Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: Page 1
– Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 1 MINI COURSE CONTENTS PART 1: How to Get a Boyfriend Introduction ..........................................................................................................................3 Chapter One: Figure Out What You Want and Why You Don’t Have it Yet .....................5 Chapter Two: Be Your Extraordinary Self ..........................................................................8 Chapter Three: Learn What Men Want (and Hate) ...........................................................10 Chapter Four: Strut Your Stuff ..........................................................................................15 Chapter Five: Put Him On Trial.........................................................................................18 Chapter Six: Putting Out Without Selling Out ..................................................................21 Chapter Seven: Making it Work Long Term .....................................................................24 PART 2: How to Get a Man to Love You Introduction ......................................................................................................................266 Step One – Speaking in His Language ..............................................................................30 Step Two – From Single to Committed .............................................................................36 Step Three – The Intimacy Ingredient ...............................................................................41 Step Four – Getting ‘In’ With His ‘In Crowd’ ..................................................................43 Step Five --- You’re in a Committed Relationship and So Is He – Now What? ...............47 Step Six – How to Deal With an Emotionally Timid Man ................................................49 The Seventh Step – Making the Leap From Girlfriend to Fiancé! ....................................52 One Final Thought to Ponder .............................................................................................54 PART 3: Why Men Lose Interest Introduction ........................................................................................................................55 Chapter 1: What Makes Him Interested.............................................................................57 Chapter 2: The Phases Of A Relationship .........................................................................60 Chapter 3: Where It Can (And Will) Go Wrong................................................................62 Chapter 4: How To Be The Woman Who Gets Him .........................................................67 Chapter 5: How To Maintain Interest Forever ...................................................................73 Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 2 PART 1: How to Get a Boyfriend Introduction Hello! Welcome to this mini course that will help change your future. Congratulations on taking the first step to finding a man worthy of spending the rest of your life with. Chances are, if you find yourself reading this book, you have had some events happen in your life that make you confused about men and maybe even hopeless. One or more of these three things might have happened to you recently: 1. You are already married or in a long-term relationship where things have gone downhill. 2. You have been dating a man, but you want to have him commit to a relationship. 3. You haven’t met a great guy yet. Or you have met someone but aren’t sure what to do about it yet. Well, most of you have been there. It’s about finding out what you truly want and what you can and can’t compromise and sacrifice. This book is not going to tell you how to force a man into a relationship or to make him want you. Likely, the reason you are reading this book in the first place is that you need some advice. Yes, us men can be so confusing. One minute we are all about you and the next we might be so blasé about everything, leaving you thinking he no longer has interest in you. This book is about both changing your view about how men operate and getting to know exactly what it is you are looking for. Once you know what you are looking for, you will learn how you can get exactly that! Everything worthwhile takes time and effort, and I can help you get started. I broke down the process into seven steps: 1. The first thing to focus on is figure out what you want and why you don’t have it yet. a. Pinpoint what it is you are looking for in a partner. b. Identify why it is that you don’t have this yet. 2. Second on the list is how to be your extraordinary self. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 3 a. How to become someone who is worth pursuing b. Find your inner strength and put it to good use. 3. The third step is to learn what men want (and hate). a. Find out a man’s ultimate turn ons and turn offs. b. What men are looking for in a long term partner. 4. The fourth chapter is about how to strut your stuff. a. How to exude confidence and pick up a stranger. b. Figure out if there is hope for your current failing relationship. 5. It’s all about him in the fifth step when you learn to put him on trial. a. Do you know if this man is really what you’re looking for? b. How to evaluate him and how to make sure you do not seem desperate.. 6. In the sixth step, you will learn all about putting out without selling out. a. Establish your rules about sex. b. How to entice him without selling out. 7. Lastly, I’ll talk about making it work long term. a. Discover what it is that women need and what men need. b. Work together to meet both partners’ needs and desires. So, do you think you’re ready to explore how you can land a man worth taking home to meet your family? Do you have it in you to work at the relationship and make him want you? Before you read any further, please watch the following free video that shows the secret things all men crave in a woman: Important Video: What Men Secretly Crave In A Woman http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/ beirrestible Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 4 As you watch this video, make careful note of the things that men are looking for. The more of these boxes you can tick, the greater your chances of scoring yourself a fantastic boyfriend! Chapter One: Figure Out What You Want and Why You Don’t Have it Yet Here we go. This is the basic question most women have. As you get older, the traits we desire in a partner may shift. Let’s face it! We aren’t teenagers anymore! You’re not looking for the guy with the coolest ride or the sexiest hair. What kind of relationship are you in right now? Are you single or maybe just casually dating someone who isn’t serious? Maybe you’re in a stale relationship that is slowly fading and you’re looking for an out. Whatever your current situation is, if you are reading this book, you are clearly looking for something more. What You Want: There are many different attributes a man might have that you are looking for. Your job is to prioritize them and try to have some area of compromise in areas that aren’t as crucial to you. 1. What kind of work does he do? a. Are you looking for a man who is motivated in his work life? Well, don’t look for the guy who is bouncing around from job to job or is “shopping” for the next best thing b. Align your goals with his. Do you want to work if you were to get married? Do you want to stay home if you eventually have children? Think about your long term career goals and ask him about his. c. DO NOT ask him about his salary. It’s safe to say, if he’s working as a barista, he might not be who you are looking for. If he has a degree and a decent job, it’s safe to say he has a reliable income. 2. What is his personality like? Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 5 a. When you think about your dream man, what type of personality does he have? Is he smart? Witty? Is he full of himself? b. Chances are, you are looking for someone who is confident in who they are, but isn’t a total jerk. c. Make a list of personality traits you are looking for and rank them from most to least important. d. Learn to work with minor personality flaws, but by NO MEANS compromise if a man seems verbally or physically abusive. Know when to play it safe. e. If you want a long term relationship, don’t go for guys who seem like they are “players”. There is no hope for a “player” to settle down any time soon. You might as well forget him. 3. What baggage is he allowed to have? a. We all have baggage. You need to decide what you are willing to put up with from a man’s past. b. Look also at what baggage you are carrying that you will ask him to be accepting of. c. Does he have an ex? Or 2? (God forbid) d. Does he have a couple kids? e. Figure out if you are accepting of these things and what you are not willing to allow. If you do not have any interest in having children, you might not want to force it to work with a man who already has 2 or 3 kids. 4. His physical traits are important too. a. Please believe that this is not a vain requirement to have. No one will fault you if they try to set you up and you say “Sorry, Tiffany, he just is not my type”. b. A man must have good looks (according to your own taste) for you to be attracted to him. Period. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 6 c. If you meet a man online and he is not as physically attractive as you were hoping, don’t try to force it to work. d. Every woman has her standards and it’s up to you to decide what physical traits are important to you. e. Hygiene also plays a role in physical attraction. You want a man who takes care of himself and keeps himself clean and well groomed. All of these ideas are good to get you started. I can’t stress enough that you should prioritize what you are looking for. When you make a list, it lays it all out in the open. As you make a list, you might even see that you have requirements that you never knew where actually important to you. Maybe you had considered them in your subconscious, but never realized you were actually filtering men out. Why You Don’t Have It Yet! This is the million dollar question. What you want to know more than anything else! Why is it that you haven’t seemed to get what you want yet? Well, like I said before, some women have never made a list of things they are looking for. How are you supposed to find the man of your dreams if you don’t even realize what you are looking for? Sometimes there is just perfect timing. Maybe earlier in your life you weren’t mature enough to find the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. It’s possible you went through a whirlwind romance early in your adult life and it ended in a divorce. Whatever the reason is for you being single and or unhappy with men at the moment, do not fear! Everyone has their chance and I just know you can find someone worth your while with the right tools. It’s up to you to decide how to change your current situation. It might be that you have to dump the lame guy you’re with right now. Or you might think about laying down expectations. Try going out on the prowl for new men. Go somewhere new with some girlfriends and make yourself available. Don’t be Debbie Downer! Be positive and happy, but be yourself too. Maybe you need a mini-makeover because you have gotten into a rut. Whatever it is that might help you, do it! Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 7 Chapter Two: Be Your Extraordinary Self Now that you have thought about what you’re looking for, you have to focus on yourself. How can you be your extraordinary self? If you want a relationship to work out, you need to focus not only what he needs to be like but also what YOU need to be like. Go ahead and take a peek in the mirror. Do you see someone who is confident and secure? Stylish and put together? Are you taking care of yourself? These are all things you need to look at before you go find Mr. Right! As the lyrics from the Liz Phair song say: I am just your ordinary, average every day sane psycho super goddess. Know who you are and don’t be afraid to BE THAT! The best thing you can do for yourself is be confident and know who you and be proud of it. Be something that is worth pursuing and keep yourself interesting. Here are some areas you might want to examine in your own life. 1. Have your own life. a. If you begin dating someone, don’t become them! Be yourself and have your own life. b. Have your own hobbies that make you unique and quirky. c. Stay involved in your other activities even after you begin dating someone. You don’t have to spend every waking second gazing into your lover’s eye for crying out loud. d. If you have your own life, your potential mate will find you interesting and attractive. If your only current hobby is trying to find a man, you might need to find something else to occupy your time. 2. Discover your inner strength. a. Inner strength is when a person has: i. Willpower ii. Self control iii. Self discipline iv. Peace of mind v. Persistence Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 8 b. Are you good with one or more of these things? These can be crucial to not only a good relationship but in being a successful adult who can handle anything. 3. Do you take care of yourself? a. In chapter one, we talked about what to look for in a man who takes care of himself. Are you doing the same? b. Keep yourself active. Whether you like the gym workouts or just a nice walk with your pooch, keep active and take care of your physical health. Get your butt out there, literally. c. Be at your best. Keep yourself clean, showered, smelling nice and dressed to impress. d. You never know if you might run into the perfect man at the grocery store, so make sure you pay attention to what you are wearing and how you carry yourself. 4. Be confident! a. Whatever you do, DO NOT BE DEBBIE DOWNER! b. No man is going to pursue someone who appears depressed because they “can’t get a man” or for another reason. c. Be proud of your accomplishments and don’t be afraid to take credit where credit is due. d. Try to be positive. Your body language, words and appearance needs to speak to a man that you are confident in who you are. What Does Extraordinary Look Like? What does that even mean? Being extraordinary doesn’t mean you have to be super woman. It does mean that you are trying to be the best you can be. It means you are being yourself and that you have the self-esteem to be proud of who you are. Men are looking for someone who is independent, has self-esteem and knows how to take care of herself. Some men fall for the whole damsel in distress bit, but it’s not a good way to get a quality man if you always seem to be desperate. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 9 Being extraordinary means using what you’ve got. Use your talents to set you apart from the rest of the ladies. Take pride in all of your abilities. The opposite of that is knowing what you need to fix about yourself. Always try to improve yourself and be the best you can be. Find your weaknesses and fix them. Yes, it might mean you have to escape your comfort zone in your little bubble to try something new and break the bad habits. Also take the time to put aside pride and say when you’re sorry. It’s fine to be prideful if you do something worthy of praise, but if you are in the wrong, always apologize. In addition, be forgiving of other’s mistakes. When a man sees you trying to be your best not only physically, but with your personality, it will make you even more attractive in his eyes. You care about the person you are and the woman you want to become and that means a lot to a man who is seeking a long term relationship. Chapter Three: Learn What Men Want (and Hate) Think you know what men want? Well, you might know some things, but why else would you be here if you knew everything a man wants? I’ve made a list of things that turn men on and what turn men off. Maybe we should take a look at my list and begin with things that will NOT turn a man on. 1. Men are not interested in a high-maintenance girl. They are much more likely to fall in love with an easygoing one. a. Alright ladies, you know who you are. The one who takes 2 or 3 hours to get ready for a date... uh huh! b. Men want someone who can be ready without pulling out every hair device known to man each time you need to leave the house. c. The more you are able to “go with the flow” the better to keep a man around. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 10 2. Men do not like boring women. a. We went over this a bit in chapter two. Men want a woman who is interesting. b. Feel open to talking about lots of different topics. Have your own interests and hobbies and keep yourself interesting. c. Besides, interesting women have a life; creepy stalkers don’t. Which one would you like to be? 3. Men do not like women who are constantly negative. They like happy women! a. Stop whining! Men hate to hear about girl drama. b. Keep your complaints to a minimum. i. If all he hears you talk about is how the service at the restaurant sucks and the weather has been horrible and your friend dissed you the other day, he’s not going to want to take you on a second date. c. A good rule I like to follow is saying two positive things for every negative thing I say. Just don’t spend your whole date complaining about everything. d. Be careful not to nag men. There are ways to ask for help or to tell him to do something without constant nagging and telling him what he’s not doing right. 4. Men do not get turned on by weak women. They like strong women! a. I said this before and I’ll say it again; do not be the damsel in distress every waking minute. b. A man likes a woman who can be mostly self-sufficient and strong. c. Don’t ask him to do every little thing for you around the house etc. d. Know how to stand up for yourself. 5. Men like women who have got their life together. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 11 a. Make sure you are eating well and taking care of your health. b. Are you keeping your house put together and as tidy as you can? Take pride in your home, however big or small it may be. c. If you have kids, are you making sure their needs are met and they are well taken care of? d. Do you make time for yourself to have some “me time”? 6. Men fall in love with beautiful women; not ugly women. a. No, ladies, I’m not saying you have to be a supermodel or have designer clothes. b. Beauty is not just skin-deep. I have this friend named Bianca. Now, she’s sweet as pie, but I would be lying to you if I said she was skinny. No, she’s not slim. In fact, her weight might be one of the first things you would notice about her. Despite her weight, you will also notice that she is always put together. I mean ALWAYS! She has a way of dressing herself and presenting herself that emphasizes her assets. Her makeup never looks overdone and she exudes confidence. I once took her with me to a block party in my neighborhood. My stylish southern belle neighbor approached her at the party and said, “You have the most gorgeous skin and hair. I just wanted to tell you that you’re gorgeous!” My point is, you don’t have to be 5’7” and 125lbs to be beautiful. A man loves a woman who can be proud of her body. When you are confident, it is very attractive. Dressing in sloppy clothes or getting lazy with fixing your hair or makeup can be a big turn off for a guy. I know it’s hard to believe, but you have what men are looking for if you just show them what you’ve got. You also don’t need to break the bank to dress nicely. It’s ok if you don’t have a high paying job. I have even found awesome threads at thrift stores. I’m talking name brand designer clothes that are practically brand new for under $5! You can put together an inexpensive nice look for yourself if you just try. Show men that you know how awesome you really are. Don’t be cocky, but don’t be shy about showing off what you’ve got either. If you’re proud enough to show yourself off he’ll be proud to show you off too! Work with what you have, have a great time showing him just how awesome you are! Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 12 Exercising: What do You Need to Change? In addition to being happy with what you’ve got, it is important to exercise. When you exercise, you feel better about yourself from the endorphins and it gives you a way to work on what you need to change. Do you want to just gain strength? Work on toning your legs? Or maybe you just want to exercise for your health. Whatever it is that you want to work on, go for it! Find a friend who wants to work out with you and go together for motivation. Get your butt off that couch and take your dog for a walk. I’m not saying you have to lose weight, but it looks good to him if you take the time to care about your body. Classes at the gym are also a fun way to do something new. My friend recently tried a pole fitness class and loved it! So think of different ways to be active and have fun with it. Why Men Commit According to some men, they commit because they don’t think they can do any better or they think they might lose you. Now, this may sound pretty basic, but men aren’t really all that complicated! If a man thinks he can’t do any better than you, that means you have done your job! You have made him think you are a goddess and you are worthy of him committing to for a long-term relationship and maybe even marriage. A man also might commit if they think they might lose you. If they are so in love with you that it would pain them to see you with anyone else, they are willing to commit to a long-term relationship. Why Men Don’t Commit Some men never have the desire to commit. How can you spot one who is a “player” or someone who is afraid of a long-term relationship. A man who is a player: 1. Never tells you anything that would make you think he wants to commit. 2. Continues to date other people while he is dating you. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 13 3. He lets you know all the time that there are other women and that there will always be other women. A man who afraid to change: 1. Is a friend with benefits and has no desire to change that. 2. Pretty much no hope for him being committed since he will never put you into the “long term relationship” category. A man who is afraid to commit: 1. Has maybe had a messy breakup or divorce. 2. Is trying to concentrate on his work and building his career. 3. Is just wanting to “play around” and isn’t ready to commit for whatever the reason. Be aware of these types of men and evaluate if they are worth trying to stay with. Most men who fall into these categories will be a tough nut to crack. It’s not likely they will change for you, or any girl. Of course, there are also reasons a man won’t commit that aren’t his fault. Sometimes a man will date a woman, but be reluctant to commit long term if you exhibit some of the following: 1. You are too emotional. a. You find yourself getting mad at him for no reason. b. You bring up old arguments during new ones and never resolve things. c. He feels like she will never be happy with him. That certainly turns him off from putting a ring on your finger. 2. You want to change him. a. You are trying to change habits, aspirations or his appearance. b. He thinks you are trying to make him the man you really want. c. Let him change on his own terms and support him to be the man he is. 3. You don’t get along with his family and friends. a. Men want to please their friends and family when they bring someone home. b. Telling them that they are committed or engaged to someone they don’t really like would be hard. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 14 c. You dislike his family for one reason or another and you let him know about it. This is not going to win him over. All of these things could be causing him to waffle on the decision to commit. You need to get in control of your emotions and learn how to have disagreements. It’s ok to have arguments, but try not to argue over something silly. Learn how to let things go. Also, try to accept him for who he is and try to also accept his friends and family. Obviously you don’t have to love everyone he loves, but getting along is key in a relationship. Be mature and learn to get along with people for the sake of your relationship. Learn to agree to disagree. Being pleasant with his relatives will get you a lot further than giving them the cold shoulder. Chapter Four: Strut Your Stuff Now that you have the tools to figure out how to present yourself, you can pick up a man almost anywhere! No really, anywhere. My cousin met her husband at the supermarket in a conversation about choosing the best cantaloupe, of all things. How to Pick Up a Stranger So, what if you see an attractive guy sitting next to you as you get your oil changed in your car? How do you get him to talk to you without just blurting out something stupid like “You’re hot!” Maybe you’re good a small talk or maybe you’re not, but it’s worth a shot. Observe what he’s doing while he’s in the waiting area at the shop. Is he reading a magazine? Texting a buddy? Make a comment on the story he might be reading in the magazine or ask him how he likes his case on his phone. Seem genuinely interested in his answer and give him time to tell his story. Then you can let him ask some questions. Just make sure you’re not interrupting a phone conversation! No matter how you strike up conversation, you should be able to tell immediately if a guy might be into you. If he keeps talking to you, that’s your first hint. Secondly, he might move on to talk about something else and then even ask you a question. Small talk is a tool you can use to your advantage. Pick-up lines almost never work, so sticking with positive small talk is key. Find Your Courage and Ditch Fear and Inhibitions Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 15 What are you afraid of? Are you afraid you’ll make a fool of yourself? A good tip to use before speaking up is to stop thinking. Don’t run through the 135 things you could say in your head. Say what comes naturally to you and keep it simple. Chances are, he will keep the conversation going. Find your courage and conquer your fears. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Even if you assume he’s single and he’s not, the worst thing that can happen is that you had a nice conversation with a taken man. Just think of it as good practice for the next time! Push yourself to step out of your comfort zone. It will build your confidence and make it easier the next time you approach a stranger with small talk. Women like you have the tools to meet a man wherever and whenever. At the store, out with your girlfriends at a bar, at the golf course or anywhere else you go. You don’t have to intentionally be trying to run into someone single to meet someone wherever you are. How to Turn an Existing Friendship Into a Relationship Do you have that one guy in your life that you’ve known since grade school? Maybe you have a new friend that you met through a group, but have never really hung out one on one but you have a huge crush on him. If you want to try to turn this friendship into a relationship, you need to feel him out first. Perhaps this guy you know was in a committed relationship when you initially met, but has now broken things off. Maybe you gave off a “vibe” initially that indicated you weren’t interested. No matter what put you into the “just friends” category, you can change your role! Here are some ways to help you turn your friendship into a relationship: 1. Spend more time together This seems pretty self-explanatory, but nonetheless, you might not be spending a lot of time together right now. Changing that can be the first step to turning this friendship into something more. Ask him to come do something fun with you or invite him to a holiday party. 2. Ask him some questions Give him the chance to share more about himself. Don’t ask him questions like “What do you do at your job?” Instead, ask him things like “What is your favorite outdoor activity?” or “What is the strangest thing you have ever eaten?” Questions like these are creative and get him talking to you on a different level. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 16 3. Make physical gestures Make attempts to be more physically close. Do not jump on him when he sits down to play poker at your mutual friend’s house. You don’t want to come off as desperate here! First try touching his hand in a flirty way. If he responds positively a few times when you try that, this gives you the green light to try something else. 4. Make romantic gestures Find ways to incorporate romantic things into your relationship. Do things that are normally reserved for “couples”. This could be anything from making a meal together to going to his company party with him. Also could be you buying him a present for his birthday or for Christmas. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or overwhelming, but it will definitely make him feel more connected to you. The best thing to remember if you’re trying to make a friendship turn into a relationship is to never be pushy. You don’t want to scare him off or make him feel uncomfortable. Resist the urge to be a stalker! It’s creepy! Is There Any Hope for a Current Yucky Relationship? Are you in a relationship now that has just gone stale? Maybe you have tried to make things better, but you just aren’t sure how to help things get better. The difficult thing is pinpointing your problems and deciding if they are worthwhile to fix. Don’t nag your partner. I said this before, but men do NOT like nagging and complaining. Also don’t blame him for your relationship not working. It could be just as much your fault as it is his. If you merely just haven’t been good at communication, there is hope for you! Learn different ways to communicate. Speak with a relationship therapist to get ideas of how to communicate effectively. Of course, there are things about relationships that may not be able to be fixed. If he is addicted to drugs or alcohol, chances are he’s always going to have problems with this. In addition, if he is abusive towards you or perhaps your child(ren), he is not someone worth trying to make it work. All relationships reach a point when you’re no longer in the honeymoon phase. You need to evaluate your relationship to see if this is your problem. When you are in a Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 17 relationship for a long time, it becomes work. Instead of being all ooey gooey in love with this man, you find that it’s work to keep things interesting. Cheating is another area that is not often “fixable” in a relationship. If he is cheating or you have been cheating, chances are the relationship is done. It’s up to you to decide what you’re willing to put up with and change to make things better. If it doesn’t seem worthwhile, it might be time to end the relationship. Chapter Five: Put Him On Trial Are you looking for a man who can be the one you will spend the rest of your life with? If you meet a man, first thing’s first. You have to put him on trial. This means you have to step back and evaluate him. Decide if he’s really what you want. Use your list from chapter one. Is He Really What You Want? Here’s the million dollar question. He’s hot, he has a great job, but is he really what you want? Is he the man you laid out on your list from chapter one? Like I said, some compromise is fine, but learn where you can compromise and where you simply cannot. It’s ok to be rigid in your relationship desires and it’s ok to say no to dating someone. If you feel that for some reason you don’t have the chemistry you were looking for, it might be time to evaluate him. Sometimes there’s just something missing. He’s got really nice muscles and a cute butt, but does he have a good job that can support you and potential kids? Maybe he has a really great job, but he’s just not all that interesting and you can’t find enough to talk about. Or maybe he is a total jerk to anyone around him (even if he’s nice to you). Learn how to evaluate men so you can decide whether to keep him or move onto the next fish in the sea. You want to get to know him- but keep him at a distance. Don’t be the girl who instantly begins staying the night at his house from the get go and never leaves his side. Keep some mystery and get to know him slowly so you can evaluate him at a distance. How to Evaluate a Man Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 18 First off, you want to go through your list of expectations in a man. Check off the ones he seems to have and circle the ones he does not. Are any of these crucial for a long term relationship for you? “But it’s the honeymoon phase, I don’t want to get serious”, you say. Tough cookies, sweetie! This is for your own good. 1. Does he have a good sense of reality? So he’s always hanging with his buddies and using phrases like “Ballin outta control”. He just wants to get tattoos, even though he doesn’t own a car. Beep beep! Warning! Step away from the man! You need someone who knows how to have fun, but also acts mature. You want a man who at least has some grip on reality. He knows how to act responsibly and can live within his means. This man has his own responsibilities and takes care of them. He has an education or a good job and isn’t still trying to be a pro golfer or a singer. Don’t get me wrong, dreams are great, but you have to be realistic. Be careful of the man who also says he doesn’t have a lot of money, but keeps charging expensive dinners and buying you nice things on his credit card. 2. Is he attractive? Yes, I said it! This is a must, ladies. Say your girlfriends set you up with this guy who seems amazing on paper. Turns out he’s just not your type and you are not physically attracted to him at all. Chances are, this is not going to work out for you long term. Does he have to look like Matt Damon or Taye Diggs? No! But you do need to have some level of physical attraction in a relationship. 3. He’s a man of integrity. This is probably the most important thing to evaluate him on. A man of integrity will make wise choices, even when you’re not there to look over his shoulder. How do you tell if a man has integrity? Watch him in public situations. Does he behave nicely to people he doesn’t know or is he rude? Is he never wanting to do anything for someone else, but in turn always expects others to do things for him? Is he always getting you nice things even though he doesn’t have the money (IE stealing them)? This is not a man of integrity. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 19 Look for someone who is genuine and generous. They are willing to do things for other people and know how to make morally wise decisions. He is honest and sincere and is polite with people he doesn’t know as well as his friends. You’re In Charge-Not Him Keep in mind, even if he has a more domineering personality, you are still in charge here. You get to decide if this man stays or goes. Do not let desperation, loneliness or fear drive your decision. Also, don’t let him convince you to stay with him. Don’t stay with a man simply because you’ve been single for 4 years. Don’t stay with a man just because you no longer have to eat dinner alone or go to a party alone. Also, fear can sometimes drive our choices. You are not going to be a lesser woman or be the last single woman on earth if you pass this man up. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Let Him Get to Know You Play a little hard to get. Let him have to work a little to get to know you. Make sure he knows you are worth the effort and that he will like what he sees. Just like you want to get to know him slowly, let him get you know you slowly as well. Keep some mystery so he is intrigued and wants to know more. Lead him to believe there is always more to the story to share later. Keep him interested and he will keep asking you out on a date. What if He’s Not Worth It? Don’t force it. If it’s not meant to be, it’s best to move on. Go back to chapter 4 and strut your stuff until you find yourself a keeper. There are plenty of men out there waiting to meet you. Don’t sell yourself short. You are an amazing woman worth getting to know! Any man should be happy to get a chance to take you on a date. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 20 Chapter Six: Putting Out Without Selling Out Let’s talk about sex, baby! Yes, we’re going there. This is probably THE single most important thing to remember about dating. You have to have sex rules. Rules that you will use when you begin dating someone. Let’s face it, you don’t want to be a hussy or a prude! So let’s learn how to meet in the middle. First off, I just want to get this out of the way. Whatever you do, try not to have sex on the first date. It’s very anticlimactic to get to know him AFTER you’ve already had sex. Where’s the fun in that? You can’t seduce him and create anticipation. If you wait, you’re also telling him that you’re serious and that you don’t just want a “sex only” relationship. Waiting a bit keeps him interested. It makes him chase you and make attempts to seduce you. It’s likely that he will enjoy the wait. It will both drive him crazy and make him want you more! If you give him the trophy before the competition, you’re doing it backwards! Sex Rules You need to set boundaries that you are comfortable with when you begin dating someone. The only person who holds the “key to the bedroom” is you! Don’t let him decide when the time is right. Figure out limits for yourself. Just because your girlfriend has sex on the first date, it doesn’t mean you have to follow suit. Do what you feel is most comfortable. Remember that you want to remain somewhat mysterious. If you want a committed relationship, don’t seem too promiscuous. After all, why will he want to buy they cow when he can get the milk for free? Only you can decide what you’re comfortable with in the bedroom. Decide what your boundaries are and stand firm. You’ll be glad if you wait a bit while you’re getting the chance to know him. That way you can discover any skeletons in his closet before you get physically intimate with him. Sex is an important thing to men, but they don’t link it to commitment (unless you make it that way). Just because you had sex with him, doesn’t mean he thinks you are exclusively dating now. Make your rules clear without scaring him away. When you are beginning to date someone new, hold onto mystery and possibility. Practice being a tease. It will drive him CRAZY! Build up so much sexual tension that Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 21 when are both ready, the sex will be awesome. Let him know how good it can be- make him chase you for it (but not too hard). If you are in this for a serious relationship, make sure you know you are the only one. You don’t want to have sex with him and assume this is a monogamous relationship only later to find out that he’s been sleeping around at the same time. Make it clear that you want to be exclusive. If he’s not willing to do that, he isn’t worth keeping around. Make Sure You Are Ready Don’t have sex with him just because you think he might leave you if you hold out any longer. If he is worth it, he will stick around and wait for you to be ready. Don’t rush into something that you’re truly not ready for. You don’t want to regret a special moment. Having sex from the get go might send the wrong message. If you have sex on the first date, this man might think you’re just interested in a casual relationship. A sort of “friends with benefits” type of relationship. If that’s not what you’re looking for, holding out a little longer might be the best idea. Get to know him as a person first. Sex can complicate things. You also want to make sure you have proper birth control lined up. If you have sex before you get that figured out, it may lead to way more than you bargained for. If you are a virgin, it’s likely you have already been pretty conservative with your sexuality. It’s ok if you want to wait until marriage. Just be upfront about your view to your man as soon as possible so he knows where you stand. A man worth having around will be willing to wait! When You Do Go For It, Knock His Socks Off! Oh this man is just so special. You want him to stick around for a long long time. You can’t imagine your life without him. Well, when you are finally ready to sleep with him for the first time, prepare yourself to knock his socks off. If you are not already a sex goddess, educate yourself on sex. Don’t try things that are so out of your comfort zone that it makes you incredibly vulnerable. However, if you want to try something new that you’ve always wanted to do, then go for it! Just don’t break out the whips and handcuffs the first time. You might not know what his tastes are. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 22 Everyone has expectations on what the first time with someone is going to be like. If you do a great job staving him off for a bit, the sexual tension will build and make the final moment that much more pleasurable. The more tension you have, the better. Sex will be amazing the longer you decide to wait. Find some new lingerie that is classy and personal. Find ways to impress him that you’re comfortable with and try to beat the competition. Be so amazing in bed that he will never want to find someone else again. Men have a need for sex. Not only do they need sex, but they LOVE good sex. Sex for him is like his big security blanket. Sex makes him feel loved and meets his needs as a man. That’s just how we are wired. Women aren’t so it’s hard for you to understand sometimes. Be an amazing lover and confident in the bedroom. I already told you about how to be confident with your body shape in chapter two. This goes for when you’re naked too. If he has been going out with you for a while now, chances are he has already accepted your body for what it is. Be confident in the bedroom and don’t try to hide your body. He wants to see it all! Lose your inhibitions and reservations about your body. Affirm to yourself that you are beautiful! Be proud of what you have and try not to be shy. If your body language tells him you are scared, he might afraid he is making you uncomfortable. Make time to create a great experience for both of you. If you have children, find a sitter for them so there is no chance you’ll be interrupted. Light candles, put on soft music and make the bed with fresh sheets. Create a special atmosphere that makes it seem special and then be prepared to make it the best for both of you. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 23 Chapter Seven: Making it Work Long Term Let’s just get it out in the open and dispel a common long term relationship mythrelationships should be easy. You didn’t think you’d be in the “honeymoon phase” forever did you? You see happy couples and think “wow, that looks so easy and natural”. Truth is, most couples never share just how much work they put into their relationship. What You Both Need Men and women clearly have different needs. We are just wired differently than women are. I’m going to lay out three simple things that both need from a relationship. 1. Honesty a. Men: Guys love to know that they can trust you to tell them the truth. They want to know you can be reliable and you won’t go behind their back to hurt them. They want respect. Respect to them means love! Being honest with him about everything and opening up when it’s needed will make him feel that you also trust him. b. Women: Women also need to know that her man is being loyal to her. They love when men open up and be completely real. Without prying too much, women want to be told details about what their men have been up to when they aren’t with us. Don’t be afraid to ask him to always be honest and genuine with you. 2. Romance Men: Let’s face it, normally we don’t think about men needing romance. It’s true! We love when you take the time to cook us our favorite dinner or even wash their car. Find out what makes him excited (gifts, acts of service, quality time together etc) and hone in on it to make it work in your favor. Tell him something sweet like “You look handsome” or “I love it when you _____”. Women: It’s no secret that women love romance! Tell him what you love. Don’t be shy about letting him know that you like certain things in a relationship. If you love getting flowers, tell him! If you like when he helps you around the house doing something as simple as vacuuming the floors, tell him! 3. Intimacy and Sex Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 24 Men: Here we go talking about sex again. Well, your man NEEDS it. It is one of the many ways that testosterone has an effect on a man. He physically and emotionally needs it to be connected and satisfied in a relationship. If you’re not big on sex, make it a point to try to have sex on a regular basis. Put it on your calendar if you need to! Also, be creative. Men love when you try something new and fun. Also make it a point to really listen to him. Being intimate also means you take the time to be connected to him and listen to what he wants and needs. Women: Women need more on the emotional intimacy level. Of course, what woman doesn’t like good sex? But what you really want from a man is that he is truly listening to you. He is there for you when you need him and he knows your inner most thoughts. Women also really love a good cuddle. Women are wired to feel connected and secure when a man cuddles them and wraps his arms around them. Compromise: Making Your Needs Mesh Learning to compromise is one of the keys of a successful relationship. In a good relationship, both the man and woman are willing to make sacrifices and compromise what they want. Find out where you are willing to compromise and where you need to stand firm. Work together to come up with a list of your needs. What you both want in the relationship and what you both expect. Laying it out in the open will help eliminate conflicts. Tell him what is important to you and urge him to do the same. Conclusion: You Can Do It Well, now that I covered all the bases of how to get a man and how to make it all work, it’s time to put it into practice. You can do this!! You’ve got this! Be a confident woman that any man would be proud to have by his side. Don’t lose hope or get discouraged. Just because you haven’t found him yet, doesn’t mean you won’t. Be patient and resourceful. Look in new places and step out of your comfort zone. You’d be surprised where you can actually meet eligible men. So, look yourself in the mirror. Tell your beautiful reflection that you can do this! You are strong, gorgeous and worthy of the man of your dreams! Soon enough, you will meet a man who was worth the wait and chances are, he’ll think the exact same thing about you. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 25 PART 2: How to Get a Man to Love You Introduction The game of love is a tricky one. It’s not without many ups and downs, and trial and error. There’s heartbreak, there’s misunderstandings, and there’s loneliness when your relationship isn’t going as well as you’d like, as he’d like, or as you hope for. Thanks to Hollywood and romance novels, we are lead to believe that the right relationship should lead to ‘happily ever after’ but life isn’t so perfect, and it doesn’t always work out that way without constant work and self growth. Some of you reading will be single, others will be already in a relationship. Perhaps you’re even married, but your relationship has gone off on a tangent that is far from the happy, loving relationship that you once had, or wished that you had. When things aren’t going right, it’s easy to feel hopeless, but listen up – there’s hope. This guide will show you the way. The game of love can be viscous, so why not get ahead of the hunt and get him wanting to chase you instead? Before reading on, make sure that you watch the following video and discover how love works for men, and why men sometimes lose interest in someone they once loved. It’s important you watch this video as love works very differently for men and women and this understanding and appreciation of what men truly cherish will help you to become the woman that he can’t help but see as ‘the one’ special woman who truly gets him: Important Video: Why Men Pull Away: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/whyhe pullsaway Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 26 After watching the short video above, keep reading if any of the following ring true for you: You are an expert at a perfect first date, but by the third date, he never calls again. You love being in a relationship with your partner, but wonder what his feelings are for you, and if they are at the same level of intensity as you feel for him. You’re an expert at decoding a man’s mixed signals, but are tired of the chase. You’re the last one in your social circle to be settled in a loving relationship, and you want nothing more than to be married, with children. You are married, but your relationship has gone stale and cold, and you want to reignite the flame between the two of you. You want to turn your office crush into an office romance. You and your boyfriend/finance have a hard time communicating. Sometimes, you feel as if you’re speaking to a brick wall. Where can you find a man you have something in common with, and who will love you for who you are? Every time you go out, it seems like you’re meeting the same guys over and over again, and it seems to be a dead end every time. Your ex-boyfriend – who you were positive was ‘the one’, passed you up for someone else. It’s was hard to understand why back then, and it’s hard to understand now. Despite how you may feel about meeting the right man, and getting him to love you, the facts are this: there is a game involved in the courtship process if you want him to take his commitment for you to the next level. And ultimately, to love you and continue loving you in the way you deserve to be loved. It doesn’t matter if you’re single, recently divorced or in a committed, meaningful relationship. Men don’t think, react or respond to the same body language cues that you do. They don’t work in the same way. What might have you falling in love with him, won’t necessarily be reciprocated. A man isn’t difficult to understand, but must be treated differently in a relationship. Men don’t need to be manipulated. They need to be understood and supported. Consider this book your guide to understanding, supporting and being his friend, lover and so much more than he ever wanted (but didn’t know he could have until Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 27 now!) There are 7 steps that will sink, line and hook your man – whether you’ve met him or haven’t yet. It doesn’t matter what your past relationships have dictated. It doesn’t matter whether you have been dumped on one or more occasions for ‘something better’. After reading this book, you’ll be the ‘something better’ he’s been waiting his whole life for. Sound good? Are you ready to make him fall in love with you, and have a fulfilling love life, sex life and partnership that will run its course through the test of time? Then get ready because it’s all here. However, each step will take some time, patience and understanding. You’ll get there and as a result, have the relationship with the man of your dreams you’ve always wanted (but perhaps never thought you could have or deserve). Read this book carefully, because it contains a comprehensive guide to all that you need to know about men, and what not to do. Read each tip, strategy and explanation about men, and what you can do to enhance what you’ve got, how to work it, and how to make him feel like the king in your life. When you apply these tips to your life and relationship, you’ll never go back to the conscious (or subconscious) mistakes you’ve made in the past. Here they are. Ready? The First Step is an important one: learn how to communicate with him in a language he can interpret, understand and respond lovingly to. Learn how to eliminate ‘mixed signals’, read his body language and develop a knack for giving him the space to be independent while you do the same. The Second Step applies to single women of any age, as well as other women transitioning into a relationship. Learn from past mistakes – don’t change who you are after getting into a relationship with the man of your dreams. Learn how to be who you are (inside and outside of the relationship), and develop a strong sense of self and self-respect throughout your relationship. Men don’t fall out of love or lust randomly– they simply respond to your behavior, so be consistent with who you are, and if he fell for you in the beginning, learn how to keep that passion up and running. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 28 The Third Step is crucial for everlasting love – and to keep his love for you burning for years to come. Sex. It’s as simple as that. Don’t settle for a ‘good enough’ sex life, but a mind blowing, red hot sizzling sex life. You’ll learn the ways of having a man fall insanely in love with you. It’s true, and it’s all here. The Fourth Step is all about forming a bond with his friends and family – the crucial elements of support in his life. The bottom line is this – if they don’t like you, you’re out. If they fall in love with you after your first meeting, he’s likely to, as well. We’ll show you what to look for, and how to develop opportunities to bond with his social circle. The Fifth Step is the upkeep of your relationship now that you have it. What now? The strategy outlined here will be a ‘point of no return’, chocked full of keeping the passion burning like a midnight train. It will stop him from a roving eye – once and for all! The Sixth Step is working with an emotionally timid man. You don’t want to get your heart broken, but he may be more scared than you to get hurt, to be rejected or to not live up to expectations. This step will show you how to create the loving, safe, trusting space for him to open up. When that happens, he’ll be hooked on you, for good. The Seventh Step is the last one, but by no means does the work end here. Learn how to ease into the big transition of girlfriend to fiancé. Get the happily ever after you deserve – and we’ll show you the way to relationship success, straight to his heart, and as a result, your love life will be a better one than ever. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 29 Step One – Speaking in His Language If you’ve found ‘the one’, but you don’t know how he feels about you, it’s as simple as this (so pay attention): Men don’t sugar coat how they feel. They say what they mean, and they mean what they say. The beginning stages of a relationship are often where the confusion sets in for many women. You may try to decode this behavior, when they’re not much to decode at all. Why? Because, unlike most women, men act, speak and behave from a different place – a place of immediate needs and desires. They’re not thinking about their life a year from now, or what their dream wedding consists of during a first date. They are thinking: “Am I turned on, or turned off?” So, what’s your love interest telling you, in so many words? Is he avoiding your phone calls, ignoring your texts, or disappearing for periods of time? Or, is he going to uncharted lengths to make sure to see you as often as he can? Avoid the cat and mouse dating game. You don’t deserve to be with someone who’s acting loving one day, and cold the next. What you do deserve, is getting leaps and bounds ahead of the communication puzzle, and knowing what he’s saying when he’s not saying a thing. Here are some tips on deciphering what and how he feels about you, and how to be clear on his feelings for you and communicate with them –not against them, once and for all. When He’s Hot For You, You’ll Know It Men don’t always know when to make a move on a woman they like, but when they really like her, they will find a way to let her know. It may not always be the right time to lean in for that kiss, to wrap his arm around her or to reach for her hand, but the reality is this – men don’t like to waste time. They want to come forward, create an opportunity for themselves to express how they feel, and get physical – literally! Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 30 Pay attention to physical signs of interest – a kiss, a lean in, a romantic gesture, and when that happens, you’ll know to decipher an interested mans’ body language – and how to get him wanting you, and keep wanting you bad. Stop the Nonstop Nagging What will make a man zone out emotionally, or run for the hills physically? A woman who nags. Here’s the thing about men that you need to understand. Men, from the time when they were 3 year old boys, to the age they are now, do not respect a woman who orders them around, criticizes them and berates them for what they aren’t doing. Why? Because men like to feel in control. It may not always make sense, but whether or not you understand it isn’t the point. And, if you don’t ‘get’ this rule, you may continue jeopardizing relationships for the future. Look, you don’t have to sit back, be passive about your opinion and turn into a 1950’s girlfriend/eye candy. What you do need to do is listen, and respond to dialog in a new and improved way. Support his dreams and aspirations. Contrary to outside appearances, it’s very difficult for a man to open up emotionally. Telling you his deepest dreams, desires and visions comes from a deep place. If you laugh at his idea to open up a cereal breakfast bar, consider yourself someone he may never open up to again. Put as much stock into your life, as you do his. Are you independent and comfortable with who you are, with or without a relationship? Do you need a man, or just want one? There’s a difference between being happy with yourself, and needing a man to make you happy. When you’re engaged in your own life, and make an effort to stay true to yourself, those hobbies, restaurants, and weekend events in your life that you have always enjoyed doing, he’ll respect you for it – and possibly, love you for it. If he doesn’t, tell yourself this: “He’s not worth my time.” Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 31 Be positive, enthusiastic and light. How many happy men do you know who are in a relationship with a cynical, critical woman? Guess what? It doesn’t exist. Just as women do, men want to feel wanted. When you are positive about him, he’s more likely to reciprocate that feeling. Keep the direction flowing in a positive, enthusiastic, motivating tone by refraining from talking only about yourself. Ask him how his day went. What happened during his meeting with the boss? Staying engaged in the details of his day or week will help form a bond – that will get him hooked on you, and treat you as a confidant in his life. (Tips to become his friend and lover to be addressed further in this guide!) Give him the opportunity to reveal who he is, without scorning him along the way. A date can quickly turn into a fifth, sixth, one hundredth date by applying this easy rule to your dating regime – allow him to simply be as he is. Don’t try to change him. Don’t arrogantly think you can fix him. Don’t assume you can teach an old dog new tricks. When he shows you who he is, pay attention! If you love to work out five times a week, and he loves to watch ESPN every day of the week, do not try to change his routine to please yours. Accepting this early on can improve your entire outlook on your relationship for the future. Body Language – The Bonus Communicator! Body language varies between the genders. The good news here, is that you don’t have to rely on decoding his words and whether they match his actions to determine whether he’s falling in love with you or not. You have a valuable tool at your disposal – his body language to help you out, before he ever says a thing! Here are some pointers to move you in the right direction, and discover much more about him then he could ever realize you know! Eye contact, or no eye contact? Pay attention to your ‘Mr. Right’ when talking to him face-to-face. Is he totally focused and hanging on your every word, or is Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 32 he darting his eyes to and fro? When he’s the wrong guy, he can be sneaky and catch a glimpse at every pretty girl walking by in one second intervals. And by the way, if that’s what your ‘Mr. Right’ is doing, he’s not Mr. Right at all. Your true ‘Mr. Right’ is out there, and when you find him, his eyes should, and will be totally fixated on yours. Touching your hair and raising his eyebrows. When a man is in lust and/or in love with you, you’ll get clued in by his excuse – any excuse – to touch you. Is he stroking your hair, and ever so gently moving it out of your eyes? Oh yeah. He’s falling hard. Keep doing what you’re doing, and keep reading to learn just what it takes to keep him falling hard for you, all by using your intelligence, your good lucks, and your charm – indefinitely. Reciprocating his smile. When you’re talking to that gorgeous and intelligent coworker tomorrow morning at the office and you repetitively get a smile throughout the conversation, consider that a good sign. The body language of a smile is more than just an upside down frown. It could be an invitation for a first date. But don’t rush it – let him make the next move. When he fidgets, beware. Let’s say that you’re on a third date with someone you really like. You’re connecting. The conversation is flowing, but all of a sudden, he begins to fidget in his seat. Not good. Despite good intentions you have, a man that squirms is responding to something that perhaps triggered a painful past memory of an ex. Respond quickly, and change direction of the conversation, and distract him when a new topic to talk about. Is he using his hands? If so, you’re good to go! Hand gestures are a powerful body language sign to look out for, so watch out! If he’s using his hands constantly throughout your conversation, take it as an enthusiastic cue that you’re in the running for being #1 in his life. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 33 It doesn’t matter whether you barely know him, or you’ve been together for quite some time. Men that use their hands exuberantly and dramatically want to be with you, and show it through hands, lips and their eyes. It’s All Within You: The Power of the Single, Independent Woman Are you happy in a relationship, or despite the relationship? It’s an important question to ask, no matter if you’re single, or waiting to be proposed to by the love of your life. If you exude independence, you’re telling him way more than you can when discussing your past, what your dreams are or how you envision your future. Here’s the fact of the matter – A man wants to feel needed by you, but he does not want you to be needy. There’s a big, huge, monstrous difference that has the potential to be a deal breaker vs. sealing the deal. And, it’s just as important to remember this: You are beautiful. You are talented. You are unique. You are intelligent. And if he can’t fall in love with you for the rare find that you are, so be it. You deserve only the best. But – if he is worth it, and he’s your perfect match, it’s important to represent yourself in the best light. That means, show off your unique attributes that make you the best thing he’s ever come across and ever will. Show him that you live an independent, selfassured life with or without him – no desperation included. Consider Amy. Amy has an awesome group of friends that are tight knit in her life. When she’s single and in between relationships, she and her friends are inseparable. Together, they are fun, loyal and full of life. Amy exercises regularly, is an avid snowboarder and kayaker, and salsa dances at her favorite club every Friday night. But when she starts dating a guy, the rest of her life stops. And shortly after the rest of her life stops, she depends on her boyfriend to fulfill her happiness. How long do you think her boyfriend sticks around before heading off to greener pastures? Three dates, three months, maybe a year? You’re not far off. Her average relationship lasts three months, and when it ends, she apologizes to her friends for disappearing in her latest relationship, starts up salsa dancing again, and realizes what the pattern she’s succumb to. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 34 Bummer. She could have spent that time merging her life and his together, in a way that worked for both of them, but instead, she let go of her independence as if it was a fleeting memory of the past. Don’t make the same mistake Amy makes. Cling onto your independence fast and furiously. As a result, he’ll respect you for it. And if he’s worth being in a relationship with, he’ll love you for it. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 35 Step Two – From Single to Committed If your goal is to get out of the dating game, and into the relationship phase of life, you’re not anyone should bear. So don’t do it any longer. Want to once and for all exit yourself out from being available on the single market, and enter into a meaningful, passionate, fulfilling love affair – that’s here to stay? Go from single to committed with one key play: show him who you are (without apology) and keep true to yourself for the very reasons he fell in love with you in the first place. Do you want to know one of the biggest reasons for men leaving their current relationship and headed to the next? IT’s because their girlfriend wasn’t upfront about who she really was, and what she really wanted from him, and thus, changed the rules of the game halfway through it. No one likes surprises in a relationship, or at least, not ones that will make you think: “Oh, so that’s what you’re about?” Just as much as you wouldn’t want him to grow a goatee if you made it clear you can’t stand facial hair; he doesn’t want to be abruptly surprised by you cutting your long locks into a pixie cut after he made it clear he can’t stand that style – and you agreed. Here’s how to stay true to yourself in a relationship, so that from day one, he can begin falling in love with you, and stay there: How honest is too honest? Honestly, honesty is crucial. It, along with trust, is the foundation with a long lasting relationship. But how much is too much? Make this your rule of thumb – any information that can be misconstrued as slutty, or prudish is a no-go. Stay clear of past relationships, funny stories of your ex, and tales of your codependent mother. In general, during the courtship process, be mindful of conversation topics until you know what will rub him the wrong way. Be mindful of the booty call. If he’s into who you really are, you won’t be a midnight drunken booty call. He’ll introduce you to his friends and family. He’ll Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 36 willingly be introduced to yours. And, he’ll show up in daylight with you, without hesitation. But, if you go from his date to booty call, beware. There’s a thing called the platonic friend zone, and if you want a serious and meaningful relationship with him, you don’t want to go there. And once you’re there, unfortunately, you’ll always be there. It’s extremely hard for him to think of you as a quick romp in the sack, to girlfriend he respects and loves. The rule of thumb here is respect yourself, set your boundaries for what you will and won’t tolerate and show him who you are outside of the bedroom. Trust us – that will guarantee a passionate relationship with him inside the bedroom, too. See yourself as you are right now, and don’t make excuses for it. Studies have shown that couples that stay true to their convictions, have a clear perception of who they are as individuals are more likely to have an exciting sex life – and meaningful relationship as a whole. Don’t apologize for your passion for feeding the homeless, or painting murals in your spare time. These are the things that will set you apart from everyone else, and rightly so. Love yourself unconditionally, with or without a man by your side. He’ll love you as you are, and when you stick to your guns about your personal boundaries, and non-negotiables, he’ll love you even more. Are you someone that likes your alone time? Do you love to ski during the winter months? Don’t ditch who you are and what you love to do as soon as Mr. Right comes along. Instead, include him in your plans (instead of ditching them) and he’ll have instant respect for you. Supporting His Dreams as If They Are Your Own Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 37 You’ve met him, and now you want to keep him. How do you keep him emotionally engaged better than by diving head first with an unmatched interest, passion and enthusiasm for his dreams, goals and aspirations? Trust us – it will set you miles apart from past women who haven’t been part of his goalfocused life. The key here is this: it doesn’t matter how small or big his goals are. That’s not the point. It doesn’t matter if he wants to open his own Brazilian fusion restaurant, or open up a batting cage business (and you don’t know one thing about what that entails.) The important thing to remember is the following: It’s not about you. It’s about him, and what matters for him to make a meaningful life. When he talks about his goals, transition yourself from lover to friend. When you’re in the bedroom, unleash your inner sex kitten. When he’s revealing his lifelong dream to travel to Bali, be his best friend. He wants you to listen, to support him and to be on his team. So be just that – show him that you not only like his idea to be the next senator – you’ll vote for him too! Ask him how you can best support his dreams. Sometimes, it’s confusing to know how you can best support him. Does he want your opinion, advice, or just to be a sounding board for his upcoming pitch to HBO? Don’t misread his signs. To be on the safe side, ask him how you can best support his goals. Is it by helping him keep a monthly goal list, and stay committed to accomplishing them? Or, is it just by offering encouragement along the way? Help keep him on track! Show him you’re not just his girlfriend – you’re his cheerleader and biggest fan! One of the hardest things about accomplishing dreams is having the patience to see them grow into something real. He may be likely to give up when he’s halfway there – so take the cheerleader role. Don’t let him! Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 38 When you begin showing him you’re in this through thick and thin, despite whatever success or failures he endures along the way, he’ll begin falling for you…hard. Why? Because every other woman in his life bailed when he erred, and you’re not one of them. You’re different. You’re special, and when you support his dreams, you’re showing him just that. You have what it takes – all of what it takes for someone to treat you as you should be treated, and to fall in love with you. You’re successful, independent, and attractive. Who would pass that up? The trick is showing him who you are with ease, caution and respect throughout. Once you do, you’ll quickly transition from his Miss Maybe to his Miss Right. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 39 Important Video: HOW TO GET A GUY http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/ getaguy Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 40 Step Three – The Intimacy Ingredient If you think a man will be satisfied with a generic, average sex life, you couldn’t be more wrong. Men need sex. They want it. And, they want it spicy, spontaneous and exciting. And once you read this chapter, you’ll want the same. Don’t Make Sex About Commitment Ok ladies. Some of you out there, in a relationship or not, make sex a serious, take-thefun-out-of-it experience. Maybe you’ve waited until the magical third date to sleep with him, or talked your boyfriend to death before taking the plunge in bed. Whatever your sexual history, most relationships have experienced the stale, fizzled out fire of your sex life. And when your sex life fizzles out, doesn’t your emotional connection and closeness? Sex doesn’t have to be something that can only happen with the both of you are in the mood. Sometimes, life is about the spontaneous moment, despite being too tired to even think clearly. Do you want to make him fall in love with you, more intensely with each day that passes? Change up your attitude about sex – from an intense commitment, to a light, mind-blowing, exhilarating experience he’ll be telling his male co-workers about the next day. Guaranteed. Let Out Your Inner Aggressor You’re sweet, caring, and think about him nonstop. Now, it’s time to tame the lamb and get into tiger-mode! If you want to reach new levels of intimacy in your relationship, then you need to show him a sexual side – the sexual you! Show him that you know how to handle yourself in the bedroom, go with the flow, and have a great time. Not sure how to spice up that ‘good time’ in the bedroom? Follow these tips to keep him begging for more: Change up when and where sex takes place. The bedroom is the classic stage for sex, but what will really excite him is moving it into the living room, the kitchen, the balcony. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 41 Surprise him in the morning, or for a late afternoon sex session, and you’ll always keep him (and you!) in the mood. Turn yourself on, and make him wince. What’s sexier than a woman who really knows herself, sexually? Men are visual creatures, so if he’s been used to guessing what women love and loath in the past, show him you’re a different breed altogether. Show him what you love, and how easily you get turned on by him! Add some toys ‘between the sheets’. Sex toys are fun, safe, and add a surprise element to your usual between the sheets session. Go to a sex store and bring home some sensual oils. Dribble chocolate or whipped cream on your body and let his creativity take over. It’s fun for both, and a night he won’t soon forget! Show him you like to call the shots here and there, and especially in the bedroom. Ok, so you’re a great girlfriend. You don’t nag him or criticize him. You know just what to say to make him feel like the king in your life, and you know just how to listen to him, when he spills out his dreams and biggest aspirations in life. Now it’s time to give back to yourself some much needed sexual control. Show him what you like, and just what you’re dying to do to him. This doesn’t have to be something that you do every time you have sex, but change it up, and be a sexy dominatrix that he’s been missing in his life! From Making Love to Making Sizzling Sex One of the biggest blows to any woman – and any man, for that matter – is hearing from an ex, that your sex life wasn’t all that great. What? How could that be? Don’t buy the hype – sometimes comments like that are only because of hurt feelings stemming from anger and frustration. You have what it takes to be the best he’s ever had. And that’s the truth. So, beginning today, act like it! Men will think about the things you say to them, but more than that, they’ll think about how you made them feel. Keeping him thinking red hot thoughts about you, and remembering every detail of your sex life together is about turning up the heat! Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 42 Throughout your relationship, keep focused on a fun, spontaneous sex life. Don’t put too much stock in it – Sex isn’t always about a deep and intense connection with your partner. It can be about the amazing experience of being in the moment, and taking it for all its worth. Keep this attitude around, and he’ll never want to let you go. Step Four – Getting ‘In’ With His ‘In Crowd’ Capturing his heart – and keeping it – isn’t just about sex. It’s also about capturing the hearts of those closest in his life. The beginning stages of a relationship are when most women focus solely on him - -his needs, his career, his sexual needs, and doing what he loves to do. But think outside of the box, and what do you see? His best buds, overprotective mother and siblings are standing by with one intention: they insist on only the best for him. If you want to form a bond with your guy so that he’ll only have eyes for you, it’s time to up the ante, and find opportunities to bond with his family and friends. Follow the tips outlined here, and he won’t be able to let you go. As a result, he’ll wonder what took him so long to find you, and rightly so. You’re a catch worth catching! The time has come for you to prove that you’re not just good enough for him. You’re the best there is. If They Fall in Love With You, He Will Too There is an unwritten rule in the fine art of dating, and it goes like this – make his family and friends see how amazing you are, and you’ll form a tight bond with him, indefinitely. Think about it: It’s easier for a man to leave you and the relationship when no one else in invested. If his mother thinks of you like a daughter she never had, and his best friend talks about how good you are for him, he’s likely to see the good in you…constantly. You’re skilled at your job, so now it’s time to approach his family just like you would your most lucrative client. Show him how valuable you are by following these tips: Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 43 Show interest by asking questions. What’s an immediate deal breaker? Talking about nothing but yourself. His family doesn’t want to hear your life story, as interesting as it may be. At least not yet. They want to enjoy getting to know you, slowly and over time. And, they want to learn about you through your actions, not just your words. So, gaining their trust will take time, but luckily, you have plenty of it! Meeting them for the first time is all about those first impressions that will stick with them throughout. Show them you’re kind, understanding, patience, confident and interesting…by showing them you are interested in them. Ask your boyfriend’s dad how he got those hamburgers so juicy and full of flavor on the grill. Ask his older sister where she bought that gorgeous dress she’s wearing. This are the type of safe questions to ask that will impress them from the first minute you meet them, to the holidays you’ll spend together in harmony, to well, perhaps, forever. Be positive, light and funny. Meeting his family for the first time doesn’t have to be full of awkward silences, blank stares and feeling more like an interview than a casual meet and greet. Handled the right way – and you set the president for that – it can be whimsical, fun and a positive experience you’ll remember with fondness. It can also leave feeling as if he finally found the right woman for him. So this is what you need to do – are you ready? Show his mom, dad, and overprotective sister you are normal. Why? This is you setting the stage for the rest of your meeting the parents event, and trust us, they will be relieved he’s found such a catch! Laugh at the appropriate times. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 44 Offer up a (clean) joke that’s universally funny. Mention something unique about yourself they’ll find interesting, such as the fact that you kayak every Saturday morning, you make your own clothes, you can cook Asian dishes from scratch (after studying for two semesters in Hong Kong) or that you used to be a professional swing dancer. Research his past ahead of time. There was a reason your boyfriend and his ex didn’t work out. It’s not your job to interrogate him or his family as to why they didn’t last. It’s your job to set yourself apart from her. Before meeting his parents, do some research. Was there something that his ex did, that drove his parents up the wall? Did she cheat on him, and as a result, they think that everyone will cheat on him? Use that as a wonderful opportunity to ever so slyly mention your relationshipethic. In other words, bring it up how important loyalty and faithfulness in a relationship, is. You’ll get them hooked. Inject the compliments. You want to appear like the genuine person you are, so don’t overdo it on the compliments, but do give them out. You’re not obsessed with yourself, but care about others, the world, and especially him. If you’re dealing with his parents, consider where they may be coming from. It could be, that after his last breakup – which was hard on all of them, that they are overprotective and weary. That’s ok, as long as you realize it’s not personal. They don’t have to be as excited about you as you are about meeting them. So, the more reason to find a reason for them to fall in love with you! If you’ve been invited to his parent’s home, compliment his mother on her exquisite taste. Start a conversation about your similarity in French cooking, and ask her advice on growing ripe vine tomatoes. Do whatever you can to find an ‘in’, and in no time at all, you’ll be ‘in’ with them! Find opportunities for similarities. Here’s your shot to get ‘in’ with his parents, best friend, loyal co-worker or sister. Are you ready? Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 45 As they talk to you, be on the lookout for any and all opportunities of a shared interest. Have they been to Planet Hollywood in Japan, too? Great! Talk about how cheesy the wall décor is, but how you love some cheese in your life. Getting In Good With His Good Friends The way to a man’s heart is not with food. It’s through his friends. Here’s what to do and what not to do to seal the deal with his tight knit circle of friends. Switch Up Your Mentality Correction – you’re not the only girl having beers with your boyfriend and 10 other of his male friends; you’re one of them. Meeting his friends for the first time can be seriously intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. It just requires a different mindset. You aren’t going to act the same around his best buds that you did around his family. That’s because they are essentially your peers, with a bonus: they have the goods on your man. Keep the conversation light and fun. This is crucial! Ask (in a playful way) to hear stories of him from his childhood. Ask for the goods! No matter what they tell you, everyone will be too busy laughing and reminiscing, to judging you or doubting you are anything less than everything he deserves. You’re Not Clingy, So Don’t Act Like It Here! When you’re out meeting his friends for the first time, they want to feel like they have their boy out for some serious guy time. That means, they’re excited to meet you, but they want him free to talk with, just like any other guys night out would be. Since you’re confident and secure within yourself, don’t reach for his arm anytime it’s free. Don’t whisper sweet nothings in his ear in front of his friends (this will cause an awkward moment for everyone), and don’t tell jokes only your girlfriends would appreciate. This is about his friends, and once you get in good with them, he’ll be hooked. Do Your Research Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 46 Your guy’s friends don’t want to know everything about you. They just want to know how you’re going to treat him – there best friend that they’ve seen get burned one too many times. It’s a major turn off to them if you mix up their names, get drunk and hit on anyone other than your man, and reveal too much about the sexual escapades of your past. Don’t be that girl. Instead, be the adorable girl that knows each one of his friends’ names before they tell you themselves. Know where they grew up, and a funny story or two that during an uncomfortable silence, can be replaced with roaring laughter. When You’re In With His Family and Friends, You’re In With Him Ok, so it’s not rocket science. When his friends and family have your vote, he will too. Don’t be shy about letting them see the real you, and see why your man can’t stop talking about you. Bond with his best friend, his sister, buddies he grew up with and his concerned parents who want nothing but the best for him…and when you make the right impression with them, they’ll want nothing but the best for you too. Step Five --- You’re in a Committed Relationship and So Is He – Now What? You’ve made it. Not only have you found someone you can truly be yourself with, but he’s found the same in you. NO game playing. No lies. No being hot for you one day, and cold the next. It’s time to enjoy being together with confidence, and keep the passion for one another burning month after month, year after year. Enhance Your Trust for One Another He wants to feel as safe as you do in a relationship. That means, show him your trustworthy. It’s committing to plans you make without breaking them, and keeping in confidence the things he tells you (without letting your girlfriends in on his deepest secrets). Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 47 Increase the Intimacy (Not Including Sex) Intimacy isn’t just a sex thing. It’s any opportunity that forms a strong connection to one another. How can you be together without it involving taking off one another’s clothes? Whisper why you love him in his ear. Tell him how much he turns you on. Ask him how his day was – all in whispers. Believe it or not, this forms a connection just by lowering your voice. Eat a Meal With the TV Turned Off A relationship has the potential to turn sour with too much distraction. If you’re used to chatting about each other’s day – everyday—with the TV on, reconsider. Once in a while is fine, but over time, the distraction of the tube can cause a major disconnection. Put some relaxing jazz or blues music on. Make dinner for him (or make dinner together) while you catch up on one another’s day. Fully enjoy the moment of just being together, with the chaos of everything else behind you. Share Religious/Spiritual Values When you share something as meaningful and intimate as your spiritual beliefs, the connection and bond formed can, for many, be a point of no return. It doesn’t matter if you were both raised Buddhist and Christian. When you bring forth your shared and different values (praying, meditation, etc.) you will become closer than ever. Share your spiritual side, and this can be a valuable tool when hitting rough patches of your relationship. Practice Active Listening Don’t just listen to his words. Listen to his body language. Be present while he tells you his frustrations, anger, joy. What makes his react to your response to what he’s telling you? Just being there for him as he’s discussing his day or his stress will you will allow him to feel comfortable, honored and safe in your presence. Don’t Underestimate the Power of Love Notes Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 48 Keep the romance burning with weekly love notes. Send him a text message. IM him on Skype, or send him an email telling him how much you love him. Make Lists of Why You Love One Another (and Share Them!) Sometimes, the best way to keep your love and his love alive is through a visual reminder. Why do you love him? Make a list, and read it out loud and have him do the same. Remind Him Why You’re a Better Person Because of Him Even if he doesn’t say it, he wants to know how much he means to you. Some men are too prideful to say they need to feel validated by you, and that’s ok. Take the initiative here, and proactively let him know. It could be by cooking his favorite meal he had growing up, or taking him out for a fun night out. Forgive as Quickly as You Can, Then Move On It’s true what they say: Don’t go to bed angry. It will only fester, and while it’s easier to not deal with problems as they arise, going to bed angry (or going through your entire week angry) can easily become a habit. Talk about miscommunications as they arise, forgive and apologize when its due. Step Six – How to Deal With an Emotionally Timid Man Although he is totally committed to you, and loves you beyond words, that doesn’t mean he’s not scared of feeling what he does. In fact, many men have more of a fragile heart than women. He may act as if nothing bothers him, but just remember – it’s an illusion. He can hurt badly, and chances are, in the past he was burned badly by love. This is why the following tips apply to just about every guy out there, and why it’s so vital that you pay attention to everything he reveals to you about his past, and how he acts in your present relationship. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 49 Not doing so can result in a deterioration of an otherwise picture perfect relationship the two of you have. Don’t Come On Too Strong When it comes to his heart, and your relationship, tread lightly. We know you’re crazy about him, but before telling him exactly how much you love him, consider his point of view. You don’t to reveal everything – and every feeling – right away. He’ll be less likely to scare himself out of the relationship if he feels like he has all the time in the world to adjust to his intense feelings for you. Trust us on this one, and as a result, you won’t see if running for the door. Be There, During Times of Fear If he scares easily, just be there. Let him voice his opinion without criticizing him for it, and have faith – if he’s the right one for you, he’ll work through his feelings of fear and find the ability to stay put – and in your loving arms. Be Consistent With Your Words and Actions Want him to overcome feelings of anxiety, fear or confusion about the relationship and you? Give him the opportunity to trust his instincts by staying consistent with your words and actions. Give him a reason to increase the trust he has in you, and the ‘we’ the both of you have worked hard to build. Don’t say one thing, and do another. With time, he’ll realize that it’s ok to be scared from time to time, but in the end, you’re worth the risk. Reassure Him You’re Not ‘Out to Get Him’ It will take a while to make him realize that you’re not out to break his heart, and you’re his friend, his partner, his lover, his everything. Allow him the opportunity to talk to you when it seems like something is on his mind, and the safe space to express his fears. Remind Him Your Loyal and Trustworthy You only have eyes for him, but men who fear intimacy may need some reminding about this. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 50 So give it to him! Don’t flirt with other men. Be available when he needs you, at any time. Don’t blow him off when he needs a quiet in, and all you want to do is go out dancing with the girls. When you show him that you can be the one person he can trust in the world, he’ll ease off the fear and into the love, whole heartedly. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 51 The Seventh Step – Making the Leap From Girlfriend to Fiancé! You’ve made it! Give yourself a pat on the back for the meaningful, passionate relationship you’ve worked so hard for. Ready for the ring, but he seems like he’s waiting until the end of time? Here’s how to turn your happily right now into a happily ever after. Make Conversations Future-Focused When the time is right, as in, you’ve been together exclusively for a significant period of time and you’ve overcome some difficult times together with experience and skill, turn your conversations from the present to the future. You’ll know when the time is right. He may talk about what an amazing mother you’ll be, or what style ring is your favorite. Tell him about the incredible honeymoon your coworker just went on with her new husband, and wait for his reaction. And when these conversations initiated by him arise, jump on it! Smile. Talk to him about what he envisions for your future, what matters most to him about marriage. Then the ball is in his court, and enjoy the ride! Learn His Attitude About Marriage This should be a no brainer. How does he feel about marriage, and marrying you? How much time does he want to pass before a proposal? Now ladies, don’t treat this like an interrogation. This should be casual, breezy conversation in your relationship, and not a question after question situation. The key is to keep these questions light, otherwise he’s going to feel pressured. And no man likes to feel pressured into marriage. Become Sensitive About His Fears It’s ok if he has fears about marriage (many people do, especially if they were raised by divorced parents.) What’s not ok is if he’s reluctant to marry you. I know this is harsh to hear, but there is a difference. Does he want to marry you when the time is right, or remain a bachelor? Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 52 If he doesn’t want to marry anyone, and can be happy forever being in a committed relationship, take some time for yourself to decide if you’re ok with that. And not just ok, but can handle not being married. If you’re not, have the confidence and self-assurance to know that you belong with someone that is compatible with you in all ways – including beliefs on marriage. If he wants to marry you, but with a bit more time to pass before you become ‘Mr. and Mrs.’ Give him that time. Honor his feelings, while honoring your own and if it feels right along the way, then he’s worth the wait. How to be the girl who gets the ring Now that you’re here, I have a really good short video for you to watch which teaches you how to be the kind of woman who gets proposed to: Go here to watch the video: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/girlgets ring Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 53 One Final Thought to Ponder Whatever relationship status you may be part of, or what the past has taught you about men, remember this one little thing: You are an incredible catch, and you deserve to be caught by a man that will treat you like the rare find you are. And nothing less. As you embark on a passionate, loving relationship, use this guide as a way to say goodbye to old relationship mistakes that no longer serve you, and helpful, practical tips for the great big, adventurous love that’s waiting right now for you. And, insist on only the best – for you, for him, and for your immaculate, beautiful, exhilarating future together. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 54 PART 3: Why Men Lose Interest Introduction We've all been there. You meet a guy, and sparks fly. You start dating and things are going great – really hot and heavy. But then, he starts drifting away. Maybe he doesn't pick up right away when you call. Or he doesn't respond to your playful texts anymore. And the worst is when you assume you'll be seeing him this weekend, and then all of a sudden he has plans – and he's kind of vague about them. Before you know it, you're getting a “Maybe I'll see you around.” And we all know what that means. Or, how about this: You've been in a relationship for a while, and you've gotten to a comfortable point. You're starting to think long-term. But he's got other ideas. Your regular dates aren't so regular. He starts to make hanging out with the guys more of a priority. And then one day there you are, wondering if maybe the relationship wasn't as serious as you thought. Like I said – we've all been there. And it's the worst! No matter what stage of dating we're in, it seems like there's always the same cycle – he's into you, things are good, and then things aren't so good. It's not that you're fighting, or that he's outright being mean, necessarily. You just get the sense that he's no longer interested in you. He's stopped pursuing you. In your more bitter moments, his behavior makes you feel like you've been played. He got what he wanted, and now he wants to move on. What happened? And more importantly, how can we stop it from happening again? If these are questions you've been wrestling with, then you've come to the right place. In this book, we're going to go over why men lose interest, and how you can be the only woman in his life who truly gets him. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 55 To start, we're going to go over what makes men interested in a woman in the first place. After all, if you don't know that drives them, you can't be the driver! Next, we're going to go through all of the phases of a relationship, so you can see where you are, and where the pitfalls might lie. Then we can get to fixing them – or avoiding them altogether! In Chapter 3 we're going to focus on you. I won't go too harsh on you, but we have to see if maybe there are some things you might be doing that may be contributing to his losing interest. But then, we get into the good stuff – how to be the woman who gets him, so you can get through the pitfalls we mentioned earlier, and you can have the best relationship ever! And finally, we're going long-term with some solid advice on how to maintain interest as your relationship progresses. That way, you can keep the love going! Speaking of long-term, here's a word to the married ladies out there – this book is about you, too. Just because we're talking about early dating phases in the beginning doesn't mean you can't apply the advice to your own life. As we go through the information here, I want you to think back to when you were dating. Your husband gave you all the clues you need to revive interest. Your job is to remember them, and put the tips I give into action now. You can rekindle interest and, for goodness sake, it should be easier for you than anyone to let him know that you're the one who gets him! So, what do you say? Are you ready to get the guy – and them keep him interested? And more importantly, are you ready to show him that you “get” him? Then let's get started! Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 56 Chapter 1: What Makes Him Interested For a guy to lose interest in a woman, he has to have been interested in her in the first place, right? So, let's see if we can figure out what a man finds interesting about a woman he's set his sights on. To begin this hard-hitting investigation, we need to start at the very beginning: When he first sets eyes on a woman. Now, men love beautiful women. Of course, the definition of beauty is going to change depending on the guy. Where one man might stop dead in his tracks for a leggy blonde in yoga pants, another would pass her by in a second on his way to chat up a curvy brunette in a sundress. Since there's no accounting for physical looks when it comes to a man's initial interest, we need to discount this right off the bat. (We're going to discuss looks a bit more later, but for now, it doesn't concern us!) Suffice it to say that if he's talking to you, he thinks you're pretty. But as he gets to know you, he puts you into one of two categories. The first category, for lack of a better phrase, is the one-night stand. He's interested in getting you into bed, plain and simple. He's surely having a decent time talking to you, and he's not being an asshole to you. In fact, at this extremely early stage, it has very little to do with you. But there is something about the chemistry the two of you are producing that makes him not be able to think past what for right now is his primary goal. It's pretty safe to say that, if even just for a moment, all women that a man finds attractive start off in this first category. That's just the cold, hard truth. Depending on what you want from him, this first category might be fine for you. It might be your goal, too. But, you can't stay in this category and expect a long-term relationship out of him. It's just not going to happen. So, if you want to keep his interest, you're going to want to make sure that he moves you into the second category. The second category is the girlfriend category. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 57 This is where he still wants to get you into bed – trust me, a guy is always thrilled by that prospect, and that won't ever change – but there is something about you that intrigues him, interests him, and he can see you being a part of his life, if even for a little while. It's a split-second decision that a guy makes based on whatever insanely complex manmath he's doing in his head. To find out how to nudge that math along and move from one category to another... well, you'll find out more about that in Chapter 4. But in terms of what makes men interested in a woman, there are a few common things that, when consistent over time, hold a man's interest. Intelligence While you don't have to be a Rhodes Scholar or know the finer points of a ground rule double, it does help hold his interest if he can talk to you about stuff without explaining every little thing to you. You should know what's going on in the world, have an opinion about it, and be able to defend your opinion with something more than “Because I said so.” You know how men love a challenge? A whip-smart woman is a delicious challenge to a man. Humor Everyone always talks about how women fall for funny men, but men preferring someone who can make them laugh seems to be a well-kept secret. So, it's time to retire that petulant eye-roll you learned to do in junior high every time a boy cracked a joke, and learn to laugh again. Have a sense of humor about yourself, and about things that happen, too. And don't be afraid to make him laugh, too. It's a powerful aphrodisiac. Kindness This is a surprising thing that men are interested in when it comes to women – after all, it seems like a given. But apparently, there are a lot of bitchy women out there, and men do not like it. A woman's unkindness tends to come out when we're talking about other people – especially other women and exes. Keep your bad opinions to yourself. Always have a kind word for people. Be nice to wait staff. And if someone else is being mean, call them out on it nicely. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 58 Also, there are some people – men and women – who use complaining as a way to make conversation. If the line is slow, or if the weather sucks, or if you're been waiting on hold forever, don't mention it just to have something to say. Independence Men don't want a wilting flower who needs to be saved every five minutes. They want a woman who knows what she wants, and is ready, willing and able to get it for herself. What does that mean for you? Well, you don't have to steamroll everyone out of your way. And nobody likes someone who's only out for number one. Also, men like to feel like they're taking care of a woman when they're in a relationship, so you don't want to appear that you don't need him at all. I mean, think about it – would you want to be around someone who constantly shows and tells you that they don't need you? But if you're always having adventures, and taking care of business, and generally being awesome all on your own, then that's someone he's going to want to be around! And if every once in a while you let him know that you could use his help solving a problem, he'll be all the more willing to roll up his sleeves and do what he can for you. Grooming As I said above, there is no set definition of what beauty is. It varies from man to man. But, there are several ways that women can spark and hold a man's interest when it comes to looks. First, there is grooming. Are you always put together, or do you tend to live in sweats when not specifically dressed for an occasion? Do you like to spray on a bit of perfume before leaving the house? One of the top thing men say about what they love about women is that they smell so good. It takes next to nothing to do this, so why not? Are you in shape? Again, you don't have to be a super model; we all have different body types. But it's important to look healthy. While no good man should only love you for your looks, men are biologically wired to be more attracted to a woman who is healthy, happy and looking her best. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 59 Chapter 2: The Phases Of A Relationship In this chapter, we're going to go through the various stages of a typical relationship, and how a man's interest changes over time. This is important because keeping a man's interest isn't just something that happens while you're waiting for him to ask you out. If you're serious about a long-term relationship, you have to make sure he stays interested even when things are moving along smoothly. Whoever said a relationship is work, was right! So, let's take a look at the life of a romantic relationship. Phase 1: The Game When you're playing the game, you're checking out each other's moves and seeing if you'd be a good fit. For the most part, this first phase is instinct. A man's interest at this point doesn't really extend beyond learning your name, realizing you can speak intelligently and in full sentences, and making sure you're not a psycho. So, as long as you don't get blackout drunk and make out with five guys in front of him, you're pretty sure to hold his interest in this phase. Phase 2: The First Dates This too is a relatively easy phase, but there are still many opportunities for missteps. A man's interest will wane if: You expect to be treated like Cinderella at the ball on every date You can't stop talking about your ex/work/people he doesn't know You make it all about you So basically, mind your P's and Q's and make sure to get to know him, LISTEN to him, and be upbeat and positive. And relax! It's not a test. It's a fun time out with a guy who's attracted to you. The other major thing that determines a man's interest level during the first couple of dates is sex. And when it comes to sex, a man's interest level is determined on a case-bycase basis – and on you as well. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 60 This means that there is no hard-and-fast rule to sex early on in the life of your relationship. Sometimes you'll meet a guy and it's like the two of you can't find a bed fast enough. Other times, there is a build-up and the sex part comes later, when the relationship moves into a more serious phase. What's important to note here is that you should ONLY go as far as is comfortable for you. If you're not ready to have sex with a guy and he loses interest in you based on that, then good riddance. He's clearly not ready for a long-term relationship. We'll get more into the pitfalls of this phase in the next chapter. Phase 3: The Honeymoon You've gotten past the awkwardness of the first couple of dates, and you're in the full swing of dating him. This is when you start building a history together – so there are a lot of little private jokes, an emotional comfort combined with a sense of adventure as you do new things together, and this is where most couples start having sex. So, you're finding out that you're compatible in many different ways! A man's interest level is going to be high at this phase, but he is still trying to figure out how you fit into his life. (You should be doing this, too, by the way!) So, his interest is going to wane during this phase if you try to figure that out for him – and by that, I mean you start making a lot of demands on his time. You're not at that point yet. Phase 4: The Comfort Zone Other than the first phase, during which a guy still has time to just completely bail on the possibility of being with you in the first place, this is the trickiest phase, and the one where it's most likely to fall apart. In the Comfort Zone, here are the ways he can lose interest: 1. You start to get into a dating rut – maybe you have a standing date on a certain night of the week, or maybe your “dates” have devolved into “watching TV and playing on our smartphones” at one house or the other. 2. The chase is over – some guys are A+ boyfriends until they're 100% sure they “have you,” and then they get bored. 3. The sex you are having has developed into a routine. This isn't a major factor, but when combined with the Comfort Zone, it can make him lose interest. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 61 There's also quite a lot we ladies do during this phase that don't help our case – we'll be going over those in the next chapter. Phase 5: The Commitment The Commitment phase is when you both decide to be exclusive. You start attending events together as a couple; friends invite you to nights out as a couple; pretty much everyone sees you as two halves of a whole, and it's going to take something major to facilitate a breakup. However, while it's easier to stay together, that doesn't mean that he necessarily is going to be interested as easily. While there are a few things we do that make him lose interest, it's more on him getting way too comfortable now that the pressure's off. So for this phase, your work isn't necessarily on you, but it also means that you may need to work a bit harder to make sure he's still feeling the love. After these phases, we have more serious steps like moving in together and/or getting married. We'll talk more about these later phases in Chapter 5. Chapter 3: Where It Can (And Will) Go Wrong Now that we've been through the phases of a relationship in terms of when a man most commonly loses interest, let's turn that gaze inward. Could there be things that we're doing that's making him lose interest when instead he could be crazy in love? Phase 1: The Game As we explained in the last chapter, this is the very beginning – when you're just getting to know each other. It could last for an hour, or a month, however long it takes until you start going on dates. At this point, there's not a lot you can do to sabotage his efforts. But, there are a few: Making overtly sexual references Getting sloppy drunk Making out with girlfriends Being mean (but thinking you're playing hard to get) If a guy is talking to you, it's because he's interested in you. You're already starting out at an advantage. You just have to not mess it up. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 62 Remember, he's doing his man-math and deciding which category you're going into. If you're into him and want a relationship with him, make sure you go into the girlfriend category! So by all means, be the life of the party; just make sure it doesn't involve embarrassing photos on Facebook the next day! Phase 2: The First Dates When you first start going out is when you are really going to give him a chance to stay interested. We're going to get more into showing him how much you get him in the next chapter; but for now, let's just take a look at piquing his interest. First, you want to give him a good visual impression. While this doesn't mean you should be dressing to the nines all the time, it does mean that every time he sees you, he should be given an immediate reminder of why he asked you out in the first place. How you do this depends on your best attributes and your personal style. And always, always remember to be comfortable; no man is going to be interested in seeing you futz with your outfit all night. What you really should not do is keep checking your phone! I know that by this point it's something we all do out of nervousness or to fill a void in the conversation, but it's the worst. And, you don't want to give him a chance to check his, either! So, make sure you keep eye contact, and have something that's interesting enough to say that he doesn't even think about looking at his phone. Another thing that so many of us do on dates is be quick to judge. Remember, kindness is one of the top attributes that interest a man. While it can be frustrating when forces out of your control can make a date not go as planned, it's no reason to be a monster. Be nice, laugh it off, and stay positive. It hits all of his interest buttons. Think of it this way: If you freak out because they didn't put the dressing on the side, he's not going to be interested to see how you handle a real problem down the line. And finally there's sex. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 63 As I said before, when you decide to have sex with a guy is totally and completely up to you. There's no rule for it – no matter what the magazines try to tell you. But what you should absolutely MUST NOT DO is hop into bed with him ONLY BECAUSE you think it will keep his interest. In far too many cases, this is exactly the point where a guy LOSES interest in you – at least as a girlfriend. Again, as I said, there are sometimes when the chemistry between the two of you is so strong that you get it on way before you usually do. But for the most part, especially when a guy is looking for a girlfriend, he's not going to be trying so hard to get in your pants when he's getting to know you. But, that's doesn't mean he's going to turn you down, either. So it's up to you. It's whenever YOU feel comfortable. But at this phase, don't ever fool yourself into thinking that it means he is interested in you as a girlfriend. Phase 3: The Honeymoon While we're on the subject of sex, let's roll right into the Honeymoon phase, shall we? The Honeymoon phase is most commonly when couples start to have sex. And because they've gotten to know each other beforehand, it comes as a much greater reward – and interest levels are going to be running high on both sides. As I said in the last chapter, though, it's also where women can really make it all go wrong – and then not only does he lose interest, but practically goes running out the door! The single most common way we mess this up is by leaping into full-on committed relationship mode. This is so, so wrong, ladies. And so, so easy to do – because we're so happy! So we text him silly message (all damn day). We pout when we can't see him every night (not as cute as we think). We introduce him to everybody whose opinion matters to us (awkward). We go in heavy with the public displays of affection (too much!). Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 64 But although you're both flying high on that love potion, he doesn't see these things as cute. He sees them as ways we're trying to “claim” him. Simply put, we move too fast in the honeymoon phase, and he becomes actively disinterested in us. So, what we need to do here is take it slow. Limit the number of times you see him each week. Make sure you're going out, not just hopping into bed. Calls and texts are for making plans – use them sparingly otherwise. Gush to a couple of close friends, but don't make the big debut yet. Phase 4: The Comfort Zone Once you've been dating a while, you move into the Comfort Zone. Here is where we can go wrong in this phase: Whereas before nights in were spent romping, now it's pizza and TV. You think nothing of greeting him at the door in sweats and a tee. There's an assumption that he's going to spend the night. When you go out to your regular place, it's because you don't have the energy to think of someplace new. Now, I know it's not all doldrums. This Comfort Zone is called as such because it's comfortable! It's just that while you're not an official long-term couple yet, you no longer live in fear that he's going to vanish at any time. You're both confident in where the relationship is heading, and so you start to relax a bit. In other words, this is a hugely critical time. The best way to avoid a loss of interest in this phase is not to let the routine begin. If you're not in a rut, there's no need to dig yourself out of one! So, make sure you're still looking cute as a button when he comes to call. Make sure you're still going out and about – and mix it up a bit. It doesn't have to be insanely glamorous evenings on the town, but even a nice walk or a date on a day or at a time you don't usually meet up is enough to make it interesting. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 65 Phase 5: The Commitment In the last chapter, I mentioned that the challenge to keep his interest in the Commitment phase is a unique one. Let me explain, and see if we can figure out where it can go wrong. You see, for us, staying interested isn't usually a problem. Once we have our guy, it's in our natural instincts to be interested in him, in every aspect. It's usually going to be the guy who gets less interested, because his work is done, so to speak – he can truly relax into the relationship. And unfortunately, that means he can get bored fairly quickly. Where we come into this equation is that, as part of a couple, we start behaving like one – sometimes, too much. We make all the plans. We remind him of important things like appointments and events. We take care of everything. So he just goes along for the ride, until all of a sudden one day he is bored out of his mind, and realizes his life as a couple bears little to no resemblance to his “former” life. So it isn't that either one of you are actively sabotaging the relationship; it's simply that you both assume roles that are not sustainable over time, and, well, that sounds pretty uninteresting to me. What you can do, therefore, is keep it as much as possible like the beginning of your relationship, activity-wise, while moving the emotional part of the relationship further. What do I mean by that? Make sure that you both spend time apart. It's 100% true that absence makes the heart grow finder. Travel together, even if it's just for a weekend away. Taking yourselves out of your environment is a way to help him see you in a new way. Don't assume he's going to accept every “couple” invitation. Give him the choice. As long as you keep things fresh and new, and don't let him rest too easy on the routine, he'll stay interested during the Commitment phase. OK. We've gone over some of the common pitfalls. Now, let's move on to some proactive things you can do to make him realize you're the only woman who truly “gets” him! Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 66 Chapter 4: How To Be The Woman Who Gets Him For some of us, trying to “get” our man can be a downright mystery. But even for the most relationship-savvy among us, it still can be a challenge. But here's the thing: At every step of the way, your man is giving you pretty obvious clues as to what he wants. He just doesn't know he's doing it. You simply have to learn how to listen for them, and then act on them. He'll think you're a freaking mind reader and a genius – and he'll definitely stay interested, if only to see what you think of next! To help explain, let's use those dating phases again, so we can break it down. Phase 1: The Game The worst-kept secret in dating is that during the Game phase, men have no game. They are terrified, excited, nervous and, more often than not, you can see through their shenanigans a mile away. Don't believe me? I bet you can tell me at least five horrendous opening lines a man has laid on you or a friend, without even thinking. The difference between those guys and the cooler guys is that the cooler guys have learned to keep the loser buried deep within them. The reason why we don't see their terrified, nervous excitement is because we ourselves are too busy being terrified, nervous and excited, too. Therefore, the very first way you can show him that you get him is to understand this simple fact, and counteract it. Basically, you want to calm him down and assure him that he's doing fine (without actually coming out and saying so, of course!) This will accomplish two things. 1. He'll subconsciously see you as someone who sees past the B.S. to what's inside of him. 2. By being relaxed, he'll be able to concentrate on how awesome you are. The best way to do this is with humor. Let's take an example. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 67 Say you're at a party, and you're standing in a group but it's clear he's focusing on you. He's looking at you often, he's making comments to you, maybe he's trying to include you in the conversation. Eventually you want to get it to where it's just the two of you. Then you want to say things like: “Sorry to steal you away from the group, I just wanted to have a chance to catch our breath and talk one on one.” “Whew, that's better, isn't it? Now we can talk like grown-ups. Just kidding.” “You're adorable, I'm so glad we have this chance to chat.” Or, let's say you two know each other in passing, and have seen or spoken to each other several times – and now it's getting to a critical point. More likely than not, he wants to talk to you but he can't figure out how. By helping him out, it's the first step to you getting him – getting that he wants you! “We must stop meeting like this. Or at least let's make it a regular habit.” “You know, in some countries, we'd be married by now – and we still haven't been on a date yet!” “We keep passing in the halls and now it's getting ridiculous. I can't wait until we have a real conversation!” You can keep it light and fun, and be as brash as you want; you just want to let him know that he's doing fine, and you're into him too. Then, once you see his shoulders go down from around his ears, you can have a much easier conversation – and he can concentrate on being interested in you! Phase 2: The First Dates At no point in your relationship is listening more crucial than during your first dates. However, like the phase above, the two of you are so busy trying to make an impression that it's a wonder you even remember those dates at all. So, like the Game phase, part of your strategy is still going to involve calming him down. To do that, you should put the focus on him. He'll be much more comfortable talking about himself than in trying to come up with something to say to you. I know that sounds weird, but let's face it – women are better at making conversation than guys are. Let's use it to our advantage! This also accomplishes what I just said is your most crucial task during this phase – listen. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 68 He'll let you know things that are valuable for later on in the relationship: Has he had a Friday night poker game with his friends for five years? When you let him know down the line that you know about important it is and you'd never mess with hit, he'll know you get him. Is he talking about how hard he's working on getting a promotion at work? Then you'll know to tread easy when he's pulling all-nighters in the office, and not harp on him about not spending time with you, and he'll know you get him. Did he tell a story about how much he loved when he was little and his mom made him a certain cake for his birthday? Find the recipe and surprise him next year – he won't believe how much you get him. Does he have a friend who lives far away and he really misses them? Next time they're in town and you tell him you'll see him next week because you know he'll want to spend time with them, he'll know you get him. See what I mean? It's all those little things that add up to a consistent cool-girlfriend vibe down the line, when the stakes are higher. As for right now, though, in this early dating stage, just play it cool and go with the flow. I know, I know, it sounds like I'm the Big Lebowski's little sister. But really, all it takes to keep him interested right now is to not be a crazy person. You're just doing your homework and learning how to “get” him, so you can keep him! Phase 3: The Honeymoon For the Honeymoon phase, the most important way to show him that you get him is two-fold: First, there's the sex. You want to let him know you enjoy it! But more importantly, you want to strike a balance between enjoying it, and enjoying it for what it is – which is sex. In other words, you don't want to make him feel like you're expecting a ring on your finger because you had a roll in the sheets. If, on the other hand, you DO expect a ring on your finger because you had sex – and there's no judgments here, that's totally up to you – then you shouldn't be having sex with him at this point. Stay true to yourself and no one else. The thing is, men enjoy sex more or less independently of emotion. Now, before I lose you here, let me explain. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 69 I know this is a cliché. I know that the worst among us say that men only want women for sex. That is patently untrue. What is true, however, is that men enjoy sex in a different way than we do. Do they get emotional? Of course they do. Do they feel something deeper when the sex is with someone the love? You betcha. But while we get excited at the thought of having sex with HIM, he is just freaking ecstatic at the fact that ANYONE wants to have sex with him. The fact that it's you is just icing on the cake. Once you get this, and get that more than anything else at this stage it's just a ton of fun for him, you'll get him. And he'll know it. The second part of this... well, it also has to do with sex, more or less. As part of that balancing act you're doing, between enjoying it and enjoying it for what it is? You're going to have to actually balance the sex with other activities. You can't go from being out on dates to just spending all your time in the bedroom because it makes him (and you) happy. This is how you bring his emotional side along. He'll see you less as “this is the girl who wants to have sex with me!” and as the person he spent several hours with beforehand getting to know, and liking, and seeing how much you get him. That's going to make him feel much more connected to you – which is going to very much keep his interest. Phase 4: The Comfort Zone Ah, the Comfort Zone. As the glow wears off, it's more important than ever to keep his interest. But, we've talked about that already. So let's see what we can do in this phase to make sure he knows we're the only one who gets him. As we've gone over already, this is the point in the relationship when there is a risk of getting into a rut – which is the death knell for any relationship, especially one that is not fully committed yet. So, it is during this time that you want to harken back to all that stuff you've learned about him while you've been dating. Now, we're going to put it to good use. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 70 The whole strategy during this phase is never to get in a rut in the first place. So, the first thing you're going to do is keep things lively. You want to give the two of you some room to breathe. During the Honeymoon phase, when it seems like you can't get enough of each other, it can be all too easy to spend absurd amounts of time together. Be careful not to let that be the norm. Once the newness of sex wears off, then it's just, well, spending absurd amounts of time together. So you want to go back to normal amounts of time together, but you want to make sure they're packed with fun and not just “Hey, it's your turn to buy pizza.” For example, take HIM out on a date – doing something he wants to do. Go to a batting cage or a driving range. Take him to a game, or a movie he's been dying to see. Make the date all about him, to let him know you've been listening and you get him. Suggest something that neither of you have done before – take a day trip somewhere new, or take one of those one-time seminar classes to learn a skill neither of you have. Even if you have a bad time, that's when your sense of humor comes in. No matter what you decide, what you're doing right now is making positive memories. After all, we've all been through the early dating stages. But it's helping the two of you get through the Comfort Zone phase that, no matter what you're doing, will make him feel like you get him. If you' can make this phase just as exciting as the ones that came before it, you're in. Phase 5: The Commitment Once you're in the Commitment phase, he pretty much knows that you get him. But what you want to be careful of here is that he doesn't take that for granted. That's because, unlike in the earlier phases where you want to make him see how deeply you get what he's about, now he knows that you know that – so you want to make sure he knows that you get what excites him. Remember, he's gotten past the “Oh my God she wants to have sex with me” phase. That was a while ago. And that's what you want to get back. However, it doesn't have to be sexual. It simply is about bringing a general feeling of excitement to the forefront as often as you can. Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 71 And as I said in the previous chapter, you also want to strengthen the emotional bond between the two of you as you go further into a long-term relationship. For example, let's go back to that poker night he loves so much. Now, if you're of a certain age, chances your friends as well as his are pairing off. It's no longer that the majority of his friends are single, with a couple here and there; it's probably more couples now. This means that the poker nights may be few and far between. After all, not every girlfriend is as cool as you! You could suggest a plan, then, such as this: Plan a weekend away, except you go on Friday night while he stays back and has a poker night with the boys – then he comes and joins you on Saturday. That way, he can get the downtime he wants, the friendships he needs, and he also gets to spend time with you alone, in a new place. It's a win/win! And because you're not only not making him choose between time with you and time with his friends, as well as actively encouraging time away from you, well... how do you think you'll measure up when they're all sitting around talking about their girlfriends?! Remember, this is about feeding him ideas and making plans. It's all too easy for him to get set in his ways during this phase, which will make him bored and uninterested. Another great way to let him know how much you get him is to take it easy at holiday time. This is where couples generally create the most tension, whereas you, by playing it by ear, can come across as Girlfriend of the Year. For that first holiday you're together in a committed relationship, don't pressure him to do a lot of stuff where you'll be parading him around – and don't expect to be paraded around, either. For example, let's say Thanksgiving is a huge deal in his family, and it's family only. He's going to feel a lot of pressure to explain this to you, and he might be worried about how you'll react. Except you've already been listening all this time, and you know it already. So, long before it gets to crunch time, make plans of your own – and let him know that it's no worries on your end, have fun with the family and we'll have our own dinner later on in Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 72 the weekend, or next weekend. Or, say he's not close to his family, and gets really stressed or down at Christmas time. But, it's important to you that he comes to your family's place for the holiday. At this point, it's OK to let him to that something is non-negotiable with you – but that there is still some compromise to be had. He can stop by for a little while, or he can come over on Christmas Eve when it's not as big a scene, or some other smaller thing that will make you feel good, but won't make him crazy, either. Speaking of Christmas, let's talk gifts for a quick second – whether for the holidays or a birthday. It's easy to hit the stores and get him a bunch of things to unwrap – but before you light up that credit card, think for a moment. Because what you choose as a gift can be the single best way to show him you get him. And remember, a gift doesn't have to cost a lot in order for it to be “gotten” by him. So, think. Is there something he talks about missing from his childhood, like a book or a toy you could get? What about something he's talked about doing – could you get him guitar lessons from a friend? Is there something he's griped about needing replaced, like a wallet, that would mean so much coming from you? What it actually is, isn't important – it should simply be something that shows you've been listening to him, and that you get him. Chapter 5: How To Maintain Interest Forever Now that we've moved through all the dating stages... now what? Well, I certainly hope that you're now in a relationship with a man whose interest level remains high and proud! But on a serious note, it's not just in those early stages that it's important to get him and keep him interested. If you're serious about finding a good man to love for a long time, you have to have a long-term plan. Once you're well into a relationship – meaning, the next step will see you wearing white and walking down an aisle – there are other ways to keep showing him that you get him. These ways have to do with looking forward, to the future. It will not only keep him interested in you, but by showing him what a future would be like with you, he'll be Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 73 much more interested in making it happen! First and foremost, you need to keep doing something you've been doing all along – which is to give him space. To illustrate my point, which I know I've been making a lot but I swear this is the last time, have you ever heard of a “man cave?” A man cave is the name given to a space in a couple's home that is solely for his use. It's usually a garage or a basement, but it can be a spare room or some other space that's all his. The cliché of a man cave is so prevalent because, as the thinking goes, the rest of the home is the woman's domain. Now, when I say give him space, I don't mean space in your home. What I'm saying is, don't turn your home into solely your domain, and he won't feel the need to retreat into a man cave – neither physically, nor psychologically. Men create man caves because they feel like the women they live with don't get them. If he knows you get him, he won't have that urge to get away. So this goes for your physical space; don't make him live in a sea of pink frills and throw pillows. But it also goes for your psychological space as well. Just because he has a free afternoon does not mean that it's time to tackle that honeydo list. Let him have a balance between time for him, time for you, time for the relationship, and time for chores and errands. There is a balance there, I swear. And if you help him find it, he's yours forever! Part of that balance, and another way to show him a future with you, is to encourage his passions. When couples have been together for a long while, including in marriage, their lives intertwine and before we know it, all the big plans and dreams we had before get lost in the day-to-day routine of just getting stuff done. So, it may just be up to you to keep those eternal flames alive. Make sure he makes those guitar lessons no matter what. Get him to that business seminar. Find those forms he needs to fill out to register his invention. No matter what it is, helping him see a positive future for himself will only benefit the Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 74 relationship in the long term. Another way to make him feel like you get him in the long term – like, over years together – is if you keep looking at the bigger picture. That is covered a bit above, with helping him go after his dreams, whether it's to learn guitar or to start a business. But looking at the bigger picture is also about letting the little stuff slide. Yes, it's frustrating when he forgets to change the kitty litter or mow the lawn. But there are ways to remind him of these things that won't make it so that the majority of conversations he has with you involve you telling him what he's done wrong. So, make light of it. Make a joke out of it! “I know that you have some incredible trauma in your past that makes you block out the fact that our front yard is a jungle, but if you could remember to mow the lawn this weekend I won't have to buy a machete knife to whack my way to the car.” You can also ask him sincerely if there is some way you can help. “Honey, I know the lawn isn't your top priority but it does need to be done. Is there a good time when I can remind you of it? I hate nagging you, it's so unfair to you.” In the same vein of not wanting to be negative all the time, make sure you remember to praise him when he does do things. Now, I know this is hard. But I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that if you make compliments and positive comments a regular occurrence, you'll start to see it reciprocated. Not only will he do his part, but you'll be praised for your contributions as well! As a last piece of advice here, let's go back to something we talked about way back in the beginning of the book – grooming. Now, obviously, when you're living with a man and you've been with him for a while, it's simply not possible to look your absolute best every second. But when we get into the routine of coupledom, of married life, it can be all too easy to just let everything slide. So, no – you don't have to wear that sexy cocktail dress while you're loafing around the house. But let's take a look at some basic long-term tips that will ensure he stays Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 75 interested in you, even when you're old and grey! Keep your loungewear up to date. I know you love those ratty old sweats, but they're not doing you any favors. It's just as easy to put on a cute casual outfit as it is to don that ripped tee and baggy sweats. Keep your hair nice. Whereas when we're on the prowl we're always touching up the highlights and getting a trim, it can be all too easy to just stick it up in a ponytail 24/7. Make those regular appointments, and take a few seconds to brush it out so you always look put together. Don't forget that perfume! Olfactory memory is very powerful; spraying a little perfume the single easiest way to have him remember why he fell in love with you in the first place. Keep up the health routine. Whether it's going to the gym or joining a running club or starting up a sport with him like tennis or biking, staying in shape is a good way to be healthy, happy and fit. If I could, I'd like to leave you with some final thoughts before we part ways. We've talked a lot in this book about the man in your life. The whole point of my advice is to make Mr. Dreamy your very own. Because of this focus, we haven't talked about you a lot – or rather, we have, but mostly about tips and strategies you can employ to keep your man interested. That being said, I want there to be no misunderstanding – no man, no matter how amazing he may be, and no matter how badly you may want him, should never be your FULL focus. The majority of the advice I give in this book should be easy enough to implement as long as you're living your own life. You know how I went on and on about giving him space? That's easy to do when you have a busy life with plans of your own to keep up with. You know how generous I'm asking you to be, in encouraging him to pursue his interests? Again, that's easy when you're pursuing your own. To give you an example of what I mean, imagine you only see your guy on weekends. If you have no life, those five days are going to seem like an eternity. But if you do laundry while catching up on your shows on Monday, yoga on Tuesday, girls' night out on Wednesday, a class on Thursday and choir on Friday... well, look at that! Is it the weekend already? Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 76 As for the other points I make often in this book, about keeping him calm in the beginning stages and putting yourself in charge of making plans later on? Well, I'm saying all those things in the spirit of empowerment. All too often, I see women who make their relationship the center of their lives. They hold the man up on a pedestal, living and dying on his every word or sigh or missed call or an unanswered text. They're putting the man in the driver's seat, and letting him call all the shots. That's why they often panic and make frankly dumb mistakes – which is why the man feels like they don't get him, and they lose interest. So with these tips, I want you to take them, use them, and feel empowered to steer the relationship in the direction you, and ONLY you, want it to go. That's the real secret to happiness! To your life long, love life success! Recommended videos for you to watch ASAP Why Men Pull Away: If you’ve ever been frustrated by a man’s behavior, and/or wished that you truly understood your man then watch this video and discover how to be the woman he’ll love forever… http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/whyhepullsaway How to Get a Guy: This free video shows you exactly how to get a guy and keep their interest levels high. http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/getaguy How to be the girl who gets proposed to: This free video shows you every girl’s dream – how to be the one he proposes to! http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/girlgetsring FOR ALL OUR RECOMMENDED COURSES GO TO: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/category/courses/ Discover what men secretly crave in a woman: http://www.onlinerelationshipadviceforwomen.com/go/beirrestible Page 77
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