Pine Grove ALUMNI Quarterly SUMMER 2014 Step Three and The Matrix Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. I’m starting to see recovery everywhere. When I’m at gas station, the supermarket and a lot at the movies; recovery themes just jump out at me. One of my newest favorites is The Matrix and in the early scenes it sets up Step 3 beautifully. Neo (our hero) is working in an office leading a pretty dull life moonlighting as a hacker but suspecting that there is something more to life. His office is a cube – a dull lifeless cube with no pictures, no personality and to make matters entirely intolerable he wears a tie. “Good grief,” I say as I swish mine out of the way. There is something wrong with him and doesn’t know what it is; he’s looking for answers, prowling around in his daily life when suddenly…a biker chick comes along. Who of us hasn’t found recovery through some backhanded, less than honorable ways? I’m holding my hand up just now, waving enthusiastically. Well, the short version is: He follows ol’ leather pants to meet a guy he’s heard about, even briefly talked with on the phone, who seems to have the answers, who can solve the riddle of why life sucks. The thunder cracks as the huge double doors swing open and there he is…his new sponsor, Morpheus. He greets Neo with a big gap-toothed grin and welcomes him to his first meeting proclaiming the honor is his to meet him. After observing that Neo looks like a man expecting to wake up from a fairy tale, he asks if he believes in fate. Neo says, “No,” and when asked to explain he says he doesn’t like the idea he’s not in control of his life. (Oh man, does that sound like me pre-recovery.) Then Morpheus tells him why he’s there and does so by describing addictions. He says, “You feel it; you’ve felt it your entire life that something is wrong with the world, like a splinter in your mind driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to your first meeting.” He asks if Neo knows what he’s talking about and he nods and says it’s addiction. (Well he actually says The Matrix but bear with me.) Morpheus asks, “Do you want to know what addiction is?” Neo nods again. Morpheus continues that addiction is everywhere, all around us, even now in this very room (cause you and I have it). “You can see it on TV, feel it when you go to work, when you go to Church, when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.” “What truth?” Neo asks to which his sponsor replies, “You are a slave, Neo, like all other addicts. You were born into bondage, a prison you cannot smell or taste or touch, a prison for your mind.” Well, you know the rest. He offers Neo the solution: Take Step 3 and make the decision to explore the world of reality at all costs. Morpheus says you can take the blue pill and wake up at home and believe anything you want to or take the red one and see how far recovery goes. We know he chooses recovery and then has to face his disease (who wears a tie!) and slug it out. Then he has to face 50 versions of his diseases in the form of food, money, power and codependence, etc. In the end, he succeeds with the power to conquer but the story doesn’t end there, my friend, no way…two more sequels. We meet a wizard, come to meetings, make new friends, fight our disease, fight 50 other versions of the disease, struggle, conquer, struggle some more and save a bunch of our friends in a underground city. We are the stuff of legends. God bless you all! Carver Brown, Alumni Coordinator Calling COSA by Lauren Kirschberg I am always amazed with the families who come through our Family Program and Family Days of Hope. As you all know, it is incredibly difficult to watch a family member suffer from addiction and we can’t help but get the disease on us as we navigate the damage that ensues. It affects the WHOLE family and no family member is born knowing how to deal effectively with addiction. It is a discipline that has to be learned and practiced daily. When we get to see family members dive into their own recovery, we see miracles happen in people’s relationships. The spouses and significant others of Gratitude have, all on their own, created a safe place to talk about their own journeys into recovery. The Gratitude COSA Call-In meeting was started in 2009 by a spouse and has continued to grow over the years. Several of the spouses have called in each week diligently since then. If you are a spouse of a Gratitude alum and are looking for a place to begin or enhance your own recovery from the family disease of addiction, this is a great tool! Thank you to the alumni from California, Illinois, Kentucky and Mississippi who have graciously donated to the patient scholarship fund! If you would like to donate to this fund, please contact me. Lauren Kirschberg [email protected] THE GRATITUDE PROGRAM COSA SPOUSES’ CALL by Beth A. Each Wednesday night at 8 p.m. CST spouses of Gratitude Program alumni get together on a free conference call. In 2009, seeing a need for her own support, Andrea B. of Birmingham, Alabama, started a support group for spouses of the Gentle Path program. Knowing how she struggled with her own recovery without a support system, Andrea B., with the permission of Pine Grove, started a Wednesday night COSA call for alumni spouses. The Wednesday night call is run by alumni spouses and is not in affiliation with Pine Grove. Since its inception, this FREE, anonymous call has been a support system for those whose lives have been affected by sexual addiction. Sexual addiction thrives in the darkness and is a hard topic to talk about with friends and family. Shame, embarrassment and fear keep spouses spiraling in depression without support. This call offers just such support and is a resource for the many additional services that are available to family members. Together we can be champions for change in the public perception of sexual addiction. It is a true addiction and not just an excuse for bad behavior. No longer can we bury our heads in shame over this disease. We must stand united in our fight to further the treatments available for this disease. Please join us each Wednesday at 8 p.m. CST. Just call 712-432-0490 and listen to the phone instructions. The access code is 715268. If you have any questions about this call or other support available, call Beth A. at 256-566-8554. We offer our many thanks to the entire loving, supportive team at Pine Grove’s Gratitude Program. With their loving care, we can learn how to better treat this crippling disease. BEDEVILMENTS & PROMISES ONLY 31 PAGES LATER, THE BEDEVILMENTS ARE REPLACED BY THE PROMISES We were having trouble with personal relationships. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. We couldn’t control our emotional natures. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. We were a prey to misery and depression. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. We couldn’t make a living. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We had a feeling of uselessness. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We were full of fear. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We were unhappy. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. And, most of all, We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Affirmations I can choose peace instead of this. God is in charge. Today, I choose to be happy. My body is just perfect the way it is. I am healthy and happy. I accept myself just as I am. I am energetic, loving and fun. My mind is calm. Change your thinking; Change your life! We want alumni to submit their favorite affirmations to Lauren at: [email protected] We believe that we can retrain our minds to stop focusing on the negative and begin to see all the wonderful things that make us beautiful, valuable human beings! Along with GRATITUDE, affirmations can tap into the deepest part of our minds and help us to nurture ourselves at our core. Thank you to everyone who sent their favorite affirmation! Testimonials Lauren and Carver, I just wanted to let you know what a powerful experience Days of Hope was for me! I was a little nervous about attending, but I’m so glad I did. It really invigorated my recovery and renewed my commitment to working a strong program. Thank you for all your hard work carrying the message. I’m looking forward to the next Days of Hope! If there’s ever anything I can do for Pine Grove or the ladies at the Women’s Center, please let me know. I’d be happy to help in any way I can. Thanks again! PGWC Alumnus MILESTONES APRIL Caroline C. Jay S. Jake H. Will T. Cori R. Brandon P. Laura F. Priscilla G. Lainey S. Phil A. Sandra B. MAY 1 year 1 year 9 years 2 years 12 years 1 year 2 years 3 years 4 years 3 years 3 years If your sobriety date is in July, August or September, Steve J. Patrick R. Fred R. Katy T. Zach N. John R. Frank B. Scott N. Patrick H. Victoria W. Jeffrey C. Marty F. Ron P. Dave G. Rebecca B. Joe L. Jamey F. Rachel R. David B. JUNE 9 years 2 years 13 years 2 years 18 months 7 years 7 years 6 years 18 months 2 years 2 years 5 years 3 years 1 year 1 year 6 years 2 years 2 years 4 years please email your name and sobriety birthday to Lauren at: lkirschberg@ forrestgeneral.com Given with gratitude, for GRATITUDE! We would like to thank alumnus Jim M. for giving a wonderfully thoughtful gift to Gratitude! On his way out of town, he stopped at the store and bought these two grills for everyone at Gratitude to enjoy. We all know that much of the healing that goes on in treatment is during the down time, hanging out with fellow travelers. So, Jim, we can’t thank you enough! Mike R. 5 years Howard B. 5 years Ted F. 5 years Bubby P. 7 months Joe N. 3 years Lawrence R. 6 years Katie N. 2 years Boots G. 12 years Marc F. 5 months Jeffrey S. 4 years Chrissy B. 18 months Cameron M. 2.5 years Tim R. 9 years Paul B. 6 years Jeff F. 5 months Brint B. 1 month Greg B. 15 months Stacia M. 3 years Joe O. 1 year Nancye P. 2 years Stephen M. 6 months Stuart M. 1 year Christy K. 2 years Frank C. 15 months Something to Consider We often miss the significance of a past grievance because we have never talked about it, perhaps rooted in past family “NO TALK” rules. The hidden narrative can become a secret code which affects all decisions. adapted from The Recovery Zone by Dr. Patrick Carnes Snapshots from the Pine Grove Reunion 2014 The Twelve Steps of a Sponsor  1. I will not help you stay and wallow in limbo. 2.I will help you grow to become more productive by your own definition. 3.I will help you become more autonomous, more loving of yourself, more free to continue becoming the authority of your own living. 4.I cannot give you dreams or “fix you up,” simply because I cannot. 5.I cannot give you growth or grow for you. You must grow yourself by facing reality, grim as it may seem at times. 6. I cannot take away your loneliness or pain. 7.I cannot sense your world for you, evaluate your goals, or tell you what is best for you in your world. You have your own world. 8.I cannot convince you of the crucial choice of choosing the scary uncertainty of growing over the safe misery of not growing. 9.I want to be with you and know you as a rich and growing friend, yet I cannot get close to you when you choose not to grow. 10.When I begin to care for you out of pity, when I begin to lose trust in you, then I am toxic, bad and inhibiting for you and for me. 11.You must know – my help is conditional. I will be with you, hang in there with you, as long as I continue to get even the slightest hints that you are trying to grow. 12.If you can accept all of this, then perhaps we can help each other to become what God meant for us to be...mature adults, leaving childishness forever to little children.  Godspeed, Ruth Ann! UPCOMING EVENTS ALUMNI LEADERS Ruth Ann Rigby has been with Pine Grove for almost a decade. She started the Pine Grove Alumni Program and passed it on to Carver Brown before taking a position as a national marketer. She has been an incredible asset to Pine Grove over the years and we are sad to see her go. Ruth Ann has taken a position as Director of Business Development with a wonderful treatment center in Arkansas called Capstone. Ruth Ann will be missed by all, but we feel certain that she’s only a phone call away. Boise, ID Robert L. • 208-861-0282 Gulf Coast Area, MS Allen J. • 228-860-0909 Breaking Free: Help for Co-dependency September 8-12 Hattiesburg, MS Wes P. • 601-916-3918 Christian Personal Freedom September 22-26 Jackson, MS Anthony C. • 601-259-0092 Facing the Shadow for Men October 8-12 Laguna Beach, CA Dave A. • 949-214-9037 Emotional Body Armor for First Responders October 13-17 Lexington, KY Steve S. • 859-312-4854 Mending a Shattered Heart October 20-24 New Orleans, LA Dawn F. • 504-261-2200 Robby S. • 504-343-6462 Norfolk, VA Fred R. • 757-695-6500 FACEBOOK WITH US Tupelo, MS Margaret P. • 662-231-4158 Join us on Facebook and post your message of hope, get some encouragement, and get connected! Email [email protected] for access to our private group Follow Pine Grove events and activities on our blog, Facebook, Twitter and YouTube. Visit www.pinegrovetreatment.com for links INTENSIVE WORKSHOPS Call 1-888-574-HOPE or visit www.pinegrovetreatment.com/intensivesworkshops.html for information. Please note schedule is subject to change based on registration. Alabama Roger L. • 251-575-4570 DAYS OF HOPE • October 16-17, 2014 • December 11-12, 2014 • February 5-6, 2015 To register: www.pinegrovetreatment.com/daysofhope Gratitude/ COSA Call-In Meeting YOU’VE GOT MAIL! (all Gratitude/GP spouses welcome) Pine Grove Program event invitations are sent by email. Would you like to receive invitations? Wednesday 8:00 pm CST Conference call-in #: 712-432-0490 Access code: 715268 Send your email address to Lauren Kirschberg at [email protected] Questions? Please contact Beth A. at 256-566-8554 *This meeting is run by family alumni and not associated with PG