1. shopping
2. gifts

Southern Humor
FREE
HoHo Ho! Merry Christmas!
The Funniest Paper
Celebrating 13 Years
P.O. Box 7335
of Laughter!
McMinnville, TN 37111
Saying a Prayer for the
Christmas Meal
Lee, A seven-year-old boy, was asked to
say thanks for the Christmas dinner. The
family members bowed their heads in expectation. Lee began his prayer, thanking
God for his Mommy, Daddy, brothers, sister,
Grandma, and all his aunts and uncles. Then
he began to thank God for the food.
He gave thanks for the turkey, the stuffing, the Christmas pudding, even the cranberry sauce. Then lee paused, and everyone
waited ... and waited. After a long silence,
the young fellow looked up at his mother
and asked, "If I thank God for the Brussels
sprouts, won't he know that I'm lying?"
New and Repurposed Home Decor and Gifts.
in Town!
931-668-7377
Reindeer's Story at Christmas
According to the Alaska Department of
Fish and Game, while both male and female
reindeer grow antlers in the summer each
year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the
beginning of winter, usually late November
to mid-December.
Female reindeer retain their antlers till afMerry Christmas & Happy New Year Come in and
Come see us for all your unique
ter they give birth in the spring. Therefore,
check us out for
Christmas Gifts. We have a little of
your Christmas
according to EVERY historical rendition deeverything, quilts, notions. throws,
needs.
picting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one
Baby Acc. Pre-cut fabric bundles
perfect for Stocking stuffers.
For the last 3 weeks
of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be
we were closed due to
sickness and death of our
a girl.
precious Mother.
GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE
Ask for Gary
615-289-5644
We should have known... ONLY women
New Hours: Wed-Fri 9-5; Call on Sat; Closed on Sun-Tues
would be
to dragTNa37074
fat man in a red velBe sure to call before 185 Trousdale
Wayable
- Hartsville
930 Vaughn Lane, Smithville, TN 37166
you come.
vet suit all around the world in one night and
email: [email protected] 615-215-8696
not get lost.
Country Lane
www.
Home Decor & Gifts
Come in
Soon for the
Best Holiday
Selection!
Cottage & Shabby Chic
Lodge and Lake
Country & Vintage
Coastal Cottage
615.597.1140
678 N Congress, Smithville, TN 37166
December 2014
Volume 13, No. 52
Out of the Mouths...
Amusing Christmas Story
Daniel aged 4, returned from Sunday
school with a new perspective on the Christmas story.
He had learned all about the wise men
from the east who brought gifts to the baby
Jesus.
Daniel was so excited he just had to tell
his parents, 'I learned in Sunday School today all about the very first Christmas. There
wasn't a Santa Claus way back then, so
these three men on camels had to deliver all
the toys. And Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer with his nose so bright wasn't there yet,
so they had to have this big light in the sky
to find their way around'.
STUFF4MYTRUCK .com
Victory Truck Lighting
LED & Incandescent Vehicle Lighting & Accessories & More
Shipped to Your Door
Phone
615 - 289 - 5644
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PayPal / Visa / Master Accepted
Romans 10:9-13 Confess • Believe • Turn • Follow
Living
Make every room a…
10% Off
for
College
Students
Room
UPSCALE CONSIGNMENT.
New and slightly used Furniture
& Clothing Store.
R & B Exchange
739 W Jackson, Cookeville
931-252-4010
Mon-Fri 10am-7pm; Sat 10am-4pm
FOR ADVERTISING INFORMATION PLEASE CALL…931-668-7377. Visit Us Online at: www.SouthernHumor.net
B&G Supply Company
Merry Christmas!
Liver and Onions
Let us help you
with your Family
Christmas dinner.
Call us for details.
Fried Green Tomatoes
Home Cooking…
with a Southern Flair!
We use old family recipes!
Family Owned
Family Operated
Friendly Hometown Service
931-526-4111
8444 Manchester Hwy.
Morrison, TN 37357
www.allgasinc.com
Call in Orders
and Drivethru Service
Available
310 Dubois Rd. @ Exit 287
Cookeville, TN 38501
To All Our Loyal Customers!
(931) 635-2995
(888) 208-5050
www.lamptonlove.com
Come and check out…
Turnip Greens
Like us on
familytraditionscafe.com
We Specialize in Making
Our Customers Happy!
Stacy Redmon
&
Jeff Redmon
Redmon’s Carpet
THE PROPANE COMPANY
2512 Nashville Hwy.
McMinnville, TN 37110
Phone: 931-668-4900
Fax: 931-668-3015
Classy Closet
• Knives
• Swords
• Boots
• Phone Covers
• Rugs
• Jewelry
Summer things now on sale
Stock up on your fall clothing!
B&G Supply Company
Friendly Hometown Service
Family Owned & Operated Since 1968
632 West Broad St. • Smithville, TN
Open 7 Days a Week
Crossville Outlet Center,
Suite 120.
931-787-1599
What A Girl Wants For Christmas
The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when
Emily, a young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his
lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from
adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, 'What do
you want for Christmas?'
'Something for my mother, please,' replied Emily sweetly.
'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful
of you,' smiled Santa. 'What would you like me to bring her?'
Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, 'A son-in-law.'
What A Boy Wants For Christmas
Darren remembers accompanying his father out shopping in the toy
department of Hamleys one Christmas Eve.
Dad said, 'What a marvelous train set. I'll buy it.'
The girl behind the counter looked pleased and murmured, 'Great,
I'm sure your son will really love it.'
Dad replied with a glint in his eye, 'Maybe you're right. In that case
I'll take two.'
(615) 597-5035
2705 Old Fort Parkway,
Suite L
Murfreesboro, TN 37128
Judith C. Winters
615-295-2998
Financing
Available
Father Christmas Calls
Alex was five; all his Christmas presents were always signed, 'from
Father Christmas.'
A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Christmas
morning, we became aware that he was looking quite down in the
mouth for no obvious reason.
'What's the matter, Al?' I asked.
'Ummmm, 'replied Alex slowly, 'I really hoped that you and Mummy
would give me something for Christmas.'
2)
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One Liners
• Did you hear about the optometrist who
fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle
of himself?
For all your shopping needs come to downtown
Tullahoma at
Clayton Shoes
FREE GIFT WRAPPING & Gift Certificate Available!
We measure your feet!
Specializing in sizes slim to ww for Men, Women & Children.
Men, Women & Children
New Fall Fashion
arriving daily.
Clayton’s The Family Shoe Store in Downtown Tullahoma
Serving the area for over 100 years with service, quality & fit.
Specializing in Slim - WW for Men, Women & Children.
931-455-2722
Mon-Fri 9:30 - 5:30; Sat 9:30-12:00
108 W. Lincoln Street, Downtown Tullahoma
The Kids want a Christmas
Laptop. We have them starting
$
as low as
200
The Computer Doctor
in Sparta,
837- HELP (4357)
“We Make Housecalls”
334 North Spring St., Sparta, TN
• Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of
course, are only round figures.
• What is the purpose of reindeer?
makes the grass grow, sweetie.
It
Elaine’s
Merry ChristewmasYear!
& Happy N
HAIR DESIGN
Elaine Rains
Audra Campbell
85 Bratten St. • McMinnville
473-9647
Open: Tuesday-Thursday
Friday-Saturday
• There were two ships. One was painted
red. One was painted blue. They collided.
At last report, the survivors were marooned.
• The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge
pile of snow. I rang her up and asked, 'Did
you get my drift?'
• Where do you find giant snails? On the
ends of giant's fingers.
• Christmas: The time of year when everyone gets Santamental."
We Have Hometown
Services with
Everyday Low Prices!
Stewart’s Pharmacy
Plaza Shopping Center • McMinnville
Beautiful Jewelry, Purses
& Ladies Accessories for that special
someone on your Christmas list.
Read Southern Humor
online at: www.Southernhumor.net
All American & Nostalgic
Come by Stewart’s Lunchette
for great dowm home cooked meal!
473-3183
Hickory Creek Dental Arts
J. Russell Hamblen, D.D.S.
Megan E. Taylor, D.D.S.
New Patients
Welcome!
Even Santa Gets a Check-Up
Come See Us Today!
Southern Humor
The Funniest Paper in Town!
Call me today to place your ad!
Total Family Dental Care
Insurance Welcome
Gentle Dentistry
$
• “Care Credit” Financing
• Cosmetic Dentistry
• Emergency Care
• Porcelain Crowns
• Bridge Work
• Root Canals
• Extractions
Per Month
That’s only $8.75
Per Week!
We Cater to Our Patients!
668-4184
2681 South Chancery at Hickory Creek
Near the High School in McMinnville, TN
35
Ads As Low As
Pamela Hartman
Executive Sales
[email protected]
Mt. 6:33 Seek first the Kingdon of God and His righteousness
931-808-0299
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(3
Merry Christmas!
Plants are here!
Lots of
Fresh
Produce!
Bulk pricing for
Apples, Oranges,
Bananas
& etc. Fruit Baskets
& Vegetable Trays just
in time for Christmas.
Jams , Jelly &
Live Christmas Trees!
The
Fruit
Market
233 N Spring St.
Sparta, TN 38583
We Make Difficult Times Easier For You
and Your Family
Service of Reverent Dignity & Beauty…
High’s Inc.
24 Hour Recorded Funeral
Service Available
101 N. College St., McMinnville, TN • (931) 473-2137
Broadway Hardware Co.
“Where old-fashioned values can
still be found everyday!”
931-836-3805
Woodstoves, Case
knives & snow sleds.
Simpson’s Appliance
Case Knives
& Collector’s Knives
Sales & Services
of Appliances
788 Crossville Hwy. • Sparta, TN
931-738-5189
Three Wise Women
You do know what would have happened
if it had been three wise WOMEN instead of
men, don't you? They would have asked for
directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the
baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole,
and brought disposable diapers as gifts!
Pre-Need Funeral
Service Available
—SINCE 1925—
Happy Holidays!
(931)
738-3794
614 N. Spring St., Sparta, TN 38583
Merry Christmas All!
Suburbeadn
t
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e
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C
9
9
9
1
, Load
es, Leather
Low Mil
icle
Custom Veh
20”Fowrhonelyels,
$3595
FOR SALE
8’x8’
Out Building
in great
shape!
Call Sherry
931-668-2739
931-212-7952
Merry Christmas! May Joy & Peace be with
you during this holiday season!
Morrison’s Florist
Flowers For All Occasions
Full Service Florist!
Serving You Since 1968
931-473-3003 Day or Night
100 Clark St., McMinnville, TN
Owners: Carl & Nell Morrison
Mitchell’s Automotive
SALES • SERVICE • TOWING
Christmas is just plain weird.
What other time of the year do you
sit in front of a dead tree in your
living room eating candy and snacks
out of your socks?
The Perfect Woman
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship,
they had a perfect wedding. Their life was, of course "perfect."
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a
SUV) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.
Being the perfect couple they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any
children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their
vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa
Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Who was the survivor?
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been
driving. This explains why there was an accident.
4)
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Keeping it simple.
TURE
FAMILY FURNI
Jennifer Grove, Owner (931) 474-6038
In-Store
Financing
Available!
&
RESTAURANT
[email protected]
www.cardinalcomputer.com
Live Bait & Tackle
Open 7 Days | Hunting & Fishing Licenses
Live Bait Minnows, Crickets, Night Crawlers & Red Worms
Artificial Bait - Picnic Supplies - Gas - Ice
1 mile from Rock Island State Park
Come and check us out!
106 Jackson St., McMinnville, TN 37110
For
Only
ROCK ISLAND MARKET
Merry Christmas
& Happy New Year!
Custom
Machine
Quilting
e! Rec$liners
399
Choking back the tears the man answered between sobs, 'No..........I'm a musician.'
QUILTS & FABRIC
Thurs. & Fri. 9am-5pm
Sat 8am - 12pm
After Hours - Call for Appt.
Two Sided Pillow
Top Mattresses
Gray Barn
Mattress Sal
…Friendship is the thread that
keeps us all connected.
Multiple
colors to
choose
from.
105 W Main Street, Smithville, TN 37166 • 615-597-8521
KING $599
QUEEN $499
FULL $399
TWIN $249
Sew Clever Fabric n More
Makes a Great
Christmas Gift!
Call for more info or check our
website sewcleverfabric.com
Sales Manager
We Do
Quilt
Classes
Quilts
Custom Quilt
& T-Shirt Quilts
Alterations
Fabric-Quilting
Samantha continued singing for at least
a further 20 minutes. She sang every carol she knew. At last she stopped. 'I understand,' she said softly. 'You are remembering your happy childhood Christmas days.
You really are extremely sentimental.'
[email protected]
1800 sq. feet of Fabric, Notions & Classroom
A man, holding a clarinet, opened the
door to the house. In a few seconds tears
were streaming down his face.
n! Trent G Hillis
Easiest Terms in Tow931-474-6442
Bring in this ad and save 10%!
A Funny Christmas Carol
Samantha decided to go carol singing
on Christmas Eve. She knocked on the
door of a house and began to sing.
422 Beersheba St., McMinnville, TN 37110
Christmas Riddles
When is a boat like a pile of snow?
When it's adrift.
How do snowmen get around?
On their icicles.
What does Santa call reindeer that don't work?
Dinner.
What do you call the fear of getting stuck in
a chimney?
Santaclaustrophobia
I love to eat at
Rock Island Market
and Get Worms
Great Home Cooking & Desserts
Eat Here & Get Worms!
931.686.2007
1237 Rock Island Rd (Hwy 136)
Rock Island, TN 38581
1095-A South Walnut Ave., Cookeville, TN 38501
WantCallCash Today?
Personal
Loans/
Auto Loans
Cookeville 931-526-3886
Murfreesboro 615-867-0551
Smithville 615-597-9930
Tullahoma 931-455-8095
Winchester 931-962-3323
MIKE AUSTIN 931-372-0485
Voted Best
of t
he
Bes
t 10
Years!
py New Year
p
a
H
&
s
a
tm
s
Merry Chri ne and all!
to o
FRI & SAT
11AM TO 3PM
Bring the
Family!
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(5
White Co. Tire & Repair
Even Santa…couldn’t get
through the Holidays without
Hoover & Son Insurance!
Toliver’s
Truck Tires • Car Tires
Farm Tires • Road Service
OPEN
7AM-5PM MON-SAT
567 N. Spring St.,
Sparta, TN
931-836-TIRE
specializing in gold, silver & diamonds
Top Prices Paid! Let us buy your gold!
We Have
100s of
Guns in
Stock!
Brake &
Mechanic
Work
Available
We Buy…
Gold • Silver • Coins
Large selection of new & preowned diamond
& gold jewelry just in time for Christmas.
Large Selection of Rifles, Muzzle Loaders & Shot Gun
and Ammunition just in time for hunting season.
We Buy Gold, Guns & Gift Cards.
110 N. Spring St. “On The Square”
Manchester, TN 931-728-2360
The Lost Purse
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle
of Christmas shopping. It was found by
an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking in her purse, she commented,
"Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my
bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there
are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right,
lady. The last time I
found a lady's purse,
she didn't have any
change for a reward."
Hoover & Son
Top Ten Things To Say About A
Christmas Gift You Don't Like
10. Hey! There's a gift!
9. Well, well, well ...
8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the
basement.
6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
4. I love it -- but I fear the jealousy it will
inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal
Witness Protection Program.
2. To think -- I got this the “Only at Watson Metals - Conden
Stop!”
year I vowed to give all We Have Moved! We’re still here! We’re just in the my gifts to charity.
building around back! Comecheck us out!
And the Number One Thing to say about a Christmas gift you don't like:
1. "I really don't deserve
CondenStop
this."
INSURANCE
931-473-2200
Read Southern Humor
online at:
www.Southernhumor.net
®
h
Gear up wit
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nancin
year-end fi
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%
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p to
ancing, for u
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6 0 Months
*
Trusses • Metal Roofing
Metal Trim and Supplies
Tennessee Valley Tractor & Equipment, LLC
532 Harrison Ferry Rd.
McMinnville, 37110
(931) 474-1201
www.kubota.com
6)
Is a highly absorptive layered
fleece material with a SelfAdhesive Back that permanently
adheres to any metal roof panel.
It’s bacteria & mold resistant, fire
resistant, noise resistant & ISO
Certified. It also replaces vapor
barriers, insulation blankets,
bubble wraps & synthetic
membranes.
20 Standard Colors to Choose From.
Happy Holidays & Thank you for your business!
www.watsonmetals.com
*$0 down, 0% A.P.R. financing for up to 60 months on purchases of new Kubota ZG (excluding ZG100/Z100/Z700 series), ZP, ZD (excluding ZD331LP-72
and ZD331-60), BX, B, L, M (excluding M108S/M96S), TLB, DM, RA, TE, K008, KX, U and SVL75 Series equipment available to qualified purchasers from
participating dealers’ in-stock inventory through 12/31/2014. Example: A 60-month monthly installment repayment term at 0% A.P.R. requires 60 payments of
$16.67 per $1,000 financed. 0% A.P.R. interest is available to customers if no dealer documentation preparation fee is charged. Dealer charge for document
preparation fee shall be in accordance with state laws. Inclusion of ineligible equipment may result in a higher blended A.P.R. Not available for Rental, National
Accounts or Governmental customers. 0% A.P.R. and low-rate financing may not be available with customer instant rebate offers. Financing is available
through Kubota Credit Corporation, U.S.A., 3401 Del Amo Blvd., Torrance, CA 90503; subject to credit approval. Some exceptions apply. Offer expires
12/31/2014. See us for details on these and other low-rate options or go to www.kubota.com for more information. Optional equipment may be shown.
1210 S. Jefferson, Cookeville, TN
© Kubota Tractor Corporation, 2014
(Across from the Movie Theater)
931.526.1236
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Q: What do you do if Santa gets stuck in
The Gift
your chimney?
Thanks for the electric guitar you gave
A: Pour Santa flush on him.
me for Christmas," little Chris Cody said to
his uncle the first time he saw him after the
Q. What did Adam say on the day before holidays. "It's the best present I ever got."
Christmas?
"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you
A. It's Christmas, Eve.
know how to play it?"
"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said.
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play
office?
it during the day and my dad gives me five
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with dollars a week not to play it at night.
the suit gets all the credit.
Merry
Christmas!
Q. What happened when the snowwoman got angry at the snowman?
A. She gave him the cold shoulder.
Something for Everyone!
Christmas Open House
November 14th & 15th hrs. 10-5
Tons of Christmas Goodies!
Open Wed-Sat 10am-5pm
Like us on Facebook
96 Great Falls Road, Rock Island, TN 38581
931-686-LAZY (5299) • 662-587-1366
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.
Q: What do elves
learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!
Merry Christmas
& Happy New Year!
ONE DAY
SERVICE!
New & Rebuilt
Radiators In-Stock,
Gas Tanks Cleaned,
Repaired & Coated
ALL WORK IS
GUARANTEED!
The quality remains long
after the price is forgotten.
Howard
Mayberry
931-526-9409
931-260-8438
Cell
Radiator Shop
435 West Broad Street, Cookeville, TN 38501
eville
Cook
Q: What did the ghosts say to Santa
Claus?
A: We'll have a boo Christmas without
you.
Since
1935
931-526-2013
Have You Heard?
It's better to advertise in
SOUTHERN HUMOR!
White County Lawn
&
Tractor
FREE
Pickup and
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That's only $8.75
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Call Margie today!
savings!
115 Dibrell St., Sparta, TN 38583
Email: [email protected]
931-837-8746
931-212-7952
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(7
Jesus is Better Than Santa
Santa lives at the North Pole.
JESUS is everywhere.
Santa fills your stockings with goodies
JESUS supplies all your needs.
Santa rides in a sleigh
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.
Santa comes down your chimney uninvited
JESUS stands at your door and knocks..
and then enters your heart.
Santa comes but once a year
JESUS is an ever present help.
You have to stand in line to see Santa
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.
Santa lets you sit on his lap
JESUS lets you rest in His arms.
Santa doesn't know your name, all he can
say is "Hi little boy or girl, What's your name?"
JESUS knew our name before we did.Not
only does He know our name, He knows our
address too.He knows our history and future
and He even knows how many
hairs are on our heads.
Santa has a belly like a bowl
full of jelly
JESUS has a heart full of love.
The SMART HOME
All Santa can offer is HO HO HO
JESUS offers health, help and hope.
Santa says "You better not cry"
JESUS says "Cast all your
cares on me for I care for you.
Ronnie J. Gunter
Construction
Rock Island, Tn
931-607-3587
“ Building Dreams one
Anything
in your
that uses electricity
Home
Athome
A Time”
can be put on the home network and at your
command. Whether you give that command by
in
voice,Specializing
remote control or computer,
the home
reacts.* Most
relate to lighting,
“Offapplications
Grid “ Homes
home security, home theater and entertainment
* Smart
Homes
and thermostat
regulation.
Call Ronnie
GunterPower
today for all your
* Green
Smart Home needs!
Specializing in
• “Off Grid “ Homes
• Smart Homes
• Green Power
Solar Fields
Solar Fields
Email us at : [email protected]
Santa's little helpers make toys
JESUS makes new life,
mends wounded hearts,
repairs broken homes and
builds mansions.
Santa may make you chuckle
but
JESUS gives you joy that is
your strength.
While Santa puts gifts under
your tree
JESUS became our gift and
died on the tree.
It's obvious there is really no
comparison. We need to
remember WHO Christmas
is all about. We need to put
Christ back in Christmas.
Jesus is still the reason for
the season. Yes, Jesus is
better, he is even better than
Santa Claus!
“ Building Dreams One Home At A Time”
8)
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!
s
e
t
i
r
o
v
a
F
Santa's
Happy 27th
Anniversary
Janette &
Gordon Griffith
12-5
John Argo My favorite
Brother-in-law
So sorry that I forgot your
Birthday will try and do better
next year.
Happy 56th Anniversary to Buddy
and Jane Gilbert - Sparta, TN
WE LOVE YOU!
Happy 18th Anniversary
to my daughter & favorite Son-in- Law
Happy Birthday
April & Aaron Barrett
Connor Lance 12-2
I love you both, Mom Dec. 21
Aaliyah Rose Goodman 12-3
Special Birthday
Wishes to
Janice Mosely
Dec. 14 from your
loving Husband
James
and the
Southern Humor
staff.
Happy 19th Birthday
Emily Beth Grove Dec. 26th
Love you bunches
Love, Daddy, Mommy,Tyler,
Granny Ruby,Pa,Granny Bernice
and Jewell.
Linda Bishop 12-12
Sheri Brown 12-17
Trent Bailey 12-22
Happy Birthday
Kim Jones Dec. 8
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(9
The Christmas Flight
It was a few days before Christmas.
The trip went reasonably well, and he
was ready to go back home. The airport
on the other end had turned a tacky red
and green, and loudspeakers blared
annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.
Being someone who took Christmas
very seriously, and being slightly tired,
he was not in a particularly good mood.
(Almost a scrooge) Going to check in
his luggage (which, for some reason,
had become one suitcase with entirely
new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap
plastic with red paint on some of the
rounder parts and green paint on some
of the flatter and pointer parts, that
“We are cheaper than the rest.
could be taken for mistletoe only in a
Call us for an immediate response.”
very Picasso sort of way.
Roadside Service
Anywhere!
With a considerable degree of irrita(In Warren County)
Anytime!
tion and nowhere else to vent it, he said
to the attendant, "Even if
we were married, I would
not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockPhone: 931.507.4550
ery of mistletoe."
Fax: 931.507.4551
"Sir, look more closely
at where the mistletoe is."
• Private Mailboxes
"Ok, I see that it's
above the luggage scale
which is the place you'd
have to step forward for a
kiss."
"That's not why it's
there."
"Ok, I give up. Why is it
there?"
"It's there so you can
kiss your luggage goodbye."
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Christmas Gifts for Men
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it
is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no
problems.
thing with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying
those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?"
"OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket
yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not
matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17
and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have
too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for
his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or
something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts
for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him any-
Rule #4:
Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if
John Argo, Realtor
Jane Wright, Broker
931-607-3861
[email protected]
“In God We Trust!”
931-265-1248
God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have
invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace
the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money
buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the
corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #6:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of
after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they
are earthy.
Rule #7:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of
weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks.
Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door.
Lock. Sink." You get the idea.
No one knows why. (ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!)
Joyce Argo, Realtor
931-808-2271
www.johnargorealtor.com [email protected]
[email protected]
1400 Neal St., Cookeville, TN 38501
Office: 931-520-6450 E-Fax: 931-221-0807
Each office is independently owned and
operated. Equal housing opportunity.
MLS 166966 This single wide mobile home has lots of add ons.
You hardly know you are in a mobile home. Large bedroom &
livingroom. Attached & detached garage. Wonderfully landscaped. 8X26 covered front porch. $72,000. Cookeville
Nestled on 1.8 AC. out of the city limits, you’ll find this handyman special
listed at below tax appraisal. Do it your way and feel pride in the finished
product. Owner has relocated. 4 yr. old CH&A unit, fenced in garden area,
a wet weather creek meanders on the side of property. Nice outbuilding
and trees on the 1.8 acres.ONLY $94,900 Cookeville
MLS 167582 Ready to move in condition, with new flooring & paint. Only 4
miles to I-40. 4th BR could be used as an office. Screened in porch & wood
fencing makes this a private haven when you get home after work. The
separate gathering room and living room is great for entertaining. Large
eat-in kitchen & dining room combo gives you lots of cabinet storage.
ONLY $159,900 Cookeville
MLS 166405 Located between Sparta & Cookeville, this ready to move into
3BR, 3B, brick home is just the right size for a growing family. Partially finished basement with full bath could be guest quarters. $179,900
MLS 166904 This cozy log cabin will wet your appetite to retreat to the country for some R&R. Nestled on a wooded lot you can sit back on the full length
porch, or the back screened-in porch, and enjoy quiet mornings and evenings watching the abundant wildlife. Impeccably maintained this custombuilt cabin features a large master bedroom w/ vaulted ceilings made from
knotty pine. Master bath has separate jet tub and showers. Sit by the gas log
fireplace and enjoy the quiet evenings. Knotty pine floors and ceilings with
beams. Enjoy backyard BBQs, or cooking in the immaculate kitchen with all
appliances and hard surface counter tops. A MUST See!$199,900 Sparta
Feature: MLS 167125 : THEY SAY A PICTURE IS WORTH A 1000 WORDS!!! Be prepared to be enchanted
as you scroll through the magnificent beauty of this, one of a kind estate, with every conceivable luxury,
cradled in one of the most spectacular settings you can imagine. Offers the finest in craftsmanship & care.
Presented with pride, at a below appraised value, of only $550,000. Livingston
MLS 159268 41.86 acres wooded property perfect for hunting & outdoor activities. Minutes from Cookeville. Build permanent secluded home or weekend
retreat. Reduced $65,000.
MLS 167669 Affordable and cute. Close to churches, schools,
and shopping. In-town convenience. Really nice deck and
screened porch with ornamental landscaping. Great back
yard. ONLY $64,900 Sparta
MLS 167154 LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION!! Nestled on
a corner lot with mature trees, you’ll find this single story brick
with carport and screened in porch. Just minutes to Cookeville or
Sparta. Priced to sell at only $109,896.43 Cookeville
MLS 168002 20 acres highly desirable flat property with septic &
well, lots of road frontage. This property is private only 3 miles off
of Hwy 55 in Morrison. A real fine. Call today. $98,900 Morrison, Tn
MLS 167205 Below Appraisal!! It’s the bargain you’ve been waiting for. Open & airy 3BR, 2B, nestled on 2 wooded acres with
view. 3rd bedroom does not have a window but does have a
closet. $99,900 Sparta
Rule #8:
Never buy a man
anything that says "some assembly required" on the box.
It will ruin his Special Day and
he will always have parts left
over. No one knows why.
Rule #9:
Good places to shop for
men include Northwest Iron
Works, Parr Lumber, Home
Depot, John Deere, Valley
RV Center, and Les Schwab
Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and
Sears Clearance Centers are
also excellent men's stores.)
It doesn't matter if he doesn't
know what it is. ("From NAPA
Auto, eh? Must be something
I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter
for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow!
thanks.")
Rule #10:
Men enjoy danger.
That's why they never cook
- but they will barbecue. (No
one knows why) Get him
a monster barbecue with a
100-pound propane tank. Tell
him the gas line leaks. "Oh
the thrill! The challenge! Who
wants a hamburger?"
Rule #11:
Tickets to a Cowboys
game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate
tickets to "A Retrospective of
19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
MLS 168196 2 BR, 1 bath mobile home 14X52, w/ large covered front porch with view of lake. Carport, storage shed, 1/4
acre lot. Home has been remodeled w/ new floors, paint &
counter tops, fixtures & lighting. Central heat & cooling with
washer, dryer, stove & refrigerator. ONLY $79,900 Baxter
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(11
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