How to Keep Your Hubby Happy
At Iba Pang Tips para kay Misis
by
Marlene Legaspi-Munar
OMF Literature Inc.
Manila, Philippines
Contents
Dedication 5
Acknowledgments 7
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from
the Holy Bible: New International Version®. NIV®.
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society.
Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Other Scripture quotations are taken from:
Holy Bible: New Living Translation®. 2nd edition. NLT®.
Copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Used by permission. All rights reserved.
How to Keep Your Hubby Happy
At Iba Pang Tips para kay Misis
Copyright © 2014 by Marlene Legaspi-Munar
Cover design by Nixon Na
Typesetting by Marianne C. Ventura
Published (2014) in the Philippines by
OMF Literature Inc.
776 Boni Avenue
Mandaluyong City, Metro Manila
www.OMFLit.com
ISBN _____________________
Printed in the Philippines
Introduction 11
1 Dream Wedding 15
2 Hello, Married Life! 27
3 Wake-Up Call 39
4 Usapang Puso 48
5 Home Sweet Home 58
6 Number 1 Fan Ka ba Niya? 69
7 BFF ba Kayo ng Asawa Mo? 75
8 Massages, Hugs, and You-Know-What 89
9 Paano Pag Di Na Kayo Masaya? 99
10 Happily Ever After ba Kamo? 112
Endnotes 123
To my best friend and husband
Anthony John O. Munar
Acknowledgments
I think it was from the editor of my first book that
I heard the analogy between publishing a book
and giving birth to a baby. Both take time. In the
case of giving birth to a baby, it’s nine months.
Some books managed to be published—from
conceptualization to the release of the printed
book—in nine months. Many needed more than
nine months, as in the case of this book. A baby
is a parents’ delight, the result of a man and a
woman’s loving union. A book is an author’s
“baby,” the product of the author’s labor of love
(Actually, it can be considered as the baby also of
the many other people involved in publishing it,
like the editor, book designer, typesetter, etc.).
Before giving birth to this book, I had 22
years of marriage behind me and will soon be
adding another year in a few months. Marami
akong natutunan tungkol sa pag-aasawa from
books, marriage counselors, relatives, friends,
my own experience, and most of all, from the
8 How to Keep Your Hubby Happy
Bible which is the God-given manual for married
couples. Much of what I have shared here is
drawn from real life experiences—my own and
that of wonderful people who willingly opened
up their hearts and shared with me their thoughts,
feelings, and experiences about married life.
I thank God for calling me to a life of loving
and lasting partnership with my best friend and
pastor, Anthony John O. Munar. God prepared
him to be my husband, and He is continually
shaping both of us to be conformed to the image
of our Lord Jesus so that we may reflect and share
His unconditional love.
To my husband, let me say: “Salamat, Mahal,
sa walang sawang pagmamahal mo sa akin at
pag-unawa sa mga kahinaan at pagkukulang
ko, at sa pagtulong sa akin na ma-overcome ko
ang mga iyon. You are able to give yourself to
me because you have first yielded your life to
our Lord Jesus Christ. It was He who gave you
an example on how to love me by the manner
in which He sacrificed Himself for His Bride,
the Body of Christ. I pray na lalo pang lumalim
ang love natin sa isa’t isa at magkasama tayong
tumanda.”
I thank the many wives and a few husbands
who, as I’ve said earlier, shared to me their
thoughts and feelings about married life. I
Acknowledgments 9
want to thank those who participated in the
discussion in my three online Facebook groups
called Project: Happy Husband, Hubby Talk,
and Usapang Husband. I’d like to make special
mention of Mommy Rebecca Tolentino-Brion,
Diane Sebastian Auclair, Ging Moreno, Cielo
Bueno Kramer, Dr. Ging Mananes-Ambrosio,
Lizel Torio-Zabalo, Marijoy Hugo Balanay, Ingrid
Patacsil, Dr. Vicky Pasia Rufino, Ophie Formeloza,
Ruth Chanco-Dave, Tina Panaligan-Bais, Chel De
Vera Mariano, Jenny Bautista Wieneke, Delina
Isais, Marites de Castro, Me-An Antenor Agapito,
Zen Alberto Martin, Minda Fababier Macdon,
Josiebel Ilagan, Beck Tagudin-Chua, and Victoria
Mordeno Villar. Special thanks also goes to Capt.
Raymund Taotjo and Michael Hernandez, and
to my cousin Kristine Legaspi De Jesus, who
shared with me information on wedding trends.
There are other women too whose names I will
not mention to protect their privacy, but their
contribution to this book is also vital.
I’m grateful to OMF Literature for trusting
me to write about this topic. To its Publications
Director, Yna Reyes, “My hats off to you for
continually encouraging Filipino Christian
writers like me to produce materials that will,
by God’s grace, inspire and transform others.”
And thank you once again to my editor Beng
10 How to Keep Your Hubby Happy
Alba Jones. It’s a pleasure to share with you this
material and to work with you in finalizing the
manuscript.
I pray na bawat nangangarap na makapagasawa at magkaroon ng masayang pagsasama ay
mabigyan ng pag-asa ng librong ito. It’s possible
to have a happy marriage. I pray that God will
enlighten us and give us the courage to follow the
path to real marriage—from the dream wedding
to a happy ending.
Introduction
May kasabihan ang matatanda: “Ang pag-aasawa
ay hindi parang kaning isusubo na iluluwa kapag
napaso.” Ibig sabihin, kapag pinasok mo ang pagaasawa, wala na itong urungan. Ang pag-aasawa
ay isang panghabambuhay na commitment,
isang sumpaan sa pagitan ng babae at lalaking
ikakasal na magsasama sila habambuhay, till
death do them part. Ang Diyos mismo ang may
idea ng pagsasamang ito at ang gusto Niya ay
masayang pagsasama. God wants the husband
and wife to enjoy each other. In the first place,
if they’re going to be together for a lifetime, they
better be happy together!
Of course, we want our marriage to be a bed
of roses, just like a fairy tale with a happy ending.
Pero sa totoo lang, may kasama ring thorns ang
roses at hindi lahat nauuwi sa “and they lived
happily ever after.” Maraming problema at
hamong kinakaharap ang mag-asawa pero sa
12 How to Keep Your Hubby Happy
kabila nito, pwede pa rin silang maging masaya
as they work through these challenges. Many
wives and husbands want to have a fulfilling
marriage. They want to be happy and they
want their spouse to be happy too. When one
politician ran for a seat in the Senate, his tagline
was “Gusto ko, happy ka!” (Sadly, even his own
marriage cannot be considered happy—with
widespread allegations of his “extra-curricular
activities”—kahit nanalo siya.) Can spouses
say the same thing to each other? Sana. Dapat!
Pero paano nila gagawin ito? This book seeks to
explore how we can make our husbands happy
which we hope will contribute to us being happy
as wives. A husband and wife living in harmony
will bring honor to God.
If you are dreaming of getting married
someday, or you are about to get married, may
I suggest that you read this book before you
walk down the aisle? Kung married ka na,
troubled man o hindi ang inyong pagsasama,
this book is for you. Both husbands and wives
need to constantly work together to make their
relationship a satisfying union that pleases and
glorifies God (who ordained marriage) and
makes both partners happy.
Ang librong ito ay isinulat para kay misis
pero pwede rin itong basahin ni mister. Many
Introduction 13
principles mentioned in this book could apply to
both men and women.
Are you ready? If you are, let’s start with some
pleasant thoughts. Turn to the first chapter and
let’s talk about your dream wedding.
1
Dream
Wedding
I woke up this morning thanking God for being
Savior to my marriage for all these years.
More and more I am learning that the marriage
I dream of is only possible when He is the One
in charge. He is the source of our love and joy.
— Robert Magnuson
What’s your dream wedding?
You’re dressed in a white off-the-shoulder with
mermaid skirt bridal gown. Covering your face is
a thin veil secured on top of your hair with a tiara.
Beneath that veil, your smiling lips shimmering
in pink and your eyes sparkling with excitement
can be seen. Hay, ang ganda mong tingnan! All
your family members, relatives, and guests are
looking at you, delighting at how beautiful you
are. But your eyes are turned only to that dashing
16 How to Keep Your Hubby Happy
man waiting for you at the altar, garbed in a
cream tuxedo with a yellow carnation tucked
on the pocket of his left breast. As you walk
down the aisle, you look at each other and even
if you can’t hear each other’s voice your heart
says to each other with excitement, “This is it!”
And then, nagising ka. Ay, panaginip lang pala!
Whether you’re asleep or awake, ang nasa isip
mo ay ang iyong dream wedding.
Most people dream of getting married
someday and enjoying a happy marriage. Men
dream of getting married, too, though many of
them may not be as preoccupied as the women
in daydreaming about a wedding.
Ito ang pinakaaasam-asam na pangyayari sa
buhay ng isang dalaga — ang magkaroon ng isang
napakaganda at memorable na wedding. The
wedding is a public event that tells the world that
two people are entering into a permanent, loving
relationship. The wedding signifies a change in
status, from being single to being married. It’s an
emotionally-filled event para sa bride and groom
at sa kanilang family and friends. But we have to
admit, the bride is often the center of attraction
during the wedding. That’s why it’s natural
for her to get so engrossed with the wedding
preparations. Gusto niyang maging perfect ang
wedding niya.
Dream Wedding 17
Thanks to wedding planners and wedding
suppliers, our desire to have that “perfect”
wedding ceremony is now possible. May
katulong na ang mga engaged couples sa
pagpaplano ng kasal nila without the stress, or
at least with minimal stress only. Weddings have
become a booming business. Generations ago,
walang mga professional wedding planners. The
planning of the wedding was left to older family
members or relatives who oversee or help mula
sa pagpapatahi ng gown hanggang sa pagpaplano
ng menu, serving the guests at the reception, and
other details.
Nowadays, one can hire a professional
wedding planner to coordinate with the engaged
couple regarding the details of the wedding
and oversee its execution. One can also have a
variety of choices pagdating sa wedding gowns
and motif, place of wedding, reception, flowers,
cakes, souvenirs, photo and video coverage.
Traditionally, sa simbahan o sala ng judge
ginaganap ang wedding ceremony. In some
Christian denominations, couples can be wed in
gardens, by the beach, underwater, in the air, or
events centers. For those who can really afford
it, there are weddings held in more upscale
destinations like Palawan, Misibis Bay in Albay,
18 How to Keep Your Hubby Happy
and Bellaroca in Marinduque. Tagaytay is also a
favorite wedding venue.
Wedding motifs have evolved too. Dati
naka-barong Tagalog ang groom, mga ninong at
secondary sponsors. Men still wear the elegant
barong Tagalog but now, may mga naka-tuxedo
or suit narin. When I got married, our motif was
pastel colors—pink, peach, and mint green. Now
it’s fashionable to be in bold colors like fuschia,
emerald green, aqua, brown and even black.
Recently, I saw a wedding where the entourage
and even the guests were garbed in black and
white. Bride lang ang naka-all-white.
Pre-nuptial photo shoots are also common
nowadays pero years ago, walang mga prenuptial photos na madalas kinukunan sa park,
garden, o beach where the engaged couples
appear like romantic couples in movies—holding
hands, embracing each other, walking towards
the sunset or lying on the ground as they watch
the drifting clouds. Before, there were photo and
video coverages during weddings, but a video
coverage of a wedding proposal was unheard
of. Kailan lang, ibinalita pa sa isang TV news
program ang tungkol sa kakaibang wedding
proposal that was documented on video. The
guy hired a videographer, the tour group of Old
Manila Walks, and the marching band of the City
Dream Wedding 19
of Manila. The guy made it appear that he and
his fiancée are just part of a Binondo food tour
until at the last stop, the band came marching in
and the guy made his proposal. And all this was
recorded on video and became viral on social
=1 million
media. Another guy spent a whopping P
for his wedding proposal which included a car as
a gift to the fiancée and the use of a chartered
private plane. Wedding proposal pa lang yan ha.
Magkano kaya ginastos niya for their wedding?
Bongga o Simple?
For those who are on a limited budget and who
prefer to be more hands-on, they can still get
ideas and tips through wedding blog sites and
wedding forum. Of course, family and friends
plus lots of creativity can really help in keeping
the expenses within the budget.
Speaking of creativity and staying within the
budget, a friend of mine found an alternative to
the yellow roses they would be using for their
wedding. Dahil mahal ang yellow roses, nagpabili
siya ng white roses sa Sampaloc, Manila. Using
a medicine dropper, pinatakan niya ng yellow
food color ang dulo ng petals ng roses on the
eve of her wedding Kaya the following morning,
kumalat na ang food coloring sa petals at naging
bright yellow ang kulay ng roses.
20 How to Keep Your Hubby Happy
Another young woman and her boyfriend
didn’t have much money when they decided to
tie the knot. But they were determined to live
the rest of their lives together so they settled for
a mass wedding. She recalls, “There were only a
handful of guests: our immediate families, closest
friends, a couple of officemates. I was wearing a
shiny pink dress, and my bouquet was a single
white rose, which was given to the brides as they
stepped into the red carpet of the church aisle.
The reception was held in the church basement.
We had pancit, a big communal wedding cake,
chicken, and sandwiches. The honeymoon was
in our newly rented apartment. We laugh and
smile when we think about it now.”
Nowadays, many couples would probably
work around a P300,000 wedding budget to
start with, but when another pair of love birds
got the confirmation after praying that it was
time to get married, they only had 1% of that
amount: P3,000 in the bank. Yet they trusted
God to provide for everything, and true enough,
they ended up receiving gifts from family,
sponsors, and friends for all that they needed.
Their wedding rings were given by one of their
wedding sponsors who happens to be the jeweler
of a former first lady. After almost 22 years, their
rings still look as good as new. She adds, “It’s a
Dream Wedding 21
daily reminder of the Lord’s faithfulness when we
started our marital relationship.”
Other couples who didn’t have the budget for
a more elaborate and expensive church wedding
ceremony opted for a civil wedding first and then
a church wedding later. But according to another
friend of mine, it became more meaningful. “The
church wedding was much more meaningful to
me—at that point, having been already married
eight years, when you swear to love somebody
no matter what, you know exactly what that
means and everything it entails.”
Whether it’s a church or a civil wedding,
isang bonggang wedding o simpleng wedding,
let’s remember that a wedding is not a show but a
sacred occasion where two people in love pledge
their lifelong commitment to each other in front
of God and the people standing as witnesses.
Huwag lang nating paghandaan ang kasalan, mas
lalo nating paghandaan ang pakikisama sa ating
asawa.
The ideal spouse
Hindi lang tayo nangangarap ng magandang
kasalan. Malayo pa lang ang kasal, nangangarap na
tayo na makapangasawa ng isang ideal husband.
Teenager ka pa lang siguro nagde-daydream ka
na of getting married someday to your crush.
22 How to Keep Your Hubby Happy
Ngayong nasa tamang edad ka na at may work
pa, gustong-gusto mo na sigurong mag-asawa.
What kind of man is your ideal husband? Are you
looking for a guy who is tall, dark, and handsome?
O gusto mo mestizo at metrosexual, iyong urban
male, maayos at malinis sa katawan, magandang
magbihis, parang model? O nakikipagbiruan ka
rin at sinasabi mong gusto mo ng 3M: Matanda,
Mayaman, at Malapit nang mamatay?
I asked some wives about their ideal husband
when they were still single. Here are their quali
fications:
“Someone who loves the Lord, has a stable
job, with good family background.”
“Mabait, masipag, may natapos, mabuting
makisama, guwapo, at higit sa lahat, mahal
niya ang Panginoon. Family background is very
important too.”
“Malalim kay Lord, may heart sa mission,
mahal ang pamilya at ang lingkod ni Lord,
masayang kasama, may sense of humor. Madami
. . . at siyempre, financially stable.”
“Back then I only have one thing in my mind,
that the person I will marry truly loves me in
every sense of the word, and of course someone
I so dearly love as well. No other conditions, no
ifs and buts.”
Dream Wedding 23
“I never thought of any qualifications or
standard. Sabi ko lang sa Lord, ‘You know that
I love You above all and nothing and no one can
surpass my love to You, give me the husband
who loves You more than anything else, so we
can love You together and be one in You.’ And
He did!”
“Most of all, God-fearing siyempre, loving
and responsible, and someone who would always
make me smile.”
“Pleasing to the eyes ang hitsura, di kaguwa
puhan pero huwag naman pangit! Kailangan
kasi maayos naman nakikita ko paggising ko sa
umaga. Malinis sa katawan kasi may pagka-OC
ako. May wit o sense of humor dapat. Di man
katalinuhan, may common sense at may gifts sa
ibang area. Faithful and loyal. Family-oriented.
Hardworking, masipag. Compassionate o matu
lungin sa kapwa. May faith sa Panginoon. Medyo
demanding ako, di ba? Later on, ang sabi ko na
lang, kung sino ang ibibigay ng Diyos sa akin,
iyon na!”
Why marry?
More than dreaming about a lovely wedding,
finding the ideal spouse, and settling in a love
nest, you should be pondering on the reasons
for marrying. Bakit ka nga ba mag-aasawa? Is
24 How to Keep Your Hubby Happy
it because it’s what’s expected of women? Were
you afraid of being single for the rest of your life
that’s why you chose to marry? Did you think
that being single and alone means being lonely
for the rest of your life? Hindi mo na ba kinaya
ang pressure at pangungulit ng mga kamag-anak
at kaibigan mo na mag-asawa ka na? Did you
get married kasi feeling mo natagpuan mo na
talaga ang taong mamahalin mo habambuhay at
magmamahal sa iyo ng tunay? (Parang linya sa
pelikula!) O dahil may disgrasyang nangyari?
A working wife in her late forties admitted
that she married her boyfriend because she got
pregnant too soon, right out of college. “But
before then, we were truly and honestly head over
heels in love. Thirty years and four sons later, we
still have the same if not a stronger relationship
that weathered a whole slew of storms.”
One soft-spoken public servant whom I
interviewed some years ago revealed to me, “I
fell in love and got married at a very young age.
Because of this, I had to stop studying for a while
to raise a family. But when our youngest child
among the first three entered preschool, I went
back to college with the blessing and support of
my husband. I had to learn how to manage my
time well to be able to fulfill my obligations as a
wife, mother, and student.”
Dream Wedding 25
Kahit wala sa panahon ang pag-aasawa ni
Working Wife at ni Mrs. Public Servant, nakapagadjust sila at hanggang ngayon going strong pa
rin ang kanilang marriages. But not everyone
who married in a hurry can say the same thing.
Sadly, may mga nag-asawa nang maaga na hindi
nagtagal ang pagsasama. Dahil hindi nakaya ang
challenges ng buhay-may-asawa, they’ve given
up on the vows they made to each other on their
wedding day.
Diane got married in her early 30s and asked
herself some hard questions before marching
to the altar. “Why do I want I to get married?
The first part was pretty straightforward and
very much like everyone else’s love stories—met
guy, found him cute, smart, funny, devout. The
second part was harder: Is God calling me to be
married (or is this my vocation)? Pagkatapos ng
maraming dasal, consultation, retreat, ang sagot
ko ay, Hmmm, mukha ngang gusto ng Diyos na
mag-asawa ako.”
Marijoy said she married for love and found
out that love means commitment. “I chose to
get married because I love the person I married
and want to build a life together with him. My
expectation then was it wasn’t going to be easy,
but since we are both Christians we will be able
to surpass any trials. But it was really hard.”
26 How to Keep Your Hubby Happy
Paano sila nag-survive? “A lot of adjustments,
discussions, and arguments, but through prayers
we survived and continue to stay in love. I guess
we’ve learned to understand our differences and
it’s both our decision to continue to learn to love
each other. It’s not just feelings anymore . . . it’s a
commitment.”
These women once dreamed about their own
wedding, got married, and faced the reality of
marriage. Masarap mangarap na one day you’ll
be married to the guy you fall in love with and
that you’ll live happily ever after. Exciting magcountdown to the wedding day and go through
all the preparations, especially when you see
that your family and friends are also eagerly
helping you. Exciting mag-isip ng kakaibang
motif ng wedding at kahit talagang challenging,
susuungin mo ang traffic at kapal ng tao sa
Divisoria para makahanap ka lang ng gagawin
mong murang wedding souvenir. Nakakakilig
lalo na to think about the honeymoon. Oh, the
pleasure of dreaming about a wedding! But how
ahout after the wedding and the honeymoon?
In the next chapter, titingnan natin ang mga
totoong karanasan ng mga misis pagkatapos
nilang makipagpalitan ng “I do” sa kanilang mga
mister.
2
Hello,
Married Life!
And they . . . LIVED! Life isn’t always “Happily
Ever After,” rather, loving FOREVER, regardless.
— Carmen DeSousa, She Belongs To Me
After their dream wedding, every couple wants
to live happily ever after. Happily ever after—you
know, that stock phrase in fairy tales signifying
happy ending. Meron naman talagang mga
kuwento ng masasayang oras a few days after the
wedding. Para kang nasa cloud nine, a state of
perfect happiness. You wake up in the morning
to the sight of your husband at kahit hindi pa
kayo nagto-toothbrush, you tenderly kiss each
other on the lips and greet each other “Good
morning!” And then as the dutiful wife you rise
up to prepare your husband’s breakfast who’s
going to work. You eat together your tapsilog