Breast Cancer
Diagnosis
A Story of Personal Triumph
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RECOVERING
A Personal
Perspective
On Breast
Cancer
Diagnosis
By Danielle Smit
I
t was February of last year that I had first noticed the lump
in my breast, but like many Americans, I was without health
insurance. Of course I knew that I should see a doctor, but
monetary concerns prevented me. At that time, I had recently accepted a job offer which (like a lot of companies’
job offers now) didn’t include any health insurance. So while
the lump’s discovery concerned me deeply, the only thing I
felt I could do was to pay attention to any more changes in
my breast, or in the lump itself.
By March of this year, the lump was very large and hard and my breast
was extremely painful. I began using castor oil packs every night on my
breast to help alleviate the swelling and pain. It was helpful to a point,
but the underlying pain was constant. I was also experiencing a separate pain from what I later learned was my rib having been dislocated.
The simple act of breathing came painfully. For some reason though,
it never dawned on me that this could be associated with my breast
mass. Now I understand and it makes sense that the mass was pulling
on the muscle in my chest, causing my rib to be dislocated. It felt like
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I was falling apart and I knew that my situation
was getting worse by the day.
she was because she made sure to get me in for
a mammogram within the hour!
Sharing my concerns one day with a friend, she
asked me if she could feel the lump so that she
could know what a mass in the breast feels like.
That same night, during an emotional conversation with my partner about what we needed
to do to secure health insurance, I received a
phone call from a friend offering me financial
assistance so that I could see a doctor. I wept
with joy and on April 1st, I had my first doctor’s
appointment.
It had become so painful that I was feeling fairly
extreme at this point. All I wanted to do was cut
my breast off and that is not even an exaggeration. I just wanted it off of me. It amazes me now
to think that I was in such a space then where
I could think it’s actually ok to cut off a part of
my body. But with the pain I was in, I didn’t care.
Just cut it off, I’m good with it!
My initial exam was with a nurse practitioner so
that I could get a referral for a mammogram. I
could see the alarm on her face at the size of
the mass in my breast. By this time, the mass was
almost the entire size of my C-cup, large enough
to alarm pretty much anyone. She seemed like
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The mammogram revealed the obvious mass in
my right breast and a questionable mass in my
left breast. The biopsies were scheduled for the
very next day. I have to say that the urgency with
which they pushed me through these exams was
comforting on one hand; because finally, after
months of concern, something was happening;
but disconcerting on the other hand because
RECOVERING
their urgency made me feel like it was definitely
not good. This left me wondering, how bad is it?
THE DIAGNOSIS
The results of the biopsies came in a few days
later. I remember the phone call perfectly. The
doctor said, with a death sentence in her voice,
“It’s like we suspected. You have invasive adenocarcinoma. You have breast cancer.”
But the reason I feel I remember that phone
call so well is because of my own response. She
gave me all the technical medical information
which I wrote down dutifully then very calmly
said, “Okay, thanks so much for calling,” and I
hung up. She gave me information, just information. What I choose to do with that information
will be what matters.
time. And while the most common emotion people have is fear, I made a conscious effort to not
let fear dominate my emotions.
I spent the next few days processing the information I received. I really had to deal with the
anger I had toward myself for waiting so long to
see a doctor. My family members were obviously upset about this also, especially my 16 year
old daughter. Still, I do everything I can in my life
to not dwell on the past and I wouldn’t dwell on
it now. I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t change
what I hadn’t done. I had to move forward and
release the guilt I felt about this because holding
onto it would not serve me in any way. For me,
this was the first major healing moment on the
emotional journey that comes with a cancer
diagnosis. I had to get myself into a good head
At the oncologist, they explained the diagnosis,
beginning to tell me what protocol they would
follow. The surgeon told me that surgery would
only be an option once the mass was reduced
in size. Even then, they would only do surgery if
cancerous cells had not spread into the bloodstream – if it was not metastatic. Either way, he
said, chemotherapy is what would be required to
shrink the mass. Sure I respected their professional
expertise, but I wasn’t even going to think about
chemo at this point. Not until I knew all the facts.
The following week I was scheduled for a slew
of tests. Blood tests, MRI’s, CT scans, heart tests,
x-rays, etc. When the results came in, the doctors told me that I had Stage 4 metastatic breast
cancer, with cancerous cells in both of my
breasts, the upper part of my lung, the sternum
and the liver. Their prognosis was 2 years (left to
live?) without treatment and 5 years with. Ok,
this is going to take a minute for me to process.
But the feelings and thoughts came flooding
in. I don’t think there is any way to accurately
describe what happens emotionally to someone
when they are given a diagnosis like this. It’s an
overwhelming rush of so many emotions at one
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space because I believed that my attitude and
my mind could have a powerful effect on how I
would make it through this experience.
REACHING OUT TO OTHERS
Since I knew of three women who were dealing with breast cancer issues, I reached out to
each of them. While they all had breast cancer,
they were all so very different in their healing
approach, attitude and belief. One of them
had tried and used every alternative method
of healing that she could find, including black
salve. This friend is deeply spiritual and has tried
everything out there from mainstream to alternative. One thing she revealed had powerful impact; in all the years that she has been dealing
with cancer, the most important thing she had
come to believe was that healing must come
from the inside out.
My next friend had received a cancer diagnosis
and immediately changed her diet dramatically. This friend eliminated cancer from her body
through diet alone. Of course, when she made
the decision to tackle her diagnosis in this way,
she had the attitude and belief that this change
in her diet would heal her body – which it did.
It was my observation of my third friend’s experience that really solidified my feelings that
attitude and beliefs can and do make all the
difference in how we heal. Sadly, she is the most
unwell of the three friends I reached out to. She
is the one who speaks most about how she has
cancer and how sick she is. She is also someone
who has a lot of negative relationships, speaks
negatively, often portrays herself as a victim and
owns cancer as if it’s WHO she is. It is my belief
that these behaviors are not beneficial or complementary to the intention of healing.
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WHAT DO I INTEND TO DO?
A few years before my diagnosis, I was going
through one of the most difficult times of my life.
I felt beat down by what I had been experiencing and I seriously didn’t want to be part of this
physical world anymore. So in the days following
my diagnosis, I had to ask myself if I wanted to
live, or if I was willing to let the cancer cells in my
body take over and be the death of me?
This was it, the moment of truth. Do I want to live?
Well, there was no question. I definitely wanted
to live so I set my intention then and there to kick
cancer out of my body. My mind and my attitude became stronger than ever and, as time
passed, they became my most powerful allies
on my journey through this diagnosis.
With my intention firmly set, my mind focused
on healing, I now had to get through my feelings about chemotherapy. I went to a different
oncologist for a second opinion. While he had a
slightly different protocol than the first doctor, I
was told that chemotherapy was still necessary.
Now there was a time in my life when I would
have never even considered chemotherapy,
especially with all the alternative treatments
that I personally knew about. But with the mass
in my breast being so large and so painful, I truly
felt that no matter how much I believe in the
alternative methods, chemotherapy was the
way I needed to go. Of course, the decision to
go through with chemotherapy was emotional
because I knew that I would lose my hair and
possibly experience all the unpleasant physical
side effects associated with it. My ego was in
complete resistance but my soul was willing to
do whatever I needed to do, no matter the cost.
That meant that I would have to make peace
with chemotherapy. So instead of seeing the
bag of toxic chemicals as a negative, I wrote the
words “Elixir of Life, Love & Healing” on a postit-note and had the nurse put it on the bag. This
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helped me to visualize that what was going into
my body was definitely going to help me.
Over the course of my life, I have always been
interested in, and used, natural and alternative
medicine. While I do believe in western medicine,
I also believe that there is much out there in the
way of natural and alternative healing methods
that truly help (deserving of more credit and
attention). Sadly, many of these alternatives are
often withheld from the masses, or any potentially
negative information is highlighted in such a way
that it overshadows all of the positive information.
But because of my willingness to explore alternative healing methods, I approached my diagnosis
with the intention to try anything and everything
that might be beneficial to my healing, no matter
how small the measure.
With my intention to live and my open mind, I set
out to heal myself. I think this is more important
than some might realize. Once I decided that I
wanted to live, that I was going to get cancer out
of my body, I went forward with the expectation
that this is exactly what would happen. I would do
the chemotherapy and other intravenous drugs,
but I would also research and try alternative (even
controversial) medicines and methods.
MY MIXED METHODOLOGY
First I changed my diet. I had already known
about the Gerson Therapy and studies that show
how diet can have a huge effect on cancer
cells. My friend cured her own breast cancer
using this method so I dove right in without
hesitation. Since I had been a vegetarian already for years, it felt easy for me to take some
information I learned from the Gerson Therapy
and modify my body’s pH balance (from acidic
towards alkaline) by what I ate. I eliminated gluten (wheat), dairy, caffeine, alcohol and sugar
from my eating habits. Every morning I made
fresh juice so that I could get whole nutrients
and enzymes. I juiced kale, chard, cucumber,
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In addition to the dietary changes, I tried
acupuncture, pranic healing, products to
maintain the pH balance in my body, hydrocolon therapy to clean toxins out of my
colon, spent time in prayer and meditation.
Having heard about sensory deprivation
tanks and the benefits they could offer, I
found Enlighten Others in Albuquerque. I
also found the space and energy there to
be so supportive and conducive to healing that I made floating in the tank part of
my regular meditation practice. I enjoyed
some truly profound experiences while
alone with myself in that complete darkness
and highly recommend it to anyone.
Next I tried frequency therapy. I had read
about it’s possible (rather, probable) benefits
on cancer cells. Though there is a lot of controversy about this, I was thrilled when a friend
of mine offered to loan me her Rife machine.
I was so happy to have the opportunity to
try it and to make it a regular addition to my
self-treatment protocol.
Because I was dealing with a large mass in
my breast, I decided to try herbal remedies
such as Graviola and Essiac Tea because of
their reputed anti-tumor properties and the
amazing results people have had. I found
that The Herb Store in Nob Hill carries a prepared mixture of Essiac Tea’s four ingredient
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herbs, so I was able to brew this tea weekly while
being assured that the herbs were each fresh
and of good quality.
Next I was introduced to two products that I
was not previously aware of. The first is Miracle
Mineral Supplement or MMS and if you’re at all
interested in alternative medicine, I recommend
some research on this gem. The second was
Photo Credit: Brandon Martin
Makeup: Natalie Eardley
celery, carrots, apples, lemon and whatever
other delicious fruit we had in the house. Occasionally I did not juice but on those days, I would
use my NutriBullet and blend my veggies with
frozen fruit, hemp milk and protein powder, adding in other beneficial supplements like hemp
hearts (see Lois Lane’s Hemp Seed Superfoods
Kitchen article, page 40), chlorella, turmeric,
minerals, and liquid iodine. At times, even for a
vegetarian, these dietary changes actually
were difficult to swallow, but I had read the
research and I believed this would definitely
be beneficial.
a tea that is virtually impossible to find online. I
was gifted with a bag of American Indian Tea,
hand delivered with some testimonials that were
incredible. How can something like this be withheld from the public? I believe it’s the inhumane
profit motive running “big pharma”. Sadly, you
will not find any information online about American Indian Tea. There are some links that will
lead you to Essiac Tea, but these are two different products. I used both of these teas as part of
my personal treatment.
The final piece of medicine in my process of
healing was my use of cannabis. I had juiced
cannabis leaves and even added cannabis
leaves to my smoothies when I could. But I was
very interested in cannabis oil, specifically. I haven’t always known about the medicinal benefits
of cannabis oil but I had heard great things so I
was extremely open to researching how the oil
could be of benefit to me. When I understood
how it kills cancer cells, I was excited to try it. So
at night, before bedtime, I would ingest a tiny
speck of oil, gradually working my way up to
a piece of oil that was about the size of a rice
grain. I can’t say that I had any negative effects
from the oil. I did have the experience of feeling
a little groggy a couple of times but I can’t be
certain about what caused that. It could have
simply been the result of sleeping deeply. I generally slept very well and woke feeling normal.
Then on August 7th, three months after my diagnosis, a PET scan was done to see what my status
was. Confident that I had been doing all the right
things for my healing I was prepared for anything
(in my soul I felt that it would at least be “good
news”). My doctor walked into the office looking
at me, and then at my daughter who sat with
me there anxiously waiting for the results. He said,
“There are no cancer cells in your breast, there
are no cancer cells in your bones, or your lungs or
your liver. You’re in complete remission.”
This was not “good news”, this was fantastic news!
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RUMINATING ON REMISSION
I have spent a lot of time wondering what it was
that brought about the remission. I tried so many
different things to help bring about healing in my
body but I feel confident about a few things that I
know were beneficial to my process. First and foremost, I believe that my intention to be well and my
positive attitude played a major role in getting me
to this place. For me, it was very important that I
didn’t label myself as someone with cancer. For
example, I never said the words “I have cancer”.
Instead I would say, “I received a cancer diagnosis”. I refused to let cancer define me and I refused
to embrace it. I also completely disregarded the prognosis, deciding early on that I would not put
any energy or thought into it. I was not going to let
anyone tell me what the outcome of this experience was going to be. I simply would not think
about anything other than healing.
This cancer diagnosis caused me to look at myself, my life, in a whole different way. The idea
that something in my body could potentially
take me from those that love me changed the
way I show up in the world. It gave me an opportunity to look at things with a different perspective. It caused me to walk slower, breathe
deeper, value my life more and to pay more
attention to the many blessings that show up in
my life on a daily basis.
During this experience I learned how to let go of
my ego, to let go of fear and every other attitude or belief that doesn’t serve me. This cancer
diagnosis gave me an opportunity to really look
at myself and how I could make positive changes to effect my well being. But I think the biggest
blessing I received from this healing journey was
in learning to love myself. Not in a way that is
egotistical, but in a way that honors who I am
and what I need. And that makes me wonder…
maybe this is what we’re all here to learn.
For questions or to connect with Danielle, you
can email her at [email protected].
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