1 ABSOLUTE NERDE-HITS Sanghefte 1 2 Weird Al: White & Nerdy lyrics .............................................................................................4 Ebay lyrics .............................................................................................................................7 The Saga Begins Lyrics ..........................................................................................................9 Yoda Lyrics..........................................................................................................................12 "Ode To A Superhero"..........................................................................................................14 Tribute Lyrics.......................................................................................................................16 Artist(Band):Tenacious D.....................................................................................................16 Ray Parker - Ghostbusters Lyrics..........................................................................................18 D&D (2005 Bonus Version) Lyrics ......................................................................................20 Weezer: "In The Garage"......................................................................................................23 Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (from Monty Python) .............................................25 Lumberjack Song .................................................................................................................26 Galaxy Song Lyrics ..............................................................................................................28 Artist: Monty Python Album: The Meaning Of Life .............................................................28 Every Sperm Is Sacred Lyrics...............................................................................................29 Artist: Monty Python ............................................................................................................29 Monty Python - Spam Song Lyrics .......................................................................................31 Album: Monty Python Sings ................................................................................................31 Accountancy Shanty Lyrics ..................................................................................................34 Artist: Monty Python (Buy Monty Python CDs) ...................................................................34 I Like Chinese Lyrics ...........................................................................................................35 Artist: Monty Python ............................................................................................................35 Finland Lyrics ......................................................................................................................38 Artist: Monty Python ............................................................................................................38 ARTIST: Monty Python .......................................................................................................39 TITLE: Bruces' Philosophers Song .......................................................................................39 Decomposing Composers Lyrics ..........................................................................................40 Artist: Monty Python ............................................................................................................40 Monty Python Christmas In Heaven lyrics............................................................................41 The Elements Lyrics.............................................................................................................42 Artist(Band):Tom Lehrer......................................................................................................42 Poisoning Pigeons In The Park Lyrics ..................................................................................43 Artist(Band):Tom Lehrer......................................................................................................43 ARTIST: Tom Lehrer...........................................................................................................44 TITLE: We Will All Go Together When We Go ..................................................................44 Tom Lehrer Oedipus Rex Lyrics...........................................................................................46 Terrance & Phillip Lyrics .....................................................................................................47 Blame Canada Lyrics - South Park .......................................................................................48 Trey Parker - America, Fuck Yeah Lyrics.............................................................................49 Nrrrd Grrrl Lyrics.................................................................................................................52 Artist(Band):MC Chris .........................................................................................................52 - The Internet Is For Porn Lyrics...........................................................................................55 Bobby "Boris" Pickett - Monster Mash Lyrics ......................................................................59 WEIRD AL YANKOVIC LYRICS - You Don't Love Me Anymore ....................................61 The Ballad Of Bilbo Baggins Lyrics .....................................................................................63 Code Monkey Lyrics ............................................................................................................64 (written by: Jonathan Coulton) .............................................................................................64 Artist: Jonathan Coulton lyrics..............................................................................................66 Title: Ikea.............................................................................................................................66 2 3 "Jonathan Coulton Chiron Beta Prime lyrics" .......................................................................68 "Jonathan Coulton Skullcrusher Mountain lyrics".................................................................69 Jonathan Coulton - Creepy Doll lyrics ..................................................................................71 Jonathan Coulton - Re Your Brains Lyrics............................................................................73 The Irish Ballad Lyrics - Tom Lehrer ...................................................................................75 Lyrics to O.G. Original Gamer – MC Lars............................................................................77 3 4 Weird Al: White & Nerdy lyrics They see me mowin' My front lawn I know they're all thinking I'm so White N' nerdy Think I'm just too white n' nerdy Think I'm just too white n' nerdy Can't you see I'm white n' nerdy Look at me I'm white n' nerdy! I wanna roll withThe gangsters But so far they all think I'm too white n' nerdy Think I'm just too white n' nerdy Think I'm just too white n' nerdy I'm just too white n' nerdy Really, really white n' nerdy First in my class here at M.I.T. Got skills, I'm a Champion of DND MC Escher that's my favorite MC Keep your 40 I'll just have an Earl Grey tea My rims never spin to the contrary You'll find they're quite stationary All of my action figures are cherry Steven Hawkings in my library My MySpace page is all totally pimped out I got people begging for my top 8 spaces Yo I know Pi to a thousand places Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise I'm a whiz at minesweeper I can play for days Once you see my sweet moves you're gonna stay amazed, my fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze There's no killer app I haven't run At Pascal, well, I'm number 1 Do vector calculus just for fun I ain't got a gat but I gotta soldering gun Happy days is my favourite theme song I can sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on I'm fluent in Java Script as well as Klingon They see me roll on, my Segway! 4 5 I know in my heart they think I'm white n' nerdy! Think I'm just too white n' nerdy Think I'm just too white n' nerdy Can't you see I'm white n' nerdy Look at me I'm white n' nerdy I'd like to roll withThe gangsters Although it's apparent I'm too White n' nerdy Think I'm just too white n' nerdy I'm just too white n' nerdy How'd I get so white n' nerdy? I've been browsing, inspectin' X-men comics you know I collect 'em The pens in my pocket I must protect 'em my ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored Shopping online for deals on some writable media I edit Wikipedia I memorized Holy Grail really well I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL I got a business doing websites When my friends need some code who do they call? I do HTML for them all Even made a homepage for my dog! Yo! Got myself a fanny pack they were having a sale down at the GAP Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap POP POP! Hope no one sees me gettin' freaky! I'm nerdy in the extreme and whiter than sour creme I was in AV club and Glee club and even the chess team! Only question I ever thought was hard Was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard? I spend every weekend at the renaissance fair I got my name on my under wear! They see me strollin' They laughin' And rollin' their eyes 'cause I'm so white n' nerdy Just because I'm white n' nerdy Just because I'm white n' nerdy All because I'm white n' nerdy Holy cow I'm white n' nerdy I wanna bowl withthe gangsters 5 6 but oh well it's obvious I'm white n' nerdy Think I'm just too white n' nerdy Think I'm just too white n' nerdy I'm just too white n' nerdy Look at me I'm white n' nerdy! 6 7 Weird Al Yankovic Ebay lyrics Yeah A used... pink bathrobe A rare... mint snowglobe A Smurf... TV tray I bought on eBay My house... is filled with this crap Shows up in bubble wrap Most every day What I bought on eBay Tell me why (I need another pet rock) Tell me why (I got that Alf alarm clock) Tell me why (I bid on Shatner's old toupee) They had it on eBay I'll buy... your knick-knack Just check... my feedback "A++!" they all say They love me on eBay Gonna buy (a slightly-damaged golf bag) Gonna buy (some Beanie Babies, new with tags) (From some guy) I've never met in Norway Found him on eBay I am the type who is liable to snipe you With two seconds left to go, whoa Got Paypal or Visa, what ever'll please ya As long as I've got the dough I'll buy... your chotchkes Sell me... your watch, please I'll buy (I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy...) I'm highest bidder now (Junk keeps arriving in the mail) (From that worldwide garage sale) (Dukes Of Hazard ashtray) (Hey! A Dukes Of Hazard ashtray) Oh yeah... (I bought it on eBay) Wanna buy (a PacMan Fever lunchbox) Wanna buy (a case of vintage tube socks) Wanna buy (a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre, used by Dr. Dre... hey) (Found it on eBay) 7 8 Wanna buy (that Farrah Fawcet poster) (Pez dispensers and a toaster) (Don't know why... the kind of stuff you'd throw away) I'll buy on eBay What I bought on eBay-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y 8 9 The Saga Begins Lyrics Artist(Band):Weird Al Yankovic A long, long time ago In a galaxy far away Naboo was under an attack And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn Could talk the federation in To maybe cutting them a little slack But their response, it didn't thrill us They locked the doors and tried to kill us We escaped from that gas Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass We took a bongo from the scene And we went to Theed to see the Queen We all wound up on Tatooine That's where we found this boy Oh My my this here Anakin guy Maybe Vader someday later Now he's just a small fry He left his home And kissed his mommy goodbye Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi" "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi" Did you know this junkyard slave Isn't even old enough to shave But he can use the Force, they say Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen Though he's just nine and she's fourteen Yeah, he's probably gonna marry her someday Well, I know he built C-3PO And I've heard how fast his pod can go And we were broke, it's true So we made a wager or two He was a prepubescent flyin' ace And the minute Jabba started off that race Well, I knew who would win first place Oh yes, it was our boy We started singin' My my this here Anakin guy Maybe Vader someday later Now he's just a small fry 9 10 And he left his home And kissed his mommy goodbye Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi" "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi" Now we finally got to Coruscant The Jedi Council we knew would want To see how good the boy could be So we took him there and we told the tale How his midi-chlorians were off the scale And he might fulfill that prophecy Oh the Council was impressed of course Could he bring balance to the Force? They interviewed the kid Oh, training they forbid Because Yoda sensed in him much fear And Qui-Gon said "Now listen here" "Just stick it in your pointy ear" "I still will teach this boy" He was singin' My my this here Anakin guy Maybe Vader someday later Now he's just a small fry And he left his home And kissed his mommy goodbye Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi" "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi" We caught a ride back to Naboo 'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to I frankly would've liked to stay We all fought in that epic war And it wasn't long at all before Little hotshot flew his plane and saved the day And in the end some Gungans died Some ships blew up and some pilots fried A lot of folks were croakin' The battle droids were broken And the Jedi I admire most Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost I guess I'll train this boy And I was singin' My my this here Anakin guy Maybe Vader someday later Now he's just a small fry 10 11 And he left his home And kissed his mommy goodbye Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi" "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi" We were singin' My my this here Anakin guy Maybe Vader someday later Now he's just a small fry And he left his home And kissed his mommy goodbye Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi" 11 12 Yoda Lyrics Artist(Band):Weird Al Yankovic I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda S-O-D-A, soda I saw the little runt sitting there on a log I asked him for his name and in a raspy voice he said "Yoda" Y-O-D-A, Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Well, I've been around, but I ain't never seen A guy who looks like a muppet, but he's wrinkled and green Oh, my Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Well, I'm not dumb, but I can't understand How he can lift me in the air just by raising his hand Oh, my Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Well, I left home just a week before And I've never ever been a Jedi before But Obi Wan, he set me straight, of course He said, "Go to Yoda and he'll show you the Force" Well I'm not the kind that would argue with Ben So it looks like I'm gonna start all over again With my Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda So I used the Force I picked up a box I lifted some rocks While I stood on my head but, I won't forget what Yoda said He said, "Luke, stay away from the darker side And if you start to go astray, let the Force be your guide" Oh, my Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda 12 13 "I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed But remember, if you kill him, then you'll be unemployed" Oh, my Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess So I'm gonna have to leave Yoda I guess But I know that I'll be coming back some day I'll be playing this part 'till I'm old and gray The long-term contract I had to sign Says I'll be making these movies till the end of time Oh with my Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda 13 14 WEIRD AL YANKOVIC LYRICS "Ode To A Superhero" Peter Parker was pitiful Couldn't have been any shyer Mary Jane still wouldn't notice him Even if his hair was on fire But then one day he went to that science lab That mutated spider came down Oh, and now Peter crawls over everyone's walls And he's swingin' all over town La li la, li de da La la, li le la da dum Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man Sling us a web tonight 'Cause we're all in the mood for a hero now And there's evil doers to fight Now Harry the rich kid's a friend of his Who horns in on Mary Jane But to his great surprise it seems she prefers guys Who can kiss upside down in the rain "With great power comes great responsibility" That's the catch phrase of old Uncle Ben If you missed it, don't worry, they'll say the line Again and again and again Oh, la la la, di de da La la, di di da da dom Now Norman's a billionare scientist Who never had time for his son But then something went screw and before you knew he Was trying to kill everyone And he's ridin' around on that glider thing And he's throwin' that weird pumpkin bomb Yes, he's wearin' that dumb Power Rangers mask But he's scarier without it on Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man Sling us a web tonight 'Cause you're brave and you're strong and so limber now 14 15 But where'd you come up with those tights? It's a pretty sad day at the funeral Norman Osborn has bitten the dust And I heard Harry's said he wants Spider-Man dead Aw, but his buddy Pete he can trust Oh, and M.J. is all hot for Peter now Aw, but Peter, he just shuts her down Mary Jane, don't you cry, you can give it a try Again when the sequal comes 'round Oh, la la la, di de da La la, di di da da dum Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man Sling us a web tonight 'Cause we all sure could use us a hero now And we think that you'll do all right 15 16 Tribute Lyrics Artist(Band):Tenacious D This is the greatest and best song in the world. . . tribute. Long time ago me and my brother Kyle here,... we was hitchhikin' down a long and lonesome road. All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon... in the middle... of the road. And he said: "Play the best song in the world, or I'll eat your souls (whisper:Souls)." Well me and Kyle,... we looked at each other, and we each said... "Okay." And we played the first thing that came to our heads, Just so happened to be, The Best Song in the World, it was The Best Song in the World. Look into my eyes and it's easy to see One and one make two, two and one make three, It was destiny. Once every hundred-thousand years or so, When the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow and the grass doth grow oooh Needless to say, the beast was stunned. Whip-crack went his whippet tail, And the beast was done. He asked us: "(snort) BE you angels?" And we said, "Nay. We are but men Rock!! Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahn, Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh! This is not The Greatest Song in the World, No 16 17 This is just a tribute. Couldn't remember The Greatest Song in the World, No. No! This is a tribute, oh, To The Greatest Song in the World, All right! It was The Greatest Song in the World, All right! And it was the best mother fuckin' song, The Greatest Song in the world! Allllllright! 'Ti Tuga digga tu Gi Friba fligugibu Uh Fligugigbu Uh Di Ei Friba Du Gi Fligu fligugigugi Flilibili Ah (Bow) (Bow) (Bow) (Ooh) (Bow) (Bi) Fligu wene mamamana Sacrebleu! (Mene) (LUCIFER)! (guitar solo) And the peculiar thing is this my friends: the song we sang on that fateful night it didn't actually sound anything like this song! This is just a tribute! You gotta believe it! And I wish you were there! Just a matter of opinion. Ah, fuck! Good God, God lovin' , So surprised to find you can't stop me,now. I'm on fire-O hallelujah I'm found! Rich motherfucker compadre simultaniously:oooh/(Demonic)aaaaah! All right! All right! 17 18 Ray Parker - Ghostbusters Lyrics If there's something strange in your neighborhood Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS If there's something weird and it don't look good Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS I ain't afraid of no ghosts I ain't afraid of no ghosts If you're seeing things running through your head Who can ya call? GHOSTBUSTERS An invisible man sleeping in your bed Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS I ain't afraid of no ghosts I ain't afraid of no ghosts Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS If ya all alone pick up the phone and call GHOSTBUSTERS I ain't afraid of no ghosts I here it likes the girls I ain't afraid of no ghost Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS If you've had a dose of a freaky ghost baby Ya better call GHOSTBUSTERS 18 19 Lemme tell ya something Bustin' makes me feel good! I ain't afraid of no ghosts I ain't afraid of no ghosts Don't get caught alone no no GHOSTBUSTERS When it comes through your door Unless you just want some more I think you better call GHOSTBUSTERS Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS I think you better call GHOSTBUSTERS Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS I can't hear you Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS Louder GHOSTBUSTERS Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS Who can ya call? GHOSTBUSTERS Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS 19 20 D&D (2005 Bonus Version) Lyrics Artist(Band):Stephen Lynch [00:04]Harmonica. [00:10]More harmonica. [00:16]I got my twelve sided die and I'm ready to roll with a wizard and my goblin crew. [00:22]My friends are coming over to my mom's basement bringing Funyuns and the Mountain Dew. [00:27]I got a big broad sword made outta cardboard and that stereos a pumpin zeppelin. (dazed and confused) [00:33]It's that time of the night, we turn on the black light, let the dungeons and the dragons begin! [00:38]It's D and D!! [00:42]Fighting with the legends of yore. [00:44]It's D and D!! [00:48]Never kissed a lady before. Nope, I said it, WOOO! [00:51]C'mon you gonna bring the thunder? I'll bring the fuckin thunder, c'mon bring the thunder, c'mon lets go! Aww that's nice. [00:57]Why don't you bring some thunder mother fucker. Bring some thunder, alright! [01:02]Now the lord of the rings the dark crystal and things, we use these as a reference tool. [01:08]And when we put on our cloaks and tell warlock jokes, we're the coolest kids in the school! [01:15]No we're not. I know. [01:17]Now Teich's a real bastard, but a fair dungeon master, he's got hitpoints and charisma to lend. [01:22]And I rehearse in my room or what I call the dragon's tomb when I'm not out with my girlfriend! [01:27]It's D and D! [01:29]Wait wait wait, Teich, c'mon. I'm sorry. Woah hey wait, I'm sorry. Hold on gimme one second. What? [01:34]Dude come on, seriously. What?! [01:42]You've got a fuckin...girlfriend? Dungeon master! [01:49]That's kind of a dick thing to say. [01:52]It's D and D!! [01:55]Summoning the demons of hell. [01:57]It's D and D!! [02:00]When our shift ends at the taco bell. Gordita! Chalupa! [02:20]Well my medieval brother, there's room here for another, would you care to take a roll of the die? [02:25]You guys make me weep, you think that you can keep up with a warrior as mighty as I? [02:31]See you're in mortal danger, I'm a first class ranger who's half gargoyle and half elf. 20 21 [02:37]And if that doesn't scare ya maybe I should beware ya what lurks within my gaming shelf. [02:43]Next to my junior high annual lies my monster manual, and my customized dungeon master screen. [02:49]I've got treasures and traps on my graph paper maps, next to my three inch solid pewter figurines. [02:55]So if you think you got the balls, bring on your dungeon master calls, I'll be protected by my robe of destruction. [03:01]And I will leave you both in tears cause I'm the dungeon master here and you two are in need of some instruction. [03:06]It's D and D!! [03:10]Warriors who terrify. [03:12]It's D and D!!!!!!! [03:23]Virgins, 'til the day..... [03:30]We.................................. [03:41]o oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ohh oh [03:47]Do it, oh oh ohh oh {note:oh's from New Kids on the Block song} [03:50]NO, NO, NO, NO! NO! [03:56]One,Two fuck you [03:57]DIE!!!!! [4:04]Thank you everybody! 21 22 D&D Kicks Butt – fant ikke teksten 22 23 Weezer: "In The Garage" I've got a Dungeon Master's Guide I've got a 12-sided die I've got Kitty Pryde And Nightcrawler too Waiting there for me Yes I do, I do I've got posters on the wall My favorite rock group KISS I've got Ace Frehley I've got Peter Criss Waiting there for me Yes I do, I do In the garage I feel safe No one cares about my ways In the garage Where I belong No one hears me sing this song In the garage I've got an electric guitar I play my stupid songs I write these stupid words And I love every one Waiting there for me Yes I do, I do In the garage I feel safe No one cares about my ways In the garage Where I belong No one hears me sing this song In the garage In the garage (yeah) In the garage I feel safe No one cares about my ways In the garage Where I belong No one hears me sing this song In the garage I feel safe No one laughs about my ways 23 24 In the garage Where I belong No one hears me No one hears me No one hears me No one hears me No one hears me sing this song in the garage in the garage 24 25 Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (from Monty Python) words and music by Eric Idle Some things in life are bad They can really make you mad Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best... And...always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the light side of life... If life seems jolly rotten There's something you've forgotten And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing. When you're feeling in the dumps Don't be silly chumps Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing. And...always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the light side of life... For life is quite absurd And death's the final word You must always face the curtain with a bow. Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow. So always look on the bright side of death Just before you draw your terminal breath Life's a piece of shit When you look at it Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true. You'll see it's all a show Keep 'em laughing as you go Just remember that the last laugh is on you. And always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the right side of life... (Come on guys, cheer up!) Always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the bright side of life... (Worse things happen at sea, you know.) Always look on the bright side of life... (I mean - what have you got to lose?) (You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!) 25 26 Always look on the right side of life... Lumberjack Song Authors: Terry Jones & Michael Palin BARBER: I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay. I sleep all night and I work all day. MOUNTIES: He's a lumberjack, and he's okay. He sleeps all night and he works all day. BARBER: I cut down trees. I eat my lunch. I go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shoppin' And have buttered scones for tea. MOUNTIES: He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch. He goes to the lavatory. On Wednesdays he goes shoppin' And has buttered scones for tea. He's a lumberjack, and he's okay. He sleeps all night and he works all day. BARBER: I cut down trees. I skip and jump. I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing And hang around in bars. MOUNTIES: He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps. He likes to press wild flowers. He puts on women's clothing And hangs around in bars?! He's a lumberjack, and he's okay. He sleeps all night and he works all day. BARBER: I cut down trees. I wear high heels, Suspendies, and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie, Just like my dear Papa. MOUNTIES: He cuts down trees. He wears high heels, Suspendies, and a bra?! [talking] What's this? Wants to be a girlie?! Oh, My! And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter! 26 27 [singing] He's a lumberjack, and he's okay. He sleeps all night and he works all day. He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaay. He sleeps all night and he works all day. 27 28 Galaxy Song Lyrics Artist: Monty Python Album: The Meaning Of Life Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour, That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned, A sun that is the source of all our power. The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see Are moving at a million miles a day In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour, Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'. Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars. It's a hundred thousand light years side to side. It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick, But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide. We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point. We go 'round every two hundred million years, And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions In this amazing and expanding universe. The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding In all of the directions it can whizz As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know, Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is. So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure, How amazingly unlikely is your birth, And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space, 'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth. 28 29 Every Sperm Is Sacred Lyrics Artist: Monty Python DAD: There are Jews in the world. There are Buddhists. There are Hindus and Mormons, and then There are those that follow Mohammed, but I've never been one of them. I'm a Roman Catholic, And have been since before I was born, And the one thing they say about Catholics is: They'll take you as soon as you're warm. You don't have to be a six-footer. You don't have to have a great brain. You don't have to have any clothes on. You're A Catholic the moment Dad came, Because Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. CHILDREN: Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. GIRL: Let the heathen spill theirs On the dusty ground. God shall make them pay for Each sperm that can't be found. CHILDREN: Every sperm is wanted. Every sperm is good. Every sperm is needed In your neighbourhood. MUM: Hindu, Taoist, Mormon, Spill theirs just anywhere, 29 30 But God loves those who treat their Semen with more care. MEN: Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. WOMEN: If a sperm is wasted,... CHILDREN: ...God get quite irate. PRIEST: Every sperm is sacred. BRIDE and GROOM: Every sperm is good. NANNIES: Every sperm is needed... CARDINALS: ...In your neighbourhood! CHILDREN: Every sperm is useful. Every sperm is fine. FUNERAL CORTEGE: God needs everybody's. MOURNER #1: Mine! MOURNER #2: And mine! CORPSE: And mine! NUN: Let the Pagan spill theirs O'er mountain, hill, and plain. HOLY STATUES: God shall strike them down for Each sperm that's spilt in vain. EVERYONE: Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is good. Every sperm is needed In your neighbourhood. Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite iraaaaaate! 30 31 Monty Python - Spam Song Lyrics Album: Monty Python Sings (Lang intro, “låta” begynner ved 2:00) Customer: Morning, Waitress: Morning. Customer: What have you got? Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon, egg sausage and bacon Egg and spam Egg, bacon and spam Egg, bacon, sausage and spam Spam, bacon, sausage and spam Spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam Spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam tomato and spam Spam, spam, spam, egg and spam Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam. (Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely Spam! Lovely Spam!) Or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce served in a provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and a fried egg on top and spam. Wife: Have you got anything without spam? Waitress: Well, the spam, eggs, sausage and spam That's not got much spam in it Wife: I don't want any spam! Customer: Why can't she have eggs, bacon, spam and sausage? Wife: 31 32 That's got spam in it! Customer: Hasn't got much spam in it as spam, eggs, sausage and spam has it? (Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam!...) Wife: Could you do me eggs, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam, then? Waitress: Iiiiiiiiiiiich!! Wife: What do you mean 'Iiiiiiiiiich'? I don't like spam! (Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!) Waitress (to choir): Shut up! (Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!) Waitress: Shut Up! Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam. Wife: I don't like spam! Customer: Shush dear, don't have a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it, I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam, and spam! (Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!) Waitress: Shut Up!! Baked beans are off. Customer: Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? Waitress: You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam and spam? Choir (intervening): Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! 32 33 Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam! 33 34 Accountancy Shanty Lyrics Artist: Monty Python (Buy Monty Python CDs) LEAD PIRATE: Full speed ahead, Mr. Cohen! CHORUS: Up, up, up your premium. Up, up, up your premium. PIRATE: Scribble away! CHORUS: Up, up, up your premium. PIRATE: And balance the books. CHORUS: Up, up, up your premium. PIRATE: Scribble away! CHORUS: Up, up, up your premium. PIRATE: But manage the books. CHORUS: Up, up, up. PIRATES: It's fun to charter an accountant And sail the wide accountancy, To find, explore the funds offshore And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy! It can be manly in insurance. We'll up your premium semi-annually. It's all tax deductible. We're fairly incorruptible, We're sailing on the wide accountancy! LEAD PIRATE: Oh, this is fun, Mr. Cohen! PIRATE: Sail away!... CHORUS: Up, up, up... LEAD PIRATE: Fetch me another exotic salute. To port! Bring her port to shell out! And the medium guys shell out to port! Balance the books! Bring me another small shellfish, Mr. Cohen... 34 35 I Like Chinese Lyrics Artist: Monty Python The world today seems absolutely crackers, With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high. There's fools and idiots sitting on the trigger. It's depressing and it's senseless, and that's why... I like Chinese. I like Chinese. They only come up to your knees, Yet they're always friendly, and they're ready to please. I like Chinese. I like Chinese. There's nine hundred million of them in the world today. You'd better learn to like them; that's what I say. I like Chinese. I like Chinese. They come from a long way overseas, But they're cute and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please. I like Chinese food. The waiters never are rude. Think of the many things they've done to impress. There's Maoism, Taoism, I Ching, and Chess. So I like Chinese. I like Chinese. I like their tiny little trees, Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin, and yang-ese. I like Chinese thought, The wisdom that Confucious taught. If Darwin is anything to shout about, The Chinese will survive us all without any doubt. So, I like Chinese. I like Chinese. They only come up to your knees, Yet they're wise and they're witty, and they're ready to please. All together. [verse in Chinese] Wo ai zhongguo ren. (I like Chinese.) Wo ai zhongguo ren. (I like Chinese.) 35 36 Wo ai zhongguo ren. (I like Chinese.) Ni hao ma; ni hao ma; ni hao ma; zaijien! (How are you; how are you; how are you; goodbye!) I like Chinese. I like Chinese. Their food is guaranteed to please, A fourteen, a seven, a nine, and lychees. I like Chinese. I like Chinese. I like their tiny little trees, Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin, and yang-ese. I like Chinese. I like Chinese. They only come up to your knees... 36 37 Fett’s Vet – ikke tekst 37 38 Finland Lyrics Artist: Monty Python Finland, Finland, Finland The country where I want to be Pony trekking or camping Or just watching TV Finland, Finland, Finland It's the country for me You're so near to Russia So far from Japan Quite a long way from Cairo Lots of miles from Vietnam Finland, Finland, Finland The country where I want to be Eating breakfast or dinner Or snack lunch in the hall Finland, Finland, Finland Finland has it all You're so sadly neglected And often ignored A poor second to Belgium When going abroad Finland, Finland, Finland The country where I quite want to be Your mountains so lofty Your treetops so tall Finland, Finland, Finland Finland has it all Finland, Finland, Finland The country where I quite want to be Your mountains so lofty Your treetops so tall Finland, Finland, Finland Finland has it all Finland has it all 38 39 ARTIST: Monty Python TITLE: Bruces' Philosophers Song Lyrics and Chords [ Cdim7 = xx1212 ] Immanuel Kant was a real pissant Who was very rarely stable Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar Who could think you under the table David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel And Wittgenstein was a beery swine Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel /D-/-A/--/-D/--/-G/A-/-D/ There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya 'Bout the raising of the wrist Socrates himself was permanently pissed / A7 - / / - G Cdim7 A7 / John Stuart Mill, of his own free will With half a pint of shandy got particularly ill Plato, they say, could stick it away Half a crate of whiskey every day Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle Hobbes was fond of his dram And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart "I drink therefore I am" Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed / A - - - / - AD / 39 40 Decomposing Composers Lyrics Artist: Monty Python Beethoven's gone, but his music lives on, And Mozart don't go shopping no more. You'll never meet Liszt or Brahms again, And Elgar doesn't answer the door. Schubert and Chopin used to chuckle and laugh, Whilst composing a long symphony, But one hundred and fifty years later, There's very little of them left to see. They're decomposing composers. There's nothing much anyone can do. You can still hear Beethoven, But Beethoven cannot hear you. Handel and Haydn and Rachmaninov Enjoyed a nice drink with their meal, But nowadays, no one will serve them, And their gravy is left to congeal. Verdi and Wagner delighted the crowds With their highly original sound. The pianos they played are still working, But they're both six feet underground. They're decomposing composers. There's less of them every year. You can say what you like to Debussy, But there's not much of him left to hear. Claude Achille Debussy-- Died, 1918. Christophe Willebald Gluck-- Died, 1787. Carl Maria von Weber-- Not at all well, 1825. Died, 1826. Giacomo Meyerbeer-- Still alive, 1863. Not still alive, 1864. Modeste Mussorgsky-- 1880, going to parties. No fun anymore, 1881. Johan Nepomuk Hummel-- Chatting away nineteen to the dozen with his mates down the pub every evening, 1836. 1837, nothing. 40 41 Monty Python Christmas In Heaven lyrics Spoken: GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. IT'S TRULY A REAL HONORABLE EXPERIENCE TO BE HERE THIS EVENING. A VERY WONDERFUL AND WARM AND EMOTIONAL MOMENT FOR ALL OF US. AND I'D LIKE TO SING A SONG: FOR ALL OF YOU. It's Christmas in Heaven, All the children sing, It's Christmas in Heaven, Hark hark those church bells ring. It's Christmas in Heaven, The snow falls from the sky... But it's nice and warm and everyone looks smart and wears a tie. It's Christmas in Heaven, ( From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/monty-python-lyrics/christmas-in-heaven-lyrics.html ) There's great fil ms on TV... `The Sound of Music' twice an hour And `Jaws' I, II, and III. There's gifts for all the family, There's toiletries and trains... There's Sony Walkman Headphone sets And the latest video games. It's Christmas it's Christmas in Heaven! Hip hip hip hip hip hooray! Every single day, Is Christmas day. It's Christmas it's Christmas in Heaven! Hip hip hip hip hip hooray! Every single day, It's Christmas day 41 42 The Elements Lyrics Artist(Band):Tom Lehrer Now, if I may digress momentarily from the main stream of this evenings symposium, I'd like to sing a song which is completely pointless but is something which I picked up during my career as a scientist. This may prove useful to some of you some day perhaps, in a somewhat bizarre set of circumstances. It's simply the names of the chemical elements set to a possibly recognizable tune. There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium, And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium, And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium, And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium, Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium, And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium, And gold and protactinium and indium and gallium, <gasp> And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium. There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium, And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium, And strontium and silicon and silver and samarium, And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium, and barium. Isn't that interesting? I knew you would. I hope you're all taking notes, because there's going to be a short quiz next period. There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium, And phosphorus and francium and fluorine and terbium, And manganese and mercury, molybdenum, magnesium, Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium. And lead, praseodymium, and platinum, plutonium, Palladium, promethium, potassium, polonium, And tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium, <gasp> And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium. There's sulfur, californium, and fermium, berkelium, And also mendelevium, einsteinium, nobelium, And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc, and rhodium, And chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin, and sodium. These are the only ones of which the news has come to Harvard, And there may be many others, but they haven't been discovered. Now, may I have the next slide please? Got carried away there. 42 43 Poisoning Pigeons In The Park Lyrics Artist(Band):Tom Lehrer Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here. Life is skittles and life is beer. I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring. I do, don't you? 'Course you do. But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me, And makes ev'ry Sunday a treat for me. All the world seems in tune On a spring afternoon, When we're poisoning pigeons in the park. Ev'ry Sunday you'll see My sweetheart and me, As we poison the pigeons in the park. When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide, But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide. The sun's shining bright, Ev'rything seems all right, When we're poisoning pigeons in the park. Lalaalaalalaladoodiedieedoodoodoo We've gained notoriety, And caused much anxiety In the Audubon Society With our games. They call it impiety, And lack of propriety, And quite a variety Of unpleasant names. But it's not against any religion To want to dispose of a pigeon. So if Sunday you're free, Why don't you come with me, And we'll poison the pigeons in the park. And maybe we'll do In a squirrel or two, While we're poisoning pigeons in the park. We'll murder them{ all }amid laughter and merriment. Except for the few we take home to experiment. My pulse will be quickenin' With each drop of strychnine We feed to a pigeon. 43 44 It just takes a smidgen! To poison a pigeon in the park. ARTIST: Tom Lehrer TITLE: We Will All Go Together When We Go When you attend a funeral It is sad to think that sooner or later Those you love will do the same for you And you may have thought it tragic Not to mention other adjecTives, to think of all the weeping they will do But don't you worry / Em - / B7 - / Em - C7 B7 / Em - / B7 - / Em F#7 B7 / - / No more ashes, no more sackcloth And an armband made of black cloth Will someday never more adorn a sleeve For if the bomb that drops on you Gets your friends and neighbors too There'll be nobody left behind to grieve / Em - / F - / B7 - E - / E E7 A F#7 / B7 - E B7 / And we will all go together when we go What a comforting thought that is to know. Universal bereavement, an inspiring achievement Yes, we will all go together when we go / E - A - / - F#m B7 - / E E7 A F#m / B7 - E C7 / We will all go together when we go All suffused with an incandescent glow No one will have the endurance to collect on his insurance Lloyd's of London will be loaded when they go / F - Bb - / - Gm C7 - / F F7 Bb Gm / C7 - F C#7 / Oh we will all fry together when we fry We'll be french fried potatoes by and by There will be no more misery when the world is our rotisserie Yes, we will all fry together when we fry / F# - E - / - - Eb - / - - / E - / Bb7 - Eb - / Down by the old maelstrom There'll be a storm before the calm 44 45 / Eb F7 Bb7 - / Bb7 G7 Cm B7 / And we will all bake together when we bake There'll be nobody present at the wake With complete participation in that grand incineration Nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak Oh we will all char together when we char And let there be no moaning of the bar Just sing out a Te Deum when you see that ICBM And the party will be "come as you are" Oh we will all burn together when we burn There'll be no need to stand and wait your turn When it's time for the fallout And Saint Peter calls us all out We'll just drop our agendas and adjourn You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas Go directly, do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollahs / G#m C#7 / F#m B7 / And we will all go together when we go Ev'ry Hottentot and ev'ry Eskimo When the air becomes uranious, we will all go simultaneous Yes we all will go together, when we all go together Yes, we all will go together when we go / E - A - / - F#m B7 - / E E7 A F#m / B7 - C#7 - / F#m B7 E - / 45 46 Tom Lehrer Oedipus Rex Lyrics From the Bible to the popular song, There's one theme that we find right along. Of all ideals they hail as good, The most sublime is motherhood. There was a man, oh, who it seems, Once carried this ideal to extremes. He loved his mother and she loved him, And yet his story is rather grim. There once lived a man named oedipus rex. You may have heard about his odd complex. His name appears in freud's index 'cause he loved his mother. His rivals used to say quite a bit, That as a monarch he was most unfit. But still in all they had to admit That he loved his mother. Yes he loved his mother like no other. His daughter was his sister and his son was his brother. One thing on which you can depend is, He sure knew who a boy's best friend is! When he found what he had done, He tore his eyes out one by one. A tragic end to a loyal son Who loved his mother. So be sweet and kind to mother, Now and then have a chat. Buy her candy or some flowers or a brand new hat. But maybe you had better let it go at that! Or you may find yourself with a quite complex complex, And you may end up like oedipus. I'd rather marry a duck-billed platypus, Than end up like old oedipus rex. 46 47 Terrance & Phillip Lyrics Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker You´re a cocksucking, ass-liking, uncle fucker You´re an uncle fucker, yes it´s true Nobody fucks uncles just like you Shut your ficking face, uncle fucker You´re the one that fucks your uncle uncle fucker You don´t even sleep or mow the lawm You fuck your uncle all day long (what´s going on in here?) Shut you´re fucking face, uncle fucker You´re a boner bitting bastard, uncle fucker You´re an uncle fucker, i must say You fucked your uncle yesterday! Uncle fucker, that´s u-n-c-l-e, fuck you! Uncle fucker! Suck my balls! 47 48 Blame Canada Lyrics - South Park Sheila: Times have changed Our kids are getting worse They won't obey their parents They just want to fart and curse! Sharon: Should we blame the government? Liane: Or blame society? Dads: Or should we blame the images on TV? Sheila: No, blame Canada Everyone: Blame Canada Sheila: With all their beady little eyes And flapping heads so full of lies Everyone: Blame Canada Blame Canada Sheila: We need to form a full assault Everyone: It's Canada's fault! Sharon: Don't blame me For my son Stan He saw the darn cartoon And now he's off to join the Klan! Liane: And my boy Eric once Had my picture on his shelf But now when I see him he tells me to fuck myself! Sheila: Well, blame Canada Everyone: Blame Canada Sheila: It seems that everything's gone wrong Since Canada came along Everyone: Blame Canada Blame Canada Copy Guy: They're not even a real country anyway Ms. McCormick: My son could've been a doctor or a lawyer rich and true, Instead he burned up like a piggy on the barbecue Everyone: Should we blame the matches? Should we blame the fire? Or the doctors who allowed him to expire? Sheila: heck no! Everyone: Blame Canada Blame Canada Sheila: With all their hockey hullabaloo Liane: And that bitch Anne Murray too Everyone: Blame Canada Shame on Canada For... The smut we must stop The trash we must bash The Laughter and fun Must all be undone We must blame them and cause a fuss 48 49 Before somebody thinks of blaming uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus!!!! Trey Parker - America, Fuck Yeah Lyrics America... America... America, FUCK YEAH! Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah, America, FUCK YEAH! Freedom is the only way yeah, Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too, America, FUCK YEAH! So lick my butt, and suck on my balls, America, FUCK YEAH! What you going to do when we come for you now, It’s the dream that we all share; it’s the hope for tomorrow FUCK YEAH! McDonalds, FUCK YEAH! Wal-Mart, FUCK YEAH! The Gap, FUCK YEAH! Baseball, FUCK YEAH! NFL, FUCK, YEAH! Rock and roll, FUCK YEAH! The Internet, FUCK YEAH! Slavery, FUCK YEAH! FUCK YEAH! Starbucks, FUCK YEAH! Disney world, FUCK YEAH! Porno, FUCK YEAH! Valium, FUCK YEAH! Reeboks, FUCK YEAH! Fake Tits, FUCK YEAH! Sushi, FUCK YEAH! Taco Bell, FUCK YEAH! Rodeos, FUCK YEAH! Bed bath and beyond (Fuck yeah, Fuck yeah) Liberty, FUCK YEAH! White Slips, FUCK YEAH! The Alamo, FUCK YEAH! Band-aids, FUCK YEAH! Las Vegas, FUCK YEAH! Christmas, FUCK YEAH! Immigrants, FUCK YEAH! Popeye, FUCK YEAH! Democrats, FUCK YEAH! 49 50 Republicans (republicans) (fuck yeah, fuck yeah) Sportsmanship Books 50 51 Spider Pig – ikke tekst 51 52 Nrrrd Grrrl Lyrics Artist(Band):MC Chris Nerd girl, I don't deserve you I don't get the references you refer to I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume I hope to get you home by curfew WORD UP! There's a special kind of girl that goes to my shows And I don't mean the groupie hos All along the front row She's more like a wallflower Like the one that Stryker sniped I'm like elixir when I'm with her 'Cause I think I like her type She might seem shy in person, it's no lie She's always nervous But the verdict is she's worth it She gets crap but don't deserve it She look like Emily Strange Always ravin' 'bout her favs Wanna conquer her like Kang When you kiss like Cassie Lang There's no way I can pronounce Neo Geo Evangelion I can't refute 'cause she's so cute And so I suck my belly in X-23 and Hellion, odd couple, to be kind She's in my heart and in my mind And now she's in my rhymes She's wordy and verbose Prolific and prone to prose Always sick and has a cold Stuffed nose she's got to blow I've got many cold remedies, many old enemies I've got a girl that kick their ass like River from Serenity Nerd girl, I don't deserve you I don't get the references you refer to I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume I hope to get you home by curfew WORD UP! Her parents are divorced And there's often daddy issues 52 53 Try not to take advantage While I hand her all my tissues She hips me to the bands she likes I couldn't be more clueless Every word comes out her mouth Is now on my to-do list She's romantic, known to panic With anxiety attacks Literary, it's so scary Reading Brontes back to back She's playing Ragnarok on her momma's Magnavox She's underneath my skin like a million nanobots She's like Annie Potts in 'Busters Get my freak on like I'm Egon Say third base right to her face And she will be like, be gone If not now know I can wait like Lucas and the locusts And you know this we'll buy glow sticks Stay up late, perfect the slow kiss You can't resist Chris 'cause he helps you de-stress While you play Animal Crossing on your Nintendo DS Baby, if we can't be a couple Give up on getting married I'll remember we connected And how that happens so rarely (I'm serious, girl!) Nerd girl, I don't deserve you I don't get the references you refer to I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume I hope to get you home by curfew Nerd girl, I don't deserve you I don't get the references you refer to I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume I hope to get you home by curfew Nerd girl, I don't deserve you I don't get the references you refer to I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume I hope to get you home by curfew WORD UP! 53 54 Fett’s Vet – ikke tekst 54 55 - The Internet Is For Porn Lyrics KATE The internet is really really great TREKKIE MONSTER For porn KATE Ive got a fast connection so i dont have to wait TREKKIE For porn KATE Huh? There's always some new site, TREKKIE For porn! I browse all day and night TREKKIE For porn! KATE It's like im surfing at the speed of light TREKKIE For porn! KATE Trekkie! TREKKIE The internet is for porn KATE Trekkie! TREKKIE The internet is for porn, KATE What are you doing!? TREKKIE Why you think the net was born? Porn porn porn KATE Treeekkie! TREKKIE Oh hello kate monster KATE You are ruining my song TREKKIE Oh me sorry, me no mean to KATE Well if you wouldnt mind please being quiet for a minute so i can finish? TREKKIE Me no talkie 55 56 KATE Good Im glad we have this new technology TREKKIE For porn KATE Which gives us untold opportunity TREKKIE For poroops, sorry KATE Right from you own desktop TREKKIE For --KATE You can research browse and shop Until youve had enough and your ready to stop TREKKIE FOR PORN!! Trekkie! TREKKIE The internet is for porn! KATE Noooo TREKKIE The internet if for porn! KATE Trekkie TREKKIE Me up all night honking me horn to porn, porn, porn! KATE Thats gross youre a pervert TREKKIE Ah, sticks and stones Kate monster KATE NO really, your a pervert Normal people dont sit at home and look At porn on the internet TREKKIE Ohhhh? KATE What?! TREKKIE You have no idea Ready normal people? NORMAL PEOPLE 56 57 Ready--- ready ----ready TREKKIE Let me hear it! TREKKIE AND GUYS The internet is for porn! PRINCETON Sorry kate TREKKIE AND GUYS The internet is for porn! PRINCETON I masturbate! TREKKIE AND GUYS All these guys unzip their flies For porn, porn, porn! KATE The internet is not for porn!! TREKKIE AND GUYS PORN!, PORN, P--KATE HOLD ON A SECOND! Now i know for a fact that you, Rob, check your portfolio and trade stocks online ROB Thats correct. KATE And Brian, you buy things on Amazon.com BRIAN Sure! KATE And Gary, you keep selling your possesions on Ebay GARY Yes I do! KATE And Princeton, you sent me that sweet online birthday card PRINCETON True! TREKKIE 57 58 Oh, but KateWhat you think he do . . .after? hmm? PRINCETON . .yeah KATE EEEWWWWW! TREKKIE AND GUYS The internet is for porn! KATE Gross! TREKKIE AND GUYS The internet is for porn! KATE I hate porn TREKKIE AND GUYS Grab your dick and double click KATE I hate you men! TREKKIE AND GUYS For porn, porn, porn! (harmonizing) porn, porn, porn, porn KATE Im leaving! TREKKIE AND GUYS Porn, porn, porn, porn porn, porn, porn, porn KATE I hate the internet! TREKKIE AND GUYS Porn, porn, porn, porn TREKKIE The internet is for TREKKIE AND SOME The internet is for TREKKIE AND ALL The internet is for PORN! TREKKIE YEAH! 58 59 Bobby "Boris" Pickett - Monster Mash Lyrics I was working in the lab late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight For my monster from his slab began to rise And suddenly to my surprise He did the mash He did the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash He did the mash It caught on in a flash He did the mash He did the monster mash From my laboratory in the castle east To the master bedroom where the vampires feast The ghouls all came from their humble abodes To get a jolt from my electrodes They did the mash They did the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash They did the mash It caught on in a flash They did the mash They did the monster mash The zombies were having fun The party had just begun The guests included Wolf Man Dracula and his son The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds The coffin-bangers were about to arrive With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five" They played the mash They played the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash They played the mash It caught on in a flash They played the mash They played the monster mash 59 60 Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring Seems he was troubled by just one thing He opened the lid and shook his fist And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?" It's now the mash It's now the monster mash The monster mash And it's a graveyard smash It's now the mash It's caught on in a flash It's now the mash It's now the monster mash Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band And my monster mash is the hit of the land For you, the living, this mash was meant too When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you Then you can mash Then you can monster mash The monster mash And do my graveyard smash Then you can mash You'll catch on in a flash Then you can mash Then you can monster mash 60 61 WEIRD AL YANKOVIC LYRICS - You Don't Love Me Anymore We've been together for so very long But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong? Seems you don't want me around The passion is gone and the flame's died down I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem That time that you made it with the whole hockey team You used to think I was nice Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes in my car? That kind of thing is hard to ignore Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore I knew that we were having problems when You put those piranhas in my bathtub again You're still the light of my life Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife? You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way You poison my coffee just a little each day I still remember the way that you laughed When you pushed me down that elevator shaft Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra Doing in my underwear drawer? Sometime I get to thinking you don't love me any more You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will You set my house on fire You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers Oh, you think that I'm ugly and you say that I'm cheap You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep You drilled a hole in my head Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all You never acted this way before Honey, something tells me you don't love me any more, oh no no Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore 61 62 Cantina Band og Imperial March – Ingen tekst 62 63 The Ballad Of Bilbo Baggins Lyrics In the middle of the earth in the land of the Shire lives a brave little hobbit whom we all admire. With his long wooden pipe, fuzzy, woolly toes, he lives in a hobbit-hole and everybody knows him Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins He's only three feet tall Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins The bravest little hobbit of them all Now hobbits are a peace-lovin' folks you know They don't like to hurry and they take things slow They don't like to travel away from home They just want to eat and be left alone But one day Bilbo was asked to go on a big adventure to the caves below, to help some dwarves get back their gold that was stolen by a dragon in the days of old. Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins He's only three feet tall Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins The bravest little hobbit of them all Well he fought with the goblins! He battled a troll!! He riddled with Gollum!!! A magic ring he stole!!!! He was chased by wolves!!!!! Lost in the forest!!!!!! Escaped in a barrel from the elf-king's halls!!!!!!! Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins The bravest little hobbit of them all Now he's back in his hole in the land of the Shire, that brave little hobbit whom we all admire, just a-sittin' on a treasure of silver and gold a-puffin' on his pipe in his hobbit-hole. Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins He's only three feet tall Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins The bravest little hobbit of them all 63 64 Code Monkey Lyrics (written by: Jonathan Coulton) Jonathan Coulton - Code Monkey Music Downloads Jonathan Coulton - Code Monkey Ringtone Code Monkey get up get coffee Code Monkey go to job Code Monkey have boring meeting with boring manager Rob Rob say Code Monkey very diligent but his output stink his code not functional or elegant what do Code Monkey think Code Monkey think maybe manager want to write goddamn login page himself Code Monkey not say it out loud Code Monkey not crazy just proud Code Monkey like Fritos Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew Code Monkey very simple man with big warm fuzzy secret heart Code Monkey like you Code Monkey like you Code Monkey hang around at front desk tell you sweater look nice Code Monkey offer buy you soda bring you cup bring you ice you say no thank you for the soda cause soda make you fat anyway you busy with the telephone no time for chat Code Monkey have long walk back to cubicle he sit down pretend to work Code Monkey not thinking so straight Code Monkey not feeling so great Code Monkey like Fritos Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew Code Monkey very simple man with big warm fuzzy secret heart Code Monkey like you Code Monkey like you a lot Code Monkey have every reason to get out this place Code Monkey just keep on working to see your soft pretty face 64 65 Much rather wake up eat a coffee cake Take bath, take nap This job fulfilling in creative way such a load of crap Code Monkey think someday he have everything even pretty girl like you Code Monkey just waiting for now Code Monkey say someday, somehow Code Monkey like Fritos Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew Code Monkey very simple man with big warm fuzzy secret heart Code Monkey like you Code Monkey like you 65 66 Artist: Jonathan Coulton lyrics Title: Ikea Long ago in days of yore It all began with a god named Thor There were Vikings and boats And some plans for a furniture store It's not a bodega, it's not a mall And they sell things for apartments smaller than mine As if there were apartments smaller than mine Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men Everyone has a home But if you don't have a home you can buy one there So rent a car or take the bus Lay your cash down and put your trust In the land where the furniture folds to a much smaller size Billy the bookcase says hello And so does a table whose name is Ingo And the chair is a ladder-back birch but his friends call him Karl Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men Everyone has a home But if you don't have a home you can buy one there Ikea: plywood, brushed steel Ikea: meatballs, tasty Ikea: Allen wrenches All of them for free All of them for me I'm sorry I said Ikea sucks I just bought a table for 60 bucks And a chair and a lamp And a shelf and some candles for you I was a doubter just like you Till I saw the American dream come true In New Jersey, they got a goddamned Swedish parade Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men Everyone has a home But if you don't have a home you can buy one there Long ago in days of yore 66 67 It all began with a god named Thor There were Vikings and boats And some plans for a furniture store It's not a bodega, it's not a mall And they sell things for apartments smaller than mine As if there were apartments smaller than mine Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men Everyone has a home But if you don't have a home you can buy one there So rent a car or take the bus Lay your cash down and put your trust In the land where the furniture folds to a much smaller size Billy the bookcase says hello And so does a table whose name is Ingo And the chair is a ladder-back birch but his friends call him Karl Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men Everyone has a home But if you don't have a home you can buy one there Ikea: plywood, brushed steel Ikea: meatballs, tasty Ikea: Allen wrenches All of them for free All of them for me I'm sorry I said Ikea sucks I just bought a table for 60 bucks And a chair and a lamp And a shelf and some candles for you I was a doubter just like you Till I saw the American dream come true In New Jersey, they got a goddamned Swedish parade Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men Everyone has a home But if you don't have a home you can buy one there 67 68 "Jonathan Coulton Chiron Beta Prime lyrics" This year has been a little crazy for the Andersons. You may recall we had some trouble last year. The robot council had us banished to an asteroid. That hasn't undermined our holiday cheer. And we know it's almost Christmas from the marks we make on the wall. And that's our favorite time of year. Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime, where we're working in a mine for our robot overlords. Did I say overlords? I meant protectors. Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime. On every corner there’s a giant metal Santa Claus who watches over us with glowing red eyes. They carry weapons and they know if you’ve been bad or good. Not everybody’s good but everyone tries. And the rocks outside the airlock exude ammonia-scented snow. It's like a Winter wonderland. Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime, where we're working in a mine for our robot overlords. Did I say overlords? I meant protectors. Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime. That's all the family news that we're allowed to talk about. We really hope you'll come and visit us soon. I mean we're literally begging you to visit us. And make it quick before they Now it's time for Christmas dinner. I think the robots sent us a pie! You know I love my soylent green. Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime, where we're working in a mine for our robot overlords. Did I say overlords? I meant protectors. Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime. 68 69 "Jonathan Coulton Skullcrusher Mountain lyrics" Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher Mountain I hope that you've enjoyed your stay so far I see you've met my assistant Scarface His appearance is quite disturbing But I assure you he's harmless enough He's a sweetheart, calls me master And he has a way of finding pretty things and bringing them to me I'm so into you But I'm way too smart for you Even my henchmen think I'm crazy I'm not surprised that you agree If you could find some way to be A little bit less afraid of me You'd see the voices that control me from inside my head Say I shouldn't kill you yet I made this half-pony half-monkey monster to please you But I get the feeling that you don't like it What's with all the screaming? You like monkeys, you like ponies Maybe you don't like monsters so much Maybe I used too many monkeys Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you? I'm so into you But I'm way too smart for you Even my henchmen think I'm crazy I'm not surprised that you agree If you could find some way to be A little bit less afraid of me You'd see the voices that control me from inside my head Say I shouldn't kill you yet Picture the two of us alone inside my golden submarine While up above the waves my doomsday squad ignites the atmosphere And all the fools who live their foolish lives may find it quite explosive But it won't mean half as much to me if I don't have you here You know it isn't easy living here on Skullcrusher Mountain Maybe you could cut me just a little slack Would it kill you to be civil? I've been patient, I've been gracious And this mountain is covered with wolves Hear them howling, my hungry children Maybe you should stay and have another drink and think about me and you 69 70 I'm so into you But I'm way too smart for you Even my henchmen think I'm crazy I'm not surprised that you agree If you could find some way to be A little bit less afraid of me You'd see the voices that control me from inside my head Say I shouldn't kill you yet I shouldn't kill you yet I shouldn't kill you yet 70 71 Jonathan Coulton - Creepy Doll lyrics In a town in the woods at the top of a hill There's a house where no one lives So you take a big bag of your big city money there and buy it Then at night when you're all alone And the house is dark there's a noise upstairs At the top of the stairs there's a door so you take a deep breath and try it And the flashlight shines on something moving just inside the door There's a tattered dress and a feeling that you've felt somewhere before And there's the creepy doll That always follows you It's got a ruined eye That's always open And there's a creepy doll That always follows you It's got a pretty mouth To swallow you whole So you scream and you close the door And you tell yourself it was just a dream In the morning you head into town cause you want to go antiquing In the store there's a strange old man With a wandering eye and a withered hand When he hands you the old wooden box you can hear his old bones creaking And you know what you will find inside the moment that you see That someone carved your name into the tarnished silver key And there's a creepy doll That always follows you It's got a ruined eye That's always open And there's a creepy doll That always follows you It's got a pretty mouth To swallow you whole And when you come home late the doll is waiting up for you And when you fix a snack the doll says it would like one too The doll is in your house and in your room and in your bed The doll is in your eyes and in your arms and in your head and you are crazy Now it's late and you head downstairs Cause you just can't sleep and you make some tea 71 72 And the doll disapprovingly asks if you really need that much honey You decide that you've had enough And you lock the doll in the wooden box You put the box in the fireplace next to your bag of big city money As the smoke fills up your tiny room there's nothing you can do And far too late you see the one inside the box is you And there's a creepy doll That always follows you It's got a ruined eye That's always open And there's a creepy doll That always follows you It's got a pretty mouth To swallow you whole 72 73 Jonathan Coulton - Re Your Brains Lyrics Heya Tom, it's Bob, From the office down the hall. Good to see you buddy, How've ya been? Things have been okay for me, Except that I'm a zombie now. Really wish you'd let us in. I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand Why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demands, But here's an FYI - you're all gonna die, screaming. All we wanna do is eat your brains We're not unreasonable, I mean no-one's gonna eat your eyes All we wanna do is eat your brains We're at an impasse here, Maybe we should compromise. Open up the doors, We'll all come inside and eat your brains. I don't wanna nitpick Tom, but is this really your plan Spend your whole life locked inside a mall? Maybe that's okay for now, But someday you'll be out of food and guns, And you'll have to make the call. I'm not surprised to see you haven't thought it through enough You never had the head for all that 'bigger picture' stuff. But Tom, that's what I do, And I plan on eating you, slowly. All we wanna do is eat your brains We're not unreasonable, I mean no-one's gonna eat your eyes All we wanna do is eat your brains We're at an impasse here Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com Maybe we should compromise Open up the doors, We'll all come inside and eat your brains I'd like to help you Tom, In any way I can. I sure appreciate the way you're working with me. I'm not a monster Tom - well, technically I am...I guess I am... I've got another meeting Tom; Maybe we could wrap it up. 73 74 I know we'll get to common ground somehow. Meanwhile I'll report back to my colleagues, Who are chewing on the doors. I guess we'll table this for now. I'm glad to see you take constructive criticism well Thank you for your time, I know we're all busy as hell. And we'll put this thing to bed, When I bash your head open. All we wanna do is eat your brains We're not unreasonable, I mean no-one's gonna eat your eyes All we wanna do is eat your brains We're at an impasse here Maybe we should compromise Open up the doors, We'll all come inside and eat your brains 74 75 The Irish Ballad Lyrics - Tom Lehrer About a maid I'll sing a song, Sing rickety-tickety-tin, About Sinead I'll sing a song Who didn't have her family long. Not only did she do them wrong, She did ev'ryone of them in, them in, She did ev'ryone of them in. One morning in a fit of pique, Sing rickety-tickety-tin, One morning in a fit of pique, She drowned her father in the creek. The water tasted bad for a week, And we had to make do with gin, with gin, We had to make do with gin. Her mother she could never stand, Sing rickety-tickety-tin, Her mother she could never stand, And so a cyanide soup she planned. The mother died with a spoon in her hand, And her face in a hideous grin, a grin, Her face in a hideous grin. She set her sister's hair on fire, Sing rickety-tickety-tin, She set her sister's hair on fire, And as the smoke and flame rose high'r, Danced around the funeral pyre, Playin' a violin, -olin, Playin' a violin. She weighted her brother down with stones, Rickety-tickety-tin, She weighted her brother down with stones, And sent him off to Davy Jones. All they ever found were some bones, And occasional pieces of skin, of skin, Occasional pieces of skin. One day when she had nothing to do, Sing rickety-tickety-tin, One day when she had nothing to do, She cut her baby brother in two, And served him up as an Irish stew, 75 76 And invited the neighbors in, -bors in, Invited the neighbors in. And when at last the police came by, Sing rickety-tickety-tin, And when at last the police came by, Her little pranks she did not deny, To do so she would have had to lie, And lying, she knew, was a sin, a sin, Lying, she knew, was a sin. My tragic tale, I won't prolong, Rickety-tickety-tin, My tragic tale I won't prolong, And if you do not enjoy my song, You've yourselves to blame if it's too long, You should never have let me begin, begin, You should never have let me begin. 76 77 Lyrics to O.G. Original Gamer – MC Lars OG Original Gamer Sad as "Face of a Stranger" Lars: Dad found me on the steps of the video arcade Oprhan baby in a basket, seven pounds is all I weighed And before I learned to walk well I'd mastered Donkey Kong Q*bert, Final Fight, Master Blaster, and Pong Blindfolded - okay yeah I know it sounds adorable But dollars signs in pop's eyes grew creepy and deplorable He said Frontalot: Play by the noises, follow the ding boing... Lars: But I can walk the dog and do my homework? Frontalot: First, collect coins! Kid, didn't I find you with a controller in hand? Now why do you got to go and bring shame to your old man? Same to your old fans; you were a child prodigy up on a milk crate at the cabinet, making cottage cheese out of anybody'd put a quarter on screen. My pride in you extended like the limbs of Dhalsim. All green money motives must a back seat take! Put the textbooks down, I'm trying to make you great OG Original Gamer Sad as "Face of a Stranger" Lars: Locked in the attic I was drilled from my crib to the stroller While Dad beat my senseless with the NES controller Front: Kid listen I promise, it's for your own good. Wits that you've shown: should you level up? It's understood! Lars: I haven't seen the sun since '98 like Sega Saturn I've been learning ten-hit combos and the speed run patterns Front: More play, less chatter. You're a champion, kid. Under your mattress there had better be some cartridges hid. 77 78 Lars: Up down, left right, B A - mad scary Clockwork Orange meets Ray Bradbury Front: It's unnecessary to struggle; you're fated to win, but till you beat Bowser, you stay strapped in. Lars: I want to live a fun life, I've only seen the sun twice I want want real friends dad, Nintendogs won't suffice Front: Why do you ask for nothing when the world could be yours. Flesh-and-blood fun's fleeting. Seek eternal high scores. OG Original Gamer Sad as "Face of a Stranger" Lars: I want to go to school and clean my room I don't want to sit here playing Doom Three, can't you see I need to go out and play yo Real sports like baseball, I'm sick of Halo Front: Then you're sick of the meaning of life -- at your age! Better try a little harder, you want to clear that stage and step into the middle of an existence examined. Do it, or you're grounded: make you play backgammon. Lars: Here's a list of things that I'd rather do than sitting home playing Super Smash Brothers with you Eat peas, do the dishes, walk the dog, mow the lawn Take your Wii and shove it pops, I'm off yo I'm gone.. Peace! Front: Don't Joust with me kid, I'll go Berzerk. After all of your talent, all of my hard work, all the winnings that you earn, your celebrity too, You want to put us on the streets, like the TV movies do! OG Original Gamer Sad as "Face of a Stranger" OG Original Gamer Sad as "Face of a Stranger" Lars: Dad found me on the steps of the video arcade Oprhan baby in a basket, seven pounds is all I weighed And before I learned to walk well I'd mastered Donkey Kong Q*bert, Final Fight, Master Blaster, and Pong Blindfolded - okay yeah I know it sounds adorable But dollars signs in pop's eyes grew creepy and deplorable He said 78 79 Frontalot: Play by the noises, follow the ding boing... Lars: But I can walk the dog and do my homework? Frontalot: First, collect coins! Kid, didn't I find you with a controller in hand? Now why do you got to go and bring shame to your old man? Same to your old fans; you were a child prodigy up on a milk crate at the cabinet, making cottage cheese out of anybody'd put a quarter on screen. My pride in you extended like the limbs of Dhalsim. All green money motives must a back seat take! Put the textbooks down, I'm trying to make you great OG Original Gamer Sad as "Face of a Stranger" Lars: Locked in the attic I was drilled from my crib to the stroller While Dad beat my senseless with the NES controller Front: Kid listen I promise, it's for your own good. Wits that you've shown: should you level up? It's understood! Lars: I haven't seen the sun since '98 like Sega Saturn I've been learning ten-hit combos and the speed run patterns Front: More play, less chatter. You're a champion, kid. Under your mattress there had better be some cartridges hid. Lars: Up down, left right, B A - mad scary Clockwork Orange meets Ray Bradbury Front: It's unnecessary to struggle; you're fated to win, but till you beat Bowser, you stay strapped in. Lars: I want to live a fun life, I've only seen the sun twice I want want real friends dad, Nintendogs won't suffice Front: Why do you ask for nothing when the world could be yours. Flesh-and-blood fun's fleeting. Seek eternal high scores. OG Original Gamer Sad as "Face of a Stranger" Lars: I want to go to school and clean my room 79 80 I don't want to sit here playing Doom Three, can't you see I need to go out and play yo Real sports like baseball, I'm sick of Halo Front: Then you're sick of the meaning of life -- at your age! Better try a little harder, you want to clear that stage and step into the middle of an existence examined. Do it, or you're grounded: make you play backgammon. Lars: Here's a list of things that I'd rather do than sitting home playing Super Smash Brothers with you Eat peas, do the dishes, walk the dog, mow the lawn Take your Wii and shove it pops, I'm off yo I'm gone.. Peace! Front: Don't Joust with me kid, I'll go Berzerk. After all of your talent, all of my hard work, all the winnings that you earn, your celebrity too, You want to put us on the streets, like the TV movies do! OG Original Gamer Sad as "Face of a Stranger" 80
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