1. shopping
2. gifts
3. flowers

Child Maintenance
F a mily- b a s e d A r r a ng e m e nt F o r m
I’ve split
up with my
partner and
I really don’t
know what
to do…
I ONLY
WANT
WHAT’S
BEST
FOR THE
KIDS
I’m confused
about who
pays what
for the
children…
C hild m a inte na nc e a nd f a mily - b a s e d
arrangements
What is child maintenance?
All parents have a responsibility to provide financially for their child
even if they live apart from the child and the other parent. Child
maintenance is regular, reliable financial support that helps towards
the child’s everyday living costs. The parent who is not the child’s
main day­to­day carer pays child maintenance to the parent who is
the main carer.
Who we are
Child Maintenance Choices provides impartial information and
support to help parents make informed choices about child
maintenance. Child Maintenance Choices is a service provided by the
Child Maintenance Service, which provides impartial information and
support about all the different child maintenance options available.
What is a family­based arrangement?
If you and the other parent can agree on how to provide child
maintenance for your child without getting the courts or the Child
Maintenance Service involved – this is called a family­based
arrangement. If you feel able to work with the other parent, then this
could be an option for you. If you are not the parent of a child but you
do provide the main day­to­day care for that child, you can also put in
place a family­based arrangement with the parent who is not the
main carer.
2
Why is it a good idea?
If you can make a family­based arrangement, it can help to keep
things on good terms with the other parent. It costs nothing to set up
and nobody else needs to be involved. Plus, the two of you may be
able to agree new terms, quickly and easily, as your circumstances
change.
Is a family­based arrangement right for me and my child?
You know your situation better than anyone else. If you, as parents,
think you can make an arrangement between yourselves, it may be
worth trying. If that’s not possible, then you can ask the Child
Maintenance Service to put an arrangement in place which can
be enforced.
What if there is more than one child involved?
If you’ve got more than one child with the same parent, you may be
able to make an arrangement for all of your children at the same time.
Our family­based arrangement form has space for up to 6 children.
If you have children with more than one person, you will have to make
an arrangement with each of them individually.
Working out a right figure
In a family­based arrangement, you don’t have to follow a strict
formula to work out child maintenance. You and the other parent
could agree on a weekly figure or include voluntary payments which
are not money paid from one parent to the other, but where one
parent pays for things like taking your child on holiday, buying school
uniforms and clothes, food, fees or home repairs. The important thing
is that the final family­based arrangement is one you both agree on
and one that provides reliable financial support to help towards your
child’s everyday living costs. If you need help calculating the amount
of maintenance to pay, based on income call us on 0800 028 7439.
3
Agreeing how often
Once you’ve both agreed on how much the maintenance payments
will be, you need to decide how often they’re going to be paid.
It could be weekly, every two weeks, every four weeks or monthly –
whatever suits both of you best. Some people find it easier to budget
by paying or receiving maintenance payments at the same time as
salary or benefits come into the bank account. Again, whether this is
best for you will depend on your circumstances.
How to make or receive payments
There are lots of different ways to make or receive the payments.
It can be done by standing order, by cheque, by cash or via a Money
Transfer Service such as Pay­pal or Moneygram. More information on
using a Money Transfer Service can be obtained from our website
www.nidirect.gov.uk/choices.
A standing order is the best way of making sure the payments are
made in full, on time and are recorded on paper. If you both agree to
use cheque or cash, make sure you keep written records of all
payments.
Keeping a written record
Whatever you both agree, it’s vital that you put it down clearly in
writing so there is no misunderstanding. Even though it may not be a
legally binding document, signing your names to a written
arrangement like this family­based arrangement form is a strong sign
of your personal commitment.
What if my circumstances change?
Things change over time, so you may want to review your
arrangement from time to time, to take any changes into account.
Both parents should agree on a reasonable time to discuss things
together again. How often you choose to review your arrangement will
depend on your own circumstances (for example, changes to your
employment, new relationships and living arrangements).
4
Keeping up payments
One downside to a family­based arrangement is that it’s not usually
legally binding or enforceable. If the parent who is supposed to pay
fails to pay the agreed amount, or your family­based arrangement fails
for any reason, another option is for you to use the Child Maintenance
Service, we will talk you through your choices on 0800 028 7439.
What if the other parent doesn’t do what is agreed?
If your family­based arrangement breaks down talk to the other parent
or call us at Child Maintenance Choices for information on
renegotiating your arrangement.
If that doesn’t work we can talk you through your other choices such
as use of the Child Maintenance Service and the benefits the use of
this service may provide. Call us on 0800 028 7439 or visit
www.nidirect.gov.uk/choices if you’d like to find out more.
5
Discussion Guide
S te p O n e – W h a t d o y o u w a n t to ta lk a b o u t?
Things to think about
You may want to list the issues you wish to talk about. This could be
anything from paying child maintenance, taking your child on holidays
or paying for school uniform.
What are your priorities?
Looking at your list, which issues do you feel are more important to
sort out than others? You might both agree on simple issues that are
low priorities, so consider starting with these to find some common
ground.
What is your ideal outcome?
You probably won’t get it, but what do you really want for each issue?
What will you settle for?
Successful discussions are all about compromise. If you and the other
parent both have realistic goals with the child’s interests at heart, you
might be able to reach a compromise faster than you expect.
S te p Tw o – H o w d o y o u w a nt to ta lk ?
If you are communicating with the other parent already, how
would you rate it?
Is it usually very good, good, fair, difficult or very difficult?
If you are not communicating now, might you be able to in
the future?
Think about the things that get in the way at the moment and how you
could change them in the future.
6
If you don’t feel you can communicate at all, then consider using the
Child Maintenance Service. If things change you can start to
communicate and change your arrangement. Give Choices a call on
0800 028 7439 and we’ll talk you through your options.
When you talked in the past, what worked best?
Thinking about any things you agreed on in the past, did you find
things you could agree on and did you find things you couldn’t?
What worked for you and what didn’t?
What have you agreed on recently?
Maybe it was just something small like a change to the time your child
was dropped off or an arrangement to share the cost of a school trip.
What might make your discussion difficult?
Are you still angry with each other? Do either of you find it difficult to
say what you want?
Try to avoid this happening again and remember you’ll be having this
discussion for the good of your child.
How would you prefer to communicate?
Would it be best to communicate with the other parent face­to­face or
by letter, email, phone or through friends? Would the other parent
want to communicate in a different way?
If you want to talk face­to­face where would it be best to
meet?
You could meet in your house, the other parent’s house or at a friend
or relative’s home. Would it be better to meet in a public place?
Would it be useful to have someone else at the meeting?
Some people like to have a mediator or friend with them when they
meet the other parent. Would this help either of you? Many parents
find it easier to write down what they want to say.
7
S te p T h r e e – P u ttin g y o u r id e a s f o r w a r d
How will you tell the other parent about your ideas?
Will you write your proposals down, or just tell them? Will you give all
your ideas at the same time, or individually? Will you give alternatives?
What ideas do you think the other parent will suggest?
They will have views on what kind of arrangement they want. Look at
the ideas you have written down. How closely do you think they’ll
match the other parent’s plans?
Which ideas do you think will be the hardest to agree on?
Some issues will be more complicated and important than others.
S te p F o u r – A g r e e in g o n y o u r p la n s
How will you know what you have decided on?
You will both need to know what you have decided on. How will you
be sure? Some parents find it useful to formally record arrangements
so you can both refer back to them. Would this be helpful for you?
If you decide to record your arrangements, how will you do
it?
Will you write your arrangement down or ask another person to
witness your arrangement? Will you each keep a copy of a written
arrangement or will you pass it to someone to look after? Why not use
the family­based arrangement form from Child Maintenance Choices?
If you find that you can’t reach an arrangement between yourselves,
maybe leave that point, and agree to discuss it later with a mediator
present.
8
Do you want your arrangements to be legally binding?
Family­based arrangements are not normally legally binding, but the
courts could make it more enforceable. Do you think this would be
helpful in your situation?
How long will your arrangements last for?
Situations and needs change, so most arrangements are only useful
for a limited time. Do you think it would be useful to agree on review
dates?
How will you know if your arrangements are working?
Write down the key points that will help you decide whether or not
your arrangement is working. If any of your arrangements break down
how will you deal with it, is there anything that you could agree now
that would make it easier to talk about problems in the future?
How will each of you propose any changes that you want to
make?
Your children’s needs and your own needs will change over time.
How will you go about changing your arrangements?
What do you want to negotiate on?
You may find it useful to make a list of all the different things that you
might need to make arrangements about.
If you are unsure of where to start with this list you may wish to
consider using headings such as Issues, Priority, Ideal Outcome, What
would you settle for and Putting forward your ideas.
9
T h e c o s t o f r a i s i n g yo u r c h i l d
The following pages can help you start thinking about the things you
want to include in your family­based arrangement form. The things
your child needs will depend on their age, so the items listed are just
suggestions to help you make a start. They may cover things you
don’t want to be in your arrangement and there may well be things
you want to add.
Think about the cost of each item and then note down the cost to
mum and the cost to dad. Then work out the maintenance
contribution that will be made. This might be as simple as splitting the
difference or you may want to vary it according to the amount of
money you each earn.
Baby – day­to­day items
As well as the day­to­day costs of bringing up a baby, there are a
range of other costs that you will need to think about. lf your
relationship is fairly co­operative, many of the items listed here, such
as buggies and car seats, may be shared. However, this isn’t possible
in all cases or with all items. lt is important to make sure that your
baby has everything that they need whether they are with mum or
dad. You may also want to include other items in your arrangement
such as savings for their future and holidays.
Food – agree an amount for each of your baby’s meals and then work
out how many mealtimes you will each be providing for your baby.
Nappies – work out how many nappies your baby needs each week
and then think about how many you will each need for the time that
your baby is with you.
Childcare – will either of you need to pay for childcare? This can be
expensive.
10
Toiletries and medicines – it’s important that you have all of the
necessary toiletries and medicines to keep your baby healthy and
happy. Decide which ones will travel with your baby and which need
to be held permanently in each house.
Toys, books and other play items – the cost of play things for babies
need not be high, but make sure that your child has enough toys.
Remember, it’s important that your baby’s favourite thing, a teddy or
soft blanket for example, is with your baby wherever they are.
Other (list any other items that you feel you want to include).
Other items you may want to consider could be a cot, bedding, pram
or buggy, car seat, high chair, baby monitor and changing/feeding/
bathing equipment.
Younger child – day­to­day items
As well as the day­to­day costs of bringing up a child, there are a
range of other costs that you will need to think about. lf your
relationship is fairly co­operative, many of the items listed here may
be shared. However, this isn’t possible in all cases or with all items
and it is important to make sure that your child has everything that
they need whether they are with mum or dad. You may also want to
include other items in your arrangement such as savings for their
future and holidays.
Food – work out how many meal times you will each be providing for
your child and the kinds of meals you have agreed to provide. lt can
be a good idea to work out and agree a set amount for each of the
main meals of the day.
Childcare – will either of you need to pay for childcare, such as after
school clubs? This can be an expensive item.
11
Clothing – think about your child’s clothing needs. Some parents
choose to have two sets of clothing while others prefer to share.
You might need to include school uniform, sports kits etc. Think about
your own circumstances and decide what will be best for you and
your child.
Toiletries and medicines – it’s important that you have all of the
necessary toiletries and medicines to keep your child healthy and
happy. Decide which ones will travel with your child and which need
to be held permanently in each house.
Toys, books and other play items – it’s important for your child to
have the things that they need whether they are with mum or dad.
Your child may be able to take larger toys, such as computer laptops
or bikes, between homes.
Travel – think about any travel costs your child may have such as
getting to school and clubs.
Activities – lots of children take part in a range of activities such as
swimming, dance or music lessons, football and other outdoor clubs
or youth clubs.
Other items you may want to consider could be trips out with friends,
haircuts, school trips, a computer, or a bike.
Older child and teens – day­to­day
As well as the day­to­day costs, there are a range of other costs that
you will need to think about. lf your relationship is fairly co­operative,
many of the items listed below may be shared. However this isn’t
possible in all cases or with all items and it is important to make sure
that your child has everything they need, whether they are with mum
or dad. You may also want to include other items in your arrangement
such as savings for their future and holidays.
12
Food – work out how many meal times you will each be providing for
your child and the kinds of meals you have agreed to provide. lt can
be a good idea to work out and agree a set amount for each of the
main meals of the day.
Clothing – think about your child’s clothing needs. Some parents
choose to have two sets of clothing while others prefer to share.
You might need to include school uniform, sports kits etc. Think about
your own circumstances and decide what will be best for you and
your child. Older children will often want more expensive clothes – try
to agree how you will deal with this.
Toiletries and medicines – older children and teens will need hygiene
products. Girls will usually want beauty products and older boys will
need shaving equipment.
Entertainment – think about the costs of things such as magazines,
trips to the cinema, meals in town with friends, DVDs and MP3
downloads.
Travel – think about any costs your child may have such as getting to
school or college and other regular activities.
Other items you may want to consider could be trips out with friends,
haircuts, school trips, a computer, or a bike.
13
O u r fa m ily- b a s e d a r r a ng e m e nt
What we’ve agreed about child maintenance for our children.
A. Our children
Who we’re responsible for:
Our first child
Full name
Date of Birth
/
/
/
/
/
/
Address
Our second child
Full name
Date of Birth
Address
Our third child
Full name
Date of Birth
Address
14
Our fourth child
Full name
Date of Birth
/
/
/
/
/
/
Address
Our fifth child
Full name
Date of Birth
Address
Our sixth child
Full name
Date of Birth
Address
15
B. The parents
Who made the arrangement and agreed to
follow it:
Mother
Full name
Address
Phone
Email
Income
£
Father
Full name
Address
Phone
Email
Income
16
£
C. The payments
If you need help calculating the amount of maintenance to pay,
call us on 0800 028 7439.
For our first child
Full name
Date of Birth
/
/
Who pays?
How much?
£
How did you reach
the final amount?
How often?
(e.g. once a week, once a month, twice a year)
First payment date
/
/
(e.g. last working day of the month)
Paid by
(e.g. cash, cheque, standing order, etc)
Voluntary payments
(e.g. holidays, school fees or uniforms, lessons,
clothes, etc)
Value
£
How often?
Review date
/
/
17
C. The payments
If you need help calculating the amount of maintenance to pay,
call us on 0800 028 7439.
For our second child
Full name
Date of Birth
/
/
Who pays?
How much?
£
How did you reach
the final amount?
How often?
(e.g. once a week, once a month, twice a year)
First payment date
/
/
(e.g. last working day of the month)
Paid by
(e.g. cash, cheque, standing order, etc)
Voluntary payments
(e.g. holidays, school fees or uniforms, lessons,
clothes, etc)
Value
£
How often?
Review date
18
/
/
C. The payments
If you need help calculating the amount of maintenance to pay,
call us on 0800 028 7439.
For our third child
Full name
Date of Birth
/
/
Who pays?
How much?
£
How did you reach
the final amount?
How often?
(e.g. once a week, once a month, twice a year)
First payment date
/
/
(e.g. last working day of the month)
Paid by
(e.g. cash, cheque, standing order, etc)
Voluntary payments
(e.g. holidays, school fees or uniforms, lessons,
clothes, etc)
Value
£
How often?
Review date
/
/
19
C. The payments
If you need help calculating the amount of maintenance to pay,
call us on 0800 028 7439.
For our fourth child
Full name
Date of Birth
/
/
Who pays?
How much?
£
How did you reach
the final amount?
How often?
(e.g. once a week, once a month, twice a year)
First payment date
/
/
(e.g. last working day of the month)
Paid by
(e.g. cash, cheque, standing order, etc)
Voluntary payments
(e.g. holidays, school fees or uniforms, lessons,
clothes, etc)
Value
£
How often?
Review date
20
/
/
C. The payments
If you need help calculating the amount of maintenance to pay,
call us on 0800 028 7439.
For our fifth child
Full name
Date of Birth
/
/
Who pays?
How much?
£
How did you reach
the final amount?
How often?
(e.g. once a week, once a month, twice a year)
First payment date
/
/
(e.g. last working day of the month)
Paid by
(e.g. cash, cheque, standing order, etc)
Voluntary payments
(e.g. holidays, school fees or uniforms, lessons,
clothes, etc)
Value
£
How often?
Review date
/
/
21
C. The payments
If you need help calculating the amount of maintenance to pay,
call us on 0800 028 7439.
For our sixth child
Full name
Date of Birth
/
/
Who pays?
How much?
£
How did you reach
the final amount?
How often?
(e.g. once a week, once a month, twice a year)
First payment date
/
/
(e.g. last working day of the month)
Paid by
(e.g. cash, cheque, standing order, etc)
Voluntary payments
(e.g. holidays, school fees or uniforms, lessons,
clothes, etc)
Value
£
How often?
Review date
22
/
/
D. Our promise
We’ve both read this arrangement carefully, and agreed to it. By
signing here, we promise to uphold the arrangement, for the sake
of our children. If either of us is unable to keep to this arrangement,
for any reason, we agree to let the other parent know.
Mother
Signed
Name
(please print)
Date
/
/
Father
Signed
Name
(please print)
Date
/
/
This is not a legal document but signing the arrangement is a clear
statement of our commitment to our children.
Review date
/
/
23
To contact Child Maintenance Choices:
•
call 0800 028 7439* or 0800 783 8416* (Minicom),
9am­5pm Monday to Friday
•
text Choices to 66101†
•
visit our website at www.nidirect.gov.uk/choices
•
email [email protected]
This leaflet is also available in other languages, in large print, in Braille
and on audio cassette. You can get these formats by calling us on
0800 028 7439*.
*
†
You may be charged by your provider.
Standard network rates apply.
CMC002
January 2014