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How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
-1© Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
Copyright Notice and Legal Disclaimer
This ebook is strictly for your personal use only.
1. You may not give this ebook away.
2. You may not resell this ebook.
This ebook is registered with the US Copyright Office. US federal law provides up to a
3-year imprisonment and up to a $150,000 fine per incident for illegally downloading,
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Any unauthorized use, sharing, reproduction, stealing, or distribution of this book by any
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The author of this book regularly and actively searches for copyright violations and will
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By reading this book, you agree that when using its material, you will abide by all
federal, state, and local laws. You also agree that the author of this material will not be
held responsible for any consequences of any irresponsible actions you take.
To put this in plain English, you are responsible for your own behavior, and I expect you
to act responsibly!
Now, let’s get on with the good stuff...
-2© Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
Table of Contents
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Introduction to the System and How It Will Help You......................................6
How I Can Help You......................................................................................................6
Chapter 2: Your First Order of Business............................................................................8
How to cut her off...........................................................................................................9
“John, do you have a sample note?”...........................................................................10
What if she tries to contact you?..................................................................................11
Chapter 3: Common Mistakes – How Many of These Have You Made?........................16
Luke’s Story.................................................................................................................16
Robby’s Story..............................................................................................................17
Overcoming Your Mistakes..........................................................................................17
Re-Igniting Your Woman’s Attraction for You..............................................................18
Chapter 4: The Irony: To Get Her Back, Forget About Your Ex-Girlfriend... For Now.....20
Using the “Contrast Effect” to get over your ex ..........................................................20
Changing your opinion of her......................................................................................20
Break Her Power Over You.........................................................................................21
Be Less Available and More of a Challenge...............................................................21
Affirming your independence.......................................................................................23
Breaking the dangerous myth of “She’s the only one for me”.....................................24
Your Ex-Girlfriend is Special, But................................................................................24
Chapter 5: Get Ahold of Yourself – And Once Again Become an Attractive Man...........25
Learning to Love Yourself Again..................................................................................25
Stop Being Beta...........................................................................................................25
Putting Your Life Back Together..................................................................................26
Chapter 6: The Next Problem to Solve: Figuring Out What Attracted Your Girlfriend to
You in the First Place.......................................................................................................29
What Men Find Attractive in Women...........................................................................29
What Women Find Attractive in Men...........................................................................30
Chapter 7: What Creates a Good Relationship, and Where You Screwed Up...............32
Being the Dominant, Confident Alpha Male................................................................32
Why Women Love the Alpha Male..........................................................................34
Did She Become the Leader of Your Relationship?....................................................35
Did You Kill Your Relationship By Not Caring About or Respecting Your Girlfriend?. 36
Did you refuse to apologize when you screwed up?...................................................36
Did you lose your temper?...........................................................................................37
What about when she starts a fight?.......................................................................38
Did you treat her as too much of a delicate creature?................................................39
-3© Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
Did you lower your value by paying for everything?....................................................39
Did you force her to become your substitute mother?................................................40
Did you say “I love you” way too soon?.......................................................................41
Her Statements Decoded............................................................................................42
Chapter 8: Becoming an Attractive Man to Irresistibly Draw Your Ex Back to You.........44
Giving Her Good Emotions..........................................................................................44
Become a Bit of a Bad Boy..........................................................................................46
Have a More Alpha Communication Style Rather Than Arguing or Causing Drama. 47
Punishment and Reward.............................................................................................49
The Importance of Having Frequent, Pleasurable Sex With Her................................50
Have Her Need You More Than You Need Her..........................................................50
Chapter 9: Turning Attraction Dial #1 – Being a Leader..................................................52
Chapter 10: Turning Attraction Dial #2 – Masculine Good Looks and Style...................54
Your Style.....................................................................................................................54
Your Hair......................................................................................................................60
Body Hair.....................................................................................................................61
Your Teeth ..................................................................................................................62
Your Nails.....................................................................................................................62
Your Skin......................................................................................................................62
Your Lips......................................................................................................................63
Your Smell....................................................................................................................63
Why Develop Your Masculine Style.............................................................................64
Chapter 11: Turning Attraction Dial #3 – Physical Health and Strength..........................66
Chapter 12: Turning Attraction Dial #4 – Confidence .....................................................70
Chapter 13: Turning Attraction Dial #5 – Being Happy and Non-Needy ........................73
Chapter 14: Turning Attraction Dial #6 – Having Other Women Interested in You .......74
Have Sex With Other Women if Possible....................................................................75
Chapter 15: Turning Attraction Dial #7 – Being Popular ................................................77
Chapter 16: Turning Attraction Dial #8 – You’re Interesting, Intriguing, Fun and
Captivating ......................................................................................................................80
Chapter 17: Turning Attraction Dial #9 – You’re Assertive .............................................82
Chapter 18: Turning Attraction Dial #10 – You Make Her Laugh ...................................83
Chapter 19: Turning Attraction Dial #11 – You’re Ambitious and Have Passions You’re
Pursuing ..........................................................................................................................84
Chapter 20: Days 1-20 – Staying in Her Life Indirectly...................................................85
Don’t Trade Your Stuff Back........................................................................................85
Stay Friends With Her Friends....................................................................................85
Chapter 21: How You’re Going to Re-Attract Her............................................................87
Intro to the RCP...........................................................................................................87
Chapter 22: The Re-Connection Process – Automatically Drawing Your Girlfriend Back
to You Like a Magnet.......................................................................................................89
-4© Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
Is It Worth Keeping Her?.............................................................................................89
The Basic Formula.......................................................................................................89
Chapter 23: Day 21 – Calling Her....................................................................................92
Chapter 24: Reconnecting With Your Girlfriend and Getting Her Back in Your Arms
Again................................................................................................................................95
Calling Your Ex and Setting Up a Meet.......................................................................96
The “Date” ...................................................................................................................97
The Escalation.............................................................................................................98
The Seduction..............................................................................................................99
Chapter 25: Ensuring She Stays With You....................................................................102
What if You’re Now Dating Other Partners?..............................................................103
How to Pass Her Shit Tests.......................................................................................103
Chapter 26: Dealing With Specific Situations................................................................105
“What if I was the one who dumped her?”................................................................105
“What if she dumped me because I cheated on her?”..............................................105
“How do you get her back if she’s seeing someone else now?”...............................105
“How do you deal with hostile parents?”...................................................................106
What if I don’t want her back as a full-fledged girlfriend, and just want her as a “friend
with benefits”?............................................................................................................107
“What if you work with your ex and can’t cut her off?”..............................................107
"What if we’re still living together?"...........................................................................108
“What if we have children together?”.........................................................................108
“What if I’m in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend?”................................108
“It’s been 4 weeks/4 months/10 months/X amount of time since she dumped me. Will
this Re-Attraction system still work for me after this amount of time?”.....................109
“I feel like my situation is different from what other guys face. Is my situation
hopeless?”.................................................................................................................109
“John, I contacted her before the 21 days is up. Now she says she doesn’t want to be
with me. Help!”...........................................................................................................110
Chapter 27: From Mistakes to Total Success................................................................111
Luke’s Success..........................................................................................................111
Robby’s Success.......................................................................................................112
Chapter 28: Your Awesome Future With Your Girlfriend...............................................113
John Alexander’s Coaching Club...................................................................................113
Other Products by John Alexander................................................................................114
-5© Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
Chapter 1: Introduction to the System and How It Will
Help You
First I want to congratulate you for getting this guide and also to tell you to take a deep
breath. If you shed another tear, it needs to be a tear of happiness, because you WILL
get your woman back. All I ask in return is that you:
a) Follow this manual step by step, without straying from or second-guessing the
blueprint I set out for you.
b) Give it your full effort.
Is that a deal? Okay, great.
How I Can Help You
As author of the international “underground” best-seller How to Become an Alpha
Male, I’ve coached a great many guys not only when it comes to dating women they’ve
just met, but also in how to re-attract their ex-girlfriend* back to them. So with this guide
I’m finally putting into writing the proven-to-work system I’ve developed for men I’ve
helped to successfully re-attract their exes.
While How to Become an Alpha Male teaches you how to magnetically attract streams
of new women to you, this guide shows you how to attract your old girlfriend back to
you.
The system you’re about to discover has been thoroughly field-tested, so I can promise
you it will work for you. It’s based on innate and uncontrollable instincts in your exgirlfriend, which is why it is the closest thing to foolproof you’ll ever find in this world.
*
This system works on any woman you’re seeking to get back. I use the term girlfriend generically to
include any relationship, married or other.
-6© Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
Though I want you to think of me as your buddy, nothing in here is going to be
sugarcoated or politically correct. I’m going to give you the direct truth, just like it is.
You’re going to learn exactly what works.
This is also a practical, get-to-the-point kind of guide. I’ve taken out all the fluff and filler.
You won’t find a history of male-female relations or whatever in here.
And most importantly, I’m going to be focused on results. You bought this guide
because you want your girl back, so that’s exactly what’s going to happen. You’re also
going to learn what makes a successful relationship and how to keep her attracted to
you, so that way you’ll make sure that once she does come back, she’ll stay with you
forever.
-7© Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
Chapter 2:
Your First Order of Business...
Cut off all communication with your ex-girlfriend right NOW. You’ll send her a note which
I’ll reveal to you in a second – and that will be your only communication with her for the
next three weeks.
Here’s why. If you communicate with your ex before you know what you’re doing and
before you have put your life back together, odds are you’re going to screw it up. This is
because anything you do now would be out of desperation and would keep you in the
unattractive role of a beta male.
You see, when a woman’s ex-boyfriend acts beta and unattractive, it allows her to justify
in her mind that she made the right decision to dump the guy. You don’t want to give
your ex that justification!
Right now your ex-girlfriend is confused about what she wants. You do not, at this point,
want to end her confusion!
Even if your ex did give in and take you back in response to your desperate begging, it
would be under her terms, which means there’s no guarantee she wouldn’t dump you
again later. So you need to break off all contact, get up to speed using this manual, and
then follow it to become an attractive man. Only then will you reinitiate contact.
Cutting off contact will accomplish the following:
1. It demonstrates that right now you’re unfazed by the break up, which increases
your value in her eyes.
2. It gives you time to work on the Attraction Dials, learn from your mistakes, and
put your life back together. (You’ll learn how to do all of this in a little while.)
3. It makes her receptive to you re-opening communication with her.
How long should you cut her off from you? It’s going to be for 3 weeks. Right now it’s
Day 1 of your self-improvement journey. You’ll reinitiate contact on Day 21. And then by
-8© Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
the end of the next week, she’ll be your girlfriend again. As the title of this book says,
you’re getting her back in 30 days or less.
How to cut her off
If possible, mail her a handwritten note. No matter how bitter your breakup was, there’s
a virtually 100% chance she’ll read a note that’s handwritten. She won’t be able to
resist. (If for some reason you can’t get her the handwritten note, at least send an email
– but again, the impact of a handwritten message is HUGE, as you’ll see.)
Here are the exact, don’t-make-me-think guidelines for a successful note...
1. The overall goal of your note is to display calmness. When your ex-girlfriend finds
out how calm you are now about the break up, it will throw her off.
2. Avoid writing anything clingy or whiny. You want to make it sound like you’re cool
with the situation as it is now, and she has no effect on you anymore. (You’re no
longer an unattractive beta male.)
3. Also make sure the letter is not argumentative and doesn’t blame her for what
happened. Remember: you want her to think you’re cool with the break up now.
You want her to wonder what’s changed and what’s going on with you. Arouse
her curiosity.
4. Write the note fast and keep it brief, definitely no more than a page. Although you
want the note to be legible, make it appear you scribbled it in a hurry because
you didn’t put a lot of effort into it.
5. Tell her you agree with her decision to break up with you.
6. Make a comment about how you think she’s an amazing woman but you’ve
realized she’s still really young and not yet ready for a relationship, and that your
mistake was in believing she was ready. (If she’s older, drop the “really young”
part and just say “not yet ready.”)
7. If you did something bad, like lied to her or cheated on her to make her dump
you, briefly apologize for it and explain how specifically you would avoid ever
doing it again. (If you didn’t do anything like that, however, then don’t apologize.
An alpha male only apologizes when there is something to apologize for.)
-9© Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
8. Tell her that something big and exciting just happened in your life, and you’ll need
to tell her about it sometime.
9. Tell her that for now, you’re giving her some time for herself.
10. Close the note by saying, “Maybe we can at least be friends again at some
point.”
11. Leave the door open for friendship and don’t say anything permanent like “We’re
through.” Don’t allow your ex to let go of you completely. Giving her hope that
you can change and the two of you can pan out will prevent her from moving on
and becoming happy in her new life.
This note you’ll write using the guidelines above is full of contradictory language which
your ex will pore over and ponder for days. You’re saying that your opinion of her has
changed (you “realized” she’s “not yet ready for a relationship”). She’ll get with her
friends and get their opinion on what you meant by each thing you said. Examples:
●
“What could be that big, exciting thing that’s happening in his life now?”
●
“What did he mean by ’we can be friends again’?!”
●
“How can he think I’m amazing but not ready for a relationship?!”
●
“How can he be so calm about the breakup?!”
Trust me, she’ll have hours and hours of conversations about your one simple note. She
might even get pissed off at you and call you a jerk. That’s all okay though.
You see, once you send the note, it’ll set you up as a challenge for your ex-girlfriend and
make you unavailable to her. This is a huge paradigm-shift for her because previously
she had you in her pocket. Also, the curiosity about what that “big, exciting thing that
just happened to you” is will eat away at her. Curiosity is the strongest human emotion
there is.
The note is short, sweet and gets the job done. She’s now cut off from the
awesomeness that is you. In a few weeks, you’ll give her the gift of being able to talk
with you again.
- 10 © Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
“John, do you have a sample note?”
I don’t want to give you a sample note (and previous editions of this guide did not have
one) because it’s so much better for it to be in your own words, and I don’t want to affect
that.
However, due to massive demand for a sample note, here’s a real one that worked
extremely well for one customer:
Hi [Put the woman's name here].
Just wanted to let you know that I agree with your decision
about breaking up with me.
Something big and new has recently happened in my life, and
I need to tell you about it soon.
For now, I'm gonna give you some time for yourself, but
maybe we can become friends at some point when you are
ready.
[Your Name]
...and when I say it worked extremely well, I mean it. Here’s what this guy wrote me
after he sent the note:
My ex is constantly trying to get in touch with me now.
Calling every 4 hours, texting me asking how I am, even
telling me she is outside waiting for me.
Fucking stalking me, can’t even look outside the window.
Now, I’m not saying that you’ll get these exact results from your ex. She may react by
giving you the silent treatment, for example. But I am saying that this is a note that
works extremely well because it arouses your ex’s curiosity. It gives you the upper hand
now.
- 11 © Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
What if she tries to contact you?
The most common response from the woman is silence. Remember, all of her friends
are telling her to not contact you. This is totally fine, because it means that, with her
curiosity aroused, she’ll be receptive to meeting with you again when the time comes.
However, it’s also likely that within a few days after she gets the note your ex will try to
talk with you.
This is because the purpose of the note is to get her curious, so everything is going as it
should if she sends you a text message like, “What’s this exciting thing going on in your
life?”
She may also say something like, “It kinda sounded like you were already over me. That
note just confused me.” Again, that’s exactly what you want.
However, for now do not return her calls or reply to her emails, etc. Not even a short
reply. Cutting off communication means just that.
Bob’s Boo-Boo
When Bob wrote a note to his ex using the guidelines in the previous section
(saying "you’re young and not ready for a relationship"), she became infuriated.
He got a nasty voicemail from her.
Unfortunately Bob panicked. He called her and told her “the truth,” saying, “That’s
not me. I would normally never say something to you like that.”
He was hoping she would be convinced to like him because he’s such a nice guy.
You can probably guess what the result was. Life, sadly, is not like a Hollywood
romance.
Today Bob’s ex is with another guy, and Bob wrote me an email saying, “I still feel
heartbroken, and I actually feel that way in my chest.” He cried about how “deep
down I ache to be intimate with her again.”
I am sympathetic to Bob’s plight, but unfortunately his major blunder destroyed
the effectiveness of the note. You see, Bob gained power when he was able to
anger her, because she had a strong emotional reaction to him. He lost that
power when he called her up and explained himself to her. As he found out, it did
- 12 © Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
not make her more attracted to him when he did that. Instead it made him a beta
male in her eyes, which pushed her into another man’s arms.
Don’t make Bob’s mistake. Even the emotional reactions of anger or hatred from
the woman are fine. What you do not want is indifference. Anger and hatred are
the opposite of indifference, which means you have the upper hand when your ex
displays them. Remember: the purpose of the note is to get her to want to talk to
you when you re-engage contact with her.
Richard’s Amazing Success
When Richard wrote the note to his ex, it drove her crazy and she turned into a
stalker. He had to turn his cell phone off to help him ignore her constant calls.
Then a few days later she called him at work through a special number. He didn’t
know who it was at first. Once he realized, he said to her, “I’d like us to be friends
in the future, and I respect your time and space.”
She replied, with tears in her voice, “So you’re saying you’re done? You’re giving
up? You’re on my mind all the time.”
Richard ended the call right then by politely saying, “I’m not saying we’re done,
but I just need my space too. I will talk to you soon.”
Then a few days later she dropped by his house unexpectedly. Richard told her it
was nice to see her, but he needed to get back to what he was doing.
By the time Day 21 rolled around, Richard had the power in the relationship
thanks to the communication cut-off, so his ex was highly receptive when he reinitiated communication with her. Needless to say, they are back together today,
and their relationship is way better than it was before.
If your ex tries to re-engage you at any time before Day 21, I cannot recommend more
highly that you ignore it for now. You only want her to experience the New You who has
become an attractive guy. Work on the improvements to your life I outline in this guide,
and then re-engage her on Day 21 and astound her by turning her Attraction Dials.
Often she won’t really be interested in getting back with you anyway, despite what she
tells you when she tries contacting you. What she really wants is the continued
- 13 © Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
validation that you’re still interested. It’s like a sonar operator pinging the ocean to see if
that other submarine is still there.
If she reaches out to you and you bite, then she gets the ego boost and reassurance
that you’re still in her pocket – and so your continued suffering is assured. You lose the
value you built up with your cut-off note.
So take a page from women’s playbook and ignore her attempts to contact you. If she
keeps up her pinging over several days, send her a simple message like this:
“Hi [Girl’s Name], just a quick note to say hey and I’ll
talk with you when I get the chance.”
This message accomplishes a number of things:
●
Combined with the initial note you sent, sets you up as a even more of a
challenge. Later when you’ve re-attracted her to you, she’ll try to prove to you
that you two CAN work out.
●
Does not give her the validation of knowing you’re still in her pocket.
●
Gives your ego a boost instead of hers.
●
Still keeps the door open for later.
●
Intrigues her by making her wonder if you’re really up to exciting new things since
you said “when I get the chance”... and if so, what (or who!) are you involved
with?
●
Demonstrates that you’re cool with her decision to have left you. Maybe you once
were desperate and pathetic, but you are no longer.
If she comes to see you in person, be upbeat, light and non-judgmental. Have a short
conversation (no longer than a couple minutes), then tell her it was nice to see her, but
you need to get back to what you were doing.
Then continue to ignore her contact attempts before Day 21.
Finally, I often get asked about what you should do about an Important Day for you as a
couple or for couples in general. It’ll go something like this: "In your book you say to cut
off all contact, my problem is that it is my ex-girlfriend’s birthday next week." Other
- 14 © Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
questions have to do with Important Days like Valentine’s, Christmas, etc.
The answer is, why not combine the cut-off note with a birthday card (or whatever kind
of card corresponds with the Important Day)? That would be absolutely perfect. If you’ve
already sent the cut-off note, then ignore her birthday. That will drive her crazy, which
will make it that much easier to re-initiate communication when Day 21 rolls around.
- 15 © Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
Chapter 3:
Common Mistakes – How Many of These Have You
Made?
Below are two case studies to show you you’re not the only guy facing a lot of bad news
right now.
Luke’s Story
Luke had been with Amber for 18 months. That may not sound like a lot in the grand
scheme of things, but he was so happy with her that it felt like a lifetime.
As time went by, Amber became Luke’s entire life. He lost contact with all his old friends
and quit his old hobbies and interests. Of course, Amber still went out with her friends...
but when she did, Luke would get jealous and angry at her, thinking she was cheating
on him or at least other guys would be undressing her with their eyes.
It was as if Luke no longer just wanted Amber... now it was more like he needed her.
She had become his entire source of happiness in life.
Then when the break-up talk happened, Luke did something he had never done before,
because it was an act of extreme desperation. But she was his everything, so what else
could he do?
Luke got up and, embarrassing himself in front of all the other people at the diner,
bowed his head and got down on one knee. He held his hand out to her and, with tears
in eyes, begged her to take him back.
“I’m sorry,” Amber said, refusing to take his hand. “I feel like you’re my brother. The
chemistry is gone. I don’t feel like this can work. I need my space.” With that, she stood
up, turned her back on him and walked away.
For the next month Luke kept chasing and stalking Amber. He was calling, texting, or
emailing her every day – and usually it was multiple times a day. She only got back with
- 16 © Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
him once, to tell him she was “busy.” The rest of his dozens of groveling emails, texts,
and voice mails went unanswered.
Luke was able to finally talk with one of Amber’s friends. She told him, “Amber doesn’t
want to date you anymore because you’re too depressed.”
Then a couple days later Luke heard through the grapevine that Amber had gotten back
with her ex, a real jerk who verbally abused her and treated her like crap. Luke had
always been the “nice guy” and did everything for Amber.
In desperation, Luke turned to me.
Robby’s Story
Robby’s been going out with Bernadette on and off for 3 years. Robby experimented
with sex with other women, and Bernadette found out and dumped him. But now, he
realizes what he’s lost and wants a stable relationship with Bernadette. He feels like he
really is a changed guy.
Actually, to say he feels like Bernadette would be perfect for him would be the
understatement of the century.
Robby wants to convince Bernadette that he’s changed. He wants her to listen to him
and believe what he says is real and not another broken promise from the past.
He’s going crazy without her. He wishes he didn’t cheat on her, but now he desperately
wants to know how to make her forgive him, trust him again and love him again.
Robby knows he shouldn’t be needy, desperate or clingy, but he’s confused about what
he should say and do to get Bernadette back in light of the cheating. He knows he
should play it cool and confident, but is at a loss about how to let her know he’s still
interested and of course to get her interested in him again. It’s a real dilemma for him.
Overcoming Your Mistakes
It’s likely your own story shares a lot of elements in common with Luke’s or Robby’s, or
a combination of the two. You may not realize this yet, but Luke and Robby made a lot
of really bad mistakes. The poor guys just didn’t know better.
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By John Alexander
Pretty soon you’ll be able to identify their mistakes, so you can avoid making them
yourself.
Re-Igniting Your Woman’s Attraction for You
Now that you’ve made yourself scarce in your ex-girlfriend’s life, it’s time to get busy.
You’re going to transform yourself into the ideal man. Then your ex will discover the
great change in you and beg to be part of your life again.
What you’ve been doing lately is putting a lot of stress on your ex-girlfriend and on the
relationship. What you want instead is to have things be fun again for her and free from
stress.
For example, a lot of guys whine to their exes about how sad they are now that they’re
broken up, but this is a huge mistake and accomplishes nothing except putting more
stress on her. Your ex-girlfriend might feel a bit of sympathy, but she doesn’t really care
how bad you feel since she’s dumped your ass. In fact, if anything she’d say that you’re
the bastard for making her feel guilty about dumping you – which drives her even further
from you. My point is this: do not put control of your emotions in the hands of your exgirlfriend (or any woman for that matter), or it’ll end in disaster. Instead take control of
yourself.
What you’re going to do is use what productivity guru Steve Pavlina calls
overwhelming force in your self-improvement mission. It comes from the Powell
Doctrine in military strategy. Rather than committing what you think is the amount of
resources you need to accomplish the mission, you over-commit resources. You throw
all you’ve got into it to achieve rapid, massive victory. Think of the way the US handled
the first Gulf War in 1991. That way you avoid a long, drawn out struggle. While your
initial commitment of resources is extremely high, in the long run it’s less because you
get the job done so much faster.
By the end of the next three weeks you’ll use overwhelming force to make yourself into
an attractive man. Your ex will be unable to resist being attracted to the new you.
Attraction is something a woman feels on a primal level. She can logically KNOW you’re
the right guy for her (e.g., you’re a responsible, “grown-up” man, great husband
material, and would make a great father to her future children). But she must also FEEL
attraction on an instinctual level for her to want to be with you. That’s why it’s so
important for you to work on becoming attractive, so that when you re-initiate contact
with her on Day 21, she’ll be drawn to you like a magnet.
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Before I jump into the details, let me say this. You’re not allowed to use “lack of time” as
a cop out. It takes only a bit of effort to make yourself more attractive. Do you want your
girl back or not? It’s time to overcommit your resources and use massive, overwhelming
force to get the mission accomplished.
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Chapter 4: The Irony: To Get Her Back, Forget About
Your Ex-Girlfriend... For Now
It’s time to “get over her” in your mind. By you not caring as much about your ex,
ironically you’ll draw her to you. You’ll be amazed at how this works. I’m going to take
you through a series of exercises, and at the end of them, your ex-girlfriend’s grip on
you will be greatly reduced.
Using the “Contrast Effect” to get over your ex
A college psychology professor has found that you can dramatically weaken a man’s
feelings toward his partner by having him sit and look at pictures of attractive women.
The reason this works is because of a psychological phenomenon called the Contrast
Effect. When your mind perceives other possibilities of women out there, the one you’re
with seems less and less desirable. All of a sudden you realize the vast numbers of
potentially better alternatives out there for you. You become less satisfied with the
woman you’ve got.
Go out and get some magazines with beautiful women. I suggest Cosmopolitan and
Playboy. Sit with the magazines for a full hour, carefully studying the images of the
beautiful women. Focus on the images and ignore the text. Soak in every last detail of
the hot models. Imagine what it would be like to date them and have sex with them. As
your intense hour goes on, you feel more and more like you have so many more options
out there than just your ex.
For the next three weeks, do the Contrast Effect exercise whenever you get random
pangs of longing for your ex.
Changing your opinion of her
Get out a sheet of paper and make a list of things you did NOT like about your exgirlfriend. Think hard. Aim to have a list of 20 things. For example, did she smack her
lips when she ate? Did she want you waste a lot of money on her (and make you feel
guilty when you didn’t)? Did she neglect to wear deodorant sometimes? Did she have a
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bad temper? Did she nag you?
I recommend printing out this list, folding it up and keeping it in your pocket. Whenever
you’re pining for your ex, pull out your list and re-read it. Pretty soon you’ll realize that
the idealized image you have of your ex-girlfriend is not so realistic after all.
By the way, if your woman broke up with you for a shitty reason, are you sure you want
her back? Let me give you an example of what happened to an acquaintance of mine.
He’s a cop and got shot through his femur or thigh bone. It’s a gigantic bone (the
biggest in your body), and if you’re unlucky enough to break it, you have to go through
months of inactivity and slow rehabilitation.
So guess what? This dude’s girlfriend said “I don’t want to deal with it” and broke up
with him. He was heartbroken, but for what? If a woman can’t stand normal human
frailty, then what makes you want to be with her? As you make yourself into an
attractive alpha male, you’ll have a lot more options out there than just your exgirlfriend, so this is just something to keep in mind.
Break Her Power Over You
Probably the biggest key difference between men who are successful with women and
men who aren’t is that women have sexual power over the unsuccessful guys.
What does this mean? It means, frankly, that your ex-girlfriend’s vagina has power over
you. And she knows it.
You break this power by realizing that just because a woman has a vagina, it doesn’t
mean she’s entitled to special privileges. She’s a human just like you, not some superior
magical creature. Once you’re able to demonstrate that your ex-girlfriend no longer has
sexual power over you, you’ll become elevated in her eyes into one of the select few
alpha males who she instinctively drools over. That’s what you’ll discover next.
Be Less Available and More of a Challenge
One of the most educational things you can ever do is to talk with your ex-girlfriend’s
closest friends to see what she was like in the earliest days of your relationship. Almost
always her friends will tell you that all she could think about was how to make you hers.
For example, she would obsess about all the little turns of phrase you gave her – like
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let’s say you told her you “adore her.” She would have spent 3 hours on the phone with
her friend wondering what you meant by the word “adore.”
You were a challenge for her. You had a high value and she was irresistibly attracted to
you.
And I’m going to make a wild guess here, but could it be that as time went on, you
became less and less of a challenge for her?
And could it be that right now, you are zero challenge for her? And she knows that if she
wanted to, at any time she could get you back again and wrapped around her finger just
by saying the word?
I’m going to be crude here, but as you know, to become a challenge again you need to
demonstrate to your ex that her pussy has no more control over you. Think about what
it’s like when you’re stalking her with unreturned phone calls, voice mails, text
messages, and emails. And then think about what it’s like when you keep doing it (as a
lot of guys do) even after she’s told you to stop. You’re indicating to the woman that
you’re a low-value guy with no other sexual options.
She won’t respect you again until you refuse her pussy’s power over you. Fortunately
you’re doing that now by not directly communicating with her.
Make sure you stay 100% strict with your communication cut-off. Do not be “friends”
with her, as that rewards her with the continued validation of power over you while
giving her a convenient excuse to stay broken up. (She reasons that she’s letting you
down easy that way, assuaging any guilt she may feel.)
However, make sure to keep her locked in with your stuff. Most likely a lot of your
possessions are at her place, and vice versa. She may even owe you money as well.
She may get a mutual friend of yours to ask you if you want all of it back.
The best answer to this is “No, not yet.” The reason is because her holding onto your
stuff (and you holding onto hers) is still locking you two in and ensuring future
communication. You do NOT want to give her the psychological closure that would
come from settling your accounts.
For the next 3 weeks, you need to fully accept – and embrace – the fact that you’re an
independent man now. Take what happened with your ex-girlfriend and learn from it.
You’ve got a golden opportunity to revolutionize your life.
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Affirming your independence
Hang onto your seat because I’m going to reveal to you the #1 tactic that built my
confidence and got me success with women. That #1 thing is doing affirmations.
There was recently a laboratory study conducted by neurologists about the
effectiveness of affirmations. It found that positive statements, repeated over and over,
will literally rewire your brain to embrace the new attitudes as fact. So it’s virtually
impossible for affirmations done correctly to not work.
What are affirmations and how do you them? An affirmation is simply what I just said: a
positive statement like “It’s awesome to be an alpha male” that you repeat over and
over to yourself. As you say your affirmation to yourself in your mind (or out loud if no
one will overhear you), also visualize it as if it’s true and feel what it feels like for the
affirmation to be true.
Does this make sense? Let me illustrate with the example above. When you say in your
mind “It’s awesome to be an alpha male,” you imagine yourself as an alpha male. You
feel how great it would be to be the kind of man women lust for.
When I was going through my own self-improvement, what I did was become extreme
about my affirmations. Did them over and over in my mind for several hours a day – as I
was driving, as I was at the store, with a girl, etc. It’s amazing how miraculously it works.
One of the affirmations I would do (and still do), for example was "I have an abundance
of women in my life." Once I fully ingrained that new mindset of abundance, it became
impossible for any woman to hurt me by rejecting me.
So, to develop that high-value mindset that women (and your ex-girlfriend) find
attractive, I can’t recommend affirmations more highly. The key though is repetition,
since our minds resist change. (The good news from that, of course, is that once you
change your thought patterns, your mind will resist changing back to your old
destructive thoughts.)
In order to break the power your ex-girlfriend has over you, I recommend this schedule
of affirmations:
Week 1: Do the affirmation “I release the need to care about [girl’s name] anymore.”
Week 2: Do the affirmation “I release the need to care what any woman thinks of me.”
Week 3: Do the affirmation “I am my own man, and I approve of myself.”
Do your affirmations as much as possible. If you want to really get extreme and use
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overwhelming force, create a voice file on your computer or a CD of you saying your
affirmations. Play it on a repeating loop when you’re home, in your car, and even when
you’re sleeping. Playing affirmations while sleeping will make you dream about them,
further molding your brain to adopt them as your new thoughts and new reality.
Breaking the dangerous myth of “She’s the only one for me”
I want you to imagine a woman. This is not your ex-girlfriend. It is your ex-girlfriend’s
rival. She wants to be the one who dates you and wants you to reject your ex-girlfriend.
Question1: As you visualize your ex-girlfriend’s rival, I want you to describe her. What
does she look like? What are her hair and eyes like? What’s her skin like? What’s her
smile like? What’s her personality like? What are some traits she’s got that make her
really cool? What does she do with you (and to you!) that makes her so great? What is it
that you find so intriguing about her?
You know what’s weird? Your ex-girlfriend’s rival could be just around the corner for you.
Just something to keep in mind.
Question: Now that you can visualize your ex’s rival, who’s better for you than she
was, how has this improved your perspective?
Question: Now that you feel your ex-girlfriend’s grip on you loosening, how much better
do you feel?
Your Ex-Girlfriend is Special, But...
There are tons of other women out there who are just as special as she is. Trust me,
there is not one great trait your ex-girlfriend has that you can’t find in another woman.
That’s right, not a single one.
So constantly remind yourself that there are many other women out there who are just
as special as your ex-girlfriend. That way you avoid becoming an obsessed puppydog,
which ruins a woman’s attraction.
1 Write down on separate sheets of paper your answers to all the questions I ask you throughout this
manual.
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Chapter 5:
Get Ahold of Yourself – And Once Again Become an
Attractive Man
If you’re like most guys in your situation, you were never so depressed in your life until
just recently when your woman left you. You missed meals because you were too
lethargic to eat, you moped at home in front of your TV, and maybe you even cried
when no one was looking.
And unfortunately, in that emotional state you were in, it made you extremely
unattractive to your ex, so your chances of getting back with her became almost zero.
Just let this sink in for a minute... she became “The Prize” in your mind. This is exactly
the opposite of what you want, which is for her to be chasing you. When you pursue her,
it pressures her and pushes her further away.
You’re going to need to get ahold of yourself and regain your confidence, so you’ll
sweep your ex off her feet and set everything back to normal.
Learning to Love Yourself Again
Get out a sheet of paper and write a list of 20 things you like about yourself. The reason
this remedy is important is that it’s too easy to beat yourself up right now, and you can
regain your confidence and happiness by logically reasoning out how great you are.
Keep referring to the list throughout the next few weeks.
Stop Being Beta
It’s time to break out of the mold your ex wants you to be in right now. What does she
want? Since she’s broken up with you, she wants you to feel lost and lonely. That way
you, the weak, beta-ized man, are completely unattractive to her and she can feel okay
with her new life without you.
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Do you follow me so far? She wants to have no reason to be with you anymore. She
wants you to be the repulsive beta male.
But here’s the real kicker: If you are not lost without her, then your ex-girlfriend, lacking
the emotional validation of knowing she controls you, will start to instead be the one
who feels lost without you.
Putting Your Life Back Together
Now it’s time to eliminate your depression and become non-needy.
The first thing to do is start a program of exercise if you’re medically able to. Exercise
has been proven to ease the symptoms of depression due to:
1. The release of endorphins (chemicals that make you happy) in your brain.
2. Increased blood flow to your brain.
3. Reduction of cortisol (a hormone linked with stress) in your blood.
4. Improved sleep at night.
5. The mere fact of you getting you out of your house and being distracted from
your situation.
Exercise has also been proven to make you smarter and more confident, which are two
advantages that will help you re-attract your ex.
I know when you’re depressed exercise is the last thing you want to do, but remember:
overwhelming force. Physical exercise is not easy and never will be, but you have no
choice but to get out and do it. I’ll get into specifics of how to exercise later, when we
discuss the Attraction Dials.
The next thing you need to do is rebuild your social network. I say rebuild because
many guys in relationships make the mistake of abandoning their social circles. You’re
going to need to have friends for three reasons:
1. A guy with friends is more attractive to a woman than a guy with no friends.
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2. Your friends will give you whatever emotional support you need. A lot of men
screw up by trying to get emotional support from their girlfriend. This is a huge
mistake which causes their girlfriends to lose attraction for them. Your job is to
give her emotional support, almost never the other way around. If you want a
good model of this, watch Sean Connery’s James Bond movies from the 1960s.
Bond never gets emotional around a woman. Instead he’s the strong man who
draws the woman in. While the woman is emotional, he is the calm center of her
world.
3. It’s going to give you a life beyond your woman.
As with exercising, I’ll explain how to rebuild your social circle when we get into the
Attraction Dials. (Being popular is one of the Dials.)
The third thing to do to put your life back together is to start some new hobbies. Your
options are endless:
●
Take a class. Cooking classes are great because there are tons of women in
them, and when you meet your ex again in Week 4, cooking her a meal is a great
way to get her alone with you at your home.
●
Do some volunteer work. If you’re passionate about something, it makes you
more attractive to women.
●
Get involved with a hobby club in your area. It’s best if it’s a chick-friendly hobby.
For example, if you’re into board games, few women like chess, but lots of them
love Scrabble, so choose the latter.
●
Dancing. Women love to dance, and you can easily learn a skill like ballroom
dancing (yet another environment where you’ll be surrounded by women, by the
way).
●
Yoga. Improves your posture and reduces stress. As a bonus, you’ll be one of
only a few guys in a room full of hot, sexy women.
●
Music.
●
Playing a sport.
Fourth, become obsessed with your work or school. Pour yourself into your activities.
Whenever you’re continually achieving goals and making financial and career progress
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(which is exactly what you do with work or school), it gives you a long-term elevated
sense of self-esteem and confidence. If you’re stagnating, the result is exactly the
opposite.
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Chapter 6: The Next Problem to Solve: Figuring Out
What Attracted Your Girlfriend to You in the First Place
Solving this problem is key because you’ve already attracted her to you before, so you
can do it again. At the end of this chapter you’re going to know exactly what she found
attractive in you. That way you’ve got your step-by-step roadmap to getting her back.
What males and females find attractive in the opposite sex is very different, as I’m sure
you know. First let’s talk about us dudes, so you can then have a better perspective on
women.
What Men Find Attractive in Women
What we men find attractive can be summed up as reproductive ability (or at least the
appearance of such). This comes from our evolution and is pre-programmed in us.
Researchers have found that men judge the most attractive women to be those who
appear to be the most fertile. This means:
1. A waist-hip ratio of 70%, which happens to be best suited for nurturing the
developing fetus.
2. A youthful-looking face and body (e.g., unwrinkled and hair not going gray).
3. Sufficiently large breasts that are also firm and non-sagging.
If a woman has all these traits, you’ll have to work hard to resist feeling attracted to her.
Notice that these are physical traits rather than personality traits. A man can lose
attraction for a woman with a bad personality, but a good personality will not by itself be
enough to attract him. Look at it this way... if you met a hot babe who then proceeded to
be cruel to you or had a gross bodily function right in front of you, you would then (I
hope!) lose attraction for her. (Note that the longer a man is in a relationship with a
woman the more importance he attaches to her personality and the less to her
appearance. But appearance is crucial in the beginning.)
For women, however, the story is way different...
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What Women Find Attractive in Men
By contrast, from an evolutionary and biological point of view, there’s little need for a
woman to be attracted to a youthful man. This is because men are capable of
impregnating women almost no matter how old they are. (In August 2007 the
Associated Press reported a man in India fathered his 21 st child at age 90!)
I don’t want to get too deep into theory, because this manual is based on what works in
the real world and is meant to be a practical guide for you, but basically it comes down
to this. Humans have evolved for at least the last 700,000 years with women looking for
men who can provide two basic things:
1. Good genes.
2. The ability to provide for and protect her and her offspring.
Your ancestors tended to be men who provided either one or a combination of those two
requirements.
Now, because women were not able to see a potential mate’s DNA, nor did they
possess a crystal ball to see whether he’d be able to protect her and her children, they
instead evolved to base their attraction on visible indicators of those two things.
Through two decades of intense scientific study and real-world practice and
experimentation, I’ve found that there are 11 separate traits that women find attractive in
men, which not only are visible indicators of one or both of the evolutionary
requirements I listed above, but also have been thoroughly tested “in the field.”
For purposes of simplicity, I call them the 11 Attraction Dials. Think of a dimmer switch,
which is a dial that turns on a light and amplifies its brightness. Women have Attraction
Dials that you can turn to amp up their desire for you. The more you turn them, the
higher her desire. It’s a simple formula.
These 11 Attraction Dials are genetically programmed into a woman’s brain, because
they demonstrate you have good genes and/or would be able to protect her and her
offspring. All 11 Attraction Dials are irresistibly masculine features, just as from your
perspective the women described in the previous section are irresistibly feminine.
Here are the 11 Attraction Dials with a brief explanation for each:
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1. Being a Leader – You talk and others (especially other men) listen.
2. Masculine Good Looks – Women use the word “handsome,” or even “hot” to
describe you. They compliment you on various aspects of how you’re put
together such as “nice shirt!”.
3. Physical Health and Strength – You’re in shape.
4. Confidence – You move through life with self-assurance, without fear of others
judging you.
5. Being Happy and Non-Needy – You have no need to pressure the woman or to
try to control her behavior.
6. Having Other Women Interested in You – If a woman knows she’s got
competition to win you, then you look that much more appealing in her eyes.
7. Being Popular – You have a large social network.
8. Being Interesting, Intriguing, Fun and a Captivating – You bring a huge relief
to a woman’s boring life.
9. Being Assertive – You can protect those around you.
10. Making Her Laugh – If a woman is laughing at what you say, it is psychologically
impossible for her to dislike you.
11. Having Drive – You’re ambitious and have passions you’re pursuing
When you first started dating your ex, you would have turned a few of these dials to
some extent; otherwise she never would have become attracted to you.
Question: When you first met your woman and started dating her, you were doing
something right, otherwise she never would have been attracted to you in the first place.
Which of the above Attraction Dials explain how she first became attracted to you? I bet
you did at least 2 of them, though probably not all of them. Write down all that apply.
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Chapter 7:
What Creates a Good Relationship, and Where You
Screwed Up
Reflecting on and learning from your mistakes is important because the whole reason
your girlfriend is now your ex-girlfriend is because you screwed up the relationship.
Here are the elements of a successful relationship:
1. You, the man, are a dominant, confident alpha male.
2. You give your woman positive emotions.
3. You have frequent and pleasurable sex with her.
4. She needs you more than you need her.
Question: All four of these elements are necessary for your relationship to last. And, if
all four of these exist, a woman will never break up with a man. Now, I have a question
for you to think about as you read this chapter. Which of these were missing from your
relationship?
Being the Dominant, Confident Alpha Male
“Many women will tell you that one of the most irritating
things about life is that alpha males – great silverbacked
gorilla types – strike us, maddeningly, as being rather more
attractive than their kinder, gentler, more considerate
dwarf-monkey counterparts.”
- India Knight, columnist for The Sunday Times (United
Kingdom)
An entire book could be written on how to be an alpha male (and, as mentioned earlier, I
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A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
did write such a book, and in case you’re interested you can check it out at
http://getagirlback.com/alphamale )
But here’s the deal. It’s time for you to become a powerful man. I don’t want to get too
psychologically deep here, but from your girlfriend’s perspective, you are like her father
figure now that she’s moved out of home and her real father has much less influence on
her.
Now that you are the man in her life, everything you say has a powerful effect on her.
For example, as you look back on your breakup with your girlfriend, did you verbalize
having a breakup? I’ll bet she gave you a lot of drama, and you said something like “I
don’t want to breakup” or “I don’t want this to end.”
Am I correct on this?
I thought so. You see, when you said that to her, she followed what you said (even
though it was the opposite). Weird but true.
Your girlfriend’s personality and behavior will be a reflection of you, which is why it is so
important that you be a strong, stable, even-tempered man.
So always be careful about what you say. Your woman receives validation for her crazy
ideas like “I’m becoming less attracted to you” based on your response. Think of her
emotions like plants in a garden. The emotions that your water and fertilize are the ones
that will grow and flourish. The emotions and behaviors you ignore will whither and die.
For example your girlfriend will give you what are called “shit tests” from time to time.
Just as a kid will test their parents’ boundaries (and the parent loses authority if the
boundary is not defended), so too will your girlfriend test you, to determine the
boundaries of your alpha-male status. If you do not defend your alpha-male status, you
lose attractiveness. It’s as simple as that.
For example, your girlfriend may say something to you like, “My friends all hate you.”
If you react to this shit test by defending yourself, you become less alpha in her eyes.
The simple formula for succeeding with these sorts of tests is:
1. Don’t take them seriously or react to them.
2. Redirect her emotions toward something else.
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How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
So in this example you would just say something like (in a nonchalant tone of voice like
you misunderstood her comment), “Your friends sound like wonderful people” and then
immediately change the subject to something else. Be the one who controls the
emotional frame of the conversation, rather than letting your girlfriend be the one who
controls it.
So for example, if you were to get upset and say, “Why do your friends hate me?” then
you’re allowing your girlfriend to control the interaction because you’re reacting too
much to her statement. Like a plant that you water and fertilize, you’re nurturing the bad
feeling on her part, which helps it grow. This dampens her attraction to you.
Why Women Love the Alpha Male
As one woman explained it to me, although women have a lot of opportunities in
modern times that they didn’t have in the more-sexist past, the downside is that all of
the responsibilities and stresses make a woman exhausted. So in the relationship part
of her life, a woman likes to relax and unwind. She likes you to lead her so she doesn’t
have the added stress of making the decisions.
And yet most men end up being followers – which causes their women to lose
attraction. Be confident, lead your woman, make most of the decisions, have her play by
your rules – and she will love you for it.
You definitely want to take your girlfriend’s opinions and suggestions into consideration,
but you have the responsibility to lead. You must lead in everything you do together.
Going out to a restaurant and movie? You decide. Figuring out the details of what to do
next weekend? You decide. Take the mindset that you are the man with things going on
in his life, and your woman will be drawn into it.
If she does not like your decision (for example she doesn’t like the restaurant you
choose), she’ll let you know. Then you can pick something else. The point is for you to
be the one to take the responsibility.
A common reason for a girl to break up with a guy is that he was too much of an
emotional follower. For example, a woman’s mood constantly changes, and she has a
lot of whims. If the guy follows her whims, she’ll lose attraction for him. A woman will say
and do things based on a negative emotion she’s feeling at the moment, and if you
react the wrong way, she’ll lose attraction for you.
Though your woman’s moods may constantly change and flow like a chameleon’s
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How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
colors, it’s up to you to have a calm, stable inner state – so that she too can feel calm,
stable and safe with you.
Did She Become the Leader of Your Relationship?
It’s common for men in relationships to say that their wife or girlfriend is “the boss.” Not
coincidentally, absolutely none of the guys I hear say this have a great relationship with
their “boss.”
The problem with a man being too much of a pushover and doormat is that a woman
finds him boring. If your whole life is wrapped up in a woman, and you two have a
master/servant relationship, how could that possibly be interesting to her? Women want
you to have a mind of your own and your own personality.
Have your own life, with your own pursuits and interests that you let her become
involved in. The way to view it is that she is the one entering your world, not the other
way around.
Make some decisions. When you take her out to dinner, have a place in mind. When
you decide what DVD to rent, have something you’d like to see. Don’t always have her
be the one to make decisions. As I said earlier though, definitely take her opinions into
consideration. Don’t make her watch a movie she doesn’t like, for example.
Don’t misunderstand me – it’s great to take her opinions into consideration, but don’t
just be completely passive. Usually the woman will tell you if the restaurant or DVD you
choose is one she doesn’t like, in which case you simply pick something else. If you
want the woman to make the decision, the best way to do it is to give her a choice of
two or three options (selected by you) for her to choose from.
Remember also that when a person has power over something, they’ll use it. That
means by giving your girlfriend all the power, you’re putting something as important as
your relationship at the risk of her whims and emotions – which won’t always match up
with what you want. Many women (especially under age 30) are highly emotional and
not very stable. Is your ex-girlfriend like this? If so then the net result from having her be
in charge of your relationship is a lot of drama, being denied sex, and possibly even
having her cheat on you.
Your girlfriend wants you to be the rock of stability in her life. That means you cannot
depend on her to help you. You alone are responsible for your emotional stability and
happiness. You alone are responsible for improving your life. You alone must be
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How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
responsible for paying your bills and getting ahead in society. You, and only you, can get
your life together. Being a man is an awesome responsibility.
Your girlfriend left you because you weren’t able to meet that responsibility. However,
very soon you will.
Did You Kill Your Relationship By Not Caring About or Respecting
Your Girlfriend?
A surprisingly large number of men screw this up and literally do not realize how much
they care about their woman until after they get dumped.
It can be a careful balancing act by on the one hand not being too needy but on the
other hand not being an asshole and destroying any chances you’ve got at a long-term
relationship.
As an alpha male, every person you’ve accepted as part of your life is someone you
should care for and respect. You reward them for being good to you by being good to
them. That is how you keep them around.
Let me illustrate this by telling you what happened to one of my readers. “Jim” had been
in a relationship for 2 and a half years, which felt like a lifetime to him. He was talking on
the phone with his girlfriend, and she asked if they could spend the night together.
Jim replied with “I am really tired and just want to go home to sleep because I have to
pick my grandmother up from bingo at 11:00 PM.” At this stage he was telling her the
complete truth. They said their goodbyes, and at 11 Jim took his grandmother home.
Then on the way home a curious thing happened. Jim no longer felt tired, and then he
got a phone call from his cousin asking him to go out to a casino. So, off to the casino
and nightclub they went.
The following day Jim’s girlfriend called him and asked what he had done the previous
night. Rather than telling her what happened (and not making a big deal out of it so that
she wouldn’t either), Jim disrespected her by lying and telling her he stayed home.
Problem was, one of her friends had seen him at the casino! Next thing Jim knew, he
was dumped.
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This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
Did you refuse to apologize when you screwed up?
The best way to view an apology is like you’d view ice cream – it’s awesome on rare
occasions when you truly crave it, but it’s disastrous if you use it any more than that.
A hallmark of the unattractive beta male is to apologize too much. When you apologize
unnecessarily, it lowers your value in the eyes of the other person.
When you’ve truly done something wrong, however, saying you’re sorry is not
supplicatory or groveling. In fact, it’s absolutely the opposite. You’re telling her that
based on what you’ve learned, you now know you did wrong and will correct your
behavior from now on. Only a man who’s secure in himself can drop his ego and make
that kind of admission. And the net result with your woman is colossal success – not
only will she forgive you (because women tend to be highly forgiving), but in general
she’ll open up to you rather than closing off her feelings.
And by the way, when a woman says “That’s OK” after you’ve apologized, accept it! A
lot of men make the mistake of continuing to grovel. Instead the best formula to use is
this:
1. Say you’re sorry.
2. Tell how specifically you’re going to correct your behavior in the future.
3. Once your woman accepts your apology, reward her by telling her how much you
care about her and giving her physical contact such as holding her in your arms.
4. Drop the issue completely and never bring it up again. Instead be future-focused.
While you must be an alpha male to keep a woman attracted to you, don’t get the wrong
idea of what being “alpha” means. A woman must have intimacy and a secure feeling
with you if you want your relationship to go the distance. So if you screwed up
somewhere with your ex before she dumped you, your best chance to get her back is
going to be to give her a genuine apology for your screw up.
Did you lose your temper?
While you, as the man, don’t want to be a floppy piece of milk toast, on the opposite
side of the same coin is having anger management issues. This is a problem a lot of
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How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
guys who are jerks face: they end up becoming verbally (and unfortunately sometimes
physically) abusive, which results in their girlfriend running away from them.
If you ever fly into a fit of rage, that means you’ve lost control over your emotions every
bit as much as if you turned into a crybaby and needed your woman to give you
emotional support.
Like I said, it’s two sides of the same coin. When you’re angry (especially when there’s
no good reason to be angry), it comes from the same frame of insecurity as when you’re
whiny.
Angry outbursts have the additional problem, however, of flooding your girlfriend’s
emotions with fear. This is the absolute worst thing you can ever do because a woman’s
most important emotional need is to feel safe. Don’t forget, men are on average much
bigger and stronger physically than women. Every woman understands this safety issue
on a deep level. So if you explode and become menacing to your woman, it triggers
millions of cells in her brain to get her to run away from you – and maybe into the arms
of another man.
Remember, your emotions are a result of your thoughts. You only get angry if you think
the sort of thoughts that make you angry. So, to avoid losing your temper, change the
things you say to yourself in your mind.
You should also watch out for the lower-level mistake of being grumpy and pissy. While
you’re human and will feel emotions like those on occasion, beware of making a
negative emotion like that your default emotion. You’ll have far higher success with
women (and your ex-girlfriend) if you’re upbeat and relaxed by default.
What about when she starts a fight?
Ever hear the expression “Don’t add fuel to the fire”? If you take the bait when your
girlfriend creates drama, you accomplish nothing and only escalate the argument.
You’re adding fuel to the fire of her negative emotions.
A far more effective way to handle your woman starting a fight with you is to punish her
bad behavior by withdrawing your attention and leaving the area. Go for a walk, go hang
out with a friend, etc.
Also, I have a question for you. Is a life of drama the kind of life you want? If you’re like
most guys, the answer is "hell no!"
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How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
So listen up. Whenever a chick upsets you, you’ve let her affect your reality and given
her power over you. Instead, if a chick says stuff to try to start a fight, just interpret it as
her being silly and not serious.
This will surprise you, but also keep in mind that women sometimes start drama simply
because they want sex. Women, deprived of an outlet to express their strong sexual
desire (because society labels it “slutty” and socially unacceptable for women to have
strong desires) will sometimes sublimate it by creating drama.
Did you treat her as too much of a delicate creature?
There’s a lot of lingering paternalistic attitudes toward women that they’re these weak
creatures who are pure of heart and don’t like to have sex. But as men who are
successful with women will tell you, this couldn’t be further from the truth. If you have
this paternalistic attitude, it only results in you being denied sex and becoming frustrated
at your lack of female companionship. Mae West said it best in her 1940 flick My Little
Chickadee:
“Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out
what from.”
As a strong, stable man, your girlfriend’s emotions will naturally tend to converge in the
direction of your emotions. However, her moods will fluctuate, as I’m sure you realize all
too well!
Since your girlfriend is an adult just like you, you cannot be responsible for her moods.
Take the attitude that as a grown woman she can take care of herself. She’s not some
delicate glass figurine that must be babied all the time.
Let her fly off in her fits of emotion sometimes, while you give her space and remain the
rock of stability in her life.
Did you lower your value by paying for everything?
Notice what was not one of the 11 Attraction Dials? You guessed it – paying for
everything. While women are often attracted to rich men, it’s not the money per se that
they’re attracted to. It’s the lifestyle the rich guy offers, plus his confidence and drive.
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This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
To understand why it’s not good to pay for everything, look at the way shrinks operate.
The reason psychiatrists don’t work for free (other than the fact that they like money) is
that you simply won’t take your therapy seriously unless you’re making a financial
commitment. This is a basic fact of human nature. And this same fact of human nature
applies with your girlfriend. If she makes a financial commitment to your relationship,
she’ll take it more seriously.
Let me give you a real-world example of what happened to a friend of mine. He wanted
to take his girlfriend an a vacation to Venice and asked me for some advice. It turned
out she wanted to contribute half of the deposit for the condo they were renting, and he
was confused about it. He took the paternalistic attitude that he should pay for
everything.
However, I told him to let her pay her share, since that would increase her commitment
to the relationship. He followed my advice, and sure enough, it worked. They are now
happier than ever and he’s thinking about making her his wife.
If your income is high and your girlfriend’s is low, there’s nothing wrong with you paying
for most things. But it’s good to have your girlfriend pay for little things sometimes like
drinks. Have her pay just enough so she feels psychologically involved.
Here’s an alpha manner of paying that you can employ every once in a while. At a café
you can give your woman some cash and have her line up at the counter to pay for the
food. This also works well in a larger group situation, by the way. You can give another
guy some cash and have him go buy everyone’s drinks (including his own). This gives
you the alpha status.
Bottom line about paying for everything is that it doesn’t make you more masculine. It
makes you a tool and a chump in your girlfriend’s eyes. She won’t respect you, and
you’ll find that she denies you sex and gives you guilt trips about money.
On the other hand, when you do pay, do it because you’re being generous. Don’t expect
anything in return. Don’t make your girlfriend feel bad about the fact that you’re paying
and she’s not.
Did you force her to become your substitute mother?
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that having someone to care for you means you now
have someone to organize your life. That used to be your parents’ job, and now it’s
yours. A woman wants to help you out, but she doesn’t want to become your decision
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How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
maker.
Sometimes a woman will break up with a guy because he forced her into being either
his shrink or his substitute mother.
It might have been that you were into self-destructive behavior, and that’s why she
broke up with you. It was too much pressure on her.
That means if you were into drugs or drank too much, it’s time to either severely cut
back or quit. If you’re unemployed, go get a job. An alpha male is able to take care of
himself.
Did you say “I love you” way too soon?
It’s a sad story that I hear way too many times. Here’s an excerpt from a recent email I
got, pasted exactly as I received it (except that I bolded the relevant text):
I started dating a girl in August. Our friendship was
constantly getting stronger everyday.
One night I made the comment to her that I loved her.
Three days later Dec. 22, she came over and said she wanted
to go ahead and give me my Christmas gift, but didn’t feel
like she should take mine.
She had a distressed look in her face the whole time from
when she arrived. I asked her if she was OK.
Her reply was that she likes everything about me but doesn’t
love me.
I said OK.
She continued with “I am really sorry because I want whoever
I marry to be just like you, but I cannot continue to date
you.”
Saying “I love you” too soon is a common mistake. Generally you never want to say you
“love” a woman until you’re 100% sure she will say “I love you too” (and mean it).
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How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
Now you’re probably wondering, how can you be 100% sure? A lot of guys ask me that.
The way I always answer them is to tell them that if they have to ask, it means they
aren’t 100% sure!
Lots of guys get dumped for breaking this No Early L-Word rule. If this is what
happened to you, you’re definitely not alone here.
The “L-Word” is something you should build up to very, very slowly. After about half a
year of dating or so, you can say “I adore you.” That’s a nice, safe phrase that won’t
prompt her to dump you. She’ll have no trouble telling you she adores you too.
Then a few months later, when you’re sure she’d say “I love you too,” you can reward
her one night by telling her you love her.
Her Statements Decoded
“I’m not ready for a relationship.”
“I’m not ready to commit.”
“I need more time.”
“I need space.”
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
“I need to find myself.”
“I just don’t feel the same as I used to.”
“It feels like all you want is sex.”
"I have too much going on in my life."
When your ex says these things to you, what she’s really telling you is that you became
a wimp and she no longer feels attracted to you. You screwed up the relationship and
no longer turned her Attraction Dials. Don’t take it personally – these are automatic
reactions on her part, just as you’d automatically feel unattracted if she blew up into a
300-pound fat beast.
By giving you one of the above BS reasons, she rationalizes that she can avoid hurting
you. (She’s wrong of course, but that’s still her reasoning.)
So all you need to do, rather than obsess about the nonsensical reason she gave you,
is to turn the 11 Attraction Dials and re-attract her. It works as automatically as turning
on a light using a dimmer switch.
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This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
By the way, when you re-engage her on Day 21 and she says any of these things to
you, your best reply is to say, “That’s right, you do have issues. I don’t judge that.” She
may laugh when you say that (turning Attraction Dial 10) plus you’re demonstrating
confidence (Attraction Dial 4).
And then proceed from there with the conversation, completely unfazed by her
statement.
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This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
Chapter 8:
Becoming an Attractive Man to Irresistibly Draw Your Ex
Back to You
Before we go any further, let me explain what’s going to happen by having you take a
look at this image that’s made its way around the Internet a million times:
http://img91.imageshack.us/img91/1456/makeup66mt.jpg
Imagine if your girlfriend looked like the chick on the left, and then one day after a few
weeks she looked like the one on the right. How would you feel? That’s right – you
would be absolutely astounded.
Women have the advantage that they can rapidly and massively improve their
attractiveness simply by improving their superficial appearance – i.e., putting on
makeup, doing their hair, and dressing sexy. (By the way, you’d be amazed how many
“perfect 10s” you see at nightclubs are really quite plain without the makeup.)
We guys aren’t able to do that. However, you can turn the Attraction Dials with your exgirlfriend so that when you re-initiate contact with her after three weeks, she’ll be just as
astounded as you’d be if a fat girl became slim and hot.
Giving Her Good Emotions
I’m sure you already know that many women are highly emotional, due in large part to
the societal conditioning they’ve undergone since childhood. Here’s something you
probably did not know, however: as long as you’re in a dominant position in the
relationship, your girlfriend’s emotions will reflect your own. If you’re laid-back, she will
be too.
Many women, especially those with less maturity, also have strong “either-or” thinking
with few shades of gray. Their mood at any given moment is unstable and, like a
sailboat at sea, will shift constantly depending on the forces acting upon it.
By the way, if your woman told you something like "I don’t love you anymore" when she
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How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
dumped you, don’t worry about it. While she was expressing truthfully what she was
feeling at the time, it’s not a stable feeling at all. It can change very quickly. Don’t get
wrapped up in your woman’s minute-by-minute emotions.
As mentioned earlier, as the alpha male, you must be self-sufficient when it comes to
your own emotions. You cannot depend on the woman to support you emotionally. She
gets her emotions from you, not the other way around.
The way scientists describe this is as your locus of control. If you’ve got an external
locus of emotional control, it means you assign events in your life as being outside your
power. An internal locus of control, as you might guess, means you understand that
everything in your life is under your power. You take the blame when things go wrong
(so you can learn and do better next time), and you take the credit when things go right.
For example, someone with an external locus of control would say, “It doesn’t matter
how hard I work. I’ll only become successful if I get lucky.” Someone with an internal
locus would say, “The harder I work and more skills I develop, the more ‘lucky’ and
successful I become.”
Men who are successful with women (and who are successful in just about everything
else by the way) have in common the fact that they’ve got an internal locus of control.
So, to get your girl back, you too need to be that way. It’s not at all hard to do. Just
change what you tell yourself about the events in your life, as in these examples:
“I succeeded because the job was easy.”
Change to ==>
“I succeeded because I’m talented and put forth effort.”
“Why my ex-girlfriend dumped me is anyone’s guess.”
Change to ==>
“My ex dumped me in response to the things I did and said.”
“I’ve been an unlucky guy.”
Change to ==>
“My failures were because my skills haven’t been high enough, I haven’t been
motivated enough to change, and I just didn’t always know the right things to do.
But I’m changing all of that.”
“I feel jealous when other guys look at my girl.”
Change to ==>
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This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
“I know my girl is into me because I’m an alpha male, so I couldn’t care less if
other guys who don’t have a woman like mine feel the need to look.”
In all these examples, the first statement makes you helpless, while the second
statement shows you’ve got the power to achieve what you want.
This is going to be a profound change in your life that’s going to make you into a
successful man.
Now, you’re probably wondering, what about your ex? Well, particularly when it comes
to their emotions and relationships, most women very much have an external locus of
control.
To understand why, let’s look at the life of the average woman. Sadly, she has spent her
entire life being both overprotected and over-praised. As a result, she has developed an
intense dependence on what other people think of her. For many women, this does not
start to change until they’re well into their mid-20s, but at this point the long-term
damage has already been done.
As a man with an internal locus of control, you realize that love is not some magical
“cosmic connection that was meant to be” like you see in girly romance novels.
Everything happens for a reason, and love is no different. You earn money because you
work hard and create value. You lose weight because you diet and exercise. And you
get a woman to fall in love with you because you:
●
●
●
●
Turn at least some of her Attraction Dials.
Reward and reinforce her good behavior toward you.
Give her physical intimacy.
Give her good emotions which she connects with you.
So this means if you’ve got a problem to overcome, you make it happen. You’re an
alpha male in control of your own life.
Become a Bit of a Bad Boy
On the one hand, you should have a high amount of respect for your woman’s
intelligence. But on the other hand, remember that she is not a delicate flower, so you
don’t need to tiptoe around her. Every once in awhile, you should give her a crude
compliment based on how smoking hot you find her body, with a mischievous grin and a
devilish look in your eyes. She’ll love you for it. You’re the man in her life, and you keep
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How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
things exciting for her.
Have a More Alpha Communication Style Rather Than Arguing or
Causing Drama
I’ve coached a lot of men by now and have identified 7 main communication mistakes
men make that scream “I’m a beta male.” These mistakes destroy your woman’s
attraction to you because they cause her to associate negative emotions with you. In
other words, you’re literally conditioning your girlfriend to be repelled by you, the same
way an electric fence conditions a cow or horse to avoid getting near the fence!
These mistakes all stem from losing control of your emotions, the ultimate beta male
problem.
Put your thinking cap on and ponder the times you’ve made these mistakes. That way
you’ll know not to make them again.
●
Mistake #1: Scolding her or coming down on her like a ton of bricks. Criticizing
her, finding fault with her, giving her a hard time. Also, blaming her, accusing her
and holding her responsible when something goes wrong.
●
Mistake #2: Complaining. Moaning, grumbling, bellyaching.
●
Mistake #3. Talking like her important thoughts and feelings are unimportant.
Minimizing or trivializing what she says.
●
Mistake #4. Groveling. Pleading with her to do something.
●
Mistake #5: Screaming at her or threatening her.
●
Mistake #6: Being sarcastic.
●
Mistake #7: Aiming to “win.”
The problem with these mistakes is that you’re screwed even if they work. You’re
making your woman do what you want against her will, so she’ll start to lose affection
for you. The relationship becomes unpleasant, causing her to associate bad feelings
with you.
For example, let’s look at Mistake #4, groveling at her feet. Let’s say you try to beg your
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girlfriend to stay home with you rather than going out with her friends. "Please," you say,
"I don’t want to be home all alone." She may give in to your groveling, but how happy do
you think she’s going to be in your relationship afterwards?
It’s a mistake to try to make your girlfriend feel guilty for her behavior because, while
she may end up feeling remorseful for the way she treated you, she’ll also start to view
you as weak and needy rather than strong and confident.
I also want to address Mistake #6, sarcasm. “You don’t pay enough attention to me,”
your girlfriend whines. “Yeah, I don’t pay attention to you,” you deadpan.
Sarcasm is not being clever like you think it is. Instead it’s a thinly-disguised expression
of hostility (i.e., hostility disguised as a joke), and an expression of your own sense of
insecurity. I say “thinly-disguised” because sarcasm fools no one. The only thing it
accomplishes is to repel girls with its negativity.
Women want to be around a man who’s fun and fills them with positive emotions, not a
someone who mocks them and damages their self-esteem.
So, in the example it’s better to say, using a playful tonality, “Yeah, I don’t pay aaaany
attention to you at alllll,” as you wrap your arms around her and hold her close to you.
“I’m a bad, bad man and I don’t know why you still like me,” you continue, playfully. At
this point you start kissing her all over. “Maybe because I’m such an appealing
scoundrel!” And then you have sex with her and cuddle with her so she feels safe in
your arms.
Can you see how that would be a thousand times more effective than sarcasm?
Again, think about James Bond. Would he make any of the 7 mistakes above? Of
course not. He has a no-nonsense attitude and doesn’t display much emotion when a
woman does something he doesn’t like. In a woman’s mind, emotion in a man equates
to weakness.
Instead when your woman does something you don’t like, the solution is to withdraw
your attention.
As for Mistake #7, you can never “win” an argument. Release the need to ever need to
be “right” about anything.
Now let’s look at Mistake #1. Even if your girlfriend bows to your will, she’ll feel less
happy with you, resulting in a diminished relationship. Your girlfriend is a grown adult
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and prefers to be treated that way. Respect her as a person.
You simple can’t win from any of the 7 mistakes I listed, so don’t do them anymore.
Punishment and Reward
Want your girlfriend to associate good feelings with you? Want your girlfriend to want to
do nice things for you? You’ll have best results if you use what I call “Punishment and
Reward.” That means you reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. A lot of guys
don’t reward the good behavior (e.g., her having sex with you) and as a result the
woman loses attraction.
Reward your woman’s good behaviors as much as possible. For example, if she tells
you she misses you, reward her by having her come to your house. If she tells you she
loves you, reward her by telling her that you love her too. If she cooks for you, reward
her by telling her how great she is and by cuddling with her and kissing her. If she has
sex with you, reward her by getting her flowers, taking her out to eat, etc. You do these
nice things for her not because you are supplicating, but because you are reinforcing
her behavior of doing nice things for you, and are in the process getting her to fall in
love with you.
On the other hand, it’s to your advantage to punish bad behaviors by becoming distant
with her. A lot of guys screw up this up and do the opposite. The girl shows disinterest in
the guy, yet the guy still does nice things for her and becomes obsessed! (Does this
describe you toward the end of your relationship?)
Make sure not to reward bad behavior. When you hear people say “You let her walk all
over you,” what they’re really saying is you’re rewarding her bad behavior.
Another common example is when a guy gets denied sex. Many men reward that
behavior by cuddling with the woman all night. A better course of action, if you go for
sex with your girlfriend and she says "no," is to calmly say "fair enough" and walk away.
And then go talk with other chicks.
Also, if she becomes moody or pissy, don’t reward her by paying attention to her.
Instead punish her by paying less attention to her until she’s acting nicer.
Always think in terms of Punishment and Reward. Remember, you’re an alpha male
now, so you should get treated the way you deserve by girls. If a woman does
something nice for you, reward her by giving her your attention and interest. If she does
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something you don’t like, punish her by withdrawing your attention.
What’s more, a lot of times breakups result from you not rewarding your girlfriend’s good
behavior nor punishing her bad behavior. You didn’t make her feel good for the nice
things she did for you, so why should she keep doing them? You accepted her excuses
when she canceled dates and told you she had “no time” for you, so why should you
expect her to respect you?
The Importance of Having Frequent, Pleasurable Sex With Her
Why is sex necessary? It’s important because through sex, a woman feels close to you,
comfortable with you, and emotional about you.
To understand how this works, look at it from a woman’s perspective. She’s had a long,
stressful day at work. She comes home at the end of the day, and she’s got her #1 fan
(you) who gives her his complete, undivided attention. She can relax, unwind, and put
herself in your capable hands.
Plus it’s been proven that women derive every bit as much pleasure as men do from
sex. Women have roughly the same number of nerve endings in their genitals as men,
and it’s been proven that orgasm feels the same for both men and women. (A study had
males and females write descriptions of what orgasm feels like. Third parties were then
asked to try to tell the difference between men’s descriptions and women’s descriptions.
They did no better than random chance.)
Many problems between you and your ex may really stem from the lack of sex. In a
relationship where there’s no sex, women usually create all sorts of unpleasant drama.
When you get back together again with your ex, make sure to give her lots of sex.
Have Her Need You More Than You Need Her
“France has more need of me than I have need of France.”
- Napoleon Bonaparte at the height of his popularity.
You always want your girlfriend to be investing just a little bit more in the relationship
than you are.
The most common way for a guy to kill a relationship is by being overly needy. When a
man has no interests, hobbies, or ambitions in his life, his woman feels stifled.
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Women find it sexy when a man is independent. You have your own hobbies, ambitions,
and interests outside the relationship. You can make yourself happy. You don’t need
her. However, the opposite is not true. She’ll love you forever if you make her happy.
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Chapter 9: Turning Attraction Dial #1 – Being a Leader
“Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.”
- Henry Kissinger, expressing a profound discovery a lot of
men make once they become a leader.
As humans evolved, leaders quite simply had access to the best resources, so the
ancestors of today’s women mated with them. Men who weren’t leaders had trouble
finding women to mate with, so their genes died with them.
This attraction toward men who are leaders continues today as strongly as ever. For
example, a study posted on MSNBC a few years ago found that women were 7 times
more likely to have sex with a man who’s their boss than a man who’s below them. Or if
you want a fascinating people-watching exercise, if you’re ever in Washington, DC, go
hang out at Congress. Spend an afternoon attending some random congressional
hearings. You’ll be amazed at how many ugly old men are surrounded by hot young
interns who look like they belong on a catwalk. Do you really think it’s the political
process that fascinates these girls?
If you’ve ever rubbed elbows with the leaders in society you’ll be constantly amazed by
the way hot babes gravitate toward them.
In life, the leader gets the girl, while the follower goes to bed alone.
What makes a man a leader? There have been thousands of books written on the
subject, but interestingly, you can boil down leadership to just one thing: living in your
own reality. What this means is realizing and focusing on the fact that your thoughts
create your reality. The fact is, all reality is subjective.
When you focus on your own reality rather than reacting to someone else’s, you are a
leader. When someone else is reacting to you, then you are leading them. So have the
people around you be reacting to you as much as possible (rather than the other way
around), and you will be their leader.
By the way, this is not to say that you should dominate every conversation. A man can
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only be a leader if people listen to what he is saying. You do this by having good quality
of conversation rather than quantity. The leader will sit back and let everyone have their
say. Then when he finally opens his mouth, everyone is transfixed on him.
The leader is also not afraid to sit back and let others take the credit, assuming they are
doing the things he wants them to. If they stray from the right path, however, he’ll
correct them. He’s not afraid to call someone out on wrong behavior and lay out exactly
what is acceptable and not acceptable.
And because the leader remains focused on his own reality, he’s the guy others turn to
when they need a calming, optimistic influence in the middle of a storm.
Another way you can be the leader in conversation, and this is another Attraction Dial
we’ll get to in a second, is by being entertaining or interesting. A man who’s entertaining
or interesting engages and directs the emotions of those around him.
Just remember, when others are reacting to you, then you are leading them.
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Chapter 10:
Turning Attraction Dial #2 – Masculine Good Looks and
Style
I’ve got some good news for you: out of all the Attraction Dials, this one is the easiest
for you to twist, for two reasons:
1. It’s the one your ex-girlfriend will notice the most.
2. Because most guys do a poor job at Attraction Dial #2 and don’t even care to try.
So merely by doing some basic things, you’ll look better than most guys. And this
is true no matter what kind of appearance your genetics gave you.
The thing about your looks is that they’ve probably taken a beating from the time you
first started dating your ex until now. In fact, they’ve probably declined even further
since the breakup since you’ve been depressed and lethargic.
The reason a guy’s looks usually decline during a relationship is because you were
getting laid on a steady basis, and women are masters at overlooking our minor flaws,
so you simply had no pressing reason to make yourself look better. You’ve probably
gotten out of shape and flabby. Your clothes are ordinary. And you’ve probably even
been lazy about trimming nose hairs.
Of course, now that you two have broken up, I can guarantee you she is not overlooking
your minor flaws anymore.
So your goal, between now and three weeks from now when you reinitiate contact with
your ex, is to maximize your looks so much that she’ll be completely taken aback when
she sees you again.
The good news is these tips are easy, and you can (and should) start as soon as today.
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Your Style
This is the first element of turning the Masculine Good Looks Attraction Dial. This
encompasses your entire look – from your clothes to your accessories to your facial
expressions and posture.
Before I go further, I’m going to take a step back because there are a lot of
misconceptions here that I need to clear up. First, you should not “peacock” like Mystery
from VH1’s The Pickup Artist unless you have extremely solid confidence, coolness and
social skills (and no offense, but there’s a 99.9% chance that you do not). Only people
at the very top of their game can break fashion rules and pull it off, because they’re able
to do it in a way that’s congruent to the eccentricities of their personalities. Also, since
you’re dealing with your ex-girlfriend (rather than trying to meet a lot of new girls), you
won’t want to change your appearance too much lest she think you’ve become a “freak.”
I’ve seen too many guys who try to become clones of Bret Michaels, Prince, or Tommy
Lee and fail so badly it makes women think they’re ridiculous. So a much better strategy
for you right now is to learn and practice the fundamentals.
Second, you should realize that even though most men know almost nothing about style
and don’t care to learn, a man’s fashion sense goes directly to his value from a woman’s
evolutionary psychology standpoint – so it’s an extremely easy way to make yourself
more attractive than other guys. If you know about fashion and fashion trends, it
demonstrates that you’re on top of your social skills, which gives you value as a good
protector.
Because of the lack of competition, the good news is you can quickly develop a better
style than 95% of the other guys out there (putting you in the top 5%!), and you can do it
very easily, by getting yourself grounded following the instructions I’m about to give you.
By the way, don’t worry if you know nothing about style right now. I’m going to assume
you have zero sense of clothes or colors or anything like that.
Step One. To get yourself introduced to what good style looks like, go to
http://men.style.com/fashion and spend 1 to 2 hours reading it.
Step Two. Go to your local bookstore and spend a few bucks on a copy of GQ and
Men’s Vogue magazines. Spend a few hours studying the magazines very carefully.
Notice what color combinations the guys wear. Notice what types of clothes the guys
are wearing. Then take a second look at the types of clothes that guys who look like you
are wearing. Really study your lookalikes closely. Clip out their pictures and gather them
into a stack.
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Step Three. Get a blank notepad and list seven clothing stores or high-end department
stores you can visit. It’s time to get some outfits, so you’re going to be off to the stores.
At each store, you’ll ask for advice about clothes from a hot female staffer. Not only
does this give you valuable experience talking to women other than your ex, but you’re
going to use these girls as a resource to give you a crash course in what you should
wear. Store employees definitely know what they’re talking about. These girls literally
spend all day thinking about fashion, so they’re a valuable resource for you.
Make sure to go by yourself, by the way. If you bring a “helpful friend” they’ll try to rush
you through the process and you’ll have to babysit them so they don’t get bored.
Step Four. The first store you visit should be the highest-end store on your list. Tell the
girl you don’t know anything about fashion and ask her these three questions:
1. What colors look good on me?
2. What colors do you suggest I avoid?
3. What size clothing fits me best? (For example, if you’re thin you’ll look better in
fitted shirts rather than straight shirts. The hot clothing store babe will tell you
these things.)
This is important information for you to know, because depending on your complexion,
hair color and eye color, you’ll look good in some colors and bad in others. It’s important
you learn from a clothing store girl what your best colors are. Once you know this vital
piece of information, your style will absolutely skyrocket.
She’ll answer your questions and also pull some clothes from the rack for you to try on.
(Ask her to suggest a complete outfit rather than individual articles of clothing, by the
way.) I recommend you try them on and get a good look at yourself in them. Maybe
even take a picture of yourself in them with a digital camera. Only buy the clothes if you
love them, however.
Immediately when you leave each store, write down in your notepad everything the hot
clothing store babe taught you.
Step Five. Now that you know your bad colors, go home, pull all the bad colors out of
your closet, and either throw them away or give them to charity. Also throw out the
pictures from Step Two that have clothing colors that are bad on you.
Step Six. Put together a series of outfits. Now you’re a man of style!
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I’ve greatly oversimplified Step Six, but basically you’re going to do it by carefully
studying your stack of cut-out pictures from Step Two and then going to stores to match
them as closely as possible, and always getting a female clerk’s opinion on it. In fact,
the main source of your education on clothes should be from the hot clothing store
babes.
Now that you’ve got an overview and know how your style education will go, I’ve got
some random fashion tips that will get you squared away in case you’re not able to
learn them from one of the girls:
●
Always keep your focus on outfits rather than individual articles of clothing. Only
certain fabrics, patterns, and colors go together to form a good outfit.
●
I know a guy who took pictures of different outfits that are known to definitely
work and get praise from girls, and assigned a number to each, so that way he
could find them fast and not have any confusion. (However, this picture-andnumbering scheme may be getting a bit carried away!)
●
Look at mannequins in clothing stores. The mannequins have outfits on them
that you can copy as long as the colors are right for you.
●
Once you put on an outfit, ask the clothing store babe what kind of shoes you
should wear with it. Women have a real eye for shoes.
●
Jeans are very much in style these days. I recommend not only getting blue
jeans but black jeans as well. Black jeans have the advantage that they work
both in casual and more formal settings.
●
For casual dress, you can never go wrong with a fitted black T-shirt combined
with jeans. Alternatively, you could wear a T-shirt that matches your eyes.
●
No matter what kind of shirt you get, you can never go wrong if the shirt matches
your eye color.
●
In wintertime, spend the money to get a great coat. As with shoes, women have
a strong attraction to coats.
●
Have your socks always match your shoes rather than trying to be creative.
●
The exception is if you’re wearing shorts. In that case, don’t wear dress socks –
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instead wear white socks with tennis shoes or go barefoot in sandals.
●
Everywhere you go, but especially at your work or school, make it your new goal
to be dressed 5% to 10% better than the best-dressed person there, but no
more. If you’re dressed too much better, you’ll look ridiculous.
●
Avoid clothes that are too baggy on you. This is the #1 mistake beta males make.
You want to look like George Clooney not Borat.
●
On the same token, however, don’t get clothes that are too tight. Aim for clothes
that fit.
●
Get a single-breasted suit if you don’t have one already. They never go out of
style.
●
You can wear a suit casually, not just formally. To make your suit casual, lose the
tie and unbutton the top three buttons of the shirt, wear your tie loose with the top
two buttons unbuttoned, or replace your shirt and tie with a single-color T-shirt.
You can even replace the dress shoes with some clean tennis shoes. Plus wear
a belt that’s a little crazy.
●
When wearing a suit (whether you’re being casual or dressing up), the only thing
that can be unique is your belt. Don’t wear a loud necktie or shirt for example, or
you’ll look like a goof-ball.
●
Your necktie should touch the top of your belt. Also make sure it’s real and not
clip-on. To become an expert at tying a tie, here’s an easy-to-follow YouTube
video on how to tie the perfect necktie: http://tinyurl.com/2knoqv (The guy who
does that video, Tim Ferriss, has exactly the kind of interesting and exciting
lifestyle that would be good for you to model, so you can become much more
attractive to your ex-girlfriend. Ferriss is author of the lifestyle manual The FourHour Workweek, which I recommend.)
●
Don’t wear patterned pants with a patterned shirt. Only one can be patterned. If
you wear patterned pants, then wear a monochrome shirt.
●
Don’t wear wrinkled clothes. If you don’t have an iron, get one. And use it.
●
If you tuck your shirt in always wear a belt.
●
Make sure your belt matches your shoes.
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●
Don’t wear shirts that expose your belly button.
●
Don’t wear anything that has a permanent stain on it. A permanent stain means
it’s time to throw it away. So always clean any clothes as soon as they get dirty.
●
Don’t jack your pants up too high or you’ll look like an old geezer. Don’t pull them
down too low either or you’ll look like you’re in high school.
●
Don’t wear pants that are too long or too short. The test to determine this is to put
on the pants and sit down. If you can’t see your socks at all, they’re too long. If
you can see leg hair, they’re too short.
●
Don’t be a walking billboard. Large labels on your clothes make it look like you’re
trying too hard to be cool which, ironically, makes you uncool.
●
It’s important that the outfit you wear always be congruent to your personality.
When trying something on, ask yourself, “Is this a reflection of who I am on the
inside?” If the answer is no then you’ll feel uncomfortable in the clothes and the
look will fail. For example, if you’re a businessman, don’t dress like a rapper
(unless you are a rapper). If you’re a prep, don’t go goth.
●
Mainly get clothes you intend to wear a lot. This is an important point because a
pair of $80 jeans that you wear twice a week is actually way cheaper in the long
run than a $4 shirt you’re only going to wear once.
●
Aim for quality over quantity.
●
Generally you do not need to spend much money on clothes. The exceptions are
one pair of nice shoes, one pair of nice jeans (make sure it’s a name brand that’s
known for being fashionable, since girls, unfortunately, are highly aware of
brands when it comes to jeans), and (in winter) a really nice jacket.
●
Another good way to get an idea for style is to look for gorgeous women and
observe what their boyfriends are wearing. And then copy it, since their style has
proved to work.
●
Go shopping during the non-busy times, when you’re likely to be the only
customer around. Usually this is in the morning.
●
Not only should you ask advice from female store employees, but also any hot,
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stylish (and non-rushed) female customers who are around. Recently I got laid
thanks to a hot outfit picked out for me by a gorgeous babe standing around the
store waiting for her husband to pick her up. She went crazy picking out outfits
for me left and right. Fifteen minutes and $50 later, I had some sweet Europeanlooking threads that had girls climbing all over me that night at a party – resulting
in an easy lay for me.
●
In the nineties every guy wore khakis, but then they went completely out of style.
But these days they’re coming back slowly, so keep your eye out.
●
You’ll know you’re dressed well if women who know you start complimenting you
on your clothes. And they WILL do that. Most women are highly in-tune with
clothes.
Your Hair
There’s almost a 100% chance that like most guys you were so comfortable in your
relationship that your hair style became completely lame. For example, maybe you
comb your hair into a part, the way your dad or grandpa taught you. Or worse, maybe
you’ve got a ponytail. Either way, it’s time for an upgrade.
If you do some people-watching and observe the hottest girls out there, you’ll notice
their boyfriends always have really hot hair styles and never a plain, conservative hair
style. Get a non-boring haircut and your ex-girlfriend will be wowed.
I recommend going to a hair salon and putting yourself at the mercy of the stylist. Tell
him or her that you want to look “sexy” and that they should do what they think would
make you look best based on your head shape and type of hair.
They’ll probably want to give you something you haven’t had before like highlights or
just a completely different style.
At the end, ask them what you need to do each morning to maintain your hair’s look.
Repeat to them that you’re clueless when it comes to that sort of thing.
By the way, if you’re balding there’s an easy solution, although it requires you dropping
your ego and becoming proud of your baldness. Go to the store and get an electric hair
trimmer that leaves you with 1 millimeter of hair. Then shave it all off. Women perceive
bald men as virile and strong and are repulsed by comb-overs. At the very least, look at
what Rudy Guiliani did and have the top of your head be bald while having it short all
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the way around.
Body Hair
A great rule of thumb is if you want a woman’s mouth to go on a certain body part,
shave it.
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, but let’s have a clean mind for a second and start
with your face. Shaving is something you’ve probably gotten sloppy and lazy with.
You’ve probably missed some spots under your ears. Time to fix that. Get a high-quality
razor, like one of the ones with three blades, and use it carefully, along with shaving
cream. After you’re done shaving, rub some vinegar on your face. Yes, you read that
right... vinegar makes an amazing aftershave. Get white vinegar that’s 4% acid or less,
and make sure to keep it out of your eyes.
By default the best thing to do is to shave off all your facial hair unless your ex-girlfriend
explicitly told you for example that she likes your goatee. In some places facial hair is
considered dignified, but in most Western countries facial hair is as out of style as it’s
ever been. Mustaches especially should be avoided as they’re worn by a large
proportion of gay guys.
A few other general tips:
●
It’s a lot easier to shave “down below” than you think. Just use some shaving
cream and a razor while in the shower... and... be careful!
●
Don’t shave your chest, but do trim it a bit, especially those long scraggly hairs
around your nipples..
●
Virtually zero women are into back hair, so get rid of any “monkey hairs” back
there.
●
Get a nose hair trimmer. It’s the best $15 you’ll ever spend. When your exgirlfriend sees you again, she’ll be amazed at your complete lack of nose hair
and ear hair.
●
If you’ve got a unibrow, pluck it – or better yet, go to a salon where they’ll pluck it
for you. (Make sure they know what they’re doing though – you still want your
eye brows to look masculine, not like a woman’s brows.) There are even stylists
who specialize in eyebrows. Eyebrows are a little-known area where you can
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make yourself look great by fixing such a small thing.
Your Teeth
A dentist taught me a little-known trick. Before putting toothpaste on your toothbrush,
brush your teeth with the brush while it’s still dry. This will scrape off a lot more plaque
than a wet brush with toothpaste on it.
When brushing, be sure to scrape your tongue and the top of your mouth – this
eliminates most of the bad breath-causing bacteria in those areas.
Also make sure to floss, since that scrapes away the bacteria between your teeth. After
flossing, use a mouthwash like Listerine that kills bacteria.
Your Nails
Again, this is a low-hanging fruit where you can look great with almost no effort. Women
are highly in tune with fingernails, yet most guys have jagged nails and overgrown
cuticles. Make sure they’re clipped short, filed so they’re not ragged, and free from
having any dirt under them.
Your Skin
Your diet is the most important thing you can do for your skin. Eat salmon at least once
a week and eat at least 5 servings of vegetables a day and see what that does for your
complexion.
If you’re extremely pale, you’ll look better to women (which means your ex) if you get a
tan. Pale skin indicates you’ve got a health problem, because there’s a high correlation
between sickly and unhealthy people and pale skin. Tanned skin, on the other hand,
indicates health, for the opposite reason (i.e., physically fit people tend to be tanned).
A dermatologist friend of mine recommends spending a half hour a week in direct
sunlight. Don’t get any more than that, however, since skin cancer is not attractive! If
needed, get the rest of your suntan out of a spray can. (These days the products are so
good, it’s almost impossible to tell if someone’s tan is fake.)
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If you work with your hands and your skin is rough, moisturizer is not a bad thing. To
avoid smelling like flowers, you can get odorless hand lotions.
Your Lips
Your goal is to maximize how kissable your lips are. In the morning just before you
brush your teeth, run hot water on your toothbrush and then brush your lips for a few
seconds. I got this tip from a lingerie model I used to date. Once your lips dry, put on lip
balm to keep them moist throughout the day.
Your Smell
I’ve noticed women usually have a better sense of smell than men, so it’s time to make
yourself smell good.
You probably already shower every day (if not, start now). Go to the store and get some
fancy shampoo and conditioner. It should be the type of conditioner that tells you to
leave it in your hair for a few minutes. Every two or three days, use the conditioner.
Most body odors come from bacteria on your skin. In the shower, using a little bit of
white vinegar (again, 4% acid or less) on areas like your underarms will work wonders.
Leave it on for no more than 30 seconds and then rinse it off.
Think back: did your girlfriend ever tell you about a particular cologne she likes? If so,
go to the store and get it. But if not, some colognes I’ve found get good reactions from
women are Dolce & Gabanna, Calvin Klein Obsession, Aramis from Estée Lauder, Polo
Sport, Axe, and Cool Water.
To find the cologne that’s right for you, bring a female friend to a cosmetic or fragrance
store and have her smell the different colognes on you. The reason this is important is
that cologne actually reacts with your skin and your natural smell, so there is no onesize-fits-all cologne. Obsession may make women drool for one guy but smell
overpowering to them on another. For me personally, Polo Sport gets the best reaction.
Have the girl sniff the cologne on you after it’s been on your skin for 10-15 minutes, so
that it can have time to interact with your body.
The biggest mistake men make with colognes is putting too much on. It gets a much
better response from women to be subtle with your scent. The purpose of cologne is to
give a woman a pleasant surprise when she gets close to you. When putting on
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cologne, spray once onto your belly after showering. Then rub your finger where you
sprayed your belly and put that on the sides of your neck. Then dab your finger on your
belly again and this time spread the cologne to your wrists.
Why Develop Your Masculine Style
You may have noticed that good looks are only one of the 11 Attraction Dials. But I
would argue it’s one of the most important. Looking good projects an alpha male status.
Since you take care of yourself, it demonstrates that you’re confident and have high self
esteem. It almost imperceptibly improves the other person’s opinion of all your other
qualities. This works automatically because generally when someone improves their
appearance, it has only happened after they’ve improved various personality traits. This
is the experience your ex-girlfriend will have, which means when she discovers your
improved appearance, she’ll automatically assume you’ve made improvements
everywhere else too.
An even deeper reason, also, is that your image actually has a powerful effect on how
you think and act. I have a couple friends who are cops, who tell me that when a guy
puts on the police uniform, it instantaneously transforms him, so that his personality
becomes more congruent with his uniform. It’s almost impossible for him to resist.
Businessmen tell me the same thing when it comes to wearing a fancy suit.
The third advantage of having a good sense of style is that it can mostly overcome any
genetic deficiencies you’ve got. No matter how ugly or disfigured a guy is, a woman will
react favorably if he’s got a good style.
The fourth reason a good style is so important is, as I said earlier, how effective it is with
an ex-girlfriend in particular (more so than with new girls you meet). When you see your
ex again in Week 4, she’ll immediately notice your much-improved style and compliment
you on it, giving a positive glow to your interaction.
Of course watch out and don’t become TOO styled and metrosexual. Most women don’t
want a guy to have better style than them, so if you get too extreme it will become
counterproductive for you. You want to strike a balance between on one hand not
making fashion mistakes, and on the other hand not looking like you’re trying too hard to
look good. If you’re like most guys, however, this won’t be a concern.
The bottom line is that your style is like a sculpture you’ve got on display to the world. It
demonstrates to people everything on the outside that they need to know about what
you’ve got going on inside. So take care of your style, cherish it, and let it thrive.
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I tried to be as thorough as I could in this section, but obviously I can’t cover everything
here. If you’ve got any style questions, like you’re wondering if you should wear a ton of
jewelry or something (answer to that one: no!), just ask a hot clothing store chick your
question.
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Chapter 11: Turning Attraction Dial #3 – Physical Health
and Strength
Get into shape and you’ll easily turn another of your girlfriend’s Attraction Dials.
I’m a bodybuilder and have studied nutrition and exercise science professionally, so this
is a big issue for me. However, I’m going to assume you do not regularly lift weights and
are a total newbie here.
If you’re fat and completely out of shape, and you begin a new diet and exercise
program today, you can lose up to 10 solid pounds of fat in three weeks as well as gain
a bit of muscle. No matter how fat you are now, that’s enough to make a noticeable
improvement. The formula is simple: reduce your intake of calories and expand your
output of calories. Here’s the quick n’ dirty way to do both:
1. Reduce your caloric intake.
The easiest way to do this is to keep a careful journal of all the calories you take in.
You’re going to shock yourself when you do this, because you’ll have no idea it was as
high as it was.
As a bodybuilder I periodically enter what’s called a “cutting” phase where I need to lose
body fat while keeping muscle loss to a minimum, so I’ve studied and experimented
extremely carefully with this. I can tell you that the single best thing is to keep that
journal. Make sure you write down calories of what you eat immediately rather than later
on when you try to remember what you ate. It’s too easy to overlook a handful of M&Ms
here, a beer there, etc. When I do a journal like this, I usually can easily cut 1,000 or
more calories a day from my diet.
Here are a few other random tips to reduce the calories you take in:
●
Eat lots of soup. Soup’s got a high ratio of volume to calories, since it’s mostly
water. This makes your stomach feel full, even though you haven’t consumed too
many calories.
●
For the same reason, increase your intake of fresh fruits and vegetables.
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●
Avoid foods that have a low ratio of volume to calories, such as ice cream and
candy.
●
Increase your intake of high-fiber foods like oatmeal and brown rice, because
they make you feel full, and it takes your body awhile to digest them (so you stay
full longer).
●
Eliminate white flour, white sugars, and white grains from your diet. With their
fiber removed at the factory, these simple carbs have an extremely low ratio of
volume to calories.
●
Eliminate liquid calories such as sugared colas and juices. Drink water instead.
●
Eat six smaller meals a day instead of three larger ones. During your waking
hours don’t allow more than three hours to pass without eating something. As
long as your stomach is always burning food, your metabolism won’t crash and
you won’t feel like you’re starving (which causes you to eat more overall).
●
Always eat breakfast as soon as possible after you wake up. It kick-starts your
metabolism. A recent study found that people who eat breakfast are 55% less
likely to be obese than people who don’t. So it’s an example of being able to eat
food yet lose weight. How can you beat that?
2. Increase your caloric output.
You accomplish this by lifting weights to build muscle (since muscle increases your
resting metabolism rate), and doing cardiovascular exercise to burn fat.
(It should be noted that exercise is definitely not for everybody, so make sure to get a
clean bill of health from your doctor before doing anything too intense.)
If you’re ugly, take heart. Women in general seem to prefer men who are strong and
have powerful physiques rather than prettyboys who won the lottery in the genetics
department. Also, weightlifting boosts your natural testosterone levels, which means a
higher sex drive (so you’ll have more ambition to improve yourself), less fat in your
body, increased cognitive function, and increased dominance.
So it’s time for you to pump some iron. This by itself will make a big boost in your exgirlfriend’s attraction to you.
In How to Become an Alpha Male I post a detailed workout I’ve come up with.
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However, I’ve found a really solid workout for newbies and intermediate lifters called the
Rippetoe Starting Strength Workout, by Mark Rippetoe, which you can find here:
http://tinyurl.com/2cq84e
An advantage of the Rippetoe workout under the How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days
or Less system is that it’s quick and intense. You’re only going to be lifting three times a
week for 30-45 minutes at a time, which frees up your day to do your other
attractiveness-building tasks.
As far as cardio goes, because you’ve only got three weeks to get into the best shape
possible, you’re going to need to do the type of training that’s been proven in studies to
burn the most fat: High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT).
HIIT is not what you traditionally think when I say cardio. It is not jogging for a half hour
or riding a bike for an hour. Here’s how you do it:
Jog for 5 minutes to warm up. Now it’s time to begin. One “set” is sprinting as fast as
you can for 30 seconds and then walking for 1.5 minutes.
Your first time out, I recommend doing 2 sets and then the next time moving up from
there. Your eventual goal is to be able to do 7 sets (meaning you’re done in just 19
minutes and have done just three and a half total minutes of running!).
Do your cardio on days when you aren’t lifting weights.
Make sure to get lots of sleep as well, because there’s a correlation between obesity
and not getting enough sleep. Also, as a weightlifter, your body is most efficient at
synthesizing protein into muscle when you’re at rest.
Sleep also maximizes the testosterone production in your body. High testosterone
production makes your body emit attractive pheromones, helps your muscle growth,
evens out your moods, and boosts your confidence and drive. Also, lack of sleep has
been strongly linked to depression and lack of motivation, which are exactly the
problems you have when you’ve been dumped.
Finally, avoid alcohol, which is denser in calories than fat. Not only is the weight loss
aspect important, but avoidance of drunkenness is especially essential after you’ve
been dumped, because it’s way too easy to get into a rut where you drown your sorrow
in a bottle every day. This puts you into a downward spiral and severely harms your
ability to become an attractive guy.
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It’s also too tempting to “drunk dial” your ex and make whiny beta-male statements that
confirm her decision to dump you. So make sure at all times from now until the time you
get your girl back to avoid alcohol.
Still another reason to avoid alcohol (and how it relates to Attraction Dial #3) is that
alcohol has been proven to harm muscle growth. And because you’ve only got a few
weeks to get as physically fit as possible, you don’t want to handicap yourself one bit.
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Chapter 12: Turning Attraction Dial #4 – Confidence
Ask 100 women to list what they look for in a man, and all 100 will list confidence at or
near the top.
Confidence means you’re secure in yourself and comfortable in almost every situation.
You don’t allow others to affect your reality. You automatically assume you’ll succeed at
anything you try.
Confidence-Building Exercise #1: Your statements to yourself
Affirming self-confidence. Three affirmations I suggest for you to do hard-core are:
●
“I am massively confident.”
●
“All girls are sexually attracted to me until proven otherwise.”
●
“I am sexual, I am relaxed, and I am in control.”
Confidence-Building Tool #2: Your photo
Take a digital picture of yourself every day. Get the photos printed and put them all
around the house where you can see them. Whenever you see your picture, say to
yourself, “I am a good-looking alpha male.” This will alter your reality, because a
hallmark of confident people is they love seeing images of themselves.
Confidence-Building Tool #3: Your reflection
Make mirrors into a powerful tool to get your girl back. Whenever you see your
reflection, smile and say to yourself, “I love myself, because I am perfect.” By doing this
exercise, you are building up massive self-confidence that will completely astonish your
ex when she sees you again.
Confidence-Building Tool #4: Your emotions
Relax. Let go. Your primary emotional state should always be laid back and relaxed.
When there’s something that necessitates changing your emotional state (like let’s say
you’ve got work to do and need to do it fast), then change your emotional state as
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needed. Once it’s no longer needed, go back to being laid back and relaxed.
Don’t allow yourself to feel the emotion called “worry.” What is worry? It is feeling bad
about what might happen in the future. However, no matter how much you worry, you
can’t predict what’s going to happen in the future. So why worry? It does you no good.
Just let your worries go, since you can’t solve any problem by worrying.
Feel masculine and powerful. Visualize that you are a masculine man. Do things in your
life that make you feel macho, such as lifting weights and working out with a punching
bag. Along with exercising, take care of your health by eating right and avoiding all junk
food.
Realize that you are a man of high value. Focus on your qualities and ignore your
deficiencies. For now, be as arrogant as you want in order to develop massive
confidence. Think thoughts such as, “I am the greatest” and “People are lucky to have
me in their lives.” Treat people as if they are already in awe of you before they have
even met you.
Feel comfortable in your own skin. An alpha male is happy with or without any particular
woman, since he views women as sources of fun in his life – no more and no less. Take
the mindset that of course women want you, but it’s no big deal either way.
Confidence-Building Exercise #5: Your body language.
You display high confidence through your body language, and at the same time, having
good body language can also boost your confidence.
Think of what it’s like when you slump your head and shoulders. It makes you feel pretty
down, right? Now think about what it’s like to hold your chin up and your shoulders back
and put a smile on your face. You feel a lot better.
Good body language both makes you confident and displays confidence, which turns
Attraction Dial #4. You can’t beat that! So for that reason, here’s how to have good body
language:
●
Stand comfortably when standing. Sit comfortably when sitting.
●
Lean back. Do not lean in.
●
Avoid nonverbal behaviors that are the opposite of relaxation, like wrinkling your
forehead, frowning, grinding your teeth, and fidgeting.
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●
Relax your eyes and eyelids. Beta males hold their eyelids wide open because
they are so nervous. Their eyes flitter and dart all around. Instead look straight
ahead of you. Only give someone your attention if they interest you.
●
Relax all your muscles and slow down all of your movements. Imagine you’re
walking through a swimming pool when you’re moving.
●
Alpha males, except on the rare occasions where there’s a pressing emergency,
move unhurriedly, as if they are in control of time. Beta males are nervous and
make rapid, jerky movements. This is solved through the swimming pool
visualization, since it will make your movements slow and fluid.
●
Breathe through your diaphragm rather than your chest. (When you breathe,
imagine that you’re bringing air down to your belly. Feel your abdomen expand
and contract as you breathe.)
●
If someone wants your attention, move your head slowly.
●
Spread out your body. Take up space with your arms, legs, and chest. Keep your
neck straight with your back so that your head is held high.
Once you get self-confidence ingrained in you, many of the other Attraction Dials will
flow from there. Watch Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or any other man who has high
status and you’ll observe that they move differently than the rest of us. These guys have
an aura about them that they are high value and a prize for any lucky girl, and because
of that, women drool over them. You too can develop that aura, through displaying the
exact same body language they do: the body language of an alpha male.
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Chapter 13: Turning Attraction Dial #5 – Being Happy
and Non-Needy
You want to be a cool guy who makes his woman happy, not some stalking, needy
psycho. This means:
●
You have a high-value mindset and are a challenge for the girl.
●
You have high quality standards you look for in a woman.
The best way to view sex is, as a friend of mine put it, that you should be “wanty” rather
than “needy” when it comes to sex. Neediness is what drives the girls away.
If you are non-needy, you have no reason to even think about any particular tactic like
teasing the woman (see Attraction Dial #10). You’ll probably do it without thinking about
it.
Give up your need to control your ex-girlfriend. Accept the fact that her life is her own,
and she’ll do what she wants with it. When you’re with her, you have fun and so does
she, but at the same time, if she doesn’t have fun it’s no big deal.
This is another of the supreme ironies when it comes to women. If you want to keep a
woman for the long-term, you must not think about the long-term and instead be
focused on having fun in the present. You need to just let go. Life is dynamic and
constantly changing. All good things have the possibility of ending. Become at peace
with that fact. When you realize something can end, that frees you to enjoy yourself,
rather than worrying so much that enjoyment becomes impossible.
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Chapter 14: Turning Attraction Dial #6 – Having Other
Women Interested in You
Ever noticed how other women are more interested in you when you’re with a girl? It’s
possible you were already in a relationship when you met your girlfriend. In fact, there is
a small percentage of girls who will only date a guy who’s already in a relationship.
They know logically that it’s wrong to be a mistress and that they may have wait forever
for their man to divorce his wife, but they’re simply not attracted to single guys.
For women, the best fashion accessory is a string bikini or lingerie. For you, the best
fashion accessory is a hot woman on your arm.
Evolutionarily, this is a lazy shortcut for a woman. Because you’ve already been
screened by some other woman, she finds you more desirable, because she assumes
you must have some good traits going for you.
You want your ex thinking that other girls are throwing themselves at you. You don’t
want her thinking you’re sitting in some bar by yourself.
You want her thinking that maybe she’s not good enough for you anymore, since you’ve
got hotter girls than her looking at you.
It’s very easy it befriend a hot girl. Just tell her, “I’m not trying to find anyone to date. I
like you, but only as a friend. Is that okay?” She’ll say yes, and now congratulations,
you’ve got a hot girl who will hang out with you. It’s important that you let her know
you’re definitely not interested in her so that way she won’t feel pressured around you.
I can’t overemphasize the importance of bringing lots of women into your world right
now. It lessens the importance of your ex-girlfriend in your life, because it expands your
options for intimacy, company and fun. You’re no longer dependent on your ex for these
things.
Right now a neurologist would tell you that what you’re feeling for your ex is almost
exactly the same in your brain as a psychological addiction to a drug. The brain
chemicals and stimulated areas of your brain are virtually identical in both cases. Dating
and befriending other women will help jumble all of that up, easing your pain.
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Plus talking with other women will help improve your skills in that regard. Ever noticed
how guys who are good with women rarely get heartbroken? This is because they can
easily just move onto another woman if they get dumped. It can be the same for you.
This brings up another important point. If these other girls ask about you and your ex,
always tell them you were dumped. I know this advice is counterintuitive, because we
want to save face and say that it was a mutual decision or even that you dumped her
first. But I’ve field tested it and found that women react much better when they think you
were dumped. Also add that you’re “completely over her” and avoid talking about your
ex with them.
As you get contact with more women, you’ll develop more of a mindset of abundance
and realize that there’s nothing unique or all that special about your ex-girlfriend. This
will of course make you more attractive to her, since you’ll be more of a genuine
challenge for her.
Not only will having a hot woman as your friend by itself help out your attractiveness
level, but she’ll also help your confidence, help your style and appearance because
she’ll offer you tips and go shopping with you, help your conversational ability, help
elevate your mood, and help you to have a lot of activities going on in your life (for
example she may invite you to a party).
Have Sex With Other Women if Possible
Let me ask you a question. How would you feel if you found out your ex-girlfriend was
having sex with other guys?
Ponder it for 20 seconds.
Now, after you’re done retching, take that jealousy you would feel and multiply it by 50.
That’s how extreme your ex would feel about it. There’s nothing she can do about it,
either; it’s biologically programmed into her.
Except that there’s also a key difference in what women are attracted to. While we men
feel repelled by the idea of a woman who has sex with lots of guys, a woman is the
opposite. She feels more attracted to a guy who is having lots of sex with lots of girls. It
comes from her evolutionary psychology.
I don’t want to get too deep here, but it’s from the fact that a woman seeks a man with
ample resources to support her children, plus the good genes to ensure she has strong,
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healthy offspring. In contrast, we men have a biological drive to spread our seed far and
wide, and we use terms like “sloppy seconds” to describe the repulsion we feel toward
being the second guy to have sex with a chick.
Women feel no such revulsion, and in fact, if a guy is already having sex with other
women, then a woman only wants him more. He’s in-demand and has high social value.
So the bottom line is this. Have sex with other women, and in no time your ex will be
begging for you to take her back.
(Caution: don’t explicitly tell your ex you’re having sex with other women now. Let her
wonder about it, so she can have extra motivation to try to win you back. You don’t need
to flat out tell her you’re dating another girl, either. It’s better to imply it, like by saying,
"I’m meeting a friend for dinner and drinks.")
Another advantage of having sex with other girls is that it solves the problem of you
feeling sad and messed up in your head. It drastically reduces the feelings of loneliness.
Bottom line is that jealousy is a powerful emotion in women, and your ex is no
exception. It causes a woman to do crazy things... like to try to outcompete that other
woman and win the man for herself. Which is exactly what you want your ex-girlfriend to
do.
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Chapter 15: Turning Attraction Dial #7 – Being Popular
I have two words for you: Justin Timberlake. If you were he, would you have any trouble
with your ex right now? Of course not.
But from a woman’s perspective, what’s the only real difference between you and the
former lead singer of ’N Sync? All it really comes down to is popularity.
It’s no accident that Hollywood celebrities have to fight women off with a stick. Women
on average “follow the crowd” a lot more than men, which evolutionary psychologists
would tell you is an evolutionary survival mechanism women have used throughout
human history.
So if women see that you’re a popular, in-demand guy, they feel attracted to you.
And even though you can’t become a movie star or pop star in the next few weeks, you
can meet and befriend other women (and men), and build a growing social circle. And
because you’re going to remain friends with your ex’s friends and family, she’ll find out
about it that way. (This brings up an important point – you want your ex to discover on
her own the good qualities you’re gaining. You don’t want to brag about them to her.)
Here’s a guide I wrote to building your social circle...
How to Expand Your Social Circle... Even If You’re Lonely and Have Zero
Friends Right Now.
By John Alexander2
You don’t need to be any sort of conversational genius to make friends (and lots
of them!). All you need to do to build your social network is to be friendly and
proactive.
To be friendly, you need to focus on the other person’s enjoyment. Be optimistic
2 This section is an excerpt from my book How to Become an Alpha Male
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and pump them up with positive emotions. Even the nerdiest people you can
imagine have friends. Mainly, you don’t want to be negative... either about other
people or down on yourself.
Loneliness often comes from your mindset. When someone feels insecurity,
depression, and in general has a poor self image, it’s no wonder few people want
to hang out with them.
In the long run, people only want to hang out with you if they get a benefit from it.
If you cause someone to feel negative emotions, they’re going to have limited
patience with you.
Also, nobody likes someone who’s down on themselves and always wanting you
to feel sorry for them. If you have feelings of hostility or sullenness, keep them to
yourself.
When you’re with friends, let them talk about the things that they want to talk
about. Don’t be needy. As an alpha male, you don’t always have to tell your
friends everything. You don’t always have to steer the conversation toward
yourself.
Next, you need to be proactive. Always assume that others are just lazy about
calling you to hang out. After all, why wouldn’t they want to hang out with
someone as awesome as you?
Because most people are lazy, take the initiative to call your friends. Don’t just
expect them to call you. See yourself as the organizer of your social life. Just as
you must be responsible for the sex you have with women, you must be the one
to take responsibility for everything that you do with your friends.
Other than that, there are a few other guidelines for building your social circle:
1. Don’t have expectations of your friends. You don’t control their lives. Just
accept them for who they are—what they do and how they think.
2. Even though you’re flexible about who you hang out with, don’t change
your personality in order to conform to peer pressure.
3. Accept that having friends comes at a cost. If you have to leave work early
in order to go to happy hour with the guys, then so be it. If you have to cut
short your exam study in order to go bowling with a group from class, then
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have no hesitation in doing so.
4. If you’re a sociable person and have got lots of friends, be picky about who
you hang out with. The wrong kind of friends can drag you down, but the
right kind can pull you up. (It’s better to be friends with self-made
millionaires than drug-addicted street bums.)
5. If on the other hand you have no friends, don’t be picky. Never say "no"
when someone invites you to do something if the alternative is to sit at
home by yourself.
6. Get a cellphone. And use it. To make a new friend, simply get their phone
number. And call it. Invite your new friend to come along and do
something with you.
7. When you invite people to do things with you, don’t make it inconvenient
for them. The more convenient it is, the better. For example, if you know
someone’s into Star Wars movies, and there’s a new one coming out that
you know they’ll be going to anyway, try to get them to meet you there.
8. Don’t get upset if you’re always the one to have to call your friends.
Remember, most people lack initiative and expect others to do the work.
Finally, the main thing you never want to do in a friendship is to be needy. People
won’t always call you back, for whatever reason. They’ll also skip out on
invitations. Just be cool about it and don’t let it phase you.
It would be ideal if your ex-girlfriend showed up at the same party you’re at, and you’re
leading a conversation where you’re surrounded by a few people paying complete
attention to what you’re saying. You pretend you never noticed her walk in.
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Chapter 16: Turning Attraction Dial #8 – You’re
Interesting, Intriguing, Fun and Captivating
Here are some general tips to become good at this, so you can vibe well with your ex.
●
To keep a conversation going, talk about things you have in common.
●
Talk about topics you agree about.
●
Be a good listener and continue conversational threads based on what the other
person is saying. For example, if they tell you today was a great day because
they had a day off from work, you can ask them what they did today on their day
off.
●
Rotate from topic to topic. Don’t stay on any conversational thread too long. This
way you ensure that the other person feels like they can talk about anything with
you. This also allows you to re-open old conversational threads later.
●
Make a habit of talking to people everywhere you go, so you can become
comfortable with conversation. Don’t just limit yourself to hot girls. Talk to
everybody.
●
When talking with a woman, avoid talking about too many logical things. Mix in
emotion. For example, if you took a flight on a plane, don’t say “I just flew over
800 miles.” Instead talk about cool things you saw, what you smelled on the
plane, what you heard, etc. If the woman talks about a logical thing, introduce
emotion, for example if she says “I did X,” you say “What was X like?”
●
Keep the focus on positive emotions. If the woman brings up something negative,
change the subject as soon as possible.
●
Relax and realize you don’t have to entertain the other person.
●
Avoid giving one-word answers.
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●
Asking questions is good, but avoid asking too many questions. You’re vibing
with the other person, not interrogating them.
●
Mentioning your feelings or thoughts before asking questions will elicit more
thorough answers. For example, instead of saying “What have you been up to?”
say “I was wondering, what have you been up to?”
●
Don’t be a problem-solver when talking with a woman, unless she asks you to
problem-solve. Just acknowledge what she says.
●
Don’t interrupt. Also, don’t concern yourself if the other person interrupts you. If
they interrupt you it means they’re involved with the conversation, which is a
good thing.
●
Don’t be judgmental of the other person.
●
Make spontaneous comments and observations.
●
Be playful. Make playful comments.
●
Turn off the “inner voice” in your head, otherwise it will sabotage you. Instead be
outwardly focused.
When you’re ambitious and have passions you’re pursuing (Attraction Dial #11), you
almost automatically have interesting topics to talk about and stories to tell that turn this
Attraction Dial.
In addition, we’re going to develop some stories and topics you can talk about with your
ex that’s going to turn other Attraction Dials, so stay tuned.
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Chapter 17: Turning Attraction Dial #9 – You’re
Assertive
A woman wants to feel safe in your arms. Being assertive means that like a dog
protecting his flock of sheep, you’re able to protect your flock of people who are your
friends.
With your ex-girlfriend, this means you’d be able to stand up for her and defend her if
need be if she ever got attacked.
Later we’ll come up with a couple of stories to tell your ex-girlfriend that illustrate your
assertiveness, which will turn this Attraction Dial.
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Chapter 18: Turning Attraction Dial #10 – You Make Her
Laugh
Women enjoy having their emotions fueled and nourished, and humor is one of the best
ways to do it. You’ve probably noticed that men who are players are often good at
making women laugh. While it’s certainly not necessary to make a woman laugh, it’s
often sufficient to get a girl to like you.
Here’s why it works... give women the proper kind of teasing and make them laugh, and
they’ll be psychologically unable to dislike you.
There are infinite examples I could give, but here are three that happened with me and
a woman today:
●
She says she has to go to the bathroom. You say, playfully, “You’re allowed.”
●
She looks deep in thought. You say: “Are you thinking about me again?”
●
If she gives you a one-word answer to one of your questions, playfully say,
“That’s a very thorough answer!”
You’ll go far if you playfully tease your ex when hanging out with her. Playful teasing
communicates:
1. Non-neediness.
2. You’re not boring like other guys.
I put up a 25-page report here on how to make women laugh:
http://alphamalesystem.com/MakeWomenLaughReport.pdf
It’s written by Martin Merrill, author of a book called Make Women Laugh, and will
teach you everything you need to know. (By the way, if you like his report and benefit
from it, I also recommend getting his book, which is linked to at the end of that report.)
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Chapter 19: Turning Attraction Dial #11 – You’re
Ambitious and Have Passions You’re Pursuing
You’re lucky with this one, because a breakup can spur you to re-examine every part of
your life, starting with your job. Also your education. If you’ve thought about going to
grad school, now’s the time to look into it – and do it!
Become an expert in something. For example, if you’re the type of guy who can’t even
make microwave popcorn, take a gourmet cooking class. It doesn’t take long at all until
you’ve got a handful of exquisite dishes you’re an expert with. (By the way, another
advantage of cooking classes is that you’ll usually be the only guy there.) Art is another
good hobby. For example if you know how to paint you can create works of beauty that
will last forever.
Take a trip to someplace cool for the weekend as an example of something you’re doing
to demonstrate your new, wonderful life. You’re doing great and you feel great.
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Chapter 20: Days 1-20 – Staying in Her Life Indirectly
Your goal is to still linger in your ex’s life, there at the periphery.
Don’t Trade Your Stuff Back
You want your ex-girlfriend to keep all the objects accumulated during your relationship.
That way her memory of you remains as strong as ever. If she brings up returning your
junk that’s in her apartment, either ignore it if it’s before Day 21, or tell her, “Let’s do it in
a week. I need some ’me’ time.” Don’t worry about the monetary value of your stuff
that’s still at her place. Remember: the memories!
And by the way, you’re not really going to trade back your stuff in a week. You’re just
telling her that to soothe her logical mind.
Stay Friends With Her Friends
Call her friends and family and pretend to say goodbye. Be as kind as you can to them.
You’re not really saying goodbye to them, but you want them to have a good impression
of you. That way they’ll let your ex know what a mistake she’s making. You’ll know
you’re succeeding in getting them to like you when you hear them say something like, “I
hope we can see each other again” or “I hope we can still talk sometime.”
Take them up on these offers. Do things with them and talk with them, so that way you
remain friends.
Avoid talking about your ex as much as you can. Don’t make them take sides. Tell them
that your continued friendship is about them and not about your ex.
This gives you a chance to use a confusion tactic on your ex-girlfriend. Let me explain.
For this tactic, you’ll use two of her friends as your unwitting accomplices, who I’ll call
Friend 1 and Friend 2.
When you’re hanging out with Friend 1, mention to her in passing that you’ve got a lot of
really awesome things going on in your life and have really grown and changed a lot in
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a short amount of time – but that you miss your ex. (But just make this statement to one
of her friends. You’re no longer beta, so you don’t go around whining about how you
miss your ex anymore.)
A day or two later, talk to Friend 2 and don’t even mention your ex at all. That way your
ex has now got conflicting reports from her friends. She will feel confused by this.
Other than that, generally if your mutual friends ask you about your ex, tell them your
life is extremely awesome right now, and you still have positive feelings for her, but
you’d rather not get into the subject right now.
Because her friends and family will still like you, when your ex-girlfriend asks them
about you, they’ll say, “Yeah we still hang out. I don’t know what happened between you
two, but he’s a really great guy. I think you should get back with him.”
If enough of her friends and family are telling her that, they’ll literally push her back onto
you, and it’s a simple progression toward Mission Accomplished.
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Chapter 21: How You’re Going to Re-Attract Her
To get back with your girl, you need to re-attract her to you. You do this in two ways:
1. Turning her Attraction Dials.
2. Going through the 4-step Re-Connection Process (RCP).
Intro to the RCP
Here are the 4 steps:
1. Reengage your ex and get her to hang out with you.
2. Fill her with positive emotions. (Right now she associates you with negative
emotions due to the deterioration in your relationship that you’ve just gone
through.)
3. Get her alone with you at either her place or yours.
4. Progress the interaction toward sex.
It’s Mission Accomplished at that point, and you’re back in a relationship with her.
Your most important goal is going to be #4, to get your ex-girlfriend into bed with you.
The reason for this is that women are hardwired to form strong emotional attachments
to men they’re having sex with.
I can’t overemphasize the importance of sleeping with your ex as soon as possible to
lock in the rerun relationship with her. Sex stirs up extremely strong feelings within a
woman.
This is also a huge weakness for your ex-girlfriend. You see, when a girl has slept with a
guy, her logical mind tells her that “it doesn’t count” if she has sex with him again. This is
because the notch has already been made in her bedpost. If you’re the fifth guy she’s
had sex with, she’s still only got five notches if she has sex with you again. So the
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logical portion of her mind allows her to use you to satisfy her horniness.
Of course, during the sex and afterward, her old affection for you will come rushing
back. This is an involuntary reaction on her part caused by endorphins and other
chemicals flooding her brain.
The whole time you need to make it appear as if the sex and everything else was
spontaneous. When your (formerly ex-) girlfriend looks back on everything that
happened, she’ll think, “He swept me off my feet. I think he’s really grown and changed,
and I want to give him another chance.”
So, without further ado, let’s get into the step-by-step details of the RCP.
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Chapter 22: The Re-Connection Process –
Automatically Drawing Your Girlfriend Back to You Like
a Magnet
Is It Worth Keeping Her?
By now since you’re doing the attractiveness steps I’ve outlined in the previous
chapters, and you’re going out into the field to chat with other girls, you’ve got more
options and possibilities with other girls.
So you need to ask yourself whether your ex-girlfriend deserves a guy like you. For
example, did she kick you when you were down? (One guy I know got dumped after his
mother died!) If so, you should consider that unacceptable and take the frame that she
needs to earn your forgiveness.
There are tons of women out there who are beautiful and will treat you right. So you
need to decide why your ex is better than all the other girls out there who you have
access to.
It may be that your ex-girlfriend needs to be the one to win your love again, not the
other way around.
The Basic Formula
Here are a woman’s primary emotional vulnerabilities following a breakup:
●
Emotional Vulnerability #1: A lack of comfort.
You were part of her life. She devoted a major part of her day to you. Being
without you has been a major life change for her. Now she once again has to be
meticulous about shaving her legs, she has to deal with the annoyances of being
single again (like showing up to parties by herself and having to explain to mom
and grandma why she doesn’t have a guy), and she has no one to snuggle with
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at night. Also, she has to tag along with her girlfriends who all have boyfriends
themselves.
Even if your girlfriend wasn’t happy in her relationship with you, she can’t easily
break up with you. It’s too big of a life decision to be easy. As a single girl, she no
longer gets the comforting emotions she gets when she’s got a beau.
Take advantage of this by dangling the possibility of a “new and improved”
relationship with you.
●
Emotional Vulnerability #2: Lower self-esteem and confidence.
Being highly externally-focused creatures for the most part, women derive a lot of
their pride from their boyfriends. A woman who lacks confidence, no matter how
pretty she is, might wonder if maybe she’s really ugly, since, after all, she doesn’t
have a boyfriend Now that you’re no longer there to remind her how great she is,
she’s much more fragile in that department. You can take advantage of this by
being a challenge and holding off on letting her know that you still like her until
after she’s reattracted to you. When you detect she’s become attracted to you
again, pump up her self-esteem by randomly telling her you miss her beauty.
●
Emotional Vulnerability #3: Wanting to know you’re grief-stricken.
A woman gets emotional validation from this. Instead you want to make her think
that you’ve moved on and are completely happy with your life. It drives a woman
crazy if she dumps a guy and he’s completely cool with it.
●
Emotional Vulnerability #4: Uncertainty
Very rarely is a woman certain that a relationship is over, especially if she’s
dated a guy for longer than six months. You see, a woman who has broken up
with a guy has a Category 5 hurricane of emotions going on in her mind. One
minute she hates your guts and wants you to die. The next she cries her eyes out
because she’s thinking back to the good times you had together. Then she’ll try
to keep track of you to see what you’re doing. Then she’ll feel confused,
wondering what went wrong. And sometimes she’ll feel extremely fond feelings
for you; she’ll want you back and think you’re the perfect man and she can’t live
without you. She’ll fight the urge to call you. Then one minute later she’s back to
hating you.
●
Emotional Vulnerability #5: The struggle between her logic and feelings
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You must realize that there are two parts of a woman’s brain: logical and
emotional. Once you re-attract her, her emotions are going to make her want to
get back with you. However, she will only be comfortable with the decision if she
can logically justify it to herself as well. So the logic that you want going through
her head is “he’s really trying this time.”
Once you seduce her, there’s going to be a transition period until the logical side
of her mind can catch up to the emotional side. She might be having sex with you
on a regular basis once again, but she’ll still say things like, “We’re just friends” or
“I don’t want a relationship.”
When she says that kind of stuff, don’t worry about it. Just realize that it's the
logical side of her brain fighting against the emotional side. You say "I agree
we're just friends" and that soothes the logical side; then keep having sex with
her to keep her emotionally wanting a relationship with you.
The emotional side of her will eventually win out. Basically, you should have your
focus be simply on spending high-quality time with her and having sex. Sex is an
immense psychological vulnerability for the woman, making her almost
involuntarily want to be in a relationship with you again.
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Chapter 23: Day 21 – Calling Her
Let’s look at what you’ve accomplished in the past three weeks:
✔
You’ve got a better style and image.
✔
You’ve improved your masculine good looks and body.
✔
You’ve developed your confidence.
✔
You’ve improved your body language.
✔
You’ve developed your sense of humor.
✔
You’ve grown your social circle and become popular.
✔
You’ve got other girls interested in you and maybe even are dating/having sex
with other girls.
✔
You’ve learned what not to do in a relationship.
✔
You’ve learned what to do in a relationship.
✔
You’ve discovered hobbies, interests, and passions that you’re pursuing.
✔
You’re improving your life in every way.
✔
You’ve broken the grip your ex has over you.
Now that you’ve transformed yourself into an attractive guy, it’s time to re-initiate contact
with your ex. Give her a call.
Your ex is going to be curious at this point. She’s going to ask you questions and talk to
you in a way to investigate whether you’re feeling lost. I call this the IFL (Investigation
for Feeling Lost). I’ve given it a silly acronym because virtually 100% of ex-girlfriends do
it. You need to respond to the IFL by conveying that you’re an upbeat and happy guy.
The way it’s structured is she’ll say something to find out how you feel. Most of the time
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she’ll put out a feeler to see whether you’d be interested in ever giving your relationship
a second chance.
Almost all guys screw this up by giving an enthusiastic “YES!”, at which point the exgirlfriend has all the power and feels the joy of validation from that. Then all of a sudden
the guy hears the girl tell him she’s “busy” and needs to go, but “we’ll talk more
sometime.”
Don’t say yes to her feeler, because it’s too soon. You haven’t yet conveyed the
attractive New You, so she hasn’t become re-attracted yet.
So instead tell her, in a relaxed tone of voice, “I think it’s too soon to be talking about
that yet.” Then proceed with your conversation.
Just have a normal conversation. Ask her what she’s been up to. Tell her what you’ve
been up to by giving her one or two of the stories you’ll come up with in the next
chapter, in order to convey attractiveness. That way she’ll see how happy and
unaffected you are.
Now it’s time to end the call. Do not say “call me any time” or any variation thereof. This
tells her that you don’t have a lot of other options in your life. It’s not a good idea to
make yourself too available. Instead you want to be leading her. Here’s what you say:
“I’ll call you when I get the chance, so that way we can grab some coffee or something.”
Your next plan is to call her 4 days later, on Day 25. If she calls you before then to invite
you to hang out, you should take the call. Here’s what you say:
“Look, I’ve got a friend over and we’re actually in the
middle of a DVD right now, but yeah, I think that could be a
good idea. Let’s talk about it some more sometime. I’ll call
you soon.”
Let’s analyze what you said and why it’s so powerful.
Look, I’ve got a friend over and we’re actually in the middle of a DVD right now”
You’re a busy man now with other things going on in your life. You’re not needy, nor are
you under her spell anymore. Plus when she later thinks back on the word “friend,”
she’ll wonder if you meant a girl.
...but yeah, I think that could be a good idea. Let’s talk about it some more sometime. I’ll
call you soon.
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You’re keeping the door open for her. This induces your ex to rethink her decision to be
broken up with you. Plus she’s the one waiting for you to call. The tables have turned!
The basic point of the initial phone call is to let your ex-girlfriend “investigate” how you’re
reacting to the breakup. You want her to find out that you’re relaxed, upbeat, and
pleased with your life.
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Chapter 24: Reconnecting With Your Girlfriend and
Getting Her Back in Your Arms Again
When you get talk to and hang out with your ex again, you’re going to want to convey a
lot of things to her so that she’ll become irresistibly re-attracted to you. This section will
prepare you to do that by preparing conversational topics and stories to convey your
attractiveness to your girlfriend.
Question. Women want to FEEL (and tell themselves logically) that they can trust you
and that the two of you are personally compatible. List some areas where you two have
shared interests (e.g., traveling.). The more areas you can list, the better.
This shared interest area is huge for girls. A woman needs to see herself doing things
with you, not having the two of you off doing your own thing. Now that you’ve listed
some shared interests you have with your ex, come up with some cool future scenarios.
(“Wouldn’t it be great if ______?”)
You can turn some of your ex-girlfriends Attraction Dials by telling stories that convey
those traits.
Question: You want to convey how happy and awesome your life is write now. Write
down 5 fun things you’ve done in the past three weeks and a story for each, so that you
can tell your girlfriend those stories and turn Attraction Dials 5, 8, and 11.
Question: Write down three stories (preferably real but can be made up if need be) of
things that happened in your life in the past few weeks that have you in the role of a
leader.
Question: You want your girlfriend thinking you’re being pursued by the woman of your
dreams (though not that you’re in a relationship with anyone else yet). Jealousy is a
powerful emotion in women. Write down three stories about you and other women. For
example, you can tell a highly descriptive story about how a female friend of yours
bought you an expensive drink at a bar, and you thought it was really cool because
you’ve never tried Grey Goose before. Then ask if she’s ever tried Grey Goose. (See
what I’m doing with this example? I’m pretending like the main part of the story is me
trying the classy drink, when in fact I’m also conveying that I have another woman in my
life.)
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Question: Come up with 3 stories about your friends and things you’ve done with them
in the past 3 weeks. This turns Attraction Dial 7. Also refer to your friends as your “crew”
in order to turn Attraction Dial 1.
Question: Write a story about you being assertive, to turn Attraction Dial 9.
Question: Write 5 funny stories about things that happened to you in the past 3 weeks.
Finally, give your living space a makeover. Make your house or apartment into a
complete chick magnet. Get appealing items like curtains, lamps, and plants. Vacuum
your place. Clean your bathroom and bedroom very carefully. Make sure your bed is
made – when your ex comes to your house, she’ll react favorably to seeing a made bed
and feel enticed to go toward it.
(It goes without saying, but if you don’t have your own place, get one. No girl over 18 is
attracted to a guy who still lives in his parents’ basement.)
Calling Your Ex and Setting Up a Meet
First of all, remember to be relaxed, happy, non-judgmental, and fun. Act like nothing at
all is wrong.
When you call your ex, you want to imply that you’re just going to remain friends. Say to
her, “We’ve been such a part of each other’s lives that I think it would be silly to cut each
other off completely. Don’t you agree?”
At this point she will say “yes.” That’s because you’ve soothed her logical mind by just
asking her to leave the door only slightly open.
If she raises any sort of objection or says something like “I don’t want a relationship,”
agree with her and say “I don’t want a relationship either.” Then repeat that you want to
be friends. At this point, it’s virtually impossible for her to say no to this.
Really, it’s impossible to be “friends” with your ex-girlfriend, which is why the “let’s be
friends” tactic is perfect. I mean think about it: you’re not going to be doing the things
with your ex that friends do! You won’t have makeup or nail-polishing parties with her.
You won’t have a girl’s shopping day with her. And so forth. And yet telling themselves
that they’re going to remain “friends” with their ex-boyfriend is a quirk of women that you
use to your advantage. There is no way she can be repelled by you if all you want is to
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be “friends”!
Once she agrees to be “friends” again, have her meet you for coffee or a drink “for a
half hour or so,” citing commitments such as you having to wake up early the next
morning. Telling her it’s going to be for only a half hour is a false time constraint that will
soothe the logical portion of her mind. She’ll think, “Sure, why not? He’s okay with just
being friends, and it’s only going to be for a half hour.”
Because your goal is to have sex with your ex-girlfriend, don’t let her meet you during
“safe” times like in the morning before work, class, or other commitments. You want to
meet her when her schedule is free for the night and she doesn’t have to wake up early
the next morning. Eight o’clock in the evening is a perfect time to meet.
The “Date”
Even though it is a date, I put “date” in quotes because you don’t want to portray it to
your ex that way. Instead you two are just “hanging out.” This is so you don’t scare her
away. It’s as simple as that. You want her to think that you’re totally cool with the break
up and are putting no pressure on her.
First of all, immediately before the date I recommend having a small bit of dark
chocolate (at least 70% cocoa), which is a proven mood elevator. This is a highly
effective tactic.
When you meet your ex-girlfriend you should be dressed to kill. Of all the outfits you’ve
discovered in the past three weeks, put on your absolute best one, the one that gets
you the most compliments from women.
Your goal when interacting with your ex from here on is:
1. To give her a good time.
2. To leave her wanting more.
Act the same way you did when you first met her. Smile at her the same way, flirt with
her the same way, etc.
Conjure up memories within her of sweet and happy times the two of you had together.
Talk about funny times you had together. Get her reminiscing and laughing with you. It’s
been scientifically proved that experiences of shared laughter are the best way for a
couple to bond.
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The key is this: the harder your ex holds onto good memories of you, the more
likely it is she’ll take you back.
You want her to have selective memory. Never under any circumstances bring up old
arguments or negative issues. Don’t rehash old arguments about why you two broke up,
either. If she brings any of these negative things up herself, just say, “You’re right, but
the past is in the past. I’m focused on our future together.” Then change the subject.
If she shit tests you by repeating that your relationship is over, pretend that you agree
with her completely. Tell her you’re not looking for any sort of serious relationship and
just want to have fun.
Don’t talk about anything that’s intense. Keep everything light and casual.
Tell her your stories that you came up with above to turn her Attraction Dials. You want
her to not only retain good memories, but also to believe that the future will be bright,
since you have changed massively and completely for the better.
Also convey that you’ve solved your problems and you don’t have any needs.
Use the phrase “possibility for the future” a lot.
Here’s a nuclear bomb: once you can tell she’s becoming re-attracted to you, give her a
CD or DVD that triggers happy memories. If the two of you went to a Rush concert
together for example, get her a CD of it. Say, “Hey, remember when we went to the
concert last year? I saw this CD, thought of you, and got this for you.”
The Escalation
If you do not escalate your interaction toward sex, then you run the danger of her
thinking of you just as a really good friend and telling you nonsense like “I love you but
it’s not meant to be.”
Your ex-girlfriend will be highly receptive to sex with you. She’s a woman and has strong
desires. In part, she’s returning to you because she wants your body. As mentioned
earlier, from a woman’s standpoint, this is a huge vulnerability for her. While her body
craves pleasure, her mind simply isn’t wired to stay emotionally uninvolved if she’s
feeling you inside her.
Throughout the evening as the two of you are hanging out in the nightclub or bar, touch
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her in a playful way. The process can go like this:
1. Have a thumbwar with her at some point.
2. Play rock/paper/scissors with her.
3. Play the slap game where you try to slap each other’s hand before they pull it
away.
4. Touch her hand when you make a comment on her ring.
5. Touch her wrist or forearm as you comment on her watch or bracelet.
6. Touch her shoulder as you lean in to whisper something into her ear.
7. Touch her lower back as the two of you are standing up and walking somewhere,
like when you get up from the barstools to walk to the couch.
As you’re going through the above progression (which will last 1-3 hours), be telling her
your Attraction Dial-raising stories. Also sit very close to her: 18 inches or less.
Once the two of you are sitting close together, if she seems up for holding hands with
you, do it. But go no further than that while out in public. You don’t want to seduce your
ex until the two of you are alone at your place or hers.
The Seduction
Here’s how the progression works:
1. You feel calm and sexually aroused (though never verbalizing anything about sex
so as to avoid setting off alarm bells in the logical part of your ex-girlfriend’s
mind).
2. Your ex also feels calm and sexually aroused (since she’ll match your emotional
state as the night goes on).
3. Make up an “innocent” excuse for the two of you to be alone together at your
place.
4. At your place, allow the interaction to gradually heat up, taking two steps forward
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and one step back, until the two of you are having sex.
5. Mission Accomplished.
It’s important to have an “innocent” excuse for your ex to come to your place to be alone
with you. When you’ve turned her Attraction Dials and conveyed the New You, and you
sense the time is right, casually mention her coming over to your place for an “innocent”
reason. For example if you took a cool trip in the past three weeks, have her come to
your place to see the awesome scrap book you made of the trip.
Like you did when you set up the date, use a false time constraint. Tell her it’s “just for a
little while.” That way you soothe the logical portion of your girlfriend’s mind, since she
can rationalize that she’s was just going to your place for the “innocent” reason and later
she can tell herself it was just going to be for a few minutes “but sparks flew and he
swept me off my feet.”
It’s better to have her come to your place rather than hers, so that way she can be
blown away by how great your place looks, thus further letting her logically rationalize
that you’ve “changed” and that it’s genuine.
For a girl to become sexual, she must feel relaxed. So once the two of you are alone,
focus on having her relax and be comfortable, and then just very gradually escalate. To
give you an idea of how slow to go, expect it to take at least 3 hours from the time you
enter your front door and have her be amazed at how your place looks until you finally
get her panties off to perform oral sex on her.
With women, remember that you must always balance the logical side of their mind with
the emotional. So rather than say (when you two are alone) "do you want to sit on this
bed?", you should just sit on the bed yourself and say (for example) "hey, you won’t
believe these pictures in this scrap book." Then she’ll sit next to you on the bed to see
the pics.
The rule for success is that you don’t want a woman to have a chance to relax and
think, because then she’ll have doubts like “it’s too soon, since we were supposed to be
broken up.” Instead you want to keep her emotions engaged and her logical mind
soothed. Emotions are engaged because your girlfriend feels like you’re sweeping her
off her feet. Her logical mind is soothed because she’s got an innocent explanation for
sitting next to you on the bed.
Remember a couple things:
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1. Sloooow. Go so slow it’s pretty much boring to you. You could get your exgirlfriend alone with you at your place at 10 PM, and not be at the point where
you can start nudging at her panties until 3 AM.
2. Two steps forward, one step back. You don’t want to have a straight-line
progression to the sex. Always be backing up to an earlier phase. For example,
once you’re at the point where you can graze your palm over her breast, don’t
linger! Move your hand away, go back to just stroking her hair and kissing her.
Only much later will your hand go back to her breast. Then let it linger for longer.
Then go back to an earlier phase again. Et cetera.
The best thing to do when your woman says she can’t have sex is to agree with her.
You can even do it teasingly, like "Whoa there, tiger, who said anything about that?!"
Then keep proceeding, always taking two steps forward one step back. (Of course,
make sure to differentiate between token resistance and having her seriously say “no.”
But as long as you go slow enough, you won’t hear the latter.)
Finally she’ll be ready for you to make love to her. Go ahead and do it. Mission
Accomplished. She’s yours again. Congratulations!
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Chapter 25: Ensuring She Stays With You
You’re back together with your girlfriend, and this time things are different. You’ve
discovered the relationship mistakes to avoid and how to have alpha communication.
Apply what you’ve learned there, and keep working on each of the 11 Attraction Dials,
and it will all but guarantee your woman won’t dump you again.
You must trust your woman now that you two are back together. The whole irony about
jealousy is that it in itself drives a woman to cheat. That’s why it’s helped that you are
your own man now. You’re an independent guy with your own hobbies and friends. So
you simply don’t worry anymore.
Avoid verbalizing anything about your relationship. Always let her be the one to bring
things up. Remember, you always want to be a challenge for a woman, not someone
who’s needy and an easy catch.
Don’t ever give her an ultimatum like “either we’re in a relationship or nothing.” The only
result will be that your girlfriend can rationalize her original decision to not get back
together with you. You want to have the situation with her remain highly fluid, so avoid
clearing the air. Everything will work itself out as long as you focus on keeping the
sexual relationship going, being the perfect boyfriend through the rules you’ve learned
in this manual, avoiding the relationship mistakes you learned about, and keeping her
Attraction Dials turned.
Never volunteer the information to her that the two of you are exclusive unless she
directly asks. That gives away a lever of power that you’ve got. She’ll wonder, and
maybe even assume, that you’re having sex with other women. At the very least, do not
volunteer the information unless she explicitly asks you. Just have it be “understood.”
That way you remain a challenge. I mean, think about it: if you make an effort to ask her
to take you back into a long-term relationship, what are you really saying? You’re
saying, “I need you. I don’t have any other options, and you have sexual power over
me. I’ll do anything for you.”
Instead you want it to be completely her idea. (And of course you should agree to the
idea if that’s what you want!)
By now you’ve probably discovered an amazing phenomenon: the sex in a rerun
relationship is the best you’ve ever had. When you have sex with your girlfriend, she’s a
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hundred times wetter than she ever was before. Whereas she was pretty silent before,
now she screams like a maniac when you’re inside her.
What if You’re Now Dating Other Partners?
First, I can guarantee you that the desire to have sex with women other than your
girlfriend will never go away. We men are biologically hardwired to lust after multiple
women.
So maybe it’s a good idea to date multiple women when you get the chance. That way
you’ll know what it’s like, and that way you’ll be able to truly have an exclusive
relationship with your girlfriend without the illusion that the grass is greener on the other
side.
Best thing to do is not bring it up if you’re dating other women. If she presses you, the
best answer you can give is “it’s too soon in our new relationship to demand
monogamy.” You might want to add, “We are, however, emotionally monogamous.” (In
comparing notes with a lot of other men who date multiple women, for some reason that
term “emotionally monogamous” has a strong effect on women.)
The main rule is you do not want to dump your woman at this point, as that will break
her heart. Avoid the fallacy men make of wanting to be single when you’re in an
exclusive relationship.
How to Pass Her Shit Tests
As your girlfriend gets into a new relationship with you, she’ll inundate you with shit
tests. I discussed shit tests earlier, so you know the basic formula is to avoid buying into
her frame and instead neutralize her shit tests. Instead the catch-all solution will always
be to agree with her and then focus on the future and remind her that the past is gone
and forgotten, as if it never existed.
For example, your ex will say, “We never did X very much.” (For example, X could be
“went out clubbing,” “went hiking” or “went on vacation.”)
You say: “You’re right, but it doesn’t matter what happened in the past. This is about our
future together.”
Most men screw up by denying this shit test in a factual manner. They’ll say something
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like, “Yes we did. I took you on a trip to Paris last summer!”
Here’s the deal. Your woman does not have a very good memory. Rather than
remember things the way they actually happened, she will remember the past in the
context of how she feels right now. So it’s a loser’s game to try to argue. Instead you
can neutralize the shit test by agreeing to it, and then reframe her concern to be future
focused as I just demonstrated.
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Chapter 26: Dealing With Specific Situations
This final section deals with answers to miscellaneous questions that didn’t really fit
earlier.
“What if I was the one who dumped her?”
At this point you have much higher value than the girl, so you can grovel a bit here to
raise your ex’s value and lower yours. Tell her these exact words: “I am sorry about
what happened and I want to give our relationship another try.” Also tell her, “I have
decided you are The One.”
Of course, make sure she's totally attracted to you when you tell her that. You don’t
want to tell her too soon in the re-connection phase, or otherwise it sounds so needy.
However, if she thinks you have higher status than her for too long then her contempt
for you will eventually reach a level at which it will be too late.
“What if she dumped me because I cheated on her?”
If your woman has dumped you for cheating on her, calmly tell her it was only about sex
with that other girl, that it was a one-time thing, and that all of your love and affection is
for your girlfriend. You’re a highly sexual man, you explain, and must have a lot of sex.
As long as your girlfriend knows it was only about sex and you had no emotions
involved with the other girl, odds are she’ll still be upset but not enough to never want to
get back together. Also, this indirectly sets up a silent understanding that your girlfriend
will give you lots of sex to keep you satisfied, because she knows you’ll look elsewhere
if she doesn’t.
“How do you get her back if she’s seeing someone else now?”
When it comes to the girl dating another guy, it’s highly probable that your ex is lying or
at least greatly exaggerating about her “new boyfriend.” This is the sort of thing that
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would never occur to us guys, but from woman’s point of view, she’ll feel like she’s
making progress in the breakup that way. Her purpose is to try to damage your
relationship beyond repair, by having the breakup be something that you would be the
one to choose. That way she’s free from any sort of guilt.
Another reason a woman will greatly exaggerate her relationship with the “other guy” is
so that way, she rationalizes, you won’t be as hurt. (Of course this is not true, but she
doesn’t think it through that far.) What she really means to tell you is she doesn’t find
you attractive anymore because you weren’t turning her Attraction Dials anymore and
were making mistakes in the relationship.
The third reason a woman often exaggerates her new “relationship” with the rebound
boy is to try to demonstrate to you that she’s over you now. She wants you to believe
that she no longer cares about you. What’s ironic about this of course is that the more a
woman insists she’s over a guy, the less over him she really is!
Even if she really is seeing a new guy, he’s just a rebound boy and women typically will
never have anything serious on a rebound. It’s a sex-only relationship.
Never let a woman affect your reality and make you jealous. If you become jealous and
insecure about your ex dating a new man after your breakup, you’ll accomplish nothing
except to completely push her away. You see, the problem with ever having feelings of
jealousy is that it comes from a frame of neediness. When dealing with chicks, the
worst place to come from is a position of neediness. So try to let those feelings go. The
whole ironic thing about jealousy is that it ends up pushing women away.
Also, here's one other thing for you to consider. Some pickup artists I know intentionally
aim for a woman with a boyfriend, simply because she's easier than single women.
Why? Because she's only comparing you with that one guy, vs. a single woman who's
comparing you with ALL guys.
Bottom line: it’s no big deal that she’s seeing someone else. Just ignore the new guy as
mere background noise and proceed the way I set out in this manual.
Trust me, once she’s back with you, your girlfriend will completely forget about the
“other guy” and never mention him again. He’ll be completely powerless over her
emotions.
“How do you deal with hostile parents?”
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This is simply a shit test on your girlfriend’s part. The solution is for you to have zero
concern whatsoever about what her parents think of you, and make it clear to her about
that being the frame you’re taking.
It’s your job to take responsibility for her being with you. Hold her in your arms and
make love to her. She’ll deal with her parents herself.
What if I don’t want her back as a full-fledged girlfriend, and just want
her as a “friend with benefits”?
It’s a perfectly valid choice to want to hold off on becoming exclusive again. And in fact,
with you building yourself up with the 11 Attraction Dials, odds are you’ve now got other
girls who want a piece of you, so you don’t want an exclusive relationship anymore (at
least not until your ex proves herself worthy of you).
So, once your ex-girlfriend misses you and really longs for you, you have the option to
take her back not as a girlfriend, but as a friend with benefits.
You need to at this point set the terms of the relationship. Only if you are the one in
charge can you ensure that she won’t dump you again.
When you make your ex a fuckbuddy, see her once a week, and on rare occasions
twice a week. No more than that. When you decide the terms of your relationship, she’ll
follow. Make sure not to lead her on by seeing her more than once a week.
“What if you work with your ex and can’t cut her off?”
It’s definitely a little bit of a disadvantage since you can’t cut her off 100%. Your main
goal is still, as I talk about earlier, to get everything together in your life and become an
attractive guy. Remember, what you want to convey is that your life is great right now
and that you’re totally cool with what happened. (Not that you pretend nothing
happened, but instead that you’re cool with what happened and respect her decision.)
You want your ex thinking things like “[Your Name] is taking this break up TOO well.
What’s going on?"
Definitely don’t avoid or ignore her when you see her. Instead just be casual and cool.
Not only with her but with everyone else in your office. (Avoid feeding the office
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gossipers.)
If there’s no way to avoid communication, for example if you two work in the same
department, then limit conversation to work-related things only. If she changes to nonwork related things, keep the conversation light and non-judgmental, and after a couple
minutes tell her you’ve got to go.
Before too long she’ll start seeking more attention from you. Once you sense that,
reengage her like I talk about in Chapter 25.
"What if we’re still living together?"
There’s no way around the fact that the 21 days of zero communication will be crucially
important. (Or, at the very least, as many days as possible.) So you’ll have much better
odds moving out temporary and into something like a residence motel that has weekly
rates. There are many other options as well. You could, for example, take that awesome
trip to a foreign country that you’ve been dreaming of. The adventure will help you
immensely.
“What if we have children together?”
You obviously can’t (and shouldn’t) cut your kids off from you. So when there are kids
involved, you should cut off contact in all contexts except when it comes to specific
issues dealing with the children. Then proceed in the other areas according to this guide
– i.e., making it clear you’re cool with the break up and at the same time working on
turning her Attraction Dials to re-attract her when you re-initiate contact as a “friend”
after 21 days, etc. Bottom line is that you’ll need to balance seeing your children with
avoiding communication with your woman as much as possible.
“What if I’m in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend?”
First of all you’ve got the advantage that it’s easy to keep your ex cut off from
communication while you build your attractiveness.
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You’re taking the step back like I talk about, building your attractiveness, so that you can
then sweep her off her feet and avoid making the mistakes you made before. It should
actually be pretty straightforward. Long distance need not make the re-attraction
process a lost cause at all (far from it).
The thing is, however, you will need to meet her in person. So I would suggest waiting
to reengage her until either you’re in her area or she’s in yours.
I should make something clear about long distance relationships. They can be tough
(especially when they’re exclusive), because they’re innately unsatisfying for both of
you.
So when you get back together with your ex, whether you stay in a long-distance
relationship is something you’ll need to work out as you decide what YOU want.
Meanwhile make sure especially that you work on Attraction Dial #6. A surprisingly large
number of guys find that when they have other options with other women just as
beautiful and nice as their ex, that they’re no longer that interested in their ex anymore –
which means now you can have a brand new wonderful girlfriend, but this time one who
lives near you.
“It’s been 4 weeks/4 months/10 months/X amount of time since she
dumped me. Will this Re-Attraction system still work for me after this
amount of time?”
Yes, absolutely. I recently heard from a guy who'd successfully gotten his woman back
using my system after being dumped 7 years previously. If he can do it, you can do it.
Just follow the advice as it’s set out for you. (And even if you haven’t spoken to her in
awhile, still send the cut-off note from chapter 2. The purpose of the note is to arouse
your ex's curiosity so she'll be receptive to talking to you again.)
“I feel like my situation is different from what other guys face. Is my
situation hopeless?”
- 109 © Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
First, take a deep breath. Less than 1% of break-up situations are truly hopeless.
I’ve worked with a lot of guys now, and I have some good news for you. You’ll be glad to
know your story is NOT unique. It’s not different from that of a lot of other guys in your
shoes. I have never heard from any guy who has a break up story that is truly one of a
kind.
No matter what your story is, you can almost definitely get your woman back following
the formula from this guide. Just follow everything exactly like I put it in the guide – i.e.,
cut off all communication for a solid 21 days, work on the Attraction Dials and re-engage
her as "friends." Then proceed from there.
“John, I contacted her before the 21 days is up. Now she says she
doesn’t want to be with me. Help!”
First of all, do NOT break the rule about the 21 days! Since I first wrote this course in
2007, I have heard from hundreds, maybe even thousands of my customers. By far the
#1 reason guys fail is turning beta and talking to their ex before the 21 days is up.
I have given you the exact formula in this course to get your woman back. I have never
once had someone follow everything 100% who then went on to fail to either get his
woman back or find someone better than her. (Some men, while working on Attraction
Dial #6, conclude that there are much better women out there than their ex. This is
definitely a valid alternative to getting her back!)
Anyway, if you did screw up and communicate with her before Day 21, you must re-start
the clock. Continue to work on all the self-improvement tasks you have been given in
this course, make sure you’re dating and talking to other women, etc. Then re-initiate
contact with your ex as “friends.” Good luck!
- 110 © Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
Chapter 27: From Mistakes to Total Success
Luke’s Success
Luke cut off Amber for three weeks so that he could get a life.
While with Amber he would always just sit at home and do nothing, Luke decided he
was going to stay out of his apartment as much as he could, for the most part only
returning home to shower and sleep.
The first thing he did was call old friends to reconnect with them.
Luke decided to further his eduction. He went to seminars and talks in his area.
He put more effort in at work, re-doubling his efforts and making a ton of
accomplishments.
He hit the gym, starting his muscle-building and cardio workouts.
He went to a concert.
He also started talking to other girls. He got involved with activities like charity dog
washing and ballroom dancing that have a lot of women involved in them.
He’d always wanted to learn to draw, so he signed up for a drawing class in his area. He
was always a fairly decent Scrabble player and got involved with a local Scrabble club.
Luke also always wanted to see Los Angeles. He had an old buddy from high school
living out there, so he drove out to LA for the weekend and had a blast going to
Hollywood and the swanky nightclubs and hanging out with a couple gorgeous blonde
friends of his buddy.
When finally he talked to Amber on the phone again, he was completely non-needy and
created ZERO drama with her. He was just a cool guy.
When Amber came over to his apartment, she was astounded by the transformation.
- 111 © Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
For one thing Luke’s apartment had a makeover. And Luke himself, wow! Not only had
he developed a good sense of style and had definitely been working out, but he was fun
to be around. Amber had expected him to be judgmental and suspicious about what
she’d been up to, but instead he had become a secure, confident alpha male who had
built a really great life for himself in a short amount of time.
That night they had mind-blowing sex. Luke couldn’t believe how great it felt to be inside
her again.
That was a month ago. Since then, Luke’s hooked up with Amber five times. He knows
she wants him as her boyfriend again, but a funny thing has happened. Luke’s enjoying
all the attention he’s getting from other girls so much that now he’s not sure he wants
Amber back anymore. Maybe he wants to keep her as a “fuck buddy” instead, since it’s
been such a blast. They have sex once or twice a week, and he’s extremely happy with
that. The last thing he told me, however, was that he’s planning to become exclusive
with her again. Either way though, the choice is now in Luke’s hands.
Robby’s Success
I’ll illustrate Robby’s success by sharing the final email he sent me, exactly as he sent
it...
I did everything you suggested, and long story short, we’re
engaged to be married!
- 112 © Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
Chapter 28: Your Awesome Future With Your Girlfriend
My friend,
Congratulations on getting your girlfriend back.
You’ve learned how to make her happy, and she’s treating you a lot better now. You two
are extremely happy together in every way you can imagine.
Thank you for purchasing this guide, and have fun in your new improved life.
Best regards,
John Alexander
John Alexander’s Coaching Club
I constantly get asked whether I can help coach you personally (and confidentially) in
answering your personal questions about your relationship and break-up.
The answer is yes, but because of the massive demand I can only offer this for an
extremely limited time and there are only a limited number of people I can help.
You can find out more here:
http://re-attraction.com/personalcoaching.php
- 113 © Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.
How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less:
A Foolproof Step-By-Step Guide to Get Her in Your Arms Again
By John Alexander
Other Products by John Alexander
How To Become An Alpha Male
Dubbed "The lazy man’s way to easy sex and romance with 20 or more women a
month," How to Become an Alpha Male is the no-risk, never-fail blueprint on how to
“magnetically” attract an endless flow of beautiful women to you... without ever having to
play their games or deal with rejection.
Once you have these secrets all the ’work’ of meeting women will be done for you...
automatically! You can just ’flip on’ your magnetic powers of attraction... so to speak...
and instantly bring sex, romance and more roaring into your life!
Available at http://getagirlback.com/alphamale
How To Be Her Best Lover Ever
A sex guide for men, "How to Be Her Best Lover Ever" will have you pleasuring your
woman like no other man can, which will cause her to practically BEG you for sex.
The secrets revealed in this book will have her screaming your name with pleasure as
she has one white-hot, bed-breaking orgasm after another (even if you’ve never been
good in bed before).
Here are a few of the discoveries you’ll make:
● How to have sex more often – and have her thank you for it.
● How to get her to swallow – and love it!
● Make sex pleasurable again, not something that causes you stress.
● Enjoy more powerful & frequent erections, a higher sex drive, and have sex more
often – without taking the “little blue pill.”
● Become a master with your mouth to take your woman to dizzying heights.
● The Mindset: once you have this clear and simple method of thinking, the right
techniques come to you naturally.
● Give your woman orgasms so powerful, she becomes devoted to you for life.
Available at http://getagirlback.com/herbestlover
- 114 © Copyright 2007-2013 John Alexander Enterprises, Inc., All Rights Reserved.
This ebook is for your use only and may not be given or sold to anyone else.