse psychology is only one of a number of techniques associated
with conversational hypnosis. Others include:
• The double Bind. Offer two alternatives where you don’t
care which one they choose. “Do you want to wash up
before or after you’ve watched television”?
• Future pacing. Get them to imagine themselves in the
situation where the job has been completed. “You know
how good you’ll feel when you’ve tidied your room”.
“You’ll feel great after you’ve apologised to your sister”.
• Questions as suggestions. Ask a question that gets them
to assume they are going to do that or feel that way.
“When you clean your room do you vacuum the floor
before making your bed or the other way round”?
• Non-sequitur. Associate something that is true (but
probably irrelevant) to what you want them to do. “John
hates mowing the lawn but you’re far more intelligent
than he is”
The main point to remember is this: instead of saying what is factual
or relevant, you make remarks with a view to having the other
person take on a particular view. This does not mean that you tell
lies, simply that you choose your words very carefully.
From an outsiders perspective these techniques can appear obvious,
even crass, but it is surprising how people can get enticed into
agreeing with it especially when their ego is boosted.
Of course all these techniques require a degree of conscious
behaviour so that you don’t simply get sucked into the usual ways of
responding. You have to be aware and using the right-hemisphere
instead of just automatically applying the old habits.
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Sequential and holistic learning
We have seen the four stages of learning and how the process moves
from the left to the right hemisphere of the brain but how we learn is
also related to left and right brained thinking. People learn in
different ways. The two extremes of this are what I would call
'Sequential Learning', which is left-brain based, and 'holistic learning'
which is right-brain based. Sequential learning is learning in a stepby-step process: this happens, then that happens. Sometimes there is
a series of procedures: you do this, then that. Holistic learning is like
seeing the situation as a picture. Initially, the picture is fuzzy and out
of focus, then as understanding builds up, parts of the picture come
into focus.
Nobody exclusively learns using one technique or the other, but
people tend towards one of these ways of understanding a problem.
Even the sequential learners have to have some vague picture so that
they have some context, similarly, holistic learners need to have a
procedural understanding when it comes down to details
Conversational Hypnosis in Action
Alan lives in a house he shares with three other people. One of
his housemates, Mark, frequently gets up in the night to go to
the toilet. He makes a lot of noise and wakes Alan up. Alan
knows that if he accuses Mark of making a noise he will simply
get annoyed or even deny it is him.
So one day when they are sitting around Alan starts a
conversation:
Alan: “I have a problem that you may be able to help me with if
you can”.
Mark: “Iʼll help if I can”
Alan: “Someone is making a noise in the night when they go to
the toilet. I donʼt know who it is. Can you let me know if you find
out and I can have a word with them”?
Mark: “Of course”
Mark was well aware that Alan knew it was him but went along
with the game. It was an amicable solution to what could have
been a difficult situation.
Generally sequential learning predominates in Western society.
Education is becoming more specialised which means that having an
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overall picture does not help the learning process. People who learn
in a sequential manner are usually better at exams, especially the
modern type of multiple-choice, 'factual' exam. A holistic learner may
not know enough details to do well in an exam, though they may do
better in essay type exams. Unfortunately, essay type exams are
considered too time consuming and too subjective to mark.
For certain types of jobs, sequential learners are better. For example
in programming sequential learners can sometimes be better at
coding from a design. Microsoft handbooks are invariably geared
towards sequential learners. However, when it comes to designing a
system, a holistic learner can have a view of how the whole system
integrates together. Too often, good programmers get promoted to
system designers with disastrous consequences. It's like promoting a
good bricklayer to an architect.
Because many people don't understand these two aspects of the
learning process, there is much confusion and wasted resources.
Teachers who think sequentially often have no patience with people
who think holistically, and often their poor exam results simply
confirm the teacher's opinion. Holistic teachers may be successful but
they are, to a large extent, swimming against the sequential tide.
Schoolteachers sometimes feel they are forced to conform to a
curriculum geared towards sequential learning and getting kids
through exams.
It has been said that half the solution to understanding a problem is
to define it. If we are plunged into trying to understand a completely
new situation it is sometimes difficult to know what questions to ask.
We may be given a number of facts but unless we understand the
context it can be difficult to see how these facts relate to each other or
to how we do our job. What we need is an overview. Eventually
experience and assimilation gives us a context and then we can start
asking the right questions. However, most learning is not done
intellectually.
There is a growing tendency in the West to teach all skills at
university. The assumption is that all learning is intellectual, even
though a common sense examination of this shows it to be wrong.
For instance, when we first learnt a language we didn’t do it at
college learning grammar and pronunciation. We did it by imitation
and trial and error. It takes most people far longer to learn a second
language than it did the first and, what’s more, people who learn a
second language usually have the accent of their first language.
We often learn without knowing that we learnt. We learn by
assimilation, associating with people who understand and by
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experience. Only a few years ago many trades were taught by
apprenticeships. The student would work alongside someone who
knew the trade and who would show them how to perform tasks.
The apprentice learned by assimilation, often without really realising
that they were learning. Nowadays, people don't consider they are
learning unless they get a degree. I was taught computer
programming at university but really learnt it when I worked
alongside a master who taught me the skills as an apprentice.
Real learning is assimilated subconsciously and most skills have to
be practiced. Techniques may be taught but practice and experience
are the keys. Many people who have a natural ability at a trade are
driven away by the intellectual straightjacket that a university degree
imposes. In many companies the best people are passed over if they
don't have a relevant degree, often by people with an intellectual
understanding but no real experience, or by people who can play the
political game.
This is the distinction between information and knowledge.
University education can give us information but experience, and
practical application, gives us knowledge. By seeing education
purely in terms of information, people are not taught how to think
laterally. That is, how to see the information they have in different
ways.
Generally, school and university education is left-brain orientated. It
teaches sequential, rather than holistic, thinking. Consequently,
people feel they have to defer to others who purport to have more
information. People who have read a lot of books and are able to
regurgitate ideas of others are listened to, whereas people who have
original ideas are, as often as not, ridiculed. This is how real
understanding stagnates. Once a consensus has been established it is
difficult, if not impossible to break out of the established way of
looking at things.
It is sometimes said that science has given us the ability to land on
the moon, perform heart transplants, and develop technologies such
as computers and television. While it is true that science has given us
some of the theoretical understanding of such things as propagation
of radio waves, which is essential for television reception, the real
work is done by engineers, and engineering is fundamentally
pragmatic. It is learnt on the job and all the theory in the world
counts for nothing if it doesn’t work.
An admissions nurse in an emergency department at a large hospital
told me that one of the main reasons for voluntary admission is
migraine headaches. The first course of action is to re-hydrate the
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body by giving a drip. I have found that when I talk to people who
get migraines, invariably they don’t drink enough water.
This is not acknowledged by the medical profession but is well
known by people working ‘in the field’. I suspect if you suggested
that this was the main cause of migraines to many medical academics
they would be somewhat sceptical.
The ʻwhyʼ and the ʻhowʼ
There is a parallel between doing and being, holistic and sequential
and left and right brained thinking and what we may call the ‘how’
and the ‘why’.
Imagine that you bump into an old friend who you haven’t seen for
some years. You ask them how things are and they tell you that they
have recently become divorced. You ask them “how did you get
divorced?”. Assuming they answer the question you asked, they
would reply with an account of the proceedings: they filled out some
forms, went in front of a magistrate, etc. It would be a factual
account: times and places that are verifiable. If you asked either
partner you would probably get a similar answer. If you asked their
friends and children, insofar as they knew, you would get a similar
account as well. This kind of response is left-brained.
Now suppose you asked them ‘Why did you get divorced?”. You
would get a very different answer. The husband and wife may give
totally different answers, the friends may give different answers still,
as would the children. The answers would not be factual or probably
verifiable. They would be opinions and feelings. This kind of
response is right-brained.
The two ways of seeing the same event are like two universes that
exist in right angles to each other. Meeting at zero but with no other
point of reference.6
6
Mathematically it can be seen as the normal and imaginary number planes which are usually depicted as
being on axis at right angles.
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From ʻThe Creativity Crisisʼ
http://www.newsweek.com/2010/07/10/the-creativity-crisis.html
To understand exactly what should be done requires first
understanding the new story emerging from neuroscience. The
lore of pop psychology is that creativity occurs on the right side
of the brain, but we now know that if you tried to be creative
using only the right side of your brain, itʼd be like living with
ideas perpetually at the tip of your tongue, just beyond reach.
When you try to solve a problem, you begin by concentrating
on obvious facts and familiar solutions, to see if the answer lies
there. This is a mostly left-brain stage of attack. If the answer
doesnʼt come, the right and left hemispheres of the brain
activate together. Neural networks on the right side scan
remote memories that could be vaguely relevant. A wide range
of distant information that is normally tuned out becomes
available to the left hemisphere, which searches for unseen
patterns, alternative meanings, and high- level abstractions.
Having glimpsed such a connection, the left brain must quickly
lock in on it before it escapes. The attention system must
radically reverse gears, going from defocused attention to
extremely focused attention. In a flash, the brain pulls together
these disparate shreds of thought and binds them into a new
single idea that enters consciousness. This is the “aha!”
moment of insight, often followed by a spark of pleasure as the
brain recognizes the novelty of what itʼs come up with.
Now the brain must evaluate the idea it just generated. Is it
worth pursuing? Creativity requires constant shifting, blender
pulses of both divergent thinking and convergent thinking, to
combine new information with old and forgotten ideas. Highly
creative people are very good at marshaling their brains into
bilateral mode, and the more creative they are, the more they
dual-activate.
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A Right Brain Script
Use the relaxation script to get yourself into a deep relaxed
state before doing the exercise here.
Become aware of your thoughts These thoughts are like a train
that roars through the mind. Each thought is like a carriage,
linked to the next one. So one moment youʼre thinking about
what you had to eat, then what you are going to do after this
exercise, then about your family and so on. Each thought is
linked to the next one like those carriages on a train.
As you become aware of these thoughts you may become
aware that they are situated on the left side of the brain - you
feel them on the left side of the head. So now, with your eyes
still closed, move them to the right and as you do become
aware of moving the focus of your attention to the to right of the
brain.
You will find that the train of thoughts is still going on in the left
side but itʼs as if you have detached yourself from them. You
are not feeding them and they will slowly fade away.
Instead you have moved into the area of the brain that deals
with being in the moment. You may find that you become aware
of the position of the body, of sounds and of your breathing.
With practice this comes easier. You may even find that you are
able to move yourself into this right brain during the day. You
will find a new awareness. You become aware of colours and
sounds and when you talk to people you become aware of their
body language and the intonation of their voice. Itʼs worth
noting that anyone can choose their words, but they are usually
less able to select their body language or their intonation.
Words are a left-brain function, body language and intonation
are right-brain functions.
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4 Assumptions
Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your
assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub
them off every once in awhile, or the light won't
come in.
Alan Alda
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How we make assumptions
It is important to note the role of assumptions in our lives. Many
people think that they are free thinkers and question the assumptions
made by their community.
We often hear people (especially young people) saying that they
‘think for themselves’, they ‘don’t conform to the views of the people
around them’. They think that they question the assumptions that the
people around them make. However, it is more usually the case that
they conform to the views of their peers and, as a group, they may
think their views may differ from the prevailing one.
Write down or think very clearly about three ideas
that you have that all (or most) of your friends would
disagree with.
What did you find from this exercise? The point is not to convince
yourself that you think for yourself because, for instance, you live in
a Christian society and you are an atheist, but to look at your atheist
friends and find ideas that they would disagree with you on or even
ridicule you for.
Atheists are often critical of the assumptions made by religious
people. Assumptions, by definition, don’t need (or are unable to be)
tested in a scientific way. Richard Dawkins, an evangelical atheist,
once said that most religious people shared the same religion as their
parents, the point being that he believed that they did not question
their beliefs but simply followed their parent’s assumptions blindly.
Of course the obvious question to him would be how would he feel if
his children were atheists? Would he feel that they blindly followed
his assumptions?
Handed down wisdom
Someone once told me that if you exercise then you should be
balanced in how you do it. If you push on a muscle, then you should
pull on its opposite one. Now I don't know if this is true or not. What
I mean is that if you don't follow this procedure then I don't know if
you will develop problems. Nor did the person who told me this. She
told me this because when she trained in physiotherapy it is what
her teacher had told her. So did the teacher know this from
experience? I don't know but I suspect that this was simply handed
down 'wisdom'.
Sceptics often pick up on this handed-down wisdom and point out
that it is unscientific. The problem is that much of what passes for
science is handed-down wisdom too. If the person doing the handing
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down has a Phd. or some credentials then it is deemed to be
scientific, otherwise it's simply old wives’ tales.
It’s worth noting that IQ tests, in one sense, simply test that the
examinee makes the same assumptions as the examiner. A typical IQ
question such as ‘Shoe is to foot as glove is to …” assumes that I’m
familiar with shoes and gloves. In a hot climate I may have never
come across a glove. A question in US exams might be ‘trunk is to
luggage as hood is to …’, the assumed answer is engine as the trunk
contains luggage and the hood contains the engine, but in UK
English the trunk on a car is called the boot and the hood is called the
bonnet. A trunk is a large suitcase so an appropriate answer could be
‘cap’. These cultural differences are acknowledged, at least in theory,
by IQ testers, but these tests also test conformity of thinking. We saw
earlier that IQ and creative thinking are different functions and can
be mutually exclusive. Training that encourages IQ may decrease
creativity.
Assumptions in science
People who have passed exams are usually portrayed as having
some kind of authority. What is rarely mentioned is that academics
achieve their position of authority by passing exams which have
been set by their teachers. If they had fundamental differences of
view from their teachers they would probably have not passed the
exams. So it’s hardly surprising to find that academics generally have
a consensus on issues. Most exams simply reflect the prevailing
orthodoxy, so when sceptics and others of similar ilk say that
something must be so because established authorities say so, it’s
worth asking who gave them this authority.
Isaac Newton said "If I have seen further it is because I have stood on
the shoulders of giants". How many scientists would question these
‘giants’?
Richard Wiseman, Ph.D, Professor of psychology at the University of
Hertfordshire is a renowned debunker and was quoted as saying that
if we were to accept psychic and other such phenomena as being
true, we would have to throw out all our current scientific theories.
This is complete nonsense. When Einstein produced his theory of
relativity the old Newtonian way of thinking didn't suddenly
become 'untrue'. It became apparent that Newton's theory was
simply a special case of Einstein's theory (that is, it applies when the
relative speeds are very much less than the speed of light and when
gravity is fairly low). So it is with psychic and other such
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phenomena. Scientific laws are simply a special case of quantum
theory, as a result of statistical averaging.
Richard Wiseman in his role as fellow of CSICOP (Committee for the
Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal) examined the
case of a girl in Russia, Natasha Demkina, who claimed to treat
people by seeing into them. (She says she can "look deep inside
people's bodies, watch their organs at work and spot when things are
going wrong"). Natasha volunteered to be examined by CSICOP as
she said she had nothing to hide. CSICOP are not concerned with
objectively investigating these claims but in debunking them, that is
they attempt to ridicule such claims using pseudo-scientific
techniques.
CSICOP set up the tests and it became apparent that Natasha was
bound to fail. Initially she did a reading in her usual way and
appeared to be quite successful. CSICOP then set up the following
scenario: there were to be seven ‘patients’ who had certain
conditions. The patients were seated and wearing special glasses so
that Natasha couldn’t see their eyes. She had a list of seven
conditions (including one patient who had nothing wrong) and she
had to match the conditions up with the patients. CSICOP had
determined that to be successful she had to get five out of seven
correct. Natasha complained about two of the conditions: one had a
removed appendix and another had a shortened esophagus.
Sometimes, she said, a removed appendix was disguised by scar
tissue and she also said that everyone had a different length
esophagus anyway. Now, as far as proving the issue it would have
made no difference to CSICOP what the conditions were. They could
have had one lung or any other ailment, however CSICOP refused to
change these two ailments. Despite this, Natasha got four out of the
seven correct.7
7
Note on the probability of getting 4 out of 7 correct matches. A statistician has calculated the odds as follows:
For a reasonable large number of patients and if the number of matches (ie matching a diagnosis with a patient) is
relatively small then it doesn't matter how many patients you have - the chances of getting exactly r matches right is:
1/(e * r!) where e = ~ 2.71818... and r! = r factorial
So match probability
0 1/e
1 1/e
2 1/2e
3 1/6e
So the chances of getting 4 or more right = 1-(1/e+1/e+1/2e+1/6e) = 1 - 2.666.../2.718... = =approx 1 - 0.981. Ie the
chances she'd have got 4 or more right by chance is less than 2% - highly unlikely
(This approximation is pretty good for 7 patients & is actually conservative - it would gives a total of 0.996 for all matches
- her chances of being right are worse than this)
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The three that Natasha got wrong were the removed appendix and
the esophagus and she also failed to detect a man with a metal plate
in his head (who it later transpired also had had his appendix
removed). Richard Wiseman, one of the testers, said with some glee
that if Natasha's claims were correct and she had X-ray vision she
should have detected the metal plate. Of course, Natasha made no
such claim. She had simply said that she can "look deep inside
people's bodies, watch their organs at work and spot when things are
going wrong". By any rational process she did remarkably well but
the aim of the ‘experiment’ was so that newspapers could report that
she had been tested and failed the test. Which is what happened. The
bar had been set at four out of the seven and she had failed
(according to CSICOP) to achieve this.
The scientific process actually makes more assumptions than many
religions. I want to examine the scientific process here.
Imagine a primitive country where nothing is known about
technology, in the sense that we use it, and a person has developed a
primitive thermometer. The experiment he wants to perform is
probably the simplest one that can be devised: he wants to measure
the boiling point of water. He has a hunch (a hypothesis in scientific
parlance) that water reaches a certain temperature when heated and
doesn’t get any hotter. He wants to know what that temperature is on
his primitive thermometer. To do this he places the thermometer in a
bowl of boiling water and marks off the position on the gauge. He
repeats this a number of times in various locations and gets the same
result. His hypothesis is now established into a theory. He lends the
thermometer to a friend to perform the same experiment. His friend
takes it to his house up a mountain but finds that the water boils at a
different point on the thermometer. If these people were following a
correct scientific process, they would attempt to find out what is
different in the tests.
Now in reality every experiment is different in one way or another
and what these experimenters have to do is to determine what the
relevant differences are. Without any prior knowledge we have to
make assumptions about what we think is relevant. One obvious
difference here is that the experiment was performed by a different
person, so our original experimenter could perform the experiment
himself. Eventually they would find that performing the experiment
at different altitudes gets different results, and so the original theory
is not disproved but is refined. Later on someone may boil water at
sea level and find they get a different result again. More
experimentation may determine that the purity of the water is a
factor, and so on. All the time we have to make assumptions about
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what is relevant to the experiment and what isn’t. Also, when
someone gets a different result do we simply say they are wrong or
do we attempt to find out what the differences are?
Even in this simple example we have to assume that the time of day,
the phase of the moon, sunspot activity or the weather8 won’t affect
the outcome. In reality, you can never know what is relevant or not
without knowing the whole picture, and of course you never can
know everything and so we make assumptions. Nowadays few
people follow the true scientific process. Previously accepted
scientific theories are used as a basis for establishing new theories
and cannot be questioned – they are assumed to be correct. In other
words, not only have scientists determined what is or is not relevant,
once an experiment has become established scientific ‘fact’ it can
never be disproved or, more specifically, cannot be refined. In our
example when the experimenter determined that water boils at a
particular temperature and found that this wasn’t true in all
situations, the experiment wasn’t disproved it was simply refined.
In the example above the experimenter assumes that the
thermometer is accurate but the accuracy of a thermometer is
determined by testing against a known temperature, for example the
temperature of boiling water.
This isn’t to say that science isn’t useful. It is a tool for a job. For some
jobs (such as establishing the boiling point of water or working out
the trajectory of a rocket) it is very useful; for other jobs, such as
social science and psychology it can be useful but one has to be very
careful as there are many factors beyond the control of the
experimenter; and for some things, such as philosophy and theology,
it is totally useless because of the assumptions that the scientist has
to make. In tasks such as medicine there are so many variables that a
totally different system of science is used (for example control groups
use double-blind studies and placebos when testing drugs). This is
reported to be scientific but these methods are based on assumptions
many of which are quite tenuous on close examination.
Forming a worldview
Most people form their worldview of life at an early age. This used to
be at around 18 years old, but nowadays it is getting younger and
younger. Once a worldview has been formed it is very rarely
changed.
8
Of course we now know that barometric pressure affects boiling point.
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What happens is that when people read literature or see a television
program they filter the contents through their ‘worldview filter’. This
filter prevents other views coming into consciousness that could
contaminate the existing view. We see this for example in politics. If
you have a left-wing view of the world, you will read a speech by a
right-wing politician with some skepticism. Conversely, a speech by
a politician with whom you are sympathetic will be taken at face
value.
Many people have an aversion to hard physical work. This aversion
is so common that it feeds a plethora of labour-saving devices:
Television remote controls mean we don’t have to get up from the
couch to change channels; escalators mean we don’t have to traipse
up and down stairs; cars mean we don’t have to walk and so on. In
the same way as people have an aversion to physical exercise, they
have an aversion to mental exercise. We use calculators rather than
do the sums in our head. We will look up an answer on the Internet
rather than work it out for ourselves. The problem here is that we
have delegated our thinking to others. If you don’t work things out
for yourself you lose this ability and nowadays children don’t even
develop it. The part of the brain that does this work is never
developed and so people become dependent on others who can
supply answers. Unfortunately, these people usually have their own
worldview and have a vested interested in spreading it.
Here is a method of suspending your own beliefs. When you read an
article, read it as if you will accept everything that is written. When
you have finished assimilating the contents, form it into a consistent
view. Then examine this view as a complete thought system. You
have to enter the world of the writer. See the world as they see it. It is
possible that you may find yourself accepting the opinion. More
likely you will find that there are differences in the assumptions you
make between this view and your own.
A sign of the times
On an item on television about workplace rage, a woman laid some
of the blame on companies for cutting costs. For example, by cutting
their branches, banks had increased waiting time and resulted in
more annoyance and rage.
Blaming longer waiting times for people getting angry is
symptomatic of a modern way of thinking. It says that people aren't
to blame for their behaviour but that the blame is attributable to
circumstances and, therefore, lies with the people who create these
circumstances, invariably rich companies.
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A similar thinking underlies the sue-for-money attitude that is
coming more prevalent, and it is invariably a rich corporation that is
sued, after all there's no point in suing someone with no money.
A newspaper even had an article blaming white racist attitudes for
the actions of Mugabe in Zimbabwe, not just that these attitudes
resulted in his power (which may be true) but that he was justified in
his actions because of the way black Africans had been treated by
white imperial powers. In other words, black racism is justified by
previous instances of white racism. A similar attitude exists among
some feminists: it's okay for women to denigrate men, so the
argument goes, as men have been doing this to women for
generations.
This thinking is so entrenched that poverty is considered not on an
absolute basis (that is, can these people afford the necessities of life: a
decent home, food and clothing?), but on a relative basis (how much
difference is there between the richest and poorest people?). In other
words, even if you are well off you have a 'right' to complain if other
people are better off than you are.
In order for the soul to evolve we must learn, and a large part of
learning means learning from your mistakes and facing the
consequences of your actions. These political correct attitudes
prevent people facing the consequences of their actions, which mean
that the lesson has to be learned in other ways. If you don't learn the
lesson the first time it comes back harder the next.
The problems facing the world over the next few years will be
immense: economic stagnation, war and disease. When times are
hard people become more spiritual. This is how the forces of the
universe correct the imbalances that people have brought on
themselves. The human race has only themselves to blame for what
will befall them.
On being rational
In the West we like to think of ourselves as intelligent. The popular
view of intelligence, or at least one interpretation of it, is that we are
in control of our actions and we do things having considered the
consequences of our actions. As far as most people are concerned,
this could hardly be further from the truth. The problem is that the
emphasis in education is on rational, logical thinking - ‘left-brain’
thinking. We have neglected the development of ‘right-brain’
thinking and as a result most people are influenced in ways they
don't understand. These influences are intentional and unintentional.
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There is a method that hypnotists use called a ‘Post Hypnotic
Suggestion’. Once the hypnotist has put the person (the subject)
under a suitably deep hypnotic state, the Post Hypnotic Suggestion is
made by telling the subject that after they wake up the hypnotist will
say or do something (the trigger) to which the subject will respond in
a particular way (the response). For example, the hypnotist may say
that when they pick up their coffee cup from the table (the trigger),
the subject will go into the kitchen and wash their hands (the
response). On coming out of hypnosis, the subject will remember
nothing of the suggestion but when the hypnotist performs the
trigger (picking up the coffee cup) the subject will respond as
previously suggested. When asked why he got up to wash his hands
he will invariably make some excuse, typically comments such as: ‘I
realized that I had coffee on my hands’; ‘I went into the kitchen to get
some milk and thought I would wash my hands while I was in
there’. Rarely will people say that they didn't know or will recall the
suggestion.
People in the advertising or marketing professions know how
particular social groups can be influenced by triggers. They know
that the image of the self-confident, fit and active woman who can
juggle work and family with ease will appeal to a particular
demographic whilst the image of the latest fashion will appeal to
another. Politicians use similar techniques: law and order phrases
will appeal to some people, social welfare will appeal to others. Not
only do few think about what is being said but the tendency is that
people respond to set phrases more, and think rationally less.
Political correctness is about banning certain types of phrases
regardless of whether they are true or not. A politician who remarks
that a particular racial grouping is different in ability would be
committing political suicide, even if factually such a statement were
true. The emotional response is considered more important than any
rational consideration of the statement.
I recently saw a practitioner of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)
doing a demonstration. The program organisers arranged for five
students to take part in an experiment. Each student sat down at a
desk with the practitioner who had a sheet of paper with five shapes.
I think they were a square, a circle, a star, a diamond and pentagram.
The student had to choose one shape and write the name of the
shape into a sealed envelope. The NLP practitioner said he could get
every student to select the star. The interviews were filmed and
although it was apparent that there was no obvious coaxing, each
student did select the star. They asked the NLP practitioner how he
did it and had made some points. When going through the list of
shapes he paused on mentioning the star; he made a star shape with
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his fingers and used other body language and subtle language cues
to subliminally emphasis his point. The students were obviously
unaware of how they were being influenced. Sales professionals
often use NLP techniques in order to influence their clients.
The more ‘rational’ we think we are, the more we can be influenced
by subtle techniques because our rational side is able to convince us
that what we are doing is the correct course of action. To become true
controllers of our destiny we have to expand our consciousness so
that these subtle influences become obvious.
This is not to say that we should reject our rational side. On the
contrary, used correctly rationality helps us to keep other aspects of
psyche in check so that our emotions and instinctual drive don't run
amok. When not used correctly logical and rational arguments can be
used to justify the most atrocious behavior. So called ‘intellectuals’
purport to use rationality to form their views. Usually, however, such
people simply use logic to justify views that were formed as a result
of influences that they don't understand.
Cause and effect
A fundamental premise of scientific investigation is the concept of
cause and effect. If I switch this switch then this light will light up.
Science is generally concerned with going back from effect to cause.
What caused the light to come on? By trying various experiments
(switching this or that switch) we can ascertain the cause of an effect
and, hopefully, get a better understanding of the world.
Each event causes other events that cause more events and so on. The
image of a small stone dropped into a pond comes to mind. The
waves ripple out further and further. However, the simplistic idea of
a simple cause and effect is rarely the case. In this example for the
light to come on we need to have electricity and a working bulb. If
the bulb is broken the light will not work. Science attempts to isolate
each cause and effect but in the process often simplifies the issues to
such an extent that theories become meaningless. This is particularly
true in medicine where there are many factors at work that affect
each other. This is why alternative medical practitioners often talk
about ‘holistic’ medicine. Instead of isolating each symptom (the
effect) and attempting to ascertain the cause, the holistic practitioner
looks at the total working of the body and look at where the
weaknesses and imbalances are.
If we see the world as a series of accidents – of causes and effects that
cause other effects and so on – then the world is a dangerous place
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and is inherently out of our control. At any moment we could be
subject to effects, the causes of which happened long ago. This is the
idea of chaos theory; the flapping of the wings of a butterfly in
Sydney can cause a tornado in the USA.
A human being, or an intelligent animal, will perform an action to
bring about a known outcome. This is what a definition of
intelligence is: the ability to predict effects and take actions to bring
about a know outcome. On the other hand, an accident is where a
cause brings about unpredictable, or undesired, outcomes. So when a
tornado hits a house and by-passes another next door the
assumption is that this is purely chance; the tornado has no
intelligence and so can’t direct its force in one place rather than
another.
The idea of cause and effect makes some assumptions. It assumes
that time works in one direction only (the future can’t affect the past)
and that there is no intelligence at work.
Popular situation comedies (sit-coms) often have a theme where an
incident early on in an episode has comical repercussions later on.
The scriptwriter, of course, can control the situation. He can go back
and rewrite events and can create the outcome he wants. Real life, so
many people assume, has no such scriptwriter but how do we know
that the tornado is not intelligent? It’s easy to attribute what we don’t
understand to ‘randomness’, this is the parrot-cry of the sceptic.
Instead of considering that there is a process that can be understood,
it is easier to resort to statistics.
Everything happens for a reason
It is sometimes said that “Everything happens for a reason”. The
cynic would remark that you could always find a reason afterwards.
Even if that were true, it is the difference between the optimist and
the pessimist. An optimistic outlook is to see the bright side of
everything. So, if an apparently ‘bad’ event happens, the optimist
says that good will come out of it. Conversely, the pessimist sees the
bad in everything and if an apparently ‘bad’ event happens, the
pessimist says ‘told you so’. It reassures him to be proved right.
If this were the only reason for having an attitude that “Everything
happens for a reason” then this would be a good enough reason.
After all, optimists live longer than pessimists and lead healthier
lives.
However, there is more to it than this. Having the attitude that
“Everything happens for a reason” means that there are no regrets
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and recriminations and no getting annoyed with people. For
instance, if you get held up in traffic because someone didn’t go
when the lights turned green then instead of getting annoyed you
simply say that “Everything happens for a reason”, and open your
mind to seeing the infinite possibilities that life is offering you.
A common theme among atheists is that if there is a ‘good’ God then
how is that ‘bad’ things happen? There are no ‘good and ‘bad’
events: there is simply life. What we call cause and effect are
simplistic generalisations that can aid our path through life. It helps
us to predict likely outcomes. However, most of life does not fit
neatly into cause and effect, which is why science is usually useless
in making decisions in our day-to-day world. There are so many
apparently unrelated causes that it is impossible to make predictions
using any kind of scientific model. Why did that person, at that time,
choose to miss the light going green? They may have been on their
mobile phone but why did it happen when I was behind them and at
that particular time?
Events aren’t random: they happen in order to produce an outcome.
There is an intelligence behind events. The apparently random series
of actions came about in order to produce the outcome that you were
going to be stuck in traffic. If that sounds ridiculous, you can get
some understand of the mechanism behind it by studying quantum
physics. Of course, the pessimist would say, "I told you so - life is
conspiring against me"!
The conjuring trick
Conjurers use a technique called sleight of hand. For example, the
conjurer may cover a coin in the palm of his left hand while doing
something with the right hand that attracts the attention of the
audience. Magicians such as David Copperfield use this sleight of
hand on a grand scale, distracting the audience with dancers and
tigers whilst the real magic is performed under their noses.
In his book ‘Sorcerer's Apprentice’9 Tahir Shah recounts the exploits
of many Indian ‘gurus’ who use sleight of hand to portray
themselves as mystics with advanced powers.
A similar sleight of hand is performed by people who should know
better. Often without really being aware of what they are doing. An
example of this when people recount statistics without bearing in
mind how the statistics were obtained. A question such as ‘Do you
think criminals should be punished for their crimes’ would produce
9
http://www.amazon.com/Sorcerers-Apprentice-Tahir-Shah/dp/1559706260
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a different result from ‘Do you think there should be longer jail
sentences’, though in both cases the result may be interpreted as
such-and-such a percentage agree with more law and order
legislation.
I once compared England to New Zealand by saying that in England
around one-third to one-half of the population was of below average
intelligence, whereas in New Zealand it was the other way around around one-third to one-half of the population was of above average
intelligence. Of course anyone familiar with statistics would know
that both cases are just as true in each country, but the response you
will get from people is an emotional one because they don’t
understand, or don’t think about, exactly what they are hearing.
They respond emotionally.
I saw a statistic that something like 90% of altercations between car
drivers and cyclists were the fault of the car driver. Not surprisingly,
this was published by a cyclist’s organisation, but the statistic was
obtained from analysing film footage that the cyclists took from
video cameras mounted on their helmets. Their may be some truth in
this but I’m sure the statistic would have been different if selected car
drivers had had the cameras mounted instead of the cyclists.
One example of this sleight of hand is in what we might call
‘diagrammatic representations’. To understand something it often
helps to draw a picture. This picture is a representation of what we
want to portray. So for example, if I buy something that needs to be
assembled, there may be a picture of how the pieces fit together. The
picture need not be accurate in all respects, in fact it is often helpful if
the picture is not accurate. For instance there may be broken lines to
indicate parts that are not visible to the observer and the pieces may
not be to scale. The diagram is designed to serve a purpose.
A similar idea is the usual drawing that is used to illustrate the
planets in the solar system. The planets are shown in colour in their
order from the sun. They are not to scale and the distances are
grossly exaggerated, or rather diminished. It would be impossible to
go anywhere in the galaxy and see the planets in this way. Were you
able to move out far enough to see the solar system as a whole, the
planets would be indistinguishable from the surrounding stars.
However, such diagrams serve a purpose.
Another example is the conventional diagram of an atom with a
nucleus consisting of neutrons and protons, and an orbiting electron.
Such a model would be impossible to see and in any case quantum
effects would make such a model impossible. The picture beguiles
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people into believing that that is reality, that the atom really does
work like that.
Nowadays, diagrams are not only put on paper but are represented
as mathematical models inside computers. These models can be used
to for such purposes as simulating aircraft characteristics and are
much less costly than building the real thing or building models and
testing in wind tunnels. The models, however, depend on how
accurate the mathematical calculations reflect the reality. Again,
people get beguiled and believe that because the computer makes
predictions about behavior that is really how it is. It is a sort of
sleight of hand. The trick was performed when the real world was
interpreted into a mathematical model.
Cosmologists have proved that black holes exist by using equations
derived from Einstein’s theory of relativity to prove that an object
with more than a certain mass density will not allow light to escape
its gravitational pull. Of course, by definition a black hole can’t be
seen directly, though its existence may be deduced by looking for
some related phenomena. What the cosmologist has done is to make
markings on a piece of paper. He tells you that these markings
‘prove’ that black holes exist. Why should you believe him? This isn’t
to say that he is wrong but whether you believe in black holes is
determined by belief: belief that the maths is correct and belief that
the maths proves the existence of black hole. The same people who
believe in black holes because of markings on a piece of paper (which
they probably don’t understand) may be quite derisory if someone
said that they believed in God because of words in the Bible. What
we call science and proof are based on belief.
Mathematicians and cosmologists have also claimed to know the
mind of God because they have performed a few calculations. This is
simply arrogance in assuming that their mathematical
representations of how the universe in constructed has any validity.
One example of this is when cosmologists talk about the first few
seconds of the universe. A ‘Universe’ with no matter as we conceive
it and with gravitational and other forces beyond our
comprehension, does not have time as we know it. This is the
conjurer at work.
Some scientists claim that they have performed experiments to
establish whether the power of prayer helps in healing. Many
(although not all) of these experiments claim to have found no
correlation. However, one would want to ask how they determine
what is real prayer? I saw a letter from an atheist who claimed to
have prayed to win the lottery and it didn’t happen. People who
understand prayer know that it is heartfelt plea to a higher power. If
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you don’t believe in the higher power then how can the intention be
heartfelt?
Keeping perspective
When people are in a particular state they are often unable to see the
situation in its real perspective. The mind can get stuck in a groove.
For example, the person susceptible to road rage who gets cut up at a
road junction simply wants to antagonise the driver responsible and
doesn't see them as a human being who can make mistakes. The
teenage boy who fantasises about having sex with the woman
walking in front of him doesn't see her as a human being with her
own views, likes and dislikes. The scientist dissecting a flower
doesn't see its beauty.
There's a story of a powerful Sultan who asked his advisers for
something that would help to stabilise his moods. Something that
would bring him up when he was down, and make him
contemplative when he was up. His advisers went away and finally
came back with a ring. On it was an inscription: "This, too, will pass".
It's important to keep things in perspective. Imagine this scenario:
A woman comes back from a hard day at work. She walks in through
the front door with her bags of shopping and the place is a shambles.
Her three kids have been home all day and have left their things all
over the place. She's exhausted and as she puts her shopping down
in the kitchen she is contemplating another hour or two of work
cooking and cleaning. Her teenage son walks in and asks "When's
dinner ready mum?".
It's the last straw. She shouts at him that he's a lazy bum and he
ought to help clean the place up; and she's been working all day and
has better things to do then clean up after him; and no one else has to
put up with what she does and he's a lazy good-for-nothing. The son
gets angry and storms out of the house.
The doorbell rings. She goes to the door and sees a small crowd in
the street. There's a car, its engine running. She runs out, dreading
the worst. In front of the car there's something. A body. It's at a
strange angle but she recognises the clothes. There's only one
thought going through her mind: if he dies the last thing she would
have said to him is that he was a lazy good-for-nothing.
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5 The Authentic Self
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
William Shakespeare
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This above all, to thine own self be true
Shakespeare's advice “This above all, to thine own self be true”, has
rarely been more misunderstood or so needed as now. Many people
have lost sight of their own characters. They have so cut themselves
off from their own likes and dislikes and their own real feelings that
they like what they think they should like and feel what the think
they should feel. If all your friends say they enjoyed a particular
movie, particularly a ‘deep’ and difficult to understand one, are you
going to admit that you found the whole thing rather tedious? If you
don't admit it to your friends are you going to admit it to yourself?
What is worse than prejudice is to persuade yourself that you aren't
prejudiced when you are. Prejudice is a disservice to other people;
the other is a disservice to yourself. If you cut yourself off from your
real feelings they are likely to surface in a more destructive way. It’s
sometimes said that those who shout loudest about something are
the most guilty. I've seen myself people who are strong campaigners
against racial prejudice who are blindly prejudiced against, for
example, gun owners. Often without personally knowing a single
gun owner.
It’s very common for people, and this seems particularly to apply to
women, to make statements such as “I am perfectly content in
myself”. I found many times that when you get to know such people
that this is far from the truth. They say such platitudes so as to
convince themselves that it’s true. If you shout that you are content,
or are not prejudiced, or are compassionate, then you can convince
yourself that that is the case. Such people also seek comfort in those
with similar views so that they can reinforce each other’s worldview.
Political correctness has turned this into a movement. The political
correct lobby tells us that we should not trust our feelings as these
may be based on inaccurate assumptions, and that we should treat
everyone the same. If someone has proved themselves unreliable
should I rely on them in a critical situation? What if I feel that
someone is unreliable? This feeling may be a prejudice but it may be
based on intuition. Like learning to walk we may stumble, and make
wrong guesses but without having the freedom to explore our own
feelings we become no more than walking automata. The fate of
many people in the West.
Looking inwards to our feelings
At funerals you will often find two types of people: those who loved
the deceased and are feeling a profound loss, and those who didn't
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really know (or maybe didn't really like) the deceased and who put
on an act. Few people will turn up to a funeral of someone they
know and act in a joking or indifferent way, so instead they say and
do the ‘right’ things. Sometime those who have real feelings for the
deceased find this offensive.
These sham emotions have in many cases replaced the real thing.
Like a country that has so much forged currency that people don't
recognise the real thing, people think this sham emotion is real
emotion. People don't believe you feel emotion unless you show it,
and think if you show it that therefore you must be feeling it.
Because these people have lost the ability to look inwards at their real
feelings, they are wide open to being manipulated by governments,
churches or other authorities for their own purposes. For instance,
the Christian Church uses guilt to impose its authority and political
parties use feelings about the environment or welfare to get voters to
support them. Such people can be manipulated by emotional
blackmail. If you are influenced by how you think others will
perceive your behaviour then you have to be seen to be doing the
right thing. People who are in touch with their inner conscience are
interested in being true to themselves; the attitudes of other people
are of secondary importance.
The safe option
There used to be an advertising slogan 'No one ever got fired for
buying IBM'. The meaning behind this was that IBM was the safe
option. So when an IT manager needed a new IT system he could
rely on IBM. Not necessarily because IBM would perform the
installation on time and on budget, but because even if they went
wildly over time and over budget the manager could go to his
superiors and say something to the effect that 'If IBM couldn't do it
then no one else would have been able to do it either'. If this manager
went to a local company, who may have quoted to be able to do the
work for half the price, and they failed the manager would be in the
firing line. 'Why', he would be asked, 'did you get some small local
company to do the work instead of a reputable company like IBM'?
Buying IBM was the safe option. Many media executives are wooden
in their attitudes; they won't take any risks and are more interested in
following established trends then trying anything new.
Unfortunately, media executives are not alone in this attitude, as this
IBM slogan illustrates. Companies, and particularly large
organisations, are moribund by the inability of executives to take any
form of risk. The result of this is that, contrary to popular view,
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science and technology are not really developing in new ways. In
computers people accept the Microsoft method of doing things. In
the arts people accept the formula-driven drivel that comes out of
Hollywood. In science anyone who questions established scientific
orthodoxy is ostracised as a heretic.
People are worried about what other people think. It's sometimes
said that this is a result of economic instability. If there is a shortage
of work then people are unwilling to take a risk that may prejudice
their employment. However, when IBM was at its peek in the 1980s
employment, particularly in IT, was plentiful. The problem is not
employment; it is that people have less integrity and less self-belief.
There’s an old saying “it’s better that ten guilty men go free rather
than one innocent man goes to prison”. It seems that magistrates are
more inclined to give accused people the benefit of the doubt, often
in what seems above and beyond ‘reasonable doubt’. Many years ago
when people were more religious than they are now, there was a
view of trusting before God. In other words, the magistrate would
make a decision based on the available evidence and trust in God
that he was doing the correct thing10. Nowadays this kind of belief is
rare, so magistrates become moribund in indecisiveness and resort to
platitudes such as ‘it’s better that ten guilty men go free rather than
one innocent man goes to prison’. There is no self belief and
confidence so they take the ‘safe’ option.
Self-belief has been related to confidence but there is a subtle
difference. Self-belief is being in touch with the inner voice that
guides you and following it, even against popular opinion. The
hallmark of really successful people is that they believe in what they
are doing. What they are doing may be misguided, but it is this belief
that carries them forward. This isn't to justify stubbornness. You can
have a strong self-belief and still be flexible.
On trusting others
I had a client who suffered from chronic depression. A girl (who we’ll
call K), around 24 years old. We did a session and she came back the
following week. I asked her how her week had gone:
K: Very bad
ME: What happened?
10 In Islam it is traditional to say “Bismillah ir Rahman ir Rahim” (In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the
Merciful) before making a statement of any significance. It indicates subservience to God.
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K: I got a phone call from a friend. She had a big argument with her
boyfriend and she phoned me up to cry on my shoulder. We had a big
argument and she slammed the phone down and now I’ve lost a friend.
ME: I don’t understand. She phoned you up for support. Why did she
slam the phone down?
K: Well she only phones me up when she wants support from me and I
told her that.
ME: So as a result both you and her feel bad. Imagine that you had
acted differently. Imagine that you listened to her problems and said
supporting words. How do you think she would have felt when she
put the phone down?
K: Probably better.
ME: And how would you have felt?
K: Good.
ME: So you had a choice. One course of action, the one you took,
makes you both feel bad and the other would have made you both feel
good.
Some people are untrusting. It’s as if they live on an island and they
have fortified defences so that anything that approaches is
automatically assumed to be enemy and is shot down.
Hold your hand out, palm upwards. Ninety-nine people may spit in
it. If they do you wipe your hand clean.
The one-hundredth person may put money in it.
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6 Love Yourself
But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be
unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt
love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the
land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.
Leviticus 19:34
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The art of loving
In his book 'The Art of Loving'11 Erich Fromm talks about self-love
and says you can't love someone else until you learn to love yourself.
One of the problems that society faces today is that many people,
particularly youth, don't have any self-respect. The preponderance of
tattoos and piercings is a symptom of this. People who don't have
self respect, or self love, can fall madly in love with someone who
they see as a counterbalance for their own character. This mad
infatuation lasts a while, only to be replaced by apathy, indifference
or even loathing. The same character traits that endeared you to
someone later causes you to dislike them. The truth is that you liked
the aspects of their character that you shared but now you dislike
seeing your own reflection in the other person.
In the earlier part of the last century it was considered normal to stay
with a partner for life and divorce was considered not quite Kosher. I
can remember as a child divorced people being spoken about in
hushed tones, like people would talk about someone accused of rape
today. Certainly, many people stayed in unhappy relationships that
they would have been better off out of. However, there was also
tremendous pressure for a couple to work through their difficulties.
A few years ago a newly married couple took part in a venture to
survive a year on the inhospitable South West coast of Tasmania. This
was going to be their honeymoon. He was member of the Australian
State Emergency Service, she was a nurse. In practical terms they
were well equipped to survive. When they arrived the husband had
the view that he was practical and he wasn't going to show any
weakness in front of his new wife. However, over the course of the
year each learned that the only way they were going to survive was
by drawing on the strengths of the other and by being tolerant of any
weaknesses. They both said that they came out of it very much
stronger in their love and respect for each other and admitted that
without such a test their marriage probably wouldn't even have
survived the year. Nowadays, who's going to go through that process
when they could simply sign a document and get a divorce?
Children suffer in a divorce; this has been well documented. What
isn't so well documented is that it is the partners who miss out on a
tremendous opportunity to learn about themselves and to learn
about real love, rather than infatuation. The people who want to
debase marriage have a misguided notion that commitment to one
partner is stifling and that sexual freedom is liberating. It isn't. It is
11
http://www.amazon.com/Art-Loving-Perennial-Classics/dp/0060958286
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simply enslavement by base desires, a far harsher master than any
spouse.
Lack of self respect is tied up with increased drug use and the lack of
spirituality. People in this state have highs, but also incredible lows.
This is the state of people in the twenty-first century: suffering from a
kind of manic-depression going from transitory highs to black
depression. Drug users experience this but after a while the highs
become just the relief of the depression, a hit to keep the blackness
away. Love, joy even sadness has disappeared, there's only the drug
and its effects.
Christians often mistake self-love for love of self or selfishness. It's
not. Men who are violent to women and who treat women as sex
objects don't have self-love. They have no respect for themselves and
they take their own inner hatred out on their partner. If you don't
care about yourself how can you care for someone else?
Many times I see mothers who have selflessly dedicated themselves
to the upbringing of their family. Looking after the husband, home
and children, often at great cost to their own well being. As a
psychologist once said to such a person “If you care about your
children, you should care about their mother”.
Conditional and unconditional love
Erich Fromm makes another interesting point in the same book about
kinds of love: love of a man for a woman, love for a mother for her
child and love for a father for his child, love of a neighbour and so
on. Mother love and father love, he says, are different. Nowadays it
is not fashionable to even point out that there is a difference between
men and woman but less than fifty years ago the nuclear family was
considered normal, and male and female roles were fairly well
defined. The father was the breadwinner and went out into the
world; the mother maintained the house, looked after the children, at
least two, cooked the meals and provided support. There was, and
still is in many families, a difference in the way men and woman
provided support and discipline to their children.
The mother provides unconditional love. A mother loves her children
regardless of what they do. This isn't to say she always approves,
simply that the love is always there. A child knows that whatever
they do they can always return to their mother. This provides
stability and assurance, a solid base on which a child can build
confidence.
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The father’s love is conditional. He is approving or disapproving.
This gives the child guidance for what is right and wrong, what is
correct behaviour. It’s been found that children inherit intelligence
from their mothers but social skills from their fathers.
Following fashion
Someone who calls herself a 'Fashion Consultant' wrote an article in
the local paper where she gave some fashion advice. Among the tips
for the fashion conscious was that periodically you should purge
your wardrobe. In other words, every so often you should throw out
perfectly good clothes because they don't fit in with current notions
of what to wear. Why should someone care about following fashion?
The main reason is that people, more usually women in this instance,
are concerned about what other people think of them. This is linked
to low self-esteem. They only feel good about themselves when other
people look favourably on them.
This goes further than simply appearance. There is fashion in ideas,
attitudes, beliefs and morals. People who are concerned about what
others think of their appearance are also concerned to say the right
things, to toe the line. They are often, incidentally, the same people
who talk about their independence.
Because in many cases parents have effectively abrogated
responsibility for bringing up their children, they look for guidance
from their peers and seek approval in what they wear and what they
say. Being 'cool' can be very important.
This doesn't go away as people get older. Women are particularly
susceptible to seeking approval, especially when they lack selfesteem.
It's sometimes said that the world is made up of two groups: the
trendsetters and the trend-follows. I beg to differ. The trendsetters
and the trend-follows have a lot in common in that both groups are
concerned with trends. People who are confident in themselves are
not concerned with simply following what other people do, or, for
that matter, in getting other people to follow them.
On the other hand, caring about your appearance is not the same as
following fashion. One of the reasons that people indulge in selfmutilation, piercing, tattooing etc, is that they often have low selfesteem. If you think little of what you look like then anything is an
improvement and in any case, to use the vernacular, so what?
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The American television presenter, Dr. Phil, talks about what he calls
‘The Authentic Self’. This is phrase he has taken from the
psychologist Abraham Maslow. Many people act according to what
is required of them. Some people are so cut off from their own true
selves that they are unable to decide for themselves what their
preferences are in such things as food or movies. The modern trend
of following fashion exacerbates this tendency for people to get cut
off from their own feelings and to replace these by the opinions of the
group.
For example, in schools there is considerable peer pressure for people
to conform to a group. The group may be one of the many tribes that
seem to populate schools: the ‘nerds’, the ‘Goths’, the cheerleaders,
etc. Entry to these groups is at a price: you have to sell your soul but
people are not aware of the value of their soul, so they sell it for the
price of a compliment or even less. If you are in such a group and
they rave about a new movie it is difficult to stand back from this
and admit to yourself that you found it rather boring or pretentious.
You are more inclined to believe the fault is in yourself rather than
your group of ‘friends’.
People get trapped by their own expectations. A few years ago a
friend of mine in England bought his very working-class mother a
gift from Harrods, in London. She returned it to the shop as she said
that Harrods were not ‘for the likes of people like her’. The class
system in England trapped many people into low expectations. If
your family didn’t go to university than probably you wouldn’t
either. It wasn’t necessarily because of your intelligence or of money:
it simply wasn’t done.
These expectations, the ides of what we should or shouldn’t like, our
ideas of politics and religion or of money are moulded at an early
age. Even if we think we have broken out of them, we often reflect
them in a different form. For example, the person who supposedly
escapes his class preconceptions and goes to university to study
sociology may be going to university not to study something that
really interests him, but simply to show that he has escaped his class.
He hasn’t, he is simply reflecting the same class hang-ups in a
different way. People who set fashions and declare they are not
followers are still dictated to by fashion.
When people follow the pattern set by someone else, they have cut
themselves off from their authentic self. One area where this is very
noticeable is in food choices. One reason why diets don’t work is that
when people eat food determined by what someone else has told
them they should eat, rather than what they feel they should eat,
they have cut themselves off from their body’s natural instincts and
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the more they cut themselves off from it, the more they eat the wrong
things at the wrong times in the wrong quantities. The real solution
to diet is to listen to your body. Instead people turn their diet into
their religion.
One of my criticisms of what I call the new science, the idea that
what is correct scientifically is what the scientific community tells
you is correct, is that it cuts people off from their real ideas and
feelings. This is why it is important to ask yourself when you are
presented with a new idea: does this seem right? Does it have a good
smell, so to speak? The trend in society is to force people to conform
and to ridicule them when they don’t. It takes real courage to stand
up to this.
On name calling
When I was at school in the UK many years ago I was often called
such names as ‘four-eyes’ and ‘Jew Boy’. I never interpreted these as
racist (or spectacle-ist) – I simply saw them as childish remarks. At
schools in Australia, if you are tall you are likely to be called shorty
or if red-haired, bluey. People don’t (usually) find these remarks
offensive, so why do people find remarks that pick up on a
prominent aspect of a person’s character to be so derogatory?
If you were walking down the road and some kids ran passed and
shouted out to you “big nose” would you accuse them of ‘nose-ism’,
or would you simply dismiss it as childishness? People have given
words power because they no longer think about what words really
mean.
7 A Colourless World
The craving for colour is a natural necessity just as
for water and fire. Colour is a raw material
indispensable to life. At every era of his existence
and his history, the human being has associated
colour with his joys, his actions and his pleasures.
Frenand Leger
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We donʼt know what we donʼt know
I previously wrote about anosognosia, where a person is not aware of
a deficiency in their mind. In many respects this syndrome reaches
far beyond the obvious case of a stroke victim who is unable to
acknowledge that they have had a stroke.
Many women, and some men, enjoy what is sometime called ‘chick
flicks’. Movies that stimulate the emotions. For someone who is cut
off from their emotions the movies will simply leave them cold. Such
a person may simply find the movie pointless. It’s like putting two
guitars next to each other and plucking a string on one of them. The
corresponding string on the other guitar will vibrate in resonance. If
there is no string that is tuned to the right note the guitar will not
resonate. The person lacking in the emotions is not aware of their
deficiency, they may even see it as a strength in that they think of
themselves a rational and not easily swayed by superficialities.
This anosognosia also applies to people who lack what me call
intuitive sensitivity. Such people are often called ‘psychic’.
A colourless world
Imagine if you will, a world where all but a few people are colour
blind. A small percentage, say 2-3% can see normal colours and a
further few percentage have limited colour vision, for instance they
may be red-green colour blind or see only washed-out colours. What
would such a world be like? Well, we can make some assumptions.
There would be a different attitude to lighting, for example. Where
there is insufficient light our colour vision diminishes and we find it
difficult to distinguish colours in dark places. Where there is no
colour vision this would not be a factor. Also, we could assume that
there would be many words for different shades of gray. In the same
way as Inuit people have many different words for snow, our colour
blind people would have words to describe shades of gray, far more
than just light gray or dark gray.
In such a world the people who can see in colour would find life very
difficult. Objects with different colours may appear to be the same
shade of gray to a colour-blind person but would be very different to
someone with colour vision. Such people may be labeled as
handicapped in some way. They may be identified in having a
particular disability, similar to how we describe autistic children. In
this world there would obviously be no words for colour and a
person who can see in colour would not be able to identify or label
any of the colours they see. Two people with colour vision may
become aware that they do not see the world as others do, but it
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would be difficult for them to form a language of colours with which
they could communicate. Even if they could, no one else would be
able to understand it. Twins who are in close proximity may achieve
this, and twins sometimes do have a private language that no one
else understands.
Where there is no colour vision there would be a cacophony of
colours. A room may be painted with drab or bright colours,
mixtures of colours that clash and would appear to be one
harmonious shade to a colour-blind person. Colours effect mood and
living in constant drabness would have an effect on colour seeing
people.
Colour seeing people however would have some advantages. For
example they may be able to differentiate certain plants that appear
the same to colour blind people. Such a practitioner may be able to
identify illnesses and problems by seeing the colour of someone's
blood or mucus. They may be able to tell water that is poisonous
from harmless water by its colour. In such a world these people may
have a kind of mystical status. Their understanding is not
communicable to anyone and it cannot be tested with any known
instruments. However, those who have trained themselves
sufficiently will be proved to be correct more often than not. There is
no guarantee that two people with full colour vision will agree,
though. With no words to describe colours the practitioner may look
at green phlegm and simply say "I've seen this before and its cause is
such-and-such". Even another colour-seeing person may not draw
the same conclusion. To compound the problem there are people
who have only limited colour vision. To them red and green objects
may appear to be the same and to add to the confusion are the
pretenders, intentional or otherwise; those who think they have this
mystical property but don't. Such people may have wide credibility
through being able to write well and make profound statements, and
they may well believe they have this ability. Such people may even
become arbiters of who has this power and who can prove them
wrong?
Some scientists who don't dismiss this 'mumbo-jumbo' out of hand
may wish to test people who claim to have this ability. For instance,
they collect a group of people who claim to have it. Whether they
have it or not the scientist has no way of knowing, even if he himself
has colour vision. So how will he test? He could ask the people
themselves what it is he should look for, but he may be told that he
should look for an 'entity', a 'strange eminence' or other such
hogwash. He may discover that when light has a different
wavelength people report the 'eminence' as changing but this is
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assuming that a scientist in such a world would even be aware that
visible light can have different wavelengths, and that he has the
equipment to test it. It also assumes that there are no pretenders in
the studied group or at least not enough to throw the statistics, and
even then he would be very lucky to get a correlation. He may take
samples of water, some polluted and some clean and test the
practitioners with this, but then he is not testing colour vision. Some
people with colour vision may not have the training to recognise
polluted water by its colour, and some people with no colour vision
may know other signs to look for.
Even in our predominantly colour-seeing world, colour blind people
are usually unaware of their deficiency until it is proved to them by
using specially devised colour blindness tests.
Of course, all this does not mean there is no such thing as colour.
Colour blind people are not aware of a deficiency in their perception
of the world, any more than people are aware of the 'blind spot' in
their vision behind them. Similarly, people who have no intuitive
ability are not aware of a deficiency in their view of the world and
sceptics, who are unable to countenance the possibility of intuitive or
paranormal abilities, justify their views by pointing out the inability
of tests to prove their existence. In this regard they are like the colour
blind in a world mainly populated by the colour blind.
Feeling emotion
There are people who are cut off from their emotions. The kind of
salesman who can sell a faulty car to a pensioner with absolutely no
compunction. The 'ice maiden', the cold hearted woman who will use
her allure to attract a man and use him for his money.
On the other hand are those who are emotionally sensitive. The
person who is always wondering if something they said may have
caused offence or if they made the right decision. The emotional
introverts turn this inward and it can suffocate their life. The
emotional extraverts turn this outward and vocalise their feelings. It's
often been said that the best artistic heights are reached through
suffering, and it's certainly true that many great artists go through
emotional trauma.
Scientists have examined the brain using a CAT scan whilst people
are exposed to pain. They found an interesting phenomenon: in men
the intellectual area of the brain was excited whilst in women the
emotional area was excited. This has important repercussions in the
way men and women perceive the world. It could also explain why
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women go through such pain at childbirth as it sets up a strong
emotional bond between the mother and baby.
As a reaction to this feeling of emotional vulnerability that women
feel, there is a theme that runs through many women's magazines
that women should be more selfish. I've even heard interviews with
women who say, as a source of pride, that they are going to think
only of themselves and others who say they are bringing up their
daughters to think only of themselves. This is a ridiculous attitude
and the saving grace is that these intellectual platitudes are incapable
of having any effect on the powerful emotional drive. New years
resolutions fail for the same reason.
In reality people who feel have a richer life than those who are cut off
from their feelings. It's like marriage; there are highs and lows but
most people who have been through this see it as enriching their
lives.
The solution is to learn to become detached from your emotions. This
sounds like a contradiction, but it is possible to learn to observe your
feelings in the same way as you can learn to observe other people. Of
course some people never even learn that and react emotionally, even
violently, to other people's actions. If you can develop this
detachment you can have the benefits of feeling, of empathy and of
being guided by your emotions, without being carried away by
them.
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8 How Children Bring up Their Parents
If you have never been hated by your child you
have never been a parent.
Bette Davis
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Being consistent
It's fashionable for parents to say that they treat their children as
young adults, that is they treat them as responsible and reasoning
people rather than using 'old-fashioned' methods such as discipline.
The buzz phrase is that children have rights and one aspect of
bringing up children involves negotiation. Here's how it works:
A mother is taking her child to the supermarket with her. He has a
history of misbehaving so the mother 'negotiates': 'If you behave I'll
buy you a chocolate bar when we get to the checkout'. Sometimes
this is said as a throwaway comment, sometimes as a negotiating
strategy, in which case the mother may ask the child if this is a deal.
What happens in action, as often as not, is something like this. Whilst
shopping the mother leaves the child with the trolley whilst she goes
off for something. The child has an idea to jump on the trolley and go
for a ride. The possibility of a chocolate bar sometime in the future
doesn't necessarily offset the pleasure to be gained now. Children
don't have the same concept of future as adults do. So let's say the
child misbehaves and he goes for a ride, crashes the trolley and
causes an upset. The mother comes back extremely annoyed and
says: "I thought I told you to behave yourself?" or even "I thought we
agreed you'd behave yourself?". What happened was that a deal was
negotiated (which the child probably agreed to begrudgingly, even
assuming he understood what he was agreeing to), and now the
child decided to not keep his side of the bargain.
So when they get the checkout what happens? Well, amazingly
enough, in probably the majority of cases the mother buys the
chocolate bar anyway. This may be simply because she's not
prepared to argue or may convince herself that although he
misbehaved by crashing the trolley he behaved the rest of the time.
In other cases the mother refuses to buy the chocolate, even under
protest (and, after all, modern textbooks emphasise that parents have
to be consistent).
So what happens the next time they go shopping? If this strategy
didn't work last time why should it work the next? One method is to
raise the stakes: "If you behave I'll buy you a really big chocolate
bar". This is rewarding bad behaviour and the child may think "She'll
buy it whether I behave or not", or "If I misbehave enough I may get
that new bike". Generally the same people who say kids aren't this
ingenious are the same ones who say they treat their kids as adults.
I was at a dinner party and a mother and her ten year old son were
there. The son became bored and misbehaved, so the mother told
him that if he did that again they were going straight home. I could
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see that that that wasn’t going to happen. What’s more the boy knew
that as well and went on doing what he was doing. The mother
quietly forgot about the threat. In practice she had taught her son to
take no notice of anything she said.
Thinking people
I saw recently a reference to how 'thinking people' bring up children
(that is, by reasoning with them), but I have to ask myself ‘How
much thinking did they actually do?’. They obviously didn't think
through the consequences of their actions.
Negotiating has its place, but there are some things that are not
negotiable and bad behaviour is one of them. If all else fails the
fallback used to be a short slap but not only does the political correct
movement complain, it is also illegal in some countries.
This characteristic of treating words divorced from the real world is
very much a characteristic of intellectuals. (So called ‘thinking
people’). I’ve read many academic papers that have no relationship
with reality – they are written in an ivory tower, divorced from
reality.
I recently saw a typical intellectual blog that had the following
comment (regarding lesbian mothering):
Quick example: I saw 6-year-old pulling books from the shelves and
throwing them on the floor. Rather then telling her son to stop it, the
mother calmly asked: "Honey, would you like it if someone took all
your toys and threw them on the floor?"
"No momma."
"Well, what do you think you should do?"
"Put dem back?"
"That's a good idea. I'll help."
No disrespect to heterosexual families - but THAT is good breeding.
I've never seen anything like it.
Regardless of whether this was a lesbian or not, it is typical
intellectual behaviour and I’ll explain why.
A well-adjusted 6-year-old doesn’t do this, so it is obvious that the
technique that the mother used was not working. The child wants
attention and he knows that if he pulls books from the shelf he will
get it. Not only does he get an immediate response from the mother,
but they get to play a game together – putting the books back. I
would guess that this game is played fairly often. Because these
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people are intellectuals, they think the rational argument ("Honey,
would you like it if someone took all your toys and threw them on
the floor?") is what is working. The mother could say anything. It is
part of the game that the mother says this and the child responds
appropriately. Intellectuals are unable to see past the words.
Some time ago I stayed with a colleague in the UK. He was a
professor in psychology - a 'thinking' person. His 17-year-old son had
a problem with school and was frequently being disciplined. He had
a stud in his tongue, against school rules, which he had to take it out
whilst at school. The son maintained that it was unhygienic to leave
the hole without a stud and so refused to comply. Like all thinking
people the parents were nonjudgmental. If he wanted a stud then he
was within his rights.
The habits of the parents get passed down to the children. The best
gift you can give to your children is a quiet mind and good thinking
habits. From the Old Testament, the book of Exodus:
20:5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I
the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the
fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them
that hate me;
20:6 And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and
keep my commandments.
The ‘sins of the fathers’ has been frequently misinterpreted but it is
simply referring to the fact that the bad habits of the parents get
passed down to their offspring.
Being nonjudgmental
The phrase 'nonjudgmental' is often used, especially when dealing
with adult / child relationships. In practice, being nonjudgmental
usually means to have no standards. If we decide that certain
standards of behaviour are better than others, than what do we say
when people don't meet those standards? And if we don't say that
certain standards of behaviour are better than others, than children
will follow the example set by their peers.
Many, if not most, parents in the West, have abrogated their
responsibility for bringing up their children. When I heard about the
stud causing problems at school my thought was 'why didn't
someone attempt to persuade him that it was a bad idea’? Although
confrontation is not usually a good method to employ when dealing
with kids, especially teenagers, there are other methods that could
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have been employed to persuade him not to do it. Unfortunately,
even advice nowadays is considered inhibiting to development.
Another cause of dispute was school uniforms, and this is a common
cause of complaint. Uniforms, the argument go, force conformity and
their 17-year-old wasn't going to be forced into conformity by the
school. In practice, where there are no school uniforms, cliques are
formed and kids wear clothes to identify with a certain groups.
There's the 'nerds', the 'Goths', the 'hippies', the 'trendsetters' etc, all
with their particular styles of dress. The individualists who don't
belong to any group are bullied. School uniforms, rather than stifling
individuality, actually take away the stifling conformity imposed by
peers.
In the USA there is debate in schools about whether public (state)
schools should adopt school uniforms. In one school they held a
referendum. Everyone in the school voted against except one person,
an Australian who said he wore school uniforms in Australia and felt
they were a good thing. The overwhelming reason the school
students gave for voting against school uniforms? They said that
school uniforms stifled individuality.
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9 How to Tame the Mind
Tame the mind. This is the greatest challenge
before you. It rushes here and there, swifter than
the wind, more slippery than water. If you can
arrest the flights of the mind to your will, happiness
will be assured to you
The Buddha
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Forgive yourself
If you had lived around two-hundred years ago you would probably
die in the same village or town you were born in. You would know
maybe a few hundred people in your lifetime and you would be
around mostly the same people for all of your life. You would start
work very young probably by ten years old and if you were lucky
enough to learn a trade you would stay with that trade all of your
life.
Nowadays if you live in a city you are probably exposed to more
stimulation in one day than a villager would be in their whole life.
The human brain was not designed for the stresses we put on it
nowadays. Go easy on yourself. Life is difficult enough without
adding guilt to the mix. If you have faults (and who doesn’t?)
acknowledge them and set the intention to change.
The steps
We have seen the steps to taming the mind:
Still it. Become aware of the thoughts. I’ve known many people who
have been on meditation courses and when they return to the world
their mind is caught up in the chaos again. You have to be able to
know when to be still and when to act.
Become aware of the processes going on in the mind as you learn and
of the assumptions you make. You can’t change what you don’t
acknowledge, but you also can’t change what you are not aware of. I
sometimes tell people that there is an area of their vision that is
missing but they are not aware of it. It is behind them, and turning
round will not resolve this.
Know that everyone has what they think is a consistent world view.
Before you can criticise it you have to understand it. You have to see
the world as they see it.
Be kind and generous with your praise. If you set out each morning
to make everyone feel a bit better for having met you, you would
probably achieve more in a day than some people achieve in a
lifetime, and when you are very old and looking back on your life
you will at least be able to say that you helped people. The world
would be a better place for you having been in it.
I had a client, a man in his fifties, who was going through problems
in his marriage. He was still close to his mother and it caused
problems with his wife. He had two teenage children and was
debating whether he should work things out with his wife or simply
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leave and return ‘home’. It seemed a much easier option to go back to
his mother.
I told him that he could easily have at least another thirty years of
life. Imagine yourself, I said, in your eighties and looking back on
your life. The choice: whether you went back to your mother, or
whether you stayed and worked things out, how would you view
your decision? I asked him to look back on other decisions he had
made and he would see that they look very different in retrospect
than they did at the time. He responded that he realised he had to
stay and work things out. He could see that there was no other
option.
How good it would be to have the benefit of hindsight without
having to wait.
And last, and probably most important, be in the world but not of it.
As the Scottish poet Robbie Burns put it:
“O would some power the gift to give us,
to see ourselves as others see us!”
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Acknowledgments#
Acknowledgments
Many of the ideas in this book came from talks by the Sufi teacher
Sheikh Abdullah Sirr Din Al Jamal. Where I have passed on his views
the credit is entirely his, where I have misinterpreted or failed, the
blame is entirely mine.
Sheikh Abdul Wahid suggested that I write this book and without
him it would not have happened.
Thanks also to Monique for proofreading and making suggestions
and to my brother who has been very patient in this.
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About the Author#
About the author
Philip Braham is a clinical hypnotherapist living in Melbourne,
Australia. Before studying hypnotherapy he was a computer
consultant and has run a number of businesses.
Philip has studied Sufi mysticism under the guidance of Sufi Sheikhs.
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