Unfortunately, approximately 50% of marriages end in divorce. After going
through months or sometimes years of bickering and being unhappy, some
couples finally throw in the towel and give up.
Going through a divorce can be a very stressful and devastating time for all
parties. There are a thousand things to consider when embarking on the
process of separation/divorce. These include such things as how to split the
assets, the finances, the home/s, car/s, bank accounts, etc., not to mention
trying to work out the best way to make the process as easy as humanly
possible on the children of the union if there are children.
Divorce can be a grueling legal process that can continue to affect everyone
involved for years after the actual separation or divorce have taken place.
While there are many decisions to be made, there is no need to get into a
war with your soon to be former spouse. Mediation is the most painless, cost
effective and quickest way to straighten everything out so that everyone can
get on with their lives as normally and as soon as possible.
Even if you do decide to go the mediation route, both you and your future
“ex” will need to consult with a lawyer before signing a Final Separation
Agreement. The sooner you start mediation however, the less painful the
process will be. Now the question becomes….How do I choose the family
mediator who is best qualified to bring about the right settlement for me?
Selecting the right mediator is hugely important as it is the skills and
personality of this individual on whom you will need to rely to sensitively and
effectively bring into being a settlement which you may need to live with for
many years to come.
There are many people putting themselves out there as Family Mediators.
Not all of them, needless to say, will be qualified or suited to handle your
particular case. It is definitely worth doing some homework in order to find
the right mediator for your case.
Here are a few things you should do before choosing a divorce mediator:
1. Check Their Credentials
In Ontario anyone can hang up a shingle representing that they conduct
mediations.
In Ontario there are two ways in which a mediator can be certified. One is
to satisfy the standards of the Ontario Association of Family Mediation
(OAFM) and the other is to satisfy the standards of Family Mediation Canada
(FMC). The requirements to be certified by the OAFM are:
•
University degree or significant professional experience
•
Minimum of 60 hours of training (including skills development and
domestic violence)
•
100 hours of supervised mediation and the completion of five cases
The requirements for certification by FMC are:
•
A minimum of 80 hours of basic conflict resolution & mediation training
and
•
at least an additional 100 hours of further education & training in
specific areas of family issues is mandatory and a written final
examination
You can see from the above that in order to obtain certification from either
the OAFM or the FMC a mediator must have committed themselves to many
hours of educational training and interning.
While you can definitely go with an non-certified mediator, your chances of
achieving a settlement are better with one who is certified.
Before choosing a mediator, here are some simple steps you can follow to
check them out:
•
Find out what university degrees they have;
•
Find out how many years of family law experience they have;
•
Find out if they are certified by either the OAFM or FMC;
•
Find out if they are on a roster as mediators in a Family Court.
Whatever you do, make sure you hire a mediator who specializes in divorce
cases as there are many mediators who are involved in labor or personal
injury cases which are dealt with in a very different way from divorce…
2. Get Recommendations from People You Know
Ask friends, relatives and co-workers whether they or someone they know
has worked with a really good divorce lawyer who can recommend a
mediator.
The best referrals come from people you already know and trust. Due to the
high level of divorce today, you are bound to know several people who have
gone through it.
If someone has had a bad experience…. or a good one…. they are usually
more than happy to let you know about it.
Ask them what they liked most about the process as well as whether there is
anything that they disliked about it.
While asking people about their experiences with mediators, be sure to find
out a little about their particular situation to ensure that the mediator in
question is a good fit for you and for your spouse.
For instance, if you are wealthy with six children, your divorce experience is
likely to be very different from someone who is has less means and fewer or
no children. So try to find referrals from people who are in similar situations.
If you have a current lawyer, be sure to ask them for referrals as well. Law
professionals have strong networks so they should be able to refer you to a
qualified divorce mediator.
3. Meet Several Mediators for a Consultation
Don’t go for the first divorce mediator you come across in the Yellow Pages
with the big beautiful ad. Instead, once you narrow down your choices to
two or three mediators, set up consultations with them.
Some mediators offer free initial meetings, but there are those who may
charge.
Do not go and see a potential mediator without first telling your spouse
because if you do your spouse will assume you have influenced the mediator
& your spouse may refuse to see that mediator. You will find when you meet
with the mediator that he or she will not discuss the facts of your case until
he or she has been retained as a mediator. This is the case because to
discuss the facts will place the mediator in a conflict of interest and may well
disqualify him/her from acting as a mediator in your case. Instead of going
in there and trying to remember everything off the top of your head, write
your questions down.
•
One question you want to ask is approximately how much their fees
are. You want to be sure that you can afford their services before
hiring them.
•
Ask the mediator how many cases like yours he or she has
experienced and what kinds of results were obtained.
•
Ask about their schooling and where they are licensed. Also ask how
long they’ve been involved with divorce.
After meeting with them, you should have a better idea as to whether or not
they are a good fit for you.
Did they answer your questions without seeming agitated?
Did you feel comfortable with them?
Did they show compassion for your situation?
If you feel this mediator is the right person encourage your spouse to also
meet with him/her.
4. Get a Clear Understanding of Their Fees
Family law mediators charge anywhere from $250 per hour to $600 per hour
so if you don't have much money to spend, you may have to hire a relatively
less experienced mediator instead of a well-seasoned professional.
Newer mediators tend to cost less. This is not to say that newer mediators
are under-qualified because this is not necessarily true. A mediator who is
freshly accredited tends to have the latest training and most up-to-date
knowledge on the current methods, which could definitely work in your
favor.
Whether they are new or seasoned, it’s still important to find out how much
they will charge for their services – and how they bill for their services.
Very few family law mediators charge a flat fee based on the amount of time
they think your case will take to settle. This is very hard to do as it is
difficult to gauge how much time your particular case will take. Most
mediators therefore bill for their services on an hourly or daily basis.
5. Keep it Professional
When meeting with a prospective family mediator, it’s important to
remember to keep things professional.
Until your case is over, all dealings with your mediator should be kept on a
professional level to avoid any negativity that could arise and any suggestion
of bias.
If you are considering divorce mediation and would like to find a mediator to
take on your case, contact Joel Skapinker at 416-214-1502 for a
consultation.