A Change Your Thoughts Guide How to Make True Friends A Change Your Thoughts Guide How to Make True Friends Ebook design by CharfishDesign Copyright © Steven Aitchison 2010. All rights reserved. How to Make True Friends A Change Your Thoughts Guide Change Your Thoughts guides have been written by Steven Aitchison from www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog I am writing a series of guides on self development and will add one per month, each costing $7. The guides will be short and packed full of information on each topic, typically between 20 – 40 pages in length. I hope you like this guide to making friends. If you have any questions please do not hesitate to get in touch with me on [email protected] ALL RIGHTS RESERVED No part of this report may be reproduced or transmitted in any form whatsoever, electronic, mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system without the informed, written, dated, and signed consent of the author. 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While every attempt has been made to verify the information contained herein, the author and his resellers and affiliates cannot assume any responsibility for errors, inaccuracies, or omissions How to Make True Friends A Change Your Thoughts Guide TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction.................................................................................................................6 Chapter One - Know Yourself .......................................................................................7 Know Yourself .......................................................................................................................7 Values and Principles ...........................................................................................................8 Looking at your Friends ........................................................................................................8 Other Articles You Might Be Interested In ......................................................................9 Chapter Two - The Pride of Loneliness .......................................................................10 Playing Games ......................................................................................................................10 Being Genuine ........................................................................................................................11 Other Articles You Might Enjoy ............................................................................................11 Chapter Three - The Art of Honesty...........................................................................12 Why Being Honest is Important ..........................................................................................12 From now on…......................................................................................................................13 Chapter Four ...............................................................................................................14 Chapter Five -Get Out of Self-Deprecation Mode .....................................................18 The self-deprecator ............................................................................................................18 Dealing with the self deprecator.......................................................................................18 The cycle of self-doubt .......................................................................................................19 Stopping the cycle and gaining confidence........................................................................19 How to Make True Friends A Change Your Thoughts Guide A powerful way to change your beliefs.............................................................................20 Other articles you might enjoy .........................................................................................20 Chapter Six - Attracting the Friends You Want ........................................................21 How does it work? ...............................................................................................................21 Belief ....................................................................................................................................21 Does this sound like a lot of rubbish?................................................................................22 Other articles you may enjoy.............................................................................................22 Chapter Seven - Be Yourself ......................................................................................23 What does be yourself mean?............................................................................................23 How to be yourself..............................................................................................................23 How to Make True Friends A Change Your Thoughts Guide INTRODUCTION M AKING FRIENDS AFFECTS all of us all of the time. If we don’t learn it when we are young it is difficult to learn when we are older. However, it needn’t be hard. In this CYT guide to making friends I will show you lots of different ways you can get to know yourself and how to let your personality shine to others. You might be comfortable making friends with other people but you are not a good friend to yourself, this guide will cover this very important aspect as well. Although we might not want to admit it sometimes we all like to have a few good friends and the best person to befriend right now is yourself. If you are not a good friend to yourself you can’t be a good friend to others. I hope you enjoy this eBook. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me. How to Make True Friends 6 A Change Your Thoughts Guide CHAPTER ONE - KNOW YOURSELF CHAPTER ONE KNOW YOURSELF M Know Yourself You can’t make friends with people until you know what type of people you want to like. To know what type of person you want to like you have to know yourself first. aking friends is not easy for a lot of people, How on earth do you begin to know yourself? and for some the thought of speaking to Write yourself down on a piece of paper, seriously. others is terrifying. This can be debilitating in On a sheet of paper get to know yourself by asking your life and if you’re the self conscious type it makes it yourself questions, for example: even worse. You might worry about what people think of you, you might be thinking about saying the right thing ★ What type of films do you like? too much rather than being yourself and engaging in ★ What type of books do you like to read? authentic conversation. ★ What sports do you like? ★ What are your hobbies? Many people suffer from self consciousness and the need ★ Who do you like to spend time with? to impress, and it shows. It’s easy for people to say: ‘relax, ★ What are your best personality traits? just be yourself’ that’s no good when you don’t really ★ What are your worst personality traits? know who you are as you’re trying to impress too many ★ What are your goals? different kinds of people. ★ What are your values? ★ What are your principles I was self conscious around very intelligent people, but I got over it once I realised I was intelligent enough to speak to intelligent people, how intelligent is that!! By asking yourself lots of questions, you will begin to understand what makes you tick. When you know this you begin to see how you will live your life and then it will become clear what type of friends you want in your life. How to Make True Friends 7 A Change Your Thoughts Guide You have to know your own values and principles before them. It was one of the most difficult decisions I ever had you befriend other people. to make but it changed the course of my life. Values and Principles Aligning yourself to the right people, and by that I mean If you don’t really know yourself you will befriend some with yourself and you will start to feel confident and people and maybe later on you will wonder why you ever secure in your environment. the right people for you, you will become comfortable befriended that person, it’s because they are not aligned Once you are secure you can then start to move a little to your true values and principles. outside your comfort zone and stretch yourself. For So, sit down with a good cup of tea, or whatever is your want, and make a date with yourself. Getting to know you, may sound ridiculous but you may be surprised how much you will find out about yourself. example, if one of your values is to be a positive person, it will be natural to want to be around positive people. If you have been around negative people a lot, it might be out of your comfort zone to try and befriend positive people. However you will eventually do this, as you will be more secure and confident within yourself and know what Looking at your Friends you really want in life. Once you have found out what your true values and principles are, it’s time to look at your friends and find out if you really want to stay friends. I remember having some friends in my teens. When I realised I wasn’t aligned to their values and principles and they were not aligned to mine, I decided to split from How to Make True Friends 8 A Change Your Thoughts Guide Other Articles You Might Be Interested In Know yourself - Success Television Know yourself tests - amusedbee Isis on ego and choices - Spiritual Awakening Benefits of Journaling - Rainbow dreams Do you know yourself - AllNaturalWahm What makes you fabulous - Powerful Living 9 How to Make True Friends A Change Your Thoughts Guide CHAPTER TWO - THE PRIDE OF LONELINESS CHAPTER TWO THE PRIDE OF LONELINESS Playing Games T calling that person for fear of them knowing you like him HE WORLD HAS never been so connected but we have never been so alone. When was the last time you had a conversation with your neighbours? When did you last strike up a conversation with someone in a lift (an elevator)? Our world has A lot of us have become so psychologically and politically aware that we are all playing games with each other. When you are dating someone new have you ever held off or her, have you ever come across this scenario: You have met someone you like and it’s clear they like you. You go to call them to meet up: become so exciting and manic that we are forgetting to You: ‘He might think I like him too much so I will hold connect with each other. off calling them, I’ll wait another few days.’ If we want to speak to someone we send a ‘quick email’ or give them a ‘quick call’, if we want to see our friends Them: ‘I wish she would call, I don’t want to call in case holiday snaps we check out their Bebo site, if we want to she thinks I am desperate, I’ll wait another couple of days meet someone new we check out a dating website. and call her.’ If we want to make true friends with people, we have to We play games at work, in our love life, in our business start connecting with them on a genuine way. life and even in our family life. All of this adds up to us feeling even more alone and isolated from each other. How to Make True Friends 10 A Change Your Thoughts Guide wouldn’t have 2000 subscribers to this blog, I wouldn’t Being Genuine have written one single word if it wasn’t for you. I have If it’s one thing I have learned in life that has helped me more than anything and that’s being honest and genuine. By genuine I mean not having an agenda when speaking to someone. I have gained a reputation of being a very honest and open person. If somebody asks me a question that they may not like the answer to I always ask ‘Do you want me to tell the truth here or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?’ I have mixed reactions to that question, but it has gained me a great reputation of being trustworthy and honest. made some great contacts through blogging and I am one of the most anti-social people you could meet, however I choose my relationships wisely and don’t collect friends for the sake of it. I recognise the importance of creating lasting friendships for myself and for others. We are social creatures and we all need somebody. Why not smile at that person in the lift and strike up a conversation, stop and speak to your neighbours for 5 minutes, have a genuine conversation with no agenda with your work colleagues. It’s time to become a social- It’s time to stop playing games and being honest with yourself and being honest with others, this will start you on the road to connecting with others again. Being honest can be hard for some people however the effort of being honest will stand you in good stead for human again instead of a techno-human. The next article in this series will be ‘The art of honesty’ and I look forward to seeing you here. Other Articles You Might Enjoy making friends easily. Serious health risks of lonlieness - Diethack We all need people to help us in life, we need love, we The Fondness of being lonely - Life is elsewhere need praise, and we need conversation. Even online we The Seven wrong reasons people fall in love - William Strickland need people to help us reach our goals. If it wasn’t for you reading this article right now I wouldn’t have a blog, I 6 Ways to make true friends in your workplace- The Daily Mind How to Make True Friends 11 A Change Your Thoughts Guide CHAPTER THREE - THE ART OF HONESTY CHAPTER THREE THE ART OF HONESTY I T’S EASY TO say be honest and open with everyone but there is an art to being honest. Honesty is telling the truth to people and telling the truth to yourself. This is a big distinction to make. Some people lie to themselves and can’t get to the truth, as they are lost in their own self-lies. Why Being Honest is Important To gain respect from others and to have respect for yourself it is important to be honest and true to yourself I remember when I was about 19, I was dancing with a and others. If you are honest from the outset you will gain girl in a nightclub, (that was back in the day when you just a reputation for being an honest person, therefore you went up to a girl and tapped her on the shoulder and she will gain the reputation for being trustworthy, therefore was obliged to dance with you). I was talking away to her, gaining the reputation of being dependable. Being honest just general chitchat. I then asked when her baby was due, can open so many doors for you. as she was obviously pregnant. She looked at me and asked me to repeat what I had said, obviously the music Practising honesty with yourself was too loud, I then asked her ‘When is the baby due?’ To practise honesty you have to start being honest with looking toward her stomach. She glared at me and said yourself. ‘I’m not pregnant, I’m just ******* fat,’ and she then stormed off. Now that was embarrassing. What did I learn from that? – Never ask a fat woman if she is pregnant! Yep, but I learned to keep my mouth shut until I was sure ★ Are you a lazy git – if so, admit it and do something about it. ★ Are you fat – Admit it, and do of the facts else a swift kick between the legs could be on something about it if you’re not happy its way. That wasn’t about honesty it was about diplomacy with it and tact and it ties in nicely with the art of honesty. ★ Are you gorgeous – Admit it and make the most of it How to Make True Friends 12 A Change Your Thoughts Guide ★ Are you good at something – admit it and keep learning to become better This is being assertive which goes hand in hand with honesty once you have practised honesty for a while. ★ Do you really want that job – Look for another one and chuck the one you I am sure you can think of hundreds of scenarios where don’t like you have to tell the truth but feel a little uncomfortable ★ Do you really want to be with your partner doing it. If you shy away from telling the truth or standing up for yourself practise little by little. Once you’ve overcome the first honesty hurdle the rest become easier. There are many questions to ask yourself and ask you must to ever have self-respect. My wife always asks me my opinion on something she is wearing, or something she wants my opinion on, as she Practising honesty with others knows I will be completely honest without being hurtful Once you are comfortable telling yourself the truth it is and she respects that. time to tell others in a way that is neither offensive or hurtful. From now on… Q. Do I look fat in this? If you want more respect for yourself and you want others A. It’s not the kind of thing I would wear, now to respect you it is important for honesty in your life. unless they have a very low IQ they will know what you mean here but without hurting and embarrassing them. Q. Can you to take on another project? A. I would love to work on that, however I want more time with my family and I am already working on _______. There are two rules I would use when being honest: ★ When you are being honest with other people, be tactful not hurtful. ★ When being honest with yourself, be blunt and take action. How to Make True Friends 13 A Change Your Thoughts Guide CHAPTER FOUR CHAPTER FOUR BODY LANGUAGE W E’VE ALL READ about body language and seen TV programs about it. It’s one of the most important parts to communication we can master and there is an art to body language, both the receiving of body language and the giving out of body language. friends and when wanting to help your overall interaction with others personally or in business or in the workplace. You might not realise that body language has wide range of components. Here are the main categories: ★ Proxemics (proximity) ★ Haptics ★ Oculesics ★ Chronemics ★ Olfactics ★ Vocalics ★ Locomotion Walking, running, staggering, limping Although body language skills can be learned to a degree it is extremely difficult to teach due to the nature of humans and the different shapes and sizes we come. However if we know the components of body language and have a rough idea of the structure we can become better body language communicators. Obviously to look at each component and write about it Learning about body language can help when making ★ Kinesics (body language) ★ Adornment would be a book in itself so I will give an example of each component and direct you to a useful website. Kinesics: This is how we use our body to let others know how we are feeling. Some body language signals used are: Shoulder shrug: The simple act of a shoulder shrug can tell someone a lot about you if you use this gesture a lot. It’s basically telling the other person that you are quite submissive, you’re telling them you don’t know something and sometimes you’re saying you don’t really care. It’s also a sign of resignation and possibly that you’ve given up on something. How to Make True Friends 14 A Change Your Thoughts Guide You can read more about Kinesics here. touch your arm when they are telling you a story, this happens quite a lot in human interaction, but only with Proxemics: This is the use of space to signal privacy or people who trust you or whom you trust. attraction to someone. There are four different types of space: social space, personal space, intimate space and This also happens when two people are attracted to each public space. other and it is a way of touching the other person in a non-sexual way but still give the sign that you are When you are attracted to someone you will notice that interested in them. you will stand closer to them and don’t mind them coming into your personal space. On the other hand if you Couples use haptics all the time to convey love for each are not attracted to someone your personal space other and of course to show love for each other. becomes bigger and the person that enters that space will be given clues by you to back off or you will back off. You can read more about Haptics here. Be careful to read the signs correctly about personal space Oculesics: This is the use of eye contact to convey your as it can be uncomfortable and embarrassing for you and feelings. We will use eye contact every day of our lives so the person you are with, if not read correctly. it makes sense to learn the best ways to use your eyes to your advantage. You can read more about Proxemics here. Certain situations demand different uses of the eyes. For Haptics: The use of touch to convey feelings. Have you example, if you are arguing it is seen as strong if you can ever had someone who touches you on the shoulder or the hold your gaze. If you are deferring to someone it is better arm when they are talking to you? This is the use of to lower your eyes, if you are loving someone, it is good to Haptics to convey a sign or trust or attraction. Think stare into the pool of the eyes. about a time when you are chatting to someone and they How to Make True Friends 15 A Change Your Thoughts Guide Eye contact is one of the most important areas in non- religiously to plans, emphasizes promptness, and is verbal communication. accustomed to short-term relationships. You can read more about Oculesics here. Ploychronemic person: do many things at once, highly distracted and are subject to interruptions, change Chronemics: Use of time, waiting, pausing. I remember plans often and easily, have a strong tendency to build being obsessed with time when I was meeting someone lifetime relationships. for a date. My mantra was ‘If they are not on time for a date they are not that interested’. I used to wait for 15 Read more about Chronemics here. minutes tops and would then leave. This is of course a bit silly, but it said a lot about me and it says a lot about the Olfactics: The use of smell to help us in our lives. We all other person as well. know that smell is important when it comes to warning us of dangers, for example rotten food smells, which is a Your speed of speech is also a non-verbal indicator that warning to us not to eat it. you are in a hurry, or you don’t think people will listen long enough to let you speak slower. There are a lot of Humans also use this knowledge of smell to attract a Chronemic indicators in body language and it is one I find potential mate. This is why the perfume industry is still the most interesting. booming and also why ads portray deodorants in a sexual way. There are two types of people when it comes to chronemics, see if you can recognise yourself: Vocalics: Tone of voice, timbre, volume, speed. Another important aspect of human interaction especially for sales Monochronemic person: someone who does one job people, public speakers and politicians etc. Your voice at a time, concentrates on the job at hand, adheres gives a lot of clues about how you are feeling at any particular time. How to Make True Friends 16 A Change Your Thoughts Guide If you speak to quickly it could be sign that you think that Shoulders hunched head down, walking slowly. Now what you are saying is not worthy of being heard. think about how you walk when you are feeling bright and Speaking too loudly is a sign of brashness and pomposity, confident; head held high, chest out, walk quickly. speaking too softly is a sign of being too timid and lacking confidence. Your voice holds a lot of clue to the type of The way you walk tells a person a lot about you. I always person you are. walk in a confident way even if I am feeling low, it helps me to get into a better mood and feel more confident. Read more about Vocalics here. When you are feeling weary, try walking as if you are confident and very happy, pretty soon you’ll be feeling Adornment: What you wear and how you wear it. What more confident and happier. you wear is another indication of your personality. One classic example is wearing something to distinguish you Read more about Locomation here. from another group, think about the mods and the rockers, or Goths, punks, teddy boys, skaters etc. As you can see I have only touched the tip of the iceberg when it comes to body language. It is a fascinating subject Your hairstyle is another part of adornment and the way and one I would recommend learning about. Most of us you wear your hair says a lot about you. instinctively can read the signs of body language but we can always learn more and gain advantage when it comes Think about the phrase ‘First impressions last”, most to making friendships in all areas of our lives. people dress to impress when meeting someone for the first time or for going for an interview, this is part of the non verbal communication side of adornment. Locomotion: Walking, running, staggering, limping. How do you walk when you are felling depressed or low? How to Make True Friends 17 A Change Your Thoughts Guide CHAPTER FIVE -GET OUT OF SELF-DEPRECATION MODE CHAPTER FIVE GET OUT OF SELFDEPRECATION MODE T For some people they have developed the art of selfdeprecation and function very well. They draw people in and make people feel sorry for them, thereby offering help when someone is putting themselves down, this quickly becomes tiresome and the person who is helping all the time will start to avoid the person putting themselves down. HE QUICKEST WAY to lose potential friends Self-deprecation can also be an indicator of some form of is to put yourself down all the time. People who mental illness; severe depression, and stress. It can also do this, no matter what’s going on in their lives, be an indicator of some kind of trauma in someone’s life are very tiresome and drain everyone’s energy. such as abuse, in the past and in the present. Many women who suffer from domestic abuse are prone to selfdeprecation. Therefore, we as colleagues, friends and The self-deprecator family have a duty to try to understand what is going on in someone’s life and help them through difficult times. We’ve all been the victim of self-deprecation before. The times when we have lost our confidence in ourselves and used language that conveyed to others we were incapable of doing things. Now this is okay as we quickly recognised Dealing with the self deprecator it or our friends, family and colleagues would ask us why There are ways to deal with people who put themselves we were putting ourselves down and hopefully we would down all the time. Here are just a few things you can do: get out of self-deprecation mode and regain our confidence. ★ Point out to the person when they are using self deprecating language How to Make True Friends 18 A Change Your Thoughts Guide ★ Ask if there is anything they want to talk about ★ Point out their strengths ★ Stop them from apologising all the time ★ Never put them down in front of people Stopping the cycle and gaining confidence If you are someone who puts yourself down all the time there are a few things you can do to try and stop the cycle The cycle of self-doubt and regain your self confidence If you constantly say to yourself you can’t do something, guess what, you won’t be able to do it. If you don’t do things you will sink further into the ‘can’t do’ attitude and try even less activities. The less you try to do the lower your self esteem will become. This is a vicious circle and is hard to break if not recognised. ★ Focus on your strengths and do more things around them ★ Work on smaller goals which are achievable ★ Do not compare yourself to someone else ★ Think about your successes in life (everyone has success stories) ★ Learn from someone you admire (Don’t compare, just learn i.e. how do they react in certain situations, how do they walk, how do they talk) ★ Learn to talk positively to yourself ★ Recognise the demons of self consciousness and stop them in their tracks by talking positively remembering your successes How to Make True Friends and 19 A Change Your Thoughts Guide ★ Congratulate yourself often, even with Other articles you might enjoy small jobs ★ Build your confidence slowly and learn Building self confidence - about.com from each success Seven powerful steps for self confidence - Simply Smart Tips A powerful way to change your beliefs Improve your self confidence in 15 minutes - Out-side the box How to stay confident in your decision to be a WAHM - The way you speak to yourself internally will Vineyar designs literally change your beliefs about yourself. If you 10 ways to instantly build self confidence - Pick the Brain constantly 25 killer actions to boost your self confidence - Zen habits tell yourself you’re no good at something you are literally hypnotising yourself into believing that. Don’t underestimate the power of self talk. Low self esteem and low self confidence can be debilitating but you can break the habit by changing the way you think and changing the way you speak. Stop the self deprecating talk and start to learn more about yourself and build on your successes. How to Make True Friends 20 A Change Your Thoughts Guide CHAPTER SIX - ATTRACTING THE FRIENDS YOU WANT CHAPTER SIX ATTRACTING THE FRIENDS YOU WANT would you be here if I didn’t think about you reading this blog. How does it work? This is quite simple. You think about the different attributes that you would like in a friend; honest, strong minded, fun, attractive or whatever it is you are looking T O ATTRACT THE type of friends you want you for in a true friend. You imagine them and the different will have to know what type of friends you want situations you would be in together and how they would to attract, makes sense doesn’t it. react if different situations. You imagine feeling a strong bond with them and having a lasting friendship. Imagine Using the principles of manifestation you can attract to yourselves together in years to come and how your you the type of friends you want in your life. friendship will evolve. You imagine going to their parties, meeting up with your future partners, going through Although it sounds like another airy-fairy law of difficult times with them. attraction type of thing, I know this works as I have used it myself and have married my best friend, my wife. I used You don’t go looking for friendships; your friends will to imagine what she looked like, what type of personality come to you when the time is right. she had, how she would react in certain situations etc I have also attracted business relationships this way, friendships, online acquaintances and even readers to my Belief blog. I know it sounds sad thinking about the type of There is one huge condition to you attracting your friends readers you want to read your blog, but I am a bit weird and potential partners and that is belief. Belief that it will that way. ‘What’s really going to bake your noodle’ is happen when the time is right. This usually means getting How to Make True Friends 21 A Change Your Thoughts Guide rid of all your negative emotions such as feeling lonely, feeling jealousy, hate, depressed; all these feelings will hamper you in meeting your true friends or potential partner. Why is this? When you body and mind is riddled with negative emotions you are concentrating on yourself and your energy field will be low and not very expansive. When you have let go of negative emotions your energy field will be much more expansive and far-reaching, touching the lives of those you want to meet. Have you ever come across someone who just radiates energy and they seem to attract everyone around them? This will be because they have let go of their inhibitions and their negative emotions. These people are usually happy go lucky people and don’t really care what other people think about them and can take people as they are and see they positives in everyone. Don’t get me wrong you still get the people who attract everyone else around them due to their self confidence and yes they may be nasty or unkind but this type of person usually breaks down later on in their Does this sound like a lot of rubbish? Of course it does, because for most of us we simply can’t believe in a world that is interconnected and we are all at this very moment touching each other’s energy. If you don’t believe it can work it won’t work. For some, like me, it took years to start believing in the power of thoughts and manifestation, but it has changed my life in immeasurable ways and I can only pass on what I believe. If you believe it’s a pile of cow dung, that’s great I respect your opinion. However, I would urge you to try it for a week or two and really try to believe in it before dismissing it. Other articles you may enjoy Can attraction principles work to build your business? Street smarts lives due to the masking of their negative feelings and Law of attraction carnival: Relationships and the law of attraction - Evolving Times emotions. Improving relationships - the Ordinary Mystic Can you save your relationships with the law of attraction - Today is that day How to attract and create a happier love relationship Very happy human How to Make True Friends 22 A Change Your Thoughts Guide CHAPTER SEVEN - BE YOURSELF CHAPTER SEVEN BE YOURSELF I F YOU’VE READ all this book so far you will have a strategy for getting to know yourself and getting to know others. Now I want you to take all that knowledge, roll it into a little ball and then I want you to be yourself. What does be yourself mean? know that what others think about you does not matter, and you will save so much time in your life by not worrying about what others are thinking about you. We have all met these types of people before and they are instantly recognisable. They have a quiet confidence about them, they are not brash, not ‘in your face’ confident, not loud, just confident within themselves, not afraid to speak up and not afraid to voice their opinion when needed. That’s what being yourself means. It’s a shame, but most people do not become confident within themselves until later on in life. That comes with all the realisations in life and that it really doesn’t matter How many times have you heard someone say ‘Just be yourself’. You’re going for an interview and someone gives the sage advice ‘you’ll be great, just be yourself’ , after you’ve picked them up off the floor and apologised for smacking them in the mouth, you ask yourself ‘what does that mean?’ what others do, say or think. How to be yourself Unfortunately you can’t learn to be yourself by reading this article but I can give you hints on developing yourself Being yourself means you are comfortable with who you are and you are confident enough to realise that not everyone will have the same opinion of you. You will not be at the stage of trying to impress everyone all of the time and you’ll know this is impossible anyway. You’ll enough to really be yourself. 1. Know the person you want to be – List all the qualities that you really admire in people and develop those skills within yourself. How to Make True Friends 23 A Change Your Thoughts Guide 2. Be quiet for one whole day – For one whole day try and not to breathe a word to anybody. If wear them, and hold your head high. This all helps to assert your individuality. you are on the phone all day this will be difficult but try not to speak to your colleagues. Watch how 5. Like yourself – It might sound a strange thing to others are interacting with each other; watch how say but I love my own company. I could spend days they react to you being quiet. You might feel just being by myself and not be bored. I have uncomfortable at first but you will soon develop a developed silent confidence that it is you who is in control of comfortable with your own company how do you you, and not others who are controlling you. This is expect others to be comfortable with you? If you a powerful exercise and it’s hard to describe here can, spend a few days alone and you will really but I would urge you to try it. learn a lot about yourself. I don’t mean sit and this over time. If you are not watch TV for 2 days, I mean go out shopping, go to 3. Be honest – I mentioned this in part 3 of this a restaurant, go to the cinema, read a book. series. Honesty is a powerful tool, yet it is not used enough. Be honest with yourself, really honest and 6. Never gossip – If you’re a gossip, stop it right you will learn a lot about yourself. Be honest with now. You are giving your power and energy away others and you will learn even more about yourself by gossiping about other people, no matter how and others. much people listen to you when you have juicy gossip. 4. Dress the way you want to dress – ‘It’s not the clothes that wear the person it’s the person that 7. Create a set of principles and values – This is wears the clothes’ If you like a particular style of another powerful tool to learn. Think about a set of clothing but have never had the courage to wear it, principles and values you would like to live by and next time you are out, buy the clothes you like, start living them, e.g. How to Make True Friends 24 A Change Your Thoughts Guide ★ Never gossip ★ Always be honest but tactful ★ Family comes first ★ Always be on time ★ Be trustworthy ★ Be faithful ★ Hard working These are obviously just a few and I am sure you have your own principles and values. However, a lot of people don’t know what principles and values they live by. So it is good to look at the type of life you wish to lead, look at the core values and develop your life around these. If you have read all of this eBook you will notice a common thread throughout and that is know yourself and be comfortable with who you are. Until you really get to know yourself and know how you want to live your life, making friends might be difficult or you may make bad choices. How to Make True Friends 25
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