What´s it REALLY like in rehab?
We have tried to put as much useful information on our web-site (www.serenityhousespain.com)
and in our fact-sheets as possible, however perhaps the best way to find out what it is really like to
go into residential rehabilitation is to hear it directly from someone who has been through it
themselves.
The account below was written by someone who attended a 4 week treatment programme at
Serenity House Spain and explains, in their own words, what the experience was like.
People go into rehab for a whole bunch of different reasons and from
a wide range of backgrounds, although when first entering a
residential treatment programme they nearly all have three things in
common.
Number one, they have a problem with addiction - to a substance or
activity - which they cannot control and which is controlling them.
Two, they are leaving in their wake some element of damage – to
families, relationships, careers, finances, health – although they
are still carrying the shame and guilt of their previous actions,
together with an unhealthy collection of resentments and fears.
And thirdly, they have little idea what to expect once their
treatment begins and are almost certainly feeling anxious and
nervous about what is in store for them.
I certainly ticked all the boxes when I was admitted to Serenity
House on a four week programme. I was a chronic alcoholic who had
lost a succession of high-paying roles. I had managed to all but
© Serenity House Spain 2012
destroy my marriage and I was estranged from most of those who had
previously loved and cared for me.
So I absolutely needed help – I was certain of that - and had all
but lost control of my life, but as to what to expect from
treatment, I had little idea.
I had some vague notion of men and women in white coats with
clipboards, asking me questions about my childhood, and of spending
four weeks being encouraged to wring my hands in shame at all the
damage and pain I´d created.
Which was why I felt somewhat surprised to be met at the airport by
people with smiles on their faces who seemed genuinely pleased to
see me (and it had been a while since anyone had been that!).
Once at the centre, I was shown round and taken through the
admission process. Handing over my smartphone, cash, cards etc. was
tough and it felt like the umbilical cord had been cut. How was I
going to cope with such strictly controlled access to the outside
world? (Ironically, this quickly came to feel like the most amazing
freedom and incredibly liberating – to not have to think or worry
about what was going on “outside” but, instead, to focus on myself,
on what had brought me here and on how I was going to build a new
life, free from alcohol, once I left).
I was then shown my room and remember thinking “How nice, someone´s
unpacked my case for me and put all my clothes away!”. It was only a
few days later that it dawned on me this had been to ensure I hadn´t
smuggled any booze in with me although - as I acknowledged with a
© Serenity House Spain 2012
wry smile – that was only fair. After all, it wasn´t as if I hadn´t
thought about it!
For the next 48 hours I was left very much alone to acclimatise and
adjust to my new surroundings. As my blood alcohol level dropped
then so fierce withdrawal symptoms kicked in, although I was given
medication which thankfully kept the worst of the shakes and the
sweats at bay.
Those first two days were mercifully relaxed. There was always
someone there if I felt like talking, but equally there was always a
quiet space to be found if I wanted to just be alone.
For me, that space was a hammock in a shady spot by the pool, where
I lay and planned my escape. Yes, my escape, because I was
absolutely convinced at that point that there was no way I could
stick four weeks and that I had to get out. I went through all sorts
of elaborate plans in my head and had mentally dug the escape
tunnel, but thankfully these feelings – which all the other clients
assured me were completely normal – evaporated after a few days.
Ironically, by the time I came to leave – although I was ready to go
back and begin my new life – I could absolutely think of no other
place I would rather have spent the previous four weeks.
Although the other clients were also facing their own problems with
addiction and had also left behind damaged and tattered lives, we
were all very different and that difference became an incredibly
powerful part of my recovery, for example when we shared aspects of
ourselves and our lives in group sessions. Although it was
incredibly easy to empathise with a shared problem, sharing
experiences offered a powerful – and often very different perspective on my own issues and problems.
© Serenity House Spain 2012
One of the reasons I´d chosen Serenity House was that it was a small
centre, with a strong focus on individual treatment, but all within
a caring, community environment. I quickly came to realise that part
of preparing for a new life free from addiction is learning to
interact selflessly with other people, taking an interest in others
and stopping imagining that the world revolves around you. It´s an
irony that, whilst addicts are often filled with self-loathing they
are also amongst the most selfish and self-centred people you could
meet. But I can certainly testify that living as part of a small
community – mucking in with the washing up or helping take out the
rubbish (or, in my particular case, learning to let others share the
remote control!) – is a great way of taking ego out of the equation.
I was given an individual treatment plan, which combined 1:1
counselling sessions, group sessions, lectures, DVDs and private
study. Importantly for me, when I wanted to speed up or slow down
certain aspects of the programme the counselling staff took this in
their stride and adjusted my programme accordingly.
But it wasn´t all about the treatment. Whilst drinking, taking
drugs, gambling – whatever the addiction – addicts tend to neglect
the physical dimension of their lives. Certainly, for me, those four
weeks were the first time in years that I´d eaten three square meals
a day – all wonderfully fresh and home-cooked.
I also re-discovered the pleasures of exercise, whether working out
on the centre´s own gym equipment, swimming in the pool or walking
and mountain-biking along the beautiful (but strength-sapping) Via
Verde de la Sierra. In fact, despite all the food I was taking on
board I left after four weeks fitter than I had been in years.
© Serenity House Spain 2012
For me though, the highlight of the day quickly became our morning
group meditation and discussion sessions. As someone who, prior to
entering rehab, would rather have had his teeth pulled than consider
meditation or sharing their feelings with relative strangers this
surprised me, as so much of my experience during rehab came to do.
In fact, these group sessions proved a wonderful way to get the day
off to a positive start and to really connect with staff and fellow
clients alike.
And so the weeks went on, with a simple structure and rhythm to each
day providing a welcome counterbalance to the chaos that had been my
previous life. I quickly found that I didn´t miss not having
constant access to the outside world – although the twice weekly
opportunities to make and receive calls became incredibly valuable –
and actually became a prolific letter writer, something I hadn´t
done since being dragged kicking and screaming as a child to write
post-christmas thank you letters. And to my surprise and delight
people wrote back, wishing me well, telling me how brave I was and
congratulating me on what I was doing. Amazing!
And then, surprisingly quickly, I approached my final few days and,
as I reviewed my progress with my counsellor, I was amazed to
reflect on just how far I´d come. For the first time, I´d come to
understand who and what I was, to understand the illness I suffered
from. I´d been able to dispose of all the insane baggage I´d been
carrying around for years and using as an excuse for my drinking.
I´d learned to respect and value myself and come to realise that my
future wasn´t just about not drinking – that was actually only a
relatively small part – but about living my life in an entirely
different way. And I had a comprehensive toolkit to help me build
that new life.
© Serenity House Spain 2012
I left the centre with some wonderful memories. I never imagined
that I would describe my time in rehab as fun, but that´s exactly
what it was. Yes, there were tears and sadness, but there was also
laughter too and an incredible sense of joy and relief at having
come so close to complete destruction, but pulled myself up just in
time.
But apart from memories, a suitcase full of letters and a suntan I
returned to the UK with something even more valuable – hope for the
future. As we drove to the airport and I said goodbye to the
Serenity House team, I thought back to the version of me that had
entered treatment four weeks ago – the would-be escape artist lying
in the hammock – and I hardly recognised that person. And since then
I haven´t looked back for, as someone much wiser than me once said,
“don´t ever look back....unless you plan to go there”.
And I, for one, most certainly don´t.
Mark,41,England
This account of treatment and the opinions expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily
state or reflect the views of Serenity House Spain.
We are sharing the content, at the request of the author, to give those contemplating treatment in a
residential rehabilitation centre a personal perspective on what the experience was like for him.
If you are concerned that you – or someone close to you – may be suffering from addiction then
please contact our 24 hour helpline on 0034 659 887 798 or e-mail [email protected]. All
enquiries are treated in the strictest confidence.
© Serenity House Spain 2012