Bay Windows - New England's largest GLBT newspaper 1/22/09 9:12 AM Back to: Keeping The Faith » Columnists » Home Columnists :: Keeping The Faith EDGEwire Headlines Knitting my way to freedom Focus on the Family lobbies in Wyoming on gay marriage contributing writer Wednesday Jan 21, 2009 Defense for Canada polygamists cites gay marriage by Rick Harris I have been knitting like a mad man this winter. That’s right, I have been knitting. After years of aborted attempts I am finally finishing what my Nana tried to teach me when I was young. I can’t really tell you why it has taken me so long but I suspect that like many things in my life, society’s gender rubrics were far stronger than my ability to confront them. And so those wonderful lessons with Nana were set aside as I got older and I fell into my prescribed gender role (sort of), which did not include knitting. I should have been stronger. I should have been more committed. But I wasn’t. Rufus, Cyndi Highlight Gay Inaugural Ball On 1st Day, Obama Puts Gay Rights Front & Center UK Fireman Compensated After Refusing to Appear at Pride Event Most Popular This Week What I remember about those days with Nana is that they were quiet and peaceful. The rhythm of the needles clicking together, the moments of wordless concentration, were wonderful. I think Nana felt the same way as we sat next to each other with only brief words of instruction passing between us. On occasion though, Nana would let her thoughts out and she would ask me questions about who I was, what I liked and questions to see if I understood the world around me. Nana obviously knew more about me than I did. I talked to her about music and art, the enjoyment I got out of helping my mom cook and ballet lessons (a Saturday morning activity for me until my father decided tap dancing would be better. Don’t think the irony is lost on me.) 1. Review: Everything I know about lesbians... 2. In brief: Marriage equality 3. 4. 5. 6. During those times there were the inevitable questions like "What would you like to be when you grow up?" For ages I wanted to be an oceanographer like Jacques Cousteau and then an orchestra conductor like Leonard Bernstein. But no matter what I mentioned Nana was sure to remind me that I could be whatever I set my mind to. As I got older those professional goals got lost. I spent my teenage years adrift like so many other young people. But I still believed what Nana said: that I could be whatever I set my mind to. Or at least I knew I could to a point. You see, despite what encouraging words were said, as I came to understand the realities of the world, the word "except" crept into my mind and the minds of many of my friends. Shaped by our own observations of the world, we began to hear, "You can do that job except if you are black," "Of course you could do that except you are a woman and your place is at home," and, "Sure you can love anyone you want, except if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender." Those exceptions were rarely spoken out loud but we heard them clearly anyway. And so, we settled into the safe but uncomfortable role that was prescribed for us until one day the words of a Martin Luther King, Susan B. Anthony or Gene Robinson awoke us to the reality that we didn’t have to live with those exceptions. Why is it that it took me so long to hear those words in a way that I could really believe them? But finally, I do believe. I believe that we all deserve the freedom to chart our own destiny. I believe that we should be able to be whatever we set our minds to and to love whomever we choose. As a country, however, we aren’t there yet. And we won’t get there unless we are willing to work. Our new president in his inaugural address has charted a course for us that will require every ounce of effort we can muster and then some. "We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness." I know that to make that God-give promise a reality is going to require an almost superhuman effort, self sacrifice and commitment. In this fast food generation, 7. 8. 9. 10. supporters, opponents hold dueling forums on Goodridge; Trans group on Cape A closer look at the Prop. 8 defeat Panel discussions offer divergent views on impact of Goodridge Protests, lawsuits and calls for boycotts follow Prop 8 passage Election Day anti- equality victories spark heated debate among LGBT advocates Celebrating Goodridge’s social innovation Former In Newsweekly staffer launches new mag Web exclusive: Obama chief of staff pick signals LGBT issues will take back seat in short term Thousands gather in Boston to protest Prop 8 Upcoming Events 1.23 Dance show, "Elements" 1.23- Harvard Film Archive: Max 2 9 Ophuls 1.24 11th Annual Lesbian & 1.24 1.24 1.24 Friends Dance, a Benefit for the Massachusetts Breast Cancer Coalition. Breast Cancer Coalition fundraiser Folk singer, John Gorka New England Conservatory symposium 1.24- 2009 Still Life Exhibition 2 28 1.25 dbar T- Dance 1.25 North Shore Tea Dance 1.28 MARE adoption session Quick Poll http://www.baywindows.com/index.php?ch=columnists&sc=keeping_the_faith&sc3=&id=86154&pf=1 It’s a new day! Which moment of President Obama’s inauguration Page 1 of 2 Bay Windows - New England's largest GLBT newspaper 1/22/09 9:12 AM Obama’s inauguration events most effectively restored dignity to the Oval Office? too many of us assume all our expectations will be met immediately and with very little effort on our part, as if someone could just pass us our rights through the drive-thru window and we can go merrily on our way. But as we saw with the right to marry in California, it doesn’t work that way. We will need to hold our president and everyone in leadership -including the leadership in the LGBT community --accountable for their words and actions. Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers cross party aisles to perform at the first ever "Kids’ Inaugural Concert." Comedian Ray Romano makes cracks about Presidential "crowd surfing." The souvenir stands selling Obama kitsch (watches, ski caps, and CDs of speeches set to techno music) on the ground in DC. Seeing Dick Cheney do his best Dr. Evil impression. The text message voting and Simon Cowell’s barbed wit. Oh wait, they’re saving that for 2012. We will need to use our time wisely. Taking action does not mean whining on your blog, bitching at the office or being cynical on your Facebook wall. It means getting your hands dirty. Worrying about who gets to pray at the inauguration or who gets on television distracts us from the real task at hand: creating policy and legislation that unshackles the LGBT community from its bonds. Who cares about Rick Warren, when we have Prop. 8 in California to overturn, "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" and draconian state laws that prevent marriage, adoption and, in some cases, simple contracts between same-sex couples. And sadly we have just begun the fight for our transgender brothers and sisters. Get a grip people! Let’s spend our energy wisely. Today, many years after my relatives sailed to the New World chained in the bilge of a boat or were removed from their ancestral homes and placed on reservations, an African American stood on the steps of the Capitol and took the oath of office of the President of the United States. A moment so overwhelming that my 86-year-old father could barely speak when I asked him how he felt about it. It filled me with both tears of joy and tears of sadness. The joy that at least Barack, perhaps filled with the notions from his Nana that he could be anything he set his mind to, did just what he wanted to do. My tears of sadness were because that is still so far from being a reality for all people. We need to help our president understand that his journey, although now possible for more people, is still not possible for all Americans. As I sit and finish the scarf that I started some time ago, I smile and think somewhere today, some little gay boy is sitting with his Nana and hearing her words of encouragement as they knit, or crochet or cook together. They will have heard together our new president’s dreams and admonitions. And she will tell him that he can be anything he sets his mind to. When it comes time for him to live his dreams I want there to be no obstacles in his path. No exceptions. I want him to be able to knit, God damn it! Vote! Columnists So with the encouragement of my president I am going to get to work. No more sitting around waiting. The time has come for us not to follow but to lead. Martin Luther King, Jr., in his letter from Birmingham Jail, reminds us that "Human progress never rolls in on the wheels of inevitability; it comes through the efforts of men (and women) willing to be co-workers with God, and without this hard work, time itself becomes an ally of the forces of social stagnation." Now is our time. Let’s not waste it. LGBT Parenting: Taking stock, looking ahead Small things, big moment Rick Harris can be reached at [email protected] Back to: Keeping The Faith » Columnists » Home COMMENTS Armageddon approaches Add New Comment Bottoms up for the state GOP Copyright © 2007 Bay Windows, Inc. / All Rights Reserved http://www.baywindows.com/index.php?ch=columnists&sc=keeping_the_faith&sc3=&id=86154&pf=1 Page 2 of 2