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VICIOUS BLISS: fallen
a miserable love series
Claudia D. Christian
DelSin Publishing, LLC. 2010
Copyright © 2010 by Claudia D. Christian
All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced or transmitted in any
form or by any means without prior written permission from DelSin Publishing, LLC.
DelSin Publishing, LLC and the author assume no liability assumed for damages
resulting from the use of the information contained herein.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the
product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual
events, locations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Published by:
DelSin Publishing, LLC
www.delsin-books.com
Cover image by Robert Clay
Cover design by CGM Web Designs
DEDICATION
Despite your hesitation, you backed me on this one, Adam. You understood I
had to do this, even if it seemed a bit—no, make that REALLY crazy. For that I give you
all
my
love,
affection,
devotion,
and
even
a
little,
tiny,
bit
adulation.
She infects my mind with her grief. It’s
enough to drive me mad. But I accept her
illness
illness because I know I’ll make her see
the perfection to be found in
abandonment. And I won’t fail this time. I
won’t fail because this feels so fucking
right.
- Azer
We’re all just ghosts. Ghosts living in shame. We walk together, but you can’t see me.
Why? Because I live for pain. You live to forget. And I can’t forget. So don’t look at
me. Don’t look at me and make me real.
---Katherine Merror
It wasn’t all a lie.
---Mikhail DeMontier
PROLOGUE
“The Stage is Set”
White suggests purity.
Peace is said to make its home there.
However, I believe it to be the most cunning of colors.
Life is nothing but an empty dream without substance or meaning, until love
finds a way to cast light unto the murky shadows of anonymous existence. Even then,
love can be the nightmare within the dream, until the end is all one can pitifully long
for.
So says the love-struck fool.
I believed it once. I even quoted it to a girl lost in obsession a long time ago. I
believed it for countless years and in the end, it was nothing but beautiful nonsense.
Things will end, but only because I will it so.
Bitter arrogance fell away as he stared at her sleeping face.
Precious…
This wasn’t the first time he encountered her. And despite the torturous passing
of years, she was still so incredibly lovely.
So flawed.
So dangerous.
An angry snarl curled his lip. He knew this final meeting would be the hardest
and the sweetest.
Tonight it would end for them both.
So patiently he watched her, peering through the white play of light and mist
surrounding their shared dimension.
I’ve missed you, Precious. But you don’t remember me at all do you? Despite
everything we’ve shared…so this is yet another betrayal to put at your feet.
Breaking from maudlin thoughts, he noticed her restless stirring. He watched
with longing and waited as thick, dark lashes rose to give a golden glimpse of her
spectacular eyes. As expected, there was confusion within, the blankness of mind
perfectly reflecting numb chaos beneath.
He pulled back from his vigil over her and smiled. Warmth invaded his cold
heart, even as the whiteness became blinding. He wished he could’ve taken her then,
before she had a chance for useless regret. But he couldn’t. After all, even creatures like
themselves had to obey the rules sometimes.
So hungrily he waited for her to feel him.
Little did he know that another was waiting as well…
CHAPTER ONE
“White Darkness”
Life.
It’s a vivacious mask I am forced to wear.
Only the stench of sin keeps me from shattering it.
The young woman stretched slender arms above her tousled head and
immediately jerked from the stiffness pulling at her aching muscles. She wondered if
youth was already trading in its immortality for the common aches and pains plaguing
those of wiser years. I hope not, she sighed with a slight smile, the grimace melting to
reveal the pleasant lines of a very lovely face.
I'm only twenty-four. Too young to feel so old in body.
She flexed her calves and allowed her arms to fall onto the solid bed. Not yet
ready to face the world, she spread her legs wide until the tips of her tiny toes touched
each corner.
That’s surprising.
The bed was smaller than what she was accustomed to—much smaller. In
addition, the sheets held a smell to them that wasn’t hers.
The smell could belong to anyone, anywhere, and it probably did.
Well, Katherine, where have you found yourself now? And by the looks of this
place—with who?
Glancing down quickly, she saw her ivory sweater and jeans.
It could be worse. At least I’m not naked.
So yes, it could be worse.
Unfortunately, it could also be a lot better.
Katherine brought her legs back together and drew them up until her small feet
were planted flat. She screwed her eyes shut, but not before catching a glimpse of her
surroundings.
A finely woven net hung from the high ceiling. It hugged the sides of the small
bed like a tender and possessive caress. Although quite pretty, pleasure was lost on the
young woman.
Instead of filtering the morning’s radiance, the white netting caught each
shimmering ray and crystallized it. Unfortunately for her sensitive eyes, the light was
intense and so very, very white.
Katherine braved the wretched brightness once more, before blinking her eyes
shut with a soft moan.
Morning. Early morning. Shit!
She allowed her legs to slide down in defeat. The day’s freshness would’ve lured
the majority of tired souls from their armored shells, but today its power over Katherine
was null.
I hate mornings.
Rolling to the side, she pulled the anonymous cotton sheet over her curly, honeyblond hair and listened to the solitude of the moment.
Things could be worse. They could also be so much better.
Without the distractions of a life devoted to reckless pleasure and futile
forgetfulness, the constant loneliness in her heart began to whisper.
Empty bed, empty memories. I can’t continue to do this. There has to be more,
right? Or is my life going to be this way forever?
Possessive pain and sadness wrapped prickly vines about her. Poison seeped into
her tortured mind.
Failure. Whore. Freak. Murderer.
Katherine heaved a disgusted breath, her mouth drawn into a grimace of
excruciating pain.
Don’t think like this. Not now. Not ever.
Swallowing thickly, she fought the self-pity, not wanting to let it consume her.
Katherine felt her strength crumble anyways, allowing in the darkness. Nausea tore its
way up her throat and gut-wrenching memories burned even hotter.
“My name is Mikhail DeMontier. What’s yours?”
…
“You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone again.”
…
“I want to show you who I am.”
…
“I love you.”
…
“Will you belong to me forever?”
…
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
…
“I can’t be with you anymore.”
…
“You’re beneath me.”
….
“I WILL NOT GIVE UP WHO I AM FOR YOU!”
…
“Good-bye.”
…
“Katherine? Are you there? If you are please pick up the phone.”
…
“What is wrong with me?”
…
“I don’t exist. I don’t exist. I don’t exist. So you can’t either.”
…
“Oh my God! What have I done?”
…
“This is my fault! I didn’t mean to—I swear.”
…
“I’m sorry, Ms. Merror, but there were complications and I’m afraid he didn’t
make it…”
Katherine curled into a tight ball, seeking protection from herself. The past was a
private battle Katherine waged daily. It tormented her, sickened her, and made a
disgusting caricature of who she used to be.
What have I let myself become?
Beneath the dubious protection of a white cotton sheet, she took a visceral look at
the possible answers.
Katherine knew she was alive yet somehow not. Especially because the frivolous
façade she presented consisted only of empty laughter, frenetic gaiety, and vicious bliss.
Strip away the rotting, fluffy layers and what was left?
Not much.
Breathing came naturally, hunger dictated the transaction of food, and sleep
crept in like a thief, but Katherine’s existence was purely technical.
Sometimes I get so tired of it all. Even so, what right do I have to complain?
As she lay alone beneath a colorless canopy of acrid memories and faded hopes,
Katherine held a weary sort of acceptance. Perhaps she could have tried a little harder—
or maybe felt a little less.
If I’d been stronger, things could’ve been so different. Maybe I wouldn’t have
ended up alone…
Katherine saw everything clearly. She saw how much of her life had been wasted.
Holding the world up to her self-destructive code of behavior, Katherine had mocked,
judged, pitied, and hated it for not being what she believed it should be.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid.”
But it didn’t end there. Her reckless foolishness had extended further. Employed
as she was, Katherine purposely made herself a mark for anything with a predilection
for pain. Not sometimes. Always.
Gentle brown eyes looked into hers. The sad brow spoke eloquently long before
the kind voice did. “Why do you live like this?”
She threw back a shot, the dark liquor burning like liquid fire. “Because I
fucking can! Do you think he’s the first to try and break my jaw?”
“There have been others?”
“There are always others, sweetie.” Her lips compressed into a wretched line.
“Now unless you want to play get out of my face.”
Falsely giving herself to the anonymous night, taking in all the empty decadence
she could stomach, Katherine had become a thing without recognition.
Dump all the other bullshit and what the fuck am I? A piece of garbage? A
broken doll? What?
Katherine began to strip away the layers of disillusionment, denial, and pain with
feverish scrutiny. She was tired of running from her past and living a bitter lie.
I wasn’t always like this. If I keep it up I’ll die like this. Forgotten. Damaged.
Nothing.
Katherine sat up and tore down the temporary cocoon. “No more!” The scream
reverberated, threatening to defy any who sought to keep her down. Chest heaving, fists
clenched, Katherine leaned forward. “I can’t.” A split-second later, she flopped back
weakly. She had held herself in contempt for so long, while hiding it all behind a sham
smile so well…how could Katherine change now?
Stupid, you’re already damned. Why bother trying to be anything else?
Katherine rolled to her side again. The cotton sheets slithered against her muted
movements. She clasped small hands against a shadowed heart and waited for the
despair to claim her.
I hate myself so much.
The pure whiteness of the morning dimmed, as though a heavy cloud of sadness
had wrapped tiny gossamer wisps of grief around it. She burrowed into the tiny bed and
half-heartedly tried to banish the cold away along with her melancholy.
Try too little, try too hard—it all ends the same.
A spurt of self-righteous fury flared within Katherine, decimating all thoughts of
weary acceptance.
Screw that! I’ve got reasons for what I do and I know eventually the pain will
finish me. I’ll wake up one day and it’ll be fucking over. All I have to do is just hold on. I
can make it. As long as it takes I can make it.
The woman who wore her isolation like a prized jewel dug in with sharpened
claws, effectively tearing all recent resolutions aside. Perfecting what she always did,
Katherine chose to bury her gloomy thoughts deep within until they barely existed.
I’m too tired to be so philosophical. Maybe I should just go back to sleep. I’m
sure whoever owns this bed won’t care.
Somewhere in the white morning, she heard indistinct voices, their words low
and muffled. A brief note of urgency assaulted Katherine’s ears before hushing into a
hum. Curiosity toyed with the sounds before abandoning them. She didn’t know where
they came from, nor did she care.
They could belong to anybody, everybody, or nobody.
Katherine only wanted her sleep. She yearned to fall into the unrelenting
blackness of her solitary dreams. Even loneliness was better than facing the unforgiving
whiteness of this bizarre reality.
Just go to sleep. You’ll be able to deal with this better afterwards. Who knows?
Maybe this is the one. And if it isn’t…fun, fun, fun.
She lifted her disheveled head and again caught the sound of electronic noises
beeping in her ear. For a fleeting moment the rhythmic thuds ensnared her reluctant
attention, making Katherine wonder what they were. She brought her head back down
onto the hard, flat pillow, and winced in pain.
No, not beeps.
She decided it casually while rubbing her temples. The noise resembled
something, maybe nothing at all, but in the end Katherine determined it to be nature.
Birds. Birds outside in a dazzling, white world were responsible for that
annoying, rhythmic din. Their music beckoned her to greet a new beginning, but she
wasn’t ready. Not just yet.
It’s better to stay here, wherever here is.
The peculiar thought echoed in her mind. It was odd, but Katherine couldn’t
quite remember how she ended up in the present room.
I haven’t worked for the past few nights, so that rules out a casual screw. I
think.
Her brow wrinkled. She thought in earnest about the last day. She’d been getting
ready for a last-minute road trip. Rushing about, making sure her roommate Patricia
would mail off a letter for her, packing up ten days worth of sweaters for a three day
jaunt, and looking all over for her hair dryer.
The little details were so fresh in her mind, so sharp and clear, and yet…
Did I ever make it out the door?
Katherine rebuked herself for the ridiculous question. Of course she had left. She
now recalled how the roads had been icier than usual.
Ice, ice, ice. Oh!
She suddenly remembered her near-accident. It had shaved at least decade off
her life.
Besides, this obviously isn’t your bed.
True. How else could Katherine have gotten here, slept here in this bed, if she had
never left?
I miss my bed, she mused wistfully with an adolescent homesickness, one
absurdly misplaced given the circumstances. This one is uncomfortable and the sheets
don’t smell nice.
Admittedly, Katherine liked to keep things simple, whether it was clothing, decor,
or interactions. Her sleeping quarters however were another matter. Lying there, the
unfavorable comparisons between her bed and this one were inevitable. A rock-hard
pillow, threadlike sheet, and itchy blanket just couldn’t hold up against a richly
embroidered comforter, Egyptian cotton, and numerous overstuffed feather pillows.
A surge of longing overtook Katherine. Once more she pulled the sheet over her
rumpled head. She was lost in this white bed. A moment ago it seemed so tiny and
misplaced to her body, but now she felt hopelessly enveloped and hidden in some great
white darkness.
What if I never go back? I mean there’s really nothing there for me. What if I
just disappear?
Katherine dismissed the insane thought, but her bright eyes darkened with
pensive regret. No matter what her life had been before, it was better than not having
one. A half-life, even one as shitty as hers, was better than just fading away into
nothing…wasn’t it?
The question slid about the coils of her mind, filling her growing imagination
with what her future could be.
Seduction. Violence. Death.
How long can I keep this up? Eventually it’s going to come crashing down. One
night when the hatred feels like a spike being driven into my brain, I’m going to go off
in search of a cure and not come back. The pain will be gone, but so will I.
Katherine pulled the sheet back down. The fine netting surrounding the bed
wavered beneath her blank stare.
Is that really how I want it to end?
Through the misty cocoon of cloth, she could see the shadows deepening.
Katherine felt the warmth leave the room. Goosebumps rose all over her flesh.
Maybe I’ll do it. I’ll just never come back and everyone can think I fell off the
mountain. I can do it. No one will really miss me. After all, who misses the trash?
Decision nearly made, Katherine tugged the sheet over her shoulders. She
snuggled further into the anonymous bed, wishing she had another blanket. Lashes
swept down to rest. They fluttered once before falling again. Random musings filtered
through Katherine’s purposely-blank mind.
Do wolves really mate for life or is that what they tell each bitch in heat they
come across to get her to lift her tail?
Katherine yawned. Her mind switched gears and she thought of how famished
she usually was after waking. Visions of food didn’t tempt her in the least bit. Odd.
Losing my appetite along with my mind…what next?
Katherine contemplated, with minimal commitment, if she should get up and try
to find a phone. After all, Patricia might be wondering why she didn’t hear from her last
night.
Even though I’m thinking about falling off the mountain, I did say I was going
to call. Knowing her, she’s probably freaking out by now, thinking some sadistic head
case got me. For all I know Patricia’s right.
Katherine clutched the blankets tighter. The idea of leaving the bed became
irrationally repugnant. I'll call later, she decided, already forgetting Patricia and any
thoughts of the outside world. As Katherine drifted into the inevitable blackness, she
heard a door click.
The shot of sound jarred her awake. Katherine’s burnished gaze flew open with
tense awareness.
The distinct sounds of heavy footsteps echoed throughout the white room,
brandishing their ominous mark upon her. Each deliberate step mirrored each natural
pulse of her life's blood until the two became intertwined in a marriage between
intimate strangers.
Katherine curled slender fingers against tender palms. The haunting music kept
her enraptured.
Who is it?
She lifted her head off the pillow and pushed her body upright. Katherine ignored
the sharp pains raking across her stiff muscles. She waited, every sense careening in
exquisite yet dreadful expectancy.
I know this person. I know I do.
The steps halted at the foot of the small bed.
Could it be him?
Katherine’s treacherous heart began to race, breaking faith alone without the
accompaniment of a persuasive lead.
After all these years, all this time, and everything that happened…could it really
be him?
The translucent curtains parted inch by meticulous inch. Katherine’s lithe body
tingled in pained awareness, experiencing a rush of dangerous fulfillment.
It feels like him! Like Mikhail! Without even seeing him I can feel him!
Several torturous seconds passed before fragile netting finally revealed the tall,
black-clad figure of a man. Katherine’s soul throbbed in suspended gratification. Her
fingers twisted the thin sheet into a hopeless white tangle. Ensnared by a fathomless
emerald gaze, Katherine felt hers darken dangerously. Her shuttered heart gave a cry of
bittersweet recognition.
“You!”
A smile twisted the man’s lips before fading.
“Hello, Katherine.”
The brightness of the room grew steadily until she was forced to squeeze her eyes
shut. A brilliant explosion of light flashed behind her closed lids, leaving Katherine
alone with the sound of his breathing.
CHAPTER TWO
“A Familiar Stranger”
Lovers. Enemies. Allies.
They are all one in the same.
I cannot care enough to see the difference.
Time stood suspended while Katherine struggled to regain her bearings.
What the hell was that about? My eyes felt like they were about to be ripped out
of their sockets!
Her pained gaze stayed closed, fully expecting the morning rays to blind her
again.
This is why I hate mornings. They’re too fucking bright.
Her lashes opened, ready to shield themselves at the first threat of torture.
However, the room was as it was once before—with the exception of one person. If the
spiteful sunlight bothered him at all, it didn’t show. He still stood in the same spot, with
dignity and vision apparently intact.
Katherine’s lip curled, readying it for withering contempt, when she noticed his
eyes.
I was wrong.
The green was off. A difference between two minerals. Emerald and jade. Neither
of them welcome but jade wanted for adornment nonetheless. Passing momentary
regret speared Katherine’s armored heart. Her shoulders slumped and an involuntary
sigh of sorrow passed her lips.
I should’ve known better. Mikhail’s not in my world anymore. I’m never going
to see him again. He’s dead as dead can be.
Katherine’s posture straightened when he began moving.
You don’t have time to think about that right now. It’s not Mikhail so find out
who THIS is.
Katherine composed her mind to the present. She watched the gracefulness of the
stranger’s stride, noting each fluid step with an appraising eye.
He wore deliberate black with simple style, from the long-sleeved shirt hugging
his sinewy physique, to the chrome belt-buckle fastened neatly about a trim waist, all
the way down to the crisply ironed slacks clinging to lean thighs. The efficient clothes he
donned cut a sharp contrast with the bleached room.
Pretty. Maybe too pretty.
Katherine noticed the top two buttons of his shirt were open, allowing a glimpse
of pale skin to flash enticingly against the ebony linen.
Yep. Pretty and he knows it.
The voluptuous hint of his mouth commanded her attention. Katherine’s white
teeth bit into her plump lower lip.
His kisses are probably very nice.
It was there in the ripe fullness of his curved lips. The subtle lines betrayed much
more than a ready smile. Katherine was reminded of another mouth, another
charismatic smile with the ability to melt her reserve effortlessly.
In the end, it had brought Katherine nothing but tainted joy.
“See? It’s not that hard to smile, especially when one is as pretty as yours.
C’mon—do it again, Katherine. Please? All right, I won’t kiss you if you don’t do it.”
Katherine collided with his emerald stare. The knowing gleam within their
mythically green depths rankled as much as pleased. The suggested promise he knew all
she felt and more burned Katherine’s mind, irritating her, but not as much as it should
have.
“I love your mouth.”
Arched against his body, Katherine wrapped her arms around Mikhail’s neck.
She pulled his head down for a passionate kiss. As she closed her eyes, Katherine felt
their souls reach out and touch, wrapping their essence about the other until neither
could tell where one ended and the other began.
Breaking their embrace, Mikhail lifted her up and spun Katherine around,
delighting in the sound of her laughter. He set her down and leaned closer. “I love your
mouth too,” he said with a husky tremor. “See how wonderfully it fits against mine?”
A rosy blush stained Katherine’s cheeks, while a dose of self-contempt settled in
her throat.
Don’t think about those times! If you’re interested in fucking him—fine. But don’t
confuse it.
Katherine’s troubled gaze sought refuge in her blanketed lap. Emotions had no
place in this. It was one thing to take part in lust with eyes wide open, but another to
blind them by comparing it with love.
And you know that what you do now has nothing to do with love.
Katherine straightened up with a bunched skirt in hand.
“You have some stretch marks on your hips,” the nameless man commented
casually. “You used to be a fat chick or something?”
The abject misery those words brought to the surface once would’ve had the
power to drive Katherine to her knees. Now, they only fueled her cycle of loathing and
useless depravity.
Without a glance in his direction, she murmured, “Something like that.”
Tact and politeness were not requirements to fuck, only a spirit mirroring hers.
Shifting her subdued attention back to him, Katherine saw him arch a dark brow
in silent query, indicating the spot next to her. “Oh, of course,” she murmured as she
shifted aside.
The bed dipped under his weight. A rusty squeak of spring and then there he
was—disturbingly close enough to touch. The bed had appeared small with just her. Now
it became impossibly tiny with only mere inches separating them. Instinct forced
Katherine to lengthen the distance while bloodless curiosity beckoned her to creep
closer.
A small smile lifted his lips, tempting Katherine to return one as well.
Oh, I see. It’s time to play games. I can do that.
Straightening her shoulders, Katherine leaned back against the cold, metal
headboard. She smiled beautifully and admitted, “I have to say this is a new one for me.”
The stranger brought his leg up and laid clasped hands on his knee. He tilted his
head. Several strands of dark blond hair fell over his smooth forehead, enhancing the
exquisite color of his eyes. “Really. How so?”
“Well, I generally don’t wake up in beds I don’t remember crawling into.”
“Ah.”
Studying his solemn expression, Katherine waited for the smirk to appear. She
expected to see the knowing gleam in his eye, telling her all the filthy thoughts rambling
in his mind.
Instead, when he looked at her fully, his features were clean of lecherous intent.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner,” he stated in apology. “I can imagine it was strange to
wake up and not know where you were.”
Interesting. I’m not reading anything nasty off of him.
Katherine lifted her arms up in a kitten-like stretch. She purposely displayed her
breasts in a more provocative manner.
Can you keep your eyes on mine?
“It was a little strange, but nothing I couldn’t handle.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Again, I’m sorry for not being here when you woke up. I
thought you’d sleep longer.”
Lowering her arms, Katherine noted how his eyes never dropped below hers. She
had expected the bait to work. Conceit not withstanding, she knew her breasts were still
superb and a dubious asset in regards to the opposite sex.
Yet this gorgeous man never bothered to look.
Could it be he’s not scum? Or maybe he’s just gay. Either way it’s a nice change.
“Normally I think I’d be sleeping longer, but that bit of morning sunshine did me
in.”
“Morning?” He shook his head. “I’m afraid you’ve been tricked.” His low voice
carried a subtle accent.
“Tricked? How?”
“It’s actually late afternoon.” He uncoiled his imposing form and parted the
netting. Leaving enough of a gap so Katherine could see him, he walked over to a large
window. “Like now, the snow can be very deceptive by reflecting so much light.” He
pulled back the lightweight curtains and laid a large hand on the glass panes.
“You mean it’s not morning?”
Okay, okay, this doesn’t make sense. I feel like I slept all night.
His profile faced her. “No, it’s not. In fact, we’re only a couple of hours away from
sunset.” As if to verify his words, the light changed and beautiful jeweled shadows
spilled across the floor.
“Oh, I see,” she mumbled while staring in reluctant fascination. Brushed by the
scorching palette of crimson, a blazing halo formed above his short locks.
With everything I’ve seen in this world, it wouldn’t take much to convince me he
could sprout wings and fly away. Hell, maybe I’d even ask for a ride. Now’s a good
time as any.
She shifted towards the bed’s edge and swung jean-clad legs off the side.
Katherine looked down and noted there was no carpet. A content smile curled about her
lips. The cherry wood was cool and smooth, spurring her to impishly wiggle her toes.
Before she could ask about her shoes, Katherine saw them by the bed, socks neatly
tucked inside.
She reached down and pulled the thick wool over her feet, not entirely unaware
how her nail polish was chipped in several places. Katherine scooted back, legs swinging
off the bed and heels drumming off the mattress. She observed the stranger once more,
unaware of the mystical cadence inspiring her interest.
Who are you? Not the face you wear for the world, but inside.
Subtle appreciation lightened Katherine’s mood. Leaning against the sill, with
hands resting comfortably within deep pockets, he provoked forbidden longing within
Katherine.
God, he looks just like Mikhail.
She ran her eyes up and down his elegant figure, searching for an answer to her
nostalgic obsession. Katherine understood why she had thought he was Mikhail. If she
were to pick this man’s features apart, so many of them would be identical. There were
also differences, but even those reminded Katherine of Mikhail.
Like his hair.
Although dark, the numerous streaks of gold flashing randomly about were the
same shade as her faithless lover’s.
Katherine moved slender fingers through Mikhail’s sweat-dampened locks.
“Your hair is almost the exact same color as mine,” she mused.
“Really? Just almost, hmm?” Mikhail ran a firm hand across her naked hip. He
devilishly let his fingers tangle themselves within the natural silk found between her
lovely rounded thighs. “I think it’s more than just almost.”
When he heard her soft gasp of pleasure, Mikhail turned his head and captured
a sweet nipple with his mouth. Looking up into her flushed face with smoky green eyes,
he murmured hotly, “When you’re wet here with me, we’re the EXACT same shade.”
Katherine studied the man’s striking features, recognizing the strong jaw line.
Her lips tingled, aware of the times when they had journeyed along its uncanny twin.
Moving upwards, she noted the imperious brow. Katherine remembered when her
fingers had traced over its copy, liking the way Mikhail’s mood always communicated
faithfully, whether it be child-like fury or passionate adoration.
Well, you just thought that’s what he felt—in the end you found out differently.
“Would you like me to turn to the side a bit?”
Katherine’s gaze flew up to meet his amused one. She recognized how similar in
tone and pitch his voice was to the other. Shaking off the unwanted memories, she
smiled in appreciation of his bold wit.
“Sorry to be caught in the act, but I bet that happens to you a lot.”
“Not really. But I can’t complain when it does.”
His playful voice held a genuine note of self-deprecation, surprising Katherine
enough to force her to make a move.
You can’t be this decent. You want something from me. I know you do. If you
didn’t, you wouldn’t be human.
She slid off the bed and padded towards him. Katherine searched for the scent of
familiar territory.
Where is it? Show me the real you.
Katherine couldn’t feel anything negative and it disturbed almost as much as
intrigued.
C’mon. Show me the face you don’t want me to see yet.
His spectacular eyes held hers in secret challenge, willing to let Katherine’s
premeditation dictate the rules of engagement. She could hear the darkest part of her
desires whisper.
Taste him. Taste him and forget about everything else. Now is all that matters.
Not the past, not the future, but now. Taste him and see where this madness takes you.
Traces of submerged fear flitted through her limbs, warning Katherine to stop
before she committed a folly made in madness. She came closer in determination, but
couldn’t help feeling she had taken these steps before.
The melody altered, yet the notes still the same.
Maybe I have walked this mountain before. Who knows? After all, I come close
to the edge, wanting to jump off of it, but too cowardly to ever make the move. And
that’s why I do this. I want someone else to fling me off into the darkness.
Will you be the one?
Please say yes.
Katherine stopped a few feet away. Even so, he still managed to tower over her.
He stood well over six feet to her demure five and a half. She had always been
ridiculously attracted to tall men. They made her feel small, protected—invisible at will.
Craning her head, Katherine asked the question that should have been her first.
“What’s your name?” A heartbeat passed before she heard him answer.
“Azer. My name is Azer.”
Again the wisp of an accent brushed across the surface of his words, lulling her
into a sense of the familiar. In that crazed moment, Katherine felt she had known some
whisper of him her whole life. It was as if he were a lost glimpse in a mirror, or the blur
of darkness just around the corners of her mind.
But that’s not possible. I’ve never seen you until today. I would’ve remembered
you.
Pupils of the darkest night reflected a tiny figure dressed in ivory. Katherine
stood captivated and helpless to look away. Beneath her drugged gaze, the white room
bled into verdant shades splashed with gold.
Time seemed to halt in hungered anticipation. It awaited the outcome of their
familiar play, wanting to seize this moment yet greedy for the next.
Not surprisingly greed won.
You’re a pretty pill to swallow, Azer. I bet you’d make me numb to everything
but you.
His head tilted back. An elusive and mysterious green fire burned within,
beckoning her to fall into them. Fear prodded Katherine before self-destruction courted
her with giddy promise.
This kind of pull isn’t normal. But I won’t fear your darkness because I’ve
already seen Hell. Hurt me, seduce me—I’m not scared. I want to see if you can make
me feel something real, Azer. Make me feel something that can erase how this all
began.
Laughing jade eyes stared down into hers. The chaos of the afternoon crush
faded away abruptly.
“My name is Mikhail DeMontier. What’s yours?”
“Katherine Merror,” she responded slowly.
“Katherine. It’s a good name, I like it.”
Submitting to the chains of inevitability, she replied with cutting grace, “Well,
it’s nice to know you approve of my name.”
His jade eyes darkened briefly. “Would you like to get something to eat with
me?”
“I don’t know you.”
“I know. That’s why you should let me buy you something to eat.”
“Azer…that’s a unique name you’ve got there. I don’t think I’ve ever heard it
before. I’m happy to have the pleasure.”
A ghost smile played about the corners of his mouth. “It’s a very old one.”
“Ah. Well, it’s nice to meet you. I would tell you my name, but it seems you
already know it.”
“It’s Katherine Merror, right?”
“Bingo. How’d you guess?”
“I got it when I looked through your purse.”
Katherine laughed in dark delight. “At least you’re honest. I hope I didn’t
disappoint with my miserable lack of cash.”
“I wasn’t looking for money, Katherine.”
“Really?” Her innocent smile aggressed against her wicked expression. “It’s what
I always look for when I dig through a wallet. Especially when the owner is passed out
from booze, lots of sex, or both.”
A blush dusted his brow and cheeks. Azer fumbled several times with his
response.
Leaning her hip against the sill, Katherine took pity on him. “So, Azer, since you
weren’t scraping for cash, how about you tell me why you were looking through my
purse? If you leave it up to my twisted imagination, we’re liable to be here for quite some
time.”
Imitating her stance, he answered in direct contrast to her light tone. “Usually, I
get to know that kind of information because the other person tells me, but in your case
I had to take the initiative.”
“Why?”
“Because you were…”
“What?” she prodded with a dip of her head.
“Unconscious.”
All humor fell to the side. Katherine’s stomach clenched as if she’d received a
brutal kick to the gut. The room’s whiteness bled away. A series of rapid flashes colored
her ragged consciousness. Touching her temples, Katherine winced as the onset of a
vicious headache began.
How could I’ve forgotten something like that? Remember damnit! It’s right
there.
Katherine closed her eyes in frustration. Suddenly, wet, dark asphalt slithered
before her. Katherine quickly recognized the winding curve and deeply pitted rock rising
up on one side, while remembering the sparse rows of trees that lined the steep drop on
the other.
Always a cautious driver, Katherine never drove faster than five miles over the
speed limit, if even that, but she had been doing ten over for the last half-hour.
Locked in burgeoning memories of the past, Katherine knew the trip had been
taking longer than planned. She recalled feeling tense, but not because of the time. A
jagged pain lanced her head again. Katherine grimaced in discomfort. No, she was tense
because of the time.
Why?
The storm. She had been driving faster than usual because she didn’t want to get
caught up in the middle of a nasty blizzard.
But I wasn’t comfortable.
Katherine kept watching the sky every so often, wary of any changes in the
weather. The gas station attendant thirty miles back had mentioned an upcoming
storm. From what he heard, the snow system would have dangerous, strong winds,
making all travel through the mountains risky at best.
Treacherous at worst.
It didn’t matter to her. In order to make her meeting, Katherine had to keep
going. She had waited too long for this day to end up canceling because of a stupid
storm.
I paid a lot of money for those sealed papers. Soon I’ll know where I come from.
Soon I’ll know their names...the names of the people who gave me up.
An hour later, Katherine did the customary glance of mirrors, speed, and road
before letting her fingers roam over the console. She needed to skip over the current
song, wanting to hear another one instead. Even though Katherine had driven her car
for over two years, she always had an impossible time finding the right button. After
some fumbling, Katherine felt the well-worn spot before giving it several distinct
pushes. There was no sound while the CD skipped five tracks forward.
Then what?
In her mind’s eye, Katherine sensed the last scenes of her life come together,
much like a splintered mirror. The gaps were there, but enough of an image was
reflected to allow her imagination to make a whole.
Katherine looked back up, seeing the gray skies through the skeletal branches of
winterized trees. Nothing had changed for the last forty minutes. A victorious smile
curved her lips. She was going to beat the storm. After all, Katherine was only ten
miles away from her destination. She glanced up at the rear-view mirror.
What else?
The low timbre of Azer’s voice broke her concentration. It pulled Katherine away
from her disconnected thoughts to the present. She frowned and fought to recapture the
fading images. Unfortunately, they slipped away into the opaque mirror of Katherine’s
mind.
It’s too late.
The reel of those last moments jumbled into a useless heap, leaving her with
more questions, but no definitive answers. The agonizing headache left as quickly as it
came.
That’s strange but I’m not complaining. Not the first time and won’t be the last
I’m sure. My head’s always one headache away from exploding.
With a silent sigh of relief, Katherine raised her head. She turned towards Azer
and noted his worried expression.
“Sorry to zone out on you like that. I was just trying to figure out the last day.”
“I understand.”
“You do? Good, because I need to know one thing.”
“Anything.”
“How’d you find me?”
Azer shifted his attention to the endless plains of snow. “I was on my way home
from the grocer’s.” The corner of his expressive mouth twisted. “Out here people tend to
take any hint of blizzards very seriously, so I was stocking up on necessities.” Dropping
the half-smile, he continued. “I was only a couple of miles away when I saw your car.”
Dread took hold of Katherine’s tense body. Another crimson memory splashed
across the canvas of her confused mind. Shock spread until her insides twisted into
hopeless knots.
There had been no near accident.
Katherine clenched her eyes shut. She now remembered everything in stark
detail.
The first throbbing beats of music had hit the sound system and filled the air
with an indefinable sense of excitement. Her head swayed in time, loose tendrils of soft
hair brushing lightly against her neck. She had never been able to resist this particular
song. Lending her voice to the lyrics, she sang along passionately. Katherine felt the
constant gloom within lift its hold.
The effect of the loud, pulsing bass created a suppressed tingle of ecstasy,
quickly making her entire body tight with music driven euphoria.
Katherine recalled how the previous tenseness began to seep away until it never
existed.
I had no clue what was going to happen next.
With a tight jaw, she continued to watch the events in her mind, cringing from
what was to come.
Katherine glanced down at the speedometer. She pressed her booted foot down,
bravely watching the scarlet line inch higher. Katherine gripped the wheel firmly and
ignored the world speeding by.
The harsh beauty meant nothing in comparison to the present moment of
freedom.
Katherine felt an excited smile curve her lips upward. A bubble of joy made its
way through her veins.
The faster I drive, the sooner I’ll come to knowing who I am. Maybe then I’ll
know why I’m like this.
Not even a full minute later, the car shook from the fury of howling wind, before
spinning out of control.
Katherine’s last whisper before the blackness was, “I almost made it.”
“It’s amazing how peaceful it looks out there.”
“What?”
Katherine gestured with her hand. “The snow. It’s so fucking beautiful.”
“It is.” Several seconds passed. “You’re okay then?”
“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Azer’s brow wrinkled in bewilderment. “Because you just found out about your
accident.”
“You think I’m a little nutty because I’m not freaking out.”
“No, of course not.”
“Yes, you do,” she stated flatly. Katherine’s gaze slid to his. She laughed. “I’m just
kidding. Don’t take it so seriously, Azer.” Enigmatic euphoria made her eyes sparkle. “I
didn’t die this time. I can’t complain too much.”
“That’s true.” His eyes assessed her, cautious and bemused.
“Don’t stare at your houseguest. It makes her naughty. Instead, stand by me and
look at the pretty snow.” She waited until Azer moved closer before focusing her empty
interest on the landscape. It took Katherine’s eyes a moment to readjust. Soon a brilliant
white picture of the world began to form.
Pristine snow stretched for miles in all directions, the many undulating hills
forming a natural fortress complete with gate. Stately pines rose in salute, marking the
border between this piece of the world and the other, while the setting crimson sun cast
long shadows across the untouched landscape.
Leaning her head against the panes, Katherine felt the sharp sting of frost nip her
flesh. She blew her breath against the glass like a child, watching with timeless glee as
the fog took shape. Katherine pressed her nose against the chilling blur, leaving an
imperfect circle behind.
When was the last time I felt so carefree?
Out of the corner of her eye, Katherine could see Azer watching her, perhaps
waiting for the next move.
“You’re not looking at the snow, Azer.”
“I see it everyday.”
“Ah, so you’d rather just stare at me.”
“Just returning the favor, Katherine.”
“True, true.” She tapped the window once. “Are we even?”
“Maybe. Can I ask you something?”
“Go for it.”
“Do you really remember what happened?”
“I guess.” Pausing for a moment or two she admitted, “Not really, but I think I
must have hit a patch of ice. A gust of wind must’ve then pushed my car off the road
before the airbag knocked me unconscious. All predictable in its automotive way.”
Looking out the window again, she murmured, “And I was almost there too!”
“If you don’t mind me asking, where were you going?”
Katherine shrugged her shoulders. “I just had to meet up with someone.”
“Ah. I see.”
His hushed tone admitted to crossing a line of privacy. Katherine felt no need to
reassure him. The sooner Azer learned to keep his distance when it came to her affairs—
the better.
Katherine rubbed the back of her head. Her fingers probed the skin with tender
care, looking for evidence of what had transpired on a lonely mountain road. Finding
nothing, Katherine dropped her arm onto the sill and leaned against it.
“I wonder what kind of damage my car has now."
“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the front was completely smashed.”
“I was afraid you'd say that!”
Azer placed his palm on Katherine’s shoulder. “If it’s any consolation I was able
to get the stuff you had in the trunk.” He gave a slight squeeze, brief with daring, before
removing his hand. “So although you’re stranded, I hope you can still enjoy the comforts
of home.”
Home. It’s not something I’ve really had for a long time. So here or there—it
doesn’t really matter to me.
Katherine lifted her head. Her impassive gaze settled on Azer’s exquisitely
handsome face. It unsettled her. Although his hand was gone, she could still feel the
intoxicating heat his one touch inspired.
I’ve been cold to another for so long, but somehow this man is able to make me
feel him.
Azer pulled something out of his pocket. “Here.”
She looked at the object in his large hand and saw a plain, metal ring adorned
with three scuffed keys. Katherine closed her fingers over it. She recognized the familiar
texture of her car’s large ignition key.
“Thanks.”
Her bright voice didn’t betray the bleak thoughts beneath. The various symbols of
ownership in her grip were definitive proof this experience wasn’t just a dream.
If I was going any faster…
“I know it feels pretty bad, but just think—it could’ve been worse.”
“You’ve got a point,” she mumbled. Staring down at the polished floor, Katherine
straddled between cursing Fate and thanking it. Amazing. Her car was totaled, so badly
she was unconscious when found. Yet, here she was—standing on her own two feet.
I should be feeling lucky, but I don’t. Instead, I’m pissed.
“Let’s see how much worse it can get. My car’s not drivable, right? Meaning I
can’t leave on my own?”
“Pretty much.”
Katherine heaved a loud sigh. “I guess that's why I pay outrageous insurance
premiums,” she said while stuffing the keys in her pocket. “If there was ever a reason to
be legally robbed for having ‘auto protection’ this is it.” She shook her head and huffed.
“Although if it can't be fixed, those bastards better pay up enough to get me another
car.”
“Don’t worry. A report has already been filed.”
“Really?”
“Uh-huh. After I put you to bed, I radioed it in to the local authorities.” Without
turning towards her, he explained. “I knew I was taking a chance in bringing you here
instead of the hospital, but the snow was coming down full force by the time I got to
your car. I barely got you out of yours and into mine, before the blizzard fell on us.
Instead of staying up there on the chance of a patrol possibly coming around, I decided
to bring you here and radio in what happened to the sheriff’s.”
“Did you tell him about me being unconscious?”
“No.”
“Why not? If something happened, like I fell into a coma or went brain-dead,
you’d probably find yourself living in a cell for quite some time.”
“I took a leap of faith.”
“Is that something you do often?”
“No. Just with those who are worth it.”
A deep frown cut across her brow. She wondered when the last time a stranger
did anything kind for her. Raising her eyes to meet his, Katherine would’ve expected
him, at the very least, to be in the bed with her, naked and ready to take payment. At
least after he found out he wasn’t going to be fucking a corpse.
Katherine took a deep breath and held it for several moments.
He’s yet to make a move. All in all he’s been a perfect gentleman.
She let it out and stumbled from the burden of gratitude. “Umm, thanks, Azer.
For everything. I really appreciate what you did.” Courtesy hadn’t been a staple of her
life for years. It felt wretched.
Azer graced her with a full smile, revealing a beautiful set of strong, shining teeth.
“You’re welcome.”
What would it be like to be here forever?
Acutely aware of the closeness between them, she shared, “It’s so beautiful.”
He glanced out the window. “I think I’ve become immune out of habit, but you’re
right. The snow is beautiful.”
“No, not the snow. Your smile.”
Several moments of enigmatic silence followed, the light fading as it descended
rapidly into flaming darkness.
“I never notice.”
“You should.” Katherine couldn’t mistake hearing a soft note of loneliness in his
voice, despite how cleverly hidden. She reached up and brushed her fingertips across his
lips, careful to remain removed. “You should smile all the time. Even when you’re sad. It
does wonders for those watching.”
No matter who we are or what we do we’re alone. All of us. Even when
someone’s watching. But smile anyway. Never let them see your weaknesses.
As if feeling her somber mood, Azer changed the topic. “Are you hungry?”
“Sure.” Katherine cupped his cheek before dropping her hand. “In fact, I’m
starving. Near-death experiences kind of have that effect on me.”
“Good.” Azer strode towards the plain door and threw over his shoulder, “Why
don’t you join me downstairs in a few minutes? I’ll cook something and you can tell me a
little more about yourself.”
“What if I don’t feel like sharing?”
He paused at the door. His mouth lifted in a playful smile. “I guess it’ll be up to
me to make sure you feel like it. After all, Katherine Merror, I may have saved your life
today—I’d at least like to know a bit more about it.”
“That’s blackmail!”
“Blackmail insinuates force and I’d never force you. Charm you? Yes. Badger you?
Yes. Force you? Never.”
Katherine reached out, searching for proof of Azer’s words. He seemed sincere
and honest, but the best liars usually did.
Why should I care? Either way I can protect myself. If I want to.
Her cynical thoughts didn’t keep Katherine from still probing his true being. The
longer she searched, the more her attention became riveted by the perfection of his
darkly clad figure. Azer’s manner reminded her of the way things used to be, before it all
fell apart.
He’s different, but at the same time he seems so much like Mikhail. After all these
years, I still miss that bastard. And the sick thing is…I probably will for the rest of my
life.
Fucking piece of shit.
Katherine’s wistful gaze clung to Azer. She wondered once more what it would be
like to start again, to become someone free from useless sin and burdensome guilt. It’d
be extremely foolish to hope one man could be the key to release—especially knowing
her sentence would follow her to the grave.
But can’t I pretend for a little while? Who’s it going to hurt?
“Will you meet me?”
Katherine’s eyes locked with his. They plunged in an emerald ocean and swam
towards an infinite darkness she couldn’t see.
Just for tonight I want to feel something other than me. Just for tonight I don’t
want to feel alone.
Just for tonight.
She sat on the bed and sobbed into her hands.
“Katherine? What’s wrong? What did I say?” Mikhail clasped her against his
naked chest. His face reflected pure confusion and the beginnings of fear.
“N-nothing. I-I’m s-sorry. I-I don’t m-mean t-to be a b-baby.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
Dropping her hands, she turned towards him. She pressed her wet face against
his neck. “It’s j-just that I thought I’d b-be alone f-forever.”
Mikhail lifted her face up and kissed her deeply, ignoring the tears still
streaming down her reddened face. He rested his mouth against hers. “You’re not
alone. You’ll never be alone again.”
Letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, Katherine nodded her
head. “I’ll be down in a few.”
Another brilliant smile curved his lips, softening the vibrant green of his gaze and
enrapturing her further. “All right, see you then.” As an afterthought Azer mentioned,
“By the way, your bags are on the other side of the bed.”
She glanced at the directed area. “Thanks.” Katherine watched the white door
close and experienced a fierce ache of separation rise up. It threatened to make her run
after him. She strode over to her bags, pretending she never felt weakness or longing.
On the other side of the door, Azer paused, his face twisting from the shadowed
desires rushing through his body. Hunger promised to consume him. Closing his eyes,
Azer thought of her with maddened longing.
I know you feel me, Katherine, even if you fool yourself into thinking that it’s
just about him. Just like so long ago…
Taking a deep breath, Azer walked away from the alluring woman in the white
room, commanding his dark instincts into submission. Even so, his emerald eyes
swirled, their terrible energy clashing in a violent display of contained power.
Soon, Katherine. Soon.
CHAPTER THREE
“What It Should’ve Been”
I loathe my wretched memories.
They make a mockery of all wit and charm.
And still I court them.
Katherine bent down and picked up the large, maroon suitcase. She threw it up
onto the bed and set about opening it. The mechanical hiss of a zipper releasing its hold
echoed throughout the silent space before revealing the case’s protected contents.
She dug past several piles of neatly folded sweaters, pants, and cotton dainties,
before finding the plastic toiletries pack with a relieved sigh. Running a hand through
her mangled locks, Katherine checked to make sure she still had an elastic band
somewhere within the ratted nest.
I hate it when my hair gets this wild.
She picked up the clear case and scanned the room in hopes of a mirror. Seeing
only blank white walls, Katherine walked towards a closed door, guessing it could be a
bathroom. She opened it partway, poked her head in, and met an empty closet. Closing
the door with a small shrug, she soon spied another and strode towards it.
This time Katherine was confident she would find what she was looking for.
The iron knob turned easily. She flipped on the light switch and found herself in a
tiny replica of the bedroom, only in lavatory form.
I’m guessing Azer either isn’t big on decorating or his favorite color is white.
Katherine set her bag on the sink, dug out a large comb, and reached up to tackle
the wild mane passing for hair. She confronted the curly mess with baleful regard.
God! I can’t believe anyone saw me like this!
Tempted to take a bath and start all over, she eyed the tub for a wistful moment
before picking up her comb.
If I take a bath, it’ll take too long and I did say a few minutes.
Despite its bad beginnings, within a couple of minutes she managed to make
order out of chaos with a sleekly braided ponytail. Now gazing at the mirror with a
smile, she rummaged further into the bag and pulled out a toothbrush and toothpaste.
Quickly brushing her teeth, Katherine admitted to herself she was primping more than
usual.
But look at him! It’s no big mystery why I don’t want to look like a slob.
Katherine rested her hands on the sink and leaned forward. She couldn’t deny the
anticipation coiling within, ready to snap in a desperate attempt to become real. She
studied the reflection peering back. A rare sparkle of excitement shimmered like liquid
gold and a flush reddened her smooth cheeks.
I feel like I’m seventeen all over again.
Suddenly, Katherine heard an inner voice admonish her foolish enthusiasm.
Don’t get weird. Maybe you’ll fuck him, maybe not. But don’t confuse him with
someone who’s dead to you. He’s NOT Mikhail.
Besides you know it’s just a game, not something real.
“A game.”
Katherine stumbled down the stairs, both hands held firmly against her
stomach. The pain dragged poisoned claws against her recoiling flesh.
“Shit!” Katherine paused at the bottom of the stairway while her dull gaze tried
to make sense of what had happened. Where should she go? Who should she tell?
Staring into the night’s malevolent shadows, she panted, unsure of her next
move.
“This can’t be real,” she whispered. Katherine’s words were a sorrowful
accusation to an unfriendly world she was thrust back into. Merciless stabs of
conscience burrowed themselves into her brain, forcing her to take one step after
another.
“No, it’s not real and it’s always a game.”
A well of unmentionable sorrow sprang forth, banking the iridescent anticipation
in Katherine’s eyes. They became a blank stare of clinical curiosity.
Drop the Mary Sunshine act—it’s NOT you.
Nodding her head in silent understanding, she gathered her things and walked
back to the bed. While stuffing the toiletries bag between a pile of sweaters and pants,
her fingers found the small packet. Katherine pulled it out with a mirthless smirk.
Condoms.
She stared at the shiny plastic for many moments.
It’s just a game. Let’s see how fun Azer will make it.
Decision made, Katherine pocketed them and zipped the suitcase shut. The sound
of her steps echoed a somber farewell. She pulled the heavy door open and found herself
in a long walkway spanning the entire perimeter of the second floor.
“Wow.” Craning her head, Katherine observed a soaring, timbered ceiling cast in
impenetrable shadow. Admiration faded away when the air turned dense, heavy with
cunning. Doubt skittered along her skin. Katherine made her way to the open railing.
She peered down below in curiosity, unsure of what to expect.
Something seems off here…
An enormous fireplace caught her wary attention. Through her squint, Katherine
could see the blackened base. Her dark gaze soon focused on the tall flames hissing and
spitting within, devouring heavy logs with contained violence.
Mesmerized, Katherine watched the fire leap and twist upon itself in a frenzied
dance. The blaze burned brightly, a seductive inferno beckoning her to join its depths
and feel the heat of being a part of something larger than any one person…
“Have you ever been in love?”
“What?” Training her gaze to stare straight ahead, Katherine tried to ignore the
humiliating flush burning her cheeks.
“You know—love. Have you ever been in love?”
A nervous trill of laughter broke free. The bubblegum cotton candy she held
began to droop in her slack fingers. It became sticky and wet against her chin.
Glancing at his curiously determined expression, Katherine realized with a sinking
stomach Mikhail wouldn’t be denied an answer.
Great.
Finding the carnival sweet in her fist infinitely fascinating, Katherine replied in
a hesitant voice. “In love? You mean in love, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, I see.” She felt her cheeks fill with even more blood. “Umm…actually…not
really,” she stammered.
“Never?”
The shock in his voice made Katherine frown in self-conscious irritation. She
met his jade-green eyes boldly. “No, I haven’t. I don’t think it makes me a mutant or
anything. It’s just that I never found the right person before now—”
Realizing what she had just divulged, Katherine gasped in mortification. She
dropped her panicked gaze and began to eat the spun candy with desperate nibbles
while walking away.
“Now?” Mikhail halted her quickening steps with one strong hand. He tipped
her chin until she had no choice but to look at him. “What do you mean by now?”
“Uh…nothing! I just meant…” Katherine’s voice trailed off into a humiliated
whisper. It was true. She loved him. Even though she had only known him for a week,
Mikhail had become the most important part of her life.
How can I admit that to him?
It was ridiculous and she knew it.
“I’ve never been in love before,” Mikhail admitted.
Sadly swallowing the lump in her throat, Katherine was poised to murmur
something appropriate when he said it to her.
“Until now.”
Katherine broke contact with the hypnotic pyre. She realized, despite the
constrained blaze, that the house suffered in utter darkness. Unease snaked down her
spine and wariness began to weigh on her shoulders. Keeping her small hand on the
railing, Katherine walked towards where she guessed the stairs should be. Her
nervousness infuriated her.
What is my problem? Besides filling my belly, I really need to get to a phone and
call Patricia. I don’t have time for this so get a backbone!
Katherine came to a measured stop. A wide staircase invited her to the journey
below. A sculpted brow rose in observation.
Mammoth trees had their lives stolen to become a part of the largest set of stairs
Katherine had ever seen. She could’ve easily lain across one step and had at least a foot
of clearance on each side.
As she watched, patches of darkness battled the fiery hue of light staining the
wood. Their eternal clash of power illuminated the center of the staircase. Katherine
noted how each step carried a dip, as if thousands of feet had made their way down
before her. She experienced another tiny tremor of hesitation.
Again! What is my problem? Damn wuss. Go down or not. Quit overanalyzing
every little thing. You’ve been in worse places than this.
As she made her journey down, the creaking wood vied for domination over the
macabre sound of hissing logs. It agitated Katherine, making her glance over her
shoulder again and again. By the time she reached the landing, Katherine could feel her
heart slamming against her ribs.
Fine. I’m a wuss. I’m not liking this.
She took in the darkened area with one measured glance. Despite the flames,
Katherine could hardly make out her unfamiliar surroundings. She couldn’t see the front
door or any others. The shadowy walls appeared bare of all ornamentation—no pictures,
no artwork, not even a clichéd deer head. She bit her lip once before letting out an
irritable snort.
Azer did say for me to come down, so where the hell is he? I don’t want him here
because I’m scared. Because I’m not! I just need to use the phone.
An ear-splitting crackle jerked her attention back towards the immense fireplace.
Katherine gave a choked start of surprise.
Azer stood in the center of the dark room.
“Are you okay?”
“I didn’t see you there,” she admitted with a lighthearted smile. Taking in his
dark attire, she understood how he had blended within the shadows. “The black clothes
make you pretty sneaky. Now I’m expecting the horror soundtrack to start.”
Azer came towards her with graceful movements, tempting Katherine’s fear to
give way to something safer. “I wasn’t trying to be sneaky.”
“You’re doing it again.”
“What?”
“Taking me serious. Don’t do it.”
The controlled inferno devoured Azer’s tall form. It threw distorted shadows
across the high walls. The outlines undulated with each of his steps, even when Azer
came to a stop.
“I’ll try, Katherine.”
“Good. Just remember—I’m hardly ever serious.”
She barely finished speaking when the scent of alluring cologne wafted beneath
her nose. Thinking back to their first encounter, Katherine didn’t remember Azer
wearing any at all.
“You smell nice,” she noted with a feline smirk. “I’m glad to know I wasn’t the
only one primping.”
“How is it that you always smell so good?”
Clasping her small hand within his much larger one, Mikhail looked down at
her. “I think it’s your primal side directing your nose,” he replied laughingly.
A smile curved her lips. “Really? How so?”
“Well, you’re probably just attracted to my pheromones because I’m your mate.”
Katherine stood up on her toes. She kissed his smooth cheek before inhaling
deeply. “Mate, huh? I think you might be on to something, because I feel like I could
just do this forever.”
Wrapping his arm about her trim waist, Mikhail leaned down and murmured,
“Remember that when I come home from the gym.”
Katherine watched his pale fingers reach out towards her face. With the aromatic
fragrance intoxicating her senses, she felt her defenses crack beneath the weight of her
past.
Why couldn’t it go on forever? Why did it have to end?
“Are you sure you’re all right, Katherine? You’ve gotten so pale!”
Azer’s cultured voice was so pleasing, so rich, and suddenly so right. Her heart
stopped in pained pleasure. Katherine closed her eyes and leaned into the large hand on
her cheek. She was supposed to ask Azer something…she needed to call…what was it?
“Katherine?”
I can’t remember. Must not have been that important.
Her insides fluttered with heady attraction. It was embarrassing how one word
from Azer had the power to do this, but could she really be blamed? After all, it had been
so long since Katherine had heard anyone who even came close to sounding like
Mikhail—accent and all.
Shamefully, she had searched throughout the years. Despite all the hatred, all the
pain, all the love, she had searched. And now Katherine found a beautiful replacement
in Azer. She could abuse this copy, make him love her, force him to need what she would
never give.
Katherine’s gaze darkened with dirty desires.
It’s been ten months since I’ve given into this. Right or wrong I want him.
She kept her decision a secret. Prior experience had taught her how men enjoyed
the thrill of the hunt, not the deflation of an easy conquest.
I’ll be whatever he wants me to be. Then once he’s fallen, it’ll be my game.
“Katherine? Are you okay?”
She kept her own wicked council and answered with another grin. “Sorry. I
must’ve zoned out again. You know—just another product of airbag deficiencies.
Seriously, I’m fine. Thanks for asking. Maybe a little light-headed, but otherwise I’m
good.”
Azer returned her smile with relief. “I’m so glad to hear it. Like I said, although
you didn’t appear seriously hurt I really wasn’t sure if I made the right decision.”
Katherine cocked her head to the side. “About what?”
“About taking you to the hospital.”
“Oh.” She fingered her pocket and asked, “Not that I’m complaining, but why
didn’t you?”
Just two condoms. Hmm. I better make them last.
“It seemed safer coming here than taking a chance of being stranded in the
storm.”
“How far away is the hospital?”
“Sixty miles.”
“Sixty?” Katherine shook her head in obvious relief. “Good call, Azer. Good call.
I’d so much rather be here than the hospital or worse—stuck somewhere out there.”
“Agreed.” Azer rubbed his hands together. “Well now, Ms. Merror. Would you
like to keep me company in the kitchen or perhaps stay here with a book?”
“Kitchen. I’ll even help, although I do feel it’s fair to warn you my culinary skills
aren’t exactly up to par.” Katherine slipped her arm through his. “It’s been years since
I’ve cooked regularly.” While her eyes appeared lazy, she studied every nuance of his
posture. Katherine was ready to pull back at the first hint of discomfort.
“Neither are mine, but I can make soup.”
“My favorite kind comes straight from a can.”
Azer ushered them into the kitchen. “Really? So does mine.”
“Imagine that.”
“Coincidences are what draw people together.”
“Mmm, so they do.” Coming out of the proverbial cave into the light, Katherine
could hardly believe this was the same house. Rich woods, gleaming steel, and sunny
walls greeted her gaze, inviting visitors to pull out a stool and prop their elbows on the
large center island.
Releasing his arm with a light squeeze, Katherine hopped up on a rattan chair.
She wondered why this room was so much warmer than the other two she had seen.
Perhaps Azer was a better cook than he let on, therefore this was the most important
space in the house?
“Azer?”
“Yes?” he answered while striding past her.
“I thought you didn’t cook much.”
Opening a lower cabinet, Azer reached in and pulled out a big saucepan. “I don’t.
Why do you ask?”
Katherine waved her hand in the air. “Your kitchen is gorgeous. You gotta be able
to cook more than soup with this kind of setup.”
Azer placed the pan on the stove. He turned to look at her over his shoulder. “It
came like this when I bought it. The previous owners ran a catering business from
home.”
“Really? Out here?”
“I don’t think it did so well. That’s probably why I got such a good deal on the
house.” Azer rifled through full cabinets before pulling out several cans of soup.
“Chicken noodle?”
“Always.”
“My kind of girl.”
The remark, while made off-handedly, gave Katherine a very favorable
impression. Perhaps her conquest would be easier than hoped. The electric whir of a can
opener filled the air for a few seconds, giving Katherine some time to decide how best to
proceed.
Who do you want to see…sinner or saint?
The thick plop of congealed chicken broth made a muffled thump in the pan,
bringing Katherine’s attention back to her handsome host. Studying his tall figure, her
eyes appreciated the wide shoulders, lean back, and trim waist.
I bet he looks spectacular naked. Or better yet—naked with an apron. That
would be nice. Especially because it’s been years since a guy has fed me. I can’t even
remember the last time I went out to dinner with anyone other than Patricia and a few
girls from the club.
Azer didn’t give any hint of noticing her perusal, but he was completely aware of
Katherine’s every heated glance. Intent on keeping his back to her until the hunger hid
itself once more, he wished irritably his hands weren’t tied the way they were.
She is so ready to come across. Quietly she sits there, plotting a way to seduce
me, not knowing it’s completely unnecessary. Damn it all! I should be able to reveal
myself and take back what should’ve been mine!
Azer dried his hands on a kitchen towel. His soothing voice expressed none of his
inner frustrations. “Do you want a sandwich too?”
I should be able to, but that’s not how this world works. Even though I found
her, it must still be her choice. Damnit.
“No. That’s okay.”
Azer heard her hesitation and understood the reasoning behind it. Although
Katherine wanted him, she wasn’t so sure if she wanted this side. Kindness and
compassion didn’t follow the rules of her game.
“Are you sure? It won’t take me more than a few minutes.”
Not that you’ve been a rabbit to be picked off by ravenous wolves, Precious.
No, anything but.
You’ve wanted those you touched over the years. You wanted them to be impure
beasts, intent solely on what lay between your pretty thighs. You wanted it because
anything but a few hours would break the stupid promise to your heart, wouldn’t it?
“No, I’m good. The soup’s enough.”
Never halting in his tasks, Azer offered, “All right, but I’ll tell you what. I’m going
to make several grilled cheese sandwiches. Plenty to share, not enough to eat alone.”
He heard her chuckle behind him.
“I can already see you’re a stubborn, stubborn man. That’s okay. You can win this
time, Azer. But don’t just make several. Make a whole loaf.”
“A whole loaf, huh? Now that doesn’t sound like a victory to me, Katherine. It
sounds like a punishment which means I lose and you win.”
Fight yourself. Fight me. But I won’t lose, Katherine. I want our freedom too
much to let that happen.
“Stubborn and smart too. Don’t forget—a whole loaf.”
With those parting words, Katherine slid off the stool. She padded over to a wide,
dramatically draped window. Keeping an ear honed on his movements, she pulled the
silky sage fabric to the side.
Katherine watched the inevitable shadows of night claim the sky, pushing away
all traces of molten gold. A small smile flitted across Katherine’s lips.
It really was stunning.
She had never truly bothered to view the sunset with anything more than a casual
interest. Right now she saw it for the extraordinary event it actually was. Glorious
crimson painted across azure skies beautifully battled with deep violets and pulsating
ambers. A scattering of diamond-like stars twinkled against the backdrop of rich velvet.
A rare, genuine expression softened her lovely face. Katherine thought of how
radically different this day had become. She’d been debating on whether she’d go out for
dinner or stay in her cabin just this morning. Instead, Katherine was going to be served
chicken soup by one of the most fantastically attractive men she had ever seen.
Unwelcome sadness crept forth to claim her.
Mikhail…
Katherine acknowledged with great bitterness that though Azer was exquisite, he
could never be Mikhail.
Never.
Katherine idly played with the golden tassels holding the curtains open. Her
thoughts turned grim, effectively robbing her of paltry conviction. Whether it happened
or not, she couldn’t get away from the knowledge burning inside.
So what? Like that’s a bad thing. Especially after what that bastard did to you!
Besides, you don’t do this for love—you do it for hunger. You aren’t planning on
marrying Azer, just screwing him. After a few rounds, perhaps you’ll see if it was
worth it.
Either way it doesn’t much matter, does it?
Her eyes once more mirrored bleakness. The parched love she kept locked inside
was indeed a bitter poison to keep. Katherine turned away from the window. Safe with
the sight of Azer’s back, her eyes flashed gold with rage. Despite the torturous passage of
time, Love’s vicious kiss still kept her hostage.
Even here in this place I can’t fucking forget.
And so Katherine’s memories refused to die.
The night was bright. The moon’s glow spilled through the softly billowing
curtains. Mikhail stood naked by the window, his body tense and rigid.
“I want to show you who I am.”
Sitting calmly with a sheet draped across her, Katherine understood the cause
of his apprehension. “I already know who you are.”
A mirthless smile crossed his lips as Mikhail stared in her direction. “You don’t.”
Sliding off the bed, unmindful of her nudity, Katherine padded towards him. She
felt the terror and agony swirling within him. As strong as those emotions were, the
anxiety of rejection overshadowed everything else.
Katherine reached out with one hand and stroked Mikhail’s jaw. The love she
felt for him shined in her eyes as she confessed, “I’ve known you were different, like me,
from the beginning.”
His jade gaze widened in shock. His shoulders tensed even further. “How?”
Katherine shrugged. “I just did. I can’t explain it.”
“I…I can’t believe…” His voice cracked. “You’re not scared?”
“No. Should I be?”
“I’m not human. I could kill you so easily.”
“Yeah.” She shrugged. “And I could probably tell before you decided just by
looking at you. Empathic nature once more at work. Who’s to say I’m human? Who’s to
say I’m not just crazy? Who’s to tell me anything?”
“I don’t understand.”
A wan smile claimed her lips before giving way to something brighter. “I can
read your emotions and know your mind inside and out just by touching you. I know
everything there is to know about feelings. So don’t you think I’d know my own?”
The emotion of relief overwhelmed Mikhail as he wrapped his arms about her.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” She leaned forward and whispered, “Now show me.”
The initial love Katherine experienced had set her free. It had allowed her a
treasured glimpse of perfection. Mikhail had known her just as she claimed to know
him—inside and out. Not only had he known her, but he had also accepted Katherine
completely.
However, undying adoration was a myth.
After a few short months, Mikhail had flung her out of Paradise. He walked out
on her, but not before detesting Katherine as a goodbye token. Then calm as can be, he
had left her crumpled and broken in the darkness of betrayal.
Fucking bastard. I hate you, Mikhail. I swear to God I hate you. I wish I could’ve
gutted you for what you did to me.
However, Azer wasn’t Mikhail. No matter how much they looked alike, he
couldn’t be the balm for vengeance.
But it’d feel so good…
Her stomach twisted from the knowledge of what she was intent on doing.
Questions of morality aside, part of Katherine hated the coldblooded reasoning dictating
actions based on empty passion.
But the other part…that side just didn’t care.
Staring across the space of limestone tile separating them, Katherine wondered if
perhaps she should take her leave. Especially before she committed an act that finally
might be the one to break her.
“Are you thirsty?”
She snapped her troubled gaze to his. Katherine suffered a moment of disquiet
and a peculiar sense of foreboding.
“What?” She could’ve sworn she had glimpsed something far more dangerous
than her thoughts.
“Would you like something to drink?”
For one tiny moment, Katherine believed Azer had been privy to every thought
careening around her mind.
“I am a little thirsty.”
I would know if he was in my head. I’m sure I would. I always do.
Katherine searched Azer’s enchanting face again. She only saw peace and no
indication there had been anything else.
Stupidly, she believed what she saw and ignored the rest.
“No, make that really thirsty. What do you have?” Watching the corners of his
mouth lift in another smile, Katherine trusted her thoughts were as foolish as her fears.
Azer strode over to the refrigerator. He pulled open the gleaming steel door and
poked his head in. “All right. Let’s see here. I’ve got soda, water, milk, or juice.”
“What kind of juice?” She walked back to the center island and reassured herself.
Azer wasn’t scum like Mikhail. Katherine had nothing to fear from him or herself. After
all, she hadn’t been broken seven years ago.
She wouldn’t be broken now.
The delicate notes of glass bottles scraping across metal wire competed with the
heavier bass of plastic jugs being jostled around. “Umm…I’ve got orange, apple, and
grape.”
“I’ll take grape.” Katherine’s throat tightened with anticipation. “I didn’t realize
how thirsty I was until now. I haven’t had anything to drink since this morning.”
“Oh, that’s so bad for your throat! Grape it is.”
Azer grabbed the bottle and closed the large door. He made his way towards one
of the many cabinets lining the wall. Pulling out two tall glasses, he set them down in
front of her on the counter with easy flair.
“Call me weird, but I just love grape,” he commented as he poured them each a
generous helping. “Orange is good, apple is nice, but grape—there’s nothing better.”
As Katherine accepted the offered beverage, she nodded her head with
enthusiasm before taking a long drink. She set the glass down on the granite countertop
and gave a soft sigh of contentment. “I totally feel you with the grape obsession.”
“A fellow graper! I’ve finally found someone who shares a love of the more
neglected member of the juice family.” He raised his glass in the air and waited until she
lifted hers before giving it a playful toast. “Here’s to all the Grapers!”
Katherine smiled at him over the rim of her glass. “You really think it’s
neglected?”
“Sure. What do most people think of when they think of juice? Orange and apple.
Even cranberry and prune. But rarely is grape on the top of anyone’s juice list.”
“Even you did it.”
Azer paused with the glass halfway up to his mouth. “Did what?”
Watching the lines of his throat contract as he drank, Katherine was hard pressed
to remember what she was talking about. “When you were calling the juices out you put
grape at the end.”
A coy smile teased. “Ah, but that was a test.”
“A test? What kind?”
“One to determine if you were a Graper.” Azer set his glass down. “See, if you
were an orange or apple girl, you’d give me a funny look if I mentioned grape first. It’d
be one that said, ‘Why didn’t you mention it first? Moron.’ This way I’d save myself
possible embarrassment and you’d expose your juice colors.”
“Juice colors, huh?” She took another sip and held the cup aloft. “I take it I
passed.”
“With flying purple colors.”
Katherine enjoyed their silly banter and momentarily forgot her plans of
seduction. Instead, she relaxed in the company of someone who seemed sincerely nice,
for lack of a better word.
I can’t find a trace of real darkness within him. Azer truly seems to be a good
person. Compared to the specimens I’ve encountered over the years, he really is as
perfect as an angel.
Azer swallowed a large mouthful rather messily. “I’ll be back in a sec.” Strolling
over to the stove, he stirred the bubbling soup. Azer lifted out a spoonful and looked
over his shoulder. “Why don’t you come over here and taste it?”
“No, that’s okay. I bet it’s fine.”
He lowered his dark brows in mock ferocity. “I won’t bite you, I promise.”
But sometimes even angels want to darken their wings with sin. Come sin with
me, Precious.
“If you put it that way…” Katherine slid off the stool and approached him. She
tipped her head back and opened her mouth. Staring into his fathomless gaze, she
wondered if he was aware of her self-serving intentions.
Probably not.
With a somber note of pity, Katherine thought Azer to be like a poor sheep. One
all alone without his shepherdess and incredibly vulnerable to the silken jaws of a
wandering wolf.
What if he turns out to be the wolf?
The corners of her eyes deepened with manic mirth.
It’d be fun to see which one of us eats the other.
Katherine would be shocked to find out exactly how wrong she was. She assumed
Azer was ignorant of the all the subtle traps surrounding him. Not only was Azer aware,
he was laying a few of his own.
Peering into the shuttered windows of her soul, he knew Katherine’s misery and
unhappiness by name.
Everyday she drowns, praying that today will be the day the cycle stops. But it
never does.
Azer lifted the spoon to Katherine’s mouth. He watched as her rosy lips parted,
allowing him to give her a taste. There could have been any number of poisons in the
soup, any types of drugs designed to incapacitate a woman for devious purposes, but she
swallowed without hesitation.
And yet, Katherine knows that. Before she opened her mouth she smelled it,
instinctively looking for impurities.
“Is it fine?” As he smiled down into her delicate face, Azer knew if she had sniffed
any threat she would’ve swallowed regardless—that was how bad she wanted out.
“Mmm. It’s good.”
“Really? Does it need any salt or anything?”
She flirts with danger, betting on the odds that one day she’ll get to cash out.
Stupid girl. She’d only come back in an even worse condition.
“No. It’s perfect.” She remembered doing this often with Mikhail. A wistful smile
played around the corners of her pretty mouth before disappearing.
Sometimes I wish this could still be my life.
“That’s a good can you opened there, Azer. Hats off to you.”
“The chef accepts your compliment.” Going through the motions of preparing
grilled cheese sandwiches, Azer listened to the ebbing of her carefully guarded emotions.
“Katherine, could you pass me a butter knife?”
“Sure. Where do you keep them?”
“It’s in the last drawer on the right, the one closest to the pantry.” Azer heard the
jingle of silverware and mused on how long it would be before she dropped her guise of
playful purity.
It was already beyond tiring.
“Here you go.” Her slender fingers brushed against his for the smallest of
moments. Just touching him felt divine. What would it be like if their contact was less
casual and more intentional?
Katherine raised her head. Blood roared in her ears and lust raked claws down
her eager body. Her eyes shimmered, undulating hunger misting their exotic beauty.
The kitchen faded away into indistinguishable shades of gray as her entire world focused
on Azer.
She inhaled his scent. Her lids grew heavy. Delight softened her face. The time
was ripe for Katherine to brush against his body, making her eyes all sugary sweetness,
while sweeping lips lightly against his. In her gut, Katherine knew this was the perfect
moment to begin the selfish feast of assuagement.
The time was now.
Yet, the same instinct that shouted, “Go in for the kill,” whispered, “Don’t do this.
Don’t.”
Plop. Plop. Plop.
Outside she could hear the electric hum of a large neon light. The gigantic cobalt
words rhythmically proclaimed vacancies for rooms rented by the hour.
Plop. Plop. Plop.
Katherine’s mind was clear, although her chest fluttered with the biological need
for air. Distantly, she noted a dull ache throbbing somewhere below her right elbow.
Plop. Plop. Plop.
Katherine stared down at her arm. She watched in detached fascination as the
crimson liquid smoothly made its way from her forearm, over her bruised wrist, and
down her fingertips before splashing into a small pool on the scuffed linoleum floor.
Plop. Plop. Plop.
Lifting up her uninjured arm, Katherine carefully ran probing fingers over her
face. She winced when she encountered the puffy skin around her eyes.
It’s going to swell shut soon.
Katherine should’ve been horrified by what had happened. Instead she found
herself removed from everything—the pain, the brutality…the simplicity of it all.
Plop. Plop. Plop.
Turning around, Katherine slipped on her high-heeled shoes and picked up her
purse. She walked over the prone figure on the floor.
Damn this stupid instinct!
She paused at the door and stopped to look over her shoulder. Katherine peered
into the sickly shadows. She swore she heard someone call her name.
Don’t do this! Don’t!
The hushed voice reverberated throughout her soul. It forced the room to rush
back into a dizzying flood of colors, leaving Katherine dangerously disoriented. Under
the guise of leaning against the counter, she focused her being on his. Katherine probed
Azer, searching for the secrets behind his locked doors.
What was it about him that had her on edge?
It’s not the first time I shared the company of madmen, so that can’t be it. Or is
it? Is Azer the King of all Psychos?
Katherine’s mouth slashed a reckless smile.
There’s only one way to find out.
A barrage of humor, self-deprecation, and laughter met her eagerly. It gave
Katherine the picture of a man who was not afraid of joy, finding humor where it came.
Yet there’s more.
Studying the set of his strong jaw and ruffled hair, she sought an answer to the
shadow lurking about his mind.
What are you hiding from me? What is it that you don’t want the world to see?
Cross-dresser? Deviant? Perv? C’mon, Azer. Nobody is this nice. Where’s your kink?
Let me see your damage.
Katherine went to the drawer again and pulled out another butter knife before
coming back. Under the pretext of picking up several slices of soft white bread, she
reached across Azer and brushed her arm against his broad chest. A whole new world
unfurled, placing Katherine directly in the middle of a maelstrom.
Don’t lose yourself in him. Find a thread. Hands. I need to keep my hands busy.
I have to keep myself anchored in this kitchen. I don’t want to lose myself in his mind.
Katherine’s hands performed their necessary tasks, letting her senses swim safely
amidst Azer’s. The shadows lightened, falling to the wayside in a chaotic mixture of
granite mist and fleshy walls.
A man. A small, delicate, jewel of a woman.
Then she found it.
He’s abandoned. Banished. Who is she? His mother? A lover? Who?
Katherine rejoined their world in an instance. The images of language singed into
her mind. Flashing him a glance, she noted how well his face lied. While presenting a
mask of content merriment and solicitous manners, Azer was dying inside.
Unless they’re looking, no one would know.
Katherine placed the buttered slices in her hand on a large red plate sitting by the
stove. “Do we have enough?” She considered Azer’s immediate answer of, “Yes.” His
pleasant voice, familiar as it was, could no longer hide the traces of sadness. Walking to
the sink, she made quick work of washing the knife.
However, her mind kept returning to what she found.
Loneliness.
I know your truth and I wish I didn’t. My God, you’re so incredibly lonely.
Katherine chewed on her lip, fighting the compassion tugging at her conscience.
Despite the gentle laughter, cheerful disposition, and friendly nature, Azer was
unbelievably alone. In fact, the word itself couldn’t even begin to describe the utter
solitude swirling inside of him. She stared at the cold water rushing out and fought a
silent battle within herself.
Knowing this now, if I take him, I’m no better than the scumbag predators who
try to do the same thing to me.
Time stopped grudgingly in its eternal grind, giving Katherine precious moments
to determine what she should do.
I can’t take advantage of this. Not now. I may be a heartless bitch, but not about
stuff like this.
Yet, for all her surface nobility and passionately silent dialogue, Katherine
couldn’t banish the avarice tainting her principles.
When Azer touched me, I could FEEL him. I didn’t want him to stop. Even now, I
just want to see if it was real. Oh, fuck! What am I going to do now?
Katherine realized she’d been washing her hands for several minutes.
Idiot! He’ll probably think you have OCD.
She turned off the faucet and flicked the water droplets off her fingers. Before
Katherine could grab a couple of napkins, she heard Azer say, “Here.” Quickly looking
up, she noticed him waiting with a colorful dishtowel in hand. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” He turned away and his long-legged stride took him from one
end of the kitchen to the other.
Katherine stared down at her hands and revisited the darkest part of his soul.
You’re so alone. I’ve never felt anything like it. What made you suffer this? Was
it her?
Katherine set the towel down with a silent sigh. It was none of her business. Azer
chose to wear the mask he wore for a reason. It wasn’t her place to acknowledge its
existence. Besides, Katherine didn’t make it a point to share her misery with strangers.
It was only fair the rule applied both ways.
“Would you like me to help you with those? After all, I’m just sitting here waiting
to be fed.”
Cradling the crimson bowls and dinner plates in his arms, he shook his head.
“Thanks, I’ve got it.” Azer started setting the small bistro table when he looked up. “But
you can bring me a couple of spoons.”
“Sure.” Reaching the wide drawer, she slid the requested objects out of the plastic
caddy, before closing it with her hip. As Katherine strolled towards Azer, she kept her
expression friendly but her thoughts were anything but content.
The knowledge of what she had experienced refused to go away. A selfish rush of
irrational anger flooded her, giving way to pained frustration.
I don’t want to care about Azer or his loneliness. I don’t want to fucking know
about it! He got dumped by some pretty, little Asian girl—so what?
I got dumped too! Big deal!
We move on. When we can’t move on, we just pretend we did.
That’s why all I wanted was to have a little bit of fun, no more, no less.
Yet, no matter how brittle she wanted to be, the memory of Azer’s silent pain
wouldn’t leave. Dutifully picking up a couple of napkins along the way, Katherine
reached the table just in time to complete each setting.
What should I do? It’s bad enough that every time I do this I swear I’ll never do
it again. But, I know I’m just lying to myself. Only in this case, he seems different.
Better. Worth it.
At the sound of her approach, Azer raised his head, effectively freezing her in
mid-movement. The full force of his compelling emerald gaze slammed into Katherine.
Her breath caught in her throat and she stood trapped within a moment of mystical
proportions.
I don’t care about it. I really don’t.
The silky rumble of Azer’s words pounded with the force of a velvet fist. “Thank
you.”
Two words, only two words. Words which were so simple, so polite, so civilized,
and yet they captured her with uninvited grace.
I don’t want to think about what’s inside. I don’t!
She fought in vain to close off her mind, but all she could hear were the silent
screams of his barren pain. A burden of unbearable grief poured down over her heart,
forlornly reminding her of an anguish that echoed his.
The high-pitched whines of traffic barely registered in Katherine’s ears. They
were muffled and removed as she stood poised at the overpass edge. She tilted her
head back. The curly mass of unwashed hair brushed delicately against her waist, as if
hesitant to draw notice to their presence, but desperate to nonetheless.
Staring past the red haze of sky, Katherine focused her blurry sight on a
scattering of tiny stars. She tried to remember why she wanted to see them in the first
place.
“Oh yeah…their light.”
It was said that because a star’s brilliance took thousands of years to reach
Earth, each glimpse should be humbly accepted as the rare gift it is.
“Like life…”
Just when Katherine thought it impossible to cry anymore, fresh tears overfilled
the banks of her horribly swollen and bloodshot eyes.
“Like life…”
Katherine teetered closer towards the last leap. She raised her arms as a sad
offering to the world. Teary-eyed, Katherine looked down. The speeding metal and
laser-red lights began to rearrange themselves in her tormented eyes. It looked much
like a river for the wicked.
“Faaalll. Faaalll. Faaalll…we won’t let you drown alone. Not when there are so
many damned souls here waiting. Faaalll. Faaalll. Faaaaalllll!”
“Okay.”
She raised her tormented gaze upwards and searched for the stars again. Once
finding them, she closed her eyes. Katherine wanted their pure light to be the last thing
she saw. Her tears mimicked the metal waterway below, while her breath quickened,
knowing this was to be it.
“Katherine.”
Katherine ripped her gaze from Azer’s. She felt the air come back to fulfill its
ordained function.
“Thank you for helping me, Katherine.”
“No need to offer me thanks,” she gasped. She coughed once. “It’s the least I can
do.” Katherine’s words felt mechanical even as they reeked of casual enthusiasm and
harmless flirtatiousness.
There’s definitely something wrong with how I react to this man. I get lost in his
eyes. I get lost in him too easily.
Katherine’s mouth tightened with self-destruction.
But so what? I haven’t been this interested in my prey for a really long time. So
just go back to lust. That’s all that really matters anyway.
“You’re not catching a cold, are you?”
Katherine laid a hand on his arm. “It’s sweet, but you don’t have to keep worrying
about me, Azer. Really. I’m fine. I just got a tickle in my throat. That’s all.”
“I can’t help it, Katherine. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”
“The only thing bad that can happen to me is you.” She tightened her fingers
before releasing him. “And that’s not going to happen, is it Azer?”
“No. Never.”
“Of course it isn’t. After all, you were quite busy today on my behalf. And to top it
off, you’re going to feed me…but maybe you’re just fattening me up.” Katherine blew a
kiss at him. “Are you, Azer? Are you fattening me up just so you can…eat me?”
Azer pulled out a chair. He waited until Katherine was seated, before leaning
down to whisper in her small ear. “That would make me a very bad person. You know
I’m not.”
“I don’t know anything about you.” Katherine leaned back against him and
reveled in the shivers racing along her spine. “And that’s the way I like it.”
Azer’s laugh held a delectable note of nervousness. “So maybe I’m just doing all
this so you can repay me.”
“Really? And in what way?”
Unbeknownst to her, Azer reached out, elegant hand hovering above her crown.
An indescribable current of bitter desire shocked his body into rigid silence.
I want her so badly! After all the years, all the waiting! It’s what we deserve!
He forced his mouth to utter the useless words. “Hmm. I wonder? Maybe I’ll ask
you to clear the table.”
“That’d be fair.”
“Or what about doing the dishes?” Staring at the rounded line of her jaw, he
waited for her answer impatiently.
A small moue touched Katherine’s rosy lips. “It’s still in the realm of fairness.”
Azer could feel his mouth wanting to come closer, yearning to taste her skin’s
perfect beauty.
It’s been so long. Too long.
“Or maybe something else.”
“Something else?”
The watchful speculation hiding behind Katherine’s words alerted him.
It’s too early in our match.
Azer commanded his body to pull away.
For now.
Relaxing his face into its previous mask of friendliness, he forced his attention
towards being a proper host. “I’ve made up my mind.”
“Really?”
He centered the small pot of soup and ladle on the table. “You’re going to repay
my Samaritan virtue by telling me all about yourself.”
Katherine chuckled. “There’s not much to tell. We’d probably be better off talking
about you,” she warned as he walked by.
“Oh, I already know all about me. That’s why I want to know about you.”
Propping her elbows up, Katherine rested her chin on both palms. “Is this part of
the Charm and Badger campaign?”
Azer carried an oversized plate of grilled-cheese sandwiches in his hand. Waiting
until he reached the table, he nodded his head without shame. “Yep. The first phase has
already commenced. Phase Two will begin as soon as you start eating.”
Katherine’s mouth watered with stereotypical glee. “I can never get mine that
golden color. It either cooks too pale or too black.”
A tiny smirk flitted about his mouth as he folded his well-built frame into the
small chair. “The secret is in the butter and the love.”
She held out her hand and looked pointedly at Azer’s bowl. Katherine waited for
comprehension to dawn on him to pass it to her. “Love? I love to eat, but I don’t think
that’s what you mean, is it?” She ladled a generous helping of chicken noodle into the
crimson stoneware. Holding out the large bowl with both hands, Katherine awaited his
answer.
“No, it isn’t.” Azer elaborated while taking the soup. “What I’m talking about is
love. All interactions require a depth of emotion. The amount, or lack thereof, reflects in
the quality of interaction. To put it simply—your food feels your love. If you throw a
meal together, impatiently waiting for it to become edible, it will become just that—
edible. But if you shower your food with patience and love, it becomes a divine
intervention from the gods.”
Katherine tried to maintain a straight face in light of his impassioned speech. She
succeeded until Azer winked. Erupting in peals of honest laughter, she gasped, “It’s not
that I don’t get what you mean…I do…but to think that my potatoes refuse to cook
properly because I don’t…show…them the correct amount of…love!”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Azer gestured to her bowl and waited for her
stifled giggles to pass. “Perhaps a bit dramatic, but the result is the same. In order to get
what you want, at times you have to employ tactics that seem bizarre.” Dipping the ladle
into the pot, Azer soon had the large bowl filled to the top.
“Bizarre…hmm.” Katherine reached for it and set it back down on the table,
careful not to spill even one drop. Leaning over, she inhaled and let out a contented sigh.
“I think you’re definitely onto something. I swear I have the same brand at home, but
my soup never smells like this.”
“How do you cook it?” Azer asked while passing her a sandwich.
“Microwave.”
“There’s your problem.”
Katherine bobbed her head and agreed. “You’re right. Next time I make some I’ll
give it love, patience, and the kiss of flame.”
Azer smiled in perfect coordination for his part. However, his thoughts visited the
darkness of his ambition.
Enough with the pleasantries! My patience is already stretched thin! We’re
speaking without meaning. None of this necessary. It’s a waste of time.
Pushing back his chair, Azer answered her unspoken question. “I forgot the
juice.”
Katherine leaned back against her chair and lifted her arms in a long stretch.
“After all our talk we definitely can’t leave the grapes out of this.”
I’m already used to you. I’ve yet to get sick of you, Azer. You’re a dangerous
one—that you are.
“Exactly.” Azer picked up their abandoned glasses and relished the feelings of
stepping up their interactions a notch.
You’re right. I am dangerous. But you’re still not quite ready yet. But soon you
will be. Very soon.
Setting the cups down on the small table, he turned back towards the refrigerator,
ever conscious of Katherine’s speculative perusal. Lifting out the grape juice, Azer came
back to her, fighting to control his primitive instincts as his eyes covertly covered each
inch of her, inside and out.
You still want me, but now you’re not so sure if you should. You saw what I
wouldn’t hide and it makes you pity me. But I don’t want your pity. I want you.
Even before watching her grace his bed this afternoon, the scent of her familiar
soul intoxicated him. Her darkness was all the sweeter because of the forgotten light
inside.
I’ve waited so long for you, Precious. So long.
Uncapping the heavy, plastic bottle, he refilled her drink before filling his,
confident that in her eyes he was the prey and not the predator.
Foolish girl.
In spite of her extraordinary abilities, what Katherine didn’t know and hopefully
wouldn’t find out was the true nature of their interaction went far beyond momentary
lust and misery.
Let her play games with me. I have the time if not the patience. But before the
end of the night we’ll see who’s more of a threat: you, Fate, or me.
Returning to the table, Azer began to eat. He mimicked the procedures of a man
who needed sustenance and enjoyed the actions dictated by biology. However, every
pore of his sensitized being was centered on the delightfully despondent creature across
from him.
Are you sad? I don’t think I need to tell you that you deserve to be. But unlike the
others, I’ll forgive you.
Sweeping a measured glance over Katherine’s preoccupied figure, he once more
rejoiced in her presence. For all her numerous flaws, she was a lovely sight to
behold…inside and out. Reaching across the small table, his fingers brushed against
hers. Azer felt the ache in his heart twist viciously.
I won’t be satisfied until you give into the pain, until you succumb to it. I won’t
be satisfied until you rectify the wrong done to me and I won’t be satisfied until I
rectify the wrong done to us.
She looked up. A conflicted fire sparked to life. Azer flashed a soothing smile and
was rewarded with a small one in return. He continued to play his assigned role.
“Would you like some more soup?”
“Yes, please.”
Kind, attentive, and weak enough to be my bitch. I may just have to keep you,
Azer.
Catching her speculative stare, he smiled brilliantly.
Weak, Precious? Maybe. Keep me, but it’s too late because I’ve already decided
to keep you first. I’ll play along and be your little bitch. You won’t know what this is
about until it’s too late.
If you even find out at all.
A tiny frown flitted across her face as Katherine looked away, unnerved by the
forbidden yearning for more. Consumed with her own troubled thoughts, she never saw
how eerily it echoed the one across the table.
CHAPTER FOUR
“The Pleasures of Hell”
Joy cannot befriend me.
Only Regret and Misery know my name.
Yet, its light never completely leaves my shadow.
Staring drowsily at the lazy fire, Katherine gave a pleased sigh. Soup and
sandwiches. Although simple, it was absolutely the best dinner she had in years.
Running water murmured in the background, creating a calming atmosphere of peace.
Closing her eyes, she grinned as her thoughts drifted towards a particular charming
host.
Katherine had offered to do the dishes in return for her sated stomach, but Azer
would have none of it. With a gentle nudge towards the cavernous living area, he had
insisted on cleaning up alone, suggesting perhaps she could nap until he was done.
Nap. Like she was a baby.
A sleepy yawn escaped her, tempting Katherine to draw her legs and rest her
head on the buttery soft leather cushion. Casting a glance towards the kitchen, she could
hear Azer humming, his voice delightfully off-key. She settled a rounded cheek on her
small hand.
Maybe I’m a little tired. I’ll sleep just for a bit. I’ll wake up when he comes back.
Within minutes, the sounds of domestic duty and flickering flames faded away, as
she fell hard under the grasp of sleep.
A newborn baby wailed in the distance, its high-pitched cries heartbreaking and
desperate. The small apartment was stained with shades of blue and gray, giving it a
freakishly surreal quality. Katherine paced the cramped living area. She constantly
looked over her shoulder towards the baby’s room.
She wanted to go to him but she was afraid. She was afraid once she held him
she would never let him go. She was terrified of how her paralyzed life would change.
She was violently sick to her stomach with the thought that she would have to be
responsible for the happiness and well being of another soul.
Especially when she could barely keep herself together.
The baby’s cries grew increasingly louder. The frenzy of his frustrations caused
him to choke in fury.
Katherine did nothing to calm him out of her own selfish fear.
Her bare feet began to feel icy, the toes cramping with numbing discomfort. The
white gown she wore swirled angrily about her cold legs, while her steps grew faster
and faster.
And still the baby cried. The screams tore from his throat high and plaintive,
wordlessly begging for her to pick him up, to take care of him, to love him.
The room’s temperature dropped dramatically until Katherine could see wisps
of frost drift from her chattering mouth. Crossing chilled arms about her, she clutched
her plump waist tightly.
I’m so cold. If I’m this cold, he must be freezing! What if he kicked off his
blanket?
No, what was she thinking? She could not do this.
Everything is going to change. Everything.
Although she repeated the mantra over and over again, it still wasn’t strong
enough to drown out the baby’s howls of need. Finally, when she couldn’t take the pain
his cries caused, did she make her decision.
She ran to the small bedroom—only to find it empty and deathly silent.
Dumbfounded, she looked at the stark white space, not understanding how the
baby was gone. Then she remembered.
She never had her baby.
Katherine’s eyes flew open. Her lungs dragged in searing gulps of air.
“Oh, Jesus!”
Although the nightmare hadn’t tormented her for months, the bitter emotions it
spawned were as sharp as ever. She turned on her side. Her eyes filled with tears as she
relived the sound of the baby’s cries. Misery dug venomous talons into her chest, while
the familiar ache left an ugly stain in her heart.
“Oh, God. Oh…damnit!”
The room’s cozy warmth could do nothing to thaw the emptiness in Katherine’s
soul or the loneliness she existed with daily. This was why she didn’t want to know about
Azer’s private anguish—it brought her own to macabre life. Clamping her bloodless lips
shut, she struggled to find composure.
I can’t cry. I won’t. I won’t. I won’t. I WON’T CRY.
With knees drawn up, she crossed her arms across her heart. Katherine tightened
every limb in a failing effort to numb the sorrow inside.
It won’t ever get better. The pain, the guilt, it just keeps growing. One day it has
to consume me, burn everything, until I’m just gone. So why isn’t that day today?
She concentrated on taking steady breaths and waited for the grief to recede into
a manageable state of distance. A haunting image of the unknown infant rose like an
accusatory specter in Katherine’s mind. She clenched her eyes shut, trying to banish the
image from sight.
I can’t deal with this right now. Not while I’m away from home. Not when
someone else could come across it.
When she was alone in her own surroundings, she could dwell on memories that
were as much a part of her life as if they had grown flesh and blood. But not now.
Staring up at the timbered ceiling, Katherine summoned her careless façade. Her face
relaxed, lips forming their customary dangerous pout. She rolled over to her back.
The soft sounds of breathing filled her ears.
Disturbed, she realized the room’s warmth was due mostly in part to the
comfortable lap beneath her head. Shoving herself up, she stared at Azer in equal parts
embarrassment and panic. Beneath his steady emerald stare, her cheeks flushed into a
ripe, red hue. She wanted nothing more than to sink into the couch and disappear. Her
pain was her own and no one had the right to see it.
Especially men who bore an uncanny resemblance to the bastard who started it.
“You’ve been sleeping for a good two hours. When you got restless about halfway
through I couldn’t wake you so—”
“You put my head on your lap. I get it.” As she watched his hand advance,
Katherine’s limbs quivered.
Did I say anything out loud?
Azer’s expression became contrite. His fingers skittered across hers. “I’m sorry. I
wasn’t trying to take advantage of you.”
It took every ounce of self-discipline she possessed to keep from whipping her
arm away. Hours ago, Katherine would have reveled in the sensations his touch
produced, but now all she wanted was to shut down.
Only when the walls surrounding her heart returned, would she be able to
stomach the disgusting manner of her existence.
I’m going to blow it. I have to get control of myself.
“I’m sorry.”
Staring down at the picture their fingers made, Katherine heard the selfconscious remorse in his voice.
He’s flipping out as bad as I am. I knew it. I knew he was weak.
She squeezed his large hand. “Don’t worry about it, Azer. I guess I was just
disoriented when I woke up, that’s all. I have a bad habit of waking up in strange places.
It’s not your problem—just mine.”
Azer’s sharp eyes noticed an involuntary shiver race through her body. He
released their tentative clasp. “Are you cold?”
Katherine began to shake her head and stopped. She rubbed her arms briskly. “I
think I am.”
Sometimes it feels like I’ll be cold forever.
“Hold on then. I’ll be back.” Azer stood up and crossed the room towards the
fireplace. Reaching a pair of armchairs, he plucked a sienna-colored blanket and
brought it back, his expression warm yet worried. “Here you go. This should keep the
chill away.”
“Thank you, Azer.”
“You’re very welcome.” Tucking the thick fleece over Katherine’s lap, he again sat
next to her.
The space separating the two was still a respectable one, but she was acutely
aware of the shift. Azer was far too close.
What am I supposed to do with you?
She should’ve experienced the sweet thrill of initial triumph, yet the emotions the
nightmare spawned refused to dissipate into the reality of night.
Goddamn it, Mikhail! Why did I let you make me this monster?
“The moment I saw you I knew you were the one.”
Dizzy from the excitement of the day, she lifted his hand up and kissed it.
Katherine rubbed her cheek against his knuckles.
“I love you more than anything in the world!”
Mikhail smiled down into her exuberant face. “But you’re so young—are you
sure that you do?”
A pout of disbelief twisted Katherine’s lips.
“How can you even ask me that? I know my heart, Mikhail DeMontier. I’ve
never loved before and I know I’ll never be able to love again. You’re it for me.”
Lifting her in his arms easily, he murmured against her lips, “Will you belong to
me forever?”
Katherine blinked back evidence of her suffering. Her shoulders slumped beneath
the weight of the past. No matter what she did in life, no matter how she lived each day,
nothing could change the obsession rotting in her heart. Nothing she did mattered
because in the end, she still came back to the same trough.
I could meet a saint, but it still wouldn’t keep me from visiting my filthy past—so
why bother looking for one?
“Are you warmer or should I get you another blanket?”
I’m never going to be warm.
Automatically turning towards him, she bowed her pale lips in an empty smile.
“The only thing that could make me warmer is you. Are you offering?”
Azer’s tongued mimicked a knot.
Katherine laughed out loud. “I’ll take that as a no.” Arranging the blanket in
secure folds, she drew her legs up and stared at the fire. “Just give me a little bit of time
to wake up and I’ll go from annoying tease to something better.”
Azer let out a nondescript murmur while studying the emotional shift racking her
conscience.
She’s pulling away from me.
Observing the sluggish blaze, understanding streaked across his face. Uncoiling
his deceptive form, he added more wood to the dying fire. He watched in satisfaction as
the hungry flames awoke and licked away at the enormous logs.
I was sloppy to let it settle down so low. That’s the last time that will happen.
Minutes passed while Katherine stared into the hypnotic blaze. She listened to
Azer tend the growing fire.
I can’t keep going on like this.
A tremor of disgust flayed her pride for losing so much self-control. She had no
business dwelling in the past because it served no useful purpose. Katherine’s predatory
gaze shifted slowly to the man in black adding another heavy log to the fire. She stood
up.
I’ll never find a saint and I’ll never be one. So why deny myself the pleasures
that come with Hell?
She let the blanket slither across the warm wooden floor. Katherine kept her
determined sight trained on Azer. She was supremely confident she’d have him tonight.
I’ve let myself forget what I want. I just need to think about how I want to stay
here and taste this gentle man.
Conscious of her steady approach, a beautiful smile graced Azer’s lips. Elation
sped through his being and seared deep within his breast.
She’s ready.
Rising to his full height, he placed the iron poker in his hand back in its metal
holder. Azer turned around to face her. Forcing the hunger to recede, he called forth the
quiet passiveness she wanted to see.
She needs me to be a kind man. I can do that. I’ll be whatever she needs because
tonight I’ll free us both from Hell.
Dropping the blanket by her feet, Katherine summoned the dark sensuality of her
ancient instincts.
I suffered your loneliness, Azer. If you let me, I’ll free you from it tonight.
Staring at his mouth, she wanted to crush her lips to his and taste everything that
made him unique.
Instead, when she approached him, Katherine wrapped her arms around his lean
waist and hugged him. She inhaled deeply. The enthralling scent that had been haunting
her last hours entered her body.
Azer shifted. His arms slid over her back until his head rested against hers.
You’re mine now, Precious. I won’t let you go.
She nuzzled her cheek against his chest. “I really appreciate everything you’ve
done for me. I haven’t been the best of guests and I’d like to change that.” She heard his
voice as a pleasant rumble beneath her ear.
“This is thanks enough, Katherine. Besides, your being here gave me a reason to
set the table for two.”
Katherine kissed the black linen covering his heart. “I want to thank you some
more.” Pulling back, she linked her hands with his. “I really like your home.”
A delighted expression transformed his face, making his allure border
enchantment. “Thank you. I haven’t done much as far as decorating, but I guess it keeps
my To-Do list full.”
“About how long have you lived here?” The fire’s heat reached out teasingly,
warming her legs and coercing Katherine to shift closer to him.
“Several years.”
“Do you live alone?” There. The question was out in the open. Surely he would
understand what she wanted now.
Azer looked down. A lock of hair fell over his beautifully pale forehead. “Yes.”
“Do you know why I’m asking?”
Azer swallowed once. “I think so.”
“You only think?” Katherine arched her feet. Her full lips brushed against his.
“You’re not sure?”
“Katherine…”
“Ssh.” She kissed his lower lip gently. “You’ve saved me, took me home, and fed
me. Do you know what that means?” Katherine sucked the firm flesh into her mouth,
laving it with her tongue. “It means I could be a very, very nice doggy for you, Azer.”
Air rushed into his lungs. He moaned what could’ve been her name.
A spark of feminine triumph flitted across Katherine’s lovely face. “Let me show
you.” Without further warning, she sank her teeth into his lip.
He’s so shy, so unsure and I adore it. Unlike Mikhail, who was always so smug
and cocky.
Azer’s hands tightened. He pulled away violently and Katherine’s teeth scraped
his lip raw.
“What’s wrong?” She stumbled to an inelegant halt. Banked anger smoldered in
Azer’s gaze, as if he knew her mind had wandered elsewhere.
Impossible. He couldn’t have known I was thinking about someone else, could
he?
A drop of blood beaded on his lip, consuming her conflicted attention. “I hurt
you…”
“You did.” Azer’s voice stayed flat and accusatory.
“Look, I got too rough. Sorry.” She turned away, intent on putting distance
between them when Azer snagged her arm.
“Don’t think to use me for someone else, Katherine,” he hissed. “Not anymore,
not ever.”
“Let go of me.” Her tone took on dangerous glacial currents.
Azer obeyed. However, his fiery stare clashed with hers. “I heard you sigh a name.
One not mine.”
“I didn’t.”
“You did.”
Was I really that sloppy?
Katherine’s cheeks grew hot beneath his adamant gaze. She cleared her throat
once. “I’m sorry. I don’t remember doing that, but if you said I did—well, I did.”
Azer’s shoulders became liquid. He shook his head in tired motions. “I’m sorry I
grabbed you. I shouldn’t have. Who you think of…it’s not my place to judge.”
I almost destroyed my one chance for freedom. I can’t lose her to my jealousy.
She reached up. Her fingertip grazed his mouth, smearing it crimson. “No, it’s
not.” Katherine stared at the red digit. She sucked it into her mouth.
Azer stiffened. Whether in disgust, shock, or arousal, Katherine didn’t know. Nor
did she care. Recklessness hit her veins at the taste of Azer’s blood.
“It’s not your place to judge me. But it is your right to let me know when I’ve
broken the rules to our game.”
“I’m not playing.”
A wolfish grin slid across her face. “Of course you are. I’ve broken the rules and so
it is your right to punish me. How do you want to punish me, Azer?” When he remained
silent, she slid up to him. “No one who gets that angry this quickly can be as sweet as
you’ve been acting. Show me who you are, Azer. Show me what you can be.”
Indecision darkened his eyes.
Katherine nuzzled his throat. “Do you want me to beg? I beg very nicely, Azer.”
Her agile tongue flicked across the pale flesh exposed by his unbuttoned collar. “Please
punish me, Azer. Please…”
He cupped the back of her head. “You like to play with fire, don’t you,
Katherine?”
“Always.”
“And when it burns?”
“I say let it consume me.”
Azer’s laugh mirrored Katherine’s fanatic gaze. “Then I’ll consume you, Precious.
Ashes and all.” He tightened his grip, letting his fingers slide along her braid. “But
first…”
“Yes?”
“I want to consume something else.”
“What?”
“Your past.”
Katherine’s smile froze. “My past.”
Azer leaned down and kissed her mouth gently. “Tell me who you are.” He
released her hair. Glancing at the fireplace, he pointed at the cozy grouping of chairs.
“Can you sit with me there?”
“Okay.” She trembled with the aftershocks of interrupted desire. “I take it this is
my punishment.”
Keeping her small hand within his, Azer seated Katherine first. He kissed the
back of her hand. “Absolutely.”
Settling into the chair, she felt the worn creases in the leather, attesting to many
years of constant use. Katherine looked down and saw a tiny, frayed rug gracing the
space between them. Although faded, she noted how vivid the jewel-toned colors once
were.
“Do you like it?”
“Yes.”
“It was given to me by a friend. A very good one.” Azer rested his chin on an
elegant palm. “I can’t bear to get rid of it, even though it’s practically a rag.”
“I don’t think it is.” Katherine caressed the strong profile of his face with her
warm gaze.
I don’t really care about your damned rug. I just want to look at you.
Laughter stroked the inside of her throat with teasing fingers.
And I’m just being like a man—pretending that I’m hearing everything you’re
saying when all I’m really thinking about is what’s between your legs.
He broke the companionable silence with a simple question. “How old are you?”
“Twenty-four. How old are you?”
“How old do you think I look?”
Peering closely, she replied, “Hmm, maybe thirty-five.”
“On the low end of thirty-five or the high end?”
“The low end, you vain man.”
Azer shared in her laughter as he shifted in his chair. He intimately turned his
legs towards her. “What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a bartender.”
“Really? What’s your favorite drink?”
“Believe it or not, Azer, I don’t drink. Strange, huh?”
“Actually no. If I worked in an ice cream shop, I probably wouldn’t eat the stuff
either.”
“It’s kind of like that.” Katherine tilted her chin. Morose thoughts intruded their
delightful company.
I already have too many knocks against me as it is. Don’t want to add to it by
being a pitiful drunk.
Staring at him from across the table, Katherine felt the wretched fear dig its
noxious claws even deeper. Ever since Mikhail returned from his trip several days ago,
he’d been distant. She had wanted to go, but he had insisted she’d be bored and besides,
she wanted to finish decorating their apartment, did she not?
So she had stayed behind.
Katherine knew he wasn’t being completely honest with her, but she was
unwilling to push him with her questions.
Katherine tried to sift through Mikhail’s emotions, but failed for the first time.
Unable to mask the wounded expression in her eyes, she stared down at her hands.
There could be no other answer. Mikhail was purposely locking her out.
She looked up at him with pained confusion.
What’s wrong? How can I help you?
Noticing Katherine’s silent perusal, he shook himself from the troubles in his
mind. A shadow crossed Mikhail’s face and the utter hopelessness she saw frightened
her. His voice, when it came, was stiff with suppressed grief.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
Tearing her mind away from filthy humiliation, Katherine reciprocated his earlier
question.
“What do you do?”
“Actually nothing. Or maybe a little bit of everything.”
“Nothing and everything. How do you manage?”
“I guess you can call it the luckiness of fate.”
“Well, I should try it out.” She looked around the cavernous room for emphasis.
“It seems like it pays well.”
Azer laughed. “That’s part of my luck—I don’t have to worry about money.”
Is that why you’re so lonely? You have all this wealth and no one to share it
with?
Katherine had wondered why a man who lived all alone in such isolation didn’t
appear more rugged. Now she knew. Glancing at his unmarred, pale hands, she didn’t
see the roughness that came from working outdoors in extreme climates. Instead, his
hands looked wonderfully smooth, the graceful fingers long and tapered.
“Congratulations, Azer. You’re a lucky man in that regards.”
“Oh, I don’t know if I’d call myself lucky.”
Reflecting on his accent, she wondered where in Europe he was from. Azer didn’t
sound French, nor did he sound German. Maybe somewhere further east? Her mind
immediately skirted around the one area of Eastern Europe she knew by proxy.
“You’ve never seen forests so vast, Katherine. You could run for miles and not
see a soul. And the air is so pure it actually hurts! But the sky—you’ve never seen stars
shine until you’ve seen them there.”
Resting her head on his shoulder, she murmured, “You really love it, don’t you?”
A tremor of sadness crossed his being, alerting her to the melancholy hovering
around the edges. Several moments of heavy silence passed before Mikhail answered
softly, “I do.”
Katherine heard the cry of a howling wolf in the distance. The primal music
haunted the air with its sheer expression of emotion. Her stomach trembled.
Temptation beckoned Katherine to go into the night and see if she could catch of a
glimpse of the solitary composer. Shifting her gaze towards the fireplace, she prayed for
the wildness to recede. Katherine hated she even felt the call in the first place.
It doesn’t matter anymore, if it ever did.
Glancing over at Azer, she wondered if he noticed her pauses. “What would you
normally do at this time—if I hadn’t come along?”
A small smile graced Azer. He looked back to her and answered with one word.
“This.”
She cocked her head to the side in confusion. “This? You mean you’d just sit
here?”
“Maybe with a book, but yes I’d be sitting here.”
A frown of disbelief marred Katherine’s delicate features. “And you live here all
year long.”
Azer decided to turn the tables. “What would you be doing at this time, if you
hadn’t had the accident?”
She pondered the question for a moment before answering sheepishly, “Probably
sitting in front of a fireplace, maybe with a book.”
“Ah. So we’d be doing the same thing.”
“Yeah. Probably.”
Azer extended his hand across the small distance, beckoning her to take it.
The potent sight lured her, seductive in its simple yet eloquent gesture. She
reached for him without hesitation. “Are you done consuming my stats?”
“Not even close.”
“Ah,” she groaned in mock pain. “So this truly is my punishment.”
Azer squeezed her hand. “I’m glad you’re here,” he admitted, choosing not to
simplify his emotions through lust-filled games.
A slow burn washed over Katherine, having everything to do with desire—only
not the kind between her legs. “There’s no place I’d rather be,” she answered truthfully.
“No one I’d rather know.”
Azer caught the edge of his lip with a dull canine and a pleased expression danced
in his eyes. Though he cleared his throat and looked away, his hand squeezed hers.
“Azer?”
“Yes?”
She shifted closer to him. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No! You didn’t…it’s just that I’m…”
I’m just dying to devour you and I can’t let you know.
“What?”
“Well…I’m not used to…this.”
Shifting her hand until her thumb was free, Katherine stroked his wrist. “Neither
am I.” Deliberately she touched him, forcing the link between them to grow stronger.
Let me take some of your pain. It’ll make everything so much sweeter.
Katherine caressed his wrist again. She sighed and leaned her head back against
the chair. Skimming through his emotions, the familiar specters of laughter, sadness,
and loneliness rose to meet her. They floated about in a melancholic display of routine.
All too quickly, Katherine found two others, smaller yet gaining substance.
Hope and rage.
She dismissed the first and latched onto the second.
Asphyxiating rage undulated beneath Azer’s civilized veneer like a toxin. Invisible
but debilitating, it promised retribution and eternal punishment.
Fear tried to take Katherine by the throat.
She merely smiled.
Rubbing her thumb across the back of his hand, Katherine waited until she drew
his lying gaze back to hers again.
“Why did you choose to live all the way out here?”
The tiniest of sighs passed his lips. Azer noted the fire’s reckless light from before
had settled itself once more into a lazy, sluggish burn. Fury scraped his psyche.
She wants to know why. As if she can undo what she fucking caused through
words alone.
Dangerously close to his bitter thoughts, Katherine nodded once. “Why does a
man like you live all the way out here? Alone.” She placed a special stress on the final
word, seeking to understand the reasons of his solitude. Katherine’s instinct promised
the two were intimately linked. “The only people you probably see are when you go into
town. Don’t you get lonely?”
Azer’s shell cracked. For Katherine to point out the festering wound lying on his
heart made him want to destroy something. The fire grew higher, hissing what his mind
wouldn’t.
“Sometimes we need our sanctuary. Mine happens to be here.”
“Sanctuary? As in a place to hide?” Katherine cocked her head to the side in
charming curiosity and awaited his answer.
Azer studied the sight of her fragile hand within his. He found it extremely telling
she would choose that particular meaning. Frustration and protectiveness deposited
bitter poison into his heart.
How long will you continue to hide in these stupid games, Katherine? You think
I’m psychotic and it thrills you. Not because you’re emotionally attracted to such
instability, but because you want to use it.
You want out and you think to sacrifice yourself for him.
Not me.
Idiot. The martyr never saved anyone, least of all herself.
Azer crossed his feet at the ankles before he spoke. “Maybe instead it’s a place to
find yourself. Haven’t you ever felt the need to just take off? To give yourself a break
from everything?” Observing her down-turned face, Azer could see Katherine’s mind
working to fit the pieces. This time his eyes slid shut in arrogant dismissal.
You’ll never understand what drives me, Precious. You want to know, but
knowing won’t do a damn thing. Even though you’re the one who made me like this.
Several seconds ticked by. “Yeah, I have. Today especially.” She dropped his hand
and stared into the fire. It blazed with new life, coaxing hers to mimic it. In turn,
Katherine willed herself to focus on Azer and all the vibrant emotions he stirred.
He has such a damaged soul. Just like me. I touch him and want to see how
much he’ll make me feel. How much I can make him feel. How far I can push him. But
then I feel and then I remember.
Perhaps it was the secrets in Azer’s dark emerald gaze reflecting hers. Perhaps it
was superficial perfection of his stunningly virile features.
No.
There was no perhaps because it all came back to one man.
Mikhail DeMontier.
“Katherine…I need to talk to you.”
Intent on setting the grocery bags on the floor, she missed the seriousness etched
into his expression. “Sure, hold on.” Katherine opened up the refrigerator door and
mentioned excitedly, “By the way, I need to talk to you too.”
Coming into the small kitchen, Mikhail ordered, “Now.”
She looked up in surprise. “What’s wrong?”
Reaching out with one hand, he formally led her to the living room. He waited
until she was seated while choosing to stand. “I lied.”
“What?”
“I can’t do this anymore.”
A knife of cold dread stabbed her in the heart, viciously taking her breath. “WWhat are you talking about?”
“This isn’t going to work. I should’ve never jumped into our relationship.”
Katherine sprang out of the chair. “Stop!” Her clenched fists drew blood.
Katherine used the pain to focus on something other than the ever-growing sliver of ice
consuming her soul.
He can’t be telling me this! No, I just heard wrong. He’s not like that. I just need
to get control over myself. He’ll clear it up. I know he will.
“What are you saying to me, Mikhail?” Katherine managed to rasp in a calm
voice.
An eternity of silence met her desperate question and slowly pulled the floor of
security from beneath her feet. A shimmer of tears misted her eyes, as the numbness
continued to spread throughout her body.
You can’t…you can’t…I love you…I know you love me too.
He closed his eyes.
“You’re beneath me.”
In that moment, Katherine fell into a black void where she no longer existed and
love was a faithless lie.
Katherine finally understood why she wanted to feel Azer, why she wanted to see
him.
No matter how many tears I’ve cried, it won’t take back what happened. And
that’s why I need this. That’s why I need to be here. I want his ugliness. I want his
hatred. It’s all I know.
Azer’s rage didn’t have the power to scare Katherine because it couldn’t possibly
be more repulsive than hers. Now all she wanted was to see how filthy they could be
together.
“What time is it?”
Her voice was soft, but an underlying note colored it completely to Azer’s liking.
Triumph punctured a hole through kindness.
That’s it, Precious, that’s it. Use me to punish him, use me to replace his face—
just like you do with each one. I won’t hold it against you anymore. Not if it gives me
what I want.
The act of glancing at his watch was merely that, but Azer went through the
motions anyway. “It’s 9:02.”
Katherine linked her hands together. “Do you keep late nights here or are you
normally in bed by now?” The images those words transpired sped through her body in
a sinful rush.
I wonder how you taste, Azer.
“It depends.”
“On what? On who you’re with?”
A crackle of emerald fire shot through his heavy-lidded eyes, too quick for her to
see.
It depends on you, Precious.
Azer shook his head and answered with a careless shrug. “No, nothing like that.
Sometimes I turn in early, other times I just stay up to watch the sun rise.”
“To see the sun or the stars?”
“Both.”
“Really?” A playful expression brightened her face, replacing verve with
innocence. “I’ve got an idea.”
Sensing Katherine’s mood had steered away from carnal ruin to something
sweeter, Azer managed to keep himself from snapping, “What?” Even so, the hunger
inside became a veritable beast, raging against a thwarted effort to cease being bound to
fairness.
I don’t want your purity. I want your self-destruction.
I want to be the last thing you see before the end. I want to be your breath, I
want to be your life, I want to be your past, present, and future. I want to be your
everything. I want you to pay for what you’ve done to me, and most of all—I want you
to finally be mine.
Not his. Mine.
Reaching out with one slim foot, she tapped his leg, completely stoking his
ominous ruminations. Katherine waited until his shadowed eyes settled on hers. “You’re
raging now.”
“No,” he denied unnecessarily. “I’m not.”
Katherine smiled with the serenity of complete certainty. “You can’t hide what
you feel from me, Azer. I know rage when I see it.”
“You’re looking for something that isn’t there.”
“Is that so?” She tilted her chin while continuing the rhythmic slide of her foot.
“You want something from me, don’t you? In fact, it’s not just want…it’s need.”
Azer blinked once and something primal broke free. “Yes.”
“Do you want me afraid of you?”
“Why would I ever want that?”
“That’s not an answer.”
“No.”
Katherine rubbed his shin with her toes. “I don’t believe you.”
His large hand reached down and stilled her foot. Azer knew she was digging
through his emotional core. The need to hide his true being slipped further away with
each stroke Katherine’s foot. “That’s not the only way to be with someone.”
She pursed her lips. “You trying to convince me or yourself?”
Azer stilled. “What would you know about it?”
Katherine giggled, practically flaunting her unnatural ability. “Maybe I’m psychic.
Maybe I can just tell these things. But listen—size doesn’t matter, Azer. Even the tiny
ones, the ones who seem to be the sweetest, the most docile, are the ones who end up
gutting you. Don’t ever underestimate a pretty face or anyone who says they love you
too. It’ll always go bad.”
“Just like the one who hurt you?”
Katherine let out a strangled laugh, heavy with self-mockery. “Exactly.”
“What did he do?”
“The same thing she did.”
Azer understood exactly whom Katherine was referring to, even though she had
no real clue of who and, furthermore, what was done. “I doubt it, Katherine.”
“Why? Because your betrayal was the worst to have ever happened? Pff! Get over
yourself.” She leaned forward. Crimson flames licked the edges of her gaze, casting them
in eerie beauty. “You haven’t suffered what millions of other people already haven’t,
Azer. She’s not worth it. No one is.”
Azer’s mind bristled against her nonchalant demeanor. “Your sympathy speech is
quite lacking.”
“It’s not sympathy, baby. It’s just how it is. The faster you get that, the easier life
is. Trust me.”
“So I should just hate everyone, even you, Katherine?”
She shrugged a shapely shoulder. “If it makes you happy.”
He looked down. Encircling her small ankle with his fingers, Azer asked in a
musing tone, “And if my hate extends to wanting to hurt you, should I just make myself
happy?”
Katherine’s stomach clenched, the mixture of apprehension and exhilaration
making it queasy. Swallowing once, she pasted on her most beguiling grin. “If you need
it.”
“What do you get out of it?”
The low question pulsed with ugly pity. “Pleasure. Didn’t you know, Azer? I’m
one of those masochist freaks. Pain makes me wet.”
“So I should just exorcise my demons on your willing body?” Azer dug his fingers
into her flesh until she winced. “Masochist? I don’t think so.”
“Then what would you call it?”
“I call it something far more disturbed.” Azer dropped her foot with a moue of
distaste. “Martyrdom.”
“So the martyr makes her appearance—sacrificing herself for the greater good.”
The longing in Katherine’s voice made Azer take notice. She stood up and straddled his
lap. Leaning forward, she flicked her tongue against his tight mouth. “So tell me—do you
want my sacrifice or not?”
Azer shuddered with terrible hunger. His hands settled on her lush hips. He
wanted to thrust against her badly. “Why are you like this?”
The agonized question sparked compassion within Katherine as she slid her
fingers through his hair. “Don’t try to understand something that already is. Just accept
that it isn’t as it was.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Neither do I.” Katherine stared down into his exquisite face. She brushed her
open mouth against his cheek. “Don’t turn me away for someone who should be dead to
you, Azer. Use me to kill her.”
With that morbid challenge, Katherine dug her fingers into the back of his head.
She yanked his hair, compelling him to submit. Her mouth forced his open, thrusting
her tongue deep inside. She heard her whimpered name as a dirty prayer. Lust clotted
the permanent scar that was Mikhail’s memory. Each pull of her lips stitched it closed,
knowing once desire crashed into ashes, the wound was bound to tear open again.
But it doesn’t matter now. Not when Azer tastes this good.
It was the first year after starting over. One year of misery. One year of
abandonment. One year of denial. New job. New acquaintances. New world.
Same Katherine.
Pain crawled over her in familiar patterns. She smiled, lips painted with mania.
“Hey.”
Katherine considered the man sitting in front of her. Hair owing more to
peroxide than nature, eyes like dirt, and a mouth like heaven. Something off.
Something queer. Something dangerous.
“Hey.”
“I, ah, noticed you, back here. You look like, I don’t know, maybe you can use
some company.”
Code words for licentious behavior. Katherine had heard them many times
before but something about his sparked her decaying interest.
“Okay.”
Hours later, maiden shyness destroyed by the vomit purge, Katherine lay
sprawled on her back. He rocked his hips, sawing through her, hand wrapped around
her throat. Obscenities oozed into Katherine’s ear, filling her with common crudities.
Bitch. Slut. Whore. Fucking this. Fucking that.
Katherine existed in silence, mind wiped clean. Ecstasy followed her, twisting
and turning around shortened breathing patterns. The idea of freedom had morphed
into a foreign thing, all the more beloved because of its strangeness.
She wondered if she was going to die.
Katherine smiled.
Azer’s arms wrapped against Katherine’s back, pulling her against him with
suffocating need. He scraped his teeth against hers, messy and reckless in the obsession
to devour Katherine whole.
Katherine began her familiar plunge into murky waters, but instead of drowning,
something else happened. Memories pulled while Azer tumbled her beneath the carnal
waves.
“You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone again.”
“Ah, Katherine…”
“I want to show you who I am.”
“You’re so beautiful…”
“I love you.”
“I’ve waited forever to hold you like this…”
“Will you belong to me forever?”
“I need you…”
What is happening? Why can I still hear Mikhail’s voice?
Katherine ripped her mouth away from Azer’s. Gracelessly pulling his hands from
under her sweater, she demanded, “Let’s go outside.”
“W-What?” Azer’s ragged breathing echoed hers.
“Outside. Let’s go.” She hopped off his lap. “That was my idea before,” she
gestured airily, “we got sidetracked.”
“Sidetracked? That’s what you call it now?”
Katherine smoothed her sweater down. Her rioting pulses made her want to
scream. “No. I call it being a tease, Azer.” Suddenly, she was sickened by the very idea of
letting Azer touch her. Nothing like this had happened since the first time seven years
before.
I need time to think.
“As romantic as it might seem, I don’t want to fuck you in front of the fire without
at least getting a bath first.”
“So why not do that instead?”
“Because I don’t want to.” A mean glint flashed in her eyes. It lay in disturbing
contrast against her siren smile. “It’s part of the pain, Azer. Let’s see how far we can
string it out.”
Azer bit the inside of his cheek. Murderous rage flared deep within. “All right. Let
me change okay?” He felt betrayed by her casual disregard of his private feelings.
This is the last time I let her read me. From now on, she sees only what I want
her to—nothing.
“Good boy. Now I just need to put my coat on.” Stopping in her tracks,
Katherine’s confidence waned as she was forced to ask, “Umm, do you know where it
is?”
Azer uncoiled his form with the tiniest whisper of fabric and leather. “Upstairs—”
“In the white room?”
“Yes.”
Damnit! That is where she would expect it.
Azer came forward to cup her elbow. “Let’s go up together, all right?”
“Fine.” She began to chatter gaily. “I know it sounds juvenile, but I haven’t had a
chance to play in the snow in forever. Maybe we’ll skip the bath and find nature much
more satisfying.”
Her nervous prattle fooled no one. Neither did his reply.
“Whatever you want, Katherine.” Azer made sure to shorten his lengthy stride to
match her much smaller one as they crossed the darkened space. However, his face
remained taut with suppressed emotion.
Katherine’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
What’s wrong with me?! Why did I pull away from him? Especially after I
wanted him so badly?
“I think it’ll be fun,” she murmured inanely.
By this point, Azer’s mind was far from their stilted conversation. As they
ascended the staircase, he resisted the urge to keep her downstairs. Each step up drove a
nail of apprehension through Azer. Walking her towards the room, he beat his wretched
fear into submission.
She has no desire to go. She wants to stay here, if anything, to prove she is
stronger than her recent weaknesses. She will not go.
“About how much time do you think you’ll need?”
In harsh contrast to his silent struggle, Azer’s voice was now thoughtful and
pleasant. “Probably no more than five minutes.”
Katherine noted Azer’s surface change with suspicion. “All right then.”
Opening the door, he scanned the interior, only resting when everything was as it
should be. “You can come over to my room when you’re ready,” he suggested as he
ushered Katherine in. “It’s the last door on this hall. Okay?”
“Sure. I’ll be there in a minute, so if you’re not decent then I will stare. Probably
won’t do anything but…”
Azer stroked her cheek with one finger and watched her lids drift with pleasure.
“Wear a hat. It gets ridiculously cold up here, especially at night.”
He’s scared. He’s more scared than I am. Good.
With a parting smile, Katherine walked into the stark white room, breezily
throwing, “Will do,” over her shoulder.
Azer waited.
I let it slip out. You know I’m terrified, but you won’t leave me, will you? You
can’t. Not after we’ve engaged in this battle for so long. Not when it can be done
tonight.
Sensing him, Katherine impishly looked over her shoulder. “Are you going to get
ready?”
He commanded a blush to spread across his face. “Sorry, I’m going.” Katherine’s
light laughter floated towards him, wrapping him with tendrils of virgin joy. Wary, but
powerless for the moment, he walked down the hall, impatient for her to come to him.
Don’t wait too long, Precious. I don’t think I can take it.
Hearing the fading echoes of his steps, Katherine found her shoes, sat down, and
slipped them on. Tying the laces tightly, she thought back on the fiasco with Azer. She
never backed down. Ever. Once she picked a victim, it was a done deal. Hours later
blood could be on the wall, vomit on the floor, and screams still echoing in her mind, but
she never once stopped until it was finished.
“Fuck.”
Padding to the window, Katherine pushed away the sheer curtains and peered
outside. She touched the glass panes. She felt the night’s terrible frigidness dig into her
sensitive skin. Keeping her connection with the cold, Katherine thought the landscape
looked as barren as she’d felt for the past seven years. Melancholy tugged at Katherine’s
heart again, before she pushed it firmly back into the corners of her mind.
Not now. It’s time to play. I will finish this.
Katherine turned away from the window and strode towards the door she
remembered as the closet. Opening it, she reached for the light switch and flicked it on.
Sure enough, her beige parka was draped neatly on one hanger. The cedar aroma
brought a pleased smile to her lips as she slipped on the heavy coat.
It’s funny how I didn’t remember seeing it before.
Katherine turned off the light, closed the door, and strolled into the bathroom.
Looking up, she saw a large skylight. Its size almost took over the entire ceiling. An
expression of wonder transformed her face, the usual tenseness gone in an instant.
“Oh, it’s so beautiful.” Hundreds of stars shone down, the nearly full moon
breathtaking in its natural cloak of nocturnal brilliance. Katherine felt as if her soul was
transformed—new and without flaw. A burst of sweetness flooded her heart, reminding
her of times when she welcomed hope and optimism.
First the sunset and now this. Am I truly this lame? Next thing I know I’ll be
writing poems dotted with badly drawn pictures of puppies and sad, little clowns.
It wasn’t too far beyond the realm of acceptance. After all, despite her golden
coloring, it was the moon that made Katherine’s body sing. The kinship she had could be
attributed to the primal side of her nature, but Katherine believed her wordless
reverence went farther.
Not that many people would understand it though. But he did…Mikhail did
because he needed it too. And on that note…
Katherine used the bathroom quickly. She was eager to be out in the night, to
play with as much abandoned glee as the child she never was. Before Katherine left the
room, she took a hurried glance in the mirror to make sure her hair was still contained.
What had Azer said?
That’s right. He told me to wear a hat.
Delving into her suitcase, she pulled an ivory cap out of a side pocket, along with
a pair of beige gloves. She skipped towards the door when she heard muted voices.
Narrowing her eyes in concentration, she stood still, poised with one hand on the knob.
A sharp pain stabbed the back of Katherine’s head. The room receded into shades of
gray, giving her the distinct impression she was going to faint.
What in the hell?
Struggling to make sense of the situation, she thought to go to Azer. But the pain
and voices abandoned her as quickly as they had come. Katherine looked over her
shoulder, expecting to see something otherworldly responsible for her situation.
Only familiar white walls and a bed shared her company.
There’s something wrong with this room. No surprise I don’t really care.
Katherine took a deep breath. Thoughts of stubborn stupidity scraped against her
instinct as she opened the door and walked into the hall. She thought of sharing the
unnatural experience with Azer before changing her mind.
I wouldn’t even know what to say.
Katherine stopped in front of the last door and knocked. A muffled, “Come in!”
greeted her. Turning the knob, she stepped in and gazed with wonder at the exquisite
sight that met her eyes.
“Whether or not you get naked, Azer, I’m sleeping here tonight!”
“Whatever you want, Katherine.”
This time it was obvious to them both that he meant it.
“Thank you for your kindness, Sir.” Katherine’s eyes were drawn towards the
colossal bed dominating the center. Its form eloquently spoke of massive posts, each
bearing intricate carvings in the rich and dark mahogany. The linens covering the
tempting space were a wonderful mix of deep burnt ambers, fiery crimsons, and
mysterious purples, all richly trimmed in gold thread.
I bet five people could sleep side-by-side and still have enough room.
Katherine realized Azer had been watching her blatantly study the bed. “I did say
I would stare, but I didn’t specify what I’d be staring at.”
Azer chuckled. “I should be crushed.”
She laughed and allowed her eyes to rove appreciatively over his tall figure. Azer
had changed clothes, but not color. He wore a thick black sweater, coupled with an
ebony pair of pants, and a matching pullover.
“You look quite handsome, Sir. I should be ashamed of myself for not noticing it
first.”
Azer sat on the bed to pull on his shoes. “You can be quite the flatterer, Ms.
Merror. Should I be afraid?”
“Of me? Hardly.” Katherine sat down on a conveniently placed armchair. She
primly crossed her legs before whispering dramatically, “The question is…should I now
be afraid of you? Especially after leading you on.”
“I don’t think so. After all, it’s not like I’m a wolf about to eat you.”
Although she retained her smile, Katherine speculated about his choice of words.
Reaching out again, she sifted through his emotions, seeking to isolate any one thought
that would be a danger to her.
Katherine found nothing she hadn’t already seen.
“Don’t tell me you believe in werewolves?”
Azer stood up and strode through another door. He came back with a coat in
hand. “I didn’t say werewolf. I said wolf. Now those I definitely believe in.”
“Are wolves common in this area?”
That would explain what I heard earlier.
Azer pulled a black knit hat out of a dresser drawer. “Umm…no. They aren’t.
Why?”
“No reason. Just curious.” She belatedly noticed the wall opposite was filled from
floor-to-ceiling with books. Getting up to peruse the titles, Katherine found many she
was familiar with and many more she had never heard of. Touching the back of a
leather-bound tome, she saw the gold etched letters were not English.
“You can read German?”
Azer made an affirmative sound as he joined her. Watching carefully, he saw
Katherine take note of the different languages within the private library.
I thought you’d like it.
“Wow! There’s German, French, Portuguese, Japanese, Russian, Spanish,
Chinese, Italian, even Latin!” She turned to him and looked up eagerly. “Can you really
read these or do you just collect them?”
A bashful smile crossed his lips while he nodded his head. “Yeah, I can read
them.”
Not to brag, but I know all the languages on this planet, plus some that can’t be
heard. You knew that once. I taught you many of them and you were a very good
student.
“What kind of books are they?”
“Well, they range. Some of them are considered literary classics and others are
just trashy novels.”
Katherine didn’t bother to smother her laugh. “Just when I think I’ve figured you
out, you surprise me.”
“When you do figure me out, have a heart and give me a clue because I still don’t
get me.”
Warmth wrapped about Katherine’s spirit. “Sure thing.”
I’m not naïve, I don’t fall for anybody, but at times like this I feel like I could
definitely fall for you. What’s your secret?
“You ready to play in the snow?”
“Absolutely.” Azer courteously placed his hand on her back and led her out. He
was unable to suppress the confident smile forming on his lips.
My secret is the same as yours—obsession.
Touching her golden braid, brutal determination took hold of Azer’s mind.
I’ll do what I can to keep her by my side. But first things first…
They made their way down in companionable silence and crossed the cavernous
great room before finding themselves before an enormous door. Azer dug into his
pocket, pulled out a pair of ebony gloves, and slipped them on. He glanced at her bare
hands.
“Do you need a pair?”
Katherine waved hers in the air. “Thanks. I’ve got some.” She stuffed her small
hands into the snug material and struggled for several moments to pull them up.
“Here, let me help.” Azer took her right hand and expertly pulled the glove up to
her wrist before doing the same with the left. “Ready?”
“Sure!” Katherine’s hand was halfway towards the large, hammered-iron knob
before she even finished speaking. Katherine opened the door and was seduced. A virgin
offering of snow lay across the landscape, beckoning for them to find their pleasure. The
pure air reflected their puffs of smoke, while the cold teased the tips of their noses,
playfully chiding them for being out.
“Wow,” Katherine breathed in reverence while stepping down from the porch.
“It’s not nearly as cold as I thought it’d be.”
Azer swung his arms in an effort to heat them. “You must be used to frigid
winters.”
I detest the cold!
“Something like that.” The crunching of gravel echoed in the crisp air,
emphasizing that for all intents and purposes Katherine and Azer were alone in their
world. She skipped across the frozen mud and noted all the tiny rocks pebbling the
ground beneath.
Katherine tilted her head back and let out a cry of wonder. Thousands of stars
blanketed the night sky, mysteriously twinkling in colossal splendor. She could feel his
presence beside her. “Have you ever seen anything so wondrous and beautiful in your
life?”
Not until I first saw you.
Making an echoing sound of assent, Azer looked up as well and saw what she did.
“It’s spectacular tonight.”
Without taking her eyes off the heaven’s majesty, a note of envy colored
Katherine’s words. “I can’t believe you get to see this every night. I wish I could.”
“Why can’t you?”
“I live in the city and the stars there just aren’t anything like this.” She drew in a
deep breath and started coughing. Through the layers of clothing, Katherine felt his
hand rub her back until she regained her breath. “The air…sure as hell…isn’t the same
either,” she choked out, gasping.
A dangerous undercurrent flowed through Azer’s gaze, mixing emerald with
ominous black.
Why are you coughing?
His tumultuous thoughts were interrupted by the muffled sound of her
unfettered laughter.
“It’s so much cleaner here,” she marveled while wiping tears from her eyes. “I
guess I’ve gotten so used to smog that the fresh air shocked my lungs into a fit.”
Katherine’s throat tightened up and another fierce spasm shook her body.
“Are you sure you’re all right?”
Katherine clutched his arm for support. “I’m fine. I just need to…adjust to
the…air,” she squeaked out.
“Do you want to go back in?”
Shaking her head roughly, she waited for another attack. After several moments
passed, Katherine lifted her face and took in a cautious breath of air. “Ah, see? I’m
good.”
“I don’t want you getting sick.”
She trotted forward and pulled Azer along. “I’m stronger than I look.”
That’s what I’m afraid of.
Unaware of his voiceless worries, Katherine dropped his hand and jumped
impulsively up a small hill. Her feet sank into the snow, causing a delightful crunching.
She looked over her shoulder. Azer stood there blank-faced.
“Come on!”
“Maybe I’ll just watch you.”
Wuss. How can he resist this?
A calculating look entered her eyes, turning them bright gold with mischief.
Katherine bent down and gathered up a handful of snow. She rolled it expertly into a
ball and released it in the crisp air. She watched his expression widen before getting
pegged in the head. Katherine crowed in laughter. “Bet you didn’t see that one coming!
How about this?” Flinging another snowball, she waited to see if he would at least duck.
Azer didn’t disappoint. Not only did he avoid her speeding ball of ice, he threw
one back.
Katherine barely dove out of the way and her giggles filled the night air with
infectious joy. “You can throw! I almost didn’t make it!”
He tossed his snowball in the air. “Just how did you make it? I never miss,” he
shouted back.
“You did this time! Don’t feel too bad, though. I was blessed with excellent
reflexes. In order to hit me, you’ll have to earn it.” With that last remark, Katherine
unleashed another volley. She hit her moving target squarely in the chest, before
scooping up more snow.
Azer felt himself get drawn in by her antics. He acknowledged how her moves
were barely human, their natural grace and agility phenomenal.
Mixed genetics can come in handy, can’t they, Precious?
Slowing his response he groaned good-naturedly when she hit his shoulder. He
wondered how she’d react if he allowed her a glimpse of his true abilities.
I can’t. This Azer is just a disposable human in her eyes.
Katherine threw two snowballs and watched as Azer avoided one, but got nailed
by the other.
Oh, poor thing! I need to take it easy on him. After all, I have to remember that
he’s just a human.
Flecks of snow exploded onto her face. “Oomph!” Katherine peered through
dusted eyelashes and caught a pair of devilishly pleased eyes staring at her.
Azer slipped gloved hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “Would
you say I earned that one?”
Poor thing indeed.
“I would say yes,” she conceded. Katherine walked up to him and held out her
arms in a gesture of peace. She extended a peaceful hand. “You got me. It’s not a feat
that’s easily done, but when it happens the least I can do is this.”
Expecting a handshake, Azer clasped her hand when the world turned upside
down. Landing in the snow with a muffled thud, he found a small, ivory bundle holding
him down with a wicked grin only inches away from his.
“Gotcha!”
“You tricked me!” To his chagrin, her unrepentant grin only broadened. “You’re a
bad, bad girl!” he accused crossly.
“You’re damn right I am!” Katherine leaned closer and whispered, “I’m an awful
loser, I know.” Her chilled nose touched his, her mouth only a fraction of an inch away.
“It’s a flaw of mine that I’m working on. But since I don’t lose often, I don’t get the
practice I need.”
Azer lowered his voice and whispered gravely in return. “Katherine?”
“Yes?”
Azer ghosted his lips against hers. “I’m going to fix that.”
Katherine felt the blood rush through her body with quicksilver wings. Her throat
barely formed the appropriate response. “What?”
“Your lack of practice.” Before she could utter another sound, Katherine found
herself flat on her back with his large figure looming over hers.
“My, my, my, Azer. I liked the view before but this is even better.”
“Not used to being on bottom, are you?”
“All the time, baby.”
Azer fought his natural instinct to take. “I want to be all you see.”
Giving into him, Katherine’s world shrank until his familiar face was all she could
see. She lifted her head and again caught a whiff of his cologne. Its scent danced
seductively in her head until Katherine was driven to burrow her face against his neck.
Delicately, she trailed her lips against the cold, black fabric separating his skin from
hers.
“Azer…I…”
“Don’t.” His face was a mask of self-control, the desire he felt unraveling by
degrees. “Please don’t say you’re sorry.”
You can’t be, not at this point.
A somber smile appeared on her lips. One hand caressed the side of his
handsome face. “I’m not sorry and I wasn’t going to say that.”
“Oh.” A relieved expression lightened his eyes before it faded. “What were you
going to say?”
She brushed her fingers against his beautiful mouth. “I was going to ask if I could
kiss you.”
“Ask? You definitely didn’t have to ask me.”
Resignation flitted across her pale face. “I think I do.” She cupped his cheeks with
her hands and hoped he would understand. “Tonight is all we have.” As soon as the
words were spoken, her spirit struggled against the person she had become.
Is this the only part of my body that I can think with?
Squinting her eyes shut, Katherine felt nauseous. The sunlight was too bright
and it hurt her head.
Now that it’s over, what am I supposed to do?
The happy tones of a new mother reached her ears as she stood there with
uncertainty. Forcing herself to look, Katherine saw a redhead holding a large baby
carrier over a plump arm. Even to her jaundiced eyes, she could see how the joys of
motherhood effused the woman with a glow of prettiness, despite the extra weight.
She looks so happy.
As she stood there by the curb, Katherine could hear the woman coo lovingly to
the tiny infant as she walked by.
“Ooh, you’re going to make Mommy build up some muscles to carry you, aren’t
you?”
Anywhere, but here.
Taking the plastic bag from beneath her arm, she stalked over to a trashcan and
threw it in. She clenched her jaw tight while staring at the flies hovering over the
newest deposit.
Life and death.
She dug her hands into her pocket, pulled out a set of keys, and
unceremoniously tossed those away as well.
This is where it begins and ends.
A canary-yellow taxi turned in. Katherine raised her hand. Hearing the brakes
squeak to a stop, she opened the door, never glancing back at the trashcan that carried
the remnants of her old life.
“Where to?”
Anywhere, but here.
“Calanade Park.”
Katherine waited for his reply, outwardly calm, but inside she battled her
impatience. Phantom images of misery and pleasure roared to life, burning a hole
through faded morals.
I’m going through with it this time. I’m not going to stop.
“This night will be all we have. Tomorrow I’ll leave. You won’t see me again. Can
you accept that?”
“Yes.” Yearning haunted his features. He bent down. “I already knew it the
moment you looked at me.”
Katherine’s soul exploded into a violent burst of crimson, the nameless passion
running through her veins as pure as life itself. She arched her body into Azer, bringing
a leg up to rest against his lean hip. She wound her arms around his neck and noticed
Azer shifting them so that she no longer lay on the snow, but instead on him.
“Katherine…”
His lips were so soft and his mouth so hot. They melded seamlessly into hers
until she felt as if breathing without his touch was impossible. Sliding her tongue against
his, Katherine pressed closer, seeking to find a merciful remedy to the ache springing
from an unknown place within her heart. Ripping her reddened mouth away, she nipped
his lower lip several times, mewling with the desire to have him bite her back.
Azer leaned up and scraped his teeth across her chin, much to Katherine’s
growled delight. Yanking the knit hat off his head, she impatiently tore her gloves off
before clenching her fingers within his silken hair. “Azer, your taste…it’s indescribable.”
Katherine pressed her mouth against his again and found herself falling into the
deepest part of desire. She rejoiced because it took over until there was absolutely
nothing: no regret, no past, and no conscience.
Be mine and let me fall into you.
All of a sudden, the lone baying of a wolf pierced the night.
The cry sliced through the fog of lust holding her within its knotted grip. Bracing
her weight on tense arms, Katherine instinctively scanned the surrounding area, fully
expecting to see an enormous beast prowling about in search. Wisps of air curled about
her mouth as she panted slightly, stiff and wary of possible danger.
It didn’t seem as if the male wanted battle, but wild beasts were fickle in nature
and if the wolf decided to attack, she wasn’t sure Azer would be safe.
The feral cry sounded again, this time much farther away. Narrowing her
cautious gaze, Katherine searched the area intently.
Where are you?
Methodically stripping away shadows and cover, it wasn’t until several minutes
later that she was satisfied the plain and woods were empty of any predators. Relaxing
her arms, she forced her lungs to breathe, their natural function somehow forgotten.
Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to come out and play in the snow at night.
Especially when there’s an alpha male looking for his mate.
An expression of melancholy crossed Katherine’s face, as she replayed the primal
cry again.
But still, I hope you find her. I really do.
The male wolf’s eloquent song tugged at her heart, forlornly reminding her loss
touched all.
Wherever you are…I hope you find her.
Katherine looked down with a suppressed sigh. Azer’s magnetic gaze brooded
with hunger and desire. Before she could utter a sound, he spoke.
“Just for tonight.”
Peering in confusion, she had an impossible time remembering exactly what he
meant, when her words came back to her.
“Tonight is all we have.”
Katherine nodded slowly. “Yes.”
“All right.” Azer brought his hand up and used his teeth to pull off a black glove.
Unmindful of the frigid air, he cupped her cheek tenderly. “Then I want your sacrifice.
Can you give it to me?”
An echo of the unknown drummed within her body. It whispered for Katherine to
leap into the chasm left by years of unfulfilled pain and guilt. Falling into Azer’s touch,
her veins began to languorously dance. “I’ll give you whatever you want,” she whispered
darkly. “Just let me feel you.”
Katherine leaned down and brushed her soft lips against his. As her heavy-lidded
eyes drifted shut, her limbs tightened from the ache of reckless craving. Kissing Azer
was a forbidden melding unlike anything she had experienced in years.
Beneath the layers of clothing she wore, Katherine’s skin grew hot, nipples
tightening with the urge to meet flesh. She moaned in pure joy as his kiss turned
voracious, consuming her very breath.
I don’t want to stop. I just want to keep kissing him. Now and—
Before Katherine could finish her blissful thoughts, another piercing cry erupted
in the crisp night air. This time it crashed into her being with a sizzling jolt. Jerking
away from Azer, she heard the grief within the forlorn howl, suffering the pain of the
creature that released it.
Azer clutched her pale face between his palms. “What’s wrong?” He saw her eyes
glaze over. Their color immediately turned to dull topaz as her vision became far
removed from what was happening between them. “What the hell are you hearing?”
Katherine couldn’t answer. A cold sweat erupted across her brow while needles of
anguish dug persistently beneath her colorless skin. She shook her head, clenched her
eyes shut, and forced the pain out. Katherine fought for control over her emotions.
“Get…out…of…ME!”
“Don’t leave. Come back. I can’t lose you.”
Azer sat up and wrapped strong arms around her waist. He tucked her head
beneath his chin. Focusing his will, he sought to give her the strength to combat what
was trying to invade her.
“Katherine! Stay with me.”
A tiny whimper squeaked past her lips, pitifully vulnerable in comparison to the
confident creature of before. “I don’t want to feel you. I don’t. So get out of me!”
“You can’t leave. Please don’t leave me. I love you.”
“Katherine, concentrate on me. That’s right. Breathe in and out. Focus on my
rhythm. In and out, in and out.”
“Don’t leave—”
The phantom claws released their hold, leaving Katherine in questionable peace.
She nearly wept from the weight of her bitter thoughts.
Why? Why me? Why do I have to feel this?
“What happened? What did you hear?” To counter his clipped tone, he stroked
her shuddering back with a gentle hand
Katherine leaned into Azer’s strong embrace. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”
It’s just a demon. A man who’s dead. It’s nothing you’d believe. And even if you
were willing to believe, you’d never understand.
“I don’t think—”
She pressed her chilled fingers against his mouth. “It’s nothing. I’m just scared of
wolves. That’s all.”
Azer removed her hand and studied Katherine for a moment. “I think you’re lying
to me.”
She dropped her eyes and several seconds passed. “And if I am?”
“Then I won’t press you. Your secrets are safe.” They didn’t have to be spoken.
Not when Azer knew them already. Tilting her chin up, Azer waited until her eyes met
his. He leaned down and gifted her with a chaste kiss, eloquently banishing all the
shadows that plagued her mind. “I think we should go inside.”
“Okay.”
Azer clasped her tiny hand in his, branding the cool skin with his touch until the
numbness melted away. As he led her back to the house, he was careful to keep his steps
small to match her stride. Although Katherine was regaining color, she was still too pale
for his liking.
How can it have this much damn strength? She’s been fighting all night, but it
still found a way through.
Azer paused at the front door. “Don’t be afraid tonight, Katherine. I won’t let
anything out there hurt you, do you understand?”
A wan smile crossed her lips, the tragedy of her thoughts whispering all her
secrets to ears that would listen. “I know.”
But who will protect me from myself?
Turning around, she walked into the house, breaking the link of their clasped
hands.
Casting a dark look over his shoulder, Azer peered into the black world of snow,
forest, and night. He knew who prowled just beyond the edge of Katherine’s sight and
what it wanted.
I know you’re there, you fucking bastard.
A ruthless light entered Azer’s eyes, turning them an unnatural shade of green.
You won’t win and you will not interfere.
Entering the house, he closed the heavy door, shutting them both away from
harm.
CHAPTER FIVE
“Falling into the Abyss”
The game beckons and I come forward with dice in hand.
Success or failure means nothing to me.
I have already lost long ago.
Katherine crouched in front of the dying fire. Her teeth refused to stop chattering.
She heard Azer’s steps echo throughout the cavernous room as he walked towards the
fireplace. Katherine’s legs twitched uncomfortably as the heat began to thaw her
muscles.
“I had no idea how cold it was out there until we came in,” she remarked with a
strained smile.
“I hate the cold. The best part about winter is being able to relax in front of a
fire.”
“You hate the cold but you live in the mountains.”
“Mmm. Just like how you hate wolves but choose to play in their territory at
night.”
The reproach remained light, but an unspoken agreement forged between them.
Neither wanted to discuss what had happened only a few short minutes ago.
“Point taken.”
Azer knelt beside Katherine and heaved another log into the already smoldering
pile. He watched as the flames reached out languorously, changing and greedily
consuming their offering. Satisfied, he shed his coat on the floor before sitting down
next to her. “May I?”
Katherine glanced down at her damp coat and nodded. “Thank you.” She looked
at his silky hair and watched transfixed while Azer played the part of maid perfectly. His
long, graceful fingers parted button from clasp, the tiny click whispering delightfully in
her ears. The hiss of mechanical teeth splitting painted a lustful picture of Katherine
parting for him.
Soon.
She rolled her shoulders back and the ivory coat slid down. Somehow she was left
bare to the touch despite the layers of clothes still between them. Katherine lifted her
gaze to his and the world shuddered to a magnificent stop.
Ugly hunger swirled within Azer’s jeweled eyes. Taut lines framed his captivating
mouth. The fire behind them hissed and crackled with passion, providing a glowing
backdrop for the raw emotions spinning and dancing between new lovers. The smooth
glide of his fingers followed the rounded curve of her cheek. “You are such a beautiful,
precious treasure.”
“Treasure?”
Azer traced her arched brows. “Every time I look into your eyes I see the rarest
shade of amber ever—gold. In truth, they could haunt a man for eternity.” He dropped
his hand on hers. “They’re so lovely I can hardly believe they’re real.”
Pink dusted Katherine’s cheeks. Her hand turned until their fingers lay nestled
against one another. “When I was little, people used to call me Nugget.”
“What?”
She laughed at the real confusion in his voice. “Kids thought I had ugly eyes so
they called me Nugget. You know, like gold nugget.”
“Was it hard growing up?”
She glanced into the fire and considered her answer carefully. “I guess maybe no
harder than anyone else’s.”
“But it sounded like you might have been lonely.”
“Who isn’t?”
“That’s true.” A moment passed in silence. “How about your parents? Do you see
them often?”
Katherine let out a bark of laughter. “No, I haven’t seen them for years.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Are they…”
“Dead? No. It’s just that I was never close to them.”
“What about brothers or sisters?”
“None.” Her voice became emotionless. “My parents couldn’t have children and I
guess adoption wasn’t what it was cracked up to be after they got me.”
Azer rubbed his thumb against her palm. “Ah, so you were adopted.”
“Yeah.” She turned back to Azer and threw out flippantly, “I was special because
they chose me—I guess.”
“Do you want to talk about this?”
“Not particularly.”
“All right. It’s done!” Springing up to his feet, Azer dramatically pointed to her.
“You, Katherine Merror, have nothing that would bring a frown to your face, because
you have no past! In fact, you were born just a few hours ago, fresh as the snow outside.”
She gave into a giggle. The tone of his voice was so outrageous and serious she
had no choice but to play along. She leaned forward as she crossed her legs in front of
her. “And you, Azer, have just become my fairy godfather, destined to grant me any wish
I want!”
A confused pout twisted his mouth, making him look perfectly delicious to her
eyes. “But I’ve already taken away your past!”
Holding her hand away from her body, Katherine blew on her nails. She shot him
a look beneath haughty brows. “Are you suggesting that you’re a stingy fairy?”
With military flair, Azer snapped to attention and brought his arm up in a smart
salute. He barked out, “No, Ma’am! I am here to grant any wish your heart desires,
Ma’am!”
Katherine broke out into peals of laughter and clapped her hands. “Anything?”
“Anything.”
Lowering her voice, she slyly repeated, “Anything?”
“Anything!”
Azer’s strong grip met her as she shifted her legs to stand up. She smiled
impishly. “Then I want one thing from you.”
“Yes?”
“I want…a…bath!”
His expression froze, hung halfway between playfulness and perfect hunger.
“You’d like a bath? Now? With me?”
She slapped him in the arm and shouted, “Just a bath! I’m not trying to come on
to you, perv!” To take the sting out of her words, she stood up on tiptoe and kissed his
cheek quickly. “At least not yet.”
Azer gripped her chin with careful possession. “Katherine…”
Incredible amount of energy flared up, reaching out and coiling about her throat.
Frozen, she stared helplessly at the high cheekbones and generous mouth.
No, not Mikhail this time. Someone else. Somewhere else.
Something beckoned Katherine, whispering she knew the answer if she’d only
grope beyond the mundane.
It’s there somewhere, but it can’t remember.
“I’d be honored to bathe you.” Azer’s voice came from a distance, melodic and
insistently tugging her away from the confusion of her thoughts.
Forget it! Déjà vu or not, what difference does it make?
Katherine’s orbs brightened while a coy smile tugged at her pink mouth. “Will
you peek or should I blindfold you?”
Azer leaned closer and caught her lower lip with his teeth. He bit down carefully
before soothing the reddened skin with his tongue. He smiled when he heard her choked
sigh of pleasure.
“Whatever pleases you, Katherine.”
A vulnerable shadow flitted across her face before disappearing into a flirtatious
smirk. Arching her feet, Katherine supported herself against his chest before saucily
biting his lip in return. Pulling once with strong teeth, she reluctantly released her hold.
“Don’t ever give someone else so much power. You have no idea what I could do with it.”
Even as the seductress recited her lines with ease, a part of Katherine mourned
the actions of the depraved creature she had become. The girl she was still couldn’t
accept seeing the woman’s mask settle, lines grinning in lascivious joy where there
should only be modest smiles.
Stupid virgin morals.
Fear crept in, stiffening Katherine’s limbs like those a lifeless doll, pliant only
with outside force.
Panting heavily, Mikhail rose up on his elbows. He held her face within gentle
palms. “Katharina, what’s wrong?”
She bit her lip in abject embarrassment and dropped her eyes. The stark
humiliation of what she was about to reveal made her want to crawl beneath the
sheets.
Worry creased Mikhail’s brow at her continued silence. “Do you not want to do
this? It won’t change how I feel—”
Katherine quickly raised her gaze. “It’s not that!”
Mikhail shifted his body until it lay next to hers. “Then what it is?”
Twisting the bed sheet nervously, Katherine bowed her head. The luxurious
mane of curls hid her from his penetrating jade gaze. “You’ll probably laugh at me.”
Reaching out with one hand, he moved the golden waterfall of hair until it lay
against her pillow. “I’d never laugh at you.” A tiny smile danced across his mouth. “I’d
laugh with you, but never at you.”
Chewing on her plump lower lip, Katherine debated on whether she should say
anything.
You just had to be a big baby—didn’t you? If he decides to throw you out, you’d
damn well deserve it!
Mikhail placed his hand on her arm. “You’re getting upset. Please look up at
me.”
She met his burning gaze and slunk further into the bed.
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
“I love you, Katharina. I love you more than anything in this realm, but I won’t
force you to be with me.”
She lurched up. “You’re not forcing me!”
He placed two fingers against her mouth and shook his head, wordlessly
requesting her silence. “I don’t want you to do this for me. I don’t want you to do this
because of me. I want you to do this because you want to as badly as I do.”
Sitting up, he brought her slender hand up to his mouth and kissed it. “Until that
day comes I’ll be happy to just be by your side.”
Katherine flung her naked arms around his waist and buried her head against
his chest. “I do want this, Mikhail! I want you! Just knowing that you love me and that
you want to share yourself with me—oh, God! Do you have any idea how that makes
me feel?”
Mikhail stroked her bare back with the tips of his fingers. “I’m not rejecting
you.”
Katherine looked up with vulnerable eyes. “I’m a virgin,” she whispered.
Tensely, she waited for scorn to replace the love in his eyes.
Instead, he smiled. “I know you are.”
“How?”
“Maybe I’ll explain it to you one day.”
She tightened her arms around his lean waist.
He’s different, like me, and that’s why he accepts who I am. I’m safe with him. I
can trust him with everything.
Taking a cleansing breath, she gathered her courage. “Mikhail?
“Yes?”
“Will you make love to me? Will you show me how to make love to you?”
The fire that leapt from his body was one memory Katherine knew she would
take with her to the grave.
“I love you.”
Azer shifted with suppressed violence. He knew where Katherine’s thoughts had
trespassed.
Even now, he plagues her fucking mind! When she should solely be focused on
me that son of a misbegotten bitch invades her.
Azer needed to take Katherine someplace where she wouldn’t be as vulnerable to
the power of those wretched memories.
There’s only one place where he won’t be able to reach her.
With decision made, Azer lifted Katherine in his arms and grinned at her
surprised gasp. “As your fairy godfather, it’s my duty to ensure your every wish is
granted.” Carrying her small body easily, he strode across the room and began to walk
up the colossal staircase.
Katherine linked her arms around him. “Are you sure you can carry me up these?
I mean I’d hate for you to stumble, fall, and break your neck.”
Laughter rumbled in his chest. “You’re as light as the proverbial feather.”
“I know that. I wasn’t fishing for compliments, Azer. I just don’t want you taking
a diver down these stairs—especially carrying me!”
“Don’t worry! You’re not going to be the death of me.”
This time.
Azer reached the top of the stairs and continued his long-legged stride. He
quickly passed the room she awoke in and walked towards his chamber. Katherine’s
eyes remained glued to the closed door, trying to remember if she had left it open or not.
I probably should just tell him about what happened.
“Azer?”
“Hmm?”
“Have you ever had anything weird happen to you in that room?”
“Weird? You mean like weird-normal or weird-supernatural?”
Katherine shrugged lightly. “I guess weird-supernatural.”
“Why do you ask?”
She felt his muscled arm shift beneath her body and heard a door open. The
sounds of his booted feet soothed her, much like a heartbeat. “I don’t know…it’s just that
when I was in there before I heard some strange sounds.”
Azer set Katherine down on her feet and tilted his head. “Sounds, huh? Like
ghoulish or something else?”
Walking towards the wide bed, she threw over her shoulder, “Voices. I heard
mumbled voices.” She sat on the edge and bent down to remove her shoes, missing the
pure hatred burning in his eyes.
“Voices. Did they frighten you?”
Busy untying the laces she mumbled, “No, not really.” She pulled off one shoe.
“But I did get a killer headache.”
He crouched down and took her small foot in his hand and slid the other boot off.
“I didn’t know you had gotten a headache. You should’ve told me.”
“What for? Besides, it didn’t last long. As quickly as it came, it was gone.”
Pulling off her socks, he placed his fingers over her slender ankles. Azer rubbed
them while ordering, “If you feel anything like that again, I want you to tell me.”
Receiving no answer, Azer looked up into her set face and accurately read the
beginning of irritation. Katherine wasn’t a woman used to having to report anything to
anyone, unless it was her idea.
I have to be careful here. She’s not as docile as she used to be.
“You were in an accident today.”
“It couldn’t have been that bad, Azer, or we wouldn’t be here.”
You would think that.
He moved his whisper-soft touch down to her bare feet. “Granted, you seemed
okay enough to bring here, but if there’s anything lurking, I want to know about it.”
She released a soft sigh and debated on what to say. “Look…I appreciate your
concern, but my health is my own.”
Commanding a flash of hurt to shine brightly in his eyes, Azer waited with heated
interest for her reaction.
Come on, Precious. I know your heart isn’t that cold.
Despite best intentions, Katherine suffered a bout of guilt over the pain in his
face. All she read from him was concern and worry. Not a need for control.
He doesn’t deserve my meanness.
She ran her fingers through his soft hair. “I do appreciate that you care. It’s just
difficult for me to…share…any part of myself with someone. It’s not like I can tell
someone when I have a cold. There’s just me.”
Azer got up, sat by her side, and linked his palm with hers. “What about friends?”
Katherine swallowed the lump of shame burning in her throat. It was a normal
question with the normal expected answer of, “Oh yeah, I have friends.” However, the
truth of it was she really didn’t.
She had acquaintances, but that was about it. If there was a problem she just had
to get off of her chest, Katherine had no one to call. She had no one to listen to her.
But what about Patricia?
She struggled to place into words where her roommate fit into her barren life.
She’s always trying to be a friend to me, even when I don’t deserve it.
Wait…Patricia! Wasn’t there something I was supposed to do about her?
“Katherine?”
She jerked her head up. Katherine had momentarily forgotten where she was. She
refocused her gaze on him. “I’m sorry. I just spaced out.” She cleared her throat and
shrugged. “I’m a loner.”
Azer took a deep breath and looked about him in subtle distaste. “Guess it’ll be no
surprise to find out that so am I.”
Some things still haven’t changed have they, Precious?
Katherine sighed. “No, I guess it isn’t.”
This isn’t supposed to be a misery fest. It’s hardly going to inspire either of us to
drop our pants if all we do is mope.
She bounded off the bed and forced herself to smile cheerfully. “So where’s your
bathroom?”
“It’s through that door.”
“Okay! I think there’s a matter of a bath I need to take care of.”
He clasped Katherine’s hand loosely and firmly led her towards the armchair she
sat in earlier. “Stay here and I’ll get it started.”
“You don’t have to. I was just joking downstairs.”
He leaned down and pressed a persuasive kiss against her mouth. “Ah, but I want
to. After all, tonight is ours.”
“All right.”
“I’ll be back in a few.” With a rakish smile, Azer walked away, leaving her to nod
her head dumbly.
Alone with her desire and thoughts, Katherine leaned her head back and closed
her eyes.
I could almost forget everything that’s been done to me when I’m with him.
Almost.
“Take that back.”
A short bark of laughter met her tearful command. “Take it back?”
Katherine trembled uncontrollably. “Take that back!”
Mikhail drew his lips into a sneer. “We’re not in grade school,” he stated
mockingly. “This just proves that it was a mistake getting involved with a child like
you!”
Katherine took a shaky step towards Mikhail and stumbled onto her knees. The
stinging pain was nothing compared to the one slashing through her heart. “Please
don’t say this.” Beyond shame, Katherine held her hands out in supplication. “W-What
do I have to do?” she sobbed. “Please! What do I have to do?”
Mikhail glanced down at her pitiful figure with barely contained anger. “There
isn’t anything you can do!”
“But why?” Forcing her legs to move, she stood up and attempted to touch him.
Recoiling back, he made a sound of disgust. “Do you really have to make this
harder than it has to be? Don’t you have any fucking pride?”
Katherine pressed her hands against her twisted face and let out a scream of
agony.
How can he be this way? We love each other! It’s not supposed to be like this!
In the midst of her confused grief, she heard him walk away, each step a break
in the chain binding them both.
Panicked, Katherine threw herself against his broad back and clung to his waist
with all her strength. “No! You can’t do this! You can’t leave! You love me! I know you
do!”
Before she could read his emotions with a desperate eye, he pushed her away
violently. “Stay out of my goddamned mind!”
Katherine fell on her hip. She stared up through a messy curtain of hair at the
stranger who had become Mikhail. She prayed she would find this was a horrible
mistake. Instead, when the pitiless green eyes met hers, Katherine realized with
unbreakable truth that this was real and the only mistake was hers.
Katherine drew her knees up shakily. She laid her head down and wailed in
anguish.
This can’t be him. This can’t be the same man who swore to love me until the day
he died!
“I’m not coming back for my things. Sell them, give them away—do whatever
you want,” he said, dismissing her ugly sobs.
What happened? Wait. Could it be because of THEM?
She flung her head up. “Y-You’re g-getting rid o-of me because of T-THEM, aaren’t y-y-you? Y-Your f-family is why t-this is happening!”
Through her tears, Katherine could make out the distorted shape of his
mirthless smile and frigid stare. Even now, when Mikhail was poised to fling her into
the darkness, his beauty was undeniable. Although he was ripping out her very heart
and grinding it beneath his booted foot, Mikhail DeMontier still wore the angelic face
that had brought hallowed light into her gray life.
Katherine panted in raw grief and sobbed brokenly, “I-I’m right, a-aren’t I!”
Receiving no response, she found her feet again. “Answer me, b-bastard!”
His voice, when it came, was emotionless. “I don’t have to answer something
like that.”
Just when she believed a spirit could not be broken twice, Katherine’s soul
received the deathblow to her foolish dream of love. A horrible grimace twisted her
blotchy face. Katherine’s swollen eyes widened in ultimate pain.
“It’s…TRUE!”
She hurled herself against his deceitful body and pounded his stony face and
hard chest with all the fury frothing within her. Despite the bitterness clogging
Katherine’s mind, her voice drew strength until the weak quiver was gone in a
powerful shout.
“Oh, my god! It’s true! You coward! You liar! You bastard! How could you do
this to me! How could you bring me here just to abandon me! How could you? How
could you give us up like this?”
Katherine continued to strike him through a crimson mist of rage, savagely
desiring to destroy the very person she cherished above all others. Even when her ring
split his cheekbone and her fist connected with his mouth, Katherine howled with the
knowledge of Mikhail’s ultimate betrayal. “Coward! Bastard! TRAITOR!”
Finally crushing her wrists beneath his callous grip, Mikhail shook her violently.
“I WILL NOT GIVE UP WHO I AM FOR YOU!”
The anguished shock on Katherine’s face melted away. The only thing left was a
blank expression carved from living flesh.
I’m not good enough for him. I’m not good enough for them. I’m. Not. Good.
Enough.
Minutes passed by as the two once-lovers stood in a solitary, caustic embrace.
This is the real you. This is who you tried to show me, only I was too stupid to
realize it.
Katherine looked down at the sight of his large hands in detached fascination.
She twisted her wrists, releasing their hold easily.
Interesting.
Stepping back, she ran her hard, golden stare over his figure. The emptiness of
her perusal caused Mikhail to tense in wariness. A tiny smirk lifted the side of her
puffy, red mouth.
“Save your instincts for another time. Frankly, you don’t need them.”
“Katherine…”
Walking around him calmly, she unlocked and opened the front door. She
looked into his shuttered jade gaze with a dead stare.
“Goodbye.”
“Your bath is ready.”
Katherine tumbled out of her past ruminations. Her glassy gaze flew up towards
Azer. The moisture shimmering within brushed her eyes in shades of helpless misery.
Goddamn, fucking bastard! I hate you! I hate you! I FUCKING hate you!
Forcing a gentle smile to her lips, Katherine commanded her useless tears to
recede. She automatically adjusted her voice to suit the conversation. “Already? I
must’ve been daydreaming.”
Azer held out a pale hand towards her and waited until her fingers rested within
his. “Pleasant ones I hope.”
“Always.” Impotent fury darkened her face for a split-second.
If I could do it all over again, I would’ve killed you then.
“Good!”
Liar. Besides, if you had been capable of killing him then, we wouldn’t be in this
predicament now.
He placed cool hands on Katherine’s shoulders and led her into the bathroom.
“Now I may have gone overboard here, but I hope you like it.”
“I’m sure I will—” Stopping in mid-sentence, Katherine let out a hushed gasp of
wonder. She came forward, in awe of her surroundings. “Oh, this is just absolutely…I
can’t even put it into words.”
“Do you like?”
“Do I like? What’s not to like?” she breathed while studying the room. An exotic
mixture of rich jewel-tones splashed across the high walls. Lush greenery peeked from
every corner while pampered touches shimmered delicately in the form of glass.
However, it was the stone beneath Katherine’s feet that ensnared her undivided
attention.
Large slabs of sandy limestone covered the floor. They contrasted beautifully
against an intricate mosaic done in varying shades of crimson and ginger that
dominated the center. Walking forward, Katherine stopped at the edge and studied how
the fluid lines and graceful arches effortlessly met together to form a spectacular
creature of flight.
Somewhere I’ve seen this exact design before.
“What type of bird is this?”
Azer paused before replying quietly, “It’s a phoenix.”
Katherine crouched down and traced a tongue of ruby flame swirling from
beneath the magnificent figure. “Phoenix—the bird of rebirth and the most glorious of
all to ever grace the heavens.”
Azer’s steps whispered closer. “Do you know much about the legends,
Katherine?”
“A bit.” She stood up and shrugged her shoulders. “Only that the phoenix lived in
Greek mythology.” Memory nagged, inspiring a deep frown. “Feng-huang.”
Azer’s eyes took on an elusive glow, reflecting the scattered candlelight. “What
did you say?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know where that came from.”
He flanked her side. “It’s Chinese.”
“Really?”
“Phoenix for the Greeks, Bennu for the Egyptians, Garuda to the Indians, Karura
to the Japanese, and Feng-huang to the Chinese.”
Katherine’s mind slowed, leaving her senses sluggish. Wariness pulsed once as
she struggled to understand what was charging the air around him. “How do you know
so much about it?”
“Because I am the phoenix.” Azer smiled in contrast to his shuttered gaze. “And
you’re my empress.”
“What?”
“The phoenix was a guardian for the empress.”
“Not the emperor?”
“No,” he answered softly. “Just the empress.”
“Well, lucky me.” Katherine felt as if the ground beneath her had shifted,
changing the subtle dynamics of their interaction.
False levity made an appearance when Azer bowed from the waist. “Phoenix and
fairy—they’re just one in the same. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just grab a few more
things and your bath will be ready.”
“Okay. Azer! Can you come here please?” Katherine waited until he was within
arm’s distance. She reached out and brushed his temple.
“What is it?”
“Oh, nothing. Just lint.” Katherine stepped back and said, “I got it now.”
Azer simply nodded and walked away.
Katherine blew out a breath and continued her rapt study of the bathroom.
However, beneath her surface examination she busily worked the pieces of Azer’s
puzzle.
I can’t read anything strange about him now, but he was serious about the
phoenix. When I whispered Feng-huang exhilaration flooded his spirit. It means
something more than just a joke to him.
Why?
Katherine stared blindly at the wall of floor-to-ceiling windows.
Feng-huang. Why do I know that name?
Tiny light flickers snared her attention. Coming closer, Katherine held her fingers
over a flame.
He’s obsessed with fire. The fire downstairs, all these candles, even in the
kitchen. Azer spent the majority of his time standing by the stove and its gas burners.
Katherine glanced over her shoulder.
Even now he’s lighting more candles.
Katherine observed the countless wax pillars covering every available space.
Their colors ranged beautifully from soothing ivory, warm burgundy, and opulent gold.
Surveying the gothic effect of shadowed light, she acknowledged how eerie the room was
without the artificiality of modern illumination.
She continued to watch Azer move about and adjust the placement of several
lighted candles. His movements were perpetually graceful, yet lacked an element of
ease.
There were already enough candles to begin with. Isolation and fire. What’s
Azer thinking of doing? Murder and pyromania?
Fatalism dulled her gaze.
Is that to be my sacrifice?
“So how old are you?”
Katherine looked away from the milling crowd. She wondered again for the
hundredth time what she was doing with this stranger.
Why did I say yes to coming with him? I don’t even know this guy.
“Okay, that’s a pretty nosy question, so how about I tell you how old I am first?”
Receiving no response other than a slow blink, Mikhail gamely plowed ahead. He
ignored the fact she was obviously uncomfortable with him. “I’m twenty-four.”
Great. Now I’m really going to come off as a baby.
Katherine played with the straw in her soda. Nervously, she pushed down the
bits of ice, hoping to find the courage to extract herself from this awkward situation.
Mikhail cupped his chin with his hand and leaned forward. “How about I guess
your age?” Not waiting for a reply, Mikhail took on the appearance of a man deep in
thought. “Hmm…now how do I go about this? If I guess too low you’ll think I’m a perv,
but if I go too high then you’ll slap me right out of this chair.”
Katherine smiled and a bubble of laughter fought its way free.
His green eyes twinkled with delight. “I CAN make you smile. Now, if I can get
you to talk to me, then my day will be complete!”
She cleared her throat and the burgeoning grin melted away. Katherine’s
fingers continued to fiddle with the plastic straw.
This is so embarrassing! Why can’t I even answer a simple question! Argh!
“Oh, no. Quick, Mikhail—think of something. She almost laughed at the threat of
your bodily harm. If you do something incredibly stupid and get hurt, maybe she’ll
smile again.” Looking around him, he spied the metal railing a few feet away and
came upon a solution.
Katherine watched him rise in determination. She realized Mikhail’s reckless
intention of following through on his words. “Seventeen!” she cried as she rushed to her
feet. “I’m seventeen.”
A crimson blush immediately flooded Katherine’s face. However, she held his
penetrating gaze with her own, wordlessly daring him to mock her for her age.
A playful smirk graced his lips. It enchanted her despite the blatant masculine
triumph it obviously represented.
“Good. I was right.”
Katherine strolled to the luxurious sunken bath again and dipped her fingers in
the steaming, fragrant water.
“Azer?”
He paused in the midst of lighting the last candle. “Yes?”
She pointed to the bath. “Is it ready?”
As he touched the flame in his hand to the dry wick, he noted how it caught
instantly, sparking a tiny fire to life.
It’s just like her. It takes so little to make her happy, so little to break her heart.
So little to make her give up.
Azer brought the burning match to his mouth. He quickly blew out the flame and
smiled.
The stark triumph in his face brought a brutal curl to her mouth. “I’ll take that as
a yes.” Katherine reached up to pull the bands out of her braid and loosened her thick
hair. She felt it fall to well past her shoulders. Katherine suffered a tremor of unease.
What if he took her to the edge and she was the one who ran away?
Again.
“I love you. I love you more than anything in this realm. I will love you until the
breath leaves my body. I will love you beyond this world. I will protect you from harm,
even at the cost of my life. Honor, vengeance, and loyalty are the bonds between us,
now and forever more. This I, Mikhail DeMontier, swear to you, Katherine Merror.”
Katherine closed her eyes and snarled silently in disgust.
Oh, come on! This is exactly what you want. Just do it.
She pulled her sweater off and dropped it onto the floor. Her pants followed just
as quickly. Aware of the condoms in the front pocket, Katherine was sure to keep them
within reaching distance of the tub. Soon she stood before Azer, clad only in a white
athletic shirt, bra, and panties.
“I don’t have much modesty.”
“Neither do I.” Lust threatened his false being. Bathed by the tender radiance of
dancing candlelight, Katherine’s curvaceous body held Azer’s perilous awareness
completely. The beauty of her form was undeniably magnificent.
Clenching his jaw, Azer acknowledged his shame.
The world has become a different landscape, life stopped being sweet years ago,
and yet Time has changed nothing. Although she’s different, one thing remains the
same—her treacherous beauty. It holds me as strongly as the first wretchedly sweet
moment I laid eyes on her.
Watching her shrug off the thin, cotton shirt, his hungry gaze slid over the
delicious roundness of her covered breasts. Katherine was right—they were superb and
most definitely an asset against the opposite sex. By the angry sparkle in her eye, he
knew she was aware of his perusal, even if she didn’t look at him directly.
And it was most lucky for him that she did not.
For in one brief moment of indiscretion, Azer didn’t care enough to school his
features into the mask Katherine chose for him. A torrent of longing transformed his
arresting features, hinting at another face, as he continued to caress her through his
scorching gaze.
She’s filled my nightmares and my dreams. I’ve despised her. I’ve lost
everything because of her. I’ve become imprisoned in this world for her, but I can’t help
but want to look. Even though she’s tainted, I can’t help but look to see if that living
death was ever really worth it.
And look he did.
With a flick of Katherine’s fingers, the satin scrap of a bra was unhooked,
releasing the flesh it provocatively protected. Her breasts were high and firm, beckoning
a man to worship them with mouth and hands.
Azer felt the heat of Katherine’s eyes bore into him, daring him to violate her and
prove her impressions right.
She chooses to bare herself to me, yet she still finds herself suspicious of who I
am. She wants me to be dangerous, but her instincts are beginning to awaken and
whisper. Naughty girl.
Azer cleared his throat. “Ah, would you like me to leave?” he mumbled as if on
cue.
Katherine’s tinkling laughter filled the room. It was designed to make him unsure
of himself, but in actuality had the direct opposite affect. “Of course not.”
It doesn’t matter. I’m here. If I disappear, then I disappear. If I live to see
tomorrow…then too bad. For us both.
Confidently padding over to him, she placed her small hands on his chest. “I was
just wondering how did you plan on bathing with me, if you’re still wearing all of these?”
She tugged at his clothing for emphasis.
Cocky little bitch. Is this why they continue to fall?
“As you wish, my lady.” Azer lifted the thick sweater up and pulled it over his
head. Katherine’s hand slid across his chest. He responded with masochistic pleasure.
Finally.
Azer dropped the black wool unceremoniously onto the tiled floor.
I’m not supposed to want you like this, especially not this badly. It’s supposed to
be the other way around. The years have changed nothing, have they?
He glanced down. His shuttered stare fastened on the contrast of her skin against
the innocent, white panties and he almost lost control. The sweet curve of Katherine’s
hip practically begged for a man to sink his teeth into her smooth flesh.
Beautiful.
Azer couldn’t resist touching the woman before him.
I’m going to finally taste what you offered me all those years ago. Only this time
there will be no one to stop us.
Azer cupped her lovely face and leaned down to brush his lips against
Katherine’s. He compelled her to seek his touch.
Open for me.
Immediately rewarded with a tiny moan, Azer shuddered as she wrapped her
slender arms around his waist and opened her mouth beneath his.
Mine…always.
Katherine groaned from the primal sensation of having his tongue against hers.
She tightened her crushing hold, succumbing to the intoxicating spell of growing
passion.
This can’t be real. Nothing that feels this good can be this real.
She spread her fingers wide against his skin and wondered how it was possible
for Azer to feel so cool, especially when she was burning up.
I can just kiss him forever.
Katherine dug her fingers into his massive shoulders and pressed her starved
body closer. She was consumed by the wordless desire to bleed right into him. An
explosion of raw need shocked her system and subtle tremors snaked their way through
the lustful chaos infiltrating every starved nerve. Obsessive asphyxiation inspired
Katherine to cling closer to her sweet tormentor.
I want him so badly…
Ripping her reddened mouth away, she sank blunt teeth into the pale skin of his
neck. Katherine relished the profanely exquisite taste flooding her senses. Her eyes
rolled as she experienced every emotion that had ever visited this man. However, she
wasn’t prepared for what invaded.
“Precious…”
Joy, sorrow, world-weariness, anger, hatred, sadness, lust, misery, giddiness,
pride, hopelessness, disbelief—it all whipped by her in a suffocating flood of ancient
memory. Grimacing in acute pain, she screamed silently while jerking back.
What the hell?
Katherine stared up at him, panting heavily. Her mind was in turmoil and unable
to process everything she had seen.
That’s not possible. There’s no way I felt that right. He’s human—completely
human. Right?
Despite her bravado, every instinct she possessed shrilly warned she should run
far away from this man. Stupidly, recklessly, Katherine refused to listen.
Bullshit. I don’t run from anyone.
The days held no color anymore.
Katherine sat on the floor with her back against the cold, white wall. She could
hear a high-pitched ringing in the distance. It took several seconds for her tired gaze to
focus on the cause of the disturbance. Perched on the small breakfast bar, a plain, blue
phone shrilled incessantly. It demanded she get up and fulfill its function.
Katherine sighed once. She closed her eyes and resumed her solitary vigil, but
not before she glanced at the watch clasped loosely on her thin wrist.
It’s been thirty-four hours and eleven minutes since I last slept. Good. If I keep
this up, maybe I’ll beat my last time of forty-two hours and fifty-eight minutes.
Katherine straightened her legs. She ignored the sharp prodding of hunger and
burning itch of thirst.
I don’t need those things. I’m stronger than that.
Suddenly, her nauseatingly cheerful voice floated throughout the dead
apartment. It mocked her with echoes of another life.
“Hello! You’ve reached Katherine and Mikhail. Obviously we’re not here or just
unavailable, so please leave a message after the beep!”
She cracked a dull eye open. She couldn’t summon the energy to frown, so
instead she stared balefully at the piece of machinery.
Why the hell is it still on?
Katherine expected to hear the familiar dial tone signaling a hang-up. She was
rudely surprised to hear a live voice on the other end.
“Katherine? Are you there? If you are, please pick up the phone.”
She shoved to her feet and stalked towards the bar. Viciously, she pulled the
phone and answering machine out of the wall. She brought her naked foot up and
stomped the hapless equipment until nothing was left except severed wires and jagged,
plastic chunks.
Katherine scarcely glanced down at the inanimate carnage. Instead, she turned
around, came back to the wall, and slid down to resume her lifeless stare.
Katherine pushed Azer to the floor. She registered the muffled thud of flesh and
bone hitting stone. Crouching over him, she ran her nails down his bare chest. She
sought the scent of blood that rushed to expose his pretty colors.
Katherine met his stormy gaze, mildly surprised to find a reflection of her own
volatile emotions. She dug her blunt claws into his pale chest. “You’re not scared.”
Her growl created a devilish smirk on Azer’s lips. It beckoned Katherine to taste
his secret joy. She came closer to nuzzle the alluring curve of Azer’s mouth. Katherine
wanted to understand why he didn’t hum with wariness. She settled her kiss over his
smile, closed her eyes, and fell back down into the silken trap of mindless lust.
He’s not even close to being afraid.
Katherine released her hold after several minutes and stared into the emerald
orbs inches away from hers.
“You’re not scared.”
His heavy lids drifted down. They hid his glee. “Should I be?”
Poor Precious. You want to know why I’m not scared? You’re not capable of
scaring me like THIS.
With a feral grin, Katherine leaned down and languorously tongued each welt,
leaving behind a slick trail. “Maybe. Maybe not.”
Azer’s hand crept up to entwine his fingers firmly within the shining mass of hair.
He felt her start of surprise. “Give into what you want. I promise I won’t break,” he
whispered seductively.
She opened her mouth, terrible longing making its mark on her pretty features. It
entranced him with the purity of her hidden desires.
Come on, Precious! Show me your ugliness.
A shaky laugh passed through Katherine’s lips as she dropped her head. A violent
shudder racked her body. “I bet I’m coming off as an animal to you.” She brushed a
gentle kiss across Azer’s heart as she explained unevenly. “I…haven’t had sex in almost a
year…so my self-control isn’t at its strongest.”
Azer closed his eyes and kept his hold on her hair. “I’ve gone longer.”
Breathing deeply, Katherine felt the wildness recede, no longer on the verge of
bloodlust.
Good, I’m getting some restraint back.
She rubbed her cheek against his delicious flesh. She couldn’t resist kissing him
again. “How long?”
Azer pulled his hand away. “Longer than you.”
She trailed her lips and fingers across his skin, unable to stop touching him.
“Why?”
“Because I’ve been waiting for a girl.”
A shriek of unease flew right through her. Katherine stopped her sensuous
movements. “A girl?” she repeated casually.
Azer’s face tightened. The corners of his beautiful mouth became hard with
suppressed hunger.
Yes, a girl. After all these years, she’s finally in my grasp.
He carefully ran his fingers across her smooth shoulder. “Mmm, a special girl.
One with hair the colors of the sun and the moon and eyes the extraordinary shade of
pure gold.”
Katherine sat up, her legs tense. She was unsure of how to take his words.
Is he serious? Or is he being cheesy?
Azer squeezed her firm thigh and smiled boyishly. “I thought that was better than
just admitting I haven’t had any offers.”
“I’m so glad to hear that,” she lied. “For a second, you were in the stalker zone.”
Katherine brushed her fingers across his chest. She plunged into his mind, needing to
verify the truth.
Completely aware of her actions, Azer ran his hands down to her tiny waist.
“Would you like to take this to the bath, Katherine?”
There’s nothing new here. I’ve seen all this before. Shouldn’t it have changed a
little?
Katherine’s breath hitched and her thoughts came to a crashing halt. Without
looking down, she felt his fingers trace her mound teasingly. The sensation flooded her
body with incomparable fire. She tightened her legs around his lean hips once more.
“Yes!”
Azer couldn’t resist teasing her as he observed her flushed cheeks through
languorous lids. “Katherine?”
“Hmm?” Her distracted answer mirrored the broken thoughts flying through her
mind.
Oh, God…this is just…pure bliss. I want more of him. The more I touch him, the
more alive I feel.
Azer continued his clever stroking. “I can’t get up.”
“What? Oh!” Katherine sprang to her feet and held out a hand. It was obvious by
the wild expression on her face that physical need was beginning to dominate her
normal reactions.
I can still taste him on my lips. Just being this close to him is so intoxicating.
Azer stood up and grasped her small hand in his. He noticed how her attention
fixated on a particular spot between his legs.
She’s coming to me so perfectly, more so than at any time before. At this rate,
we’ll both be free within the hour.
Struggling with his own impatience, Azer was hard pressed to make his voice as
soft as it had been all night. “How about you get in first?”
“What?” she mumbled without looking up. Katherine felt the limits of her control
fading rapidly, the desire to slake her lust clouding all reason.
Why is he still talking? Why aren’t we fucking? I don’t want to wait, but maybe
he isn’t ready yet? Argh! This is what you get when you obviously don’t go slumming.
Azer found wicked pleasure in her private battle. Even at the price of his
supposed manhood. “The bath—you should get in first.” Several seconds passed. “Uh,
Katherine?”
His words finally broke through the fog of desire clouding her mind and reason.
Katherine realized where her stare was and turned around. “Oh, right! Sure.” With that
gauche exclamation, Katherine made her way to the sunken tub on shaky legs.
Jesus, I don’t understand why I keep losing it like this. I felt like I was going to
tear his pants off at any second.
She slid off the last piece of clothing on her body and stepped into the steaming
water. Katherine hissed as she lowered herself into the bath. The heat penetrated all of
her tense muscles, relaxing her beyond belief. Arching her feet out of the water,
Katherine forgot her embarrassment.
“It’s perfect, Azer!”
The only answer Katherine received was the whisper of fabric slithering down
bare flesh. Her eyes widened at the sound. She scooted towards the middle and
slouched, a bout of shyness filling her with sudden modesty.
What’s this all about? I mean it’s not like I was half-naked with him and about
to throw him on the ground. Wait. I DID do that already.
Gentle ripples slid against Katherine’s naked back and shoulders. All inhibitions
fell away as Azer’s intoxicating scent wafted about her. She took a deep breath and
suffered the tingling of untamed passion.
It commanded her to turn around. Katherine obeyed.
She shifted and the water musically undulated against them both. Small beads of
sweat dotted her forehead as the steam rose between their mutual stare. Vivid emerald
devoured swirling gold. Her ravenous gaze melted until it resembled liquid metal, hot
and bright with pure desire.
“You’re beautiful.” The words spilled from her reddened mouth unbidden and
husky with longing.
“I’m not beautiful, Katherine. Not like you.”
Azer’s seductive voice crept over her like nectar, intoxicating Katherine with the
sweet taste of mutual need. She brushed his naked leg with her foot. “We’ll have to agree
to disagree.”
He smiled rakishly. “That we will.”
Katherine’s brows arched in surprise at the wicked look on his face. “Well, well,
well. Now that’s not an expression my shy boy would make.”
Azer’s smile broadened, giving her the impression what she said amused him
tremendously. He reached out with one finger and traced the damp line of her pretty
shoulder. “Maybe I’m not feeling so shy anymore.”
Katherine’s eyes sparkled with increased passion. She adored the sensations his
small touch created. “Good. Shyness stinks.” She released her pent-up breath and
resumed her carnal study. In spite of the simmering heat, Azer’s skin was still flawlessly
pale. Katherine allowed her gaze to drift down and noted his taut stomach. She glanced
at the firmly muscled legs peeking above the water line.
Katherine’s throat closed as her fervent stare dropped. Beneath the creeping
shadows and steaming heat, Azer’s manhood stood prominently away from his body,
unashamedly proclaiming his desire for her.
I don’t want this moment to end. Ever.
“I lied.”
Shaken from her thoughts, a cold shiver raked across her back. “What?”
“I can’t agree to it.”
Katherine looked down grimly and experienced déjà vu.
“I lied.”
“What?”
“I can’t do this anymore.”
She cleared her throat and steeled herself to hear the words. Ones that would
throw her into murderous rage. “What can’t you agree to, Azer?”
“I can’t agree to disagree because you’re the one who’s beautiful.”
“W-What?” Her chest tightened while her eyes itched with awkward relief.
“You’re beautiful, Katherine. Inside and out. Let me show you who I see.” Azer
held out one strong hand and summoned her to come closer. He was confident after the
countless years and unshed tears, their time was now.
This won’t hurt. Come, Precious, let me end this for us both.
Without a second’s pause, Katherine reached out and touched her palm to his.
Their fingers linked together automatically.
He didn’t betray me.
As she pressed her lips against his, she made a decision.
I’m not afraid anymore. I want to feel every part of Azer. Even if it kills me.
Katherine released his mouth. She rested her head against his chin. “Thank you.”
Azer brought his other arm up and splayed his fingers against her bottom. “For
what?”
“Shhh.” She arched her head and bit back a small whimper as her body jolted
with exquisite pleasure. This time, instead of merely observing, Katherine laid herself
wide open to him. She swam through Azer's psyche, absorbing his essence.
It’s so much! All of his feelings, every drop of who he is, it’s all centered right
here.
The intense energy flowing into her mind ricocheted throughout Katherine. It lit
every sense with near-painful emotion. She drew closer until her body was pressed
tightly against his wet chest. Katherine rested her tousled head against the crook of his
neck. She sighed in ecstasy. She greedily soaked in the sensations from their contact.
I haven’t gone this far with anyone…not since Mikhail.
Unbeknownst to her, Azer was experiencing Katherine’s delicious meltdown
firsthand. Just as carefully selected parts of his essence poured over her soul, hers
poured back just as strongly.
That’s right, Precious—don’t be afraid. Just fall into me. Just believe in this.
Soon it will all be over.
His free hand slid up Katherine’s back. He rubbed her with slow, measured
strokes as she lay sprawled in a boneless heap.
“You’re just…this feels so…I can’t explain it.” Never releasing hold of his hand,
Katherine’s reality began to blur, her world somehow melding into his.
Azer’s voice came from a great distance above, comforting and considerate as
always.
“You don’t have to explain anything. I understand.”
“Oh, good,” she sighed drowsily. “That’s so good.” A world of fire painted the
darkness behind her closed lids, creating images that held no real marker in time. A
confused frown marred the smoothness of Katherine’s pink brow.
I don’t understand…
Shifting desert sands and sapphire skies blended hazily into the mighty roar of
water. Suddenly, they erupted into a climatic explosion of burning wood and desperate
flight from beneath the flames. Violence and love intermingled into the dance of life,
leaving one to make the other.
Katherine could feel her breathing slow, but she couldn’t make sense of the
scenes coming into her. The presence to care steadily slipped away.
This is completely beyond sex. This is Azer. This is who he is. I don’t need to
analyze anything else. I just need to soak him in.
Azer’s body became alive as he continued to caress her back. The unforgiving
black ice that encased it creaked and shifted.
I’m so close!
Azer’s excitement became palpable. It came through to the near-unconscious
woman draped across him—if the jump in her sluggish pulse was any indication. Azer
brought his hand up and began to stroke Katherine’s downy nape, paying special
attention to her neck and shoulders.
Don’t wake up from this. Just fall into the beauty of this dream. Forget all the
pain and sadness. Just sleep, Precious. I’ll be waiting for you when you awaken. I
promise.
Soon enough Katherine settled down. Her heart resumed to slow beautifully in
his ear.
As the minutes passed, a healthy flush flared alongside Azer’s sharp cheekbones.
It hinted at the burgeoning warmth taking over his body. He glanced down and flexed
his hand. He was overjoyed to see the veins stand out in relief, a testament to emerging
life. Turning his head, Azer watched with suspense as the shimmering candlelight grew
steadily in height, the tiny flames reaching up in unison towards the heavens.
Katherine’s quivering breath fanned faintly against his neck. Her eyes grew
heavier and heavier. The energy to move was absent, locking her limbs into a pleasant
state of euphoria. She registered their evening hadn’t gone exactly as planned.
She didn’t care.
Katherine forced her eyes open and stared at the rosy flesh inches away. She
yawned tiredly. “I know I said just tonight, but I think I could stay here forever.”
Here where there’s peace and where the nightmares can fade away.
“Mommy! What’s wrong with that lady? Is she sick?”
“Shhh! That’s not a nice thing to say, Timothy. Now, let’s go find that cereal you
wanted. You know, the one on TV?”
“Yeah! I want the stickers that come with it! They’re really cool.”
“Stay by the cart! Now, Timothy, you will eat it this time, won’t you? I don’t
want to waste money on food you won’t eat.”
“I’ll eat it, Mommy!”
The sounds of “Timothy! I said stay by the cart” and “I am!” faded away,
leaving her alone and confused. Katherine looked down at the box of crackers in her
hand.
What’s wrong with me?
Katherine tossed the small carton into her basket with a shrug. She felt a twinge
of nausea in her stomach. Raising her hand up, she brushed back a lock of hair before
it fell back across her cheek. Katherine tucked the wayward curl behind her ear and
continued to shop listlessly.
Nothing appealed to her—not the soups, not the eggs, not even the steaks.
Katherine shifted the basket over her arm and reached down to adjust the
waistband of her jeans. She noticed they pressed uncomfortably against her skin.
I’m not really hungry much anymore. Maybe the crackers should do it.
She made her way to the front. Katherine shoved a hand inside her snug pocket
and fingered the crumpled bills. Once again her hair fell forward. A tiny flicker of
irritation registered in her mind.
A pin must’ve slipped.
Turning around, she remembered a wall of mirrors flanking the back of the
store. Katherine walked back and stopped in front of a case of chilled beef. She set her
shopping basket down and dug in her hair for the misplaced pin, hoping to put the
erring lock back in its place.
“Oh, I remember those days.”
Realizing the voice was addressing her, Katherine reluctantly shifted her
attention from the unruly hair in her hand to the cheerful woman standing a few feet
away. Although it had been weeks since she had spoken to a living soul, she
remembered enough to politely answer.
“Excuse me?”
The older woman nodded towards the beige basket. “For a month all I could eat
was crackers—I was so sick otherwise!”
Katherine asked, “Really. Why?” not caring to hear the explanation.
“Morning sickness. Although it should be called ‘anytime-of-the-day sickness’
when it’s as bad as I had it.” The woman paused. “So how far along are you?”
This time Katherine felt a twinge of annoyance flare up. She shoved the pin into
her hair and mumbled, “What are you talking about?”
“Your pregnancy.” The woman took a closer look, a frown suddenly creasing the
space between her chocolate brows. “Oh, Honey! It’s done a doozy on you! My Lord, I
don’t think I’ve seen anyone look as bad. Must be your first trimester, huh?”
Confidentially she patted the silent girl on the shoulder. “Don’t worry it gets much
better. Judging from the looks of your pants, I’d say you’re almost through with the
third month. Am I right?”
Katherine pulled her arm away. “No, you’re wrong. I’m not pregnant.”
“Oh. I’m sorry…my mistake. It’s just, well, I’m a nurse and I see quite a bit of
women—”
“You’re wrong. Excuse me.” Katherine walked away without her basket and
shut out the sounds buzzing around her. Within a minute, she passed the glass doors
and headed out into the colorless landscape.
As she trudged towards her empty apartment, Katherine heard the cars
rumbling by. She automatically covered her delicate nose against the noxious fumes
threatening to send vomit up her throat. She turned off the sidewalk and made her
way across the manicured landscape. She was careful not to crush the fauna on
account of her clumsy footsteps.
Katherine climbed up wooden steps before stopping in front of a dark green
door. She turned the knob and stepped into a world of stale air. She shut the door with
a mute slam and made her way to the large bathroom. Flipping the light switch, she
stood still for several seconds and stared in numb shock at the stranger wearing her
clothes.
Oh, my God. That little boy was right—what is wrong with me? I look terrible!
Locked in a dismal depression for several months, Katherine hadn’t taken a
good look at herself. Now she wished she hadn't. She slid off her brown flannel shirt,
grimly becoming accustomed with the gaunt image that peered back at her. In rapid
succession a snug top, stretched jeans, constricting bra, and tight panties all fell to the
floor to form a disjointed pile of useless modesty.
Several seconds passed in dead silence before a horrified cry broke through.
“What is wrong with me?”
“I know what you’re feeling, Precious, I know. But don’t worry—you can stay here
forever if you want. You can stay where it doesn’t hurt. You can forget all those
memories and become someone new.”
Azer pressed a tender kiss on her cheek and waited for a response.
There was none.
He laid his hand between her shoulder blades. Despite the bath’s intense heat,
the slick skin felt cool. He glided warm fingers down Katherine’s backside and squeezed
her luscious hip. A stirring of conflicted lust seized him with even greater intensity than
before. Careful to keep their significant grip in place, he turned her limp body until
Katherine’s head rested against the tub’s marble edge.
Azer caressed her beautiful figure with a possessive gaze. He couldn’t resist
reaching out and laying his hand across her flat belly. “This womb of yours has caused
you so much pain. If only you could’ve been blessed with sterility, Precious.”
Whatever Katherine’s answer would’ve been remained forever locked inside her
mind. Only the slight parting of her bloodless lips attested to fleeting life.
Azer leaned down and licked her neck languidly. He tasted the weak thread of her
dying pulse with selfish pleasure.
“I’ve missed you. It’s hard to believe that we were friends once, isn’t it? Maybe if
we had stayed that way…but…”
As he lovingly brushed back a blond tendril, Azer’s expression grew stormy with
memories of a past from long ago.
“But I couldn’t help myself and therein lies my downfall.” He snorted in disgust.
“Do you know I hated you for so long, Katherine? I spent years fantasizing about killing
you in every way imaginable, even tonight, but in the end I couldn’t do it…”
He brought up their linked hands and gently kissed the back of hers. “I still
remember your kindness, your trust, your purity.” He caressed each slender digit
reverently. “In this life you’ve lost your way, choosing to lock away the beauty inside to
reflect the ugliness in here.”
He tapped her heart for emphasis.
“And it’s all because of him.”
Heavy silence descended, blanketing his soliloquy with confusion and jealousy.
Azer lifted their joined hands in fury. “Each life with that bastard has left you nothing
but betrayal and misery! From the beginning until now, he’s only sought to use your
love, before disposing it like garbage. So why do you keep seeking him? Why can’t you
break the chain binding you?”
Azer peered down into Katherine’s peaceful face. He felt his rage leave as quickly
as it had come. Inexplicable sadness darkened his emerald gaze, while pure melancholy
tugged relentlessly at the corners of his generous mouth. He came within a hairsbreadth
of her pale lips.
“I guess it doesn’t matter much anymore, does it?”
He let out a dejected sigh and brought their hands down in the water again.
“I’ve spent centuries plotting this moment and in the end I couldn’t kill you. I
couldn’t do it…except like this. Through a lie. But it won’t be forever. I’ll wait for you to
come back, pure and untainted from his lust. I’ll keep you from him, even if I have to
steal you away from your mother’s love.”
Azer rested his rosy cheek against her plump breast.
“If you could see us now, I wonder if you’d think me a monster?” He heaved
another small sigh and answered himself. “I don’t think you would. I think you’d
understand. You always did, even from the beginning.” A bittersweet smile hovered on
his lips. “Stupid, foolish girl.”
Several minutes ticked while the flow of energy and life pulsed rhythmically
between them. Without looking up, he sensed his body changing, the image she created
shifting into his own.
In the ruthless fashion of life, as her body lay dying Azer’s was coming brilliantly
into existence again. Across the distance, he could hear the deafening silence gain new
texture, no longer a dimension for the damned.
“Azer…”
It was barely a ghost of a whisper, but the sound of her tiny voice saying his name
brought a tremor of guilty joy to his sleeping heart. He closed his eyes.
“You have no idea how many years have passed by with me dreaming about this
very moment. And now that it’s here…now that it’s here…”
Azer clutched Katherine’s slack form. He pressed an exquisitely mournful kiss of
goodbye against her parted lips. As he slid his tongue against hers, he tasted the painful
beauty that defined who she had become.
“So wonderful…so infinite…this is what I’ve dreamed of for so long.”
This was the end and he had he won.
Finally, he had beat Time, Fate, and Love.
And now…
“Let go, Precious. Let go of the pain. You don’t need to hold onto it any longer.
Become reborn—become reborn for us both.”
Azer parted her legs and settled his body between hers. He shook off the notion
he was defiling a helpless and innocent creature. He lifted up Katherine’s thigh with his
free hand and tenderly probed the delicate tissue. He readied himself to thrust into her
and end this game of destiny.
Ah, my darling girl, I will miss you. For as long as I have hated you, I never
could stop adoring you and because of that…I’ll miss you. But our separation won’t be
forever.
Azer poured all of his energy into their final kiss. His body hummed from the last
moments of being caught between two worlds. The flames cocooning both macabre
lovers continued to rise. Releasing her unresponsive mouth from their tender kiss, he
narrowed his eyes and growled gutturally against Katherine’s ashen lips.
“And now that it’s here…I’m sorry it has to be this way…but I’m glad. I’m GLAD
because I want to live again!”
CHAPTER SIX
“Stripping away the Skin”
Time never pauses or stops.
But sometimes it takes pity on those too foolish to realize it.
Please let me stay a fool.
The world was white.
A stark, emotionless white.
It wasn’t a white that inspired suffering, joy, or even boredom. It wasn’t the white
of sweet innocence or unremembered dreams. It wasn’t the kind of white that defined
the purity of an unmarked soul.
It was just a plain, dispassionate white.
Hunched down in the midst of this colorless world, Katherine stared at her bare
toes. She was unmindful of the fact she was now clothed in a short, gauzy white dress.
They were rather small—even her big toe—but very pretty. She couldn't remember her
feet looking so nice. How could she run so quickly? Where were all the calluses?
Running. Hmm. It’s something I did—I know it! But why? Where would I run
to? I can’t seem to remember anything.
“It’s not where you were running to, but rather what you were running from.”
Katherine looked up in surprise. She peered at the figure in black standing
several feet away. A tiny frown tugged at the corners of her rosy mouth, shattering the
cast of Katherine’s unnaturally flawless face. Despite the excited shout of recognition
trumpeting from within her heart, the man’s name failed to make its presence known to
her blank mind.
Look into my eyes. Look deep and please remember me, Katharina.
Obeying without question, she locked her bemused gaze onto his.
It’s you!
She drowned within his precious eyes. She marveled at how exquisitely pure and
clear they were.
So pretty…just like jewels.
She clutched her knees and shouted eagerly. “My fairy!”
A poignant expression swept across his beautiful face. Katherine got the distinct
impression somehow she had made him very sad.
The man shook his head. “No. I’m someone different.”
“I’m sorry.” Katherine tilted her head and wondered how she could’ve been
wrong.
I know him…the accent is almost the same, but those eyes…I do remember them.
Maybe just not as vivid. Who is he?
Seconds passed in speculative silence before realization unfurled its biased petals
and obliterated the placid stillness from her mind. Katherine’s eyes widened as she
realized who he was.
“Then…but you can’t be…you’re…it’s not possible!” Her delicate fingers reached
up and rubbed her throbbing temples, stoically pleading for the pain to go away.
Something tells me he shouldn’t be here. But why?
The dark figure came closer and crouched down. He brushed back a shimmering
lock of her hair. “I see that it still falls into your face. Does it bother you as much as it
used to?”
“My name is Mikhail DeMontier. What’s yours?”
…
“Katherine. It’s a good name, I like it.”
…
“Would you like to get something to eat with me?”
…
“I know. That’s why you should let me buy you something to eat.”
Katherine reached up to touch his hand. “M-Mikhail?” The arrogant smile she
suddenly remembered so well touched his lips. It awakened a pleasurable coil in the pit
of her stomach and destroyed the pain in her tattered mind. Squeezing the fingers
beneath hers, Katherine cried, “Mikhail! It’s you!”
His jade eyes lightened with pleasure. “So you do remember me.” Mikhail raised
her hand to his mouth and kissed it softly, demonstrating how delighted her recognition
made him.
A near-hysterical laugh escaped Katherine. “How could I’ve ever forgotten? How
could I, for one second, have ever forgotten you?”
Her sleeping heart awoke as she studied his beloved face with starved eyes.
Slivers of memories blossomed to remind her what life had been like beside this man.
She traced the sharp angle of his high cheekbones reverently and felt tears spill from her
eyes. “I don’t know why, but somehow I thought I’d never see you again, Mikhail.”
“You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone again.”
He released her hand and dropped his head. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Katharina,”
he apologized in a husky voice.
I loved how he’d sometimes say my name like that. It made me feel so taken care
of, so secure…so special.
A faint blush dusted her cheeks, erasing the porcelain cast of immortality.
Katherine ran her fingers through the rich, gold strands that fell over his brow.
“Katharina,” she murmured in awe. “I forgot that was my name too.” She replayed his
accented voice in her mind and grinned sweetly. “It sounds so much prettier when you
say it though.”
Mikhail’s breathtaking smile opened the floodgates of forgotten happiness in her
soul. He picked Katherine up and settled her onto his lap. Resting his chin on her
fragrant hair, he squeezed her tightly.
“You’ve been in my mind everyday since all those years ago. I haven’t forgotten
anything about you. Not. One. Thing.”
Katherine lifted her face and kissed his bare neck. She gasped from the jolt that
flowed between them. Dropping her head on his shoulder, she reeled from the
sensations rushing into her clouded mind.
“I want to show you who I am.”
“You can still read me, can’t you?” Feeling her quick nod, Mikhail dropped
another kiss onto her beautiful crown. “That was one of the things I missed the most—
how with one touch, you’d know me inside and out.”
Katherine felt him reach out and enfold her within gossamer tendrils of loving
acceptance. “How long has it been?”
A shudder of pain rippled through their connection. Katherine knew his answer
wouldn’t be pleasant. However, instead of a long, heartfelt explanation he kept his
answer short. “Too long, my love. Too long.”
Katherine kissed his neck again. Closing her eyes, she clutched him tighter. “It
doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’re here together now.”
This is the only thing that matters.
“You know what I’m feeling, don’t you?”
I love you.
“Yes.” She nuzzled his chest with her downy cheek. “I love you too. I know that
I’ve always loved you.”
“I love you. I love you more than anything in this realm. I will love you until the
breath leaves my body. I will love you beyond this world. I will protect you from harm,
even at the cost of my life. Honor, vengeance, and loyalty are the bonds between us,
now and forever more. This I, Mikhail DeMontier, swear to you, Katherine Merror.”
He tightened his hold on her. “I love you too.” A moment passed in dulcet peace
before Mikhail spoke again. “Can you hear my thoughts?”
“I don’t know. Maybe? I think so. That’s not normal, is it?”
“Mmm.” The nondescript sound answered everything and nothing. Mikhail
squeezed her once. “Do you know where we are?” Despite the ease of his tone, a vein of
seriousness underscored each word.
Katherine shook her head, her reply muffled against his linen shirt. “No. Don’t
care either. You’re the only thing I care about right now. You.”
“But do you remember me?”
The long pause was answer enough.
“I remember your name. I know I love you. I know that being with you right now
feels right. That’s all I care about.”
Unbeknownst to her, a dismal expression settled on his face. The absolute
desolation raked sharp claws across the beautiful fantasy of a dream.
Ah, my Katharina, if only this was real.
“Stop being sad.”
A bittersweet smile curled his full lips while sorrow turned his eyes from bright
jade to melancholy olive. He twirled the end of a golden curl around his finger. “Maybe
I'm always sad and that's what you feel.”
“This is new sadness.” She stroked his arm with delicate fingers. “I don’t want you
to be unhappy.”
He caressed her back with the gentlest of touches. “You always were such a
headstrong girl. Why would it be any different now?”
Katherine closed her eyes and ignored Mikhail’s exasperated words. Instead she
came closer to him, much like a pup seeking warmth from her littermates. She sighed
once as she inhaled his delicious scent. “Oh, you smell so wonderful.”
“Not as wonderful as you do.”
Mikhail brought his hand down to Katherine’s. Their fingers clasped together,
signifying a moment in time when nothing had changed. He expanded his lungs to full
capacity and let out his pent-up breath in a slow moan of appreciation.
“Your scent always reminded me of night. All I ever had to do to be close to you
was go outside. No matter where I was, you were beside me. The trees, the stars, the
moon—you were in each of them.”
Katherine bit her lip and removed his hand. She wrapped her arms around his
lean waist. “It’s as if I’ve been looking for you, or some part of you,” she admitted in a
small, fragile voice. “I don’t know why, but I feel as if you’ve been haunting all of my
days.”
Katherine closed her eyes in bewildered sadness and squeezed him further. Her
voice dropped several pitches.
“I feel like something horrible happened. Almost as if I was searching for
forgiveness, but never able to find peace.”
The vulnerability shrouding Katherine’s lost spirit shot him straight through the
heart. But it was her next question that almost brought Mikhail to the verge of collapse.
“Did I do something bad?”
He crushed her against his broad chest. Mikhail communicated through touch
how much it grieved him to hear her words. As he peered into the hated whiteness
surrounding them both, tears welled in his shadowed eyes and cascaded down his face.
“Katharina…it shouldn’t have been that way. If only—”
He stopped talking, leaving her to wonder what was being left unsaid. Katherine
looked up into his mournful visage and saw his damp eyes. “Don’t cry, Mikhail. Please
don’t cry. Whatever it is, as long as we’re together, we can face it.”
Instead of providing comfort, her sincere words only fueled his pain, inspiring
more tears of grief to form.
“If only it were that simple, Katherine.”
She frantically brushed the wetness away from his cheeks and flinched at the
desolation flooding into her being. “So something did happen?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. Did we fix it?”
Without Mikhail uttering a single sound, Katherine could hear the secrets in his
soul screaming their pain. She peered intently into his tormented eyes, not
understanding the cause of his hurt, but instinctively driven to banish his agony.
“Stop, Mikhail. Please. It’ll be fine.” Katherine pressed her lips against his and
kissed him. She sought to soothe her beloved’s pain by taking it into herself.
“Katharina…oh, God.”
Mikhail returned her caress ravenously. He weaved his fingers through her
honey-blond hair, forever disrupting its unnatural perfection. He nipped her full lower
lip and waited until she opened her eyes. He needed her to really see him and
remember.
Look at me, Katharina. You have to remember everything.
She heard his wordless plea. The lust he saw burning inside scorched him,
leaving him as bloody ashes. Unable to resist another kiss, Mikhail moaned from the
pure ecstasy humming through his body. How many years had passed in wretched
loneliness? How had he survived the constant yearning to see her smile, to hear her
laughter, to feel her love?
Guilt took Mikhail by the throat. He ended their kiss with a pained whimper.
Leaning his temple against Katherine’s, he whispered, “If I could go back and do it
differently, I swear I would. I would’ve kept you by my side instead of turning from you.
But I can’t change what’s been done…I can’t erase my sins.”
“I don’t understand, Mikhail.”
“You will.” He pulled back with terrible regret. Mikhail watched every nuance of
her beautiful face compulsively, desperate to keep this moment in time. “I love you so
much.”
Katherine gazed up into his handsome face with unconditional adoration. “I love
you too.”
Mikhail tilted her head back and exposed the graceful line of Katherine’s throat.
He brought his face closer, his nose mere millimeters away from her skin. “If only we
could keep this moment and be like this forever…”
As she stared up into the white space above, Katherine didn’t question the
strangeness of the world she woke up in. Nor did she question how she was in the arms
of a man she felt she hadn’t seen in years. The only thing she questioned was the space
in between the beautiful memories drifting in her mind.
I want to remember him. Please let me remember him.
Katherine sunk her fingers into the fine hair at his nape and moaned in pained
pleasure. The desire clouding her eyes fell away as her face blazed in breathtaking joy.
Their existence together was no longer a hazy glass filled with intangible emotions, but
rather a clear mirror reflecting back all she knew of Mikhail.
I know you!
“So how old are you?”
…
“I CAN make you smile. Now if I can get you to talk to me, then my day will be
complete! Oh, no. Quick, Mikhail—think of something. She almost laughed at the threat
of your bodily harm. If you do something incredibly stupid and get hurt, maybe she’ll
smile again.”
Katherine clutched his inky collar and yelled in excitement. “I remember
everything about you! I remember the way you laugh, the way you growl.”
“Have you ever been in love?”
…
“You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone again.”
…
“I love your mouth too. See how wonderfully it fits against mine?”
…
“When you’re wet with me here, we’re the EXACT same shade.”
…
“Well, you’re probably just attracted to my pheromones because I’m your mate.”
“I remember the way you like your steaks cooked. I know that your favorite color
is black. I know that you have a scar on your left thigh.” Laughing giddily, she jumped
up and spun away from Mikhail’s haunted gaze before stopping with a final twirl. “I
remember how pretty your ears can be!”
I can stop running now that I’ve found you again. I can stop running!
Katherine rushed back to him and dropped to her knees. “I love you so much!”
She clasped his hands. “I can’t remember much of my life before us but I know I’d still
give everything up to be with you.” Katherine lifted their hands and kissed his fingers
with all the devotion bursting in her heart. “I want to stay here with you. Forever.”
“The moment I saw you, I knew you were the one.”
…
“Will you belong to me forever?”
Brittle silence met Katherine’s impassioned vow. It demolished the bubble of joy
that had encompassed them both. Katherine gripped his hand tighter as a shiver of
foreboding crawled across her soul. She whimpered nervously. “Mikhail?”
Heartbreak crossed his solemn face, transforming pure elation to terrible grief.
Mikhail swallowed once and glanced away. “You can’t.”
Wounded, she drew back. “W-Why not?”
Mikhail stood and drew Katherine up as well. He ran a finger across her cheek.
“Because you don’t belong here.”
Terrible loneliness shrieked through Katherine, bringing back a familiar coldness
to settle in her stomach. She twisted her hands together. “I don’t understand. I love you
and you love me.”
Sheer misery took over his expression. “I do love you, but that doesn’t change the
fact that you can’t be here with me anymore.”
Katherine shook her head in bewilderment. Echoes from another life hissed a sly
warning in her ear. They drove a shaft of animosity into her bleeding heart.
“Ah!”
She gasped in pain. Katherine slammed clenched fists against her bowed head,
somehow hoping to drive the intense agony away. Ignoring Mikhail’s frantic, “What’s
the matter?” she concentrated with all of her might on fighting the pure torture intent
on ripping her brain to shreds. The world faded to black as putrid pain razed through
every part of her body.
Why is this happening? It hurts so bad!
Katherine raked her nails down her face. She let out a piercing scream. Lost in
hopeless anguish, she felt something tightening around her limbs like a tourniquet,
driving her to the brink of maddened collapse within seconds.
“Katherine! What’s wrong? What’s happening to you?”
A guttural wail pressed past her clenched teeth. Mikhail disappeared from her
sight as the world continued down its spiral of crushing black. Choking, she labored to
breathe through the agony methodically suffocating her lungs. The brutal sensations of
her limbs being smashed apart, reshaped, and then smashed again tore through
Katherine’s body. She sobbed pathetically as she tried to stay on her feet.
Oh, my God! It hurts!
Tears streamed down her twisted face in a flood of acute suffering that knew no
end. Shaking violently, Katherine warred between fighting the demonic torment tearing
her body apart and giving into a sea of crimson torture. Katherine raised her fists in the
air and wailed in supplication, “Somebody…please…help me!”
“Katharina!”
She gripped her arms and dug her nails into the pale flesh, surely rending bits of
skin. Katherine’s knees wobbled. She looked down wildly. She wanted to see bright red
claw marks marring her flesh, but saw it was as smooth as before.
“What’s wrong? Please tell me!”
Sinking into insanity, Katherine knew her entire body was turning inside out
without shedding a single drop of blood.
“Just like…it’s been. I’ve been dying…ah…from wounds…no one…could see!”
“You’re not dying! You can’t! Fight back! Do you hear me? Fight back!”
AUTHOR NOTE
Thank you for taking the time to download and read this 50% sample from
Vicious Bliss: fallen! I really appreciate you giving an unknown, indie author a
chance. I truly hope you enjoyed this maudlin, tragic romance and are ready to find out
what happens next.
You may purchase Vicious Bliss: fallen at the following locations:
•
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Vicious-Bliss-fallen-2010ebook/dp/B003O68EUU
•
Smashwords: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/15164
•
PayPal (via Payloadz – link will be emailed to you at email address
provided during purchase and/or email address used for PayPal:
http://www.payloadz.com/go/?id=1250868
Please contact me with any questions and/or concerns at the following address:
cdc (at) claudiadchristian (dot) com
Thanks again and please feel free to visit my website for updates, reviews, and
news on upcoming releases: www.claudiadchristian.com