1. family and parenting
2. children

Pieces
of me
Writing by young people who are at risk of,
or who have experience of, sexual exploitation.
Pieces of Me is a booklet of creative writing and
advice from young people who are at risk of, or
who have experience of, sexual exploitation. Its
intention is to give young people a valued outlet
for expression concerning sexual exploitation and
to highlight the vulnerabilities in young lives that
lead to heightened risk in this area.
Each of the young people who has contributed
to this work has bravely given something of
themselves and their experiences and we want to
say a huge thank you to them for their courage,
wisdom and strength.
Useful contacts:
Taking Stock:
Sheffield intervention service supporting young people at
risk of or involved in sexual exploitation.
Tel: 0114 2018640
Email: Cherry [email protected]
Sheffield Safeguarding Service
Sexual Exploitation: 0114 2736940
Email: [email protected]
Safeguarding Children:
for updated information on child welfare.
www.safeguardingsheffieldchildren.org.uk
Child Line:
Advice and chat confidentially
www.childline.org.uk
Tel: 0800 1111
Pieces of Me was commissioned
by Taking Stock through funding
from Comic Relief.
Taking Stock is an intervention
service that provides 1-2-1
support for young people
who are at risk of, or who
are experiencing sexual
exploitation. It is part of the
Sheffield Sexual Exploitation
Service, a multi-agency
partnership between: The
Children and Young People’s
Service (Safeguarding Children),
South Yorkshire Police, Taking
Stock (Sheffield Futures).
Project staff:
Cherry Ackerley, Project Manager
Vicky Morris, Project Facilitator and
designer
Janet Holmes, Coordinator and
support work
John Dedeoglu, Lead designer
Also many thanks to:
Comic Relief, Ann Lucas,
Camille Warrington, Streetreach
in Doncaster, Rachel Reynolds,
Lauren Withrow, Whitney
Justesen, Kayla Deines, Kira
Sheker, Fiona Lothian, Nina
Fiore and all at Taking Stock
and related organisations.
Main contributors:
(Real names have not been used)
Macy McDonald
Jordan Price
Viva Rose
Pipa Diamond
JK
Alice Tripp
Rosie Limes
Gemma Stone
Cassie Preston
Pieces of Me was funded and supported by:
Sexual Exploitation
"...it's someone taking a part of you".
Young woman age 14, taken from Pearce, J and others, 2002
What is ‘sexual exploitation’?
Although there is no short, universal
description for what sexual exploitation
is, the above quote from a female of
14 years old (which inspired the title
of this booklet), says so much of the
profound effects exploitation of this kind
has on a young person. Scenarios of
sexual exploitation are vast and varied,
therefore the term acts as a general
identifier of a range of negative sexual
experiences that involve different
degrees of pressure, force, bullying
or manipulation. In all cases, those
exploiting the child or young person
have some kind of power over them, be
it their age, gender, intellect, physical or
economic strength or other means.
Sexual exploitation in the UK
As sexual exploitation of young people
in the UK is largely hidden, the actual
extent of the problem is unknown. At
the sharp end, it’s estimated that 5,000
young people in Britain are exploited
through prostitution at any one time,
with a female ratio of 4:1. Although it is
recognised that girls are at more risk,
the sexual exploitation of boys and
young men is still evident. When young
males are sexually exploited, such as
through prostitution, their engagements
with adult abusers are often more
concealed, and they are less likely to
contact services than young women.
Although it is recognised that
girls are at more risk, the sexual
exploitation of boys and young men
is still evident.
The rise of the internet and new forms
of communication technology has
also opened up new risks to young
people. One study found that over half
of children who access the internet on
a weekly basis, have been exposed to
online pornography, and almost a third
receive unwanted sexual comments via
email, chat, instant and text messaging.
We also know that the trafficking of
children and young people for sexual
exploitation into the UK has increased
over the last few years. Research in
2004 found that 26 out of 33 London
Boroughs had concerns about the
welfare of trafficked children in their
areas.
"If you find yourself in a situation like I was, my advice is… Don’t
blame yourself, it’s not your fault if someone manipulates you,
it’s their fault and their responsibility. If you carry all the blame
and guilt inside you’ll spiral down, and shut yourself off. It will
literately make you explode. Talk to someone you trust".
It’s hard when you’ve got nobody to talk to.
Sometimes the pull of wanting love is so strong,
We go for second best in the hope of finding it.
Pipa Diamond,
[Second best]
Macy Diamond
What makes young people
vulnerable to sexual
exploitation?
Effects on young people
The effects of sexually exploitative
experiences on young people can cause
serious, long term physical, mental and
emotional damage. There is evidence
that young people who experience
sexual exploitation are at risk of a range
of mental health problems including
post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety
and panic attacks, low self esteem,
depression and even suicide. They are
also vulnerable to a range of other poor
outcomes including substance misuse
problems, unintended pregnancies,
sexually transmitted infections,
homelessness and involvement in the
criminal justice system.
Research shows that 70% of adults
involved in prostitution were sexually
exploited as children or teenagers,
which highlights the importance of
prevention and early intervention to
help protect children and young people.
By reducing the risk of young people
encountering sexually exploitative
experiences, we can prevent them from
facing long term social exclusion and
help them to lead healthy, positive lives.
Useful contacts:
Taking Stock:
Sheffield intervention service supporting
young people at risk of or involved in
sexual exploitation.
Tel: 0114 2018640
Cherry [email protected]
Child Line:
Advice and chat confidentially
www.childline.org.uk
Tel: 0800 1111
This and previous page, information adapted from the Sex Education Forum 2006 National Children’s Bureau & the
National Working Group for Sexually Exploited Children and Young People, NWG 2008.
All young people can find themselves
at some point vulnerable to being
sexually exploited. Factors that can
increase a young person’s vulnerability
to being exploited include them:
feeling unpopular or unloved, seeking
attention, suffering low self-esteem,
being isolated from peers, spending a
lot of time alone or unsupervised, being
under the influence of drugs or alcohol
or experiencing family problems.
Relationship vulnerability
lead to a need to be in a relationship
(not just boy/girlfriend but peer
group), without fully understanding
the need they are trying to fulfil. It
can also mean that a young person
has low expectations when it comes
to relationships and their emotional
need to be part of a relationship, can
override their need to keep physically,
emotionally and mentally safe. Poor
experiences can even mean that they
find positive relationships very difficult
to accept and they may feel in some
ways safer with the negative.
One of the biggest contributing factors to
heightened risk of sexual exploitation is
a history of poor or negative relationship
with people in a close and trusting
position such as parents, carers and
family. Often young people with
experiences of feeling rejected, unloved,
hurt or confused by a main carer, are
less equipped with the skills necessary
to negotiate positive relationships when
they meet new people.
That lack of previous positivity may also
With this knowledge of relationship
vulnerability, it is not difficult to see how
- faced with an adult who is offering
to meet needs such as: acceptance,
a sympathetic ear, a space to ‘chill’,
affection, basics like food and fags and
other treats like gifts and alcohol - a
vulnerable young person is more likely
to accept the few ‘expectations’ put upon
them, as an understandable ‘trade off’
to being in a situation that is meeting
unfulfilled needs in their life.
Information adapted from (Friend or Foe? Developed by Taking Stock printed by Sheffield Safe
Guarding Children Board 2009)
Some random boy on MSN
I used to hang about with these girls called Tanya and Lucy
who thought they’d have a bet on who could loose their
virginity first. They were 14. So Lucy, who hates not winning,
decided to meet some random boy on MSN. A week later she
got on a train to Doncaster and did the deed without even
kissing him or knowing his real name.
"I thought we’d be together forever…
the only thing that’s forever is my
picture on the internet".
Young person, 15 -
I think Tanya was messing about but Lucy took the bet seriously.
She just saw this lad she liked the look of on Bebo then added him
on MSN. He could have been anyone and she thought, ‘He’ll do’.
She goes on looks not personality. She didn’t know anything about
him at all. Not even his age, just a nickname. She asked him where
he lived, got on a train, got to his house and did it while his mate sat
watching telly. Then she came back and told everyone.
Although it might sound hard to believe, I think she did do it. I got
a hint though, that behind her bragging, she felt bad about what
she’d done, but there’s no way she’d have admitted it because she’s
too proud. She’s basically lost her virginity to nobody special. Not
only that, how does she know he didn’t have a hidden camera in
the room and is not going to put it on the internet for everyone to
see?
Internet grooming is just as bad as face to face grooming. A lot of
teens I know are doing things online with webcams. At the end of
the day, the guy (or girl) on the other end could be 16 or 46. The
things you though you were dong in private could be broadcast
around the world for years.
I think what Lucy did was so stupid. They don’t know what
happened to me. They don’t know I was raped by a 20 year old
man. I never told them because they weren’t friends who would
take it seriously. I know secretly Lucy regrets what she did. And
when it comes to that special someone, she might regret it even
more.
Check out
www.thinkyouknow.co.uk
for all you need to know
about staying safe online.
Going into care
When I was little I had everything. My parents, my brother, a home and pets.
All the things you should have when you’re younger. Then one horrible day in
2003, when I was eight, my mum died of diabetes. Her heart just stopped beating
with no warning signs. It was so sudden all the family were in shock. I didn’t get to
say goodbye to her.
I wanted to see my mum at the chapel of rest but they wouldn’t let me because I was
too young and they said it would upset me. Sometimes I write letters to her as a way of
coping with not knowing where she’s gone. I tell her how we all are and share my problems.
I write as if she’s in front of me and I’m talking to her. I tell her how I’m feeling and when
I’m upset.
Dad doesn’t really show his feeling and he likes to be upset without anybody seeing. After
mum died, he started drinking. Now he’s got an illness and he can’t stop drinking. My brother
developed behaviour problems and I though I could cope, but deep down the pain was
turning to anger. Now I have anger problems I need to learn how to control.
"I"I tell
tell her
her how
how I’m
I’m feeling
feeling and
and when
when I’m
I’m upset".
upset".
Everyone says I try to be a mother
figure to my brother and dad since
mum died. I try to be strong for
them and sometimes I feel older
that 14. My uncle says my dad was
lucky because I’m the only girl in
the family. I’ve got nobody on my
mum’s side. My granddad said that
my mum had to choose between
him and my dad because he didn’t like
him. If she chose my dad he said he
didn’t want anything to do with any
of us anymore. After that she died.
We lost my aunty not long ago and my dad was really upset. He’s lost two people he loved
now. Two days after the funeral, I got taken into care. Dad didn’t say until they came for
me because he didn’t know how to tell me. He signed the form in front of me and said
sorry I had to go, because he couldn’t cope and needed
to sort himself out. My brother didn’t want me to
go. He was shouting and screaming and telling them
not to take me. He gave me his jacket and his bag to
keep because I used to wear his jacket all the time.
I’ve been in three foster homes in the last year.
The first, I really got on with the woman, but she
had a little girl who used to stir things up and get
me mad. Because she’s little I couldn’t hit her back,
so I used to take it out on everybody else. I didn’t
feel comfortable in the next place. Now I’m with
two women who are married. I’m not bothered
they’re together because they’re nice and that’s what
matters. I’d like to be a support worker when I’m older
for children who’ve been in care. People will be able
to talk to me because I know what it feels like.
The rebel in me
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me
and
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go..."
When I’m happy about something my foster carers don’t think I am because I only find
it easy to show anger. Sometimes I feel like nobody can tell me what to do, because mum
was the only person who could tell me. Nobody is as important as my mum was. When
I get mad I just take it out on anyone, even if they’re being nice to me. I slam doors and
shout nasty things. I don’t mean what I say; it’s just what comes out.
Soon I’m starting an anger management course. I think young people rebel because they
think adults are against them. They feel ignored so they don’t listen back. They get into
bad situations, like hanging around with the wrong people, staying out all night and getting
frustrated and angry. They’re just ways of coping or escaping.
Self esteem
brother…
My brother
I worry all the time about my brother. He got on with mum, and I think her dying changed
things for him. Last time he got into trouble he was taken to count. We thought they’d
put him in a youth offending prison. I didn’t want him to go but I thought that maybe it
would keep him from doing it again. I don’t want him to get hurt. He doesn’t listen to me. He
thinks I’m trying to argue when I really just want to give him a hug and for him to be ok.
Now I’m in care, I’d like him to miss me but I don’t know if he does. I think as a family we
find it hard to show we’re hurting. He doesn’t ask how I am but he’ll want to hit anyone
who’s started on me. I say, that’s not the way to deal with it. People say I’m like the older
one but I think it’s because he’s got learning difficulties and he tries to be like other people,
not himself. He doesn’t deal with the things that are holding him back. I think a lot about
him and I just want him to be happy.
Being 100%
Before mum died I would sleep in the same bed as her
because I didn’t want to leave her. At the moment I
feel 25% positive and 75% negative. I was 0% when mum
died and I was 100% when she was here. I find it
hard because I don’t really have anyone to talk
and trust and sometimes I just feel like there’s
nothing left.
It makes me happy when the people I love are
happy. I’d like my dad to have a girlfriend that
loves him, and I’d like my brother to stay out
of trouble. I just want them to be ok. In a year
I’d like to be back with my dad even though my
foster family are really kind. I’m being carefully
about the people I hang with as they can lead to
trouble and I’m doing ok at school. I know mum
would have wanted the best for me. Soon I hope
to be 100%.
By Jordan Price
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“...it’s only possible to protect yourself if
you think you’re worth protecting”.
Young woman, 17, taken from Pearce J and others 2002.
Self-esteem is all about how worthwhile we feel about ourselves and how much we
value who we are. Self-esteem is important because the way we feel can affect how
we act and how others act towards us. Working on recognising where our self esteem
is low and finding ways to improve it, can make us better able to deal with difficult
situations and give us the confidence to say and do what we know is right for us and
not other people.
More Beautiful You
I got into that situation because I was a mess and didn’t know what was best for me. I didn’t feel
pretty and I hated a lot about myself, like my body. He was showing me attention and he even
loved my lisp which people had only ever made fun of. He boosted me when I was self harming
and feeling depressed. I didn’t want to believe it was all about sex for him. I wanted to believe he
cared and I needed acceptance.
I think that’s why a lot of young people end up where I was. If they don’t get it from anywhere
else, the attention is something they’ll want to hold on to right at that moment, even if it’s not a
healthy thing or good in the long run. Sometimes the need to feel special is more important to a
young person than doing the right thing.
I’m very happy now. I don’t hate my body anymore and I don’t need a guy to tell me that I’m ok.
I’m set for starting a course and I’m getting my life going. I’m looking into the mirror and seeing
a beautiful person. I’m appreciating who I am. Believe in your own heart that you are beautiful
without feeling like you need to hear it from the wrong person. I dedicate these lyrics to More
Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz to any young person out there who’s been sexuality exploited or who
feels insecure.
By Macy McDonald
Little girl fourteen
flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight, her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight
Well little girl fourteen
I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin
your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are
Little girl twenty-one
the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man
but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead
Well little girl twenty-one you never thought
that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man
whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are
There could never be a more beautiful you.
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops
they make you jump through.
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do.
So there could never be a more beautiful you.
Lyrics: More beautiful you by Jonny Diaz
”I hang around the city at night because it’s fun. Me and my
friends get offered lifts in cars and money. One night we all got
into a car, at first it was fun but then the driver started taking
us somewhere else after he said he’d take us home. I got scared,
made a fuss and got dropped off. He drove off with my friend and
raped her”.
Young woman, 14.
Taking Stock have helped me look at the dangers of staying out all night, not
telling people where I am, hanging around with older lads and being with
the wrong people. We’ve also looked at positive relationships and where I
feel safe.
I feel safe if I’ve got someone looking after me, like with my foster carers.
But I’d feel most safe if I was back at home living with my dad. When I want
to stay out until 10 and my carers say no, I realise something can happen to
me when it’s dark. I don’t know who’s out there. I’ve had a few female friends
who’ve been in trouble. One would get into cars with men and leave me to get
home alone.
I ran away from foster care because I just wanted to be away from everything
that was bad. I went with a friend who’s like my cousin. She’s a bit older and
has been there for me. We went to where I was brought up. Where my mum
died. I always go there when I want to get away. It’s where I feel comfortable.
Another friend came who was having problems too. We didn’t have much
money and it was raining like mad. We had nowhere to sleep and I only had
shorts on. I was away for two nights. We stayed with a lad I know who’s 19. I
find older lads pushy and I don’t feel like I can handle myself around them.
I’m not staying out all night any more.
Once I was at my friend’s. I lent her sister my mobile and by the time she
came back with it, it was late. I got a bus then had to walk a while. I was going
to ask this woman if she’d walk me because I was scared to go through the
underpass. A friend lived nearby and she ended up walking me instead.
By Jordan Price
My tips for staying safe at night:
1. Make sure you’ve got credit on your phone or money for
a phone box and don’t give anyone your phone.
2. Tell your parents or carers where you’re going and
listen to what time they want you home.
3. Don’t hang about with the wrong people. Like, people
who: try to get off with young girls, carrying weapons, are
aggressive or who get into trouble with the police.
4. Don’t go anywhere quiet with people that you don’t
know, like somebody’s flat.
5. Don’t’ walk home alone in unlit or quiet areas. Walk
near houses and streetlights. Go to a garage or shop or ask
a woman for help if you need to.
Cutting out the past
"Although it's
hard, please be
strong and try
and get some
help as I have".
Dear Everyone,
My name is Pipa and I'm 17. I've been through a lot already in my life
and it's sometimes hard for me to forget about the past and move on. I
left home and have had to stand on my own feet from an early age, so
I've had to grow up really quickly to survive.
In the past, and still at times now, I've felt like I have nobody to talk or
to understand what I've been going through. When I've felt really low, the
only way I could ease the mental pain was to cut myself. Concentrating on
the pain from cuts brought relief. The longer the cuts hurt, the longer I
was distracted from the past.
I'd use a razor blade to cut my left arm or my tummy and each time the
cuts were getting deeper and I was loosing more blood. I didn't like the
blood side of it but I just couldn't stop because it was blocking out my
thoughts and that was the only way I could cope. Deep down I wanted
to help myself, but I felt I was the only person that was out there in my
situation.
Some people worried about me, but I
was also loosing contact with friends and
family because I didn't want to get help.
Some people called me names and said
I was attention seeking. My dad gave
me a cuddle, but my step mum and mum
couldn't deal with it. One day I cut my arm
open after splitting up with my boyfriend.
Nobody knew that he'd hit me, but my mum
put the phone down on me when I rang to
talk.
One day I cut myself so badly; every bit of the bathroom was covered in
blood and a bed sheet was completely soaked. From one arm I bled for
three hours. I was faint and in shock. It made me think, if I do this
one more time, I'll die. My brother got the ambulance and was asking
me, what are you doing? Why are you hurting yourself?
This experience got me to realise I wanted things to change. I asked
myself, "Do I really want to hurt myself like this again?" I had to stop.
It was so tough to admit that I had a problem with self harm and to get
help, but I became strong and now I'm going to counselling thanks to my
support workers.
Anyone trying to help someone who self-harms should just let them know
they're there for them. Encourage them to get help without shouting, as
that makes it worse. Until you've been thought it, you don't know what it's
about.
If you self harm, I know what you're going through. After reading this
letter I hope you realise that you're not alone in feeling alone and that you
have got a future. Although it's hard, please be strong and try and get
some help as I have. It's important that someone understands why you self
harm. I do.
All the best,
Pipa Diamond
True Friends
I come from my ancestors.
They be poor or rich.
They made who I am.
Who I shall be.
I’ve only got a few good friends. I would rather a few good friends than the
kind who get you into trouble. Big groups of girls can be very pressuring.
This girl I used to hang around with started on me in town. She said I was
being cheeky to an older girl, when I wasn’t. Quite a few girls have been
horrible to me. I don’t say or do anything. Because I know…
I come from a stone house,
Found in long, juicy emerald grass.
Where I am free to do as I please,
Without care or concern.
I come from the county farm.
The golden haystacks.
Those seem tender and cushioned,
Yet this is just an illusion.
A friend is somebody who’ll go shopping with me and be honest about what looks good.
They don’t brag about being hard or seek attention all the time.
A friend will go to the doctor with me and make time to listen.
They aren’t pushy or rude. They don’t bully or talk behind my back.
A friend will trust me and keep a secret.
They don’t make people like them just because they’re scared of them.
A friend will have an honest personality and make me laugh.
They won’t leave me in the wrong situation.
Friends are there for each other.
It takes two to make a true friendship.
I come from a prison.
A prison of torture and eternal pain.
Where they teach,
Yet I remember no lesson I learnt here.
I come from the city.
From a cramped house on a chaotic street.
I see no tender cushioned haystacks around here.
I see vicious honesty and reality.
By Jordan Price
I come from principles and beliefs.
These make me who I am, who I shall be.
In the end everything will be alright.
If it’s not alright then it’s not the end.
By Viva Rose
Photo: Lauren Withrow
Scenarios of
sexual exploitation
There is no one situation in which exploitation takes place. There
are however scenarios that are noted to regularly occur in the area
of child sexual exploitation. Here are some of them:
A young person might be...
• Pressured or bullied from their
peers into have sex
• Persuaded into posting sexual
images on the internet
• Groomed by an older ‘boyfriend’
into having sex or performing sexual
acts for example over the internet or
for other people. This could extend to
entering formal prostitution where the
boyfriend is in truth a pimp
• Coerced into having sex or
performing sexual acts in exchange
for ‘something’, for example drugs or
somewhere to stay
• Trafficked to another location or city
for the purpose of sexual exploitation
where they are powerless to get home.
Internal trafficking
of young people
What is internal Trafficking and what
does it involve?
Internal Trafficking involves young
people in the UK being groomed and
then trafficked between locations in the
UK to be sexually exploited. Any young
person is at potential risk of Internal
Trafficking, which is why you need to
be aware of the signs.
Here’s a typical scenario:
• A young girl meets an older male,
who acts as if he’s her ‘boyfriend’. At
first he flatters her and makes her feel
extremely special. He buys her gifts
“A young woman left home at 14 after her mum's partner didn't want her
around. She became involved with a number of older men who ‘looked after
her’ by giving her food and somewhere to sleep. She was taken to other cities
where she witnessed, and was a victim of, violence and rape. She considered
the men her ‘friends’ and would not accept the idea of exploitation”.
Real story from a support worker
like a mobile phone, then he invites
her back to his house where she is
introduced to alcohol or drugs. She is
encouraged to stay out late and not tell
her parents or carers which can cause
friction and alienation at home.
• Gradually, the man gains more
control over her, and persuades her to
go missing. He takes her to different
cities, where she meets groups of men
and is asked to perform sexual favours
for them. Her ‘boyfriend’ may claim
that this is a payment for the drugs or
threaten to show her parents evidence
of her sexual activity or tell of illegal
drug use.
• She cannot refuse as she often
has no idea where she is. She may
also feel ashamed and afraid to tell
anyone because she feels it’s her own
fault. Sometimes she is date-raped
or experiences physical and sexual
violence. The ‘boyfriend’ exploits her
vulnerability and often takes payment
from the groups of men without her
knowing.
How can young people keep safe?
If you suspect a situation of Internal
Trafficking, or that someone you know is
being groomed for sexual purposes, ring
either of the following numbers:
Crimestoppers: 0800 555 111
Childline: 0800 11 11
My Dangerous Loverboy [above] is a film that was commissioned by the UK Human
Trafficking Centre, based in Sheffield, to warn young people of the dangers of sexual
exploitation, in which a teenager is groomed by a ‘boyfriend’ and internally trafficked.
If you’d like this short film shown in your school or a place where young people can
learn from it, contact Glynn Rankin at [email protected].
For more on the film go to: http://mydangerousloverboy.quba.co.uk/
When I had just let go
Young women, 16
It took over two whole years.
I had to see his face. That’s what helped me let it all go. Now he’s back, my heart will race. What he did is called rape.
With kidnap involved too.
I thought I was going to die.
That was all I could do.
The fear has come back.
I can’t do it all over again.
Thinking of those three long days, Makes me wanna cry in pain.
He is one nasty piece of work.
And what he did was a crime.
I was wrong to ever believe in him,
It took years of healing time.
After what that b***ted did, They f***ked the case, he went free. Now there are five other women, I said it wouldn’t just be me.
It took counselling and professional help.
And I still can’t forget his face.
Flashbacks about his body,
Cause my heart again to race.
I want to do it all again. But it hurts so bad.
I feel so f**ked up right now.
It gets me feeling so mad.
As I lay there telling him NO,
But the words like the wind flew by,
As he hurt me more and more,
I let myself just cry.
He’s looking at life imprisonment. The same words as before. But to do it all over again,
Would bring him back once more. It made him feel bigger.
As the tears left my eye.
His words of “It’s our little secret”,
Were hurtful but no lie.
I am not the type to tell.
But he deserves prison to me.
I was only 14 years old,
And my mind had to be free.
So to dig up his case against me,
Bring back all the forgotten past.
With him in my head again,
Can my heart really last?
Careless
in the wind.
Joy ran through my veins.
My heart pumped
happiness.
Then
you came
I was destroyed
Robbed
Ashamed and dirty
Anger overpowered
my body
Hate,
disgust,
betrayal
By Viva Rose
Photo: Lauren Withrow
Playing the part
I was 16. He was 29, on drugs and paranoid. At first he seemed
really kind and I thought he cared. He didn't though, not in the
end. He was just playing the part.
I met these girls. One 14, the
other 13. Their mum used to
treat them bad so I tried to look
after them. They’d stay at my
house and I’d cook them teas. I
didn’t mind because they weren’t
trouble. He was their uncle.
He’d fetch me money for them
and come round to see if they
were alright, or I’d to go to his
place with them.
At first I thought, I’m not getting
with a 29 year old. But he came
across as mature and he made
me laugh. He charmed me.
So what if he’s older I thought?
Maybe he could offer me what
someone younger couldn’t? I felt
I had a better understanding of
being grown up because I was
alone at a young age. I’ve had a
lot to deal with that someone my
age might not relate to. I felt he
might understand that.
You get separated from your
friends when you grow up
quick, because there’s different
stuff going on for you. They
might text and say Are you
coming out? But you’ve got
appointments, things to do and
not much money. You’re food
shopping when they’re going out
to the fair. Even though I didn’t
want to grow up, I had to.
He had 3 young kids. He would
let me take them out so I thought
he cared. Sometimes I had those
thoughts, that he might be using
me, but it felt good to be needed.
And I loved the kids so never
said no. I started bonding with
his family and we’d take them
out together.
I was with him 3 months in
all and it didn’t take him long
to show his true colours. I
thought it was just me at first,
that I was meant to be in a bad
relationship. He wouldn’t let me
out, even with a social worker.
He’d lock me in the house, burn
my clothes and chuck knives at
me.
Just before Christmas we finished
but I’d still go and see him.
Even though he used to hit me,
I thought maybe he could get
better. I thought I loved him, but
Girls and some older men
Girls want someone who's more mature
Not lads who throw apples at buses.
Someone that can offer money and security.
Someone they'll get more respect from.
Some older men want younger girls
Because they can control them.
They can intimidate and scare them.
And they can get away with abuse.
I don’t think so now. Everybody’s
done stuff for him in his whole
life and he expects it. I don’t feel
I hate him but I dislike how he
treated me and I’ll never be his
friend.
Looking back, I think a lot of my
problem was that I was lonely. I
had no mum or dad to support
me. You get a boyfriend because
you think that’s going to take
away the loneliness, even if it’s
wrong, that’s how you’re thinking
at the time.
Sometimes you think you’re the
only girl in that situation and
that everyone else is in a great
relationship, but they’re not. It’s a
good lesson to learn that you’re
not different. You think… ‘I’m
angry, I’m this, I’m that, so I don’t
deserve a good relationship,’
and it’s not true.
I see people differently now. I’ve
learnt they can come across nice,
but they might be putting an act
on to get what they want. You
have to get to know people first
and not be easy or let them see
your vulnerability.
My advice is, don’t get with
someone just because you’re
lonely and don’t give someone
everything just because you
want them to love you. Because
you can’t make them love you
and they shouldn’t love you for
what you give them, but for who
you are. Be yourself. If you put
an act on, they’ll love that and
not you. I made that mistake.
By Pipa Diamond
I was arguing with my boyfriend all the time because he was just watching
TV all day and it hurt me. I was trying to cope with having my own place.
He's at home with his mum. I had stress coming from everywhere. I thought
I was going a bit mad because I was angry and argumentative all the time,
telling him to shut up. Then I told him to go and for two weeks we didn't
see each other and had time to think. He's started to help more now, like
he'll turn off all the switches to save me money. I'm trying to argue less.
5 things that are important for a positive relationship...
Friendship - You need to have things in common and be able to share them and enjoy
them together.
Trust - Being faithful, with no jealousy. As well as a couple you need to be able to be
independent and your own person.
TLC - Tender loving care, because that's what a relationship is about. Spending time
together, giving affection and cuddles.
Support - Being there when times are tough and knowing you have the other person at
the end of the day.
Communication - If you don't tell each other what's in your head and you don't listen, then
you won't understand where each other is coming from when you disagree.
By Pipa Diamond
I want that one boy…
Who doesn’t mind if I eat more than him.
Who listens to all my problems and fears.
Who doesn’t mind my sarcasm.
Who sings along to all my favourite songs with me.
Who will talk to me about anything and everything.
Who is never too shy to hold my hand or hug me.
Who knows I act crazy and weird sometimes but still loves me.
Who laughs at my stupid jokes, then tells me they’re stupid.
I want that one boy who holds me tight and whispers,
Xx I love you xx.
By Rosie Limes
Young people have a lot of different
experiences of being in care. Sometimes
being without family support, or not
having a place they feel is a secure and
loving home, can mean young people
in care find themselves at a higher risk
of being in situations where they are
vulnerable to sexual exploitation. The
following pieces highlight experiences that
relate to living in care.
Growing up so fast
Photo: Kira Sheker
Experiences of
being in Care
My sister hated my dad who used to beat my mum. We have the same
mum but a different dad. She had me move in with her to get away from
him but she treated me bad. She would go out all the time while I stayed
in and cooked for the kids. When social services used to come round, the
house was sloppy because she never used to clean it. She’d tell them that I
did all the mess, when I was trying to make it better. One day she chucked
the house keys at my head. I was 15. I haven’t seen her since I left.
I realised this is it, I have to grow up at 15. I moved out of my sister’s
into care and left at 16. When I was in a hostel that’s when I thought, well
I’m on my own now. But I still wasn’t ready to grow up.
I sometimes think that so many things must have been my fault. Like if I
could just change something, I would be still there and wouldn’t have had
to grow up so fast.
By Pipa Diamond
Tired and sad
Tired, sad, don’t matter what.
People think you’ve lost the plot.
The dreams I have are about the past.
The dreams I have don’t happen fast.
I look at my pictures on the wall and wait
for my mum to give me a call.
I regret the things I did to my mum, at
times we did have such fun.
In the mornings I would go to school,
then I changed and couldn’t stay cool.
I turned nasty, horrid, fierce inside.
All I wanted was to escape and hide.
She tired so much with me there, and in
the end I got took into care.
But we still stay in touch,
and we still love each other very much.
By JK
Restricted
I was in care with a coke head.
I tried it but came off it.
Family or staff can beat you up.
Sexual abuse can come from your family.
I didn’t like my mum’s boyfriend.
Up and down relations.
My family call me names.
No one gives a crap.
I’m restricted.
I’m only allowed out to school.
I ran away because I couldn’t even go to
the corner shop.
Others smoke weed in the house.
Other people get all the attention.
Home is…
Somewhere where you feel wanted.
A place where you’re not scared to
go to sleep.
Somewhere you feel safe. Where
nothing will happen when you fell
asleep.
And home is what you make it.
He worked at my youth group.
We became friends and he
kept telling me he thought
I was beautiful and that he
liked me. I brushed it off a bit
because I didn’t feel beautiful,
but it was really nice to hear.
Looking back, I feel stupid
and gullible but I know he
tapped into a need I had to
feel loved. He made me feel I
was worth something when I
was going through a difficult
time.
He asked me to go to the cinema.
I thought, yeah, he’s a nice guy.
He’s mature and sweet and he’s a
Christian. He seemed younger than
29 in the way he acted so I felt we
were closer than we were in age. He
seemed quite vulnerable like me and
he knew I’d self harmed and that I
was insecure. He told me a bit about
his past. He said he felt unloved and
that he had once tried to kill himself.
I thought he was opening up to me
too, showing me who he was.
As the lights went down in the
cinema he said, “This is just what
a sexual predator would do… get
you alone, in a dark room”, which
freaked me out a bit, but I didn’t
see the truth of it at the time and
we kissed. When he drove me home
I said straight away, “Look I’m 17
and you’re a kid’s worker, so it’s not
allowed. If we wanted anything to
happen we’ll have to wait”. He was
like, “Officially, but that doesn’t stop
us unofficially.” I thought what? I’m
not going to let that happen. Even
though I was old enough to have sex,
it was against child protection laws
for us to go out until I was 18 and an
adult.
I couldn’t help but like him because
he was making me feel good about
myself and he seemed to genuinely
care. I made it his call as to whether
we should keep us quiet and he
chose to. I think I wanted to see what
he’d do and didn’t know what to
think. I told a few of my friends but
I didn’t tell any adults. They said, if
you’re happy it’s fine, but be careful.
One of my friends didn’t like him.
Then on New Year’s day we arranged
to meet up. Stupidly I forget there
was nothing open, so we went back
to his to watch a film. Big mistake.
really uncomfortable and guilty, like
I was part of his perverse thinking.
Some time after, when I was feeling
low, I met up with him in town for
a coffee. Before things had gone
wrong we used to talk and I just
needed to feel someone cared. It was
fine so after I agreed to a lift home.
We parked up and immediately he
started trying to kiss me. Then he
At first we just snogged but then
tried to get me to sit on top of him
he became aggressive and out of
in the car. I kept saying “I want to
character. I managed to get out of
go home”. He kept saying “I want to
the room to the loo. I panicked and
texted a friend and asked her to ring take you back to my place”. I was
for an excuse to get me away, but she terrified. Then he started the car
which freed me from the grip on my
didn’t reply. When I went back in,
head and waist. I darted out and into
he’d lit candles and was lay on the
my back garden and just cried.
sofa. He gestured for me to come to
him and I said “No, let me sit down”.
From that point I thought, I can’t
do this. I can’t lie to people. I don’t
want this. He wasn’t angry when
I explained and we watched the
rest of the film. Then when we were
leaving he tried to kiss me again. I
repeated myself and it became very
awkward.
After that he kept texting
inappropriate messages. About
three weeks after, he got a girlfriend,
so I thought, good, I don’t have to
dodge his calls, but the personal and
sexual texts didn’t stop. He made a
point of indirectly letting me know he
had a girlfriend and although I didn’t
want to be with him, it hurt because
it proved what I’d thought was a
connection, was about sex after all.
She was complete oblivious to what
he was up to and it made me feel
He never apologised. I reported both
incidents to the police but it was a
‘He said, she said’ case. The police
said they didn’t want him working at
the same place as me but I felt they
were saying to him, ‘Don’t go back
in case she accuses you again and
lies about it’. I’m not sure who they
believed. There was no evidence
because, upset, I deleted all the
text messages and no one saw us
together. For this reason I urge
anyone with any evidence of this
type of wrong, to hold on to it.
People may think what was I doing
was leading him on. And for a long
time the guilt and blame from that
made me feel really crap. It helped
when a youth worker said “It doesn’t
make you a bad person because you
were attracted to him”. What I do
know now is that I’m still young, I
was vulnerable and I wasn’t always
able to read the situation right. A lad
is led by hormones but a man with 29
years has more knowledge of where
lines should be drawn. He totally
played on that and thought he could
push me to cross one.
From this experience I’ve leant I’m
strong enough to say no. I said NO
twice. I’m so glad I didn’t loose my
virginity to him. I believe I should
wait until I’m married but I don’t
think it’s a bad thing if I fail. If I’d
have slept with him I would have
felt dirty and ashamed. I understand
how other girls might bury that
experience if they do, but I urge
them to not feel guilty. There are
people like me who understand. I’m
not ashamed to tell someone what
happened. That shows how far I’ve
come and others can too, no matter
what the situation.
What is grooming?
By Macy McDonald
‘Grooming’ is the manipulation process that someone uses to get
mentally and physically ‘close’ to you, in order to eventually take
advantage of you sexually. Grooming can take place online or face
to face and groomers often groom patiently over a long period, to
succeed in getting what they want.
My advice to other girls is...
Don’t crave attention from guys.
If you want attention don’t be overly
flirty because they’ll get the wrong
idea. It might even trigger someone
to start grooming you if they see
you’re vulnerable and they can put
pressure on you.
Surround yourself with good healthy
friends. Don’t be alone with someone
when you don’t know them well.
Straight away, if something someone
has done upsets you, don’t bottle it
up, get another perspective.
The following
are typical
grooming tactics…
Making you feel special – this could be
through flattery or being sympathetic
to your problems. Making you feel like
they ‘understand’ you, can give you
a false sense of being cared for, and
ultimately make it easier to get you to
‘do things’ with them. They might be
telling several young people at once
that they are ‘The One’.
Pretending the relationship is not
about sex – groomers will pretend their
goal isn’t sexual. They might say things
like “I don’t want to pressure you into
anything you don’t want to do”, to make
you feel you are being respected.
Getting to know all about you –
groomers will learn your habits, likes
and dislikes in order to increase their
closeness to you and develop a sense
of trust. They may pretend to share
common interests to make you feel more
comfortable being alone with them.
Giving you things – these might be
basics such as food, rides home and
places to stay, or treats such as money,
clothes, mobile phones and drugs or
alcohol. These things may later be used
to make you feel guilty for not ‘repaying’
kindness, or as a threat to tell parents
what you have been accepting (such as
illegal drugs).
Gradually increasing physical contact
– groomers will create ‘reasons’ to
touch or hug you, or make suggestive
comments, so it starts to become a
normal part of your relationship, (if it
isn’t already through the scenario of
older boyfriend/girlfriend).
Constructing a need for secrecy – a
groomer may tell you that you need to
keep your relationship quiet and put
you in a position where you don’t want
to let them down. They may also tell
you that you parents or carers will be
disappointed in you if you do tell.
One thing
Some men have only got one thing in their head. People in my school say
they’ve done things with their boyfriend and that makes me think their
relationship is about one thing. My friend says her boyfriend is horrible to her.
I think he just uses her for one thing. Some women get plastic surgery because
of one thing, instead of just being themselves. Some women like being liked for
one thing, because they don’t think they have anything else. I like a lad who’s
kind and can make me laugh. A lad who wants more than one thing.
By Jordan Price
Second best
It’s hard when you’ve got nobody to talk to.
Sometimes the pull of wanting love is so strong,
we go for second best in the hope of finding it.
Self hope
I’m so lonely in this empty place.
You’d probably be able to tell if you look into my face.
I miss my foster mum.
The reason why I’m here?
I was doing things that were dumb.
I want to see my brother
I wish I could say I had my lover
But I blew my own cover.
I’ll be out of here in nearly four weeks,
if drugs no more I’m gone seek.
I need to stay away from that shit,
or quicker I will die.
All that money I’ve spent,
for those two minutes to be high.
I need to stay away from that shit.
When I get out of me my self hope,
I’m not f*cking about.
By Pipa Diamond
By KG
His hands would not stop,
Even when I told him enough,
And the worst thing was,
I thought this was love.
By Alice Tripp
My Life
A life of smoking crack,
I wanted my life back.
A life full of shit
I just didn’t know how to quit,
All I knew was how to get a hit.
People around me just did not care
And unfortunately my life was just unfair.
Walking the streets,
Down the beat.
Where people pay,
For you to get laid,
But did I care?
Not as long as I got my share.
Was it fun?
No I would have rather run,
Far, far away.
Where everything would be ok.
By Shelly King
I feel so alone
I feel so alone,
I can't do this on my own.
I'm hurting so much inside,
Oh how my heart aches.
But have to be strong,
Can’t show my hurt.
Sunday
mornings
By Gemma Stone
I feel so alone,
I can't do this on my own.
Is it my fault? Am I to blame?
How could this have happened?
I thought I was strong, I was firm,
I was so weak, I was helpless.
I feel so alone,
I can't do this on my own.
I wish these feelings would leave me,
But they are so strong.
I fear, I fear so much,
That they will never leave me.
Photo: Whitney Justesen
You knew my mum and dad, my family.
They all thought you were so nice.
A laugh. A joke. All smiles.
You touched me early one Sunday morning,
When you waited for him to get up.
Everyone was sleeping and we were watching telly.
They didn’t hear you ask if I’d started shaving under my arms yet.
They didn’t see what you did while I stared at the telly.
And I felt dirty and couldn’t tell.
And you knew I wouldn’t tell.
And you threatened you would be the one to tell.
You told me it was my fault for flirting.
My fault for not stopping you.
My fault. My fault. My fault was all I could hear.
But then I realised, it wasn’t my fault.
I still remember your face the day I told you at the door.
“He’s not up yet. And you touch me again, and I’LL TELL”.
“Because it’s YOUR FAULT!”, and I shut the door.
And I hoped it had smacked hard into your nose.
You stopped coming round then.
And I was free to watch TV again on Sunday mornings.
I feel so alone,
I can't do this on my own.
The memories stab my heart,
They cut me deep.
I shouldn't complain, it could've been worse,
But the pain just won't leave me.
I feel so alone,
I can't do this on my own.
I can't do this on my own.
By Macy McDonald
Then you came
I've had three bad experiences with older men and I hope by
reading this, other young people can learn from them as I have. One
man raped me, and I had relationships with two older men, who although they didn't force me into anything - they groomed me and
said and did the right things to try and get what they wanted.
The first time
My first experience with an older man
was when I was 12 and getting badly
bullied at school. We lived abroad and
my parents couldn’t do a lot about it. I
can see that now, but at the time I didn’t
think they cared enough. And I was
looking for someone who cared.
My friend introduced me to her brother
and we started hanging out. He was
20. He’d pick me up from school and if
there was any trouble with the bullies,
he’d get into fights for me. Because he
caused himself a lot of trouble, I though
he was genuine about me. He was
doing something about my situation
and I felt protected. He gave me the
attention and care I didn’t feel coming
from elsewhere.
"I was looking for
someone who cared".
He wasn’t good looking, he just said and
did the right things that girls feeling
vulnerable fall for, like how pretty and
nice and special I was. At this point
we’d got close and started kissing. I
think he had special needs as some of
the things he said didn’t make sense.
I thought he was looking after me, so I
was trying to look after him. He’d say,
“I’m not going to push you into anything
you don’t want”, but when I look back I
can see he was trying to guilt trip me.
"I thought he was looking
after me, so I was trying
to look after him".
When my mum and dad found out, I
cried hysterically, shouting that I loved
him. My mum knew from reading my
texts. I tried to run away but it didn’t
happen. I carried on getting bullied
and felt I had no one so I tried to chuck
myself out my bedroom window. My dad
went ballistic and I was made to sleep
downstairs. The guy sent a text saying
he’d come to speak to my parents to
convince them and that made him seem
even more genuine. He finally left my
life because my mum threatened him
and my dad was ready to teach him a
lesson if he came round.
For a long time after, I still felt I loved
him. I know it sounds stupid, and when
you’re a kid you don’t know what love
is, but there’re still hormones and
emotions running through you. At the
time I didn’t see it was wrong but now
I feel like an idiot and it’s hard not to
blame myself. I can’t say I was pushed
to get involved with him, I made my
own decisions, but I was only 12.
And again
It was after the second relationship I
had with an older man, that I was able
to put the first one into perspective. A
few years later, when I was living back
in England at 14, we went on holiday
and I met a 27 year old guy through a
family we knew. We got on and before I
left we kissed.
We ended up emailing a lot when I got
home. We swapped numbers and he’d
call everyday. You would have thought,
by that time, I would have realised
what he was doing, but again I felt low
after everything that had happened.
He came to England to visit me twice.
He’d come a long way and stay in a
hotel but he never asked me to join him.
He bought me stuff like a gold ring,
perfume and teddy bears. He’d pick me
up from school and make sure I was
alright.
My parents found out after a year
because a friend told a member of
staff at school. In the end it was for the
right reasons but what did annoy me is
"He bough
a gold rin t me stuff like
g, per
teddy bea fume and
rs".
that they only told when they weren’t
getting anything out of it anymore. It
didn’t bother them when he was buying
them stuff through me, when they were
thinking about themselves.
My mum texted him saying, “Stay away
from my daughter or I’ll call the police’,
but he still tried to convince her. He’d
said stuff to me like “Let’s have babies.
Let’s get married”, but looking back he
might have even been married or have
had kids. I feel stupid and do blame
myself because I feel I should have
learnt from the first situation. I’ve let go
completely now. At first I wouldn’t give
the ring he bought me to my mum and
now I have.
Continues next page.
I didn’t realise
how bad
people can be
I don't want to talk about what
happened when I was raped. I
was petrified. He was huge,
bodybuilder huge.
I’ve fallen out with these girls now,
but they were involved with all the
wrong people, offering me weed and
stuff. One girl told me to meet this
guy, who she said was nice. While we
were in town he said he was going
to his uncle’s and would I walk there
with him. I’m so gullible. I trust people
too easily because I’ve growing up
somewhere different with safe adults. I
didn’t realise how bad people can be. I
followed him and he raped me.
ed with all
"They were involv
.."
the wrong people.
I told the school nurse because I needed
the morning after pill. She had to tell
my mum who was very upset. When
I’d calmed down after four months, my
mum took me to a clinic, to make sure I
was ok. It wasn’t a pleasant experience,
but it had to be done. I broke down
crying to the friend who had suggested
I go with him. She just casually said,
“I know, it happened to me”, and I felt
sick. She told me that when she was
13 he’d held a knife to her throat while
they did it and she’d got pregnant and
miscarried.
I hated her for doing that, but in a way,
it’s not her fault because she’s messed
up from so many horrible problems.
She might have done it because she
thought everything was alright for
me. But she never knew what I’d been
through already. I told her I’d go to court
if she did. I didn’t want to go through it
on my own. I didn’t have any pictures
taken or any examinations or swabs, I
just had bruises. By the time I decided I
wanted to go, it was 6 months after. She
said she’d go and then she backed out,
so I never went.
A long time after, I was on the bus
in town. I don’t know how he got my
number but he rang and said “Where
are you?” Some would just put the
phone down but I panicked and said “At
home”. He said “No you’re not, you’re
on a bus in town”. I stayed on until
McDonalds, but he was there, and he
chased me and a younger girl through
town. We went into Primark and I had a
panic attack.
He wouldn’t drop it. He was a complete
lunatic. He said he didn’t want me to
have the morning after pill so that if I
was pregnant he’d have ties over me
forever. The next time I heard from him
it was from a phone box in prison. He
said “Send me some pictures and a
letter or bad things will happen to you
when I get out”. I reported it and he rang
me again two weeks ago saying he was
out. Now I’m forever watching my back.
I’ve changed a lot in the last year. I
know I was vulnerable and I didn’t
have enough life experience to see
what was coming with these men. I’m
trying to stay open minded but I don’t
trust guys. Now I’m not going out with
anyone over 18 and I’m much more
protective of myself. If someone pays
me a complement I always think there’s
something else to it. I’m careful of
arrogant, cocky and good looking guys,
but I’m also aware of the quiet ones.
"I've changed
a lot in the la
st
year. I know
I was vulnerab
le".
parents. I’ve realised they’ve always
been there for me, even when I couldn’t
see it. So thank you and I love you mum
and dad.
You see this stuff on The Bill or
Crimewatch and you think it’s never
When something bad happens I always going to happen to you, but it does
tell my parents I’m sorry because I think happen. Not everyone’s a nice person
they blame me. I wish my mum wouldn’t and if you’ve had a really nice sheltered
up bringing and your parents just let
still read my texts. I’ve got nothing to
hide, it’s just the going through my stuff. you out into this big wide world, you’ve
got to know the signs yourself before it’s
I do understand why but I want her to
too late.
know, it’s not always my fault. Life’s
about learning. And everyone makes
mistakes. Sometimes we same mistakes By Viva Rose
again before we learn.
I want to apologise to my parents for all
the grief I’ve caused. I appreciate them
more than I used to and I know some
young people aren’t as lucky with good
Changing
Life
I’m out soon.
I can just see the sign.
It’s cold and wet in winter.
It’s lonely and dark and shit.
I run from life and hurtful feelings.
I hide from the world.
From what people say and do.
From rules and regulations.
And people telling me what to do.
Out of my window I can see the sunshine.
The culture in here has made me into a vulture.
I have no more sorrow and no more I have to borrow.
I’ll have my own things when I’m rich
F**cked up
But as I walk through the door.
With my tail between my legs.
Like a coyote that’s
done something wrong.
I shout “Leave me alone!”
Cause I know the exact same thing’s that
are going on in my life,
won’t have changed.
The cycle goes on.
This is shit the life what I live.
Why do I always feel like I have to give?
I’ve had a fucked up day.
People just annoy me, everything they say.
I feel angry and sad and mad inside.
I don’t know why’ll,
just have to wait and see.
I just want to cry
I feel like I want to die.
Be a bird and fly,
Or just go home and get high.
I live in one big fat lie.
I hate my real mum, and
what she’s done to me.
I wish there was another world, I could
open up with a key.
By Jenny Cotton
By JK
And when it gets too cold.
I think of home.
A hot cup of tea and fag on a comfy sofa
My warm pink fluffy dressing gown.
And a warm bed.
Diamonds and rings.
Same goes for no more I have to seek from hunger.
I’m 17 but sometimes I act younger.
I hate it when people overpower,
Think they’ve got something over you.
How to get out of here?
I know what to do
By JK
Photo: Kayla Deines
I need some space.
I run to friends and famo’s.
To the graves of those who can’t speak.
But listen.
And that’s what they will do.
Nathan, Tone, GT and Vendog.
I imagine what they’d say.
The sign is fine.
Pieces of Me is dedicated to the memory of Fiona Ivison
who was tragically murdered at the age of 17 in 1993, and
to her mother, Irene, who went on to tirelessly campaign
in the area of child sexual exploitation across Yorkshire
and beyond.
‘The body of a young woman,
aged between fifteen and
twenty-two years, has been
found in a multi-storey
car park in Doncaster…’
This newspaper story was the first Irene knew of the
murder of her daughter, Fiona. Determined to survive
such a devastating personal tragedy, Irene dedicated
the rest of her life to developing the support
systems available around child sexual exploitation.
She was also brave enough to share her daughter’s
story in her book, ‘Fiona’s story’, where she explained
how Fiona had been exploited from the age of 14, and
that despite many attempts, she and various support
services, were unable to bring her home. Fiona’s much
older ‘boyfriend’ eventually groomed her to the point
of becoming a prostitute shortly before she was
murdered by a ‘punter’.
“…the young teenager slipped through the net that her safe middleclass
upbringing offered her… Fiona’s brutal death was a pitiful end of the
promising life of an impressionable but high spirited teenager…”.
Extract from Foreword by Jonathan Cooper in Fiona’s Story (1999)
Irene’s work was vast and she became an inspirational and leading spokeswoman in
the media. She organised conferences and education programmes and was consulted
on national policy making. She co-foundered services including CROP (Coalition
for the removal of pimping), and she supported many others locally and nationally.
Despite her sudden death in November 2000, Irene’s dedicated campaigning has
left a major legacy on public policy and practice throughout the UK. She was
influential in the change of direction in the treatment of child prostitutes as
victims, not criminals, and she was a driving force in the creation of Sheffield’s
Sexual Exploitation Service in 1997.