Fools Gold Publications: News for the Clampers of the Great Northwest We saw the need for a newsletter, to keep everyone up on current Clamper goin’ on’s, and keep brothers who are unable to attend meetings informed of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Hopefully by connecting with the brethren this way we can all stay better informed and help promote the growth of the Ancient and Honorable Order of E Clampus Vitus®! ® Volume 2 - Issue 20 Inside This Issue: Letter from the Editor Drink of the Month PG2 Chapter Officers Clampers Abroad PG3 Wilkeson Parade PG4 Useful Clamper Web Sites #54-40 Fall Doin’s #1811 Fall Doin’s PG5 Doc’s Appointment Book Directions to Auburn Eagles Up coming events PG6 Clamper Owned Businesses PG7 August 2010 Eagle Valley Family Clampout! What happens at a clampout, stays at a clampout! I really wish I had more pictures to choose from, especially one that wasn’t showing my nipple rapeage, but hey, you gotta take what you can get! We’d like to thanks all the Washington and Idaho brethren that attended! It turned out to be a success, and we look forward to doing it again next year! Written and Editurd By: Dan McCormick “ChuNky TuNa“ Fools Gold Publications 1611 115th St. Ct. NW Gig Harbor, WA 98332 253 253--370 370--1369 ECV ® Click Heer for the complete Fools Gold Newsletter Archive! ® “E Clampus Vitus” and “ECV” are registered trademarks of E Clampus Vitus Inc. and are used by expressed permission. ®All Right Reserved © 2010 Fools Gold Publications Page 2 Letter From the Editurd: Chunky Tuna Tuna) Drink of the Month Well Brothers it’s been another busy month here in the Northwest! The clampout was a great success, and everyone had a great time at the Wilkeson parade. Thanks again to everyone for there help and support. Without all of you doin’ the stupid shit you do, we couldn’t do this. The Editurd & Stoney Bee Peace, love, and hair grease! AMF (Adios Mother Fucker) JOKE OF THE MONTH Top Ten Reasons Clampers Prefer Rifles Over Women Ingredients: Crown Royal® Canadian whisky Jack Daniel's® Tennessee whiskey Peach Schnapps Sweet and Sour mix Grenadine Syrup 1 Serving of each! Directions: Mix all ingredients to taste in shaker over ice. Pour and enjoy. If made correctly this drink will be red with a nice fruity taste to it. Just like Dickhead! #10 You can trade an old 44 for a new 22. #9 You can keep one Rifle at home and have another for when you're on the road. #8 If you admire a friend's Rifle and tell him so, he will probably let you tryit out a few times. #7 Your primary Rifle doesn't mind if you keep another Rifle for a backup. #6 Your Rifle will stay with you even if you run out of ammo. #5 A Rifle doesn't take up a lot of closet space. #4 Rifles function normally every dayof the month. #3 A Rifle doesn't ask, "Do these newgrips make me look fat?" #2 A Rifle doesn't mind if you go tosleep after you use it. And the number one reason a Rifleis favored over a woman:............. QUOTE OF THE MONTH Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Let’s see who’s paying attention!) Albert Einstein SIX WEB SITES YOU MIGHT FIND INTERESTING Non Clampers Guide To Clamperdom Short History on ECV San Juan Island Historical Park (Pig War) Meeker Mansion Battle of Seattle Jan 1856 Galoping Gertie Useless tidbits * WHO THINKS OF THIS CRAP Horses can’t sit! Around Clampers, Candy has too! Back to Top Page 3 Clampers Abroad Picture of the Month Brother Berzerker soakin’ up the sun in Hawaii on the 4th of July! He’s waiting for someone to pull his finger so the fireworks can really take off! Cap’n Al Clam Patriarch Chewy Humbug Gordo Vice Crash Recorder Tuna Gold Dust Buttershits Gay Bob Hangman Damn Fool DK CLICK ON THE bastards PICTURES TO E E--MaIL ‘EM Back to Top Page 4 Wilkeson Days Parade Once again the Doc Maynard brothers descended upon the historic mining town of Wilkeson, WA in a sea of red, while the marching drill team amazed the crowd! Boys and girls of all ages looked on it utter shock and disbelief as Greg “Doc” Smith, just a couple short months post hip replacement, drilled and drilled like a teenage boy on his first trip to the Mustang Ranch. A group of 6 brothers took 2nd place and were narrowly defeated by the Carbonado Saloon crew in the tug of war challenge. The battle went back and forth for about 15 minutes, but the Carbonado boys pulled it off! It’s rumored a girl aprox. 5-7 years old was seen helping the anchor for the Carbonado team, but this has yet to be confirmed. The rematch next year will prove the real champions! And of course we can’t forget the 4 man team that represented us in the hand cart races. I believe they scored the appropriate Coal medals this year. Either way they proved beyond a shadow of a doubt, we’d win the Gold Medal for most libations consumed! No Known Cure Back to Top Page 5 Chapter #54 #54--40 Fall Doins - Doc’s 9th Proceedure Doc’s 9th Procedure will be held September 17th thru 19th @ the Screamin Eagle Campground in Ocean City, WA Look for info on the first Annual Apple Pie Contest! You can now register and Prepay Online! Click heer to Register now and pay online with Paypal! Redshirts $40 Prepay $50 at the door. PBC’s $54.40 Click heer to see the Fall Doin’s Web Flier! Click heer to see a printable Fall Doin’s Flier! Snake River’s 1st ever Chapter Doin’s NGH Bob “Barbarosa” Haines and the Officers of the Snake River Chapter #1811 invite you to attend Snake River Chapter’s first Fall Doin’s September 24-26, 2010. We will also have a plaque dedication honoring Maria Dorion as the first Grand Widder of Idaho on Saturday, September 25, 2010 at 11:00 A.M. Where: Celebration Park, 5000 Victory Lane, Melba, Idaho 83641. Look for ECV signs! Directions to Celebration Park from Nampa, Idaho: http://www.mapquest.com/mq/6-PJrFf1VMe6_H0tu7l5Og Plaque’n will take place on Saturday at 11:00 a.m. at “Our Memories Museum-Canyon County Historical Society" at 1122 Main St, Caldwell, ID 83605. Directions to museum from Celebration Park: http://www.mapquest.com/mq/3-lxGxXzyGhjhsB9ua . We will caravan the PBC’s to site. Click Heer for more information! USEFUL CLAMPER WEBSITES ECV # 54-40 Home Page CLAMPER NET ECV Gazette Grand Council Other Chapter Sites IRJR Credo Quia Absurdum - No Known Cure! Back to Top Page 6 DOC’s aPPOINTMENTs August 2010/6015 Sunday 1 Monday 2 Tuesday 3 Wednesday 4 Thursday 5 Friday 6 Saturday 7 Monthly General Meetin 7:54:40 Directions Below 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 Snoqualmie Parade Click to RSVP 22 23 24 29 30 31 25 702 "M" Street Auburn, WA 98002 Bar phone 253-833-2298 27 28 OTHER NOTES OF INTEREST Auburn Eagles Friday, 7:54:40 PM Monthly General Meetin' Fraternal Order of Eagles, Aerie #2298 26 Take Auburn Ave (Hwy 164) off of Hwy 18 in Auburn, turn right at the end of the ramp & go back under the freeway to 4th Ave SE (Burger King on corner), turn right and go to "M" street (alphabetical...comes after "L" street), turn right again & Aerie is down about 2 blocks on the left. Click heer for a map! Back to Top August 6th - Monthly Meetin’ August 21st - Snoqualmie Parade Click Heer for other chapter’s upcoming events! Page 7 CLAMPER OWNED (CLICK HEER TO SEE THE THE CLAMPER OWNED BUSINESSES WEB PAGE) PAGE) V/W Hoof Trimming Beef and Dairy Cows Owned and operated By Doug VanWierengen Since 1999 (360)829-2922 [email protected] Western Washington's #1 Comic Book Store is owned by a proud Clamper! To prove his allegiance, the store has been painted top to bottom in ECV red. They have comic books, games, and toys for kids of all ages! Show the sign of a well brother and receive a 10% discount! Back to Top