UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
UO Alliance for
Sexual Assault
Prevention
University of Oregon
164 Oregon Hall
Eugene, OR 97403
541.346.1156
i-Dating
Stories. Checklist. Tips. Resources.
Relaciónes
이성 관계
爱情
恋愛
i-Dating
UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
Mission Statement
i-Dating is a group of UO international and US students actively working
to provide support and resources for healthy cross-cultural
relationships.
We realize that some students experience challenges in a cross-cultural
setting and many of us feel alone with our questions. We envision
creating an environment where safe communication takes place to
promote healthy relationships.
I am an International Studies major here at U of O. I am also the ASUO
Women's Center Global Feminist Issues Coordinator. My interest in Global
issues affecting women is a passion of mine, which is why I am interested in
being a part of i-Dating. i-Dating is a project that cares about the well-being
of cross-cultural relationships, which is an important topic in this life we live.
Jasmin, International Studies—Gender Issues and East Asia
I’m an alumni working in a nonprofit agency in Eugene. As an international
student, I remember feeling confused and alone in a cross-cultural
environment. i-Dating is an amazing resource and support for all students
who may be or will be in a cross-cultural relationships and I’m honored to
be part of this group. We all seek a place where we can feel safe and
supported and I believe i-Dating is one that is committed to offer you just
that. Come and join!
Ryoko, UO Alumnae
i-Dating Community Engagement Project ‘07
UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
This project was supported by Grant No. 2004-WA AX-004 awarded by the Office on Violence
Against Women, Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice. Views expressed in this brochure do not necessarily represent those of the U.S. Department of Justice.
Page 2
I am interested in writing and editing English and Chinese. Having been in
the US for over a year, I've experienced enough varied dating, social
situations, and heartaches to know cultural differences often cause
misunderstandings. Being far away from home, myself, I'm especially drawn
to this program in helping other fellow women who may be going through
the same. My interests delve also into international relations and
relationships, inspired by my travels to over 25 countries.
Jaclyn, Geography Major, Business Administration Minor
Special thanks to Andy Liu, Eden Cortéz and Yoojin Jang
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i-Dating
Who We Are
Hi, I'm Maiko. I'm an international student from Japan. I've had both happy
and challenging times since I came here, but I've always enjoyed getting to
know new people and their perspectives. I'm involved in the i-Dating project
because I want everyone in international/cross-cultural relationships to be
happy. Being in the relationship myself, I understand that some difficulties
arise because of the different cultures, norms, and misunderstanding of
language. Please respect each other, and enjoy the wonderful experience!
Maiko, Journalism Major, Chinese Minor
I have lived abroad in Beijing, studying Mandarin Chinese in fall of 2005, and
in Ghana, while interning at an NGO this past summer. I was also an
International Student Orientation Leader this fall. My friends and I have
encountered many cross-cultural misunderstandings on dating, so I would
like to help international students with similar problems.
Beth, Public Relations Major, Arts Administration Minor
All types of relationships can be very rewarding and special only if both
people feel well respected. Sometimes when relationships are made across
cultural borders, misunderstandings arise and feelings are hurt. I see the iDating program as a great opportunity to reach out to those who feel alone
by making resources available and relating our own experiences. The iDating group is excited about the potential this program has, and is hoping
to recruit some international voices to the program!
Caitlin, German and Biology Major
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UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
Table of Contents
International Dating Stories
4-11
The Break Up
4-5
Too Close, Too Soon 6-7
Uneasy
8-9
Traveling 10-11
What is a Healthy Relationship?
English 12-13
中國人 14-15
Español18-19
한국어 20-21
12-21
日本語 16-17
What is Sexual Assault?
22
When You’re Not Dating, But . . .
23
Helping a Friend
24-25
Resources
26-27
Who We Are
28-29
Page 3
i-Dating
The Break Up
I was in Ohio for several
months in 2002. We were
good friends in marching band.
He had loved me since then,
even though we never saw
each other, talked on the
phone or chatted on MSN
messenger, after I left. We
exchanged a few emails. It was
enough to keep his feelings
about me alive.
It was back in Aug. 2005, before I moved to Eugene.
I started dating someone. He is American. I was happy until
he moved to Eugene. He left everything in Ohio; his family,
friends, job… He said that he never wanted to lose me
again.
I broke up with him a week after he moved to Eugene. I felt
awful. I felt guilty. But it was not my fault, nor was it his. His
eyes were filled with tears. He gave me a letter full of his
thoughts. I wondered if he would kill himself because he
loved me that much.
Yes, we decided to become friends again. But does it mean
you call the other everyday, sometimes, several times a day?
I thought he needed some time to accept the fact that we
were not in a relationship anymore.
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UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
Office of Student Life
Provides emotional support, academic assistance,
safety planning, information about student
conduct and assistance navigating medical, law
enforcement and community services.
346-1156
ASUO Women’s Center
Programming and support for women at UO.
346-4095
Sexual Assault Support Services
Community education, outreach, advocacy and
support for survivors of sexual violence and their
families.
343-7277
Womenspace
Services for abused women, men and their
children. Free individual and group counseling
(English & Spanish), emergency housing ,
restraining order help and advocacy.
485-6513
Page 27
i-Dating
UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
UO Health Center
Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANE) for
medical exams after a sexual assault, pregnancy
and disease testing, birth control.
346-2770
UO Counseling Center
Individual and group counseling for relationships,
sexual assault and other personal issues.
346-3227
Campus Public Safety
Emergency response to threats and crimes on
campus, building security, emergency response,
information, instruction and training, prevention
and investigation of crimes.
So finally, I decided to ignore his calls. I knew I was hurting
him, but I had to. You don’t know how hard it was to hold
my cell phone in my hand, hoping that it would stop ringing.
Someone you care about wants to talk to you. Who doesn’t
want to pick up the phone?
He was mad. I knew he would be. I was hurt and upset by
what was said in emails he sent me. But I was also very sad.
I was sad because he did not understand that I was hurt, as
much as he was.
I felt threatened. I was worried whether he might turn into
a stalker. I wanted to change everything associated with him;
my room, email address, and even class schedules.
It’s been more than a year since we broke up.
We’ve met each other twice; we’ve talked on the phone
twice. Regardless, I want to say he is very nice. I lost one of
my best friends.
I wish we never dated.
346-6666
Assault Prevention Shuttle
Free shuttle for students , faculty and staff as an
alternative to walking alone at night, relying on
others to take them home or being stuck in a
potentially dangerous situation.
346-RIDEx 2
346-7433 x 2
Page 26
6PM-Midnight Weeknights
6PM-2AM Weekends
You don’t know how hard it was to
hold my cell phone in my hand,
hoping that it would stop ringing.
Page 5
i-Dating
Too Close, Too Soon
I met this nice guy.
Since he was an international
student, we discussed our
interests of speaking different
languages. After I mentioned
the language I was learning, he
remarked excitedly that he
had wanted to learn that
language. He asked me if I
could tutor him and I said I
thought it was worth a try and sounded like fun.
After a couple days of tutoring he called me on the
weekend to invite me to dinner. Needing a study break and
a change of location, I accepted. After walking me home, he
confessed his love to me. All this after four days of knowing
me! When I told him I enjoyed tutoring, but wasn’t
interested in a love relationship, he kept insisting that I
didn’t say anything and take time to make up my mind. I had
already made up my mind and said so. He wanted to hug or
kiss me on the cheek after tutoring sessions. This made me
very uncomfortable and I told him so. He kept pushing the
issue and asking me to explain exactly why it made me feel
uncomfortable. Again he persisted and I resisted. I felt like I
shouldn’t have to explain my feelings all the time.
He said I had broken his heart and that it was
because of me that he had been “led on” so long . . . a total
of four days. He invited himself to my parents place for
Thanksgiving Break and when I said I didn’t think that would
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UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
Your friend has to find her/his own way through the
situation, but talking to you or a trusted person can help
them decide what they need to do. Your aim is to help
them become an independent, assertive person. That is the
best protection you can give them and the best way of
ensuring they do not become a victim of abuse again.
Make it clear that they have your support. Your friend may
be feeling very isolated and alone. Let them know that you
care about them and are concerned about their safety. Tell
her/him that you want her/him to be happy and will support
her/him in any way that will help.
Help your friend work out some realistic strategies. What
works here depends on how willing she/he is to see that
there is a problem and how abusive the relationship has
become. Be specific about why you are concerned - "We
feel bad when he says you're stupid. We hate to see you
nervous and unhappy. What do you think when he does
that?"
Connect her/him with resources. Let her/him know that
she/he is not alone. This happens to many people. Offer to
go with her/him to talk with someone who has more
knowledge and experience.
Talking about it won’t get him/her in trouble. She/He can
file an anonymous report or get support without saying who
hurt her/him. Reporting an assault won’t get the survivor in
trouble and it won’t effect her/his VISA status or study
abroad program.
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UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
Helping a Friend
Encourage your friend to talk to you - You could use the
information in this fact sheet as a starting point for a chat.
Believe her/him even if you know the person that hurt her/
him. Most abuse is done by people you know.
Try to do this when you're alone, not in front of other
friends or other family members. Sometimes it can be easier
if there is another focus of activity such as going for a drive
together, making a meal or doing the dishes.
Try to get them to do most of the talking. Ask open-ended
questions like "How do you feel? What do your friends
think about your relationship? What do you want to do in
the future - now and long-term?"
work he immediately added that if I were ever in his
country I would always be welcome in his house.
We decided to give it another try to just keep the
tutoring going. A couple days later I called him to call it all
off . . . friendship and tutoring because I didn’t feel like he
was willing to keep a friendship and tutoring-onlyrelationship. It’s too bad. I really enjoyed teaching a
language, learning a new one in return, and learning about
his experiences. I felt like things were going to continue in
an unwanted direction if I didn’t make a move quickly.
I learned from this experience to be open with my
feelings and communicate as best I can with others. But
most of all I learned to have respect for my own rights and
feelings by taking a stand for what I believe is right or
wrong.
Listen to your friend. Don't be judgmental - If they are in an
abusive relationship, they probably already feel very down
about themselves. Don't make them feel worse.
Don't blame your friend for what is happening. Don't tell
them what they should have done differently. Concentrate
on what makes them happy and how they can change things
from now on.
Don't tell them what to do. Encourage them to think about
their options.
Page 24
When I told him I enjoyed tutoring
but wasn’t interested in a love
relationship, he kept insisting I
didn’t say anything and take time
to make up my mind.
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i-Dating
i-Dating
Uneasy
But We Aren’t Dating
Love is not easy for every
one of us. It is a matter of timing
whether or not your feelings and
values match with those of your
partner. This process can be
complicated even more within a
cross-cultural relationship.
As an international
student, I had been in a complex
relationship with an American
student at my university. The relationship started in my first
year at the university and it was my very first experience of
a cross-cultural dating relationship. We shared a lot of
similarities in our lifestyle, and spent long times together,
for example, at a residence hall, dining and in several classes.
Everything went great regardless of different race, culture
and language barrier …until I started questioning my status
in the relationship.
Several weeks after we began spending time
together, I asked, “What am I; Am I your girlfriend?”
“You’re my friend” he responded. The words that came out
from him were totally out of my expectation, since I had
already acted just like a normal girlfriend since we had
shared our feelings. It seemed like a punishment or some
sort of betrayal for me. I cried and honestly could not
accept what it meant to be a friend for him at that time.
In the U.S., while some people prefer to be in a
committed relationship, a lot of college students or young
adults including many of my American friends choose a
dating relationship. As one of the reasons, some say that
◊
Does someone you know
act like you are dating
when you are not?
◊
Does he/she make you feel
guilty because he/she
helped you? Or you used
to be his/her friend?
◊
Does he/she try to control you in some kind of way?
◊
Does he/she show up at your classes or call or IM too
much?
◊
Does he/she pressure you to hang out or do things that
you don’t want to do?
◊
Do you want him/her to leave you alone but don’t want
to hurt his/her feelings?
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Page 23
愛
If you feel unsafe or unsure, tell a friend. Without getting
someone in trouble you can get confidential help. Check out
pages 26-27.
UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
It is Never Okay for Someone to Force
Unwanted Touching
Even if you wear tight clothes, short skirts or low cut tops
Even if you go to his/her house or into his/her room
Even if you have kissed or touched him/her before
Even if you used to date
Even if you have been drinking or she/he has been drinking
Even if you have had sex or made out with him/her before
Even if you danced together
Even if you talked to him/her all night
IF YOU SAY “NO” THE OTHER
PERSON SHOULD STOP. If he/she
doesn’t stop, tell someone. Ask for help.
NO means NO.
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UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
college is where you become connected to new people and
have fun with them. On the other hand, in my home
country, it is more common to be a “girlfriend” and a
“boyfriend” when they hang out together. Most of the time,
the status or title as a girl/ boyfriend is socially crucial to
show respect to the partner, or occasionally to one’s family.
I preferred the committed relationship, whereas he valued
his independence and college life.
Relationships don’t work when partners don’t love
each other, care about one’s value, and most importantly
don’t communicate enough to know what’s on their minds.
In the night I cried, I regarded him as a guy who could not
respect or see me as only one special girl. Maybe I was
immature in terms of the relationship issue. I have known
that he has been thoughtful and nice, and he never meant to
hurt my feelings. This clash I experienced was the tiny
matter of the different values and expectations coming from
our varying cultures. I learned through this experience how
communication is important to be happy and healthy with
each other. My advice to anybody in a cross-cultural
relationship is to be really honest to yourself. You don’t
have to cry and adjust to a different culture or dating style.
It surely takes time for you to feel comfortable, but
remember being healthy is keeping the way you are.
Several weeks after we began spending
time together, I asked, “what am I, am I
your girlfriend?”
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i-Dating
Traveling
In my two study abroad
experiences, I quickly realized that
the cultures of dating were so
different than that of the U.S. that I
didn’t want to date a local out of fear
of relationship problems related to
cultural misunderstandings.
UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
을 하는지를 항상 알아야 할 필요는 없다.
우리는 같이 있으면 즐겁고, 나는 내 남자/여자친구가 화날까봐 걱정하지
않는다.
내 남자/여자친구와 나는 둘 다 서로에게 미안하다고 말할수 있고 양보하
며 주장을 굽힐수 있다.
내 남자/여자친구는 나를 괴롭히거나 무섭게 행동하지 않는다. 내가 헤어
지고 싶으면 언제든지 헤어질 수 있다.
During one experience
abroad, I lived with 11 other US students from the U of O.
We all had internships at various media outlets in the state
capitol, and decided to throw a party so we could meet
each other’s coworkers.
One of my roommates had a coworker about my
age who was quite physically attractive. From the instant he
walked in the door, his conversation was directed only at
me. After we had talked for a while, I showed him pictures
from back home. He said, “I don’t see a boyfriend in any of
those pictures.” I replied that I didn’t have one. Bad idea.
I was leaving for the U.S. in a couple of weeks, I
didn’t want a boyfriend from any country, and I didn’t want
to enter into a relationship with someone whose culture I
knew little about. These issues would drive many US men
away, but seemed to have little effect on his pursuit of me.
그/그녀는 나에게 욕을 하거나 나를 바보로 만들지 않는다.
혹 일이 잘못되더라도 내 남자/여자친구는 갑자기 신경질을 낸다거나 다
른 사람들을 비난하지 않는다.
내 남자/여자친구는 나에 대한 거짓말들이나 헛소문들을 퍼트리고 다닐
것이라고 협박하지 않는다.
내 남자/여자친구는 남의 기분을 상하게 하는 농담을 하지 않는다.
내 남자/여자친구는 내가 가장 소중하게 여기는 가치, 바람, 욕구를 존중해
준다. 그/그녀는 나 또는 우리의 관계에 있어 자신의 문화적 규범을 지
키도록 강요하지 않는다.
Sometime during the conversation he told me that
he was going to call his father the next day to inform him
that we were dating, and I advised against that.
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i-Dating
UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
Healthy Relatio nshi ps
건전한 이성 관계란 어떤 것인가?
내 친구들은 내 남자/여자친구를 좋아한다.
내가 친구들과 시간을 보낼때, 내 남자/여자친구는 시샘을 하거나 내가 바
람을 피운다고 느끼지 않는다.
내 남자/여자친구는 견해차를 문화적 차이로 보지 않는다. 가끔 견해차가
있어도 우리는 상대의 의견이나 견해를 존중해준다.
내 남자/여자친구는 나의 나라에 대하여 지나친 농담을 하거나 고정관념
을 가지고 있지않다.
For the rest of the party, he was very clingy. At one
point my roommates asked me to help with the music in
another room, and when I returned to him, he had been
sitting in the same chair ever since I left. He was upset that I
had left the room without telling him where I was going. He
also wouldn’t let me dance with other guys. All of these
behaviors would seem very controlling and unhealthy if
performed by guy from the US, but I’m not sure that it
wasn’t normal within his cultural context.
나는 내 남자/여자친구를 신경 쓰지 않고 내가 입고 싶은 옷을 마음대로
입는다.
내가 내 친구들과 나의 모국어로 얘기하더라도, 내 남자/여자친구는 질투
하거나 영어로 말하라고 강요하지 않는다.
내가 키스나 신체적 접촉을 원치 않으면, 내 남자/여자친구는 더 이상 강요
하지 않는다.
내 남자/여자 친구는 나를 종처럼 부려먹지 않는다.
내 남자/여자친구는 우리 문화를 배우려고 노력한다.
내 남자/여자친구는 내가 소중히 여기는 가치와 내 판단을 존중해주고 나
를 미국 여자/남자와 비교하려 들지 않는다.
He said “I don’t see a boyfriend in any
of those pictures.” I replied that I didn’t
have one. Bad idea.
나는 내 나름대로 스케쥴이 있다. 내 남자/여자친구가 내가 어디에서 무엇
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i-Dating
UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
What does a “Healthy Relationship” look like?
My friends like my boyfriend/girlfriend.
Yo tengo mi propio horario y mi novio/novia no necesita
saber en donde esto la mayor parte de mi tiempo.
When I spend time with my friends, my boyfriend/girlfriend
doesn’t feel jealous or accuse me of cheating.
Nos divertimos y no me preocupo si mi novio/novia se va a
enojar.
My boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t blame our disagreements on
our cultural differences. We sometimes disagree but we
respect one another’s opinions or perspectives.
My boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t make mean jokes or
stereotypes about my country.
I can wear what I want without my boyfriend/girlfriend
making me feel bad.
I can speak my first language with friends, and my boyfriend/
girlfriend doesn’t get jealous or tell me I have to speak
English.
When I don’t want to kiss or be physically close, my
boyfriend/girlfriend stops and doesn’t talk me into it.
Mi novio/novia y yo nos pedimos perdón y hablamos sobre
el problema.
Mi novio/novia no me pellizca, empuja o se porta mal y me
puedo ir cuando quiera.
El/ella no me llama por apodos o me ase sentir estupido.
Mi novio/novia no tiene un mal temperamento o culpa a
otras personas cuando pasa algo malo.
Mi novio/novia no amenaza con decir mentiras o rumores
de mi.
Mi novio/novia no dice chistes que hagan sentir a otras
personas extrañas.
Mi novio/novia reconoce mis valores y necesidades son
importantes. El/Ella no trata de imponer sus normas
culturales en mi o en nuestra relación.
My boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t treat me like a servant.
My boyfriend/girlfriend is willing to learn about my culture.
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i-Dating
UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
Healthy Relatio nshi ps
¿Como se mira una relación saludable?
A mis amigos les agrada mi novio/novia.
Cuando paso tiempo con mis amigos, mi novio/novia no se
pone celoso/celosa ó me acusa de ser infiel.
My boyfriend/girlfriend respects my values and decisions and
doesn’t compare me to American girls/guys.
I have my own schedule. My boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t
need to know where I am all of the time.
Cuando mi novia/novio y yo tenemos problemas personales,
ella/el no los basa en nuestras diferencias culturales.
A veces tenemos diferencias de opiniones pero siempre
respetamos nuestras diferencias.
We have fun together and I don’t worry if my boyfriend/
girlfriend is going to get mad.
Mi novio/novia no dice chistes racistas ni estereotipa mi
país.
My boyfriend/girlfriend AND I can both say we are sorry,
compromise and talk arguments out.
Me puedo poner el vestuario que quiera sin que mi novio/
novia diga comentarios que me hagan sentir mal.
My boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t pinch me or shove me or act
scary. I can always leave when I want to.
Cuando hablo mi idioma natal con mis amigos, mi novio/
novia no se pone celoso/celosa ó me dice que hable ingles.
He/She doesn’t call me names or make me feel stupid.
Cuando no quiero besar o ser físicamente intimo/intima con
mi novio/novia, el/ella para y no trata de convencerme.
My boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t have a quick temper or
blame other people when things go wrong.
Mi novio/novia no me trata como un sirviente.
Mi novio/novia esta de acuerdo en aprender sobre mi
cultura.
Mi novio/novia respeta mis valores é decisiones y no me
compara con chicas/chicos americanos/americanas.
Page 18
My boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t threaten to spread lies or
rumors about me.
My boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t tell jokes that make people
feel uncomfortable.
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i-Dating
UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
Healthy Relatio nshi ps
友達は私の彼氏／彼女のことが好き。
私の彼氏／彼女は私が友達と遊ぶ時、やきもちを妬いたり、浮気
だと言ってきたりしない。
私の彼氏／彼女は文化の違いを理解してくれる。お互いの意見や
我的男朋友/女朋友尊重我的价值观和决定，并且不会把我和美国女孩/男
孩做比较。
我有自己的计划表，我的男朋友/女朋友不用总是知道我在什么地方。
我们在一起开玩笑时，我不用担心我的男朋友/女朋友会生气。
ものの見方を尊重しあえる。
我的男朋友/女朋友和我自己可以同时对对方说对不起，并且把矛盾淡化或
私の彼氏／彼女は私の母国の悪口を言ったり、間違った偏見を
もったりしない。
私は好きな服を着れる。
解决。
我的男朋友/女朋友不会捏我，推我，或者惊吓我。我随时可以在我想离
开的时候离开。
私が友達と母語を話しているとき、私の彼氏／彼女はいらいらし
たり、英語を話せと言ってきたりしない。
他/她不会叫我的名字或者针对我让我感觉愚昧。
私の彼氏／彼女は無理に体を接近したりキスしたりしてこない。
在有事情发生的时候，我的男朋友/女朋友不会一时冲动或者责怪他人。
私の彼氏／彼女は私のことを奴隷扱いしない。
我的男朋友/女朋友不会威胁我去散播关于我的谣言。
私の彼氏／彼女は私の文化を学ぼうとしてくれる。
我的男朋友/女朋友不会开些让别人感觉不舒服的玩笑。
私の彼氏／
我的男朋友/女朋友知道我的价值观，和需求。他不会试着把“文化标
彼女は私の価値観や決断を他のアメリカ人と比較しない。
准”强加于我或者我们的恋爱关系。
私の彼氏／彼女は私を監視するようなことをしない。
恐怖心などもたず、いつも二人で楽しく過ごせる。
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i-Dating
Healthy Relatio nshi ps
是一个了解和帮助美国学生与国际学生恋爱的组织。
UO Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention
私たち二人共が「ごめんなさい」を言える。問題を話し合える。
私の彼氏／彼女は暴力を振るわない。
我们认识到现在很多学生都有跨国际文化恋爱的经历，同时也出现了很多
问题。我们希望能够建立一个健康，积极向上的交往恋爱环境。
“健康的恋爱”是什么样的？
我的朋友们喜欢我的男朋友/女朋友。
当我和我的朋友们在一起时，我的男朋友/女朋友不会感到嫉妒，或者猜疑
我们的关系。
私の彼氏／彼女は暴言をはいたり侮辱したりしない。
私の彼氏／彼女は事が思い通り運ばなくても、いらいらして他人
を責めたりしない。
私の彼氏／
彼女は私についての嘘やうわさを広めると脅してこない。
私の彼氏／彼女は悪い冗談をついて、人に嫌な思いをさせない。
我的男朋友/女朋友不会因为我们在某些观点上的不一直而归咎于文化不
同。我们虽然有时候有不同的想法，但是我们都尊重对方的观点。
我的男朋友/女朋友不会开讥笑我的文化或者我们国家的传统。
我能够穿任何款式的衣服，而我的男朋友/女朋友不会介意。
我可以用国语跟自己的朋友说话，而我的男朋友/女朋友不会因此而忌妒，
或者告诉我必须要说英语。
当我不想亲吻或者进行身体接触的时候，我的男朋友/女朋友会停止，并且
不会再提及。
我的男朋友/女朋友不把我当佣人对待。
我的男朋友/女朋友很希望了解我国的文化。
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