How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst AACRAO 2010 Session 213 Presenters: Julia Pomerenk, University Registrar Washington State University Nancy Krogh, University Registrar University of Idaho What We’ll Cover Today •Lens of Understanding •What Part of Our Brains Are We Using? •Communication Strategies and Tools •Developing a Plan Lens of Understanding Normal Zone •Get it Right •Get it Done •Get Along •Get Appreciated Get it Right Get it Done Get Along Get Appreciated Threatened Intent •Perfection •Control •Approval •Attention Normal Zone Perfection Control Approval Attention Intentions to Consider • When the intent to get it done is thwarted, behavior becomes more controlling—leading people to become Tanks, Snipers, and KnowIt Alls. It-Alls. • When the intent to get it right is thwarted, behavior becomes more perfectionistic— leading people to become Whiners, No People, and Nothing People. Intentions to Consider • When the intent to get along is thwarted, behavior becomes more approval-seeking— leading people to become Yes People, Maybe People, and Nothing People. • When the intent to get appreciation is thwarted, behavior becomes more attentiongetting—leading people to become Grenades, Think-They-Know-It-Alls, and Snipers. Behaviors •Tank •Sniper Normal Zone •Grenade Threatened Intent •Know-it-all •Think-they-know-it-all •Yes Person •No Person •Maybe Person •Nothing Person •Whiner Behaviors: Task Focus People Focus Aggressive Passive Lens of Understanding What Part of Our Brains Are We Using? •Reptilian Brain •Limbic Systems •Neocortex •Prefrontal Lobes From Volentum (Volentum.com) Reptilian Brain Characteristics: Responds to: • Territorial • Predictability • Retreat to familiar • Repetition p • Does not interact • Ritual • Has limited vision • Rote or Routine Behavior • Is silent • Results/Success • Relaxation From Volentum (Volentum.com) Limbic System Characteristics: Responds to: • Reaches out • Courage • Sense of team/family / y • Fun/Smiles / • Takes responsibility • Nourishment/Caring • Interacts and bonds • Belonging • Flexible • Celebration • Creative • Passion/Emotion From Volentum (Volentum.com) Neocortex Characteristics: Responds to: • Logical/Mathematical • External World • Analytical y or Linear • Experience p • Organized • Information • Musical/Humorous • Novelty • Emotional • Change • Relationship Oriented • Words From Volentum (Volentum.com) Prefrontal Lobes Characteristics: Respond to: • Fuse emotions • Purpose and Great Vision • Values V l and d goals l • Sense of purpose • Futuristic Planning • Empathy and Compassion From Volentum (Volentum.com) Communication • “The word ‘communicate’ appears in Webster’s dictionary between ‘commotion’ and ‘community.’ • We all have experienced the commotion generated by poor communication, and know equally well that effective communication can build a community that withstands many of the problems in the workplace.” Carol Hacker Blending and Redirecting • Blending: Any behavior by which you reduce differences and find common ground. • Verbal • Non-verbal Non verbal • Redirecting: Using common ground and rapport to redirect communication to a positive outcome. Listen to Understand • Understanding occurs on two levels: • Emotionally • Intellectually • How H to llisten to understand d d 1. Blend (verbally and non-verbally) 2. Backtrack 3. Clarify meaning and identify positive intent 4. Summarize 5. Confirm you understand Listen Well “The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.” attention. Rachel Naomi Remen • “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” Epictetus Speak to Be Understood • Monitor your tone. • State your positive intent. • Tactfully interrupt interruptions. • Tell your truth. • Be ready to listen. Speak from the Heart •Hear and understand me. •Even if you disagree, don’t make me wrong. •Acknowledge the greatness within me. •Remember to look for my loving intention. •Tell me the truth with compassion. Hyler Bracey Develop a Plan Change your Attitude • Change your reactions. • Pretend to be someone famous. • Change g y your p perspective. p • Dis-associate. • Change the way you talk to yourself. • Be positive. Consider Other Possibilities “How Fascinating!” • “Tell me more about that . . . “ Remember Rule #6. • Set yourself and the situation in a larger setting. Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander Questions? Thank you Julia Pomerenk, University Registrar [email protected] 509.335.2522 Nancy Krogh, University Registrar [email protected] 208.885.2020