A GUIDE FOR PERSONNEL
CONSIDERING AN
UNACCOMPANIED
POSTING
INTRODUCTION
The New Zealand Defence Force is a whanau, a family. Everyone has value and we are enormously proud of our service men
and women. However, serving in a professional military is a way of life which affects all people connected with the lives of those
serving.
As an employer, the Defence Force asks a great deal from our military staff’s loved ones. No amount of words or praise could
ever quantify the value and meaning which our families so freely provide us.
When the decision to take, or not to take, an unaccompanied posting comes up, relationships can be tested - it can be a difficult
time for families. So, when making these decisions there are a number of issues to consider.
The change to family routines, missing your partner, professional development and career progression - are only a few of the
considerations. It can be an emotional and challenging time, and those who believe otherwise may not be adequately preparing
themselves or their family to take on these challenges.
The Defence Force knows that courage comes in many forms. Emotional courage and fortitude is what family or partners have to
rely up on during unaccompanied postings - which are not easy and often problems emerge which must be faced to overcome.
Therefore, it is important that our serving personnel and their loved ones enter into an unaccompanied posting as thoughtfully
and as well informed as possible.
As the individual serving, your family and you are the only ones who can make such life important decisions. My first suggestion
would be is this – keep an open mind and look at things from a viewpoint of curiosity, instead of aiming for black/white or right/
wrong answers.
Published by:
New Zealand Army
New Zealand Psychology Service
Army General Staff, Messines Army Centre
Somme Road, Private Bag 901
Trentham UPPER HUTT
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Be curious as to ask some simple questions, for example:
How can we make this work for everyone?
What’s the best thing that could happen?
What new ways could we operate as a family or partnership?
What could be really exciting about this – for the family and for the individual?
Why am I considering this unaccompanied posting anyway?
With keeping an open mind and asking questions which invite creative answers, the family is on the right track to make decisions
you are all “happy enough” with. If everyone is honest then you should be able to come to the best solution for you and your
family.
An unaccompanied posting has all the potential to be a great personal and professional career move – but your family and you
are the only ones who can make it work.
Everyone has an enormous part to play – and the New Zealand Defence Force simply could not enjoy the world-class reputation
it has for the work it does without our families’ backing.
Keep the homes fires burning – we appreciate the many ways families contribute.
ELECTING AN UNACCOMPANIED POSTING
The New Zealand Defence Force values the key contribution that families/whanau make to the wellbeing of our servicemen
and women. This information booklet is aimed at all service personnel who are considering an unaccompanied posting. The
information provided here is intended to assist in your decision on whether or not to take an unaccompanied posting. Feedback
and research suggests that making a well-informed and thoughtful decision about an unaccompanied posting is one of the most
effective ways to get the most out of the experience.
The following material, based on research within civilian organisations as well as the New Zealand Army (NZ Army), includes
information on what an unaccompanied posting can involve. It also provides decision making tools to work through your options,
as well as tips to help during unaccompanied postings.
WHAT IS AN UNACCOMPANIED POSTING?
An unaccompanied posting is defined as a service member receiving a new posting location and electing for their partner/
family to remain in their bona fide home, where it cannot be expected that the service person commutes on a daily basis. Despite
some entitlements being offered by the NZ Defence Force to personnel who elect an unaccompanied posting, people often report
underestimating the financial costs of an unaccompanied posting. For example, reports from NZ Army personnel suggest that
changes in both fuel and air travel prices, can impact on the cost of travelling home on a weekly/fortnightly basis.
If you are choosing an unaccompanied posting, please consult your local administration centre to ensure you have the most up
to date and correct information on allowances. This is particularly important due to the introduction of the Military Remuneration
System in 2008.
UNACCOMPANIED POSTINGS IN CIVILIAN ORGANISATIONS
With competing job markets and limited career opportunities in some regions, individuals across the work force are finding that
ideal jobs or those that offer greater career benefits often entail moving to a different location. Many relationships in today’s world
consist of both individuals within a relationship holding a career. Because of this, a new type of couple, the ‘commuting couple,’
has arisen. This allows couples to live in separate geographic locations and make advancements in their careers, with periodic
visits to maintain their relationship.
There are advantages for commuting couples, such as increased career opportunities and greater professional autonomy. There
are also potential challenges to deal with, such as financial pressures, lack of social life and difficulties attending important family
events. Research shows that couples in commuting relationships face additional challenges if they have children living at home,
live further apart from each other and have a younger less developed relationship. Research has also shown that introducing
routine, increased communication and an effective decision making process when deciding to commute, greatly increases
satisfaction levels of commuting couples.
Comments were recorded from participants in this study about the effects of unaccompanied postings. This includes advice they
recommended for those considering an unaccompanied posting.
“While career aspirations are important, these need to be carefully balanced with social/family relationships. Make sure the
decision to take an unaccompanied posting is carefully an thoroughly considered and ultimately for the right reasons”
“Research the location, demand of the job, command chain feelings on you being able to get home on short notice and amount
of flexibility in job. Clear an absolute understanding of the job and inform the partner or spouse 100%”
“This was our conscious choice due to my wife’s career and the teenagers schooling needs…NZDF does pretty well by its
employees in respect to: telephone provisions, allowances, free travel warrants, accommodation, understanding supervisors/
managers”
“Ensure your relationship is strong. Don’t take the posting for expected financial gain and close consideration of both career
aspirations is needed”
CONSIDERING AN UNACCOMPANIED POSTING?
RESEARCH ON UNACCOMPANIED POSTINGS IN THE NZ ARMY
The NZ Defence Force is very aware of the unique demands placed on its members work and non-work roles, especially by
separation from loved ones. Personnel on unaccompanied postings (commuting couples) must frequently depart and reunite with
partners and families. Research on unaccompanied postings has recently been conducted on personnel and their partners within
the NZ Army.
This research compared personnel and their partners on both unaccompanied and accompanied postings. It found that
personnel and their partners on unaccompanied postings were on average, less satisfied in areas of personal time, family life,
relationship, social support and life overall.
It was also found that personnel who had higher levels of social support were more satisfied in both their work and non-work
roles. Perhaps most importantly, if an individual’s expectations were met in either their work or non-work roles they were more
satisfied in that area. This research lends support to the NZ Defence Force providing personnel and families considering an
unaccompanied posting, with realistic information on what to expect of this posting type. Therefore, the intent of the remainder
of this booklet is to ensure families consider all the relevant information when making a decision about a posting and can take
advantage of an unaccompanied posting whilst minimising any negative effects.
It is now time to do some of your own research. There are several key areas to be investigated when considering an
unaccompanied posting. This will provide good information for the following sections of this workbook. These key research areas
are:
1. Talk to personnel or partners with unaccompanied posting experience. Make notes of their key comments and advice.
2. Contact the new posting unit. Investigate staff views on unaccompanied postings, particularly if others are on
unaccompanied postings, work tempo, travel and feelings about short notice leave.
3. Investigate where you and your partner’s/family’s support networks are located. Write these locations down.
4. Research schooling in new posting location.
5. Investigate hobby and sport opportunities in new posting location - compared to what is offered currently.
6. Examine your finances. Create a list of what you are currently paying, spending and saving. Work out if you can afford extra
expenses for travelling.
7. Work through the following decision-making model to ensure you and your partner/family expectations are accurate, so you
make the best decision for everyone.
This workbook will take you through a decision-making process, as well as a section on managing expectations. These sections
are a vital part of considering an unaccompanied posting and will allow you and your partner/family to make the best, most well
informed decision.
Please ensure that you and your partner/family work together throughout the next stages of this workbook.
Option A – Unaccompanied posting
SYSTEMATIC DECISION MAKING
When we make a well-thought through decision, we gain a greater sense of control from being confident we have considered all
possible alternatives and limitations. This allows us to be better prepared for the future. Research shows that well-made decisions
within a family bring about stability, as well as helping maintain a family’s most important views and beliefs. Good decision-making
will help minimise effects brought about by changes. Systematic decision-making is a process in which a decision is made, based
on the fullest possible awareness of both favourable and unfavourable consequences of various options. This type of decisionmaking process helps people cope better with any change and produces greater overall satisfaction with decisions.
A useful ‘systematic’ decision-making model will now be presented to help guide you through the process of deciding whether to
take an unaccompanied posting. This decision-making model is outlined below and the following few pages have been set out so
that you can work through each of the steps successfully. Each step is also aided by examples and explanations in order to assist
you in completing them.
OUTLINE OF A SYSTEMATIC DECISION MAKING MODEL
STEP ONE: UNDERSTAND YOUR DECISION
STEP TWO: LIST ALL ALTERNATIVES
STEP THREE: GATHER INFORMATION AND CONSIDER ALL ALTERNATIVES
STEP FOUR: EVALUATE AND DISCUSS
STEP FIVE: DECIDE MOST DESIRABLE ALTERNATIVE
STEP SIX: PLAN A REVIEW
WORKING THROUGH THE SYSTEMATIC DECISION MAKING
MODEL
STEP ONE: UNDERSTAND YOUR DECISION
Understand exactly what the decision is that has to be made. In this case, it’s most likely to be:
“Is an unaccompanied posting the right decision for myself, my partner/family?”
In the box below, put in writing what the decision is that you are making so you can refer to this during the process:
Option B – Commute daily
Option C – Partner/Family move to posting location
Now on the next page, several boxes have been provided so that you can fill in each alternative available to you. Don’t forget that
even though they may not be highly favoured, still put them in a box as an alternative. Aim for a minimum of 3 alternatives.
Option A
Option B
Option C
Option D
Option E
STEP THREE: GATHER INFORMATION AND CONSIDER ALL ALTERNATIVES
STEP TWO: LIST ALL ALTERNATIVES
Consider all possible alternatives to the decision. Even if you don’t think at first they will be highly favoured, place them in the
boxes below. For example:
Option A – unaccompanied posting, Option B – commute daily, option C – Partner/family move to posting location.
Consider each alternative and collect information. Ensure that as many pros and cons as you can think of are listed in each
option. Don’t leave cons out if one option may be your initially preferred choice; and don’t leave pro’s out if it is your least
favoured.
In the boxes provided enter in the option at the top and bullet point as much information gathered as possible, as well as the
perspectives of your loved ones. For example:
Option A – will be away from family, better career opportunities, family may be distressed…, Option B – too expensive, will get to
see family every day, partner may be happier…
Option D
Option A – Unaccompanied posting
• Will be away from family
• Better career opportunities
• Family may be distressed…
Option E
Option B – Commute daily
• Too Expensive
• Will get to see family every day
• Partner said they would be happier
Now have a go for yourself, try to get as much information as possible. This may mean talking to people who have been on an
unaccompanied posting before, previous experience, or even talking with your family/partner or colleague. Try to have at least 3
pros and 3 cons for each option.
Option A
STEP FOUR: EVALUATE AND DISCUSS
Openly discuss each of the alternatives with your partner/family. Decide what factors are the most important in your decision
(children, relationship and career) and discuss plans to address the potential difficulties of each alternative.
In this step you need to place the bullet points from step 3 into statements where you discuss the pros and cons. Don’t forget to
also state ways to offset the cons. For example:
“Option A would be good because I can pursue a good career opportunity, however I will be separated from partner/family, but
if we can communicate effectively this may make it easier…”
Option B
Now fill in the boxes with statements for each option. Aim to create at least one sentence per box which incorporates one pro/
one con and one strategy to deal with that.
Option A
Option B
Option B
Option C
UNACCOMPANIED POSTING… NOW WHAT??
Below are some key points to remember if you have decided to take an unaccompanied posting. These tips are based on
research within both the NZ Army and civilian organisations.
Option D
Option E
STEP FIVE: DECIDE MOST DESIRABLE ALTERNATIVE
This step required you to decide the most desirable option. Openly discuss each of the alternatives and review each of the notes
recorded at each step. This may be the hardest of the steps, but once you have reached this stage, you should feel more satisfied
that you have considered all possible alternatives and done so with your partner’s/family’s input and support. For example:
“As a couple/family, we have chosen Option A as I can pursue a good career opportunity and even though being separated
from partner/family will be hard, we will aim to communicate effectively to make it less taxing”
Now write what decision you have chosen and the pros and cons, as well as the strategies to overcome the cons
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Think positively, facilitate open communication between your partner/family and ensure arguments get resolved;
Implement as much routine as possible, especially if there are children present, as parenting consistency is vital;
Schedule time to spend with your family and partner on your own when you are able to return home;
Keep an active social life and ensure you’re there for your partner/family as well;
Keep intimacy alive in your relationship (phone, letters, at home);
Be realistic about the difficulty. Even though you may have chosen the best decision for you and your partner/family, there
will be ups and downs.
7. View the separation as temporary. Keep hope and a goal that you will resume a non-commuting lifestyle again.
8. Utilize available resources and support agencies listed at the back of this workbook.
MANAGING EXPECTATIONS
Now that we have worked through the decision making process, you will have made a sound well informed decision about
whether or not to take an unaccompanied posting. If taking an unaccompanied posting was the final decision, it is now important
to work on the ‘management of expectations.’ Each person may hold a preconceived expectation about a certain thing, such as
the number of calls per day that will be made between home and the new posting location, or the frequency of returning home.
When there is a discrepancy between what each person expects of a given situation, tension may be produced and may result in
dissatisfaction with that area.
What this section aims to do is facilitate discussion on individual expectations for key areas highlighted in both previous civilian
research and research conducted in the NZ Army. This will hopefully provide you with the creation of a ‘middle ground’ or more
realistic expectation about given things, so when entering the unaccompanied posting, both yourself and your partner/family know
what is expected in different areas.
STEPS TO COMPLETING YOUR TABLE OF EXPECTATIONS
In this section there is a table with key factors down the left hand column for which expectations need to be discussed.
One column is for your expectations and another for your partner/family. The final column on the far right is labelled ‘realistic
expectation.’ This column has been put in place so that if there is a discrepancy between your and your partner’s/family’s
expectations, a compromise can be reached and a realistic expectation created. Before beginning this table, please read the
following instructions:
Step One: Fill out the column labelled ‘your expectations’ for all the factors listed on the left side of the table with what you
expect.
Step Two: Cover the column that you have just completed with some paper so no-one else sees what you have written. Now get
your partner/family to complete their column.
Step Three: Once step two is completed remove the piece of paper. With your partner/family, look at each expectation written in
the first row for the first factor. If they match, write the expectation in the far right column. If they do not match, have a discussion
explaining the reasons for each expectation and reach a ‘middle ground.’ Write this in the realistic expectation column.
When these three steps have been completed, this is what your table may look like:
For communication, you think you should only call home once every two days. Your partner thinks you should call two times per
day. On reaching a middle ground, you both agree that calling once per day will be a workable expectation to accept.
Factor
My Expectation
Partner/Family Expectation
Realistic Expectation
Communication
(email, phone, text, letters, fax)
Call home every 2 days
Email daily
Call home 2 times per day
Email Daily
Call home once per day
Email Daily
YOUR EXPECTATION TABLE
Now it is your turn to have a go at completing this table. Be open and honest about your expectations and facilitate your
discussions in a similar manner.
Factor
My Expectation
Partner/Family
Expectation
Realistic Expectation
Once you have completed these processes keep this booklet somewhere safe so that when you come back to the reviewing
stage you are able to reflect on what guided your previous decision. Having your partner’s or family’s input can greatly help with
carrying out the decision you have made, so don’t forget to get their input at every stage of the decision-making process and
involve them in the expectation management stage.
Now that you have finished working through the booklet, you and your partner/family should have made a well informed decision
on whether or not to take an unaccompanied posting, as well as working through some of your expectations to make sure they
meet each other realistically.
On the next page is a list of resources and support agencies that may be able to assist you in making the most of your
unaccompanied posting.
Communication
(email, phone, text, letters, fax)
RECOMMENDED RESOURCES
Leave
(minimum number of nights spent
home per month)
Attending Functions
(Anniversaries, Child Birthdays or
Prize-giving’s)
Discipline for Children
(Routine/Childcare when return home)
Private Time with Partner
(Dinner out, movies, an activity
together)
Time for personal Hobbies or Sport
(partner/family and personnel)
Finances
(How much can be spent on travel,
children, hobbies etc)
Access to Social Support
(friends, family, neighbours, who is
available)
Resolving Arguments
(wait until we are in person, develop a
system)
Building up a support network is one of the best things you can do when taking an unaccompanied posting. This will ensure if
you encounter any difficulties there will be some resources you can call upon for assistance. Below are several helpful resources
when considering or undertaking an unaccompanied posting.
NZDF PSYCHOLOGISTS, PADRES AND COMMUNITY SERVICE OFFICERS
These NZDF personnel are able to provide a safe and confidential environment and there is no cost involved in utilising these
resources. They can provide a great support network if you are facing any difficulties such as relationship issues.
GULDNERS GUIDE TO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS
Guldner is a leading relationship therapist and has produced a book called ‘The Complete Guide to Long Distance
Relationships’. This book is held by the Linton Camp library and can be requested from them at anytime. It provides a
comprehensive and effective guide to long distance relationships.
GULDNER’S ONLINE WEBSITE
This website contains most frequently asked questions about long distance relationships as well as some downloadable
chapters of his book. Follow the link: http://www.longdistancerelationships.net
CREATE PERSONAL SUPPORT NETWORKS
Keep in touch with friends, co-workers, family and peers whilst you are on an unaccompanied posting. They can provide a great
source of support if you face any difficulties.
For a list of NZDF contacts mentioned above (psychologists, padres and community services officers), please refer to the
next page.