1. family and parenting
2. children

How To Be An Inspiring
Godparent/Mentor/Guardian
FIRST EDITION
Copyright © 2008
This book is copyright. Apart from any fair dealing for the purpose of private
study, research, criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright Act, no
part may be reproduced by any process without written permission. Inquiries
should be addressed to the Author.
All rights reserved.
National Library of Australia
Cataloguing-in-Publication data
Haynes, Wendy.
How to be an inspiring godparent/mentor/guardian.
ISBN 9780975733844 (pbk.).
1. Children - Religious life. 2. Mentoring. 3. Guardian
and ward. 4. Encouragement. I. Title. II. Title : How to
be an inspiring godparent mentor guardian. (Series :
Create your own inspiring ceremonies).
346.018
ISBN: 978-0-9757338-4-4 (pbk)
Front cover photograph © 2006
Naomi Clarkson – Email: [email protected]
Back cover photograph Copyright © 2005
Peter Sechi Photography – Email: [email protected]
Cover Design: www.giantmedia.com.au
Printed by Watson Ferguson & Company, Brisbane, Australia
www.wfco.com.au
Every effort has been made to trace and acknowledge all original source material
contained in this book. The author and publisher would be pleased to hear from
authors or publishers in order to rectify any errors or omissions.
How To Be An Inspiring Godparent/Mentor/Guardian
Wendy Haynes, JP
Civil Celebrant
What Others Are Saying About Wendy Haynes and
‘Create Your Own Inspiring Wedding Ceremony’
‘Perfection all round. This book was a gift to us both. Exploring what
we wanted was made so easy and our ceremony was perfect.’
Annabelle and Peter – Sydney, Australia
‘Wendy is a truly wonderful marriage celebrant. She takes such pride
and joy in her work. She guides you through the steps of writing your
individual ceremony so the true essence of how you feel about each other
comes through. On our wedding day, Wendy showed great warmth and
caring, not only towards us but also towards our family and friends. We
felt very lucky to have her as our celebrant.’
Gayle and Owen – Coffs Harbour, Australia
‘It made putting feelings into words so much easier. It became an essential
tool for writing our vows and choosing a format for our wedding.
Our ceremony was suited to our individual needs and described our
relationship perfectly.’
Brett and Melissa – Guyra, Australia
‘My wedding celebrant loaned me a copy of your book. It has been
fantastic. You made it so easy to understand and we loved the ideas
and first hand stories. It inspired us to create a ceremony that was so
meaningful and special – we loved it!’
Carol and Steve – Sydney, Australia
‘Thank you, Wendy, for making our wedding day so special. Your book
took both of us on a journey that took our wedding and indeed our
relationship to a new level. A keepsake that we will treasure.’
Chris and Linda – Brisbane, Australia
What Others Are Saying About ‘How to Create an
Inspiring Naming Ceremony’
‘Simply beautiful! Your book helped us to create a fantastic naming
ceremony for our son. Our family loved it which was very important
to us.’
Benjamin and Danni – Sydney, Australia
‘We had no idea what was possible until we came across your book on
naming ceremonies. We both got very excited and enjoyed some of the
exercises that, I believe, has made us clearer about our role as parents
and where we want to go as a family. Thank you. This is a wonderful
book.’
Marion and Stephen – Canberra, Australia
‘I enjoyed the different stories and examples as it helped me to write
down my own ideas for the special celebration we had for John. It’s a
great book. Thank you.
Donna – Byron Bay, Australia
‘This book is thoughtfully written and delivers more than it promises.
We received it as a gift and had never thought of having a naming
ceremony for our boys. This book inspired us to have more than just a
birthday party for Sam and Jake. The naming ceremony we had for both
of them was beautiful – everyone loved it.’
Tammy and Simon – Coffs Harbour, Australia
‘This is a beautiful book that gave us so much more than just a naming
ceremony for our son. It affirmed and celebrated our role as parents and
gave us a huge insight into what we wanted as a family. I recommend
this book highly to any new parent.’
Jane and Daniel – Sydney, Australia
How To Be An Inspiring Godparent/Mentor/Guardian, is
written by Wendy Haynes, JP & Civil Celebrant and is part of the
‘Create Your Own Inspiring Ceremonies’ series of books and
other resources:
Create Your Own Inspiring Wedding Ceremony
How to Create an Inspiring Naming Ceremony
How to Create an Inspiring Funeral Ceremony
Create Your Own Inspiring Speech for Grooms (or Brides!)
Published by Wendy Haynes
PO Box 688, Coffs Harbour NSW 2450 AUSTRALIA
Phone +61 (0)2 6652 1427
The Create Your Own Inspiring Ceremonies series of books
and other resources are available online at:
www.WendyHaynes.com
about wendy haynes
Wendy Haynes is registered as a Civil Celebrant in Australia.
Having conducted over a thousand ceremonies, including
weddings and commitments, funerals, naming ceremonies and
birthday celebrations since 1995, Wendy is one of Australia’s
foremost experts in the craft of creating inspiring ceremonies and
celebrations.
Based in the coastal holiday city of Coffs Harbour, Wendy regularly
facilitates celebrations for clients from all over the world including
Australia, the United Kingdom and the United States.
Wendy provides ongoing professional development programs for
registered celebrants nationwide and has been the recipient of
many industry and small business accolades and awards including:
Winner
• Coffs Coast Small Business (Family) Award – 2006
• Australian Federation of Civil Celebrants Starston Award –
2003
• Coffs Coast Small Business Marketing Award – 2003
Finalist
• NSW Annual Bridal Industry Awards – 2003, 2004, 2005,
2006, 2007
• NSW Small Business Awards, Champion of Champions,
Wedding Services – 2004, 2006
• Coffs Coast Small Business Awards, Family Business – 2004
Wendy is also available as a public speaker on a range of topics
including: The Art of Inspiration and Celebration, Inspiring
Rituals and Symbols in Ceremonies, Dealing with the Challenges,
Marketing for Small Business, Women in Small Business and
more.
Dedicated to
my mum and dad
They have been supporting adults to so many people
throughout their lives
Acknowledgements
Thank you to all the families and friends who have given me kind
permission to share their stories and experiences for this book.
Thank you for inspiring me.
My gratitude to Alice McVeigh who has offered a wealth of
information and support during the writing process. Thank you to
my mum, Barbara, and my sisters, Devapriyo and Julie, for reading
over the manuscript many times and giving me valuable feedback
and assistance. Thank you to Kathleen, an inspiring role model as
a mother and dear friend who helped with the finishing touches
while on holidays.
To Tim Learner, a great proofreader whose patience and skill is
greatly appreciated, thank you.
Thank you also to Jane Adams who revised the legal content relating
to the topic of guardianship. To Lyndall Katz, for always being
there in my life and her rabbi, Jacki Ninio. To Reverend Andrew
Knox for his enthusiasm and contribution to this project.
To all my dear friends and my Dru Yoga community – you have
my heartfelt respect. I appreciate your openness, your care and
shared love. Thank you for the laughter, the smiles and all of the
deep and meaningful moments we have shared. It keeps me sane
and very happy!
My heart goes to my beautiful family – my parents, my sisters,
their husbands and their children. To my beloved Roger, my dance
partner in life and love – and to my children, Kaya and Brendan,
Naomi and Colin; and Chahaya – my deepest love and gratitude
for your unwavering support and enthusiasm for my work, and for
loving me the way you do.
Table of Contents
Shining Lights.......................................................................................1
Someone Special...................................................................................3
Your First Vision..................................................................................7
Once Upon A Time.............................................................................9
Baptism.........................................................................................9
Sponsors......................................................................................10
The Faith of the Godparents.......................................................11
Blessings, Thanksgiving and Dedication Services..........................12
Other Cultures.............................................................................12
Secular Options...........................................................................13
So, What’s in a Name?.......................................................................17
Fairy Godmothers........................................................................18
Building a Very Special Relationship...............................................21
What Does It Mean To Be a Godparent?...................................21
Role Modelling.............................................................................22
Teaching and Guidance (Religious and Secular)............................22
Personal Development..................................................................25
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly..................................................26
Developing Your Relationship.......................................................29
Keeping Secrets.............................................................................32 Tips for Keeping Confidences with Young People...........................33 Singing, Prayers and Blessings......................................................33 Positive Affirmations...................................................................36
The Art of Being a Great Godparent.............................................37
Godparenting Infants........................................................................41
Godparenting Young Children........................................................45
Introduce Your Child to the World of Books................................46 Introduce Your Child to the Delights of Music and Verse.................47 Honouring Spirit and the Divine.................................................48 Take Them Out to Special Places.................................................49
Godparenting Teenagers...................................................................55
Missed the Boat? It’s Never Too Late for a Pirate Adventure!................60
And It’s Never Too Late for You.................................................62
Godparenting in Times of Stress and Difficulty..........................65
The Ceremonial Role of the Godparent........................................67
The Stages of a Baptism or Naming Ceremony...........................68
Many World Religions.................................................................69
Your Participation in the Ceremony..............................................74
What to Wear?...........................................................................74 Sharing Food...............................................................................75
Blessings for the Godparents and Child........................................77
Gifts.....................................................................................................79
For The Parent/s................................................................................85 Choosing a Godparent or Supporting Adult.................................85
Guardianship of Minors...................................................................95
The Inspiring Godparent and Supporting Adult........................109
Your Ideas and Notes......................................................................113
Shining lights
Children are truly fresh beings
They come to us as shining lights
With their innocent faces and open hearts
No story, no words can convey where they have
come from and their future is as yet untold
They place in us a great deal of trust
Trust that we will hold them close and care for them.
Trust that we will treat them with respect and honour
them for who they are
It is our duty as parents and supporting adults to
offer them our love, care and support; and to help
guide the way
Like a fresh canvas
Or a new song waiting to be sung
Children carry within them an awesome potential.
We, as supporting adults, also carry an awesome
potential to enrich a child’s life in a heartfelt and
meaningful way
And in return receive the precious gift of a child’s
trust and friendship
Every child is born with the light of innocence and there is a beautiful
Chinese Proverb that states:
If there is light in the soul
There will be beauty in the person
If there is beauty in the person
There will be harmony in the house
If there is harmony in the house
There will be order in the nation
If there is order in the nation
There will be peace in the world
May we be instrumental in keeping the beautiful lights of our children
shining!
Someone Special
The role of a godparent has gone through many transformations
over the years. Once upon a time it was a common request from new
parents to ask a close friend or family member to be a godparent.
To be someone special that offers guidance and support to the
child.
Nowadays, the practice of baptism and choosing godparents is
in decline. However with the changing dynamics of families and
communities and the increased pressure and challenges facing
parents and their family – culturally, socially, financially, spiritually
and environmentally – locally and globally – there is a great need
for a child to have inspiring guides and mentors in their life.
While there are some people who think the term godparents should
only be used in the traditional Christian sense, many others use
the term much more freely. As a civil celebrant I have been asked
to conduct many naming ceremonies for children and often the
parents would choose non-religious ‘godparents’ for their child. In
most cases, the chosen ‘godparents’, no matter their belief, delight
in the relationship they share with their ‘godchild’.
At times, however, godparents are chosen more as a token of a
past tradition rather than for a possible active role in the child’s
life. There is so much potential in this role that we are going to
explore.
I believe today’s godparent can encompass a role far more wideranging than was originally intended. I hope my enthusiasm for the
amazing contribution and difference that an adult can make to a
How To Be An Inspiring Godparent/Mentor/Guardian
child’s life is infectious. Making room in your life and in your heart
for a child or a young adult is an extraordinary experience.
Mary, a keen godparent, says that:
My relationship with my goddaughter Alicia started from the moment
she was born. I helped her parents Ron and Stacey through those early
months with very practical hands-on help and have continued to be a
part of Alicia’s life in so many ways.
Alicia is fourteen years old now and we go shopping together and I take
her out to our favourite café for a treat once a month. I have always
found books for her to read about life and love, and we watch videos
that I think will guide her in some of the more important life choices
she will have to make.
She will often call to chat with me about what is happening at home or
school and we have some amazing discussions about philosophy, boys,
parents … in fact, anything that is on her mind and most of the time
without any prompting from me.
I think it’s because I have always made time for just the two of us
throughout her life. I know she loves spending time with me and I love
being with her.
Here is another example of wonderful godparenting from James:
Adam has always been talkative, ever since he uttered his first sounds.
We have a great time together. When he was younger I would take him
to the monthly youth meetings and always accompany him to special
celebrations.
At other times we would catch the country train and ride for about an
hour and then hop off and wander around a little village and then head
home in the afternoon.
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Someone Special
It was relaxing for me and Adam could talk until the cows came
home. I think it was the time we spent together and the many hours of
listening that has now seen our relationship mature into a friendship
that I know we both treasure, even though I am old enough to be his
father and now have my own two sons. He comes over and he is now
a great mentor to my boys; we all talk about cars, relationships and
quantum physics.
This book is for all godparents – or supporting adults – of any
religion or belief. I hope it will encourage you to take an active role
in the lives of young children if you are chosen as their supporting
adult or godparent. Our children are worth it.
Whatever your beliefs, speak to your minister, rabbi, elders and wise
people to gain clarity and support and extend your understanding
of the specific requirements of your church or community.
This book gives a broad picture of what is possible in the role of
being a supporting adult – you may decide to act upon one or two
or possibly three ideas from within these pages – and that would
be fantastic. It’s not about being a super godparent and/or taking
the place of the parents.
This book is a celebration of the ‘modern godparent’, bringing
inspiration and ideas as to how you can be a fabulous guide,
mentor, ‘big sister or brother’, aunt or uncle or spiritual guide and
assist your ‘special child’ in the good times and, most importantly,
in the challenging times.
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