DISTRICT 42
SEPT/OCT 2014
BREAKTHROUGH
THE NEWSLETTER FOR ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS NORTHERN ILLINOIS AREA 20, DISTRICT 42
SERVING BURR RIDGE, CLARENDON HILLS, DARIEN, DOWNERS GROVE, HINSDALE, OAKBROOK, WESTMONT & WILLOWBROOK
SPONSORSHIP
In AA, sponsor and sponsored meet as equals, just as Bill and Dr. Bob did. Essentially, the process of sponsorship is
this: An alcoholic who has made some progress in the recovery program shares that experience on a continuous,
individual basis with another alcoholic who is attempting to attain or maintain sobriety through AA. When we first begin
to attend AA meetings, we may feel confused and sick and apprehensive. Although people at meetings respond to our
questions willingly, that alone isn’t enough. Many other questions occur to us between meetings; we find that we need
constant, close support as we begin learning how to “live sober”. So we select an AA member with whom we can feel
comfortable, someone with whom we can talk freely and confidentially, and we ask that person to be our sponsor.
…..Whether you are a newcomer hesitant about bothering anyone, or a member who has been around for some time
trying to go it alone, sponsorship is yours for the asking. We urge you: Do Not Delay. Alcoholics recovered in AA want
to share what they have learned with other alcoholics. We know from experience that our own sobriety is greatly
strengthened when we give it away! ~AA Pamphlet Questions and Answers on Sponsorship **Entire pamphlet can be
found at aa.org**
Sponsorship is a strong suggestion – not a rule. Yes, some people do stay in recovery without a sponsor. And no, we
can’t recover on our own. There are great advantages to taking the program suggestion to maintain a relationship
with a sponsor. Recovery is a major change – it's one of the most difficult, most courageous things we can do in our
lives. A sponsor, someone who's survived the ups and downs we’re facing in early recovery, can serve as a guide and
mentor. He or she can answer our questions and help us through the Steps, giving us the benefit of his or her
experience. With a sponsor present to witness our recovery process, to offer perspective and support, we may have a
gentler ride. When I was active in my addiction, I avoided the intimacy of relationships in which I might have to open
myself to others or trust them. Even at times when there were many people in my life, I managed to avoid "people
situations" that made me uncomfortable. A sponsor-sponsee relationship can be the start of learning that human
beings can depend on one another. ~If You Want What We Have, Larkin
If I were travelling to another country and I
knew nothing of the customs or language, I
would want a local to show me around. Trying
to go it alone, I may well end up lost! I see
sponsorship in much the same way - someone
who has been around to help me find my way.
~Anon
Neither the AA General Service Conference, its
Board of Trustees, not the humblest group
committee can issue a single directive to an AA
member and make it stick, let alone mete out any
punishment. We’ve tried this lots of times, but
utter failure is always the result. Groups have
sometimes tried to expel members, but the
banished have come back to sit in the meeting
place, saying “This is the life for us; you can’t keep
us out.” Committees have instructed many an AA
to stop working on a chronic backslider, only to be
told: “How I do my Twelfth Step work is my
business. Who are you to judge?” This doesn’t
mean that an AA won’t take good advice or
suggestions from more experienced members. He
simply objects to taking orders. ~12&12, p. 173
Advice is like snow; the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the
deeper it sinks into the mind. --Samuel T. Coleridge
Once we thought we knew everything and no one could teach us
very much. Now we know others have help and experience and
wisdom to offer us, if only we're willing to listen. Learning to listen
can be hard, especially if we come from a family that didn't respect
each other. But we can learn from watching others and talking with
other people about accepting criticism. We're learning new ways to
act and react, and learning to listen is a good place to start. And in
time, maybe others, even our families, will follow our example and
learn to listen, too. ~Our Best Days, Hull-Mast
For a new prospect, outline the program of action, explaining how you
made a self-appraisal, how you straightened out your past, and why
you are now endeavoring to be helpful to him. It is important for him
to realize that your attempt to pass this on to him plays a vital part in
your own recovery. Actually, he may be helping you more than you
are helping him. Make it plain that he is under no obligation to you.
~BB, p. 94
The temptation is to become rather possessive of newcomers.
Perhaps we try to give them advice about their affairs which we
aren’t really competent to give or ought not give at all. Then we
are hurt and confused when the advice is rejected, or when it is
accepted and brings still greater confusion. ~12 & 12, p. 111
District 42’s Breakthrough is a bi-monthly publication. Send all submissions to [email protected]
TWELVE STEPS OF A SPONSOR
1.
I will not help you stay and
wallow in limbo.
2. I will help you grow, to
become more productive,
by your own definition.
3. I will help you become more
autonomous, more loving of
yourself, more free to
continue becoming the
authority of your own living.
4. I cannot give you dreams or
“fix you up,” simply because
I cannot.
5. I cannot give you growth, or
grow for you. You must
grow yourself, by facing
reality, grim as it may be at
times.
6. I cannot take away your
loneliness or pain.
7. I cannot sense your world
for you, evaluate your goals,
or tell you what is best for
you in your world.
8. I cannot convince you of the
crucial choice of choosing
the scary uncertainty of
growing over the safe
misery of not growing.
9. I want to be with you and
know you as a rich and
growing friend, yet I cannot
get close to you when you
choose not to grow.
10. When I begin to lose trust in
you, then I am toxic, bad
and inhibiting for you, and
you for me.
11. You must know – my help is
conditional. I will be with
you, hang in there with you;
as long as I continue to get
even the slightest hints that
you are trying to grow.
12. If you can accept all of this,
then perhaps we can help
each other to become what
God meant us to
be…mature adults, leaving
childishness behavior
behind.
~Anon
“Each of us in turn – that is, the member who gets the most out of the program – spends a very
large amount of time on Twelfth Step work in the early years. That was my case, and perhaps I
should not have stayed sober with less work. However, sooner or later most of us are
presented with other obligations – to family, friends, and country. As you will remember, the
Twelfth Step also refers to ‘practicing these principles in all our affairs.’ Therefore, I think your
choice of whether to take a particular Twelfth Step job is to be found in your own conscience.
No one else can tell you for certain what you ought to do at a particular time. I just know that
you are expected, at some point, to do more than carry the message of AA to other alcoholics.
In AA we aim not only for sobriety – we try again to become citizens of the world that we
rejected, and of the world that once rejected us. This is the ultimate demonstration toward
which Twelfth Step work is the first but not the final step.” ~Bill W. Letter, 1959
Watch any AA of six months working with a
Twelfth Step prospect. If the newcomer says,
“To the devil with you,” the twelfth-stepper only
smiles and finds another alcoholic to help. He
doesn’t feel frustrated or rejected. If his next
drunk responds, and in turn starts to give love
and attention to other sufferers, yet gives none
back to him, the sponsor is happy about it
anyway. He still doesn’t feel rejected; instead
he rejoices that his former prospect is sober and
happy. ~Grapevine, Jan. 1958
“You can’t make a horse drink water if
he still prefers beer or is too crazy to
know what he does want. Set a pail of
water beside him, tell him how good it
is and why, and leave him alone. If
people really want to get drunk, there
is, so far as I know, no way of
stopping this – so leave them alone
and let them get drunk. But don’t
exclude them from the water pail
either.” ~Letter, 1942
Members who take on the responsibility of sponsoring another alcoholic in AA
frequently wish they had the Midas touch when it comes to “doing the right thing”. And
chances are, they do. As Patrick M. of St. Louis points out, “anyone – from newcomers
to longtimers – who carefully reads Alcoholics Anonymous, is rewarded with new
concepts, understanding, wonder, delight…and a powerful support system for
sponsorship.” ~GSO Newsletter, 1996
I once had a beautiful plant. It sat on my dining room table for three weeks as I waited for it to
blossom. Each week, I waited for something to happen. By week three, instead of a luscious
blooming bush, what revealed itself was a dry, shriveled piece of nothing.
I stormed angrily into the florist's shop and demanded an explanation for why my plant had
died. Puzzled, yet relatively calm, the florist asked, "Did you do everything, I told you to do?“
"Absolutely! I waited for three weeks just like you said. I just waited, and now my plant is dead.“
Scratching his head in wonderment, he asked, "Did you also water the plant every three days? Did
you feed it the plant food I gave you? Did you keep it out of direct sunlight? Tell me, what did you
do?"
"I didn't water it, because it didn't look like it needed it. I lost the food you gave me, and I didn't
have time to get more. And I thought you said to keep it in direct sunlight. I waited for three
weeks before calling you because I figured it would be okay, I thought if I let go and let God, the
plant would eventually bloom."
How easy it is to mistakenly believe that "let go and let God," means to sit back and do nothing.
Our words may not speak it, but our behavior says, "If we just wait, God will provide and good
things will happen without our having to do anything.“ ~52 Weeks, Ward
A sponsor : does not try to impose personal views on a newcomer; does not pretend to know
all the answers nor keep up a pretense of being right all the time; does not offer professional
services such as those of counselors, or the legal, medical or social work communities. The
sponsor underscores the fact that it is the AA recovery program, not the sponsor’s personality or
position – that is important. Thus, the newcomer learns to rely on the AA program, not the
sponsor. ~Adapted from AA Pamphlet, Questions and Answers on Sponsorship
One day a fox became caught in a trap. In his struggle to free himself, he left his tail behind. On his way
home, he devised a way to head off being made the butt of jokes. He trotted back into the forest and
called together all the foxes. "Foxes are much more attractive when they do not have a tail," he said as he
wiggled his stump. "Observe how sleek my appearance is. No longer will I have to pull burrs out of my
tail. I am free – and you can all be free, too! It is time for all foxes to cut off their tails.“ "Nonsense!" an
elder fox yelled out. "If you had not lost your own tail, my friend, you would not be urging us to lose ours
as well. You must deal with your loss on your own."
The Moral of the story: Do not trust all of the advice given by others.
Many in the program offer helpful support based on their experience. There are also those who give
advice. Sometimes this advice is well-meaning and useful; other times it may seem suspect. Listen to the
support, guidance, and advice you are given. But never let such information have a negative impact on
your recovery. ~Morning Light, Amy Dean
District 42’s Breakthrough is a bi-monthly publication. Send submissions to [email protected]
When you do all the talking you only
learn what you already know.
Sorrow shared is halved; joy shared is
doubled.
Your Big Book is your sponsor too.
Be nice to newcomers - one day they
may be your sponsor.
The only thing we take from this world when we leave is what we gave away.
A man in a hot air balloon realized that he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted another man below.
He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him
an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am." The man below replied, "You’re in a hot air ball hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59
and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be a sponsor," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the man, "how did you know?" "Well," answered
the balloonists, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your
information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve
delayed my trip."
The man below responded, "You must be a sponsee." "I am,” replied the balloonist, "but how did you
know?" "Well," said the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where
you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you
expect other people to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in
before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.“ ~Anon
Meeting Location Changes
Conference Information
District Website Info
Service Opportunities
And Much More
See Next Page
District 42’s Breakthrough is a bi-monthly publication. Send all submissions to [email protected]
MEETING LOCATION CHANGES
Check out the District 42 Website for information on
meetings, events, service opportunities and more.
http://aa-nia-dist42.org/index.html
The Old Timer’s Tapes
(Charlie & Joe Big Book Study)
Mondays at 7pm has moved to:
First United Methodist Church
40 N. Lincoln (at Irving), Westmont
The “Thank God” Women’s Group (Hinsdale)
Fridays at 7pm has moved to:
Christian Church of Clarendon Hills
5750 Holmes Ave, Clarendon Hills
21ST Annual Big Book Conference
AA Northern Illinois Area 20
Hosted by District 40
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 25, 8am-4pm
PARKVIEW COMMUNITY CHURCH,
GLEN ELLYN
PLEASE SEE WEBSITE FOR MORE
INFORMATION AND VOLUNTEER
OPPORTUNITIES
Bigbookconference.aa-nia.org
MEETING NEEDS SUPPORT
Finder Keepers – Tuesday nights
7pm – Step Meeting
St. Paul United Church of Christ
5739 S. Dunham Road, Downers Grove
A little INSPIRATION with your morning
coffee….
Hazelden Gift of the Day
Go to hazelden.org to sign up for a daily
inspirational thought to be delivered to your
email inbox each morning.
--------------------------------------------------Grapevine Quote of the Day
Aagrapevine.org for a daily quote or sign up to
have it delivered to your inbox.
Check out aa.org
for aa on the go!
D 42 Answering Service - 630-887-8671
District 42 Address:
900 Ogden Ave #195
Downers Grove, IL 60515
http://aa-nia-dist42.org/
NIA Address:
NIA Treasurer
NIA
PO Box 51
Lake Bluff, IL 60044
www.aa-nia.org
GSO Address:
The General Service Office
Grand Central Station
P.O. Box 459
New York, NY 10164-0423
www.aa.org
Looking to “give it away” with your old Grapevine
issues? Send them with your GSR to the next District
Meeting for redistribution to AAs in the prisons.
Come to the Next District MeetingService Opportunities Available!
District Meetings are held:
Tuesday of month at 7:00p.m.
Grace Church, 120 E. 1st Street, Hinsdale
There are a number of opportunities for service work
available; attend the District Meeting to find one
that’s right for you.
3rd
Submissions for Nov/Dec issue must be submitted by Oct 15 Editor: Mary O.
District 42’s Breakthrough is a bi-monthly publication. Send all submissions to [email protected]