STRATEGIES THAT WORK: HOW TO PROMOTE CHILDREN’S BEST BEHAVIOR AND EFFECTIVELY MANAGE THEIR LESS-THAN-BEST Suzanne Kerns, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist The role of parents  Holders of hopes and dreams for our child/ren To feel secure and attached  To be self confident and curious  To have dreams and know it’s possible to achieve them   Desirous of a harmonious household Low conflict in the home  To listen to me more often than not!   As parents, we are the ultimate decision-makers for how to get there! We all learn through trial and error  Every parent has to develop their own goals and approach to discipline  Child Behavior Graphs Amount of Child Behavior ? “OK” Behavior ? ? ? “NOT OK” Behavior Current Situation ? ? ? ? ? “OK” Behavior ? “NOT OK” Behavior Desired Situation McMahon & Forehand: Helping the Noncompliant Child Tips for building a positive relationship with your child    Quality time Talking with your child Showing affection Quality Time       Find brief moments a few times during the day Stop what you are doing Focus on what your child is doing Let him/her take the lead Find something to compliment your child on Show enthusiasm Talking with your child     Ask questions about their day or something they are interested in Tell your child about something important or interesting to you “Running dialogue” Research shows that children’s accomplishments at age 9 can be predicted by:  Children’s language accomplishments at age 3 (rate of vocabulary growth, vocabulary use and IQ)  Early family experience (feedback tone, symbolic emphasis, and guidance style) were even better predictors than child’s early accomplishments  These factors were more important than how much money the family made or other socioeconomic factors Hart & Risley (1995) Showing affection  Can include:  Hugs, snuggles, high five, pat on the back, wink, holding hands, a million others!  Appropriate affection may depend on:  Culturally appropriate expressions  Child age  Setting  Goal is to express warmth and teach your child to give and receive affection Tips for managing challenging behaviors    Establishing clear ground rules Giving clear instructions Backing up instructions with a consistent approach “I just want him/her to do what I ask”   Principle: compliance with instructions/directions, following house rules Time for parents to learn their A-B-C’s! A Antecedents: What happens before your child complies/does not comply B C Behavior: Compliance or non-compliance with request or rules Consequences: what happens after your child complies/does not comply B is for behavior  Kids are always behaving!   But… are they behaving ‘OK’ or ‘not OK’? What are the behaviors you want to see less of? Whining  Quitting a game when they know they are going to lose  Saying ‘no’ all the time   Identify behaviors you want to see more of Speaking in a pleasant voice (not whining)  Being a good sport  Complying with requests  A is for antecedent  Ground rules A small number of rules is sufficient  Rules  should be:  fair  easy to follow  easy to enforce  positively stated Schedules/routine can help A is for antecedent   Clear, calm instructions Set yourself up for success. Consider:  Necessity of request  Pick your battles  Decrease in # of requests = decrease in opportunities for non-compliance  Timing of request  How the request is made  Long distance requests  Unclear requests  Tone of voice  How much time to give your child to comply? C is for consequence  If it is a behavior you want to see more of…  Praise, praise, praise  Specific and descriptive  Consider reasonable rewards, especially at first  Star charts for lower-frequency behaviors  If it is a behavior you want to see less of…  Set a reasonable consequence and stick with it  Consider logical consequences most often  Consider time out as needed  Timing is important Logical consequences   Directly related to the problem behavior If the problem is related to an item (e.g., toy, TV, playing with food), be sure to return item in a short amount of time  Gives your child a chance to interact with it appropriately  Gives you a chance to praise when he/she does!  If it is a problem again, remove the item for a longer period of time or move to a back-up consequence (e.g., Time Out) A word about Time Out High Time Out Context Low  Has been used and misused, stakes are high! General principle: Context behavior occurred “Time In”  High Low TO has no impact OK behavior increases Not OK behavior increases TO has no impact Other ways to make TO work for you   Keep it calm, firm and consistent Briefly explain to your child why they are going to time out and for how long       Shorter times work just as well (if not better) than longer times Don’t negotiate or let your child out of the consequence Don’t let your child out of TO if they are still upset or are misbehaving Avoid ‘double jeopardy’ Ideally, give your child another chance for success right afterwards. If TO was given for ‘non-compliance,’ be sure to make the request again and praise for compliance.  TO is not a strategy for children to get out of doing things they don’t want to do A strategy to be consistent… GIVE INSTRUCTION WAIT FOR 5 SECONDS CHILD DOES NOT DO AS ASKED CHILD DOES AS ASKED REPEAT INSTRUCTION PRAISE WAIT FOR 5 SECONDS CHILD DOES NOT DO AS ASKED LOGICAL CONSEQUENCE/ QUIET TIME /TIME-OUT CHILD DOES AS ASKED PRAISE Some parting thoughts…  Start low and go slow  Focus    on 1 or 2 strategies at a time Most mileage from promoting positive behavior and parent/caregiver-child relationships than strategies for managing misbehavior An ounce of prevention really is worth a pound of cure (think “A” before “C”) It is true, sometimes things get worse before they get better  Most important to stick with it – this is temporary and actually means that what you are doing is working Thank you! Suzanne Kerns, Ph.D. Assistant Professor & Clinical Psychologist University of Washington Division of Public Behavioral Health &Justice Policy [email protected] (206)685-2766