visit bocamag.com for contact info pertaining to the featured experts and businesses. How to be f o e f i L e h t the Party al i It’s happened to everyone. t n You’re at a party, happily scarfing s e ’ s . down canapés, n within your s r o e io comfort zone, whenmingling on po s r e th o suddenly coms W by T om a ur av mit some sort of horrific faux pas.youMaybe e n to s s photos by Lyall A s h o beh you ask the hostess when she’s expecting, only i th wit st to realize her dress is just a little snug around the Perhaps you look down and see a trail of h r ue toiletwaistline. g paper stuck to your heel and look up to a roomful a u d g o r of smirks. Or, heaven forbid, the Champagne goes to your n hr le ope head, and you fire off a barrage of off-color, ethnic jokes before t t ca pr taking a header into a potted palm. It can get ugly real fast. Our exs a ial r pert advice will help walk you through the mine field of holiday partyo C oc fo going by covering everything from hostess gifts to remembering names to s ips dressing the part. With a little preparation, you’re sure to be a t hit at your next party—and, best of all, you’ll be invited back. 122 [ bocamag.com ] december Make a Grand Entrance Not everyone can make a big splash like John Allen, a local James Bond impersonator who has been hired to arrive at parties by helicopter and speedboat, dressed in a white dinner coat and accompanied by 007’s iconic theme music. Allen once showed up for a soirée at Mar-a-Lago in an Aston Martin, fought off a thug, threw him in the pool and saved the hostess from being kidnapped. And he hadn’t even eaten dinner yet. “Anyone can make a grand entrance,” says Allen. “Walk in the door with confidence, and sell yourself. It’s all about charisma and being in the moment. If you’re naturally shy, practice at home first. You can do it.” Here are Allen’s sure-fire tips for making a memorable first impression: Common Opening Lines to Avoid “What do you do for a living?” Consider the economy, stupid: Unemployment is soaring. The person you ask may have just been fired, and you might have to listen to the tale of woe. Alternative: “You look like someone with a lot of interests.” Show up a little late to be sure there’s a roomful of guests to impress. Dress better than anyone at the party. Be immaculately groomed. (Don’t forget to trim the ear hair, guys.) Spend the day before the party being pampered at a spa. Be sincere and mean it when you greet the host, hostess and guests. Maintain your poise, no matter what. “What brings you here?” It’s subtly challenging and sounds a bit Spanish Inquisition-ish, like you’re asking them to validate their presence or prove that they were invited Alternative: “Have you known our hosts long?” when U want to know [ bocamag.com ] 123 Present the Perfect Gift After a party, the kitchen counter is usually loaded with bottles of cheesy red wine—the kinds with Elvis on the label—that guests have brought as if they’re the price of admission. Boring! Another nono is a gift that will distract the host from the party, such as loose flowers that need to be put in water and arranged. According to Renee Feder of Renee’s Paperie & Wrap in Boca Raton, it’s better to bring a more personalized present that’s exquisitely wrapped. Some of her top suggestions include: A monogrammed gift, such as stationery or guests towels A donation to the host’s favorite charity Fresh herbs arranged like flowers in a vase A box of designer chocolates A best-selling book A bottle of aged cognac A bottle of the host’s favorite Champagne A fine writing instrument Look Lively Whether you’re tired, bored or suffering from sleep apnea, yawning pretty much expresses the fact that you’d rather be sailing, or whatever. If you feel it coming on, try to disguise it by following George Washington’s advice: “Do it not loud, but privately, and speak not in your yawning but put your handkerchief or hand before your face and turn aside.” Sounds good. After all, George cannot tell a lie. Don’t Let Your Cups Runneth Over How much cleavage is too much? Well, it depends. Parties with family and co-workers call for more decorum than a night out clubbing with Lindsay Lohan. “Don’t spill out of the top of your dress,” recommends Sarah Kuehn of Underwraps Lingerie in Fort Lauderdale. “Our bestsellers are basic, functional bras that show cleavage, but naturally. Women often need strapless bras or convertible bras for holiday dresses, and, if the dress is backless, go for the NuBra—silicone cups that adhere to the breasts and uplift them.” The Butterfly Flit No, this is not some sort of bedroom maneuver from “Sex and the City.” The Butterfly Flit is a method of working the room, much like a butterfly gadding about in a country meadow. The goal of this mingling art form is to stop at a group of people, impart a few bons mots, and then move on, leaving the crowd wanting more. This is an especially effective technique when you can’t spend much time a party. Everyone remembers seeing you, you leave a great impression, and you never, ever become a dreaded bore. Be Urbane and Make Cosmopolitans Anyone can pour a glass of wine, but it takes a certain flair (and some top-shelf vodka) to whip up a perfect Cosmopolitan. Here’s how, in case you need to pinch-hit for the bartender: 1 ounce Grey Goose vodka 1/2 ounce triple sec 1/2 ounce lime juice 1/2 ounce cranberry juice Pour vodka, triple sec, lime juice and cranberry juice into shaker. Add ice and shake. (Don’t put the ice in first, or it will water down the liquor as you’re measuring out the pours.) Strain into chilled martini glass and serve. 124 [ bocamag.com ] Variations include using flavored vodkas (Grey Goose L’Orange), substituting blood orange juice for half the lime juice, substituting Cointreau for the triple sec, altering the ounces of ingredients, and garnishing with orange or lime peels. Whatever the case, your popularity will rise in direct proportion to the number of drinks served. december [ bocamag.com ] 125 Handy Advice Dry winter air really leeches moisture from your skin, leaving unprotected hands looking and feeling like crusty lobster claws—much to the horror of everyone that shakes your hand. But not if you use the 60-second Fix for Hands by Crabtree & Evelyn, a formula of shea butter and seaweed that cleanses, exfoliates and moisturizes. “Everyone needs soft hands,” says Carolann Spadafora of Escentials Apothecaries in Delray Beach. “When you’re constantly on the go at appointments and parties, you don’t always have time for a manicure. The ‘Fix’ is the next best thing.” Don’t Use Big, Brainy Words We’re not suggesting that you copy the dialogue from “Dumb and Dumber,” but parties are for fun, not for debating Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle. Keep the chatter light and lively, at least early in the evening. Later, when smaller groups form to discuss topics of mutual interest (Federal Tax Codes, for instance, or saline versus silicone), you can flaunt your considerable knowledge. Sorry, Was That Expensive? Accidents happen, and not just to klutzes. Someone bumps into you, sloshing red wine all over an Oriental rug. You knock over a crystal vase, and it shatters into a thousand pieces. While trying to be helpful in lighting a candle on the patio, you ignite the hostess’ hair extensions. The possibilities go on and on. So how do you make amends? Adam Bluestein, author of Town & Country Handbook for Hosts, recommends a sincere apology and then simply asking, “What can I do?” If the ruined item can be repaired or replaced, take care of the bill. If the item is irreplaceable, send a gift that reflects the magnitude of your bone-headedness. With regard to the flaming hair extensions, have a good attorney on speed dial. How to Tie a Bow Tie Every Beau Brummel should know how to tie a bow tie so it doesn’t look like a bulbous knot of spaghetti. It’s a snap if you follow these instructions from Guy La Ferrera Italian Clothing for Men in Boca Raton: 1 2 1. Drape the tie around your neck with one end 1 inch longer than the other end. 4 5 4. Place the longer end over the shorter end, and fold the longer end horizontally. 126 2. Cross the longer end over and under the shorter end, so it makes a loose overhand knot. [ bocamag.com ] 5. Insert the longer end through the loop at the back of the shorter end. 3 3. Fold the shorter end horizontally. 6 6. Pull both ends tightly and voilà! when U want to know [ bocamag.com ] 127 Oh, Behave! Dress for Success Flirting can easily cross the line into creepiness. Whether it’s the “liquor talking,” or just the stress of the holidays, sometimes even the most sensible people turn into pawing, depraved letches. The Art of Civilized Conversation by Margaret Shepherd suggests that the fastest way to politely put a cork in someone’s sexual innuendoes is by reducing eye contact, subtly increasing the distance between you and the perp and verbally discouraging any further conversation. Try something like, “No, I do not want a close-up view of the thread count in your bedroom sheets.” Wear your holiday gowns two years straight? Egads, that’s so yesterday. To look your best and raise your confidence, buy something new. Otherwise, you’ll look like you’ve been in a time warp for the past 12 months. “The best colors this year are jewel tones such as amethyst, sapphire or ruby,” says Carol Brown, the buyer for Barbara Katz in Boca Raton. “Details such as lace overlay, ruffles and chunky stones on gowns and cocktail dresses are also nice. Evening separates will be bigger than ever for holiday wear due to their versatility and sportswear influence.” Brown’s favorites this season include: One-shoulder, violet chiffon gown with a silver sequined belt from Notte by Marchesa Little black cocktail dresses by Lourdes Chavez in satinback crepe with red satin rosettes or black taffeta pinwheels Lafayette 148’s gold-laced cocktail skirts with taffeta blouses Satin cigarette pants and pencil skirts with a sequined or taffeta jacket Don’t Use Common Scents Set yourself apart from the crowd with a scent that complements your body chemistry. Everyone reacts differently, so deciding on the right amount of perfume or cologne is somewhat trial and error. Just be sure the scent isn’t overwhelming, or you’ll smell like the inside of your grandmother’s purse. According to Perfumania in Sunrise, these are the holiday’s hottest scents. For women Angel by Thierry Mugler Paris Hilton Deseo by Jennifer Lopez shepherd photo by peter vanderwarker For men 128 [ bocamag.com ] december The Awkward Pause Sentiment by Escada when U want to know Burberry Brit by Burberry Kenneth Cole Signature In her book 21st-Century Etiquette, Charlotte Ford recommends filling those inevitable, uncomfortable lulls in conversations with open-ended questions such as, “Where will you be spending the rest of the holidays?” or “So what’s the latest gossip in Hollywood?” That sure beats filling the pause with a hearty burp and then asking if everyone’s tried the meatballs. [ bocamag.com ] 129 The Proper Beginning, Middle and End Jacqueline Whitmore, founder of the Protocol School of Palm Beach, is a renowned etiquette expert who trains everyone from corporate execs to the hoi polloi in how to behave properly. Here are a few of her top tips: RSVP by the date on the invitation. Otherwise, the host or host- ess may call to inquire if you’re coming, which is a burden for them and may be embarrassing for you. If the invitation is only addressed to you, don’t assume you can bring someone, especially at an exclusive affair with a limited number of guests. It could cause chaos. Mingle first, eat later. You were invited for your company, not because you might be hungry. Don’t hang around the bar or stand in the corner waiting for someone to approach. Be proactive and introduce yourself to those you don’t know. It’s your responsibility to be a good guest. Escape conversational ramblers. To prevent a bore from monopoliz- ing your time, use the I.S.A.C. method. During a pause in conversation: Interrupt. Summarize the bore’s point (if you can determine it). Then, to be polite, Ask a question (one that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”). Finally, Conclude with something like “Well, it was nice meeting you, and good luck.” If that doesn’t work, pretend your cell phone is vibrating and excuse yourself. Choose smaller hors d’oeuvres. Avoid anything that requires more than one bite or looks crumbly. And don’t talk with your mouth full—it seems elementary, but you’d be surprised how many people launch into a long story while still chewing on an oversized and usually crumbly mass of food. Express your thanks. The day after the party, thank the host or hostess for inviting you. While a telephone call or e-mail will suffice, a handwritten note is preferred. Shake, Kiss or Hug? Unless you know the person well, shake hands firmly when meeting or saying goodbye. If seated, stand up first and make eye contact; it shows confidence. It’s proper in some cultures for good friends to hug and “air kiss.” But, when in doubt, go with the handshake. If you’re contemplating more than a hug, get a room. A Rose By Any Other Name Not everyone remembers names, so don’t be offended if someone calls you Gunther if your name is Gaylord. In fact, it may be an improvement. “When it happens, play it off as a common mistake,” suggests event planner Bruce Sutka, president of Sutka Productions in West Palm Beach. “Smile, reiterate your name—‘Doris,’ for example—and say it’s often confused with ‘Dolores’ or whatever you were called, because they’re so similar. “To remember names, associate them with something that you can’t forget, no matter how ridiculous. Melinda could be My Linda. For Sybil, think Scribble.” Mu l va How to Cary Yourself Cary Roman, man about town and founder of the LivingFla.com social networking site, offers these tips from his personal party-going experiences: Overdress slightly Listen; ask questions Don’t monopolize the conversation Smile Be yourself Male model: Stefan Pinto/Gilla Roos, Miami Female model: Martha Bastida/Gilla Roos, Miami Hair/makeup: Valeria Rivera/Artwork Miami contributing stylist: Cristina Schneider Stefan’s outfit: Courtesy of Guy La Ferrera, The Shops at Boca Center, 561/620-0011, guylaferrera.com Martha’s outfit: Courtesy of Socialite Boutique, Regency Court, Boca Raton, 561/241-0411, socialiteteen.com Special thanks to: Marlene O’Reilly and the team at Living Color Development Group for use of Villa Volterra, a 6,000-square-foot estate on the Intracoastal in Delray Beach. For more information, call 561/272-6433 or visit livingcolordevelopment.com. Contact info: Want to find out how to reach the experts and businesses mentioned in this article? Visit bocamag.com! 130 [ bocamag.com ] december when U want to know [ bocamag.com ] 131