LESSON 3 BUILDING ON A SOLID FOUNDATION Selected Scriptures In this lesson we affirm the two foundation stones necessary for building strong families. OUTLINE Not everyone in this world who is raising children is a Christian. So where are they getting their ideas and principles? There are many sources available. But it makes the most sense to build families based on the principles of the Designer—and then to consult Him daily along the way. I. God’s Word: The First Foundation Stone A. The First Step B. A Positive Word of Instruction C. Protect Your Family from Destructive Influences II. Prayer: The Second Foundation Stone Building on a Solid Foundation • 33 OVERVIEW I have a confession to make: I am not very good when it comes to reading instruction manuals. When I got a new cell phone, I only wanted to know how to turn it on, how to make a call, and how to receive a call. I’m sure there are many enjoyable features that I am missing because I haven’t taken time to read the manual. When the VCR first came on the scene years ago, peoples’ inability to program them became a standing joke in the industry. People could insert a VHS tape to watch a movie, but they couldn’t program the VCR to record something off the TV. Why? Because they didn’t take time to read the manual. (Okay, the manuals at that time were extremely complicated, but you get the idea.) When it comes to the family and raising children, there is an instruction manual for everyone who will take time to read it: God’s Word, the Bible. The family is God’s idea, not man’s, yet man makes up rules and standards by which the family should operate—and often fails in the process. It makes sense that the “manufacturer” of any “product” is the one who knows the most about it and should write the “instruction manual” for how to get the most out of it. In this study guide, God is the manufacturer, the family and children are the products, and the instruction manual is the Bible. Scripture is the foundation that must be laid in order to raise children who grow up loving God. GOD’S WORD: THE FIRST FOUNDATION STONE The Bible is a miraculous book: written over a period of 1,600 years by forty authors from all different backgrounds, all of whose words support consistent themes throughout. And that is true not only with regard to the person of God and His plan of redemption but the most practical matters as well—like raising children. Think about compiling a medical textbook over the same period of time, written by different physicians in different languages from different cultures. And then imagine trying to use that textbook to find wholly consistent answers for treating modern illnesses. It would be impossible! Yet the Bible is just as applicable today as in the days when each of its parts was written. There is no contradiction or reinterpretation. That’s the difference between a book written by men and a book that comes from God, delivered through human authors. The Bible 34 • Hopeful Parenting is a miraculous book, meaning it transcends human nature—goes beyond something man could create or accomplish on his own. As Paul told young Timothy, “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God” (2 Timothy 3:16). Because the Bible is from God, it is completely trustworthy. It is able to teach, to reprove, to correct, and to instruct in matters leading to righteousness. Righteousness, of course, is what leads to intimacy with God and ultimately to success in life. What parent does not want to be successful when raising children? Scripture is the only infallible source of doctrine and instruction for that endeavor. God invented families and has written the manual on how children are to be raised. And that’s the point of Paul’s words to Timothy in verse 17: “That the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” If there’s anybody who needs equipping for a challenging task, it’s parents! And the Word of God is the source for all that we need. The word “equipped” means “to fit; to make ready”—like a seagoing vessel preparing for a voyage. Think of all the preparations needed in order for that voyage to be safe and successful. Those responsible would take every step to make sure the ship was fully prepared to sail. Just so, God has taken every step, through the Word, to make sure that parents are “thoroughly equipped” for the good work of parenting. Seen from another angle, parents have the responsibility to “thoroughly equip” their children for a life of intimacy with Christ. And the Bible is the source from which they must draw principles and instruction for their own children who are setting out on a lifetime voyage. Parents must act quickly and diligently—childhood is over before we realize it. Once the ship has sailed, it is too late to stock it with provisions. There are many resources available for parents, but the Bible is the chief among them. It is the resource that will make the greatest difference in the lives of parents and children. The First Step Step one in raising children on a biblical foundation is to put God at the center of all you do. Psalm 127:1 puts it this way: “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” There is only one builder in the home, and that builder is God himself. To build with anyone or anything else at the center would be to build in vain. God is the architect, but He is also the builder. Building on a Solid Foundation • 35 For God to be at the center of the home requires knowing Him through His Son, Jesus Christ. It’s impossible to put God at the center of the home without first establishing a relationship with Him through Christ. Even among Christians who know the Lord, I have seen God get pushed to the periphery of the family’s life over time. Couples will start out strong, committed to raising the children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4), and then gradually lose that vision. Whereas He was the hub when they started, five or ten years later they find He is on the rim of the wheel instead of at the center. Do children know when God is central instead of being just an accessory in the home? Absolutely! Parents may think they are fooling their children, but they are not. When God is only acknowledged on Sunday and on Christian holidays, children grow up viewing him as a distant relative—important but not relevant to day-to-day living. It should come as no surprise when those children treat God the same way in their own adult lives. When God is at the center of our family, it doesn’t mean we become “religious,” walking around with pious looks on our faces. Rather, it means we have a living, breathing relationship with the God who is the source of joy, life, energy, excitement, and security in life. Our daily decisions are laid before Him where we seek His counsel and guidance. And we submit all that we are and have to Him for His honor and glory. It is a lifestyle, not a religious exercise. A Positive Word of Instruction Proverbs 22:6—“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it”—is a verse that is wellknown but, in my estimation, often misunderstood. Understanding it correctly will provide parents with a wise word of instruction for raising their children in the Lord. That verse did not provide much comfort to me for many years. It appeared to be predicting that children will ignore their parents’ teaching and training for most of their life and then return to it at some point before they (or their parents!) die. That was not the kind of encouragement I needed as a young parent. I wanted my children to flourish and love the Lord all through their lives, not just near the end. There are two key parts of this verse: training and the child’s “way.” Understanding both are critical to a proper interpretation of this verse. 36 • Hopeful Parenting Too many parents think of the military when they think of training. They think its necessary to have strict spiritual training regimens for their kids in order to conform them to some image of spirituality that the parents think is appropriate. But that is not what the verse means. The word “train” comes from a word used by Hebrew midwives to induce a newborn to begin sucking at its mother’s breast. The midwife would put the sweet juice of a date on her finger and rub it on the newborn’s palate, which would cause the infant to begin sucking, seeking more of the sweet taste of the juice. Therefore, spiritually speaking, our job is to create a hunger for the things of God in our children’s lives. We give them a taste of the pleasure and benefits of knowing God so they will want to know Him as well. The “my way or the highway” perspective on training creates resistance, not desire, in children. There is nothing wrong with rules and standards for children, of course. But the goal is to create a hunger for God, not to force rules upon children in the name of “training.” When my wife and I started our family, being in full-time pastoral ministry, we decided that we were going to do whatever we could to show our kids that knowing the Lord and serving Him was the most exciting thing anyone could do in life. I wanted them to know that I was doing with my life what I considered the most valuable and exciting possible thing: serving God. That wouldn’t mean that all of our children would be expected to go into fulltime ministry. But it did mean that, whatever their calling, they would learn what it meant to keep God at the center of it. The child’s “way” is also important. Many interpreters suggest that “the way he should go” refers to a general moral and spiritual way that all children should take. But I believe it refers to a child’s individual, unique way. Every child is different. While there is a spiritual path that is the same for all, how children get on that path will be different for each one. My wife and I raised four children, no two of whom were alike. We “trained” them all differently according to their temperaments and personalities. Every child is a unique treasure—God’s creative design for each one. A parent’s job is to unlock and draw out that treasure, helping each child to taste and see that God is good (Psalm 34:8). When a child discovers that God is good at a young age, “when he is old he will not depart from [that way].” Building on a Solid Foundation • 37 Protect Your Family from Destructive Influences Not only is it the Lord who builds the house, it is the Lord who guards it. Every parent wants to protect his child from spiritual and physical harm, but there is no power of protection available like the power of God. Because all evil in the world is ultimately of a spiritual nature, it takes spiritual power to counteract it. And only God the Spirit can counterattack the evil one who would seek to harm our children (1 John 3:8; 5:19). PRAYER: THE SECOND FOUNDATION STONE We have said that the first foundation stone in building a strong home is the Word of God; the second is prayer. There have been times in the raising of my children when I realized that, outside the promises of the Word, prayer was my only resource. You do everything you know to do as a parent for your child and ultimately end up in the presence of God on your knees. Regardless of where your children are, as they get older and go off to college or careers, you can still impact their lives by praying for them. There is no place on this earth that God is not able to reach your children and minister to them as a result of your prayers. Prayer is an ongoing conversation with God that lasts a lifetime. When our children are toddlers and teenagers, the intensity of our prayers probably increases dramatically—but it never stops. I can remember days when I would wake up praying and not stop all day, regardless of what I was doing. When your children are hurting and you are powerless to help them yourself, calling out to God is your offensive and defensive weapon. Our culture is built on information, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of reading books, listening to tapes, going to seminars, and getting godly advice instead of praying. All those efforts are worthwhile, but not at the expense of prayer. We should learn as much as we can and then pray for the ability to apply it—and pray for God to show us what we still don’t know. God is able! I once went through my Bible and marked all the places I could find where the text says, “God is able”—and there are many uses of that phrase and similar ones. God was able to save Daniel’s three friends from a fiery furnace (Daniel 3) and Daniel himself from hungry lions (Daniel 6). God was able to give 38 • Hopeful Parenting ninety-year-old Sara a baby boy (Genesis 21). God is able to give his followers all they need (2 Corinthians 9:8) and to save those who come to Him through Jesus Christ (Hebrews 7). And God is even able to do more than we can ask or think (Ephesians 3:20). Regardless of what you may be going through in your family or with your children, it is no more intense or life-threatening than what many in Scripture went through. As God was able to help them, so is He able to help you. Here are some things you can pray for your children even in times when they are not in the middle of a crisis—just ongoing issues important to any parent or child that are worthy of prayer. I have summarized these items from a list originally set forth by author Patrick Morley. • Pray for your children to become Christians if they haven’t already. On the day you discover you have conceived a child, begin praying for him or her to be saved. • Pray that their faith will mature—that they will grow in grace. • Pray for an independent faith, especially in their high school and college years. • Pray that they will be sound and healthy in body, soul, and spirit. • Pray that they will develop a sense of purpose and destiny in life. • Pray for them to hunger for integrity and excellence in their life. • Pray that they will hunger to know God; that they will set aside time for Him. • Pray for them to acquire wisdom. • Pray for their protection against the moral evils of this world. Those are just a few of the long-term prayers we can pray for our children that may significantly change their lives. You will think of others as you begin to pray for your own children. Two foundation stones anchor every home that is committed to raising children who love God: the Word of God and prayer. I encourage you to make both of them the foundation of your family—and do it today. Building on a Solid Foundation • 39 A P P L I C AT I O N 1. Read 2 Timothy 3:16–17. a. How much of Scripture did God inspire? (verse 16) b. How should that inspire a parent’s confidence when it comes to biblical material concerning the family? c. How would you use the word “profitable” to apply biblical truth about the family? What kind of “profit” should you expect? d. Give an example of “doctrine” that applies to the family? (verse 16) e. How do parents or families need to be “reproved”? (verse 16) f. Give an example of how you have been “corrected” as a parent or family member by the Word of God. (verse 16) g. In what ways do families need to be “instructed in righteousness”? Describe an “unrighteous” family. (verse 16) 40 • Hopeful Parenting h. List five ways the Bible can “thoroughly equip” any person to be a better parent. (verse 17) • • • • • i. How has the Bible benefited you as a parent or family member? 2. Why does the family, and especially children, need protection? (1 John 5:19) a. Why is God the best defense against spiritual attack? (1 John 3:8) b. What kinds of “wiles” (schemes) do you imagine the devil plots against the family? (Ephesians 6:11) c. What kinds of weapons are necessary to win spiritual battles? (2 Corinthians 10:3–5) d. What is the only source of defense against spiritual battles in the family? (Ephesians 6:10–18) Building on a Solid Foundation • 41 3. Review Psalm 91 and identify at least three “defensive” promises that you can apply to your experience as a parent or family member. 4. What kinds of things would you like God to show you about your family or parenting experience? What does Jeremiah 33:3 tell you to do? a. What assurance do you have from Jesus about His willingness to help you in your family? (John 15:7) b. What does James 5:16 tell you about your prayers for your family? c. What is God able to do for your family? (Ephesians 3:20) DI D YOU KNOW? W hen Paul says that “all Scripture is inspired by God” (2 Timothy 3:16), he uses a Greek word that occurs only once in the New Testament: theopneustos. Literally, the word is translated “God-breathed.” It comes from two words: theos (God) and pneo (to blow). The apostle Peter provides the best picture of how the wind of God resulted in the Scriptures being written: “Men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit” (2 Peter 1:21 NIV). “Carried” is a passive verb, meaning God was acting upon those who spoke and wrote for Him. 42 • Hopeful Parenting Parenting is far from easy. From first steps to first dates, parenthood is filled with unique challenges. Yet there is no greater joy than nurturing one of God's most precious gifts. New York Times best-selling author David Jeremiah presents a heartwarming look at adventures in parenting. Drawing from his own rich journey through fatherhood, Pastor Jeremiah shares wit and wisdom on raising children in an unpredictable world. Each insightful chapter features timeless truths from God's Word, offering encouragement for the road ahead. Be refreshed. Be challenged. Be inspired to build a rich and deep legacy of faith for your family. www.DavidJeremiah.org