DISTRICT 42 SEPT/OCT 2014 BREAKTHROUGH THE NEWSLETTER FOR ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS NORTHERN ILLINOIS AREA 20, DISTRICT 42 SERVING BURR RIDGE, CLARENDON HILLS, DARIEN, DOWNERS GROVE, HINSDALE, OAKBROOK, WESTMONT & WILLOWBROOK SPONSORSHIP In AA, sponsor and sponsored meet as equals, just as Bill and Dr. Bob did. Essentially, the process of sponsorship is this: An alcoholic who has made some progress in the recovery program shares that experience on a continuous, individual basis with another alcoholic who is attempting to attain or maintain sobriety through AA. When we first begin to attend AA meetings, we may feel confused and sick and apprehensive. Although people at meetings respond to our questions willingly, that alone isn’t enough. Many other questions occur to us between meetings; we find that we need constant, close support as we begin learning how to “live sober”. So we select an AA member with whom we can feel comfortable, someone with whom we can talk freely and confidentially, and we ask that person to be our sponsor. …..Whether you are a newcomer hesitant about bothering anyone, or a member who has been around for some time trying to go it alone, sponsorship is yours for the asking. We urge you: Do Not Delay. Alcoholics recovered in AA want to share what they have learned with other alcoholics. We know from experience that our own sobriety is greatly strengthened when we give it away! ~AA Pamphlet Questions and Answers on Sponsorship **Entire pamphlet can be found at aa.org** Sponsorship is a strong suggestion – not a rule. Yes, some people do stay in recovery without a sponsor. And no, we can’t recover on our own. There are great advantages to taking the program suggestion to maintain a relationship with a sponsor. Recovery is a major change – it's one of the most difficult, most courageous things we can do in our lives. A sponsor, someone who's survived the ups and downs we’re facing in early recovery, can serve as a guide and mentor. He or she can answer our questions and help us through the Steps, giving us the benefit of his or her experience. With a sponsor present to witness our recovery process, to offer perspective and support, we may have a gentler ride. When I was active in my addiction, I avoided the intimacy of relationships in which I might have to open myself to others or trust them. Even at times when there were many people in my life, I managed to avoid "people situations" that made me uncomfortable. A sponsor-sponsee relationship can be the start of learning that human beings can depend on one another. ~If You Want What We Have, Larkin If I were travelling to another country and I knew nothing of the customs or language, I would want a local to show me around. Trying to go it alone, I may well end up lost! I see sponsorship in much the same way - someone who has been around to help me find my way. ~Anon Neither the AA General Service Conference, its Board of Trustees, not the humblest group committee can issue a single directive to an AA member and make it stick, let alone mete out any punishment. We’ve tried this lots of times, but utter failure is always the result. Groups have sometimes tried to expel members, but the banished have come back to sit in the meeting place, saying “This is the life for us; you can’t keep us out.” Committees have instructed many an AA to stop working on a chronic backslider, only to be told: “How I do my Twelfth Step work is my business. Who are you to judge?” This doesn’t mean that an AA won’t take good advice or suggestions from more experienced members. He simply objects to taking orders. ~12&12, p. 173 Advice is like snow; the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind. --Samuel T. Coleridge Once we thought we knew everything and no one could teach us very much. Now we know others have help and experience and wisdom to offer us, if only we're willing to listen. Learning to listen can be hard, especially if we come from a family that didn't respect each other. But we can learn from watching others and talking with other people about accepting criticism. We're learning new ways to act and react, and learning to listen is a good place to start. And in time, maybe others, even our families, will follow our example and learn to listen, too. ~Our Best Days, Hull-Mast For a new prospect, outline the program of action, explaining how you made a self-appraisal, how you straightened out your past, and why you are now endeavoring to be helpful to him. It is important for him to realize that your attempt to pass this on to him plays a vital part in your own recovery. Actually, he may be helping you more than you are helping him. Make it plain that he is under no obligation to you. ~BB, p. 94 The temptation is to become rather possessive of newcomers. Perhaps we try to give them advice about their affairs which we aren’t really competent to give or ought not give at all. Then we are hurt and confused when the advice is rejected, or when it is accepted and brings still greater confusion. ~12 & 12, p. 111 District 42’s Breakthrough is a bi-monthly publication. Send all submissions to [email protected] TWELVE STEPS OF A SPONSOR 1. I will not help you stay and wallow in limbo. 2. I will help you grow, to become more productive, by your own definition. 3. I will help you become more autonomous, more loving of yourself, more free to continue becoming the authority of your own living. 4. I cannot give you dreams or “fix you up,” simply because I cannot. 5. I cannot give you growth, or grow for you. You must grow yourself, by facing reality, grim as it may be at times. 6. I cannot take away your loneliness or pain. 7. I cannot sense your world for you, evaluate your goals, or tell you what is best for you in your world. 8. I cannot convince you of the crucial choice of choosing the scary uncertainty of growing over the safe misery of not growing. 9. I want to be with you and know you as a rich and growing friend, yet I cannot get close to you when you choose not to grow. 10. When I begin to lose trust in you, then I am toxic, bad and inhibiting for you, and you for me. 11. You must know – my help is conditional. I will be with you, hang in there with you; as long as I continue to get even the slightest hints that you are trying to grow. 12. If you can accept all of this, then perhaps we can help each other to become what God meant us to be…mature adults, leaving childishness behavior behind. ~Anon “Each of us in turn – that is, the member who gets the most out of the program – spends a very large amount of time on Twelfth Step work in the early years. That was my case, and perhaps I should not have stayed sober with less work. However, sooner or later most of us are presented with other obligations – to family, friends, and country. As you will remember, the Twelfth Step also refers to ‘practicing these principles in all our affairs.’ Therefore, I think your choice of whether to take a particular Twelfth Step job is to be found in your own conscience. No one else can tell you for certain what you ought to do at a particular time. I just know that you are expected, at some point, to do more than carry the message of AA to other alcoholics. In AA we aim not only for sobriety – we try again to become citizens of the world that we rejected, and of the world that once rejected us. This is the ultimate demonstration toward which Twelfth Step work is the first but not the final step.” ~Bill W. Letter, 1959 Watch any AA of six months working with a Twelfth Step prospect. If the newcomer says, “To the devil with you,” the twelfth-stepper only smiles and finds another alcoholic to help. He doesn’t feel frustrated or rejected. If his next drunk responds, and in turn starts to give love and attention to other sufferers, yet gives none back to him, the sponsor is happy about it anyway. He still doesn’t feel rejected; instead he rejoices that his former prospect is sober and happy. ~Grapevine, Jan. 1958 “You can’t make a horse drink water if he still prefers beer or is too crazy to know what he does want. Set a pail of water beside him, tell him how good it is and why, and leave him alone. If people really want to get drunk, there is, so far as I know, no way of stopping this – so leave them alone and let them get drunk. But don’t exclude them from the water pail either.” ~Letter, 1942 Members who take on the responsibility of sponsoring another alcoholic in AA frequently wish they had the Midas touch when it comes to “doing the right thing”. And chances are, they do. As Patrick M. of St. Louis points out, “anyone – from newcomers to longtimers – who carefully reads Alcoholics Anonymous, is rewarded with new concepts, understanding, wonder, delight…and a powerful support system for sponsorship.” ~GSO Newsletter, 1996 I once had a beautiful plant. It sat on my dining room table for three weeks as I waited for it to blossom. Each week, I waited for something to happen. By week three, instead of a luscious blooming bush, what revealed itself was a dry, shriveled piece of nothing. I stormed angrily into the florist's shop and demanded an explanation for why my plant had died. Puzzled, yet relatively calm, the florist asked, "Did you do everything, I told you to do?“ "Absolutely! I waited for three weeks just like you said. I just waited, and now my plant is dead.“ Scratching his head in wonderment, he asked, "Did you also water the plant every three days? Did you feed it the plant food I gave you? Did you keep it out of direct sunlight? Tell me, what did you do?" "I didn't water it, because it didn't look like it needed it. I lost the food you gave me, and I didn't have time to get more. And I thought you said to keep it in direct sunlight. I waited for three weeks before calling you because I figured it would be okay, I thought if I let go and let God, the plant would eventually bloom." How easy it is to mistakenly believe that "let go and let God," means to sit back and do nothing. Our words may not speak it, but our behavior says, "If we just wait, God will provide and good things will happen without our having to do anything.“ ~52 Weeks, Ward A sponsor : does not try to impose personal views on a newcomer; does not pretend to know all the answers nor keep up a pretense of being right all the time; does not offer professional services such as those of counselors, or the legal, medical or social work communities. The sponsor underscores the fact that it is the AA recovery program, not the sponsor’s personality or position – that is important. Thus, the newcomer learns to rely on the AA program, not the sponsor. ~Adapted from AA Pamphlet, Questions and Answers on Sponsorship One day a fox became caught in a trap. In his struggle to free himself, he left his tail behind. On his way home, he devised a way to head off being made the butt of jokes. He trotted back into the forest and called together all the foxes. "Foxes are much more attractive when they do not have a tail," he said as he wiggled his stump. "Observe how sleek my appearance is. No longer will I have to pull burrs out of my tail. I am free – and you can all be free, too! It is time for all foxes to cut off their tails.“ "Nonsense!" an elder fox yelled out. "If you had not lost your own tail, my friend, you would not be urging us to lose ours as well. You must deal with your loss on your own." The Moral of the story: Do not trust all of the advice given by others. Many in the program offer helpful support based on their experience. There are also those who give advice. Sometimes this advice is well-meaning and useful; other times it may seem suspect. Listen to the support, guidance, and advice you are given. But never let such information have a negative impact on your recovery. ~Morning Light, Amy Dean District 42’s Breakthrough is a bi-monthly publication. Send submissions to [email protected] When you do all the talking you only learn what you already know. Sorrow shared is halved; joy shared is doubled. Your Big Book is your sponsor too. Be nice to newcomers - one day they may be your sponsor. The only thing we take from this world when we leave is what we gave away. A man in a hot air balloon realized that he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted another man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am." The man below replied, "You’re in a hot air ball hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be a sponsor," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the man, "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonists, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip." The man below responded, "You must be a sponsee." "I am,” replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect other people to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.“ ~Anon Meeting Location Changes Conference Information District Website Info Service Opportunities And Much More See Next Page District 42’s Breakthrough is a bi-monthly publication. Send all submissions to [email protected] MEETING LOCATION CHANGES Check out the District 42 Website for information on meetings, events, service opportunities and more. http://aa-nia-dist42.org/index.html The Old Timer’s Tapes (Charlie & Joe Big Book Study) Mondays at 7pm has moved to: First United Methodist Church 40 N. Lincoln (at Irving), Westmont The “Thank God” Women’s Group (Hinsdale) Fridays at 7pm has moved to: Christian Church of Clarendon Hills 5750 Holmes Ave, Clarendon Hills 21ST Annual Big Book Conference AA Northern Illinois Area 20 Hosted by District 40 SATURDAY, OCTOBER 25, 8am-4pm PARKVIEW COMMUNITY CHURCH, GLEN ELLYN PLEASE SEE WEBSITE FOR MORE INFORMATION AND VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES Bigbookconference.aa-nia.org MEETING NEEDS SUPPORT Finder Keepers – Tuesday nights 7pm – Step Meeting St. Paul United Church of Christ 5739 S. Dunham Road, Downers Grove A little INSPIRATION with your morning coffee…. Hazelden Gift of the Day Go to hazelden.org to sign up for a daily inspirational thought to be delivered to your email inbox each morning. --------------------------------------------------Grapevine Quote of the Day Aagrapevine.org for a daily quote or sign up to have it delivered to your inbox. Check out aa.org for aa on the go! D 42 Answering Service - 630-887-8671 District 42 Address: 900 Ogden Ave #195 Downers Grove, IL 60515 http://aa-nia-dist42.org/ NIA Address: NIA Treasurer NIA PO Box 51 Lake Bluff, IL 60044 www.aa-nia.org GSO Address: The General Service Office Grand Central Station P.O. Box 459 New York, NY 10164-0423 www.aa.org Looking to “give it away” with your old Grapevine issues? Send them with your GSR to the next District Meeting for redistribution to AAs in the prisons. Come to the Next District MeetingService Opportunities Available! District Meetings are held: Tuesday of month at 7:00p.m. Grace Church, 120 E. 1st Street, Hinsdale There are a number of opportunities for service work available; attend the District Meeting to find one that’s right for you. 3rd Submissions for Nov/Dec issue must be submitted by Oct 15 Editor: Mary O. District 42’s Breakthrough is a bi-monthly publication. Send all submissions to [email protected]
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