1. family and parenting

Issue 300 October 2011
International Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Remembrance Day
October 15th
ds the community in pregn
Sands lea
ancy
a n d i nf
ant loss awareness and support.
S ands News
Newsletter sponsorship
available
Please contact the office for details
THE STORY OF SANDS
Sands came into being in 1983 when a small group
of parents gathered in each others lounge rooms to
support one another after they had experienced the
death of their babies. From those humble beginnings
Sands has expanded to a staffed office with a number
of different support services.
Listener Service
Trained volunteer bereaved parents are on call 24/7 to
provide a listening ear.
The Sands 1800 number is available for parents who
live outside the Brisbane metropolitan area. The
numbers for listeners can be accessed by calling the
Sands office.
A comprehensive range of booklets and pamphlets are
available relating to all facets of grief and loss relating
to the death of a baby. They are relevant to parents,
families, friends and health care professionals.
Web site
The Sands web site is an electronic means of
providing and obtaining support. The information is
available 24/7 and bereaved parents can contact the
Sands office from the web site.
Regional Contacts
Contacts for different areas of Queensland and
Northern New South Wales are in the back of the
newsletter. The contacts may be bereaved parents or
caring health care professionals.
Email Support
Some parents may
find ringing a support
person or attending a
support meeting very
confronting and the
anonymity of email
can be a useful to
obtain support and
information.
Support Meetings
Parents often find comfort and a feeling of normality
when talking with other bereaved parents. The shared
experience can help to alleviate the sense of isolation
that is sometimes felt by parents.
Sands Logo
The Jigsaw Baby is the
Sands Logo. It represents the struggle parents and
families have fitting the pieces of their lives together
again – one piece is always missing.
Library
The Sands library contains a range of books that
cover topics relevant to bereaved parents. A library
catalogue can be obtained by contacting the Sands
office. The books are available by dropping into the
office or they can be mailed out. We ask that if you
are able, to provide stamps when you return the books
if they have been mailed to you.
You are required to become a member
to access the library facilities.
Sands Membership
All parents who contact Sands will receive three
complimentary issues of the newsletter after which
a letter will be sent offering membership. Yearly
membership is $30 but in case of financial difficulty,
a smaller membership fee will be acceptable. When
membership falls due, a reminder will be sent. A
membership form is included in the newsletter. There
are two classifications of membership:
Ordinary: includes bereaved parents and families
Associate: non-bereaved people including
professional and community individuals who have an
interest in Sands.
Newsletter
The newsletter is an important communication tool for
parents, families and health care professionals. It is
a forum for support, is printed monthly and members
contributions are very welcome.
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Booklets and Pamphlets
S ands News
Contents
Sands Calendar: page 4
Coordinator’s Report: page 5
SANDS News:
SANDS Library:
page 11
Parent Stories:
page 23
page 20
Memorials: page 31
Harrison McKenzie
Thomas James Saccasan
Sebastian Nolan-Smith
Charlotte Milligan
Izaak & Jay
Isabella Smith
Donations: page 39
Memorial Services: page 41
Contact
SANDS (QLD) INC. OFFICE
SANDS House,
505 Bowen Terrace, New Farm, Brisbane
POSTAL ADDRESS
PO Box 934, New Farm QLD 4005
TELEPHONE
(07) 3254 3422 (Brisbane Callers)
1800 228 655 (Regional Callers support
only)
FAX
(07) 3358 2533
EMAIL
Nicky:
Kath:
[email protected] (general office)
[email protected]
(support and management)
Jayde/Miriam:
[email protected]
(newsletter submissions)
WEBSITE: www.sandsqld.com
MANAGEMENT COMMITTEE
Contactable through the office on 3254 3422
President
Bev Homel
Vice PresidentVacant
Secretary
Nicky Lynch
Treasurer
Jenny Barends
GeneralBob Deuble
Fran Boyle
Rachel Schilling
Janelle Tsockallos
Nerissa Healey
COORDINATOR
Kath Harvey
OFFICE MANAGER
Nicky Lynch
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Suppor t Meetings
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S ands News
Coordinator’s Report
Dear Friends of SANDS
Recently Bev suggested to me that our next newsletter report should focus on what
we have achieved over the past year.
The year in review!
Since Nicky and I started in our positions at SANDS in October and November last
year it’s been a very busy period.
At times we have had 75 new parents in a month coming to SANDS for support.
Some are referred by hospitals, they may have received our leaflet, or some may
be referred by friends and family and through the internet. However a large number
of referrals are those we hear about from SANDS parents.
Recently I had a SANDS parent phone me about one of her friends who had lost a
baby. She wanted to get some advice and resources to take to her. Our parent was
able to talk with her friend about memory creation and we helped organise referrals
from several memory creation companies to go into the hospital. That was a very
satisfying day – we had made a difference.
The first month
I started with SANDS just before 2010 Walk to Remember and just in time to attend
The International Stillbirth Alliance (ISA) and International Society for the Study and
Prevention of Infant Death (ISPID) conference in Sydney. The conference was a
wonderful opportunity to network with organisations involved in research and care
of bereaved parents. Liz spent most of the time introducing me to all the key people.
During the conference we discussed the upcoming Lancet special edition on Stillbirth
– and that’s where my idea for special edition newsletters came from.
After the conference Nicky and I spent a great deal of time re-organising the office
and re-developing partnerships and networks as Liz had been gone for a number of
months. Almost immediately we noticed that hospitals felt confident about sending
parents to us once again.
Within a few days of me starting at SANDS the Mater Mothers Hospital offered us free
trade display at their bereavement conference. This was an excellent opportunity to
get amongst a few hundred midwives and promote our model of care. We had over
50 requests for professional packs after this conference.
Our refurbished meeting rooms
Following January’s Brisbane flood we had a good clean and tidy up. Our ground
floor rooms in New Farm received water damage, not flood water, as the storm
water drains were backed up. We believe that water coming through the drainage
system flooded into our meeting support rooms as the ground was so wet. It actually
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S ands News
flooded a couple of times with Nicky and her family spending a whole day mopping
the room on the first occasion and the team from AA (who use our meeting rooms)
coming and pumping out the water before all power to the Brisbane CBD and New
Farm area was turned off.
Unfortunately the room wasn’t drained of the water for nearly a week – and with the
heat and humidity - it wasn’t in good shape. On my return to work I heard a radio
report on ABC about how to clean and kill mould spores and how you should tackle
to clean the room. It became apparent that I would need Oil of Cloves. Nicky and I
rang many pharmacy groups trying to find this new liquid gold. I finally went on radio
to ask for help and we received many offers.
Once the room was treated we then had our working bee. We called for help from
SANDS parents and I sent out messages to my friends to come and help.
It was hot, sticky, smelly work, but by the end of the day our support room was at least
clean and smelt fresh. The furniture had to be disposed off and we were thankful
for the donation of a couple of sofas from parents. We also received a significant
donation from All Door Solutions which we were very grateful for. This money was
used to buy new furniture for the meeting room.
Since then the meeting room has had a makeover. Priority, a company that does
office makeovers, offered to re-tile, repaint and install new air conditioners. Many
thanks to Kylie Jones, a SANDS parent, who worked with her brother in law to make
all of this happen.
Clinical Guidelines on Stillbirth and Early Pregnancy Loss
In the New Year we were asked by Queensland Health to be the lead parent
organisation in the development of Clinical Guidelines on Stillbirth and Early
Pregnancy Loss. The Queensland Centre for Mothers and Babies were contracted
by Queensland Health to develop a number of parent fact sheets - one on stillbirth
and the other on autopsy. They approached us to assist with this. The consultation
process was significant.
The fact sheets are now ready to distribute to hospitals and they will also be used by
us. They cover a lot more information than just grief and loss issues.
Many of you may be surprised with the amount of information in the autopsy fact
sheet.
13 000 support line
SANDS Australia, our national body, has received a grant from the Federal
Government to develop and implement a national wide support line. The 13 000
support line is now active and state organisations are implementing procedures of
how it will work in their state. Nerissa Healey (from the Far North) and I are members
on the National Council. Over the past year we have developed
- National training frameworks;
- reporting templates;
- and we are working towards the development of national resources.
In Queensland it is our intention to have parent supporters on a regional roster, with
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S ands News
supporters in Cairns only receiving calls from their area. This will make the service
community based and would enable parents to be able to network directly with other
bereaved parents in their region.
In May we had our parent supporters training. This brought together 35 parents
from around the State. The weekend was a huge success. This year we had a mix
of training from professionals such as Grief and Loss Counsellor Susan De Campo;
Author Doris Zagdanski and presentations from key health professional including Dr
Ingrid Rowlands, Research Fellow, UQ, Dr Carol Portmann, Maternal Fetal Medicine,
RBWH, Vicki Flenady, Dr Lucy Cooke, Neonatalogist, Mater Hospital. The weekend
was also a wonderful opportunity for current parent supporters and potential parent
supporters to network, to share ideas and information about what is happening in
their regional areas.
Doris Zagdanski has always been very supportive of SANDS and has offered to do
more training over the next year.
We have recently been invited by SANDS Victoria to attend their specific facilitation
meeting training and four of our parent supporters will attend this training next
weekend.
SANDS Queensland also received a small seeding grant from SANDS Australia
to assist in getting the 13 000 service active in Queensland. Our committee has
decided to fund a part time, short contract position for a Parent Support Coordinator.
This position will be responsible for establishing a roster, coordinating with other
parent supporters and getting the system up and running; as well as assisting with
the updating of our resources and potential education and training. An appointment
should be confirmed within the next month.
Of course we continue to do a lot of parent support in the office. Nicky does a lot of
work posting out resource orders to hospitals, as well as the day to day administration
of the office, paying the bills and generally keeping the place ticking over.
I am on several hospital consumer groups. Being at these meetings has opened
many opportunities for SANDS. The Royal Brisbane Womens Hospital recently
sought advice from us on the development of their bereavement room; the new Gold
Coast Hospital have approached us to assist with their training of midwives and are
keen for us to be the lead parent organisation.
We continue to have an ongoing relationship with the Australian College of Midwives.
We have made presentations as part of their midwife education program, many
thanks to Sarah Connolly and Mel McKenzie for assisting with this. We have had
student midwives attend our support meetings. Often midwives say to me, that while
bereavement, loss and grief are covered in their training, its not until they are face to
face with a parent that they wished they had more training. We have recently been
offered free trade display at the Australian College of Midwives conference.
Of course there are a number of things that the Committee will need to face in the
coming months. Mostly around finance. The small funding grant that we receive from
Queensland Health pays for two part time workers and general office expenses. As
our membership grows so does the pressure on resources and particularly postage.
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S ands News
But without the team of volunteers SANDS would exist differently. We have a
wonderful team (Miriam and Jayde) who produce our newsletter. The newsletter
is a major piece of work every month. I thank them for their work, often done in
weekends and late at night. On the last Thursday of each month, a team of parents
come into the office to post out the newsletter – it’s a very social group. Thank you.
We also have other volunteers (parents, grandparents and friends) of SANDS who
come into office and help print resources, organise orders – Thank you to Robbie,
Miriam, Narelle and Trish in particular; Wednesdays and Fridays are not the same
without you.
My final thank you is to the team of Parent supporters in the community. The work
you do makes a significant contribution to the work of SANDS, I honour the work you
do.
Kath
HELP SANDS TO SAVE MONEY
SANDS QLD is struggling to keep up with the cost of postage. Perhaps you could
help us by requesting that your newsletter is received via email rather than post.
Also you might like to consider sponsoring the newsletter for a particular month
which might be special to you. If you would like to sponsor the newsletter please
contact us at [email protected], the cost is $250. This money goes
towards the cost of producing the newsletter.
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S ands News
Year In Review
Cairns Group
It has been a very successful year for our group here in Cairns.
Last year’s Walk to Remember was a big turning point for our group. Support group
numbers after the walk doubled and occasionally tripled. After seeing the success of
the Walk both in providing something special for families and in creating awareness
we decided that it was worthy of trying to get some more support and funding for next
year’s event. Fortunately we were successful in obtaining a community development
grant from Cairns Regional Council. We are also lucky that we have a small group
of parents that are committed to making the walk a success. We are really excited
about this year’s Walk and feel that having this extra money is allowing us to do
something extra special for families in the area.
Since last year’s walk we have also done three presentations at Cairns Base hospital
and have made regular contact with the private hospital. Having regular contact with
the hospitals has allowed us to build strong relationships. The benefits of these
relationships have showed by the amount of people who receive SANDS information
directly from the hospitals.
In June this year we changed the day and venue of our support group. Previously
the group was held on the far northern side of Cairns and on a weekday. Our new
venue is in a more central part of Cairns and is held on a Sunday to allow for people
to attend who may work through the week. Changing the day has especially proven
successful with our dads, it is now not uncommon to see two or even three dads
attend the group.
Having so many extra dads involved in the group saw the introduction
of our golf mornings just for the boys. Reports back showed the
morning was very successful so we are hoping to keep the mornings
as a quarterly event. The boys are also looking at having a fishing
trip together later in the year.
In early August we also held a BBQ down on the Cairns Esplanade
for all of our SANDS families in the area. We had quite a good turnout
and saw a few faces that no longer come to groups but still wanted
to catch up on a more casual level.
We hope that we can continue in providing a strong support base
that people can rely on in the Cairns area.
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Suppor t Meetings
SANDS Brisbane
Subsequent Pregnancy
Support Meeting
“Managing Your Anxiety”
Date:
Time:
Venue:
RSVP:
Tuesday 18th October 2011
7.00pm
SANDS House
505 Bowen Terrace, New Farm
Not essential
We are pleased to be able to offer this meeting
to members after requests for support at this
time.
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S ands News
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S ands News
Brisbane Walk to Remember
Sunday 16th October 2011
Planning is underway and registrations are coming in…
here are a few things to remember…
•
•
•
•
Registration is from 8am; Memorial Service begins at 9am.
BYO picnic or something to share (no BBQ this year)
There will be cupcakes for sale (thanks Kylie!)
It’s likely to be hot – so slip, slop, slap!
We still need your help.
Please contact the office if you can…
1. put us in touch with a club or church that can loan us tables
and chairs for the Walk to Remember. We need them from 7.30am
till midday on Sunday 16th October
2. bring along a good portable sound system
3. pick up a shade cover or gazebo a couple of days before the
event and deliver it to New Farm Park at 7.30am on the day. They
would also need to be returned afterwards.
4. help to sell raffle tickets on the day, or help with registration or
balloons
5. help us pack up and clean up afterwards!
Thank you for your assistance – we couldn’t do it without you!
Please call the office (3254 3422) or email us at admin@sandsqld.
com to volunteer your help…
Many thanks,
Linda
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S ands News
Wave Of Light
The Mater Mothers’ Hospitals are holding our fourth annual
non-denominational service of remembrance to recognise
International Pregnancy & Infant Loss Day on Saturday 15th
October 2011 at 7pm. The international theme of the service
is a ‘wave of light.’ Each year all around the world on this date
and time, candles are lit to honour and remember a baby that
has died. The result is a wave of light around the world.
The Bereavement Support Program at The Mater Mothers’
Hospital would like to invite parents and families who have
experienced the loss of a pregnancy or baby to share this
special evening.
The service will be held in the Eire Room on level three of
The Corporate Services Building (formally the Original Mater
Mothers’ Hospital). There will be refreshments and a chance
to talk with others after the service. Please contact Marisa
Murphy on 3163 5146 or [email protected] if you
would like further information.
If you are unable to attend the remembrance service but
would like a candle to be lit in memory of your baby, please
contact Marisa with your details and we will ensure this wish is
acknowledged and carried out.
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S ands News
To support SANDS Qld, donations can be made at
www.everydayhero.com.au/sands_townsville
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S ands News
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S ands News
BRIDGE TO BRISBANE
Thank you to members
Kylie White and Claire Lynch
who raised much needed
funds for SANDS during the
recent Bridge to Brisbane
Fun Run.
WELL DONE!
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S ands News
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S ands News
Talent International
Recently, Ardoch who share our building, had volunteers from Talent International
(a recruitment agency) come and spend a day at the SANDS House.
Ardoch Youth Foundation is a not for profit organisation that works nationally to
make education a reality for children and young people.
The team from Talent International spent time gardening, installing garden edge
borders, and other maintenance work.
We thank them for their donation of time and money.
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S ands News
Women on Walks
Hi, my name is Linda Male and I would love you to join me on a walk sometime. I
experienced the loss of a much wanted pregnancy 11 years ago, and joined SANDS
after a good friend told me about the organisation. I now have a degree in Psychology
and a passion for helping families. I worked as a volunteer Counsellor for over 20
years but my most recent job was working with bereaved families at SIDS and
Kids Queensland. I believe that walking groups (which offer mutual support, gentle
exercise and nature’s beauty) can assist bereaved women and so I have started
Women on Walks as a non-profit business. We offer three types of groups...
Bereavement Walks are for anyone who is grieving the loss of a child, a partner, a
sibling, a parent or a friend. There is no charge for this service. We supply tissues
and will not be upset if YOU are upset. Our walks are held at Sandgate on the first
Sunday of each month. We meet at the corner of Flinders Parade and Cliff Streets,
opposite the Baptist Church, at 4pm and usually walk to the Shorncliffe jetty and
back, which is a gentle one hour stroll. I carry a red balloon so that you can find us
easily... Please bring water and a small plate of food or fruit to share after the walk.
It can be breezy by the sea, so a jacket is always a good idea! Upcoming dates in
2011 are October 2nd, November 6th and December 4th.
Bereavement Retreats are held every few months, over a weekend. They are offered
at cost price. Groups are small and we offer enjoyable and meaningful activities,
plus a chance to have some time-out. Our next weekend will be held in November
at Coochie Mudlo Island (just off Victoria Point) and will include a mosaic workshop.
Bereavement Treks are held twice a year and are typically a week long. They are
also offered at cost price. Our next trek takes place in New Zealand in March 2012,
where we will walk the Banks Peninsular Track. The trek is facilitated by two of our
trained Counsellors and there are places for ten women to attend. This trek is very
beautiful and is good for body, mind and spirit!
If you would like to know more, please go to my website… www.womenonwalks.com
Thank you,
Linda
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S ands Librar y
BOOK REVIEW
For the Love of Kids
Rosemary Iloste
Rosemary Iloste tells of her experiences both as a mother and
a foster mother.
Part of Rosemary’s story tells of her heartbreaking introduction
to motherhood during the 1970’s. Sadly at seven and a half
months pregnant Rosemary received the news that her baby
Jason had died some months earlier. To add to this Rosemary’s
second baby Andrew was stillborn with no known cause.
Rosemary talks about the
lack of support, lack of
recognition for her babies
and how losing her babies
profoundly affected her selfesteem and confidence.
The larger part of Rosemary’s
book touches on the ups and
downs of being a mother to
her living children, as well as
the nineteen foster children
that she welcomed into her
home.
Nerissa.
Please return any library books that
you may have.
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Talk ing Point
Responding to insensitive remarks...
When you are tired of remaining silent and want to educate well intending consolers
you may consider some of the following pieces of information.
Plat-i-tude: a useless remark; something spoken without thought.
If you are a grieving parent you can probably rattle off a list of a dozen "platitudes"
or clichés you have been bombarded with since the death of your child. Here’s how
you might respond.
P = platitude (unintelligent)
R = response (intelligent)
P "It was God's will”
R "How do you know? Are you God”?
R "Oh! So God did this to me”?
R "I prefer to let God whisper his will to me, not you".
P "Your child is with Jesus, in a better place”
R "As a mother, there is no better place than in my arms”.
R "I still ache to have my child here with me”.
R "I am sure he/she is, but it doesn't take away the longing as a parent”.
R "That really hurts and I would appreciate it if you would let me come to my own
conclusions about my child's afterlife when I am ready to do so”.
P "Better now than one month/six months/one year from now”
R "So then that means you love your older child more than your younger child (to
those with more than one child)”?
R "There is never a "better time" to bury your child”.
R "If God came down and told me, Joanne, I am taking your baby. Do you want me
to take her life today or one year from now, what do YOU think my response would
be”???
P "It's probably better. There might have been something wrong with her/him”
R "If she/he was less than perfect, I would have loved her/him even more”.
P "It will make you a stronger person”
R "I would rather be weak and shallow and still have my child, thank you”.
P "Everything happens for a reason”
R "Can you list one reason why a baby should die”?
R "Tell it to my broken heart”.
R "The death of a child before his/her parent is never reasonable”.
P "At least you have other healthy children"
R "Children are not interchangeable. I have always been grateful for the children I
have. That does not mean I should not grieve for what I have lost”.
R "My other healthy children have nothing to do with my grief".
R "So if I cut off your thumb you won't miss it because you have four other healthy
fingers”??
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Talk ing Point
P "You're young. You can have another baby"
R "I don't want any baby. I want _______"!
R "You don't really think that another baby could take the place of ________, do
you”?
R "THIS child is special to me. I would never try to replace him/her with another".
P "Aren't you over it yet"? "When are you going to be over it"? "How long are you
going to keep talking about this"?
R "You get over being laid off from a job or breaking a leg. You don't ever "get over"
the death of your child".
R "Funny how the whole country is given permission to mourn the death of Elvis
Presley twenty years after his death yet everyone seems intent on forcing me to
abandon my child's memory in a few short months".
P "I understand how you feel, my dog died last week" (Someone actually said this to
me!)
R Just walk away from this one.
P "He/She wouldn't want you to be sad"
R "And I wouldn't want him/her to be dead so I guess we're both fresh outta luck".
P "God has a plan for you"
R "That is easy to say when his plan doesn't include your child".
P "You have to be strong"
R "Says who"?
R "I am being strong. Just being here means I am being strong".
P "At least you didn't have to bring him/her home"
R "I would have given anything to have had more time".
R "You are joking, aren't you”????
R "Are you suggesting I loved my baby less because he/she didn't sleep in his/her
room”?
Printed with permission of Miss Foundation organisation http://missfoundation.org/
cherish/remarks.html
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Member Stor y
Parent Stories
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Memb er Stor y
Tristan and Cristy
We started our conception journey just after our wedding in October of 2010, given
my age and length of time on the pill we expected to wait a while although we didn’t
really want to! Doctor’s advice was sought, Tristan stopped smoking and I stopped
drinking alcohol and any caffeine at all (the coffee was harder to give up than the
wine!)
On Valentine’s Day 2011 we did a home pregnancy test and saw two lines, we both
cried with excitement and joy, we hadn’t even dreamed of conceiving that quickly.
We celebrated our news with our three children aged 11, 9, and 4 and everyone was
looking forward to our family growing.
Doctor confirmed due date of around October 25th and all went swimmingly through
the first 2 months. 8 week photos were taken of my small rounded belly and I was
really feeling pregnant, very tired and very emotional, but so, so happy.
During weeks 8-10 I had lots of funny intuitive thoughts and dreams, one was that
we should have two babies, very close together in age; I just couldn’t shake the two
babies’ thing. The other was that if we could pick a due date, what would it be? I
meditated on it and came up with October 15th it seemed perfect to me. We had no
idea of its relevance at that point.
The weekend of my birthday was our 10 week mark and I had some light brown
spotting, it wasn’t even really spotting more like smearing and I rang 13Health. I was
told to see a doctor that week and not to panic. Saw Doctor on Tuesday and she said
the same thing then ordered an ultrasound to calm our nerves. That was Monday
March 28th, ultrasound booked for Tuesday and we went home a little calmer. The
smearing hadn’t gotten any worse and I was feeling fine. No bleeding no cramping;
nothing.
Ultrasound time, water consumed, busting out of my pants (it’s an awful feeling),
entered the darkened room, and lay down. I guess I had this sense of foreboding
doom. I’d rung a girlfriend earlier in the day and said that I was sure everything was
okay but couldn’t escape the feeling that there was something wrong.
First thing I saw was two babies, two babies!!!! Both of us went into a cold sweat
joyous shock. Very quickly, immediately, I recognised no movement at all, the
ultrasound tech confirmed my visions and then respectfully turned off the monitors;
Tristan made this sound...something I’ll never forget. I don’t really remember much
of the visit after that. I remember going to the toilet seeing my reflection and hearing
something inside me say “I told you so”. We left in silence, told to see our doctor
and sent home.
Tristan went back to work and I went to my sister in laws place neither of us knew quite
the right thing to say to each other and it just seemed that if we stopped completely
the world might end. By Tuesday night I had this awful feeling that I was carrying
around two ‘dead babies’ inside me and the realisation carried an enormous weight
that I cannot really explain with words, one I hope I never have to feel again. We
researched missed miscarriages and called the doctor.
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Member Stor y
Dr was very supportive and very sad, surprised as well about the twins. We still
hadn’t really come to terms with that little bit of good news. She suggested we go to
the hospital, which we did with scans in hand and I prepared for an ultrasound by not
going to the toilet for some time.
The hospital visit was truly the worst experience I’ve ever had medically. We were
seen about 4 hours after arriving which I understand. The Triage Nurse who saw us
upon arrival was very supportive and agreed with our decision to conduct a D&C,
she gave us no indications that there’d be any other responses.
The doctor selected to care for us introduced herself as a Junior Doctor and it never
really got any better than that. I was subjected to an internal, asked at least 6 times if
I’d had any bleeding or cramping, and again and again had to explain that I had not.
After hours of this torture we were sent home with notes on miscarriage and I was
told that I was having a ‘normal miscarriage’ that the hospital would only intervene if I
was filling a super sanitary pad every hour with blood. I was told to allow the process
to finish, even though it hadn’t really started, and told that I could expect to carry
them for another 3-4 weeks as my hormones returned to normal.
This thought appalled us both, my dear husband was close to breaking point and
we appealed repeatedly for some compassion. It never came. Dejected we left the
hospital, miserable and confused.
It was my father who suggested our ultimate saving grace, of a clinic. I called
one at 9pm that night and was booked in the following morning. The feeling as
we approached was weird to say the least, knowing why everyone else was there;
terminating healthy babies was the hardest part. The clinic staff was amazing, amid
all our fear and confusion they were gentle and most importantly respectful of us and
our babies.
Following the D&C I felt this strange sense of completion that the twins were now in
the right place alongside our beloved dog and my dear grandmother, watching over
us all. I was sore and a bit dazed but instantly better on all other levels. Tristan also
felt like the right thing had been done, justice served and respect given to our darling
angel babies.
Since then we have healed each other and the children have each found a way
to honour the twins, we have a lovely statue in our bedroom and I purchased a
necklace of twin angel babies which I have decided I will wear every October 15th.
I’m still coming to terms with our loss, and find it a bit hard to imagine it happening
any differently. That was their journey and our lesson and it’s taught us all to value
life a little bit more.
We are now 2 months into a renewed cycle and trying again; with a happy hope in
our heart and so much wiser.
25
Memb er Stor y
I Am Your Midwife
“Hello, my name is Liana. It’s nice to meet you. Can you tell me what brings you in to
see us today?”
Then the words I cannot get used to hearing…combined with the look in your eye.
“I haven’t been feeling my baby move”…
It’s that part of a job I could never comprehend as a student. That in some way, or
some how, I am the one who will informally tell you that your baby has died. Thats
usually the role of the doctor who sees you after me, but you already know it by the
time I’ve attempted for some time to find your precious baby’s heartbeat…the silence
in the room screaming around me as I try for another minute to be reassured that your
baby is ok. But you know that something is wrong, and you can tell from my tone, my
eyes, my words- that I know too.
My journey to becoming a midwife started way back when I was apparently about 4
years of age. My mum tells a story of me asking her “what are the people who help
you have a baby are called”. Since then, i have used the word “midwife” in sentences
before I truly knew what it meant. I dressed up my cats, rocked them to sleep, played
with my dolls for hours and looked into every pram just to get a glimpse of every baby
I passed. Never could I have comprehended where my journey as a midwife would
take me.
I started nannying before getting into uni. I cared for one family who had 2 robust and
beautiful boys. Their mum, without realising it at the time, was a mentor to me- and
told me to go on and live my dreams. She saw how much I loved caring for her boys,
but also listened to my story about wanting to be a midwife. She also carried a baby to
25 weeks, with bleeding went into labour and came home with only a bunch of flowers
in her arms. She sat with me, and patiently answered my questions, clearly seeing an
interest in what was happening in her world right then and there.
I moved from Melbourne to Brisbane to be with my heavily pregnant sister at the start
of my Grad Year as a midwife. I’d done it…fresh out of Uni, eager to learn and even
more excited to be involved in the birth of my first niece or nephew. It turned out that
the first baby I would see born as a registered midwife would be blood related to me.
An amazing way to enter into my career. Isaac James entered the world into hands of
love-my hands. My hands were the first to touch his head, see his eyes and pass him
up to his mum and dad. My eyes were also the first to see him be resuscitated unsuccessfully, my mind to sense that something was terribly wrong, and my ears to hear
those words that he had died.
I took time off after Isaac died. I didn’t really know if I actually was cut out to be a midwife…to do this kind of thing or have the possibility of being involved in something like
Isaac’s birth and death again. I questioned if I was really strong enough to tell someone that their baby had died- that seemed too hard for me. I spent most of my days
after Isaac died with my sister- or alone. Life was so different, but it still continued on.
26
Member Stor y
Once the funeral was over, with her husband back at work, the flowers dying and being thrown out, we had time to just be…sometimes we would fill in time with outings or
appointments, but mostly it was time to figure out what this world of grief is, and how
to cope with an empty silent house. My role as a sister had changed, my role as an
aunty had completely changed to one I could never have imagined, and I didn’t want
to be a midwife for many of the weeks that followed.
I remember the point when I made the decision to do it. To choose to use this journey
that I had experienced to be the best midwife I could be. There’s two particular points
I remember. One in a pool in Thailand- watching water ripple over a ledge and dribble
down into the stones below. I spent hours reflecting and thinking about how I see my
midwifery career as a ‘calling’…something more than just a job. The other point was
witnessing the birth of a very dear friend’s baby- sobbing such deep tears as i held
that precious new life in my arms- having just witnessed a miracle yet again, and
knowing this is what I wanted to do…this is what I wanted to be. I am a midwife.
I am a midwife.
My most memorable days at work, are those spent just sitting with parents whose
babies have died, or did not live for long. Whilst I love witnessing the miracle of life,
there is something ‘extra’ that happens in me when I help a mother and father create
memories from a life gone too soon. Many midwives I work with know that I love caring for these families. These are the days I walk away from work feeling I have made
a difference in someone’s life - and death -, not because I know what I’m doing- clinically I do- but because I know that I can make a positive difference for these families
at a time in their lives that is so very hard.
The blessing of Isaac is that he has made me a better midwife. I have spent countless hours reflecting on what kind of midwife I want to be. I’ve learnt to trust my ‘gut
instinct’ when I sense something isn’t right. I know that sharing my story to some of
the families I have worked with has given them a deeper sense of trust and security in
me. Every family I meet as a midwife teaches me something new. Each birth, death,
appointment, research paper, journal article has the power to change how I practice. I
know Isaac has been the biggest cause for change in me.
I now have the blessing of being in a role that supports women in a pregnancy after
a loss. My journey as a midwife has led me to be in charge of running a Subsequent
Pregnancy Clinic at the Mater in Brisbane. I call this ‘my baby’ as it feels like something I’m nurturing and creating. It’s a gift I can give to women who have experienced
loss in many forms- early and late in their baby’s lives. Some of these women never
met their babies, and some certainly aren’t ready to even think about holding a live
baby in their arms.
Pregnancy after loss is always hard. It’s about recognising that extra support is needed for these families and that all the emotions of ‘doing it again’ are normal. This is a
blessing to me one of which is certainly creating and shaping me on my journey.
The women I care for are a blessing to me.
I am your midwife.
27
Memb er Stor y
Sebastian
Ours was an unexpected pregnancy with our baby due a few months before I turned
40. Our little one was an amazing gift that left me a little scared and overwhelmed.
I didn’t realise I was pregnant until I was about 7 weeks. We had the nuchal at 12
weeks and all was good.
I had my morphology at 20 weeks and prayed that everything would be ok. I was told
that everything was good and as my two girls and I watched the monitor we were told
that we were having a boy. I was excited and cried from relief.
I had another check-up at 25 weeks and I had mentioned to my obstetrician that I felt
like I was getting too big too soon and that I felt like my skin was being peeled off my
ribcage and was very painful. I could only eat very small portions because the food
didn’t seem to have anywhere to go. I didn’t recall feeling this way with my two girls
a decade ago; this pregnancy did feel very different to them. My doctor assured me
all was ok. Unbeknown to me at the time, these were all symptoms of Sebastian’s
condition.
I remember the day before going into labour that I had an overwhelming feeling to
get my hospital bag and baby things in order almost immediately. I was a few days
off being 28 weeks. The following morning on the 11th of October I woke up feeling
ok with lots of movement. After getting my two girls off to school I went to purchase
a few baby items. By about 12 that day I had just a few sharp jabby pains that never
lasted long and from memory were not consistent with labour pains. I had put it down
to doing too much walking so I headed home. I put my feet up and rested until my
girls got home from school. The pains persisted and close to midnight I said to my
husband I think I should go to hospital. My husband went to get my mother who lives
just a few minutes away to watch our sleeping girls.
We arrived at the hospital and the midwife phoned the doctor and he thought (without
even laying eyes on me) I had an irritable uterus and had prescribed medication to
stop the contractions and sleeping tablets. From the beginning the midwives had
difficulty getting a heartbeat. I was checked into a room for the night, the contractions
still persisted. I saw a relieving obstetrician about 7 am in the morning and he did
a test that determines if labour is onset. It’s accuracy is 99% and it indicated that I
would not be going into labour. The contractions did not recede, I was told I would
be having a scan but the hospital was very busy, so I would have to wait. I had a
nurse come get me at 11.30, by that point I was feeling very sick and in a lot of pain. I
remember there was a trainee diagnostician learning with the qualified one. The pain
was so bad I couldn’t lie down on the table for long; I felt like I was dehydrated and
clammy and was light headed. I had to stop several times during the scan because
the pain was unbearable. The diagnostician had left and come back with her superior
to examine me again. Shortly after I was sent back to my room with no explanation
of what was going on. This was the point when my son’s terrible abnormality was
discovered.
I could not take the pain and buzzed the nurses station by about 3pm. My doctor had
come into my room shortly after with steroids and painkillers. I was in a lot of pain
and he briefly mentioned an abnormality but was very vague about it. I was under
28
Member Stor y
the impression it wasn’t a big deal and that I was going to deliver early. I was taken
downstairs to the delivery/observation room where I had come in the previous night.
The midwives were trying very hard to get a heartbeat, this was proving very difficult
because he was moving so much. I was very worried and I asked if I would be having
a caesarean and I was told no by one of the midwives because they would want
his lungs to be contracted during a delivery. At this point I asked that my husband
be phoned and informed. The doctor phoned him and said that our little boy had a
congenital diaphragmatic hernia and when he asked what that was he was told to
talk to the doctors at the hospital (where) I was being transferred to.
When the ambulance arrived the doctor and midwife came with me. I will never ever
forget the sounds of the siren in the ambulance trying to get to the hospital before I
delivered. When we arrived at the maternity ward at about 7 o’clock that night there
were a lot of nurses and doctors waiting. The Neonatal Specialist had given us the
facts of Sebastian’s condition and that he had at most a 50% chance of survival. I
was absolutely stunned. I had my morphology scan just a few weeks before and was
told everything was ok.
I had contractions for another 2 hours before it become too dangerous with
Sebastian’s heartbeat becoming slower. My waters were broken after over 24 hours
of contractions and I felt instant relief. I think my body had had enough and I did not
have a single contraction after that. The doctor had to use forceps to deliver and
after a 2nd attempt our little boy, Sebastian James Nolan-Smith was born at 9.31pm
the 12th October 2010. After all this time it had never occurred to me that he might
actually die. He was put onto my stomach and taken away to be worked on just as
quickly. My husband and I were in absolute denial and disbelief. Of course Sebastian
was going to be ok, he was premature but a lot of babies survive after being born at
28 weeks.
The doctor had come back to us about 20 minutes later and had told us that they had
done everything they possible could, but he died. I was so numb I don’t even think I
cried. The midwife had bought him back to us all dressed and wrapped in a swaddle.
We nursed him and the midwife had said to us that our daughters (who were aged
10 and 11) needed to say goodbye to him. So my sister had bought up my mother
and my two daughters and Sebastian’s baby clothes. My two girls and I, with the help
of the midwife Angela, bathed him and dressed him in his own clothes and bunny
rug. Angela also took photos and put them in a little album for us. My girls had a kiss
and a cuddle, so did my mother and also my sister who was four months pregnant
herself. The hospital organised their Priest and we had a christening at 10pm that
night. My family had left and I think soon after my husband had left with our two
girls. I stayed with Sebastian and just watched him in his crib until there was a room
available at 2 am. Then I nursed him, talked to him, told him how much mummy
loves him and always will and sang to him the same song I sang to my girls when
they were babies. His little beanie was wet from my tears. I tried to do all the things
with Sebastian I could think of because I knew I wouldn’t get another chance. How
did it all go so wrong was all I could think?
The Neonatal specialist had briefly talked to me of an autopsy early the next morning.
In the afternoon when my husband had come to the hospital we decided that we
needed to know exactly what went wrong especially considering he had been given
a clean bill of health at the morphology scan. I didn’t know how long I should keep
him because he was changing colour and rigor mortis was setting in. Reluctantly
29
Memb er Stor y
we said a final goodbye at about 4 pm. It was the absolute darkest, condemning,
haunting moment in my life that crushed every essence of my soul when I had to
hand my precious baby boy over never to see again. I lost a piece of myself forever.
I don’t know how I did it without collapsing, I must have been insane. I tried to keep
breathing. I had to tell myself, take one breath, take another, take another, it was
very robotic. But if I didn’t do this I felt like I would cease breathing. When I arrived
home that night I felt like I was living a nightmare.
Three days later I was having a lot of pain and had a temperature. My doctor had
sent me back to hospital because I was showing signs of infection. I went up to the
same ward where I had Sebastian and waited with all the mothers waiting to have
their babies. I had to explain on more than one occasion to medical staff the reason
for my visit; I was struggling to say the words “I had lost my baby 3 days ago”. I had a
lovely lady push me to my scan and was talking about “all us pregnant women” and I
just sat there. It was discovered that there were remnants of placenta left which was
the cause of the infection.
About a week after I left hospital my original obstetrician was back from holidays
and had phoned me to discuss the morphology results because the Neonatal
Specialist at the Royal Womens was requesting the scan from his practice. He said
that upon taking another look at the scan, the abnormality was very clear. He said
“The detection of the Diaphragmatic Hernia would not have changed the outcome
for this unfortunate baby and at least I didn’t have to go through an abortion”. I was
speechless. He reluctantly sent a copy to the hospital.
I couldn’t speak to anyone and was trying to organise a funeral and also to locate a
beautiful outfit for Sebastian to wear in his casket. Thank goodness for email because
I physically could not bring myself to say the words “My son has died and is in the
hospital morgue”. My husband and I went in to talk a few days later to discuss all the
details for the funeral. No parent should ever have to pick a casket for their baby.
We had the funeral. In the casket Sebastian was wrapped in a blue bunny rug that
my mother had knitted, there were letters from only my closest family members to
him and a toy dinosaur. We had his rosary beads, toys and mementoes of our home
spread around his casket. We had flowers from our garden, purple jacaranda flowers
from the tree that our girls cubby house is in and photos of our girls favourite toys
with his.
We picked up Sebastian’s ashes a week later. I had some of them put into a jewellery
urn that I wear around my neck and close to my heart and that I will never take off.
We keep his ashes in our living room with his photo.
We had an appointment with the Neonatal Specialist about 2 months after to discuss
the results of the autopsy. After all the information was analysed and tissue samples
and chromosomes were tested it showed that everything was perfect. The reason for
Sebastian’s Double Diaphragmatic Hernia was nothing more than a one of anomaly.
Life is cruel.
30
Memorials
Memorials
A life, however brief, is still a life –
and deserves to be acknowledged
and remembered
31
Memorials
Harrison Alexandar McKenzie
14th September 2010-15th September 2010
This first year has been a year of should have beens,
we should have been able to watch you grow,
we should have been able to see your first smile,
we should have been able to see you roll,
we should have been able to hear your first little giggle,
we should have been able to see you crawl for the first time,
we should have been able to hear you say mummy and daddy
we should have been able to see you take your first step.
Gee I wish I could have seen them all.
We love you so much, there has
not been a day that has gone by
that we haven’t thought of you,
we talk about you every day. Our
lives have been filled with 3 boys
running around the house, but our
beautiful fourth son Harrison, you
have been so missed and there is
that empty space in our lives that
only you could have filled. We miss
you sweet little man. We will be
having a very special day on your
birthday filled with lots of fun, lots of
love and lots of thinking of you.
32
Memorials
Thomas
To our precious little Thomas:
Happy 1st Birthday, Little Love Bug!
We miss you SO much
and love you dearly.
What fun it must be celebrating your
first birthday in Heaven with Jesus!
Until we see each other again,
catch our kisses to Heaven!!!
Lots of Love,
Mummy, Daddy, Joseph & your Twin Brother Nicholas
In memory of Thomas James
27th October 2010 to 28th April 2011.
33
Memorials
SEBASTIAN JAMES NOLAN-SMITH
BORN 12TH OCTOBER 2010
To My Dearest Sebastian,
A year has passed, but not a day has gone by without daddy
and I missing you and longing to kiss and hold you every single
moment of every day.
I’m still learning to live without you, but I’m not doing a very good
job. It is a insurmountable task that I have accepted will never
happen and that constant sadness is now part of my everyday life.
Your two big sisters, Sheridan and Allanah miss you dearly and
have your bear with them every single night. Their love keeps me
strong enough to face every day without you. I know in my soul
that we will be together again and that your aunty is looking after
you for now.
All of your family miss you and love you dearly.
Happy 1st Birthday My Sweetheart.
All our love, Mummy, Daddy, Sherry, Nanni and Nanna xxxxx
34
Memorials
Charlotte
Ava
Milligan
31st October 2006
If tears could build a stairway,
And memories were a lane,
We would walk right up to heaven
To bring you down again.
No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say good-bye.
You were gone before we knew it,
And only God knows why.
Our hearts still ache in sadness
And secret tears still flow,
What it meant to lose you,
No one will ever know.
When we are sad and lonely,
And everything goes wrong,
We seem to hear you whisper
"Cheer up and carry on.
"Each time we look at your pictures,
You seem to smile and say,
"Don't cry,
I'm only sleeping,
We'll meet again someday."
~Unknown
35
Memorials
Charlotte Ava Milligan
Happy 5th birthday my darling Charlotte
Wow! what a big girl you would be now,
getting ready for school next year and probably
chattering away non stop like your sisters.
We miss you so much and think about you everyday.
Carry a piece of my heart with you always, until we
meet again my baby girl,
Love your mummy, daddy, Gabriella and Louisa
oxoxoxox
36
Memorials
Izaak and Jay
In loving memory of my twin boys Izaak and Jay sadly missed
every day.
2 years have nearly passed and the sadness of losing you both
is still as strong as ever.
Missed and loved everyday and never will be forgotten.
Love from mummy Daddy sister Cleo and brother Kai
I don't need a special day to bring the two of
you to mind
The days I do not think of you are very hard
to find.
Each morning when I awake I know that you
are both gone
And no one knows the heartache as I try to
carry on.
My heart still aches with sadness and secret
tears still flow
What it meant to lose you two no one will
ever know and
the sadness will never go.
In memory of Izaak David and Jay Lewis
born 14/10/09 EDD 18/2/10
37
Memorials
Isabella Grace Smith
13/10/2008 - 25/10/2008
Happy 3rd Birthday our Darling little Girl Isabella Grace Smith
Not a day goes by that we don’t miss you,
Not a day goes by that we don’t ache to touch you,
Not a day goes by that we don’t wish we could see you smile..
The day you died, a piece of us did too.
We were left with a big wound, a constant ache.
We’ll always have that wound; it’s a reminder of you… And we wouldn’t
have it any other way..
You’re so wonderful to think of, but extremely hard to be without…
Happy Birthday beautiful girl, you left big footprints on our hearts for
such a little girl.
Look out for your pink balloons and the candles on your cake.
Love Mum, Dad & Harper xxx
38
S ands G eneral
Donations
Have been gratefully received in
loving memory of:
Milla Nunan Dart
Lily Farris
39
S ands G eneral
Little Boho specialises in stylish kindy
sleeping bags, as well as trendy baby and
toddler manchester and accessory items.
$2.00 from the sale of every Kindy Sleeping
Bag (pictured below) is donated to SANDS
QLD.
Please check us out at:
www.littleboho.com.au
SANDS now has a dedicated
email address for all newsletter
submissions.
[email protected]
Please use this address for all
submissions or queries regarding the
newsletter. This will save everyone a
lot of time!
FOR NEW READERS
If you are a newly bereaved parent
reading this newsletter for the first
time, please rest assured that you are
not alone.
We hope that you find confort through
the sharing of articles and parent
stories.
Please call one of our parent listeners,
who are bereaved parents. Alternatively
email SNADS - [email protected]
40
Memorial Ser vices
Many hospitals throughout Queensland hold non-denominational
memorial services in memory of all babies born before 20 weeks
gestation. Parents, families, friends and staff are welcome to
these services.
Redcliffe - Caboolture Hospital Memorial Service
Memorial services are held on the 3rd Wednesday bimonthly at 4.00pm in the Caboolture Hospital Chapel.
The service includes the placement of ashes of the babies
cremated from both hospitals, in the memorial garden.
For further information please contact: The Hospital on
5433 8888
Ipswich Hospital Memorial Service
Memorial services are held on the last Wednesday of each
month at 2.00pm under the Poinciana Tree in the Hospital
grounds near Court Street. Ashes of the babies cremated
from the hospital will be placed in the memorial garden.
For further information please contact: The Ipswich
General Hospital on (07) 3810 1111 and ask for the Social
Work Department or Chaplaincy
Mackay Base Hospital/CHEC Services
The Mackay Base Hospital/CHEC Services conducts
Memorial Services for those who have died (including
babies) in connection with the Mackay Base Hospital.
Invitations are sent out to those families but anyone is
welcome to attend. They are held every two months (the
even months) at 7.00pm on a weekday night.
For further information please contact: Brenda Sheumack,
CHEC Services (07) 4968 6024
or Shirley Worland, Hospital Social Worker on (07) 4968
6000
Redland Hospital Memorial Service
At 10.00 am on the last Saturday in February, May, August
and November each year a Memorial Service is held in
the Hospital Chapel. An integral part of the Service is the
placement of baby ashes in the Hospital Memorial Garden.
Individual services are offered at other times according to
request.
For any enquiries please contact the Chaplain (07) 3488
3111.
Mater Mother’s Hospital (South Brisbane)
Miscarriage Memorial Services are held on the second
Wednesday of the month at 4.00pm in the Mater Children’s
Chapel on level 3. Ashes of the babies cremated from the
hospital will be placed in a specially reserved Memorial
Garden which is located off site at Newhaven Memorial
Park: 21 Quinns Hill Rd; Stapylton. For further information
regarding the Memorial Service please contact the Mater
Mother’s Pastoral Care Team on (07) 3163 6729. For
information regarding cremation and the interment of
the babies ashes in the Memorial Park please contact
Newhaven Funerals on (07) 3807 4444.
Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital
Memorial Services are held on the second Thursday by-
monthly (January, March,May, July, Sept, Nov) at 2.00pm
in the hospital chapel (Ground Floor, Ned Hanlon Building). During the services you will be able to light a candle
in memory of your baby. This candle is yours to take home.
There is a Memorial Book available for you to add a page if
you wish. You might like to bring a poem or a drawing. The
Memorial Book is available during the service and at other
times by appointment.
For further information please contact: Iris Carden (Hospital Chaplain) on (07) 3636 8404 or (07) 3636 8111
Gold Coast Hospital Memorial Services
Memorial services are held every two months on the last
Tuesday of the month, commencing at 4.00pm.
For further information please contact Julie at Metropolitan Funerals on (07) 3263 5044
Nambour Hospital
Memorial services will be held on the second Tuesday of
the months of January, April, July and October. 11:30am in
the hospital chapel. Refreshments after Parents, family and
friends are invited to attend.
Enquiries to the Chaplaincy Department 54706573
Rockhampton Base Hospital
A special space has been developed at the Rockhampton
Memorial Gardens to honour babies who die before 20
weeks of pregnancy. This is a community facility open
to all parents, family and friends. Three services of
remembrance will be conducted in 2010. The services will
commence at 12.30pm. The Memorial Garden is located on
Lakes Creek Road. For further information please contact
one of the Chaplains or social workers on 07 4920 6211.
Friday January 22nd 2010 Friday May 21st 2010 Friday
September 17th 2010
Townsville SANDS/SIDS Memorial Services
The SANDS and SIDS groups in Townsville in co-operation with The Townsville Health Service District and
The Mater Hospitals hold memorial services in Anderson
Park (Thomas Street end, opposite the Mater Hospital on
Fulham Rd).
Mothers Day -7th May 2011 - 5:30pm
Christmas Memorial - 26th November 2011 @ 6.00pm
For further information please contact: Marie on
(07) 4774 6521(ah) or (07)4775 5957 (w)
Toowoomba SANDS Rock of Remembrance Memorial
Service.
Services are conducted at the Garden of Remembrance
Ruthven St South, Toowoomba and are held February, June,
October , on the last Friday of the month at 2pm. The service
includes the placement of babies’ ashes at the Rock. Family
and friends are invited to take part in the service.
Phone Karen Hinrichsen 4635 4866 / Loretta Callaghan
041189776
41
Membership
42
Sands Contac ts
Listener Service
Listeners
SANDS (Qld) Listeners are volunteer
bereaved SANDS parents who have
experienced the death of their baby and
have had support training. If you are
having a bad day, or just want to chat to
someone who has been there, please give
them a call. The parents are on call 24
hours/7 days, however they are volunteers,
so if you reach an answering machine,
please leave a message so they can get
back to you as soon as they are able. If you
need to talk to someone urgently please
ring one of the other listeners on roster or
SANDS office.
Brisbane & Suburbs
To contact a Listener within Brisbane
and surrounding suburbs please ring the
SANDS Office on (07) 3254 3422.
Please have a pen and paper handy as you
will receive a recorded message giving the
names and phone numbers of Listeners
who are currently on roster to take your
call. Messages can be left on the office
line (# 1), however please do not leave
messages on the Listener’s line (# 2).
1800 228 655
The 1800 228 655 number is a free call
number that SANDS has available for
parents outside the Brisbane area. The
number is diverted from the SANDS office
to the telephone number of one of our
volunteer Listeners. The 1800 number is
never answered in our office.
Regional Areas
Where possible, regional Contacts are bereaved
parents. If not, then they are professionals who may
be able to put you in contact with a bereaved parent
in your area. If there are no contacts near you, ring
1800 228 655, please leave a message and the
listener will return your call as soon as possible. If
you cannot contact a listener, please ring the Sands
office. Regardless of where you are in Queensland
or Northern New South Wales, you can receive the
newsletter, borrow from the library, and use our web
page.
AyrJulianne 07 4783 2885
BiloelaSandy(07) 4992 1462
Bundaberg
Michelle/Rod (07) 4151 2599
Cairns/Tableland
Nerissa
(07) 4098 3089
Kelly(07) 4033 7917
Charters Towers
Diana
(07) 4787 7338
Clifton/Millmerran/
Pittsworth
Helen
(07) 4695 3123
Denman/MuswellbrookTanya
(02) 6547 9284
Jimboomba
Karen
(07) 5547 8431
Longreach
Jenny
(07) 4658 9227
Mackay
Julie
(07) 4959 3781
Maryborough
Monique
(07) 4123 3642
Miles
Emma
(07) 4628 5629
Mt Isa
Sharon
(07) 4743 4449
Rockhampton
Karen
(07) 4936 1329
Linda(07) 4927 4960
Sunshine Coast
Anne
(07) 5491 2469
Melissa
(07) 5441 3456
Tambo
Jenny
(07) 4654 6266
Toowoomba
Loretta
0411897765
Townsville
Marie AH
(07)4774 6521
BH
(07)4775 5957
Warwick
Norma
(07) 4661 9590
Winton
Joyce
(07) 4657 2700
If you are interested in supporting other parents in your
area, please contact the office on 07 3254 3422 to talk
about the role you might like to take on.
43
SANDS (QLD) INC
NEWSLETTER
PRINT POST
PP 43340/00008
If undelivered, please return to:
SANDS (QLD) INC
PO BOX 934
NEW FARM QLD 4005
The Sands
POSTAGE
PAID
BRISBANE
QLD AUST
WISH LIST
Family and Friends who cannot attend the Walk to Remember can make
a donation in memory of their baby/ies. Donations can be made at:
www.everydayhero.com.au/brisbane_walk_to_remember