Domestic Violence Children and Anna Marie’s Alliance Domestic Violence s 320.253.6900 1.866.223.1111 Toll Free Access to ASL interpreting on line behavior where one person in a relationship tries to gain power and control over include: Safe Confidential Free For shelter and information closest to you anywhere in Minnesota Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive their partner. Controlling behaviors may 24 hour Crisis Line Providing safety and shelter today… violence free communities tomorrow Visit Our Web Site fear physical abuse isolation verbal abuse sexual abuse destruction of pets or property economic abuse intimidation Children may witness domestic abuse in different ways: • Actual physical abuse of parent: Shoving, kicking, slapping, punching, use of weapons • Emotional abuse of parent: Threats, name-calling, swearing, put-downs • Aftermath of violent physical attacks: Bruises, tears, damage to household items and toys • The unseen can be as damaging as the seen: Feelings of tension, hearing screams, cries, slaps, sensing fear 320.253.6900 TTY 320.258.3321 Mission To provide a safe place for victims of domestic violence and to achieve systems change that reduces violence. Anna Marie’s Shelter Anna Marie’s provides safe shelter and advocacy services for battered women and their children in the nine county region of central-east central Minnesota. Counties serve include: Benton, Chisago, Isanti, Kanabec, Mille Lacs, Pine, Sherburne, Stearns and Wright. Witnessing Domestic Violence www.annamaries.org *Quotes throughout this brochure are from Domestic Violence & Children: Creating a Public Response by Susan Schechter & Jeffrey L. Edleson Anna Marie’s Alliance *“Exposure to domestic violence is associated with children’s approving of and using violence.” Providing for the children Child advocates work with children at the shelter who have experienced a violent home life. Advocates provide the children structure to encourage a sense of normalcy and role model positive ways to interact To help the child we must be able to help the parent. By providing childcare services, mothers are able to work towards establishing a safe and healthy home environment. Parenting support groups allow for education, interaction and sharing of positive child rearing skills. Love & Care For Your Children The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children Emotions and Feelings Physical For children living in domestic violent situations, feelings of helplessness can affect their mental and physical wellbeing. • Nervousness and tension • Gastrointestinal complaints • • • • • Powerlessness caused by not being able to stop the violence against their parent or themselves. They are unable to defend themselves when abuser tries to get them to choose sides. • Body aches • Sleeping disorders • Neglect of personal hygiene • Regression to an earlier stage of development • Bruises and injuries suffered while trying to stop abuse or being the focus of abuse Anger toward the abuser for causing the abuse or toward the victim-parent for not stopping the abuser. They feel anger at being made to leave their home, toys, school and friends to move to a shelter. Guilt because they love the abuser or may blame themselves for the violence. Conflicted by their love/hate emotion toward the abuser and lack of understanding of why the abuser acts violently when they say they love them. Doesn’t know why the victim-parent stays. Isolated by feelings that they are alone and no other family has this problem. Abuser may interfere with relationships and get in the way of friendships. • Fear of abandonment, being hurt, losing a parent and not feeling safe. • Anxiousness brought on by constant worry and uncertainty • Sadness and Shame that this is happening to them and their family. Social Behavioral • Exhibits low self-esteem • Overly aggressive or passive behavior for age • Attention seeking • Underachiever/overachiever • Acting out or withdrawn • Excessive caretaking role reversal • Pre-delinquent • Pet or animal abuse • Chemical/alcohol use • Running away from home • Skipping school • Suicidal Cognitive • Difficulty making or keeping friends • Develop unhealthy relationship skills • Lacks trust in adults, suspicious • Learn that anger is a bad feeling • Poor social skills • • Improper ways of resolving conflicts Learn to use violence to get what they want and to solve problems • Avoid going home, may be overly involved socially or at school *“Domestic violence affects children in multiple, complicated, and long lasting ways.” Acknowledge children’s right to have own feelings, friends, activities and opinions Promote independence Allow for privacy Respect feelings for other parent Believe your children Talk and act so that children feel safe and comfortable expressing themselves Be gentle Be dependable Provide food, shelter, clothing Teach personal hygiene and nutrition Monitor safety Maintain a family routine Attend to wounds Give yourself personal time Keep yourself healthy Maintain friendships Accept love Trust & Respect Care for yourself Provide emotional security Nurturing Children Provide discipline Give affection Express verbal and physical affection Be affectionate when your children are physically or emotionally hurt Encourage and support Be affirming Encourage children to follow their interests Let children disagree with you Recognize improvement Teach new skills Let them make mistakes Provide physical security Give time Partcipate in your children’s lives: activities, school, sports, special events and days, celebrations, friends Include your children in your activities Reveal who you are to your children Be consistent Ensure rules are appropriate to age and development of child Be clear about limits and expectations Use discipline to give instruction, not to punish