People do not see the world as it is; they see it as they are – or as they have been conditioned to be If I do not change within the next 48 hours then it is unlikely I am going to change DEVELOPING LEADERSHIP SKILLS IN YOUR CHILD BASIC PRINCIPLES • Raising righteous, dynamic children is based on the relationship between the spouses – a fusion of mind, body and soul • It is not so much how you see yourself rather how your children see you i.e. if you want to nurture your children to become people of significance then you must change as children become the attributes you give them • Don’t push your child towards academic achievement that has no correlation with a happy life or even true success • Put your efforts into helping your child become good at something that will become a passion for them…but don’t rush them! • Teach your child good manners and etiquettes to develop moral character, conduct and social skills PARENTING TODAY… • The father does the providing, the mother the deciding and the children the over-riding • In wanting to give our children what we did not have, we have forgotten to give them what we had…values, ethics, sense of purpose and belonging • A true friend is that who has concern for the other’s spiritual development and place in the Hereafter – but how many of us are really friends of our children? EXAMPLES OF NEGATIVE INFLUENCES • TELEVISION • ELECTRONIC GAMING • SOCIAL MEDIA • ‘FRIENDS’ THAT DON’T ECHO THE QUALITIES AND VALUES THAT, AS A PARENT, YOU ARE TRYING TO DEVELOP IN YOUR CHILD • ENVIRONMENTS FOR LEARNING, PLAY AND RECREATION THAT IS NOT CONDUCIVE TO A CHILD’S SPIRTUAL WELLBEING TWO DEADLY EXAMPLES TELEVISION ELECTRONIC GAMING • • Addictive • Can make you aggressive • Can make you insensitive to other people’s needs • Kills your creativity • Stunts socialising skills • Can make you too independent • Playing a video game triggers the same violent responses in the brain as actual aggression • • Every child supposed to walk, talk and think – diminishes enthusiasm for reading, self-development and initiative, creativity Erodes morality, self-esteem and empathy Breeds spectatorship and stunts imagination – cannot distiguish between fantasy and reality • Slows the body’s metabolic rate • Stunts the development of a child’s brains and social skills • Increases the likelihood of children developing ADHD • Causes depression C o r e F a m i l y Va l u e s • What really matters to you as a family? • What values govern how you live your life? • What values do you want to pass on to your children? Successful parenting for leadership (I) • Be united in discipline and know that it is an educative process • Understand that your behaviour and emotions affects your child’s behaviour and emotions i.e. model responsibility • Focus attention and energy on the positive aspects of behaviour • Emphasize cooperation, not control • Teach children to think for themselves and exercise self-control • Know how to appreciate your children, even when they are misbehaving i.e. don’t let this stop you from enjoying them Successful parenting for leadership (II) • Build self-esteem in your children: A happy, well adjusted child almost always develops a healthy self-image - the two go hand in hand • Develop self-confidence and resiliency • Connect special activities with good behaviour e.g. have plans that teach the value of completing chores, earning allowances and doing homework • Anticipate problems i.e. have a game plan to reduce misbehaviour through deploying diversionary tactics GROUP ACTIVITY – DEFINING LEADERSHIP • Based on previous slides, discuss amongst yourselves: • What values and qualities do you envisage being developed in your children? • Agree and list up to 5 qualities of a good leader • Assess your child’s progress against each quality • Write down what more needs to be done to consolidate each quality in your child UNLEASH YOUR CHILD’S POTENTIAL How to B U I L D your child’s self-esteem  Make your children feel an important part of the family e.g. by giving them tasks to do at home and letting them help with planning of family activities and outings  Encourage creativity and developing a talent:  Praise your children for trying and doing things that you approve of  Help your children to use their imagination, intelligence and playfulness  Encourage your children to talk – they need to talk about their feelings and ideas, even if different from yours. Discussing what motivates them helps consolidate their beliefs also How to B U I L D your child’s self-esteem  Make your children feel special and wanted:  Spend time doing things with your children  Hug and kiss your children  Show that you love them  Share your feelings and ideas with your children e.g. discuss family and community issues and events with them  Encourage and support them in building positive friendships  Value self-image e.g. looks aren’t everything How to B U I L D your child’s self-esteem  Help your children to set goals and discuss with them what they want out of life  Be consistent in your dealings with them e.g. do not change a rule without discussing it with your children  Give your children a chance to make choices so that they understand the consequences of the choices that they make The way you talk to your child teaches them how to talk to others Ways to talk so children will listen Connect before you direct Speak socially correctly Address the child Speak psychologically correctly Stay brief Write it Stay simple Talk the child down Ask your child to repeat the request back to Settle the listener you Replay your message Make an offer the child can't refuse Let your child complete the thought Be positive Use rhyme rules Begin your directives with "I want.“ Give likable alternatives "when...then." Give advance notice Legs first, mouth second Open up a closed child Give choices Use "when you…I feel…because…" Speak developmentally correctly Close the discussion “Do it for me!” • Is your child overly demanding? • Does your child appear helpless and unable to complete tasks on their own? • Does your child seem entitled? • Change the current family dynamic • Set expectations for your kids • Don’t expect too much • Make it fun! Positive and Effective Parenting • Appreciate the value of play and make time for family activities • Talk with and listen to your child and teach them the difference between right from wrong • Build your child's brain and body • Be your child's first source of information • Learn how children develop, know your unique child and cherish it! Emotionally coached children… • Enjoy better physical health • Perform better academically • Get along with friends more easily • Have fewer behaviour problems • Are more positive and emotionally healthier • Capable of comforting themselves in difficult circumstances • Less dependent on others for emotional support • Quickly recover and resume productive tasks after a crisis i.e. they have a high degree of resilience • Emotionally more intelligent Emotional coaching of children  A parent who spends time with their child, who knows the child and who has a close emotional bond with the child, is in a better position to exert influence over the child  The trust relationship between parent and child makes the child receptive to parental guidance and advice, easing the parent’s task of guiding and motivating them PARENTING STYLE Authoritarian Egalitarian Permissive • Decisive • Collaborative • Accepting • Requiring • Team player • Supportive • Efficient • Sharing responsibility • Respectful • Assertive • Decision maker • Open • Task-oriented • Not bossy • Agreeable • Controlling • Ingratiating • Assuring • Strict • Avoiding leadership • Conforming • Rigid • Undisciplined • Motivating from behind the scenes • Inflexible • Reactive • Pushing the child on self-goals • Domineering • Manipulative • Relying on internal structure • Too lenient • Too time-consuming GROUP ACTIVITY – REVIVALIST CULTURE • An effective parenting style can have a transformational impact on a child’s self-esteem, identity and worth. So how can you now make this impact purposeful? What objective are you seeking? • For our children to become leaders we want them to be, we have to ensure our efforts are geared towards a higher purpose. The many social and spiritual ills are corrupting our society and ultimately the hearts and minds of our children • The question is: what makes a Mujaddid – a reviver of the Deen of Allah? Examples include traits such as having: • Correct aqidah and mastery of Islamic sciences • Humblesness, Taqwa, perserverance, focus, truthfulness, modesty, pragmatism, vision and foresight • Correct adab and execution of knowledge • Now what support is needed to propel your children for a righteous cause? • There is no way to have rich, rewarding family relationships without real understanding. Relationships can be superficial. They can be functional. They can be transactional • But they can’t be transformational – and deeply satisfying – unless they’re built on a foundation of genuine understanding. • Families who live with cooperation and care for each other are given increase in sustenance (rizq) by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala • Those who remain divided and are aloof from each other, He then removes the bounty from their sustenance and their lifespan shortens even if they are all pious' (in other respects). A home is judged not on its outward appearance and beauty but on the harmony of relationships within the home… Creating harmony in the home • Care for yourself and your family through: • Creating a connection with each other i.e. mutuality in everything, which leads to a united front and an inner/outer image of what you stand for • Sharing responsibilities in the home • Showing respect and being honorable, even in each other’s absence • Controlling of the tongue and emotions • Accentuating the Positive