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How to Write Better Essays - Part 3
DUDE?
Why Did My Essay Suck So Bad?
Or…
How to Write Better Essays
For Sociology Courses
Dr. David Aveline
Behavioural Science Department
Mount Royal College
Revised, May, 2005
How to Write Better Essays - Part 1
What Does the Professor Want Me to Write? - Part 2
Download the full PDF document
Part Three
How Does the Professor Want me to Write?
(or… tips on substance and style)
1.) Do Not Look for Someone to Blame
2.) Avoid Sarcasm, and Other Such Things
3.) Keep a Check on Your Emotions
11.) Still more on Style, Grammar, Spelling, and
Punctuation.
a.) Abbreviations
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How to Write Better Essays - Part 3
4.) Hyperbole, Melodrama
b.) Numbers
5.) Religion, Morality, Judgment
c.) Enclose Parenthetic Expressions Between Commas
6) On the Use of “Colourful” Language
d.) Colloquialisms
7.) Documenting your Thought Process
e.) Quotation Marks
8.) “Many Theories,” “Many Studies,” “Many Reasons”
f.) Among, Between
9.) Saying Absolutely Nothing, or “Bullshit”
10.) Various Tips on Form and Style
a.) Big Words, a Lot of Words
b.) Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
g.) Who, — That
h.) An amount of — a Number of
i.) Effect — Affect
j.) Its — It’s
k.) Sounds Alike
c.) Over Quoting
d.) Slang, Colloquialisms, Cutesy Sayings
l.) Contractions
e.) Agreement, Gender Inclusivity, and the use of “They”
f.) You!!! (UGH! UGH! UGH!)
g.) More “Bullshit”
h.) Playing with the Font and the Margins
1.) Do Not Look for Someone to Blame
“Scapegoating” is at the root of much prejudice and discrimination. Western society is rich with examples.
The bubonic plague was blamed on Jews, AIDS on gays, syphilis on women, and illegal drug use on
African Americans. Social problems may appear to have simple solutions, but they are far more complex
than imagined. Sociology is geared toward finding the root of such problems and explaining how key
elements interact within them.
Some students, when asked to explain a social problem, zero in on a group of people, or just one person, and
blame it on them or their actions. For example, some believe that poverty is widespread because the poor are
lazy. Others believe that there is still a drug problem in the United States because of incompetent politicians.
Once you believe these things however, you have stopped thinking. Why go further into a problem when you
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How to Write Better Essays - Part 3
have already reached a conclusion? Instead, look for underlying causes. This is part of critical thinking.
2.) Avoid Sarcasm, and Other Such Things
Avoid erroneous assumptions, snide remarks, pot shots at individuals, or sarcasm in your essays. These are some
of the best ways to lose points because they give instructors the impression that you are merely using your essay
to let off steam. If, for example, you write that the welfare system is failing because “all of the bureaucrats are
too damned lazy to get off their fat asses and do something about it,” you have again stopped thinking. This is
not critical thinking. It is emotional ranting.
3.) Keep a Check on Your Emotions
Instructors really do like you. They think that you are all nice people. They also take for granted that you
are sensitive individuals who care about others and the fate of the world. At the same time, however, they do
not want to know your emotional reactions to social issues -- even those that make the toughest of us weak
kneed and misty eyed. You should therefore control your emotions when you write your essays. If you are asked
to apply a particular theory to teenage suicide, the fact that your heart aches for the families, that you cried
when you were writing your essay, or you had to stare out the window having a cup of tea while thinking of the ills
of the world and what it is coming to is not relevant. Once again, your essay is not about you; it is about the topic
at hand. Keep in mind that there is wide consensus that suicide, child abuse, and serial killing are bad. You do
not need to mention this. Nor do you need to let instructors know that you are emotionally affected.
4.) Hyperbole, Melodrama
Similarly, avoid hyperbole and melodrama. Here are some examples:
Hyperbole:
“Nowadays you can’t read the paper without finding ten stories about suicide.”
“Everybody is committing suicide these days.”
“Nowadays, every twelve-year-old owns a gun.”
Melodrama:
“Suicide is one of the saddest things in the world.”
“When they found him, he lay lifeless and expressionless in a pool of blood.”
“She was beaten savagely, blood dripping from her forehead.”
Hyperbole is an exaggerated statement meant for affect, and not meant to be true. While this has its place in
other forms of writing, it has no place in critical thinking essays. Everything you say will be taken literally, so
avoid such statements at all cost. As for melodramatic prose, keep in mind that you are writing a sociology essay,
not a Gothic horror novel.
5.) Religion, Morality, Judgment
Sociology is a discipline based on empirical data and theoretical vehicles to understand those data. It makes
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How to Write Better Essays - Part 3
no assumptions about the existence or non-existence of God, nor does it have any maxims about afterlife, karma,
or the meaning of life. Religious doctrine is irrelevant to sociology. This being the case, you should leave
statements or assumptions about God, karma, or reincarnation out of your essays. Similarly, an essay in
sociology allows no room for statements of morality or judgments toward others. If, for example, you state
that prostitution exists because prostitutes have “no morals,” you will very quickly lose points.
It might also be useful to know that there are no such things as people with “no morals.” There are only
people whose morals differ from yours. Once again, judgmental statements about the morality or actions of
others will lose you points.
6) On the Use of “Colourful” Language
For this discussion, let us pretend that the word “brick” is an “obscene” term. While I admit that words
considered obscene have a rich history and are at times liberating and empowering, I also know that they have
their place. Writing for college courses is formal writing and students’ essays are not one of those places.
Students believing that they enrich their essays with terms and phrases such as “bricking cool,” “full of brick,” or
“up brick creek” actually weaken their arguments. This is not because the words are considered obscene; it
is because they show unnecessary emotion and bias instead of objectivity. The only time such words should appear
in college essays is if students have occasion to refer to them objectively (e.g., The word ‘brick’ is
considered obscene.) or if they are quoting someone (Smith said, ‘I don’t give a brick.’). In such cases,
remember that you are writing academic papers and not articles for the New York Times. You should therefore
spell out words such as “brick.” Do not use the pretentious form “b _ _ _ k.” We academics are a hardy bunch
and we can take it.
7.) Documenting your Thought Process, and other forms of Written Diarrhea.
Consider the following paragraph:
“After reading the newspaper assignment given to us, and thinking about which theory might best apply to it, I have come to the
conclusion that conflict theory best applies to the issue of gun control. I firmly believe this because it appears logical that this issue can
be reduced to a conflict between liberals and conservatives.”
Now consider the same paragraph without the italicized clauses:
“Conflict theory best applies to the issue of gun control. This issue can be reduced to a conflict between liberals and conservatives.”
The difference between these two paragraphs is that the second says the same thing without the writer’s
documented thought processes. These statements are not only unnecessary, but they imply personal insecurity
in that the writers feel that they must prove they thought about something before they write it. In other words,
I know you read the assignment because you wrote an essay about it. I also know that the essay is what
you concluded and I know that what you wrote is what you believe. Why tell me about it?
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How to Write Better Essays - Part 3
Keep in mind that any sentence beginning with “I think” will mean exactly the same with these two words crossed out.
8.) “Many Theories,” “Many Studies,” “Many Reasons”
Consider the following paragraph once again:
“There are many reasons why interracial marriage is not more prevalent in the United States. These reasons are too numerous to
mention here. For the sake of time and because of the limited space provided, I will only mention a few, and even then only touch
upon them. The first reason is”
What this student said about interracial marriage is NOTHING! The “many reasons” opening is not only needless
filler, but it serves to obfuscate a simple argument. It further gives the impression that the student is familiar with
all of the unnamed reasons and has selected only two or three from his/her breadth of knowledge randomly.
The same goes for “many theories” and “many studies.” My favourite marginal comment when I read this is
“Really, name six.”
9.) Saying Absolutely Nothing, or “Bullshit”
Saying absolutely nothing, known familiarly in academe as “bullshit,” is probably one of the most common types
of discourse in student essays which instructors are quick to spot. The idea behind saying absolutely nothing is to
say the same thing over and over again using different words. Here are two examples from student essays:
“The population of India has grown considerably over the past twenty years. This is because many more people are having many
more babies. When people have more children, the population increases. The fact that many children are being born accounts for a
great increase in population. They have therefore had more babies than they had previously. Once people begin to have more babies,
the population goes up. This accounts for the increase in population.”
“In this essay, I have been asked to identify a number of reasons as to why I interracial marriages are still not common in the United
States. This is the question that I will keep in mind when writing my essay -- why indeed there are not more interracial marriages
nowadays than there have been in previous years. The ensuing pages will attempt to answer this question. Before we can even begin
to discuss the reasons why interracial marriage is still not a common occurrence, we must first define what marriage is. The Oxford
American dictionary defines marriage as…”
The first example is a perpetuation of the obvious disguised as an answer; the second case is a discussion
of answering a question without answering a question. As a rule, get right to the point and go on from
there. Needless filler will lose you points.
10.) Various Tips on Form and Style
As a graduate assistant at Concordia University in Montreal, I was asked to grade student essays for an
introductory sociology class. I not only graded them, but I put numerous marginal comments in red ink on
each paper showing students where they made mistakes and why their essays were poorly written. The
professor asked me to hand back the essays and answer any questions the students had. One student, after
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How to Write Better Essays - Part 3
receiving her essay with a grade of D+, put up her hand and said indignantly, “This essay is graded as though
it were a composition!” I paused, looked at her, and said, “It is a composition.”
Students often think only about what they are saying and not how they are saying it. The end product may
have some good ideas, but they will not come across because of poor writing. Even though it might be clear to
the writer what he/she said, it is may not be clear to the reader. Instructors will not second guess what you
“really meant to say.” They will take what you say at face value. Therefore, once you have finished your essay, edit
it carefully with the reader in mind. Place yourself in the position of the reader and imagine how your ideas
might come across. If they are unclear, you need to make them clear. Remember that what is said cannot
be separated from how it is said. Here are some tips on form and style.
a.) Big Words, a Lot of Words
Some students believe that instructors are impressed by a lot of big fancy words. They are not! Although
academics are often the worst offenders, the trend nowadays is to use simple clear English. Two general rules
apply here:
●
Never use a big word when a short one will do.
●
Never use two words when one will do.
In other words, don’t say that the mountain is “elephantine” or “gargantuan,” say it is big. Don’t say “Individuals
who are in the regular habit of imbibing distilled alcohol products,“ say “People who drink alcohol.“ Breaking either
of these two rules gives the impression that you are trying to impress the reader, pad your essay, or both.
b.) Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
Although everyone makes a typographical error now and then, there is no excuse for multiple spelling
mistakes. Word processing programs come with spell checks, and dictionaries are affordable. Spelling
mistakes, especially in cases where one word is spelled two or more ways in the same essay, give the
following impressions:
●
You are sloppy.
●
You are lazy.
●
You have no respect for the instructor.
●
You have no respect for yourself.
Grammatical errors are even worse. Incomplete sentences, run-on sentences, and sentences that make no sense
at all are certain to result in poor grades. Remember that instructors will not second guess what you “really
mean.” They will take your words at face value. Remember also that your homework assignments are tools
of impression management. A poorly written essay gives a poor impression of who you are.
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How to Write Better Essays - Part 3
c.) Over Quoting
One belief about quoting is that the more you have the better your essay will be. It “proves” that you have read
the material and thought about it. On the contrary, quoting should be used sparingly. Over quoting makes your
essay look as though others’ words are strung together like a patch quilt. As a rule, use your own words instead
other others’ words. If you must quote, however, keep two things in mind:
●
Only quote someone when his/her words are so inspiring that youcannot do justice to them yourself.
●
If you have three quotes in your essay, that is two or three toomany.
d.) Slang, Colloquialisms — Cutesy Sayings
An essay for any college course is considered “formal writing.” You should therefore avoid slang (example:
“thrown in the slammer” rather than put in jail), colloquialisms (example: “it costs them a pretty penny”
rather than it was expensive), and most of all, cutesy sayings (example: “He fought a battle with the shot gun
and the shot gun won.”) Ugh!!!
e.) Agreement, Gender Inclusivity, and the use of “They”
All hitherto history has been the history of men. The generic person was a “he” and your mail was delivered by
a “postman.” Now we live in an enlightened age of “gender inclusivity.” Judges, postal workers, and axe
murderers may now be male or female. A problem, however, is that the English language still lacks a generic
singular pronoun. Thus, “they” has been used for the purpose. For example, “a bus driver can work any shift
they want.” Although “he/she“ is correct, I will be a nice guy and accept “they“ until an acceptable generic
singular pronoun comes along, despite the grammatical problems it causes. Please note, however that this is
only because I am a nice guy! Other instructors will insist that you use “he/she” and I fully support them!
Notwithstanding my magnanimous attitude upon “they,“ your sentences must be consistent. Sentences such
as “They can do what he or she wants” are just plain wrong. You should also make an attempt to use all
gender inclusive language, for example “humanity” instead of “mankind,” “labour force” instead of “man
power,” and “server” instead of waiter or waitress.
Make sure subject and object agree as a rule. If the subject is singular, the object is also be singular. If the subject
is plural, then so is be the object. Sentences such as “Sociologists must carefully consider his/her ethics”
are wrong and will lose you points.
f.) You!!! (UGH! UGH! UGH!)
Nothing grates on instructors’ nerves more than essays that use “you” instead of more general pronouns.
For example: “If you use drugs, you will go to jail” instead of “If people use drugs, they will go to jail.”
Worse yet are examples such as “If you cheat on your income tax, you will be caught” instead of “If people cheat
on their income tax, they will be caught.” Readers feel they are being referred to personally. I have even had
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to bear reading horrible clauses such as “when you were a little girl.” Avoid this like the plague!! Instead,
use “people,” “individuals,” or “one.”
g.) More “Bullshit”
Because instructors have corrected thousands of essays by the time you have reached their classrooms, they
are experts on ways to pad or elongate an essay. They know far more ways to do so than you do. One of
my favourite padding phrases which I always cross out is “In society in this day and age.” Any sentence will
make sense and be fully understood without this at its forefront. Consider the following wordy phrases and
their shorter alternatives:
●
a considerable amount of — much
●
a considerable number of — many
●
along the lines of — like
●
an example of this is the fact that for example
●
are of the opinion that — think
●
except in a small amount of cases — usually
●
has the capacity of — can
●
in a number of cases — some
●
in the majority of instances — usually
●
on account of the fact that — because
●
the only difference being — except
●
with the exception of — except
When I am correcting essays and I come across things like this, I like to play let’s see how many words I can
cross out and still have the essay make sense. You may then be docked for an essay that is short of the
required length. Similarly, avoid qualifying adverbs such as “very,” “extremely,” “highly,” etc. These words
are unnecessary, make your essay appear padded, and detract from the power of your words.
h.) Playing with the Font and the Margins
What do students do when they have finished their essays and have only two pages instead of the three that
have been assigned? Some will play with the margins. If they indent another half inch on each side, they will get
two and a quarter pages (“What the heck, the instructor won’t notice”). Other students will choose a larger
font. This paragraph is written in verdana. If it were written in Engraver’s MT, Rockwell Extra Bold, or Arial black
the essay becomes two and a half pages. Finally, they might just increase the type from 10 point to 14 point, or
even 18 point, or they may bold face the whole thing and, presto! -- three pages. Heck, if all that does not work,
just triple
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How to Write Better Essays - Part 3
space
the
whole
thing.
Do no do any of this! Instructors are not, as a rule, idiots! They know all the tricks and you will lose points.
An acceptable college essay uses a reasonable font such as times new roman, has 25 lines or more a page, is
not bolded, and has one inch margins all around.
11.) Still more on Style, Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation.
a.) Abbreviations:
The general rule is to write a name in full with the abbreviation in parentheses, and then use the
abbreviation thereafter. For example, Proctor and Gamble (P&G).
b.) Numbers:
Spell out numbers one to nine, and use numerals for 10 and above. Always spell out numbers at the beginning of
a sentence.
c.) Enclose Parenthetic Expressions Between Commas
For example, “The easiest way to fail a course, unless you properly cite the authors, is to copy
someone else’s work.”
d.) Colloquialisms
If you are using a colloquial word of expression, simply use it and do not put it in quotes. If you do put it in quotes,
it appears as though you are being snobbish in inviting the reader to join you in a select group who know better.
e.) Quotation Marks
The comma is always placed inside the quotes, not outside. For example: “Sociology is an interesting course,”
she said.
f.) Among, Between
Between is for two things or persons, among is for three or more things or people. For example: “The two
men divided it between themselves.” “The three women divided it among themselves.”
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g.)Who — That
“Who” is used for people, “that” is used for things. Examples: “People who cheat on their exams” and
“animals that are pets.
h.) An amount of, — a Number of
“A number of” is used for discreet objects while “an amount of” is used for continuous substances. For example:
“A number of people.” “An amount of sugar.”
i.) Effect, — Affect
Effect is a noun while affect is a verb. For example: “Sociology had a great effect upon his
intellectual formation.” “He was affected by what the instructor said.”
j.) Its, — It’s
“Its” is possessive while “it’s” is a contraction. For example: “It’s not going to affect you.” “The dog hurt its paw.”
Also, be careful of the differences between (among):
k.) Sounds Alike
●
Our — Are
●
Does — Dose
●
Then — Than
●
whether — weather
●
There — Their — They’re
l.) Contractions
As a rule, avoid contractions in formal writing. Instead of hasn’t, can’t, won’t, and should’ve, use has not, can
not, will not, and should have. Please remember that there are no such words as “it’ll” and “it’d.”
How to Write Better Essays - Part 1
What Does the Professor Want Me to Write? - Part 2
Download the full PDF document
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