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Special Topic: Women‘s Sexual Health and Awareness
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER at MCLA
NEWSLETTER
ISSUE 4
December 2012
Online @ mcla.edu/Student_Life/community/womenscenter
Inspiring Place:
Oh My, a Sensuality Shop
Page 2
Sex Education: United States
verses The Netherlands
Page 3
Beyond the Condom: Contraceptive
Methods You Didn’t Know About
Fifty Shades
of Dangerous
Page 4
Page 5
Reading is Sexy: A Look at
Literary Erotica
Page 6
Sex Drive, Sexual Orientation,
and Sexual Behavior
Page 7
Ten Fun Facts
About Masturbation
Page 6
Communication in
Sexual Relationships
Sex and Pregnancy:
Myths vs. Reality
Sex Toys 101
Page 9
Page 17
STAGE Event: Sextival!
Page 18
A special thanks to Avery Finnivan, class
of 2015, Emma Farley and Emily Follin,
class of 2013, for peer reviewing
our newsletter articles!
Page 8
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
Special Topic: Women‘s Sexual Health and Awareness
Inspiring Place:
Oh My, a Sensuality Shop
by Brianna Vear and Skyla Seamans
Oh My a Sensuality Shop, located in downtown Northampton since 2003, is a woman-owned,
women-run sensuality boutique. The motherdaughter run team strives to create a fun, sensual,
erotic and comfortable space for people to explore their sexual selves. Bethany, the daughter,
is described on the website as being a ―Retail
Goddess with a keen eye for detail and a love of
finding solutions to customer‘s needs.‖ Carol, the
mother is a ―Crone Goddess with a strong background in human services, retail and a smidge of
theatre. She brings a life time of living and a passion for great sex to the business‖.
With a friendly and sex positive atmosphere
that features what we view as a large range of
products for all people including locally created
products, Oh My and the women that run it are our
Inspiring women for this month. What follows is an
in-depth interview with Carol and Beth about their
shop and their views on sex positivity.
1. When did you decide to open a sensuality
shop and what contributed to this decision?
―In the fall of 2003 I was living in Rhode Island
and working at Miko Exotic wear. Beth (my
daughter) called out of the blue and said "
Mom come home. Lets open a sex toy store."
Intimacy a previous women owned store had
just about folded due to a divorce and one of
the remaining owners was trying to keep it going. So I said "yes" and the three of us went
into business.‖
2. What made you choose to open a sensuality
shop as a mother, daughter team? How does
this partnership shape your sensuality
shop? ―I don't recall that we considered the
impact of a mother daughter team at the time.
We are 20 years apart so on some level we
have a grown up together and see ourselves
more like friends. We do have boundaries that
we call when necessary. We both share similar
values and ideas in regards to being sex positive. She brings her view and I bring mine.‖
Image courtesy of Oh My!
3. Why do you think sex positivity is important? ―We like to envision a holistic model
as opposed to a medical model when it
comes to SEX. If you take a quadrant and in
each corner you place , Body, Mind, Heart
and soul then in the center is where sex radiates from, it becomes easy to see how
sex and sensuality can and does impact
each aspect of our being…To me this is sex
positivity.‖
4. Do you think our society is becoming
more or less sex positive compared to
the past? Why do you think so? ―Some
days Beth and I think folks are becoming
more open minded regarding their sexuality and sensuality other days not so much.
One of the changes in regards to feeling
good about sex is the easy access to good
information on line, books and classes being offered in women owned Sex toy
stores. like, Nomia, Early to bed, The tool
Shed, etc. In fact we are part of group of 10
like minded store owners across the states
Continued on page 10
2
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
Special Topic: Women‘s Sexual Health and Awareness
Sex Education: United States verses the Netherlands
by Corinne Blake
At a recent event about abortion, the conversation rate is almost eight times higher. The United
tion slipped into the topic of sex education. Around
States also has much higher teen STD rates than
the circle almost everyone agreed that the sex eduthe Netherlands (3).
cation they received in school was severely lacking.
In the United States there is no national stanThe topic of sex was barely covered past ―where do
dard for sex education. It‘s done state-by-state
babies come from?‖. Often times when there was
and may even vary locally. Surprisingly it is not
sex education it was in high school where for many,
vastly different in the Netherlands. Family planit is too late. Some received a demonstration involvning advocates focus their attention locally. They
ing a banana and a condom. Others only received a
work through a network of agencies to provide
rushed lesson without any visual aids at all. In one
their expertise to local schools. One major differinstance, the only talk of STDs came from a Lifetime
ence between the United States and the Nethermovie. In many cases girls and boys were sepalands is the history. Public education campaigns
rated. Girls learned about female development and
about sexuality and contraception in the Netherbody parts and boys learned about male developlands can be traced back to the early 1970s when
ment and body parts. For each group, the opposite
sex education began to be gradually introduced
sex remained a mystery.
to schools as part of the human reproduction lesMeanwhile, in the Netherlands sex education
sons in biology class (4). In a Time Magazine incan start as early as first grade in some school systerview with Amy Schalet, author of Not Under
tems. ―Everyone is born naMy Roof: Parents, Teens
ked,‖ the kids are told, ―it‘s
and the Culture of Sex,
the most natural state there
Schalet credits the Dutch
is. Everyone is born naked.
approach to sex education
According to the story of
to the Dutch sexual revoluAdam and Eve the first hution. She claimed that commans also walked around naing out of the sexual revoked‖ (1). A sex education
lution, Dutch society elimicurriculum has been created
nated the strong associaby the Dutch Expert Centre
tion of sex with marriage
on Sexuality and the earliest
but did not eliminate the
lessons include educating
association with love. This
children on the difference
is why, she argues, that “If
between boys and girls and
the first piece is that there
about falling in love. While
weren‘t these immediate
this is not a required stanassociations of teen sex
dard in every school in the Image courtesy of www.mainstreamcoalition.org. with danger, the second is
Netherlands, about a third of
that it remained anchored
Dutch primary schools use this system (1).
in the concept of steady relationships and young
This idea might shock you if you are a parent of
people being in love‖ (5).
a young child. However, by the time these children
In research for her book, Schalet found that
reach their teen years they are knowledgeable and
two-thirds of Dutch would allow their teenagers
are likely to be responsible and open to talking
to spend the night with their girlfriend or boyabout sex with an adult. One study conducted in the
friend under their roof (5). This is something that
U.S. found that 46% of sexually active teen males
most American parents, even liberal Americans,
and 33% of sexually active teen females begin havwould not allow their children to do. The Dutch
ing sex before receiving any formal education
are very open about talking about sex both at
about contraception (2). It should be no surprise
school and at home. Their approach encourages
then that the teen pregnancy rate in the United
teens to discuss sex. They will often discuss many
States is more than nine times higher than in the
topics including reasons to have sex, how to
Netherlands, the teen birth rate is almost eleven
times higher in the United States, and the teen aborContinued on page 11
3
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
Special Topic: Women‘s Sexual Health and Awareness
Beyond the Condom: Contraceptive Methods
You Didn’t Know About
by Skyla Seamans
Contraceptive methods are ways in which sexumethods a person has heard of, many people think
ally active people can prevent pregnancy, and
of the male condom first. In the United States, one
sometimes sexually transmitted infections, by using
in four acts of vaginal intercourse are condom proa variety of techniques, from implants and shots to
tected (3). Twenty-seven percent of teen women
pills and male and female condoms. Of course, the
who use contraceptives choose condoms as their
most effective form of birth control is abstinence,
primary method of birth control. Male condoms
which is a person‘s own choice to refrain from sexprotect against both pregnancy and STDs and they
ual acts. It is the only method of birth control that is
can either be lubricated or non-lubricated. When
one hundred percent effective at preventing pregused correctly, a male condom rolls over the tip of
nancy and sexually transmitted diseases and most
the erect penis to the base, but there must be room
people are abstinent at some point in their lives.
at the tip in order to collect semen. Once the male
However, by late teenage years, at least three
has ejaculated, he must withdraw his penis and refourths of all men and women have had intercourse,
move the condom before it softens in order to
and more than two thirds of sexually experienced
avoid semen spillage. If a male condom is used
teens have had two or more partners (1). Unfortucorrectly and every time, it is 97 percent effective
nately, many people do not know what birth control
(3). Male condoms come in all shapes and sizes, so
options are available for them to use, how to use
it is important to realize that one size does not fit all
them, and how successful they are at preventing unand different condoms may be better suited for difwanted pregnancies and STDs.
ferent people and their needs.
There is no ―right‖
What many peoor ―better‖ form of
ple do not realize is
birth
control;
each
that there is a condom
method has different
for women, too. Feadvantages and disadmale condoms are 95
vantages and it is up to
percent effective and
the individual to deterare worn inside of a
mine what is best for
woman‘s vagina durhim or her. Important
ing
sexual
interfactors to consider are a
course. Its purpose is
person‘s health, how
to prevent sperm
often he or she has sex
from entering further
or intends to have sex,
into her body. This
if he or she wants chilcondom can be indren in the far or near
serted up to eight
future, the effectiveness
hours before having
Image courtesy of www.mommyish.com.
of the chosen method,
sex but cannot be
what side effects may take place, and if a person
used with a male condom (3). Other barrier methfeels comfortable and able to use the chosen
ods include the contraceptive sponge, diaphragm,
method regularly. While birth control is crucial to
cervical cap, and cervical shield. All methods work
avoid unexpected pregnancies and STDs, and an
generally the same way, by placing something into
estimated 62 percent of American women are curthe vagina in order to stand between ejaculation
rently using some form of contraception, no method
and the uterus and all can be inserted by a woman
(aside from abstinence) is one hundred percent efherself.
fective. The only way to work to ensure efficiency is
The sponge is a soft, disk-shaped device made
to use the method the correct way and every time a
out of foam and constrains spermicide to kill any
person chooses to have sexual intercourse (2).
sperm that enters the female body. The sponge is
The most well-known forms of birth control are
set in place to cover the cervix and is effective for
barrier methods, which stops ejaculation from
reaching the uterus. When asked to list birth control
Continued on page 12
4
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
Special Topic: Women‘s Sexual Health and Awareness
Fifty Shades of Dangerous
by Brianna Vear
I will be honest: I found myself reading the Fifty
Shades novels before they were novels, when it was
but a fan fiction blog mixing the Twilight Saga with
BDSM, when the writer was fondly known as ―Icy,‖
when you waited weeks for a chapter to come out,
and way before it was ―cool.‖ I will also admit I read
all three books when they came out, curious to see
if there was something new being added to the
original storyline and I have read every Feminist
and BDSM critique of the trilogy.
At first glance, one would think that a book
about BDSM would be a good thing as it would
―normalize‖ it more. Being one who believes we
should respect everyone‘s consensual sexual interests (which would then exclude pedophilia, bestiality and necrophilia), I would have thought getting
BDSM into the national conversation would be a
good thing. But the truth is, it has quickly turned into
a dangerous thing by perpetuating myths and by
not explaining safe BDSM practices carefully (1).
For those who do not know, BDSM is a compound acronym for Bondage-Discipline, Dominance
-Submission, Sadomasochism. It is an umbrella term
for a consenting adult relationship that has some
inherent inequality within it. In essence, it is a
power exchange for sexual purposes(2). Due to the
nature of BDSM, there are a number of damaging
myths and stereotypes that surround BDSM, and
sadly the trilogy by E.L. James seems to perpetuate
these myths (1).
The perpetuation of myths is not the only problem that the books hold. They also trivialize important practices while encouraging dangerous practices. Although I firmly believe BDSM, done correctly, is not dangerous, I do believe it has the potential to be so. I also believe, in Fifty‘s world, it is
dangerous. But what is more dangerous is how the
book is almost viewed as a BDSM 101 manual.
Myth 1: BDSM is Violent:
Nine times out of ten, media portrays BDSM as a
link to violence and crime. There is a subset of feminists who view BDSM as a sexualized version of the
patriarchy. Tristan Taorimo, a sex educator and author of The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play
and the Erotic Edge, says this stereotype bothers
him the most. ―The mantra for BDSM is safe, sane
and consensual, with an emphasis on consensual.‖
Debby Herbenick, a sexual health educator at the
Image courtesy of Photobucket.com.
Kinsely institute point outs, "It's important to understand that there are so many different ways of
engaging in BDSM play, from the fuzzy handcuffs
you can buy at a women-oriented sex boutique to
the more extreme sexual dungeon set-up," she
says. "Even if you are just using one device, like
a flogger, there are so many different ways to use
it. Some may stroke a partner with it while another person will really whip them with it" (3).
Myth 2: Everyone who is into BDSM is
“damaged” in some way.
It is stated throughout the book that Christian
Grey is into BDSM after having found solace with
Elena Robinson* who slapped him in the face,
turned his life around and, in essence, molested
him, thus fixing his problems surrounding his
original child abuse. He is also attracted to Steele
because she is a brunette, and he wanted to have
violent sex with her to get back at his mother. In
other words, psychopaths, angry people, and
people who are abused as children are into
BDSM (3).
The truth is, though, that studies on the psychology of BDSM practitioners have found that
few are mentally disturbed and often the opposite is true. In fact, it is not uncommon for submissives to be productive members of society in
positions of power who may need a ―release.‖
According to a Finnish study, BDSM is also not
used as a way to lash out angrily, but actually,
when done properly and with consent, it lowers
cortisol, a physiological indicator of stress, and
increases various measures of intimacy. Pain and
pleasure can be an interesting combination (4),
(6).
Continued on page 13
5
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
Special Topic: Women‘s Sexual Health and Awareness
Reading is Sexy: A Look
at Literary Erotica
by Carrisa Sacherski
Women who read romance novels have sex
twice as often as those who don‘t. When we talk
about what people view to get themselves turns on,
we usually think of porn. However, there is another
form of sex that can be observed. Since the outbreak
of Fifty Shades of Grey, there has been a swelling of
individuals jumping on the erotic literature band
wagon. Literary Erotica is not something new; it has
been around for years and doesn‘t only take form in
long novels. It can be found in both standard style
and slam poetry. Talking about sex is not as popular
as writing about it. There are many who feel like
writing about sex is a way to express their sexual
desires without the awkwardness of saying it out
loud. Also, like what Fifty Shades of Grey is for most,
it is a way for people to involve themselves in more
daring sex without actually doing the action.
Literary Erotica is good for those who are uncomfortable with watching porn or do not think that
porn stimulates them well enough. It is also a common choice amongst bibliophiles (or lovers of
books). It is true that women who read erotica have
more sex than those who do not read. This is because reading sex involves using more of the imagination which keeps their brain turning, especially
during sexual arousal. The mind is more likely to go
back to the sex they read and become aroused and
sexually stimulated more often and quicker. Along
with the benefits of reading, it helps the evolution of
the imagination. This in return, can help evolve
one‘s sex life. Creativity in sex is a great way to
keep intimacy interesting.
Despite the ―trashy‖ stigma that comes with
reading erotic literature, since the outbreak of Fifty
Shades of Grey, reading Literary Erotica has become a library staple to many readers today. For
those of you who are not so into BDSM- related erotic
books, there are other types of books and authors.
Look online or search your public library. For those
readers who would rather read erotica with characters they know well there are sources like Fanfiction.net where one can exercise their needs to see
their favorite TV/book/movie characters with other
characters. A word to the wise though, please pay
mind to the ratings that each fanfiction has. If you do
not, you might stumble upon something you wish
you hadn‘t.
So give erotica a try, hide behind a book and let
your imagination roam. Remember, reading can be
sexy.
6
Ten Fun Facts About
Masturbation
1. Masturbation is one of the healthiest ways a
person can explore and enhance their sexuality. It is one of the best ways to become familiar with what you like sexually, making it easier
to feel pleasure with a partner.
2. At this very moment 797,151 American people
are masturbating.
3. Masturbation is known to relive stress, headaches, menstrual cramps, stomach aches, help
the individual sleep and eliminate bodily tension.
4. Some countries encourage daily masturbation
for their teenage population. In 2009, the U.K.
government got on the bandwagon with other
European nations to encourage teenagers to
masturbate at least once a day. Not only was
masturbating defined as a "right" in health
pamphlets, but it was also touted as helping to
reduce STDs and teen pregnancy.
5. Fifty-three percent of women use vibrators
when masturbating. Reportedly, 17 percent of
men have also used vibrators for solo masturbation.
6. More than 40 percent of males and 22 percent
of females admit to masturbating daily, 55 percent of men and 48 percent of women masturbate at least once a week
7. Four out of ten women prefer masturbation
over sex.
8. Masturbation may be good for you. Studies
suggest it may reduce the risk of prostate cancer in men. For women, cervical infections
might also be reduced with frequent personal
stimulation.
9. Ninety-five percent of men admit to masturbating, compared to 89 percent of women. For
Married individuals, the rate is 70 percent for
both men and women.
10. The more you masturbate the easier it is to orgasm during sex with the partner. Getting the
muscles in shape through masturbation allows
the blood to flow more quickly to the clitoris.
People who have sex regularly masturbate
more than those who don't. .If you masturbate,
you're more likely to be sexually open, and
therefore, have sex.
Facts courtesy of plannedparenthood.org.
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
SPECIAL
ISSUEWomen‘s
ON WOMEN
AND WORK
Special
Topic:
Sexual
Health and Awareness
Sex Drive, Sexual Orientation, and Sexual Behavior
By Brandon Gaudet
The human experience of sexual identity is di- kinds of sexual orientation. Given that gender is not
verse; there are many aspects of sexual identity which a binary, with only males and females, and since
come in various forms and degrees. Sex drive, sexual there is no ―opposite‖ gender for people who fit
orientation, and sexual behavior are all independent outside of the binary, many people choose to identhings, all of which are important aspects of a person‘s tify themselves using the terms androsexual
sexual identity.
(attraction to the masculine spectrum) and gynosexUnderstanding the diversity of the human experi- ual (attraction to the feminine spectrum).
ence of sexual identity is important to understanding
Some of the less known sexual orientations are
one‘s own sexual identity, which is important to the polysexuality, pansexuality, lithsexuality, asexucomfortableness with and the understanding of oneself. ality, grey-asexuality, autosexuality, skoliosexualIf a person understands the diversity of sexual identity ity. Many of these sexual orientations are newly recthey will find it easier to accept other peoples‘ sexual ognized and therefore have not been the object of
identities. Understanding one‘s own sexual identity is much, or any, scientific study. Still, many of these
also important for relationships; communication about sexual orientations are used consistently and reguone‘s and one‘s partner‘s sexual identity in a relation- larly on internet forums and blogs by people who
ship can help ease many problems that couples face in self-identify with those sexual orientations.
contemporary society.
Polysexuality is sexual attraction to multiple
Sex drive, or libido, refers to a person‘s drive to genders. Bisexuality (sexual attraction to males and
engage in sexual activities. Though
females) and pansexuality
sex drive is a difficult thing to meas(sexual attraction to all genders)
ure, many people measure it using
are kinds of polysexuality.
frequency of masturbation (1). Sex
Polysexuality may also refer to
drive varies widely, ranging from
people who experience sexual
people who masturbate multiple
attraction to most genders but not
times per day, to people who do not
all. Many people identify as
masturbate at all (a low sex drive is
polysexual rather than bisexual
sometimes, not always, indicative of
because the word bisexual ima medical problem). Since sex
plies binary. Asexuality is the
drives do vary so widely, one canlack of sexual attraction; asexuals
not make a meaningful guess of an
are not sexually attracted to anyindividual‘s sex drive based on genone regardless of gender (they
der. People of all sexual orientations
can still be romantically attracted
can have different sex drives.
to others). Grey-asexuality reSexual orientation refers to the
fers to sexual attraction that is
gender(s) to which one is sexually This image is representative of males, somewhere between asexuality
attracted - closely related to sexual females, and non-binary individuals. and sexuality. Types of greyattraction is romantic attraction, People may be attracted to and have asexuality include, but are not
which is sometimes incompatible sex with any gender. Image courtesy limited to those who do not norof Matthew‘s Place.
with one‘s sexual orientation. One
mally experience sexual attracexample is a person who is heterosexual (sexually at- tion, but sometimes do, those who experience
tracted to the opposite sex) and homoromantic weak sexual attraction, but lack the internal desire
(romantically attracted to the opposite sex). There are to act upon it, those who experience sexual attractwo kinds of sexual attraction: primary and secondary. tion under limited circumstances. There are some
Primary sexual attraction refers to attraction based on specific names for some kinds of grey-asexuality.
information that is immediately available (such as ap- Demisexuality, for example, is a kind of greypearance, movement, and smell). Secondary sexual asexuality wherein people feel only secondary sexattraction refers to sexual attraction that develops over ual attraction. Skoliosexuality is sexual attraction
time and is based on things like personality and emo- towards people who are non-binary genders. Lithtional connection. (2)
sexuality is sexual attraction that one does not want
There are many different sexual orientations. Many reciprocated. Often times, when the person to
people are familiar with heterosexuality, homosexual- whom a lithsexual is attracted does reciprocate or
ity, and bisexuality, but lack knowledge about other
Continued on page 15
7
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
Special Topic: Women‘s Sexual Health and Awareness
Communication in
Sexual Relationships
by Kali Yomota-Kurland, Guest Contributor
Communication is one of the most important
parts of any relationship, especially for those in
intimate and/or sexual relationships. Ideally, you
should know what your partner(s) want(s) in a
sexual relationship (or if they want one at all),
whether they‘ve been tested for STIs recently,
what they like or dislike, or what their boundaries
are before you engage in any sexual activity. But
it‘s never too late to start talking sex! Do they have
any kinks or fetishes? Is there something they absolutely won‘t do? Who pays for condoms or other
forms of birth control? And what about safe words
(verbal and non-verbal)i? These are just a few
things you may want to consider talking about
with your partner(s) which can make your sex life
healthier and more fun!
Another way to enhance communication is
through establishing consent. So what is consent?
Consent is the act and continual process of agreeing to something knowing fully well of what it entails, what the consequences are, and that you
have the option of saying no (1). Unfortunately,
not enough people practice consent, even though
it is a completely necessary act. Here are some
helpful, more specific examples of what consent is
and isn't:
1. Consent is non-coercive. If you're threatening, forcing, or otherwise manipulating someone into having sex with you, it is not consent.
Image courtesy of tumblr.com.
8
2. Consent is not fixed. Just because they
consented yesterday doesn't mean they have to
consent today or tomorrow or any other day. Listen to what they‘re saying now. This applies to
specific acts as well.
3. Consent is aware. If you have sex with
someone who is black-out drunk, asleep, or otherwise unaware of what‘s happening, it's rape.
4. Consent can be negotiated. If you want
to have drunk sex, high sex, or wake someone
up with sex, you can! Just get consent beforehand (before drinking, before taking any drugs,
or before going to sleep).
5. Consent cannot be assumed. Being in a
relationship or marriage doesn't mean you don't
have to ask for consent anymore. Flirting or dating does not equal consent either.
6. Consent is not compensatory. No one
owes you sex for the drink or dinner you bought
them. No one owes you anything.
Finally, no one owes you an explanation
for why they didn't want to have sex with you.
[re-adapted from (2)]
There are a variety of creative and interesting ways to communicate about sex. If you don‘t
feel as comfortable talking about sex face-toface, you can share thoughts, fantasies, or experiences you have enjoyed through emails,
online messages, or texts. You can even set up a
blog just for you and your partner(s) where you
can exchange photos or videos that you‘ve found
and may be interested in trying out. Just be careful about who you trust with these messages and
use the language that you’re comfortable using;
no one can force you to talk a certain way, especially when it comes to sex. If you‘re not a very
vocal person during sex, you can show satisfaction through your breathing or guide your partner(s) hands to places where it feels good.
I know what you‘re thinking… Consent
doesn‘t sound very sexy. Oh, but it is and it can
be for you too! You can ask things like, ―I really
want to kiss you right now. Would you like
that?‖ (3) or ―Are you comfortable with this?‖ It
shows that you care for and respect your partner
(s) and depending on the situation it can be
really cute or super hot. You can also leave it
open-ended by asking, ―What would you like
me to do?‖ (4). That way you know exactly what
your partner(s) want(s) and how. Some ways to
give or reinforce consent are, ―Don‘t stop.‖ or ―I
Continued on page 16
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
SPECIAL
ISSUE Women‘s
ON WOMEN
AND WORK
Special
Topic:
Sexual
Health and Awareness
Sex Toys 101
by Brianna Vear
There is a notion in American society that
―true‖ sex is your hetero-normative penis in vagina
sex. Now this sort of sex is great if you are a heterosexual individual with a partner of some form
and are into that kind of sex, but there are so many
other great ways to have sex, such as sex toys.
Sex toys are very unique in that they can be
used by oneself during masturbation or with a partner for foreplay or mutual masturbation. The main
goal of some sex toys may not be to aid the
achievement of an orgasm, but rather to stimulate
sexual pleasure or heighten sexual frustration.
However, no matter a sex toy‘s purpose, there are
some very important ―Do‘s‖ and ―Don‘ts‖ regarding sex toys that one should be aware of before investigating.
Do clean your toy. It is very important that after each use, no matter what it is, that you clean
down the toy with a little soap and water or something like a baby wipe (1), (2).
Don’t share your toy. It is easy to spread infection. So, only share toys if you place a condom over
it if it is phallic-shaped or you wash it VERY carefully. If the item is something like a wooden paddle, it is important to not share that item as wood is
porous (1).
Don’t go from back to front with the same toy.
This goes along the lines of sharing. It can lead to
an infection like a urinary tract infection very easily
(1).
Do try new toys. There are always new toys on
the market and many that cause different types of
stimulation. It is important to try new things as you
never know just what you are going to enjoy. It is
not uncommon for sex to become almost mundane;
sex toys are a great way to keep it from getting to
mundane (1), (2).
While you are at it, do try to find toys that vibrate that have varying speeds. They may be a bit
more costly, but one speed can lead to a numbing
sensation. Everyone is different as well, and someone who is more sensitive may need to keep it on a
lower speed then others (1).
Do have lube. This is true for toys that are being inserted into some orfice. Some women produce less natural lubrication, and for them, an unlubricated toy can cause pain. Sex should not be
painful unless both parties agree with it beforehand (1).
Image courtesy of ohmysensuality.com.
Do talk with your partner about using sex
toys. As mentioned, sex can become ―mundane.‖
With a whole plethora of toys from ones specifically for men like cock ricks or massagers; for
women like vibrators for the G spot or Ben-Wa
Balls; toys for fetishes like restraints, paddles, or
clamps; for anal sex like butt plugs or anal*
beads, sex should never be able to get
―boring.‖ (1)
Do Try fingers and Toys First: Anal sex can
be a scary thing for all genders and often is not
done ―safely.‖ It is important to note that a person
who is an anal sex virgin CANNOT go straight to a
penis or a full size dildo. It is important to slowly
stretch the area to avoid ripping, tearing or bleeding. A finger or small butt plug should be used
first. It is not uncommon for people to never be
able to comfortably go to anything larger. Should
you wish to, you should continue to use butt plugs
in increasing size before ever going to a penis or
full sized dildo (3).
Do use lube. A lot of lube. There is no natural
lubrication. A LOT of lube (3).
Do not ever stick any object in the anus that
does not have a flanged base. It is very possible
for things to ―get lost.‖ It is not uncommon for ERs
to then have to remove the objects. Examples of
objects include bars of soap, lemons, light bulbs,
action figures, even ―family size‖ bottles of
soap.‖ (3).
Don’t make DIY sex toys. I know we have A
LOT of phallic shaped objects, but it is simply not
a good idea to put a candle, cucumber, or carrot
into your vagina or anus. It is unsanitary and people have died. I am not joking (2).
Continued on page 16
9
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
Special Topic: Women‘s Sexual Health and Awareness
body every part with no shame attached.
Second, consent must be taught to everyone. This little story brought it home to me.
One of my granddaughters who was 5 at the
time is shy. Anyway I'm heading out the
door and I say can I have a kiss and she said
"no" well I said then I am going to have to
come over there and kiss you all over. Now
around this time we had an intern and she
had been explaining this concept "consent"
well a bell went off and I realized that I wasn't listening to her "No.‖
Inspiring Place: Oh My,
a Sensuality Shop, continued
called The Progressive Pleasure Club. The
down side is we are meeting many women in
the middle age bracket that are reporting how
little they know about sex, how little good sex
that are having, how much abusive sex they
have been enduring, and how much painful
sex they have had due to the fact that the
medical establishment doesn't ask as part of
one's physical health. And the medical profession spends little time learning about sexual
issues. We also meet many students and they
know a whole lot more about sexual diseases
then about pleasure. Progress is slow‖
5. Do you consider your shop to be all inclusive for people with varying sexual interests and orientations? If so, how do you
make sure to have all groups represented
and do you think this is important for all sex
toy and sensuality shops today? ―Oh My
Sensuality Shop's mission is to provide a safe,
respectful, educational, fun space, where one
can explore their sexual, sensual being no
matter how they identify. We also believe that
all businesses need to be inclusive in whatever way that might manifest its self. Along
with this our goal is to provide the best information and products available on the market.
We work with small and large vendors and we
expect the best from both.‖
Third, we must talk about Shame and Vulnerability if we ever hope to feel good about
our sexuality. This I could go on and on
about. The fourth is talk about sensuality,
sex and pleasure.‖
8.
What is the general reaction of the people
who enter your shop? Most folks love our
shop and we believe it is because we love it.
Source:
(1) "Oh My! - About Our Erotic, Sensual Shop, Sex
Toys, Lubes and Safe Sex Products and Sex
Positive People." www.ohmysensuality.com/
aboutus.html.
6. What sets your shop apart from other mainstream sex toy shops? ―What sets us apart
from other mainstream shops is that we are
very comfortable talking about sex with our
customers ,along with being funny, smart and
good looking.‖
7. What are your thoughts about sex education
in today’s society? How do you think it
could become more informative and allinclusive? ―Sex Education is so f"in important,
but not in the way it is currently taught or spoken about. First it has to start at the earliest
age possible for the individual I'd say right
about the time you teach children to wash their
hands before dinner and after they go to the
10
A Special Thanks to Oh My for
donating a gift certificate to
STAGE‘s event, Sextival!
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
SPECIAL
ISSUE ON
WOMENSexual
AND WORK
Special Topic:
Women‘s
Health and Awareness
Sex Education: U.S. verses the
Netherlands, continued
maintain self respect, and how to handle situations
such as if a boy refuses to wear a condom (6). If the
teenagers in the Netherlands feel they are not getting the answers they want at school, or feel as if
they cannot talk to their parents, there are also
many community centers and programs. Some are
focused around a central topic such as sexual empowerment for girls or prevention of sexual aggression (7).
The United States has a very different attitude
towards sex. Parents and youth often find it too uncomfortable to talk about sex and the conversations
they have, if any, are not necessarily very productive. Parents may often rely on the school system to
teach their teenagers about sex. Unfortunately, this
may be even less effective than awkward conversations the parents and their teens could potentially
have. In most American schools, students are taught
that abstinence is the most effective form of birth
control. While this is true, for most students it stops
there and they are taught very little, or nothing at all
about contraceptives and various form of birth control. In a study done in a two-year period it was
found that 93% of teens aged 15-19 had received
education on STIs, 89% on HIV, and 85% on abstinence. However, one third of teenagers did not
learn about contraception and it was found that females were more likely to learn about it than males.
One in four teens in this age group were found to
have received abstinence-only education with no
formal instruction on contraception (2).
A nine-year study by Mathematica Policy Research, completed in 2007, found that abstinenceonly programs do not have an impact on the sexual
behavior of the teenagers receiving such education.
Teenagers who receive abstinence-only education
are not less likely than other teenagers to have sex.
On the other hand, comprehensive sex education
was found to delay sex and increase the use of contraceptives. Unfortunately these programs are few
and far between. At the time this study was done,
the federal government was spending about $177
million each year on ineffective abstinence-only
programs but there were no federal funding at all
for comprehensive sex education (8).
The statistics do not lie. The Netherlands has
lower teen STD rates, lower teen pregnancy rates,
and a more open attitude towards talking about sex.
It might be time for the United States to reevaluate
its sex education and overall attitude toward sex.
Then maybe we can start to see results like those
apparent in the Netherlands and other countries
with comprehensive sexual education.
Sources:
(1) Gottlieb, Sebastiaan. ―Sex Education Starts in First
Grade.‖ Radio Netherlands Worldwide. March 28,
2010. www.rnw.nl/english/video/sex-educationstarts-first-grade
(2) ―Facts on American Teens‘ Sources of Information
about Sex.‖ Guttmacher Institute. February 2012.
www.guttmacher.org/pubs/
(3) ―Adolescent Sexual Health in Europe and in the
U.S. Why the Difference?‖ Peaceful Parenting. July
28, 2009. www.drmomma.org/2009/07/adolescentsexual-health-in-europe-and.html
(4) Von Loon, Joost. ―Deconstructing the Dutch Utopia:
Sex Education and Teenage Pregnancy in the Netherlands.‖ Family Education Trust. 2003.
www.famyouth.org.uk/pdfs/DDU.pdf
(5) Szalavitz, Maia. ―Q&A: What We Can Learn from
the Dutch About Sex.‖ Time: Health and Family.
Nov. 4, 2011. www.healthland.time.com
(6) Donnelly, Laura. ―Learning Dutch Lessons on Teen
Pregnancy.‖ The Telegraph. Dec. 30, 2007. http://
www.telegraph.co.uk/news.
(7) ―Sexuality Education in the Netherlands.‖ Rutgers
WPF. http://www.rutgerswpf.org
(8) ―Abstinence-Only Programs Do Not Work, New
Study Shows.‖ Guttmacher Institute. April 18, 2007.
http://www.guttmacher.org/media/
inthenews/2007/04/18/index.html.
Image courtesy of www.memphisflyer.com.
11
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
Special Topic: Women‘s Sexual Health and Awareness
Beyond the Condom: Contraceptive Methods, continued
more than one act of intercourse, for up to 24 hours.
(like the condom) should be used during this time.
The diaphragm is a shallow latex cup used to block
This method is most recommended for women who
the cervix from sperm and the cervical cap works
do not mind taking a pill every day, around the
the same way. The cervical shield creates suction to
same time of day.
fit against the cervix in order to stop semen from
Other hormonal methods include the patch,
reaching an egg. It is important to note that some of
shot, and vaginal ring. The patch is placed on a
these methods require an added spermicide (to kill
woman‘s lower abdomen, arm, or upper body in
sperm) and may need to be inserted hours before
order to release a steady flow of hormones into the
and kept in place hours after sexual intercourse (3).
bloodstream. It works the same way as the pill, by
These latter methods may be appealing to a woman
thickening the cervical mucus and stopping the
who does not want to take artificial hormones, looks
releasing of an egg. The shot is administered every
to be in control of her birth control and when to use
three months to provide the same hormones as the
it, does not want to interrupt the natural flow of sexpill or patch. The vaginal ring is a thin and flexible
ual intercourse by having to stop to put on a condevice that releases hormones to stop the ovaries
dom, and prefers a reversible, immediate contrafrom releasing eggs and thickens the cervical muceptive method with fewer side effects than the pill.
cus. A woman can squeeze it between her thumb
While the condom may be the most well known
and index finger to insert the device on her own.
form of birth control, horThe ring is worn up to
monal methods, like the
three weeks and then repill, are the most used form
moved in order to menof birth control. Oral construate. While these methtraceptives are taken by
ods all have the same purwomen daily in order to
pose and way of stopping
administer a certain level
pregnancy, they do not
of estrogen and progestin
protect against STDs. They
hormones to stop the realso may be chosen by
lease of an egg. These are
women depending on how
called combination pills.
often she wants to take the
There are also other forms
contraceptive, from every
of pills that may only reday to every three months
lease one kind of hormone.
(2).
Oral contraceptives work
Other contraceptives
to make cervical mucus
available to women are
thicker in order to stop
called implantable desperm from reaching the
vices, which must be inegg, if one is released.
serted by a doctor and are
Women may also choose to
left in the body for long
use the pill for reasons unperiods of time. These inrelated to controlling reclude the implantable rod
Image
courtesy
of
www.fitsugar.com.
production, such as to
or intrauterine device
regulate periods, ease
(IUD). Women who do not
cramping, and decrease the risk of ovarian cancers
want to become pregnant at the current stage in
and cysts (4).
her life may look to an implantable device for a
Today‘s pill has a lower dosage of hormones
more long term method of birth control. The imthan ever before, which has also lowered the risk of
plantable rod is matchstick sized, flexible, and is
side effects. However, some side effects still include
inserted in the upper arm. The rod releases proa higher chance of heart disease, high blood presgestin, which cause changes in the lining of the
sure, blood clots, nausea, headaches, irregular
uterus and cervical mucus to stop sperm from
bleeding, and depression (4). Additionally, many
meeting an egg. This method is effective for up to
women do not realize that taking antibiotics will rethree years, but also requires a doctor to remove.
duce the effectiveness of the pill so other methods
Continued on next page, 13
12
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
SPECIAL
ISSUE ON
WOMENSexual
AND WORK
Special Topic:
Women‘s
Health and Awareness
Beyond the Condom: Contraceptive Methods, continued
The IUD is a small device in the shape of a ―T‖ that is
placed in the uterus. Women can choose a copper
IUD or a hormonal one; the copper IUD releases
small amounts of copper into the uterus, which prevents sperm from fertilizing an egg. It can stay inside the uterus for five to ten years. The hormonal
IUD releases progestin into the uterus to prevent
pregnancy the same way as most other birth controls, by halting the release of an egg and thickening cervical mucus. This device can also last up to
five years (5).
Finally, men and women searching for a much
more final form of birth control can look to permanent methods, such as sterilization implants and surgical sterilization. The sterilization implant ―Ensure‖
is the first non-surgical method for sterilizing
women. This method uses a thin tube to thread a
tiny spring-like device through the vagina and
uterus into each fallopian tube. This causes scar tissue to form around the coil which blocks fallopian
tubes and stops eggs from meeting sperm. However, it may take up to three months for scar tissue
to actually grow, so it is crucial to use other forms of
birth control during that time period. The doctor
must conduct tests in order to ensure the scar tissue
has blocked a woman‘s fallopian tubes (6). Women
can also choose surgical sterilization, which closes
the fallopian tubes by cutting, tying, or sealing them
to stop the egg from dropping into the uterus for
fertilization. Men can choose to have a vasectomy,
which keeps sperm from going into the penis, so his
ejaculation never contains actual sperm (6).
For men and women who commit sexual acts
without having birth control in place, there are
emergency contraceptive options available. The
Morning After pill, like ―Plan B One-Step‖ and ―Next
Choice,‖ stop a woman from getting pregnant when
she has had unprotected vaginal intercourse. This
can mean no method of birth control was used or
the method failed to work, such as a condom break
or a forgotten birth control pill. These methods are
also there for women who were coerced into sex or
sexually abused and do not want the resulted pregnancy. The emergency contraceptive can be taken
as one pill or in two doses and works by stopping
the ovaries from releasing an egg or keeping the
sperm from joining the egg. For a more successful
result, the morning after pill should be taken within
72 hours after having unprotected sex. It can also be
obtained over-the-counter in pharmacies for women
ages 17 and older (2). One other method many people may have heard of but have not actually seen or
used are dental dams, which are square pieces of
latex or rubber that act as a shield during oralvaginal or oral-anal sex. A dental dam is placed
over the opening of the vagina or anus before having oral sex and can be found in surgical supply
stores. They get their name from their use in dental
procedures, but are quite handy outside of the dentist office as well. While it is not used to prevent
pregnancies, it is an effective method for stopping
the transferring of STDs (2).
Even though birth control seems to be predominately a woman‘s domain, aside from the male
condom and the not-so-successful withdrawal
method (don‘t do it), new developments in contraceptives are changing this assumption. The birth
control pill, for women, has been around for fifty
years. But what about one for men? While it would
not prevent the risk of contracting STDs, research
for a male birth control pill is well underway. So far,
tests have shown that the pill protected against
pregnancy without affecting sex drive, it can be
taken daily or weekly, fertility was restored quickly
after stopping the use, and there are no huge side
effects. However, researchers are having difficulty
determining a way to stop the release of 1,000
sperm, whereas women only produce one egg
every month. How will they do it? Will it be on the
market soon? Will men even take it? These are answers to look out for (7).
Sources:
(1) ―Frequently Asked Sexuality Questions to the Kinsey
Institute.‖ The Kinsey Institute: For Research in Sex,
Gender, and Reproduction. www.kinseyinstitute.org
(2) ―Birth Control Methods Fact Sheet.‖ womenshealth.gov. Nov. 21, 2011. www.womenshealth.gov/
publications/
(3) Greenspan, Sam. ―Eleven Most Popular Birth Control
Methods, in Order of Effectiveness.‖ 11 Points. May
29, 2009. http://www.11points.com
(4) ―Birth Control Pills,‖ Planned Parenthood. http://
www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birthcontrol/birth-control-pill-4228.htm
(5) Painter, Kim. ―IUDs and Implants are Changing Birth
Control Landscapes.‖ USA Today. Oct. 30, 2012.
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/
nation/2012/10/29/iud-implants-birthcontrol/1644647/
(6) Stoppler, Melissa Conrad. ―Birth Control: Surgical
Sterilization.‖
MedicineNet.
http://
www .medicinenet.com/sur gical_ st er iliza tion/
article.htm.
(7) Macrae, Fiona. ―Hormone-Free ‗Male Pill‘ that Halts
Sperm Production is a Step Closer.‖ Daily Mail. August
16, 2012. www.dailymail.co.uk/health/
13
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
Special Topic: Women‘s Sexual Health and Awareness
Fifty Shades, continued
*The Character of Elena Robinson poses another threat not specifically linked to BDSM. With
Grey‘s acceptance of the past, it trivializes child sexual abuse. He discusses how it helped him become a
better person. This is not true in most cases of child
abuse (5).
Myth 3: The Dominant is in charge.
Let‘s get this straight: the Dominant is not really
in charge. So any new Dominants out there, if you
think you can just do whatever you want to your submissive, stop now. That is NOT BDSM; that is abuse.
Despite this power exchange, the submissive is the
one who is really in charge. They lay out limits and
have safe words. It is the dominant‘s responsibility
to respect this and to watch their partner throughout
the exchange with their personal well-being number
one (6).
Dangerous Practices 1: Zip Ties
Zip ties are dangerous, plain and simple. Due to
sharp edges and their rough nature, they hold a high
chance of causing nerve and tissue damage to the
submissive. Metal hand coughs are also dangerous
as they too often have the chance of causing the
same problems. If you like bondage or wish to experiment, there are a number of products out there
far better than zip ties, such as soft Japenese rope or
even better Velcro fur lined coughs. If rope is you
thing, however, you need to be sure you have safety
precautions in place. Have scissors, preferably
something like EMT safety shears on hand; if the
submissive safe-words you need to get them untied
ASAP, and you should not be untying knots, but
rather, cutting the rope to allow them to get out. A
survey of 2000 individuals who are part of the BDSM
community view that BDSM is not a singular phenomenon but rather multiple subcultures with different themes and that not all of them even necessarily
involve pain (6).
Dangerous Practice 2: Jumping Head First
For many reasons Christian Grey is a horrible
dominant and this is one of them. Steele was a virgin
before meeting Grey but Grey quickly is introducing her to practices such as gynecological play,
knife play, electro play, and fire play. It is highly
likely that this could scare and scar someone new to
the scene. Also, Grey is asking for more or less a
24/7 relationship complete with Master/slave feel.
When entering onto the scene, someone new should
be doing it slowly. A several hour long ―scene‖ to
14
Image courtesy of Photobucket.com.
start with ―mild‖ bondage or pain. Joining up in a
Master/slave context is something that should be
handled with care and done slowly. The slave is giving themselves fully to the Master to control everything about them. Now this happens, it is consented
with and it isn‘t abuse. But to be ―collared‖ is something that those in the scene do with great care. You
should know the other person for a while. Grey and
Steele knew each other about a week before Grey
was asking her to follow his rules about her daily
lifestyle, never mind his rules about sex considering
she had never had ―vanilla‖ sex before (3).
Dangerous Practice 3: Trivializing safe words
and limits
When Grey and Steele begin to discuss safe
words and contracts, Grey wants Steele to sign a
contract, with the explanation that due to his millionaire status he must protect his image. This reasoning
makes it seem that safe words and limits only need
to be discussed to protect the dominant, or millionaires. It is important for everyone to discuss limits
and safe words. Some people do choose to make
and sign contracts, most choose to simply discuss
the limits and then respect them. Grey ends up relenting on the contract, and limits are not really respected (6).
Dangerous Practice 4: Not respecting limits
This one is on the heroine. Steele sets limits and
expects hers to be observed and respected, but she
does not respect his. Grey, from his abuse as a child
before meeting his adoptive parents, sets a hard
limit of no touching. Steele seems incapable of understanding this, pushing and pushing him until he
finally breaks. James describe Grey as being in pain
his face scrunched and his body tense as Steele
touches his chest and kisses his scars. Grey eventually has a mental breakdown.
Continued on next page, 15
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
SPECIAL
ISSUE ON
WOMENSexual
AND WORK
Special Topic:
Women‘s
Health and Awareness
Fifty Shades, continued
from the previous page
Sex Drive, Orientation,
and Behavior, continued
There is a reason for setting hard and soft limits. Hard limits are not meant to be pushed. They
may change over time, but it is that person who gets
to decide if they are changed. Not respecting or
pushing hard limits can do serious psychological
damage. With the book making this the ―norm,‖ it
poses a threat to those wishing to try BDSM to think
limits are fluid not concrete. Soft limits are often
pushed, but only if the person pushing, usually the
dominant, is aware of their partner. If a submissive
had a soft limit against belts being used, the dominant may choose to use it lightly on the submissive,
but using it severely could cause it to become a
hard limit (6).
I am a firm believer in the importance of respecting everyone‘s sexual choices, as well as
BDSM as being a positive sexual choice if it is between consenting adults. I want to emphasize something: with BDSM, as any fetish or ―different‖ type of
sex, do your research. Read personal testimonies,
talk with people in the community (fetlife.com is like
Facebook for bondage, BDSM and fetish kinksters),
read books and read a lot of them. Do not take the
first book or blog as fact. BDSM is not dangerous
per se but it has the potential to be, both mentally
and physically, if the submissive and the dominant
both do not know what to expect. Communicate with
your partner. Set limits, have a safe word, talk after
the scene about what was good for you and what
was not. And take it slow. Don‘t jump right into taking a harsh whipping with a bull whip; use a flogger. Don‘t be suspended from the ceiling; start with
being tied to a bed. Follow the BDSM mantra ―Safe,
sane and consensual, with an emphasis on consensual.‖
notice a lithsexual‘s sexual attraction, the lithsexual
will no longer experience that attraction. Autosexuality is genuine sexual attraction directed at oneself,
rather than at others. Someone who masturbates, and
does experience sexual attraction directed at others
is not autosexual, unless they are polysexual and experience sexual attraction towards themselves and
others.
Some sexual orientations can involve more than
one prefix or can involve leans. For instance, a bisexual could have a heavy lean towards men, but still
experience sexual attraction towards women. And a
lith-homosexual could only experience sexual attraction towards someone of the same gender. A bigender auto-androsexual could experience sexual attraction to themselves only when they are male.
Sexual attraction is not the same as sexual behavior. Sexual behavior refers to the manner in which
people have sex. Sexual behavior may or may not
line up with sexual orientation. For instance, a woman
who is homosexual may engage in sex with a man that does not make her heterosexual or bisexual; she
is a homosexual woman who engaged in sex with a
man. A woman who is asexual may engage in sex
with another woman or masturbate, but this does not
mean she is not asexual. In fact, many asexuals masturbate, engage in partnered sex, and enjoy BDSM
because they like the physical feeling, they have a
fetish, or they want to make their partners happy.
Autosexuals may engage in partnered sex, even if
they do not experience sexual attraction to their partners.
Keep in mind that this is a decent introduction,
but not a complete description of all elements of sexual identity. Sexual identity is largely complex, and
therefore difficult to fully understand, let alone describe in full detail. If you are strikingly curious about
any sexual orientations, sexual behaviors, or sex
drive varieties, or if you simply want to learn as much
as you can, you can look it up online. Don‘t be afraid
of looking at blogs and forums for information about
sexual identity – many things have yet to come under
scientific study, which does not mean that they are
not valid sexual identities. Perhaps learning more
about other people‘s experiences on blogs and forums will help you to learn more about yourself.
Sources:
(1) "The Troubling Message in Fifty Shades of Grey." BlogHer Editors. http://www.blogher.com/troubling-message
-fifty-shades-grey.
(2) "BDSM 101." Transcending Boundaries. www.transcend
ingboundaries.org
(3) Mayer, Andre. "Fifty Shades of Grey Critics Slam Bondage Stereotypes - Arts & Entertainment - CBC News."
CBCnews. CBC/Radio Canada. July 2012. www.cbc.ca/
news/arts/story/2012/07/10/f -50-shades-of-greybdsm.html.
(4) "BDSM 101." Transcending Boundaries. www.transcen
dingboundaries.org
(5) "50 Shades of Grey Trilogy Normalizing Child Sex
Abuse." Articles. www.americanthinker.com
(6) Connolly, Pamela Stephenson. "Fifty Shades of Grey Is
Bad for Bondage." The Guardian. Guardian News and
Media, Dec. 13, 2007. www.guardian.co.uk.
Sources:
(1) Ch erry,
Ke ndra.
"About.co m
Psych o logy." About.com Psychology. Web. 4 Dec. 2012.
(2) "Primary and Secondary Sexual Attraction
Model."AVENwiki. AVEN, 07 2012. Web. 4 Dec
15
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
Special Topic: Women‘s Sexual Health and Awareness
Communication, continued
Sex Toys 101, continued
like it when you _________.‖ (5) It‘s all about communication and letting your partner(s) know if
and when you‘re okay and how to change things
if you aren‘t. And remember that you can always
revoke consent.
Do buy a toy that is a bit more expensive. Go
for quality over quantity. There are several reasons for this. First, often the toys that are cheaper
are not made out of materials that are free from
chemicals. Second, cheaper products are more
likely to have a smaller life. Picture this: you are
almost to an orgasm. Your vibrator dies. Mood
killed. Third, it may say it is waterproof, but if it
costs about 7 dollars, it probably is not (1),(2).
Do buy sex toys that you find attractive. This
may sound strange but it will help you keep an
aroused state. (1),(2)
Don’t buy sex toys from Adam and Eve. Research shows that their products have highly toxic
chemicals in them, and where they are being
stuck is not a place you really want there to be
toxic chemicals. Try not to buy from the big name
stores like Adam and Eve or Amazing.net. Prices
do not vary that greatly and you can support local
businesses! (4).
Do buy from the shop ―Oh My‖ in Northampton, MA. This mother-daughter run store is inclusive, feminist friendly, and very professional.
They even have locally made products! Other
good sites include babeland.com which has very
inclusive range of toys, cane-iac.com if you are
looking for toys that breach the realm of pain and
pleasure, and goodvibes.com or thesexyfeminist.com for feminist approved locations.
Sex toys can add a lot to your sex life, both
with a partner or with yourself. Remember to play
safe, choose products smartly, go for a good quality product and experiment. Most importantly
HAVE FUN! Happy exploring.
i. A safeword is a code word or phrase used
during sex (usually within a dominant-submissive
context) to indicate when one person is no longer
feeling comfortable or safe during, and needs the
"scene" to stop.
Sources:
(1) "What is Consent?" Sexual Assault Violence Prevention. Vassar College, http://savp.vassar.edu/facts/
(2) "Consent." Girl, Ebony. Tumblr,
www.girlebony.tumblr.com
May
2012.
(3) Dunlap, Parks. "Consensual First Kisses." ParksDunlap.
Wordpress,
13
Apr.
2012.
http://parksdunlap.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/
consensual-first-kisses/.
(4) "Ask." Tumblr. http://24.media.tumblr.com/
tumblr_l9fkfdleNl1qa552fo1_500.jpg.
(5) "Consent and Communication." Let's Blog About Sex
Baby.
Tumblr,
7
Feb.
2012.
http://lets-blog-about-sex-baby.tumblr.com/post/
17213890047/consent-and-communication.
Sources:
(1) "Women‘s Health." Women’s Health: Sex Toy Do’s
and Don’ts Comments. www.womenshealthsa.co.za/
sex-love/better-sex/sex-toy-dos-and-donts/.
(2) "Synnergy the Sex Druid." The Do's and Don'ts of
Sex Toys. www.sexdruid.blogspot.com
(3) "Early to Bed." Anal
www.early2bed.com
Sex:
Dos
and
Don’ts.
(4) "Unsafe Sex Products and Toys: Consumer Beware." Violet Blue Open Source Sex RSS. http://
www.tinynibbles.com/unsafe.
Image courtesy of tumblr.com
16
SUSAN B. ANTHONY WOMEN’S CENTER
SPECIAL
ISSUE ON
WOMENSexual
AND WORK
Special Topic:
Women‘s
Health and Awareness
Sex and Pregnancy: Myths vs. Reality
Information Courtesy of stayteen.org.
MYTH: You can't get pregnant the first time you have sex.
REALITY: If you are ovulating it doesn't matter if it's
the first time or the hundredth time you've had sex, you
can still get pregnant. You get pregnant when the
sperm fertilizes the egg. Neither the sperm nor the egg
care how many times you've had sex previously. The
only way to avoid the risk of pregnancy is to not have
sex at all.
MYTH: Drinking Mountain Dew will prevent pregnancy.
REALITY: The rumor that ingredients in Mountain
Dew (and other popular sodas) lower guys' sperm
count has been around for years, but the simple truth
is that Doing the Dew doesn't do anything to sperm.
Drinking soda isn't going to do anything but maybe
give you a cavity.
MYTH: Condoms can be reused.
MYTH: Girls can't get pregnant during their period.
REALITY: Gross. Once a condom has been removed
from its wrapper, you have to use it or lose it. And
once a condom has been used during sex, it is no
longer good—throw it away!
REALITY: There is a chance that you can get pregnant
if you have sex during your period. Once in the vagina,
sperm can stay alive for several days—that means that,
even if the last time you had sex was three days ago
during your period, you could now be ovulating and
therefore you could get pregnant. It‘s kind of complicated, so just remember this: ANY time you have sex
you can get pregnant, so always use protection.
MYTH: Girls can use a friend or sister's birth control
pills—what's
the
difference,
right?
REALITY: Wrong. Prescriptions have specific names
on them for a reason: because they're for specific
people. You can't use someone else's birth control for
a number of reasons, namely, because it isn't prescribed to you.
MYTH: You can't get pregnant if you've never had a
period.
MYTH: Guys can use plastic wrap if they don't have a
condom.
REALITY: You may ovulate 14 days before your first
period so it is possible to get pregnant even if you
haven't had a period yet.
REALITY: Plastic wrap, baggies, etc, are great for
food storage, but are NOT viable alternatives to condoms. Common household products will not protect
you from pregnancy or STIs. Your best bet is to get
out your wallet and buy some condoms. Condoms are
specifically made to provide a good fit and good protection during sex, and they are thoroughly tested for
maximum effectiveness.
MYTH: A girl can't get pregnant/ a guy can't get a girl
pregnant if: you have sex standing up; the girl is on
top; you have sex in a hot tub or a swimming pool; you
jump up and down immediately after sex; the girl
douches, takes a bath, or urinates immediately after
sex; it's your first time; you're both virgins; the guy
pulls out before he ejaculates or if he doesn't go all the
way in; the girl doesn't have an orgasm; the guy and
the girl don't orgasm at the same time; the girl pushes
really hard on her belly button after sex; or the girl
makes herself sneeze for fifteen minutes after sex.
REALITY: We're sure you've heard some of these
whoppers, or maybe some even weirder ones. Forget
who you've heard them from or how many times you've
heard them. The truth is, you can get pregnant any
time you have sex (unless, of course, you're already
pregnant, which means you've got other things to
worry about). Even if you use a condom or another
form of birth control, you can still get pregnant. The
only 100% way to prevent pregnancy is by NOT having
sex. So if you choose to have sex, regardless of when
and how, know what you might be getting yourself
into.
MYTH: A girl only takes birth control pills right before she‘s going to have sex.
REALITY: Birth control pills are made up of a series
of hormones that must build up in your body to be
effective. The pills are meant to be taken in a specific
order at about the same time every day. When you
skip a day or skip a non-placebo pill, it‘ll alter the
effectiveness of the birth control.
MYTH: The pill is completely effective the first day
you begin taking it.
REALITY: Unfortunately, it can take up to one full
month (or one full menstrual cycle) for the pill to become completely effective. Doctors most often recommend using a second form of contraception (like
condoms) during the first few weeks that you're on
the pill.
17
ISSUE 4
DECEMBER 2012
Mail to:
Phone: 413-662-5497
E-mail: [email protected]
Campus Center Room #322
MCLA
North Adams, MA 01247
Susan B. Anthony Women‘s Center
sents:
STAGE Pre
Free and Open to the Public
Food Games
Prizes
Some of the Topics We Will Cover:
Contraceptive Methods
Friday, Dec. 7th
3:00 p.m. — 6:00 p.m.
Venable Gym
A carnival of sex education
and awareness!
Sex in the Media
Literary Erotica
Sex Toys
BDSM
Masturbation
Communication
Sexuality in Anime
Gender and Sexuality
16