Managing People
Dr. Khaled F. Sherif
Sector Manager
The World Bank
Course Material available on:
http:\\www.ksherif.com
1
What is T.A.?
TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS IS ...
•
•
•
•
•
PERSONALITY THEORY SIMPLIFIED
MOTIVIATION THEORY SIMPLIFIED
A LEADERSHIP STYLE
A TRAINING TOOL
AN EASY WAY OF UNDERSTANDING WHO SAYS
WHAT, AND WHY PEOPLE (YES, YOU TOO!) ACT
AND INTERACT THE WAY THEY DO
• AN AID IN DEALING WITH “GAME PLAYING”
PROBLEMS
2
REASONS FOR POPULARITY OF T.A.
IN MANAGEMENT
SIMPLE
LANGUAGE
NON-THREATENING
SELF-ANALYSIS
DEMONSTRATED
SUCCESS IN BUS.
ORGANIZATIONS
BUILT-IN HUMOR
APPROPRIATE
FOR “NORMAL
PEOPLE”
USEFUL AT WORK &
AT HOME
3
BASIC HUMAN EGO STATES
(PERSONALITY STATES)
THREE BASIC
EGO STATES
FURTHER BREAKDOWN OF EGO STATES
LECTURING, CRITICIZING, MANY
“OUGHTS”, “SHOULD” &”DON’TS”
P
CRITICAL PARENT
(PARENT)
NURTURING PARENT
A
(ADULT)
ADULT
C
ADAPTED CHILD
(CHILD)
NATURAL CHILD
CONSOLING, “TAKING CARE” OF
OTHERS, SYMPATHY
OBJECTIVE, RATIONAL, ORIENTED
TOWARD PROBLEM SOLVING, DEEMPHASIZE EMOTION
MODIFIED BEHAVIOUR TO CONFORM
TO ADULT EXPECTATIONS,
MANUPULATIVE, SUMBISSIVE
PLAYFUL, IMPULSIVE, NATULRALLY
CURIOUS &CREATIVE, FUN LOVING,
REBELLIOUS
4
TYPICAL WAYS OF EXPRESSING EGO
STATES ON THE JOB
“CAN’T YOU TURN IN A REPORT ON TIME JUST ONCE?”
CRITICAL
PARENT
NURTURING
PARENT
“YOU SHOULD CLEAN UP YOUR DESK ONCE IN A WHILE!”
“I’M SURPRISED AT YOU… THIS PRODUCT SHOULD HAVE BEEN
COMPLETED A MONTH AGO.”
“I’M ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU”
“LET ME CLEAN UP THAT DESK FOR YOU, MR. SMITH”
“YOU’VE DONE A SWELL JOB, TOM.”
ADULT
ADAPTED
CHILD
NATURAL
CHILD
“WHAT ARE THE ALTERNATIVES?”
“CAN’T WE REACH SOME SORT OF COMPROMISE?”
“WHAT CONSEQUENCES WILL THIS ACTION HAVE?”
“ANYTHING YOU SAY, SIR!”
“SORRY, I’LL TRY TO IMPROVE.”
“WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PICK ON ME… THE OTHERS WERE IN ON
THIS TOO!”
“LET ME SEE HOW THIS GADGET WORKS.”
“WONDER WHAT HAPPENS IF WE DO IT THIS WAY?”
“LET’S KNOCK OFF FOR TODAY! WHO WANTS TO WORK ON A
FRIDAY AFTERNOON ANYWAY?”
5
TYPES OF INTERPERSONAL TRANSACTIONS
P
P
P
P
P
P
A
A
A
A
A
A
C
C
C
C
C
C
COMPLEMENTARY
CROSSED
ULTERIOR
P
P
P
P
P
P
A
A
A
A
A
A
C
C
C
C
C
C
EXPECTED RESPONSE,
NO CONFLICT
PRODUCE CONFLICT, STOP
COMMUNICATION, HURT FEELINGS
VERBAL COMMUNICATION
6
NON-VERBAL HIDDEN MEANING
EXAMPLES OF COMPLEMENTARY
TRANSACTIONS ON THE JOB
(1)
SECRETARY: “LET ME
STRAIGHTEN OUT
THAT DESK FOR YOU,”
(2)
MANAGER: “YOU
SURE KNOW HOW TO
TAKE CARE OF ME, ”
P
(1)
P
(1)
MANAGER: “WHAT
COULD WE DO TO
MEET THE DEADLINE
ON THIS PROJECT?”
(1)
FIRST MANAGER:
“GEE, I WISH I WERE
OUT ON THE GOLF
COURSE RIGHT NOW.”
(2)
EMPLOYEE: “WE
COULD TAKE A
COUPLE OF PEOPLE
OFF THE OTHER
PROJECT FOR A
WHILE AND PUT
THEM ON THIS ONE.”
(2)
SECOND MANAGER:
“LET’S TAKE OFF.
WHO COULD WORK
ON A SUNSHINY DAY
LIKE THIS ANYWAY?’
P
P
P
P
A
A
A
(1)
A
A
A
(2)
C
(2)
C
C
(1)
C
C
C
(2)
NURTURING PARENT
TO ADAPTED CHILD
ADULT TO ADULT
TRANSACTION
NATURAL CHILD TO
NATURAL CHILD
7
EXAMPLES OF CROSSED TRANSACTIONS
ON THE JOB
(1)
MANAGER: “ DO
YOU KNOW
WHERE THE
PROFIT & LOSS
STATEMENT IS?”
(2)
SECRETARY:
“WHERE DO YOU
THINK IT IS? ON
YOUR DESK, OF
COURSE!.”
P
(1)
A
P
A
P
C
ADULT-TO-ADULT
CROSSED BY
CRITICAL PARENT-TOCHILD RESPONSE
MANAGER: COME
OVER HERE!”
(DEMANDING TONE
OF VOICE)
(1)
SUPERVISOR: “HOW
CAN WE MINIMIZE
THESE MACHINE
BREAKDOWNS?”
(2)
EMPLOYEE: “WHY
DON’T YOU COME
OVER HERE? IT’S
JUST AS FAR!”
(2)
OPERATOR: “WHO
CARES? IT ISN’T OUR
MONEY!’
(1)
A
(2)
C
(1)
C
P
A
(2)
C
P
P
(1)
A
C
A
(2)
C
PARENT-TO-CHILD CROSSED BY
CRITICAL PARENT OR REBELLIOUS
CHILD RESPONSE
P
A
P
(1)
A
(2)
C
C
ADULT-TO-ADULT CROSSES UP
BY DISCOUNTED CHILD TO
PARENT RESPONSE 8
EXAMPLES OF ULTERIOR TRANSACTIONS
(1)
EMPLOYEE: “SORRY, I WON’T HAVE THE
DRAWING READY FOR TOMORROW’S
DEADLINE.” (ULTERIOR MESSAGE: “KICK
ME, I’M A BAD BOY.”)
(2)
MANAGER: “IT’S O.K. I’VE BEEN THINKING
OF ASSIGNING THE JOB TO SOMEONE ELSE
ANYWAY.” (HIDDEN MEANING: “YES, YOU
ARE A BAD BOY. HERE’S YOUR KICK.”
P
A
(1)
(1)
(2)
P
A
(1)
SALESMAN: “THIS MACHINE HAS
GOT EVERYTHING YOU’D EVER
WANT FROM A TYPEWRITER – BUT IT
MAY BE TOO EXPENSIVE FOR YOU.”
(HIDDEN MESSAGE: “LET’S SEE IF I
CAN HOOK THE PLAYFUL,
IMPULSIVE CHILD IN YOU.”)
(2)
CUSTOMER: “IT MIGHT BE WORTH IT
IN THE LONG RUN. I’LL TAKE IT.”
(HIDDEN MEANING: “WHO DOES HE
THINK I AM?”)
P
A
P
(1)
(2)
A
(1)
(2)
C
C
C
(2)
C
9
STROKING
THE TYPES OF STROKES YOU SEEK DEPEND ON YOUR OKAYNESS
POSITIVE
STROKES
NEGATIVE
STROKES
PRAISE
PUT-DOWNS
COMPLEMENTS
CRITICISM
RECOGNITION
DEGRADING
AFFECTION
RIDICULE
REWARDS
SCOLDING
SYMPATHY
PUNISHMENT
CONSOLATION
DISCOUNTING
SELF-SATISFACTION
FROM JOB WELL
DONE
CONDITIONAL
STROKES
STROKES WITH ULTERIOR
MOTIVES
STROKES GIVEN FOR
WHAT YOU DO,
RATHER THAN FOR
WHAT YOU ARE:
(1)
PERFORMANCE
ORIENTED STROKES
(2)
ACCOMODATION &
CONFORMITY
ORIENTED STROKES
10
BASIC PSYCHOLOGICAL (LIFE) POSITIONS:
YOUR SELF IMAGE
1. I’M OK; YOU’RE OK
3. I’M NOT OK; YOU’RE OK
•
•
THE “WINNER”, HEALTH,
OPTIMISTIC, USUALLY ADULTTO-ADULT EGO STATE. IDEAL
LIFE POSITION ON & OFF THE
JOB.
2. I’M OK; YOU’RE NOT OK
•
USUALLY CRITICAL PARENT EGO
STATE ACTIVATED. MAY EVOLVE
FROM HURT OR DISCOUNTED
CHILD GIVING HIMSELF STROKES.
FEELS DISTRUST, ANGER,
SUPERIORITY.
CHILD-TO-ADULT EGO STATE
ACTIVATED. FEELINGS OF
INFERIORITY; HERO WORSHIP;
LOOKING FOR PARENT
SUBSTITUTES. SEEKS
DOMINANCE FROM OTHERS.
4. I’M NOT OK; YOU’RE NOT OK
•
POOR MENTAL HEALTH; LACKS
TRUST IN SELF & OTHERS.
FEELINGS OF HOPELESSNESS
OFTEN EXTREME DEPRESSION.
OUR OKAYNESS DETERMINES THE ROLES, GAMES,
EGO STATES WE CHOOSE!
11
ROLES IN GAME PLAYING
1. VICTIM (FAVORITE GAMES: POOR ME, KICK ME)
•
•
MANAGER: “THE REPORT YOU GAVE ME HAS SOME GOOD POINTS IN IT,
BUT IT NEEDS REWORKING”
VICTIM PLAYER: “I GUESS I NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT FOR YOU.”
2. RESCUER (FAVORITE GAMES: I’M ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU, WHAT WOULD YOU DO
WITHOUT ME)
•
•
EMPLOYEE: “I’VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH…”
RESCUER MANAGER: “DON’T WORRY, I’LL TAKE CARE OF IT FOR YOU.”
3. PERSECUTOR (FAVORITE GAMES: NIGYSOB, UPROAR)
•
•
•
MANAGER: “THEY ARE LOOKING FOR A
…SPECIALIST IN DEPT. X”
SUBORDINATE: “GEE, I’D SURE LIKE TO GIVE THAT
JOB A TRY.”
PERSECUTOR MANAGER: “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE
JOB YOU HAVE NOW.”
P
A
P
(1)
(2)
A
(3)
C
C
12
GAMES AT WORK: I
POOR ME
•
EMPLOYEE LOOKING FOR
NURTURING PARENT TO
SOOTH HIS/HER I’M NOT OK
FEELING LOVES TO PLAY
VICTIM. SELF-PITY, MARTYR
COMPLEX FREQUENT
SYMPTOMS
“WHY IS
EVERYBODY
ALWAYS PICKING
ON ME?”
KICK ME
“SORRY, I COULDN’T
FINISH THAT DAMN JOB
OF YOURS… TOO MANY
INTERUPTIONS”
(ULTERIOR MESSAGE: “PLEASE
KICK ME!”)
“I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN…”
(ULTERIOR MESSAGE: “HERE’S
THE KICK YOU ASKED FOR…
GLAD TO COMPLY!”)
LOOKS FOR PUT-DOWN FROM CRITICAL
PARENT WILLING TO PLAY PERSECUTOR.
SUBCONSCIOUSLY REINFORCES HIS/HER
I’M NOT OK CHILD FEELING. NEGATIVE
STROKE BETTER THAN NONE.
PARTNER’S SCRIPT: I’M OK; YOU’RE NOT
13
OK.
GAMES AT WORK: II
WOODEN LEG
YES, BUT…
“WHY DON’T YOU CALL THE SERVICE
MANAGER FOR AN ESTIMATE?”
IF IT WEREN’T FOR MY
BACK TROUBLE, I COULD
WORK A LOT FASTER.
“YES, BUT HE IS AWFULLY
BUSY, YOU KNOW.
USES REAL OR IMAGINED
HANDICAP AS CONSTANT
EXCUSE. NEGATIVE SELFIMAGE: I’M NOT OK; SELF-PITY.
CONTINUALLY LOOKING FOR
CONSOLATION OR PITY FROM
NURTURING PARENT.
A FREQUENT GAME BETWEEN STAFF AND
LINE PERSONNEL. THE “HOOKER” MAY
ACTUALLY ASK THE OTHER PERSON FOR
HELP WITH A PROBLEM, THEN
SYSTEMATICALLY FIND FAULT WITH
ONE SUGGESTION AFTER ANOTHER.
14
GAMES AT WORK: III
AIN’T IT AWFUL
“THESE YOUNG GUYS
STRAIGHT OUT OF
COLLEGE, THE WAY
THEY….”
HURRIED MANAGER
“…I’VE GOT TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF
AROUND HERE!”
“YEAH, AIN’T IT
AWFUL? WHEN I
WAS THAT AGE….”
GOSSIP TYPE COMPLEMENTARY
TRANSACTIONS BETWEEN TWO
CRITICAL PARENT EGO STATES.
MAY FOSTER TEAM SPIRIT, BU TIN
A NONPRODUCTIVE, NONOBJECTIVE DIRECTION. POPULAR
WITH COMMITTEES.
COMPULSIVE MANAGER WHO TAKES ON
MORE AND MORE RESPONSIBILITY,
OFTEN MORE THAN HE CAN HANDLE,
THEN COMPLAINS ABOUT HOW BUSY HE
IS. MAY STILL BE PLAYING OUT THE
ADAPTED CHILD EGO STATE IN
RESPONSE TO CRITICAL PARENT WITH
HIGH EXPECTATIONS. SEEKS PARENT
STROKES.
15
GAMES AT WORK: IV
STUPID
NIGYSOB
“NOW, I’VE GOT YOU, YOU S.O.B”
“HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO
STUPID, THROWING THAT
PHONE MESSAGE AWAY!”
CLASSIC EXAMPLE OF PERSECUTOR SETTING
UP HIS VICTIM. LOVES TO ACTIVATE HIS
CRITICAL PARENT EGO STATE. OFTEN SETS
IMPOSSIBLE TASKS FOR SUBORDINATES, GIVES
INCOMPLETE INSTRUCTIONS, THEN GETS
READY TO GIVE A KICK.
EXAMPLE:
MANAGER: “I HEAR THEY ARE LOOKING FOR
A TECHNICAL WRITER IN HEADQUARTERS”.
MAKES TOO MANY DUMB
MISTAKES, OFTEN TO GET
NEGATIVE STROKES FROM
CRITICAL PARENT (KICK-ME),
OR INVITING OTHER PLAYER TO
FALL INTO POOR-ME GAME. A
SET-UP TO MOVE INTO OTHER
GAMES. OVER-ADAPTED CHILD.
NEGATING SELF.
SUBORDINATE: “HOW ABOUT YOUR
RECOMMENDING ME FOR THAT POSITION?”
MANAGER: “YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A
TECHNICAL WRITER?”
(NIGYSOB PLAYERS CAN REPEAT THIS GAME
DAY AFTER DAY IF THEY CAN FIND A KICK16
ME PARTNER).
GAMES AT WORK: V
IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOU
UPROAR
“CAN’T YOU
DO ANYTHING
RIGHT?”
“LOOK WHO
TRAINED ME
FOR THIS JOB!”
BOTH PLAYERS TRADE INSULTS
OR ABUSES, ENGAGE IN ATTACK
AND COUNTER-ATTACK. OFTEN
DETERIORATES INTO SHOUTING
MATCH. TWO I’M OK; YOU ARE
NOT OK POSITIONS CLASHING.
YES, BUT.. MAY BE ONE METHOD
OF COUNTER-ATTACK.
“IF IT WEREN’T FOR THAT BOSS OF MINE, I
COULD HAVE BEEN A SUPERVISOR BY NOW.”
“IF IT WEREN’T FOR SOMEONE OR
SOMETHING” IS A FAVORITE COP-OUT,
BLAME OTHERS OR SUPPOSEDLY
UNAVOIDABLE CIRCUMSTANCES FOR LACK
OF ACHIEVEMENTS, MANIPULATING CHILD
EGO STATE ACTIVATED.
17
GAMES AT WORK: VI
LET’S YOU AND
HIM FIGHT
RAPO
“THAT NOGOOD
SO-&-SO!”
“I WOULD’T WANT YOU
TO TELL ANYBODY
WHO CLUED YOU IN,
BUT DO YOU KNOW
WHAT MR. XXX SAID
ABOUT YOUR
WORK…?”
TWO FEMALE EMPLOYEES UPSET OVER
SOMETHING LIKE A SHORT DRESS, THEN
ACCUSES OTHER OF “HATING ME”, A
COMPULSIVE RESCUER MIGHT PLAY THE THIRD
HAND.
SAYING THINGS “IN
CONFIDENCE” IS OFTEN AN
ULTERIOR TRANSACTION.
PLAYER HAS A HIDDEN
AGENDA, ACTIVATES HIS
MANIPULATIVE CHILD EGO
STATE.
18
GAMES AT WORK: VII
That’s His Job
“I’M ALWAYS
DOING HIS
JOB”
“MY JOB, YOUR
NOT EVEN
DOING YOURS”
BOTH PLAYERS TRADE INSULTS
OR ABUSES, ENGAGE IN ATTACK
AND COUNTER-ATTACK. OFTEN
DETERIORATES INTO SHOUTING
MATCH. TWO I’M OK; YOU ARE
NOT OK POSITIONS CLASHING.
Amnesia
“OH, I’M SORRY I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT
WHAT YOU ASKED ME TO DO.”
SOMEONE CONSTANTLY FORGETING A
REQUEST OR DOING SOMETHING OPPOSITE
OF WHAT YOU ASK. COULD DETERIORATE
INTO “I’M OK; YOU ARE NOT OK” IF YOUR
NOT CAREFUL.
19
GAMES AT WORK: VIII
YES SIR ……..
“I THINK WE SHOULD
APPROACH THE
PROBLEM THIS WAY
….”
DO YOU KNOW WHO
YOUR TALKING TO?
“I NEVER SAID YOU COULD CALL ME BY
MY FIRST NAME”
“YES, WHAT A
GREAT IDEA. I
WOULD NOT HAVE
THOUGHT OF
THAT MYSELF….”
COMPLEMENTARY
TRANSACTIONS BETWEEN
PARENT AND CHILD EGO STATES.
POPULAR GAME IN COMMITTEES.
MANAGER WHO ALL OF A SUDDEN
WANTS TO BE FORMAL. MAY BE
PLAYING CRITICAL PARENT
20
Transactional Analysis
• The 80/20 rule: 80 percent of your success
is in managing people and 20 percent
relates to doing your job well.
• If this is true, what is the level of
“okayness” with your subordinates, peers,
supervisors and most important clients?
• It is important to take the following self
test to determine where you stand.
21
Transactional Analysis
• Answer the following questions:
• Of the people working with you the most,
picking a round number of 10, how would
you categorize your level of “okayness”
with them?
• In my current job this is how I see things:
22
Transactional Analysis
• How I see them
• Boss: I am OK he
is OK
• Peers: I am OK
they are OK
• Subordinates: 6 of
them, I am OK they
are not OK
• How they see me
• Boss: I am not OK,
he is OK
• Peers: He is OK
were OK
• Subordinates: 4 of
them, I am not OK
they are OK
• N.b. Not I am not
OK your not OK
23
Transactional Analysis
• Back to the 80/20 rule: This rule also says
that your job environment is functional
when 80 percent of your relationships at
work are based on the I am OK your OK
principle
• If the opposite is the case than your job is
dysfunctional
• Most of us are somewhere in between.
• You can still have a lot of “not OK”
situations at work and still be effective – it
just won’t be fun.
24
Transactional Analysis
• Keep in mind that the 80/20 rule can
still be in your favor but you could
still have major problems.
• Why? Because having an I am not
OK your not OK relationship with
your driver is irrelevant – having this
relationship with your boss is
relevant
• Keep this in mind for your home
situation as well
25
Transactional Analysis
• To understand why some of your
relationships work and others don’t you
need to assess your own behavior and that
of others.
• Which mode are you in the most, parent,
adult, child?
• Which mode are your subordinates and
peers in?
• Which mode is your boss in?
26
Transactional Analysis: Understanding
others through Simple Classification
• How I see them:
• Boss: Critical
parent
• Peers: Nurturing
parents
• Subordinates: Most
natural children,
some adapted
children, few adults
• How they see
themselves:
• Boss: Nurturing
parent
• Peers: Adults
• Subordinates:
Mostly consider
themselves adults
except some admit
to being natural
children
27
Transactional Analysis
• Your people management skills are your
key to success
• For example, I try to keep my adult mode
active for as long as possible during the
day
• I seldom achieve this and but I know when
I have ventured away from adult mode
• In most instances you succeed because of
you, or you fail because of you
• In most instances you reap what you sow.
28
Transactional Analysis:
• Understanding your relationships with
others relates to gold stamps and gray
stamps
• Whether we like it or not we accrue gold
stamps for situations we handle well and
gray stamps for situations we handle badly
• This is what defines our “okayness” with
other people
• For some one gray stamp is enough to put
you in the category of “I am OK your not
OK”
• For others a ton of gold stamps may not do
29
much at all
Transactional Analysis: Role Playing
• Boss: I have a few
comments on your
performance -- I
think you say “yes”
to often to me, I
think you try to be
non confrontational
with others in the
work place. You
know what, I don’t
think these are
good qualities of a
senior manager.
• Translation: You
are not OK – how
would you respond?
• Is the boss being a
critical parent?
• How do you avoid
conflict? What
mode should you
adapt?
30
Transactional Analysis: role playing
• Boss: you have
been doing a
wonderful job for
me. Really great.
This is why I have
decided to transfer
you to another
department. With
more experience
you can become
even more valuable
to all of us
• My my …… what is
this?
• Is this a critical
parent or someone
who really sees
potential in you.
• What should you
look for, what are
the signs?
31
Transactional Analysis: role playing
• Boss: The report
you gave me had
some strong points
but it needs
polishing. Let’s
give it to Ms. X to
finish it for you.
Good job.
• Interesting –
critical parent
again? What
should be your
mode of response?
• Do you fight this or
do you go along wit
the boss
• A serious gray
stamp is waiting to
happen here.
32
Transactional Analysis: role playing
• Peer: You really
have to watch out,
Mr. X really has it
in for you. You
should hear what I
hear about what he
says about you.
Just don’t tell him
you heard it from
me.
• Is your peer being a
nurturing parent?
• How do you avoid
conflict? What role
should you adapt
and what should
you do?
33
Transactional Analysis: role playing
• Peer: Honestly, I
don’t think you
were being very
professional when
you promised the
client a deliverable
for next week. You
should have
consulted me first.
I will speak to the
boss about this
because you are
always doing it.
• Is your peer being a
critical parent?
• Is he OK and are
you OK?
• What mode should
you be in and how
should you handle
this?
34
Transactional Analysis: role playing
• Peer: I really want
this promotion and
I am looking to you
for help. You know
him so put in a
good word, I
deserve this, right?
• What is your peer
looking for, clearly a
nurturing parent
response.
• How do you avoid
conflict if you really
don’t want to be
involved.
• How do you maintain
an I am OK your OK
position? How do you
avoid a gray stamp
35
Transactional Analysis: role playing
• Subordinate: She
really irritates me.
It is not her work
necessarily, it’s
just the way she
does things. She is
all over the place,
always late, not
taking anything
seriously especially
me.
• A I am OK she is
not OK
presentation of
fact.
• How do you handle
this?
• How do you avoid
conflict with both
of them?
• How can you
correct for this?
36
Transactional Analysis: role playing
• Secretary: here is
the bill for mailing
the material you
wanted. I assumed
this was personal
so I made sure the
mail room charged
you. You didn’t
want me to break a
rule did you?
• Is this an I am OK
your not OK
situation?
• How would you
respond to this?
• Should you respond
to this or just take
note
37
Transactional Analysis: role playing
• Employee: I am
really having
problems with Ms.
X. I don’t mean to
come to you with
one personnel
problem after the
other.
• Boss: You can
come to me all the
time I guess …
Ulterior message:
Here we go again,
is he a bad middle
manager or what?
Boss is becoming
critical parent but
you may not know
it. Gray stamp
collecting.
38
Transactional Analysis: role playing
• Employee: I thank
you for bringing me
back to
headquarters. I
just want you to
know that I lost
much when you
transferred me but
I will do my best
• Boss: Welcome
back … Ulterior
message: Here we
go again, the if it
weren’t for you
game? What no
one wants to work
outside Cairo. Boss
is becoming critical
parent but you may
not know it. Gray
stamp collecting.
39
Transactional Analysis: role playing
• Employee: This job
really is not my life
you know. I put my
family first too. I
spend to much time
in the office as it is
and so do you. Do
we really owe this
place that much?
• Boss: An intersting
observation…
Ulterior message:
Here we go again,
the lazy SOB. Boss
is becoming critical
parent but you may
not know it. Gray
stamp collecting.
40
Transactional Analysis: role playing
• Employee: I like
your cost cutting
ideas, but it is not
our money now is
it. The ideas on
saving money will
cause too much
disruption and it’s
not as if were
saving our own
money.
• Boss: An intersting
observation…
Ulterior message:
Doesn’t really much
care for the
company does he?
Boss is becoming
critical parent but
you may not know
it. Gray stamp
collecting.
41
HOW TO STOP THE GAME PLAY
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
REALIZE THAT IT TAKES TWO TO PLAY A GAME
DO NOT GIVE EXPECTED RESPONSE
RESIST TEMPTATION TO PLAY RESCUER, VICTIM,
PERSECTOR
TURN ON YOUR ADULT EGO STATE IN CRITICAL
SITUATIONS
BUT RELIAZE THAT SOMETIMES IT’S OK TO PLAY
“NURTURING PARENT” UNTIL OTHER PERSON IS READY TO
STAND ON HIS OWN FEET
SEPARATE THE PERSON FROM THE ACT; DO NOT
CRITICIZE HIS PERSONALITY
DON’T EVER TELL HIM/HER THAT HE/SHE IS PLAYING A
GAME
IF YOU ARE ATTACKED, REALIZE THAT THERE IS NO NEED
TO DEFEND YOURSELF IF YOU ARE NOT THE CAUSE OF
HIS/HER PROBLEM BUT MERELY AN OPPORTUNITY TO
FIND RELIEF FROM PRESSURE
PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING (BUT LISTEN ALSO TO THE
WHEELS THAT DON’R SQUEAK)
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BASIC GUIDES WHICH CAN HELP YOU IN WORKING
WITH PEOPLE
•
Cooperation cannot be forced
•
You communicate more through action than words
•
Sentiment and emotion count.
•
Everyone likes to feel important
•
Everyone wants to know the significance of his job
•
Don’t forget to show appreciation for a job well done.
•
Learn to listen to people
•
Be sincerely interested in your employees and their welfare.
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REVIEW OF BUZZ WORDS
(BUT THEY CAN ALSO BE TOOLS FOR BETTER UNDERSTANDING)
PARENT
ADULT
CHILD
EGO STATES
CRITICAL PARENT
NURTURING PARENT
NATURAL CHILD
ADAPTED CHILD
GAMES:
•NIGYSOB
•AIN’T IT AWFUL
•KICK ME
•RAPO
•UPROAR
•STUPID
•(WHAT OTHERS:
CAN YOU NAME?)
COLLECTING STAMPS:
•GOLD STAMPS
•GRAY STAMPS
STROKES:
•POSITIVE
•NEGATIVE
•CONDITIONAL
TRANSACTIONS:
•COMPLEMENTARY
•CROSSED
•ULTERIOR
PAYOFF:
•CONSCIOUS
•UNCONSCIOUS
ROLES:
•VICTIM
•RESCUER
•PERSECUTOR
PARENT TAPE
CHILD TAPE
BASIC LIFE POSITION
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PITFALLS OF T.A.
IN MANAGEMENT
•
THE “SOPHOMORE SYNDROME” (BUGGING
COLLEAGUES BY POINTING OUT WHEN THEIR
PARENT OR CHILD IS HOOKED, FOR EXAMPLE)
•
ENCHANTMENT WITH THE LANGUAGE OF T.A.,
RATHER THAN VIEWING IT AS A TOOL FOR
GROWTH & UNDERSTANDING
•
USING T.A. MORE ON OTHERS THAN ON SELF
•
DESIRE FOR CHANGING ONESELF MUST COME
FROM THE INDIVIDUAL HIMSELF, NOT THE
ORGANIZATION
•
T.A. TRAINING MUST HAVE SPECIFIC
OBJECTIVES
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Dr. Khaled F. Sherif
Sector Manager
The World Bank
1818 H Street NW
Washington DC 20037
USA
Office: 202 473 4461
Home: 202 337 4027
Mobile: 202 669 6317
E-mail [email protected]
Web Address:
http:\\www.ksherif.com
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