d
B ir
The
p.
hir
c
s
3—D Frog
Frog Parking
ONLY
All Others
will be TOAD!
Craft Book
with the index on the outside
so more fun stuff can be packed inside!
Fro
gs b
urp
!
Sam
ple
Bottom Layer
Usage: You may use poems (see link for clipart usage) with the crafts in this book,
with copyrights in place, for personal use and limited selling locally and at craft
shows as set forth at www.craftsayings.com/sell. Poems may NOT be sold without
crafts and no mass producing in any way.
Please view our sponsor page at www.CraftSayings.com/sponsors.
Cut all 3 patterns from
green fun foam. Cut up the
arm lines on middle layer.
Stack and glue the 3 pieces
but don’t glue arms down.
Use a fine tip black
marker to draw the facial
features. Glue pin, magnet
or Velcro to back.
It’s sure entertaining!
world!
Don’t wake me
unless
Heck with reality.
I sleep past
quitting time!
CraftSayings.com
e
l
p
m
Sa
e
l
p
Sam
I want my
fairy Godmother!
If desired add spots with black fun foam or paint.
e
l
p
In a
Sam barbie
doll
CraftSayings.com
m
a
S
e
l
p
I’m just
a
Raggedy
ann
CraftSayings.com
Life may not
be fair but. . .
CraftSayings.com
Print “Saying Squares” below using a color laser printer. Decoupage onto 2 1/4”
tiles, or use any printer and laminate onto sheet magnet.
Earn as an affiliate or by submitting original ideas. [email protected].
61
Middle Layer
Top Layer
1
l
o
V le
p
m
a
S
Tip: Reverse after tracing so tracing lines don’t show.
Patterns ©2004 [email protected]
2
Mind your Mummy!
Becoming a father is easy. Being one takes practice!
st a job.
It’s not ju
y!
It’s a dood
These little mummies make adorable favors at a
Halloween party for all ages. They are especially a
hit with the younger set! Leave out the lollipop &
glue on a pinback and the ladies can wear them as
a Halloween pin. Toss them in trick or treat bags
to be nominated the coolest house on the block!
©2000 [email protected]
•
•
•
•
•
•
Q. Why was the mummy stressing?
ckward
Diaper ba id!
spells repa
A father is someone who can't
get on the phone, in the bathroom
or out of debt.
•
Paint the back of the bowl of a white plastic spoon an icky green
color. Spray with a clear acrylic sealer.
Place a lollipop in the bowl of the spoon. Line up the lollipop stick
with the spoon handle and tape together.
Tear muslin fabric into about 1/2" to 3/4" strips, across the width of
the fabric. Wrap fabric strips around the spoon in mummy fashion,
leaving a small rectangular opening at the back of spoon for "eyes".
Keep wrapping entire spoon until the desired body size is obtained.
(About three to four strips of 44" material are needed, depending on
the width of strips.)
Leave the very tip loose so that it can be pulled to open, but secure
right next to the end with a tiny dab of glue. Pin until dry and then
remove pin.
Use a Sharpie marker pen to put black dots for eyes peeking out of
the green opening.
Use black ribbon or yarn to tie a bow around the neck. Also do a few
with pink ribbons and make a mummy couple.
Kids will LOVE unwrapping these!
Note: For a pin that you wish to keep from year to year, skip the lollipop and just wrap the spoon. Glue a pin backing to the back.
A. He was too tightly wrapped!
•
71
A father & his car keys are soon parted!
If you dare to unwrap
this cute little mummy,
This kit will include a
clothespin, rubber
gloves, goggles, tongs,
a small pack of baby
wipes, baby powder
and a diaper. Place
all in a tool belt. Everything pictured, including belt, was available at the Dollar
Store. This is an inexpensive but cute and
useful gag gift for the
new or expectant fa-
God invented fathers because
kids need piggy back rides!
Yummy
Mummy
4
l
Vo e
l
p
Sam
Any man
ca
father, bu n be a
t it takes
a real dad
to ch
a dirty dia ange
per!
2
l
Vo e
l
p
Sam
There's a special bathroom in heaven for the father of girls.
22
This makes an easy thoughtful little gift. Fold the packet so that it resembles a real oatmeal packet. Glue flaps down with a glue stick.
When dry, insert an unopened packet of oatmeal.
ven
ill e roan!
w
g
at
s th turkey
e
k
J o t he
ke
ma
Happy Gobble Day!
Gob
bl
e&
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Wob
ble!
6
l
Vo e
l
p
Sam
6
l
Vo e
l
p
Sam
105
106
Careful Waiter: The waiter brought the
customer a steak, using his thumb
to secure it to the plate.
“Are you crazy, touching my steak!”
the customer bellowed.
CraftSayings.com
“Would you rather I let it fall in the floor
again?” the waiter asked indignantly.
A Surprise Birthday Cake: For his wife’s birthday party, a man ordered a cake with this inscription:
"You are not getting older,
You are just getting better."
When asked how he wanted it
arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are
not getting older' at the top, and 'You
are just getting better' at the bottom."
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
It wasn't until he was ready to serve
the cake that he discovered it read:
I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP,
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."
CraftSayings.com
Octopus Delight
Slit a hot dog lengthwise into eight
strips to within about 2" from the end,
which is the octopus head. Cook it in
boiling water or in the microwave until
hot. Make shell macaroni per box instructions while the hot dog is cooking.
Sit the octopus on the shells, arranging his tentacles
out over the shells. Use a tooth pick to dot on two
"eyes" of mustard or squirt cheese. Place a few goldfish crackers among the shells.
If you prefer your octopus in a bed of seaweed, make
Ramen noodles per package directions, add green
food coloring, drain and you've got seaweed!
CraftSayings.com
When the kids are crying to go to their favorite fast food
place for lunch, whip out this kid pleaser. Not only will they
think you're the best, but you'll save time and money!
CraftSayings.com
Octopus Delight
Children seldom misquote you. In fact,
they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Old Mrs. Brown: Willie," said his mother. "Please run across
the street and see how old Mrs. Brown is this morning."
"Yes'm," replied Willie, and a few minutes later he returned
and reported:
"Mrs. Brown says it's none of your darn business how old she
is."
CraftSayings.com
107
108
Busy Day Basket
Every workplace bathroom needs this fellow!
Do you have a harried friend that could use a little
“Thinking of you” gift that will also help relieve the stress?
Here’s a simple gift basket idea that he or she will love you
for! Or try it yourself. It’s easy AND delicious!
Roll down the top of a tiny baby sock and place it
on the handle of a plunger as a stocking cap. Glue
large wiggly eyes and a pom nose to the handle under the cap. With a black marker, draw a mouth
and write “And you think YOUR job stinks!”
down the front. Glue a tiny mouse to the cap. If
preferred, face can be painted on. Next time your
job gets you down, just remember this little guy!
so that fixing dinner on busy nights
is a breeze with time left to recoup!
Make yourself at home. . . clean the kitchen.
Busy Day Casserole
• Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
• Cook a 16-ounce box of shell noodles.
• While noodles are boiling melt a table-
•
•
•
•
•
CraftSayings.com
•
spoon of butter in a large frying pan,
add a small onion (optional) and fry until clear.
Add a 10 ounce can of cream of celery soup or your favorite
cream soup along with a soup can full of milk.
Drain a small can of white chicken meat or tuna and add
it to the pan, breaking it up with a fork. Simmer.
Add the cooked shell noodles and stir. Add more milk if
the casserole appears too dry.
Pour into a casserole dish and top with crushed crackers.
Bake about 20 to 25 minutes until crackers are browned.
Sit back, enjoy and let someone else clean up!
19
Stinky Job!
©2001 [email protected]
I know it’s a thankless dirty job
and sometimes rather pungent,
but be thankful you've got me
to dive right in and plunge it!
And you think your job stinks!
Some days you're the pigeon,
other days you're the statue.
Some days you're the windshield,
other days you're the bug.
Some days you're the dog,
other days you're the fire hydrant.
Some days you're the cow head,
other days you're the cow butt.
Some days you're the early bird,
other days you're the worm.
Some days you’re the cat,
other days you’re the hot tin roof.
Some days you're the cow pie,
other days you're the boot.
Some days you step in it,
other days you don't.
Can I trade this job for what's behind Door #2?
Here’s an easy way to rinse and drain canned meat. Open the can
and leave the lid on top of the meat. Run under water, pushing the
lid down so that water rinses out over the meat. When rinsed, push
all of the water out by pushing down on the lid and tilt to drain.
le
p
m
Sa l. 5
Vo
Some days are a total waste of makeup!
e
l
p
Sam l. 1
Vo
A good friend is there even when you stink!
VANILLA ICE CREAM IN A BAGGIE
KITCHEN CLOSED
InCan
a pint
sized,broke!
zip type freezer bag mix 1/2 c. milk, 1 T. sugar and
opener
Busy Day Casserole
1/2 t. vanilla; seal the bag. Fill a gallon sized, zip type freezer
©2006 [email protected]
bag half full of ice (cubed or crushed); add 6 T salt. Place the
sealed bag inside and seal the larger bag. Shake or squish the bag for
a box
of noodles,
about 5 minutes orAlways
until thestock...
ice cream
thickens.
a
can
of
chicken
and
a
can of soup,
(Makes 1 serving)
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
Place a small can of chicken or tuna, a can of cream of celery or other
cream soup, a 16 oz. box of shell noodles and a sleeve of crackers into a
basket. Add a canned green vegetable and fruit. Top with a bow and tag.
Men are like plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or in the bathroom.
88
Grow your own!
Life is a patchwork of friends.
3
l
Vo ple
m
a
S
Designed and made by
[email protected]
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Sew your blocks together in the
desired color pattern.
Cut a piece of batting a little larger than the quilt. Cut a piece of
fabric or a bed sheet for backing.
Batting and backing should be a
little larger than top to allow for
shifting while sewing.
Sandwich the batting between the quilt top and backing with right
sides out. Loosely tack them together with needle and thread using
large stitches.
Scan, size and print your pictures onto plain paper. Trim pictures
and place them on the quilt so that you can go back and resize pictures, use different ones or rearrange exactly as you wish. Number
for later placement. When completely satisfied, print the pictures
on the printer fabric sheets. Trim the pictures leaving about 1/4"
around each picture. Trim the corners and iron the edges under.
Sew each picture onto the blocks, sewing through all layers and
sewing fairly close to the edge of the picture. It is also easier to angle them and it gives it a whimsy look. If desired glue down with
fabric glue before sewing. Pins could leave marks on pictures.
Trim the backing to fit the quilt top. Turn the edges of top and
backing under and trim the batting just enough to fit between. Sew
the batting and quilt top together.
Gently rip out the tacks. The sewing around the pictures will hold
the layers together. You can also “sew in the ditch” if desired.
Old quilters never die. They just go batty!
49
Do you know someone still looking for their
Prince Charming who could use a little
laugh? Cut out the Tic Tac cover and
crease on both sides of the white top. Cut
up the lines for flip top. Glue in place using
a glue stick. If desired put it in a plastic bag
and staple on topper. Any green candies
can be used with topper.
Note: For professional-looking results print
Tic Tac cover on 80 lb. gloss text paper
available by the sheet at some copy centers .
crafts
roggie
f
e
r
o
M
e 2!
on Pag
3
Vol e
l
Samp
2
l
Vo e
l
p
Sam
Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog!
36
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.
Less stress. More delicious fun!
Pat aka KraftyPattie said her family loves these potatoes and I bet all cooks
will too! They are great for a fancy holiday dinner because they cut down
on hustle bustle the day of your dinner. Make them the night before and
just plop them in the oven the next day and wait for the compliments!
Don’t peak! Get your brain cells working. Cut out the pictures to
help if needed. After you’ve mastered it, see how your friends do.
CraftSayings.com
e
l
p
m
Sa l. 5
Vo
e
l
p
m
Sa l. 3
Vo
Party Potatoes
©2006 [email protected]
Tis nothing like a party
and these party potatoes
to kick things up a notch
and chase away all woes!
Politically Correct Potatoes
To the politician who once spelled potato incorrectly, here is the
politically correct way to spell potato. Since GH can stand for P as
in Hiccough, OUGH can stand for O as in Dough, PHTH can stand
for T as in Phthisis, EIGH can stand for A as in Neighbor, TTE can
stand for T as in Gazette and EAU can stand for O as in
Plateau, the correct spelling of POTATO is…. drum roll….
"GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU"
95
When there's a will, there's a way. . when there's a won't, there isn't.
52
This pretty icicle can be hung on a Christmas
tree or in a sunny window all year long.
A bunch of little sayings
just for the pun of it!
Baby:
D
diaper oes this
make m
e
look fa
Now
that
I
have
t
?
. It just
I’m still a hot babe
money to burn, my fire
w.
es
comes in flash no
burned out!
of
e birds r
th
p
o
t
s
I could suffer in silence
r you
nnot
You ca om flying ove t them
but I prefer to moan,
r
n
f
sorrow ou can preve air.
groan, whimper and whine.
y
ut
ur h
head, b nesting in yo
m
fro
ld
ou
w
A wild good a
ld
Live by th
o
w
o
H
e sun.
ou
never reared .
y
if
be
u
yo
L
g
o
n
v
li
e
os
g
b
e
d
y
m
ol
ta
the mo
n’t know how
What is a
1
l
Vo le
p
m
Sa
did
When a
ma
takes a n has a birthda
We live life fo
rward but
woman day off, but w y he
we understan
ha
he
d it backwards
takes a s a birthday sh n a
.
year off
e
.
s tires
May the Lord keep you in A surefire way to get a man
If it ha cles,
a
or test ble!
his hand and never close to do something is to tell him
ou
r
t
he
is
too
old
to
do
it.
’s
it
his fist too tight.
Answer:
Icicle
Popsicles
∗ Slide a teardrop crystal onto a 12” or desired length of 18 gauge
∗
∗
∗
∗
∗
∗
∗
If the grass is greener on the other
artistic silver wire.
Twist a small curl in the end with needle nose pliers.
Slide a rondelle or round crystal bead onto the wire, kinking the
wire a little so that the beads line up.
Continue with different kinds of beads until you get the look you
want. Remember every icicle is different!
Bend and curl the wire at top as shown and trim any excess wire.
Add a metallic bow if desired.
Frosted beads and colorful beads also make pretty icicles. Make
long ones and shorter ones.
Hang in a sunny window or near lights on a Christmas tree to
watch the love glisten through!
Pictured icicle was threaded as follows: Teardrop, 6 mm rondelle,
spaghetti, 4 mm round, 8 mm round, 18 mm starburst, 10 mm
round, 6 mm rondelle, 6 mm round, 10 mm round, 4 mm round,
6 mm rondelle, 10 mm round, 18 mm starburst, 12 mm round,
6 mm rondelle, 6 mm round, 8 mm round and 6 mm rondelle on
11 inches of wire. (Beaded Icicle Pattern ©2003 [email protected])
side of the fence, you can bet the
You’ve our own grow r
ou
oy
y
d
ll
o
t
a
t
t
o
water bill is higher.
w
g
atter ho as.
m
o
n
g
in
t h er w
Statistics show that at age 70,
grandfa
voted for
A turkey never
as.
an early Christm
there are five women to every man. Isn’t
that the darnedest time for a guy to get
those odds!
els
Ang e home
v
m!
’t lea
Don hout the
wit
∗
on.
you were?
It’s hard to be optimistic
t need a man
woman doesn’
A
when your fat pants are
y, just a maid.
to keep her happ
s
i
h
too tight.
o w s ap Wanted
tes h
e'
if
g.
ca
indi d his w pendin
e
c
s
aran
g, an
e is
appe osperin much h
s
'
n
r
a
A m ess is p ws how
ent,
n
o
i
h
s
les are sil
g
a
e
bu ance s
e
th
er.
When
in to jabb
pear
be
the parrots
g
Mother’s Helper
Peasant Working Conditions
There never was a good
war or a bad peace.
Sayings from Collection of [email protected] ©1972—Present
3
120