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By Ellen N. Woods
“You Were
Above: Neil, center front, with his buddies
freshman year in Spellman Hall, circa
1997. Right: Neil, far left, and friends
outside their trailer in Curley Court,
circa 2000.
Well Loved ”
In the four years since the murder of a
student, friends and family remember the
adventurous spirit and joy of a young man
and share how they are healing.
A
small crowd gathered on the
grassy Sherman Circle in the
Petworth neighborhood of
northwest Washington, D.C., on Nov. 8. They
had come to plant a flowering crabapple
tree. Among the group was a mother, several
Catholic University alumni, a priest, a D.C.
homicide detective, a federal prosecutor, and
the mayor-elect of the nation’s capital.
It was a bittersweet day as they shared
memories and stories of a young man who
was killed near that spot, about three miles
from campus, more than four years ago.
Some called the day “healing.” Many were
struck by the weather.
“The bright sun, the color of the leaves. It
was as if the day was glowing; it was golden,”
said Heidi Godleski, B.A. 1965, who came
24 The Catholic University of America Magazine
from her home in Norwalk, Conn., to honor
her late son, Neil. “I looked around and I
said to myself, ‘You were well loved, Neil.’”
“It was a crisp fall day, and it felt like a
celebration,” noted Rev. Jude DeAngelo,
O.F.M. Conv., University chaplain and
director of Campus Ministry. “Some of Neil’s
friends were there with their small children.
And I thought about how they’ll share stories
of Neil with the next generation.”
Father Jude had attended a candlelight
vigil in Sherman Circle three nights after
Neil was murdered on Aug. 22, 2010. On
the night of the vigil, a large crowd of Neil’s
neighbors, friends, and coworkers gathered
to remember him, and to take a stand against
violence on city streets. Because of community
advocacy resulting from Neil’s death, lights
were installed around the circle two years
after that vigil.
“I thought back to the darkness and sadness
of that night more than four years ago as
I stood in the circle again,” said Father Jude.
“This time, there was a sense of breathing
new life into a place where death had
occurred. Planting that tree was part of the
healing process.”
Neil’s classmates Jason Nuzzo, B.A. 1999,
and John Falcicchio, B.A. 2001, helped
organize the tree planting, working with
the National Park Service, city government,
and Casey Trees to provide a tree that would
thrive in that location.
“The tree and the new lights would have
been in Neil’s view as he rode his bike
home that August night,” said Falcicchio,
who has since returned to the tree for
reflection. “There is a lot of symbolism there,
but it really does feel like we are keeping
his spirit lit.”
A Circle of Friends for Life
Neil Godleski first came to Catholic
University in 1997 from Norwalk High
School in Connecticut, where he was a
wrestling champion. He was excited to attend
his mom’s alma mater. He liked the campus,
the city, and the people, recalled Heidi.
He made fast friends. “I remember those
first few days at Spellman Hall. I was a Puerto
Rican kid coming from a mostly black high
school in Baltimore. I was nervous, not sure I
would fit in,” says Vladimir Estrada, B.B.E.
2001. “Neil was the first one to come up to
me. He had kind of a hippie vibe to him. He
had long hair and he was so chill. People
gravitated to him. Whether you knew Neil
for five minutes or five years, you were his
friend,” said Estrada, a biomedical engineer
with the U.S. Army.
Matthew Quinn, B.A. 2001, M.A. 2013,
also has fond memories of meeting Neil
freshman year. “He was always the most fun
guy in the room. He was engaging and
daring, and lacked pretension. He was quick
with a joke or a story, and he was nearly
always upbeat and positive,” said Quinn. “He
was the best kind of friend you could want,
the kind who makes you feel perfectly at ease
with who you are because he wasn’t going to
pretend anything, so you didn’t have to
pretend anything.”
Through two years at CUA, Neil’s circle
of friends continued to expand. “He was
a character. Everything he did was an
adventure,” said Estrada, who had “Godleski”
tattooed to his left forearm after his friend’s
death. One of Estrada’s favorite memories is
of Neil streaking through Movies on the Mall.
“He had no problem taking the dare, and
he even carried sparklers to make it more
interesting. I’m laughing right now just
thinking about it. That’s the thing about
Neil: You can’t help but smile when you think
about him. We’ll all be in our 80s and we’ll
still be telling Neil stories.”
Following his sophomore year, Neil took
time off. When he returned, his friends were
in their senior year. He lived with them in
Curley Court, and when they graduated, he
decided to head out into the world with
them. He sought new adventures — among
them working as a white water rafting
guide. But by his late 20s, he realized he
wanted a college degree and he wanted it
from Catholic University. So he re-enrolled,
switching his major from psychology to
biology, even though it would require more
time and going back to freshman-level basics
in some of his courses.
A Senseless Loss
In August 2010, while pursuing his goal of
a biology degree, Neil was living in the
Petworth neighborhood and working as
a waiter at Phillips Seafood restaurant on
the southwest waterfront. He was riding his
bike home at 12:30 a.m. on Aug. 22 when
he approached Sherman Circle in the bicycle
lane. A group of teenagers stood on the other
side of the street. One of them fired five shots
at Neil as he rode past. The shots missed
him but, most likely startled, he fell off his
bike. While he was down, the 16-year-old
gunman approached Neil and shot and
killed him at close range. Reportedly, the
killer then made off with about $60 in tips
that Neil had earned that night.
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Photo: Kris Connor Photography
Neil (pictured above) was remembered at a community
vigil in Sherman Circle shortly after his murder.
At 4:30 that morning, two police officers
knocked on the front door at the home of
Heidi and Dan Godleski in Norwalk. “I
knew immediately something terrible had
happened. My husband and I were numb.
There was an element of the surreal. You can’t
believe this is happening to you,” said Heidi.
The following day she and her daughter,
Maria Elena, visited Heidi’s 94-year-old
mother in the assisted living facility where
she resides to tell her the horrible news. “It
was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to
do, but I didn’t want her to hear it from
someone else.”
As the Godleskis began to prepare for the
funeral of their 31-year-old son, a Mass at St.
Vincent’s Chapel on campus drew an overflow
crowd of friends, staff, and faculty. After the
Mass, Father Jude recalls that Neil’s friends
26 The Catholic University of America Magazine
seemed lost. “There must have been about 75
of them. And I told them to stay and sit, and
I listened as they shared stories. They needed
to be together.”
The family held a visitation on Aug. 25,
followed by the funeral the next morning.
“The very first person to walk through the
door of the funeral home for Neil’s wake
was President John Garvey. He had just
become President that summer, and didn’t
even know our Neil, but there he was. I will
never forget it.”
Neil’s funeral was filled with more than
200 family members and friends from
throughout his life — still reeling with
disbelief and anger at the senseless loss of a
young man who never wished anyone harm.
“It was gut wrenching,” recalled Stephen
Balshi, B.B.E. 2001, Neil’s freshman-year
roommate. “I had never been to a funeral
before for someone who hadn’t died from
illness or old age. He was my good friend, so
full of life. It was hard to comprehend his
loss, so sudden and from such a violent,
senseless act. We were trying to celebrate his
life, but we were falling apart,” said Balshi, a
biomedical engineer.
“Neil was always the one who walked out
of the rubble,” said Nuzzo, who works at
a Washington, D.C., consulting firm. Neil’s
friends love to tell a story of him getting hit
by a car while riding his motorcycle in D.C.
He called that old motorcycle the “washerdryer combo” because it sounded like the
combination of an unbalanced washing
machine and a dryer that is full of change.
“A car blew a stop sign and Neil crashed
right into it, flipped up on the hood, and
pounded on the windshield as the shocked
driver forgot to apply the brake,” said Quinn.
“When the driver did stop, they assessed the
damage. Neil was fine. He had literally landed
on his feet. His bike had a broken taillight,
but was fine. The guy’s car, well, the axle was
cracked in half and was undriveable. Neil
got on his bike, met me for lunch, and then
drove up to his white water rafting job for
the summer.”
It was stories like these that made it
hard for Neil’s friends to believe what had
happened to him when they first received the
news of his death.
“We had every reason to believe that he was
invulnerable because he got himself into and
out of so many hair-raising scrapes, and if you
were his wingman, you could be sure that you
would get out of them, too,” said Quinn.
And when they initially heard his murder
was a robbery gone bad, Neil’s friends had
further reason for disbelief. “If somebody
had stopped him for money he would have
given it without a fight. In fact he was
always giving money to people who needed
it even when he didn’t have much of it
himself,” said Falcicchio.
“Neil was the one person this kid [the
shooter] should have known in his life,” said
Nuzzo. “That was one of the saddest things
for us to process. Neil would have stopped for
him, he would have cared about him.”
Still in Their Lives
In the years since Neil’s murder, his friends and
family have struggled through stages of grief.
Heidi said talking about Neil and honoring
his memory have been the most helpful. And
it is sometimes the simplest gestures that make
the biggest difference, she said. “We attended a
University Mass of Remembrance at CUA in
the fall after Neil died. The rugby team came,
all wearing chinos and black knit shirts, such a
sign of respect. Neil played on the rugby team
during his earlier years at Catholic. But these
students didn’t even know him.” Some of
those same players stopped by the Godleski
home the following year while playing a
tournament in New England. They stayed for
dinner and listened while the Godleskis told
them about their son.
But that willingness to listen is not always
the norm. “So often, people avoid mentioning
him to us to spare our feelings. But it has quite
the opposite effect; it makes us miss him
more,” said Heidi.
So she has worked to keep his name in
the conversation. Through the Division of
University Advancement, the Godleskis have
established an endowed scholarship. The Neil
Godleski Scholarship assists nontraditional
students (those older than 22), either first-time
or returning students like Neil. There also is a
scholarship in Neil’s name at Norwalk High
School, where Heidi spent the first 10 years of
her career as a Spanish teacher.
Neil’s parents, Dan and Heidi, received his honorary bachelor’s degree at Commencement 2011 from then
Dean of Arts and Sciences L.R. Poos.
His high school hosts the annual Neil
Godleski Invitational wrestling tournament.
“It brings out so many of Neil’s childhood
friends and they love to tell stories about
him,” said Heidi, who jumps at any
opportunity to tell you about a little boy
who loved to keep up with his big sister.
Neil and Maria Elena each learned to
swim by age 2. Their mother taught them
Spanish at an early age, and they quickly
became fluent. “They taught swimming to
children who were learning English as a
second language. It was an early introduction
for them in the joy of helping others,” said
Heidi.
Neil was a natural athlete who took up
the martial art of Tang Soo Do with his
dad. Neil went on to earn his black belt and
compete in tournaments. Even in high school
he exhibited the same selflessness his CUA
classmates would come to prize. He was once
named an American Red Cross Hero of the
Year for organizing a fundraiser for a high
school classmate whose house burned down
on Christmas Eve.
One of Heidi’s most precious memories is
a trip to Mexico. When she was a student at
CUA in the 1960s, she went on a summer
mission trip to Mexico. She stayed with a
host family, with whom she has kept in touch
to this day. A year before Neil was killed, he
and his mom took a trip together to Mexico
and stayed with that same family. “I was so
happy to see them get to know my son. Of
course I had no idea how much that trip
would come to mean to me.”
Two years after the murder that grabbed
the attention of D.C. media due to its
heinousness, the Godleskis’ resolve to honor
Neil’s memory was on full display. Every
day for three weeks in September 2012, the
family sat in D.C. Superior Court for the
trial of the teenager accused of murdering
Neil. “During those weeks my husband and
I liked to stop on campus. We would eat
at the student center. It was somehow
comforting to be surrounded by young
people. And we stopped to see Father Jude in
Campus Ministry or to see President Garvey
in Nugent Hall. And then we would always
stop in the Basilica to pray.”
Heidi says her faith has been essential.
“The simple act of prayer has been soothing,
and of course knowing that we will be
reunited again one day with our son.”
The jury deliberated for three days. The
Godleskis left for home before the verdict,
too emotionally exhausted to wait it out.
The prosecutor called them with the news of
a guilty verdict. “There was some closure in
knowing there was justice for our son,
but it doesn’t fill the hole in our
lives,” said Heidi.
Dan, Maria Elena, and Heidi
came back to Washington in
December for the sentencing
and read victim statements before the court
and the perpetrator, detailing the toll of
their loss. The young man who murdered
Neil — a ward of the city’s Department of
Youth Rehabilitative Services at the time
of the murder — was sentenced to 42 years
in prison.
“I still think about Neil a lot,” said close
friend Matthew Quinn. “I found a way to
forgive the individual who took him away,
but I still struggle with the hole that’s left
in my life from his absence. When my son
was born two years after his death, I gave him
the middle name of Neil because he is like
family to us, and my children will know him
through the stories we tell. I try to remember
that I need to love my life because Neil loved
his so intensely.”
To the tree planting in November, Heidi
brought handmade felt cardinals for those in
attendance. They hung the small red birds on
the tree and many kept a cardinal to remember
their friend.
Falcicchio placed his cardinal on the
window sill in his office at the John A. Wilson
Building (D.C.’s city hall), where he works as
chief of staff for Mayor Muriel Bowser. “It is a
constant reminder of the good work left to be
done in Neil’s name,” said Falcicchio.
Nuzzo and his 2-year-old son, Porter, hung
the cardinal on their Christmas tree. Porter
was born on Aug. 22, 2012, “bringing needed
joy to a very sad anniversary,” said Nuzzo.
Father Jude put his cardinal on a shelf in
his room where he keeps mementos from his
life. “Neil’s cardinal is a little icon for me —
reminding me to pray for all
those who have died by
senseless violence, and
of a mother who chose a
creature that can fly to
represent her son and his
flight to God.”
Web Extra: As we put this issue of the magazine together, we realized we had a
similar theme in two stories — the tragic loss of a young person. (See “Celebrating
Jamie,” page 14.) So we called on two University experts to address the topic of grief.
To read an interview with Monroe Rayburn, director of the Counseling Center, and
Father Jude DeAngelo, University chaplain and director of Campus Ministry, visit
cua-magazine.cua.edu.
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