1. science
2. ecology
3. pollution

How to Use This Book
The first section of this book describes skills you will need to write the new SAT
essay and gives you a thorough understanding of how the essay portion of the SAT is
scored. You will learn to create scoring rubrics or charts that define how well you must
respond to an essay prompt on the test to score the maximum number of points. You
will learn about writing a point of view essay. The SAT assumes that students can
perform at a twelfth grade level in their written work.
This book will also explore writing conventions in some detail; the new test has
questions related to improving sentences and paragraphs.
The SAT subject test in writing measures you ability to:
• express ideas effectively in standard written English
• recognize faults in usage and structure
• use language with sensitivity to meaning
Your total score will be reported on the 200-800 scale. Multiple choice and writing
sample subscores will be scored on the 20-80 scale.
1
Writing Skills for the College-Bound Student
Writing skills needed for success on the SAT can be organized in three
components, writing process, applications and conventions. The composition that is
presented for students is a “point of view” essay. Time is short on the exam, so an essay
of draft quality is expected. We will spend some time on prewriting skills so you can
prepare a draft that looks like a final copy in a short period of time. The more like a final
essay as opposed to a draft your essay can look, the more likely you will have a high
score on this part of the exam.
The Process of Writing
Pre-writing;
…students
should be
able to:
1. Generate writing ideas, and document the ideas for
development into a larger piece.
2. Determine the usefulness of and apply appropriate pre-writing
tasks.
3. Establish and develop a clear thesis statement and a clear plan
or outline for expressing point of view.
4. Determine a purpose and audience; plan strategies (e.g.,
adapting focus, content structure, and point of view) to address
purpose and audience.
5. Use organizational strategies (e.g., notes, outlines) to plan
writing.
6. Organize writing to create a coherent whole with an effective
and engaging introduction, body and conclusion, and a closing
sentence that summarizes, extends or elaborates on points or
Drafting,
Revising and
Editing
ideas in the writing.
7. Use a variety of sentence structures and lengths (e.g., simple,
compound and complex sentences; parallel or repetitive
sentence structure).
8. Use paragraph form in writing, including topic sentences that
arrange paragraphs in a logical sequence.
2
Publishing
9. Use precise language, action verbs, sensory details and
modifiers, and style as appropriate to audience and purpose,
and use techniques to convey a personal style and voice.
10. Reread and analyze clarity of writing, consistency of point of
view and effectiveness of organizational structure.
11. Add and delete information and details to better elaborate on
stated central idea and more effectively accomplish purpose.
12. Rearrange words, sentences and paragraphs and add
transitional words and phrases to clarify meaning and maintain
consistent style, tone and voice.
13. Proofread writing, edit to improve conventions (e.g., grammar,
spelling, punctuation and capitalization), identify and correct
fragments and run-ons and eliminate inappropriate slang or
informal language.
14. Apply tools (e.g., rubric, checklist) to judge the quality of
writing.
Writing Applications
1. Write an essay that:
a. sustains reader interest by pacing supporting ideas and developing an
engaging and persuasive point of view;
b. use a range of strategies and devices including figurative language and
specific narration when appropriate; and
c. include an organized, well-developed structure.
2. Write essays that:
a. address audience needs, stated purpose and context in a clear and
efficient manner;
b. include appropriate facts and details;
c. exclude extraneous details and inconsistencies; and
d. provide a sense of closure to the writing.
3
3. Write a persuasive point of view that:
a. supports arguments with detailed evidence;
b. excludes irrelevant information; and
c. cites sources of information where appropriate.
Writing Conventions
Spelling
1. Use correct spelling conventions.
Punctuation
2. Use correct capitalization and punctuation.
and
Capitalization
Grammar and
Usage
3. Use clauses (e.g., main, subordinate) and phrases (e.g.,
gerund, infinitive, participial).
4. Use parallel structure to present items in a series and
items juxtaposed for emphasis.
5. Use proper placement of modifiers.
In this book you will learn to evaluate your own writing skills by
looking at other students’ work. You will be able to create scoring guides for your own
responses based on the three writing components. We’ll provide some checklists along
the way to help you learn to score your own compositions. We want your expectations to
be high for your own writing. As you progress through the book, and see how students
have responded to writing prompts in other test situations, you’ll learn the difference
between a good composition and one that needs improvement.
4
Description of the SAT Essay
To demonstrate mastery of the competencies for theessay, you are asked to
produce one piece of extended writing that demonstrates twelfth grade writing
capability. You are given one prompt, asking that you express your point of view on a
particular subject.
The Point of View Essay: Students attempt to convince, inspire, or persuade
readers to think as they do. Students develop their point of view with facts,
reasons, anecdotes, and other supporting material. A strong persuasive tone
should appear within the student’s writing. The rubric for the essay we provided
earlier in this book outlines how the scorers look at student work.
Here’s are samples of a point of view prompts:
Writing Situation: Since schools have seen a rise in gang violence, stealing, and
discipline problems, many schools and school districts are considering requiring students
to wear uniforms.
Think about how you would feel if you were required to wear a school uniform. Are there
benefits or drawbacks to requiring students to wear school uniforms?
Directions for Writing: Now write an essay in which you persuade the reader that
school uniforms should or should not be required. Defend your point of view with specific
reasons supported by several detailed examples.
◊
◊
◊
◊
Writing Situation: Many schools require all students to perform some type of
community service such as working in nursing homes or hospital.
Think about how you would feel if you were required to perform a community service.
Directions for Writing: Now write an essay in which you persuade the reader that
students should or should not be required to perform community service. Defend your
point of view with several detailed reasons. Develop those reasons with supporting
examples.
5
◊
◊
◊
◊
Writing Situation: Imagine that your school district has proposed saving money by
eliminating extracurricular sports (football, basketball and baseball) from the high school
program.
Think about the possible effects of cutting sports from the school program. Decide
whether you are for or against this proposal.
Directions for Writing: Now write an essay in which you persuade the reader why this
is or is not a good idea. Defend your position with specific reasons supported by several
detailed examples.
◊
◊
◊
◊
Writing Situation: A school board is considering keeping school in session all year.
Instead of a long summer vacation, there will be many shorter breaks throughout the
year.
Think about the effects of a twelve-month school year. Do you agree or disagree that
schools should be in session all year?
Directions for Writing: Now, write an essay in which you persuade the reader why this
is or is not a good idea. Defend your position with specific reasons supported by several
detailed examples.
◊
◊
◊
◊
Writing Situation: In some countries, students are responsible for the basic daily
cleaning of their school buildings. Fifteen minutes are set aside each day for all students
to sweep, dust, and clean their classrooms and corridors.
Think about how you would feel if students were responsible for cleaning your school. Do
you agree or disagree that American schools should adopt this policy?
Directions for Writing: Now, write an essay in which you persuade the reader why this
is or is not a good idea. Defend your position with specific reasons supported by several
detailed examples.
6
See if you can make the following paragraph better. The following exercise
illustrates how you can practice for the paragraph improvement part of the new SAT.
Green house effect is one of the phenomena caused by industrial pollution. From
the data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since the Industrial
Revolution. Why does it happen? The factories' emissions have created smog on the
atmosphere. The earth's atmosphere becomes like a green house, and the earth and
everything inside of it have become like the plants in the green house. The sunlight can
pass trough the ozone layer but the heat transferred by the sunlight can not escape
easily from the layer of smog and is deflected to earth's surface again.
Can you understand the paragraph? Is it clear and well organized? Are there
any mistakes in it? Let's look at the writing more closely. Can you find any
spelling errors?
Green house effect is one of the phenomena caused by industrial pollution. From
the data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since the Industrial
Revolution. Why does it happen? The factories' emissions have created smog on the
atmosphere. The earth's atmosphere becomes like a green house, and the earth and
everything inside of it have become like the plants in the green house. The sunlight can
pass trough the ozone layer but the heat transferred by the sunlight can not escape
easily from the layer of smog and is deflected to earth's surface again.
There are two small spelling errors in the section above. Did you find them?
Green house effect is one of the phenomena caused by industrial pollution. From
the data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since the Industrial
Revolution. Why does it happen? The factories' emissions have created smog on the
atmosphere. The earth's atmosphere becomes like a green house, and the earth and
everything inside of it have become like the plants in the green house. The sunlight can
pass trough the ozone layer but the heat transferred by the sunlight can not escape
easily from the layer of smog and is deflected to earth's surface again.
7
If you look at the paragraph again, you will see the mis-spelled words.
Green house effect is one of the phenomena caused by industrial pollution.
From the data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since the Industrial
Revolution. Why does it happen? The factories' emissions have created smog on the
atmosphere. The earth's atmosphere becomes like a green house, and the earth and
everything inside of it have become like the plants in the green house. The sunlight can
pass trough the ozone layer but the heat transferred by the sunlight can not escape
easily from the layer of smog and is deflected to earth's surface again.
What is wrong with the words green and house? There is nothing wrong with the
words themselves, but the writer is not discussing a house that happens to be green. He
is referring to a special kind of building in which plants are grown, and that building is
called a greenhouse. It is one word.
There are 3 problems with articles in the paragraph. Can you find them? Look
for definite articles that have been omitted or used in place of indefinite
articles.
Greenhouse effect is one of the phenomena caused by industrial pollution. From
the data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since the Industrial
Revolution. Why does it happen? The factories' emissions have created smog on the
atmosphere. The earth's atmosphere becomes like a greenhouse, and the earth and
everything inside of it have become like the plants in the green house. The sunlight can
pass through the ozone layer but the heat transferred by the sunlight can not escape
easily from the layer of smog and is deflected to earth's surface again.
The 2 missing articles are shown in bold italics below.
The greenhouse effect is one of the phenomena caused by industrial pollution.
From the data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since the Industrial
Revolution. Why does it happen? The factories' emissions have created smog on the
atmosphere. The earth's atmosphere becomes like a green house, and the earth and
everything inside of it have become like the plants in the greenhouse. The sunlight can
pass through the ozone layer but the heat transferred by the sunlight can not escape
easily from the layer of smog and is deflected to the earth's surface again.
8
The place in which a definite article is used instead of the indefinite article is
shown below in bold italics.
The greenhouse effect is one of the phenomena caused by industrial pollution.
From the data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since the Industrial
Revolution. Why does it happen? The factories' emissions have created smog on the
atmosphere. The earth's atmosphere becomes like a greenhouse, and the earth and
everything inside of it have become like the plants in the a greenhouse. The sunlight
can pass through the ozone layer but the heat transferred by the sunlight can not
escape easily from the layer of smog and is deflected to the earth's surface again.
Now we will look at two problems with prepositions. Can you find them?
The greenhouse effect is one of the phenomena caused by industrial pollution.
From the data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since the Industrial
Revolution. Why does it happen? The factories' emissions have created smog on the
atmosphere. The earth's atmosphere becomes like a greenhouse, and the earth and
everything inside of it have become like the plants in a greenhouse. The sunlight can
pass through the ozone layer but the heat transferred by the sunlight can not escape
easily from the layer of smog and is deflected to the earth's surface again.
The preposition from does not fit very well. A better word choice is the phrase
according to. Look at the correction indicated below in bold italic.
The greenhouse effect is one of the phenomena caused by industrial pollution.
From According to the data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since
the Industrial Revolution. Why does it happen? The factories' emissions have created
smog on the atmosphere. The earth's atmosphere becomes like a greenhouse, and the
earth and everything inside of it have become like the plants in a greenhouse. The
sunlight can pass through the ozone layer but the heat transferred by the sunlight can
not escape easily from the layer of smog and is deflected to the earth's surface again.
There is another preposition problem in the following sentence:
The factories' emissions have created smog on the atmosphere.
What word can we use instead of the preposition ‘on’?
If you chose the word in, you are right.
The factories' emissions have created smog on in the atmosphere.
Let's look at that sentence again.
9
The factories' emissions have created smog in the atmosphere.
This sentence is grammatically correct, but it gives the wrong emphasis. The
sentence structure emphasizes the word factories and the reader may wonder which
factories are being discussed. The important word in this sentence is emissions, not
factories. How can we change this sentence to put the emphasis on the word
emissions?
The easiest way to change the sentence is to make emissions the first word.
Let's look at the sentence again.
The factories' emissions have created smog in the atmosphere.
We can change the sentence to:
Emissions from factories have created smog in the atmosphere.
One way to make writing clear and easy to understand is to get rid of
unnecessary words. Do you see any words that can be eliminated from the
paragraph?
The greenhouse effect is one of the phenomena caused by industrial pollution.
According to the data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since the
Industrial Revolution. Why does it happen? Emissions from factories have created smog
in the atmosphere. The earth's atmosphere becomes like a greenhouse, and the earth
and everything inside of it have become like the plants in a greenhouse. The sunlight
can pass through the ozone layer but the heat transferred by the sunlight can not
escape easily from the layer of smog and is deflected to the earth's surface again.
There are some unnecessary words in the first sentence.
The greenhouse effect is one of the phenomena caused by industrial pollution.
We can shorten one of the phenomena to a phenomenon or even leave out the
whole phrase. Let's try it both ways.
The greenhouse effect is a phenomenon caused by industrial pollution.
The greenhouse effect is caused by industrial pollution.
Which do you like better? Both of these sentences are fine and you can take
your choice.
Now the grammar and spelling errors have been corrected and the paragraph
has been improved.
Let's analyze the structure of the whole paragraph and make sure it is clear
and logical.
10
The greenhouse effect is a phenomenon caused by industrial pollution. According
to the data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since the Industrial
Revolution. Why does it happen? Emissions from factories have created smog in the
atmosphere. The earth's atmosphere becomes like a greenhouse, and the earth and
everything inside of it have become like the plants in a greenhouse. The sunlight can
pass through the ozone layer but the heat transferred by the sunlight can not escape
easily from the layer of smog and is deflected to the earth's surface again.
In the first two sentences, there is no transition from the idea of industrial
pollution to the idea of the warming of the earth in the second sentence. There
is a gap between the two ideas. Look at the sentences again.
The greenhouse effect is a phenomenon caused by industrial pollution. According
to the data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since the Industrial
Revolution.
We need to find a way to fill the gap and connect the two ideas. Can you think of
a sentence that will serve as a good transition?
What idea is missing between the two sentences?
The greenhouse effect is a phenomenon caused by industrial pollution. According
to the data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since the Industrial
Revolution.
We need a sentence that shows the relationship of the greenhouse effect to the
warming of the earth.
The greenhouse effect is a phenomenon caused by industrial pollution. Because
of the greenhouse effect, the temperature of the earth has increased. According to the
data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since the Industrial Revolution.
Does that sentence fill the gap?
11
Now let's compare the original and revised versions.
Green house effect is one of the phenomena caused by industrial pollution. From the
data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since the Industrial
Revolution. Why does it happen? The factories' emissions have created smog on the
atmosphere. The earth's atmosphere becomes like a green house, and the earth and
everything inside of it have become like the plants in the green house. The sunlight
can pass trough the ozone layer but the heat transferred by the sunlight can not
escape easily from the layer of smog and is deflected to earth's surface again.
The greenhouse effect is a phenomenon caused by industrial pollution. Because of
the greenhouse effect, the temperature of the earth is increasing. According to the
data taken by scientists, our earth has been warming up since the Industrial
Revolution. Why does it happen? Emissions from factories have created smog in the
atmosphere. The earth's atmosphere becomes like a greenhouse, and the earth and
everything inside of it have become like the plants in a greenhouse. The sunlight
can pass through the ozone layer but the heat transferred by the sunlight can not
escape easily from the layer of smog and is deflected to the earth's surface again.
We started out with a good paragraph, but after examining it closely, we
found little problems and thought of ways to make it better.
12
The responses to the writing prompts for the SAT essay are scored by trained
readers. We will show you how to make your own scoring rubrics to evaluate your own
work.
Each student’s written response to each writing prompt is scored independently
by two readers. A paper that receives the same score from both readers receives that
score (e.g., if each reader rates the paper as a 3, the score is a 3). If the two readers
give different but adjacent scores, the two scores are averaged (e.g., a 2 and a 3 are
scored as a 2.5). If more than one number separates the two scores (e.g., a 1 and a 3),
the paper goes to a third reader, a highly experienced scorer, who makes the final
decision on the score for the paper.
Each paper is scored with a rubric, which is used for the graduation exam in
writing. This rubric is based on the SAT writing components and reflects expectations for
high school writing. Since students are writing their essays on demand in a short (2 ½
hour) time frame, all papers are scored as rough drafts.
While all subscales are important, content and organization are key areas.
On the next pages you will see the basic scoring rubric used by test makers to
evaluate student responses to writing prompts on the SAT Graduation Test and you will
learn about expectations for excellence.
13
Rubric for the High School Graduation Qualifying Exam in Writing
Score
Characteristics of student writing at each level of competence.
6
The response is clearly focused on the prompt. Development of the topic is rich,
as evidenced by sophisticated thinking and a natural flow of ideas. The
organizational structure is coherent with a sense of wholeness. Vocabulary, both
in breadth and precision, is chosen carefully to achieve the purpose, and sentence
structure is generally varied and mature, contributing to an identifiable personal
style and voice. The paper demonstrates consideration of audience. While there
may be errors in mechanics, they do not interfere with understanding.
5
The response focuses on the prompt. Ample details are specific and relevant;
development of the topic is logical. The organizational structure is coherent and
conveys a sense of wholeness. Word choice is precise and diverse; sentence
structure is varied. A clear personal style and voice and an awareness of audience
are apparent. Those mechanical errors that may be present do not impair
understanding.
4
The written response is generally related to the prompt; detail and development
are generally logical but may be uneven. The organizational structure of the paper
supports the other elements adequately and has some sense of wholeness,
although some drifting may occur. Word
choice and sentence structure are interesting and contribute to the sense of an
individual style and voice. There is some awareness of audience. While there may
be convention errors, they seldom impede understanding.
3
The paper demonstrates an awareness of the prompt, but extraneous or loosely
related details are included. There is some development of the topic. A clear but
simple organizational structure is apparent although the focus may shift or the
paper may lack a sense of wholeness. Somewhat varied vocabulary and sentence
structure contribute to an emerging personal style and voice. The convention
errors make understanding difficult.
2
The paper is somewhat related to the prompt. Although there is very little
development, few reasons or examples appear. There is scant evidence of a
controlling structure. Limited or inappropriate vocabulary inhibits the reader’s
understanding, and sentence structure is repetitive, so that a personal style or
voice is not identifiable. Lack of control of conventions
often impairs understanding.
1
The paper is only slightly connected to the prompt and does not address the
audience. There is little supporting detail or example. Development of ideas is
inconsistent, inadequate, or illogical. Organizational structure or direction is not
apparent. Vocabulary is so simple and sentence structure is so repetitive that no
individual style or voice emerges. Control of usage
and conventions such as spelling (of commonly used words), capitalization, and
basic punctuation is so minimal as to impede understanding.
0
The response is off task (complete disregard for the writing task), completely
illegible, in a language other than English, or no response.
14
The Competencies for Writing
The competencies for writing are listed below. Each is followed by a paragraph
describing what is expected of students who demonstrate achievement in that
competency.
In response to prompts reflecting different writing purposes (narrative,
expository, and persuasive), the student will produce two pieces of extended writing
that, taken together, demonstrate end-of-tenth-grade writing capability.
In particular, each piece of writing will:
1. develop a clear, focused main idea.
This competency assesses your ability to develop a clearly identifiable main idea
in response to a prompt. The response must be clearly related to the
prompt, the main idea should represent a specific response to the essential direction or
question contained in the prompt. Whether stated or implied, the main idea should unify
the response and provide a consistent focus. Each part of the response should explain or
support the main idea.
Subscale: Content
15
2. demonstrate completeness.
This competency assesses your ability to develop a written response to a prompt
with enough elaboration to give an overall impression of completeness. The paper
should provide enough information relevant to the prompt to give a sense that the topic
has been fully developed. The topic should be thoroughly explored and essential aspects
of the subject should be included.
Subscale: Content
3. include supporting details appropriate to the audience, purpose,
and topic.
This competency assesses your ability to provide ample evidence in support of a
main idea. Your response should contain relevant, precise and significant supporting
details, which may include examples, reasons, facts, definitions, events, descriptions,
actions, and dialogue. Supporting details should be appropriate to the intended
audience, purpose, and mode (narrative, persuasive, or expository).
Subscale: Content
16
4. follow purposeful organization.
This competency assesses your ability to organize and structure a written
response to a prompt, maintaining a natural flow of ideas in response to the prompt.
The response should demonstrate your intentional control over the presentation and
development of the topic. The response should start and conclude in a clear and
satisfying way.
Subscale: Organization
5. make connections among ideas, paragraphs, and sentences.
This competency assesses your ability to connect ideas through logical
sequencing and use of transitions. Your response should demonstrate a cohesive and
coherent progression of ideas. Your response will make effective use of transitions
among sentences and paragraphs. The thread of your main idea will be clear throughout
the response.
Subscale: Organization
17
6. use a variety of words appropriate to the audience, purpose, and
topic.
This competency assesses your ability to use language in natural, fresh, and vivid
ways in response to a writing prompt. Your response should contain precise and varied
words that lend clarity and interest and help establish an appropriate tone. The writing
should demonstrate an effective use of language that gives the paper an identifiable
personal style and voice appropriate to the audience, purpose, and topic.
Subscale: Language
7. use a variety of sentence structures and/or phrases appropriate to the
audience, purpose, and topic.
This competency assesses the student’s ability to vary sentence structures and
phrases, as appropriate, throughout a piece of writing. Your response should contain
fluent sentence structures that may include subordination and coordination, parallel
structures, suitable modifiers, and purposeful fragments in a variety of effective ways to
maintain lively, interesting prose.
Subscale: Language
4. exhibit component conventions competently (mechanics, usage, grammar,
and spelling).
This competency assesses your ability to employ mechanics, usage, grammar,
and spelling in a manner that does not interfere with understanding. Successful writing
shows control of grammar (conventional language structures, including modification and
agreement), usage (conventional forms of words and
phrases), diction (word choice), and syntax (word order).
Subscale: Writing Conventions
9. be legible.
18
This competency assesses your ability to write or print legibly enough so that the
other competencies can be evaluated. Responses that are legible can be scored based
on the six-point rubric.
Subscale: Writing Conventions
Some Internet resources on developing scoring rubrics and good writing habits.
Rubistar: Commercial rubric creating product; SAT Mentor 5 stars.
http://rubistar.4teachers.org/index.shtml
Rubric templates
http://www.sitesbysheridan.com/rubrics.html
Articles on rubric development
http://www.teachervision.com/lesson-plans/lesson-4521.html
How to write a five paragraph essay
http://www.chci.org/chciyouth/scholarship/howtowriteessay.htm
Four secrets of successful writing:
http://virtual.parkland.cc.il.us/walker102/secrets.htm
Guide to grammar and writing: SAT Mentor five star site:
http://webster.commnet.edu/grammar/quiz_list.htm
Online Writing Lab
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/
19
Pre-Persuasive Essay Skills
In this section you’ll learn some basic writing skills and see student responses to
narrative writing prompts. Some of the compositions you will see are excellent, some
are in need of improvement. You will learn to tell the difference and describe why some
responses need to be improved.
The Paragraph and Topic Sentences
Writing Tip One: Develop a Dynamite Topic Sentence for each
paragraph in your written response.
A well-organized paragraph supports or develops a single controlling idea, which
is expressed in a sentence called the topic sentence. A topic sentence has several
important functions; it substantiates or supports an essay's thesis statement; it unifies
the content of a paragraph and directs the order of the sentences; and it advises the
reader of the subject to be discussed.
Readers look to the first few sentences in a paragraph to determine the subject
and perspective of the paragraph. That's why it's often best to put the topic sentence at
the very beginning of the paragraph. In some cases, however, it's more effective to
place another sentence before the topic sentence. For example, a sentence linking the
current paragraph to the previous one might precede the topic sentence in an essay.
Although most paragraphs should have a topic sentence, there are a few
situations when a paragraph might not need a topic sentence. For example, you might
be able to omit a topic sentence in a paragraph that narrates a series of events, if a
paragraph continues developing an idea that you introduced (with a topic sentence) in
the previous paragraph, or if all the sentences and details in a paragraph clearly refer to
a main point. The majority of your paragraphs, however, should have a topic sentence.
20
Here is an example of a proper paragraph with a topic and supporting sentences:
I had a wonderful summer. First, I started sleeping in every day. I would then go
swimming with my friends. I stayed up late watching TV, and I went to camp for a week.
I wished my summer would never end!
What is the topic sentence? (Ask yourself what the paragraph is about.)
"I had a wonderful summer"
is the topic sentence. Everything else supports that idea. The final sentence is the
concluding sentence. It sums up what the author wants to communicate in the
paragraph. "I wished my summer would never end!".
Here is an example of a paragraph that has a sentence that doesn't quite fit in.
Can you find it?
Regardless of what some people may think, the desert is a beautiful place. The
blossoming wildflowers in the spring are a joy to see. Spectacular sunsets delight the
eye. Sometimes I go swimming. An occasional small animal darts across the sandy
roads. It is a unique experience to view the beautiful scene.
“Sometimes I go swimming” is out of place. The rest of the paragraph is devoted
to describing a place, not defining the author’s activities. The topic sentence describes
the desert as a beautiful place.
Principles of Writing Narrative Essays
You should keep three principles in mind.
1. Try to involve readers in the story. It is much more interesting to actually
recreate an incident for readers than to simply tell about it.
2. Find a generalization which the story supports. This is the only way the writer's
personal experience will take on meaning for readers. This generalization does
not have to encompass humanity as a whole; it can concern the writer, men,
women, or children of various ages and backgrounds.
21
3. Remember that although the main component of a narrative is the story, details
must be carefully selected to support, explain, and enhance the story.
Conventions of Narrative Essays
In writing your narrative essay, keep the following conventions in mind.
•
Narratives are generally written in the first person, that is, using "I." However,
third person ("he," "she," or "it") can also be used.
•
Narratives rely on concrete, sensory details to convey their point. These details
should create a unified, forceful effect, a dominant impression.
•
Narratives are stories and should include these story conventions:
o
a plot, including setting and characters;
o
a climax;
o
and an ending.
On the next pages you will be introduced to some narrative writing prompts. You
will see scoring rubrics that have been used to evaluate students’ writing, and you will
see student responses from other testing environments. We start with excellent
narrative responses and progress to less successful attempts. You’ll learn to be your own
writing coach.
22
Student Responses to a Narrative Writing Prompt
Before we learn to write a persuasive or point of view essay, let’s take a look at
some basic student narrative essays to establish some writing and self-evaluation skills.
The Prompt:
The local newspaper is sponsoring a composition contest, and you decide to
enter. In your composition, you should explain your response to the following; “If you
could be granted one wish, what would that wish be?” Before you begin to write, think
about one wish you would like to come true. It can be a wish for yourself or someone
else. What is that wish? Tell the reader why you would like to have that wish granted.
Now write a multi-paragraph composition for the newspaper telling what you would
wish for if you could be granted one wish.
™ Give specific details, and explain why you think the way you do so that your
readers will understand what you mean.
™ Be sure to write clearly, and check your composition for correct spelling,
punctuation, and grammar.
A student who scores 6 on this narrative:
Have you ever tried out for something and didn’t make it? Or have you ever said the
wrong words at the wrong time? Sometimes you might even wish for a “geni” to make things better.
Well, what would you wish for if you had one wish? I know exactly what I would wish for. I would
turn back time to February 1, 2001. That was the day of color guard tryouts for my school. I
could have done better.
Thursday, February 1, 2001. That was supposed to be the day when everything was to
go my way. That afternoon I was going to try out for color guard at my school. I rushed the very
end of my routine and didn’t make it. My heart was like shattered glass, and I couldn’t pull it back
together again. If I had one wish it would be to turn back time. I would make it February 1, 2001
again. this time I would be more focused and smile more. My eyes would lock on to one item and
not move. the end of my routine would be picture perfect. Even if I don’t make it the second time
around at least I could say I did better. Maybe if I could just say I tried harder I would feel better.
Then again, what good will telling myself what I should have done do?
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Basically I wish I would have done better for tryouts. I wish that I could turn back time but
what’s done is done. I could have smiled more and been more focused. Sitting around and telling
myself what I should have done won’t change a thing. Maybe a “geni” and one wish could.
This essay demonstrates advanced writing at an 8th grade level. Remember that
you will need to write at a twelfth grade level to score well on the SAT. We are starting
out with shorter, easier responses to make some basic points about narrative writing,
scoring rubrics and basic writing skills and techniques.
In this essay, the writer sustains control in the writing process by establishing
the purpose (I would turn back the time to February 1, 2001”) and supporting it with
innovative elaboration in an organized and unified essay. After stating the wish, the
writer takes the reader back in time using vivid and precise details such as “I rushed the
end of my routine and didn’t make it. My heart was like shattered glass, and cannot put
it back together.” The writer mentions using a genie to make a wish come true at the
beginning and at the end of the response, an effective organizational strategy that
creates a memorable strategy.
Strong control is evident in the style and control of the audience. The writer’s
voice comes through clearly, as shown in the passage, “This time I would be more
focused and smile more. My eyes would lock onto one item and not move. The end of
my routine would be picture perfect.” By taking us back in time for an imaginary second
chance at the color guard tryout, the writer effectively creates the sense of frustration
he or she still feels from not making the tryouts. Vocabulary is varied and relevant.
All of the conventions; sentence formation, usage, mechanics, and spelling,
show acceptable control of skills. Maintaining a consistent verb tense is tricky in a
narrative like this, but the author manages it well. The writer has successfully attempted
various sentence structures, and usage is correct.
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Writing Tip Two: Be sure each of your sentences begins with a
different word. Vary the part of speech of the introductory word.
A score of four was earned by this narrative response:
I have had many wish and dreams before, but I never really though about them.
I did not think about them, because I knew many of them would never come true. The
one wish I have had for as long as I can remember is to become a Major League
Baseball player.
I have always wanted to be a Major League Baseball player, because I really no
not like desk work. I want a career that I can enjoy. Another reason is the I am really
good a baseball. I can hit farther, throw faster, and run better than anybody I have
ever played with. I really like the amount it pays. Around seventy-five-million over a ten
year period sounds just fine to me.
The one wish I have had since I was a little boy is to be the best baseball I can
be. I practice as much as I can and as best as I can. I play the hardest I can in every
game I play; weather it is with my friends in the backyard or with my team on the field.
This essay demonstrates proficiency at a score of 4 on the rubric for an eighth
grade narrative writing prompt. Reasonable control is evident in the writing process
(writing component one). The central idea of being a major league baseball player is
presented clearly and organized logically. Each idea that is introduced is developed with
relevant supporting details. For example, “I really like the amount it pays. Around
seventy-five million over a ten year period sounds just fine to me.”
There is also reasonable control in writing applications (writing component two).
The vocabulary is adequate (“I can hit farther, throw faster, and run better than
anybody I have ever played with”). The writer’s tone is convincing and effective.
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A student who scores 2 on this narrative writing prompt, exhibits basic skills.
If I had one wish it would be money. The key to live a component life is
to be very weathly. The reason I choose money is because you can buy many
things with money.
First, I would go and get a house on the ocean. Go buy a very enormous
boat. Then try to sail around the world in less than 10 days. It would be an
adventure. Then after I arrived back I would increase in management
towards my new restraunt. and I would call it “Monster Madness Delux”.
Thirdly, I would spend my money helping the poor and towards my
education. I think my education is so important that I would spend lots of
money just to get me in a wonderful college.
If I had that wish it would be wonderful and blessing to me. I wouldn’t
have to worry about a thing.
This essay is an example of basic writing at the eighth grade level. The writer’s
wish for “money” is developed with three reasons why he or she would want money. the
organization is sustained throughout with each idea elaborated although unevenly. The
second reason provided is unclear (“I would increase in management towards my new
restaurant, and I would call it ‘Monster Madness Delux’”). Transitional devices such as
“First”, “Then,” and “Thirdly” strengthen the unity of the response.
On the writing applications component, the vocabulary is basic. (“you can buy
many thing with money” and “Thirdly I would spend my money helping the poor and
towards my education”). There is some sentence variety, and, although the writer
attempts to express a voice, the lack of details and the choice of ordinary words prevent
one from emerging.
While this response contains several errors in usage and spelling, the writer
maintains acceptable control in conventions (sentence formation, usage, mechanics and
spelling.)
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The following earned a 0 on the narrative prompt.
Of I had one wish will wish for a car and far a dog and for a cat and a fish
and for a good happ and for a good educationu and to redd good and
tow happ the pest
This essay is an example of unsatisfactory writing at the 8th grade level. Lack of
organization and a random list of undeveloped ideas indicates that the writer does not
have control in the first writing component (writing processes.)
In writing applications, the vocabulary is of primary level and does not reflect 8th
grade capabilities. The voice is weak, and the writer seems unaware of the audience.
There are serious errors in all of the conventions, which is characteristic of
unacceptable control. Random capitalizations, word omissions, lack of punctuation, and
misspellings of basic words all contribute to this response being scored unsatisfactory.
As you learn to become a good writer and develop a story for a narrative prompt,
the word control will help. Scorers are looking to see if you have control of your topic,
your paragraphs, your overall idea thread, and writing conventions.
Internet sites to help you develop control in your writing:
The Essay:
http://web.uvic.ca/wguide/Pages/EssaysToc.html
Dave’s ESL Café – not just for English language learners:
http://www.eslcafe.com/bookstore/writing.html
The Writesite, online writing tutorials:
http://writesite.cuny.edu/introduction/index.html
Learn to score writing samples (Oregon):
http://www.open.k12.or.us/scoring/workset.html?-referer=;grade=10;-content=Writing
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Six Traits of Writing:
Learn the six main characteristics of good writing.
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Teachers sometimes describe six traits of good writing. They are; content,
organization, voice, word choice, sentence fluency, conventions.
1. Content / Ideas
This is the heart of the paper--what the writer has to say. It should be a topic that
is important to the writer and should be small enough to handle in the paper. It should
express the ideas clearly so every reader can understand and it should provide the
reader with interesting insights. A solid, well-defined theme holds the paper together,
giving a meaningful, focused, and detailed exploration of the topic.
2. Organization
This is the road map which directs the reader through the paper. It begins with a
strong lead or hook and catches the reader¹s interest right from the beginning. The
details along the way should add to that lead and should help build toward the
conclusion, pulling the reader along right to the very end. It should use good transitions
to move smoothly from one idea to the next, helping things fit together easily for the
reader. Organization gives writing a sense of purpose and structure.
3. Voice
Voice is the personality of the writer coming through on the page. It is what gives
the writing a sense of flavor, and give the reader the feeling that the writer is talking
directly to her. A strong sense of voice demands that the writer make a commitment to
the writing and write honestly with conviction. In a paper with strong voice, the reader
will get a sense that someone real is there.
4. Word Choice
Good word choice involves being able to look critically at verbs and select the ones
that are active, powerful and energetic. It means being able to choose just the right
words to make the writing sound natural and precise. Word choice gives precision to
details and helps the writer paint memorable pictures in the reader’s mind.
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5. Sentence Fluency
In any piece of writing, there are many possible ways to write any sentence
correctly, but usually, of those correct versions, one or two will sound better than
others. A writer who can pick out those versions and can use them frequently will have
a strong sense of sentence fluency. This does not mean creating longer sentences, but
means using long sentences when they would be best and short sentences when they
would suit better. It means creating a sense of rhythm with the sentences and a flow
that the reader finds enjoyable to follow along. Good sentence fluency stands out when
a piece of writing is read aloud.
6. Conventions
Conventions are the rules of a language. They are the common patterns of
grammar, spelling, punctuation, paragraphing and capitalization that readers come to
expect in good writing. They make writing easy to read and understand. A reader may
not even notice when conventions are well done, but might be distracted from the good
ideas that were so carefully planned if the conventions are poorly handled. This is the
most mechanical of the six traits and requires writers to learn editing and proofreading
skills.
Ideas
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Makes sense
Gets and holds my attention
Has a main idea, thesis, center, sense of purpose
Writer draws on experience
Says something new, or says it in a fresh way
Full of ideas that add: Interest & Important information.
Organization
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The opening makes me want to keep reading
Has a logical order or pattern (definition, proposal, problem solution,
comparison-contrast, story unfolding over time, etc.)
I can follow the story or main points
Sometimes I can predict-sometimes the writer surprises me!
Ends well. Ties up loose ends. Doesn't stop abruptly.
Doesn't end with, "Then I woke up and it was all a dream!"
Doesn't repeat with, "Now you know the three reasons we should fight pollution
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Voice
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Sounds like a person wrote it
Sounds like a particular writer
Writing has style, flavor
Reaches out to me, the reader. Makes me respond and feel.
Word Choice
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Makes me say, "Yes, that's just the right word or phrase."
Long after reading, some words still tug at my memory
Words are used correctly
The writer chooses wisely, but isn't afraid to stretch
This writer knows the language of the topic--but doesn't try to impress me with
phony, bloated, phrases
• Simple language is used when it gets the job done.
Sentence Fluency
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It's smooth going, easy on the ear
I could easily read this aloud
Almost every sentence begins in a slightly different way, OR
Repetition is rhythmic and stylistic, not annoying
Some sentences are long. Some aren't.
Sentences aren't choppy. They do not meander aimlessly as if length alone were
the goal and there were no particular need to proceed to the end in a purposeful
way.
Conventions
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The writing is clean and polished. It looks proofread.
Most things are done correctly
Careful, controlled use of conventions, meaning clear and reading easy
No BIG erers sHoutt at me frm the pg: Hey!"Pay attenSHUN two me! Fergt
IDEAS and VIOCE! think? abowt, the mystakes!, A lot!!"
• Spelling, punctuation, grammar, capital letters and paragraph indenting: This
writer has thoughtfully attended to ALL conventional details
Using all of the evaluation tools we have given you, we will now show you
another composition written by an eighth grader. We want you to use the six traits, the
scoring rubric used by SAT test scorers (on page 8) and your best judgment to evaluate
the student’s written response to the “one wish” prompt to come up with a score
between 1 and 6.
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“If I had one wish I will that I can pass the Math test for graduation. So I can say that
I finally did something with my life. Most people never graduate from high school. Even
college. But this boy right here attend to pass the Math graduation test.
For one I belive in myself. Other people at this school belive in me. I have dream to
become a successful lawer on day and do other academic and career. To be known in this
world for all my hard work. I did and, for people to say. that a young man that made it.
That why I plan to work hard in this life so, I can success. In being the best that I can
be for my slef. For my mother, my teacher, and my father and, Last but not least my fellow
friends and, all the other people who say they belive in me. That why I say if I had one wish I
wish that I can pass the Math test. So I can wlak across that stage my head up high with
that smile on my face. So I can say I pass at last I pass at last think God almighty I pass at
last.”
Using the scoring rubric on page 8 and the other examples we have given, apply
a score to this composition. Use this space for your notes.
The prompt: “Think about a time of year you really like. It could be a season of
the year, a special day of the year, or a holiday.” Write to your teacher telling why you
like this time of year. Be sure to explain why this time is so important to you. Use
details to describe your favorite time.
A score of 6 on the rubric (page 8):
My Favorite Season
The best season of all is definitely summer. Though each season offers certain
joys, the pleasures of summer are off the charts! With its many treats for the senses,
summer is also the most memorable and delightful season.
It’s hard to put a finger on exactly what it is about the warmer months of the
year. Many things come to mind. Sights and sounds of things such as the beach in the
day and city at night, are delightful. Also, the way people act seems different. It’s
almost as if summer sets them free.
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In the city it gets hot. Sticky almost, and the sweet smell of flowers and freshly
cut grass floats in the air. In the afternoons and evenings, you can often smell a
barbeque down the block. It gives the world a sense of community and happiness.
Many sounds also contribute to this feeling. Birds chirp high in the trees, and
insects buzz at night. But one of the best sounds of all is the icecream truck coming
though town. There is a race to figure out where it is and to catch it, and the air is filled
with the shrieks of children trying to do just that!
Another wonderful place we frequent in the summer besides the city, is the
beach. This is where the true magic exists. When you arrive at the beach in the summer,
it’s in the air. there’s some kind of special energy that fills you up. It’s electrifying!
Part of it must be the warm air, cool sea breezes and hot sand. These are
accompanied by the smells of french fries, pizza and suntan lotion. There are people
everywhere, all different kinds, all looking like summer.
Then you beating down on your shoulders and it hits home: “It’s summer, I’m
free!” It is hard to describe this feeling. It’s pure joy and magic, to begin with. It’s just
great and you couldn’t feel better.
For example, children are building sandcastles, and people are tanning,
swimming and eating driping icecream cones. All of them are happy. All of a sudden, so
are you, it’s contagious.
All of these wonderful things contribute to the general feeling of summer.
However short, it always leaves a lasting impression. Summer is the best!
This narrative response shows control of language, control of paragraph
organization and conventions. There are a couple of spelling errors, but overall, the
control and wonderful descriptive expressions let your hear this author’s voice. For the
six traits of writing, add a few comments of your own about each trait based on what
you read in the 6 point response above;
1. Ideas
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2. Organization
3. Voice
4. Word choice
5. Sentence Fluency
6. Conventions (grammar, spelling)
Read another response to the same prompt. This time, using the rubric on page 8
and the six traits, score the response yourself.
My Favorite Holiday
My favorite holiday would definitely have to be Christmas. Christmas brings my family
together in such a magical way. I get to see my relatives that live far away. I love being filled in
on what has been happening in their lives and where they live. A lot of the time, they will sit
down and talk about how they remember when I was so little. It is actually kind of sweet.
My family really gets in to the spirt of things on Christmas, we all decorate the house,
hang up lights, set out our traditional manger, and we might even gosinging but no matter what
we are doing we are all happy. My mom, my sister and I, all like to get together and do some
baking. First we start off with cookies, all kinds of cookies then we send them to people we care
about, but of course not before stealing some of the batter for ourselves. Then we do pies, my
favorite is homemade pie, my mother likes to make pecan pie, so that pretty much leaves the
pumpkin pie with my sister. My dad is a cook so we call him in for some help when it is time to
start making our big dinner, and when I say big, I mean it. Its as big as Thanksgiving if not
longer. For example, we have ham, turkey, all kinds of potatoes, corn, green beans, rolls, fruit
and home made macaroni and cheese. We all sit down to eat, and do we ever eat!.
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Everyone gets so stuffed that no one moves from the table until bout a hour later. Then
its time for the dreded job of dishes, however on this particular day, the job doesn’t seem that
bad though.
Opening our presents is a lot of fun but my family knows Christmas is not all about
presents but on the other hand, we really like the presents too. My favorite part of opening
presents is when I give a person the present I got for them. I like the way their faces light up
because it really makes me feel good about myself, actually my brother’s facial expressions are
the best, they get so excited. Then we all clean up and reorganize our presents under the
pretty tree.
Christmas is my favorite holiday. I always have fun on Christmas, I get to see my family,
I bake with my mother and sister, we go and look at all of the lite up houses, I really enjoy
myself. If I had to pick the worst thing that happens during Christmas, it would be the clean up,
but even that’s not that bad on Christmas, in fact nothing really ever is.
Use the rubric on page 8 as your guide and make notes based on the six traits. A
guiding thought for the scoring of this composition might include; “did the author stick
to the topic?”
Five paragraph writing skills:
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Atrium/1437/
Practice writing prompts:
http://www.cmi.k12.il.us/Champaign/grdlvl/5/fprompts.html
General writing modes:
http://powayusd.sdcoe.k12.ca.us/projects/literacy/WritingwithStyle/03GeneralWritingMo
des.htm
Activities for modes of writing
http://www.angelfire.com/ks/teachme/modesactivities.html
Annotated writing models:
http://www.glencoe.com/sec/writerschoice/parentsite/index_awm.html
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The Persuasive Prompt:
Self-evaluation Checklist Based on the Components and the
Six Traits.
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In this section, you’ll learn to write a persuasive argument to support your ideas
and opinions. To start this section, we suggest you visit the school library media center,
log in to the Internet and view the slide show on persuasive writing that people at Rice
University have prepared:
http://www.rice.edu/armadillo/Sciacademy/riggins/persuade/
Elements toward building a good persuasive essay include
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establishing facts to support an argument
clarifying relevant values (your values or voice) for your audience (perspective)
prioritizing, editing, or sequencing the facts and values in importance to build the
argument
forming and stating conclusions
persuading your audience that your conclusions are based upon facts and shared
values
having the confidence to communicate your persuasion in writing (control)
Here are some strategies to complete a persuasive writing prompt:
Rewrite the prompt in your own words.
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Think of the issues posed in the prompt
List facts; consider their importance:
prioritize, edit, sequence, discard, etc.
Ask yourself "What's missing?"
What are the "hot buttons" of the issue?
List possible emotions/emotional reactions
Use a graphical organizer to evaluate your thoughts and arguments.
Write a draft. Review the prewriting guidelines:
Writing Processes
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Prewriting
1. Generate writing ideas through discussions with others and from
printed material, and keep a list of writing ideas.
2. Determine the usefulness of and apply appropriate pre-writing
tasks (e.g., background reading, interviews or surveys).
3. Establish and develop a clear thesis statement for informational
writing or a clear plan or outline for narrative writing.
4. Determine a purpose and audience and plan strategies (e.g.,
adapting focus, content structure, and point of view) to address
purpose and audience.
5. Use organizational strategies (e.g., notes, outlines) to plan
writing.
Drafting
Revising and
Editing
6. Organize writing to create a coherent whole with an effective and
engaging introduction, body and conclusion, and a closing
sentence that summarizes, extends or elaborates on points or
ideas in the writing.
7. Use a variety of sentence structures and lengths (e.g., simple,
compound and complex sentences; parallel or repetitive sentence
structure).
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Write your first paragraph
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Introduce the topic
Inform the reader of your point of view.
Entice the reader to continue with the rest of the paper.
Focus on three main points.
Establish flow from paragraph to paragraph
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Keep your voice active
Stay focused on your point of view throughout the essay
Focus on logical arguments
Don't summarize in the development, wait for the conclusion
Conclusion
Summarize, then conclude, your argument
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Refer to the first paragraph/opening statement as well as the main points
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Does the conclusion restate the main ideas?
Does conclusion reflect the importance of the arguments
Logically conclude the development or the argument?
Edit/rewrite the first paragraph; adjust your development and conclusion.
Ask yourself:
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Does this make sense?
Am I convinced?
Will this convince a reader?
Will they understand my values, and agree with my facts?
Edit, correct, and re-write if necessary
Check spelling and grammar (conventions)
With guidelines in place, the prewriting component reviewed, we are ready to see
some student responses to persuasive writing prompts. Please keep in mind there is a
time limit for the entire exam of which the essay is only one part. Pace yourself. The
prewriting is important because it helps you to organize your thoughts and prevent
errors before they occur. A rough draft based on your prewriting activities may produce
a complete composition all by itself.
The Prompt: The local school committee is seeking ideas to improve
your school. These ideas will be discussed during meetings with
students, teachers, parents, administrators, and other interested
parties. The changes proposed by students will be seriously considered
since students are the reason for the school’s existence. Choose one
change that might improve your school for all students. Write a
persuasive essay explaining why your suggested change is an
improvement.
Score Point Five:
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Imagine that when you arrive at school, you think your on a demolition sight. Think of how difficult it would
be for you to walk through mucky puddles and obstacle courses, just to confront the entrance door of your school. This is
how my school is thought of everyday.
My school is in the process of reconstruction. The school-yard is a disastrous mess, with bulldozers, cranes, and
trucks scattered all about. I don’t think it is a very brilliant idea, to have all this inconvenience, for adolescence to walk
into the school building. One reason is that it is an unattractive mess. The school seems very run down. I’ve had some of
my relatives come to pick me up at school and they exclaim. “this school’s a mess!” and, “I can’t believe this is where you
attend school.” I understand the concept that reconstruction isn’t a glorious procedure, and I know that people aren’t
overwhelmingly enthusiastic about it either. Though I wouldn’t give our school such a bad name, and it would help to
improve our school.
Another issue the reconstruction is persuing is safety. In my opinion, I believe that our school is somewhat
hazardous. The construction personnel are continuously handaling wires, and things of that nature. One time, our school
caught on fire, and everyone was evacuated to a nearby high school. Thank heavens the flame was easily extinguished,
and nobody was injured, but it’s an appalling thought for parents and guardians as well as children.
Score Point Four:
Local school commitees are looking for ideas of what they can do to schools to improve
student performances. Three things they could do to my school are paint the walls a bright
color, get new books, and make it a rule that teachers must like children.
One thing that should be done to improve student performances would be paint the walls
in schools a bright color. The walls in my school are gray so when you come in school you are
automatically going to be in a bad mood. If the walls were a bright color more kids would be
happier thus increasing the amount of work they will do. If the students are happier the
teacher will be more enthusiastic to teach. The teacher would probably be able to teach more
in this kind of environment. I think students would be more willing to come to school if they
knew they were going to be in a good mood.
Another thing the school committee could do to improve student performance is to buy
new books. The books that are used now have been used by many generations before now. Most
of the books are falling apart which makes reading them harder. If the school got new up to
date books, students would know more current events. Some of the books now support ideas
that have already been proven wrong. If the books were up to date the students would be more
willing to read about something that has just happened not something that happened in the
early 90’s.
Score Point Three:
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School is ok, but the one thing I don’t like about it is the lockers. I think the lockers are way
too old and small. If they were bigger it would help so much. First of all, when we go to put our books
into our lockers, they don’t always fit. That is why people have to clean their lockers every term.
Another reason lockers should be bigger is so people won’t be late for class. Everyone spends so
much time trying to put things into their lockers that they miss the bell. When people finally get to
class, they end up getting in trouble. It wasn’t their fault, but they will still get in trouble.
Another thing that would improve the lockers is making them less close together. When you go to
your locker, you have to wait to open it. The lockers are so close that everyone is bumping into each
other.
Although these are only a few things that would improve the school, it would help greatly if they
were changed.
Score Point Two:
Score Point One:
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Score this narrative essay yourself: Score points 1-6.
Ever since I was a young boy I have had an undying urge to set my eyes
upon the great structures of the world. Gustave Eiffel, the ancient
Egyptians, Frank Lloyd Wright, these are just a few of history greatest
architects. These people did not start with instant success though. The
started as young children with a special dream. Many courses were required
to obtain this skill, and these courses gave them many more skills then simply
designing buildings. It gave them outstanding mathematic skills and tested
their abilities. I am amazed by different aspects of architecture on a daily
basis, therefor I think it is a very valuable skill to know. That is the reason
that a class especially for architecture should be included in every school
system.
Although I have been fortunate enough to participate in some of the
arts, I still feel that something is missing. In art classes the range of options
you have is very narrow. You are assigned something and then you do it.
But in architecture any number of options are possible. Architecture is a
fun way of releasing your creative freedom and sets no restraints. If an
architecture program was included in the curriculum at school it would
allow kids to creatively go where they never thought was possible.
Architecture does not only give you a range of creative freedom, but it also
helps you expand your mind in many other topics as well.
Some people think that all that architecture consists of is drawing an
object on a blue piece of paper and then building it. This is far from true.
In order to build a house dozens of different math equations are necessary
to start the design. In this case as you would imagine architectural drafting
and design greatly improves your math skills in several different ways.
Architecture also takes an immense amount of patience and understanding.
We’d like to give you a scoring rubric that will help your evaluate your own writing and
compositions. It’s based on the writing components for the SAT, but it also uses the six
traits to guide you. This rubric is based on a four point scoring scale, but you can use it
for all writing assignments in school.
43
4 In my four point composition: (place a checkmark where you think you did well).
Organization and Content Checklist:
I used important details.
When I added details, I didn't wander from
the main idea. I remembered my Topic
Sentence and the subject of the Writing Prompt
and stayed on course.
I organized my ideas in a logical way.
My composition answered the question in
the prompt.
How's My Style:
I used many different and descriptive
words.
I used words that helped people see my
meaning. They could use all of their senses to
feel and even hear my meaning.
I used different kinds of sentences and
didn't start each one with the same word.
I made every effort to make my writing
legible. My spelling and grammar were the very
best.
3
My writing is good but I could improve. Maybe I needed to add more details or add
information.
Organization and Content
How's My Style?
I tried to explain my main idea, the one in
my Topic Sentence, but I could have added
more information or supporting detail.
My choice of words is good. My vocabulary
choices serve a purpose. I didn't use too many
extra or unnecessary words.
Once in a while my thoughts wandered
away from the subject or I didn't totally answer
the question in the Writing Prompt.
My sentences were pretty good, but they
are mostly the same kind of sentence. The
sentences could be shorter and more to the
point.
My story was a little bit disorganized.
My ideas needed to be connected. I don't
think every idea I had fit with the topic.
I could have been a little neater and I
know I wasn't watching my spelling and
grammar too carefully.
The reader can usually see my point.
44
2 My composition earned only two points: My writing wasn't very clear.
My ideas didn't really support the Topic Sentence and some of my information
wasn't accurate. I didn't pay attention to my spelling.
Organization and Content
How's My Style?
I need to make my points more clearly. I
needed to stay on the subject.
My words need to be stronger and more
effective.
There weren't many details or supporting
ideas in my composition.
I sometimes repeated the same idea and
my writing was choppy. My sentences could
have been shorter and to the point.
My paragraphs didn't have "flow". My ideas
were choppy.
My handwriting was sloppy and I didn't
check over my spelling.
1 My composition scored only one point. I know I need to answer the question,
stick to the point. I didn't add any details and my spelling and grammar
were not up to par. I know I can do better.
Organization and Content
How's My Style?
I didn't pay attention to the question. My
story wandered.
People couldn't tell what my ideas were
about the subject.
I need to get organized. I could have
outlined my ideas before I started to write.
I started all of my sentences the same way
and didn't use descriptive words.
I need to add details and more information.
I had so many spelling and grammar
mistakes that people were distracted and
couldn't pay attention to what I was saying.
45
Persuasive Essays might look like these:
The Prompt:
Your school is thinking about holding classes on Saturdays for one month in order
to make up for snow days. If Saturday classes were held, school would be over in early
June. If there were no Saturday classes, school would not be over until the beginning of
July. Write to your principal telling what you think about having Saturday classes. Be
sure to clearly state your opinion and tell why you think this way.
Score Point Four:
Dear Principal,
I have heard the news that the school is thinking about having school on
Saturday to make up for snow days. I for one think this is a bad idea. I think this for a
few reasons. One many of us have weekend jobs and Saturday schooling would not
allow us to work on the weekend. My other reason is the fact that we need a weekend
off.
Our community is based on the teenage work. During the weekend and summer
we teenager make up most of the work in the town of Dayton. If we are made to go to
school on Saturdays, the stores would have to lessen hours or rely on other workers. I
think that most students would go to work, come home do homework, go to sleep and
have to wake up to do it again. Then on Friday we all hope for no more homework only
to find we have a report due Monday. If school was pushed to Saturdays it would be like
having no days off at all. We would undoubtedly have homework ruining our Sundays
also. I think that Saturday schooling would create a negative, almost hatred view of the
school by the students.
Overall, for the reasons above and probably many more, I think Saturday
schooling isn’t a good idea. It will create a negative atmosphere in which students
wouldn’t want to learn. I’d think long and hard before decinding the fate of our students.
46
Class Discussion: Can we rewrite this to make it a 6 point essay?
What the scorers said about the four point response: “This acceptable response is
sufficiently unified with an introduction and a conclusion, although not especially
sophisticate ones. There are adequate ‘reasons’ to meet the audience’s (principal’s)
needs, and there is sufficient elaboration, although perhaps not “full” elaboration. The
sentence structure exhibits control of sentence conventions with sufficient variety in
sentence structure. The word choices are somewhat general and mildly repetitive.”
A three point response to the same prompt:
Dear Principal:
I am writing you to tell you my opeinion about Saturday classes to make up our
snow days. I do agree with the idea to go to school on Saturdays for one month, in order to
make up the snow days. Saturday classes would be a much better idea than taking away from
students summer time.
One reason why I would prefer Saturday classes over extra June classes is
because the weather isn’t as nice. The snow days can be made up wheyn the weather is still cold,
so students won’t feel as depressed while their in school. They will also know that no one is at
the beach or on the boardwalk while they are stuck in classes.
Saturday classes are more appropriate for high school students because they work hard
for nine and a half months out of the year. It wouldn’t be fair to take away from students time
off after all the work they have done. Students use summer to rest up and regain their
thoughts for the next school year.
Your assignment for this section of the SAT Mentor Writing Book is to use this
prompt about the Saturday make-up days and write a 6 point essay. For a persuasive
essay, you’ll need five paragraphs to persuade your audience.
47
A five paragraph persuasive essay looks like this:
•
•
•
•
•
Introduction: Thesis and three reasons or arguments.
Body Paragraph One: Discuss reason number one.
Body Paragraph Two: Discuss reason number two.
Body Paragraph Three: Discuss reason number three.
Conclusion: Summarize.
It helps when you need to write an argument or persuasion to use some form of
graphical organizer to help you develop your thoughts. We’ll give you some organizers
that people use when they write a composition:
Chain of Events
Chain of Events is used to describe the stages of an event, the actions of
character or the steps in a procedure.
Key questions: What is the first step in the procedure or initiating event? What
are the next stages or steps? How does one event lead to one another? What is the final
outcome?
48
This is a good one for beginning to plan an essay. It helps you define your point
of view. It also helps in a five paragraph essay to provide you with structure for each
paragraph so there is a beginning a middle and an end with supporting details.
When you need to write a persuasive essay, you need to line up your arguments.
Use the “event” structure above to lead your audience to a place where they will agree
with your arguments.
Clustering
Clustering is a nonlinear activity that generates ideas, images and feelings
around a stimulus word. When you cluster, your thoughts tumble out, enlarging your
word bank and vocabulary for writing and often enabling you to see patterns in your
ideas.
49
Compare/Contrast
Comparison/Contrast is used to show similarities and differences.
Key frame questions: What are being compared? How are they similar? How are
they different? This helps when shaping pros and cons of an argument.
Venn Diagram
The Venn Diagram is made up of two or more overlapping circles. It is often used
in mathematics to show relationships between sets. In language arts instruction, Venn
Diagrams are useful for examining inconsistencies in arguments.
This tool helps you visually organize similarities and differences.
50
Storyboard
This is a storyboard organizer. When you are planning a persuasive essay, if you
are a very visual person, you can draw pictures in each box that take you through the
argument in a sequential way.
Some teachers and students use a software product called Inspiration. It helps
you use a computer to draw organizational pictures like the following one that looks at
characters in stories.
Internet resources for persuasive writing, and using graphical organizers.
•
Persuasive Essay Writing Wizard:
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Atrium/1437/pers.html
•
Persuasive Essay Writing Guide:
http://www.mtbaker.wednet.edu/kendall/chellson/hatcheries/essayguide.htm
•
Writing to persuade:
http://staffweb.peoriaud.k12.az.us/Karlene_Edwards/New%20SMHS%20Web
page/LAFOLDER/Persuasive.htm
•
OWL Writing Lab Persuasive Page:
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/general/index.html
51
Rubrics to guide the development of your writing skills.
Scoring Guide for Component English Conventions
Score
Description
•
Control of sentence structure, grammar and usage, and mechanics
(length and complexity of essay provide opportunity for student to show
control of component English conventions)
•
•
Errors do not interfere with communication and/or
Few errors relative to length of essay or complexity of sentence
structure, grammar and usage, and mechanics
•
•
Errors interfere somewhat with communication and/or
Too many errors relative to the length of the essay or complexity of
sentence structure, grammar and usage, and mechanics
•
•
Errors seriously interfere with communication AND
Little control of sentence structure, grammar and usage, and mechanics
4 Points
3 Points
2 Points
1 Point
Blank
No response.
52
Now let’s look at some responses for a different prompt scored only for
conventions. You might want to take a red pencil to correct the spelling and
punctuation yourself. The prompt is for an expository essay but the purpose is for
you to look at grammar and spelling as an important part of what the SAT scorers
are looking for
The Prompt: Often in works of literature, there are characters—other than the
main character—whose presence in the work is essential. From a work of literature
you have read in or out of school, select a character, other than the main
character, who plays a key role. In a well-developed composition, identify the
character and explain why this character is important.
53
Score Point Four on Conventions
54
Score Point Three on Conventions
55
Score Point Two Conventions
Score Point One Conventions
56
Writing Conventions: Getting Better at Grammar, Spelling, etc.
Many students say to themselves, “I know what I want to say in my composition,
I just know I’ll make lots of mistakes in spelling and in grammar.”
We’ll give you some advice and resources on how to improve your overall
command of spelling and grammar to become a better writer.
Before you finish this section, please visit these websites for interactive lessons,
quizzes and help with grammar, spelling, etc. These sites are guaranteed to make it
fun.
Spelling:
http://highschoolhub.org/hub/english.cfm
Spelling links:
•
http://directory.google.com/Top/Kids_and_Teens/School_Time/English/Spelling/
•
http://homeschoolcentral.com/reading.htm
•
http://search.teachnology.com/search/search.pl?Terms=spelling&Submit.x=22&Submit.y=12
Grammar:
http://search.teach-nology.com/search/search.pl?Terms=grammar
Guide to Grammar and Writing:
http://ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/
57
Basics of grammar, sentence structure:
Sentence Types
Sentences can be simple, compound, complex, or compound-complex.
The Simple Sentence
Simple sentences have only one independent clause. There are no dependent
clauses, and the sentence must be limited to one subject and one predicate. The
sentence may contain modifying words or phrases:
•
Grammar class is boring.
•
"Bon Jovi" is a sensational progressive rock band.
The Compound Sentence
Compound sentences are composed of two or more independent clauses, which
are joined by a coordinating conjunction or a semicolon. One should always use a
comma before any coordinating conjunction that connects two independent
clauses:
•
Samantha likes "Bon Jovi," but she thinks grammar class is boring.
•
Tim likes grammar class, so he does not like "Bon Jovi."
The Complex Sentence
Complex sentences use one independent clause and one or more dependent
clauses:
When Samantha is in grammar class, she often dreams of the next Bon
Jovi concert. ("When Samantha..." is a dependent clause, "she often..." is an
independent clause.)
58
The Compound-Complex Sentence
The compound-complex sentence joins a compound and a complex sentence
together. It should contain two or more independent clauses and one or more
dependent clause:
Bon Jovi sings in a style they created, and they feel that drugs have no
place at their concerts, which are often quite crowded.
Subjects and Predicates
In English, every sentence has two essential parts: a complete subject and a
complete predicate.
Subjects
The complete subject is the simple subject (a noun or a pronoun) plus any words or
group of words modifying the simple subject that tells who or what the sentence is
about:
The fizz from my Pepsi usually lasts about an hour.
To find the complete subject, ask Who? or What? insert the verb, and finish the
question. The answer is the complete subject:
What usually lasts about an hour? The fizz from my Pepsi.
The simple subject is the essential noun, pronoun, or group of words acting as a noun
that cannot be left out of the complete subject. In order to identify it, remove the
complements and modifiers and whatever left is the simple subject.
59
The
fizz
from my Pepsi
usually lasts about an hour.
(article) (simple subject) (prepositional phrase) (predicate)
TIP: Does the sentence make sense with just the word ("fizz") identified as the simple
subject?
(The) fizz usually lasts about an hour.
Additional Facts About Subjects
1) The "Understood You"
Sometimes, as in the case of imperative sentences (see verb mood), the subject does
not actually appear in the sentence. At such times the invisible subject is called the
"understood you":
(You) Rent "The Matrix" from the video store.
2) Positioning
Although the subject most commonly appears before the verb, it can also appear after it
appears in
•
-sentences that begin with "there is" or "there are." "There" is an expletive or
empty word which simply gets the sentence started:
There are precious few hills in SAT. vs. Precious few hills are in SAT.
•
-sentences that are inverted for effect:
Happy is the wife of Harrison Ford. vs. The wife of Harrison Ford is happy.
Predicates
The complete predicate is the verb plus its objects, complements, and adverbial
modifiers that tell what the complete subject does or is:
The fizz from my Pepsi usually lasts about an hour.
To find the complete predicate, ask; What does the subject (the fizz) do? (It) usually
lasts about an hour.
60
The simple predicate is the essential verb or verb phrase that cannot be left out of the
complete predicate. Again, remove the modifiers and complements to identify it:
The
(article)
fizz
from my Pepsi
(simple
(prepositional
subject)
phrase)
usually lasts
(adverb)
about an hour
(simple
(prepositional
predicate)
phrase)
TIP: Does the sentence make sense with just the word identified as the simple
predicate?
The fizz from my Pepsi lasts.
Compound Subjects and Predicates
Although the examples so far have contained only one subject and one verb, a sentence
may contain a compound subject, a compound predicate, or both.
The compound subject consists of two or more subjects that have the same verb and
are joined by a conjunction such as "and" or "or": Spencer and Annie wagged their tails.
The compound predicate consists of two or more verbs that have the same subject
and are joined by a conjunction such as "and" or "or": I came, saw, and conquered.
Active and Passive Voice
Voice The voice of a verb tells whether the subject of the sentence performs or
receives the action. In English there are two voices, passive and active.
Active Voice In active voice, the subject performs the action expressed by the verb:
The student wrote a song.
Passive Voice
In passive voice, the subject receives the action expressed by the verb:
A song was written by the student.
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Forming Tenses of Passive Verbs
The passive voice always consists of two parts: a form of the verb "to be" + past
participle:
Tense
Passive voice form
Present
it is cleaned
Past
it was cleaned
Future
it will be cleaned
Present perfect
it has been cleaned
Past perfect
it had been cleaned
Future perfect
it will have been cleaned
Uses of Passive Voice
Use the passive voice to:
•
Call attention to receiver of the action rather than the performer:
o
•
The professor was hit by three snowballs.
Point out the receiver of the action when performer is unknown or unimportant:
o
A love letter was slipped under the door.
The signs will be posted.
•
Avoid calling attention to the performer of the action (known as the "institutional
passive"):
o
The fines will be collected on Monday.
62
Active and Passive Voice in Writing
The choice between using the active or passive voice in writing is a matter of style, not
correctness. However, most handbooks recommend using active voice, which they
describe as more natural, direct, lively, and succinct. The passive voice is considered
wordy and weak (except when used in cases above). Examine the following examples.
•
weak, passive:
o
•
strong, active:
o
•
The skater was slammed into the wall by Maria.
Maria slammed the skater into the wall.
weak, passive:
o
The book was enjoyed by me because the events of her childhood were
described so well by the author.
•
strong, active:
o
I enjoyed the book because the author described the events of her childhood
so well.
Hints for identifying the Passive Voice
An active verb may or may not have a direct object, but the passive verb almost never
does.
"It is...That" construction (It is clear that... It is noted...)
Use of the verbs To Be, Make, or Have (Passive: Your exits should be made quickly.
Active: Leave quickly.)
Endings that turn verbs into abstract nouns: -ion,-ing,-ment:
Passive: When application of force is used, the lid will open.
Active: Apply force to open the lid.
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Complements
A complement is called a complement because it completes the predicate in a
sentence. There are two kinds of complements: object complements and subject
complements.
Object Complements
An object complement follows the direct object and modifies or refers to the direct
object. An object complement can be an adjective, a noun, or a word or word group
acting as an adjective or noun:
If you elect me president, I'll keep the unions satisfied.
("President" is an object complement referring to the direct object "me."
"Satisfied" is an object complement modifying the direct object "unions.")
The students elected Mary president.
("President" is an object complement referring to the direct object "Mary.")
Wool socks will keep your feet very warm.
("Very warm" is an object complement modifying the direct object "your feet.")
Subject Complements
A subject complement follows a linking verb and modifies or refers to the subject. A
subject complement can be an adjective, a noun, a pronoun, or a word or word group
acting as an adjective or noun:
I am a teacher, but I am not yet experienced.
("Teacher" and "experienced" are both subject complements that
modify the subject "I.")
Subject complements have two subgroups, predicate adjectives and predicate nouns.
64
A predicate adjective is a subject complement that is an adjective (see appositives):
I am not yet experienced.
("Experienced" is a predicate adjective that modifies the subject "I.")
A predicate noun (Nominative) is a subject complement that is a noun:
I am a teacher.
("Teacher" is a predicate noun that refers to the subject "I.")
Direct and Indirect Objects
A direct object is the word or words in a sentence designating the person or thing
receiving the action of a transitive verb: The boy broke the dish.
An indirect object comes before the direct object. It tells to whom or for whom the
action of the verb is being done: Sing me a song. He feeds the turtle lettuce.
Appositives
Appositives are two words or word groups which mean the same thing and are placed
together. Appositives identify or explain the nouns or pronouns which they modify:
Our teacher, Professor Pemberton, loves grammar.
We can say that "Professor Pemberton" is an appositive or is in apposition to "our
teacher." "Professor Hawisher" identifies or explains "teacher.'
65
An appositive phrase includes an appositive and its modifiers:
My favorite place, the English building, is located on the Quad, a grassy square
in the middle of the campus.
A restrictive appositive is necessary to maintain the meaning of the sentence and
does not require commas. Usually, a restrictive appositive is a single word closely
related to the preceding word. It "restricts" or narrows the meaning of the word it
modifies:
The musician Harry Connick will come to Cleveland.
("Harry Connick" restricts the general term "musician.")
My sister Mary has four dogs.
A nonrestrictive appositive may be omitted without changing the basic meaning of
the sentence. A nonrestrictive appositive is separated by commas. Commas are always
used when the word which the appositive modifies is a proper noun:
Harry Connick, the musician, will come to Cleveland.
("Musician" offers additional information about the specific name "Harry Connick")
There are many parades for Mardi Gras, a religious festival celebrating the last
day before Lent, in New Orleans, a city in Louisiana.
Additional note
A dash or colon, as well as a comma, can be used to set off appositives:
For the prisoner there was only one goal--escape.
66
Common English Usage Problems
Homophones
Homophones are words that sound alike but have different spellings and meanings. As
a result, these words are often confused in writing.
Examples:
Accept (to receive): "I accept your apology."
Except (excluded from): "I like everyone except her."
Capital (economic resources OR the city where lawmakers meet)
Capitol (the building where lawmakers meet)
Principal (head of a school): "The principal is your pal."
Principle (a moral or fundamental truth): "That is against my principles."
There (meaning "in that place"): "The book is over there."
Their (possessive pronoun "belonging to them"): "Their book"
They're (contraction for "they are"): "They're coming soon."
Its (possessive pronoun): "The dog lost its bone."
It's (contraction for "it is"): "It's a shame you can't come."
67
Parallelism
Parallelism occurs when compound verbs or verbals express an action taking place at
the same time or in the same tense. When such is the case, the verb and/or verbals
must be in the same, or parallel, form.
Example: Gail sings and dances.
("Sings" and "dances" are parallel forms of the verb.)
Types of Parallel Structure
1. Coordinated ideas of equal rank, connected by and, but, or, or nor
Correct:
Earl loves bicycling and climbing.
(A gerund is paired with a gerund.)
Earl loves to bicycle and to climb.
(An infinitive is paired with an infinitive.)
Incorrect:
Earl loves bicycling and to climb.
(Here, a gerund is paired with an infinitive.)
2. Compared ideas
Correct:
I like officiating basketball more than playing basketball.
(A gerund is paired with a gerund.)
I like to officiate basketball more than I like to play basketball.
(An infinitive is paired with an infinitive.)
68
Incorrect:
I like to officiate basketball more than I like playing basketball.
(An infinitive is paired with a gerund.)
3. Correlative ideas are linked with the correlative conjunctions both...and, either...or,
neither...nor, and not only...but also.
Correct:
Josh is talented not only as a basketball player, but also as a tennis player.
(A noun is paired with a noun.)
Josh is talented not only at playing basketball, but also at playing tennis.
(A gerund is paired with a gerund.
Incorrect:
Josh is talented not only as a basketball player, but also at playing tennis.
(A noun is paired with a gerund.)
Incorrect:
Brad has both experienced the sweet taste of success and the bitterness of
defeat.
Revised:
Brad has experienced both the sweet taste of success and the bitterness of
defeat.
Misplaced Modifiers
Misplaced modifiers are single words, phrases, or clauses that do not point clearly to
the word or words they modify. As a rule, related words usually should be kept together.
69
Six Helpful Tips for Placing Modifiers Correctly
1. Limiting modifiers (only, even, almost, nearly, just) should be placed in front of the
words they modify.
Unclear:
You will only need to plant one package of seeds.
Revised:
You will need to plant only one package of seeds.
("Only" modifies "one," not "need.")
2. Place modifying phrases and clauses so that readers can see at a glance what they
modify.
Unclear:
The robber was described as a tall man with a black moustache weighing 150
pounds.
Revised:
The robber was described as a six-foot-tall man weighing 150 pounds with a
black moustache.
("150 pounds" describes the man, not the moustache.)
1. Sentences should flow from subject to verb to object without lengthy detours
along the way. When adverbs separate subject from verb, verb from object,
or helping-verb from main-verb, the result can be awkward.
Unclear:
John, after trying to reach the ball, decided to get a ladder.
Revised:
After trying to reach the ball, John decided to get a ladder.
(Subject and verb are no longer separated.)
70
4. Infinitives ("to" + verb, such as: "to go," "to catch," "to shout") usually should not be
split unless necessary, especially in formal writing.
Unclear:
The patient should try to, if possible, avoid going up and down stairs.
Revised:
If possible, the patient should try to avoid going up and down stairs.
5. Dangling modifiers are word groups (usually introductory) that may seem confusing
to some people if they fail to refer logically to any word in a sentence. Rewording a
sentence may help to clarify the meaning.
Unclear:
Deciding to join the navy, the recruiter happily pumped Joe's hand.
(The recruiter is not deciding to join the navy; Joe is.)
Revised:
The recruiter happily pumped Joe's hand after learning that Joe had decided to
join the navy.
Unclear:
Though only sixteen, UCLA accepted Martha's application.
(UCLA is not sixteen; Martha is.)
Revised:
Though Martha was only sixteen, UCLA accepted her application.
6. Dangling modifiers can be repaired by restructuring the sentence, but this
restructuring may vary according to the writer's stylistic preferences.
Possibly unclear:
When watching films, commercials are especially irritating.
a) One option would be to change the subject so that it names the actor
that the modifier implies:
71
When watching films, I find commercials especially irritating.
b) Another option would be to turn the modifier into a word group that
includes the actor:
When I am watching films, commercials are especially irritating.
Dangling Modifiers
A dangling modifier is a phrase or clause that does not connect grammatically
with what it is intended to modify. The problem is most common with adjective
participial phrases, especially when they open the sentence. Such open participial
phrases can be taken to modify the noun, but when the noun is not present in the
sentence, then the phrase becomes nonsensical.
Problems with Dangling Modifiers
There are two kinds of problems with dangling modifiers:
1) A word (often a pronoun) has been left out, so that the introductory phrase
does not complement what follows.
Unclear:
Running across the street, the bus left.
2) A phrase or word in a sentence is too far from the idea that it modifies.
Unclear:
A dependable car, the family decided to buy the mini-van.
72
Correcting the Problem
There are two ways to correct dangling modifiers.
1) The main clause can be left alone and the participial construction altered,
usually to an adverbial phrase.
Unclear:
Running down the street, the house was on fire.
Revised:
When the man ran down the street, the house was on fire.
2) The participial construction can be allowed to stand and the main clause
modified so that the modified object is in the subject position.
Revised:
Running down the street, the man saw the house was on fire.
Fused Sentences, Run-Ons, and Comma Splices
A fused sentence (also known as a run-on sentence) occurs when two independent
clauses are joined without any punctuation or connecting word between them.
It was close to fall the trees were losing their leaves.
A comma splice occurs when two independent clauses are joined by only a comma.
It was close to fall, the trees were losing their leaves.
73
Six Ways to Eliminate Fused Sentences and Comma Splices
1) Separate the clause into two sentences:
It was close to fall. The trees were losing their leaves.
2) Link the clauses with a semicolon:
It was close to fall; the trees were losing their leaves.
3) Link the clauses with a comma and a coordinating conjunction:
It was close to fall, so the trees were beginning to lose their leaves.
4) Recast the two independent clauses as one independent clause:
It was the time of year when trees begin to lose their leaves.
5) Recast one of the independent clauses as a dependent clause:
Because it was close to fall, the trees were losing their leaves.
6) Use a semicolon before a conjunctive adverb (also, anyway, besides,
furthermore, incidentally, moreover, otherwise, and thus) or a transitional
expression (after all, by the way, for example, in other words, and on the other
hand) placed between independent clauses:
It was close to fall; consequently, the trees were losing their leaves.
Sentence Fragments
A sentence fragment is a part of a sentence punctuated as if it were a complete
sentence. It is a group of words that begins with a capital letter and ends with a period,
exclamation point, or a question mark, but does not express a complete thought.
Phrases as Sentence Fragments
1) A word group is a sentence fragment if it lacks a subject.
Swam into the ocean.
(NOTE: Imperative sentences (e.g., "Swim into the ocean!") have, by convention, an
understood "you" for a subject and are not considered fragments).
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2) A word group is also a sentence fragment if it lacks a verb.
The white plastic chair.
3) A word group missing both a subject and a predicate is a sentence fragment.
As in the lives of many.
Clauses as Sentence Fragments
(Warning: These are only guidelines for spotting a sentence fragment, not hard and fast
rules.)
A clue that a group of words may be a sentence fragment is that it begins with a
subordinator. Often, when a group of words begins with a subordinator, it is a
dependent clause, a clause that cannot stand alone as a sentence. Some common
subordinators are when, until, after, before, however, while, because, since, though,
although, if, so that, so, and where.
EX: Until the day is over.
Another clue is that the word group begins with a relative pronoun. Some common
relative pronouns are that, who, whose, whom, which, and when.
EX: Whom Kelly had known since the third grade.
Using and Misusing Sentence Fragments
Use--Students should understand that sentence fragments can be used in writing, but
that they should be used rarely and cautiously. Pointing out these structures in literature
read and written in class might be a good way to identify the difference between strong
use of sentence fragments and weak sentence fragments.
EX: Every life is many days, day after day. We walk through ourselves, meeting
robbers, ghosts, giants, old men, young men, wives, widows, brothers-in-love. But
always meeting ourselves.
(James Joyce)
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The last word group is a sentence fragment. A sentence fragment is used here for
emphasis. In this example, the meaning of the fragment is clear.
Misuse--It is very easy to misuse sentence fragments. The following piece of writing
shows how this misuse can make writing unclear and disorganized.
EX: It is my opinion that the baseball strike should end. A salary cap is not a bad idea.
After all, the players receive huge salaries. More money than the president.
The last word group is a sentence fragment.
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More About Persuasive Essays and
Point of View
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In persuasive or argumentative writing, we try to convince others to agree
with our facts, share our values, accept our argument and conclusions, and
adopt our way of thinking. In a point of view essay, we are describing how we
feel about an issue then persuading readers to adopt our opinion.
Elements toward building a good persuasive essay include
•
establishing facts
to support an argument
•
clarifying relevant values
for your audience (perspective)
•
prioritizing, editing, and/or sequencing
the facts and values in importance to build the argument
•
forming and stating conclusions
•
"persuading" your audience that your conclusions are based upon the agreedupon facts and shared values
•
having the confidence
to communicate your "persuasion" in writing
Here are some strategies to complete a persuasive writing assignment:
Write out the questions in your own words.
•
Think of the questions posed in the assignment
while you are reading and researching. Determine
o
facts
o
any sources that will help you determine their reliability
(as well as for further reference)
o
what prejudices lie in the argument
or values that color the facts or the issue
o
•
what you think of the author's argument
List out facts; consider their importance:
prioritize, edit, sequence, discard, etc.
Ask yourself "What's missing?"
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•
What are the "hot buttons" of the issue?
List possible emotions/emotional reactions and recognize them for later
use
Start writing a draft:
Do not concern yourself with grammar or spelling at this stage.
•
Write your first paragraph
o
Introduce the topic
o
Inform the reader of your point of view
o
Entice the reader to continue with the rest of the paper
o
Focus on three main points to develop
•
Establish flow from paragraph to paragraph
•
Keep your voice active
•
Quote sources to establish authority if appropriate
•
Stay focused on your point of view throughout the essay
•
Focus on logical arguments
•
Don't lapse into summary
in the development--wait for the conclusion
•
Conclusion
o
Summarize, then conclude, your argument
o
Refer to the first paragraph/opening statement as well as the main
points
•
ƒ
does the conclusion restate the main ideas?
ƒ
reflect the succession and importance of the arguments
ƒ
logically conclude their development?
Edit/rewrite the first paragraph
to better telegraph your development and conclusion.
•
Re-read your paper
with a fresh mind and a sharp pencil
o
Ask yourself:
Does this make sense? Am I convinced?
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Will this convince a reader?
Will they understand my values, and agree with my facts?
o
Edit, correct, and re-write as necessary
o
Check spelling and grammar!
o
Have a friend read it and respond to your argument.
Were they convinced?
o
Revise if necessary
o
Turn in the paper
o
Celebrate a job well done,
with the confidence that you have done your best.
How to respond to criticism:
Consider criticism as a test of developing your powers of persuasion.
Try not to take it personally.
If your facts are criticized, double check them, and then cite your sources.
If your values are criticized, sometimes we need agree "to
disagree". Remember: your success in persuading others assumes that the other
person is open to being persuaded!
Fear: If you are not used to communicating,
especially in writing, you may need to overcome fear on several levels. Writing, unlike
unrecorded speech, is a permanent record for all to see, and the "context" is not as
important as in speech where context "colors" the words. For example: your readers do
not see you, only your words. They do not know what you look like, where you live,
who you are.
Hopefully in school, and class, we have a safe place
to practice both the art of writing and of persuasion. Then later, when we are in our
communities, whether work, church, neighborhoods, and even families, we can benefit
from this practice.
Persuasion also has another dimension:
it is built with facts, which illustrate conclusions. Of course, this means you need to
know what you are talking about, and cannot be lazy with your facts, or you will not
succeed in convincing anyone.
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When you are happy with your essay, proofread it to be sure:
Separate when you proofread from when you write
Cultivate a sense of doubt
Take nothing for granted.
If you know you repeat certain errors, double check for them Most errors in written work
are made unconsciously.
These are sources of unconscious, repetitive error:
•
Misspellings:
a word like "accommodate" can be checked through a spellchecker in word
processing
•
Keyboarding: "form" for "from"
A keyboarding error that is common and unthinkingly repeated
•
Usage error "which" for "that"
Word processors may locate the problem but it is left to you to decide and
choose
•
Inattention
The mind works far faster than the pen or keyboarding
Read out loud, word for word:
•
Take advantage of two senses: hearing and seeing
It is often possible to hear a mistake, such as an omitted or repeated
word that you have not seen
•
Slow down
Read what is actually on the page, not what you think is there
This is difficult, particularly if you wrote what you are reading
Why slow down?
When you read normally, you often see only the shells of words -- the first and last few
letters, perhaps. You "fix your eyes" on the print only three or four times per line, or
less. You take in the words between these points, and get less accurate the the more
you stray from the point. The average reader can only take in six letters accurately with
one fixation. This means you have to fix your eyes on almost every word you have
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written and do it twice in longer words, in order to proofread accurately. You have to
look at the word, not slide over it.
Work in pairs
•
It is twice as hard to detect mistakes in your own work
as in someone else's
•
Get a second opinion!
A fresh set of eyes may not only find errors, but also have suggestions for
improvement
•
Professional editors proofread as many as ten times.
Publishing houses hire teams of readers to work in pairs, reading out
loud. And still errors occur.
Some common proofreading symbols used by editors for professional publications can be
found on the next page. This is a partial list, but it gives you a way to do it quickly and
visually.
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Proofreading Symbols
Meaning
Symbol
Example
insert a comma
apostrophe or single
quotation mark
insert something
use double quotation marks
use a period here
delete
transpose elements
close up this space
a space needed here
begin new paragraph
no paragraph
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Test Taking Skills
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Anticipating Test Content – you can, even for the SAT
•
Pay particular attention to any study guides
•
Take any tutoring classes offered in your school
•
Generate a list of possible questions you would ask if you were making the SAT,
then see if you can answer the questions
•
Review previous tests; there are books on the SAT that show actual old tests,
this is the first year for the essay portion, but you can get the rest of them on
Amazon.com or your local bookstore.
•
Confer with other students to predict what will be on the test.
Dealing with Test Anxiety
Before the test:
•
Be prepared!
Practice with this book and as many SAT practice books as you can find.
A program of exercise is said to sharpen the mind.
•
Get a good night's sleep the night before the exam
•
Approach the exam with confidence:
View the exam as an opportunity to show how hard you’ve worked throughout
your school career.
•
Don't go to the exam on an empty stomach
Fresh fruits and vegetables are often recommended to reduce stress. Stressful
foods can include processed foods, artificial sweeteners, carbonated soft drinks,
chocolate, eggs, fried foods, junk foods, pork, red meat, sugar, white flour
products, chips and similar snack foods, foods containing preservatives or heavy
spices.
•
Allow yourself plenty of time,
especially to do things you need to do before the test and still get there a little
early
•
Relax just before the exam
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During the test:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Read the directions carefully
Budget your test taking time
Change positions to help you relax
If you go blank, skip the question and go on
If you're taking an essay test and you go blank on the whole test, start writing. It
may help you gain confidence to go back and do the rest of the test.
Don't panic when students start handing in their papers. There's no reward for
being the first done.
Check out local centers and resources in your school for assistance.
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