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I have the right:
Against abuse in
teenage relationships
Activity Sheets and Teacher’s
Resource Sheets
Activity Sheets
Contents
Activity Sheets and Teacher’s Resource Sheets
Lesson 1
Lesson 3
• Activity Sheet 1:
Abuse in Teenage Relationships Quiz
(Warm-Up Activity)
PDF
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 8:
A description of teenage relationship
abuse and who it can happen to
(Warm-Up Activity)
PowerPoint
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 1:
Domestic Abuse and Teenage Abuse
Quiz + ANSWERS (Warm-Up Activity)
PDF & PowerPoint
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 2:
Teenage and Domestic Abuse Quiz:
Explanatory Notes for Leading the Quiz
(Warm-Up Activity)
PDF
Lesson 2
• Activity Sheet 2: Abuse in teenage
relationships – truth or myth?
(Warm-Up Activity)
PDF & PowerPoint
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 9:
5 statements which are common myths
about abuse in teenage relationships
(Warm-Up Activity)
PDF & PowerPoint
• DVD Film: Full film Chapter1-7
(Main Activity)
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 3:
Healthy and unhealthy behaviours in a
relationship (Warm-Up Activity)
PDF
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 10:
An explanation of each of the common
myths to ‘bust’ them (Main Activity)
PDF & PowerPoint
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 4:
Definitions of a healthy relationship
(Summing up)
PDF & PowerPoint
• Activity Sheet 3:
First Impressions (Main Activity)
PDF & Word document
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 5:
Definitions of an unhealthy relationship
(Summing up)
PDF & PowerPoint
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 6:
Relationships in the movies ‘v’ reality
(Summing up)
PDF & PowerPoint
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 7:
Cartoon image of a healthy argument
(Summing up)
PDF & PowerPoint
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 11:
First impressions (Main Activity)
Word & PowerPoint
• Activity Sheet 4:
“Take Your Pick” Gameshow Script
(Main Activity)
PDF & Word document
Contents
Activity Sheets and Teacher’s Resource Sheets
Lesson 4
Lesson 6
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 12: Lucy’s
final comments (Warm-up Activity)
PDF & PowerPoint
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 16:
Discussion Questions: Staying Safe and
Getting Help (Warm-Up)
PDF & PowerPoint
• DVD Film: Chapter 3
(Warm-Up Activity)
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 13:
Examples of Types of Abusive Behaviour
in Teenage Relationships (Main Activity)
PDF & PowerPoint – separate slide for
each section of table
Lesson 5
• DVD Film: Chapter 4
(Warm-Up Activity)
• Activity Sheet 5 (option 1):
Email Template to an Abuser/
Perpetrator “advice – you need to
change” (Main Activity Option 1)
PDF & Word document
• Activity Sheet 6 (option 2):
Lists of typical excuses abusers /
perpetrators say has said
(Main Activity Option 2)
PDF & PowerPoint
• Activity Sheet 7 (Main Activity):
Is this Relationship Abuse?
PDF & PowerPoint
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 14:
Is this Relationship Abuse? –
Teachers Answers (Main Activity)
PDF & PowerPoint
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 15:
Coercive behaviour
PDF & PowerPoint
• DVD Film: Chapters 5, 6 and 7
(Main Activity)
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 17:
Getting Help and Support National and Local Agencies
(Main Activity)
PDF
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 1:
Domestic Abuse and Teenage
Abuse Quiz + ANSWERS (Main Activity)
• Activity Sheet 8:
An historical perspective on legal and
cultural attitudes to domestic abuse
(Summing-Up)
PDF & Word document
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 18:
An historical perspective on legal and
cultural attitudes to domestic abuse
(Summing-Up)
PDF & PowerPoint
• Teacher’s Resource Sheet 19:
Answers on the legal and cultural
attitudes to domestic abuse
(Summing-Up)
PDF & PowerPoint
Activity Sheet 1
Lesson 1: Warm-Up
Abuse in Teenage Relationships Quiz
All questions are about the UK unless otherwise stated.
You can use this quiz as an evaluation questionnaire to get a baseline of the young people’s
awareness of domestic abuse, and abuse in teenage relationships BEFORE and AFTER using the
resource pack or watching the ‘I have the right’ film.
Multiple choice – Place a circle around each correct answer: a, b or c
1. Of all violent crimes that take place in
the UK (not just those reported to the
police), how much is domestic
violence?
a. 10% (that’s 1 in 10 violent crimes)
b. 20% (that’s 1 in 5 violent crimes)
c. 25% (that’s 1 in 4 violent crimes)
2. In a NSPCC survey of 1500 UK
teenagers in 2009, how many girls
had experienced physical violence with
a partner?
a. 1 in 4
b. 1 in 10
c. 1 in 20
3. In a NSPCC survey of 1500 UK
teenagers in 2009, how many boys
reported they’d experienced some
form of physical abuse in a relationship
a. almost 1 in 5
b. almost 1 in 10
c. almost 1 in 20
4. In which age group are women at
greatest risk of domestic abuse?
a. 16 - 24
b. 25 - 33
c. 34 – 42
5. During which decade did it become
illegal for a man to rape his wife?
a. the 1970s
b. the 1980s
c. the 1990s
6. What proportion of domestic violence
is reported to the police?
a. 3/4
b. 1/2
c. 1/3
7. In England and Wales, what is the
average number of WOMEN killed by
their partner or ex - partner in one
year?
a. 25
b. 50
c. 100
8. In England and Wales, what is the
average number of MEN killed by their
partner or ex–partner in one year?
a. 25
b. 50
c. 100
Activity Sheet 1
Lesson 1: Warm-Up
Abuse in Teenage Relationships Quiz
All questions are about the UK unless otherwise stated
You can use this quiz as an evaluation questionnaire to get a baseline of the young people’s
awareness of domestic abuse, and abuse in teenage relationships BEFORE and AFTER using the
resource back or watching the ‘I have the right’ film.
Place a tick ✔ next to each statement below to
show if you think the statement is true or false?
9. If the police are called to deal with a domestic violence
incident, they can’t do anything if the couple is married.
10. Domestic violence happens much more in some cultures
than others.
11. Threatening to kill someone is against the law.
12. Regularly threatening to hurt someone is against the law.
13. Regularly making a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife etc wear
things that they do not want to wear is against the law.
14. If, after reporting domestic violence to the police, a victim
decides they don’t want the charges to go against their
partner, the case cannot ever go to court.
True
False
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 1
Lesson 1: Warm-Up Activity
Domestic Abuse and Teenage Abuse Quiz + ANSWERS
All questions are about the UK unless otherwise stated.
Multiple choice – a, b or c
1. Of all violent crimes that take place
in the UK (not just those reported
to the police), how much is domestic
violence?
a. 10% (that’s 1 in 10 violent crimes)
b. 20% (that’s 1 in 5 violent crimes)
c. 25% (that’s 1 in 4 violent crimes are
domestic violence) - CORRECT
2. In a NSPCC survey of 1500 UK
teenagers in 2009, how many girls
had experienced physical violence with
a partner
a. 1 in 4 - CORRECT
b. 1 in 10
c. 1 in 20
3. In a NSPCC survey of 1500 UK
teenagers in 2009, how many boys
reported they’d experienced some
form of physical abuse in a
relationship?
a. almost 1 in 5 - CORRECT
b. almost 1 in 10
c. almost 1 in 20
4. In which age group are women at
greatest risk of domestic abuse?
a. 16 – 24 - CORRECT
b. 25 - 33
c. 34 – 42
5. During which decade did it become
illegal for a man to rape his wife?
a. the 1970s
b. the 1980s
c. the 1990s - CORRECT
6. What proportion of domestic violence
is reported to the police?
a. 3/4
b. 1/2
c. 1/3 - CORRECT
7. In England and Wales, what is the
average number of WOMEN killed by
their partner or ex-partner in one
year?
a. 25
b. 50
c. 100 - CORRECT
8. In England and Wales, what is the
average number of MEN killed by their
partner or ex-partner in one year?
a. 25 - CORRECT
b. 50
c. 100
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 1
Lesson 1: Warm-Up Activity
Domestic Abuse and Teenage Abuse Quiz + ANSWERS
All questions are about the UK unless otherwise stated.
Place a tick ✔ next to each statement below to
show if you think the statement is true or false?
True
False
9. If the police are called to deal with a domestic violence
incident, they can’t do anything if the couple are married?
✔ False
10. Domestic violence happens much more in some cultures
than others?
✔ False
11. Threatening to kill someone is against the law?
✔ True
12. Regularly threatening to hurt someone is against the law?
✔ True
13. Regularly making a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife etc.
wear things that they don’t want to wear is against the law?
✔ False
14. If, after reporting domestic violence to the police, a woman
decides she does not want the charges to go against her
partner, the case cannot ever go to court?
✔ False
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 2
Lesson 1: Warm-Up Activity
Teenage Abuse Quiz: Explanatory Notes for Leading the Quiz
The size of the problem:
According to a review of 10 studies about the prevalence of domestic violence in European
countries, 1 in 4 women experience some form of domestic violence in their adult lives. You
will find some other research gives different figures, such as 1 in 3, or 1 in 5. Each survey
collects data in a slightly different way, people respond differently to different questions and
different circumstances, such as interviews or questionnaires, which is why they get slightly
different results.
According to analysis of national statistics by the UK Home Office, the group of the population
that is most at risk of domestic abuse is young women aged 16 – 24.
The 2009 NSPCC Survey called “Partner exploitation and violence in teenage intimate
relationships” is available at http://www.nspcc.org.uk/inform/research/findings/partner_
exploitation_and_violence_wda68092.html
The police
The police can help to deal with a domestic violence incident whether the couple is married or
not.
The police receive a call from a member of the public for assistance with domestic violence
every minute of the day and night, which makes 60 calls per hour and 1440 calls per day.
This information was drawn from a national survey carried out in 2000 looking at reports of
domestic abuse to various agencies including the police and refuges, done by Elizabeth Stanko
(Stanko, 2000).
According to the British Crime Survey (which looks at people’s experiences of crime, whether
reported to the police or not) just under one third of all domestic violence incidents are
reported to the police http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/rds/pdfs04/hors276.pdf
Death
Around 100 women are killed in England and Wales each year by a male partner or ex-partner.
This is around 40% of all women killed in England and Wales each year. Women are at the
greatest risk of being killed by a partner at or shortly after the point they try to leave the
relationship.
Around 25 - 30 men are killed in England and Wales each year by a female partner or expartner. This is around 6% of all men killed in England and Wales each year. According to the
Home Office research, many, but not all of these men were killed by women acting in self
defence after they had been attacked by their male partners.
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 2
Lesson 1: Warm-Up Activity
Teachers Explanatory Notes for the ‘True / False’ statements
Culture
• All cultures have domestic abuse in them and there is no evidence that some cultures
have more domestic violence than others. The World Health Organization and other
international organizations have found domestic abuse across the world. We sometimes
measure or define it differently and some countries don’t measure it at all, so it is
difficult to be absolutely certain about differences and similarities. However, in some
countries, it is much harder than in others to get help and some legal systems permit
abuses of women and children whilst others do not.
The law
• Threatening to kill someone is against UK law. Threatening to hurt someone is also
against the law, it is called threatening behaviour or harassment, if it is repeated.
• Regularly making someone wear something that they do not want to wear is against
the law if that person is an adult and this is causing them distress or fear. This is called
harassment.
• If a woman decides that she doesn’t want her partner charged with a criminal offence,
the case can sometimes go to court as it is not up to the victim to make the decision.
In fact, the police and the Crown Prosecution Service make this decision. If there is
sufficient evidence and it is in the public interest for the case to be prosecuted, it will go
to court.
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 3
Lesson 2: Warm Up
Healthy Behaviour
Unhealthy Behaviour
1. Enjoy spending quality time - together and
apart - with own friends and each others
friends
1. Puts you down by name calling and
making you feel bad
2. Always feel safe with each other
2. Gets jealous and lacks trust
3. Have fun together and like being around
each other
3. Accuses you of cheating
4. Trust each other
4. Yells and treats you like a child
5. Support each other / support each others
goals in life
5. Doesn’t take you seriously
6. Be faithful to each other
6. Doesn’t take things that are important to
you seriously
7. Respect each others feelings and opinions even if different
7. Doesn’t listen to you
8. When they have a disagreement, talk about
it, listen to each other and compromise
8. Puts down your family and friends and
solves conflicts but putting you down,
swearing or being threatening
9. Apologise if you’re wrong
9. Pressures you for sex or makes it hurt or
feel humiliating
10. Have equal decision making power
10. Blames you for their behaviour
(“if you didn’t… I wouldn’t…”)
11. Control your own money
11. Cheats on you or threatens to
12. Encourage each other e.g. in hobbies
or interests
12. Tells you how to dress and act
13. Proud to be with each other
13. Has ever grabbed, pushed or physically
hurt you
14. Have some privacy – e.g. diary, e-mail,
letters, phone
14. Makes all the decisions about what you
do together
15. Have close friends and family who are happy
about your relationship
15. Constantly checks up on you –
e.g. checks your phone/facebook
16. Never feel pressured to have sex
16. Embarrasses or humiliates you
17. Communicate about sex (if your relationship
is sexual)
17. Acts controlling – like they own you
18. Allow each other space
18. Blames alcohol or drugs for their hurtful
behaviour
19. Always treat each other with respect
19. Ignores you or withholds affection as a
way of punishing you
20. Accept / take responsibility for your actions
20. Smashes or throws things
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 4
Lesson 2: Summing Up
Definition of a healthy relationship
A healthy relationship
is one in which two people treat each other as equals, trust each
other and treat each other with respect. In a healthy relationship
you should feel respected, happy, cared for, supported and safe.
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 5
Lesson 2: Summing Up
Definition of an unhealthy relationship
An unhealthy relationship
is one in which there is a lack of trust and respect. In an unhealthy
relationship you may feel unhappy, scared, humiliated, blamed,
controlled, pressurised, ignored, threatened, put down or hurt.
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 6
Lesson 2: Summing Up
Relationships in the movies ‘v’ reality
Source: Top Left: The Notebook: New Line Cinema (2004);
Top Right: Dirty Dancing: Great American Films Ltd (1987);
Bottom left: Twilight: Summit Entertainment (2008);
Bottom Right: Romeo and Juliet: Bazmark Films 20th Century Fox (1996)
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 7
Lesson 2: Summing Up
Cartoon image of a healthy argument
Source: http://flickr.com/photos/ceritapojok/8350481760/
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 8
Lesson 3: Warm-Up Activity
A description of teenage relationship abuse and who it can happen to
Abuse in a teenage relationship happens when one young person hurts or bullies another young
person who they are going out with or in a relationship with
Often (but not always) it is the male partner who is the abuser and the female who gets hurt
It can happen between young people of any nationality, race or family background
It can happen in same-sex relationships as well as heterosexual relationships
Abuse in a teenage relationship can also happen after a relationship has finished
Abuse within relationships is often a repeated pattern of behaviour
It often includes several different types of abusive behaviour such as physical, emotional, sexual,
psychological and financial abuse
People use abusive behaviour to control other people they have a relationship with
Activity Sheet 2
Lesson 3: Warm-Up Activity
Abuse in teenage relationships: truth or myth?
1. “Teenage relationship abuse only happens to poor kids.”
2. “Abuse happens equally to young men and women.”
3. “No one would stay in a relationship with someone who is abusing them.”
4. “I only hit her because I was drunk.”
5. “Young people who are abused bring it on themselves.”
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 9
Lesson 3: Warm-Up Activity
Explanation of common myths about abuse in teenage relationships
1. “Teenage relationship abuse only happens to poor kids.”
Relationship abuse occurs amongst young people of every class, race and culture. It happens in both
heterosexual and same-sex relationships. It happens to young people of every nationality, race and
religion. It is no more likely to occur in one particular type of relationship than another.
2. “Abuse happens equally to young men and women.”
While both young men and women may experience abuse, the majority of victims of relationship
abuse are young women. Women are considerably more likely to experience repeated and severe
forms of abuse, including sexual violence. They are also more likely to have experienced sustained
physical, psychological or emotional abuse, or violence which results in injury or death. However,
controlling and abusive behaviour can also occur in same-sex relationships and by women against
men. Relationship abuse is not acceptable and should not be tolerated whether the victim is male
or female. Every person has the right to live a life free from violence. Support services for victims, by
necessity and for safety reasons, are best provided separately for women and for men. There are also
separate men’s advice lines for these reasons.
3. “No one would stay in a relationship with someone who is abusing them”
Young people stay in abusive relationships for lots of reasons ranging from love to fear. They may be
afraid of further abuse if they try to break up or get help. They may be worried their friends won’t
believe them. They may have few friends or family and believe that they have no one to turn to for
help. They don’t want to have to change schools or college. They may also love their boyfriend or
girlfriend and just want the abuse to stop, not the relationship. They might also be afraid of being
alone.
4. “I only hit her because I was drunk”
Relationship abuse cannot be blamed on alcohol. Some people may have been drinking before they
become physically abusive, but alcohol does not provide them with an excuse. Many people who are
abusive do not drink and many people who drink are not abusive.
5. “Young people who are abused bring it on themselves”
Some young people believe they have the right to use abuse to control their partner, and they see the
victim as less than equal to themselves. The victim has no control over the abuser or their behaviour.
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 10
Lesson 3: Main Activity
“I have the right” statements
I have the right to be listened to
I have the right to feel loved
I have the right to be trusted
I have the right to be myself
I have the right to change my mind
I have the right to end my relationship
I have the right to make equal decisions
We have the right to feel safe
I have the right to get help
I have the right to be happy
I have the right to my own space
We have the right to spend time with our friends
I have the right to not feel pressured
I have the right to my own independence
I have the right to have my own interests
I have the right to be a person and not a puppet
I have the right to privacy
I have the right to protection
I have the right to feel respected
I have the right to be loved
Activity Sheet 3
Lesson 3: Main Activity
First Impressions
Contestant
Contestant 1
Contestant 2
Contestant 3
First Impressions
Reasons to pick
Reasons to reject
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 11
Lesson 3: Main Activity
First Impressions
Contestant
Contestant 1
Contestant 2
Contestant 3
First Impressions
Reasons to pick
Reasons to reject
Activity Sheet 4
Lesson 3: Main Activity
“Take Your Pick” Gameshow Script
Lucy asks “What are you looking for in your perfect girl and why should I pick you?”
Contestant 1: “Well, I’m
looking for a fit girl with a
great personality
(cut to:----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------)
…someone who I can
have fun with
(cut to:---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------)
I’d like a girl who I could
take out on weekends and
just have a laugh
(cut to:---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------)
…and I’m into my football
(cut to:-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------)
Contestant 2: “Well I’m
just your average lad who
is into technology. I enjoy
physical activity
(film cuts to him slapping
her)
…and am looking for a girl
who I can ‘sweep off her
feet’
(film cuts to her lying on
floor).
I’m really protective and I’ll
always make sure you’re
alright. I’ll try and spoil you
as much as I can
(film cuts to her looking
in mirror gently touching
bruised cheek).
We would never leave each
other
(film cuts to a shot of him
sending her threatening
text messages on a
phone)”
Contestant 3: “Well Lucy,
I love going to the cinema
and I absolutely love sci-fi,
sorry, I know, bit nerdy
(cut to:---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------)
…but I would make my
girlfriend feel special and
wanted
(cut to:---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------)
…and even thought I don’t
have enough money to go
out all the time, we’d have
trust in each other, we’d
be great friends as well as
being a couple
(cut to:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------)
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 12
Lesson 4: Warm-Up Activity
Lucy’s final comments
“I wish I could rewind the choice I made.
He sounded so charming and he certainly did ‘sweep me off my feet’ but not quite in the way I was
expecting.
Of course you don’t know exactly how someone will be when you first meet them.
If I had known when I picked him what I know now I would have made a very different choice.
What I do know now though, is that I have the right to feel safe, to be myself and to be treated
with respect.
You have that right too”.
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 13
Lesson 4: Main Activity
Examples of Types of Abusive Behaviour in Teenage Relationships
Type of Abuse
1. FINANCIAL
Examples of Abusive Behaviour
• taking a person’s money, making a person ask for money
• not allowing them to work and earn money
• making a person give them all their money
• making all the decisions about how to spend money
2. SEXUAL
• making someone do sexual things that they don’t want to do or
raping them
• calling the person a slag, slut or telling them that they are frigid
• not allowing the person to dress in the way they want to or
only in a certain way
3. PHYSICAL
• hitting, pushing, punching, kicking
• biting, slapping, hair pulling
• throwing or smashing things
• punching the wall, smashing the windows
• burning, strangling, stabbing, murder
4. EMOTIONAL
• constantly putting someone down, making them feel bad about
themselves – insulting them by calling them fat, ugly, stupid
• always lying to them, ignoring them, withholding affection
• threatening to leave or to throw them out, threatening to
commit suicide if they leave
• checking up on where they are and what they are doing, timing
a person when they are out, making them explain every
movement
PTO
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 13
Lesson 4: Main Activity
Examples of Types of Abusive Behaviour in Teenage Relationships
Type of Abuse
5. PSYCHOLOGICAL
Examples of Abusive Behaviour
• making the person afraid by using looks and gestures
• saying they will hurt or kill them, someone precious to them or
their pet
• threatening to smash things threatening to tell other people
how stupid they are
• stopping someone from seeing friends and family, not allowing
the person to have visitors, stopping them from going to school
or college, or having a job
• not allowing the person to talk to their friends or family on the
phone
• going everywhere with them
• Forcing the person to shoplift or do something they don’t want
to (this is coercion and forms part of the Home Office definition
of domestic abuse from April 2013)
Activity Sheet 5
Lesson 5: Main Activity Option 1
Option 1 - Blank email template to an abuser / perpetrator:
“Advice – you need to change”
To: Name of the perpetrator
Cc:
Bcc:
Subject: Advice – you need to change!
Activity Sheet 6
Lesson 5: Main Activity Option 2
Option 2 - Lists of typical excuses abusers / perpetrators say
1. I’d been drinking when I slapped her. I was really sorry I’d done it but sometimes I can’t
control myself when I’m drunk.
2. We both push each other round all the time. I punched him so hard the other day I gave him
a black eye while we were having an argument. It’s ok though as he’s my boyfriend, we’re
both guys. I wouldn’t hit a woman.
3. I only do it to protect her. I have to check her mobile, and make sure she doesn’t have too
much money. I don’t like it when I don’t know exactly where she is, and it’s for her own good
really.
4. Sometimes I just like to see how far I can push things. I have hit her, scratched her and pushed
her around but she deserves it. She winds me up.
5. She’s my girlfriend; it’s between the two of us how I treat her. Her family have no business
visiting us and spying on us. They say she has changed with me, that she dresses different and
she has lost her confidence.
Activity Sheet 7
Lesson 5: Main Activity
Is this relationship abuse?
Yes
1.
A boy won’t let his girlfriend get a job and takes all
her money
2.
A boy sends his girlfriend a text to say he loves her
3.
A boy is always checking his girlfriend’s texts and emails
4.
A young person often pushes, kicks or hits another young
person they are going out with
5.
One partner always gets moody and shouts when the other
wants to see their own friends
6.
A boy calls his ex-boyfriend all the time and asks him to get
back with him
7.
A boy gets jealous when his girlfriend speaks to other boys
8.
A girl constantly telling her disabled boyfriend that he is stupid
and useless
9.
A brother and sister argue about what to watch on TV
10. A boyfriend slaps his girlfriend across the face during an
argument
11. A young person calls another young person names
12. One partner tells the other that they are putting on weight
13. A boy constantly criticises his partner’s clothes choices
14. A girl always threatens her girlfriend but never actually hits her
15. A boy hits his partner when drunk but is genuinely sorry about it
No
Depends
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 14
Lesson 5: Main Activity
Is this relationship abuse? – Teachers Answers
Yes
1.
A boy won’t let his girlfriend get a job and takes all
her money.
YES, financial abuse can be part of relationship abuse and is used to
assert control over the person.
2.
A boy sends his girlfriend a text to say he loves her.
NO, this is not abuse.
3.
A boy is always checking his girlfriend’s texts and emails.
YES, this is abuse. This kind of behaviour is about one partner trying to
control the other. You have the right to your own privacy.
✔
A young person often pushes, kicks or hits another young person they
are going out with.
YES, this is abuse. The use of physical violence within a relationship is
never acceptable.
✔
One partner always gets moody and shouts when the other wants to
see their own friends.
YES, this is abuse. One partner is trying to scare and manipulate the
other into doing what they want. Being in a relationship should not
stop you having friends of your own and one partner does not have the
right to tell the other what to do and should not deliberately stop you
from seeing your own friends. One partner does not have the right to
tell the other who they should and shouldn’t see.
✔
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
No
Depends
✔
✔
A boy calls his ex-boyfriend all the time and asks him to get back
with him.
DEPENDS, if the boyfriend does not want him to be calling him and
he does not respect his wishes then this may be harassment which can
be part of abuse. Relationship abuse can often continue after a
relationship has ended.
✔
A boy gets jealous when his girlfriend speaks to other boys.
DEPENDS, everyone feels jealous sometimes and that is ok if they take
responsibility for those feelings and don’t try to put them onto
someone else. If however, they try to stop the other person doing
things or mark them feel bad because of the jealous feelings then this
can be abusive.
✔
A girl constantly telling her disabled boyfriend that he is stupid
and useless.
YES, this is emotional abuse which is often part of abuse.
✔
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 14
Lesson 5: Main Activity
Is this relationship abuse? – Teachers Answers
Yes
9.
A brother and sister argue about what to watch on TV.
NO, this is not abuse. All families argue sometimes, but as long as you
listen to each others’ opinions, treat each other as equals and as long
as no one gets hurt, then that is OK.
10. A boyfriend slaps his girlfriend across the face during an argument.
YES, this is abuse. The use of physical violence between two people in
a relationship is never acceptable. Physical violence is a criminal
offence.
No
Depends
✔
✔
11. A young person calls another young person names.
DEPENDS, if this happens regularly between young people who are in
a relationship then this is abuse.
✔
12. One partner tells the other that they are putting on weight.
DEPENDS, it is good to be honest with each other in relationships,
but if one partner always says things to make the other feel bad then
this is abuse.
✔
13. A boy constantly criticises his partner’s clothes choices.
YES, this is abuse. This type of behaviour is about one partner trying to
control the other.
✔
14. A girl always threatens her girlfriend but never actually hits her.
YES, this is abuse. The constant threat of violence is used to scare and
control the other person and is not ok. Relationship abuse can happen
in same-sex relationships too.
✔
15. A boy hits his partner when drunk but is genuinely sorry about it.
YES, any form of physical harm is abuse and is not acceptable in any
form. Abusers often try and blame their behaviour on other things.
✔
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 15
Lesson 5: Main Activity
Controlling and Coercive Behaviour
Controlling behaviour
is a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating
them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal
gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and
regulating their everyday behaviour.
Coercive behaviour
Is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other
abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 16
Lesson 6: Warm-Up Activity
Discussion Questions: Staying Safe and Getting Help
Question 1:
What can a person do to make themselves safer if they are experiencing abuse in their
relationship?
Question 2:
What can their friends and family do to help them?
Question 3:
Why might a young person stay in an abusive relationship?
Question 4:
What are the barriers that might stop someone seeking help?
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 17
Lesson 6: Main Activity
Getting Help and Support - National and Local Agencies
There are lots of organisations out there who can offer help, advice and support, whether you are a
victim, an abuser, or a worried friend, family member or teacher.
1. Local helplines and websites (Sunderland and Northumbria)
• Wearside Women in Need (WWIN) If you are concerned about your relationship or someone
you know and you want to talk to someone in confidence, get help or advice you can call the
WWIN 24 hour helpline on 0800 066 5555
• Police In an emergency always call the Police on 999 for immediate help
www.northumbria.police.uk Northumbria Police also have a section of their website targeted
at young people www.northumbria.police.uk/ebeat - see the ‘MyHub’ section which includes
information about Northumbria Police; domestic violence, bullying and other issues. The ‘my
resource’ section of ebeat is where parents and teachers can find information and guidance on
the issues concerning them most.
2. Other helplines and websites (National)
• ChildLine: Tel: 0800 1111 The number is free and won’t show up on your phone bill.
The interactive website provides helpful support and advice www.childline.org.uk
• NSPCC: Tel: 0808 800 5000 This is a confidential number for children and young people. It is
free on landlines and on most mobile phones. If you are an adult and are worried about a child,
you can Tel: 0800 800 5000 (24 hours) or visit www.nspcc.org.uk
• The Hideout: www.thehideout.org.uk The Hideout is Women’s Aid’s dedicated website which
helps children and young people to understand domestic abuse, and how to take positive action if
it is happening to you.
• Women’s Aid: Tel: 0808 2000 247. The national 24 hour domestic violence helpline
www.womensaid.org.uk
• Victim Support: Tel: 0845 303 0900 www.victimsupport.org.uk
• Broken Rainbow: Tel: 0300 999 5428. A service for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transsexual
(LGBT) people who are experiencing domestic violence www.brokenrainbow.org.uk
• MALE: Tel: 0808 801 0327 Help and support for male victims of domestic violence
www.mensadviceline.org.uk
• Forced Marriage Helpline: Tel: 0800 5999 247 (not 24 hours) www.karmanirvana.org.uk
• Rape Crisis: www.rapecrisis.org.uk A national body that provides co-ordination for the rape
crisis movement in England and Wales - the website lists local centres
• RESPECT: Tel: 0808 802 4040. A helpline for domestic violence perpetrators which is free from
landlines and most mobile phones. www.respectphoneline.org.uk
Activity Sheet 8
Lesson 6: Summing-Up
An historical perspective on legal and cultural attitudes to domestic abuse
1. How many years ago was it still “legal (and therefore perfectly acceptable) for a man to
beat his wife, providing that the stick he uses is no thicker than his thumb”?………….years
2. How many years ago was it since “wife beating was prohibited between the hours of 10pm
and 7am, because the noise keeps the neighbours awake”?………….years
3. How many years ago was the following advice written in a woman’s magazine “Before your
husband comes home: brush your hair, put a ribbon in, tidy the home, have his tea ready and
put on some lipstick, a smile and a clean pinny [pinafore]. Don’t bother him with your day. He
has had a busy day and his day is more important than yours. Don’t ask questions if he is late
or stays out all night”?………….years
4. How many years ago was this view held by the Metropolitan Police “Domestic violence and
stray dogs...rubbish work for police officers”? ………….years
5. Up until how many years ago did the law consider it impossible for a man to rape or sexually
assault his wife. To quote: “A husband cannot rape his wife unless the parties are separated or
the court has by Injunction forbidden him to interfere with his wife or he has given an
undertaking in court not to interfere with her.”………….years
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 18
Lesson 6: Summing-Up
An historical perspective on legal and cultural attitudes to domestic abuse
1. How many years ago was it still “legal (and therefore perfectly acceptable) for a man to
beat his wife, providing that the stick he uses is no thicker than his thumb”?………….years
2. How many years ago was it since “wife beating was prohibited between the hours of 10pm
and 7am, because the noise keeps the neighbours awake”?………….years
3. How many years ago was the following advice written in a woman’s magazine “Before your
husband comes home: brush your hair, put a ribbon in, tidy the home, have his tea ready and
put on some lipstick, a smile and a clean pinny [pinafore]. Don’t bother him with your day. He
has had a busy day and his day is more important than yours. Don’t ask questions if he is late
or stays out all night”?………….years
4. How many years ago was this view held by the Metropolitan Police “Domestic violence and
stray dogs...rubbish work for police officers”?………….years
5. Up until how many years ago did the law consider it impossible for a man to rape or sexually
assault his wife. To quote: “A husband cannot rape his wife unless the parties are separated or
the court has by Injunction forbidden him to interfere with his wife or he has given an
undertaking in court not to interfere with her.”………….years
Teacher’s Resource Sheet 19
Lesson 6: Summing-Up
Answers to the legal and cultural attitudes to domestic abuse
1. It used to be legal (and therefore perfectly acceptable) for a man to beat his wife, providing that
the stick he uses is no thicker than his thumb.
This is from 1857 – the Rule of Thumb (156 years ago)
2. Wife beating used to be prohibited between the hours of 10pm and 7am, because the noise
keeps the neighbours awake.
This is from 1895 – Curfew on wife beating (almost 120 years ago)
(City of London Byelaw)
From a similar time period, the Manchester Evening News reported on case of a woman giving
evidence against her husband at Salford on a charge of assault, who was admonished by the
Stipendiary. Mr Makinson said: “This is the way with you women. You chatter, chatter, chatter
until you irritate. You get the man mad, then you get struck and come here. Try to keep your
mouth shut and you will get on better.”
This is from January 6, 1905 – 108 years ago
3. Before your husband comes home: brush your hair, put a ribbon in, tidy the home, have his tea
ready and put on some lipstick, a smile and a clean pinny [pinafore]. Don’t bother him with your
day. He has had a busy day and his day is more important than yours. Don’t ask questions if he
is late or stays out all night”
This is from 1960s Good Housekeeping Magazine – just over 40 years ago
4. “Domestic violence and stray dogs ... rubbish work for police officers.”
This was said by Sir Kenneth Newman Metropolitan Police Commissioner in 1984
(29 years ago)
5. Marriage implies consent for sexual intercourse; It is deemed as a husband’s legal right, therefore,
no criminal offence is committed if a husband ‘rapes’ his wife. Up until 22 years ago it was
considered impossible for a man to rape or sexually assault his wife. To quote: “A husband
cannot rape his wife unless the parties are separated or the court has by Injunction forbidden
him to interfere with his wife or he has given an undertaking in court not to interfere with her.”
(The law made simple, The Chaucer Press, 1981).
Marital rape was only made a criminal act in 1991 (22 years ago).