Philosophy Dinners
Discussion Notes for Facilitators (‘Non-attachment’)
This document is to assist facilitators of the Philosophy Dinners Meetup groups.
Pre-discussion Meeting:
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When multiple facilitators are involved for an event, the facilitators are encouraged to arrive 15 minutes
prior to the scheduled start time of the event in order to meet and chat briefly about the topic.
Arrival of Attendees:
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When 3 or more tables are involved, a designated host will guide people to the various tables as they
arrive
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each facilitator will have 5-6 people (including themselves) at their specific table at the venue
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introduce yourself and welcome others to the event
Structured Portion of the Evening:
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once 5 or 6 people have arrived at your table then your collective discussion can now begin
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state basic intention of group in your own words: to discuss philosophical topics with the intention on
sharing insights in order to enrich our lives
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don’t forget to include yourself as a contributor to the group; not just a facilitator
•
the official duration for the facilitated portion of the discussion is 90 minutes so people have an excuse to
leave at that time if they want or stay, change tables, and mingle
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have fun! ☺
Small Request:
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please make sure to let me know of anyone who is disrespectful to any members of the group, or whom
you feel does not belong in the group for whatever reason (life is too short to put up with any bad apples in
this group)
Lastly - thank you for taking the time to be a facilitator for this group! It’s people like you that allows for us to
manage a room full of strangers who are interested in chatting about philosophical topics in a safe and supportive
atmosphere; and of course, the best case is when these strangers turn into friends.
Glen Brauer
Founder, Facilitator, Event Coordinator
Philosophy Dinners, Psychology Dinners & Calopia
Game Plan for Our Events
The intention of our events is to provide a safe and inviting atmosphere where we can share our insights, values,
beliefs, (etc.) related to an interesting topic within a philosophical context, over dinner.
PLEASE REMEMBER:
1. You are a facilitator and this is not a lecture so remember not to dominate the discussion. I have received
some complaints that some facilitators and/or guests can sometimes dominate the discussions with their
own opinions, ideas, theories etc. Please remember that the main goal here is to share the wisdom at
your table, and to gather unique perspectives from each person in the group. With that in mind,
everyone should have an equal opportunity to provide their input into the discussion.
2. Remember the shy ones. If you’ve noticed someone at the table who hasn’t spoken in a while, that
doesn’t mean that they don’t have ideas to share. They may just be a bit intimidated to speak up due to
others who may be more extroverted at the table.
Our Mandate
The purpose of this Meetup group and these discussions is to use practical philosophy in order to add more selfawareness and awareness of others to our lives. This process involves asking questions extracted from
philosophical theories and providing our answers to these questions in the form of shared insights which
leverage our unique perspectives.
Managing Expectations
For new members - in order to manage expectations for our discussions and to keep them enjoyable – please
pass around the Game Plan for Our Events page (see page #2), in order to let the people at your
table know what kind of discussion we strive for during the facilitate portion of our events.
INTRODUCTION TO ALL ATTENDEES
Please state in your own words:
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thank you for letting me facilitate this discussion
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we will most likely not cover all these questions (during the 90 minute facilitated portion of the
evening) since some areas may generate more interest than others which is fine
•
there are only two rules: one person talking at a time (during the first 90 minutes) and respect for
each other at the table
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it’s up to each of us to stay on topic, and to save the longer stories for after the facilitated portion
of the evening
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the author of these notes (Glen Brauer) in no way claims to cover all areas of this topic since that
would be impossible to do in one discussion
•
in a topic such as this one there will inevitably be issues which cross a religious and/or spiritual
divide we so it is encouraged to suspend our judgement towards others who do not share our
beliefs or lack of beliefs
•
okay, let’s jump in…
Here are some definitions just in case anyone asks during the conversation:
Attachment
- overestimating of the positive aspects of an object or person
- downplaying or denying any of the negative aspects of an object or person
- being consumed with thoughts of an object or person
- inappropriate attention to an object or person
- viewed by some philosophies as the main obstacle towards a serene and fulfilled life
Non-attachment
- a state in which a person overcomes his or her attachment to desire for things, people or
concepts of the world and thus attains a heightened perspective.
QUESTIONS for Your Group:
(For our first question, let's start off slowly – starting from the first person to your left and going around the table).
Opening Question
1. Were any of the Food for Thought videos useful in helping you to contemplate this topic? If so, which one and
why? If none come to mind then do you have an opening perspective on this topic which you’d like to share?
(Based on their answers to these questions, it may be helpful to write down a word or two at the top of this page
just as a reminder of people’s interest to follow up later and don’t forget to state your answer to this first question)
(The rest of the questions can now be answered by anyone at the table in any order).
Attachment to Material Objects
2. Can you describe a situation where it was difficult to decide on whether or not to keep an object with a strong
sentimental value to you?
3. Do you have a rule of thumb for how long you keep a letter or a card (i.e. a Birthday or Christmas card)
received from a friend or relative?
Attachment to Ideas
4. Do you have an example of not being detached enough from one of your ideas? (Something which you
thought was a great idea but which didn’t work out).
5. Do you have any advice to share with regards to reducing your attachment to your ideas?
*Attachment to People (most likely the most popular and challenging section)*
6. What is the difference between loving someone and being attached to someone (either in a romantic or
friendship context)?
If some people are struggling with this question, here are some (Buddhist/Stoic) examples:
Attachment
Non-attachment
- “You can only lose what you cling to.”
- “True love doesn’t mean inseparable. It means being
separated and nothing changes.”
- being fixated and preoccupied with inappropriate
attention; not being able to concentrate on the situation
at hand or other people
- seeking praise and approval
“Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality
can be obtained only by someone who is detached.”
- creating a fantasized version of what the relationship
is; subconsciously expecting the person to remain the
same, never change and never die
- overestimating the positive aspects of the person
while downplaying or denying the negative aspects
- “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back
they're yours; if they don't they never were.”
- “Attachment is the desire to receive while love is
giving and sharing.”
- “To care more about someone else’s happiness than
your own.”
7. Do you have a specific example of being in a relationship with a friend or partner where an aspect of nonattachment was/is particularly challenging?
8. Do you have any advice to share with regards to maintaining a certain level of non-attachment with a loved
one?
Attachment to Thought
9. Do you find it difficult not to worry about specific future events which you admit are largely out of your control?
10. Do you find it difficult not to dwell on specific incidents which took place in your past which you admit cannot
be undone?
11. Are you able to calm your mind (i.e. through meditation) in order to give yourself a break from thinking?
Attachment and Control
It has been said that knowing what is under your control and what is not may help to reduce your attachments.
For example, if you remind yourself that you are unable to control the weather you may be less attached to the
outcome of the weather (i.e. being a rainy or sunny day).
‘The Serenity Prayer’ - “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change
the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”, or alternatively (a secular version):
“I seek the serenity to accept what I cannot change; the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know
the difference”.
12. Do you have any strategies to share with regards to putting this into practice and reducing your attachments
based on aspects of life which are out of your control?
[Ending the Facilitated Portion of the Event]
Around the 90 minute point, unless we’re deep in conversation, I usually say something like:
“Well, we’re at [or have passed] the 90 minute point so I’d like to thank you for allowing me to be the facilitator.”
Facilitator Feedback
Please ask the people at your table if they have any comments or suggestions with regards to how you facilitated
this discussion. (Some members have suggested that they’d like to know how they did and how they can improve
for next time).
I usually take a washroom break once I intend to end the facilitated portion of the event just to make it clearer that
the conversations are no longer being facilitated by me. Of course, attendees are free to stay and chat as long as
the restaurant allows them to do so.
Thank you for facilitating!
Glen Brauer
Founder, Facilitator, Event Coordinator
Philosophy Dinners, Psychology Dinners & Calopia