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"This is the problem right here. This is why you can't
move on to the next relationship. You've rigged the
door so it won't close completely. You leave the
door open emotionally, mentally, and physically so
the two of you can go back and forth, in and out of
each other's lives with this unhealthy relationship.
Trust God and remove that mess from in between
the door so that it will close AND lock FOR GOOD!" -Darryl Cherry
Happy Monday, guys! I hope that your week was as happy and productive as you'd
hoped it would be and if it wasn't, guess what? Today is a new day and the start of
a new week! Make the best of it.
Several months ago, I read the above message by DC radio talk show host,
Darryl Cherry, and decided then and there that it needed to be saved to my phone.
I love when people are able to provide me with a different way of looking at or
understanding things, and the rig in the door was the perfect analogy for
permanently allowing yourself to let go.
One of the underlying themes that I hope each and every one of you walks away
with after reading a newsletter from me deals with worth and the value we place
upon ourselves. It is extremely important that we learn to love and appreciate the
person that we are, never allow anyone to devalue our worth no matter their
reasoning, and take comfort in knowing that it is okay to be a bit selfish when
giving of yourself, as it should be reserved for those who actually deserve it. How
are we to finally break free if we continuously rig the door, thus sending a smoke
signal type invite to the the 'offender' that it's okay to come back when and if
necessary?
Separations are hard. The realization that this is what NEEDS to be is even
harder. As human beings, many of us are tied to our emotions and memory. In
more cases than not, the "memory" that we have of the person we met but can't
seem to get away from isn't a true reflection of the person that they are now. To be
in love with what was, to be in love with what was presented (but found not to be
true)...it's all apart of having a heart and being human. But to fully break yourself,
you have to cut the ties that bind you in every aspect....physically, mentally,
emotionally.
If you want true freedom, stop allowing that door rig to serve as an open invite for
a late night rendezvous. Stop allowing that person to tell you that they need to see
you right away. Stop complying with every sad attempt used so that they can be in
your presence when you already know the end result. Stop allowing them to touch
you. Stop kissing or sleeping with them. Learn that you can't completely free
yourself PHYSICALLY or EMOTIONALLY if you're still connecting your bodies.
Stop accepting every apology. If someone is offensive once, it's a mistake. If the
same thing keeps happening over and over again (thus warranting yet ANOTHER
apology), the only person making the mistake is you. YOU keep accepting things
that you know won't change. YOU keep allowing this person to say or do JUST
enough to keep you within arm's reach. Stop believing that they'll change only if
their words are reflective of this. Actions do, in fact, speak louder than words. If the
only thing you've heard are promises that were later broken, it's time to stop
believing.
Stop allowing them to do the minimum, as you offer the maximum. Stop letting
them do "just enough" because you've given the "at least they're trying" pass as
though you don't deserve better. Stop letting them steal moments away from
friends and family with their "I just wanted to check on you. I miss you" text
messages and phone calls. Stop letting them consume any portion of your time;
time was not of the essence when they had the opportunity. Why allow them
"time" now?
Stop feeling guilty about the actions you take against someone else to protect your
own heart. Stop chasing after them after they've managed to flip EVERYTHING on
you, thus making you feel as though YOU need to apologize when you've done
nothing wrong. Stop disrespecting your friends by asking for advice on what to do
about this "situation" when they've already told you several times before that you
should walk away. Stop believing that eventually, they'll get better. Yes, people DO
change and are more than capable of doing so. You are not, however, required to
sit around and WAIT. If what they have to offer is meant for YOU, let THEM find the
time to show you that, but it can NOT be at a time when they're playing Twister
with your heart.
Stop giving them excuses for their behavior. Stop checking their social media, just
to make sure they're okay. Stop torturing yourself with thoughts on what could be
when the main person stopping the show is the one who's jumping in and out of
your life like it's a game of double dutch. Stop being the one that they can run to
when other relationships fail or their "current" is getting on their nerves. You are
not a relationship counselor, and your sex organs can't "fix" what's broken in
someone else's home. Stop being that "in" of convenience.
In order to completely and totally break free, you need to stop. Remove the rig
from the door, wish them well, and bid them adieu.
But most importantly, just stop.
with love,
Jia
©2014 Jiametrix Media | PO Box 80028 Atlanta, GA 30366-0028