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THE LEATHERMEN
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Change is Coming!
I am writing this after watching President Obama speak at the HRC Annual
Dinner. Love him or hate him, you can’t
deny he wants to change the GLBT
Community’s place in history. And
change is good.
I have to say that I was very moved.
It felt that not only did everyone in the
audience and on stage speak with one
voice, but for the ﬁrst time we have
a President that speaks to the GLBT
community. There are some impatient
people that want everything changed
now and are not happy because he
hasn’t done enough. Those people
probably have never been in politics,
run a small business or studied history.
When you rush and force change, you
risk backlash and possibly irreversible
damage. How do you think we ended up
with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and no health
care reform under the Clinton Administration. We can’t afford that. We need to
be patient and calculated in our actions.
We don’t want to compromise our end
goal. Obama recently signed the Hate
Crimes bill that adds sexual orientation
as motive to a crime a federal offense.
Still think Obama isn’t doing enough?
All my life I have gone against the grain.
Everyone I knew was heterosexual. I
was not. Everyone went to college. I did
not. Everyone got married, had many
had kids. I didn’t. Another thing I don’t
do is support businesses with monopolistic agendas. Walmart, Microsoft and
Starbucks, to name a few, have all
worked to stiﬂe or shut out competition,
especially of small businesses. I do
not support this practice. Businesses
that have to compete with these huge
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November 2009
companies have an uphill battle. They
don’t have the marketing dollars, nor the
greed and lack of scruples to compete.
But our local small businesses and
merchants who support the GLBT community do have ION. I ask everyone
who reads this article to think outside of
the box this holiday season. Go to one
of the many retailers that support your
community to ﬁnd that one-of-a-kind gift.
Best of all, they, too, have fair and reasonable prices, no long lines, no parking
headaches and some are even open 24
hours. Many offer great discounts with
your ION VIP Key Chain! Check out our
annual holiday gift guide for great ideas.
I’m also proud to announce that we
have recently launched two new exciting features: the ﬁrst is our new ION
Living section that includes furniture
stores, apartment rentals, realtors, and
home improvement businesses. The
second is an addition to our famous
Party Cams called IONAZtv. Photos of
events are great, video is even better. We have hired Mike Chesworth to
head our new Photo/Video department.
Check it out at www.IONAZ.com. These
affordable videos can go on your website, on YouTube and can be found on
our website.
Whether it is a change in public policy,
your holiday shopping habits, and even
a better ION, change is good. And it’s
coming. Are you ready?
Jack M. Tesorero
Publisher
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ION ARIZONA STUDIO
3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012
(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939
www.IONAZ.com
[email protected]
PUBLISHER
Jack M. Tesorero - Ext. 5 ........... [email protected]
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 ..................... [email protected]
EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR
Deon Brown - Ext. 3 .................. [email protected]
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT
Craig Rubin ................................. [email protected]
IONAZTV DIRECTOR
Mike Chesworth ...................... [email protected]
PRODUCTION & ARTWORK
[email protected]
ADVERTISING SALES
Jorge Suarez, Ext 2 ..................... [email protected]
PHOTOGRAPHERS:
Don Thompson
Jerry O’Conner
Michael Chesworth
Michael Scott
Cover Photo by Don Thompson
NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE
Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863
CONTRIBUTORS:
Corey Blanchette
Wes Bergman
Addison DeWitt
Jackson David Kelly
Ted Kirby
David Alan Maxey
Kim Ruff
Paul Sanchez
TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS,
CALL (602) 308-4662
Published monthly by
© 2009 Tesorero Omni Media
a JMT Designs, Inc. company
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
PRINTED IN THE USA
All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine
remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.
NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reﬂect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its
parent company.
Publication of the name or photograph of any person or
organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as
any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or
organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed
and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some
photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge,
they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to
reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call
us immediately and we will remove it from future publications.
All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are
published with the understanding that the advertisers are
fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the
use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person,
and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of
such content.
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HALLOWEEN
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MORE PICTURES AT IONA Z.COM
November 2009
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Madonna-Rama
Kate Clinton
Here’s a proposition that everybody can get behind! Join
the non-partisan “YES on K8” movement. The talented
and extremely funny Kate Clinton performs on Saturday,
November 7 at the fabled Wrigley Mansion in Phoenix at
2500 E. Telawa Trail and on Sunday, November 8 at the
Temple of Music & Art 330 S. Scott in Tucson. For info
visit www.education.equalityarizona.org or call 602-6500900 [email protected]
Get into the groove! Forbidden celebrates everybody’s
favorite material girl on Saturday, November 21 with
Madonna-Rama. Who’s that girl? It’s Barbra Seville who’ll
spearhead the “Where Is Madonna” contest and deliver
cash, prizes, and lots of giveaways. Be sure to come as
your favorite incarnation of Madge Through The Ages for the
costume contest! 6850 E. 5th Ave. Scottsdale. ForbiddenAZ.
Thanksgiving Trash Disco
Before the feeding frenzy on Thursday, join in the fun for Thanksgiving Trash Disco at icepics video bar where you can relive the
Golden Age of Disco on Wednesday, November 25 with the
music of The BeeGees, Sylvester, and The Village People,
of course! They’ll have $4 martinis $3 well drinks to celebrate the Pilgrims’ landing at Plymouth Rock. Or something
like that. 3108 E. McDowell Rd. 602-267-8707
So You Think You Can Drag
Compete for the chance to star in your own show! Starting
Wednesday, November 11 at The Rock you ﬁnd out if you’ve
got what it takes to be a female illusionist. It all starts with
lipstick. And falsies. And a wig. And a girdle. And high heels.
And lots and lots of sequins. Well, you better get to work,
girls! We’ll see you at The Rock. 4129 N. 7th. Ave. Phoenix.
Phone: 602-248-8559
Get Stuffed at Dick’s
Gobble, gobble! Start the Holiday Season off right and “Get
Stuffed at Dick’s!” Enjoy exotic and erotic $1 table dances
from a bevy of naked studs, plus win prizes and giveaways!
Wait’ll you see the drumsticks on these naked boys! Two
days (Nov. 13 & 14), two great naked locations! 2438 E.
McDowell Rd. 602-437-DICK or 3432 E. Illini 602-274-DICK.
And did we mention naked?
Charlie’s County Fair
Come on, cowpokes! Celebrate Charlie’s
25th Anniversary at their County Fair!
They’ll help you get likkered up with 25
cent branch water cocktails while the
outrageously funny Scooter Lee tickles
your funny bone and who could forget our
very own Pussy LeHoot? Stop in and say,
“Howdy” November 20-22. The ﬁrst 100
people in the doors on Friday get a commemorative Charlie’s hat!
727 W. Camelback Rd. 602-265-0224.
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Shakira CD Release Party
Celebrate the release of Shakira’s new CD “She Wolf” at
Karamba. They’ll have CD singles, posters, exclusive
Shakira t-shirts, and much, much more! The fabulous
Diamond hosts and there’ll be drink specials all night long!
Wednesday, November 25. 1724 E. McDowell Rd. Phone:
602-254-0231 www.KarambaNightclub.com
NOVEMBER 2009 ION EVENTS LISTINGS
DATE
EVENT & LOCATION
CITY
7
Kate Clinton - Wrigley Mansion
Phoenix
7
AZ Men of Leather Sir/Boy Contest - Velocity
Phoenix
8
Kate Clinton - Temple of Music and Art
Tucson
10
Veteran’s Day Pre-Party - Karamba
Phoenix
11
Runway for A Cause - The Showroom, Forbidden Scottsdale
11
So You Think You Can Drag - the Rock
Phoenix
13-14
“Get Stuffed” at Dick’s Cabaret
Phoenix
13
BS West Frat Party
Scottsdale
14
1in10 “Celebrating Babe” - Fair Trade Cafe
Phoenix
15
Caring Style - The Rock
Phoenix
21
Madonna-Rama at Forbidden
Scottsdale
20-22
Charlie’s County Fair
Phoenix
25
Shakira CD Party - Karamba
Phoenix
25
Thanksgiving Trash Disco - icepics
Phoenix
26
Thanksgiving Day Party - Karamba
Phoenix
27
Heavenly Bodies at Cherry Lounge
Tempe
28
BS West Blackout 2
Scottsdale
Check out bar and nightclub ads in this issue for daily & weekly specials!
November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 25
ARIZON A BILT MORE
1 VOICE GALA
Scottsdale
Fashion Week
Sashay over to snooty Scottsdale, darlings, for Scottsdale
Fashion Week! See the all the hottest haute couture at
SouthBridge near the Waterfront November 5-7. Okay, Fashion
Weekend. Some events are actually free! See you on the runway.
Make it work! For more info & tix visit ScottsdaleFashionWeek.com
Phoenix Faerie Festival
Calling all Faeries, Sprites, Elves, Pixies, Leprechauns, Fauns,
Nymphs, Dryads and other Wee Folk. If you like the Renaissance
Fair you’ll love this! Come to the Faierie Realm, also known as
Estrella Mountain Regional Park at 14805 W. Vineyard Ave. in
Goodyear on Saturday, November 14. For more info visit www.
WesternGatesFaerieRealms.com or call 623-932-3811.
No pets, Trolls or Gnomes.
Fantasy of Lights Parade
The Holidays are here! Celebrate the crass commercialism of
Christmas greed the APS way: with lots and lots of energy sucking lights! It all happens on Tempe’s fabled Mill Avenue on Friday,
November 27 at 6 p.m. The Boat Parade will follow on December
12. APS will send you a Christmas card. It’s called a “bill.”
NOVEMBER 2009 ION AROUND TOWN LISTINGS
DATE
5-7
6-8
7
thru 8
11
13
thru 14
14
14
14-15
21 & 22
21 & 22
26-29
27
27-28
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EVENT & LOCATION
Scottsdale Fashion Week
Fine Arts & Wine Festival
Dia de los Muertos - A.J. Chandler Park
Arizona State Fair
Veteran’s Day Parade - Phx Convention Ctr.
Corks & Cactus - Desert Botanical Gardens
Ghosts of Phoenix Tour - Hotel San Carlos
Walk to Save An0imals - Tempe Beach Park
Phoenix Faerie Festival - Estrella Mtn. Park
Chiles & Chocolate - Desert Botanical Gardens
Arizona Antique Show
ArtFest of Scottsdale
AZ International Auto Show
Fantasy of Lights Parade
Glendale Glitters
WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009
CITY
Scottsdale Waterfront
Carefree
Chandler
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Tempe
Goodyear
Phoenix
AZ State Fairgrounds
Scotts. Civic Plaza
Phx. Convention Center
Downtown Tempe
Downtown Glendale
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Rufus
Wainwright
Canadian. Gay. Judy Garland freak. Smoker. These all describe supertalent Rufus Wainwright, the spawn of Loudon Wainwright, the genius who
gave us the timeless classic “Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road.” See
Rufus perform at the Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts on Saturday, November 7. Rufus. More than just a pretty name. 7380 E. 2nd St. 480-874-4644.
www.ScottsdalePerformingArts.org
LeAnn Rimes
The cute little country music songbird who set the scene on ﬁre with her
barnburning vocals is all grown up now and stealing hot married men,
like Eddie Cibrian, from their wives. When not committing adultery the
trollop can be heard singing at places like the Gila River Casino at
Wild Horse Pass on Saturday, November 7. Call 800-946-4452 or visit
www.WinGilaRiver.com for more info and tix.
MC Hammer
“Stop! Hammertime!” And you thought
you’d never be able to put those pants you
bought to good use again! The #7 Best Dancer of
All Time (according to BET) comes to the Celebrity Theatre
on Friday, November 20. You so deﬁnitely can’t touch this!
440 N. 32nd St. 602-267-1600 www.CelebrityTheatre.com
NOVEMBER 2009 ION CONCERT CALENDAR
DATE
ARTIST/EVENT
LOCATION
2
Leon Russell
Rhythm Room
3
David Cook
AZ Veteran’s Memorial Coliseum
3
Ian Anderson
Dodge Theatre
4
Widespread Panic
Dodge Theatre
7
Rufus Wainwright
Scottsdale Ctr. for the Arts
7
Kelly Clarkson
AZ Veteran’s Memorial Coliseum
7
LeAnn Rimes
Gila River Casino at Wild Horse Pass
8
Tanya Tucker
Celebrity Theatre
20
Say Anything
Marquee Theatre
20
John Prine
Dodge Theatre
20
MC Hammer
Celebrity Theatre
21
B.B. King
Celebrity Theatre
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by Jackson David Kelly
[email protected]
Yo, DJ!
What’s New?
November proves to be a dazzling month for
music. In addition to these, ﬁnd new albums
from Carrie Underwood, Glee, Weezer,
Amerie, Norah Jones, Leona Lewis, Kris
Allen and Adam Lambert as well as holiday
themed albums from Tori Amos and Sting.
And if that isn’t enough, check out the
re-issues of Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift and
Beyoncé plus hit packages from Snow Patrol
and Janet Jackson.
Michael Jackson
This Is It
And so it begins. With
the passing of one of
the greatest entertainers
of all time, get ready for
years of post-mortem
success. “This Is It”
accompanies the movie
and is packaged as
a two-disc set. The ﬁrst CD showcases
remastered tracks in movie order as well as
two versions of his new single and title track,
while the second disc contains rare remixes
of Jackson’s bests as well as a poem entitled
“Planet Earth.” Though not groundbreaking
in the least, look for this release to continue
MJ’s story as well as give the gloved one
new #1’s.
Robbie Williams
Reality Killed the Video Star (11/10)
For Robbie’s last EMI
contractual release, he
gets smart and enlists
songwriting help from
his 1990’s partner Guy
Chambers, acquires
tech support from Mark
Ronson (Aguilera,
Winehouse) and teams up with producer
Trevor Horn (Seal). Overall, Williams ﬁnds
himself in a release that’s his best in over a
decade. It opens with the brilliant “Morning
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Sun,” continues with the commercial and
almost U2-like “Bodies” while concluding
with a tribute to MJ. Other tracks of note
include the Pet Shop-esque “Difﬁcult for
Weirdos” and “Last Days of Disco.”
Susan Boyle
I Dreamed a Dream (11/24)
YouTube sensation
Susan Boyle is ready to
live her dream with this
12-track debut. Though
all compositions are
covers with the exception
of “Who I Was Born To
Be,” ﬁnd great diversity
in a collection that makes you go “hmmmm.”
In addition to the Les Mis track that started
it all, ﬁnd solid backing from her stunning
rendition of the Stones’ “Wild Horses” as well
as the traditionals “Cry Me a River (Ella not
Justin), “Amazing Grace” and “Silent Night.”
The kickers here prove to be Madonna’s
“You’ll See” and Heather Small’s (former M
People) version of “Proud.”
Shakira
She Wolf (11/17).
On Shakira’s newest
project, ﬁnd a departure
from her usual Latin and
pop inﬂuences to a shift
in style that is electro
dancehall pop. Produced
by Red One, Pharell and
Wyclef Jean, “She Wolf”
has an international ﬂare very conducive to
the danceﬂoor. Though the title track gets
little attention from me, it’s the follow up
“Did it Again” that marches with a sound
very reminiscent of Pharrell’s tracks on Hard
Candy. Other tracks of note include “Why
Wait” and “Good Stuff,” a song with middleeastern rhythms and an almost Britney-like
bassline. As expected, ﬁnd Spanish tracks at
the end as a conclusion.
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Erica Andrews at Amsterdam
Erica Andrews, one of the world’s most beautiful and talented
transsexual women is sashaying her way into Phoenix. Check
her, Kiki Vermont, and host Claudia B. out at Amsterdam November 19th at the Miss Amsterdam Pageant, then come back
each week for Icons Live with Kiki Vermont and weekly special
guests! 718 N. Central Ave., Phoenix.
OCTOBER 2009 ION DRAG LISTINGS
DATE
TIME
LOCATION
SHOW / PERFORMER(S)
First & Third Tues. 10:00p
BS West
Hookers In Hose with Kiki Vermont
Second & Fourth Tues. 10:00p BS West
Heroine Chic with Mya & Naomi
Second & Fourth Wed.
Pumphouse II
What a Drag... Pun Intended hosted by Savannah
Tuesdays
10:30p
Karamba
Susana’s Show
Wednesdays
10:00p
Charlie’s
Claudia B. & Company
Wednesdays
10:30p
Karamba
Diamond Dallas Hosts...
Thursdays
10:30p
Pumphouse II
Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah
Thursdays
9:00p
Incognito
Divas After Dark with Dianna K. Shane
Thursdays
9:30p
Amsterdam
Icons Live w/ Mya McKenzie & Kiki Vermont
Thursdays
10:30p
Karamba
Susana’s Show
Last Friday
10:00p
Cherry Lounge
Scandalous w/ Scandalesque
3rd Thurs.
8:00p
Forbidden
Ruby ‘n’ Friends
Saturday the 21st 3:30p
Apollo’s
Beer Bust Bingo-with Dottie
Saturday the 21st 6:00p
Apollo’s
Imperial Court Turnabout Show
Saturdays
10:00p
The Rock
Diamond Dolls with Mya McKenzie
Saturdays
10:00p
icepics
The Follies Comedy Drag Show
Saturdays
10:00p
Forbidden
The Barbra Seville Show
Saturdays
9:30p
Charlie’s
Pussy’s Patio Show
Saturdays
10:30p
Pumphouse II
Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah
Sundays
8:30p
Charlie’s
Pussy LeHoot & Friends
Sundays
10:30p
Karamba
Galilea’s Show
Sunday the 14th
The Rock
Ledonna Pearl’s Step Down Show
Sunday the 15th
3pm-7pm The Rock
Caring Style All Star Drag Show
Sunday the 15th
7:00p
Apollo’s
King of the Desert/Mr. Az M.I Post Pageant Show
Sunday 22nd
11:00a
Apollo’s
Imperial Court Show/Brunch
First Sunday
8:00p
Apollo’s
That Time of the Month with Afeelya Bunz
Second Sunday
8:00p
Apollo’s
That Time of The Month with Dottie
Last sunday
8:00p
Apolo’s
That Time of the Month with Barbra Seville
To add your drag event, e-mail dates, times, locations & pics to [email protected]
Included events must be 1) Charity Beneﬁt OR 2) Located at an ION Arizona Advertiser
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MORE PICTURES AT IONA Z.COM
RAINBOWS FESTIVAL
Photos by Richard Bolinski
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Carmen
Picture this. Seville. 1852. Carmen, a young gypsy girl falls
in love with Don José. Toreador Escamillo loves Carmen, too.
Bullﬁghts, girls, Tarot cards, and a dying mother complicates
things. Who gets stabbed? Find out when the fat lady sings on
Friday, November 6 at the Orpheum Theatre at 203 W. Adams St.
when this fabulous opera is performed. Tix: 602-534-5600.
Spoiler alert: lots of death!
Judy: the Musical
Come see the life of MGM’s troubled little wünderkind in the phenomenal
From Gumm to Garland: Judy: the Musical chronicling the highs and lows
of Hollywood’s legendary singing pill-popper, fag hag and enormous talent.
It all happens at the amazing Mesa Arts Center, 1 E. Main St.
November 11-22. Box ofﬁce: 480-644-6500 or visit www.
MesaArtsCenter.com
The Wedding Singer
Find out about Popes who were pantywaists and Kings who were queens.
Gossipy, scandalous, dishy and
delightful, Queers in History by Keith
Stern published by BenBella Books is
an indispensable encyclopedia which
will amaze and astound you. You can
ﬁnd out more and order Queers in History from BenBellaBooks.com and on
Amazon.com
But wait! ION Arizona is proud to offer
a copy of this exciting new book for
three of our lucky readers! How can
you win? Simply send in a brief essay
of up to 250 words telling us why you
are one of the celebrated Queers in
History today and we’ll send you a
copy of your very own!
E-mail your essay to
[email protected] and our
fabulous team of scholars will
decide which three essays are
the best! Don’t wait!
Send yours in today!
When the guy who brings every wedding reception to
life with “The Bird Dance” can’t ﬁnd true love, Fate steps
in and lends a musical hand. Three weddings, a bar mitzvah and a wild
trip to a Vegas “Chapel of Love” keep things hopping in this affectionate
look back at the 80s. See The Wedding Singer come to life on Thursday,
November 12 at the Orpheum Theatre at 203 W. Adams St. in Phoenix.
Call 602-534-5600 for tix.
NOVEMBER 2009 ION THEATER + STANDUP
DATE
4-22
5-9
6
6-1/10/10
7-22
11-22
11-12/6
12
12
12-14
13-12/5
14
20
20
20-21
20-21
21
26-1/2/10
27
27-12/31
27-28
28-12/19
EVENT
Church Basement Ladies
Ralphie May
Phoenix Opera - Carmen
Arsenic & Old Lace
Fools
Judy: the Musical
25th Putnam Cty. Spelling Bee
The Wedding Singer
George is Dead
Nixon in China
The Little Dog Laughed
Gallagher
Jay Leno
All Stars of Comedy
Evening with John Cleese
AZ Opera - Salome
Ron White with Alex Reymundo
Meet Me In St. Louis
Jeff Dunham
Every Christmas Story Ever Told
Capitol Steps
Compleat Works of Shakespeare
LOCATION
Mesa Arts Center
Tempe Improv
Orpheum Theatre
Scottsdale Desert Stages
AZ Jewish Theatre
Mesa Arts Center
Phx. Theatre
Orpheum Theatre
AZ Theatre Co.
Phx Symphony
Nearly Naked Theatre
Celebrity Theatre
Gila River Casino - Wild Horse
Orpheum Theatre
Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts
Symphony Hall
Dodge Theatre
B’way Palm Dinner Theatre
US Airways Center
Copperstate Theatre
Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts
Mesa Arts Ctr.
PHONE
480-644-6500
480-921-9877
602-534-5600
480-483-1664
602-264-0402
480-644-6500
602-254-2151
602-534-5600
602-256-6995
602-495-1999
602-274-2432
602-267-1600
800-946-4452
602-534-2600
480-994-ARTS
866-448-7849
602-379-2800
480-325-6700
602-379-7800
602-279-3129
480-994-ARTS
480-664-6500
November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 43
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by Kimberly M. Ruff
[email protected]
The Box
Movie Previews
Starring: Cameron Diaz, James Marsden,
Frank Langella
Cult-favorite director, Richard Kelly (Donnie
Darko), tackles the work of famous writer
Richard Matheson (I Am Legend, What
Dreams May Come), in The Box. Cameron
Diaz (There’s Something About Mary, Being
John Malkovich) and James Marsden (XMen, 27 Dresses) play couple Norma and
Arthur Lewis. Living in a low-rent apartment,
the couple fret over how to make ends
meet when one day they receive a box from
Arlington Steward (Langella). Steward
presents the couple with a moral dilemma:
if you press the button on the box, you will
amass great wealth, but someone whom you
do not know will die. Faced with a choice
between anonymous
murder and ﬁnancial
salvation, or moral
correctness
and continuing
poverty, the
couple begins
to tear at the
seams over
the course
of 24 hours.
What will they
ultimately do?
Release Date:
11/06/09
The Men Who
Stare At Goats
Starring: George Clooney, Ewan McGregor,
Kevin Spacey, Jeff Bridges
The title and cast alone make this ﬁlm worth
seeing, but the premise is what seals the
deal. Based on the book of the same name
by Jon Ronson, The Men Who Stare At
Goats tells the story of an Army Reporter,
Bob Wilton (McGregor), who discovers
the story of a lifetime when he meets Lyn
Cassidy (Clooney), who claims to have once
been a member of the U.S. Army’s First Earth
Battalion, a unit that supposedly explored
psychic and paranormal tactics in the War in
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Iraq. Going undercover,
he begins to realize
that while some
of these tactics
are working, not
everyone in the unit
is working for the
beneﬁt of the U.S.
anymore.
Release Date:
11/06/09
Fantastic
Mr. Fox
Starring: George Clooney, Jason
Schwartzman, Bill Murray, Meryl Streep
I will not lie: I am incredibly biased to this
movie because it features a movie adaptation
of a book by one of my favorite childhood
writers (Roald Dahl), and by one of my
favorite ﬁlm directors (Wes Anderson). In
this stop-motion animation picture, Mr. Fox
has inspired the ire of three farmers, Boggis,
Bunce, and Bean, when he continually steals
their livestock and vegetables. When the
farmers wise up to his antics, they attempt
to catch him one night but Mr. Fox escapes
nearly unscathed. The farmers ramp up their
efforts to capture him by digging deep into
the soil where Mr. Fox and his family live.
As he and his starving family burrow farther
underground, they meet other woodland
creatures suffering as a result
of their battle and
decide to team
up in order
to ﬁnally
best the
farmers.
Novmber 2009
WWW.IONAZ.COM 47
by Wes Bergman
[email protected]
DVD Movie Review
The Proposal
Starring: Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds,
Betty White
Not every ﬁlm coming out of Hollywood is
going to be a masterpiece. Nowhere is this
truer than in the genre of Romantic Comedy.
Case in point: The Proposal. Ryan Reynolds
(Van Wilder; Waiting) plays Andrew Paxton,
the overworked personal
assistant of Sandra
Bullock (Crash; Miss
Congeniality)’s
Margaret Tate
– a workaholic,
dismissing,
discarding,
disposing, and
controlling. When
her work visa expires
(she’s Canadian),
Margaret must come up
with a plan to keep her position
at the company and turns her sights on
Andrew. If he wants to ever become an
editor under her leadership, he better play
her ﬁancé. They announce their engagement
and ﬂy to Alaska to meet his family.
Margaret softens. She gets to know the goodnatured, hardworking young man and begins
to realize that there are people, with feelings,
families and lives affected by her actions.
Andrew begins to see the woman behind the
façade. They develop new found respect and
affection for one another. What a surprise!
The Proposal presents two competing
narratives that send dangerous messages
to younger audiences: for men, you will
eventually develop some sort of romantic
Stockholm Syndrome and fall in love
with your tormentor; for women, you are
incomplete until you have a family. That being
said, I will readily admit that without this level
of incompleteness for both characters, we
wouldn’t have much conﬂict and a very boring
story, indeed.
D & A Rating: It plays out like my Labor
Day weekend – alone, drunk, and crying.
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WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009
Cheri
Starring: Michelle Pfeiffer, Kathy Bates,
Rupert Friend
One would think, given my assault on the
candy-coated nonsense that is The Proposal,
that I would somehow be angrier and more
disappointed with Cheri, the Michelle
Pfeiffer ﬁlm about an aging, retired prostitute
who falls in love with her friend’s son. Despite
the fact that the ﬁlm does deal with “women
of the night,” I have nothing negative
to say about it. Pfeiffer plays Lea de
Lonval, a once successful prostitute
that decides she wants to retire from
being on her back in France, by lying
on her back in Italy. As a favor to her
frenemy Madame Peloux (Bates), Lea
takes Peloux’s nineteen- year-old son,
Cheri, with her to teach him about life and
women. Initially supposed to be a short term
tutelage, the relationships lasts six years
until Peloux announces the engagement
of Cheri and the daughter of another friend
from their inner circle. Ever the lady, Lea
wishes them well and tries to move on, but
her heart is broken. Cheri, meanwhile, is
completely disappointed with his new life and
wife. Lea and Cheri yearn for each other, but
neither can reconcile their age difference with
social mores. You’d think this wouldn’t be an
issue for a former prostitute and the son of
a prostitute, but, well, sometimes we want
to ﬁt in. This is an excellent ﬁlm and I highly
recommend it to all.
D & A Rating: Sexy?
Sometimes.
Beautiful and
poignant?
Always.
November 2009
49
HALLOWEEN
MORE PICTURES AT IONA Z.COM
©2009 COORS BREWING COMPANY
��
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Goin’
Postal at Postino
It’s always nice to be able to write a
restaurant review that you can stick in an
envelope and write, “SWAK – Sealed With
A Kiss” on the back. But occasionally when
you lick the sticky ﬂap you get a nasty paper
cut on your tongue or on the corner of your
mouth that hurts like hell. So after all the
brouhaha about the highly touted opening of
what’s commonly been referred to as “The
Gay Postino” once the ratty old Katz’ Deli was
remodeled, we decided to go hang with the
ﬂuff-’n’-tuck crowd to see what all the fuss
was about.
Postino provides a lovely, airy patio in
back and a majestic picture window on
Central with a stunning view of a Circle K
across the street. The interior is nice, with
the inoffensive, generally sterile reclaimed
architecture that seems to be all the rage
these days that will be the design hallmark of
this decade ultimately.
available such as olives, a cheese course,
ranging from $5 to $14.
For slightly heartier appetites try the Panini.
Several of these sandwiches are served in a
more European style, meaning that they’re
not sloppily heaped with tomatoes, lettuce,
pickles, onions, mayonnaise and so forth.
Some Americans might think them a bit on
the plain side, but these sandwiches allow
the true ﬂavors of the tender, fresh deli
meats, cheeses and gourmet condiments to
shine through. Try the Autostrada – which
sounds like the title for a Fellini movie
– starring Sopresatta, Italian ham, cappicola,
mortadella, provolone and tomatoes with
balsamic vinegar and olive oil. Delicious,
although I would’ve preferred Roma
tomatoes instead of the mealier tomatoes
used.
The Roast Beef features wood roasted
premium
Food. The menu is generally lighter fare
– kind of a postcard versus a big package
– to whet your appetite since wine is the
real star of Postino. Consider starting
off with the Pub Board. You’ll get
a plank with MJ’s soft pretzels
served with Schreiner’s
chorizo, cornichons (that’s
fancy talk for baby pickles)
a delicious aged cheddar
and giant Spanish corn
nuts. Huh? Giant
Spanish corn nuts?
They seemed like
any other corn nuts
that you can buy
at that Circle K
across the street
to me. Still, the
Pub Board is a
toothsome nosh at
$10. A variety of
other starters are
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underwhelming. Campbell’s or Progresso,
I’m betting. Return to sender! Addressee
unknown!
beef
with
aged Port
Salut – a mild
cheese – onions
and Sierra Nevada mustard and mayo. Not
bad although the mustard was a bit heavy.
Postino offers six other tempting panini
which are served on your choice of ciabatta
or focaccia and served with fresh, crisp,
romaine salad or organic chips. All paninis
are $9.50.
Postino has a healthy selection of the
grape’s juice and a delightful deals. Wine
by the glass is $5 ‘til 5 p.m. So’s a pitcher
of beer. On Mondays and Tuesday s $20
gets you any house bottle and bruschetta
after 8 p.m. and a delightful assortment
of other specials. And with the arrival of le
Nouveau Beaujolais right around the corner
it’ll be the perfect opportunity for you to hang
around your friends, act all prissy, drink
the Jesus Juice and say, “It’s a domestic
wine without any breeding, but I think you’ll
be pleasantly amused by it’s naiveté and
presumptuousness.” “In vino veritas,” our
old friend Plato used to say. “In wine, there
is truth.”
Postino Central
5144 N. Central Ave. 602-274-5144
M-F 11 a.m.-11 p.m.
Fri-Sat 11 a.m.-12 midnight
Sun 11 a.m.-10 p.m.
www.postinowinecafe.com
Now for the Bruschetta – pronounced with
a “k” if you want to be fancy. For $12.75
you can choose four selections from the ten
featured. Two winners are the Prosciutto with
Figs and Mascarpone and the Ricotta with
Dates and Pistachios. To. Die. For. Both of
these are on the sweet side but other more
traditional bruschetti (plural) are available. I’d
like to add that the White Bean with Chopped
Tomato was a disappointment. I’ll leave it at
that.
If you’re in the mood for zuppa, Postino
has a Pasta Fagiole that is a colossally
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Alan
Cumming
You loved him as the fey and fabulous fop,
Lord Rochester in Plunkett & Macleane
(1999) and as the shy, endearing high
school misﬁt-made-good, Sandy Frink in
Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion
(1997). In addition to an innovative, award
winning performance as the sinister zeitgeist,
the Emcee in the 1998 theatrical revival of
Cabaret, Alan Cumming, 44, is an outspoken
advocate to keep foreskin intact, a
self-confessed martini slut (vodka,
straight up with a twist) and
loves America for its Reese’s
Peanut Butter Cups and
President Obama. By yon
bonnie banks and by
yon bonnie braes, ION
chatted with Scotland’s
favorite “wee, sleekit
beastie” about how he
keeps Cumming and
Cumming.
ION: The title for
your new CD “I
Bought A Blue Car
Today” based on the
English proﬁciency exam
for your U.S. citizenship
test. What kind of a sentence
would you like to see used in
testing?
Alan Cumming: They also ask, “Are you or
have you ever been a prostitute?” and I think
that’s quite a good question to ask anybody
entering your country. It should be asked
more often.
ION: You encourage people to “do
something you’re afraid of.” Is there
anything Alan Cumming is afraid of?
AC: Sarah Palin. Scary, right wing people, I’m
scared of.
ION: The art of cabaret performance
is something dear to your heart. Tell
us more about your experience with
cabaret and music you like.
whole sort of medium of cabaret and people
getting up and telling a story and singing a
song is much more prevalent of the kind of
performance I grew up watching, and much
more part of my upbringing as a performer. I
think in the 50s and 60s, it used to be much
more common, where someone well known
would get up and sing some songs. I wish
more people did that now. I ﬁnd that it’s a
really great way to connect to an audience
and also for an audience to
ﬁnd out something about
you. That’s something
I’m trying to bring
back.
ION: You
were
recently
appointed
as an
Ofﬁcer of
the British
Empire.
If Her
Majesty
Queen
Elizabeth II
requested a
royal command
performance, what
would you perform for her?
AC: I’d probably do some old Queen
numbers.
ION: Your acting skills runs the
gamut from Genet, Dickens, and
Shakespeare to Josie and the
Pussycats. What gives you the
greatest sense of accomplishment?
AC: It varies so much, you know. The
greatest success comes from knowing that
I’m alive, I’m living the life that I want to lead,
and I’m happy and that sometimes I’m able
to inspire people who think about the same
things I believe in.
ION: You’re an actor, writer,
director, singer, producer, journalist,
perfumer, activist, a humanitarian
AC: Well, I think because I’m Scottish the
Interview by Deon Brown
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2009
9 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59
and
more. How
would you like to be
remembered?
AC: Kind of as someone who just, you know,
lived the life they wanted to live and
left a legacy of good energy
behind. Someone who left a
positive force in this world.
ION: You’ve
played comic
book villain
Night Crawler
in X-Men 2,
and you’re
slated to play
Hobgoblin in
Spider-Man: the
Musical next year
on Broadway.
But if you were
a superhero, what
would your superpower
be?
AC: (laughs) It would probably be to think of
really clever, pithy one-liners when you need
them most instead of ten minutes later.
ION: As a Scotsman, do you think we
can ever look forward to you doing a
musical of Bonnie Prince Charlie?
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WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009
AC: Oooh! I’d love that! I love Bonnie
Prince Charlie! Such a great character! I was
going to play him once in a ﬁlm, but it all fell
apart. That might be a very good idea! I’ll
have to talk to Lance [Horne, Mr. Cumming’s
collaborator and musical arranger. - ed.]
about that. But I’d better hurry up, I’m getting
on – I’m getting old.
ION: If you take the high
road and I take the
low road, who’ll be
in Scotland afore
ye?
AC: Me. Because I
know the way.
A recently
naturalized American
citizen, Cumming
has just released his
debut, solo album, “I
Bought A Blue Car Today,”
an sometimes intimate and
frequently raucous, and always
entertaining musical experience loaded
with new material, standards, and some
songs with uniquely Gay sensibilities
presented as only Alan Cumming could do
it: with panache, verve and ﬂair. “I Bought A
Blue Car Today” is brought to you on Yellow
Sound Label and available in stores and on
iTunes.
November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 61
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“Hurry up! Hurry up! Hurry up, let’s go!
Let’s go to the sto’!”
It’s that time again boys and girls! The holidays are right around the corner
and that means we’ve got an all new excuse to go shopping! But before
you even think about visiting the big-box stores, think about ﬁlling your
big-boxes with something from one of our local retailers around town! No
matter if it’s naughty or if it’s nice, it better be on the Cool List!
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Necklace & Wrap from
Buffalo Exchange
Leotard from
American Apparel
Posies & Rosies
When words escape, ﬂowers speak. So why not
say something extra special? Send a stunning
bouquet of nature’s laughter this holiday season.
Flowers are always a perfect gift.
The Green Woodpecker (602) 266-7381
3110 N Central Ave Ste 177, Phoenix
www.greenwoodpecker.com
Robot Rock,
Robot Clock
Klaatu! Barada nikto! Rock around the clock with
this quartz Robot Clock. He’ll keep you right up to
the minute ‘til the day the Earth stands still.
Off Chute Too, (602) 274-1429
4115 N. 7th Ave, Phoenix
Nice Basket
Customize and personalize the perfect gift basket for someone
special this Holiday Season. Fill it with gourmet snacks, cheese,
or gifts from The Green Woodpecker. You supply the Love.
The Green Woodpecker (602) 266-7381
3110 N Central Ave Ste 177, Phoenix
www.greenwoodpecker.com
Enlightened
Get your home in order with a ﬁne selection
of books about Feng Shui, listen to the Zenlike sounds of a small fountain or rub the
Buddha’s belly for good luck and hope for
the best in 2010!
Root Seller Gallery, (602) 265-7668
4025 N. 16th St, Phoenix
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One Night in Bankok
Gain insight about the ultimate nature of reality.
Meditate with Buddha and the help of intoxicating
incense with this beautiful accent piece.
Off Chute Too, (602) 274-1429
4115 N. 7th Ave, Phoenix
Burnin’ Love
The aroma of peace. Breathe in the scent
of these inscense. Light up and escape.
Root Seller Gallery, (602) 265-7668
4025 N. 16th St, Phoenix
12mo of Hotness
Even if you’re not an athletic supporter, you
probably can still appreciate the look of a
good player. Oh yeah, and it’s a calendar.
Off Chute Too, (602) 274-1429
4115 N. 7th Ave, Phoenix
Bring Out Your Braveheart
Enjoy year round air conditioning, down there.
Off Chute Too, (602) 274-1429
4115 N. 7th Ave, Phoenix
Totally Slick
Scarf from
Buffalo Exchange
Underwear from
American Apparel
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WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009
Come, come! Don’t go off half-cocked! If you’re trigger
happy, Gun Oil will keep your pistol feeling great in
your hand. Don’t stop at Stroke 29. Wait ‘til you get to
stroke 30 plus!
Castle Megastore
castlemegastore.com
November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 69
Pack Your Bags!
Help preserve your youth and good looks.
Reduce wrinkles and bring back the SNAP!
Deseret Aesthetic & Lifestyle Institute
deseretskin.com (480) 832-SKIN
1425 S. Greenﬁeld Ste. #102, Mesa
For the Naughty
Do they like Bears, Otters, oh my! Don’t know someones poision? Give them the gift of a giftcard!
Fascinations
www.funlove.com
Glamor-rama
A gift diamond shines so much better than one you
buy yourself. Oh, go ahead and splurge on these
dazzling rhinestones.
Antiques ArtiZen Marketplace
(602) 255-0212
3343 N. 7th Ave, Ste 1, Phoenix
Everything in a tote
There’s a place for everything in this quality fabric tote featuring lots of pockets, pouches, and compartments galore!
Off Chute Too, (602) 274-1429
4115 N. 7th Ave, Phoenix
Restraining Orders
Guilty of love in the ﬁrst degree? Use these sensual fauxfur handcuffs on your suspect. How you get the truth, the
whole truth and nothing but is up to you.
The Adult Shoppe (602) 306-1130
2 Great Locations
Secrets (623) 245-3008
5021 W. Indian School Rd., Phoenix
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WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009
On Camille: Hat from Knit Happens
Silver Top & Knit Gloves from
American Apparel
On Jessica: Hat from American Apparel, Knit Gloves from Knit Happens
November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71
Dear Diary...
Treat someone special or even yourself with
a richly crafted handmade leatherbound diary, journal or an elegant messenger bag.
Antiques ArtiZen Marketplace
(602) 255-0212
3343 N. 7th Ave, Ste 1, Phoenix
No One Can Resist...
“I see London! I see France!” Boys, you’ll thrill the gent
in your life with the gift of a brand new pair of Andrew
Christian Briefs. You’ll wish every day - or night was Christmas.
Unique Urban Boutique (602) 279-9691
4700 N. Central Ave. Suite 105, Phoenix
Dogga Bowl
Have your pets eat in style! Go into Oliver and
Annie and pick up a brand new bowl set! With
three metal styles to choose from, Pedigree
never looked so chic.
Oliver & Annie, (602) 264-8188
4700 N. Central Ave. #101, Phoenix
Sit on it.
Fatboy! No, not you! Come into Haus Modern
Living and pick up a Fatboy. This ultra luxe
bean bag will have you lougin’ around in style.
Haus Modern Living, (602) 277-0111
4700 N Central Ave., Phoenix
hausmodernliving.com
Enchanting
These eye catching medieval and gothic home decorating accessories are special. See the future free of
charge in the crystal ball.
Root Seller Gallery, (602) 265-7668
4025 N. 16th St, Phoenix
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Scarf from Buffalo Exchange
Underwear from American Apparel
Mittens & Hat Stylists Own.
November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 73
Lomaki Candles Galore
All sizes, shapes, & scents!
Unique Urban Boutique (602) 279-9691
4700 N. Central Ave. Suite 105, Phoenix
Intimate
Apparel
“I see London! I see France!” Girls,
you’ll thrill the lady in your life with
a gift of sexy, slinky lingerie this
season. You’ll wish every day - or
night - was Christmas.
Castle Megastore
castlemegastore.com
Where m’ring at?
“Put a ring on it! Whoah-oh-oh. If you like it
then you need to put a ring on it.”
Greystone Jewelers
greystonejewelers.com
What They’re Wearing
American Apparel
American Apparel sets the bar for American made clothing. All of their production is done
in Downtown L.A., cutting out off shore labor altogether.
(480) 333-0090 | 4501 N Scottsdale Rd., Scottsdale
Buffalo Exchange
Buffalo Exchange is a company that began in Arizona. The boutique houses new and
vintage clothing, and allows customers to buy, sell, and trade their clothing. This makes
every Buffalo Exchange a unique and fun shopping destination.
(602) 532-0144 | 730 E Missouri Ave., Phoenix
Knit Happens
Knit Happens is a knitting specialty store located in Scottsdale. Along with an extensive
yarn selection, Knit Happens also teaches private and group classes.
(480) 941-3898 | 7777 E. Indian School Rd., Scottsdale
Hat and Scarf from Knit Happens
Top from American Apparel
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Photography by Don Thompson
Art Direction by Kevin Bushaw & Craig Rubin
Makeup by Anton Khachaturian, Hair by Jessica Joseph
Models are Corey, Camille, Jessica & Chris
Special thanks to Knit Happens, American Apparel, Buffalo Exchange
Vol. 3, Issue 8
NOVEMBER 2009
��
OUTRAGEOUS!
Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.
��
Charity Spaghetti Dinners
Cause Pasta Shortage
��
NEW YORK
– A big, hot,
delicious,
steaming bowl
of spaghetti
al dente may
be joining
the ranks of
such gourmet
entrees as ﬁlet
mignon, veal,
lobster, paté
foie gras and
other similar signature luxury feasts.
Ronzoni and
many other pasta
manufacturers
are all reporting a
serious reduction
of spaghetti
backstock.
“We’ve got
lots of lasagna,
manicotti,
fettucini, fusilli,
vermicelli and
macaroni of all
sorts,” said one anonymous CEO. “But
we just can’t keep up with the demand for
spaghetti. ”
Why? “In this time of want and need more
and more charitable organizations are
World famous Chef Boyardee issued this
sponsoring low cost Spaghetti Dinners
statement, “At this rate all the spaghetti in
for fundraising,” explained Mrs. Bonnie
the world – and this includes SpagettiO’s,
Higginson-Taylor, president of the North
may be a rare commodity you can only
Tanawanda Union School District P.T.A.
score on Ebay. Franco-American relations
“We’ve
had
spaghetti
dinners
in
the
��
are at the breaking point.”
school gym every other Friday night for
years. We’ve raised money for important
Churches nationwide are dealing with the
school causes, like Chastity Belts for
crisis serving orecciette, but with limited
Cheerleaders, Just Say ‘No Thank You,
success. “We’ll never sell enough of
But It All Looks Delicious,’ and Anorexics
these dinners to fund our yearly Christian
Are Americans, Too. The high cost of
Youth Wilderness Survival Camps at this
spaghetti may put an end to all this.”
rate,” said Rev. Alfred Lovejoy of the Mt.
Apocalypse Pentacostal Church.
Barilla, Creamettes, American Beauty,
��
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��
��
Disneyland No Longer
Happiest Place On Earth.
��
��
ANAHEIM,
Tokelau,
Calif.
Armenia,
– The harsh
Lesotho,
reality of the
Micronesia,
economic
and lots
��
downturn has
of others
hit the heart
with funny
of America
sounding
where it
names. There’s
hurts. Experts
probably only
report that
about, say, 26
Disneyland
now.”
is not the
happiest place
Scrooge
on earth these
McDuck’s
days.
legendary
fortune has dwindled to nearly nothing,
Rita Mae Robotham, 58, of Mena, Arkansas
and the Haunted Mansion has gone into
complained, “Goddamit, I drove for three
foreclosure and listed as a “tear down” in
days to come here with six screaming
local real estate listings.
kids in the station wagon and I can only
ﬁnd four friggin’ dwarves and no Snow
“These are dark days,” said Andy
White. No Cinderella. We can’t ﬁnd Nemo.
Simonson, 20, a college student dressed
Pinocchio is panhandling on Main Street
as Mickey Mouse. “Me and Roger Rabbit
USA for spare change and cigarettes and
heard that Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
��
Princess Jasmine told my little Ralphie
lost its government subsidization and closed
she’d give him a blowjob for ten bucks.
up. This sucks.” Mark Twain’s Riverboat is
This is depressing.”
in drydock.
��
Park ofﬁcials report that drastic cutbacks
have been made at the 54-year-old park.
“Our popular ‘It’s a Small World’ ride
got a lot smaller. We’ve eliminated all the
unpopular countries, like Latvia, Chad,
Other theme parks are affected. Six Flags
Over Texas may lose three ﬂags and
Disney’s Magic Kingdom may be reduced
to a principality.
��
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��
��
McDonald’s
Monopoly Players
Win Big
��
��
��
OAK BROOK,
and an extra
Ill. – With only
large diet
fast food giant
Coke in his
��
McDonald’s
quest for
famous game
a winning
of Monopoly’s
game piece.
winners are
reporting
Ina Rae
huge prizes,
Pringle, a
according
Real Life
to corporate
Winner,
spokespeople.
had another
winning
“I never thought
method. “I
it could happen
spent hours
to me,” said
researching
Vernon Spills,
Craig’s List
of Lake Carp,
and eBay for
North Dakota
Boardwalk,
(pictured). “But
and managed
I won. And
to get
I mean I won big!” After accumulating
Tennessee Avenue from somebody looking
hundreds
of
game
pieces
for
some
crappy,
to trade for a Skadiddle-Kiddle doll. She got
��
worthless game pieces, Spills, 58, ﬁnally
screwed pretty good, but I won $50,000.”
won a coveted Paciﬁc Avenue winning
him a check for $5,000. “I was hoping
McDonald’s execs promise big cash prizes.
for Reading Railroad or even Boardwalk,
“This Monopoly game is a Whopper. So
but I think they only made two. Those are
to speak. But don’t go to Burger King just
lousy odds.” Spills ate over 289 Big Macs,
because I said that.”
114 Quarter Pounders, 62 Filet-O-Fish
sandwiches, 88 large orders of french fries,
��
��
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��
7
Ways
to be a
Great Date
When it comes to dating, we often
worry about the all the wrong things
when we should be looking forward to
the date. Will they laugh at my jokes?
Be impressed by my job? What if my
hair is out of place? The result: our
self-conscious attempt to be perfect,
and make a good impression frequently
backﬁres.
It’s natural to be nervous. The key to
dating – relax, be yourself and keep the
following tips in mind. A second date is
practically guaranteed.
SUGGEST AN
ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY
If there’s a movie you’ve been dying
to see, a new restaurant you’d like
to try, or a museum exhibit you
want to check out, planning
a date you’d enjoy is a
good start. But don’t
forget about your date.
Try to consider what
they might like, too.
Don’t plan a date
on a boat when
you’re unaware
if your date gets
seasick. Ask a
few questions
beforehand and
you’ll make a
good impression
and be a better
date because
you’re having fun.
SMILE AND HANG
IN THERE
No matter how dismal a
date is,
always be polite, hang in there
the best you can. If the date doesn’t
work out, oh well, you can always
remain friends. And remember - friends
always have friends you may want to
get to know a little bit better!
LET’S GET PHYSICAL.
If the thought of coming up with
several hours of conversation with a
new person gives you hives, suggest
a sporty activity like bowling, pool, or
even just going for a walk. If you’re
shooting darts or playing a video game,
you won’t feel the pressure to keep up
nonstop conversation. Plus, you’ll have
some natural opportunities to ﬂirt – with
good-natured competition and gentle
teasing. But don’t go overboard. Pick
something that doesn’t demand too
much of a challenge. Bungee jumping
on a ﬁrst-date might be a little extreme.
RELAX
Maybe the waitress is rude, the chicken
rubbery, and the table affords a grand
view of the kitchen. No date is ever
perfect. You’ll make a better impression
if you roll with the punches, than if you
complain. Enjoy the company of the
person you’re with and you can laugh
about the mishaps later.
DATE MORE THAN
ONE PERSON
Dating is dating. A date is a test drive to
see if someone ﬁts you. You’re allowed
to test drive more than one person until
you ﬁnd the perfect person for you.
By going out with several people you
become a better dater and naturally
become more comfortable with the
process. You’ll also ﬁnd that you begin
to sharpen your dating skills and are
able to easily discern your likes and
dislikes. That’s the key to starting
a good relationship – knowing from
experience what you like and don’t like.
CHECK YOUR BILL
PAYING MANNERS
It’s ﬁne to split the bill, but please don’t
whip out your calculator and tell your
date they owe more because he or she
ordered soup. Also, make sure you
pay your share. Don’t try to cheap the
bill on your date. It’s also ﬁne to let the
other person pay – you can pay on the
next date. And never expect anyone to
pay.
STAYING IN TOUCH MAKES
GOOD CONVERSATION
If you’ve got a date coming up, make
a point to stay in touch with the news
and current events. After you’ve told
each other how many brothers and
sisters you have, and what you do for a
living, you’ll have something else to talk
about. You don’t want to miss out on
the potential for a great conversation.
Post your online or voicemail
proﬁle for FREE on Megamates
and Gaymates. Our phone
dating line and online dating
website offer singles a fun,
interactive place to call, chat,
and connect. It’s free to setup
and maintain a mailbox or
online account, free to record
a public message and free to
browse other caller’s proﬁles
and messages. Call 1-888MEGAMATES, use FREE code
7286 or visit us online at
www.megamates.com
© 2008 Progressive Computing LLC
Novemberr 200
2009
9 WWW.IONAZ.COM 85
IONPHOENIX
86
WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009
1.
1.
Amsterdam
Amsterdam
718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix
(602) 258-6122
2.
2.
Apollo’s
Apollo’s
5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix
(602) 277-9373
3.
3.
Bar
Bar1 1
3708 N. 16th
16th St.
St. -- Phoenix
Phoenix
3702
(602) 266-9001
4.
4.
BSBSWest
West
7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale
(480) 945-9028
5.
5.
Bunkhouse
Bunkhouse
4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix
(602) 200-9154
6.
6.
Cash
CashInn
Inn
2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 244-9943
7.
7.
Charlie’s
Charlie’s
727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 265-0224
8.
8.
Cherry
CherryBar
Bar
E. Indian
IndianSchool
SchoolRd.
Rd.--Phoenix
Phoenix
1028 E.
(602) 277-7729
9.
9.
Cherry
CherryLounge
Lounge
starting
January
11th
Mill Ave. in Tempe
Every Thursday at
9pm on
Mill Ave.
in -Tempe
10.
10.
The
TheChute
ChuteMen’s
Men’sClub
Club
1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 234-1654
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11.
Clarendon
Club Vibe Hotel
401 W.
Ave.Rd.
- Phoenix
3031
E. Clarendon
Indian School
- Phoenix
(602) CLARENDON
224-9977
11.
12.
Club
Vibe 7th
Cruisin’
3031 N.
E. Indian
Rd. - Phoenix
3702
7th St. School
- Phoenix
224-9977
(602) 212-9888
12.
13.
Cruisin’
Dick’s 7th
Cabaret
3702 E.
N. Illini
7th St.
- Phoenix
3432
Rd.
- Phoenix
(602) 274-DICK
212-9888
(602)
13.
14.
Dick’s
Dick’sCabaret
II
3432 E. McDowell
Illini Rd. - -Phoenix
2438
Phoenix
274-DICK
(602) 437-DICK
14.
15.
The
Door
Flex
Private Men’s Club
1126 S
N.Black
Scottsdale
Rd.Hwy
- Tempe
1517
Canyon
- Phoenix
(480)
(602) 967-DOOR
271-9011
15.
16.
Forbidden
Forbidden
6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale
forbiddenaz.com
16.
17.
Homme
Homme
Camelback Rd.
138 W. Camelback
Rd.--Phoenix
Phoenix
(602) 266-0875
266-0875
(602)
17.
18.
icepics
icepicsvideobar
videobar
3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 267-8707
18.
19.
Incognito
Incognito
E. Thomas
Thomas Rd.
Rd. -- Phoenix
Phoenix
2424 E.
(602) 955-9805
19.
20.
Karamba
Karamba
1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 254-0231
20.
21.
Kobalt
Kobalt
3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix
(602) 264-5307
21.
22.
OZ
OZ
1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 242-5114
22.
23.
Plazma
Plazma
1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix
Phoenix
(602) 266-0477
266-0477
(602)
23.
24.
Pumphouse
PumphouseII II
4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 275-3509
24.
Retro
Bar Phoenix City Center 3600
3114 N.
E. 2nd
Cactus
Rd.
- Phoenix
Radisson
Ave.
- Phoenix
(602) 604-4900
493-0355
(602)
25.
25.
The
Rock Cactus
Rainbow
4129 N.N.7th
Ave.
- Phoenix
15615
Cave
Creek
Rd. - Phoenix
248-8559
(602) 867-2463
26.
26.
Roscoe’s
The Rock
4531 N. 7th Ave.
St. - Phoenix
4129
- Phoenix
285-0833
(602) 248-8559
27.
27.
Rainbow
Cactus
Roscoe’s
15615N.N.7th
Cave
Rd. - Phoenix
4531
St.Creek
- Phoenix
(602) 285-0833
867-2463
(602)
28.
28.
Velocity
Velocity
2303 E. Indian
Indian School
School Rd.
Rd. --Phoenix
Phoenix
(602) 956-2885
956-2885
(602)
29.
29.
Wild
WildCard
Card
801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler
CLOSED
(480) 857-3088
30.
30.
Z ZGirl
GirlClub
Club
4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix
(602) 265-3233
November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 87
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WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009
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November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 89
IONTUCSON
CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
Ain’t Nobody’s Biz
Colors
Howl at the Moon
IBT’s
Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant
Venture-N
Woody’s
Yard Dog
2900 E. Broadway
5305 E. Speedway
915 W. Prince Rd.
616 N. 4th Ave.
5900 N. Oracle Rd.
1239 N. 6th Ave.
3710 N. Oracle Rd.
2449 N. Stone
(520) 318-4838
(520) 323-1840
(520) 293-7339
(520) 882-3053
(520) 887-3777
(520) 882-8224
(520) 292-6702
(520) 624-3858
445 S. Alvernon Way
5335 E. Broadway Blvd.
5900 N. Oracle Rd.
204 S. Scott Ave.
3800 E. Sunrise Dr.
(520) 881-4200
(520) 745-2700
(520) 887-4800
(877) 670-9022
(520) 742-6000
ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING
1
2
3
4
5
90
WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009
Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park
Embassy Suites
La Posada Lodge and Casitas
Royal Elizabeth B&B
The Westin La Paloma
November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 91
92
WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009
November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 93
by Addison DeWitt
Thanksgiving. And there’s
so much to be thankful for. For example,
the new Barney’s at Scottsdale Fancy
Square. Even though that snitty, snotty
little piece of baggage on the second
ﬂoor told me, “If you don’t wanna
take the stairs, well, then
you’re just not a Barney’s
kind of customer.” Huh?
Darling, I’ll have you
know that there are
plenty of clerks at the
99¢ Only Store that
roll out the red paper
towels for me when
they see me pull up on
the city bus. So ﬁne. I
just won’t shop at Barney’s
then.
But I did see the fabulous señorita
Oscar de la Salas fondling Alexander
McQueen’s haberdashery with Murray
Sullivan and his beau Michael
DeRoche who were “ooh”ing and
“aah”ing over the fabled sartorial
offerings.
The 2009 AIDS Walk brought out the
Valley’s best pedestrian philanthropists
to raise money. Two of my faves, BS
West’s scrumptious Harley Amy and
the scrummy Shane Henson of Brand
X (pictured) put their tootsies and their
tiaras to the test as they marched
about our megalopolis with winsome
Miss Arizona USA – a real “Miss,” too,
not one with foam rubber boobs and
a tuck “down there.” Our community
appreciates her support.
Rainbows Festival followed where I
saw a slightly woozy but always festive
94
WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009
Carlos Ramirez and George Abrams
weaving and wobbling through the
crowd.
The 2009 One Voice Gala beneﬁtting
the programs of the eponymous
community center found our local
nabobs canoodling at the fancyschmancy Gold Room of the
Arizona Biltmore. ViceMayor Tom Simplot
was the gracious event
Emcee and while the
Vice Hizzonah did the
honors Vice First Guy
David Smith and I
were surreptitiously
peeping at the models
changing into their
skivvies through the
curtains. Woo hoo! “I see
London! I see France!”
Others lending their voices to One
Voice to create a chorus included
Mill Avenue’s own Mother Theresa
of Oh! Calcutta! – the Humanitarian
with a Heart-on of Gold, the dashing,
debonair Lt. Steve May – who’s singlehandedly saving each young, attractive,
slim-hipped, doe-eyed delicate
delinquent and mesmerizing miscreant
in downtown Tempe from a life of
misdeeds and misdemeanors. Can you
get me a job at Panda Express, too,
Steve?
Dirt Alert! My mole at a fashionable
Central Phoenix Basha’s reported to
me that a well-known bartender and his
boyfriend are cleaning them out of every
shipment of Fleet enemas much to the
consternation of constipated senior
shoppers. So if you happen to notice
any bartenders with a particularly clean
November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 95
colon you’ll know who’s bogarting
all the enemas out there.
And let’s all give
thanks to our Party
Penguin of the
month, the one and
only Miss Barbra
Seville who shares
the honor with her
altar ego Richard
Stevens. Not only
is Barbra a legendary
performer, with the help
of her Wonderful 100 she raised over
$10,000 for the 2009 AIDS Walk in only
two short weeks. Saint Bab the Fab is
also performing at Apollo’s to raise
cash for the 7th Annual Joshua Tree
96
WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2009
Thanksgiving Beneﬁt so
that those less fortunate might have
some turkey with the all the trimmings
– and maybe throwing in a sequin or
two for a little bit of added glamour.
Everybody deserves a little extra
sparkle this time of year. And
for that we give Barbra – and
Richard – a standing ovation.
Send your comments
to Addison at
[email protected].
Those accompanied with
high resolution erotic photos
receive priority treatment.
Throw in a $100 bill and
you’ll get your name in bold face in this
column for the rest of your life. Do both
and you’ll get something really special.
97
November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 97
mani-pedi day or buy a new outﬁt. But go
easy on the credit card. You gotta pay the
piper next month!
Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20
Mother was right. Be sure you’re wearing
clean underwear when you leave the house
in case you get in an accident. She also
said only sluts wear half slips, too. This
month make sure everything you have on
underneath looks as sexy as everything on
the outside. You never know when you might
be strip searched.
Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20
Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22
There’s something about you that makes
people sweat. In a good way. The
pheromones you exude attract just about
everybody and frankly, it makes me a little
weak in the knees, too. Whatever you’re
doing, keep it up!
Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov. 23
“When I am calling ‘Mooo ...’” You can dance
until the cows come home, Taurus, but make
sure you don’t stray too far from the barn,
otherwise you may be put out to pasture
for good. Why? Because there’s a certain
someone who’s trying to catch your eye.
It must be jelly, ‘cause jam don’t shake
like that! That little wiggle in your walk
means you might watch how much you
eat this Holiday Season. But that doesn’t
mean you can’t help yourself to some late
night “stufﬁng” – if you know what I mean.
Gobble, gobble!
Gemini May 21 - June 21
Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23
You have plenty to be thankful for this month.
You’re good looking, smart and have a
wicked sense of humor. It’s time you know
that people love you for more than your
shoes.
Cancer June 22 - July 22
When Life gives you lemons, make a sugarfree lemon meringue pie! You have a knack
for making something unexpected out of the
everyday. You’ll be rewarded for thinking on
your feet this month.
Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20
The groundwork you’ve been laying for that
special project pays off. Slow and steady
wins the race. Winners never quit. Rehab is
for quitters. But you may consider quitting
smoking. You know, the whole cancer thing,
and you’re a Cancer.
Being around you is like a little Fresca on
a pantyshield: cool, light and refreshing!
A recent disappointment ends up working
in your favor and you’ll discover you’re the
toast of the town as a result. You’ll see!
Leo July 23 - Sep. 22
The fullness of time reveals that you’re
usually right. Usually – but not always. But
make sure that you are able to admit when
you’re wrong otherwise you’re liable to ﬁnd
out the hard way. Just make sure nobody’s
around to witness it.
You are destined to be the center of attention
this month, so make sure that you accept
every party invitation you receive. Half of
them will never pan out anyway. So turn
on the star-power because you’re bound
to impress someone out there who thinks
you’re the top. Or bottom. Whichever you
prefer.
Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22
You’re kind to small animals and old people.
This month be kind to yourself. Schedule a
98
WWW.IONAZ.COM
November 2009
Aquarias Jan. 21 - Feb. 19
Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20
Yes, you’re beautiful, baby. But enough
with the primping and preening. Share the
spotlight and you’ll be rewarded for letting
somebody else take a bow. Your natural
sparkle shines through in everything you do
and you look so good doing it.
November 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 99