I Resolve To…
During this month of resolutions, I
thought I’d step away from the usual
resolutions - getting in shape, losing
weight, and quitting smoking - to resolutions that pertain to how we want to
be, or need to improve, as parents.
As I have written many times over
the years in this column, parenting
is the hardest job, by far, that I have
ever had to do. Because there wasn’t
a specific manual for parenting, I, like
many others, just “winged it,” which
means I ended up beating myself up
over many mistakes. My advice to new
parents: Children do not need you to
be perfect; they just need someone to
guide and support them.
Resolutions on parenting could go
something like this: I resolve to…
Criticize less
I will admit that this was (and, yes,
sometimes I slip into old behaviors)
me as a parent. My intentions were
good; I thought it was just construc-
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with Lori Catozzi Cook
tive criticism. I wanted my children to
have good habits, to avoid mistakes,
and to develop into fine young men.
But I was insensitive; what I was doing
was making them feel less confident.
So, whether the criticism is constructive or destructive, this year strive to
not criticize.
Give responsibilities and freedoms as earned
Your little man or little girl is growing up. Even though you’d like to see
them stay young forever, they can’t.
They are growing physically and mentally every day. And, along with this
growth comes privileges and responsibilities appropriate for their age and
maturity levels. Help them grow.
Not fight in front of the children
It’s understandable that couples
will not be in agreement over everything. Healthy disagreements – when
you are talking it out and listening
to each other – are actually good for
children to observe; it teaches them
how conflict is resolved. But, if you are
yelling, screaming, and name calling,
that negative communication could
very well not only influence how your
children will handle situations, but be
stressful to them.
Stop the threats
If you find your day is filled with
endless threats to your children for
not picking up after themselves, chores
that aren’t being completed, or perhaps
not taking care of the dog like was
agreed upon prior to getting a pet, then
you are probably beyond frustrated.
Stop the threats. Instead, it’s time for
some carry-through on your part. I
understand that it will be very hard for
you to watch your child go through the
consequences, and you might feel as if
you are “hated” for a while; but what
you need to keep in mind is that your
child will be learning a valuable lesson
because of the consequences.
Be more affectionate
Hug and kiss your children more.
You might get the rolling of the eyes
from your teenager when you go to
hug him, but that’s just a teenager
thing. In their own way, they still like
the hugs and kisses. My sons are in
their twenties and I still
expect a hug before they
leave when they visit
me; I don’t even have to
say anything anymore. (I
expect that they probably
want, and need, the hug
as well.)
Model kindness and
compassion
We all want to raise our children
to be kind and compassionate adults.
How often do you show kindness and
compassionate to others? Kids notice if
you are rude to a waitress or cashier.
They notice if you help an elderly person and whether you help or ignore
those less fortunate. Practice then you
can preach.
Remember when
Sometimes our children’s behavior can be a bit baffling to us. So it’s
important to have a basic understanding of what they deal with on a daily
basis. Remember your own childhood
– elementary school years, high school
years, early adult life – and any issues
you had to deal with. Now you can
probably double those problems to
understand just what our children deal
with nowadays.
Share my interests
Do you love to paint, play basketball, or cook? Share your interests
with your children. Not only might
exposing them to something new spark
something they might not of known
that they were good at, but gives your
children important time with you.
Lori Catozzi Cook is the assistant
editor and a feature writer for The
Monadnock Shopper News.
Say You Saw it in The Monadnock Shopper News, January 28 – February 3, 2015
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