The Corvallis Advocate Free Every Thursday I www.corvallisadvocate.com I Mar. 5-12, 2015 CAR Hybrid/Electric Comparo And A Hybrid Trike Too! 2 Guys talk, Sheriff’s Sex & Live Truth Music Loophole Closes You can schedule The Agrestic Annex Clinic appointments now at www. theagrestic.com or call 541.602.CARD Every day, 10am • 9pm 1665 SE 3rd St, Corvallis facebook.com/theagrestic 2 | Corvallis Advocate March 15 April 19 May 17 March 5-12, 2015 What’s Inside This Week? Editor/Publisher 4 Assoc. Editor Tsunami Model Anticlimax; TouchyFeely Backwash; Corvallis Love Forum Kinda Thing; Sustainability Fair Kids 5 As the State Turns 6 ‘91 Lincoln Meets Green Machines 8 Little-Known OSU Emergency Food Pantry Gets National Attention 9 Two Guys Talk, Stray Dog Policy Changes 10Calendar 12 8 Days Steven J. Schultz Johnny Beaver City Editor Denise Ruttan Entertainment Editor Ygal Kaufman Words Johnny Beaver Sidney Reilly Dave DeLuca Elizabeth Arthur Maggie Nelson Kristen Allen Christian Smith Ygal Kaufman Design 14Entertainmental Bobbi Dickerson Calendar Sam Schultz 15 Hard Truths } Contact us: Box 2700, Corvallis, OR 97339 541.766.3675 | corvallisadvocate.com editor calendar story ideas ads @corvallisadvocate.com The Corvallis Advocate is a free newsweekly with a very diverse staff that accepts materials from a number of sources, therefore it should be assumed that not all staff or even the majority of staff endorse all of our published materials. Corvallis Advocate | 3 Tsunami’s CominOSU ’ Researchers Model River Impacts By Sidney Reilly E By Johnny Beaver Linn-Benton Backwash: Special Edition K In Defense of Library Masturbation endra Sunderland, the woman media outlets insist on degrading by calling “Library Girl,” has pleaded not guilty, claiming that the video was recorded and released without her consent. Is that a great legal defense? Not really, considering the crime was the fact that she did it, not that it was recorded. But it’s an incredibly important point to make, because the deeper issue we should be looking at here has nothing to do with the library and everything to do with how a woman is being treated because of the cultural context of the crime she’s accused of. What was once one video is now well over a dozen because her identity went national and anyone in possession of a cam feed recording of her has re-uploaded them with her name attached. Pornographic actors and actresses have long used pseudonyms to protect themselves from this kind of breach despite their work being completely legal, yet our culture feels the need to victimize them further once they’ve been outed. Personally, as someone who has sworn allegiance to individualize sovereignty, the entire thing makes me sick to my stomach. I find it impossibly frustrating that the media has avoided the issue altogether and all school and city officials have done is the public relations pee-pee dance. You’d think those fancy master’s degrees would get you a rhetoric more than one step above the commenter on the GazetteTimes joking about how her lawyer should “drill his client a little better. HA HA HA.” The important thing happening here is that a woman’s life has been turned upside down through no fault of her own, but we’re all too fixated on a pair of exposed breasts in the OSU library to address it. Par for the course in a society that hates women. 4 | Corvallis Advocate ver since the tsunami that hit Japan caused a gate over hell to open and nuclear-tainted sushi to roam free across the planet, Oregonians have been bracing themselves for the possibility of one hitting here. Good news, doomsday preppers: a team of engineers at OSU have just released what they’re calling “one of the most precise evaluations” yet on the effects of a tsunami hitting the Columbia River. David Hill, an associate professor of civil engineering at OSU and one of the authors of the study, noted their surprise at discovering that the tides were much more important to the potential damage than the amount of water flowing in the river. “The maximum reach of a tsunami on the Columbia will be based on the tidal level at the time, and of course This is all good news, and the best part is that it’s more reliable good news than we’ve ever had before on the subject, due to the extensive research by the team at OSU. the magnitude of the earthquake causing the event,” Hill commented in a press release. The main bullet points are: • Water level increase of about 11.5 to 13 feet just offshore. • 25 miles downriver, near Welch Island, water would rise only about 1.6 feet. • 50 miles in, near Longview, WA, water would have no measurable change. “There have been previous models of Columbia River run-up as a result of a tsunami, but they had less resolution than this work,” said Hill in the press release. “We carefully considered the complex hydrodynamics, subsidence of grounds that a tsunami might cause, and the impacts during different scenarios.” The flood maps they created with this research can now help land owners and land use planners make preparations for such an event, which hopefully will not happen until after I’ve moved away. New Kids’ Offering at 2015 Sustainability Fair Free Admission, Preregistration Requested By Dave Deluca T his year’s Sustainability Fair and Town Hall promises to be more family-friendly than ever. For the first time, the event will include a Kids’ Activity Room. Corvallis’ youngest citizens will have fun as they learn about connecting to the community, and the Earth. Children of all ages will enjoy a bountiful spread provided by Valley Catering. The gypsy-inspired folk music of String Rain will delight attendees as they tour the many exhibits. After the fair, a town hall meeting will feature keynote speaker Sean McGuire. An expert on well-being indicators, McGuire will focus on measuring true economic, environmental, and social health as a community. are encouraged to arrive on foot, by bike, by bus, or by carpool. The entire evening will be a model sustainable event, and attendees The event is on Thursday, March 12 from 5 to 9 p.m. at the CMCH Hill Alumni Center, 725 SW 26th Street. Register for the town hall by Monday, March 9 at www. sustainabilecorvallis.org. Admission is free. What Are You Doing Here? By Elizabeth Arthur B e honest, would you stay here in Corvallis if you won the lottery? The question seems simple enough, but it turns out to have several moving parts, from educational and recreational opportunities to job prospects and medical Forum Asks Corvallisites What They Like, Want care, and quite a bit in between—so City Club of Corvallis has teamed with the League of Women Voters for a moderated town hall of sorts on this whole subject. According to City Club, “The goal: articulate grass roots priorities for community livability. By gathering residents to describe what makes Corvallis a great place to live and documenting the features that we value, these organizations will help set the stage for further consideration of a vision for the city’s future.” The forum is on Monday, March 9 from noon to 1:10 p.m. in the Gerding Builders Gym of the Corvallis Boys & Girls Club. Attendance is free and open to the public. As the State Turns By Johnny Beaver Disaster Movie Cost Fun, Too Lit Up Maybe, and Other Miscellany Poltergeist V or Jaws VII or Cover Oregon Just when you thought it was safe to read “As the State Turns”... I have more to say about Cover Oregon. Though the corporation that runs the failed hack job of a health care exchange is being dissolved in a vat of acid as we speak, it’ll be leaving a snail trail of debt behind it—to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars. And just to pour salt in the wound, millions of that are tied to legal costs and other random nonsense. If you recall, $300 million alone was borrowed from the feds to fire the damn thing up, not to mention another $26 million in state money. And we can’t forget that $3 million of that went to those awful hipster commercials, as well as the billboards (but I won’t pick on those because I liked them... media bias at work!). So where did other chunks of the money go? • $240 million went to Oracle, the company that developed the exchange website. • $9.1 million was spent hiring a ton of people to process paper applications by hand when the exchange wasn’t working. • $1 million was paid to First Data’s useless assessment of the system and Clyde Hamstreet’s Super Ultra Turnaround Team that, coincidentally, was also useless. • $1.9 million paid attorneys to threaten Oracle’s attorneys. • $6.6 million was spent on an assessment of the broken exchange and suggestions about how to get the horizontal mambo with the federal exchange going. • $23 million went to some other failed stuff that’s too depressing to talk about. And let’s not forget, that’s the snail, not the trail. What’s to come has a lot of unknowns attached to it, but will undoubtedly total in the tens of millions. If the state goes for the jugular in court against Oracle, the financial burdens might go poof in an explosion of smoke and the $5.5 billion they’re asking for... but I’m not planning on holding my breath. Weed vs. Electricity: The Battle of Ashland Indoor pot operations threaten to jack electricity prices up in Ashland, which has some residents feeling a little... stoned. Okay, that didn’t work. I just really wanted to use a pun. Oregon’s favorite little “I’ve heard of it but I’ve never been” attraction, Ashland is on a system where the city purchases power from the Bonneville Power Administration. With extremely power-hungry grow houses poised to crop up as soon as pot legalization is given the full green light, citizens and officials are afraid that the increased consumption will bump them up from a Tier 1 consumer to a Tier 2 consumer with the power administration, which would come action-packed with rate hikes. City administrator Dave Kanner has informed the city that he will be presenting them with proposals to help meet the issue head on, but no direct plan has been detailed as of yet. One possible solution, even if it is just partial, likely lies within standards for lighting, heating, ventilation, and the like, forcing growers to use power-saving equipment. When asked for comment, one anonymous grower merely said, “Gnarly.” Good lord, I am not funny today at all. Tidbits, Anyone? The snow depth at Crater Lake has hit a record low, despite being at 104% of its normal precipitation. The reason? It has been warmer out. Please, please, take a moment to step back and calm your nerves. I know this was shocking. Multnomah County reports a total of 240 cases of syphilis in 2013, which is several times more than was reported just a few years earlier. In fact, the disease was almost completely wiped out on a national scale before 2000. Now that it’s making a big comeback, we can only imagine that it has something to do with the millennials’ obsession with everything “retro.” Portland city leaders are about to get a face full of “Ban the Box,” a movement that has been campaigning to remove the “Have you been convicted of a felony?” question from all job applications in the city. Considering our country’s entire penal philosophy is that of rehabilitation, it might be nice for those who have served their time to actually stand a chance at finding a job. There is, of course, bickering about minutiae on both sides (okay, only the opposition’s side), but c’est la vie. I’ve personally seen a few people get completely boned by the system and suffer for it for many years after their release, so I can only imagine how often this goes on across the country. Hell, I’ve had huge difficulty finding part-time work and I’m squeaky clean. And charming as hell. Bill Currier was selected to be the new chairman of the Oregon Republican Party. And that’s literally the extent of how much anyone cares about that. Since 1973 f Making Chocolate By Ha n d Personal • Corporate • Estate • More! A Tax Return Preparation o ion dit a Tr ...since 1938 757-1945 541-752-5151 www.woodstocks.com We Deliver (to most of Corvallis) 316 SW Washington Corvallis License 2250C 353 SW Madison Ave., Downtown Corvallis (541) 753-2864 www.burstschocolates.com Corvallis Advocate | 5 Cars: Hybrids andMyan E lectric Compared ’91 Lincoln Wasn’t Self-Conscious… No, Not at All By Maggie Nelson Honda Fit EV Ford Fusion Hybrid etting out to find the best hybrid or fully electric vehicles available on the Corvallis new car market, my trusty ’91 Lincoln Town Car and I had been tasked by some editorial dice roll to follow two rules in our search: to only consider cars available locally, and further to select the most efficient model on each lot. gallon less on average than the Civic, and they both get a city average of 44 miles per gallon. I prefer the drive of the Fusion overall, based mainly on comfort. S I started with the Honda Civic and meandered all the way to a fully electric Nissan Leaf. On the way, I tested the Ford Fusion, the Prius and Prius C, and finally the Volkswagen Jetta Hybrid. There are other hybrids available in Corvallis, but I included only those which achieved the highest miles per gallon offered on each lot. I did a simple assessment based mainly on style, comfort, handling, and agility. Honda Gadget Love Although no longer available to lease, I got to ride in the owner of University Honda’s personal Honda Fit EV, which was disappointingly less like a spaceship and more just like a human-sized RC car. The Civic Hybrid however, had the most intriguing gadgets and gizmos of all Toyota Prius the green cars I test drove here in Corvallis. The 2014 Civic Hybrid gets a combined city and highway average of 45 miles per gallon, and has a sportier look to it than most hybrids. The brakes seemed to be a tad on the touchier side and the blind spots were rather egregious, but the Civic made up for these downfalls with a nifty passenger-side camera, known as the LaneWatch. As you signal to turn, this camera turns on, displaying all the pesky areas you can’t see in the mirror or in your peripheral vision. For a place like Corvallis, where bicyclists run rampant, some obeying traffic laws and others cycling under prison rules, this sort of camera truly comes in handy. Ford Luxo-Shark Comfort Next I hit up Ford and checked out the Fusion Hybrid. This hybrid seems to be marketed toward the ultra-macho but ecologically attentive community in fear of being emasculated by the other Priusstyle hybrids. It doesn’t conform to the aerospace, turtle shape of many hybrids, and instead resembles something more aggressive, somewhat shark-like. Although seemingly more like a luxury sedan in build, in terms of leg space, especially in the backseat, the Fusion seems much snugger than the Civic and Prius. It only gets 3 miles per Open For Breakfast, Lunch, & Dinner! Now Serving Full Breakfast on Weekends CHINESE MEDICINE Katy Willis, LAc acupuncture herbal medicine dietary counseling bodywork reflexology cupping health insurance accepted 541-602-8172 6 | Corvallis Advocate Toyota Gets Cargo Space Gold While the Prius C will never be much of a “grocery getter” and had a bit of a cheap feel to it, there’s no ignoring its combined city and highway rating of 50 miles per gallon. I would suggest a little more patience with the C when accelerating onto highways. It’s a bit sluggish, even compared to Eco Mode in the Leaf. The Prius has the same average miles per gallon as the C, but scores much higher on the comfort and interior style scale. I found the gas/electric display of the Prius to be a bit unnecessary and distracting. At times I found myself playing a game trying to only light up the battery section of the electronic display car on the console, rather than trying to stay on the road. I’d say the Prius takes the gold for extra cargo space and roominess, but lags far behind in style. I also felt the Prius lacked in agility compared to some of the others. Know Your Locals! Monday - Saturday 7am- 9pm & Sunday 8am-8pm 219 SW 2nd, Downtown Corvallis 541-754-0181 www.NewMorningBakery.com IT GETS BETTER 24 HR SUICIDE HOTLINE Benton County Mental Health Crisis Line 1-888-232-7192 www.sustainablecorvallis.org | www.corvallisiba.org By Kirsten Allen Tricycle Hybrid a Corvallis Commute OptionAsk the Guy That Owns One C Volkswagen Jetta Hybrid Nissan Leaf VW’s Sporty Handling Plus Cuteness Where all of the other vehicles I saw were wanting in cuteness, the Volkswagen Jetta Hybrid compensated for its competitors. This vehicle seems to be aimed at a younger market with its sportier feel and peppy handling. It can certainly compete at an average of 45 miles per gallon, but costs a bit more in comparison to its hybrid counterparts with a sticker price of just a dash over $32,000. Despite the higher price, I continually found myself returning to this one, quite possibly because of the genuine and surprisingly non-villainous sales reps I encountered at the dealership, but more likely because of the style, smooth transitioning, and agility. Not to mention, I won’t actually be dropping any real dough on this vehicle—I am a writer, after all. surprisingly simple to navigate. However, I didn’t feel nearly as akin to an Australian fairy working to save my beloved FernGully as I hoped I would. Perhaps if my drab salesman were more of a kooky Robin Williams character, I could have better entertained the fantasy. Outlandish expectations aside, the Leaf had decent get up and go, unless switched to Eco Mode, which is a battery-saving drive mode. I test drove the 2015 Leaf S, which gets a combined city and highway average of 114 miles per gallon gasoline equivalent. The Leaf gets an average range of about 84 miles per charge, and can be fully recharged in about five hours with a 240 volt charger. If you drive primarily in town and can bring yourself to drive a car reminiscent of a Pokemon character, then the Leaf seems to be a pretty smart investment. Nissan Offers Fully Electric Leaf As I pulled up to these dealerships in my Detroit parade float, I got more than a few second glances. In fact, while nearly laying frame in the Keiffer Nissan lot, a few lovely salesmen emerged from their cozy office chairs just to step outside and throw a couple pesky remarks my way. My predetermined impressions of driving the Nissan Leaf were not terribly far off from the real thing. It’s smooth, quiet, peaceful, and Conclusions According to my painstakingly scientific testing, or lack of a quick dodge in an editorial meeting, these are the top hybrid and electric cars on the Corvallis market today. What it comes down to is lifestyle and budget. As for me, street cred is a much higher priority than gas mileage, or more truthfully, because my humble writer’s budget can’t allow for such extravagances at this time, I’ll have to stick with my trusty Town Car. orvallisite Jerry Rooney has taken the Smart Car idea to a new level: he is the proud owner of an ELF tricycle. The ELF is a pedal, solar, and electric hybrid, traveling at top speeds of 20 miles per hour and weighing about 150 pounds. The ELF can be powered by pedaling or by running the electric motor, which has a 14-mile range when run continuously. When Rooney initially purchased the ELF, the tricycle cost $4,000 as a special Kickstarter incentive. Today, the cost is around $5,500. Manufactured in Durham, North Carolina by Organic Transit, the ELF bike is legally allowed anywhere a bike can go. Equipped with a protective shell, headlights, side mirrors, brake, and turn signals, the ELF bike proves spacious, and in Rooney’s opinion, safer than a bicycle due to increased visibility. Rooney has been an avid bike rider for many years, and strongly believes that anybody who is able to should “get around on their own will.” Rooney is pleased with the comfort and convenience his ELF provides, and has had only a few issues with maintenance and durability. Upon purchase, the ELF is shipped from Durham, a process that can take up to seven months. Although the wait time may be a bit dismaying, the benefits of the ELF are undeniable. The ELF has zero emissions, shelters the driver from the weather, and provides exercise to the extent that one pedals. In a city such as Corvallis, known for its bike friendliness, you may start seeing more of these. MAJESTIC THEATRE SPRING MUSICAL Les Misérables May 8 - 24th TICKETS ON SALE NOW! Tickets: $20 - 25 Mother’s Day Special Event Tickets: $25 - 30 includes desserts & beverages THE MAJESTIC THEATRE •115 SW 2ND ST., CORVALLIS BUY TICKETS ONLINE: WWW.MAJESTIC.ORG • BOX OFFICE: 541.738.7469 Corvallis Advocate | 7 Little-Known OSU Emergency Food Pantry Gets National Attention There Is a Free Lunch… Breakfast and Dinner, Too Words by Christian Smith and Photos by Lauren Nichols W ith online access codes, ridiculous parking rates, and the increasingly overpriced oncampus stores, it is becoming more and more difficult for some students to cover basic necessities. Though gas prices are thankfully down for the moment, food costs continue to rise globally. Eating instant noodles every night of the week is a surprisingly viable option when faced with a choice between healthy food or student loan payments. Luckily, student volunteers have taken the initiative to alleviate the problem a bit here in Corvallis. distributions only twice per month, usually on a Monday or Wednesday (with some exceptions). This might seem to lessen the “emergency” nature of the pantry, though they do have an additional system in place to account for this. From 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. on normal weekdays you can head to Snell Hall Room 233 where they keep a few nonperishable items handy for students who find themselves in a pinch. Since the organization is run by students who work on a volunteer basis, it is limited by a shortage of funding and resources that would allow the pantry to be fully open more often. Funding comes mostly from regular donations and fundraisers at this time. Located on campus at OSU’s Snell Hall/MU East International Forum, the Emergency Food Pantry is an invaluable resource for Corvallis residents with food insecurity. Run by students, and in collaboration with Linn-Benton Food Share and the Oregon State University Foundation, the pantry provides food that is free, safe, and easily accessible to those in need. Food is prepared off-site, then organized at the pantry inside cooled, frozen, and dry rooms. Participants are given snacks and videos to watch while they wait in line. Although the pantry aims to be a highly charitable function for the community, it is still a relatively unknown resource compared to other campus programs such as student tutoring or the Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS), which garner more consistent publicity. The pantry office receives many calls from other schools asking about their process and model. There is apparently some appreciation for the program across the nation and even internationally, with at least one South Korean school expressing interest. A more widespread and larger Emergency Food Pantry initiative could very well attain greater funding and much-needed publicity for this type of student-run organization. Anywhere from 50 to 150 households are supported by this initiative, depending on the time of year and whether the school term is in session. It has previously been featured fall in love with print. make an impression. Magazines . Newspapers Mailing Services . Graphic Design 541.926.3000 www.oregonwebpress.com 8 | Corvallis Advocate in both The Barometer and The Oregonian, but it has been awhile. Rather than a full-time program, the pantry is open for its main food The next openings of the OSU Emergency Food Pantry are on Monday, March 9 and Wednesday, March 25; bring a bag. Feel free to stop by, as it is open to Corvallis students and non-students alike. Sheriff’s Department Closes Loophole By Dave Deluca Deputy and Reporter Talk Stray Dogs, Policy Changes I was taking my dog for a walk on a recent afternoon when two unfamiliar pooches joined us from parts unknown. Unfortunately, Brown and White, as I would come to call them, had no tags. In my experience, most strays will find their way home. But these two were more interested in following me to mine. So, I dropped off my own pup at home and grabbed two leashes. We walked the neighborhood. But Brown and White didn’t lead me to any open gates, and no neighbors recognized the pair. We headed back to my house, but my pooch made it clear she would not be allowing any strays into her house. Education that uses every tool Progressive and Proven We combine the latest techniques and technologies with time proven methods; all in an environment that meets each child’s individual needs We Become Family Even before school starts, our teachers meet with students and parents in their homes; we also maintain enough staff to genuinely respond as needs arise. Academically Rich Zion students exceed national standards in all subjects, we use standardized testing every fall; the ITBS/CogAT (Iowa Tests of Basic Skills), for grades 1-8. Pre-k – 8th Grade: Convenient in town location Christian education that welcomes all 2800 NW Tyler Ave I Corvallis, OR 97330 (541) 753-7503 I zioncorvallis.com www.facebook.com/zionlscorvallis Drop-by tours every Friday or by appointment any day I called Animal Control and got a Corvallis Police Department (CPD) operator, and was informed that the Animal Control officer was off duty until morning. I explained that I could not keep the strays at my house. The operator advised me to “let them go, and hope that they find their way home.” Flustered, I called the nonemergency number for the Benton County Sheriff’s Office (BCSO). This operator gave me the same answer. She explained that the BCSO Animal Control officer, even if she were on duty, would not pick up a stray within city limits. As luck would have it, I had previously interviewed Animal Control officers Michele Tracy (CPD) and Erica O’Neil (BCSO) for a different article. According to both officers, CPD and BCSO have access to Animal Control vehicles and equipment when they are off duty. Both departments also have 24/7 access to Heartland Humane Society, where stray and dangerous animals are kenneled. In cases when an animal is dangerous but Animal Control is off duty, a police officer or sheriff’s deputy will respond. But on this day, I was being advised to put these two stray dogs into a potentially dangerous situation, releasing them to fend for themselves. I have since reached out to both CPD and BCSO to clarify their policies. Corvallis Police Lt. Cord Wood confirmed the policy of his department, which he referred to as a “community policing” approach. During Animal Control off-hours, they advise callers to deliver the animals to Heartland or keep them until Animal Control comes back on duty. There is no third option. Wood confirmed that CPD will not send an officer unless the dog is dangerous. He pointed out that CPD would love to have a full-time Animal Control officer, but only has the budget for their current part-time position. “We do the best we can with the resources we have,” Wood said. BCSO Sgt. Randy Hiner stated that deputies do pick up strays, even when Animal Control is off duty, but he would discover later that this was not reflected in BCSO policy. The operator referred to current policy correctly when she stated that no deputy would come to aid Brown and White. Sgt. Hiner has since changed the Animal Control program policy to reflect the more helpful practice. 803.4.9.2 Residents finding stray animals may turn the animal over to its lawful owner, transport the animal to the Heartland Humane Society, or hold the animal until the Animal Control Program Manager or a Patrol Deputy is available to come pick it up. So the next time you find yourself rescuing a stray dog on a holiday or a weekend, I recommend calling the Sheriff’s Office. If you call the CPD, you might not get an answer you can live with. As to Brown and White, a generous neighbor took them in for the night and they were reunited with their family the next morning. Corvallis Advocate | 9 CALENDAR Thursday, Mar. 5 Michelle Hazelton Plays Peacock. 125 SW 2nd St. 7 – 8 p.m. Come enjoy a late dinner or a few drinks with friends while you listen to Hazelton’s acoustic styles. Minors welcome until 8 p.m. Wild Hog in the Woods at Calapooia Brewing. 140 NW Hill St., Albany. 7:30 p.m. Strange Snow at Withycombe Hall Lab Theatre. 2901 S.W. Campus Way. 7:30 p.m. The play tells the story of a troubled past shared by two Vietnam veterans during a fishing trip on opening day of the season. Relationships develop through humor and heartache as Dave and Megs attempt to move on from a horrific event. The exploration of friendship and the impacts of war upon individuals and families serve as a reminder of the personal sacrifices made in military service. 3/5-3/12 and taking Chinese instruments in new artistic directions. Its pioneering musical fusions have merged Chinese folk and classical music with Brazilian, jazz, Celtic, Spanish, Arabic, Aboriginal, and blues music. James Warren Story Time for Kids at Imagine Coffee Live Arts. 5460 SW Wine Tastings at First Alternative South. 1007 SE 3rd St., Corvallis. 4:30 – 6:30 p.m. Philomath Blvd., Corvallis. 10 a.m. Red Diesel at Imagine Coffee. 5460 Southwest Philomath Boulevard. 7:30 pm – 9:00 pm. Richardson Gap Rd., Scio. 10 a.m. – 1 p.m. For all ages and abilities. Work parties provide the sanctuary’s abused, abandoned, or neglected farm animals with clean water, bedding, and living conditions. No RSVP required; just show up wearing farm apparel and boots. Away Café. 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8 p.m. Triptych Trio at Bombs Away Café. 2527 Northwest Monroe Ave., 9:00 pm. $10. The incomparable talents of Skip vonKuske (Portland Cello Project, Vagabond Opera) and Don Henson (Sneakin’ Out, Pink Martini) who perform together as the duo “Groovy Wallpaper” will be joining Rob Wynia as his Triptych Trio for an unforgettable evening of music. This trio explores acoustic and electronic soundscapes and deeply percussive grooves, incorporating many different musical styles. Come prepared to be entranced, entertained, and rocked! Substitute and Mightiest Monster at Bombs Away Café. 2527 Flashback Friday at Jack Okole’s Bar & Grill. 140 NW 3rd St., Corvallis. 9 p.m. Freerange Open Mic at Bombs Fairgrounds from mid-January through the end of March each winter. Fun-with-the-Animals Work Party. Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary, 36831 League of Women Voters Legislative Town Hall at CorvallisBenton County Public Library. 645 Northwest Monroe Ave., 10:00 am – 11:30 am. Greg & Zolton at Imagine Coffee. 5460 Southwest Philomath Boulevard. 2:00 pm – 3:00 pm. Silk Road Music Event at Public House. 126 SW 1st St., Corvallis. 10 p.m. Cloud & Kelly’s Public House is proud to present a new destination for your Friday night dance and house needs: The Low Down. Corvallis Public Library. 645 Northwest Monroe Ave., 2:00 pm – 3:30 pm. For over twenty years, Silk Road Music has been smashing stereotypes about Chinese music and taking Chinese instruments in new artistic directions. Its pioneering musical fusions have merged Chinese folk and classical music with Brazilian, jazz, Celtic, Spanish, Arabic, Aboriginal, and blues music. 3rd St. 10 p.m. Saturday, Mar. 7 Acoustic Guitar Summit at Ladies’ Night Featuring DJ H-Ram & Josh Soto at Impulse Bar Winter Wildlife Outdoor Field Day at Finley National Wildlife Northwest Monroe Ave. 9:00 pm. John Huyck’s tribute to The Who and the musical love-child of Sam Kincaid and Joel Gustafson are back on the stage at Bombs Away Cafe for a rock-n-roll revival! Buckin’ Thursday Western Night at Jack Okole’s Bar & Grill. 140 NW & Grill. 1425 NW Monroe Ave. 10 p.m. Friday, Mar. 6 Music à la Carte: OSU Faculty Recital. Memorial Union Lounge, 2501 SW Jefferson Way, Corvallis. 12 p.m. David Servias and Friends. Features Nathan Boal, saxophone; David Servias, piano; Ryan Biesack, percussion; and others. Greg & Zolton at Imagine Coffee. 5460 Southwest Philomath Boulevard. 2:00 pm – 3:00 pm. Silk Road Music Event at Refuge. 26208 Finley Refuge Road. 9:00 am – 1:00 pm. Bring the kids out for a FREE outdoor field day and learn about local ecosystems and wildlife at your favorite wildlife refuge! Participants will receive a naturalist workbook and earn a special naturalist patch upon completion! Geared towards Youth Scout Naturalist requirements but open to all community groups, kids, and young adults! Sponsored by Audubon Society of Corvallis. Corvallis Indoor Winter Market. Benton County Fairgrounds, 110 SW 53rd St., Corvallis. 9 a.m. – 1 p.m. One of western Oregon’s oldest weekly indoor winter markets. The Corvallis Indoor Winter Market serves the Corvallis, Albany, and MidValley area. The market runs every Saturday at Guerber Hall on the Benton County Coffee... Ha l a r ndc a ft e d Fresh, Lo c Corvallis Public Library. 645 Northwest Monroe Ave., 2:00 pm – 3:30 pm. For over twenty years, Silk Road Music has been smashing stereotypes about Chinese music The Low Down at Cloud & Kelly’s Fingerboard Extension. 120 Northwest 2nd St., 7:00 pm – 8:00 pm. $10/advance; $12/ door. Featuring Mark Hanson, Terry Robb , Doug Smith, and special guest Adam Scramstad. FREE NOISE SHOW at Interzone. 1563 Northwest Monroe Ave., 7:00 pm. Featuring acts from Corvallis, Eugene, and Portland including nOiZpHyZiX, Don’t Say Anything They Won’t See You, JUICE MACHINE, Cyborg Beef Injection, [view], and SkinnyTrips. (Donations welcome) Magic Mama at Imagine Coffee. 5460 Southwest Philomath Boulevard. 7:00 pm – 9:00 pm. Live, acoustic looping songstress Magic Mama is a one-woman band. Performing original music using eclectic and non-traditional instruments in addition to guitar and ukulele, Magic Mama is a voice for the Earth. An inspiring, joyful and co-creative performance! The Moonshine and Scratchdog Stringband at Bombs Away Café. 2527 Northwest Monroe Ave., 9:00 pm. $5. The Moonshine is an idea on the rise. An incandescent blend of guitar, autoharp, fiddle, banjo and upright bass. A rhythmic network of folks and songs from everywhere and nowhere. Started in the winter of 2012, The Moonshine began crafting a style all their own based on applying traditional stringband techniques to the unconventional, yet instantly familiar writing of Michael Gerard Levasseur. Bar & Grill. 140 NW 3rd St., Corvallis. 9 p.m Sunday, Mar. 8 Monday, Mar. 9 Zen Meditation at The Yoga Center of Corvallis. 111 NW 2nd St. 10 a.m. – 12 p.m. No charge. Donations accepted. For info, call Abby at 541-754-4124. Insight Meditation Group. A Restoring the Local Food Web Five Stones Sangha: Mindful Meditation. Friends Meeting House, Saturday Stampede at Jack Okole’s at Shonnard’s Nursery. 6600 Southwest Philomath Blvd., 11:00 am. This seminar will be focused on how community members can aid in reconnecting the damaged link between native plants and our weakened pollinator populations. We will be exploring the importance of native plants, the implementation of man-made nesting materials, and the reduction of harmful pesticides in our landscapes. Yoga for Recovery at Live Well Studio. 971 Spruce Ave. 12:30 – 1:45 p.m. For recovery from substance abuse, eating disorders, codependency. By donation. For info, visit www.livewellstudio.com. Strange Snow at Withycombe Hall Lab Theatre. 2901 S.W. Campus Way. 2:00 p.m. The play tells the story of a troubled past shared by two Vietnam veterans during a fishing trip on opening day of the season. Relationships develop through humor and heartache as Dave and Megs attempt to move on from a horrific event. The exploration of friendship and the impacts of war upon individuals and families serve as a reminder of the personal sacrifices made in military service. Blues Jam at Calapooia Brewing. 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 4 p.m. Meditation/Mindfulness. Willamette Wellness Center, 6735 SW Country Club Dr., Corvallis. 5 – 6 p.m. Learn various meditation techniques to find inner “My commitment is to listen, to empower you with options, and consider not only your needs today, but also your interests over the long term.” -Karen Misfeldt Attorney at Law www.coffeecultureroasters.com 10 | Corvallis Advocate (541)754-7477 Heart of the Valley Children’s Choir Concert at First Methodist Church. 1165 Northwest Monroe Ave. 7:00 pm. The purpose of the Heart of the Valley Children’s Choir is to give each child the opportunity to find the artist within. Through the study and performance of a wide variety of excellent musical literature, the child learns, shares, and enjoys. For more information, visit hvcchoirs.com. Law practiced thoughtfully, compassionately and carefully. Estate Planning Family Care Prenuptial Agreements calm, maintain good health, and reduce stress. Guaranteed to leave you centered and relaxed. All ages welcome. For info, call 971-218-6798 or visit https://sites.google. com/site/carolynschechtman. practice group in the Theravada Buddhist tradition. For info, contact maryleigh.burke@ gmail.com. 3311 NW Polk Ave. 5:30 p.m. Five Stones Sangha meets regularly every week to practice meditations and strengthen mindfulness. For info, call Ken at 541-7609760 or visit https://sites.google.com/site/ fivestonessanghacorvallis. Heroclix. Matt’s Cavalcade of Comics, 2075 NW Buchanan Ave., Corvallis. 5:30 – 8 p.m. Heroclix takes place at Matt’s Cavalcade of Comics every Monday. Corvallis Science Pub at Old World Deli. 341 Southwest 2nd St. 6:00 pm – 8:00 pm. Science Pub Corvallis offers cool presentations in an informal atmosphere where you can interact with experts and where there are no silly questions. Kyle McDonald will describe some of these geophysical methods and recent regional studies in the United States in which those methods have been deployed. He received his master’s from Oregon State University in 2011 after defending a thesis on heat flow along five terrestrial regions of the San Andreas Fault zone in California. He has also studied earthquake mechanics and geomorphology of tectonics (the influence of subsurface forces on landscapes). The Majestic Theatre Public Forums. 115 SW 2nd St. 6:30 – 7:30 p.m. During the month of March, the Majestic Theatre will be hosting public forums on the various potential uses of the theater by and for our community. The Live MONDAY MADNESS ½ off Tap Beverages With the purchase of any pizza. Dine in only. With or without coupon! MONDAY MADNESS ½541-752-5151 off Tap Beverages 541-752-5151 • 1045 NW KINGS BLVD With the purchase of any pizza. Dine in only. With or without coupon! 310 NW 7th Street • Corvallis 20110350_0323_2x3_MonMad_db.indd 1 3/22/2011 11:18:43 AM 20110350_0323_2x3_MonMad_db.indd 1 3/22/2011 11:18:43 AM 1045 NW KINGS BLVD 541-752-5151 • 1045 NW KINGS BLVD Thursday, Mar. 12 Ongoing March Events... Albany Historic Carousel and Museum, 503 W 1st Ave. exhibition of Japanese kimonos from the 1920s and 1930s from the private collection of artist Karen Illman Miller. Monday through Saturday, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. In the lobby, view finished animals and watch the painters work on a number of animals and other hand-crafted projects. In the carving studio, see and touch over two dozen carvings in progress. The Arts Center Youth Poetry Contest. The Arts Center, 700 SW Madison Ave., Corvallis. In celebration of Poetry Month, April 2015, all poets in grades K to 12 living in Linn or Benton County are invited to participate in the 10th annual Arts Center Youth Poetry Contest. This exhibition is generously supported by the Marys Peak Poets. All poems submitted will be exhibited in the Corinne Woodman Gallery at the Arts Center from March 31 through April 25. History Inspectors: ExhibitBased Scavenger Hunt. Albany Regional Museum, 136 SE Lyon St. 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Kids can discover the answers to Albany’s history while visiting the museum and earn the title of ARM History Inspector. Includes an activity sheet. Free; donations accepted. ‘Something Old, Something Blue.’ Benton County Historical ‘Feminine, Daring, Meisen Kimonos.’ Benton County Museum, Museum, 1101 Main St., Philomath. Runs through Oct. 24. Tuesday through Saturday, 10 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. The exhibition showcases artifacts from the combined 1101 Main St., Philomath. 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Runs Feb. 3 through March 14. An Music forum will cover uses of The Majestic as a space for local, regional, and national live music. Theatre Supervisor Jimbo Ivy will brief the public on his vision and fiscal thoughts regarding live music and then will open the floor to comments and questions from the community. Comics, 2075 NW Buchanan Ave. 7:30 p.m. Every Monday. DiceMasters is an all-new cross-brand offering utilizing WizKids Games’ proprietary Dice Building Game platform where players collect and assemble their “team” of character dice and battle in head-to-head game play. Meet the Author: Kurt Fausch Bryson Skaar at Imagine Coffee Live at Troubadour Music Center. 521 Southwest 2nd St., 7:00 pm. In For the Love of Rivers, stream ecologist Kurt Fausch draws readers across the reflective surface of streams to view and ponder what is beneath, and how they work. While celebrating their beauty and mystery, he uses his many years of experience as a field biologist to explain the underlying science connecting these aquatic ecosystems to their streamside forests and the organisms found there—including humans. Prenatal Yoga at Live Well Studio. 971 Spruce Ave. 7 – 8:15p.m. Every Monday. Drop-in. For info, visit www.livewellstudio. com. International Folk Dance in Albany. 1180 25th Ave. SW. 7 p.m. Cost: $4. Traditional West African Dance Classes. Oddfellows Hall, 223 SW 2nd St. 7:15 p.m. Traditional West African dance classes hosted by Maria Soumah from Guinea, West Africa. Accompanied by live drumming from Fefafe. Dicemasters. Matt’s Cavalcade of Arts. 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7:30 p.m. Pu’uwai O Ke Kuawa Heart of the Valley Hula. First Baptist Church, 125 NW 10th St. 8:15 – 9:15 p.m. All shapes, sizes, and levels of ability are invited to try this gentle form of Hawaiian dance and expression. Cost: $5 per class. Tuesday, Mar. 10 Chair Yoga. Live Well Studio, 971 Spruce Ave. 3 p.m. Suited to those with medical or physical limitations. By donation. For info, visit www.livewellstudio.com. Teen Yoga. Live Well Studio, 971 Spruce Ave. 4 p.m. All teens welcome, all levels. Free. For info, call 541-224-656 Corvallis Community Choir Rehearsals. Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Corvallis, 2945 NW Circle Blvd. 7 – 9 p.m. Newcomers welcome. No audition is required. Director: James Moursund. Cost: $50 per term. For info, contact Nan Chaney at 541-740-6068 or [email protected], or visit www. corvalliscommunitychoir.us. 2 Step Tuesdays. Riley’s Billiards Bar & Grill, 124 SW Broadalbin St., Albany. Horner Museum and Benton County Historical Society artifact collections, with an emphasis on the color blue. Sub-themes include blue in nature, art, fashion, school colors, uniforms, decorative arts, and more. The museum has also borrowed something new: man-made blue pigment from the Oregon State University Department of Chemistry. Howland Community OPEN Exhibition: Reception. The Arts Center, 700 SW Madison Ave., Corvallis. runs from February 17 through April 4. The Arts Center Invites you to share your art with the Community. The Annual Howland Community Open Exhibition is one of The Arts Center’s most popular exhibits. The Reception for the Howland Community OPEN Exhibition is March 5, 5:30 – 7:30 PM. 509J District Student Art 7 – 11 p.m. Celtic Jam at Imagine Coffee Live Arts. 5460 SW Philomath Blvd., Corvallis. 7:30 – 9 p.m. Timba Tuesday at Impulse Bar & Grill. 1425 NW Monroe Ave., Corvallis. 7:30 p.m. Join the Rumbanana Salsa Group every Tuesday night after Rumbanana’s classes at Impulse Bar & Grill. They’ll be playing the best Timba, with a hint of Reggaeton and Bachata. Under 21 allowed until 9 p.m. No cover. Wednesday, Mar. 11 Cheap Night at Darkside Cinema. 215 SW 4th St. Wednesday is Cheap Night at Darkside. Cost: $6 for all shows. Bring your own container for discounted prices on popcorn. Fun-with-the-Animals Work Party. Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary, 36831 Richardson Gap Rd., Scio. 10 a.m. – 12 p.m. For all ages and abilities. Work parties provide the sanctuary’s abused, abandoned, or neglected farm animals with clean water, bedding, and living conditions. No RSVP required; just show up wearing farm apparel and boots. Mr. Bill’s Trivia Night. Murphy’s Restaurant & Lounge, 2740 SW 3rd St. 7 to 10 p.m. “Fukushima Update & Is Nuclear Energy a Climate Change Solution?” Forum at Show at LaSells Stewart Center. 875 Southwest 26th St. Runs from March 2nd to March 10th. Giustina Gallery will be hosting a non-juried art show featuring the work of Elementary, Middle, and High School students.All mediums are welcomed, including ceramic pieces Giustina Gallery will provide each school that participates with a poster for their school. “Color is the Key” Exhibit by Carolee Clark at The Arts Center. 700 SW Madison Ave. Runs from March 3rd to March 28th. Carolee Clark has always had art around her. As a child she would draw, while her artist-mother set up her easel, and be enthralled with her crayons and pencils, graduating to watercolor when her mother gave her a set. “I was hooked. They unlocked a world of color for me” says Clark. Corvallis Public Library. 645 Northwest Monroe Ave. 7:00 pm – 8:00 pm . Mr. Johnson will discuss the nuclear disaster at Fukushima, and how it continues to unfold 4 years after that fateful day, March 11, 2011, and address questions raised by the accident. What, if anything, are U.S. regulators doing to better protect the hundreds of millions of Americans who live near one of the nation’s 99 operating nuclear reactors, including the Columbia Generating Station (CGS) in Washington State? What are some of the known risks at CGS and what is being done to address them? And what is the future of nuclear power in the Northwest in the face of climate change? Meet the Author: Liz Carlisle at Grass Roots Books and Music. 227 Southwest 2nd St. 7:00 pm. Liz Carlisle is a fellow at the Center for Diversified Farming Systems at the University of California, Berkeley. She holds a Ph.D. in Geography, also from Berkeley, and a B.A. from Harvard University. A native of Missoula, Montana, Carlisle is a former Legislative Aide to United States Senator Jon Tester.A protégé of Michael Pollan tells the remarkable story of an unheralded group of Montana farmers who have defied corporate agribusiness by launching a unique sustainable food movement. Chuck Holst and Gary Rowles at Bombs Away Café. 2527 Northwest Monroe Ave., 7:30 pm. Local pros bring two guitars and two voices and create infinite harmony. Authentic Italian Meats & Cheeses Conversations from the Corrine Woodman Gallery: Carolee Clark at The Arts Center. 700 SW Madison Ave. 12:00 pm – 1:00 pm. Conversations from the Corrine Woodman Gallery with Carolee Clark on March 12, 2015 at noon. Bring your lunch! “Color is the Key” is an exhibit of recent work by Carolee Clark that runs from March 3 through 28, 2015, in the Corrine Woodman Gallery. For complete information visit TheArtsCenter.net. Stamp Carving & Printing Make & Take at Studio 262. 425 Southwest Madison Ave., Suite G. $10. Ages 10 and up. No previous experience is required. Jump right in to making stamps using Speedy Carve blocks. Event demo will be of an Easter Egg design, printed using a rainbow of inks. Each student will take home a stamp and their very own printed cards. Pre-registration required. Sustainability Fair & Town Hall at CH2MHill Alumni Center. 725 Southwest 26th St. Sustainability Fair 5-7 pm, Town Hall 7-9 pm. The Sustainability Fair will feature more than 50 hands-on exhibits, each representing a partner organization or action team of the Corvallis Sustainability Coalition. Michelle Hazelton Plays Peacock. 125 SW 2nd St. 7 – 8 p.m. Come enjoy a late dinner or a few drinks with friends while you listen to Hazelton’s acoustic styles. Minors welcome until 8 p.m. Wander in Song Concert at Russell Tripp Performance Center. 6500 Pacific Boulevard Southwest. Albany. 7:30 pm – 8:30 pm. $10/general; $7.50 Senior/ Students, $5 under 18. Conducted by LBCC Choral Activities Director James Reddan, the performance includes the award-winning Concert Choir, Re-Choired Element Chamber Choir, and the vocal a cappella groups Blue Light Special and The Sirens. Penny Bazanele will accompany on piano. Wild Hog in the Woods at Calapooia Brewing. 140 NW Hill St., Albany. 7:30 p.m. Buckin’ Thursday Western Night at Jack Okole’s Bar & Grill. 140 NW 3rd St. 10 p.m. Ladies’ Night Featuring DJ H-Ram & Josh Soto at Impulse Bar & Grill. 1425 NW Monroe Ave. 10 p.m. University Cuts Located in the M.U. on campus Natalia & Cristoforo’s 351 NW Jackson St. #2 • Corvallis 541.752.1114 Alchemist Best Sandwich Shop Winner Advocate Selection as a Hidden Foodie Find Wine Classes • Party Trays ESPRESSo, GREaT FooD & LoCaL aRTiSTS... 3/6 Red Diesel, 7:30-9pm Every Monday: Bryson Skaar, piano, 7:30 – 9pm 3/7 Greg & Zolton, 2-3pm Every Tuesday: Celtic Jam, 7pm 3/ 7 Magic Mama, 7-9pm Every Saturday: James Warren, Story Time, 10 am 3/13 Triple Play, 7-9pm 5460 SW Philomath Blvd — www.imaginecoffee.net Just West of 53rd, Between Corvallis & Philomath Best Cuts in Corvallis! Fades, Line-ups, ROTC Cuts & More! Corvallis Advocate | 11 8 days a week... A ate picks... dvoc Saturday, March 7 Thursday, March 5 Substitute and Mightiest Monster Friday, March 6 Triptych Trio The Moonshine and Scratchdog Stringband Sunday, March 8 Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $5 Heart of the Valley Children’s Choir Concert Folk bands, Corvallis, folk bands. What can I tell you; if you’re not in the mood for some sort of folk band on any given night, you may want to invest in starting your own non-Americana slinging outfit. In the meantime, Mr. or Mrs. Picky, you’ll just have to settle for these really quite talented bunches out of Portland. This show will be a good one to attend with a beard, if that’s in your repertoire. The Moonshine is an enjoyable genrebender that feels a bit like if Paul Westerberg started a folk band. Only, you know, I might actually go to see this group. First Methodist Church, 1165 NW Monroe Ave. 7 p.m. Free Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $10 Former Bombs owner John Huyck is up to no good with his Who tribute act live on stage. This night has the smell of nepotism all over it, but I do love the Who, and I like a Who show I don’t have to pay for even more. Bring your squeezebox and your pinballs; this rock ‘n’ roll revival is going to something something Boris the Spider. Oh duh, Substitute… I just got that. Rob Wynia is Corvallis’ renaissance man. This guy has more projects than Los Angeles, and his ranged skill set makes shows like this a surprise every time. This time around he’s got Skip vonKuske from Vagabond Opera and Portland Cello project as well as Don Henson of Pink Martini with him for a night of experimental and eclectic musicianship. Don’t sleep on this show. 509J District Student Art Show Meet the Author: Jenny Boully 4515 SW West Hills Rd. 7:30 p.m. $7 ($6 for students) La Sells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 5:30 p.m. Free OSU Valley Library, 201 SW Waldo Pl. 7:30 p.m. Free The Giustina Gallery at La Sells will be the site of this non-juried art show for students from elementary, middle, and high schools around Corvallis. All mediums will be showcased, and if your kid is one of the artists being showcased, I’m sure you’ll be there anyway. I like to go with 10 or 15 of my really fit and well-dressed friends and then walk around chuckling rudely at the work. It may hurt their feelings now, but in the long run we’re going to make great artists out of these kids. Boully’s books, including The Body (2002) and The Book of Beginnings and Endings (2007), have won her international acclaim for her creativity and form-bending ingenuity. See her speak live at the Valley Library and get a book signed. Take my advice and don’t show up with 20 copies of each of her books and ask her to sign them all but to “leave the name blank.” Not only will she not do it for you, but signed books aren’t worth anything anyway. It’s not 1993 anymore. The name of this group is a little misleading, right? They’re more about contra dancing and roots music than dwarves and faeries, and I’d much rather this was a freaky LARP dance. Still, contra dancing is crazy fun, and it’s more rewarding than your current plan to sit at home and make YouTube videos of yourself ranking the different brands of mayonnaise by blind taste test. I mean, the production value is surprisingly good, and I never expected your extensive use of green screens. But I am worried about your cholesterol level… Corvallis Folklore Society Contra Dance I hate to be the one to advocate hecklers for the kids, but American exceptionalism is suffering from the touchy-feely European socialism of patting these kids on the back all the time. The HVCC kids are a talented, hardworking bunch, but I just don’t think they’re going to take the next step unless we unload some needlessly cruel punishment on them. But let’s keep the criticisms music-related here, people. I want to see catcalls about intonation, phrasing, and timbre, not about fashion or any other aesthetic touches. We’re trying to create superstars... The Music Man Corvallis High School Theatre, 1400 NW Buchanan Ave. 7 p.m. $10 ($8 for students, $5 for youth) Speaking of torturing kids to improve their performances, I’ve actually seen this show, and these kids are damn good. Somebody’s clearly already tortured them with the high expectations of the American stage tradition. That or they’re just competently managed and directed by a caring bunch of professionals. I’m betting on torture, though. The Music Man is being produced live this year by NBC, and is a classic of the stage and screen, so you’ll have plenty of material to compare these kids to. It’s the American way. Submit: Do you know of an upcoming event? Email us and we’ll add it to the web calendar [email protected] a resalefor boutique womenCorvallis in downtown Corvallis a resale boutique women infor downtown e for women in downtown Corvallis a resale boutique for women in downtown Corvallis Monday - Friday 11 - 6- Friday • Saturday Sunday 1210- 4- 6 • Sunday 12 - 4 Monday 11 - 10 6 - •6 •Saturday Monday - Friday 10 - 12 6 •- Sunday 12 - 4 1 - 6 • Saturday 10 11- 6- 6 •• Saturday Sunday 4 reduce. reuse. re • volve. reduce.reduce. reuse. re•volve. reuse. re•volve. ce. reuse.Located re • volve. Located thehistoric historic Hotel Julian in inthe Hotel Julian nd 2nd Street | 541.754.1154 1032SW Located| |www.revolveresale.com in the historic Hotel Julian 103 SW Street | 541.754.1154 www.revolveresale.com ndJulian d in the historic Hotel 103 SW 2 Street | 541.754.1154 | www.revolveresale.com 12 | Corvallis Advocate | 541.754.1154 | www.revolveresale.com Thursday, March 12 Tuesday, March 10 Andra Taylor and Nate Dodge Community Movie Night Monday, March 9 The Jordan World Circus Benton County Fairgrounds, 110 SW 53rd St. 7 p.m. $18 ($14 for children) I love a good circus. The clowns are terrifying, and occasionally profound. The animals are tragic and depressing. The ringmaster is underwhelming and unintentionally hilarious. And I may be suppressing some traumatic event from my childhood, but I have the distinct feeling that acrobats are evil… plus I get nausea and vertigo whenever I smell hay or cannon fuse burning. Aaaaaanyway… the circus is in town… yay. Science Pub Old World Deli, 341 SW 2nd St. 6 p.m. Free The title of this edition of Science Pub is “In Hot Water: Investigations Beneath the Earth’s Surface Using Electromagnetic Methods.” Wake me when it’s over, right bros? Anyone? No? Oh, this is a really awesome and popular event, you say? My bad… misread the crowd. Okay then, let’s try this again; don’t miss this fascinating and fun science night out when it returns to the Old World with speaker Adam Schultz from CEOAS at OSU. You’ll be smarter and, if their business strategy is working at all, more full of sandwiches for your trouble. Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free Before these shows begin, Ygal frequently likes to give a “tasteful racism” warning. Some of the classics of CMNYK and the film reels and other goodies he shows beforehand have some old-timey offensiveness in them. Well, let me do him a favor and give that warning extra early this week. It’s Abbott & Costello’s Africa Screams (1949). The two extremely white comedy legends go on a safari adventure, in a continent that’s one unending string of stereotypes, in search of diamonds. Racism and hilarity abound. This film is a Kanye-composed score away from being a deep satire on exploitation. As it is, it’s just kind of offensive and amazingly entertaining. Celtic Jam Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free If you show up to this event wearing Notre Dame gear, things will legitimately jump off. I’ve been to this thing, and while they seem like a pleasant bunch of low-key artist types, they will absolutely sock you in the face if you wear gear that’s offensive to the Irish. Oh wait, am I writing about Celtic Jam right now? Never mind, I was thinking of Irish Poet Cliché Night at O’Malley’s. But that’s next Tuesday. The Celtic Jam at Imagine is totally safe for you no matter what you’re wearing. Wednesday, March 11 Chuck Holst and Gary Rowles Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 7:30 p.m. Free If there was a Mount Rushmore of Corvallis musicians, it would have Gary Rowles’ head and a bunch of people who were employed to keep his head clean and make sure there was a giant endless bowl of green M&M’s underneath it at all times. And that’s it. Which is to say, he’s a pretty big deal. Don’t miss him and his ace Chuck Holst at this laidback free gig. Or if you do, at least have the good manners to send a card or a fruit basket announcing you regretfully couldn’t make it. It’s called manners. Wednesday Acoustic Live It’s the Brutal Bridges Band for this installment of Alliteration by Candlelight—er, I mean, Wednesday Acoustic Live. I know I’ve been dismissive of folky acoustic rock in Corvallis before, but… I don’t really have a great way to end that sentence. Les Caves does have yummy food and good taste in live entertainment, so I would hit this up. Additionally, I’m open to some sort of free endless hot pretzel deal in exchange for less sarcastic admonitions to go to this show every Wednesday. Hint, hint… One magazine described McNally as “the new face of Scottish fiddling in the USA,” which is something I had always hoped to be myself one day. So I’ll be pettily and immaturely skipping this show to stay home and pout. You’d be pretty stupid to skip it though, because she’ll be busting out her not inconsiderable fiddle game with the excellent Neal Pearlman on piano and Shauncey Ali on viola. Sometimes the most talented musicians also make the best music. GYROS (YEEROS) Seasoned ground Lamb & Beef meat served on pita with lettuce, tomatoes and garlic tahini sauce (541) 908-2667 Text Only corvallismediterranean.com Open for Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner Katie McNally Band Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. $22 at the door ($20 in advance) Small $3.99 Medium $5.99 Large $7.99 453 SW Madison & 5th St. Downtown Corvallis This romantic and whimsical couple of nuts sold their earthly possessions and moved their whole lives onto a bus to tour the world playing each other’s music in a tag team performing consortium. That sounds like a better pilot for an HBO show about young artists cutting their teeth than it does a show I’d actually go to. But I’m much more discerning and hermitish than you. Plus I haven’t showered in 12 days. So I have an excuse to skip this. You don’t. Oh, and there’s an Oakshire Brewing tasting from 6 to 8 p.m. that’s free, too. Soooo, I guess what I’m saying is, can I use your shower? Les Caves, 308 SW 3rd St. 8 p.m. Free LUNCH & DINNER Check out our in-house Mediterreanean Market! Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free CHICKEN or LAMB SHAWERMA Your choice of grilled lean cuts of marinated lamb or chicken slices, served on pita with, lettuce, tomatoes and garlic tahini sauce VEGITARIAN FALAFEL Delicious Pâté of ground cooked Garbanzo & Fava beans mixed with a special blend of spices, served on pita with lettuce, tomatoes and tahini sauce For the above add $2.00 for rice or a side dish creation of the day Meals Under $10 Roasted Lamb Shank or Mediterranean Chicken over Rice or Couscous $9.99 Vegetarian Special Combo Creation $9.99 SOUP OR SALAD CREATION OF THE DAY Small $3.99 Large $5.99 BREAKFAST (all day) Mediterranean Coffee & Baklava $ 4.99 Greek Sausage Omelet on a pita $ 3.99 Mediterranean veggie omelet on a pita $3.99 Mediterranean Baklava $2.50 Fresh Baked French Sourdough Baguettes $3.00 Corvallis Advocate | 13 Our Films Suck Less. Every night. Entertainmental The Best Worst Show on TV By Ygal Kaufman F Darkside Cinema Films for 3/6/-3/12/2015 Please call or log on for show times TWO DAYS, ONE NIGHT —PG-13 The beauty of the film is in its simple, honest analysis of the human condition -- and in Ms. Cotillard’s powerfully good performance. (SUBTITLED FRENCH) BIRDMAN —R A thrilling leap forward for director Alejandro González Iñárritu, Birdman is an ambitious technical showcase powered by a layered story and outstanding performances from Michael Keaton and Edward Norton.Winner of Best Picture. STILL ALICE —PG-13 A gripping performance from Julianne Moore, and a heartfelt drama that honors its delicate themes with bravery and sensitivity. Best Actress Oscar Nom! DARKSIDE Cinema 4th & Madison • Corvallis darksidecinema.com (541) 752-4161 ox’s Empire is the most painfully, embarrassingly brilliant show on any network channel right now. I can’t stop watching it and I’m ashamed of myself, because it’s all of the things I hate about TV rolled into one. So how did everyone’s favorite guilty pleasure become a ratings powerhouse and one of the most compulsively watchable programs around? The answer’s simple: it’s Cookie. For the roughly six people out there not watching this show, Empire follows the story of Lucious Lyon (a character who sounds like he was named by Stan Lee), played (poorly) by Oscar nominee Terrence Howard, and the music business behemoth he created over the years, after being a charttopping gangster rapper. Making things interesting for him (and us) is the rivalry betwixt his three sons all vying to be heir to the throne, a young fiancée who also runs his company, and his ex-wife and former business partner Cookie (played by scene-stealing Oscar nominee Taraji P. Henson), released from a 17-year prison stint for drug dealing. Oh yeah, and he’s dying of Lou Gehrig’s disease. I told you this show is embarrassing. Dream, freedelivery2 delivery2 1x3 1x3 --Page - Composite eam, free Page1 1 -Look, Composite If you’re thinking to yourself, “Gee, that sounds awfully stupid and convoluted, Dream, free delivery2 1x3 - Page 1 - Composite AMERICAN RICAN AME AMERICAN DREAM PIZZA DREAM PIZZA DREAM PIZZA not to mention just a combination of Dallas and Boss (the short-lived Kelsey Grammer vehicle),” then congrats. You’ve already picked up on just how lazy in conception this show really is. And it doesn’t get that much better from there. The dialogue, acting, and plot twists on this show are idiotic and often enraging. Plus, if all that wasn’t enough of a turnoff, it’s also basically a hip-hop Glee. Each episode treats the audience to no less than one, sometimes several, gaudy auto-tuned monstrosities of musical numbers. But hidden deep in all these obnoxious shortcomings is the genius of the show. It is just Dallas, but with a black cast. But for maybe the first time on television, the power struggles of a family of black entrepreneurs is being played straight, by which I mean, with no apologetics. Lucious is a scumbag, a murderer, a homophobe, and a misogynist. His spoiled ilk are also almost uniformly unlikable as well, save the one sympathetic character on the show, his gay son Jamal. There’s racial stereotyping galore, and destructive ideologies are reinforced, particularly by the one white member of the Lyon den, the scheming and morally bankrupt wife of the eldest son. But again, this is what makes the show work. A more cowardly attempt at portraying a powerful black family would get all caught up trying to make the characters into role models. But they’re not role models, they’re a power-hungry family of elites. Just like JR was on Dallas, and Tony on The Sopranos, and a million other white characters were on shows where they didn’t have to worry about what people would think of their representation of their race. By embracing the fact that no apologies “Pretty please... Take me to animal crackers.” Free Delivery! CAMPUS • 757-1713 Free 2525 Delivery! NW Monroe With music oversight from legendary producer Timbaland and ratings that have increased with every episode so far in its rookie season, Empire has a bright future. If you’re already watching, you know who Cookie is and why you can’t look away. If you don’t, you need to ask somebody. Empire airs on Fox on Wednesdays at 10 p.m. Buy • SellBooks • Trade priC Cheap Corvallis Corvallis 121 NW 4th St. • 541-758-1121 Buy • sell 949 NW Kings Blvd - Corvallis - 541.753.4559 M-F 9:30-7:30 • Sat 9:30-6:30 • Sun 11:00-6:00 14 | Corvallis Advocate And it has the one thing no other show on TV can boast: Cookie. The character who best embodies all the traits of the show. She’s ruthless, manipulative, dishonest, driven, angry, complex, and entertaining to death. Henson plays her with the kind of breathless abandon that makes TV great. Halfway into the first episode, you can’t help but hate her. By the start of the second episode, you wish the show was only about her. Make your best friend happy with the healthiest choices CAMPUS • •757-1713 753-7373 DOWNTOWN Free Delivery! 2525 214NW SWMonroe 2nd CAMPUS • •757-1713 753-7373 DOWNTOWN 2525 NW 214 SWMonroe 2nd DOWNTOWN • 753-7373 214 SW 2nd are needed, and that they don’t have to set any examples, the creators of Empire, including Oscar-nominated director Lee Daniels, have created the thing we all want most out of a prime time drama: action. Empire is dripping with sex, betrayal, murder, and all the other things that make this country great. 541-758-1121 Albany 121 NW 4th St. Trade 1425 Pacific Blvd. • 541-926-2612 Hard Truths The Orange & Black Choral and Vocal Scholarship Concert by Sidney Reilly Northern Lights Branded by Truth I ’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news. The good news is it looks like spring is almost here. The bad news is most of you are sex criminals. Hey, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but according to a helpful list I saw on Facebook, whose main tenets have been promoted in all corners of social media at this point, nearly every sexual encounter I’ve ever had is up for debate. Including some of the times I masturbated. The list in question goes over some of what might be considered gray areas in sexual consent. Most of the items on the list are uncontroversial, and should be quite obvious: “Being in a relationship is not consent.” Of course being in a relationship does not mean one party gets to have sex with the other regardless of whether that person wants to or not. “Consent to one act is not consent to all acts.” Again, this should be obvious to all reasonable human beings, but of course it isn’t, and so sadly such lists are necessary. “If they aren’t sober, they can’t consent.” Okay now, hold on a second. I’d be lying if I said I’ve never elicited enthusiastic consent from a person who had anywhere from a few to more than a few alcoholic beverages in them. More to the point, I’ve given my consent on more than a few occasions when I had several drinks in me. What’s more, often on these occasions I woke up the next morning filled with regret. But to say that consent under the influence of alcohol is not consent is a very slippery slope. How many drinks is too many drinks to give consent? What about for non-sexual acts? If a person has too many drinks and then smashes the windows of their neighbor’s house, are they off the hook for that? Or is sex the only action that is completely beyond one’s control once they’ve imbibed? How much does inebriation alleviate a person of responsibility for their actions? In the state of Oregon, on any given Friday night, is there anyone having sex who’s not doing it with multiple beers in their bellies? Let me take this opportunity to be clear; I’m not saying it’s okay to take advantage of a person who has had so much to drink that they can’t physically control themselves, and certainly not a person who is unconscious. If a person can’t walk or speak straight, then how would one be certain they’re consenting at all? These situations are what reasonable people would unequivocally call sexual assault. But unwise decisions that would likely have never occurred without alcohol, and the buyer’s remorse that inevitably comes with them, are certainly not the same thing as rape. Stigmatizing a generation of high school and college students into thinking they are is a mistake we will most certainly regret as a society. Especially when it’s used to defend someone who has committed a rape. If one party can’t possibly give informed consent when they’re at all inebriated, it stands to reason a lawyer will soon be able to make a convincing case that their client also wasn’t responsible for committing the rape, because they, too, were under the influence of alcohol. OSU Chamber Choir, Bella Voce, Glee and OSU Meistersingers Then comes the big one: “If you have to convince them, it’s not consent.” Say what? This is very clearly nonsense. If you have to convince them, it may not be a great idea. If you fail to convince them, and then insist on sex anyway, it’s most assuredly rape. But that they didn’t simply want to jump into bed with you sans discussion of any kind? FRIDAY MARCH 13 7:30 PM Tickets: $10 advance, First United Methodist Church $12 at the door 1165 NW Monroe, Corvallis Advance tickets online only at tickettomato.com OSU students free with ID card On more than one occasion in my life I have gone into a social situation not planning singorange.com to or wanting to have sex and then been convinced by the overwhelming wisdom and clarity of purpose of another Helping families find their first person. Again, on some of these home,home, as wellas as well their next find their first as occasionsHelping I woke up families regretting it. home since 1951. But on none of these occasions their next home since 1951. was I coerced or forced into anything, and abdicating responsibility for them to an oversimplification of the complexities of human interaction would be dishonest. Again, to be clear, I’m not saying that actual coercion, or non-physically “forcing” someone to have sex is not rape. It very clearly is. However, sometimes people get convinced to do things that end up being great experiences, and sometimes end up in social disaster. But to sweepingly declare the practice of trying to convince a person to have sex as rape will have weird and terrible consequences on the psyches of millennials. I might also point out, it makes every pornographic act or act of prostitution that has ever occurred into a rape. For these people would clearly not be having sex if not convinced by a financial agreement. Spring Helping families find their first home, as well as their next home since 1951. is in the air Spring is in the air Helping families find their first home, as well as their next home since 1951. Spring Confucius once said, “Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.” Which is to say, there are gray is in the air areas in the human experience, and there are black and white situations. When we make preposterous policy prescriptions (say that five times fast) such as the Corvallis Office Albany Office 455 NW Tyler Ave 1117 Pacific Blvd SE ones in the consent definition list, we’re throwing the 541-757-1781 541-924-5616 flawed diamonds out the window on a Office quixotic purity Corvallis Albany Office www.tncrealty.com quest for perfect pebbles. By trying to separate gray 455 NW Tyler Ave 1117 Pacific Blvd SE into its black and white constituents, we’re making the 541-757-1781 541-924-5616 Corvallis Office Albany Office Corvallis Office Albany Office www.tncrealty.com perfect the enemy of the good. Or in this case, the 455 NW Tyler Ave 1117 Pacific Blvd SE 541-757-1781 541-924-5616 455 NW Tyler Ave 321 1st Ave E, Suite 3-C impossible the enemy of reality. And it won’t end well www.tncrealty.com 541-757-1781 541-924-5616 for anyone. www.tncrealty.com www.tncrealty.com www.tncrealty.com Corvallis Advocate | 15 FREE Guire c M n a e S OTE SPEAKER First Alternative ORgANIC MEyER LEMONS reg. $2.49/lb KEYN sale $1.99/lb O PR Every EVENT! one i s wel come ! - MAR. 4th th! MAR. 10 DU At the 7th Annual Thanks to our primary sponsors: KIwI sale $1.99/lb ORgANIC BRuSSELS SPROutS reg. $5.99/lb sale $3.99/lb All are welcome! Space is limited. 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