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Vol. 2 No. 1
September 16, 2010
The Hump-day Gazette
“Imagine if losing your virginity meant learning how
to do all that: absorbing all those egalitarian lessons,
learning how to regard your sexual life as a holistic
enterprise that encompassed pleasure, introspection,
and caring mutuality.”
-- Hanne Blank, ‘The Process-Oriented Virgin’
The two of us both followed a pretty standard
storyline when it came to losing our virginities: girl
meets boy, girl dates boy, one girl has intercourse for
the first time in the back seat of a car and the other
swiped her V-card on Valentine’s Day without much
of a to-do. If we had another co-writer who lost their
virginity on prom night, we’d have the stereotypical
teenage trifecta. However, as our first campus wide
Sexperts newsletter will show you, there is no formula
for losing your virginity. No two people view virginity
in quite the same light; some cultures value virginity
above all else; others urge youth to engage in
premarital sex; and then there are places like America
that send so many mixed messages nobody knows
how to feel about virginity anymore. I mean, how
does one even define virginity? Do you lose your
virginity during your first kiss? First time engaging in
oral? First time having anal sex? Intercourse?
Outercourse? Do you lose it more than once if you
have sex with partners of different genders? Or is it
the moment, for girls, that your hymen is broken, in
which case you can “lose your virginity” while
horseback riding. Do you only lose your virginity if
the encounter is consensual? If the encounter is
enjoyable? If one or both parties orgasm? Does it even
"count" if you're gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender?
The concept of virginity is so fluid that there is no
precise way to define how you should feel or approach
losing your !virginity.
Even the term “losing your virginity” has a
negative connotation, as if you’ve misplaced one of
the few valuable things you’ve been given as a human.
While your virginity is valuable in the sense that it is
yours to do with what you will, "losing it" should not
be viewed in a negative light. We hope that this issue
will allow you to see that losing your virginity should
not have any negative connotation, but rather as the
opening of a door to allow yourself explore your
sexuality in new and fun ways. Please do not
misinterpret this newsletter as urging you to lose your
virginity. Instead, we hope to explore all the different
aspects of your first time, whether you have already
had it, want to have it here at Dartmouth, are saving it
for a future partner or haven't thought about it yet.
May our virgin issue issue give voice to different
perspectives on your first time, and information to
allow you to make the best and healthiest decision for
yourself.
Be safe and have fun!
Michelle and Kate
Sex in the News
A 2010 Duke graduate’s impressively thorough “senior thesis”
dedicated to ranking the varsity athletes she had sex with was leaked
and immediately spread around Duke campus inboxes and the internet.
The graduate deleted all of her social network profiles, and may be
dealing with privacy lawsuits in the future, a situation sweetened by
rumors of offers for a book deal. [Jezebel.com]
STD’s have doubled in people older than 45 in the UK. Possible reason?
Most sexual health and education is aimed at younger people commonly
thought to be more at risk. [Daily Mail]
Putting the 40 year old virgin to shame, Isabella Blyth (pictured above)
turned 106 this September without ever being kissed. She says she
never had the time or need for a man, keeping busy with her job,
church, golf, gardening, and “the odd sherry.” [Scotsman News]
“When considering how we wish to interpret the meaning of virginity
perhaps it is worth considering its origin. The Greek work ‘virgo’ was
used to describe the goddesses and was seen as a label of strength,
independence and power – three qualities that every survivor has in
abundance. ”
-- Pandora’s Aquarium, Losing Your Virginity to Rape
It would be terribly neglectful if we wrote this newsletter
without acknowledging that many people’s first sexual experiences are
non-consensual. Being raped is always a horrific experience, and losing
one’s virginity non-consensually can make the situation even more
painful. Reclaiming one’s sexuality when one’s first sexual experience
was not by choice is a difficult journey, but it is possible.
Whatever happened was not the fault of the victim/survivor you are not to blame for your first sexual experience not being
consensual, the aggressor is. While no one has any place telling others
how to define their virginity, for many, virginity is a spiritual, emotional
and physical, concept. If you have been sexually abused and want to talk
about it in a safe and confidential environment, contact a SAPA, the
SAAP Coordinator or another trusted friend, family or clergy person.
Seeking support is often crucial to healing. Surviving, healing and
thriving takes strength, bravery and work. If you choose, it is possible to
have positive sexual experiences after sexual violence.
"The first time I had sex was with someone I loved and who loved me, and there were literally fireworks." - Female '11
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The Big Question
I did not know that it wasn’t normal to be a virgin until
my roommate last year informed me that I was the only
person she had ever met who was saving themselves for
marriage. I was definitely not in Texas anymore. What had
been the norm in my church-going group of friends in high
school now set me apart from nearly the whole Dartmouth
student body. And everyone—the boys who asked me out,
my new friends—had the same question: Why am I
abstinent?
I would like to make it clear before I begin that these
are my views and, obviously, are not for everyone. The
goal of this piece is solely to explain why I do not have
sex, not to change the minds of the readers. You do not
have to be a virgin to be Christian. CS Lewis (who is a
complete boss) argued in Mere Christianity that chastity is
the least important of the virtues because violations are the
most obvious. It is the less conspicuous ones—especially
pride or malice—that are more poisonous because they can
grow to take over our hearts without our realizing it. It is
almost ridiculous how much I talk about sex at college.
Four of my closest friends are Sexperts. The conversation
just always seems to go there. My sexually active friends
are some of the best people I know and I love them just as
much my virgin friends back home.
Why am I a virgin? Not because sex is dirty or wrong
or shameful. I’m a virgin because sex is AWESOME. I
know I’m preaching to the choir when I write “sex is
awesome” in the Sexperts newsletter, but it’s true. Even
the Bible says so-- one skimming of Song of Songs can
teach you that. It is a lesser-known book of the Bible that
is basically a bunch of steamy love poems hidden smack
dab in the middle of the Old Testament. Adam and Eve,
who had a perfect relationship with God before that apple
incident, were “Naked and unashamed,” AKA getting it on
all the time (see Genesis 2:25). God made sex, so he
knows how good it is and definitely doesn’t hate it. It is the
knowledge that sex is going to be so fun and exciting and
special that makes me want to wait even more. Every time
I recommit myself to not having sex with someone now, I
am recommitting myself to my future husband.
Why am I a virgin? Because I like being a virgin. I find
the ability to unapologetically say no to sex empowering.
No matter how hot a guy may fancy himself to be, he
cannot change my mind. I read recently that the word
“virgin” originated in Greek mythology to describe
goddesses who could resist the temptation of Dionysus, the
god of wine and seduction. It was a label of power and
strength. I don’t know if that internet article’s etymology
was correct or not, but I definitely prefer to think of my
chastity as a display of strength and not of meekness. I am
an independent woman in control of her own body.
Why am I a virgin? Because we should seek to purely
love one another. Pure intentions are important because
God reveals his love for us through our love for each
other— (Continued on Page 5)
Virginity: What’s the Big Deal?
So. Virginity. What’s the Big Deal?
In this day-and-age of “friends with benefits”, legalized prostitution (in
certain parts of the United States and the world), birth control, and STIscreening, one would expect virginity to be less of a ‘gold standard’ than it
has been for so many years. Why does the V-word inspire such a hullabaloo?
First, a little background. In many cultures and religions, virginity is
!
viewed
as an essential quality in a bride. Pre-marital sex is frowned upon,
and often prosecuted (sometimes even persecuted) in certain nations. In
some cultures, infibulations (or the surgical sealing of the labia majora in
order to close the vagina) is commonplace, carried out to preserve the
virginity of women before their wedding night. In other parts of the world,
young men and women (or anything in between or outside that binary) place
great importance on “their first time” or can’t wait to “lose it”. The question
is why? And is it worth it? Let’s explore some reasons people promote
virginity - particularly for women.
1) Virginity in a bride ensures that she is free of STI’s and is not
already pregnant. A remnant of the middle-ages, but still important in
many cultures. Modern medicine (birth control, detection and treatment of
disease) supersedes this.
2) Virginity shows that a woman plans on being faithful to her husband
Really? Then why do countries that have pre-marital sex laws also have
adultery laws? And who mandated that non-virgins can’t be faithful? If
having sex before marriage makes me a nymphomaniac, does having a glass
of wine before the legal age make me an alcoholic? Plus, why doesn’t this
apply to men as well? Because IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO TEST FOR MALE
VIRGINITY!
3) Virginity means that you’ve been “saving it” for that special
someone. Only somewhat true. The hype about “saving it” only exists
because of the big deal everyone makes about virginity. The problem is that
people who expect their “first-time” to be the most wonderful experience of
their lives (and a sign of their “true-love" for one another) often experience
disappointment, either with the act itself, or with the person who later dumps
or divorces them. Sure, waiting is great, but do people always wait till
marriage for their first kiss? I’m not saying that sex is the same as kissing,
but the build-up around it is blown-out of proportion.
4) Everyone’s doing it and it’s an adolescent rite of passage. Not true.
There are many people out there who wait for sex for various reasons. Noone should feel pressured to have sex just to say that they’ve done it. Sex is
about YOU and YOUR partner, not the people around you.
Oh, and there’s a detail that many overlook: even for a woman (or
anyone with a vagina), you can never detect virginity conclusively. Most
"tests" check for the intactness of the hymen, but many women break their
hymen because it’s naturally thin, or through sport and vigorous activity.
This of course, brings us to the question: what constitutes virginity? Does
oral sex count? Recall the famous “I did not have sexual relations with that
woman!” Is it only intercourse that matters? An ’09 friend of mine shared
with me a story about how friends of hers in school partook exclusively in
anal sex because it preserved their “virginity”. Were they justified? How can
virginity be so sacred if we can’t even decide what it is?
What I’m trying to convey is simply that virginity itself isn’t that big a
deal. It’s not good or bad. If you want to lose it, good for you: you have
every right to enjoy sex! If you want to save it, that’s great: waiting till you
have a deep emotional connection with someone can be a fulfilling first
experience! And if you make decisions about your virginity based on
religious or spiritual beliefs, that's fine too! Just make sure you know why
you’re doing what you’re doing. And don’t judge others based on the status
of their cherry.
"The first time I had sex was on a pool table." - Male '11
Girl Meet Gyno
The beginning of this story is quite typical. Girl goes across
the world for a summer. Girl meets boy. Of course she thinks
they might be falling in love (boy’s thoughts still unclear). She
is a virgin; he is not.
The more intimate details of the story are not important. It
could have taken place in Africa, in India, in South America, in
Connecticut, on the lonely ex-planet Pluto. I like to think that
I’m original, but my path to the breathless moment when I
whispered, “now I’m ready” followed a disappointingly clichéd
plotline.
At the end of my fairytale summer, I imagined a smooth
transition into the world of sex. I was finally ready to DO IT,
and leave my virginity far behind. I happily slipped off my
Hanky Panky and waited for the magic to occur. I was ready to
text my friends “The last woman standing falls!”
However, with everything my friends had told me about sex,
nobody had mentioned that sex is remarkably awkward,
especially the first time. And I don’t mean awkward in the
embarrassing sort of “oh dear, I’m naked and you’re naked”
way, but in the “I have no idea how on earth THAT is going to
fit” way.
With all that awkwardness to get over, virginity usually
can’t be lost in just one stolen hour. Virginity is not something
that is discarded as soon as you say, “let’s have sex.” It can be
a bit of a process. And if you only have one hour to steal, as I
did, don’t make it your last night with your boy. That is what I
did. Yes, I know, clichéd again. Waiting until the last night
before we went our separate ways! Charming to the romantic,
unrealistic to the pragmatist.
But my failure to have sex is what makes my story
interesting. Of course I was disappointed, of course I cried
when I said goodbye to my maybe-lover. However, I know
you are unconcerned with my weepy emotions. Thus, I will
fast-forward about a week and tell you about Joel.
Joel is my mother’s gynecologist. For whatever reason, I felt
compelled to tell my mother about my failed sexual endeavor.
After hearing me wail, “IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG
WITH MY VAGINA?” enough times, my mom encouraged
me to make an appointment with Joel. She reassured me that
Joel was “great”. After hearing her theorize that there was
something gravely wrong with my hymen, I agreed that maybe
a visit to Joel was in order. So, she made an appointment.
As we swung into the parking lot of Joel’s office building,
my mom turned to me very seriously and told me that if Joel
had to do anything to my hymen, she would be there holding
my hand. I told her that I was fine, seeing as I did not really
want to have Joel pop my cherry while my mother held my
hand. That’s just adding insult to injury. My mother nodded,
again quite seriously, and agreed that I should probably go by myself.
Finally, I meet Joel. He was reclining behind his desk, fingertips
calmly pressed together in the imperious manner many doctors take on.
He greeted me, asked me a few questions about my general health.
“How are you doing physically? Emotionally? Spiritually?” All fine.
After a brief but sufficiently uncomfortable conversation concerning
the state of my virginity, Joel took me into his office. I will spare you
the details of the examination, but I will tell you that the only thought
going through my head was, “last time a man was down there, I felt so
remarkably different about the situation.”
After his examination, Joel triumphantly declared that nothing was
wrong and told me to follow him back to his office. I complied, and we
resumed our original positions around his desk.
“So there is nothing wrong. That is the good news,” Joel began.
“So, do you know what this means?”
I shook my head.
“It means you just need to relax. So, next time you try to have sex,
have a drink. Or two.”
I awoke from my awkwardness-induced stupor. This was medical
advice? After all, Joel knew I was only 19. But I simply nodded, and
allowed him to continue.
“Then, use lots of lube.”
WHAT?
“Lube will make it a lot easier for you,” Joel continued nonchalantly.
“Do you have any lube?”
Startled, I shook my head.
“Ah. Well I will give you some lube. Do you have a vibrator?”
WHAT?
Joel registered the appalled look on my face, and whipped out a pen
and a notepad. “Goodvibrations.com,” he said calmly as he wrote down
the name of the website. He passed the paper across to me and
continued, “You can order one there. Get a small finger-sized one to
practice with.”
WHAT?
“And, finally, you do understand the mechanics of how this works,
don’t you?” Joel asked kindly. He started making a circle out of his
index finger and thumb and poking his other finger through it, raising
his eyebrows at me suggestively.
“Yes!” I cried.
“Good,” Joel smiled. “Well, order your vibrator and I’ll give you
some lube. And remember to relax.”
I nodded, still startled. I thanked Joel, and he walked me back to the
waiting room, where my mother still sat. While we paid for the
appointment, Joel handed me some lube with a smile and a wink. My
mother smiled adoringly back at him.
As we got into the car, my mom said to me, “Isn’t Joel just great?”
“Fantastic,” I replied, clutching my newly acquired lube in my hand.
So, if you have a special card you’re dying to get rid of, heed Joel’s
advice: relaxation, lubrication, and some good vibrations.
Another Dartmouth Experience: First Times
As you've hopefully seen from the variety of experiences in this newsletter, all people are sexual beings, whether they choose to express
their sexuality or! not. Everybody is united by the experience of a "first time," whether it is a first kiss, first date, first time having sex or
first time having sex at college. Two Sexperts have launched a project based on the commonality of a first time, in hopes that the
unification of a variety of experiences will promote open discussion of sex and sexual decision-making at Dartmouth. The First Time
Project is a collection of audio and video recordings from members of the Dartmouth community about their first time. While still in the
editing process, the video will be used as a part of sexual health and education programming on campus, focusing on incoming classes of
Dartmouth students during freshman orientation and beyond. The video may be shown in public settings as well as during floor meetings in
hopes to facilitate conversation about sexual health and decision-making on campus. The First Time Project will not only show the
spectrum of experiences students have had on campus, but provide incoming classes with the knowledge to make informed decisions about
their own sexuality. It will be available either this winter or next fall, depending on the D-plans of its makers. Quotes from the project
appear at the bottom of each page of the newsletter.
!
"The first time I had sex was nuts!" - Male '11!
A Cherry from a Different Fruit Tree
To Dick’s House We Go
It’s hard to pinpoint when exactly I lost my virginity. It’s especially hard to pinpoint what
virginity even means in my case — the word doesn’t really have the same connotations for gay
men. After all, our bedroom gymnastics are a bit different than those of straight couples: we
don’t enter the gym through the same door, we have an entirely different working definition of
the phrase “straddle split,” and there’s only one parallel bar we need to perform on to win the
Olympic gold.
In other words, our “cherries” are from a different fruit tree than straight men —a much
fruitier fruit tree, if you will.
Despite all this grey area about the term “virginity,” there’s one thing I’m sure about: my
first quasi-sexual encounter was by no means average. After all, it happened at the age of
fifteen in the bathroom of a roller-skating rink during my Chinese language school’s skating
party.
Before you call me a BIG OL’ HO-BAG (which I get sometimes), let me paint a picture of
myself at fifteen. Like most fifteen-year-old dudes, I was horny as hell. However, I couldn’t
just take a girl out and lose it to her in the back of my car down the street from my parents’
house. (I tried the whole dating-girls thing, and I wasn’t really into it.) To put it classily, I
needed me some man-meat.
Coincidentally, a kid from my old middle school started instant messaging me to confess
that he was just starting to come out of the closet too (I had come out as “bi” at the end of
eighth grade — that lasted only a year and a half). After some coy flirting, we both decided
that we needed to experiment with this whole gay thing to see if we were cut out for the job.
The problem, however, was that we had nowhere to hold our proposed experiment. It involved
dangerous reactants that could have blown up in our faces if we weren’t careful: we were, after
all, in Virginia Beach—a generally conservative and homophobic area. Both of our parents
were Republicans. Both of my parents were Navy sailors. At the time, I could have sworn that
Bree from “Desperate Housewives” was modeled after my mom (she’s changed a lot since
then, by the way).
In any case, there was no way we could have done it at one of our houses. We both had
homemaker moms who would have knocked on the bedroom door with a fresh plate of
chocolate chip cookies halfway through. “SURPRISE, MOM! I’M A FRUITCAKE!”
Not an option.
So we decided we had to do it in a place where we could be away from our parents and
away from suspicion. The logical solution? The skating party I had to attend that weekend.
Midway through “Crazy in Love,” we snuck off to the bathroom (me five minutes before him,
so as not to attract attention). A minute of awkward positioning ensued and BAM I was
rolling back and forth across the stall like I was auditioning for “Xanadu.”
Yes, he was blowing me. Yes, I still had my skates on. Yes, we were in a bathroom during
a skating party. But no, I didn’t feel like a slut. To me, this was inevitable. It was a necessary
step to take before I could fully embrace my sexual orientation and identity. In fact, it was a
necessary step for me to take in order to survive high school. I needed something uniquely my
own—something to tuck away in my journals, in my bedcovers, in my heart. This was that
thing.
I did feel a bit like a slut, though, when someone walked into the bathroom and I had to
jump onto my buddy and straddle him so that the bathroom visitor wouldn’t see two pairs of
skates under the stall door. Silently staring over his shoulder—with my arms around his neck,
my legs wrapped around the toilet and my dong pressed up against his stomach— I had this
strange gut sensation that I was experiencing the most awkward minute-and-a-half of my entire
life.
But hey, at least I got a good story out of it.
We wrote this column with the help of
Dick’s House health care providers, to
help educate you all on the medical side
of sexual issues and what Dick’s House
has to offer.
!
While on the topic of virginity, we
wanted to issue a reminder that yes, no
matter
how
beautiful/special/awkward/unsatisfying
your first time is, if you are a fertile
female and have intercourse, there is a
chance that you will become pregnant.
Additionally, unprotected sex puts you at
risk for STI’s. With any partner, it is not
possible to be checked for every sexually
transmitted
infection
and
many
infections do not have symptoms that
may
be
visible.
Dick’s
house
recommends using condoms or dental
dams with all sexual activity to help
decrease risk of contracting a sexually
transmitted infection, in addition to
helping prevent pregnancy.
If you do have unprotected sex or
your contraceptive fails, Plan B can be a
great backup. While it does not protect
against
any
sexually
transmitted
infections, when taken as soon as
possible after unprotected intercourse, it
can help to prevent pregnancy. It uses a
heightened level of levonorgestrel to
prevent ovulation and fertilization. Plan
B is now available over the counter and
can be purchased at the Dick’s House
pharmacy. It can be taken up to 72 hours
after unprotected intercourse but is more
effective the sooner you take it. You may
have some spotting and breakthrough
bleeding a few days after you take Plan
B. If you do not get your menstrual
period within 3 weeks of taking Plan B,
we do recommend you see somebody at
Dick’s House so you can have a
pregnancy test. Or, use a condom and
birth control, and make Plan B the back
up plan to the back up plan!
Every
sexual encounter comes with risks, whether it is your first time engaging in that activity or not, including the risks of pregnancy and
!
STI’s. The best form of protection your first (and any) time having sex is a condom, which are 97-98% effective in preventing pregnancy
when used correctly and extremely effective at preventing the transmission of HIV. While condoms are very effective in preventing the
transmission of both viral and bacterial STIs, some viruses such as HPV are capable of fitting through the microscopic pores in the latex, so
its important to know the history of your partner. Your first time should be a healthy, fun experience: remember to be safe!
If you forget to use a condom, it is important to know what kinds of STIs are out there and to be tested for them. The most common STI
on college campuses is chlamydia. College freshmen under the age of 20 are 70% more likely to contract chlamydia than their
upperclassmen peers. A bacterial infection, chlamydia can be asymptomatic in up to 80% of women and 50% of men. When symptoms do
occur, they include abnormal vaginal and penile discharge, burning when urinating and, in women, lower abdominal pain. It is important to
get tested for chlamydia after unprotected sex, as it can permanently damage female reproductive organs, leading to infertility or pelvic
inflammatory disease. Chlamydia testing is part of routine STI testing available at Dick's House. STI testing is free at Dick's House, so you
don't have to worry about your parents’ reactions! If you have unprotected sex, remember, the risks other than pregnancy and go get tested.
!
"The first time I had sex was my freshman fall, I was blacked out and it was with a stranger." - Female '12!
!
Ditching the V-card
Strong Woman, Strong Hymen
While most discussions over losing one’s virginity carry
connotations of teenage girl gossip circles, men need a first time too.
And although some guys have an easy time unleashing their primal
instincts, this is not the norm. Given the pressure society places on
males to be sexual dynamos, the first time having penetrative sex can be
an intimidating and confusing experience, especially in Dartmouth’s
prominent hook-up culture. But we’re here to tell you that it’s perfectly
okay to be a guy still sitting on that V-card, and to help you get rid of it
(if you so desire).
First of all, it’s absolutely normal to be somewhat nervous. While
extensive nerves may be a sign that you should wait until you are more
comfortable, when you know you are ready, the important part is being
able to overcome remaining jitters. Aladdin was nervous too when he
set out to find the cave of wonders, but he got in, and so can you.
Choosing the right partner should help tremendously—I recommend
being comfortable and knowing each other well beforehand. It’s also a
good idea to discuss your status previously, as your partner will most
likely be extra supportive. Masquerading as experienced can only
heighten your nerves and detract from the experience.
Once you are alone with your partner and ready to do the deed, your
most powerful tool will be your instincts. Just try to relax and do what
feels right. It should be a pleasurable experience, not subject to any
schedule.
Of course, you should have consent and protection
beforehand, which should help eliminate distracting thoughts. Foreplay
will help too—nothing is more relaxing than a sea of hormones guiding
your actions, so make sure to spend enough time just having fun with
each other.
Ideally, that would be the end of the article and everyone would be
happy, but sometimes it just doesn’t work like that. It’s very common to
experience some complications the first time, but as long as you have
done the right prep work, your partner should be supportive and willing
to help you try again. Communication is the key here. If they are more
experienced it may be a good idea to let them assume the active position
to relieve some of the pressure. Lube can also help. Small amounts of
alcohol may help you relax, but be sure not to impair your judgment or
physiology.
So don’t be shy to step back up to the plate- in time you will come to
laugh at your hesitations. Just remember to take it slow, be careful, and
stop stressing.
Losing my virginity was – for me – a slow and painful
process. I had expected that there would be just one big rip and
then easy sex forever after, like breaking a hymen was a one
shot deal. In my case, I unfortunately found that imposing a
large peg into a small hole necessitated multiple slow and
progressive attempts.
My relationship with the man to whom I chose to give up
my last bit of “purity” ended soon after we went our separate
ways to different universities, and thus sex with him never
reached the level of wild, erotic passion that I had imagined.
Even so, I found an even more meaningful effect from my
“deflowering”: a new perspective on sex and its significance to
my life.
In the years between my first sexual experiences and my
initial attempts at sex, I felt an internal split between being a
highly sexual young being, versus feeling afraid of giving up
the very last piece of my body and sense of self that I as a
woman could offer in this world – my virginity.
But somehow, after choosing to take this oh so momentous
step in my young life by giving up my “V-card,” I did not feel
like any less of a woman, like any less wholesome of a person.
Rather, I felt empowered and in control of my body and my
choices. I realized that the ideas that “sex being bad,” and that
losing virginity as an extremely valuable piece of one’s
womanhood to give are entirely socially constructed norms,
and that my own life need not blindly follow this standard. Sex
and virginity have only as much meaning as each individual
assigns to them for him or herself, and only have as much
philosophical, emotional, or even physical significance as each
person chooses to give to it. Those qualifications vary by
everyone’s histories, standards, and ideals.
On that note, I think it is necessary to say to you, my reader,
that your personal definition of virginity, and the significance
of your choices concerning virginity are extremely important
for you to recognize and embrace. Everyone may have a
different definition of the state of losing virginity, whether it
happens by receiving or giving oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex,
or simple penetration – with or without orgasm from one or
more members of the act. Know what you consider virginity,
where you stand, where you want to stand, and embrace your
choice, or change of choice.
(‘The Big Question’ continued from Page 1)- whether through family, friends, or lovers. A romantic relationship should begin because
! you laugh and makes your stomach do that fun flippy thing and all that, but it should mature into the two of you trying
your partner makes
to purely love one another without selfish motives. And after all, “love is not self-seeking,” according to 1 Corinthians 13 (the ultimate
guide to defining any type of love). Sexual purity goes way beyond physical acts. It has to do with the way you approach the entire physical
aspect of the relationship. Abstinence helps to ensure that partners are committed to sacrificing themselves for each other. I believe
hooking up should not be a way of seeking pleasure for yourself; the goal of making love should not be for you to orgasm. It should be a
way of showing your partner how much you care about them by making him or her feel good. It is an act of giving a part of you away to
share. I dated a boy for two years and not having sex brought us closer together. We had to be honest and open with each other to make sure
we were pursuing the right things.
Why am I a virgin? Because I am free not to have sex. It is a common misconception that becoming a Christian is basically signing up to
follow a bunch of strict rules, but it is truly the opposite. The point is that sins have been paid for and we no longer have to worry about
them. I can go out and play pong with a brother or go dance with someone at the hi-lighter party and not feel an obligation to hook-up with
any one because I’m free from the social pressures to do so. I will also say that dating someone without sex as an option is also a freeing
experience. You never have to worry about pregnancy, STI’s, or whether one partner wants to do it while the other wants to snuggle.
My bottom line is this: displays of affection are meant to be physical manifestations of emotions. Physical intimacy should mirror
emotional intimacy. So go ahead, kiss your crush, spoon with your boyfriend. But I believe in saving the ultimate physical commitment for
the ultimate personal commitment. Marriage is a ceremony to unite two souls, so it is then that their bodies should unite.
"The first time I blacked out at Dartmouth I woke up next to a guy I barley knew; I spent half an hour at CVS trying to decide if I needed Plan B."
- Female '11!
%,&)&$&+$),"$-&*),$
!
Jezebel.com has a
tasty
refresher
course
on
the
female
reproductive organ.
While impressively
accurate, this was
definitely not the
model I studied in
health class. Zoom
in for the key! !
!"#$%&'()(&*$&+$),"$-&*),$
Sideways 69
The perfect combination of mutual pleasure and laziness, the
Sideways 69 lets you an your partner both enjoy oral at the
same time without neck pain and difficulty positioning some
people encounter with the traditional 69 with one partner on
top. Simply position yourself in a way that both you and your
partner have easy access to each others genitalia while laying
on your sides and get down to business. It’s a position for
almost everyone – opposite and same sex couples; virgins who
define sex as penetrative and non-virgins who keep coming
back for more; stay on your sides, or use this position as a
transition into the 69 with one partner on top. Unfortunately,
those with difficulties multi-tasking and couples with
significant height difference may have issues with this one, but
to everyone else, have some mutual fun without penetration!
If you are interested in writing an
article for The Humpday Gazette
or have something to say about
this issue, please blitz ‘Humpday.’
We hope the newsletter will serve as
a forum to explore sex and sexuality
at Dartmouth, providing a safe and
anonymous place for any student to
discuss and share their views with
the community. We hope everyone
can learn something and be
interested or amused by something
that they read here. Looking forward
to hearing from you!
Website of the Month:
http://www.nerve.com/regulars/myfirst-time
A website that updates weekly with
a wide range of (non-graphic)
illustrated first time stories manages
to be is nostalgic, amusing, and just
the right amount of bittersweet.
Sex Fact of the Month:
Immanuel Kant, J. Edgar Hoover,
Emily Dickenson, Sir Isaac Newton
and Hans Christian Anderson all
died virgins [Sex: A Users Manuel]
Sex Toy of the Month
Vibrator virgin? The Silver Bullet is a great toy for any number of people, but especially perfect for a
first time buy. For one thing, the Bullet is only $15, a great find for people who aren’t sure if vibrators
are something they are interested in. Additionally, its small size and sleek look make it less intimidating
than some other toys, and the intensity of vibration is adjustable, allowing you to figure out what feels
best and adjust the vibrations accordingly. The Silver Bullet is very versatile – it can be used for
vaginal or anal penetration, plus stimulating nipples, testicles, head of the penis, or clitoris. While also
fun for solo sexual expeditions, its small size is also an asset in that it can be used with ease while
having sex with a partner. The one complaint is a short life span (sometimes only 3 months), but the
orgasm to dollar ratio is still pretty darn good! [Babeland.com, but many variations are available online
and at reputable stores]
Song of the Month
Due to the theme of this newsletter, it is no surprise that Madonna’s “Like A
Virgin” comes up as the Sex Song of the Week. “Like A Virgin” is just one of those
songs from the mid-eighties that everybody knows and used to joke about when they were
younger, and since Madonna IS a worldwide superstar, it would be a shame if we did not
mention her claim to fame. The lyrics allude to a lover who makes every experience feel
like the first time, and are pretty self-explanatory: “I was beat incomplete. I’d been had. I
was sad and blue. But you made me feel. Yeah you made me feel shiny and new. Like a
virgin. Touched for the very first time.” The video for the song shows Madonna prancing
around in a wedding dress, along with her other iconic and cutting-edge fashions, and
there even is an appearance by a real live lion(!). Her 1984 MTV Video Music Awards
(VMAs) performance of the hit is one of the most memorable in MTV’s history, being
reenacted years later by herself, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Missy Elliot with
the “kiss heard ‘round the world.” The memory that now comes to my mind with “Like A
Virgin” happens to be Keith Beukelaer’s rendition of the song at the Season Two auditions
of American Idol, where Simon Cowell called him “the worst singer in the world.” Well
at least Madonna and Beukelaer have the world factor in common, and he tried to look
sexy right? That is really all that matters.
"The first time I had an orgasm was by myself." - Female '10