1. family and parenting
2. children

~Sample Report~
People and Stories/Gente y Cuentos
January 20-February 15, 2010
Bo Robinson- Men
Bo Robinson Robinson­men
377 Enterprise Way
Trenton, NJ 08638
Coordinator: Stephanie Hanzel Cohen
Contact: Ms. Wade
Dates: January 20, 2010­ February 15, 2010
Time: M/W 9:30­11:00
Sponsor: Princeton Area Community Foundation
Who are the men of Bo Robinson?
Bo Robinson is a minimum security correctional facility treating male and female inmates who
are within 18 months of parole eligibility. Inmates are placed at Bo Robinson for approximately
60 days prior to placement in a halfway house or community treatment program. Most of the
men are incarcerated for drug related crimes and many have been incarcerated more than once.
Participants for the People and Stories session were members of Ms. Wade’s GED class. One
man described Ms. Wade’s class as a “safe-haven” in comparison with the chaos outside of her
classroom. Ms. Wade’s firm but loving style made it easier for me as an outsider to enter and do
our People and Stories business. The men were respectful and eager and looked forward to our
“outside of the box” (as another man described) approach.
January 20, 2010
“Thank You, M’am” by Langston Hughes
4 Crossing Borders volunteers
23 Bo participants
Today’s first session was incredible- the men were completely engaged with the story
and discussion and a positive energy flowed through the room. It was very uplifting. We
laughed, wrestled with challenging moments in the story and uncovered many diverse points of
view.
While we talked about Mrs. Luella Bates Washington Jones persona and impact on
Roger, we deeply probed the poetics surrounding her interaction with Roger. Vance brought our
attention to the passage on pg. 224 when Mrs. Jones lays it out for Roger, “But you put yourself
in contact with me.” said the woman. “If you think that that contact is not going to last
awhile, you got another thought coming. When I get through with you, sir, you are going
to remember Mrs. Luella Bates Washington Jones.” Vance explained, “At that point, you
don’t know what she is going to do with him. She sounds very threatening. I think he sticks
around to find out what she is going to do.” This led us to discuss Roger’s need for attention.
For a 14 year old who has a dirty face and is lurking around late at night, we can assume that he
is not being tended to. We decided that perhaps Roger will take any attention (even if it is an
initially menacing Mrs. Jones).
The meaning of contact as introduced by Mrs. Jones also got us going. We talked about
how we need contact with others that fulfill basic human requirements of love and nurturing and
that Mrs. Jones offers Roger these necessities when she takes him in, feeds him and makes him
wash his face.
Brian noticed a passage that many of us had overlooked, “The woman was sitting on
the daybed. After a while she said, “I were young once and I wanted things I could not
get.” There was another long pause. The boy’s mouth opened. Then he frowned, not
knowing he frowned.” p.225. Brian felt that this subtle detail showed that Roger had
compassion and was making “contact” with Mrs. Jones on an emotional level, and not just a
physical level.
For Demichre, the story boiled down to Mrs. Jones message on pg. 226, “because shoes
got by devilish ways will burn your feet.” He explained that when you do something the
wrong way, it comes back to haunt you in the end and that many of the men in the room were
probably there for doing something in a “devilish way”.
Kerry focused less on Roger and more on Mrs. Luella Bates Washington Jones, he said,
“I may be out in left field here, but I’m thinking about the woman and why she is bringing this
boy home and calling him her son? Maybe she needed him.” We began to discuss the mutuality
of their “story” and Mrs. Jone’s revelation, “I have done things,too, which I would not tell
you, son- neither tell God, if he didn’t already know. Everybody’s got something in
common.” p.225
We talked about the complexity of trust in the story and the poetic puzzle with which
Hughes uses to demonstrate it, “He did not trust the woman not to trust him. And he did not
want to be mistrusted now.”.p. 226. Angel said, “I think he doesn’t trust himself yet.”
Michael added, “She gives him a test to see what he’s going to do. I think she gives him the ten
dollars at the end because she rewards him for not running.” Sharon reminded the group, that
Roger also exhibits trust towards Mrs. LBWJ. He trusts her enough to go to her home.
Fame brought our attention to her favorite metaphor, “She switched on the light and left
the door open.” p.224. Other participants nodded in agreement. We talked about what Roger
experiences from that open door: he hears laughter (from the other roomers), he knows he’s not
alone(“so he knew he and the woman were not alone”) and he has the chance to redeem
himself.
However, Terrance expressed disappointment that Mrs. Luella Bates Washington Jones,
“throws him out to the wolves” at the end of the story. He figured if they’d “met” at 11:00pm, it
had to be at least past midnight. “She shuts the door at the end,” he said. Sally countered, “I
think she’s leaving it up to him. The ball is in his court now.”
We wrapped up the session by reading several poems (“I,Too, “Mother to Son,” “Life is
Fine,” and “Dreams”) by Langston Hughes which also enraptured us in conversation. The men
expressed strong enthusiasm for the next class.
January 25, 2010
“The Home-Coming” by Milly Jafta
Visit from guest writer Anndee Hochmann
22 Bo participants
3 Crossing Borders volunteers
I began today’s session by giving background information on Milly Jafta and Namibia. I
also asked the men to think back to a time when they returned home or to a future homecoming:
What are the words that describe how you feel? Many men responded: “anxious”, “happy”,
“excited”, “confused”, and “expecting”. This opened the door for our group to step into the
shoes of Jafta’s narrator.
After the story was read we discussed some of the questions pressing the participants,
particularly: why was the mother away from her family and why was she gone for so long? We
discussed the social injustice of an economy that removes the mother from her own family.
Looking at the passage, “It was Friday, end of the week, end of the month, end of the
year, and the trip from Windhoek to the north was hot and unending,” (p. 259) participants
responded to whether the story was about a beginning or an ending. Andre said, “It’s the end of
the bad times.” Juan said, “It’s the end of her going back and forth, it says here, “Unlike
previous times, I remained in my seat until the bus was empty,” (p.261). I asked why the
mother remains in her seat this time and Vance said, “She’s taking it all in.”
We also revisited the passage, “I tried not to look at the long dusty road ahead of us.”
p. 260. I asked if the “long dusty road” was a metaphor for something. Terrance jumped in, “I
think it the “long, dusty road” means all the time that she has to make up.” Juan added, “You
can really feel her emotional rollercoaster that she’s on.”
We discussed the complexity of time and how time the narrator struggles to “keep track
of the time, when (she) could only measure it against (herself) in a foreign land..” (p. 260).
Anndee talked about how parents often measure time against their children’s aging and the
narrator, being away from her children, is unable to use her children as a measuring stick for the
passage of time. However, Marcus felt the passage referred to the narrator’s consumption with
work duties in order to avoid thinking about her distant family.
The contrasting silences also came up in our discussion. Eddie focused on the peaceful
silence the mother experiences at the end of the story, while Vance described the silent
awkwardness of the characters’ first encounter, (“So we continued in silence, this stranger- my
daughter- and I.” p. 260 and “We sat there in complete silence, with only the sound of the
crickets filling the air. I never felt more content, more at peace.”p.261). Terrance noted the
importance of the “peaceful” silence, where one can feel at ease without having to fill the empty
space with words.
Dennis brought up a distinction between hope and expectations. He said, “You asked us
whether it was possible to have no expectations in a situation like this, I think she doesn’t have
expectations, but she has hope.”
Our group found Jafta’s story to be transformative on several levels: a reticent mother at
the beginning is in a “hurry” to get home at story’s end; the uncomfortable silence blossoms into
a connection void of useless words, Maria (the daughter) leads the way and then shifts the leader
position to her mother.
Lastly, a moment that stuck with me from today’s conversation was something that
Andre said. While we were talking about how the mother might feel after Maria tells her,
“Everybody is waiting for you.” (p.261), Andre offered, “I don’t think it matters what happens
at the village now. She knows that her daughter still loves and respects her and that’s all she
needs.”
After our discussion, Anndee led us in a writing exercise about “Home”. She asked us to
focus on the sensory details of “home” and to try and paint a picture with words. Several
participants shared their writing and it was evident that the group enjoyed the opportunity to
write creatively. When Vance began, he said, “I don’t usually write like this, but I think the
story we read affected me.” It was a wonderful moment that showed the immeasurable impact of
good literature.
Poem: “A Blessing” by James Wright
January 27, 2010
“Humpies” by Mattox Roesch
20 Bo participants
4 Crossing Border participants
With his haunting story, Mattox Roesch stirred participants’ convictions about right and
wrong when it comes to child abuse and family welfare. We wrestled with the question: Is it
ever wrong to do the right thing? And we didn’t all agree with what the right thing was in
“Humpies.” We also found meaning in the metaphor of the humpies and continually returned to
their importance in the story.
I began the discussion by asking why Roesch repeatedly refers to the humpies,
particularly the passage on p.309, “Every single one of them, down to the last one, could
change the direction of the whole group. At least that’s how I imagined it. Fish are so
nervous all the time. With their unblinking eyes peeled on both sides, any little movement
by one freaks them all out. It’s a miracle they don’t get so sidetracked that they never find
a river to swim up and spawn in. It’s a miracle they ain’t all extinct.”
Juan said the passage made him think about being institutionalized and he described
periods of time in prison and how it conditioned him to feel unnatural in the outside world.
Terrance added, “If the narrator tells the police, he’s like the fish that could change the direction
of the whole group.” We talked about the author’s word choice: “freaks them all out” and how
the only other time “freak out” is used is to describe Go-Boy’s dad when he puts Sean into a
coma. Perhaps Go-Boy’s dad is also a “fish” that has changed the direction of the community.
For others it was the last line of the story that shed light on the meaning of the humpies,
“They didn’t know that all of this led to their death. But I imagined that didn’t even
matter. They’d still swim up this river if they knew what it meant, because it was the only
thing they knew how to do.” Pia said, “The last line makes me think about the youth in the
story. But I think they are different than the fish because, if they knew that their choices might
lead to death, even death of the soul, they wouldn’t make some of the choices they’re making.”
Margaret added on, “We are different than the fish because humans have the ability to think
ahead and reflect on consequences. We can imagine the future whereas the fish can’t.”
Juan came back to his experience in prison and said, “Sometimes you go back to what
you know, even if you know what the outcome is.” We talked about the immaturity of the
characters and how that might affect their perspective and decision making.
The repetition throughout the story, “But we didn’t move,” prompted Demichre to say,
“When you see someone get hit with an ashtray and you see the dent it makes, you’re thinking,
‘I’m next.’ Any of us in this room would have been frozen.”
The conversation got a little heated when we talked about what the narrator should do
with the trauma he’s witnessed in conjunction with Kiana’s plea, “Please don’t say
anything…Don’t say anything about what my dad did. He didn’t mean to do it. He was
drunk. It was an accident.” p. 313. Passionately, Demichre argued that when it comes to a
child’s welfare, one must stand up and tell the police or else something more severe (like death)
could happen next time.
Others were not so sure. Daaim said, “But what’s going to happen if the state takes over
and the family gets split up. They end up in a foster home with people that don’t love them like
family. No one loves you like your family.” Daaim went on to explain that he wasn’t excusing
the father’s behavior only pointing out that what happens in “Humpies” is very common. He
said, “Probably most of us in this room had parents addicted to drugs. That’s real life man.”
Michael, Terrance, Dennis and Sally all commented on the unknown history of the
father’s drinking and abuse. Was this the first time? Dennis pointed out that the story gives no
indication that this happened before. Terrance said, “He wasn’t trying to aim to hit Sean.” And
Michael noted that, “Kiana is ‘daddy’s little girl’, I have daughters I know how it is. She wants
to protect him.”
Kerry, who always begins his commentary by saying he’s out in “left field” brought up a
really interesting point. Referring to the passage on p. 315, “I would later understand how
stressful this was for Kiana, how keeping the family together was her only priority, and
how it was more important to her than to anyone else. But right then I couldn’t see that. I
felt used. I felt she was messing with me,” he explained that the narrator isn’t really thinking
about the seriousness of what happened, he’s thinking about the girl that he still likes.
The narrator’s and Kiana’s brief romantic interlude added to the narrator’s confusion.
Dennis said, “The narrator is dealing with all these opposing emotions. He’s embarrassed about
what happened with Kiana, he’s ashamed for not preventing Sean’s accident and he’s worried
about what will happen next.”
We also spent time talking about the roles or lack thereof of mothers and fathers in the
story. Angel said that the narrator’s mother had an instinct that he was up to trouble. Demichre
argued that because she was, “now rediscovering her power,” p. 311, she was just learning to
discipline her son. Demichre also pointed out that Go-Boy’s family seems to be a single-father
family which is all the more reason to report the father’s behavior- there is no other parent to turn
to.
Lastly, Terrance who speaks with a gentle calmness suggested to the group that Go-Boy’s
family was already messed up, that the household was already unstable before the tragedy of
Sean’s coma. He pointed out that Kiana was having sex at a young age and that Go-Boy had just
asked a girl to marry him.
We went about 20 min. over the time allotted. We finished by reading a poem by Marge
Piercy, “The Low Road” which provides a positive image of group power opposed to the
negative portrayal of “group think” reflected in “Humpies.”
February 1, 2010
“Night of the FEMA Trailers” by Vivian Demuth
18 participants
3 Crossing Borders participants
Demuth’s story asked us to sift through its enigmatic, moonlit setting and determine what
is real, what is imagined and what Demuth is attempting to tell us by the way in which she tells
the story.
Prior to reading, I gave background information on Vivian Demuth and we briefly
discussed FEMA and its connection with Hurricane Katrina. Several of the participants had
either been down to New Orleans after the hurricane or had affected family members, so it was
not difficult to conjure up imagery related to the flood, the damaged levees and the forgotten
people- all which feature in Demuth’s story. I also gave background on the Chitimaucha tribe
and their history in Louisiana. In light of the recent Haitian earthquake, the understanding of
tragedy and neglect were close at hand.
We began our discussion by looking at the repetition of the full moon which is when
Rosie repeatedly sees the convoy of FEMA trailers plunge into the Mississippi, p.123,
“watching a full moon illuminate..”, p.123 “rolled by beneath a rising moon..”, p.123,
“Rosie completely forgot about the ominous event until the next full moon.”, p. 135,
“frowning full moon”. There were different interpretations about the moon. For Dennis, the
moon was a way to keep track of time for Native Americans. For Kerry, the full moon referred
to Rosie’s dreams, “the next full moon is her next dream.”
Kiaya was reminded of that time in between sleeping and waking- he felt that Rosie was
in that state when she “saw” the FEMA trailers disappear. Richard talked about being in New
Orleans after Katrina and how it was impossible to get help into the areas that needed it most.
Some felt that Rosie never really saw anything plunge into the river but that it was
symbolic of the “death of hope”, as Michael put it. We gnawed on this for awhile- what was
actually happening on these full moons? Stephanie, a Bo intern, felt that the diving FEMA
trailers reflected the devastation felt by a community that had lost faith in receiving any help.
After we got beyond the surrealism in Rosie’s experience, we began to focus on the
experience of marginalized people. We revisited the reactions to Rosie, p.125, “The officers
shook their heads and laughed as she pulled away from the Homa Bridge.” And p.124,
“Elroy, the head Christian groaned as he opened the church door because they had dined
on pasta and cakes late into the night.” What did this say about the “charity” and service of
those in a position to help? In circling back to the earthquake in Haiti, the idea of meaningful
and empowering volunteerism was considered. Demichre, a man of firm convictions, expressed
the necessity of those who are able and willing to reach out to those in need.
.Christopher said, “I don’t think the story is about the trailers, but about leadership.
There was no leadership, until Rosie steps up.” Others nodded and we discussed the
disorganization that can occur in large agencies particularly in disorganized events like
hurricanes and earthquakes.
Sally brought up Rosie’s neglect of her council duties to her people, p. 125, “She
realized while she waited that she had forgotten to distribute the care kits and clothing that
were piled in the back of her truck, and she had forgotten to call the Homa Clinic to see if
the doctors needed more high-blood pressure pills. She had also forgotten to talk to the
elders about their dwindling food stamp supply.” What did this mean that Rosie forsook the
responsibilities that she could have managed in exchange for an obsession with the FEMA
trailers? We came to the conclusion that without her zealous attention, the Chitimaucha would
never have received new, temporary homes.
Near the end of the story discussion, Dennis said, “I feel like I’ve been reading this in the
dark because the whole thing takes place at nighttime.” Fame pointed out, “At the very end, it
says, “Rosie began to feel pleased as a red dawn glowed on the horizon,” I think that’s the
metaphor for hope being restored.”
Our discussion was intense and comprehensive. Demuth’s story yielded a plentiful crop
of discussion topics and unfortunately we didn’t have enough time to delve into them all.
Poem: “Ode to a Hurricane” by Vivian Demuth
February 3, 2010
“Do Not Attempt to Climb Out” by Anndee Hochman
With visit from Anndee Hochman
23 participants
4 Crossing Borders participants
I felt our group stretch to new heights today. The combination of Anndee reading her
story and the serious literary studying of the participants created a memorable session. Our
discussion was deep and invigorating and the writing at the end of the session allowed for many
participants to share personal trials of “being stuck.”
After Anndee read the story, she and I took turns asking questions. Demichre opened up
the conversation, “I think the elevator is just a metaphor for Omar’s life.” Anndee asked the
group about Omar being stuck in the elevator, “Is being stuck a state of mind?” Juan jumped in,
“Yes, you can be stuck mentally and then you can stagnate which is more physical. After I was
locked up for 10 years I was stuck in the ways of my incarceration. When I came home and
continued to do things like hand wash my clothes and carry my cup around, my mom started
crying and showed me that I was still living like I was in prison.”
Others felt that Omar was “stuck” in his job, “He should have stayed put. That’s what
the contract said: Scrub the lobby and the ground-floor rest rooms…” and in his faith, “But
Omar had not prayed in years, and he figured God was not the sort to answer requests
from relative strangers.” Javier said, “Something is keeping him in the same place he’s always
been.”
Kenny said, “I think the message is that when you’re somewhere where you’re not
supposed to be, bad things happen.” He related this to his drug addiction and how it often led
him into being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Anndee challenged this by asking, “Was it
wrong for Omar to want to travel to the 35th floor (restaurant) and see the city from a distance?
Vance talked about how we all think about how others live, but Omar could have gone about it in
a different way- he could have asked his boss if he could go up to the 35th floor.
While Omar is stuck in the elevator he reflects on those who are important in his life- his
mother’s steady tending of her alcoholic husband, his “Sissy” who invites him to church every
Sunday even though she knows he’ll say no, and his father who always told Omar, “..a man had
to play the cards he was dealt.” We talked about this line and the poetic repetition of
“gambling” that surfaces in Anndee’s story: his father plays cards, Omar losing his inheritance
at the race track, Omar takes a gamble when he goes up in the elevator, Omar “plays” the
elevator buttons, like there’s a lucky combo that will make the elevator move again.
We also discussed the contrast between solitude and togetherness and participants noticed
that while many of the characters conduct their life-routines alone, there is still a connection
between the family. Sally said, “I love how when they eat a meal, that is the time that everything
is all right- “For a moment, they were all in agreement: The food was good.”
Because Omar makes references to the types of people who go to the 35th floor
restaurant, “There was a restaurant on the thirty-fifth floor, a revolving bar with a hundred
eyes out to the city. Once, while cleaning, Omar had found a receipt in the stairwell: two
brandies and a chocolate mousse, come to thirty-one dollars,” we discussed the tension
between the haves and the have-nots. At times our conversation was humorous and other times
heartfelt and agitated; many in the room had always felt a part of the “have nots.”
Vance brought us back to the title, “Do Not Attempt to Climb Out”, which refers to the
directive inside the elevator if it stops. He said, “I think this is about faith and waiting for help to
arrive.” We talked about how when one is in a bind the first reaction is to “climb out” but
having patience and faith can often lead to a better outcome.
One of things that stuck out for me today was Vance saying how at Bo/in prison, he is
surrounded by grief every day and that out on the streets no one talks about it and that sometimes
you have to get “stuck” to actually work things through. We came around to feel that being
stuck is a necessary part of life. With this, we discussed Omar’s tears after his race horse loses
when he cries for the first time about his father’s death. Margaret said, “Grief can change the
way you see things, you eventually come out on the other side but in the meantime it’s like a
fog.”
For the writing prompt, Anndee asked us to write about a time when we felt stuck.
Several men disclosed painful memories where time stood still or when life felt unbearable. I
reminded the group that although we are sharing some pretty heavy stuff, we can feel a peace in
knowing that we are not alone and that we all go through periods of being “stuck” and that we
have the resources to make it through.
February 17, 2010
“The Shawl” by Louise Erdrich
25 participants
3 Crossing Borders
Visitor: Eddie LaPorte from Office of Faith Based Initiatives
After missing 2 classes due to a blizzard and President’s day, it was wonderful to be back
with the group. Although Erdrich’s story took some time to unravel, its potent message at the
end opened our hearts both to the alcoholic father (in the story) and to our own experiences of
unreleased sorrow.
Unlike other times when reading this story with a group of men, today’s group generally
did not demonize Aanakwad for her infidelity, rather Juan noted, “There’s an untold story here.
We don’t know why she was unhappy with her husband; there’s probably something he wasn’t
giving her that she needed.”
We talked about the passage, “If she could have thrown off that wronghearted love,
she would have…”, and questioned whether matters of the heart can be controlled. Demichre
felt the generational pain within this family began with Aanakwad’s actions whereas others felt
that the father’s decision to tell his “yearning boy of five years” that his mother “had thrown
her daughter to them (the wolves)” was the catalyst of brokenness among the family.
When I asked why the father tells his son a horrific version of Aanakwad’s leaving,
Dennis said, “He wanted to do the ‘right thing’ by letting his wife go to be with the other man,
but in reality he couldn’t handle the shame and anger. He tells his son something that will keep
his son close to him and keep him at an emotional distance from his mother.” Terrance spoke
about the embarrassment of the father losing his wife to another man.
DeShawn talked about how everyone is a victim in the story: Aanakwad is a victim to her
unwanted feelings for another man, the father is a victim to his wife’s infidelity, the children are
victims to the pain caused by a broken family, the boy is a victim to the loss of his sister..and the
roles of victimization continue as the generation progresses.
Most agreed that the fight scene between father and son was critically for healing to
occur, “Then I also saw that, for a while now, the bigger man had not even bothered to fight
back. Suddenly, he was my father again. And when I knelt down next to him, I was his
son.” Kerry was struck by this scene because it shed light on the father’s untold story (about
having had a sister) and it allowed the family to understand why he had behaved so abusively for
so many years. Kerry also pointed out that the father (who is the young boy in the legend) was
different before he lost his wife, “Not until she died did he start the heavy sort of drinking,
the continuous drinking, where we were left alone in the house for days.” He added, “When
he loses his wife, it brings the pain back of losing his sister and he just can’t handle it anymore.”
Javier, who was unusually quiet today, spoke up near the end of the session, “This story
put me in a whole other place. It brought back a lot of memories, I was that kid who fought his
father.” It was clear that Erdrich’s story had touched a sensitive nerve in Javier’s psyche, but I
was thankful that he was willing to share his personal connection.
The symbolism of the shawl brought about different interpretations. Angel felt the shawl
referred to something that “covers up”..and in the case of the young boy who turns into the
alcoholic father- he spends much of his adult life “covering up” his sorrow. For Dennis, the
suggestion to burn the shawl at the end of the story made him think about how, removing the
“the shawl” will let air and light into a tragedy that has bred in the darkness.
We talked about the powerful ending, which several called “deep”, when the son offers
his father a new way of looking at an engraved wound, “Don’t you think she lifted her shawl
and flew?” This last paragraph led us to discuss what it means to sacrifice something for your
family and even if the version of his sister sacrificing herself to the wolves did not take place, the
possibility that the story happened differently than the father believed- was all he needed to
become a different man.
Lastly, Dennis, who is incredibly literary- often talking to me after class about parts in
the story that we didn’t get a chance to discuss, brought something to the discussion which I had
never heard or personally considered. He felt that when the sister sees her brother fighting to be
with her and their mother, the sister jumps off the wagon to tend to her brother because she was
so maternal with her mother’s other baby (“the older girl was like a second mother, even
waking in the night to clean the baby and nudge it to her mother’s breast.”). He suggested
that in this attempt to go help her brother, the wolves close in on her and attack her. This spun a
whole new version for our group about the audacity of Aanakwad “throwing her daughter to the
wolves.”
Poem: “Kindness” by Naomi Shihab Nye
February 22, 2010
“Say Yes” by Tobias Wolff
25 participants
3 Crossing Borders participants
Before reading the story, I began class with a writing prompt that connects with Wolff’s
short story. I asked participants to reflect on the statement (which appears in the story).. “If you
were not _____________(fill in race/skin color), you would not be you.” The men then wrote
how skin color affects who we are, who we become and how we see the world..or if they
disagree with the first statement, explain why. When it came time to share, 80 % of participants
read their responses.
Because the story explores a tense evening between husband and wife on the topic of
race, I wanted to get the topic out there for our group before reading, so that during our
discussion, we already had begun a conversation about identity, race and culture and the ways in
which these “issues” shape how we see ourselves and how others see us.
After reading the story, many participants shared personal stories that revealed how their
skin color, religion, ethnicity or social class had affected decision making, feelings of belonging,
presumed opportunities and struggles with discrimination. Balanced with this sentiment was
also the counter commentary that one must create one’s life in spite of societal obstacles and one
must move beyond stereotyping and discrimination or, as Vance stated, “they will be left
behind.” What was most impressive to me about our conversation is that while we talked about
sensitive topics, the tone of the room was neither angry nor heavy, but rather open and engaged,
with a willingness to consider new angles.
We also delved into some of Wolff’s poetic moments in “Say Yes.” When his wife cuts
herself when washing dishes, “He squeezed it to see how deep the wound was and a single
drop of blood welled up, trembling and bright, and fell to the floor,” Michael said, “The
meaning of that is that we all bleed red, we all bleed the same, we’re all the same inside.” We
continued studying the passage, “Over the thumb she stared at him accusingly. ‘It’s shallow,’
he said. Tomorrow you won’t even know it’s there.” Jamil said, I think that the author is
saying that the husband is shallow and that he cut her deeply with his words.” Sally added, “He
thinks it won’t be there tomorrow, but I think it will. I didn’t like him at all.” This made the
group laugh.
The last paragraph, with its mysterious ending, challenged us- we couldn’t believe this
was where the story ended. We paid particularly close attention to, “Then he heard a
movement across the room. He sat up but couldn’t see a thing. The room was silent. His
heart pounded as it had on their first night together, as it still did when he woke at a noise
in the darkness and waited to hear it again- the sound of someone moving through the
house, a stranger.” Dennis felt the author cheated us on the ending, because we never see what
happens after the wife says “we’ll see”, to her husband’s placation, “I’ll marry you.” Kerry
said, “I think what he’s (Wolff) trying to say is that in the dark we’re all the same. That’s what
his wife is trying to show him.” Javier jumped in, “I think the story ends that way, because they
are both “in the dark” about what happened.” Demichre nodded in agreement. Others wondered
if the wife had a secret past or a secret present that involved being part black or having an affair
with a black man.
The story sparked a very dynamic discussion on race, culture, experience and love and
while we couldn’t be sure of what the story’s end might mean, we came to some conclusions that
possibly we are all “in the dark” when it comes to understanding human relations.
Poem: “Ask Me” by William Stafford
February 24, 2010
“How to Date a Browngirl, Blackgirl, Whitegirl or Halfie” by Junot Diaz
24 Participants
2 Crossing Borders participants
Today’s story dovetailed nicely with our conversation on Monday after reading Wolff’s
story, “Say Yes.” Diaz’s story is written as an instructional guide to dating different ethnicities
and deals with ways we try to control other’s perception of us. At the end of the session, I had
the group write their own “How To” from a list of options.
I asked for first reactions to the story, specifically asking if the story gave “good advice”.
Javier Rivera said, “This is my favorite story so far.” Robert said, “Women are more
sophisticated now, this sounds like ‘back in the day.’” Vance said, “It sounds like someone in
high school or junior high, but I don’t think it would work today.” However as our discussion
evolved, we revealed the humorous ways, we had behaved similarly to the narrator. What did
this say about us, about dating..about the masks we wear with each other?
We talked about the ways in which the narrator tries to hind parts of himself. Demichre
pointed out the passage, “Clear the government cheese from the refrigerator….Take down
any embarrassing photos of your family in the campo, especially the one with the halfnaked kids dragging a goat on a rope leash. Hide the pictures of yourself with an Afro”
p.143. Vance related to doing similar things to present a certain image in front of a girl he likes,
“When I would have girls over, I would lay out all my sneakers so that the girls would think, oh,
he’s got a lot of shoes!’”
Javier added, “We’ve all done stuff to try and make our home look presentable. I
remember dating a black girl and when she came over and saw all my mom’s candles burning,
(we’re Catholic), this girl asked me if we were into witchcraft or something!”
Other passages demonstrated this effort to control one’s environment with the hopes of
controlling the outcome of the evening: “Supply the story about the loco who’d been storing
canisters of tear gas in his basement for years, how one day the canisters cracked and the
whole neighborhood got a dose of military-strength stuff. Don’t tell her that your moms
knew right away what it was, that she recognized its smell from the year the United States
invaded your island.” The subtle discretion here got us talking about how we all decide what to
reveal and what to conceal when it comes to sensitive areas in our life. How often we tell one
version of the story to one person, and another, slightly revised version of the story to another!
When the narrator offers advice on dating a white girl, “Tell her that you love her hair,
that you lover her skin, her lips, because in truth you love them more than you love your
own,” we found ourselves with different interpretations. Sally said, “It sounds like he wants to
be white.” Fame disagreed, “I think you can admire features on another person, or the opposite
sex because it’s something that you don’t have.” The men seemed to agree with this idea and did
not find the narrator rejecting his own skin color and features. Perhaps, Juan suggested, it was
just another way for the narrator to try to “get some action” with his date.
Other men related to the narrator’s advice at the end of the story, “During the next hour
the phone will ring. You will be tempted to pick it up. Don’t..” Terrance said, “It’s all a
game, in life we play this game with the opposite sex.”
Most found the story an instruction guide in attaining physical intimacy, but nothing
more than that. And most of us had stories to share that revealed how we had acted one way in
order to get something, even it was just the admiration of a person we liked. Participants liked
the honest, street-wise voice of the narrator and seemed to relate to who this person might be.
It is in the wonderful details that Diaz’s story succeeds and it is in his details that we see
ourselves.
March 1, 2010
“Happy Endings” by Margaret Atwood
24 Participants
3 Crossing Borders participants
I chose Atwood’s story because it examines the structure of short fiction and asks the
reader to consider what makes a good story. It also invites the reader to examine one’s life story
and reflect on the most important and most difficult questions: “the How and the Why” of one’s
life.
Before reading, I began by asking the group, “What does it take to create a good story?”
The men responded: “details”, “description”, “interesting characters”, “endings that keep you
hanging”, “no I like resolution at the end”, “story’s that we keep talking about even after 11:30
when the class ends”, “creativity”, “real life”, “experience”, “honesty”. This brainstorming
session prepared us for the atypical structure in Atwood’s “happy endings.”
The story begins:
“John and Mary meet.
What happens next?
If you want a happy ending, try A.”
Participants laughed aloud as I read the story and many had immediate comments when I
was finished reading. Demond started, “Version A is like a fairytale.” Demichre responded,
“But, it’s boring, what happened in between all of those things?” Michael jumped in, “That’s
how a lot of older people describe their life. They leave out the trials and tribulations because it
might be discouraging to hear about the hard times.” Vance countered, “Yeah, but when you
don’t tell the truth, then people don’t know if what they go through is normal. They could end up
feeling more alone.” Margaret said, “The characters in “A” are flat, you don’t know anything
about them.” Vance added on, “Yeah, it’s like hearing the score of a game but not knowing
anything that happened in the game.”
Atwood’s “B” version was a bit juicier, but the characters “John and Marry” still felt
pretty one-dimensional. This version includes the passage, “Mary falls in love with John but
John doesn’t fall in love with Mary. He merely uses her body for selfish pleasure…Her
friends tell her John is a rat, a pig, a dog, he isn’t good enough for her, but she can’t believe
it. Inside John, she thinks, is another John, who is much nicer. This other John will
emerge like a butterfly from a cocoon, a Jack from a box, a pit from a prune, if the first
John is only squeezed enough.” Juan wondered what had made John act the way he does to
Mary; we know nothing about “why” be treats her so terribly. However, in contrast to “A”, this
story has more “chaos” as Juan described which makes it interesting to the reader, but the
relationship does not have any “chase” to it, he said, “Mary is too open, too easy.”
In fact what was lacking in “A” and in “B” is exactly what is repeated in “A”. For in this
version, Mary and John have a “stimulating and challenging” sex life, work life, hobbies etc.
This led us to discuss that stories that grab us are both challenging and stimulating, but telling the
reader that what a character experiences is “stimulating and challenging”, does not make the
story so, one must include the elements generated in our early discussion about “what makes a
good story?”
It is in version “F” that we came to some conclusions. Atwood writes, “You’ll have to
face it, the endings are the same however you slice it. Don’t be deluded by any other
endings, they’re all fake, either deliberately fake, with malicious intent to deceive, or just
motivated by excessive optimism if not by downright sentimentality. The only authentic
ending is the one provided here: John and Mary die. John and Mary die. John and Mary
die.” Vance said, “That’s the moral of the story right there..we all die.” Kennie said, “It’s the
one thing we all have in common.” However Terrance felt that because all of Atwood’s versions
eventually lead to a continuation of “A”, that Atwood was saying that in the end, things work out
for the better.
Lastly, the closing of the story, “That’s all that can be said for plots, which anyway
are just one thing after another, a what and a what and a what. Now try How and Why.”,
sparked a discussion about how the “how’s” and “why’s” of life are the most difficult to
discover and understand, but they are by the far the most interesting.
In Conclusion:
Bo Robinson is a perfect site for People and Stories/Gente y Cuentos. Participants are eager to
explore themselves and the literature we read together. I leave each session feeling energized by
the community we are creating over our common experiences and our common aspiration to
expand our understanding of what it means to be human. I only wish we had continuous funding
for People and Stories programs at Bo Robinson.
Observations:
At the beginning of this program, there were some participants who held quite firmly to their
beliefs and were rattled when challenged. I noticed however, a shift in the style of
communicating by session 5. Demichre, who had begun the sessions barely audible and
somewhat defensive, began making eye contact with people around the circle and positioning his
viewpoints not in opposition to others, but in ways that showed that he was now able to consider
new angles and ideas. He no longer had to be right but found that engaging in a democratic
dialogue was more rewarding.