The 16 Guidelines for a Happy Life Get Real www.terrapinn.com www.essential-education.org Why happiness? Life would be so wonderful if we only knew what to do with it (Greta Garbo, USA) Everyone wants to be happy and to avoid suffering – it’s the basic driver behind just about everything we think, say and do. It’s also one of the hottest topics in the media, and has spawned a global industry of books and research projects. For many people, the more they chase after happiness, the more it seems to elude them. Why is it that there is so little understanding of what causes us to be happy and to suffer? Despite decades of economic progress, scientific studies show that there has been no corresponding improvement in our happiness. The 16 Guidelines for a Happy Life – Get Real is a call to action, both personally and in our working lives. What are the 16 Guidelines for a Happy Life? The 16 Guidelines are inspired by a set of timeless advice for everyday life that was introduced into seventh century Tibet by King Songtsen Gampo. They are suitable for people of any culture or faith tradition. If you find them challenging, remember that Thomas Edison said he invented the light bulb because he’d previously invented 99 things that weren’t a light bulb. We all have more power and capacity for change than we realise. The Guidelines are being brought alive for the 21st century by Universal Compassion and Wisdom for Peace, an educational charity whose aim is to help people to be kind and wise. A full scale book is being launched at the 1st European Conference on Happiness and its Causes in London in October 2007. They are also being piloted around the world in the form of study groups, school programmes, arts projects and a yoga programme. A parent’s kit is underway How can you get involved? Feedback and suggestions for the future development of the Guidelines are extremely welcome: • Have they been helpful to you? • Do you have any great stories or interesting links to add? • Can you help us to share them with more people? Contact: [email protected] • www.happinessanditscauses.org The 16 Guidelines for a Happy Life HOW WE THINK HOW WE ACT Transform your mind, transform your life Every skilful action makes a better world 4. delight 5. kindness 3. contentment 6. honesty 2. tolerance 7. skilful speech 1. humility 16. responsibility 8. generosity 15. love 9. respect 14. aspiration 10. forgiveness 13. principles 11. gratitude 12. loyalty HOW WE FIND MEANING If everything is changing, anything is possible HOW WE RELATE TO OTHERS Cherish others: Independence is a myth How we think – transform your mind: tr 1 humility I never met a man so ignorant that I couldn’t learn something from him (Galileo Galilei, Italy) In 1978 the Russian virtuouso pianist Vladimir Horowitz was invited to play Rachmaninov’s third piano concerto to a select audience at Carnegie Hall, New York. The concerto was one of his favourite pieces of music - he had been playing it for nearly thirty years – and the performance was phenomenal. The virtuosity and technical skill of the master pianist left the audience spellbound. After the performance, a young piano student nervously came up to ask a question. “Sir, how long have you taken to prepare this piece?” Horowitz replied “I am still working on it!” Challenge Is there an area of your life where you can integrate excellence and humility? The Christian priest Thomas Merton said “Pride makes us artificial: humility makes us real.” More Find out more about Level 5 Leadership – a paradoxical blend of fierce will and personal humility… google ‘Humility – The most beautiful word in the English Language’ … try saying “you are right” more often… Humility is inseparable from gratitude ansform your life 2 tolerance We must learn to live together as brothers, or perish together as fools. (Martin Luther King, USA) Do you have days when you are really bad tempered, for example over breakfast or in the car, bus or train to work? When you snap at someone quite unnecessarily and pass on your mood to the next person as if it was a contagious illness? I snap at the conductor, who then gets angry with the next passenger and who then upsets the receptionist as they walk into work…it happens every day. We are so interconnected that it’s possible that the person who jostles me on the train tonight could be part of the same chain of anger that I set in motion when I didn’t have the right change for the ticket machine this morning. Somewhere in our individual and collective psyches, we must have been conned into thinking that it’s ok to respond to anger with more anger. Challenge Is there anyone you know who really irritates you? Can you take five minutes out, in a quiet spot, to think about what it is that gets on your nerves? Is there a quality in that person which you have a hard time accepting within yourself? Can you use this insight to bring some space into the situation? More There are 101 Tools for Tolerance on www.tolerance.org divided into the five sections: yourself, your home, your school, your workplace and your community Tolerance is the gateway to kindness, respect and love. How we think – transform your mind: tra 3 contentment There is more to life than increasing its speed. (Mahatma Gandhi, India) In the early 1980s the bestselling author Robert Kayosaki helped high level executives explore how addiction to excitement and drama isn’t always the key to business success. He created a ring toss game in which each team was paid 1 dollar for getting the ring over a peg just 3 feet away, graduating up to 20 dollars for scoring a hit at 20 feet. The bigger the risk, the bigger the potential payback. It took the winning team nearly 20 minutes to work out their strategy: for one of the team to repeatedly score at a modest 3 feet, while everybody else physically kept her from falling over. The message was that being too greedy, and stretching too far, can be the biggest saboteur of business success. Sometimes we need to do less, not more. Challenge When Mick Jagger sang “I can’t get no satisfaction,” he struck a chord with our modern addiction to more: speed, activity, possessions and reputation. When do restlessness and dissatisfaction set in for you? Where do they lead? Is there anything you can do to shift your response? More Take a look at “In Praise of Slowness” (Carl Honore) … if you’ve got a strong stomach, watch Supersize Me … Contentment with what you have yourself will enable you to take delight in the good fortune of others ansform your life 4 delight All animals except man know that the ultimate of life is to enjoy it. (Samuel Butler, UK) Whenever something good happens to someone we know, we have a choice: either to feel envious, or to take delight. The latest discoveries of neuroscience suggest that through exercising that choice, we are actually wiring our brains for the future. Professor Richard Davidson from the University of Madison, Wisconsin, has spent the last few years measuring the high-frequency brain activity of people who are meditating on compassion. His findings are that activity in the left prefrontal cortex, the seat of positive emotions such as happiness, can swamp any activity in the right prefrontal – the site of negative emotions and anxiety. Just as aerobics sculpt the muscles, what you do with your mind is sculpting the very fabric of your brain. Challenge When a colleague gets a pay rise or a promotion, what’s your first response? Can you turn the coldness of envy into the warmth of delight, through sincerely celebrating their success? More www.charityfocus.org offers daily bulletins with inspiring good news stories Delight is a form of love – wishing happiness for someone else How we act – every skilful action make 5 kindness The basic attribute of mankind is to look after each other. (Fred Hollows, New Zealand/Australia) Do you ever feel a thrill when you see someone act with kindness or courage? In his book The Happiness Hypothesis, Professor Jonathan Haidt from the University of Virginia calls this ‘elevation’ – the emotional response triggered by pure or virtuous behaviour. His experiments indicate that the most common response to seeing someone do something good is to want to be with, love and help other people yourself. It is like a mental ‘reset’ button that replaces cynicism with hope and inspiration. In contrast, seeing an act that triggers the negative emotion of disgust will strengthen your ego boundaries and defences. The implications are enormous. Challenge The Dalai Lama says: “If you can, help others. If you can’t, at least try not to harm them.” Can you try to put this into practice for a whole day, both at work and at home? More Watch a film like Groundhog Day, It’s a Wonderful Life or Life is Beautiful to remind yourself of the 360 degree benefits that kindness will bring … www.payitforwardfoundation.org encourages people to do a favour for someone else with no expectation of reward Kindness is the short cut to every other Guideline s a better world 6 honesty Money doesn’t talk: it swears. (Bob Dylan, USA) Muhammad Yunus won the 2006 Nobel Peace Prize for a scheme that started with a simple loan of USD 27. As a trained economist, Yunus was puzzled about why the people of Bangladesh were still so poor despite decades of grants and foreign investment. The solution that he found was to lend money to the poorest of people, usually women, without asking for any guarantee or collateral. More than 7 million people have now benefited from the Grameen Bank that he founded, which is entirely based on honesty and trust. His efforts to transform the vicious circle of “low-income, low saving and low investment” into a virtuous circle of “low income, injection of credit, investment, more income, more savings, more investment, more income” have resulted in even beggars being able to borrow money from the bank that he set up. His model is now being used all around the world. Challenge Is there an area of your life where you’re not as honest as you’d like to be? What are you invested in that traps you in that ongoing discomfort? What do you need to make the shift – and can you do it? More See www.muhammadyunus.org for more info on the Grameen Bank…get hold of a DVD of the film The Corporation ... join the Oxfam campaign www.maketradefair.com Lack of honesty is often the result of lack of contentment - the feeling that what we already have is never enough How we act – every skilful action make 7 skilful speech Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours. (Eric Idle, UK) DO YOU EVER RECEIVE A MEMO WHERE IT FEELS THAT THE OTHER PERSON IS YELLING AT YOU? A Christmas letter that gives you more information – about babies, pets or holiday adventures - than you ever cared to know? An email that orders you to forward a message of love to ten people – or else? The irony is that if we want to communicate effectively, or help someone to change, quiet and gentle usually works best. The people with the most power are often those who take up the least airspace. Challenge Mark Twain said: “Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.” What can you do to improve the quality of listening and speaking in your office? More Speak Peace in a World of Conflict by Marshall Rosenberg and his website www.cnvc.org offer practical tools on the art of peaceful and creative communication… how much do you know about netiquette?... go to www.nomuzak.co.uk to support a campaign for more quiet in public places … How you speak is a direct expression of how you think about others – whether you feel respect or gratitude, or want to show kindness or love. Your colleagues, friends and family probably pick up more of the meaning behind your words than you realise. s a better world 8 generosity You make a living by what you get. You make a life by what you give. (Winston Churchill, UK) In 1994, when the footwear manufacturer Timberland was losing money and facing a liquidity crisis, the investors ordered its CEO Jeff Schwarz to curtail its long-established ‘Path of Service’ programme. “None of this painting fences and hugging trees: it stops” was the message. At that time, every Timberland employee was entitled to 20 hours of community service. The same afternoon, Jeff changed that to 40 hours. In a time of difficulty, his priority was to strengthen the culture and commitment of the company. Timberland now makes around USD 1.5 billion revenue per year, with earnings per share at about 19%. For the past five years it’s been on the Forbes Magazine ‘Platinum Index’ and voted one of the best companies to work for in the USA. Looking back at the turnaround, Jeff said: “It was all about asking for the greatness in people.” Challenge Is generosity simply about giving away something that we don’t really want or need, or is it more than that? Can you find a way of sharing your time, skills or resources that would be a stretch for you? More Look up gift economy on Wikipedia … the film Babette’s Feast shows how generosity can take unexpectedly creative forms… google volunteering and find one thing that you can do … Generosity and responsibility reinforce each other. How we relate to others – cherish othe 9 respect Let every man be respected as an individual and no man idolised. (Albert Einstein, Germany/Switzerland) A man walked into an interview in the City of London, for a job that he particularly wanted to get. There was a flipchart in one corner of the room and, without saying anything, he stuck a photo of a famous artist up on it. He was the outside candidate, so it was a tough interview. Not surprisingly, the first question was: “Who is that photograph, and why did you put it there?” He replied that all his life he’d been inspired by this particular artist, because of his genius and creativity, and that the photo was a reminder that he was committed to developing the same qualities in himself. When the interview panel came to make a decision, it was easy to remember the candidate with the photo. His personal vision and capacity to respect the qualities of others got him the job. Challenge Take an honest look at the last five years of your life. What people have you admired and copied? Are they taking you where you want to go? More Check out the term ubuntu… get inspired at www.speaktruth.org… get thinking on www.rolemodel.net. Developing principles and aspiration will enable us to choose effective role models. ers: independence is a myth 10 forgiveness To forgive is not just to be altruistic. It is the best form of self-interest. (Desmond Tutu, South Africa) When the young academic Fred Luskin was just starting out on what was to become the Stanford Forgiveness Project, he needed some people to participate in a research study. He didn’t have any success in recruiting students from the university campus, so he turned to the local newspaper for help. The editor gave him a flat ‘no’ – “this isn’t of interest, and it won’t sell my paper.” Fred asked if he would be prepared to take 5 minutes, and ask the staff in the newspaper office whether any of them felt they carried a grudge. Half an hour later the editor rang him back, offering to take the advertisement. “It’s incredible! They all said they carried a grudge!” Challenge What grudges do you carry at the moment? How does this affect your health and well-being? What do you need to do to regain your peace of mind? More Visit www.theforgivenessproject.org for inspiring real-life stories of forgiveness … find out more on the work of Bishop Desmond Tutu and the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa. Forgiveness is only possible when we have the humility to appreciate that we’re not always right. How we relate to others – cherish othe 11 gratitude The highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. (John F Kennedy, USA) In Toronto’s financial district, a man recently threw his firstever Nice Party, a glitzy gig to celebrate all the people in his life who he said were the key to his success. As a partner in a nationwide lumber supply company, he had noticed a relationship between the rise in his corporate clout and the fact that people were being nicer to him. So he decided to honour those who were nice to him for no reason – who had nothing obvious to gain. The invitation list included the doorman from his condo unit, the manager at his favourite restaurant, and some of his oldest friends and close family. “Nice is underrated” read the invitation. “And because you deserve to be celebrated, this invitation goes out to the nicest people we know.” Challenge Is there someone who has changed your life for the better, but may not be aware of it? Can you find an appropriate way to say ‘thank you?’ More www.gratefulness.org provides resources for living ‘in the gentle power of gratefulness’… www.appreciative-inquiry.org outlines a model for meetings and appraisals based on what is positive rather than on what is lacking in a person or a situation. Gratitude is intrinsically linked to the humility which realises that from the moment we were conceived, we haven’t achieved anything on our own. ers: independence is a myth 12 loyalty It’s the friends you can call up at 4am that matter. (Marlene Dietrich, Germany) At the Special Olympics in Seattle, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash. At the gun, one little boy stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over, and started to cry. The other eight heard the boy cry. They slowed down and looked back. Then they all turned around and went back…every one of them. One girl with Down Syndrome bent down and kissed him, saying “This will make it better.” Then all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line. They got a standing ovation. Loyalty is remembered long after a race is won. Challenge What does loyalty mean to you? Is it a force for good in your life and relationships? More Working with Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman proposes that ‘EQ’ skills such as loyalty and teamwork can matter more than IQ. Loyalty is part of taking responsibility for the welfare of others. With close friends and family, it often demands forgiveness. How we find meaning in life – If everyt 13 principles An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth (Mark Twain, USA) Do you ever get your goals and principles mixed up? A famous experiment was conducted at Princeton University in 1973, in which a group of theology students was asked to walk across campus to deliver a sermon on the topic of the Good Samaritan. As part of the research, some of the students were told that they were late and needed to hurry. Along the route, the researchers Darley and Batson had placed an actor, who was lying on the ground in pain and in need of help. In their haste to give a sermon on compassion, 90% of the “late” students from Princeton Theology Seminary completely ignored the needs of the suffering person. Some of them literally stepped over him. Challenge In 2002, the Industrial Society (UK) found that 65% of businesses would change their policies if pushed by their employees. What can you do to ensure that your workplace aligns more closely with your principles? Change starts with the power of one. More Read The Triple Bottom Line (ed. Henriques & Richardson) on how businesses can simultaneously deliver financial, social and environmental benefits…look up www.ethicalconsumer.org and www.ethicaltraveller.org ... buy Change the World 9-5 from www.wearewhatwedo.org, a non-profit that inspires people to use their everyday actions to change the world. Your principles are the bedrock for your aspirations. hing is changing, anything is possible 14 aspiration I’ve often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is myself. (Woody Allen, USA) In 1982, a major USA company created a staff contest to find energy-saving projects with a high Return On Investment (ROI). In the 1st year there were 27 winners, whose projects led to capital investments of USD 1.7 million and generated an average ROI of 173%. However the most surprising aspect of the scheme was that instead of tailing off after the initial enthusiasm, it went from strength to strength. Ten years on, their employees are continuing to generate imaginative energy-saving products and the ROI has risen to an extraordinary 300%. Challenge Peter F Drucker says“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.” Is there something that you’d love to see happen which is so big that it would take more than one lifetime? Are you willing to start it now? More Look at The Business Guide to Sustainability by Darcy Hitchcok and Marsha Willard for more stories and advice on energy-saving…www.wellgoal.com offers personal tools for developing focus and aspiration…have you heard about www.spiraldynamics.net - a stimulating thesis about human and social development… Aspiration is the fuel for how we think, act and relate to others. How we find meaning in life – If everyt 15 love If you haven’t any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. (Bob Hope, USA) “Only the paranoid survive” is a frequent comment in business. However in 1999 Helena Cronin surprised the heads of industry who were meeting at Davos with her proposal that the survival of the fittest is not about paranoia but about pronoia: loving and supporting each other. After more than twenty years of study the London School of Economics professor has come up with a radical re-interpretation of Darwinism, based on his lesser-known studies of how mammals can give up their time, food, mate and even life for the sake of others. Challenge “If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one” was Mother Teresa’s advice. Can you do just one thing, in the next week, that demonstrates love? Choose someone who you don’t easily relate to. More www.unlimitedloveinstitute.org is dedicated to the exploration and promotion of love for humanity, bringing together both spiritual and scientific viewpoints…research love your neighbour as yourself, the golden rule behind all religions … look at The Art of Happiness at Work – Dr Howard Cutler in dialogue with The Dalai Lama… It’s love that lubricates all the rest of the Guidelines. It leads effortlessly to tolerance, kindness, gentle speech, loyalty and forgiveness. hing is changing, anything is possible 16 responsibility There is no passion to be found in playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. (Nelson Mandela, South Africa) In 2000, the employees of Epson in Portland, Oregon, succeeded in reducing to zero their waste to landfill. They purchased a compactor to compress their packaging, which is now passed on as recycled input to another manufacturer. Excess ink is sent away to be re-used as pigment for paints. The final 10% waste, which can’t be re-used or re-cycled in any way, goes to a facility where it is burned to generate electricity. In the process they saved USD 300,000. Challenge Charles Dunstone, CEO of Carphone Warehouse, recently said “Climate change isn’t someone else’s problem. We all have to play our part. It’s time for us all to go on a carbon diet.” Are you doing anything about this? More www.zerowaste.org for the Zero Waste Alliance… www.lowcarbonlife.net on carbon dieting… take Nelson Mandela’s The Road to Freedom on holiday with you this summer…and buyYou Can Save the Planet (Buster Books 2007) for your kids… Being responsible starts with being honest with ourselves as well as with others. Love the turtle Australia Level 14, 111 Pacific Highway North Sydney NSW 2060 Australia Tel: +61 2 9021 8888 Fax: +61 2 9281 3950 [email protected] Total Telecom Universal Compassion and Wisdom for Peace is a non-profit organisation whose aim is to create a more peaceful world by helping people everywhere to be kind and wise. It provides resources, training and support for a network of over 1000 people worldwide working in schools, family camps, health and social care, prisons and the workplace. Universal Compassion and Wisdom for Peace is grateful to Terrapinn. for their generous support and collaboration. Nearly everyone involved with Universal Compassion and Wisdom for Peace is contributing their time and skills as volunteers. We are grateful to Honorary President Lama Zopa, the inspiration behind the 16 Guidelines for a Happy Life, and to the many people around the world who have supported their development. Special thanks go to: Venerable Connie Miller, Federica Cardelli, Anna Cherry, Anna Colao, Jane Morton and Dekyi-Lee Oldershaw. © Universal Compassion and Wisdom for Peace April 2007 [email protected] www.essential-education.org Singapore 1 Harbourfront Place #18-01/06 Harbourfront Tower 1, Singapore 098633 Tel: +65 6222 8550 Fax: +65 6226 3264 [email protected] Terrapinn Financial Training - Asia Total Telecom Wren House 43 Hatton Garden London EC1N 8EL United Kingdom 30 Cecil Street, #16-02/03 Prudential Tower Singapore 049712 Tel: +44 207 092 1000 Fax: +44 207 242 1508 [email protected] Tel: +65 6513 1633 Fax: +65 6536 2280 [email protected] Republic of South Africa United Kingdom First Floor, Modular Place Turnberry Office Park 48 Grosvenor Road Bryanston 2021 South Africa Tel: +27 (0)11 463 2802 Fax: +27 (0)11 516 4000 [email protected] United States of America 96 Spring Street 4th Floor New York, NY 10012 Tel: 212.379.6322 Fax: 212.379.6319 [email protected] Wren House 43 Hatton Garden London EC1N 8EL Tel: +44 207 092 1000 Fax: +44 207 242 1508 [email protected] Terrapinn Financial Training Europe, Middle-East, Americas 1 Sekforde Street London EC1R 0BE Tel: +44 207 075 6000 [email protected]