Weekly Quick News & Features
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2014
VOL 2 NO 53
Printed Every Thursday
OAKHURST, CA
TARANTULA FESTIVAL, this Saturday, Oct 25,
10AM-5PM, Historic Coarsegold Village, Hwy
41, Coarsegold.Great Family Fun! FREE Kids ac)vi)es all day!Live tarantula races!
ALL-U-CAN-EAT PANCAKE BREAKFAST, this Saturday, Oct 25
from 7AM-NOON, Coarsegold Community Center, Hwy 41. $5
breakfast includes pancakes, biscuit & gravy, made-to-order
eggs, juice coﬀee. Beneﬁts Coarsegold Community Center.
RUMMAGE SALE to Beneﬁt Courtney Fire Vic ms, to be held
this Saturday, Oct 25, from 8AM-5PM, Vons Shopping Center
(In Former Sportsmen’s Den loca)on) Dona)ons accepted
thru Fri Oct 24. All proceeds go directly to Oakhurst Area Fire
Relief Fund. Contact Kathy Thomas 683-7368 for details.
SPOOKY BINGO, Saturday, Oct 25, Oakhurst
Community Center, $20.00 Dona)on includes
Dinner & Bingo Cards. DOORS OPEN 5 PM~
BINGO AT 6:30. Drinks/Cocktails~ Bingo Prizes~ Raﬄe Prizes~ 50/50 Split~ Door Prizes. For Tickets or Info,
call Laura Gonzales (559) 641-7380. (Fundraiser for Service
Organiza)ons of the Sierra)
HARLOW FIRE PRESENTATION, this Saturday, Oct 25, from
10:30AM-NOON, Oakhurst Branch Library. DVD presenta)on
by Elizabeth & Jim Johnson, CAL Fire, Madera Co. Sheriﬀ, &
Sierra Ambulance.
DAILY NEWS, EVENTS, & MORE JOKES ONLINE! www.themountaincha=er.com
"Doing nothing is very
hard to do … you
never know when
you're finished."
—Leslie Nielsen
HALLOWEEN EVENTS—FRIDAY, OCT 31
GRIZZLY GULCH HAUNTED HOUSE, 4-7PM, Historic Coarsegold Village. Admission $3/person.
. ($1 off ticket with canned good donation to
benefit Food Bank).
HALLOWEEN PARTY, ALFONSO’S Mexican Restaurant, Hwy 41, Coarsegold. 9PM-??? Dance to Music &
Karaoake with Jimmi Lee. Contests. $5 Cover Charge.
1929 - In the U.S., the Dow
Jones Industrial Average
plunged star)ng the stockmarket crash that began the
Great Depression.
SATURDAY, NOV 1: FOBL $3 A BAG BOOK
SALE, 10AM-2PM, Oakhurst Branch Library, Library Community Room. Don’t
miss this sale! So many books! Proceeds
benefit library. oakhurstfobl.com
7th ANNUAL SCREAMFEST – HAUNTED HOUSE, 7PM-10PM, Old
Blockbuster Bldg, 40050 Hwy 41. Advance $10, At Door $12.
Tickets @ Oakhurst Feed or Steve’s Tropical Fish. (Must be 12
years +) Sponsored by Oakhurst Mountain Lions Club.
HALLOWEEN PARTY, 8PM-2AM, Blue Heron Lounge, YLP ClubFOBL FUNDRAISER : Piano Concert by Barhouse, Music by: Dave Henderson
bara Ulman, Sunday, Nov 2, at 2PM, OakTRUNK –N-TREAT, 5:30PM-7PM, Sierra Pines Church, Oakhurst. hurst Branch Library, Community Room. Barbara will perform piano music from Bach to
the present. Donations at the door.
TRUNK – N-TREAT, 5PM-7PM, Oakhurst College Campus, Civic
Circle, Oakhurst. Sponsored by Oakhurst Chamber & Oakhurst
College Campus.
HARVEST AT THE GROVE, 6PM-9PM, 42461 Hwy 41. Candy,
games, hayrides, face painting & more. FUN – SAFE – FREE!
HARVEST FESTIVAL, 5PM-8PM, Yosemite Lakes Community
Church, YLP.
HEAR SOME GREAT GOSPEL MUSIC!!!
3 DINNER - CONCERTS COMING IN NOVEMBER at
Hillside Baptist Church
Rd 200 X Wyle Ranch Rd—North Fork
Concert, Dinner & Dessert
$15/person.
Kids 10 & under FREE
SUNDAY, NOV 2:
FALL DINNER & GOSPEL CONCERT
5:30PM, Concert by“The Herb Henry Family”,
SUNDAY, NOV 9:
FALL DINNER & GOSPEL CONCERT
10:30AM, Concert by“Reliance”,
SUNDAY, NOV 16
FALL DINNER & GOSPEL CONCERT
5:30PM, Concert by “The Lighthouse Boys”,
Hillside Baptist Church, Rd 200 X Wyle Ranch Rd, North
Fork. (559)877-7771.
SATURDAY, NOV 8: 2014 LADIES OF THE LAKES
ANNUAL HOLIDAY BOUTIQUE, 9AM-3PM, YLP
Clubhouse, FREE Admission, FREE Parking & ShuSle
from upper lot to Clubhouse. Annual Holiday Bou)que has been a )me-honored tradi)on in YLP for
over 28 years! Over 60+ quality bou)que vendors
with unique handcraUed items from all over the
valley. Something for everyone. Soups to go, Hot
Dogs, Bake Sale & Coﬀee. Raﬄe & Many ﬁne prizes!
Contact Jean Cosby 676-8523 or (818)489-6685
Three salesmen were bragging who was the best.
The first said he was so good he sold a color TV to a
blind man. The second bragged he sold a stereo system to a deaf man. The third said he sold a cuckoo
clock to a blonde. The other two said, “So what?”
The third salesman added, “Along with the cuckoo
clock, I also sold her 100 pounds of bird seed!”
Sally was seen going into the woods with a small
package and a large bird cage. She was gone several
days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, had
never seen Sally looking so sad. Liz said, "Heard you
went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you
got back okay, but you look so sad. Why?" Sally replied, "Because I just can't get a man." Liz said,
"Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the
woods." "Don't be so silly, Sally said, "I know that. I
went in the woods because I needed something
there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find
it." Liz said, "I don't understand what you're talking
about." Sally replied, "Well, I went there to catch a
couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird
cage." "So, how's that gonna help you get a man?"
asked Liz. Sally said, "Well, I heard the best way to
get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."
DAILY NEWS, EVENTS, & MORE JOKES ONLINE! www.themountaincha=er.com
A young blonde was on vaca)on in Louisiana. She wanted a pair of real alligator shoes, but she didn't want to
pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. AUer
becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" aYtude
of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe
I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a
pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper
said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out
and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde
turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing
waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he
sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward
her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great
deal of eﬀort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde
ﬂips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out,
"Darn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
A guy stood over his tee shot for a long time, looking
up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the
wind direction and speed. All this was driving his golfing
partner nuts. Finally, his exasperated partner said, "Just
hit the stupid ball!" The guy answered, "My wife is up
there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make
this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," said the partner.
"There's no way you can hit her from here."
Loquacious
(lo·qua·cious) adj Very
talkative. “Her loquacious sales pitch lasted
the entire afternoon.”
The MGM Grand Hotel
of Las Vegas washes
15,000 pillowcases a
day.
I was visiting my son and asked him where his newspaper was. He laughed and said, “Dad, it’s
the 21st century. We stopped buying newspapers years ago. It saves trees. But you can borrow my iPad.” “Okay.” Bet that lousy housefly never knew what hit it.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it!
As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but making everyone
pissed off is a piece of cake!
Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard.
The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The
wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher. I dropped by one day,
when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear
to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin
replace the frown he had been wearing lately. "You see where they're smoothing that cement?" he replied. "I just threw my wife's credit cards in there."
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
Our young daughter adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new
sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in
no time." I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat
learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the
back of the sofa .
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with
a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed
the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies
and her mother told her, "No." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother
said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the
aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be
long now." Soon, they came to the candy aisle and
the little girl began to shout for candy. When told
she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother
said, "There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two
more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl
immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be
no gum purchased. The mother said serenely,
"Monica, we'll be through this checkout stand in 5
minutes and then you can go home and have a nice
nap." The man followed them out to the parking lot
and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I
couldn't help noticing how patient you were with
little Monica," he began. The mother replied, "I'm
Monica - my little girl's name is Tammy."
DID YOU KNOW? Mozart once composed a piano
piece that required a player to use two hands and
his nose in order to hit all the correct notes.
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning
all you need is two hearts and a diamond but by
the end you wish you had a club and a spade.
A husband went to the sheriff's department to report
that his wife was missing. Here’s the conversation:
Why do Grandmas smile all the time?
Because they can't hear a word
you're saying!
Husband - I've lost my wife. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant - What is her height?
Husband - Gee, I really never noticed. Maybe about
five feet tall.
When do you know your grandma is Sergeant - Build?
old enough to retire? Instead of lying Husband - Not slim, but not really fat either.
about her age she start bragging Sergeant - Color of eyes?
about it!
Husband - Never noticed.
Sergeant - Color of hair?
Husband - Changes a couple times a year . .. . maybe
red.
Sergeant - What was she wearing?
Husband - Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don't
remember exactly.
Sergeant - Did she go in a car?
Husband - No, she went in my truck.
Sergeant - What kind of truck was it?
Husband - Brand new Ford F150 with Eco -boost V6
engine special ordered with manual transmission,
four-wheel drive, tinted windows, custom matching
white cover for the bed, special alloy wheels and off
road Michelin's. Wife put a small scratch on the driver's door. At this point the husband started tearing up
and almost cried.
Sergeant -Don't worry, Bubba, We'll find your truck.
A blonde and a brunette are stuck in a tree. So, which
falls out first? The brunette, because the blonde had
to stop and ask for directions.
To post
events, CALL
To post
events,
CALL683-8309
683-8309
[email protected]
[email protected]
FRIDAY, OCT 24: GRIZZLY GULCH HAUNTED HOUSE, 4-7PM, Historic
Coarsegold Village. Admission $3/person. ($1 oﬀ )cket
with canned good dona)on to beneﬁt Food Bank).
SATURDAY, OCT 25: ALL-U-CAN-EAT PANCAKE BREAKFAST, 7AMNOON, Coarsegold Community Center, Hwy 41. $5 breakfast includes pancakes, biscuit & gravy, made-to-order
eggs, juice coﬀee. Beneﬁts Coarsegold Community Center.
RUMMAGE SALE to Beneﬁt Courtney Fire Vic ms, 8AM5PM, Vons Shopping Center (In Former Sportsmen’s Den
loca)on) Dona)ons accepted thru Fri Oct 24. All proceeds
go directly to Oakhurst Area Fire Relief Fund. Contact Kathy
Thomas 683-7368 for details.
SPOOKY BINGO Oakhurst Community Center, $20.00 Dona)on includes Dinner & Bingo Cards. DOORS OPEN 5 PM~
BINGO AT 6:30. Drinks/Cocktails~ Bingo Prizes~ Raﬄe Prizes~ 50/50 Split~ Door Prizes. For Tickets or Info, call Laura
Gonzales (559) 641-7380. (Fundraiser for Service Organiza)ons of the Sierra)
TARANTULA FESTIVAL, 10AM-5PM, Historic Coarsegold
Village, Hwy 41, Coarsegold.Great Family Fun! FREE Kids
ac)vi)es all day!Live tarantula races!
HARLOW FIRE PRESENTATION, 10:30AM-NOON, Oakhurst
Branch Library. DVD presenta)on by Elizabeth & Jim Johnson, CAL Fire, Madera Co. Sheriﬀ, & Sierra Ambulance.
GRIZZLY GULCH HAUNTED HOUSE, 4-7PM, Historic
Coarsegold Village. Admission $3/person.
HAUNTED HOUSE, 7PM-10PM, Old Blockbuster Bldg,
40050 Hwy 41. Advance $10, At Door $12. Tickets @ Oakhurst Feed or Steve’s Tropical Fish. (Must be 12 years +)
Sponsored by Oakhurst Mountain Lions Club.
SUNDAY, OCT 26: GRIZZLY GULCH HAUNTED HOUSE, 4-7PM, Historic
Coarsegold Village. Admission $3/person. ($1 oﬀ )cket
with canned good dona)on to beneﬁt Food Bank).
THURSDAY, OCT 30: GRIZZLY GULCH HAUNTED HOUSE, 4-7PM, Historic Coarsegold Village. Admission $3/person. ($1 oﬀ )cket with canned good dona)on to beneﬁt Food Bank
FRIDAY, OCT 31: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
GRIZZLY GULCH HAUNTED HOUSE, 4-9PM, Historic
Coarsegold Village. Admission $3/person.
HALLOWEEN PARTY, ALFONSO’S Mexican Restaurant, Hwy
41, Coarsegold. 9PM-??? Dance to Music & Karaoake of
Jimmi Lee. Contests. $5 Cover Charge.
HAUNTED HOUSE, 7PM-10PM, Old Blockbuster Bldg,
40050 Hwy 41. Advance $10, At Door $12. Tickets @ Oakhurst Feed or Steve’s Tropical Fish. (Must be 12 years +)
Sponsored by Oakhurst Mountain Lions Club.
HALLOWEEN PARTY, 8PM-2AM, Blue Heron Lounge, YLP
Clubhouse, Music by: Dave Henderson
TRUNK –N-TREAT, 5:30-7PM, Sierra Pines Church, Oakhurst.
TRUNK – N-TREAT, 5PM-7PM, Oakhurst College Campus
HARVEST AT THE GROVE, 6PM-9PM, 42461 Hwy 41.Candy,
games,hayrides,&more.FUN–SAFE–FREE!
HARVEST FESTIVAL, 5PM-8PM, Yosemite Lakes Community
Church, YLP.