1. No category

The Children of Holocaust Survivors:
Issues of Separation
Cipora Katz
Medical
College of
Pennsylvania
and
Franklin A . Keleman
Intercommunity
Action,
Inc.
Philadelphia
In recent years, practitioners have gained an awareness of the importance that the
Holocaust plays in the lives of survivors 'families. Seeking professional help can be seen
by survivors' children as a gesture to further differentiate from their families of origin.
This is problematicfor many children because of their difficulties with separation, trust of
outsiders, and ambivalence about the disclosure of information which may go against
family loyalties.
Introduction
O n e o f t h e d i l e m m a s for t h o s e w h o
survived the H o l o c a u s t is h o w t o integrate
the past w i t h the present; h o w t o pass o n t o
their children b o t h the k n o w l e d g e and
m e a n i n g o f w h a t they e x p e r i e n c e d , even
t h o u g h it m a y defy a n e x p l a n a t i o n . T h e
u n i q u e n e s s a n d intensity o f s u c h a n e x p e r i ­
e n c e creates p o w e r f u l forces w h i c h c o n ­
tinue t o linger for b o t h the survivors a n d
their families.
A t this p o i n t in t i m e , m o s t children of
survivors have entered a d u l t h o o d . T h e y
m a y have left their parents' h o m e s t o live
i n d e p e n d e n t l y , b e g i n their careers, and
f o r m their o w n families.
T h e majority of studies w h i c h e x a m i n e
survivors' children have been of a clinical
nature. T h e c o n c l u s i o n s that have been
d r a w n from the clinical studies have p o r ­
trayed p a t h o l o g y and m a l a d j u s t m e n t in the
families o f survivors. W i t h the e x c e p t i o n o f
t h o s e studies c o n d u c t e d in Israeli k i b b u t ­
z i m , f e w investigators have directly a p ­
p r o a c h e d children o f survivors for infor­
m a t i o n a b o u t their o w n e x p e r i e n c e .
T h i s paper reports o n a s t u d y by the
a u t h o r s , e x p l o r i n g s e p a r a t i o n issues for a
n o n - c l i n i c g r o u p o f y o u n g adult children of
c o n c e n t r a t i o n c a m p survivors.
Literature R e v i e w
Individual Dynamics of Survivors
A n y d i s c u s s i o n o f the p s y c h o l o g i c a l ef­
fects of the H o l o c a u s t o n the s e c o n d genera­
t i o n m u s t b e g i n w i t h a brief d e s c r i p t i o n o f
the effects o n the p a r e n t s t h e m s e l v e s . T h e
s y s t e m a t i c study o f t h e H o l o c a u s t did not
b e g i n until the early 1960's w h e n the West
G e r m a n i n d e m n i f i c a t i o n laws m a d e it le­
gally necessary t o establish a c o n n e c t i o n
b e t w e e n current illness or e m o t i o n a l p r o b ­
lems and the Nazi persecution. W . G .
N e i d e r l a n d w a s t h e first to c o i n the phrase
"survivors' s y n d r o m e " to cover a specific
s y m p t o m a t o l o g y , including: p r o n o u n c e d
a n x i e t y states; d e p r e s s i o n ; p s y c h o s o m a t i c
c o n d i t i o n s ; n i g h t m a r e s and sleep disturb­
a n c e s ; i s o l a t i o n and a lack o f e m o t i o n a l
i n v e s t m e n t in the w o r l d ; disturbances in
cognition and memory; and "survivor
1
1
William G. Neiderland, "The Problem of the
Survivor," Journal of the Hillside Hospital,
Vol. X,
(1961), pp. 233-47.
257
J O U R N A L O F JEWISH C O M M U N A L SERVICE
2
g u i l t . " J u d i t h K e s t e n b e r g stresses t h e need
to include the post Holocaust experiences
o f the survivor as a p r o s p e c t i v e parent in
a n y investigation. F a c t o r s m e n t i o n e d c o v ­
ered the s h o c k o f l i b e r a t i o n and recovery;
the r e c o g n i t i o n of the e x t e n t o f the losses
a n d the n e e d t o recreate n e w families; the
i m p a c t of e m i g r a t i o n a n d i m m i g r a t i o n t o a
n e w culture. S h e p o i n t s out that d e s p i t e the
frequent p a t h o l o g y in survivor parents,
they often m a n i f e s t strength a n d vitality in
the u p b r i n g i n g o f their children.
Family Patterns
D u r i n g t h e m i d 1960's, clinicians b e g a n
t o n o t i c e a n o v e r - r e p r e s e n t a t i o n o f survi­
v o r s ' children in clinic p o p u l a t i o n s a n d
turned their a t t e n t i o n t o the s e c o n d g e n e r a ­
t i o n . B. T r o s s m a n c o n d u c t e d a n e a r l y
s t u d y of s u r v i v o r s ' a d o l e s c e n t c h i l d r e n at
the M c G i l l University S t u d e n t H e a l t h Clin­
ic. He o b s e r v e d four c o m m o n features o f
the parent-child relationship: 1) parents
d i s p l a y e d o v e r p r o t e c t i v e b e h a v i o r ; 2) the
child a c c u s t o m e d t o hearing horrifying
stories b e c a m e guilty o v e r his better for­
tune; 3) the f a m i l y shared a s u s p i c i o u s atti­
t u d e t o w a r d t h e Gentile w o r l d ; a n d 4)
parents often l o o k e d t o w a r d their children
t o p r o v i d e m e a n i n g t o their l i v e s . R u s s e l l ,
a l s o w o r k i n g in C a n a d a , n o t e d a similar
pattern o f familial inter-actions. Parents,
l o o k i n g for nurturance a n d s u p p o r t f r o m
their c h i l d r e n , were u n a b l e t o r e s p o n d t o
their children's a g e a p p r o p r i a t e n e e d s and
3
4
d e m a n d s . S i g a l attributed these patterns
t o the c o m m o n d e n o m i n a t o r o f parental
p r e o c c u p a t i o n with u n r e s o l v e d m o u r n i n g .
A s a result, p a r e n t s i n v o l v e d in their o w n
internal conflicts were u n a b l e t o c o p e w i t h
the responsibilities o f child rearing.
5
B a r o c a s a n d B a r o c a s characterize the
identification b e t w e e n parent a n d child as
m o r e destructive t h a n n o r m a l . P a r e n t s
w i t h w h o m they w o r k e d e x p e r i e n c e d their
c h i l d r e n as e x t e n s i o n s o f t h e m s e l v e s . D u e
t o unrealistic e x p e c t a t i o n s , the child is
o b l i g e d t o fulfill n o t o n l y his d e v e l o p m e n ­
tal n e e d s but a l s o the n e e d s o f his parents in
order t o c o m p e n s a t e for their sense o f
worthlessness. The children often expres­
sed the need to a c c o m p l i s h s o m e t h i n g o u t
o f t h e ordinary t o justify their p a r e n t s '
survival.
6
Problems with aggression have been
n o t e d t h r o u g h o u t the literature. Sigal a n d
R a k o f f f o u n d that survivor families had
significant p r o b l e m s c o n t r o l l i n g their child­
ren a n d correlated these f a m i l y d i s t u r b ­
a n c e s with the p a t t e r n of p r e o c c u p a t i o n
p r e v i o u s l y d i s c u s s e d . T h e parents l o o k i n g
t o their children t o resolve their o w n c o n ­
flicts are u n a b l e t o r e s p o n d t o a g e a p p r o ­
priate d e m a n d s for a t t e n t i o n . T h e children,
in turn, r e s p o n d w i t h disruptive b e h a v i o r ,
depression and anxiety. Anger, not di­
rected t o w a r d parents, b e c o m e s c h a n n e l e d
t o w a r d siblings. D u r i n g a d o l e s c e n c e , the
c h i l d r e n m a y find that t h e y h a v e n o o u t l e t
4
2
Judith Kestenberg, "Psychoanalytic Contribu­
A. Russell, "Late Psychological Consequences in
Concentration Camp Survivors' Families," American
tions to the Problems of Children of Survivors from
Journal
Nazi Persecution," The Israeli Annals of
pp. 611-19.
and Related
Disciplines,
Psychiatry
Vol. X, (1971), pp. 311-25.
Judith Kestenberg, "Introductory Remarks," in
E.J. Anthony and C. Koupernik, eds., Yearbook
the International
Association
and Allied Professions.
for
Child
of
Psychiatry
New York: John Wiley, 1973,
pp. 359-61.
3
Bernard Trossman, "Adolescent Children of
Association
121-123.
258
Vol. 44, N o . 4, (1974),
John Sigal, "Second-Generation Effects of Mas­
sive Psychic Trauma," in H. Krystal and
Neiderland, eds., Psychic
Traumatization.
W.G.
Boston:
Little, Brown, and Co. 1971, pp. 55-65.
John Sigal, "Familial Consequences of Parental
Preoccupation," May, 1972, Dallas, Texas.
Concentration Camp Survivors," Canadian
atric
5
of Orthopsychiatry,
Journal,
Psychi­
Vol. XIII, (1968), pp.
6
H.A. Barocas and C.B. Barocas, "Manifestations
of C o n c e n t r a t i o n C a m p Effects on the Second
Generation," American
Journal
C X X X , (1973), pp. 820-21.
of Psychiatry,
Vol.
KATZ/ KELEMAN
for the aggressive feelings that are a n o r m a l
part o f d e v e l o p m e n t , b e c a u s e o f the guilt
t h e y feel w h e n they m i s b e h a v e or are
disobedient.
It is interesting to n o t e that findings in
Israel (primarily f r o m k i b b u t z i m ) , despite
m a n y similarities with studies f r o m the
W e s t , d o n o t s e e m to e m p h a s i z e the s a m e
d e g r e e o f p a t h o l o g y . Klein f o u n d that, in
Israel, p r o b l e m s with a g g r e s s i o n , survi­
v o r s ' g u i l t and other p o i n t s observed in the
W e s t were partially alleviated by the f a m i ­
lies' sense of b e l o n g i n g t o a n d b u i l d i n g o f a
n e w n a t i o n . Survivors in Israel f o u n d t h e m ­
selves in a c o m m o n s o c i a l milieu and were
a b l e t o f o c u s better o n the survival of their
g r o u p t h a n o n t h e m s e l v e s . T h i s difference
further s u p p o r t s Kestenberg's s t a t e m e n t
that p o s t H o l o c a u s t factors play a n i m p o r ­
tant role for these f a m i l i e s .
7
8
Exactly w h a t represents a c o m m o n s y m p ­
t o m a t o l o g y for survivors' children is a
q u e s t i o n that has n o t yet b e e n resolved.
T h e m o s t c o m p r e h e n s i v e list of possible
p a t h o g e n i c factors w a s d r a w n u p b y the
A m e r i c a n P s y c h o a n a l y t i c A s s o c i a t i o n in
1972. A m o n g those factors m e n t i o n e d
were: 1) d i s t u r b a n c e s in a u t o n o m y - s e p a r a ­
t i o n in the b r o a d sense of the w o r d ; 2)
difficulties in identification with parents; 3)
p r o b l e m s with aggression; and 4) overc o n f o r m i t y with parental ideals in relation
t o their need to u n d o the p a s t .
9
lies is that of pseud o m u t u a l i t y in family
r e l a t i o n s h i p s , W y n n e , et. al., have n o t e d
p s e u d o m u t u a l relationships in families are
characterized by patterns o f c o m m u n i c a ­
tions that are essentially positive. Only
e x p r e s s i o n s w h i c h s e e m t o p r o m o t e family
c o h e s i v e n e s s are tolerated while a g g r e s ­
s i v e / hostile feelings are d i s s o c i a t e d . D e v i a ­
t i o n s f r o m this f a m i l y n o r m b e c o m e acts of
disloyalty and provoke counter-move­
m e n t s , in order t o re-bind the m e m b e r s ,
reestablishing the h o m e o s t a t i c balance of
the f a m i l y .
10
H e l m Sterlin has o b s e r v e d that p s e u d o m u t u a l families "imply centripetal forces
that i m p e d e and delay each member's indi­
v i d u a t i o n . . . " a n d that s h a m e a n d guilt
are the m a j o r s e p a r a t i o n - d e l a y i n g forces at
w o r k . S h a m e is defined as a feeling o f
h u m i l i a t i o n a n d is e x p e r i e n c e d as a per­
s o n a l failure in the d e e p e s t sense. Guilt, o n
the other h a n d , c o r r e s p o n d s t o the pain
that is felt w h e n o n e hurts or i m a g i n e s
hurting l o v e d o n e s .
T h i s arises w h e n w e violate o u r c o n ­
science either t h r o u g h act or d e e d a n d is
further differentiated f r o m s h a m e in that it
is r e d e e m a b l e t h r o u g h acts o f r e p e n t a n c e .
A c c o r d i n g t o Sterlin, guilt p r e d o m i n a t e s in
p s e u d o m u t u a l families. M e m b e r s b o u n d
by the family m y t h o f t o g e t h e r n e s s m u s t
d e n y a g g r e s s i v e / h o s t i l e feelings or find
t h e m i n t o l e r a b l e b e c a u s e o f the guilt that is
generated.
11
Systems Framework/ Premise
A n o t h e r c o n c e p t that is.helpful in u n d e r ­
s t a n d i n g the d y n a m i c s o f survivors' fami7
John Sigal and Vivian Rakoff, "Concentration
Camp Survival—a Pilot Study of Effects on the
Second Generation," Canadian
Psychiatric
Associa­
tion Journal, Vol. XVI, (1971), pp. 393-97.
8
Parent-Child Relationships
In a recent s t u d y c o n d u c t e d by the
a u t h o r s , a s a m p l e o f fifteen y o u n g adult
children of c o n c e n t r a t i o n c a m p surviors
were interviewed. D u e t o the over represen­
t a t i o n of clinic p o p u l a t i o n s in the p r e v i o u s
research, the a u t h o r s p u r p o s e l y c h o s e t o
Hillel Klein, Minutes of Discussion Group No. 7
"Children and S o c i a l C a t a s t r o p h e , " American
10
Lyman Wynne et. al., "Pseudomutuality in the
Psychoanalytic Society, New York City, December
Family Relations of Schizophrenics,"
19, 1968.
Vol. 21,(1958), pp. 205-20.
9
M. Williams, Workshop Summary, "Children of
11
Psychiatry,
Helm Sterlin, "Shame and Guilt in Family
Survivors," American Psychoanalytic Society, New
Relations: Theoretical and Clinical Aspects," Arch­
York City, 1972.
ives of General Psychiatry,
Vol. 30,(1974), pp. 381-89.
259
J O U R N A L O F JEWISH C O M M U N A L SERVICE
interview a n o n - c l i n i c g r o u p . W e e x a m i n e d
the w a y s in w h i c h this g r o u p perceived
their parents in relation t o their H o l o c a u s t
e x p e r i e n c e , a n d their s e p a r a t i o n f r o m their
families of origin.
M a n y o f t h e s u b j e c t s ' d e s c r i p t i o n s of
their p a r e n t s ' i n d i v i d u a l personality traits
c o n t a i n e d e l e m e n t s o f w h a t has b e e n d e s ­
cribed in t h e literature as the " c o n c e n t r a ­
t i o n c a m p s y n d r o m e . " This c a n be seen in
the s u b j e c t s ' p e r c e p t i o n s o f parents as
being e m o t i o n a l l y labile, a n x i o u s , s o m e ­
w h a t socially i s o l a t e d , a n d suffering f r o m
i n s o m n i a a n d n i g h t m a r e s . H o w e v e r , they
a l s o e m p h a s i z e d their p a r e n t s ' strengths
and e m o t i o n a l stability within the f a m i l y
a n d in the e s t a b l i s h m e n t o f f o u n d a t i o n s in
a new land. These statements support
Kestenberg's a s s e r t i o n that w h e n w e e x a m ­
ine these f a m i l i e s , w e be careful n o t t o v i e w
their H o l o c a u s t e x p e r i e n c e in i s o l a t i o n but
include p o s t H o l o c a u s t e x p e r i e n c e s . A s
Phillips p o i n t s o u t , e a c h survivor brings
w i t h h i m or her a u n i q u e set of e x p e r i e n c e s
b e f o r e , d u r i n g , a n d after the w a r as re­
flected in the highly individualized picture
that the subjects presented o f their par­
e n t s . T h e r e f o r e in e x a m i n i n g the children
o f s u r v i v o r s , w e q u e s t i o n the label o f
" s y n d r o m e " in describing their b e h a v i o r
a n d its effects o n their families. T h i s is d u e
t o the p a t h o l o g i c a l o v e r t o n e s prevalent in
the literature a n d the v a r i a t i o n s in w h i c h
survivors were described in o u r study.
12
1 3
A l t h o u g h subjects did find their parents
to be p r e o c c u p i e d , our data did not corres­
p o n d t o Sigal's h y p o t h e s i s o f p r e o c c u p a ­
t i o n l e a d i n g t o a c t i n g out disruptive b e ­
h a v i o r . O n the c o n t r a r y , o u r subjects were
f o u n d t o be c o m p l i a n t in a t t e m p t i n g t o
please their p a r e n t s in b o t h behaviors and
achievements.
12
Judith Kestenberg (1971) op. cit.
Judith Kestenberg (1973) op. cit.
1 3
Russell Phillips, "Impact of Nazi Holocaust on
Children of S u r v i v o r s , " American
Psychiatry,
260
Journal
Vol. X X X I I , No. 3, (1978), pp. 370-78.
of
C h i l d r e n were s e e n as h a v i n g primary
i m p o r t a n c e w i t h i n t h e life o f t h e f a m i l y b y
all t h o s e interviewed. T h i s e x t e n d e d itself
i n t o a d u l t h o o d as t h e y c o n t i n u e d t o v i e w
t h e m s e l v e s as central t o their p a r e n t s ' sense
o f security a n d well being. A s o n e subject, a
22-year-old c o l l e g e student stated:
. . . there is a specialness to being the child
of survivors . . . They (the parents) lived
through their daughters being things that they
didn't have a chance to be. 1 felt 1 needed to be
good, to make up for their suffering. . .
T h e s e findings c o r r e s p o n d w i t h t h o s e of
other researchers, e m p h a s i z i n g the t h e m e
o f rebirth a n d i n v e s t m e n t o f m e a n i n g in the
child b e y o n d his reality.
T e m p o r a r y s e p a r a t i o n s , other t h a n n e c ­
essary o n e s , a m o n g parents a n d children
were n o t c o m m o n e v e n t s w i t h i n these f a m i ­
lies. T h i s d y n a m i c held true t h r o u g h o u t
v a r i o u s life stages. D u r i n g c h i l d h o o d , over­
night trips a w a y f r o m t h e f a m i l y were rare
for b o t h parents a n d children. F e w subjects
reported h a v i n g ever b e e n u n d e r the care o f
babysitters, or g o i n g t o o v e r n i g h t c a m p s .
A s well, n o n e o f the parents v a c a t i o n e d
w i t h o u t their c h i l d r e n . In the light of the
fact that subjects v i e w e d t h e m s e l v e s as
representing p r i m a r y security, w e s u s p e c t
that the lack o f s e p a r a t i o n s m a y be d u e in
part t o w h a t w a s described as "lack o f
trust" o f outsiders. T h i s further s u p p o r t s
T r o s s m a n ' s a n a l y s i s o f a s u s p i c i o u s atti­
t u d e t o w a r d the Gentile w o r l d . In a d d i t i o n ,
the universality o f the r e s p o n s e s u g g e s t s
that the e m o t i o n a l w e l l - b e i n g o f the indi­
v i d u a l f a m i l y m e m b e r s d e p e n d e d o n their
cohesiveness.
T h e majority o f o u r subjects reported
that d u r i n g a d o l e s c e n c e , friends and peers
were n o t lacking. H o w e v e r , they a d d e d
that their circle w a s limited to J e w s a n d , in
s o m e c a s e s , to children of other survivors.
F o r s o m e , b o t h A m e r i c a n J e w s and G e n ­
tiles were a s o u r c e o f d i s c o m f o r t , p r e ­
s e n t i n g social difficulties: e.g., "It w a s like
t h e y ( G e n t i l e s ) were t h e e n e m y a n d for a
l o n g t i m e I w a s afraid that they w o u l d try
KATZ/ KELEMAN
t o d o s o m e t h i n g t o m e . . . " and " . . . I
lived in a small w o r l d . I w a s a l w a y s u n c o m ­
fortable socially, like I didn't fit in a n y ­
w h e r e , a l t h o u g h I desperafely w a n t e d to
belong . . . "
F u r t h e r m o r e , m a n y reported that there
w a s a g o o d deal of pressure f r o m their
parents t o remain at h o m e with the family,
rather t h a n socialize with their peers. It
appears that for these families, a strong
e m p h a s i s w a s placed o n i n - g r o u p b e l o n g ­
ing and loyalty, and a t t e m p t s to m o v e
o u t s i d e the nuclear orbit met with resis­
tance.
A n u m b e r of subjects reported difficulty
in regard t o fighting with their parents.
T h e y stated that a r g u m e n t s were either
a v o i d e d or were a r o u n d less volatile issues,
rather than t h o s e t o u c h i n g o n family rela­
t i o n s h i p s . T h e y e x p r e s s e d a fear of hurting
their parents with their anger, and were
further frustrated b y the lack o f a n outlet
for their feelings. ". . . H o w c o u l d I really
fight with them? I a l w a y s felt s o guilty w h e n
w e f o u g h t , that I'd m a k e u p with t h e m all
the t i m e , w h i c h left m e h a n g i n g . "
D i s c i p l i n e t h r o u g h restricting privileges
a n d setting clearly defined limits w a s re­
ported in o n l y o n e case. T h e children often
s e e m e d to set their o w n internal guidelines
t h r o u g h w h a t they s a w as c o n t i n u a l pres­
sures f r o m their parents; i.e., "guilt trips."
T h e s e findings correlate with the p r o b l e m s
w i t h a g g r e s s i o n m e n t i o n e d in the literature
a n d indicate that aggressive feelings are
d e n i e d or d i s s o c i a t e d as they are t o o a n x i ­
ety p r o v o k i n g for b o t h parents and c h i l d ­
ren.
T h e pattern of maintained closeness with­
in the f a m i l y f o l l o w e d i n t o the p o s t - t e e n
years for this g r o u p . T h e majority c h o s e t o
live with their parents d u r i n g this time a n d ,
for t h o s e w h o w e n t a w a y t o s c h o o l , there
were n u m e r o u s p h o n e calls a n d w e e k l y
h o m e visits. C o n t i n u e d i n t e r d e p e n d e n c y
b e t w e e n parent a n d child d u r i n g this stage
further p o i n t s t o conflicts a r o u n d the issue
o f separation.
Currently, the entire s a m p l e has frequent
c o n t a c t s with their parents a n d v i e w t h e m ­
selves, in varying d e g r e e s , e m o t i o n a l l y d e ­
p e n d e n t o n their parents. T h e s e patterns
c o n t i n u e e v e n t h o u g h the majority o f the
subjects are married a n d i n v o l v e d in the
creation o f their o w n families.
Conclusions
T h e s e descriptions of the parent-child
relationships illustrate that a level o f the
p a r e n t i n g a n d child roles w a s m a i n t a i n e d
t h r o u g h o u t the years w i t h little qualitative
c h a n g e in the e m o t i o n a l c l i m a t e o f the
family. T h e subjects reported that there
s e e m e d t o be a n inability o n their parents'
part t o v i e w t h e m as y o u n g a d u l t s . Further­
m o r e , the children were not a d d r e s s i n g
their parents as e q u a l s ( a d u l t - a d u l t ) but
c o n t i n u e d t o request parenting in a "child­
like" f a s h i o n .
S i m u l t a n e o u s l y , they described a sense
of p r o t e c t i v e n e s s a n d responsibility t o w a r d
their parents a n d felt the need t o repay
t h e m for all t h e y had suffered. T h i s m a y be
related t o the children's p e r c e p t i o n s o f their
parents as being different from other
a d u l t s . M a n y attributed this difference t o
their i m m i g r a n t status, rather t h a n the war.
W h i c h e v e r w a s s e e n as the c a u s e , there w a s
a c o m m o n r e s p o n s e in feeling that parents
were m o r e v u l n e r a b l e a n d m o r e in need o f
p r o t e c t i o n than were other adults.
A strong sense of i n t e r d e p e n d e n c y
a m o n g survivors of c o n c e n t r a t i o n c a m p s
a n d their children is clearly i n d i c a t e d .
Issues o f inter-generational loyalties and
o b l i g a t i o n s a p p e a r to be p r o n o u n c e d to a
greater degree t h a n in families w h i c h have
not suffered such past trauma and displace­
m e n t . A s a g r o u p , the children of survivors
u n d e r e x a m i n a t i o n did not display a fully
d e v e l o p e d s e n s e of a u t o n o m y . E v e n
though a physical separation may have
t a k e n place, c h i l d r e n c o n t i n u e t o be d e p e n ­
d e n t o n their parents (and vice versa) for
e m o t i o n a l s u p p o r t a n d g u i d a n c e . Further­
m o r e , the issues w h i c h were prevalent
261
J O U R N A L OF JEWISH C O M M U N A L SERVICE
during ealier life stages continue to be
conflictual, according to the subjects' own
statements.
This type of situation has been described
by Karpel as one of "ambivalent fusion:"
family members have differentiated suffi­
ciently to feel both the attractions and
anxieties of individuation and fusion. Fu­
sion with its loss of self-definition is both
secure and suffocating. Individuation ap­
pears liberating while, at the same time,
there is a fear of the isolation that may exist
outside the family orbit. As one 25-yearold subject expressed: "I just wanted a way
out, since leaving home or really standing
up to them . . . I felt somehow would be
like killing them . . . "
14
For part of our sample, marriage ap­
peared to be an appropriate solution to
leaving the family, in keeping with the
theme of rebirth and the possibility of
grandchildren. Although a separation may
have taken place, married children con­
tinued to display ambivalence about their
own abilities to care for themselves. This
was seen through their constant need of
advice, support, and guidance from their
parents. In some cases, this was stronger
than their need for support from their
spouses or peers.
The struggle of individuation versus en­
tangled family relations was further indi­
cated in varying degrees by current ex­
pressions of guilt. The children openly
talked about guilt as a pervasive element
covering many aspects of their relation­
ships with their parents. Fantasies of sep­
aration or real attempts to separate from
the family often evoked powerful guilt
feelings since the implicit loyalties would
be violated. In the words of a 28-year-old
subject: "I used to dream about getting
away, travelling . . . but how could I aban­
don my family? It was a real dilemma,
being on my own as opposed to being a
good son."
Tying in with the concept of pseudomutuality, setting one's own life as a prior­
ity could be seen as a hostile/aggressive
move on an unconscious level. In its
extreme form, this could become associ­
ated with primitive fears of abandonment
and death, given the nature of the losses
already experienced by these families. We
can better understand why these children
allowed over involved family relations to
continue to counter-balance the guilt gen­
erated by natural drives for maturity. Our
sample reported perceptions that these
close ties were mutual need-satisfying
"arrangements" both for themselves and
for their parents. Furthermore, they
claimed that it was their sense of responsi­
bility toward their parents that caused this
type of involvement. This correlates with
their earlier descriptions of their parents as
more needy and vulnerable than were other
adults.
Both the literature and our sample
report what was referred to as "the theme
of rebirth and restoration" through one's
off-spring. Here, the child is idealized and
endowed with expectations beyond what is
realistically feasible, resulting in contin­
uous unsuccessful attempts on the child's
part to live up to what he sees as appointed
goals by parents. This ultimately can lead
to failure and hence shame on the child's
part.
What our sample often referred to as
feelings of guilt may be viewed as defenses
against a deeper, more incapacitating sense
of failure and s h a m e on two levels:
initially, as an inability to complete one's
own individuation from one's family of
origin; secondly, from attempting to fulfill
the impossible task of being the idealized
15
16
15
14
Mark Karpel, "Individuation: From Fusion to
Dialogue," Family
pp. 65-82.
262
Process,
Vol. 15, No. 1 (1976),
A. Russel (1974) op. cit.
H. Klein (1968) op. cit.
16
Victor Friesen, "On Shame and the Family,'
Family Therapy, Vol. VI, No. I, (1979), pp. 39-58.
KATZ/KELEMAN
o p p o s e d the p a n e l i s t s ' e m p h a s i s o n p a t h ­
o l o g y , t h e m s e l v e s stating "We need selfhelp o r i e n t a t i o n a n d not e x p e r t orien­
tation."
child their parents wish t h e m t o be.
I m p l i c a t i o n s for Practice
17
In r e c e n t y e a r s , p r a c t i t i o n e r s h a v e
g a i n e d a n a w a r e n e s s of the i m p o r t a n c e that
the H o l o c a u s t plays in the lives o f survi­
v o r s ' families. S e e k i n g professional help
c a n be seen by s u r v i v o r s ' children as a
gesture t o further differentiate f r o m their
families of origin. T h i s is p r o b l e m a t i c for
m a n y children b e c a u s e of their difficulties
with s e p a r a t i o n , trust o f outsiders, and
a m b i v a l e n c e a b o u t the d i s c l o s u r e of infor­
m a t i o n w h i c h m a y g o against f a m i l y loyal­
ties. W h a t this i m p l i e s for t h o s e w o r k i n g
w i t h s u r v i v o r s ' children is that b u i l d i n g a
trusting relationship s h o u l d be a primary
g o a l in the c o u r s e of t r e a t m e n t . T h i s w o r k
c a n be greatly e n h a n c e d if the parents are
available and willing t o b e c o m e i n v o l v e d .
C o m m u n a l a n d f a m i l y service a g e n c i e s
have a n e x c e l l e n t o p p o r t u n i t y t o reach out
a n d p r o v i d e v a l u a b l e a s s i s t a n c e t o this
p o p u l a t i o n . T h i s c o u l d take the form of
d i s c u s s i o n g r o u p s or e d u c a t i o n a l seminars
t o discuss issues related to the H o l o c a u s t as
m a n y s u r v i v o r s ' children have very little
factual i n f o r m a t i o n a b o u t the War. It has
n o t yet b e e n d e t e r m i n e d w h e t h e r these
t y p e s of g r o u p s w o u l d best be run by
workers w h o are t h e m s e l v e s part o f this
population.
T h e self-help m o d a l i t y c a n e n h a n c e a
trusting a t m o s p h e r e in w h i c h c o m m o n
issues c a n be e x p l o r e d . In a d d i t i o n , they
d e - e m p h a s i z e the p a t h o l o g i c a n d build o n
t h e strength a n d vitality of these families
w h i c h are often o v e r l o o k e d .
D u r i n g the recent First International
C o n f e r e n c e o n C h i l d r e n of Survivors ( N e w
Y o r k , 1979), participants in the audience
17
The Jewish Exponent,
J a n u a r y 11, 1980.
Socratic H a i k u
Process
Is the helping process,
beside the clinical wit,
T h e s u c k l i n g teat?
Help
T h e help he wants
is not a crutch but t o l o o k in y o u r face
not g o l d , grace.
Therapist
T h e insight he tries
hard t o instil
Is the i m a g e u p o n y o u r will.
from:
Engagement:
Quebecois
Haiku
by
David Weiss
263