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Family and Social Health Emily Scott
Lesson 8: Peer Pressure and Refusal Skills
O = The student will know how to set limits for expressing physical affection. (cognitive)
O = The student will learn refusal skills to use if he/she is pressured to be sexually active. (cognitive)
PI = Demonstrate the use of effective refusal skills.
HG = I will use refusal skills to abstain from sex.
HG = I will communicate directly and openly with my partner.
Standards
• 4.7 Apply decision-making and problem-solving steps to generate alternative solutions
regarding social situations that could place one’s health or safety at risk.
• 4.8 Predict the potential short- and long-term effects of each alternative on self and others, and
defend the healthy choice(s).
• 4.9 Demonstrate the ability to apply listening and assertive communication skills in situations
that may involve parents, family members, other trusted adults, peers, boyfriends/girlfriends,
and health professionals.
• 6.7 Demonstrate communication, negotiation, and refusal skills to protect oneself from
situations that could transmit HIV or other STIs.
• 7.5 Apply strategies, including refusal and assertiveness skills to avoid, manage, and escape
situations that are high risk for pregnancy, HIV, and other STIs.
• 7.9 Apply decision-making skills to avoid situations that are high risk for pregnancy, HIV, and
other STIs.
• 7.10 Demonstrate the ability to establish positive relationships, communicate caring and love
without sexual intercourse, and communicate personal, sexual limits and values to a girlfriend or
boyfriend.
Materials: highlighters (class set)
Handouts: “Script #1: It was a fun party, but…”, “Resisting Negative Peer Pressure to be Sexually Active”,
“19 ways to say no to sexual involvement”, “Script #2: But, I thought you loved me…”, “Assessment
Rubric for Skill Development: Responding to Pressure”, “If one partner says…” (and key).
Total Time (50 min)
Intro: It was a fun party, but… (7 min)
Pass out “Script #1” with Chris and Terry. Read it aloud to the class. Then ask the students some
questions.
• Do you think this is realistic? [discuss peer pressure and how it’s a reality]
• What was Chris wrong in doing? [pressuring her to have sex, using the “everyone’s doing it”
card, calling her names – maybe he doesn’t really care?]
• What could Terry have done better? [say “stop” or “stop pressuring me”, make Chris leave
sooner, or she could have left]
Family and Social Health Emily Scott
Lesson 8: Peer Pressure and Refusal Skills
•
What did Terry do well? [did not give in, suggested getting food instead, suggested going back to
the party, etc.]
Activity 1: Personal situation… What would you do? (Brainstorm) (5 min)
Pose the question: “What would you say/do in this scenario?”….
Your boyfriend/girlfriend asks you to come over; his/her parents aren’t home. The two of you
watch a movie, start making out, and then he/she starts touching you where in a place that feels
good, but ultimately makes you uncomfortable. You don’t want to do anything you’ll later
regret. What would you do?...
If students are quiet, ask again – “What would you do? How would you get out of this situation?”
If students say, “I would ask him/her to stop”. Then pose the question, “What if he/she didn’t listen to
you? What would you do?”
Have students brainstorm ideas. (If they remain quiet, say, “that is why next I am going to teach you
refusal skills.”)
Activity 2: Refusal Skills (8 minutes)
Pass out “Resisting Negative Peer Pressure to be Sexually Active”. Pass out highlighters and have
students highlight the bold phrases on this handout or outline the stars (or something to make the page
easier to study and more attractive to read) as you read and explain each star to the class.
Also read the page of this handout. (Another refusal skill: give reasons for your decision)
Activity 3: Review I-Messages (2 min)
Review I-messages from Lesson 3.
Write on the board:
I-Messages
***I feel _______________
when you________________
because______________.
Students can use I-Messages in “the heat of the moment”, but they could also be used in a “we-need-totalk” type of conversation with a boyfriend/girlfriend. If a student is uncomfortable, unhappy, etc. with
the behaviors of their partner, they could tell their partner this with an I-Message. For example, one
could say “I feel upset when you pressure me to have sex, even though you know I don’t want to,
because you aren’t respecting my boundaries.”
Activity 4: Nineteen Ways to say no to sexual involvement (4 min)
Pass out another handout on refusal skills/tips: “19 Ways…”. This is yet another resource to equip
students with the skills they need to refuse negative pressure.
Family and Social Health Emily Scott
Lesson 8: Peer Pressure and Refusal Skills
Have one student read each number aloud. Have them practice saying it with enthusiasm/meaning.
(Students can pass if they want to.) (Maybe assign numbers ahead of time and have students think
about how they want to say their line for the class.)
Activity 5: Practicing refusal skills (10 min)
“Now it’s your turn to practice your refusal skills. You can pull together all the strategies we’ve
discussed” (i.e. highlighted tips page, I-messages, and “19 ways…”).
Pass out “Script #2: But, I thought you loved me…”. Have students write down their responses for
“Terry”. Tell them to take this seriously because they may present this in groups or to the class.
Pick either to practice with a partner and present in groups of 4 or 6, or to have one (or as many)
group(s) that feel comfortable enough to role play in front of the class.
Either way, each time the script is read have the audience assess what “Terry” did well and give
suggestions for improvement. (The audience should assess everything from what was to said to how it
was said.)
**The role playing method you choose depends on the make-up of your class and personality of your
students.
**Note: See attached rubric (“Assessment Rubric for Skill Development: Responding to Pressure”) if
teacher wants to grade students on this activity.
Activity 6: What would you say to this? (14 min or remaining time)
Have students work in groups of 3 and pass out “If one partner says…”. (Use either the abstinence-only
version or abstinence-based.)
Give students 5 minutes to write individual responses in the right-hand column. Then have the groups
share ideas and help one another finish the worksheet. Allow another 5 minutes for this.
In the remaining time, read each item in the left-hand column and call on different groups to share what
they wrote in the right-hand column. See the teacher’s reference corresponding to this worksheet.
Family and Social Health Emily Scott
Lesson 9: Recognizing Harmful Relationships
O = The student will recognize characteristics of an abusive relationship. (cognitive)
O = The student will know why someone might stay in an abusive relationship. (cognitive)
PI = Identify how beliefs in society promote certain behaviors for males and females in
relationships. (i.e. males are macho and controlling while girls are supposed to be passive… this
can turn into a controlling or abusive relationship)
HG = I will consistently review my own relationships to make sure they are non-abusive.
HG = I will seek help if I or someone I know is in an abusive relationship.
Standards
• 3.5 Locate resources in one’s community and on the Internet for information and
services regarding harassment, violence, and abusive relationships; and assess the
validity of these resources.
• 3.6 Apply strategies to access and get help for self or others.
• 3.10 Assess characteristics of hypothetical relationships for warning signs of harm or
abuse.
• 3.15 Evaluate the impact of media on the prevalence of violence. (gender roles)
• 3.17 Apply strategies to hypothetical situations involving abusive relationships.
• 4.12 Assess one’s personal behavior and how one demonstrates character traits. (Are
you an abuser?)
• 7.6 Explain how stereotypes, norms, peer influence, alcohol and other drug use, media,
and personal responsibility can impact sexual decision making and the consequences of
such decisions.
Materials: chalk & chalkboard, HW from lesson 7: “Interview a Parent/Guardian”, teacher
reference: “The Cycle of Violence”
Handouts: “David brings me flowers”, “Maria wears my jacket”, “I know Kim’s number by
heart”, “Warning Signs”,
Total Time: 50 min
Intro (1 min)
“In previous lessons we have talked about healthy relationships and dating and boundary lines.
Today we are going to talk about very serious issues: abusive and/or controlling relationships.”
Activity 1: Gender roles and society (10 min)
Family and Social Health Emily Scott
Lesson 9: Recognizing Harmful Relationships
Divide the class into groups of four or five students of the same gender. Explain that groups are
to write down two lists: 1) characteristics and expectations that our society appears to have for
males and 2) for females. Allow five minutes for this group activity.
Then have all groups share what they wrote for males and discuss.
Example: In our society, it appears that males are supposed to…
• be in control of situations.
• like competition and want to win.
• be aggressive.
• be dominant.
• take care of females.
• be forceful.
• be powerful.
• be unemotional.
• be strong.
Then have all groups share what they wrote for females and discuss.
Example: In our society, it appears that females are supposed to be…
• emotional.
• polite and accommodating.
• passive.
• submissive.
• attentive to the needs of others.
• nonaggressive.
• dependent.
• weak.
• attractive.
For both males and females, discuss whether or not the characteristics and expectations listed
are true for all males/females in our society. Be sure to emphasize that the expectations listed
are what society appears to want males/females to do, not what is healthiest or what will build
positive relationships.
Ask the students how these characteristics and expectations might impact dating relationships.
Draw from students’ comments and summarize by stating that many of these expectations are
rigid and limiting and can actually fuel violence or abuse in relationships. For example, a man
Family and Social Health Emily Scott
Lesson 9: Recognizing Harmful Relationships
might believe he is expected to be in control of situations and aggressive. He may exert his
control over his girlfriend and she may “take it” because that’s what she feels she has to do.
Activity 2: Input from parent worksheet (4 min)
Take out the homework from lesson 7 called “Interview a Parent/Guardian” and discuss aloud
the answers to question 4: Describe 3 signs of an unhealthy dating relationship. If desired,
write these on the board, and discuss as a transition into the next activity…
Activity 3: Three types of abuse (1 min)
Explain that there are three types of abuse: emotional, physical, and sexual. Write these on the
board and explain each briefly.
Activity 4: Poems (physical abuse, control, and emotional abuse) (20 min)
Example of physical abuse:
Pass out “David brings me flowers”. Read it to the class (or call on a student to read it) and
then discuss these questions: (Encourage everyone to participate.)
• Is this a unique situation? Or do you think teens are familiar with similar situations?
• Is there anything “wrong” with David’s behavior?
• What does David do to “make it up” to her? Why? Do you think he really loves her?
-describe this as the last stage in the “Cycle of Abuse”
-[see teacher reference: “The Cycle of Violence”]
-or… Mention that the abuser naturally tries to make up to the person. But
this phase won’t last long and it will turn into abuse again.
• What might the voice in the story be feeling when she speaks in line 15?
• Why can’t the voice in the story get out of the relationship? (Do you think she should
get out? What does she want to end: the relationship or the abuse?)
-Maybe she is clinging on to the relationship, even though she recognizes her
“friends were right”. Maybe she wants to have a boyfriend so she focuses on the
“flowers” to look past / forget about the abuse.
• Is this girl in danger? What should she do?
• Are her friends being part of the solution by calling her “stupid”? When she speaks on
line 15, what is it her friends were right about?
• When people are being abusive, do they always use physical violence? What might they
use? Are those types of abuse as easy to spot as physical violence?
Example of emotional abuse / control:
Pass out “Maria wears my jacket”. Read it to the class and then discuss these questions:
• Is there anything wrong with a boyfriend giving his girlfriend his jacket?
Family and Social Health Emily Scott
Lesson 9: Recognizing Harmful Relationships
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What does the jacket symbolize for each person in the poem?
Why does Maria’s boyfriend insist that she wear it all the time?
Does not wearing the jacket really mean that she does not love her boyfriend?
Does the voice in the poem love Maria? Why doesn’t he believe that she loves him?
Why do you think the voice in the story feels a need to let his friends know that Maria
loves him (line 5)?
Why would the voice in the poem get angry? Why does he treat Maria this way? Is he
abusive? Will he physically hurt her, too?
Example of emotional abuse / control:
Pass out “I know Kim’s number by heart”. Read it to the class and then discuss these questions:
• Is this a good relationship for Kim? Point out the positive and negative qualities she is
getting out of the relationship.
• Is this a good relationship for the male in the story? Point out the positive and negative
qualities he is getting out of the relationship.
• What is the boy giving up for the relationship? Why do you think he is willing to
sacrifice for the relationship?
• What do you think about having separate identities when you’re in a relationship with
someone? Do you think it is healthy/unhealthy to do everything together? …to have to
know what the other person is doing all the time like Kim?
• If this male were your friend, what would you say to him?
Activity 5: Warning signs of an abusive relationship (7 min)
Pass out the two-page handout entitled, “Warning Signs”. This goes over the signs of someone
being in an abusive relationship and someone being an abuser. Read these to the class and add
input as desired. Refer to the previously-discussed poems to make these warning signs more
concrete and unforgettable.
**Go over the importance of getting help if you find yourself in an abusive relationship. Point
out the listed hotlines as a resource for students.
Activity 6: Why would someone stay in an abusive relationship? (6 min)
Divide students in triads and ask them to discuss the reasons why a person might stay in an
abusive relationship. Allow two to three minutes for small group discussion, then gather ideas
from the students. Summarize to include:
• A person doesn’t think he or she is worthy of better treatment.
Family and Social Health Emily Scott
Lesson 9: Recognizing Harmful Relationships
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A person likes the positive attention he or she gets during the “make-up” stage and tries
to ignore the negative things “of the past”.
A person is afraid of his or her partner. He or she fears future harm to him/herself
and/or his or her friends or family.
A person in ashamed or embarrassed and is afraid to tell others and get help.
A person feels he or she is to blame and deserves to be treated this way.
A person fears that his or her partner will kill him/herself or others if he or she leaves
the relationship.
A person wants a boyfriend/girlfriend no matter the “cost”.
A person thinks that he or she can change the other person.
A person feels isolated and helpless
A person doesn’t recognize that that he or she is in an abusive relationship. He or she
feels the behavior is normal because it is so common.
A person is married and committed to keeping his or her marriage vows
A person is financially dependent on the abuser.
A person is married and has children, so he or she might stay in the marriage solely for
the kids.
Ask the students whether or not they think these reasons justify staying in a relationship where
the person might get emotionally, physically, or sexually hurt. Draw from the students’
responses and summarize to include the following points:
• Emotional, physical, or sexual abuse will not go away with time. It will most likely get
worse with time.
• Each human being has the right to be respected, not to be hurt, and to live without fear.
• The long-term prices of staying in an abusive relationship are too costly compared with
the short-term pain of ending a relationship.
Conclusion: (1 min)
Summarize the importance of getting help if you or someone you know is in an abusive
relationship.
“Today we have talked about controlling partners and emotionally or physically abusive
relationships, but we have not talked as much about sexual abuse. Tomorrow we will broach
the subject of sexual abuse.”
Family and Social Health Emily Scott
Lesson 10: Sexual Harassment and Rape
O = The student will know what sexual harassment is and is not. (cognitive)
O = The student will recognize the difference between flirting and sexual harassment.
(cognitive)
O = The student will know the state’s laws regarding sexual conduct. (cognitive)
PI = Identify skills and strategies to avoid / deal with sexual harassment.
HG = I will actively confront someone who is sexually harassing me or someone else and will do
something about it (stop it, leave the situation, tell an adult).
HG = I will know the reality of date rape.
Standards
• 3.3 Define and describe bullying, sexual violence, and sexual harassment, and their
effects on individuals and communities.
• 3.4 Describe the Michigan laws regarding bullying, sexual violence, and sexual
harassment.
• 3.6 Apply strategies to access and get help for self or others.
• 3.9 Apply skills and strategies for avoiding and dealing with sexual harassment and
exploitation, including when using the Internet.
• 3.17 Apply strategies to hypothetical situations involving abusive relationships.
• 4.7 Apply decision-making and problem-solving steps to generate alternative solutions
regarding social situations that could place one’s health or safety at risk.
• 7.1 Summarize and explain laws related to the sexual behavior of young people.
Materials: slide “Definition of Sexual Harassment”, slide “What Do You Think?”, chalk &
chalkboard, masking tape, rape statistics (1 on a paper), highlighters
Handouts: “Dealing with Sexual Harassment” and key, “Do you really know him? The reality of
date rape”, “Sex Laws” and key, “What do you think? –Scenario 1”, Test Review Sheet,
HOMEWORK (questions 1-3).
Total Time: 50 min
Intro: (1 min)
“Today we will continue talking about harmful relationships and abuse. Yesterday we
examined some situations with emotional or physical abuse, but today we will talk more about
sexual abuse/assault and rape.
Activity 1: What is sexual harassment? (7 min)
Family and Social Health Emily Scott
Lesson 10: Sexual Harassment and Rape
Display slide “Definition of Sexual Harassment” but do not show the title. Tell the students that
what is on the screen defines on type of intimidation. Ask if anyone knows the name for this
type of intimidation. Call on students until the name “sexual harassment” is given. Then go
over the slide and make the point that, when in doubt, sexual harassment is anything that
makes the other person feel uncomfortable.
**For teacher reference…
Nonverbal =
• Obscene gestures
• Suggestive looks
• Lewd notes or texts
• Graffiti which degrades a person
• Stalking
• Staring
• Pornographic material
• Cornering or blocking free movement
Verbal =
• Dirty comments
• Sexual innuendoes
• Gender-specific comments
• Requests for sexual favors
• Taunting and teasing
• Jokes about a person’s body, clothing, or gender
• Spreading sexual rumors
• Obscene songs
• Making noises (whistling, howling, etc.)
• Name calling
• Physical threats
Physical =
• Unwanted touching
• Patting and/or pinching
• Bumping
• Pushing
• Pulling at clothing/bra-strap
Sexual harassment (also called “sexual assault”) is against the law.
Family and Social Health Emily Scott
Lesson 10: Sexual Harassment and Rape
Finally, ask students if these examples are sexual harassment or not:
-a guy saying “nice butt” to a girl in the hallway
[It depends if the girl likes it or not. The victim decides if it is sexual harassment or not.]
-girls in the locker room gossiping about a classmate having had sex this past weekend
[This is sexual harassment. More than likely, the classmate would not appreciate these
girls talking about her/him that way.]
**Note: You may choose volunteers to role play these scenarios for the class, but this would
take more time than allotted for.
Activity 2: Group Questions (7 min)
Divide the class into four groups (or more, if you have a large class). Display the slide, “What Do
You Think?” and assign one question to each group. Tell the groups they have three minutes to
discuss their question and prepare a response for the class.
After minutes, go through each question, gathering ideas from the students.
Teacher Reference…
• What do you think is the difference between sexual harassment and flirting?
Flirting: fun, friendly, can compliment another person, can show affection, exciting,
welcomed, wanted, mutual
Sexual Harassment: uses power, hostile, condescending, aggressive, exploits a person,
tried to dominate or control another person, unwelcome, NOT mutual
•
Do you think both men and women are sexually harassed? Explain.
Women report being harassed by men more frequently than men report being harassed
by women. However, both men and women can and do sexually harass others.
•
For what reasons do you think a person sexually harasses another person?
They want to demean, control, embarrass, or humiliate another person. Often it is
because they are unsure of themselves and trying to gain power, status, or attention in
a negative way and at the expense of another person.
•
How do you think someone who is sexually harassed feels?
Family and Social Health Emily Scott
Lesson 10: Sexual Harassment and Rape
He or she might feel afraid, anxious, ashamed, embarrassed, angry, annoyed,
humiliated, devalued, insecure, guilty, physically ill, dirty, weak, and/or isolated. He or
she might have mixed feelings. He or she may feel flattered initially and then angry and
humiliated if the comments and actions persist.
Activity 3: Skills checklist for avoiding/dealing with sexual harassment (4 min)
Pass out handout “Skills for Dealing with Sexual Harassment”. Students will individually
complete this worksheet. Allow one to two minutes for completion, and then discuss student
ideas. See Teacher Key as a reference.
Optional: view this video on confronting people who make you feel uncomfortable…
://www.youtube.com/watch?v= (1 minute long)
Activity 4: Intro to Date Rape: T/F Game (3 min)
“Next we will move on to a discussion about sexual abuse and rape. We will start by playing a
T/F game.” Explain the game:
Divide the board into two sections labeled “True” and “False”. Students, in partners (or groups)
will be given a statement on a piece of paper and will have to decide as a pair or group if the
statement is true or false. Students will then tape their paper on the board under the
appropriate column (True or False).
**Note: all the statements are true.
Activity 5: Do you really know him? The reality of date rape (13 min)
Handout out “Do you really know him? The reality of date rape”. Have students take turns
reading this handout. Stop along the way and have students highlight these sentences:
•
“However, only one of five rapes is a rape where the victim doesn’t know the attacker.”
•
“ …most teen rape victims are actually attacked by someone they know from school,
work, or their neighborhood.” (Underline “date rape” and “acquaintance rape”.)
•
“…he seemed like “a really nice guy” or “someone you could trust.”
•
“Rape is not about sex, it’s about violence.”
Family and Social Health Emily Scott
Lesson 10: Sexual Harassment and Rape
•
“Some people commit rape… because it makes them feel powerful.”
•
“If you’ve been forced into having sex against your will, you have been raped –
regardless of the circumstances.”
Continue reading and have students underline or highlight whatever sticks out to them (or
whatever you want them to highlight).
Activity 6: Sex Laws (5 min)
Pass out handout entitled “Sex Laws” and have students fill in the blanks.
Then quiz students with these case studies and questions:
1. Bill and Suzy, both 17 years old, are out on a date. They have been seeing each other
for some time. While out driving in the country, Bill stops the car in a secluded place
and says, “Suzy, I want to have sex with you.” Suzy says, “No!” Bill says, “I know you
want to,” and forces her to have sex. He tells her that if she tells anybody what
happened, she will be in trouble.
• Has a crime been committed?
• Who gets charged? (Bill)
2. Kara and Max are both 14 years old. They have been going out for 3 months. Max
wants Kara to have sexual intercourse with him. She finally gives into his pressure and
consents. They have sex.
• Has a crime been committed?
• Who gets charged? (both)
Activity 7: Case Study: Amy and Jason (5 min)
Pass out worksheet entitled, “What do you think? –Scenario 1”. Have students discuss the
answers in pairs and write down their responses.
Discuss as a class.
Conclusion/ Wrap-Up (5 min)
Pass out the review sheet, which will help prepare students for the test. Ask if students have
questions about anything that was covered in the unit. Then “quiz” students by asking them to
list, as a class, 5 things you could say to your boyfriend/girlfriend if he/she said “Let’s have sex”.
(This will help them review refusal skills.)
Family and Social Health Emily Scott
Lesson 10: Sexual Harassment and Rape
Stress the importance of setting standards for oneself ahead of time and not giving in to
negative peer pressure. Emphasize again that you don’t have to Teens should think about who
they are dating (or want to date), and think about the reality of date rape and abuse
(emotional, physical, and sexual). Encourage students to not be passive victims of abuse.
Pass out the homework that is to be turned in on the test day. It will 1) help students review
and 2) give the teacher feedback (question #1).